#so I'm always glad when people clog me as a safe place to do that hehe

[husberttee]

that one girl in my class today was like hey is your girlfriend pretty? despite me never having told her I'm dating a woman. so i ask her how did u know and she was like first of all have you looked at yourself? second of all I'm gay

:')

[oh-katsuki]

Tw fatphobia

i'm sending my question lol hi! i'm nervous sending this lol IDK why

so i'm chubby, i haven't always been chubby but i am now, and i like being chubby, i'm really happy with where i am now with my body, but i grew up surrounded by asian family and friends living in an east asian country, i'm not going to delve deep into the details, but it was kind of just ingrained in my mind when i was young that fat = bad as everyone in society there is fatphobic (and it's not overlooked, bc it's just for lack of a better word, normal) especially the boys and it's just a greatly esteemed standard of country-wide beauty. so that, including the laws set in place to prevent people from becoming plus size and young adults calling the body positivity movement "embarrassing", it was just ingrained in my brain without choice, but that changed when i left and moved countries, i let myself gain weight for myself because i liked it! and i'm literally obsessed with myself now lol

anyways, when i visit asia, i guess my old thoughts come back kind of, so my question/biggest obstacle as a big person is that i still have trouble being able to belive i can be fat while still being healthy, both my parents and uncle is both doctors, and i just want to communicate that people CAN be fat and healthy, i just don't know how, i'm chubby and perfectly healthy, but i know there are people bigger than me and i just don't know how to let not only them, but other friends know that it can be possible

sorry if this was a odd question, you're the only person i feel kind of safe asking. have a great day cal ❤ (also can i become an emoji anon?)

hi!! thanks for sending it <3, i'm really happy that you felt safe enough to ask me, that makes me really glad. I'm gonna put my answer below a cut to avoid clogging the dash!

edit: AHH yes of course you can become an emoji anon!! pick one, dearest <3

so, i'd like to start out by saying that i'm sorry that you had to deal with that type of environment surrounding body types. that's really hard. i'd also like to say that im really proud of you and happy for you that you're happy with yourself. that is so so important and you deserve that happiness.

now, internalized fatphobia is a really hard thing to deal with because it's something that you have to do mostly on your own, and that can be really hard when you're dealing with social influences that tell you otherwise. it's just about remembering that no matter what your weight / body looks like, you are deserving of love.

but i also want to say that you do not have to be healthy in order to be happy with yourself as a fat person. health is not the pinnacle of value, nor does it have any effect on that. the idea that "fat = unhealthy" is actually a campaign that was created by diet companies in the 1960s in order to push their products. there are actually a lot of studies that talk about this push and the idea of "low-fat diets".

this isn't to say that there aren't complications, but as far as weight goes, it's important to me that you (and everyone) know that you have value regardless of health and regardless of what your body looks like. since that campaign by diet companies (and especially with the rise of the body positivity movement), "health" has become a leading argument to excuse fatphobia. it pushes the narrative that health = value, which is not true at all.

health is important, but this idea that someone's health determines the level of respect they get as a fat person is really harmful, especially within the disabled community because there are people for whom "health" by societal standards is unattainable. it pushes the narrative that it's what we should be striving for, when the reality is that we should be open, loving, and accepting of everyone, regardless of weight, body, or health circumstances.

it's actually incredibly harmful to excuse fatphobia / weight under the premise of health for this exact reason. it excludes so many people from a movement meant for everyone and sets a standard for "acceptable fatness" in society which is bullshit in it's entirety.

now, i'm not sure how to answer your question to the fullest, but i can tell you that your value is not reliant on your health or your weight. it is an intrinsic part of you and no matter what you look like or experience, that will never go away. focus on loving yourself regardless of that fact. focus on healing and on repairing that mental trauma you suffered from where you grew up, but don't base your worth on health, base your worth on you. It's a part of you, regardless of anything, you have value to yourself and the people around you that cannot be taken away.

