#so funny that I've only been writing m/f pairings in my fics seeing as all the relationships in my original works are gay

[potato-on-your-head]

Clark couldn’t move.

He lay on his side, his limbs cast uselessly in front of him.

The fall from the heavens had turned him into a living bullet, the impact driving him into the ground with crushing force. His entire body was one singular, pulsing wound.

The shadow above Clark leveled a weapon at his chest. A specialized gun, all white and hard edges. It charged with a high-pitched whine.

Sam Lane’s stoic face loomed behind it, staring him down.

“Hnnn.. ahhh…” Clark gasped.

Couldn’t speak. Couldn’t even beg for his life.

The general was going to kill him.

Lois’s dad was going to kill him.

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[chainofclovers]

A fandom thing that brings me great discomfort is the assumption that "all" queer fans are naturally going to flock around a single ship, and if you don't see it happening you're definitely straight and possibly homophobic. Those are some wild things to assume!

(I'll note a bit of added context here: I don't participate in Twitter fandom, so Discord and Tumblr are my main exposures to character and ship discourse, and AO3 and Livejournal and fansites are the current and past places I've consumed fic. When I'm into a show, I tend to read widely in the main tags even if I usually gravitate towards one or more favorite ships.)

In my current fandom, my inclinations are mostly centered around a m/f ship as well as multi-shipping a variety of monogamous and poly ships (many/most of which are queer). This is a bit of a departure from most of my previous fandom experiences, which have been centered around very subtextual f/f ships in fandom spaces where the fic-writing and discourse is nearly entirely centered around femslash. My corner of this current fandom includes tons of queer fans (of which I am one), as well as plenty of fans who don't identify as queer. In all the fandom spaces I'm in and in all the pairings (and gen fic) I enjoy from this show, there tends to be a lot of nuanced exploration of gender and sexuality, including explorations of queerness, including within transformative works about that popular m/f ship.

Over the last few weeks, I've watched the ship wars in my fandom, which used to be largely focused around that m/f ship I happen to love, kinda shift into what I think is a bit of an emerging-from-within defensive campaign for a popular m/m ship.

(Some more context: I have zero interest in engaging in ship wars. I believe all ships with adult characters are valid ships. I am invested in what will happen in the canon of this show, but "endgame" has never been the driver for my participation in any fandom, and I'd be shocked if I don't continue to create transformative works about my favorite ships for months and years to come regardless of what happens with the show. I personally don't adore the popular m/m ship, although I definitely see the chemistry and for most of the time this show has existed, I've appreciated the enthusiasm for the characters and the ship even if it's not my cup of tea. I enjoy both characters and their canonical relationship, and completely understand why the romantic ship is very popular.)

I find it genuinely kind of funny and amusing that for ship war participants fighting for basically any ship within this fandom, the arguments they experience from antis are incredibly similar--for character x and character y to get together, or for character x and character z to get together, it would be cliche, it would be tired, it would be unnecessary, we already have plenty of rep like that, or there's no way these characters could make sense as rep like that, there's nothing in the text that supports this ship, etc.

What feels newer is this insinuation that to opt out of shipping a particular thing means you are unable to see it. If you just don't prefer it or don't predict that it will happen in canon, that must mean that you believe the people who do see it happening are delusional, and therefore you are the enemy.

And attendant with that viewpoint is this idea that there are only two options in media: "the" queer ship will go canon, or the entire show is a big queerbaity setup. Does queerbaiting exist? Yes! Is it happening right now? No! Queerbaiting is, essentially, a broken promise from creator to fan.

The reason all this bums me out try as I might to ignore it and continue having a grand time is multifold: it's a gender thing and a rarepair thing and a thing about ship-as-campaign that saps the fun and joy out of (sub)text and text and the beautiful mystery of watching a story unfold faster than anything.

The gender thing: the show I'm talking about has a character who identifies herself as bisexual in the first season. Do I want more about that story? Do I think that story could and should take up more space? Yes! But is it there? Absolutely. And it's been disheartening to see people either ignore her completely or chalk this part of the story up to "lame jokes" as if humor and flirtation are less-than or inauthentic ways to engage with one's sexuality. It's disheartening to hear people talk about how they hope this show will have its first queer representation when there's been a queer woman on the show the whole time.

