#small ask for the work that goes in i would say! 😀

[stevebabey]

dear god i honestly do not care that half of ppl like but don’t reblog fics but— BUT!!! i can fucking see when people go through and re-like fics 😭 like ok, you love the fic enough to re-read it multiple times but not reblog it even once???? HELLO???

[always-andromeda]

Hiiii lovebug i was wondering if I could request Fool for Love for our beloved Edward Nashton like just give me something so sickly sweet like I wanna throw up fluff ☺️

Author’s Note | let's pretend that this scenario doesn't run rampant through my mind almost all the time 😀

Eddie my love, I love you so. How I've wanted for you, you'll never know. Please, Eddie, don't make me wait too long...

You can only imagine the way his expression shifts as the lyrics begin to play through the speakers of your phone. Setting the phone on the kitchen counter, you turn to face him. Edward's cheeks are flushed bright red.

He's not an idiot, he knows exactly what you're trying to do to him. But, damn, it works. It's working so well. His insides are all jelly as you approach him slowly, placing a hand on his chest and the other on his side. Normally, he'd tense up at that bold touch. Instead, he goes mushy; practically melts into your body and lets you hold him closer.

"This is how I feel about you, you know." You whisper low and slow with your cheek against his chest.

"Oh," Eddie swallows hard, burning up under the decadence of this moment; the way that intimacy hangs thickly in the air. 

Eddie, please, write just one line. Tell me your love is still only mine. Please, Eddie, don't make me wait too long...

"Does that surprise you? Me loving you?" You begin to sway with him gently, not following any particular rhythm or rules aside from the confines of the small kitchen. His apartment is modest, barely any signs of his own personal touches, save for pieces of furniture and art he'd thrifted.

It's impersonal but necessary. Life had taught him not to make too many attachments. He replies to you distantly, "You've never said that before," he hesitates to repeat it himself for a second longer. "Love..."

"Is that too much?" You ask, tranquility and resignation dripping from your raspy tone. Like it would make no difference if he didn't say it back; like you would still be thinking it regardless. It's something of a promise, he believes. A promise that your feelings are an immovable fact, something he'd be stupid to be blind to.

Edward shakes his head languidly before leaning down to kiss your hair and whispering, "No...it's fine. It's...good."

And then you bless him with the sound of a soft giggle.

Eddie my love, I'm sinking fast. The very next day might be my last. Please, Eddie, don't make me wait too long...

Edward finally lets himself sink. Though the second he begins to drown to the bottom of this pool, he feels less unencumbered than he'd ever been before. This love didn't take the form of rocks in his pockets like his youth had been. Instead, it becomes an oxygen tank. It's fresh air that fills his lungs and lets the fire inside of him start to breathe again.

He's not ready to let the words free just yet. For now, the feelings can masquerade as infatuation; they can pretend that they can be dealt with easily. But he knows the true name of what he feels. 

With the smell of the pine scented candle you'd lit earlier on in the night, dishes from dinner filling the sink, and the sun having disappeared beyond the view of Gotham's cityscape horizon...he can start to see this place in a new light; he can start to see you in it, making it a home, a picture he can someday love too.

[andguesswhat]

Diary of a mall Santa Claus

You're so sweet for giving me hearts and reblogs for my four lines! 😀 Here is a little more 😚

13

Cheer up Day

*

There's something different about Timmy today.

He doesn't glow. Instead, he looks like a pile of misery.

His whole figure shows that he is sad. And angry, somehow.

"What happened?"

"I had an audition yesterday and they just called to tell me I didn't get the part."

Armie feels like he himself is the one who didn't get the part. "I'm so sorry..." And to cheer him up, he adds, "Wankers!"

Timmy smiles only half-heartedly though, and Armie realizes that it's obviously going to take more than a few curses to cheer him up.

