#so i contacted her on the 8th and she was like haha actually i doubt we'll have any spots left for you! smiling emoji

[ardate]

sniffs. man. i really want this job :(

[purplesurveys]

1128

[created by: pinkchocolate]

When was the last time you were surprised, in a pleasant way? Wednesday when Bea had food delivered to my house. One of our clients was hosting a roundtable session and our task was to order food to be delivered to the attendees’ house, and it turns out she snuck in an order for me as well. 

It was super touching and I tried to do a nice deed yesterday by getting food for her as well; but as I mentioned on my previous survey, I got paired with a scammer delivery guy instead who ended up stealing my order...that I already paid for... :( It was such a flop and I ended up having to give away the surprise to Bea since I had to check if she received it, and that’s when I learned she never got anything. I’ll try again next week or whenever I get my money refunded, hahaha.

What color was the last fruit or vegetable that you ate? Green (green onion).

Is there a compliment you've received, that sticks in your mind? I like it whenever I’m told I write well, since that’s my main talent and it’s always nice to be complimented on my skills.

The last time you received a gift, what did the wrapping paper look like? I have no idea but probably red/green and holiday-themed since it most likely had been a Christmas gift.

What was the last book you read? Did you enjoy it? Not reading anything.

If so, what did you specifically like about it?

Anyone you haven't talked to in a while, that you'd like to hear from? Not really. It’d be cool to hang out with Sofie again because I haven’t seen her since our little trip to Nasugbu, but I’m not necessarily waiting on a message from them.

When you were a kid, did you own any accessories with your name on? Probably a bracelet.

Do you own any items of clothing that you haven't yet worn? Yup. I got a yellow romper from one of my aunts for Christmas, but I haven’t had the chance to wear it yet. It’s short and airy, so I’ll probably pull it out once the climate gets warmer again.

Were you awake before 8am today? Yeah, I got up at 4:30 earlier even though I fell asleep at like midnight. I think my body understands that my brain wants me to get as little sleep as possible during weekends so I can maximize my free time, so it woke me up by then.

Is there any food in your house at the moment, that you're looking forward to eating? I still have some of the chicken wings that Bea ordered for me. She got such a huge order and it’s taking me forever to finish the damn box of wings lol.

Is there anyone you know who dislikes the Internet, technology etc.? My grandma refuses to learn how to use a phone or laptop. Which confuses me because usually she’ll ask my mom to relay a message to one of her friends who are on Facebook, and my mom ends up playing messenger. Like pls just get at least a Facebook account if you want to keep keeping in touch with your acquaintances anyway :(((

Name any item in your bedroom that is blue. Trying to remember what’s in my room since I’m currently staying in the living room...and I think I have push pins that are blue.

Is there an ice-cream flavor that you strongly dislike? Which one? Rocky road and Double Dutch. Marshmallows and/or nuts in my ice cream is a big nope.

Are there any cat cafes in your hometown? There could be but I’ve heard little of them. I’m more aware of existing dog cafes.

Do you own any books with an image of a cat on the front cover? I doubt it.

Does anything you own have an image of a bird on it? It’s possible, but again I’m not in my room to check if that’s the case.

Do you know anyone named Abigail? Yes, my mom.

Do you ever use flavored lip balms? I don’t use lip balms at all.

^ If you do, what flavors do you like the most? Kate once had a peanut butter lip scrub that I loooooved to borrow. Other than that, the strawberry ones are nice too.

Does anyone you know own a spaniel? How about an Irish setter? My great-aunt once had a spaniel. Not sure about Irish setters.

What are your plans for the remainder of today? I wanna eat at La Creperie and spoil myself a litle bit, but we’ll see if I’ll have the energy to drive to the mall today. I’ll also have some work to do since we have a presentation on Monday :(

--

[created by: pinkchocolate]

Have you met somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with? Yeah, ideally that would’ve been the case but they thought differently. I admittedly still feel the same, but I’ve also since been able to move on and move forward. If that makes sense.

Who was your closest friend when you were 7 years old? Do you still speak to that person? I actually met Angela when we were 7. And yes, we’re still the best of friends. I just shot a birthday greeting video for her mom last night.

Who was the last male you talked to? Does he have facial hair? Technically it was Cooper, but the last male person had been my dad. He does but for the most part he keeps it to a stubble.

