#so he probably son't remember that he said that

[boy-at-a-bus-stop]

okay, here is the sixth chapter, it’s a bit shorter than usual and tbh i’m really not sure if this is good but it just wanted to be written so here it is... i hope you like it and i hope there aren’t too many typos

p.s.: it seems like tumblr doesn’t lke me and there are some kind of weird signs and numbers in the text, please just ignore the, i can’t edit this bullshit because everyhting looks ompletely normal in edit mode, i’ll try to find the mistake tomorrow or so

Six

I didn't go to the studio in the next few days. It didn't really have a specific reason, I just didn't go. Maybe I subconsciously didn't want to annoy anyone who was working over there, maybe I subconsciously wanted to avoid meeting Bob again or seeing Josh again. I think I was scared that things between us would be awkward now because of what had happened last time we talked to each other. I mean, nothing dramatic happened, but you know, sometimes these small things can initiate a massive change in a relationship, especially if it's this young of a relationship.

So I didn't go over to the studio in the next few days, instead I did a few other things. Wow, you certainly wouldn't have thought of that, right? I mean 'normal' people just stare at the ceiling for days if they don't do what they'd usually be doing and don't have to work, don't they? Of course they don't, and I didn't either.

On Tuesday I decided to visit my dad so I called him to ask if he was around. It turned out to be a good idea that I called him since he wasn't at home that day. He told me that I should stop by the next day, so I stayed home on Tuesday and spent it reading and listening to music (and of course still thinking about Bob's comment the other day, it was still stuck in my head, of course) and then headed over to my dad's house on Wednesday. 

My dad for whatever reason never locks his front door. I guess it's just one of his weird habits, or maybe he just wants to let all the creative energies and spirits and stuff right into his living room. Yeah, he's that kind of a guy. And if you think i'm judging him for it, you're so fucking wrong. Because I am not,  I love his way of seeing things, and even if it might seem a little bit awkward at first, you get used to it and it really isn't that big of a thing with him - he doesn't speak about it the way John does. I mean, he doesn't even believe in it as strongly as John does, I think with my dad it's more of a post-hippy thing he doesn't even take all too seriously himself. 

So I just knocked on the door before entering the house he lived in with his girlfriend at the time. It was quite a big house, it had a small backyard and was arranged with the vintage furniture my dad had collected over the years. To my surprise I found both of them in their bedroom, packing.

“What's going on here?”, was the first thing I said, totally forgetting about my manners because I was so confused. “Hey Ally, nice to see you, too”, my dad said as he stopped packing for a second, turned around and looked at me. “Hi All!”, Michelle, my dad's girlfriend exclaimed excitedly as she walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. We always had a good relationship, Michelle and I, which wasn't always the case with me and my dad's girlfriends. 

Okay this may have sounded like he's a slut so I just want to clear that up: he didn't have that many girlfriends, I think he had four girlfriends in the 20 years between his and my mom's divorce and his re-marriage just a few years ago, but I could be mistaken. I mean I didn't live with him for a long time so he might have had another girlfriend before I moved in with him. I knew four of his girlfriends, two of them (Michelle and Angelina) were really nice, two of them were slightly... uh... I guess you know what I mean, I don't need to explain any further, right?

Sadly he didn't marry Michelle, they broke up because Michelle wanted to have kids and my dad didn't want a second child since he already had me. You need to know that he was quite young (22 I think) when my mom (she was around that age, too) got pregnant. So he definitely wasn't too old to “make” another child, he just didn't want to. Michelle did and so they broke up after about three years of relationship, but they remained good friends. Michelle married another man and got two children now. I didn't see her in a long long time, I hope she's alright... anyway, I hope I explained things good enough for them to make sense to you, otherwise just ignore this, it's not that important, you're not here to learn about my dad and his ex-girlfriends, right?

