#so (as John often does) he prefers to play the cynic and say he hates them just to keep them safe and away from him

[dangerousdan-dan]

John Constantine: I hate kids

Also John Constantine:

Hellblazer #21, #27, #96, #110

[marireadshellblazer]

Hellblazer Issue #6

While I have read all of this before, I am trying to look at this, in some ways, like I am seeing it for the first time. I’m trying to bring out some of the initial, raw thoughts I had when I had read it the first time.

In keeping with the theme of showing the dark sides of society in these early chapters, it was only a matter of time before the subject of racism and white supremacy came up. This is such a tricky subject to approach no matter what medium is used (comics, novels, plays, TV, etc), and you could argue that it isn’t handled in the most…graceful manner. However, it is good that this is addressed in the series. These dark sides of humanity heavily characterize John’s world; parts of society that a lot of the more privileged members prefer to not see. For John, who sees the worst the world has to offer, these issues are all around him; loud, unavoidable, and heavily tainting even the brightest of moments. John is a cynical man, and it’s not hard to see why. Sadly, this is an all too real reflection of the real world.

I think that growing up the way he did and the area of London he lives in allows John to see a lot of the problems that the upper class (the snobs of the world) and most politicians choose to ignore and puts them front and center; hate crimes, crime just in general, poverty, prostitution/exploitation of women, and the effects this sort of environment has on the young people who can’t escape it. Now, I have never been to London, or Europe for that matter, so I’m not sure if this is just an exaggeration of what the area is like; Delano exaggerating the poverty situation in this area for story-telling purposes. Therefore, I’m not sure how accurate my assumptions are surrounding how “real” this portrayal is of the time this series takes place in. But, I did grow up in another big city; Chicago. And using what I know from life there, I can say that issues like these in certain neighborhoods and projects in and around big cities are very real and very hard to properly impress upon one who hasn’t experienced life there just how very dangerous and terrible they are.

When I left Chicago, I was stunned when I found out that, for people outside the city, gun violence and arson weren’t a normal part of life. Gang activity, using techniques to ward off pick pockets, and knowing which bakeries were fronts for drug smugglers weren’t common knowledge or part of everyday life. It honestly blew me away to see the reaction people had in the other parts of the Midwestern United States I have lived in when someone would go missing or get busted for using meth; the whole town would take it very personally. But for me I felt almost nothing; one person went missing here, but in Chicago, at least 4 people went missing, three died from a drive-by, and the mortician I’m friends with buried two bodies in one casket (one hidden below the other) in order to hide a murder victim who was taken out by the mob (I wish I was joking). So, suffice to say, as sad and disturbing a world John lives in, exaggerated or not, it feels strangely real to me. It’s in big cities like Chicago and London that I think racial violence gets particularly dangerous (don’t quote me on that. But the amount of people who die for being Hispanic/black in Chicago via gun is staggering). Big cities might be seen as colorful due to the mix of languages, ethnicities, and cultures, but it’s also because of this prejudice is often on full display. The more reasons there are to “other” people, the more people will find a way to do it. And it’s a terrible shame. I mean, there’s no reason for that crap. I mean, is it really so hard to at the very least be respectful to each other? SMH

So! That’s just a little bit on where I’m coming from/what’s effecting my reading experience! On to some thoughts!

Aight, well the comment about the Ralph Steadman painting, as it turns out, is not an exaggeration. I looked that shit up and, honestly, he’s not wrong.

I liked that they described creating corruption and as a demon’s real art. It helps hammer home that the corruption and darkness in the hearts of people are a demonic domain which brings the hellish reality in which John lives to life. Very nice.

I love that “weird sex attacks” is in the same line as suicides and cannibalism. Something about that made me double-take.

Nice Bob Dylan reference

Am I the only one that thinks Zed’s hair is weird? Era appropriate or not, I still think it’s weird.

Smooth John…very smooth.

I’m not going to lie, I snorted when I saw what Nergal did to those racists. There’s something poetic about forcing people who unwilling to have empathy and work with/understand others be unable to escape being together. Very nice descriptions of his process in creating the bigot-abomination. Also loving how Nergal is characterized here. He is truly gross. Just…the sewer demon orgy. I was not prepared for that, but I feel like I should have been.  

When they show the abomination leaving the sewers, something about the writing there made me think of The Mob Song from the Disney version of Beauty and the Beast. Anyone else get that vibe?

Now, as far as John and Zed go, I’m not sure if I’d call them a couple. Seems inaccurate. Would this be more like FWB? I mean there is clearly trust there, but we don’t see a lot of depth beyond that. I mean, chemistry? I’m not sure how to say. Not saying it’s bad or anything, but nothing that says “they so cute” either. Maybe this was intentional. 

I fucking love Ray. He is such a sweet man. Dude he just…he deserves better. He really does.

Also, once again, freaking love the cover art. 10/10.

Words I had to look up (also, for the derogatory words I include below I mean no offense; these were honest to God words that I didn’t know the meaning of and saw for the first time here. I figured, based on context, they were not good, but I didn’t really know the meaning. I wanted to share that part of my experience, so I included them here):

dole- benefit paid by the government to the unemployed (familiar with it, but never seen it in that context before so I was confused)

yid- derogatory word for a Jewish person

wog- derogatory word for anyone who is not white

fug- warm, stuffy or smoky atmosphere in a room (this is my new favorite word)

strewth- interjection, expresses surprise. I think it might be something akin to “fuck!”

[stillthewordgirl]

LOT/CaptainCanary fic: (I Don’t Believe in) Destiny (Ch. 6 of 11)

Leonard Snart is back, finally pulled from the timestream where he's spent the last four years. But he wasn't alone, and the repercussions of that will echo through the Legends, the Time Bureau, and beyond.

Can also be read here at AO3 or here at FF.net.

Ch. Six: Through All That Masquerade

Sara rubs her forehead as she walks through the Waverider’s hallways. For all she’s learned and all she’s seen as the Waverider’s captain, temporal theory can still make her head hurt.

They’re staying for a bit, probably just a night and day, both to gather more information and by popular demand. Nate and Nora had proven difficult to pry out of the Refuge’s library. John, in a rush to prove just how much he didn’t care about such idyllic country life, had immediately tried to slouch back to the Waverider, but Nora had quickly caught him, waving a book in front of his face that made his eyes go wide—and sent him at a trot toward the library.

Charlie, whom Sara had expected to be nearly as cynical as John, alternated between listening to every piece of music she can get her hands on in the Refuge’s music library—including, she’d said enthusiastically, a full history of punk in all its forms—and trying to drag Zari down there to listen to it too.

Zari was rather more enamored with the kitchen, or rather, the pantry—and, a little to Sara’s surprise, she’d befriended a number of the children at large about the place. They’d seen nothing of young Michael Carter, and with that information, Zari and Ray had managed to get a somewhat nervous Gideon, in human shape, to come with them to the house. Sara isn’t sure what the AI had been expecting, but Mary Xavier had greeted her, literally, with open arms. As far as Sara knew, the two were now off together, talking quietly.

They’d all been invited to stay there, in real beds in a real house, and most of the Legends had taken the offer. Sara had wanted some quiet and solitude, though, and the familiar surroundings of the ship, so she’d walked back here alone, thinking about all Mary had said…and all she hadn’t said.

And about Ava.

She couldn’t have been a Time Master. Or couldn’t become one in the future. Either. Both. Just…no.

There’s a niggling little doubt in her, though, and Sara hates it. For as long as Sara has known her, Ava has been about law and order and control. Of herself, of the world around her. She goes by the book. She believes in the good of the many over the good of the few. 

And for all her strength, she often felt inferior. Because of the clone thing, mostly, Sara knows, but inheriting the Time Bureau from Rip in such a dramatic matter hadn’t helped. Neither had the disaster of this past year, the loss of so many time agents Ava felt responsible for.

Druce had been able to get to her. Sara can’t help but feel a little rotten about that, although she knows that their break-up had been mutual, an acknowledgment that Sara wasn’t happy trying to be the person Ava wanted and vice versa. But…

Enough. Sara stops on the quiet bridge and looks around. She needs a distraction. Maybe it would have been better to stay at the house. At least there’d be plenty of that.

“Hey.”

Or maybe distraction had followed her. Sara turns on her heel at the sound of the drawl, smiling as she sees Leonard holding up the doorway at the other end of the room, watching her.

“I thought you were staying there,” she says, ambling slowly toward him. “You and Mick were talking, and I figured eventually you’d find that library.”

Leonard watches her through his lashes. “Mick was catching me up on more of the last few years,” he drawled, pulling out of his lean a little. “At least, until some of the others dragged him off to see something and he abandoned me”

Despite the words, his tone is light, so Sara grins. “Aaaawwww,” she says, going up on her toes and reaching out to run her fingers down the lapels of his jacket, which Gideon had somehow salvaged and cleaned. “Are you settling for spending time with me?”

Leonard smirks back, but his eyes go a bit dark, and he leans forward a little, into her space, taking her breath away.

“Time with you will never be settling,” he says quietly, intensity in his voice. But he still doesn’t touch her. Not quite.

Oh, they’re playing games, are they? Well, if he wants her to take the lead, Sara’s up for that. “So, the kids are all at grandma’s house,” she suggests, knowing her own voice has dipped a little, throaty and suggestive. “Wanna play?”

A smile flickers over Leonard’s face, lighting his eyes in a very satisfying way.

“Well,” he returns, “never reckoned on being a father, given the piss-poor example I had. But in this case…”

Sara feels a momentarily burst of awkwardness. The analogy had seemed apt enough but given their agreement to just have a bit of fun for now, see where things took them, she feels likes she’s brought in a more serious element. No matter that the “kids” in question are technically responsible adults, or for that matter, she could be a single mom…

This is ridiculous. She shakes off the lingering thought of how nice it would be to have a full partner on the Waverider, focusing on the now, and tightens her fingers on his jacket, pulling him closer. Leonard’s hands land on her hips, warm and strong, and Sara tilts her head, and...

...catches her breath and laughs right out loud as he picks her up (with a muttered “oof” she deigns not to acknowledge). “Hey,” she mock-objects, wrapping her legs around him and moving her hands to his shoulders. “Where are we going?”

“Hmmm...” Leonard carries her toward the middle of the bridge. “Holotable? Captain’s chair? Any preference?”

The very timber of his voice tells her pretty explicitly what he plans to do there. Sara shivers, libido going from interested to off the charts. Still, she laughs again as he pauses.

“We have a big, fairly comfortable—for the ship, anyway—bed just down the hall, and you want to get frisky on the bridge?” she asks with amusement, realizing belatedly that the “we” also assumes something beyond simply sharing space.

Leonard’s eyes gleam at her, though he doesn’t answer directly. Then he looks over her shoulder. “Holotable, I think,” he muses in that damned sexy drawl, hands tightening on...oh, of course, they’ve slipped down to her ass. “More room.”

The last two words emerge in more of a purr than anything else. Sara shivers again, pressing against him as he carries her to the holotable. The new jeans Gideon had made for him in the fabrication room leave little to the imagination at the moment, and he’s clearly just as aroused by this as she is.

“Holotable it is, then,” she whispers as he sits her down on the edge. “So, this has been a fantasy, huh?”

Leonard, hands still on her ass, pulls her forward a little, flush against him again, making her gasp. “It’s been…an ambition,” he admits, voice husky.

“Since when?” Sara squirms against him, grinning as he mutters profanity under his breath, fingers tightening.

“Since that first day on the Waverider.”

He ducks his head abruptly, and then Sara’s kissing him, hands moving to his jaw as his fingers move to the snap of her pants.

She’ll never be able to look at the holotable quite the same way again.

*

“Captain! Sara? Are you in there?”

Leonard wakes up abruptly at the voice—Heywood, he thinks. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes as Sara mouths profanity into his collarbone, arms tightening around him.

They’re back in their…her…the room, having made it back somehow after indelibly changing the Waverider bridge forever in his mind. (And thank god Gideon, in android form, had been at the Refuge and not around to “see” anything.) They’d continued their activities in bed, and Leonard is both pleasantly tired and entirely satisfied.

“Sara? Are you OK? Do you know where Snart is?”

With a groan, Sara pulls away, rising to her feet and reaching for a robe. Leonard, just a fraction of a second later, does the same, grabbing pants and a T-shirt from one of the drawers he’s claimed as his own. If Heywood barges in here, he doesn’t want to be as…relaxed as he lets himself be with Sara.

He’s barely pulled them on when Sara, clad in the robe and nothing else, throws open the door and barks, “What?”

From behind her, Leonard can see the historian/hero gape at her.

“Um,” he manages. “Sorry. We were looking for you and there’s…uh…your shoes and the shirt you were wearing yesterday were kinda just lying there in the middle of the bridge…”

Apparently they’d missed a few things before going back to the room. Sara sighs, Leonard smirks, and Heywood cranes his neck, suddenly realizing there’s someone else there.

“Who…oh!” His eyes widen before he tries to conceal the reaction. “Um…what…”

Behind him, Zari facepalms.

