#so I can't get them anymore with my tickers

[aromanticannibal]

there's nothing more humiliating than having to ask the macdonalds people for the burger they forgot to put in the bag

[aspenmissing]

𝚃𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙵𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 (𝙿𝚝 𝟷)

In the Castle of Lions, Lance is sleeping inside a pod within the Sleep Chamber as his team watches, sans Coran who is at the console. They are all in their normal attire, minus Allura.

"I can't tell if he looks healthy... or not" Hunk says.

"I think he's breathing weird" Pidge says. 

"Oh, come on!" Keith says "Y/N wasn't in there for long"

"Don't bring me into this" Y/N says, Soul sat on her head. Keith tries tapping on the pod; Allura stops him.

"Not yet! A few more ticks." Allura said. 

"How much better do you think he's gonna get in a few more ticks?"  

"And what exactly is a tick?" I asked standing next to shiro, Iris in my arms 

"You know, a time slice"

"Like a second?" Shiro asks. Every turns around,

"What is a second?" Allura asks. Pidge takes out a clock counting second to show Allura,

"Like this"

I'm not sure. I think ticks are bigger. Coran, do you have a ticker?" 

"Right here, Princess" Coran takes out a ticker counting ticks to compare. Hunk, Pidge and Allura walk over to Coran.

"I think ticks are a little slower"

"I can't tell. We have to start them at the same time"

"Okay. Ready, go!" Both counters start together, everyone huddles around to watch.

 "Yes! I think we're winning" Y/N says, from besides Coran. Shiro besides her.

"Winning what? The intergalactic time-measuring competition?" Keith asks, looking to her.

"Yes" Unbeknownst to the team, Lance exits the Sleep Pod and stumbles over.

"Aw, Lance, you ruined it. Uh-- Hey, Lance" Hunk hugs Lance.

"What happened?" Lance asks.

"We can tell you all about it while you get something to eat. Are you able to walk?" Allura asks, smiling.

"Talking? Eating? Are you asking me out on a date?" Lance flirts. Allura in unimpressed, as is most of the team.

"Yep. There he is"

"Yep, he's okay"

"Classic"

"Hasn't changed"

==

The Team moves to the Dining Hall while Lance eats food goo with the Altean Mice and Soul.

"He'd be Sendak's prisoner and Y/N would be in the Gladiator Fights right now, if not for Pidge." Allura says.

"Well, you and Y/N wouldn't have survived the explosion if Hunk and Coran hadn't gotten a new crystal" Pidge says as Lance feed Soul a spoon full of goo.

"Wow. Thanks, everybody. Sounds like the mice did more than you, though" Lance says.

"I punched Sendak!" Keith shouts.

"Yeah, apparently after I emerged from a coma and shot his arm off"

"And I woke up from my tortured state and pushed him back into the barrier" Y/N adds.

"We had a bonding moment. I cradled the two of you in my arms!" Keith said lifting his arms in the air. Lance and Y/N share a look.

"Nope" Y/N says.

"Don't remember, didn't happen" Lance adds "So, what happened to Sendak?"

"He's frozen in a cryo-pod. We're keeping him here in the Castle" Allura answered. 

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" 

"He's too dangerous to be set free. Besides, we might be able to get some information about Zarkon from him"

"So, what's the plan now?" Lance asks.

"We have to get back to the Balmera and save Shay and her people." Hunk said. 

"Wow! You are really hung up on this lady" Y/N hits Lance's arm.

"Lance, let him finish" Y/N said. 

"No, it's not like that. Look, guys, when you see how Zarkon has treated these people and destroyed their home-- They've been under his thumb for so long, they don't know what it is to be free. It's up to us to set this right. This is what being a Paladin of Voltron is all about. It's time to man up." Hunk said. Pidge frowns. 

"Then let's get moving. Time to go defend the universe" The team begins to leave the Dinning Hall. Pidge stops them.

"Wait, I have something to say first. I need to come clean. And I'm afraid this may change the way you all think about me. Just so there are no secrets between us anymore, I can't "man up." I'm a girl." She says, bluntly. Lance looks flabbergasted "I-I mean, I can "man up" because that's just a figure of speech. I don't have to actually be a man to "man up." I just have to be tough. But what I'm saying -" Pidge is cut off by Lance.

