#single handed my kept me sane in 2021

[writersrealmbts]

A Natural: Part 6

Description: Hybrid!Taehyung x Reader: You’re a single mom, and your son is your entire world. When you take him to get his first hybrid, his choice is pretty bewildering, until you realize that he was picking out a dad.

Posted: 03/11/2021

Tags: Taehyung, Hybrid Taehyung, Human Reader

Wordcount: 5,024

A/N: It has not been a year, I’m still sorry. It just takes however much time it takes. 

“No.”

“What do you mean, no?” You asked, leaning back into the chair, dumbfounded. “He was allowed to come in last time.”

“The laws changed,” The man answered carefully. “The hybrid laws.”

You gripped the arms of the chair. “What?”

He uneasily handed you a newspaper.

You scanned over it, anger boiling up in you. “What?”

He folded his hands together. “I’m not saying we agree with this, but we have to comply or we could find ourselves in legal trouble. It’s the same for your other friend.”

You froze, thinking of Seokjin, who was supposed to work today. “I need to warn him….” You scrambled for your phone, quickly dialing Seokjin’s number.

Yoongi answered, but you gave him a quick rundown and he said he would tell Jin.

After you did that, looking at the newspaper in your lap, you sighed. “This timing isn’t good.”

“I know. I’m very sorry. But I also need to talk to you about your son’s recovery.”

You froze, slowly returning your gaze to the man. “Okay.”

“We’ve noticed in his physical therapy that he gets disoriented very quickly when we’re working with the crutches. Any time he’s in a standing position. We want to run some tests to see if there’s a reason for it.”

You nodded slowly. “Alright.”

“We want to do another MRI,” he said carefully.

You shifted uncomfortably. “Oh.”

“I understand that you’re in a difficult situation, financially. But we don’t want to risk anything.”

You nodded. “We don’t. Whatever he needs. I’ll…I’ll figure it out. Do what you need to.”

He nodded as well. “I’ll get it scheduled and we’ll tell his physical therapy doctors to keep him still until we can figure out what’s been going on.”

“Thank you.”

“And…there’s still a certification program for hybrids….” He hinted carefully, pulling a pamphlet from his desk drawer and slipping it across the desk.

You took it and nodded. “Alright. Thank you.”

He dipped his head.

You exited the office, clutching the paper in your hand, and then went down to lean in the doorway of your baby’s room.

Theo was awake, talking quietly with Jimin over the homework Namjoon had dropped off. He looked tired, and not at all as happy as normal.

You went in, not interrupting as you climbed up to sit beside him carefully.

He leaned into your hold. “Mommy, everything hurts.”

You kissed his head, holding him as tightly as you dared without hurting him. “I know. Why don’t we work on your homework some other time?”

Jimin gathered it up when Theo only sighed and closed his eyes, leaning further into your arms. “Where’s…?”

You cut him off with a look, darting a glance at Theo.

But Theo was already asleep, so you took a deep breath. “The laws changed last night. Hybrids…their freedom. Gone. Long story. Warned Yoongi and Jin. I’ll tell Taehyung when I leave. For now I just told him to stay in the car. I can’t stay long because of it, though.”

Jimin nodded. “I’ve got the day off. I can stay with him. What else did the doctor say?”

“They want to do another MRI, he’s been getting disoriented when upright.”

He frowned. “I wondered. He was okay until the nurse and I helped him to the bathroom, then he seemed to be in a lot of pain.”

You sighed. “I might drop Taehyung off at home and come back.”

“Work?” He asked.

You sighed. “Audits. We’re not allowed at the office. That’s why Yoongi is home.”

“Audits?” His eyes widened. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“Well, it’s every section but mine and Yoongi’s so we’re the only ones with job security at the moment. If the company survives, that is.”

Jimin was quiet for a moment. “And if it doesn’t?”

“I’m going to have to find another way of paying these bills.” You smoothed Theo’s hair, studying the little frown on his face. He looked so frail to you. Sure, he was getting better. And he’d been in great spirits most of the time. He didn’t normally seem this frail. Maybe it was all in your head due to your conversation with the doctor.

“The nurse got permission to give him more painkiller before you went into the meeting with the doctor,” Jimin murmured, also looking at Theo.

You frowned. “He hasn’t had that very often. Only mild ones at night, to help him sleep better.”

Jimin nodded. “Thought so. Don’t like that.”

“Don’t like that at all,” You agreed, pressing another soft kiss to Theo’s forehead. “Stay close to him while I take Tae home?”

He nodded. “I’ll tell Theo you’ll be right back if he wakes up.”

“Thanks, Jimin. Everything quiet on your family front?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah. They’re quiet for now. The dna test shut them up pretty well. Haven’t heard a peep, especially since you shut that lawyer up.”