“You are the most clueless,” she mutters through her fingers. Leonard remembers that Sara has said Zari and Heywood had had a bit of a thing at one point, though it hadn’t lasted long. He rather thinks Zari’s more into Charlie, anyway.

“You knew about this?” Heywood asks her plaintively. Zari rolls her eyes at him, as does Leonard, and the two share a smile as Sara decides she’s had enough.

“What do you want?” she sighs. “Seriously, I thought I had a chance for a break…”

“Mary Xavier asked to see you,” the historian adds quickly. “Uh. And Snart.”

“Got it. Tell her we’ll be there soon.” Sara shuts the door in his face and lets out an aggravated breath.

Trying not to chuckle, Leonard saunters over, pulling her into his arms. How has he gotten so easy with this all of a sudden? “Kids, huh?”

“Some days it feels that way.” Sara lets her head thump on his shoulder. “I wonder what Mary wants.”

Leonard, who’d been both intrigued and unnerved by the woman, shrugs. “For us to bring her some Big Belly Burger the next time we pay a visit? Who knows?”

Sara shakes her head, though she does so smiling, pulling away to Leonard’s regret. “Well, let’s go see what it is. And see if the ‘kids’ behaved.”

“If they didn’t, can we ground them?”

*

Mary Xavier’s in her office when Sara and Leonard walk in together. Sara watches the older woman’s eyes flicker from one of them to the other, a smile—a sad smile?—crossing her face.

Huh. Sara frowns briefly but modulates the expression as Mary focuses on her.

“Captain Lance, Mr. Snart,” the other woman says. “Thank you for coming.” She pauses. “I would, however, like to speak to you individually, please.”

Sara and Leonard exchange a glance. Neither of them, Sara thinks, is very happy about that, but Leonard nods curtly, taking a step backward toward the door, then another.

“Be outside,” he tells Sara, eyes still on Mary, who gazes steadily back.

“OK.” Sara waits until the door closes behind him, then frowns again at Mary, who simply smiles at her.

“I am sorry,” she says with a tinge of regret. “Still, I have my reasons.” She pauses, picking a compass-like object up from her desk and then putting it back down. “Mostly, I asked you hear to tell you that...that if things do not go well, at the Vanishing Point, you are welcome here.” A wave of her hand seems to include all of the Refuge itself. “This place is out of time, and I can hide you and yours indefinitely”

Sara blinks at her. “Thank you,” she says almost involuntarily. Then: “Do you really think the odds are that far against us?”

“The truth is, Captain Lance, that I do not know.” Mary sighs. “I know what I hope for. I know what I think...but nothing is set in stone.”

Sara makes a thoughtful noise. “Even if...if the time loop has happened? Already? Or before?”

Mary spreads her hands out before her. “What is before? What is after? Time is more fluid than many people realize. As I said earlier, there’s a chance of breaking the chain here. The wheel. Whatever you wish to call it.”

Sara nods, accepting this despite her qualms. Then she pauses. “And...Leonard?”

Mary meets her eyes. “He’s at risk, with this,” she admits. “Only one of them—your Snart and Zaman Druce—can come out of this.” Her gaze is kind. “It could be Mr. Snart. I hope it is. But, my dear...this isn’t certain.”

Sara lets out a long breath. “So...”

“So, appreciate what you have. While you have it.” She nods. “Always, I think, good advice.”

*

Sara emerges from the office looking very thoughtful. Leonard steps toward her, noting the sadness in her eyes as she focuses on him, no matter how well she tries to disguise it.

“OK?” he asks quietly.

“Hmm.” She pauses, and Leonard knows she’s not going to lie to him. “I don’t know. I hope so.” She shakes her head. “Talk about it later, OK?”

“Got it.”

Mary Xavier is looking at her bookshelves when Leonard reenters her office, feeling uneasy and perhaps a little annoyed. He doesn’t much like this “mysterious time...whatever” act, but something deep-seated is telling him to trust her—and that’s unnerving in and of itself. He never trusts people right off.

“Mr. Snart.” Mary puts down the book she’s holding, nodding to him. “Good morning.”

Leonard doesn’t feel like small talk. He folds his arms. “What do you have to say that Sara couldn’t hear?” he asks a bit harshly.

Mary doesn’t seem upset by his brusqueness. “Oh, nothing she couldn’t hear,” she says with a sigh. “In fact, I rather alluded to it when I spoke with her just now. But she has her focus, and you have yours, and this seemed best at the moment.” As Leonard shows no sign of sitting down, she doesn’t either, simply moving back behind her desk and watching him.

Leonard waits.

Finally, Mary speaks again. “Only one of you—you or Zaman Druce—can come out of this fight for the Oculus,” she says gently. “But...you’ve guessed that, haven't you?”

Leonard doesn’t ask how she knows. “Seemed logical,” he drawls, moving into the room a little more. “The whole ‘neither can live while the other survives’ trope is pretty classic, after all.”

Mary’s eyes sparkle and she tilts her head to him. “Indeed.”

“Plus, seemed like that might be why Druce wants me, when he has his own share of temporal energy from a dip in the timestream anyway.”

“He does—though not as much as you, the man who was at time’s ground zero.” Mary nods at Leonard’s thoughtful hum. “The thing is, while the Time Masters have always thought they’re subtle and know all the ins and outs of time...well, they’re not. And they don’t. Not like Druce wants to think.” She nods at Leonard. “He probably does truly believe he has to kill you, at the Vanishing Point, to release that temporal energy. But it doesn’t have to be that way.”

“I mean, I’m perfectly willing to kill him first, but...” Leonard studies her. “What’s the other way?”

Mary’s eyes are serene. “Meet him at the Vanishing Point,” she says, putting her hands flat on her desk. “Harness the temporal energy in yourself. Bend your will to it. Take the both of you and the wellspring back to the time of the supernova, and into time.”

Leonard dislikes showing surprise in front of this woman, but his eyes widen despite himself. “I can do that?”

“Hypothetically.” Mary’s lips twitch at his reaction. “Yes, Mr. Snart, you can do that. You have the will, and the temporal power all around—and within—you. And once you’re there, in the timestream...you have an advantage Druce does not.”

She smiles. It is not a particularly nice smile.

After a moment, Leonard smiles back.

[ellymunro-blog]

Hello everybody! The name’s Cat (or Speedy... I answer to both). I’m 25, cisfemale, and from the EST timezone. I’ve recently just started a new job; and I’m also still recovering from a surgery I had last month. So I will apologize in advance if my activity isn’t the greatest. I promise it’ll pick up once my life becomes less hectic...

Anyway, I bring to you my little weirdo Ellis “Elly” Munro. She’s a modified version of a character I’ve played in a few groups before; so I’m interested in seeing how Crownsville Elly turns out. This RP honestly looks so great; and I can’t wait to start plotting with y’all! 

[ willa holland, twenty-three, cisfemale, she/her ]  — hey, I just saw [ ellis “elly” munro ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ two years ], and you can catch them around town working as a [sales associate at shazam comics ]. I hear they’re known to be [ loyal & determined ] and [ stubborn & cynical ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ sushi rolls, piles of comic books, extra large cups of coffee, movie theatres, bruised knuckles, hospital bracelets ].

Backstory (trigger warning: mentions of chronic illness)

Ellis Amalia-Rose Munro, more commonly known as Elly, was born and raised in Los Angeles (Hollywood), California to an up-and-coming thriller screenwriter/director and his trophy wife. She was their second child, having a brother roughly thirteen years older.

Growing up, her family was well-off due to her father’s success with many of his films. He was, by no means, a household name as far as filmmakers went; but for fans of thrillers, most knew at least a good handful of his work (think of him like Shyamalan only not quite as popular).

She actually had a tendency to have a small role in every single one of her father’s films. This continued up until she moved away for college.

At the age of 3, she was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. She had faced multiple lung infections as well as poor weight gain for her first few years of life, thus leading to the diagnosis.

Her CF has always been well managed. It’s not something she ever let get in her way. She was always the very rambunctious and active child, just sometimes needing to take more breaks than others.

She was also a child model from the ages of 7-11. An agent had seen her in one of her father’s films and reached out. She was compliant for a few years; but modeling just was never really her thing.

Her mother is from Chelsea, London; and she grew up visiting her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins there every summer. London is one of her favorite places to go; and she’s quite proud of her British heritage.

At a young age, she was introduced to the world of comics and superheroes; and she was hooked from the start. She used to pretend she was a superhero, running around her house dressed like her favorites and wishing she had superpowers.

Due to her love of comics and superheroes, her parents thought it would be a good idea to get her involved in activities that would allow her to “train to be a superhero”. They signed her up for martial arts (she’s now a 4x blackbelt) and gymnastics. This way, she could use her imagination and stay in shape.

As the years went on, fencing and archery were added to Elly’s list of activities. And as soon as she learned what it was, she took up parkour as well. And out of everything she’s done, parkour has forever been her favorite.

She was actually once scouted for the Olympic archery team; and her coach kept encouraging her to train for a goal of the Olympics. But she never had any interest. To her, archery was just a hobby and nothing more.

After high school, she decided to go across the country for college; and wanting to stay in an area with warmer weather (she hates the cold/snow), she decided on attending the University of Miami as a psychology major.

While attending the University of Miami, she initially had no desire to end up on Greek Row. But she ultimately ended up pledging for and joining a sorority (Chi Omega) during her time at the college. 

Loving the east coast, she figured she’d want to stay in Miami or go elsewhere in Florida upon graduation (or not as she only finished three years of school); but she somehow ended up settling in the small town of Crownsville, Georgia. She’d gone home over the holidays with a friend who lived there; and she just felt drawn to the town.

That was a little over two years ago. Elly’s been in Crownsville pretty much ever since. She’s started making a life for herself here. She’s gotten a job working as a sales associate at Shazam Comics; and she’s also gotten herself a little apartment downtown. And while she often does miss California and her family, she’s started to become really happy in small town Georgia.

When it comes to her CF, she’s always been one to not feel the need to hide it. She’s been like this since she was little; and even now, she doesn’t feel the need to hide. It’s not something she tells everything; but she’s okay with people knowing she’s sick.

Another important thing about Elly is the fact she’s training to hopefully make it on to American Ninja Warrior. She fell in love with the show when she first saw it several years back; and given her hobbies, she’s always felt like she was a good candidate. She has yet to try out; but her plan is to try out this upcoming season.

Recently, however, her health has started to decline. Her lung function is now in the yellow; and it’s really scared her. She’s started to wonder if she should give up on her American Ninja Warrior dream in favor of her health. Her fall back plan is to open her own archery school or maybe get back into acting.

Likes: comic books, superheroes, coffee, sushi, movies, parkour, archery, katanas, tattoos, cosplaying, video games, flannel, hoodies, beanies, combat boots, avocados, star wars, workouts, roses, kingdom hearts, stitch, stuffed animals, british sweets, funkos, motorcycles, skateboarding, jolly ranchers, american ninja warrior, bdsm

Dislikes: hospitals, swimming, cold weather, snow/ice, kale, cats, needles, alcohol, energy drinks, high heels

Misc. Facts

Her parents almost named her Ellis Isla; but they opted not to due to the fact it sounded too close to Ellis Island.

She has 4 blackbelts (karate, taekwondo, jiujitsu, krav maga); so don’t piss her off.

She can swim; but she’s honestly not a fan of water. Despite growing up in California, she doesn’t like the ocean.

She doesn’t like the taste of alcohol; so she doesn’t drink. If you ever see her drinking, she’s probably in a really bad place.

She can do a spot-on impression of Aqua from Kingdom Hearts and a pretty decent impression of Stitch. 

She loves stuffed animals. Her bed is covered in them. Her favorites are Batbear, Stitch, Toad, and a sushi roll with a face. Batbear is like her security blanket.

She does have her driver’s license; but she doesn’t have a car in Crownsville. She has her red Ducati; but Uber is still her preferred mode of transportation. 

She was born a month and a half prematurely. Her due date was February 14th. 

Because of her CF, she has a feeding tube (g-tube) that’s normally hidden under her clothing. She also does several daily treatments (nebulizers, vibrating vest) to combat her symptoms as well as takes pancreatic enzymes before each meal.

She wears a medical ID bracelet that states she has CF and that she’s allergic to latex, penicillin, and prednisone. It’s not noticeable as an ID bracelet unless one really looks at it.

She has saved two people from getting hit by cars by pushing them out of the way and taking their place. The first time, she was 15. The second time, she was 23.

[trigger warning] She is actually unable to have children of her own; but she doesn’t actually know this yet. could be potential plot-line if anyone is ever interested

Wanted Connections

Older Brother  —  This is pretty self explanatory. Elly has an older brother; and this connection is for him. I picture him being roughly ten years older than she is (give or take a few years) and being in Crownsville for reasons UTP. His faceclaim and name are also UTP (though I gotta admit my bias towards Stephen Amell or Colin Donnell FCs). OPEN (0/1)

Father  — Elly’s father is a thriller screenwriter and director by the name of Chandler Munro. I think it might be cool if he showed up in Crownsville for whatever reason. He could be filming a movie in the small town or just coming to catch up with his children. I would like his FC to be John Barrowman; though I am open to discuss others. OPEN (0/1)

Extended Family  — Maybe for some reason, one of Elly’s extended family members (most likely a cousin from England) comes to visit her in Crownsville and ends up staying for awhile. OPEN (0/?)