[bucks-little-hop]

it cannot wait, I'm yours.

Day 1 of @buddiefirstkissweek

Prompt:  Related to Pride

Read on AO3

Despite living there for several years, Buck had never actually attended L.A pride. He usually flew to New York City to celebrate with friends there. However, with T.K. being in Austin, they had agreed to go to each other’s Prides together. The only issue was T.K. couldn’t get off until the second day, and Buck didn’t exactly want to go alone. His first choice would have been Hen, but she got stuck working as well. He realized that he needed more friends than just his co-workers as he scrolled through his phone trying to figure out who to call. He could ask Maddie, but she would probably spend the whole time trying to find a cute guy for him to date. He loved the support, but sometimes he didn’t need to be reminded he was single when all his other friends had a significant other.

He thought about texting Michael, but they had talked last time he was over at the Grant-Nash household, and Michael was going with his new boyfriend. Buck was ecstatic that Michael finally found a boyfriend. It was about time. He deserved it. If Buck was his type, Buck for sure would have tried to date him. 

Wait, Josh was single and gay. He was probably going to pride, and likely wouldn’t want to go alone either. Perfect solution. He sent a text off and got a quick response before going to get changed. Normally Buck dressed pretty conservatively, but this was the one time a year he really let himself go all out. He put on his crop top that said ‘if you play for both teams you always win.’ It was probably his favourite shirt, he loved the slogan. He basically worked out for a living, and he was glad that crop tops highlighted that. He threw on his ripped jeans that were just on the right side of too tight, and had one rip that went a little too far up his thigh. He was lacing up his pride Dr. Martens when he heard a knock on the door.  

“So glad you could make it.” Buck pulled Josh into a hug. It was a bit of a surprise at first how well the two got along. They even went out on a date together before realizing they were better off friends. The teasing they would have gotten from Maddie would have been unbearable if it had actually worked out. 

“I’m just happy I have someone to go with now. I brought the face paints!” Josh immediately grabbed one of Buck’s kitchen chairs and pushed him down into it. Josh was already sporting a gay flag painted under his eye, and he clearly had plans to put on on Buck as well. “I know you care about your hair, but really I think we need some glitter in it. It’s the spray kind that comes out easy I swear.” 

Buck rolled his eyes but sat still while he got a bisexual pride flag painted under his right eye. “You can do the glitter, but I’m showering at your place. I’m not trying to deal with clogged pipes because of it.” 

“Fair deal. We better get going, or we won’t ever be able to get an Uber downtown.”

******

L.A. Pride was somehow exactly like NYC Pride, and completely different. All the elements of pride were there. The drag queens who were performing up a storm, the baby gays who it was clear this  was their first pride, and those who had been going to prides longer than Buck had been alive. There were definitely more west coast vibes to it. Either way, Buck was thrilled to be at Pride, and happy to have a friend along with him. 

The two wandered through the marketplace, stopping every now and then to buy a couple of items. The two spent a couple of minutes laughing when they found the LAFD calendar, except they were able to get any face photoshopped on all the firefighters. They got one with a photo of Chim sneezing on it for Maddie’s birthday. It was even better because it actually had Chim in it. There were some advantages to Buck not having won that year. Josh saw a lesbian couple from work, and dragged Buck over there to introduce him to them. Buck was known for both being Maddie’s younger brother, but also the firefighter whose name got mentioned more than it probably should have been. His dumbass heroics got him far more recognition than they should have been. 

Buck saw a familiar face in the crowd, and they made eye contact before they turned away.  He let Josh know he was going to talk to them. He knew Josh would be safe with his friends for the moment. 

“Now Athena, I know you’re not just going to ignore me like that.” Buck jokingly called out to her.

“I wish I could say I was ignoring you, but I owe Hen money unfortunately. You just had to get a boyfriend.” Athena sounded almost disappointed,

“What Josh? No we aren’t dating, we’re just here as friends. Actually, you’ve met him before I think. He works with Maddie.” Buck wasn’t offended about the fact she thought he and Josh were dating, he didn’t like the thought of the bet. “Any other important bets going on about my life?”