So the whole shift he's totally goofy, cracking jokes with the kids, being the dorkiest Santa ever, completely over the top, making a fool of himself just to take Timmy's mind off things, and it's a load off his mind when he finally sees Timmy smile and even laugh.

The sadness returns, however, when the shift is over.

As agreed, it's Timmy's turn to accompany Armie to his hotel, even though Armie tells him he doesn't have to if he doesn't feel like it. But Timmy insists.

He's very silent, but when Armie asks him after a while if he wants to talk about the audition, he vents.

"I would have been right for the part, I know that! I don't want to sound arrogant, but I could have played it well! I know exactly how the role feels. I know how the role thinks. I just know it. And I can play it! You're probably thinking what an arrogant asshole I am but I just know I could have done it, done it well. The role would have been so great, finally I could have played a real character in a good movie! Not just this TV ... stuff. Oh man, that sounds so unfair. Like I'm not grateful for it. I am! But I ... argh!" He sighs in resignation. "I'd better stop, or I'll make things worse."

Armie is quite impressed by Timmy's passion, which goes far beyond normal disappointment, and he has to smile at Timmy's constant attempt to be fair and include all sides in his outburst.

"You don't sound arrogant," he assures him. "It's good to know what you can do. But it's often just coincidences that they choose one and not the other, isn't it?"

"They picked someone else from my class. And I feel like they just took him because he looks different than me!

I don't want to be someone they don't take because they think my looks wouldn't fit a role. Because they think I'm too pretty or something."

Armie has to smile again, because he can't imagine anyone who doesn't want to see Timmy's beautiful face go through every possible emotion there is in the world.

"We should start a 'too pretty to act' support group," he suggests to lighten the mood, but has to correct himself, "Although with me, it's more about people thinking I shouldn't want anything in life because I'm rich, white and good-looking."

Timmy sighs, "That sucks, doesn't it? When people are so judgmental."

There's a small pause.

"Your time will come," Armie says. "As passionate as you are about it, your time will come. And I'm not just saying that. Your next chance will come. I mean, you're nineteen, for fuck's sake."

Timmy still doesn't seem convinced.

"I feel like I've already blown it and I'm going to be on stupid TV shows for the rest of my life! I feel like I'm already too old to get where I want to go."

And this time Armie really has to laugh out loud.

"Too old?"

Timmy rolls his eyes at not being taken seriously, so Armie changes the subject and asks, "What kind of role was it?"

"It was just a small role, but interesting! A son of a father whose daughter disappeared. And the director is sooo good. I would have loved to work with him. And I blew it! I fucking blew it."

"Maybe one day you'll work with this director because he's seen you now and he'll remember you. As far as I can tell, I'd love to see you act. And as a wise actor once told me, don't beat yourself up, it only makes it worse."

Timmy has to smile at this, and Armie is relieved that Timmy's displeasure with this situation is slowly fading. At least for the moment.

And then they continue to talk about acting and life as they walk along, and it just feels so damn good.

When they arrive at the Hilton, Armie can't resist, he just has to pull Timmy into his arms, holds him tight and his heart leaps when he realizes Timmy is holding him too.

Again they say goodbye until the next day and smile at each other.

That smile remains on Armie's face as he enters the hotel, as he enters the elevator, as he enters his room.

And Armie's intention?

It's not that he doesn't want to get into Timmy's pants anymore, but he just… loves it the way it is right now.

*

[whentommymetalfie]

A new chapter! And again such a long one! 😃

And - wow! - thank you for your detailed answer to my question. 😃 It's really interesting to hear how you approached this big story. I too think, that it's really important to be aware of each character and their development and to maybe write it down to keep track of everyone. One can tell you're doing this because the story has never lost its thread.