"Huh—Eh—Wha—?! You're a girl!? HOW!?"

"I've known for some time, but I'm glad you've shared it with everyone" Allura says.

"Yeah, I figured" Hunk says.

"Oh, yeah, me too." Keith says.

"I'm proud of you Pidge" Y/N says, smiling. Soul sat on her shoulder, nodding.

 "Wait, we were supposed to think you were a boy?" Coran asks.

"Pidge, owning who you are is going to make you a better paladin" Shiro says. Pidge smiles in relief.

"It's good to get that off my chest. Now, let's launch this Castle-ship!" The Team leaves; Lance remains behind and shakes his head in disbelief.

"Wait, what? Pidge is a girl and the Castle is a ship? How long have I been out?" Lance said.

==

The Team arrive at the bridge, in their Paladin uniform. and six chairs rise from the ground. Shiro and Y/N are in the centre, side by side. Allura behind them. Then Keith, Lance; Hunk and Pidge surround them. Coran stands up front at the controls with Soul sat on the control desk.

"Activate interlock" Allura says.

"Dynotherms connected" Coran stays.

"Mega-thrusters are go." 

"We are ready to depart Planet Arus on your mark, Princess"

 "Firing main engines for launch" The Castle of Lions launches from Arus as the Arusians watch.

==

In the Castle of Lions, Hunk is pacing the Bridge as everyone sits around, watching.

"Okay. So, when we get there, what do you think? Do we just roll up and like, start blasting? Or do we land and have some... kind of public address system, like, 'Attention, Galras. This is Voltron. Turn yourselves in!'" Hunk pauses and looks around "No. Blasting, right?"

"Hunk, calm down. And, yes, blasting" Keith says, leaning against the wall.

"It's our first big rescue mission. He's excited." Shiro says.

"Excited to see his new girl-friend~" Pidge teases, bending her head back.

"Aww~" Y/N chuckles, Soul besides her also makes a noise sounding like laughter. Hunk gasps in defence. 

"She's not my girlfriend! She's just a rock that I met and I admire very much" Unusual alarms start blaring.

"What is it? Are we being attacked?" Shiro asks.

"No, it seems to be a distress beacon" Coran replies.

"It's coming from a nearby moon. Apparently, a ship has lost power." Allura said.

"I wonder who it is." Pidge said. 

"I hope their nice" Y/N adds. Soul nods in agreement.

"Whoever it is will have to wait. Shay has first priority. We can check back on them when we're done" Hunk crosses his arms.

"The Paladin Code states that we must help all those in need." Allura said. Hunk crossed his arms and frowned. I walked up to him and put my hand on his shoulder and softly smiled at him, he returned it. 

"Wow! This is so cool. It's like we're space cops on space patrol. Coran, do we have a siren we can turn on?" Lance asks.

"Uh, no, but we could record you making a siren noise and broadcast that to them" Coran said. 

"Perfect!" Lance shouted. Lance tries to imitate a siren. Shiro places a hand over Lance's mouth

"No, not doing that" Shiro said.

==

The Castle of Lions land on the moon where the distress beacon was sent from. Allura speaks over the intercom.

"Attention, damaged craft, this is Princess Allura. We are coming to assist you." The ship lands and Allura prepares to exit with the Paladins "Stay aboard and try to get as many of our systems clear of that Galra crystal energy as you can. We'll see who hailed us"

"Yes Princess" Coran replies.

==

Allura, Soul and the Paladins descend to greet the stranded crew on the moon's surface.

"You don't know how glad we are to see some friendly faces. Most folks don't want to get tangled up with anyone who's on the run from the Galra" The male says.

"So, you guys are fighting the Galra?" Y/N asks.

"Well, I don't think Zarkon is exactly quaking in his boots at the three of us, but we do what we can" He says "I'm Rolo. This is Nyma, and our cyber-unit, Beezer." He introduced. 

"Hi" Nyma says. Lance is struck by Nyma's beauty; Pidge is amazed by Breezer.

"Cool robot" Pidge says.

