#slightly inappropriately?' 😂 oh man. bless you Tony for making this slightly painful memory now slightly less painful. :')

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

I didn't think I was going to get so emotional over this Big Country video/performance, but I did and it's...not pretty.

I'm not gonna post this video, but I actually watched it in spite of wondering why literally all of them are shirtless (not that I'm, uh...exactly complaining), and aside from that, when Stuart says "So when you're going [around?], going home tonight, to your nice, safe, warm cars, take a good look around you - there's a great, [brave? grave?! that beautiful accent befuddles me], big world out there, and all of us are responsible for it" he then gives...a smile. But it's an incredibly, deeply resigned (almost polite) smile. And it's going to haunt me for the rest of my days. I wish I was joking. It upsets me a lot, actually, because I believe from his facial expressions and everything (including a pause where it's clear he's not quite sure what he's going to say, but it seems like he's searching for something to say that will have an impact on the audience - which is part of why this is so painful) he's being sincere about his brief speech, but then he, like, very briefly moves his mouth away from the microphone (I think because he's fully gauging that he's about to not get any kind of reaction from the audience) and then moves his face again so his mouth is mostly hidden by the microphone and gives that resigned smile (those deep dimples!!!) which says...oh god, everything. To me, it says: "I know what I just said meant nothing to you all [or I would've had at least some reaction (from the audience)]," "Sorry for wasting your time," "Oh, how funny of me to think that any of you would catch that I'm calling you out on your privilege - my bad," and finally, "Hello EXISTENTIAL DREAD, MY OLD FRIEND". 😭 All of that plays on his face in that like not-even-two second span of a smile. And. Oh god. Yeah. I'm just gonna be...haunted. By it.

I don't say any of this at all negatively, by the way - I do not think less of him for that. But then again, I appreciate when my favorite artists give little, like...motivational speeches and stuff at their concerts, actually, because no matter what anyone else thinks, THEY'RE PRETTY MUCH ALWAYS RELEVANT. Stuart's speech was relevant because of what "Rockin' In The Free World" is about! I mean, okay, maybe it was a bit redundant because, with a song like "Rockin' In The Free World," we get it. It's presented very plainly, lyrically, why it was written - what its intent is. BUT, he still makes a good and not-quite-as-strongly-implied-by-the-song point about privilege WHICH, TO SAY AT A CONCERT, IS KINDA BALLSY, NOT GONNA LIE! And clearly it didn't go over with that audience, but does that mean he just shouldn't try at all? So I do think he had reasonable motive (that was actually not totally unnecessary) for saying his spiel. I give him props for trying to give people something to think about, even if they're not going to think about it while they're at a rock concert, lmao...still! Why not take the risk?

Anyway. I don't know if his face there is going to haunt me because of the audience, or because it's like...my empathy just went, "Oh fucking SHIT that hurts, ahaha"...because I can imagine it being both.