You nodded. “Let’s hope it stays that way for now.”

Jimin nodded as well. “He’s really out. Go. You’ll be back soon.”

“Right,” You agreed, reluctantly, carefully extricating yourself from your precious son and his hospital bed. “If the doctor comes by with paperwork for the MRI tell him I’ll be back shortly and tell him about this?”

“Of course. Go, y/n. The quicker you leave, the quicker you’ll be back. I’m going to call and check on Jin.”

You nodded and grabbed your purse, looking over your precious baby one more time before hurrying toward the stairs.

Taehyung was pouting and playing on the tablet that you had brought for yourself, but he perked up when he saw you.

“The laws changed last night,” You told him before you were even fully in the vehicle. “If you want to visit him at the hospital you’d have to become an aid-hybrid.”

He took the pamphlet, frowning. “But…I just want to see my pup. Why can’t I see him?”

“I wish I knew. I have to take you home, though, and then I need to come back because they want to do another MRI and I haven’t signed the paperwork for it yet. He’s having a bad day,” You murmured, sighing. “He had to have pain medicine. He hasn’t had pain medicine during the day in a while.”

Taehyung whimpered, leaning across the console to rest his forehead on your shoulder. “But I want to see him. I want to see him. I know I can’t, but I want to.”

“I know. We’ll figure it out.” You told him softly. “He’s alive. He’s alive, we’re together. And if we can ever get him fully healthy, he’ll come home and we’ll all be together there. And we’ll take him to school, and he’ll grow up, and be good. He’ll be so good.”

“Amazingly good, the best, he’ll be the best person in the world—I can smell it!”

You gave him a gentle smile and then started driving, because you needed to get back to the hospital before any sort of MRI took place. You wanted to be there if they found anything. Anything at all.

You had just pulled into the driveway, when your phone started ringing.

Taehyung had grabbed it while you put the car in park, but he handed it to you with wide eyes.

You snatched it. “Jimin?”

“They-they…he—” Jimin stuttered, then let out a sound while you were throwing the car into reverse and Taehyung was keeping lookout for you. “He just…started…and they…”

“Jimin, full sentences. What happened?” You demanded, racing back toward the hospital.

“He woke up, but he was crying, and he was in too much pain and I paged the nurse and then Theo was screaming because he was in pain, and he wet the bed and the nurse hit the emergency button and they rushed him to testing and—y/n….”

You barely got the car into park, letting Taehyung take care of the vehicle as you bolted to the stairs and took them two at a time.

Jimin met you in the hall, but he was still babbling more or less, absolutely terrified.

You dragged him down the hall to a nurse that seemed to be waiting for you.

“He had a spinal aneurysm that ruptured, he’s in surgery right now and we’re doing everything we can for him. We’ll let you know his condition as things progress.”

You nodded, wanting to snap out a response about not being informed last time, but too scared.

Hadn’t you already gotten too close to losing your baby once?

Jimin squeezed your hand tight and gently pulled you away. “Did you get Taehyung home?”

You shook your head. “We’d just pulled in when you called. He’s parking the car.”

“Okay. Yoongi’s on his way with Jin. Jin can drive Taehyung back to the house.”

“You called Yoongi?”

“I was on the phone with him when Theo woke up. He wanted to take Jin over to your house to be with Tae anyway. He said somebody sane should be here with us when he texted me later.”

“Well he’s not wrong,” You breathed, the feeling of being punched finally settling into your stomach and leaving you breathless. Your baby was in surgery. Again.

It was an age before Yoongi actually arrived, crouching in front of you. “Any news?”

“Ruptured spinal aneurysm. Surgery. Supposedly getting more updates,” You croaked out. You wished Taehyung was here to squeeze the life out of you, but you opted for crushing Jimin and Yoongi’s hands.

“Ok…ok…um…Jin is with Tae, we saw him in the parking lot. I told them to go back to your house, if that’s okay?”

You nodded. “They can’t come in. It’s best if they’re somewhere they can sit comfortably.”

“I almost texted Namjoon and Hoseok but then I figured they were at work and I didn’t want them being distracted for the rest of the day. Best to fill them in when we know more, right?” Yoongi kept talking in a calm tone that was doing wonders to stop your head from spinning. “Have you told Taehyung what you know so far?”

You shook your head.

“Alright, Jin has his phone if you want to call and talk to Taehyung.”

You nodded.

Yoongi pulled out his phone and dialed a number. “Hey, give the phone to Taehyung?”

You waited while Yoongi did, feeling nauseous.

“Hey, y/n wanted to talk to you,” Yoongi murmured, looking up and rubbing the back of your hand. “If she forgets, Theo is in surgery.”

You took the offered phone and got up, pacing away to find a place you could talk and break down without anyone around. “Tae?”