 "Hi! Name's Lance" Lance flirts.

"Was your ship damaged in a fight?" Shiro said. 

"Yeah, we've really been through it with the Galra. Parts are hard to come by. Luckily, we were able to limp to this moon about a week ago. If you didn't pick up our distress signal, I-" Rolo said. 

"We're happy to help. I am Princess Allura of Altea, and from now on, you won't be alone fighting the Galra. You'll have the Paladins of Voltron by your side" Allura says. Rolo compares the serious Shiro, Keith, Hunk and Y/N with Lance and Pidge, who are goofing off with Nyma and Breezer. He isn't impressed.

"...Okay" He agreed. Y/N sighs.

"I don't think they've heard of us" Y/N says. Soul nods

 "It has been ten thousand years" Keith says, arms crossed.

"Voltron? Six robot lions that combine into this big robot... guy?" Lance says.

"Sounds impressive. I'd love to see it. Or-or him. Them" 

"Why don't we get to work on your ship? I'm sure we all have places to be." Hunk says impatiently. 

"Sure" Rolo says. He opens his spacecraft 

"Pretty much our whole flaxum assembly is shot. I don't know what kind of extra parts you carry in this rig of yours. I've never seen anything quite like it" In the background, Lance flirts with Nyma. Shiro smacks him while Nyma laughs.

"I'm sure we can get you back up and running. Give Hunk a list of what you need. Coran can show you where to find it" Allura says.

 "Okay" 

"We'll go with you. Don't want you to have to carry all that yourself. Come on, guys" Rolo says. Rolo tries walking forwards to the Castle of Lions only for Hunk to stop him.

 "Uh, I don't think so. You can just wait out here." Hunk said. 

"Hunk, don't be rude" Allura says.

"Yeah, mind your manners. There are ladies present" Lance winks at Nyma "Hey" Y/N then smacks him. Shiro sighs.

"Oh, I'm sorry, oh but does anyone remember the last time we let our defences down? Someone kind of set off a bomb. Remember, Lance? Y/N? You two were almost killed" Hunk says.

"Oh, yeah..." Lance says.

"Good point" Y/N adds.

"Hunk's right. Sorry, but we have to be cautious" Shiro says.

 "Hey, I don't take it personal" Rolo says "That's how it is out here. You've got to look out for your own. You're doing a good job, big man"  Rolo hands Hunk a list of parts from Breezer.

"Yeah. Thanks" 

==

Rolo sits with Allura, Shiro, Keith and Y/N. Pidge is distracted with Breezer. Lance is with Nyma.

 "My planet was destroyed by the Galra and I was taken captive. I managed to escape, but not before I lost something" Rolo displays his prosthetic left leg.

"I know exactly how it feels" Shiro says. Hunk drags a hovercart full of parts over.

"Well, I hope there are some parts in here that'll fit" Rolo doesn't respond "You know, to get your ship moving?" Hunk says. 

"Great! Thanks" Rolo shouted. 

"So, what can you tell us about Zarkon's forces? Where are they concentrated?" Allura says. While in the background, Pidge zooms past on Breezer. Soul moves her head, following Pidge's movements.

"Well, his command ship sits right in the centre of the Empire. He mostly calls the shots from there and has his minions do the work, depending on who's closest. This is the territory of a real nasty bugger named Sendak" 

"Oh, we've met" Keith says.

"How far are we from the centre?" Shiro asks.

"We're way out on the fringes" Hunk walks over

"Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I think you guys are kind of keeping Rolo from working. It's just that we're in a hurry. A hero named Shay saved my life, and I swore I would return to do the same for her and her people. You understand"

"Sure. Sorry" Rolo places a hand on Hunk's shoulder and then walks over to the hovercart to inspect the parts. Shiro approaches Hunk to whisper quietly.

"Hunk, we're going to get going soon, but I think Rolo might have some information that could be helpful to us" Shiro says. 

"Not for nothing but I don't trust this guy as far as I can throw him. We ought to leave him with parts and just say, "Adiós, amigo" Hunk 

"Hey, bud! Sorry, but do you think you could hunt down a length of thermal pipe about yay long?" Rolo asks, using his hands to gesture the length.