And I have to say: I think the same can be said for your Oneshots. Yes, each and every one is complete in itself, but so is the big picture. Due to the fact that I discovered them not so long ago, I was able to read them all in one go, so that they really seemed like many small scenes from yet another big story. Which was great! 😊

But now to the new chapter: Alfie!!! You wanna shake and hug him at the same time. But then you get to know the complexity of everything. At first you think: Just lie down, damn it, Alfie! It can only go wrong… But then reading your/his thoughts on the subject that Tommy will of course relate it to himself when Alfie is exhausted and as a result will not ask him for help again puts everything into perspective. As already described above: One can tell how much effort you put into it and the development of the characters, which makes them incredibly alive and deep! And of course it goes wrong... but luckily there’s Esther! ❤️ I'm really glad you decided to keep her in the story. She is so great! ☺️ And such a nice ending, even if you want to shake Alfie again so that he finally says what he thinks! Things are looking as if they miiiiiiiight get going uphill. 😀

Thank you for the chapter! I am excited for the next! 😊

Thank you for another incredible message! ❤️  And here’s a very late (and again, very long answer, bear with me) 

I’m very happy to hear your thoughts on my one shots in the wtma-AU, because writing for that AU was very different from these long stories, since they’re not written in chronological order. I wrote most of them based on requests, and sometimes I got a request for something that I thought would fit better earlier in the timeline, so I had to do some planning and thinking to make it feel cohesive. Though when I think about it now, I’ve always taken requests sort of ’in bulk’ so I did have a chance to plan them out and make them work in relation to each other. I didn’t have quite the overview I’ve had with Breathe Again and Home to you, but I’m glad they feel like one long story, because that’s always been the goal. (And just a little note for anyone who enjoys the wtma-AU, I actually might have a story planned out for that, because I re-read them the other day and realized how much I’ve missed writing for it, and a little idea came to mind. We���ll see what happens.)

But back to the current story: your kind words mean the world. Alfie slowly but surely wearing himself out is something that’s been in the works from the moment Tommy got injured and had to be taken to the hospital way back in the beginning. And in some ways from the very beginning of Breathe Again. But I’ve tried to portray Margate as this sort of safe haven, where they’d gotten into a working routine of sorts by the end of Breathe again and the beginning of Home to you, which helped Alfie (and Esther) to care for Tommy. And of course Tommy’s recovery has taken a toll after so much new trauma. Which is part of the core of Alfie’s current struggle, seeing so much of the progress gone, like they’re worse off than when they started. While he’s also grown to love him deeply, and that makes it all the more painful to witness, especially since he feels guilty for being unable to protect him. 

Right I could ramble on about that forever, so I’ll just wrap it up there. 

I’ve been struggling with the new chapter, but I’m working on it, and it means a lot to know you’re excited for the continuation. Thank you again for your kind message ❤️ 

[piracytheorist]

That reblog means I can ask you things on it, right😀?

24.42.87. If it's okay please!

24. What lies do you believe anyways?

I like to believe compliments even if they're not based on reality. I stress out over way too many things to not appreciate the kindness of someone who wants to make me feel better. If a small lie they say to boost my confidence can inspire me to keep working and relax, I'll take it.

42. What do you feel like you’re missing from your life right now?

Answers. Why am I like this? Why do I react to certain things in a certain way? My one hour of therapy once every two weeks (cause I can't afford more often) is not enough to cover everything. That's not in a self-deprecating way. I just genuinely want to know why I act the way I act sometimes.

But yeah. There's a song from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend that goes like "Did I miss school on the day they taught everyone to be normal? Is there a manual for it?" or something like that and it's one of the most resonating lyrics I've ever heard in my life. Although the character ended up getting an actual diagnosis for a mental disorder, I do feel like I'm missing the question on "How does life even fucking work".

87. If you had a clone of yourself and the two of you didn’t have enough resources, would you get along?

We'd probably end up discussing blorbos. It's so much more satisfying when you can speak up about your love for something. Blogging about it is one thing, using your voice to say things about it is a whole other level, especially when the one you're speaking to is just as excited about it as you are. We'd also probably start singing songs and harmonizing.