“Surgery?” Tae asked quietly.

“Um…ruptured…spinal aneurysm. They’re trying to fix him…but…they told me he was getting better. They told me….” You sat on the stairs and tried to breath.

“I know,” He whimpered. “I know. I wish I could be there. What can I do?”

“What can any of us do?” You asked in return. “Pray? Wish? Hope?”

“Hyung said we both needed to drink a glass of water,” Taehyung sniffled. “And I’ll do all of those things. Okay? We’re not giving up, not until we’re forced to. Both of us will go drink a big glass of water, try to calm down enough to not go crazy and rely on the others to help us through this.”

“Yeah…yeah, okay.”

“Call or text any new information?”

“I’ll give Yoongi that job since he’s the sane one.”

“That works. Y/n? You know that no matter what, you’ve still got me?”

You managed a bit of a smile. “I remember.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” You hung up and stumbled back to the other two, letting your head fall onto Jimin’s shoulder. “I’ve been told to drink lots of water.”

Yoongi nodded. “I’ll go get all of us some bottles of water. And some snacks. We don’t want to be able to see him and then have to leave because we’re hungry.”

“And can you text them the updates as we get them?”

“Of course. Leave it to me. Thank god we had the day off, huh?” Yoongi tried, attempting to lighten the mood a bit.

You managed to nod even if your face refused to acknowledge the twinge of amusement you felt.

Yoongi kissed the top of your head. “We’ve got you, y/n.”

Jimin nodded as he rested his head on top of yours.

Yoongi kissed Jimin’s head as well, then strolled off to the cafeteria.

A doctor was the one to come out and call for Theo’s family.

An uneasy feeling bloomed within you, but you followed him into the consultation room with Jimin in tow and Yoongi promising to be right outside.

“We’ve done everything we can to help him, but there was significant damage that could cause life-long problems—”

“He’ll live?” Jimin clarified.

The doctor nodded, smiling gently. “He’ll live, but he may be paralyzed or live with significant pain. There is a minimal chance of there being no paralysis.” He kept talking about conditions and things but you were stuck in what had already been said. The word paralyzed bouncing around and echoing in your mind and not leaving any room for anything else.

You knew Jimin was filling Yoongi in, but you just couldn’t focus.

Theo was out of it when he woke up, still drugged up, but you got him to take some ice chips, and then sung him to sleep.

Hoseok and Namjoon showed up a little earlier than you expected, even with their summer schedules, but they were there.

Almost everyone was there, but the one other person that mattered the most to you and Theo.

——

“This one wouldn’t reach the threshold,” Yoongi grumbled, then shook his head. “That’s it. I’ll make the ramps you need. Come on. Let’s go pick up the supplies.”

“Are you sure?” You asked, pushing the cart with supplies after him. The two of you were picking up everything you needed to make things accessible for Theo. You’d done extensive research, and talked to a couple different companies about making your house wheelchair friendly, but all of them were so exorbitantly expensive that after crunching the numbers with Yoongi and Namjoon’s help, it turned out cheaper to just do it yourself, and since Yoongi was also on paid leave for work with the audit continuing, he offered to help set up and install everything.

“I’m sure. I took a lot of woodshop and carpentry classes in high school. Ended up helping the teacher teach the class. And my dad taught me a lot of things as well. He had a construction company and during the summers I would help out on some of the sites for some cash.” Yoongi glanced at his watch. “The class finishes in forty minutes, then we can pick up Jin and Taehyung, head back to the house and get some work done before you have to go relieve Namjoon at the hospital. Even then, Hoseok said he could take the next shift because Theo said he wanted to do some school work.”

“I never thought I’d be grateful for extended paid vacation due to auditing that might put me out of a job,” You muttered, thinking about how crazy it would all be if you had been juggling work on top of all of the things going on.

Theo was paralyzed from the waist down, which meant he would be wheelchair bound, and which meant you had a lot of work to do in the house. You’d already rearranged his room to be more accessible for him, and you’d checked the height of the dining table with the chair and your neighbor, who actually installed tubs and showers for a living, basically gave you all of the bathroom things that would help Theo, and had them installed for you for free since you’d helped him figure out an accounting thing earlier that year that saved his company from hemorrhaging money. You’d found a sort of kitchen counter-like table that you had set up now that was at a good wheelchair height. But there were still things like ramps that needed to be put in and around the house, and things in his bedroom to help him get in and out of bed, and just…things to give him more independence as he got older. Yes, a lot of that would come in the form of physical therapy, but until then, you wanted to make your house as accessible as possible.

“Jin said the class was a joke. He’s been compiling more useful information from perusing the internet and different nursing books.” Yoongi grabbed different types and shapes of wood that made little sense to you, but you figured he knew what he was doing. “He’s practically written his own guide at this point and has been going through it with Taehyung. Jimin’s been helping them, too.”