"On the way" Hunk groans and leaves. Shiro, Y/N, Keith, and Allura approach Rolo. 

"So, are there more freedom fighters? Any kind of organized resistance to the Galra?" Shiro asks.

 "Only folks who haven't been colonized yet, or the lucky few, like us, who managed to escape somehow." Rolo answers

"Well, we're going to change all that" Keith sys. Y/N nodding in agreement. 

"Yup" She says.

"That's good to hear, but I've got to warn you, it's pretty bad out there. You don't know what you're up against"

[eosthedumpling]

So I (finally) managed to make an appointment for my 2nd ADHD-test (the result of the first one basically said "can't be diagnosed definitely, please take an ADS-test and try again), which was a bit of a hassle because, well,

I HAVE ADHD,

which makes it hard for me to remember stuff, like, for example, making appointments.

It's been a few weeks, and I got the results today.

I have 3 diagnoses:

The first one we already knew about: Autism, Asperger's to be exact (yes, that's not a separate diagnosis anymore in the US, yes, I wish that was the case here as well, yes, that (allegedly) is about to change)

The second one was to be expected: ADHD. Yes. That's why I was there.

Now the third one, the third one is a problem: Transsexuallity.

"Why is that a problem?", you ask?

Well, for one, I think it's not ok to classify that as a mental disorder, that's just mean.

But the real ticker is

I'm not trans.

And this isn't a "crack my egg" realization moment, either, it's just. Not true?

Am I a hyper feminine woman? No. I'm autistic, ffs, I don't understand all those unnecessary rules of femininity, lots of women's clothes are not just plain uncomfy, they give me sensory issues. I'm about to throw out all my t-shirts (that are my size, I'm keeping the baggy ones) because I realised that I don't like having fabric in my armpits (which means all tank tops with tight arm holes also have to go), and I don't wear wire bras unless it's a Special Occasion™.

Did I shave off my hair completely about 3,5 months ago and am currently wearing it in a "typically male" style (short in the back and on the sides, longer and all sticky-uppy on top)? Yes, and so are tons of neurospicy women on the internet, but when I think of myself I still picture long hair, I only did it because it's something that should be on everyone's bucket list imo, as should growing you hair out real long (and my hair was at a really annoying length - to long for man bun, to short to braid, so it was a good time to do it).

Did I just start an apprenticeship as a carpenter, a very physical-exercise-intense, typically male profession? Yes, and am I the only girl in our group of new apprentices? ALSO YES, BUT WHAT DOES LIKING WOODWORKING HAVE TO DO WITH MY GENDER IDENTITY????

Did I tell the psychologist that I can somewhat empathise with people who get upset if someone uses the wrong pronouns for them, because I have an unusual first name that (uneducated) people tend to mistake for a man's name (I'm named after a Greek goddess, ffs, godDESS), so I get letters and emails addressed to Mr. eosthedumpling, which is why I've started adding "(she/her)" to my email signature? YES!!!

So what happened? Where did he get confused? When did being gender-nonconforming start automatically meaning you're trans? When did not liking the way I, as a woman, am treated in a patriarchal society start automatically meaning I must be trans?

I have boobs.

I like them.

I have a vagina.

I like her.

I have a uterus.

I like her, too (the periods we need to talk about, but I'm afraid she won't budge on that for the next 3 decades or so).

I don't have a penis.

I'm... not mad about it? Kinda indifferent about it? Would take one if offered out of curiosity, but only if it comes with a switch-back function (that maybe includes switching the "having boobs" buff on and off whenever I want, don't get me wrong, I love them and I'm not giving them up for anything less than saving my life, but they can be uncomfortable and annoying sometimes)?

So yeah.

Im not sure where I was going with this but I guess we have arrived.