How many times does the letter 'R' occur in your full name? Twice; in my first name and in my surname.

Is there anyone you love, whose name starts with 'S'? Sure, I can think of a couple of relatives whose names start with S.

What color is your TV remote? I haven’t used a remote in ages lmao, but if I remember correctly ours is mainly black.

When was the last time you went to a wedding? Who got married? 2007. My uncle and his then-girlfriend, who of course became my aunt when they wed. We’ve since had relatives who got married after that period, but for all those occasions only my parents received an invitation. It’s understandable though, I know they want to save up on costs and stuff.

Name a band you like, that starts with the 2nd letter of your name. One Direction is the only group coming to mind.

Have you ever dressed up as a Disney character? Which one? My 7th birthday gown was inspired by Cinderella’s, but it wasn’t the same exact dress as it was orange.

Have you ever played chess? If so, are you good at it? No. I’ve never been able to understand the rules.

If I wanted to buy you a chocolate bar, what kind should I NOT get? Mr. Goodbar has always been the least exciting chocolate to get hahaha.

Of all your close friends, who have you known the longest? Angela.

Do you own anything that has an image of a butterfly on it? Again, I could. I can’t think of any particular item, though.

Has anyone told you recently that they miss you? Yes, orgmates for the most part.

What was the last song you heard, that made you feel emotional? HYD by Hayley Williams.

What color are the socks you're currently wearing? I’m not wearing any socks right now. < Me neither.

How many friends do you have whose name starts with the letter 'R'? Just Rita.

How many vowels are there in your first name? One. Two if you count y.

When was the last time you took a selfie? Last Saturday, I think.

Name someone you know who has curly hair. Andi.

Have you ever worn orange eye-shadow? Never tried.

Name a song that reminds you of someone close to you. Be Alright by Dean Lewis.

Has anyone ever walked out of your life with no explanation? Yeah but they tried very poorly to keep in touch. It ended up being detrimental to me more than anything else so I took the initiative to be one step ahead and cut ties altogether.

Do you know anyone else with the same first name as you? I can think of one Robyn and one Robin.

Think back to 10 years ago. What TV show(s) were you into? Wrestling programs were all I watched as a 13 year old.

Do you have a favorite T-shirt? What color is it? Yes, one of my wrestling shirts. It’s predominantly white but it has some black and red on it as well.

As a child, did you ever have any scented gel pens or markers? Yessssssss. I spent more time sniffing them than writing with them too, lol.

Name an alcoholic beverage that you dislike. I find whiskey pretty nasty. I hate beer as well but sometimes I gotta drink it, especially when socializing.

Do you own anything that previously belonged to someone else? I wouldn’t say I own them; they do belong to the original owner and I’m just still borrowing them.

Who is the 8th contact in your phone? How did you meet them? That would be Angela haha; we met when we got assigned to be seatmates in 1st grade since our surnames were arranged alphabetically in class.

Is there anyone who sends you messages to say good morning/night? No.

Can you recall the last time you were on a dance floor? March 2020, at a club with mostly Hans’s friends.

Have you ever let someone go, and then regretted it? No.

Do you own any color changing mood jewelry? Nope and I don’t believe in those either so I don’t see a reason why I should get my own.

--

[created by: pinkchocolate]

Was there anything that you planned to do today, but didn't? It’s only 7:06 AM so I’ll refer to my plans yesterday instead – I wanted to continue working on a Google Slides presentation by nighttime, but I was so tired from my shift yesterday and even got a migraine that I never got around to it. I’ll have to work on it this weekend instead.

Is there anyone you interact with often on social media but not in person? I mean, hasn’t this been the case over the last year with the pandemic? I communicate mainly through social media now, if not through IM apps like Viber.

What color box does your favorite cereal come in? Don’t really like cereal. The closest thing I have to a ‘favorite,’ Cookie Crisps, comes in a white box, though.

Do you have any plates, dishes, mugs etc. with pretty illustrations on them? Nah, don’t really like printed stuff. Angela had a customized Friends-themed mug made for me but I wouldn’t call it an ~illustration, since the main design is just my name styled in the Friends logo.

Does anywhere on your body currently hurt, or feel sore? I actually took a break from this survey to take Cooper for a walk, and I think I can confirm that I definitely have some kind of allergy to grass. My legs were super irritated the whole time and my skin has since turned reddish.