“Have you heard about that town?” You asked.

He turned toward you and nodded slowly. “I have. Jin just about cried hearing that there was a town, or at least a company, that was trying to take care of the hybrids in it. These laws are ridiculous. No, they’re cruel. A death sentence. I’m glad someone found a way around it all.”

“What are you going to do if the company goes out of business?”

Yoongi sighed, leaning against the shelf. “I don’t know. Jimin’s mentioned maybe starting our own company, so that we could employ Jin, but none of us could come up with any ideas for the company.”

You nodded. “Well, if you do come up with one, let me know. I’m a good number cruncher.”

He chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind. Alright, I think we just need some paint and some sand and we’ll be ready.”

“Paint and sand? Sand paper?”

“Nah, just sand.”

You followed after him, bewildered, but unable to find the words to ask what the sand was for.

“See, when I’m finishing the ramps, I’ll mix some sand into the paint for the tops of the ramps, and that will provide more grip for the wheels and for anyone who might be walking up the ramp as well. Less chance to slip and fall, but also still saving you money.”

You nodded, still a little lost, but trusting him anyway.

Jin and Taehyung were waiting on the bench outside the building, both talking animatedly, when you and Yoongi picked them up.

“This class is a joke,” Jin huffed. “We take the test tomorrow and we’ve learned nothing.”

“Except that the teacher doesn’t have any personal hygiene,” Taehyung added. “Hyung’s going to go over things that he saw in a nursing book with me instead. And Jimin’s going to bring some more books from the library when he gets out of work. I found more information about what might need doing from an article about trained service dogs.”

“Well, Theo will still have some independence, you know. So he won’t need as much as a service dog might provide, at least, not as much as far as we know. I’m still apprehensive about the other, other, other shoe dropping,” You muttered, rubbing your temples. “And at least it should be easy for you to get certified, even if that means you learn more at home. It will allow you to go to Theo’s school and such so it serves its purpose.”

“Yeah. I just…I think it’s a shame that this is all they’re teaching hybrids who are supposed to be helping people. I think we could do better,” Taehyung had a pout in his voice.

You opened your mouth, and closed it, turning slightly to look at Yoongi.

He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, catching your look and nodding slightly.

That was definitely an idea.

“It couldn’t be that hard to teach us things like, how to lift an injured person, or how to help a blind person, or heck, what you need to know to help anyone. Why not teach hybrids sign language? I know it takes time to learn things like that, but come on! At least get us started, or connected to classes,” Jin ranted. “If a nurse can teach a parent how to lift their injured child to help them, why can’t hybrids be taught that? Most hybrids are stronger by nature! And we can provide more tangible companionship than dogs, who get twice the training we do! No, five times!”

“Did you want to attend the service dog training classes?” Yoongi asked, sounding serious.

That made Seokjin pause. “Wait, why?”

“Well, we could round out our company, and the world always needs more service animals and hybrids, plus then you’d have even more extensive training. Remember that abandoned building over on Fitzgerald road? It’s still in good condition and it’s probably big enough for multiple classes, and training. There’s probably more that we’ll have to look into, but getting certified might be a good first step.” Yoongi looked like he was already mentally crunching numbers.

You slowly started nodding. “Yeah. It would.”

Jin and Taehyung looked lost, but you weren’t really ready to expand as you started calculating an estimate of what it possibly could take to open a training center. Your savings would be shot when it came time to pay the medical bills in full.

Yoongi turned on music just as Taehyung started asking what the two of you had been talking about.

It appeared to be forgotten once at the house though.

By the end of the day, Yoongi had two ramps that were the perfect height and slope and fit over the steps beautifully. Only two more ramps were needed and he promised to have them done by the next day. Then the two of you were sitting with Jimin while the hybrids poured over a book Jimin had brought from the library.

“How much money would it cost to start up?” Jimin asked, looking at the list you and Yoongi had compiled after your research during lunch (you’d given Hoseok the go-ahead to take the next shift with Theo after a phone call with your baby that proved he was in good spirits and more than ready for some catch-up schoolwork).

You pushed the paper toward Jimin.

His eyes scanned it, then he leaned back with a “huh”.

“I can’t swing it with the medical bills,” You murmured, anxiously tapping the end of the pen on your hand.

“My parents want to pay for them. I say let them. And I can do this, like an investment,” Jimin said, shrugging. “Do it. I bet the shelters would love a way for more hybrids to be adopted, and it makes sense. We all still have our jobs, so it’s not like we’re going to risk too much right now. One of us will have to get certified, but I can do that since I’ve already taken some of the classes. And I bet we can work with some of the shelters. I think it’s feasible.”