Athena had the decency to look a little ashamed. “Well there was a bet about whether or not you had a secret boyfriend. Hen said yes, I said no. Mainly because you would have told Maddie, who would have accidentally told Chim, who would have immediately texted Hen, who would have shown up at my house with a bottle of wine to gossip. We all know secrets don’t exist in the family.” 

Buck knew she had a point. Secrets didn’t exist, and because of that betting run rampant. Hell, he had won $50 on the bet of when Micheal was going to announce his new boyfriend. “How much do you have on it, because I’m willing to lie to split the winnings. Hen deserves some payback after how often she keeps winning.” Buck was never above a small lie. He could just say they broke up in a week because it wasn’t working out.

“$200. Go collect your fake boyfriend over there and we’ll go find the 118. They’ve got a tent set up to hand out water.” Athena nodded her head towards Josh. 

Buck didn’t think that they would actually be there. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of being bi, but he had never officially come out to the 118. Hen knew because they ran into each other at a gay bar, and Athena knew because she got called to pick them up when they were too drunk to drive. “Alright yeah, I can drop all my stuff off there too. They’re all going to be too scared to look through the bags.” Even though there was nothing bad in them, the fire fam was going to assume there was. 

Buck walked back to Josh and explained what was going on. Buck owed Josh an expensive bottle of wine for it, but he was totally down to mess with the 118. The wine was to placate him from any of the text Maddie would send him after Chim texted her. On the way over they all chatted. Buck agreed to bring May with him on the second day. Athena wanted her to go with someone who was more responsible, but also not afraid to throw a punch. May was like a little sister to him, and Buck was fully ready to square up for her.  Plus, T.K. and his new boyfriend would defend her too. Actually, based on what he had heard about Carlos, he would get along with Athena. Buck made a note to introduce the two. As they got closer to the tent, Buck put his arm around Josh’s waist. With Buck being such a tactile guy, it wasn’t the first time he had held Josh like this. He allowed himself to be more touchy feely with Josh because he knew the other was okay with it. 

“Hey guys, this is Josh. He’s an operator with Maddie. I’m sure you’ve heard his lovely voice on the phone a few times.” Buck spoke to the 118 with a grin on his face. He could feel the fact that all eyes were on him. Hen scowled at him and then Athena. She pulled out her wallet to pay up.

Buck leaned down to talk to Josh, and softened his voice to talk. “Why don’t you go talk to Chim about Maddie’s surprise stories. I’ll deal with all the questions.” There was zero reason for him to do that, other than to sell the idea. Buck had big plans for that $100. 

Josh walked over to Chim, and pulled him aside as the rest of the 118 descended on Buck. 

“Listen Buck, not that I’m not proud of you for this, but you really had to wear your best outfit the day I’m not with you?” There was no actual malice behind Hen’s voice. She had made teasing Buck into an art form. 

“Hen this is a go big or go home event, and I certainly wasn’t going to go home.” Buck gave her one of his patented golden retriever smiles, before he pulled a small enamel lesbian flag pin out of his  pocket and held it out to her. “I got you a present to make it up to you at least. Figured you could wear it while you work to show support.” 

Hen took the pin, seeming to accept the apology gift. She walked over to Athena, the two already starting to gossip.

Bobby cleared his throat. “So Buck, you know you could have told us before. We would have supported you.” He was clearly into his dad mode, trying to approach the situation delicately. 

“I mean you never came out as straight to the station. I’ve told you about people I’ve gone on dates with. If you assumed Jordan, Addison, and Kennedy were girls, that's on you.” Buck viewed Bobby as a father, but sometimes he was very much a straight cis man. They were working on changing his set views. But he supported them all and that was what mattered the most to them.  