Thanks for patiently reading this kinda long-ish post, hope you had fun on the ride, and I hope I didn't somehow accidentally offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, this really only is about me, if you experienced any of the things listed above on your trans journey that's perfectly valid, it's just.... I don't believe your interests and your gender identity have to influence each other in any kind of way, it's ok to play with Barbie dolls AND Hotwheels, it's ok to like blue AND pink (or neither, or only the "wrong" one), it's ok to enjoy cooking and cleaning AND chopping wood and fixing cars or whatever gendered activities you can think of, and if anyone tells you otherwise they've probably been conditioned by society to believe that, have mercy on them

[naomixhill]

13 April 2022

I am sitting in one of those dive bars that has pool, darts, and fried fish, plus men who drive Ford trucks. I have completely neglected my appearance in this small Capitol town, and so I sport unintentionally ripped leggings, a small black crop top, and a flannel jacket. My skin is sun-kissed and wrinkly around my forehead and eyes now. My hair, once whitish-blonde, is now dark brown at the roots until a brassy yellow hue hits around my ears. I don't own a straight iron anymore, but then again, why would I need one in a place like this?

They say that pain gets smaller through the passage of time, or lost in the oblivion as new life experiences build. But I am still lost in my memories. I would have hoped after all of this time that I could have changed. That I could have grown. That my beliefs about society, politics, and Others somehow could have evolved. But even with my perfected mask, I am still the same: I have had no great character shifting moment or marker in time where I become a happier and wiser and more fulfilled person. Really for me, life is one giant experiment of trying really hard not to jump off the edge.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the beer bottle reflection. Is this really the person that thought she was going to be an investment banking analyst at Kohlberg, Kravis, Roberts, & Co? It was only a few years ago that I was remarkable and on top. I wonder what they would all think if they saw me now. In. This. Place. I wish there was a way to go back and capture all of the things and people that I have lost.

There was really a time in my life where they would pull up stock tickers and I could tell you about the Stochastics indicator and MACD histogram and what the volume was telling us in conjunction with the price. I could outsmart the brightest of them, and I was prettier then, softer, smiled more. And I had that red-headed man by my side. At the time I mistook his red hair for a fiery hell when in reality, it was warmth. I messed that relationship up. I abandoned our friends that year, too. And most regrettably, I was this close to having everything that I had striven for, only to throw it all away. I couldn't tell you why I thought being a housewife to an Italian Mobster, Commodity Trading, Black Tie Party Throwing man was a more rewarding life choice than finishing what I started.

Sometimes, on days like this, I can't quite take the division between who I once was, who I am pretending to be, and who I expect to be. I didn't even realize in was Springtime in Florida until someone asked me why I was wearing a coat a moment ago. I have been in my head for a while, I guess.

This post meant absolutely nothing.

[homo-pink]

Dear, please tell me there's a Frankenbilly fic coming soon. I'm so obsessed. And I can't wait to see how you capture this season. Love 'n kisses 💖

even though i’ve had one full year and the previous 13 mini-movie episodes (twenty-six whole joys now!) to work myself up to it, i’m still in that small, suffocating pocket of the new relationship phase where i’m over-popping my gum and can’t sit without jerky knee jumps and i don’t know what to do with my stupid hands, chipping at nail polish and looping some hair behind my ear before flicking it right back out because i hate when i do that, i don’t want my hair there, i want it loose, and i’m coaching myself through routine tasks, rotating between time spent thinking of them and time spent restlessly asleep, first fluttery thought when i’m up, last strangling thought when i’m down, maybe i should watch scar tissue again, and again? and again, yes, just to be safe—