I'm at a point in my life where I'm tired of criticizing and chastising myself. I mess up and I go like "Okay, what do I do to not make that mistake again?" and I try to find solutions. I try to focus on the fixing part, not the hating myself for doing it part. So yeah, I think I wouldn't start fighting with myself. She's suffered as much as I have. Why fight and argue when we can work through the pain together?

Ask me questions!

[colleybri]

I think you absolutely nail the Bix /Timm relationship: how and why it started and why it goes so wrong. I found myself nodding along – just like the other commenter says. A really perceptive analysis.

This is a woman who has been emotionally burnt a ridiculous number of times . We don’t know the circumstances, but we were told that she has lost her parents and has basically ran the yard as her own boss for years. Her early friendship and budding romance with Cassian was interrupted by the traumatic 3 to 5 years of his forced absence even before the serious flirting and circling and breaking up and making up again got underway. And by the time of the series’ opening, Timm comes over to me as a person who is not just new as a boyfriend, but relatively new as an employee as well… and as you say, it’s almost like – ‘here’s a handsome guy, and I work with him, maybe it’s a … convenient?!! wait for me to try to move on’. I’ve thought and written about them quite a lot, but one thing that still puzzles me is exactly how far into this relationship they are. They are talking about taking things steady and one night a week, but when Bix turns up for sex we always get the impression that this is the first time it’s happened. Amazing how so much can be said with one very simple line – for me it’s “Tell me you have caf?” … why would she need to ask that if she has been here before and knows that he’s a caf drinker. Alternatively, perhaps things went very quickly to start with which scared her – and she slowed him down. Then I start speculating on how many times she has actually tried to move on from Cassian. The production brief from Tony Gilroy says that they “ are meant to be together, but it’s been impossible all these years”. It’s almost as if he’s worn her out, emotionally speaking, so she has neither the energy nor the real inclination to dedicate herself fully to cultivating a proper new relationship. One that actually needs work and is based on trust – neither of which she appears to have shown with Timm. In other words, Timm is obviously wrong to betray her trust but she never trusted him in the first place in terms of coming clean about exactly why she is still seeing Cassian at the yard pretty regularly (their little gig about the stolen parts being the actual reason). I love all the subtext. One line can say so much. Timm is obviously completely twisted by his jealousy, but there’s something very poignant in his observation to Cassian that Bix “ seems upset … always seems to happen whenever you come around”. Shows his suspicion and a strong grain of truth as well, I suspect.

The other clue that the relationship with Timm is very new is when Cassian picks up on Timm’s jealousy immediately and wryly observes “Are you…? … looks like it’s turned into something more than work.”

In conclusion, I completely agree that her love for Timm is not remotely profound. Or even existent at all. She’s in deep grief and emotional distress by episode 7 but it has transformed by then into a kind of fatalistic depression. She’s absolutely exhausted. Mourning Timm himself is only a very small part of that.

Also tagging @e-the-village-cryptid as I’ve piggybacked off both of you 😀

piggy backing a little bit off of this brilliantly heart-wrenching post by @e-the-village-cryptid I wanted to dip my toe into the whole Bix x Timm dynamic - why Bix chose him and why it reads heavily as compulsory heterosexuality to me.

Bix has so many plates spinning - between managing her own salyard and organizing a black market operation selling ship parts to the rebellion (which could get her incarcerated for life at best and executed at worst), she is constantly keeping herself occupied so that she doesn't have to engage with her own thoughts. But she still has to go home at the end of the day, and if personal experience has taught me anything, it's that no matter how worn out you are, whatever you're trying not to think about will always haunt you during the night.

I feel like Bix dreads when the anvil rings at the end of the day because she has to go back to an empty home, with nothing but herself and her own thoughts. She probably still works on a few projects by herself there, but that can only hold her focus for so long.

After her on-and-off failed relationship with Cassian that lasted for years, Bix doesn't strike me as the kind of person who even wants to pursue a relationship with anyone at all. That takes time she doesn't have or want to waste and requires her to be open and vulnerable, which is counter-productive to her daily goals. However, there is still a gap that really needs to be filled by something.