“Buck, can we talk, over there. It cannot wait.” Eddie’s voice was tense, and Buck didn’t like how it had sounded. Buck nodded and followed him, not trusting any words that would come out of his mouth. Buck was fine with Hen, he figured he would be fine with Buck being bisexual. There was a chance Eddie was one of those people who just thought bisexuals were just greedy and needed to make their mind up. He hadn’t been prepared to lose Eddie as a friend, not over something like this. Having Chim and Bobby know made him feel like a weight was lifted off his chest, but Eddie’s reaction made it all come crashing back down. The two walked behind the ambulance, where they were out of view from the public. There was just a couple of photographers hanging out in their event tent. 

“You’re not actually dating Josh, are you?” Eddie crossed his arms, taking a defensive stance.

“Why does it matter to you? If you can’t accept me having a boyfriend then we are going to have bigger problems than who I’m dating.”

“You told me you were single at movie night last week.” Eddie sounded exasperated, and Buck was really confused as to why.

“Fine, Josh and I aren’t dating, but we tried at one point. We’re better friends, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still bi. I’ve dated plenty of guys since we’ve been friends, it just hasn’t worked out.” They were friends, Buck was going to be honest with Eddie. Well, mostly honest. If Eddie asked if Buck had a crush on him, Buck was going to deny it. He didn’t think Eddie would be the kind of straight guy who would get all weird about Buck’s crush, but then again he didn’t think Eddie was biphobic either. 

“Good, because I can’t see you with a boyfriend...” Eddie seemed to have calmed down, and a realization had swept over him. His face looked a lot softer, it was a look Buck had seen many times but was never really sure what it meant. Buck anger was going in the opposite direction. He took a step back.

Buck didn’t bother to let Eddie finish before he cut him off. “Listen, if you’ve got such a problem with me dating another guy, then you should transfer stations. I’m not going to hide a part of me because it’s not something you like.” His words were harsh, but he kept his voice down. He didn’t want any yelling to attract the others. Buck started to walk away when he felt Eddie grab his wrist and pull him back so they were face to face.

“Evan, You didn’t let me finish. I can’t see you with a boyfriend that isn’t me. If I had known you liked guys, I would have done this sooner.” Buck was shocked by the statement, but even more shocked by what came next. 

Eddie leaned up and kissed Buck. 

Buck did not in a million years see Eddie returning his feelings. Buck felt Eddie start to pull back, and he knew the older man was overthinking things the same way he was. Buck brought his hands up to cup Eddie’s cheeks, and pulled him back in. He could overthink this later, for now he was going to enjoy kissing Eddie. Finally it didn’t have to be something of his dreams anymore. He felt Eddie’s hands come to rest on his waist. Buck had every intention of deepening the kiss, but when he moved to get closer, he managed to slip. Thankfully, Eddie managed to catch him before he completely fell on his back. 

They had been pulled apart by the fall, but they rested their foreheads together. 

“We should talk about this…” Buck started to say.

“We’ll have plenty of time to talk later, I got months of kissing to make up for.” Eddie leaned down, kissing Buck with far more passion this time. He wasn’t worried about being rejected. 

Eventually Buck fully got back up to his feet, but not before a photographer had snapped a photo of the two.

******

Buck promised to drop Eddie off at the station the next morning, so he wouldn’t have to ensure the teasing alone. They didn’t have to walk far into the station before the teasing started.

Hanging from the balcony was a blown up photo of the two of them kissing. Buck had seen the photo posted all over last night. Out of context, it looked like Eddie had dipped Buck, not that Buck had just been clumsy first. He knew there were comparisons to the soldier celebrating V-J day, and the navy soldier getting his homecoming kiss. The photo was heralded as one of the defining photos of pride that year. Would Buck have liked their first kiss to be a little more private, sure, but it wouldn’t have been true to the way his life had gone so far. The teasing would be worth it, especially since he got Eddie out of the deal. 

“They’re all just jealous Eds, just remember. I’m yours.”