“Hey, so what's up? Why are you packing?”, I asked after I hugged her back. “We'll fly to Illinois to my aunt's funeral tomorrow, don't you remember? I'm sure I told you”, my dad now said, seemingly confused himself. “Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I forgot”, I said, mentally facepalming myself. I had totally forgotten about this, all the things that had happened in the last week had really made me forget it. My dad's aunt had died a bit earlier, he had been very old and sick so it wasn't really surprising but you know, the death of a family member is never an easy thing to cope with. I hadn't really known her, so it didn't really affect me. My dad hadn't been close to her either, but it still made him sad, one could see it in his eyes. Of course it did. Death always makes people sad

So my dad and Michelle had to fly up to Illinois for the funeral the next day. I didn't come along with them because it wasn't really MY family, I hadn't spent a lot of time with my dad's relatives, I mean I had met all of them once but that was about it. I think it's just because I spent most of my childhood on a different continent, and I think that just makes relationships strange in general and even when I moved here I didn't spend a lot of time with them because, you know, Illinois and LA aren't really in the same corner of the US. So I'm really not close with any of them. But this doesn't bother me at all. Having good relationships with relatives is good but there are way more important things, right?

Michelle and my dad stopped packing to have coffee with me, and we just sat down in the living room and talked. My dad had these beautiful old leather couches in the middle of the living room, there was a small wooden table and a carpet with a beautiful pattern on it. The living room was quite big, there were bookshelves and  a corner with lots of records and a turntable. My dad didn't own a TV, he said he had no use for it He bought one a few years later, though, so something about it must have caught his attention.  

So we all had coffee, I asked my dad a few questions about his aunt and the rest of the people he was going to meet at the funeral. He said he was looking forward to seeing his cousin and her husband again, maybe even their two kids but he wasn't sure if they'll bring them. I didn't even know that his cousin had children by then, Yeah, I guess that proofs that I really was so not a part of this whole family-thing.

”How old are her children? Why didn't you tell me about this?”, I asked, surprised and confused when my dad started talking about them. “I definitely told you, All, I'm sure I did, you just forget things way too easily”, my dad laughed, “The older one's 4 and the younger one's 2 and a half years old” “Wow, okay, i'm still surprised...”, I giggled. Michelle laughed, then she finished her cup of coffee and left the living room to continue packing.

“So... uhm... Who's that...'friend' you were talking about the other day?”, my dad asked as soon as Michelle had left the room. It seemed like he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable by asking me in front of her. “What friend? Who are you talking about?”, I asked, pretending not to know what or better said who he meant. “That friend of Bob's, the one who you spend so much time with..”, my dad said before he added, “Why am I even explaining this? You know who i'm talking about, right?” He smiled, I love it when my dad smiles. I love to see him happy, to know that I did something that made him happy. “I'm not spending that much time with him, dad! But yeah, I know who you're talking about...”, I said, giggling. “Uh, where do I start...”, I sighed.  

“Uhm... well, his name's Josh and... he's a musician and a friend of Bob's and they're making this record together...”, I started, trying to tell my dad all the important things but leave out the bits that would make me sound like an obsessed 13-year-old talking about her favorite actor or something like that. I didn't want to make my dad think that I had a crush on Josh, not after Bob already thought so, even if it might have been true. “Yeah, you told me that already...”, my dad said. “How old is he?”, he than asked. “He's 19, I think...”, I mumled. “Does he go to college, or does he plan to go some day?” Wow, my dad was quick at asking his questions. “No he, uhm, to be honest... he dropped out of high school when he was 15″, I answered in a low voice. Silence seemed to fill the room for a few minutes which felt like ages to me. To my great surprise my dad broke the silence with his loud laugh. “Why are you laughing?”, I asked, confused as fuck. “I'm sorry, it's just, this is so cliche, isn't it? The boy who quits school to conquer the world playing his guitar. It's just so cliche, but well, he's got to have some talent if Bob's making a record with him, right?”

I really didn't know what to say. I mean yeah, my dad was right, it definitely was cliche thing to do as a musician, but I did find it kind of weird that my dad laughed his ass of at this. I just felt like I could tell that my dad wasn't taking Josh seriously and thought he was stupid for dropping out of high school. And while it really does seem like a stupid thing to do for most people, I felt like it was the absolutely right thing to do for Josh. My dad just didn't have the right to judge him for it, I mean he didn't even know him. This definitely wasn't his place to judge.