College Friend  — This connection is for the friend with whom Elly went home for the holidays with one year while attending the University of Miami. This friend lived in Crownsville and is part of the reason Elly lives there now. Everything about this friend is UTP: name, age, gender, faceclaim, etc. I’m not picky; though I would love for them to have stayed friends. TAKEN (1/1)

Childhood Friends  — This is for any friends of Elly’s from back when she lived in Los Angeles. She could’ve known them back in elementary, middle, or high school. They could’ve lost touch and then met up again in Crownsville or stayed friends since they first met. OPEN (0/?)

Roommate — Upon first coming to Crownsville, Elly got herself a decent sized apartment downtown. I would love for her to have a roommate she shares this apartment (and its rent) with. TAKEN (1/1)

Ex-Roommate  — This was a previous roommate of Elly’s. This individual stopped being her roommate for reasons open to discussion. OPEN (0/2)

Ride or Die  — Give me a ride or die bestie for Elly please. I have no preference for gender, age, how they met... Everything would be discussed upon inquiry. I just want her to have that one person she’d do anything for. OPEN (1/2)

Nurse Friend(s)  — Elly is kind of a wild one. With her hobbies and desire to be on American Ninja Warrior, she has quite the tendency to get injured. She could definitely use some friends with medical training to help her out from time to time. OPEN (1/?)

Doctors  — Since Elly has CF, she does spend a good amount of time at doctors offices. This connection would be for any of the doctors who treat her; though I mostly would love to see her pulmonologist. OPEN (0/?)·         

Red Band Society  — This is for anyone else dealing with any type of medical condition. Elly and these individuals have formed a sort of support system for one another. OPEN (1/?)

Ex-Boyfriend(s)  — Again, this is super self explanatory. Elly and this guy (or guys if I decide to make her have more than one ex) used to date. And now they’re not. Why they broke up and all the details of their relationship would be discussed upon inquiry. They could either be total enemies now or still be cordial. OPEN (0/3)

Friends With Benefits — I feel like most of my wanted connections are self explanatory. This is your standard friends with benefits connection and plotline. It could have the potential to turn into something or just stay FWB. OPEN (1/2)

Straight Until Prove Bi  — As of now, Elly identifies as straight; but I am not against her having an experience with another girl. OPEN (0/1)

Future Love Interest  — Self explanatory. At some point in the future, Elly is gonna end up in another relationship. This is mostly open to males; but I would not object to a female if the chemistry was there. OPEN (0/1)

Workout/Sparring Buddies — Elly spends a lot of her free time working out; and it’d be great for her to have someone she can work out with. Whether it be at the gym, while kickboxing, or even while doing parkour, a friend can make a workout so much less boring and routine. OPEN (0/?)

Stylist  — Elly has been very much a tomboy since she was small. This connection would be for the individual in Crownsville who attempts to give her a makeover and make her more “girly”. TAKEN (1/1)

Tattoo Artist  — Elly loves tattoos and is working on obtaining quite the collection. This individual is the one who has done most of hers and is the one she’d go back to when she’s ready to get her next tattoo. OPEN (0/2)

Fans of Chandler Munro — Like stated in her little backstory, Elly’s father (Chandler Munro) is a thriller movie director and screenwriter. I’d like if there was someone who was a big fan of her father’s films and tried to use Elly to get autographs, spoilers of upcoming movies, a small role in an upcoming movie, etc. OPEN (0/?)

General Friends, Frienemies, Co-Workers, Neighbors, etc. 

More to come...

click here for Elly’s stats page

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2019, Part II

Part I is here. ENDEARING CURIOSITIES WITH BIG FLAWS

106. Alita: Battle Angel (Robert Rodriguez)- I'm not looking at a list of films with budgets over $175 million, but I guarantee this is the one with the lowest stakes. It concerns a cyborg who tries to uncover the identity that the audience knows she has all along, and it takes place on three sets. I was intrigued by the prospect of Robert Rodriguez directing a James Cameron production, since the former uses effects to be lazy and the latter uses effects to challenge himself. Alita is more of a Rodriguez movie in that regard. Although it looks slightly better than those pictures he used to make in his backyard, it ain't by much. 105. The Upside (Neil Burger)- As good enough as movies get, good enough right up to the childish screenwriting contrivances of the third act. ("I guess he knows about wheelchairs now, so he gets a job at a wheelchair factory? Or maybe it's his own factory? I don't know--I'm still spitballing in this production draft.") Queen Nicole is criminally underserved though. Have you read that story about how Keanu Reeves's friend forged his name onto the contract for The Watcher, but Keanu didn't want to go through a prolonged legal battle, so he just showed up despite the fraud? Surely it's got to be something like that. Or maybe she was under the impression her character was still being fleshed out, but she got there and saw that nothing has been changed since the last draft? It's just like, "Yvonne looks stern. More to be added." I know for sure that no one told one of the greatest actresses in the world about the part in which she's supposed to be a good dancer. She would have prepared. 104. How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (Dean DeBlois)- HtTYD is still the most visually experimental animated franchise. For example, DeBlois hazes the image when a character is looking at another through a torch, there's a five-minute wordless sequence of dragons falling in love, and a lot of work has been put into crafting peach fuzz. I also appreciate that these films retain consequences. Hiccup has a prosthetic leg, and his dad is still dead. Narratively though, everything feels like a holding pattern, a brand extension that doesn't offer real stakes or real laughs. (Fishlegs has a beard now. That's his character development. That's it.) Even if The Hidden World offers an ending of sorts to the trilogy, it's a story of retreat/escape that can't help but feel like a sideways step from its already disappointing predecessor. My daughter tuned out and got really restless with about twenty minutes left. 103. Greta (Neil Jordan)- Such a boilerplate thriller that I was actually predicting the dialogue at points: "Miss, I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do if she's just standing there across the street. She's not breaking the law." There is one notable thing that happens though. In a scene at a church, Huppert makes the Sign of the Cross incorrectly. As an actress, kind of negligent. As a French person, pretty exquisite. 102. Anna (Luc Besson)- The timeline-jumping didn't work for me, but without it, I don't think there's much notable about the quadruple-crossing here at all. The awe-inspiring restaurant fight sequence is the film's saving grace; I'm awarding an extra half-star for its slashing-throats-with-plates viscera. 101. Captain Marvel (Ryan Fleck and Anna Boden)- Was I supposed to know what a Skrull was before this? Lee Pace and Djimon Hounsou show up playing Guardians characters, so I think I was supposed to connect more of the sci-fi dots of the first twenty minutes than I did. All of that inter-planetary stuff was tough sledding for me, and I preferred the Elastica music cue and Radio Shack jokes. As it turns out, especially in this genre, it's dramatically frustrating to go on a hero's journey with a character who doesn't know who she is. It was nice to see Samuel L. Jackson, with convincing de-aging effects, get a real arc in one of these movies, rather than just posing here and there. Brie Larson does enough posing for the both of them. 100. Frozen II (Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee)- Frozen begins with sisters being separated after one injures the other. It plays for keeps from minute five. Frozen II, whose smaller stakes are felt in the one-or-so location, B-team songs, and forgettable new characters, never feels as real. 99. Aladdin (Guy Ritchie)- Even if the songs still bang and Nasim Pedrad is very funny, Aladdin feels as cynical and--don't say it, don't say it--unnecessary as all of these live-action remakes do. I'm looking forward to the animated remakes of the live-action remakes, which might figure out a way to reincarnate Robin Williams. One can dream, even cynically. 98. El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie (Vince Gilligan)- Finally, the TV movie--and no shade, but this ending we didn't ask for is definitely part of the TV movie tradition--that answers a burning question for Breaking Bad fans: Was Jesse ever interesting by himself?

97. High Life (Claire Denis)- As uncool as it makes me, I have to admit that I just don't care for Claire Denis's aesthetic. Knowing nothing going in, I was captivated by the mysterious first half-hour, but once the film started to explain itself, it seemed like a B movie with more ponderous music. High Life is effectively claustrophobic, but I found myself "yes-anding" most of it. Yes, for example, space is lonely, as I've learned from every other movie about space.

96. Where’d You Go, Bernadette? (Richard Linklater)- From the get-go, this movie doesn't work--structurally, tonally--but the miscalculations of Linklater and Blanchett and especially the mawkish music don't have enough consequence for the film to even fail on a noteworthy level. It's not unpleasant. You just laugh sparingly and think, on the way out, "I don't think she loved her daughter as much as she said she did" or "Get to Antarctica twenty minutes earlier or twenty minutes later." Linklater, an inestimable talent, has added an entry to his filmography that might as well not exist. Making movies, especially adaptations of epistolary books, is hard. I'm being too understanding of that or not understanding enough. 95. Dumbo (Tim Burton)- Just as Dumbo begins to take chances--fashioning itself as an anti-corporate parable with Keaton playing a Disney-esque "architect of dreams"--it settles back down to its own low expectations. Expectations that come from the storytelling and characterization and not the production design, which seems grandly practical except for the CG [rolls up sleeves, adjusts glasses, tightens shoes] elephant in the room. Of the performances, Farrell comes out on top, displaying Movie Star confidence despite very little to work with. (Can a World War I veteran who lost his arm and his wife be allowed a bit more pain?) It gives me no pleasure to dunk on child actors, but both of the kids seem to be reading their lines, and their monotones nearly sink the movie at the beginning. 94. Echo in the Canyon (Andrew Slater)- A nice enough introduction to the scene, but Jakob Dylan's constant presence as an interviewer and performer turns it into a vanity project. The film shuffles among talking heads interviews, prep for an anniversary concert, and an anniversary concert, and I'll let you guess which one of those is interesting. The access that the filmmakers got is impressive, but if a person didn't participate (Carole King is the obvious one), the filmmakers just pretend he or she didn't exist. 93. Diamantino (Gabriel Abrantes and Daniel Schmidt)- I like the notion of someone so specialized in his profession that he has a child-like understanding of the outside world, and Carloto Cotta sells the innocence of the title character. (The Donna Lewis needle-drop killed me too.) But too often this film feels as if it's focusing on sheer weirdness over satisfying narrative. Cult classics are fine, but you should try for the regular classic. 92. Ma (Tate Taylor)- There are some cool ideas here--the innocent entrees that technology provides, the way the movie earns its R rating. But the script needs a few more passes for everything to congeal past the silliness, especially with regard to the hammy flashbacks that attempt to provide motivation for the Ma figure. I respect the attempt to humanize a monster, but she would be more scary if left opaque. 91. Bombshell (Jay Roach)- The films that try explicitly to comment on our current social climate are never the most successful ones, especially if their internal politics are this muddled. The film takes great pleasure in implicating the toxic system of Fox News, taking shots at anyone who would participate. Then it starts to pick and choose who to like in that system, which is where it gets weird. Obviously, a Fox News employee who sexually harasses another employee is "worse" than an employee who gets harassed. But then the Charles Randolph screenplay starts to sort closeted lesbians and career-strivers, and it's not sure who the bad guys really are. The film moves quite swiftly in its first half, and Charlize Theron's mimicking of Megyn Kelly is eerie. But I don't think Jay Roach knows what he believes. The lurid, claustrophobic scene between Margot Robbie's composite Kayla and John Lithgow's breathy Roger Ailes is the transcendent moment. It teases out the humiliation slowly and powerfully. With a quite meta flourish, the scene makes you hate yourself if you've ever objectified one of the most objectified actresses in the world; she's that great at illustrating her discomfort.