wouldn’t want to forget the way frank looks, how his eyes go glossed when he tells billy he wishes he’d had the life frank did have when he was young, when they both should have been able to be young, how billy smiles for real when frank’s spitting some shit about how his own pops, man, he went to all his games, probably got into some verbal brawls with the ref—yeah, he’s a castle, billy thinks, picturing it, and maybe thinking passingly, too, how that might have been, if they could’ve known each other then, if he’d walked his beanpole body up the three or four steps to the house frank grew to be frank in, middle finger hesitating like a bitch over the bell, then nutting up and punching it, once, how frank’s dad or frank’s mom or frank’s whoever that opened the door might’ve looked at him and seen too much that there was too little, his shitass sneakers with the torn up tongues, looking a little wrong-placed next to the bright gemstone splashes of color coating the shutters and the railings, no chips; just a small, well kept cluster of homes in the canarsie neighborhood or somewhere, not—not sweeping or overly urbane but, you know, groomed. a lot more special and homey than anywhere billy ever managed to wind up through the left behind kid system. maybe frank would’ve come beating down the stairs in that rough, outta-my-fucking-way way of his, saying mumbled, “shit, do we really gotta do this right now—” and his tiny five foot mom saying, “francis, find your manners,” but she seems the type to throw a curse or two just for fun or for shock, she’s got deep brown eyes that hold a secret disobedience, pretty, like frank’s, and frank’s dad is still going in with this almost date-like intro of, “so this is the billy billy billy we’ve heard so much about—” and frank’s a little (a lot) blushed up, trying to break out from behind them and get out onto the stoop where billy probably doesn’t feel so unbelonging, anymore, solid hanger-posture and full-boned handshake, his whole belly alive, his heart awake, can’t wait til they get down to the park so they can—do whatever. whatever it is boys do.

it’s all just a fragment of a thought he has, on the bleachers, now, but billy built a lot of his life up on might have beens and third chances and maybe none of that happened, no, but it could have. frank’s stare tells him that it could have.

and there’s still all the croony oldies (patsy, andy, bobbie gentry) being really persistent in pushing me towards thinking of their looks, the way they’ll ultimately look at each other, and their shy mouths, and their steeled mouths, trying to be so good and so strong and not say shit about shit in case—in case the mirror isn’t two ways, but. their two mouths not being quiet at all, open in disbelief, in question, in a kiss that’s actually three kisses, in quiet are you sures and yeah, yeah, of course, god—and the way frank will say bill and billy will always say frankie and then you (i, me, heavily and with no interruptions) start thinking about the longest legs in nyc up on frank castle’s shoulders and i don’t actually get any of those gummy feelings in new relationships in the first place but i do here. i really do here.

so, you know, yes. of course, yes. as soon as i can lock down my ticker, i’m there.

[drawerswithouthandles]

Yes to your tags! Why did they feel the need to punnish Aaron for beating someone, but others can do whatever and not be punished? I mean look at Robert, has he ever been sent to prison for any o the stupid things he's done? Not that I want him in prison, but neither did I want Aaron in prison. And like you said, Ross, Cain, etc. Emmerdale chose to punish Aaron "because it's important to show you can't do something like this and get away with it". No, it was important for the baby plot.

The Prison thing didn’t lead anywhere... To the baby? Yes. To the Robron split? - Yes. But for Aaron? The Character this horror has happend to?

Like some people already pointed out, the show dropped the spice AND the onscreen counceling. Does Aaron even go to counceling anymore? Has he been back after Mauricius? It’s almost forgotten, that Aaron even was in prison - until NOW to revisit the horror for the 5min boxing plot - to put a bandaid on the missjudged aftermath and as soon as Liv is back, the prison stuff might be forgotten again.  ( maybe I am wrong and we might get some more? But it all just feels like “to late now” )

I mean I have been waiting ages after the trial last year, that they would adresse Aarons mh ... and they just DIDN’T - so I am done hoping they will finally do something different. (The prison stuff was 5 months ago... wow time flies) 

As for the crime/punishment rate: We might have to introduce a crime ticker xD For all the shit that people pull in ED and NOT get send to prison for. We already had bank robbery, kidnapping, fraude and lots and lots of violence this year. BUT it’s a soap, they are BASED on stuff like this, it’s just the way it’s talked about and framed. Some violence is meant to be taken lightly and comical... and that’s just?? Not my cup of tea.

There is some sort of double standart going on. I mean the first time Aaron was in court, was cause he hit Jackson. It’s a constant theme in his character... BUT him hitting Jackson gave him a lot of character develoment. He actually turned a corner. But this time, the torture stuff, was only there (so far) to split robron up - and it was done so cheap and obvious -__-’’ They needed them to split for the white exit... and now we are here... and nothing about it felt natural to me

(that sound way more salty, then I am xD I am actually enjoying some aspects the split and I am not done hoping to get some good stuff out of this SL... I am just... a bit concerned that we get like... two kinds of violence now... one that’s seen as funny and one that will lend you in prison etc.)