What is your favorite snack to eat with a hot beverage? Croissants.

Is there any advice you have been given, that sticks in your mind? “Let your healing take time,” from Andi. He also accompanied it the advice with an anecdote about this basketball player who insisted on playing even while he was still dealing with an injury, and playing only aggravated that injury so he was forced to sit out for an even longer time than what was initially set for him. That was really helpful and I keep it close to me to this day.

What's the nicest advice you have ever been given about love/relationships? Know when it’s enough and when to leave, and be kind to yourself.

Do you own any adult coloring books? What kind(s) do you like? Yeah, I have like three thick ones. I just haven’t gotten the chance to touch them because for the meantime I only have cheap coloring pencils that start to get dull after a few strokes. I’ve yet to buy a more premium set of pencils.

When was the last time you got some new headphones? Headphones would be 2013 when my dad got me a pair of Beats. Not a big user so I haven’t felt the need to get new ones.

Is there a lamp in your living room? What color is its shade? No but my mom has wanting to get one for a while. She just can’t seem to find one that she likes.

Do you know anyone whose name starts with the letter X? I went to high school with a Xenia. Super nice guy; we were close friends for a while since we were seatmates, and our friend groups also overlapped.

Have you eaten any rice or pasta today? Not yet. I will definitely be eating rice though, because Philippines.

Name a food that you dislike the texture of. I don’t like rice pudding at all, or oatmeal. But those are also taste issues as well as texture issues. < Oooh, oatmeal is a good one. I also could never enjoy marshmallows in my ice cream.

Which of your friends do you confide in the most? Angela.

Have you ever fallen out of love with someone? I wouldn’t say that. There will still always be a part of me that has some sort of feelings for my exes. But the extent to which I love them/care about them fades over time, thankfully. < Yeah, exactly.

^ If so, why do you think that happened?

If you have pets, do you talk to them? Sure.

Are there any TV shows that you strongly dislike, but others seem to love? I tried to get into Grey’s Anatomy or Glee on Netflix, because they were “popular”, but I tried a few episodes, and just couldn’t seem to get into them. < OMG same again, especially with Grey’s??? I tried watching it a couple of weeks ago but I noped out as soon as I heard how poppish the theme song was. I’ve always thought it was a serious drama show but it turned out to have so many teen show elements to it that I was definitely taken aback. The script and some of the acting also kind of sucked, so that was a letdown.

Is there anything you haven't done lately, that you'd like to do soon? Coloring.

Do you own any T-shirts with brand logos on them? Yes, my dad got me a Vegemite shirt from his last contract abroad hahah. He was staying in Australia and I asked him to get a jar of Vegemite so I can finally have a taste, but I think he was scared that I’d hate it and end up throwing out the whole jar so he just got me a shirt instead lol. I’ve also got a Nike shirt somewhere in my closet.

Have you experienced any kind of food cravings lately? Surprisingly not. I’ve been longing to eat at La Creperie again but I’m not craving for anything particular.

Have you watched or read the news today? I watch the news every weeknight since we have it on during dinner.

Describe the cover illustration of the book closest to you. Can’t see any books near me.

Are there any take-away or fast food places close to your house? There’s a McDonald’s literally beside our village, and beside it are a Shakey’s and a Dunkin’ Donuts. There’s also a Burger King right across. If you drive for like five more seconds, there’ll also be a Starbucks.

^ If so, do you ever order food from any of them? Only from Starbucks. I don’t really get fast food anymore.

Is there anything happening tomorrow, that you're looking forward to? Nothing yet so far.

[saportuh]

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT 

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT 

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician. 

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf” 

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for. 

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME” 

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY, 

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow. 