I didn't tell my dad that I was thinking this way, though. I didn't tell him that he hurt my feelings by laughing at my friend's decision. I didn't say anything at all. But my dad knows me, he really does and the felt that there was something wrong and he felt that he had hurt my feelings. “I'm sorry...”, he said in a low voice after a few minutes of awkward silence. “It's okay...”, I answered and gave him a small smile. “Bob asked me to visit them in the studio soon, so I guess i'll get to meet your 'friend' Josh soon enough...”, he then stated, trying to get the conversation going again. “Dad, he really is a friend, not a 'friend', or whatever you think he is...” I sighed. “Well, who knows what will happen”, my dad said and winked at me just to tease me and if you know me just a tiny little bit you'll know that it's really easy to tease me and that I usually don't take it that well. I shot my dad a glance and right in that moment my cellphone vibrated loudly to tell me (and everyone else in the room, you need to know this was a very attention-seeking cellphone, not a normal one which just keeps quiet all the time, no, my cellphone thought it was badass, and it wanted attention and it did everything to make everybody look at it... no, I didn't go crazy and I am very well aware of the fact that cellphones don't have feelings but this just came to me, so yeah...) that I had a new text message. “Is this your 'friend'?”, my dad asked with an amused tone in his voice

I ignored his comment and instead took a look at my phone to see who it was, and no, it wasn't Josh if you thought so, too. It was a text from Susan, a childhood friend of mine. I'm sorry, I might have to some day post a list of the most important people in this story and my life in general, I'm sure it's quite confusing that there are so many people around, but that's how real life works, right? It's not like some sitcom with three main characters and a few sidekicks. These people are real people and they're all important to me and this story so I guess we'll have to find a way to manage all this.

Anyways, so there was a text from my childhood friend Susan on my phone. She asked me to come over to her place because she needed someone to talk to. I sighed. Susan's boyfriend had broken up with her almost two months ago and she still struggled to accept this. They had been a couple for almost three years before her boyfriend broke up with her, but in my opinion it was the right thing to do. They weren't really going anywhere with their relationship and one could just tell that they weren't really happy. I mean it's obvious that her boyfriend hadn't been happy since he broke up with her, but in my opinion she hadn't really been happy either but her memories painted a different picture in her mind, simply because that the relationship had ended.  I don't want to go too far into detail with what had happened between her ex and Susan, it's her personal thing after all. 

“I need to leave...”, I mumbled, looking up from my phone. If I am your friend and you need me I will be there to help you, no matter what, no matter at what time you call me, no matter where I am, if you're my friend and you need me I will be right by your side. That's just part of my personality I guess. And maybe the importance of friendships in my life in general is a reason for that behavior. I got up from the couch I had been sitting on and started walking towards the front door. “What's up? Is something wrong?”, my dad asked, walking behind me, worry in his voice. “No, it's just... Susan asked me to come over to her place...”, I answered while opening the front door. Before I left the house I turned around again and  hugged my dad goodbye. “I'll call you tomorrow when we arrive in Illinois”, he said as I walked away and got in my car.

Susan didn't look too healthy when she opened her front door, she had lost weight and looked as if she hadn't slept in days. I asked her about what was wrong and listened to her, trying to make her feel better by letting her talk about it all. I personally made the experience that talking itself sometimes helps a lot. I don't think that  this is too interesting to you so I won't talk about this for too long, it's really not that interesting and it's not that important for this story. Talking really did seem to help Susan, and over time we started talking about less serious topics, we told each other stories and made each other laugh. It seems to always be like this with Susan: She often worries and feels bad about herself and her life and so on, but it's quite easy to cheer her up again. She just needs good friends who don't judge her for the way she is and the way she feels and are there to help her because after a certain amount of time she tends to isolate herself if she feels that there's no one who wants to listen and be there for her. And I think everyone knows that isolation isn't the best thing for most people's mental health.

I left Susan's apartment late, around 2 am. I think, and headed home. I didn't feel like staying at her place because I was sure she'd want to talk all night long and I was tired as fuck. Talking to friends and relatives can be so exhausting, right? I drove home slowly, not taking the shortest way home even though I was tired. I really enjoy driving at night and I don't find it tiring at all, I just like it, I liked siting in the passenger seat as my mom drove at night when I was a kid and I still like it today, i'm not sure why. It just feels so good, it's hard to explain, but I guess some of you can relate. So by the time I reached the front door of my apartment it was almost 3 am. 

I didn't notice the small piece of paper that stuck in between the door and the door frame until if fell down onto the floor as I opened the front door. I sighed as I bent down to pick it up, wondering who had put it there. 