Enter Timm Karlo, who Bix has employed at her salyard for an undisclosed, but probably decent amount of time. He is reliable at work and her right hand man in the business. Timm picks up the slack that Bix is physically incapable of doing herself because her workload is already massive. So there's a level of appreciation for him already there and he is, of course, already there. Bix didn't have to go looking for him, she didn't have to put much effort to court or be courted. Timm most likely had feelings for her for a while before she finally decided to reciprocate.

Timm Karlo is perfectly convenient and ordinary.

I'm not saying Bix intentionally heartlessly used him per se, I do believe she had some genuine affection for him, but it is very telling that even when they are officially a couple, she still keeps him at arms length and sometimes even further.

It seemed that they had a very specific set of rules set by Bix. Dinner one night a week. Not twice a week. No spontaneous dates (unless she decides to visit him outside of the set agreement on her own terms). One night a week.

Of course that could be explained by Bix's ridiculously loaded schedule, but it feels like she views the relationship less like a relationship and more like another quota to be filled. Bix shows very little genuine interest in Timm outside of that. She is easily irritated by him and hasn't really told him much about herself other than what everyone already knows (this is honestly the best explanation I can think of as to why she told him Cassian was from Kenari. It's easier to talk about people you know than yourself). The one time they do spend the night together on screen is after Bix has had some drinks at Cavo's and got too deep in her own head about everything happening. Timm was fulfilling his main purpose in that scene - to be a distraction.

The biggest thing for me is that she does not tell him about her secret operation. Bix doesn't trust him, at least not fully, despite the line "He'd do anything for me." If she really believed that, I feel like she would have told him what she was doing, being the reliable hard worker he is. Maybe a part of her knew he couldn't keep his mouth shut, maybe she wanted to protect him, maybe she was greedy and didn't want to have to give him a cut. Could be all of the above.

No matter how you slice it, I truly don't believe Bix held deep feelings - or really any genuine attraction - towards Timm. I think that's what makes his death even more traumatic for her, in all honesty. She feels responsible even though he was an insecure, jealous man that went behind her back and betrayed what little trust she had in him. Which made her feel foolish because she never gave him much thought at all and that's how she overlooked the obvious signs.

In conclusion, Bix should date girls.

[stellaluna33]

Hi!

So forgot to ask you this, but loved the latest chap of The Long and Winding Road. Would love it if you could give a little tease of the next chap. And how many chaps are left?

Also, will you be updating soon? I understand if it'll take some time, but loved everything from Rory and Doula bonding to Rory and Jess moments. I'm kinda hoping there's a big moment for them soon....

Anyway, thanks and sorry for the ramble! Hope you are taking care! 😀

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you SO much for the ask, and I am SO glad you enjoyed the newest chapter! I've been procrastinating responding because I haven't had a lot of writing time lately, which kind of makes me feel like hiding under a rock. Haha! 😅. I really don't know what to say about when the next chapter will be up! It's one that I've been dying to write for a really long time, so my HOPE is that it will flow pretty easily once I have the time to actually work on it. But at the same time, I'm almost afraid to SAY that for fear of jinxing it somehow! As far as how many chapters are left... I don't have a set-in-stone plan, as these things can develop rather organically for me, but I'd say probably at least 7 more chapters, though it will NOT take that many chapters for Rory and Jess to get back together, not at all! 😉

As far as the next chapter goes... it'll be a fun one! A big family gathering, with lots of humor and banter and fluff... and a little bit of angst and drama just for spice. 😉 Luke and Lorelai will be there, and Rory and Richie of course... And Jess and Rory will be in the same room again, so WHO KNOWS what will happen! 😉 And sweet Doula, as well as Liz and TJ will be there too (so again, WHO KNOWS what will happen? 😬). And because it wouldn't be a family gathering with this bunch without a little awkwardness, here is your very small, very insignificant teaser:

"Well, I've been trying to take real good care of myself, so I make sure to do my Breast Self Exams every month."