90. Glass (M. Night Shyamalan)- 1. A great example of "story" vs. "things happening." A negative example, I'm afraid. 2. The Osaka Tower represents the literal and figurative highs that the film will literally and figuratively not reach. 3. Spencer Treat Clark back!!! 4. The flashbacks are actual deleted scenes from Unbreakable, which is amazing. 5. Not since Lost has there been a work that seems like obsessive fan service, but the fan in mind is the creator, not any member of the audience. We do not want your explanations about Jai the security guard's role in your universe, Night. 6. This is a sequel to Unbreakable and a sequel to Split, but it somehow does not feel like a third chapter of anything. 7. It makes sense that I watched this on the same day that I listened to Weezer's The Teal Album, their surprise collection of punctilious '80s covers. In both cases, there's an artist who was really important to me in formative years but who has used up the last of whatever capital he has accrued by giving in to his worst instincts. In Shyamalan's case though, at least it's a confident swing. The second act pretty much tells us that we were dumb to believe what he sold us on. Even though it's dramatically inert and completely stops halfway through, this is exactly the movie he wanted to make, which I stupidly still admire. 89. Five Feet Apart (Justin Baldoni)- I checked this out because I have the sneaking suspicion that Haley Lu Richardson is a Movie Star, and she is continuing to progress into that power/responsibility. Otherwise the movie is a by-the-numbers weepie that doesn't really have a new spin on anything but hits its marks adequately. I was surprised that Claire Forlani got neither a "with" nor an "and" card in the credits. How rude. 88. Pet Sematary (Kevin Kolsch and Dennis Widmyer)- I like the bleak dive the film takes following its second big twist, which is handled well, but there is a ceiling for an adaptation of one of King's least ambitious and most predetermined tales. 87. Wild Rose (Tom Harper)- So conventional that Jessie Buckley almost got nominated for a Golden Globe. 86. Judy (Rupert Goold)- Just as the leaves start to change, we get biopics like these: too earnest to be cliched, too safe to be original. I'm on the ground floor of the Zellwegerssaince, but Judy is a slog in stretches. 85. The King (David Michod)- Capable but superfluous. Animal Kingdom was nine years ago, so it's quite possible that David Michod, even when he has an imperious Ben Mendelsohn at his disposal, has lost the urgency. The reason that anyone should see this--at least until someone puts together a YouTube compilation of just his scenes--is for Robert Pattinson, whose take on The Dauphin is the frontrunner for Most On-One Performance of the Year. 84. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (J.J. Abrams)- There are just enough moments--the first Force battle between Kylo and Rey being one of them--that remind the viewer of the magic of Star Wars. Kylo Ren's arc concludes in a more satisfying way than I expected, Babu Frik is officially my dude, and Daisy Ridley's post-Star Wars career intrigues me. My Dolby seat was rumbling, and I was pretty charged up on candy. But, man, most of the business here feels compromised, undermined, and inessential. It's a rushed connect-the-dots compared to The Last Jedi. There's a scene in which the gang has to risk wiping C-3PO's memory to gain important information--they need a thing to get to another thing to get to another thing--and there appear to be stakes for just a second. Then, as if to reassure the audience that there will be ten more of these movies, Rey adds, "Doesn't R2 have a backup of your memory?" That's the whole movie in an expensive, nostalgic nutshell.

83. Queen & Slim (Melina Matsoukas)- Capable of tender moments but shot in the foot by its episodic nature, Queen & Slim is the most uneven picture of the year. The characters work well as foils to each other, but Jodie Turner-Smith's performance is overshadowed by Kaluuya's. I have no idea what Chloe Sevigny and Flea are trying to do in their brief time on screen, and I have no idea what the film is trying to do when it disturbs the point of view for a misguided protest sequence. 82. Hustlers (Lorene Scafaria)- It has been a long time since I was so surprised that a movie was over. The coda comes up telling us about, in real life, what kind of criminal slaps on the wrists the characters received, and I got pushed out of the theater wondering what it all amounted to. Yeah, that's the point. I know. Just as none of the 2008 bankers went to jail in the wake of their destruction, none of the women who drugged and exploited them did much time beyond "14 months of weekends" either. But should I applaud moral confusion? Can I be angry about the lack of consequences for both parties? If you want me to judge the film I watched instead of the film I wanted to watch, I can be more complimentary. Some of the most electric moments in 2019 cinema are here, rooted in 2008 strip club music. And saying 2008 strip club rap was good is like saying 1890 French Impressionism was good. Nearly every performance works, from Lili Reinhart's bashfulness to Wai Ching Ho's gratitude to Jennifer Lopez's intractable confidence. Also, I don't know if anyone has noticed this before, but J. Lo has a nice butt. 81. The Report (Scott Z. Burns)- There are some interesting things going on here. For example, this feedback loop: An hour or so in, protagonist Daniel Jones watches a fabricated news feature that explains what waterboarding is, and I had an instinct as an audience member to go, "Like we don't know by now. Don't hold my hand." But the only reason I know is because of news reports like that, informed by work that the real Daniel Jones did, dramatized in the events of the first half of this very movie. Still, this movie is a lot like one of those dishes in which every single element sounds like something you would like--"Ooh, pork belly, delicious. Oooh, lemongrass. Bet those would go well together"--but you take a bite, and it doesn't taste good. Is that your fault or the restaurant's?

[cgleome]

50 More interesting questions

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes!

(Posted by @redpantychan No one every does these when they’re not tagged so I thought I’d hop on it)

1. What kind of food can’t you stand?: Peppers! I hate them. I also don’t eat meat but I *can* technically stand it.

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick?: Emotions. I hate them. Though if I had to pick something more minor... I’d be able to go online whenever I wanted! No lack of service or rules stopping me!

3. Have you got any useless talents?: I know a lot of dead languages.

4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be?: Singing (I have no musical abilities at all but then I never really tried to learn)

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking: Orlando Bloom, Chris Hemsworth, John Boyega, Nicki Minaj, Angelina Jolie, and young Catherine Zeta-Jones.

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid?: Video games!

7. What is something you’re proud of?: How well-adjusted my guinea pigs are (even the formerly neurotic one and the one who used to kill people)

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate?: A lack of compassion

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower?:  A follower but I can be a leader when I need to.

10. What kind of student are/were you?: Very good! Always an over-achiever

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life?: Well, working at the job where I met my ex, though I probably would have found someone else like him if it wasn’t him.

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion: Fish (I HATE them! Particularly when they get out of the water)

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable?: Yoosung Kim... I can’t think of any others really.

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties?: I’m usually a very happy drunk. I love everyone!

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone?: It’s hard to say. I’ve only “loved” one or two people but I fell quickly both times so I guess easily.

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends?: One close friend.

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak?: Slob though I do try not to be.

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy:  I always like to say I’m going to live inside a volcano in the middle of Iceland. It would be warm from the lava and it would be hard for people to find me or get to me...

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday?: Nope and nope.

20. What was your favorite book as a child? Star Wars (I read the novelization of the original trilogy)

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about: Game of Thrones

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated: Guinea pigs (seriously, they’re the best animals EVER)

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose?: Probably Zain from BMP

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday?: Travel to Africa and Asia

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat?: It depends. With close friends I will. In large groups, probably not. In most situations I will but I’ll try to word it carefully.

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in?: Pokemon Go (I still play it actually)

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for?: The Monkees

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable?: The ability to stand up for yourself and think on your feet (I can’t do either well)

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.): Not really. Maybe Bigfoot things...

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones?: English and German (not counting the dead ones)

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside?: Somewhere in the middle but countryside if I had to choose

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving?: Blood sausage. I don’t eat it anymore but it’s AWESOME!!!

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else?: I prefer the spotlight be on someone else.

34. Favorite holiday?: Halloween (though I don’t do anything for it now)

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously?: A bit of both though I guess more of a planning person

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.): Humm... Maybe Lord of the Rings but it’s been such a major part of my life that I’m not sure I’d be willing to give that up. Maybe UHF of Cannibal the Musical

37. What hobbies do you have?: RPs, watching youtube... that’s about it. I should get more.

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have?: The ability to freeze time for everything but me. So I could like take a nap while everything else was on hold. If hat was too useful, maybe the ability to sleep anywhere, which I sort of have already.

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you: That I’m kind of a perv

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out: That my (first) ex was abusive and that I need to stop hating myself.

41. Worst injury you’ve had?: I still have a scar on my ankle from when I skinned it at age 3

42. Any morbid fascinations?: Serial killers and true crime (though less now than I used to)

43. Describe your sense of humor: Random and also dry

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose?: Maybe the 70′s so I’d be able to find a job in a better market. Or in the future if the world’s a better place then.

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at: Drawing and singing

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through: My graduate-level history classes

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.): Awesome one on my face.

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist?: Pessimist

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you?: When my ex said that I was an awesome person: kind, smart, funny and he couldn’t figure out why I thought I would be alone or deserved to be (though he broke up with me so I guess he figured it out).

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you: It’s hard to say since I seem to see myself very differently from how others see me. I guess people tend to think I’ll be more aggressive and outspoken about my beliefs than I really am. For example, I don’t like to tell people I’m a vegetarian because I feel like a lot of vegetarians are embarrassing. Like, I honestly don’t care what other people do or do not eat (unless I’m feeding them and then I want to know so I can accommodate them). I’m also agnostic/atheist but I admire religious people and often wish I had their faith. I find most atheists embarrassing too.

I’m going to tag @praxid @master-claude @maybe-avery @and-beastly @emergencysquid @chibiarmygeneral @db-rabbit @cristy--love @the-recovering-cynic (if you guys want or anyone else who wants to)

[trickstercaptain-archive]

REALLY  LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES. repost, don’t reblog ! tag 10 ! good  luck ! TAGGED. @murroyilodel TAGGING. @donapirata, @thecodekeeper, @twisted-but-pretty, @piraticalwit, @invictusmanet, @lordiism & anyone else who’d like to do this, go right ahead -- don’t feel like you have to do this though lmao

BASICS. FULL  NAME : Captain Jack Sparrow NICKNAME : Jackie, witty Jack, mi corazón, captain looby AGE : 38 in his main verse BIRTHDAY : 6th August ETHNIC  GROUP : Caucasian ( English, but with Spanish heritage ) NATIONALITY :  English LANGUAGE / S : English, Spanish, French, some Portuguese, Latin and others SEXUAL  ORIENTATION : Bisexual  ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION : Demiromantic RELATIONSHIP  STATUS : Single & lowkey married to his ship unless specified otherwise in a particular verse CLASS : An outlaw, exists outside the class structure completely but if you had to place him, he’s certainly lower class HOME  TOWN / AREA : Shipwreck Cove, somewhere in the South Atlantic ( legend says the island moves ) CURRENT  HOME : On board the Black Pearl, anywhere in the entire ocean PROFESSION : Pirate Captain

PHYSICAL. HAIR : Thick, extends to his mid-back, is virtually always tied back with his favourite red bandana and braided at the back. All sorts of small trinkets are tied into it, including a shinbone from a reindeer. EYES : Large, dark eyes with long lashes. Easily one of his most defining features, and he takes to emphasising them even more with the use of kohl to help the reflection of the sun off of the sea. NOSE : Straight, slightly arched; a defining feature but not obnoxiously so save in that one scene FACE : An undeniably pretty face, with his sharp cheekbones as his most striking feature LIPS : Fairly full lips, another particularly expressive feature of his face COMPLEXION : He usually has a very glowing complexion thanks to his deep tan, but depending on lack of sleep or stress etc, he’s sometimes forced to use the kohl to hide the circles under his eyes. He’s always slightly paler when he’s particularly stressed or hasn’t been sleeping well. BLEMISHES : An abrasion on his chin that has never healed, the odd freckle and mole here and there. SCARS : A small scar across his right eyebrow from a sword nick during a fight, the ‘P’ brand on his forearm, extensive burns along his left arm, scar on his right palm from lifting the Aztec curse, two powder burns from bullet wounds on the right-hand side of his chest, several other marks across his torso and back. TATTOOS : Flying sparrow over waves on his forearm, above his brand, mi corazón tattooed across the left hand side of his chest, several others inc. quotations from the poem Desiderata HEIGHT : 5′10″. WEIGHT : --- BUILD : Average build; toned but lean. FEATURES : Very striking features -- in particular his eyes, especially when lined with kohl, and his sharp cheekbones. ALLERGIES : None. USUAL  HAIR  STYLE : Dreadlocks at the front, with the rest of his hair tied back by a bandana, and part of it contained in a braid extending down his back. USUAL  FACE  LOOK : Jack’s face is extremely expressive; his eyes in particular will often betray any emotion that he is fighting to conceal from view, but his usual expression will depend entirely on his mood and his opinion of any present company. You’ll know if he’s in a bad mood: his face is harder, more inclined towards annoyance or boredom, but for several individuals close to him this harshness will soften whenever he’s in their presence. USUAL  CLOTHING : His ‘iconic’ look; tricorn hat, red bandana, shirt, waistcoat, brown coat, belts, striped sash, breeches, boots. He prefers loose-fitted clothing given the climate of the Caribbean, despite it’s so-called impropriety, and has a sentimental attachment to his outfit which means that he’s reluctant to trade any of it in for anything newer.