Before reading what had been written down on this piece of paper I put off my shoes and walked into the living room where I switched on the light. I got myself a glass of water and sat on the dinner table. That's something I always thought about when I was a kid because my mom didn't want me to sit on the table: I said to myself, “Once you're living alone, you can sit on the table whenever you want, no one will tell you not to do so” I don't know why but for me as a kid sitting on the table was a huge thing. It's not that exciting after all. I think some things aren't  as appealing to you once you get a bit older. I hardy ever sit on the table anymore today. It would feel weird to be a fully grown up woman sitting on a table. Sometimes I wish I hadn't grown up that fast. But well, life makes you grow up sooner or later and even though being a grown up isn't as exciting as you imagine it when you're a child, it still got it's perks. So I sat on the table and took a sip of water,  then I unfolded the the piece of paper and read what was written onto it in quite small, almost unreadable handwriting. One could tell without doubt that this had been written in a hurry.

Hey, please call me when you get home, I need to talk to you about something

J...

I furrowed my eyebrows, surprised and wondering what Josh wanted to talk about. He obviously wanted me to call him for whatever reason. But it was 3:30 am., should I still call him? I had no idea what he wanted, I had no idea if he just wanted to tell me a dumb joke or if he really needed to tell me something important. But something told me that this wasn't about telling dumb jokes, this was more serious. After thinking about what to do for a few more minutes I decided to text him to see if he was still awake. If he was he'd respond, if he wasn't I wouldn't wake him up. 

So I sent him a text message explaining that I had just come home and asking if he was awake and if he wanted to talk now or the next day. While I was waiting for his response I brushed my teeth and washed my face, getting ready for bed. When I came back into the living room to check if he had responded I found that I had a missed call from Josh. “Shit”, I mumbled to myself. I hadn't expected him to call that soon after I had texted him. I quickly dialed his number and called him back. “Hey”, I said as he answered the phone,”i'm sorry I was just brushing my teeth when you called.” “It's okay, really, i'm sorry i'm keeping you from sleeping by the way, but... I needed... to talk to someone”, Josh said in a low voice. I sensed that there was something wrong with him, he didn't sound all too good and I guessed that he was more than just a bit tipsy.  I felt like I could smell the alcohol in his breath through the telephone line even though that's clearly impossible. “It's fine, I just came home anyway. So what's the matter?”, I asked him, trying to find out what was up. “Uhm it's... Bob and I had a fight... and”, he sighed, “I'm out. It's over. I quit the band”, Josh muttered on the other end of the line. 

“YOU DID WHAT?!, I exclaimed, then continued speaking in a calmer voice, “What? Why? What happened?” I really hadn't expected anything like this. I never thought something like this would actually happen. Josh stayed silent for a few seconds and I could only hear the silent music that was playing in the background wherever Josh was at that moment, probably in his apartment. “I quit the band... Bob went... he went too far, he threw a glass bottle at me and... I just couldn't handle this, I can't do this, I just can't“, he almost whispered, “And I don't know if it was the right thing to do. I'm almost sure it wasn't the right thing...” I didn't really know what to say, and I was worried. Everyone would be worried when hearing something like that, right? “You know, maybe I shouldn't have done this in... in the first place, you know... I mean joining, agreeing on making this record... maybe it was... all... wrong, and... I, I don't know anymore... I don't know what I want and... I don't know what to do”, Josh continued rambling.

“Josh, calm down!”, I interrupted him, “Are you drunk?” Josh took a moment before answering my question. “...maybeee....”, he then slurred and this single word was proof enough to my thesis. He definitely was drunk. “Josh, please, just go to bed and i'll come over tomorrow and we can talk about it all and we can sort this out, okay? Just please stop drinking, you had enough for today”, I spoke slowly, trying to make clear that I was serious. “Uh, yeah,yeeaah,you're probably right...”, Josh mumbled. “Promise me that you won't drink any more tonight, okay?” “Okay, I promise I won't...”, he said in a low voice. “Alright, as I said i'll come over to your place tomorrow, Everything is going to be alright, Josh, don't worry. Goodnight”, I said, trying to make him understand that I was tired and we'd sort it all out the next day. “Okay, goodnight...” I just wanted to hang up when Josh spoke up again. 

“And... Ally... there’s one more thing...”, he almost whispered. “Yeah?” “I love you”, he then really whispered so lowly that I wasn't even sure if I heard it right and hung up immediately after his words had left his mouth, not leaving me the tiniest chance to respond. 

This didn't matter though, I wouldn't have know what to say anyway.