#so hopefully you're not the worst case troll scenario

[howlsmovinglibrary]

which couple is better i.e. has the ideal framework of a good and healthy relationship: a) howl and sophie or b) rhys and feyre and why?

What an interesting question which - when being asked of me, Howlsmovinglibrary, known detractor of SJM - seems to have an obvious answer. 

Anon, my suspicious mind is almost worried that it’s trying to trick me into something. But I am bored at work, so let me indulge!

Which couple is better: obviously Howl and Sophie. Again, suspicion brain is leading me to believe that the question might be trying to point out that their relationship is far from perfect, ie. Based on bickering, Sophie judging Howl heavily, etc. etc. It isn’t perfect. I wouldn’t hold it as ideal at all. But it is my preferred pairing.

 Why?

Their arguments are mostly based in Sophie’s misjudgements regarding Howl, which are based in the narrative she’s written about him, not what he has actually done. She assumes he’s a hearteater and so makes him a suit that makes him more attractive to women, she assumes he’s seducing her sister’s because he can’t imagine he’d like her, she remains old and unattractive to him because that’s what she believes she is, etc. She performs the role of his housekeeper because she thinks this is all women are good for as that’s the knowledge she’s inherited, while being a witch more powerful than him the whole time. They enter into a relationship once she’s realised that this is wrong, meeting as equals.

Howl and Sophie call out each other when they’re wrong and (most importantly) the other person listens and improves. Sophie and Howl bring out the best in each other. Howl might be a lazy entitled phd student who Sophie gives purpose to but also Sophie’s flaws and prejudices are counteracted by Howl. When they are married, we see in The House of Many Ways that they continue to have problems because their (realistically flawed) personalities clash, but also because neither of them will take the others bullshit and let them lapse into bad habits. Like Sophie is ever going to give Howl a free pass for being a jerk!

Their relationship is based on Sophie’s agency. There’s academic discourse/post on tumblr somewhere about how Sophie uses her crone persona to enjoy the freedom to define herself outside of the male gaze. Unfortunately Feyre is never allowed this, as a lot of her empowerment comes from her sexuality and the male gaze. Ergo, for Feyre, who you love/are attractive to is part of what defines your agency, which I personally don’t find a healthy basis for a relationship although that’s a personal judgement. Sophie has decided who she is separate from her love of Howl in her crone persona: her decision to drop the spell is a decision to engage in a romantic relationship.

Even better, Howl has already decided he loves her by this point (based on her personality) but he doesn’t act on it until he has visible proof she consents! Meanwhile, Rhys realises he’s mated to Feyre, a girl who he doesn’t know but somehow loves with a scarily irresistible force, doesn’t tell her and instead leads her to be subject to forces she isn’t given the opportunity to understand and process, then engages in date rape and sexual contact under extremely dubious consent!

I do not uphold Howl and Sophie as a perfect relationship but I think it’s written with realistic expectations – that is, that people come to each other flawed and learn and grow together. 

Honestly, thinking this through, maybe Feyre and Rhys have the “ideal framework” because it’s a fantasy one that SJM has written into being: the mating bond, where everyone finds their perfect partner (of the opposite gender, obivously) and after the sex they inevitably need to have they love each other so much that they ignore all flaws regardless of the consequences it has for themselves, family, and friends. 

But that’s brings me back to ‘good and healthy’. The mating bond is tell rather than show. SJM *tells* us that their love is perfect because it has to be, her magic fantasy world has made it that way. But it’s not a love I find particularly loving, or even sexy. I don’t find Rhys’ actions attractive or loving, particularly in his alpha possessiveness and violence (which will always squick me out in any romance I read, not limited to SJM). It essentialises certain behaviours and provides a get out clause for anything that makes you uncomfortable about your partner. It feels to me, kind of like a prison.

For me, I’ll always prefer Howl and Sophie because love is shown rather than told, with no magic bond to handwave the flaws. They have to work on becoming better people together, which sounds like my ideal love, because I’m not beautiful or perfect (yet!)