PSYCHOLOGY. FEAR / S : Being forgotten, death, abandonment, betrayal, rejection, fire, failure, not being good enough. ASPIRATION / S : In canon, his goal from a very young age was to become a famous pirate captain, to earn a title for himself and, most of all, to be remembered and to matter to people. Once he gains his captaincy, his goal shifts to solely being that of bolstering his own reputation, to make sure that after his death he won’t ever be forgotten. POSITIVE  TRAITS : Openminded, unprejudiced, has the potential to display incredible selflessness and compassion, intelligent, flirtatious, witty, well-read, charming, merciful, ambitious, individualist, opinionated. NEGATIVE  TRAITS : Distrustful, manipulative, paranoid, self-serving, egocentric, can be emotionally cold and distant, obsessive, unreliable, chaotic, unpredictable, moody, inclined towards cowardice. MBTI : ENTP ZODIAC : Leo TEMPERAMENT : Somewhere between sanguine and melancholic. SOUL  TYPE / S : Leader ANIMALS : Sea lion VICE  HABIT / S : His fondness for rum is probably the main one, along with his penchant for overindulging of all kinds. He leans towards an addictive, obsessive personality so he rarely does things by halves. FAITH : He doesn’t count himself as religious, so he holds no faith to nor does he worship any particular God, but from his exposure to heathen Gods and understanding of the Classics ( the Greek and Roman Gods ), Jack can certainly be understood as polytheist even if he’s sceptical towards the idea of religion. If he had to identify as one, however, he’d be of the protestant faith. GHOSTS ? : Jack has seen ghosts so, yes, he believes in them. AFTERLIFE ? : I think Jack likes to believe that there is some sort of afterlife, but after his experiences in the Locker he’d a little less sure if he wants it to exist. REINCARNATION ? : Jack is pretty sceptical on this one tbh. ALIENS ? : In canon and modern Jack is certainly open-minded to the idea, but it’s only really in verses with the Doctor that he actually believes in them. POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT : Jack is certainly a liberal in both canon and modern, but in modern I guess he’d lean towards the labour party in the UK -- but honestly I feel like he’d be very cynical of the political establishment as a whole. ECONOMIC  PREFERENCE : In canon his financial situation is pretty dire. It’s not that he doesn’t earn money, either crewing on other ships or, after he gains his captaincy, on his own ship, but he’s terrible at managing it. His situation is a lot better in modern verse -- he has money enough to support himself and live in his own apartment ( albeit with Gibbs as a roommate ), but he often teeters on the edge of his overdraft. SOCIOPOLITICAL  POSITION : A pariah and outcast of society in canon, but in modern verse he’s a regular citizen of the UK ( although also a criminal ). EDUCATION  LEVEL :  Jack is educated in canon, though not formally ( most of it was self-taught but a fair amount came from his parents, such as his literacy from his mother and a lot of his navigational prowess from Teague ). In modern, Jack is educated to secondary/high school level but did not go on to university level education except in his professor AU.

FAMILY. FATHER : Captain Edward Teague, the Keeper of the Pirate’s Code. MOTHER : Maria Sparrow, a daughter of a slave-owner who ran away from home and eventually joined Teague’s crew as a ship’s cook. She gave birth to Jack in a typhoon, and died of illness ( complications caused by her second pregnancy ) when he was seven years old. SIBLINGS : Technically speaking Jack has none, save an unborn sister who died alongside his mother. To this day he has no idea that his mother was pregnant before she died. EXTENDED  FAMILY : Oh he has so many that I’m not gonna name them all. The most important are his paternal grandmother, Anne Teague, a former Pirate Lord, and his paternal grandfather, Bartholomew, who was one of the individuals who laid down the Code. NAME  MEANING / S : Jack is a diminutive form of John, and just means man or boy lmfao  HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? : Umm well Jack isn’t strictly based on any pirate of history, although there are connections you can draw between Jack and the historical Jack Rackham, if only for the name and the fact that Jack also has no issue about sailing alongside women. I’ve also read somewhere that there’s a muslim pirate with a connection to Jack but don’t quote me on that. Mainly he’s a character who draws heavily on the romantic archetype of the pirate through history -- his clearest literary predecessor, however, is Lord Byron’s Conrad.

FAVOURITES. BOOK : My Lyfe Among the Pyrates, Captain J. Ward, the Divine Comedy, Dante, Hamlet, Shakespeare, Robinson Crusoe, Daniel Defoe. MOVIE : In modern verse, Jack is a fan of adventure flicks, and notoriously hates romcoms. 5  SONGS : I’m just gonna cheat and put this one. Spanish Ladies is another, if we’re talking historical sea shanties, and while it’s an anachronism you might as well put Stevenson’s fifteen men on a dead man’s chest too. DEITY : None, although he was close to Calypso, albeit without knowing that she was a goddess in human form. HOLIDAY : Jack notoriously dislikes holidays. He rarely celebrates his birthday or Christmas of his own accord and is ambivalent towards Valentine’s or Halloween. One that he does enjoy is probably New Years. MONTH : July SEASON : Summer PLACE : Tortuga WEATHER : Sun and clear skies is his preferred sort of weather, but he does love a good storm too. SOUND : The sea, the wind filling the Pearl’s sails, the creaking of her wood, sea shanties and musical instruments being played on board. SCENT / S : Spices, sugar, rum, salt of the sea, gunpowder, fresh varnish and tar. TASTE / S : Fresh meat and fish, rum, anything sweet in flavour. FEEL / S : The wood of the Pearl’s railing beneath his fingers, the thin, loose fabric of his clothing, parchment and unfurled maps. ANIMAL / S : Dogs if he had to choose any at all. NUMBER : None. COLOUR : None in particular. The brighter the colour, the better.

EXTRA. TALENTS : Navigation, cartographical skills, shipboard work, aiming and firing a gun, fencing, thinking on his feet, impractical escapes, manipulating others to his advantage, swimming, fishing. BAD  AT : Trusting the right people, or trusting at all when it comes to his later verses, and this refusal to put faith in people only serves to perpetuate the view that he is unreliable and untrustworthy and therefore worth betraying before he betrays you in return. He’s also shit at romance and sentimentality; he can put forth the effort when he doesn’t really care for the other person, but when it comes to romantic gestures for someone he truly cares about or reacting to a romantic gesture in return, he honestly does not know how to respond. TURN  ONS : Intelligence, a shared love of freedom, charisma, appearance, strong opinions and convictions, loyalty, individuality, strength of character, cockiness. TURN  OFFS : Ignorance, stupidity, prejudice, willingness to conform or fit the mould, passivity, disloyalty.  HOBBIES : He enjoys swimming, fencing, gambling, reading and fishing, aside from his first love, that of sailing and navigation. TROPES : The obvious two are the trickster and the byronic hero, but also being good sucks, beware the silly ones, breakout character, the chessmaster, cultured badass, deal with the devil, the gunslinger, hidden depths, no such thing as bad publicity, pretty boy and shrouded in myth are my faves. his entire tv tropes page can be found here and it’s glorious AESTHETIC  TAGS : -- GPOY  QUOTES : “There is no end to our story.”

FC INFO. MAIN  FC / S : Johnny Depp. ALT  FC / S : None. OLDER  FC / S : None. YOUNGER  FC / S : none yet lmfao the search for a child fc continues VOICE  CLAIM / S : Johnny Depp GENDERBENT  FC / S : None.

MUN QUESTIONS. Q1 : if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?           A1 : It would be a film adaptation of The Price of Freedom l b r. It would probably have to be streamlined for runtime purposes, but all of the important parts would be there B) Q2 : what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?           A2 : insert the potc soundtrack here Q3 : why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?           A3 : Because Jack Sparrow has held an incredibly important place in my heart since I was eleven years old. He was really the first live-action character I properly connected with, my first on-screen crush, and idk there was just something about him that really appealed to me. He’s also just an insane amount of fun; I know how Johnny feels honestly the chance to write this character is a ridiculous amount of fun because he’s just so shamelessly himself. Q4 : what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?           A4 : Gosh idk man everything. He was just so different to anything I’d ever seen before, and when I was younger I obviously loved the funnier, comic aspects of his character, but as I got older I began to appreciate the insane amount of depth that Jack possesses. He is one of the most complicated characters in modern cinema imho and both the writing and Johnny’s portrayal make him so very human. He is not without fault, but behind the bluster and flamboyance and sass there is a very damaged, very real, but ultimately very good person. He’s just connected with me in a way that no other fictional character really has. Q5 : describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.           A5 : Hmmm I’m not sure there’s anything I dislike about Jack, per se, but I guess certain traits of his frustrate me. Most of the time it’s his refusal to trust or depend on others; he’s very closed-off so if anyone tries to broach significant subjects with him he will deflect like there’s no tomorrow. Also his restraint; honestly the amount of times I have wanted to see him let rip at certain muses but he will refuse to because he sees the expression of emotion as such a weakness. Q6 : what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?           A6 : We’re very different, but I think there are some core characteristics we share. Similar things appeal to us, particularly when it comes to our enjoying witty banter and repartee with others. We’re both opinionated, have very similar senses of humour, are sometimes petty, bitter and we both hold grudges like there’s no tomorrow. Our arguing styles are also very similar, although Jack gets into arguments way more often than I do lmao. We’re both quite rationally minded people, but we also have a very emotional and compassionate side too. Q7 : how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?           A7 : He thinks I’m incredibly dull lmfao Q8 : what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?         A8 : Oh damn who doesn’t he have interesting interactions with. Off the top of my head, Esmeralda de Sevilla, Elizabeth Swann, Cutler Beckett, Will Turner, James Norrington, Teague, Dodger, Barbossa, Charles Vane, Jack Rackham, the Tenth Doctor, Killian Jones, Isabela, Thomas Dalton, Maeve Millay, Megan Santiago, Credence Barebone, Henry Turner and there are others that I’ve surely forgotten too. Q9 : what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?         A9 : All sorts of things really. Listening to music helps, as well as watching fanvids on youtube and rereading through old threads. Q10 : how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?         A10 : I have no idea because I did it over several days lmao

[imagitory]

D-Views Special: Top 5 Best Disney Cheapquels

Evening, guys! Tonight we’ll be doing something special for D-Views – a top 5 list! Many reviewers like to do lists of different movies, and I figured it’d be fun to give it a try.

Disney sequels – there are a lot more bad ones than good. Most of the recent sequels to Disney’s animated fare were produced by DisneyToon Studios, an offshoot branch of the animation department that has solely produced direct-to-video films. These films also have a pretty bad reputation, to the extent that many scornfully designate them as “cheapquels.” I may or may not talk about these films or the films that inspired sometime in depth in the future, but for now, let’s go ahead and count down the Disney cheapquels that I have seen and actually liked all right. If your favorite doesn’t appear on the list, it is possible that I either haven’t seen it (like in the case of Leroy and Stitch) or didn’t like it as much myself. Here we go!

First, let’s start with a few honorable mentions. Bambi II, although it doesn’t completely match up with the first movie and has a pretty predictable story, gives us some depth to Bambi and his father’s relationship, which wasn’t discussed much in the original. Beauty and the Beast and the Enchanted Christmas is more of a guilty pleasure – I watched it a lot as a kid, and although I acknowledge it’s not that great, the music still brings me a lot of childish joy around the holidays. Return of Jafar also has some nostalgia factor for me since I grew up with the Aladdin TV series and actually really love the angle of Iago being our main character with a story arc. Still, the animation is definitely more on the “TV series” level than a movie, the music isn’t that great especially compared to the original, and I don’t think that someone who didn’t likewise grow up with the TV show would be able to fully accept Dan Castellaneta playing the Genie instead of Robin Williams. Plus the idea of the villain coming back seeking revenge is…yeah, pretty hackneyed. Return to Neverland has a really good cast (the actors for Peter and Hook especially are spot-on replacements), pretty good animation, and a creative story line, but the music is extremely dated and doesn’t fit the movie and the octopus just...ugh. Just ugh. Now that that’s out of the way…here’s my list!

5) Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins

Admittedly this movie is less of a sequel and more of a spin-off to Toy Story, focusing around the adventures of the fictional character Buzz Lightyear that inspired the toy in Andy’s room. It looks and feels like a pilot for a TV series (which it is), but to be honest, I think this movie pilot is the best thing that series ever put out and I still find it incredibly entertaining by itself. I really like the new characters introduced – the spunky redhead princess Mira Nova, the bumbling, bookish janitor Booster, the cynical, trouble-making robot XR, Buzz’s cocky partner Warp Darkmatter, and the gruff Commander Nebula. Then you have our villain and Buzz’s archenemy, the evil Emperor Zurg. Admittedly Zurg is completely opposite to how I’d always imagined the character to be upon seeing Toy Story 2 (basically I saw him as Darth Vader with red eyes and purple armor), but even I have to admit, he can be very funny. I still would’ve personally preferred a more menacing and complex villain, but I can see the appeal of a villain like this too, particularly in a movie that’s clearly not taking itself too seriously. Hell, at one point, Zurg says he’s going to fire his laser at “the planet of widows and orphans,” and Buzz growls at him, “You fiend!” and nobly tries to fight back – as if that planet is actually a real thing. That is just amazingly ridiculous.

4) Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World

Before all of you jump down my throat…let me explain. Pocahontas is a film that I personally enjoy for its music and its visuals, and not much else. I find the characters uninteresting, the story standard and predictable, the romance to be bland and devoid of chemistry, the events to be so unlike the history in question that it shouldn’t salute it at all, and the messages to be very heavy-handed in their delivery. Generally speaking, I don’t care for Romeo and Juliet plot-lines as well, so Pocahontas overall was just not made to appeal to my sensibilities. Strangely, though…Pocahontas II actually kept me entertained. Sure, the animation is miles below the original, and there is really only one song that I would say is really good (“Where Will I Go From Here?“ and its reprise), but everything else I can’t help but feel is done better in this film than in the previous one. Rather than being conflicted about whether to marry or not or about falling in love with this Englishman she barely knows, Pocahontas is conflicted about how much to adapt to this new world she’s entered and how much to stay true to her own heritage.  She’s gone to England as an ambassador trying to forge peace, all the while knowing that everything she is works against her. Not only is her race considered savage, but she is also a woman, in a land and time when men are seen as superior. In the first film, I found Pocahontas’s conflict to be pretty weak, since it’s clear from the start what her path will and should be, but in the second film, she has to compromise between two extremes rather than choose one option or another. This already shows much more thought in both the story and the main character. Also, I know some people will hate me for this, but I like John Rolfe infinitely better than John Smith, as Disney heroes go. Smith I’ve just never found that well-developed of a character – he’s basically every over-the-top heroic Mel Gibson performance you’ve ever seen, except that in the beginning he’s shown to be a little racist (and after that it’s NEVER addressed again, like it never happened – he never even apologizes or vocally acknowledges to Poca that she’s right or something). But Rolfe has a definitive personality with both flaws and strengths. He’s uptight and a little sexist at first, but he always asserts and retains his honor. He will stand up for the disenfranchised and try to find a peaceful route however he can, rather than just barreling in. He’s a little awkward and overly proper, but when he cares for someone, he can be warm and affectionate. He’s introverted and thoughtful, and he understands the proper time to be honest and the proper time to give someone their space. If you like John Smith, that’s fine – but I honestly think it was really mature of this movie to depict someone moving on from one love to another, which had never really happened in a Disney movie before. We came close with Megara in Hercules and Anna in Frozen, but their first romances are depicted as just flat-out bad. But there were good moments with Pocahontas and John Smith (even though I personally never cared about them), and they did both sincerely love each other – they’ve just changed into different people and realize that they belong in different worlds. And although I would never claim Disney’s films portraying Pocahontas have ever been close to historically accurate, Pocahontas II I still feel comes closer than the actual history than the first one does. It embraces the setting of London in that period – it doesn’t shy away from the fact that women were looked down upon – it depicts actual historical figures (sorry, Radcliffe doesn’t count: the real Radcliffe most assuredly was nothing like that) – Pocahontas actually goes to England as a peace emissary like the real historical figure did – there’s even a horrific scene featuring a bear baiting, which was a real thing from that period.

3) The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride

Yes, I know this was based on Romeo and Juliet. Yes, I did just say I hate Romeo and Juliet storylines in the last section. And I still do. In fact, this is the thing I like least about this film. But the biggest credit I can give to this film is that although it’s based on Romeo and Juliet, there are notable plot discrepancies between this film and its predecessor, and many of the main characters from the last film don’t do much in the story, I still found enough to enjoy in this for me to recommend it. I like the main characters, Kiara and Kovu, and the chemistry that forms between them – Romeo and Juliet stories so often have very little behind them except “Oooh, a forbidden love, how exciting!” but these characters do actually have moments together...having fun, having discussions, and learning and growing through their experiences together. It helps us see them as an actual couple, rather than just a pair of two flighty, hormonal teenagers. I like the conflict Kovu has to come to grips with – that he has been raised to idolize and follow in the footsteps of a monster, and that he must turn his back on everything his family has taught him. I like the conflict Kiara has to come to grips with – that her father is casting out the one she loves, that war between the two prides is imminent, and that she has to stand up to her father to protect a pride of lions that have always been her enemies. I like Zira as a villain – no one could be a match for Scar, and admittedly the “woman scorned” is a trope as old as dirt, but the song she has in this movie (“My Lullaby”) is just as sinister as “Be Prepared” and it perfectly sets up how obsessed she is with avenging her pain against Simba. On the note of the music…it’s really good! It starts off with “He Lives in You,” which was written for a bonus Lion King CD called Rhythm of the Pridelands and of course later appeared in the Broadway production, but it also introduces memorable new tunes like “Upendi” and “Love Will Find a Way.” Of all of the Disney sequels, this soundtrack is by far the best, and the animation isn’t half bad either! The scene with Kiara trying to escape the fire actually gets really suspenseful and scary.  

2) Cinderella III: A Twist in Time

I’m sure many of you expected this to appear on the list. This movie is widely considered to be one of the very few good Disney direct-to-video sequels out there, and…yeah, it really is a legitimate surprise! I’m not the biggest fan of Disney’s animated version of Cinderella (I much prefer Ever After and the 1998 version), but I do think it’s a classic and I enjoy some of the “twists” (haha) that this sequel did on it. Not only does it help us develop our main love interests and their relationship more – not only does it develop the king into a sentimental old man who sees his deceased wife in this young girl his son brings home – not only does it develop our villains and even turn one of them into a very likable anti-villain – but it also takes a story that should be dead on arrival and makes it kind of exciting! The animation at points is pretty impressive too, especially in the climax. I admit that I still find Cinderella and her prince pretty bland in this movie (hell, they STILL DON’T GIVE HIM A NAME! COME ON!), I find the music really lackluster, and of course the story by itself is pretty silly and contrived, but all things considered, it’s much better than anything I expected.

1) Aladdin and the King of Thieves

This film is sort of a season finale for the Aladdin TV series, and as those go, this is easily the best send-off that show could’ve gotten. I think it’s one of the best send-offs for a kids’ show ever. Unlike in Return of Jafar, a good deal of money and time was put into the animation, making it a good step up from the usual TV animation we were used to seeing from the creators, and the music was a good step up from Return of Jafar too. My personal favorite song in the film is the opening number “There’s a Party Here in Agrabah,” but I also found “Out of Thin Air” very sweet and “Welcome to the Forty Thieves” and “Are You In or Out?” very catchy. I also really like the story centering on Aladdin and his father and find it very relatable. Cassim dropped out of Aladdin’s life, but Aladdin still wants him to be in it, and although Cassim wants the same, he’s constantly flaking between his selfish King-of-Thieves-like desires and his more paternal Father-like ones. And believe me, this is something I greatly relate to – I have first-hand experience with a parent who never really knew how to be one and so therefore constantly flip-flopped between being affectionate and completely and totally selfish. Despite this, though, you do still see the genuine caring there, even if Cassim doesn’t always know how to express it, and I can’t help but feel for both Aladdin and him when they realize that they belong in two different worlds. Although they come to that conclusion, though, they know that they love each other and wish each other the best. That’s a pretty great ending. There are definitely some things wrong with this movie – most notably, the lack of action for Jasmine and the extremely drawn-out focus on Genie and his jokes – but I still find this movie really entertaining. Its action scenes are excellent and creative, and the emotion hits home for me in all the right ways. It is everything I ever could’ve wanted from the Aladdin TV series.

[anautisticdragon-blog]

Humanity's Love Affair with the Sociopath

Sigh. This one's been a long time coming, I've been putting it off because it's such a big topic, but I need to talk about it eventually because it's at the core of everything I've ever talked about. It's my problem with the Zeitgeist, and with contemporary society today. It's my beef, it grins my gears, and it's something you've never asked yourself.

Why do you love sociopaths?

The media is partly to blame, it always is. We've seen an evolution of character types across the decades, from the friendly person with the heart of gold from the idealistic '80s doing all it can to avoid the inherent, inborn corruption of humanity, to the more earnest depiction of an abrasive, incredibly cynical person with a heart of gold from the '90s. From Ninja Turtles to John Constantine, they all had something in common.

They had a heart. They all had compassion, empathy, and no matter how cynical some of those '90s characters could get, underneath it all there was still a basic belief in humanity. A compassion that drove them to always do the right thing despite their bitterness at an uncaring world, an untainted moral compass that never swerved away from wanting what was best. For everyone, with no one left out. An end to the suffering people unjustly endured at the hands of those without a soul.

At some point, we started cheering on the villain. The abyssal creature without a soul, the demonic presence that had no heart to speak of, never you mind one of stone. It became so 'kewl' to be the con man, robbing old ladies for all their worth, spitting on the heroic figures who'd heretofore showed children the consequences of such actions.

It all comes down to the rise of extraversion and how it's tainted to its very core. It might sound like a horrible way to think, but there's just too much evidence to support it and there's going to be a lot of that in this post. I've learned that it isn't 'Humanity are Bastards,' as the trope goes, but rather 'Extraverts are Bloody Psychopaths,' just within varying degrees.

Why do you think the Nigerian scam mails worked? Affiliative extraverts thought themselves clever, they'd 'play' the poor prince, get him to open up and trust them so that they could get that big, juicy slice of money. And then? They'd not give it back! 10 per cent! Why have such a meagre pittance when you could take this 'innocent prince' for all he's worth? What a lark, take that silly sod to the cleaners for trusting you!

Didn't work out that way, eh extraverts?

As good as extraverts think they are at 'playing the game,' sociopaths are a billion times better. And affiliative extraverts seem almost wired to fall for it. It might be a survival instinct to obey the strongest, and thus be seeen as such by proxy, so sociopathic behaviour is desirable because it exudes airs of 'strength.' Even when that 'strength' gets your bank account cleaned out because you thought you were being bloody clever.

Instead of falling arse over tit for a stupid, stupid con.

It's why we have cults of personality... right? Just the affiliatives trying to emulate the 'strong,' trying to be 'strong' by proxy. All looking to the 'strong' for guidance, for will, to do what they bloody can't. Trying to behave like them in order to gain favour. Whether it's Steve Jobs, Donald Trump, or any charismatic sack of ichorous waste, whatever the Wastrel of the Day is, if they're manipulative enough, the affiliatives will follow.

It happens on all kinds of scales. All kinds. You'd have to be the world's shiniest example of a Joe bloody Soap to not see it, and people don't. These cults of personality pop up everywhere. And I have to pick out an obscure favourite of mine so that people won't be too invested in it, if you're seeing this from an outside perspective, you might actually catch on. So, what manner of dirtbag is going to serve as my example?

I'm going to use one that was never of criminal intent, though a generally scummy person nonetheless. Chris Avellone. In video game circles you might have heard of him, most do I'd think, and they worship him without even really knowing why. Why? Well, he's a sociopath, isn't he? Anyone with the brass clackers enough to lead a cult of personality always is.

Nature of the beast.

What'd he do? Let's see. He wrote a Fallout Bible and claimed to have absolute creative veto over the IP, for one thing. If a designer or writer had anything contradictory to say on the matter? He'd passive-aggressively mock them in his 'Bible.' That he called it a bible is more than a bit telling, don't you think? That's not indicative of off the charts narcissistic arrogance at all. Oh no, not even a little bit. No, no...

So let's look at the characters he's proud of including in video games, shall we? Kreia, from Knights of the Old Republic: A soapbox for Avellone's seedy, unbalanced views and a sociopath. Ulyssess, from New Vegas: See Kreia. Weeping Mother, from Pillars of Eternity: See Kreia. Sensing a pattern, yet? Ulysses wanted to nuke everyone back into a fresh apocalyptic state, it's what humanity deserved, he just wanted to watch them burn.

Avellone has often said that that's what he'd wish for the Fallout franchise. That's not worrying at all, right? Okay, how about how in a recent interview, with all of the cocksure arrogance of a sociopath, he told an interviewer that he prefers 'smart evil?' He'd prefer to 'talk two people into killing one another' rather than actually save anyone. Or Tyranny, which was Avellone's brainchild? That was a world of villainy and evil, lead by sociopaths... Cor, have to wonder if you're sensing a pattern yet. I am.

Oh, and he took an ending out of a game that allowed a group of sapient creatures a future, and a chance at happiness. Why? They weren't human, he believed that their purpose in the story was to die and suffer. Oh yes, did I mention that Avellone is a bit of a crackpot?

And yet people love him.

So, let's move onto a fictional example. Rocket Raccoon was originally an abrasive character with a heart of gold, much like John Constantine. I adored him. That's when he was written by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning. Did you know that Rocket had a different origin than the dreary rot the films put him through? He was originally a fluffy artificial life form created to help the mentally disabled and disturbed. In DnA's run on Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket was a really nice fellah, reliable, and a genius. Definitely a bit rough around the edges, to be sure, but a stand up bloke nonetheless.

So, Rocket Raccoon is handed over to Bendis. Brian Michael Bendis...

Brian "Misogyny'n snuff porn is my bag, yo!" Bendis. Brian "I think it's super funny when Elektra gets kicked hard in the vagina by a guy, especially when the onomatopoeia is FOOM!" Bendis. Brian "If a woman didn't get shot in the head in this issue, I didn't write it!" Bendis. Brian "I hate Grant Morrison and Alan Moore just because they're British and that scares me!" Bendis. Brian "It's so funny whenever Tigra gets humiliated, stripped down, forced to do naughty things on camera, and then gets brutally raped by white villains. 'Cause I hate her and that makes it funny! Hehe!" Bendis. Brian "When I write Doctor Doom, he gets to call a woman a 'fat cow whore' and it's totally in character!" Michael God Damn Fucking Bendis.

So, yes, Bendis is also a sociopath. We won't talk about that, here, though. I think I've already covered my grievances above well enough. Suffice it to say though that this man has a history of being shitty to women in comics. And you can probably guess what happens to Rocket, right? Rocket is now a misogynistic sociopath. Hooray. He's a massive arsehole. And not the kind that has a heart of gold, of course. Oh no, not even slightly. He's just a humongous pile of shit.

Cheers, Bendis. You desperate, oversexed and sexually frustrated tosspot. I don't want to be around for the next character you drag over hot coals. That, loves, is why I no longer 'Make Mine Marvel.' More like, 'Take Thine Garble... and shove it where the sun don't shine!' I'm sorry, I have to be facetious, I can't make it through this any other way.

The world is just obsessed with sociopathy.