"That's true," TJ interjected.  "Lizzie's real regular about it.  Makes a man glad for that glass shower door, you know what I mean?"

"Jeez," came the reaction in stereo, with both Luke and Jess wearing identical looks of horrified disgust.

[angst-is-love-angst-is-life]

Thank you for asking! I apologize in advance because this will be all over the place and as said— a ridiculous disaster but also a dumpster fire. Enjoy

Quick backstory: This was originally supposed to be an Arrowverse Civil War with Kara and Barry (among others) vs Oliver (among others) but almost instantly I realized that’s not how things would go down— at all

So here’s what happened instead (pretty long so I added a cut) ;

Supergirl is framed for attacking the president of the U.S. (how? Haha next question)

For some reason, the DEO sides against her (but no identity reveal), so Kara goes Oliver’s base so he can help her investigate. She shows up there, has a quick conversation with Oliver where he believed her a little too quickly for my taste but this was post-crisis so not that bad. Barry shows up there too and that’s when everything goes to hell (both for the characters and my original plan).

Long story short for this part— Eiling shows up at the bunker (which he somehow knows not only of its existence but exactly where it is???) with some DEO and misc. government agents (as you do). Eiling’s the worst, Kara gets hit with a kryptonite bullet but is pretty much fine for some reason, Oliver’s unscathed— anddddd Barry gets hit with a modified cold gun twice which gives him some really bad hypothermia so Oliver and Kara go on a not-very-quick sidequest to save his life (feat. The Legends and the waverider) yes. I whumped Barry in my first fanfiction but wait cause it gets worse

Quite literally minutes after Barry recovers (and the three of them are walking through a field for some reason???)— fucking THAWNE shows up and kidnaps them. (man, I nerfed Barry so bad— should’ve just said he was still weaker from the cold gun but instead Thawne just demolished him like it was 2014). Oh also Barry, Kara, and Oliver are each in one of Zoom’s glass boxes from 2x14 because apparently I couldn’t come up with anything better ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Then we get to my ridiculous plot twist where Thawne is actually working with Lex motherfucking Luthor of all people. The two of them framed Kara but here’s the funny part— to this day I’ve never written why. I think Lex may have wanted to destroy her reputation or smth but it made no sense why he didn’t just ya know, kill her. Also, Oliver was done dirtier than everyone because both the bad guys and I just kind of ignored his presence. He was only there because I had some belief that the fic needed that trio specifically (Ollie, I’m so sorry, you deserved better than that)

Now the only part I still kind of like about this fic (I may use it one of these days) is Thawne’s plan. This mf decided to hijack the entire plot by turning into Barry with that thing he used on OG Wells and attempt to steal Barry’s life. And when I say hijack the entire plot— I meant it. The whole premise with Kara being framed and all that? Haha, I have no idea what you’re talking about. This is a Flash story now. (💀🤦‍♀️)

The bullshit got more and more bullshitty when I decided to give Cisco his powers back with a flimsy excuse to do so (actually I’m ok with that. Cisco getting rid of his power was kind of ridiculous). He and Caitlin discover Thawne pretty much immediately, they trap him in the pipeline, scan the city for speedforce (don’t ask idk), find a super small signal somewhere in Star City—

And that’s where I stopped💀

Probably a good thing; I had ideas and they were really bad.

Long story short: I tried to write Arrowverse Civil War but decided not to. Changed it to the trio teaming up. Had a bit of a plot. Then that plot got demolished by my psychological need to hurt Barry. (There was some more misc. whump but it wasn’t relevant)

Also it was called “Superheroes Most Wanted” 😀. Yeah. That’s what the plot was past me. sure…

Anyone want to hear about the ridiculous disaster that was my first fanfiction?