Yoongi nodded. “I think so too, but Jimin, I can contribute to paying for it all.”

“Forget it, my parents settled their fortune on me after they got their heads out of their asses about Theo’s existence.” Jimin shrugged. “There was more to it than that, but after hours of arguing…let’s just say they’ll be quiet for now. I don’t promise there won’t be trouble in the future, but for now things should be okay. But back to business. Let’s start getting everything together, and working on whatever certifications we might need for this. If you guys want to contribute, you can do so in other ways, but for now it’s best if our money comes from a single source. You’re paying for the apartment right now, anyway, hyung. Think of it as the rent and groceries for the past four months.”

Yoongi was studying Jimin. “You caved and went to work with them, didn’t you? Is that where this job came from?”

“No, I negotiated and my job until I inherit is to manage updating our rental properties and everything that goes with them. It’s more basic than it sounds.” Jimin waved it away. “I’m happy with it, so I’m not complaining, and I can cover the start-up costs. I’ll probably want to work with all of you anyway, so we can just settle it with wages later. You guys do the brain-work, because it makes my head spin.”

“I don’t think I can let your parents pay for Theo. There are too many strings that could still be attached,” You said carefully.

“Look, I can’t explain everything right now, but the money they planned to use had been set aside for…my brother. Since my brother is dead, I convinced them it was only fair and right that his son inherit that. The eventual agreement was that it would be used to pay for his medical bills if he had any, and then college if he wanted to go. Otherwise he would inherit at thirty. There’s a lot more discussion they want to have. With a lawyer, and with you present, in regards to the money, but this was what we managed to come to for the time being. If you refuse, then I have to go back and argue with them for another three days. Please don’t make me argue with them for another three days.” Jimin flopped onto the table with a pout.

You weighed the options out, but kept staring at him. “The strings are attached to you, aren’t they?”

He sighed. “Why am I friends with people who are so suspicious? Yeah, sure. I mean, they made me promise that I would keep them updated on his health. Give them the highlights, like, “Oh, he won the school spelling be” or “he got straight A’s on his report card, again”. But I made them promise not to try and contact you or Theo except through me, and I have it in writing with several witnesses, including their lawyers and a lawyer friend of mine. Is that okay?”

You nodded slowly. “Okay. You can tell them they can pay his medical bills, only because our boss is an idiot that tried to embezzle and if he gets away with it me and Yoongi will be the first ones fired for reporting it.”

“Fair enough,” Jimin replied, smiling. “I’ll let them know. Now, any more objections?”

“I have an objection,” Taehyung huffed, folding his arms. “Don’t you think it’s a little rude to talk so secretively in front of other people?”

Seokjin looked nervous about Taehyung’s objection, fiddling with his flip phone.

Yoongi shrugged. “You two were reading, we were working.”

“Working?” Taehyung asked, coming over and plopping into the chair you pushed out for him.

Seokjin sat beside Jimin.

Yoongi started to talk, but the doorbell rang.

You paused, surprised, then hurried toward the door.

Namjoon held up the bags of food. “I brought dinner. Hoseok is on his way. The hospital had to do a security drill and wouldn’t let him back in because he went to the car to get his book while Theo was sleeping. He said he talked to Theo on the phone and Theo said it was okay for him to go. He still expects you later.”

You nodded. “Okay. Thanks for bringing food, I hadn’t even thought about it.”

“You aren’t going to close the door?”

“Hoseok’s pulling in, it’d be a little awkward,” You answered, glad when Jin came and took the bags from Namjoon because he looked about five seconds away from dropping all of the food onto the ground.

Hoseok hurried up to you. “I’m so—”

“Namjoon explained already. I’ll call Theo’s room and check on him, and I’ll head over as soon as we’re done eating. Come on, Yoongi was about to explain what our job-plan is for after we lose our current jobs.” You ushered him into the house and led the way back. “How’s your summer going so far?”

“I miss teaching already,” Hoseok complained.

After everyone had gotten a plate full of food, Yoongi went over the entire plan concisely. “If we can get this to work, then not only could you two work if you wanted, but we could also help other hybrids get adopted or help them get jobs when the laws change. Because there’s no way these laws are staying the same. It’s still going to be a process, but if we can get it to work….”

Namjoon nodded. “That would be cool. And I would totally be cool with teaching there too, especially in the summer.”

Hoseok nodded emphatically. “I mean, I wouldn’t want as crazy of a schedule as during the school year, but uh, income would be nice.”

“What, tutoring my baby so that he won’t be behind next school year isn’t enough for you?” You teased.

Hoseok rolled his eyes. “You’re paying me in edible food, remember?

“How did lessons go?” Taehyung asked, longing in his eyes.

