#so her last line falls flat because it ends on “doorway” which isn't particularly thrilling
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CHAPTER 3 - page 18/18
original word count: 3840
revised word count: 2195
click for ch 3's full comparison document.
original:
subject of Tomas Mandray with Nesta. I turned to her, opening my mouth. But there was a roar that half deafened me, and my sisters screamed as snow burst into the room and an enormous, growling shape appeared in the doorway.
revised:
As I turned, words on my lips, a roar ratted the windows. My sisters screamed as the door smashed open, and whirls of snow burst into the room. In the doorway stood an enormous, growling shadow.
#can someone teach sjm about the primacy-recency effect? please ???#the idea is that the reader will pay more attention to the information presented at the beginning and end of a sentence#so her last line falls flat because it ends on “doorway” which isn't particularly thrilling#ending on “shadow” has significantly more tension#~*the more you know*~#ch 3#a court of thorns and roses#acotar#acotar rewrite#sarah j maas#sjm critical#acotar critical#anti acotar
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