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

[somberthoughtsseldomeffort]

Going through all my text quotes and you can see when i slowly fall out of love.. hahah  I literally haven’t been this happy in the longest time ever. I haven’t written in my book since the feelings were mutual. He makes me so happy without even trying and its the lamest feeling in the entire world. It sucks that it only took him 2 years to finally admit to liking me, or that it took me 5 months of talking to him for me to realize that i liked him back. He wasnt exactly my type, but darling did he steal my affection in a heartbeat. Finally, someone who liked me for me and not for what i can offer, someone who would rather just watch netflix with me in bed than do something like go out on an expensive date. Someone who will just hold me in his arms while im having a bad day and just reassure me that everything will be fine. It just sucks that you have to be leaving tomorrow and that i dont even get to see you leave. I really, really like you.    And i think ill tell you that before you go, and it will be the lamest thing that i have ever done in my 18 years of life. Cause darling, you are the only exception. -Feb 14th,2014  I remember I wrote this poem about not being able to take a place in the scoreboard of affection. Well look at me now, in first place with a really sweet guy. - Mar 7th,2014 I am so conflicted with what I want to do with this “relationship”. I know for a fact I’m thinking too hard about it and it’s driving me practically insane. And this is probably I stay away from relationships all together or why I stray away from ties with people in general. I really like him and I am aware of it now, I want to get to know him more and just see if we’re just as compatible as I’d like us to be. I don’t want to push my ideals on him or his on me cause that’s not the type of relationship that I am looking for. I have the utmost respect towards military wives or girlfriends. I can’t even handle bootcamp yet alone the rest of his life… Do I escape while I can or do I stay because I enjoy his company. - Mar 18th,2014

You know what I hate the most? I hate that I brought him into a room I sleep in. I let him linger in a place I spend all of my time in. There isn’t a second that goes by where I am not reminded of his existence. I can’t lay in my bed with peace of mind like I used to be able to. Fuck - Mar 20th.2014  10 more days till Gerik comes back, 10 more days till everything is sorted out. 10 more days til ughhh,, idk . Gosh darn it i miss him -  May 13th,2014 It will seriously be the most fucked up thing if you notice me now. I was hanging around you since my sophomore year of high school and liked you for a while. But now that we’re in college and i have found myself in a obscure relationship you wanna come down and be like “ hey these are my views on relationships and they match yours, wow, you are like totally the type of girl im looking for why didnt i notice this sooner.” I will dick slap you so hard its going to leave an imprint on your face.- May 15th,2014

i am beyond myself, honestly with this whole significant other thing. Feelings really shouldnt be this difficult to figure out. I mean they are MY feelings i should be able to tell what they want. A hug would be nice right now even a pat on the head or something. I feel so uneasy honestly . - Nov 4th,2014 

And he left, and this time between us was honestly nothing more than that. I knew i needed to end things with Gerik, but honestly I did not expect it to hurt this much. I dont need a man in my life who’s idea of a joke would be to say hes going to hit on other girls including my friends and then cal me sensitive after i get upset. I dont need a man in my life who will let me get hit and be okay with it even if he thought we were “playing”. I dont need a man who wont be clear on what he wants to do with me and what we are after a year has passed. I do not need someone who will let me be sad and not really talk to me about it. I do not need someone who will let me be all emotionally scorn day in and day out and tell me to “get over it”. I do like Gerik though. I liked the way hed laugh at my jokes and how he would only be ticklish in one spot. Id like the way hed hug me and made me feel like being in his arms were where i would be the safest. I liked it when he would do all these things and not al all. I hate that he is in the Marines. Im happy i did not give him my virginity and that we did not emotionally connect with one another otherwise  this would have been harder than it is right now. But i swear to God if anyone ever says that I, “never cared” or that “shes a bitch for breaking up with you” fuck you. Cause i would have never stayed for a year and not tried to make things work. I should not have to justify why i was not happy with someone. I liked gerik, but i could not like him more than this. For this relationship was not a healthy one. - Jan 2nd,2015

if you really think that I broke up with him because of you and not out of my own happiness than you are crazy. - Jan 3rd,2015

So here is the ordeal, as most may not care or be concerned about my love life, I am torn between sticking with whats available and waiting for something better. I literally spent a year and some days with a boy who i honestly wasnt sure if he liked me or need me. Or wanted to like someone and needed someone. I ended with someone i missed but knew wasnt good for me. Then I was turned to a wonderful boy who, quicker than most, basically professed and undying admiration  with me and literally wanted everything that i offered. He unfortunately is active military and I have lost total communication with him. I am not sure how he is doing or if his interest in me died. Then i meet this older guy, i actually met him on new years this year but i didnt really think much of him, but apparently he thought something of me. Then he added me on facebook and then we started talking and then we met again in person at a show and then again and my best friends birthday. We, i gues you could say, kinda hooked up but not really. (i am 100% still a virgin…) And i am not sure if i want to advacne with this guy. He is a very nice and respectable guy . he would not do anything that i was not comfortable with. He is kind and considerate. But he honestly is not someone i could see myself with in the far future but then again i just met him. And I still kind of like the boy who i lost contact with. I am single and young I have a lot of choices in life but i dont think i make the right ones. Ughhhhhh relationships with people suck honestly…. help what the hell do i do?! -Mar 8th,2015 