Hoseok got quiet. “It…was slow. I can see his mind working, but he just can’t seem to find the answer even though I know he knows it and he knows that he knows it. I just think it will take a while for his brain to readjust. There’s a lot going on still, and he’s still getting it, it’s just taking him longer than it used to. He’ll get better at it as he gets physically stronger and things don’t tire him out as easily. He’s still a great speller. He spouts out words all the time.”

You nodded. “He’s been through a lot. He’s still bright and happy, and he’s…mentally active and able. That’s more than enough for me.”

Tae nodded, leaning to rest his head on your shoulder, gazing at nothing. Probably thinking about Theo.

You knew you were thinking about your son. You just wanted to bring him home.

--

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[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Sacrifices

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

Word Count: 2.5K

Warnings: Character death, mentions of blood. Mild trigger warning for thoughts/talks of death (It’s canon typical with the Series Finale, but I wanna add this in there just in case.) 

Author’s Note: Welcome to day 3 of Angst week. This my darlings is the prequel to Temporary Spells. This piece was originally supposed to be posted last year, but as we all know things became chaotic and it was almost impossible to do so. But, it is here now and I am quickly working through my drafts! I’m actually below 20 Items and that doesn’t include the new 2021 requests that I’ve asked for. So I’m making a lot of progress!

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. 

Klaus was ready to take the Hollow within him if it meant that Hope got to live a long life, even if it was without him there with her. Klaus knew that his siblings would be there to protect her and be by her side whenever she needed them. Hope would even have Y/N if she ever needed anything at all.

While Klaus had been dead set on this plan of his, Y/N hated it. She hated every part of this plan and she had made it known several times. But as the clock was ticking down for Hope, Klaus wasn’t going to listen to any of Y/N’s plans. The Hybrid’s thick skull was impenetrable once his mind had been set.

Y/N only had a few more hours before Hope would begin her first transition and the Hollow would be pulled from her. While Klaus believed that this was the only way, Y/N knew there had to be another. And the woman wasn’t going to stop until she had found an answer.

She poured through every book she had. Looking for anything and everything she could get her hands on that had been left behind by her family. Some spells couldn’t hold that kind of magic while others were darker than the Magic the Hollow provided, making it the very last resort. For if Y/N dabbled into the darker forms of magic, she knew she’d be lost to it as well.

However, when her phone rang hours later with Elijah’s phone call, she knew she had been too late. Klaus had taken the Hollow into himself and with the help of Hope he and Elijah had been able to bring Klaus back to New Orleans before he could finish the task of killing himself. While one timer reached its end, there was another one that was beginning it’s countdown.

“There has to be something.” Hope said as she watched Y/N flip through the pages of her grimoire.

“I’m trying as best as I can to find something.” Y/N promised.

Even after Freya had tried convincing Hope that there was no amount of magic in the world that could slow the Hollow from taking over Klaus completely, Y/N refused to give up. She refused to believe that there was nothing else they hadn’t tried. When Hope came in and saw that she hadn’t quit like her Aunt had, Hope could only hang on to the sliver of hope that Y/N would find something.

As Y/N continued to flip through one book, Hope’s eyes looked over at the other opened book on the table. The design of it had been foreign to Hope. Even as she read the words along the page, she was curious about it.

“What is this one?” She asked as she looked up at Y/N.

Y/N looked over at Hope and sighed as she took in the page. “It’s a grieving spell. One that my grandmother had created for my grandfather right before she passed.” Her eyes moved back to the pages in front of her as she continued to explain. “One that would grant the person grieving a chance to see their loved one after they’ve passed. It’s temporary in the terms of once the person has stopped grieving, they stop seeing them.”

Hope’s eyes moved back to the page as she ran her fingers over it. “Why do you have it open to this page?”

“A back up plan.” Y/N said with a nod. “Because if your Aunt is right, I think that spell would be best for you.”

Hope’s eyes watered at that. Her lips had tried their hardest not to tremble. “Let’s hope that it doesn’t get to that point.”

_____

Y/N heard Klaus’s footsteps as he entered the room. He could easily hear as her heart sped up for a single moment before it returned to normal. And as he entered the room, she never once looked up at him. Her eyes were still trained on the pages before her. From what he heard, she hadn’t moved from that spot for over a twenty-four hour period.

“Y/N/N,” He began as he came to a stop just a few feet away from the very bed they had shared.

“Don’t.” She said as she quickly shook her head. “Don’t you dare ask me to stop looking because I am not ready to give up.”

“No one is asking you to.” He said softly as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, careful to not disturb the organized mess that has taken over the top of it. “But we should talk before the night ends.”

“You didn’t want to listen before you left.” She said as she finally tore her eyes away from the book to look over at him. “I asked you-no, begged-for you to let me find a way that didn’t involve us saying goodbye.” Her bottom lip began to tremble. “But you wanted it done your way. And I’m not ready to let you go.”