Take a running kick at a cat's skull to post up on Youtube? Haha, it's funny! Grab a dolphin out of its water, toss it around and abuse it on camera for the purpose of selfies? It's fiiine! When did we start excusing this kind of shit? When did we begin to turn a blind eye? When did it become okay for some charismatic, inbred pigfucker to ruin Britain for everyo--Okay, now I'm getting too specific, aren't I?

That's the truth of it, though. All it takes is charisma and a Machiavellian mind and you can get away with anything! You can be the world's biggest dickhole and people will just cheer you on, no matter what you do! It doesn't matter who gets hurt in the process, does it? And that's where this pus-filled bubo on the face of humanity I 'affectionately' call the Alt-Blight rose from. This is the kind of hell we're living in where somone can have people genuinely think they're hot shit and the greatest new thing since sliced bloody bread for driving a car into a crowd of peaceful protestors!

HOW IS THIS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD???

I come back to Rocket Raccoon in my head. A fluffy critter made to help out the mentally infirm and troubled, reinvented in this cool, hip new age of rabid sociopathy to be a psychopathic, crazy cyborg killer. Why?

Why any of this?

Extraverts.

It's the conclusion I keep coming to and the one I can never get away from. It's what I pointed out when I linked that video from Mike Rowlands just a li'l bit back where he was pointing out how an Alt-Blight arsehat was being a filthy, pathological liar. In one shot, putting on a sob story about how his ilk are just 'peaceful,' not at all violent like the left, and so unfairly 'persecuted for having wrong opinions,' boo-hoo; In another shot, shown counting and bragging about his many, many, many guns.

Extraverts are enablers. They're a hoard, a hive, a buzzing little collective of workers that empower sociopaths by being taken in by them, granting these nutcases power beyond reckoning through their sheer numbers. This is how Trump happened, becasue affiliative extraverts are so easily brainwashed, conditioned, and tricked. All you have to do is convince them they're being clever, that they're in the 'in crowd,' that their chosen social tribe is the most hip, happenin', 'kewl' one out there? And they will, each and every one, collectively swear a holy blood oath to a known murderer.

And thanks to that, we're in a position where it's 'cool' to be a sociopath, psychopath, or other kind of crazy. it's 'seductive,' it's 'hot,' it's 'alluring,' it's 'pull your heads out of your fucking arses.' This isn't Twilight. It's 'strong,' it's 'powerful,' it's 'money,' it's 'stop being so damn deluded while the world dies around you.' With readily denied real issues rotting the world we live on, like global warming and overpopulation, this earth's not going to be around much longer. So why?

Why?

Do you just not care about your children? At all? Or your grand kids?

You bunch of bloody soggy-brained lunatics. That's all I can really say on the matter, isn't it? Singing and dancing while the world burns around you. You bloody lunatics.

I'm just going to talk a liittle about something personal that means a bit to me before I wrap this up. It's even managed to invade the furry community, to worrying degrees. When the Internet was younger, when there were few extraverts (because the Internet was wickedly complicated and they'd not the salted noodles enough to figure it out), the furry fandom was such a genuinely lovely place. It was. You should've seen Furcadia at its height, it was lovely. There were these little communities hosted on servers called MUCKS where fantastically brilliant, singular people got together to dream and imagine things only the brightest furry minds would.

It's why there were a lot of furries involved in video game development in the '90s and early '00s, you know? True story. Look into it. Dr. Cat is but one example. Anyway, it was good. And now? The Alt-Blight have invaded these MUCKs, chased all of the light and wonder away, so these are now tainted, festering hellholes of hatred. It's bizarre to walk through them again and, crestfallen, see how that cancer has made them sick with bile.

Even furries now have to deal with the Alt-Blight. I'm sure a lot of furries might think it's cool. That's the friggernaffin' Zeitgeist, isn't it? Sociopathy is so cool, hot, powerful, and sexy, and a giant taintfest of hatred, let's please never forget that part. It's a very important part, I think.

So it's everywhere. I feel like it's overtaking everything that ever meant something to me. So this is a fight. It has to be. In its own way, this is a war. This is the most abstract war anyone's ever fought. It's a war fought by abstracts against abstracts. It's a war fought against hatred, by compassion; It's a war fought against intolerance, by acceptance; It's a war fought against arrogance, by knowledge; It's a war fought against propaganda, by independent thought; It's a war fought against collectivism, by creativity; It's a war fought against the worst of us, by the best of us.

So, you know. I might be an abrasive buttface, and that's fine, because my heart's always in the right place. I'm not a misogynist, I don't abuse animals, I'm hardly about to run a car into a crowd of people... I think this defines the very opposite of who I am. I've chosen my side. I think that's something we all have to do, now, because it's necessary. Because this is happening and we're not going to be able to hide our heads in the sand any longer.

I get to choose to be 'a poncy, SJW, politically correct sissboy' or... well, a monster. An actual monster. Which is what they are. It might be evangelical, but it's how we have to look at the world, now. So I'm proud to be an SJW, I've said it in the past. I couldn't be more proud, I couldn't be happier! I derive great personal worth from this, because I'm not a monster.

Monsters of yore might have had scales or fur, they might've been fifty stories tall or come in flying saucers. The monster of today has white skin, they're not that tall, either, and they certainly didn't arrive in flying saucers. No, these monsters are home-grown. They're our monsters. And we have to recognise them as such.

If you see a Nazi, say Nazi. That's what every sociopath, psychopath, and associated nutjob out there is going to be. The Alt-Blight, what have you? Nazi. Even ex-neo Nazis will tell you that the Alt-Blight are Nazis.

So can we stop glorifying and empowering monsters now, please?

This is a dark time in history, one of those things where the younger generations will look back and shake their heads in such terrible shame. So let's come out swinging and put this Nazi blight to rest. Once and for all.

Citations

Abused Cat Abused Dolphin Avellone Prefers Sociopathy Example of Bendis's Sociopathy Alt-Blight Furry Troubles Alt-Blight MUCK Taint Alt-Blight Brainwashing

[trendingnewsb]

What did critics think of the original ‘Star Wars’ in 1977?

Image: Fox/Kobal/REX/Shutterstock

Happy birthday, Star Wars.

This week marks the 40th anniversary of the film that launched not just a franchise, but an entirely new universe of thrilling stories, lovable characters, and more tie-in merchandise than you can shake a stick at.

SEE ALSO: This photo of Carrie Fisher and Billie Lourd in ‘Star Wars’ costumes will ruin you

But back in 1977, of course, no one knew just how big Star Wars would get. At the time, it was just an intriguing new release from the promising young director of THX 1138 and American Graffiti. On its very first day of release, it played in just 32 theaters across the U.S.

However, it didn’t take long for moviegoers, critics, and industry execs alike to realize they had something special on their hands. Those 32 theaters saw record-breaking ticket sales. Lines began to form, 20th Century Fox stock went up, and news outlets started to take notice. And, of course, the reviews started coming in.

It wasn’t until the next film that moviegoers would realize just how big a deal this guy was.

Image: Lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / Kobal

In 2017, we generally take for granted that just about everyone has seen Star Wars, and that just about everyone who’s seen Star Wars likes Star Wars. It’s hard to name a property more beloved or more ubiquitous.

It’s fascinating, then, to look back at the initial reviews from 1977. These critics couldn’t assume their readers had any interest in Star Wars, or even any idea of what it was. It was impossible for them to anticipate the twists and turns to come in The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi (to say nothing of the prequel trilogy, the current sequel series, the A Star Wars Story spinoffs, and all the supplementary canon material).

All they had was the movie in front of them: an original sci-fi adventure, starring a mix of familiar and up-and-coming actors, steeped in a mythology that only gradually revealed itself over the course of the movie. So with all that in mind, what did they think? Well …

Did critics like Star Wars?

Moviegoers line up outside the Avco Center Theater in Los Angeles for a showing of Star Wars in 1977.

Image: Anonymous / AP

Generally speaking, yes! Roger Ebert was over the moon about it, for example, describing it as “an out-of-the-body experience.” Time named it “the year’s best movie.”

There were a few pans, of course. The New Yorker‘s Pauline Kael sniffed that it was “an assemblage of spare partsit has no emotional grip.” In a similar vein, New York sneered, “Star Wars will do very nicely for those lucky enough to be children or unlucky enough never to have grown up.”

But most reviews fell closer to this rave by The Toronto Star:

Star Wars is one of the most enjoyable movies ever made a funny, exciting and magnificently spectacular two-hour space fantasy that leaves the audience panting for a sequel.

How did critics describe Star Wars?

Critics frequently compared Star Wars to Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, released in 1968.

Image: Moviestore

Star Wars is such a universal point of reference these days that anything remotely similar to Star Wars is described as being “like Star Wars.” But that, of course, was not an option when critics were describing the original Star Wars.

Instead, people described it more or less like Roger Ebert does below. The Wizard of Oz, Flash Gordon, and 2001: A Space Odyssey are all referenced often across these reviews.

“Star Wars” is a fairy tale, a fantasy, a legend, finding its roots in some of our most popular fictions. The golden robot, lion-faced space pilot, and insecure little computer on wheels must have been suggested by the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion, and the Scarecrow in “The Wizard of Oz.” The journey from one end of the galaxy to another is out of countless thousands of space operas. The hardware is from “Flash Gordon” out of “2001: A Space Odyssey,” the chivalry is from Robin Hood, the heroes are from Westerns and the villains are a cross between Nazis and sorcerers. “Star Wars” taps the pulp fantasies buried in our memories, and because it’s done so brilliantly, it reactivates old thrills, fears, and exhilarations we thought we’d abandoned when we read our last copy of Amazing Stories.

What did reviewers think of Darth Vader?

Princess Leia is held captive by Grand Moff Tarkin and his “executive assistant.”

Image: Lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / Kobal

Less than you might think. Darth Vader looms large over Star Wars now his black helmet is to Star Wars what Mickey Mouse ears are to Disney but he’s only actually in A New Hope for about ten minutes. It wasn’t ’til The Empire Strikes Back that fans realized Darth Vader was a Skywalker, and that Star Wars was the story of the Skywalker family.

Instead, a lot of reviews from the era present Peter Cushing’s Grand Moff Tarkin as the main villain, and Darth Vader as … uh …

“[Tarkin’s] executive assistant” (The New York Times).

“[Tarkin’s] sorcerous, black-masked aide, Lord Darth Vader” (Variety).

“a six-and-a-half-foot renegade knight of The Force (David Prowse) who wears a black (what else?) uniform and cape and a predatory beaked black metal face mask” (Newsday).

“a knight in chilling black armor (who should have been dubbed ‘The Breather’)” (The Denver Post).

“an assistant who looks like a black vinyl-coated frog” (The Chicago Tribune‘s Gene Siskel).

But hey, it could be worse. Some reviewers don’t even mention Vader including The Guardian, who simply refers to “an assortment of villains so unterrifying that it looks as if youd only have to pinch them to produce a fit of giggles (but who would dare do any such thing to Peter Cushing?)”

Ouch. Okay, what about the other characters?

Think of them as a sort of outer-space Laurel and Hardy.

Image: Lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / Kobal

R2-D2 and C-3PO were incredibly popular with critics of the era, which probably isn’t that surprising considering how well loved they still are today. The pair drew comparisons to Laurel and Hardy, as well as a bunch of superlatives. Here’s a sampling:

“the most enjoyable characters in the film” (The Chicago Tribune‘s Gene Siskel).

“the year’s best new comedy team” (The New York Times).

“two of the most adorable characters ever to enliven a film” (The Hollywood Reporter).

The duo even won over New York, which was otherwise critical of the film. After sighing that all the other characters and conflicts were “all as exciting as last year’s weather reports,” writer John Simon acknowledges:

Rather more can be said for the two robots that steal the show: one humanoid, British-accented, and with an Edward Everett Horton persona; the other, a kind of mobile electronic trash can, all nervous beeps and hearty bloops, waddling along in vintage Mickey Rooney style.

What about the human characters?

Alec Guinness may have hated Star Wars, but critics loved him in it.

Image: Lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / Kobal

Alec Guinness drew his fair share of praise for playing Ben Kenobi. (The Denver Post described his casting as a “stroke of genius.”) Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford aren’t talked about as much, perhaps because all three were still so early in their careers.

Still, a handful of critics spotted their potential right away. Ford got a particularly gushing rave from The Washington Post:

Han Solo is the films most flamboyant human role, and Harrison Ford, who appeared as the hot rodder who challenged Paul Le Mat in American Graffiti, has a splendid time capitalizing on its irresistible style of cynical heroism. It would be professionally criminal to flub such an ingratiating, star-making assignment, and although Ford plays in a relaxed, drawing style, reminiscent of Jack Nicholson at his foxiest, he maintains a firm grip on this golden opportunity. He would have kids and grownups by the millions roaring their approval at defiant sentiments like the following: Bring em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around.

In addition, The Toronto Star dropped this bit of praise for the director: “Lucas proved in American Graffiti that he works well with performers, and he does it again in Star Wars.” It makes perfect sense in context, of course; it’s just funny to read now that we’ve suffered through the stilted acting of the prequel trilogy.

Were there any standout scenes?

The cantina scene was an instant classic (and, IMHO, totally deserved to be).