This would just be my freaking luck, He would come back. He would come back when I was literally to give up all hope of him. I pray and hope he remembers me but at the same time i hope that he doesnt approch me and doesnt make my life that much harder. I cant choose and i dont like having options. I dont like having to think about who i would be better off with or who i actually like. I can stand being so indecisive. At the same time I miss him so much… UGggggggHHHH - Apr 25,2015 

I cant wait till novemember, Im going to be planning a trip to california to see my boyfriend. I know im pretty excited for something that is going to happen like 4 months from now. But itd be the only vacation id have fro a while. Ill get to spoil his hass and take him to six flags and I get to do lame couple things. What i really want to do is get thous leather engraved bracelets. That would make me the happiest soul. Haha and I also get to look forward to the Marine Corps Ball, I never got to go to prom so its kinda like the same thing right?? I can not wait, so excited.  - Jul 22,2015 

It kinda terrifies me in a way how much of a minor change I noticed in me. And im talking into terms as far as my relationship goes with Gerik. Its not a bad change its actually pretty good to be honest. I feel a lot more peaceful and its kinda sad that I was not able to reach this level of happiness by myself. The only reason it probably took me so long to like someone was because I felt like I should love myself first. I still admit to not loving myself but im sure a lot of people share that common problem.

    He doesnt let me be sad by myself and I really cant seem to lie to him. I sure dont tell him everything yea, but if her were to ask id say everything. I dont know he makes me happy and probably upsets me the most at the same time. I feel like hes too good to be true cause I’ve never met someone who has been as patient with me as he has been. I may doubt him from time to times cause sometimes i just dont believe someone could actually like me. Cause lets be honest. Im a pretty shitty person inside and out. But he never fails to reassure me in many ways. Hes a wonderful boyfriend and I cant wait to see him in November. Idk I just feel like he made me a lot more forgiving and kinder to myself. I would usually sulk about a lot of things but he makes them minor i dont know how to explain it but hes a great guy. - Aug 8th,2015 

My boyfriend is simple, and a lot of boys and girls are these days. I for one and not one of them. Im like a rubics cube that someone switched the stickers on. He’s the type of person who says things once meaning if he really misses me and wants to explain it he will only tell me once. Thats all he thinks he needs to say. But in my head I feel like if I am not reminded that I am wanted and loved I’ll feel like he doesnt like me anymore. I dont know yes I need affection but I also dont want to be smothered. I dont know. Im just kinda irritated with myself in all honesty. Just because he doest tell me everyday that he still loves me as much as he wants to make me think he does, i start to think he doesnt fancy me anymore. I just feel life I annoy him so much with how needy I am. I just dont date well.  A lot of the times i feel like i like him so much more than he likes me idk. Im a hopeless cause.  - Aug 19th,2015 

I feel like he’s slowly getting tired of me. Maybe I’m getting tired of myself I don’t know. But whatever this feeling is I don’t like it - Aug 22nd,2015 

I am always stuck between wanting Gerik to get enough sleep for work and also wanting to be selfish and talk to him all night. It really sucks that my first relationship is long distance. Im usually pretty level headed till I hang out with friends and end up being a third wheel. I love how excited I get when I see him but I also get really sad when I haven’t had enough of him. Does that make sense? I’m literally counting down the days till the next time I get to see him and they feel like forever. I just want to hug him like really just feel the warmth and the security his arms give me. I’m being really extra tonight cause he had to be awake at 7am and I only got to take to him for about 30 minutes. That sounds like a lot but I’m a needy person who wants his attention. I miss him so much :( - Oct 27th,2015 