Klaus quickly took her hands in his as he brought the other one up to rest on her cheek. “We both know there was no other way around this, love. I couldn’t stand by and watch my daughter die from this.”

“I understand, I really do.” And Y/N had. But the thought of Klaus not being around to be with his daughter after all this time of them being a part, Y/N hated the idea. While Hope was her step daughter and Y/N would do anything to keep her safe, Hope needed Klaus more. “But she needs you. She just lost her mother and you are willing to take your own life. How is that fair to her?”

“It isn’t.” Klaus agreed. “But what other choice do we have now?” His eyes moved towards the books before looking back over at her. “We’ve come to the end of this and I have come to terms with what is needed to be done. And I know you will be there for Hope. To care for her and protect her. I couldn’t ask for a better partner to be there for her.”

Y/N bit down on her lip as she tried to blink back the tears that were wanting to spill. She was determined not to break when there was still that thought of hope to keep him from wanting to end his life.

“Would you stop me if I found a way?” She asked cautiously as she looked him in the eye.

A smile pulled at his lips as he took in her words. “If you find something and come swooping in at the last second, I wouldn’t stop you.”

She chuckled at that. “We both know I’m great with timing.”

His hand that rested along her cheek moved down to the side of her neck. “That you are. It is one of the reasons I love you.”

Her eyes watered at his words. “Don’t start saying goodbye.”

“I would never.” He promised. “We both know I’m not particularly fond of emotional goodbyes. I’d rather our last conversation not be filled with words that we say out of sadness.”

“And what would you want our conversation to be?” She asked as her eyes scanned his face. She could see the emotions that were hidden behind his eyes. The ones that he refused to speak of.

As Klaus has stated, he hated emotional goodbyes. He hated the emotions that he’d feel with them or even the hurt that was forced upon the other person. That was something Klaus didn’t want to see on Y/N. He knew his decision hurt her in ways that he’d never be able to fully understand. But for right now, with his time ticking down, he wanted her to be happy.

“How much I love you.” A tug of a smile pulled at his lips. “How much the last several years has meant to me. You kept me sane in my time of need. Especially after visiting Elijah. You managed to make sure I wouldn’t lose myself completely.”

“I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.” She said with a nod. “And that is coming from a witch that promised she wouldn’t get herself involved in vampire business.”

“You just couldn’t resist my charms.” He said with a chuckle that made her laugh in return. “There’s my favorite laugh.”

“It’s usually only you that hears it anyway.” She said with a smile.

“Then I am very lucky, aren’t I?” A bit of a smirk pulled at his lips. “I’ll let you get back to your books.”

Her face fell at that as he began to move away from her. Her chest filled with an emotion that was close to breaking out of her. She couldn’t stop herself from putting the book to the side and following Klaus off the bed until she is standing in front of him.

They looked at each other, words no longer needing to be said between them. They could easily decipher the emotions that were surrounding them. Their eyes held on to each other for only a moment before Klaus closed the distance between them and brought his lips down to hers.

The kiss between them shared everything they had refused to say in that moment. The goodbye that neither of them actually wanted to say. The feelings of fear, love and even the grief that had surrounded them had been conveyed through the kiss. And it wasn’t long before Klaus broke away from her, leaving Y/N completely alone in the room.

_____

Klaus, Y/N, Elijah and Rebekah stood in the streets of the French Quarter. The walk to let Klaus do as he intended had felt the longest. While the others had finally gotten Klaus to agree to a ‘funeral’ as his last few hours, the laughter and fun they had was nothing in comparison to what they felt now.

With a rather quick goodbye for Rebekah and promise of the cure for immortality in the future, Rebekah had left knowing that she couldn’t say goodbye to her brother. Y/N had known, just as the siblings had, that Elijah wanted to take his life with Klaus. It was why he had stayed put instead of leaving as Rebekah had.

Y/N on the other hand knew that this wasn’t going to end as any of them had planned. The time between Klaus leaving her room and the last meal with family, she had found a way around this. She found a way for Klaus to be able to stay with his siblings, with Hope and not have to be the one to sacrifice his life. She had just yet to say anything to anyone.

As Klaus began to walk away from Y/N and Elijah, Elijah moved to take a step after his brother. Y/N reached out and placed her hand on Elijah’s arm, as if to stop him for only a moment. Elijah looked over at Y/N confused by her actions.

“I know your intention is to die with him,” she began. “but it won’t be necessary.”

“This is my decision.” Elijah noted as he took in her words.

“Your death would be pointless seeing as Klaus will not die tonight.” Her words caused Elijah to still for a moment, taking in what she said. “He will not be the one to die tonight. And if your intentions are to go out with him, it will only be you that does.”