The rarepair thing: fic writers, presumably of every orientation under the sun, have been creating very queer fic about a multitude of characters on this show (including, notably, characters who are women) this whole time. There are queer pairings with twenty or fifteen or even three, two, or one stories in their tag. And it feels like lately all these pockets of fandom, regardless of what we've been writing, are getting lumped into this generic "straight" soup of people who lack the vision for the thing that's now "the" thing. But the things that made me want to write queer fic (and, yes, m/f fic) about all these characters, including one of the characters who is part of the popular m/m fic, are things I picked up in the source material, too.

The ship-as-campaign thing: it's exhausting. And it takes something that's pretty inherently queer--the communal act of engaging with a text and transforming it in a million beautiful (or depraved, or silly, or gross, or genre-defying) ways--and splinters it into factions. And assumes stupidity (or outright bigotry) on the part of those who don't see it the exact same way you do. Of course there's bigotry in this fandom, and among casual viewers. It's shit. So why invent more of it that isn't there when we could all focus on eradicating what is there? I don't think there's anything wrong with hoping fervently that you get to see the love story you want to see play out onscreen. That's absolutely how I feel. It's the way this stuff gets treated like a political platform that needs to do numbers to win...that's what bothers me, regardless of which ship it's about.

This has gone on way too long and I very easily might end up regretting making this post, which is very obviously about the thing it is about. If you reblog it, do NOT use it to campaign for any ships or belittle anyone for enjoying the ships they enjoy. PLEASE. Every single one of the ships is great and interesting and worthy of being explored by fandom, and you're selling fandom and community and queer culture short if you assume all the queers have to go in one room and all the straights have to go in another. We can be excited about the things we're excited about without making those hurtful assumptions and making ourselves miserable over a thing that is actually extremely cool.

[the28thofseptemberr]

helloooo!! i didn't do a fic rec last month because i was so busy with my exams and barely had time to read, so this month's post is going to comprise of mostly fics i've read in june but also some i've read in may.

thank you to all of the incredible writers, please go support them!! and remember to read all of the tags and possible warnings before reading the fic! here is the list of fics (mostly below the cut):

read

•° — led by your beating heart by @missandrogyny 29.4k | E | famous harry/non-famous louis

Nick leans over. "Oh," he says, his voice smug. "Who is that?"

Harry just blinks at his phone. "Um," he manages to stammer out.

"Who's that, Harry?" Nick asks again, but this time he raises his eyebrows and smirks. Harry knows Nick is just teasing, and that he's not really looking for new Harry Styles gossip, but, um. He might have found something. Accidentally.

Harry opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is another 'um'. He really needs to work on translating his thoughts into words. But then it probably wouldn't be any help right now, would it? His mind is as blank as a newly erased etch-a-sketch.

"Oh," Nick says again, this time gleefully, seemingly having picked up on Harry's distress. "Looks like we've got a story here! Are you going to call or delete her number?"

Her number. So Nick thinks it's a girl. Well, Harry can't blame him: 'Lou' is kind of an androgynous nickname. His stylist's name is Lou.

But this Lou, well, Louis, he's kind of, really, really not a girl. He's really pretty though, which, is something.

(Or: AU where Harry's in One Direction, Louis isn't, and they reconnect over a game of 'Call or Delete'.)

note: this was so funny and cute and well written, and everyone was characterized so perfectly!! i adored the chemistry between louis and harry, this fic kept me smiling for the whole time while i was reading <3

•° — sounds like love to me by @neondiamond 14.6k | G | kid fic

“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?”

Louis watches as Harry’s face falls with the realization that this is one of those things he won’t be able to experience. For a second, Louis considers saying no, to show Harry they’re truly on the same boat through all of this. But he nods in the end, reaching over for Harry’s hand as the doctor flips a switch. Noise fills the room then, and it takes a few seconds for the sound to become clear enough for Louis to make out the baby’s fast heartbeat.

“It’s really fast,” he voices his thoughts out loud as he uses his thumb to tap against the back of Harry’s hand, replicating the rapid rhythm of the baby’s heartbeat. It takes the younger man a little while to figure out what Louis’ doing, but a huge grin breaks out on his face as soon as he does.

“Is that them?” He signs with the other hand, his own eyes starting to tear up when Louis nods.

OR: Harry is deaf, Louis is pregnant. They figure it out.

note: i'm not a fan of mpreg or kid fics in general, but i stumbled across the fic post for this on my dash and the summary sounded really intriguing to me, so i had a go at reading and it did not disappoint!! it was really sweet and fluffy but also so touching and heartbreaking in some parts. plus, i really enjoyed how harry and louis worked together and supported each other.