Its annoying, well I guess in annoying. Its like I always want to be honest with the way I feel. I just can’t do it all the time. Okay, so when you’re upset or start getting upset there is something making you feel that way. My problem is, if I’m being too sensitive or if I am justified for being upset. At times I catch myself getting upset for things that are either out of my control or out of the other parties control. So I keep it to myself its not their problem. However when it comes to Gerik I feel like I over react all the time and I can’t tell if I’m just a fucking baby or I’m right to be angry. I think I annoy him all the time and that he doesn’t really care about the things I say or do. I don’t know, ugh. Like yesterday night we were talking and usually we pause during conversation cause we don’t really have much to say so he hung up assuming I was asleep I called him back and he was answered kinda sounding pissed off and he was like “what!” And I asked him if that was me or him, that hung up, and he said that it was him and kinda asked why I called him back and groaned about it. So yeah I got upset and I said “I get it you’re tired I’ll hang up now it’s fine, good night. ” he stopped me from hanging up and he was like “what’s wrong, its okay if we still talk.” I said not everything is fine good night. But he insisted it was okay but it kinda got awkward so i just told him to hang up. I don’t know so I kinda just stopped talking to him to collect my thoughts idk. - Nov 2,2015 

Honestly, leaving San Diego was the hardest thing that I did. I have no idea what came over me but I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to leave my boyfriend , I didn’t want him to get up that morning to get ready for duty. As I was saying goodbye I literally started to cry and I kept on crying an hour into my drive to Vegas. I didn’t let him see my tears cause I’m a G, but they were sure there when he wasn’t looking. He leaves me all the time and I never cried. The two years of if I’ll see him or he’s only here for 2 days then gone for 5 months. I never once cried beside that one time. I love him so, so, much and its kinda scary. He tells me his room still smells like me when he goes in there. Its so funny cause all I did was sleep in his bed. But it makes me sorta happy. I really should have stole one of his shirts. God, I miss him so much. I didn’t know I’m such a baby. Ha. - Nov 17th,2015 

Let me be the first one to tell you how much better I feel as a person now that I am no longer with Gerik. You know, it took me a while to realize that he really wasn’t the one for me. It took me almost 2 years and some odd months. I had to stop making up excuses for him. The excuses that this is his first relationship and that he doesn’t understand me as a person and that he’ll learn with time ya know? Well he never did, no matter if I cried to him or if I talked to him. In the end it’s just be that I’m the crazy one or that it’s my fault. Never once did I remember him taking the blame for anything. Not that it was always his fault but the fact that he’d never own up to it when it was. I felt like I was just used sexually he’d only ever put any effort when he thought we were gonna do “something” later on in the night. I always felt that he only was with me because I was the only thing available to him. He never really took the time to get to know me as a person he knew what everyone else knew the basics. I never felt genuinely loved in my relationship with him. I convinced myself over and over again that I was loved. I’m just really sad that I had to experience the things that I did to just realize that he wasn’t the one I needed to wake up to everyday ya know? I tell everyone that I want to get over what Edwin did to me but I get really scared. I still get scared when someone gets in the same position he did to me. I start to feel dirty. I start to get flash backs and start to get defensive. I know that gerik would never force himself on me or anything but when he got on top of me like that I started to freak out. I yelled and got so defensive and the fact that he didn’t get off right away scared the shit out of me. I don’t know man. It just really felt like he didn’t care for me man. So now I want to talk about Ramon, he’s such a sweet heart. I know that I won’t be dating him anytime soon I’m still recovering but he’s such an amazing person. And let me state that no, I did not leave gerik for Ramon. I left gerik for me and myself only. I am my own person and I can do whatever I feel is right for me. But Ramon actually listens to what I have to say and what I have on my mind and understands me emotionally. And that’s all that I have been looking for my whole life. I hope this isn’t just my distraction and that this is something that is good for me. The only thing I worry about is how we will mix as people. To me he’s really nice and cool but outside of that he might be hard to get along with. Ya know? He’s a thug, and active gang member. So I hope I’m not mixing with the wrong crowd but I will stay true to myself all the way. I like Ramon for Ramon, and will not labels change my opinion. I just know he gets me in ways I wish other people did. Almost like serigo understood me but in a goofy way and that’s my favorite part. Ughhhh so that’s where I am in life right now. I’m just going to concentrate on doing me. And loving myself more. And Ramon is a great distraction from feeling lonely. A real good one. - April 16th,2016 

And now i am with my amazing boyfriend for about 1 year, yeah we hit major bumps in the road but now were just growing <3