Image: lucasfilm / 20th century fox / kobal

Different reviewers highlighted different scenes, but one that came up again and again was the cantina scene. The Washington Post devotes roughly four paragraphs to this one sequence, and Gene Siskel described it as “the film’s funniest sequence.” It was also a favorite of Roger Ebert‘s, who wrote:

The most fascinating single scene, for me, was the one set in the bizarre saloon on the planet Tatooine. As that incredible collection of extraterrestrial alcoholics and bug-eyed martini drinkers lined up at the bar, and as Lucas so slyly let them exhibit characteristics that were universally human, I found myself feeling a combination of admiration and delight. “Star Wars” had placed me in the presence of really magical movie invention: Here, all mixed together, were whimsy and fantasy, simple wonderment and quietly sophisticated storytelling.

How about those special effects?

George Lucas works his special effects magic on the set of Star Wars.

Image: lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / kobal

The visuals were so stunning that, according to Gene Siskel, “the audience applauded the names of its special effects artists” after a preview screening of Star Wars. (Siskel agrees that the clapping was “deserved.”)

Likewise, The New York Times enthuses:

The true stars of Star Wars are John Barry, who was responsible for the production design, and the people who were responsible for the incredible special effectsspaceships, explosions of stars, space battles, hand-to-hand combat with what appear to be lethal neon swords.

Comparisons to Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey were frequent and usually favorable:

“‘Star Wars’ is as beautiful as anything on a movie screen in a decade, and can hold its own in comparison to ‘2001: A Space Odyssey'” (Newsday).

Lucas has assembled the most brilliant special effects and futuristic characters this side of ‘2001: A Space Odyssey.’ (The Denver Post).

Lucas film cost significantly less than Kubricks even after inflation. But the small army of inspired technical effects creators he assembled have worked wizardries in some ways more lavish and varied than Kubricks own (The LA Times).

Star Wars is an impeccable technical achievement: a quantum or maybe quasar leap beyond 2001 (New York which, remember, did not like the movie).

Any famous last words?

That Luke-Leia twist sure made a lot of things retroactively creepy.

Image: Lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / Kobal

Look, it’s obviously unfair to fault critics of the time for not predicting the crazy plot twists ahead. But this summary, from The Washington Post, of the Han-Leia-Luke dynamic might make you spit out your drink:

Lucas creates a romantic triangle between Luke, Han Solo and the haughty, bossy, indomitable Princess that seems perfectly resolved by not being resolved at all.

If the Princess ever chooses to share her favors, poetic justice seems to demand that she favor the heroes equally. Could this mischievous hint of a menage-a-trois in-the-making, which is about as racy as the byplay between Hope, Crosby and Lamour in the Road comedies, have been as responsible for the PG rating as the fighting, which is abundant but scarcely realistic?

“Menage-a-trois in-the-making.” We’ll let Han Solo’s face do the talking for us, here:

WATCH: The first teaser for ‘The Last Jedi’ is here and OMG

Read more: http://ift.tt/2rl3gwf

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2qVkK0I via Viral News HQ

[trendingnewsb]

What did critics think of the original ‘Star Wars’ in 1977?

Image: Fox/Kobal/REX/Shutterstock

Happy birthday, Star Wars.

This week marks the 40th anniversary of the film that launched not just a franchise, but an entirely new universe of thrilling stories, lovable characters, and more tie-in merchandise than you can shake a stick at.

SEE ALSO: This photo of Carrie Fisher and Billie Lourd in ‘Star Wars’ costumes will ruin you

But back in 1977, of course, no one knew just how big Star Wars would get. At the time, it was just an intriguing new release from the promising young director of THX 1138 and American Graffiti. On its very first day of release, it played in just 32 theaters across the U.S.

However, it didn’t take long for moviegoers, critics, and industry execs alike to realize they had something special on their hands. Those 32 theaters saw record-breaking ticket sales. Lines began to form, 20th Century Fox stock went up, and news outlets started to take notice. And, of course, the reviews started coming in.

It wasn’t until the next film that moviegoers would realize just how big a deal this guy was.

Image: Lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / Kobal

In 2017, we generally take for granted that just about everyone has seen Star Wars, and that just about everyone who’s seen Star Wars likes Star Wars. It’s hard to name a property more beloved or more ubiquitous.

It’s fascinating, then, to look back at the initial reviews from 1977. These critics couldn’t assume their readers had any interest in Star Wars, or even any idea of what it was. It was impossible for them to anticipate the twists and turns to come in The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi (to say nothing of the prequel trilogy, the current sequel series, the A Star Wars Story spinoffs, and all the supplementary canon material).

All they had was the movie in front of them: an original sci-fi adventure, starring a mix of familiar and up-and-coming actors, steeped in a mythology that only gradually revealed itself over the course of the movie. So with all that in mind, what did they think? Well …

Did critics like Star Wars?

Moviegoers line up outside the Avco Center Theater in Los Angeles for a showing of Star Wars in 1977.

Image: Anonymous / AP

Generally speaking, yes! Roger Ebert was over the moon about it, for example, describing it as “an out-of-the-body experience.” Time named it “the year’s best movie.”

There were a few pans, of course. The New Yorker‘s Pauline Kael sniffed that it was “an assemblage of spare partsit has no emotional grip.” In a similar vein, New York sneered, “Star Wars will do very nicely for those lucky enough to be children or unlucky enough never to have grown up.”

But most reviews fell closer to this rave by The Toronto Star:

Star Wars is one of the most enjoyable movies ever made a funny, exciting and magnificently spectacular two-hour space fantasy that leaves the audience panting for a sequel.

How did critics describe Star Wars?

Critics frequently compared Star Wars to Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, released in 1968.

Image: Moviestore

Star Wars is such a universal point of reference these days that anything remotely similar to Star Wars is described as being “like Star Wars.” But that, of course, was not an option when critics were describing the original Star Wars.

Instead, people described it more or less like Roger Ebert does below. The Wizard of Oz, Flash Gordon, and 2001: A Space Odyssey are all referenced often across these reviews.

“Star Wars” is a fairy tale, a fantasy, a legend, finding its roots in some of our most popular fictions. The golden robot, lion-faced space pilot, and insecure little computer on wheels must have been suggested by the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion, and the Scarecrow in “The Wizard of Oz.” The journey from one end of the galaxy to another is out of countless thousands of space operas. The hardware is from “Flash Gordon” out of “2001: A Space Odyssey,” the chivalry is from Robin Hood, the heroes are from Westerns and the villains are a cross between Nazis and sorcerers. “Star Wars” taps the pulp fantasies buried in our memories, and because it’s done so brilliantly, it reactivates old thrills, fears, and exhilarations we thought we’d abandoned when we read our last copy of Amazing Stories.

What did reviewers think of Darth Vader?

Princess Leia is held captive by Grand Moff Tarkin and his “executive assistant.”

Image: Lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / Kobal

Less than you might think. Darth Vader looms large over Star Wars now his black helmet is to Star Wars what Mickey Mouse ears are to Disney but he’s only actually in A New Hope for about ten minutes. It wasn’t ’til The Empire Strikes Back that fans realized Darth Vader was a Skywalker, and that Star Wars was the story of the Skywalker family.

Instead, a lot of reviews from the era present Peter Cushing’s Grand Moff Tarkin as the main villain, and Darth Vader as … uh …

“[Tarkin’s] executive assistant” (The New York Times).

“[Tarkin’s] sorcerous, black-masked aide, Lord Darth Vader” (Variety).

“a six-and-a-half-foot renegade knight of The Force (David Prowse) who wears a black (what else?) uniform and cape and a predatory beaked black metal face mask” (Newsday).

“a knight in chilling black armor (who should have been dubbed ‘The Breather’)” (The Denver Post).

“an assistant who looks like a black vinyl-coated frog” (The Chicago Tribune‘s Gene Siskel).

But hey, it could be worse. Some reviewers don’t even mention Vader including The Guardian, who simply refers to “an assortment of villains so unterrifying that it looks as if youd only have to pinch them to produce a fit of giggles (but who would dare do any such thing to Peter Cushing?)”

Ouch. Okay, what about the other characters?

Think of them as a sort of outer-space Laurel and Hardy.

Image: Lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / Kobal

R2-D2 and C-3PO were incredibly popular with critics of the era, which probably isn’t that surprising considering how well loved they still are today. The pair drew comparisons to Laurel and Hardy, as well as a bunch of superlatives. Here’s a sampling:

“the most enjoyable characters in the film” (The Chicago Tribune‘s Gene Siskel).

“the year’s best new comedy team” (The New York Times).

“two of the most adorable characters ever to enliven a film” (The Hollywood Reporter).

The duo even won over New York, which was otherwise critical of the film. After sighing that all the other characters and conflicts were “all as exciting as last year’s weather reports,” writer John Simon acknowledges:

Rather more can be said for the two robots that steal the show: one humanoid, British-accented, and with an Edward Everett Horton persona; the other, a kind of mobile electronic trash can, all nervous beeps and hearty bloops, waddling along in vintage Mickey Rooney style.

What about the human characters?

Alec Guinness may have hated Star Wars, but critics loved him in it.

Image: Lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / Kobal

Alec Guinness drew his fair share of praise for playing Ben Kenobi. (The Denver Post described his casting as a “stroke of genius.”) Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford aren’t talked about as much, perhaps because all three were still so early in their careers.

Still, a handful of critics spotted their potential right away. Ford got a particularly gushing rave from The Washington Post:

Han Solo is the films most flamboyant human role, and Harrison Ford, who appeared as the hot rodder who challenged Paul Le Mat in American Graffiti, has a splendid time capitalizing on its irresistible style of cynical heroism. It would be professionally criminal to flub such an ingratiating, star-making assignment, and although Ford plays in a relaxed, drawing style, reminiscent of Jack Nicholson at his foxiest, he maintains a firm grip on this golden opportunity. He would have kids and grownups by the millions roaring their approval at defiant sentiments like the following: Bring em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around.

In addition, The Toronto Star dropped this bit of praise for the director: “Lucas proved in American Graffiti that he works well with performers, and he does it again in Star Wars.” It makes perfect sense in context, of course; it’s just funny to read now that we’ve suffered through the stilted acting of the prequel trilogy.

Were there any standout scenes?

The cantina scene was an instant classic (and, IMHO, totally deserved to be).

Image: lucasfilm / 20th century fox / kobal

Different reviewers highlighted different scenes, but one that came up again and again was the cantina scene. The Washington Post devotes roughly four paragraphs to this one sequence, and Gene Siskel described it as “the film’s funniest sequence.” It was also a favorite of Roger Ebert‘s, who wrote:

The most fascinating single scene, for me, was the one set in the bizarre saloon on the planet Tatooine. As that incredible collection of extraterrestrial alcoholics and bug-eyed martini drinkers lined up at the bar, and as Lucas so slyly let them exhibit characteristics that were universally human, I found myself feeling a combination of admiration and delight. “Star Wars” had placed me in the presence of really magical movie invention: Here, all mixed together, were whimsy and fantasy, simple wonderment and quietly sophisticated storytelling.

How about those special effects?

George Lucas works his special effects magic on the set of Star Wars.

Image: lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / kobal

The visuals were so stunning that, according to Gene Siskel, “the audience applauded the names of its special effects artists” after a preview screening of Star Wars. (Siskel agrees that the clapping was “deserved.”)

Likewise, The New York Times enthuses:

The true stars of Star Wars are John Barry, who was responsible for the production design, and the people who were responsible for the incredible special effectsspaceships, explosions of stars, space battles, hand-to-hand combat with what appear to be lethal neon swords.

Comparisons to Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey were frequent and usually favorable:

“‘Star Wars’ is as beautiful as anything on a movie screen in a decade, and can hold its own in comparison to ‘2001: A Space Odyssey'” (Newsday).

Lucas has assembled the most brilliant special effects and futuristic characters this side of ‘2001: A Space Odyssey.’ (The Denver Post).

Lucas film cost significantly less than Kubricks even after inflation. But the small army of inspired technical effects creators he assembled have worked wizardries in some ways more lavish and varied than Kubricks own (The LA Times).

Star Wars is an impeccable technical achievement: a quantum or maybe quasar leap beyond 2001 (New York which, remember, did not like the movie).

Any famous last words?

That Luke-Leia twist sure made a lot of things retroactively creepy.

Image: Lucasfilm / 20th Century Fox / Kobal

Look, it’s obviously unfair to fault critics of the time for not predicting the crazy plot twists ahead. But this summary, from The Washington Post, of the Han-Leia-Luke dynamic might make you spit out your drink:

Lucas creates a romantic triangle between Luke, Han Solo and the haughty, bossy, indomitable Princess that seems perfectly resolved by not being resolved at all.

If the Princess ever chooses to share her favors, poetic justice seems to demand that she favor the heroes equally. Could this mischievous hint of a menage-a-trois in-the-making, which is about as racy as the byplay between Hope, Crosby and Lamour in the Road comedies, have been as responsible for the PG rating as the fighting, which is abundant but scarcely realistic?

“Menage-a-trois in-the-making.” We’ll let Han Solo’s face do the talking for us, here:

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