•° — this restless dream by @afirethatcannotdie 5.6k | NR | first meetings

“Hiii, I called earlier about the dogs?” he asks, taking a few steps closer to the desk where Louis is standing. He’s taller than Louis, with a dimple when he smiles and bright green eyes. There's a cute eagerness about his whole presence. “Do you have any puppies?” He’s a bit like a puppy himself, actually.

AU. Louis works at an animal shelter and Harry wants a puppy. Things don't go quite according to plan.

note: this was so so adorable and soft, especially since i have a soft spot for h&l with pets. i also have a soft spot for h&l being oblivious lovesick idiots and this was perfect!!

•° — all i see is you, lately by @runaway-train-works 2k | G | first meetings

Harry noticed him for the first time three months ago. He couldn’t not, really, what with the man being so pretty and all, and Harry remembers it well because it was three days before his birthday and he had joked to himself that seeing someone so gorgeous for three days on the trot must be an early present from the Gods.

Or

The one where Harry has a crush on a fellow commuter.

note: this one was quite short but so sweet and perfect and lovely!!

•° — the things i'd do to wake up next to you by orphan_account 36.1k | M | amnesia fic

AU. Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

note: this fic was incredible, i'm always up for an amnesia fic and this one was heart-breaking and realistic but also sweet and fluffy as well :)

•° — this glorious mess by theweightofmywords 14.2k | M | post-breakup

His head lolls to the side, and his eyes float open to focus on what used to be his bedside table.

It’s empty now, devoid of the framed photo of the two of them. And Louis knows that he has no right to feel hurt, but somehow, this only confirms what this really is.

“This is the last time,” he cries, his voice breaking both from pleasure and pain.

“I know, baby,” Harry breathes, burying his face in Louis neck.

note: this is the third mpreg-centric fic i've read this month and... i don't even like mpreg?? but god the premise of this fic intrigued me so much, and it was lovely and emotional and beautifully written.

•° — BLAH BLAH BLAH there's a moment you know (you're f*cked) by @mercurial-madhouse 3.2k | M | spy au

Anyone impulsive enough to betray their country is either foolish or overly-confident. Louis’s too cunning for the former. So his inflated ego tips precariously close to the edge between pride and hubris. In sum: He may be an expert, (as proven by the .32-cal Beretta Alleycat Harry found strapped to his back) but ex-agent Louis Tomlinson will explode like a busted bullet misfiring in a broken gunbarrel if Harry can find his trigger.

___

Or, the spy AU in which Harry thinks he's prepared to meet Louis only to find he's not.

note: the banter and tension in this fic was so good and so fun!! i need moreee

•° — every lonely place by @ham-palpert 38k | E | time travel/alternate lives fic

Facing the fact that he’s been prioritizing his career over his relationship, Harry proposes to his longtime boyfriend Louis on a whim. But when yet another work emergency takes precedence over their plans, Louis decides he’s had enough. Harry goes to bed drunk and alone, and when he wakes, he finds himself in an entirely different world. Over and over again, Harry visits a lifetime he’s once lived, across time and dimensions. And wherever there’s a Harry Styles, there’s a Louis Tomlinson.

note: this was such a unique fic! and such an emotional one too, love the message it sends and the character arc and development was so good

•° — tick-tock by bubblegumclouds 6k | G | soulmate au

When Louis was born to Jay Tomlinson with a tiny 2 years on his clock, it starts the most beautiful love story. Even if things are missed, fate finds a way to make it work.

note: this was just so, so cute and fluffy and sweet! i loved it

•° — baby baby, you're a caramel macchiato by @missandrogyny 3.2k | T | coffee shop au

So, yeah, Harry doesn't think it's that far of a stretch to call himself a good barista. There are some particularly bad ones, and some particularly good ones, and, with his work ethic, his skill, and his charm, he'd probably be lumped in with the latter group.

note: this was so lovely, and i especially really loved the little section talking about louis' name and how it suits him!

re-read

•° — one shines brighter by @afirethatcannotdie 11.8k | T | wedding fic

“Hi, baby. You doing anything fun today?” Harry shrugs. “Dunno. Thought I’d see how I was feeling before making any plans.” “You wanna get married?” Louis asks. Harry’s face breaks into a smile, and he nods. Louis’ lips are just brushing Harry’s when Gemma appears in the hallway. “You two are in so much trouble.” Harry's wedding was never supposed to be the happiest day of his life. No, that was going to be the day after, when he finally got to start his marriage. Unfortunately his family (and Louis) have other ideas.

Featuring a pair of moms who only want the best for their kids, meddling sisters with too much time on their hands, and a groom who gets caught up in the fairytale.

note: i adore this fic!! it's so so so adorable and so soft and well written, and you can feel how in love h&l are with each other. so so good!

my own fics

•° — under your bed in new york 33.4k | T | exes to lovers

"We know you're still in love with Harry."

Louis' nostrils flared up. "I'm not—"

"Louis."

"I'm not!"

there are many things louis likes to tell himself. we broke up for a reason. it's been so many years. and of course, the classic: i’ve definitely moved on from him. but when he suddenly finds harry back in his life after three years, louis realizes he might be a little less moved on than he thought.

au; spilling coffee onto an ex, being set up on dates, and having a nosy puppy might be all louis needs to find love again

note: i didn't actually write or publish this one this month, but i did edit, revamp and make a fic post for it this month so i thought i'd put it in here anyway. reblog the fic post here!

[cuubism]

Hi! I have a writing question for you, sort of...

Before I discovered the Malec fandom, I was in another fandom and would write fics for a straight ship who I absolutely adore(d?). I still have WIPs there and it makes me feel super bad because the truth is that the thought of writing for them now that I've started writing for Malec is unbearable. I can't even read a fic about them without rolling my eyes. Let's be honest, involving myself in the Malec fandom, writing Malec fics had everything to do with me discovering my queer identity.

Without going too deep into psychological reflexions, I was wondering if you could picture yourself writing for a straight ship? Or do you feel strong reactions of reject like this when you read about a straight ship (even really well written fics/stories)?

I'm really curious to know is that kind of things ever happened to anyone else. The answer is probably yes, but for now, I feel like a big fandom traitor and I need to know 😅

On this note, I'm gonna wish you a good morning/day/night!

firstly i think you can absolve yourself of the guilt of not finishing those fics, fandom is a hobby not an obligation so if they don't inspire passion in you anymore then it's totally okay to just drop them :) if you feel bad for the readers that enjoy them you can always leave an endnote like 'hey this fic isn't going to be finished' so they have a heads up

i've struggled a lot with enjoying straight (i.e. cishet, neither character is queer) pairings, especially in mainstream media, because i find that sooo frequently their dynamics are steeped in cis/hetero/allonormativity and misogyny, i think often without the creators even realizing or doing it on purpose. it's just what society normalizes so it's what they write. those "normal" dynamics have been extremely alienating to me most of my life so seeing it reflected in fiction is not appealing at all 😂. misogyny, in particular, is a huge turnoff -- and i find that a lot of mainstream m/f pairings have subtle inequalities or expectations in them based on societal gender inequality that goes unaddressed in the narrative, and i just cannot handle that like at all. same gender pairings avoid that which makes them appealing. i do have m/f pairings that i like, though, and i think getting more comfortable in my own queerness and realizing what exactly it is about certain cishet pairing dynamics that trigger that bad gender inequality feeling has helped with that.

i think the fiction we gravitate to often reflects unmet needs that we're holding onto (@.... every theme i've written in a malec fic 😂), especially when it comes to queerness which is still pretty underrepresented in mainstream media. like, for most of my fic writing 'career' (both before and after i started actually posting stuff) i've gravitated to m/m pairings, probably because, for most of that time, i hadn't yet realized i was queer and didn't know why mainstream het relationship dynamics bothered me so much, and needed fictional relationships to latch onto that didn't implicate my own body or personal experience quite so directly. it was only after realizing i was bi that i was really able to grapple with both what was so alienating about cishet m/f dynamics, and appreciate f/f stories for their deep resonances. i only really write one pairing at a time and i love malec so all my fic is still m/m, but since realizing i'm wlw so much of my original fic has been f/f 😂 funny how that works

tldr, the Queer Experience™ will do a number on ya, and i think it's okay to just go toward what speaks to you, there's probably a reason for it.

(oh shit i didn't answer the question 😬 uhh i can never really predict what my brain will latch onto in fandom, but in my original work i would definitely write a queer m/f pairing, and would probably write a cishet one as well but maybe not as a main couple? after all if it's my story i can get rid of all the icky societal expectations i don't want 😂)

i hope this was helpful!