Elijah’s eyes quickly moved from her to his brother who had still been walking away from them, unbothered by the conversation they were having. “He can’t hear us.”

She shook her head. “No.” She took a deep breath trying to get her thoughts in order quickly. There wasn’t much time left now. “This evening, I performed a spell unbeknownst to Klaus. One that would tie his death and only the action of his death, with another. He will survive tonight, and Hollow will be gone.”

“If that is true, why not tell him of your plan?” Elijah asked. “Having someone take my brother’s place is a better plan than any.”

“Because in order for someone to take Klaus’s place it needed to be someone that was willing to take his place. No one wants to die, not with that kind of darkness within them. While Klaus is hellbent on taking his own life to ensure Hope’s safety, we both know that girl needs her father in her life.”

As Elijah continued to take in her words, realization formed within him. His eyes searched her face for any proof that he had been wrong. But there was nothing that showed his thoughts had been wrong. And it was as he looked down to where Y/N’s hand had been on his arm, that his thoughts had been proven correct.

Where the dark veins had been climbing up his wrist some time before, they no longer did. For as they moved down, they climbed up Y/N’s wrist. She had been taking the smallest piece of the Hollow that he had within himself.

“A willing participant.” He repeated a moment later. “And what am I to tell my brother when he finds out?”

“I’d be able to tell him.” She said with a nod of her head. “There is a temporary spell put in place that I’d be able to speak with him. To explain my side of things.”

“You should be with him.” Elijah said as his eyes looked over her face, but she had already been shaking her head.

“By the time I got there, it’d be too late.” She explained. Just as she had, she felt blood fall from her nose. Her hand instinctively moved to wipe it. “A human can’t hold that dark magic for long. You should be the one that’s by his side when he finds out. I can already feel the spell working. The hollow is slowly being transferred to me.”

“Y/N,” Elijah began but stopped himself as he watched as her eyes changed from the color he had been so used to seeing turn to a bright blue for only a moment. Once her eyes returned to normal, blood began to spill from the corner of her eyes. “It’s killing you.”

“As planned.” She said with a nod. “Now go, he’s going to need you. Especially after he learns that I did this.”

Elijah only nodded his head before he was gone from her sight. It seemed like only a second had passed before a pain filled her chest. One that told her that Klaus had shoved the white oak stake into his chest.

A cry of pain passed her lips as she fell to the ground. Despite the pain that was filling her body, she felt at peace. Her actions saved not only the man she loved, but saved a child from becoming an orphan. From the moment her eyes landed on the spell, Y/N knew she would go through with it. And as darkness began to take over her senses, she wondered what true peace was like in the afterlife.

The last thing she heard had been the sound of Klaus calling out her name as he tried making his way back to her before the darkness consumed her completely.

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[serum23nm]

Dream 9/21/2021

...I lived somewhere where they spoke Spanish. Not sure where or when. I looked similar to how I am now, same height, same long hair (but fully black, never dyed). I lived with my aunties and my mom and sisters. They all looked different from my actual family. They were a pale tan. My mother in the dream was much older, with white/grey hair. She was shorter, plumper. My sisters were all about the same height as me, two of them. Long hair, brown, with brown eyes. Did not live with any men. We were in a simple house and the surface of the walls were bumpy. It was basically one big room separated by a wall with a large door shaped opening, rounded at the top. Clothing was plain, but also colorful some days (months/years passed by in the dream).

The dream was pretty much like a life. I was going through the days doing chores, helping my mom and aunties, keeping my siblings safe. Life was disrupted by a foreigner, a male doctor who spoke both Spanish and English. He was tall, paler than my family. He had lighter hair, almost blond, but still brown. He was taller than me by a foot, which was striking since my sisters and I were taller than most men in our community. I don't remember his name, but it was strange to "my" ears, something I couldn't pronounce well. He spoke Spanish to me but the "me" in the dream didn't understand English. I could though, so I knew what he was saying when he didn't want me to hear. That's how I knew I couldn't trust him, that he was a bad person. The "I" in reality informed the "me" in my dream on the decision to reject him.

I don't really want to get into details, but one day, tired of my constant rejections, he came into my family's small clinic. The clinic was very tiny, one room. It was where women who are pregnant come to give birth. There's one small cot and a table where my aunties and mom will help the women through the dire moment. I was the only one in there, cleaning things up. It was very sunny outside, the light streaming through one small window at the side of the building. I felt the moment he stepped inside like cold water down my back.

Anyways, after that day, I lived in fear. My sisters would help me hide from him by warning me when he was seen in the town. I would go to our home and stay with my aunties and my mom. They knew what had happened, but there was nothing we could do. I didn't question that in the dream, but now that I'm awake, I wish I had done something. The "me" in the dream was just trying to avoid remembering what had happened. The knowledge was enough to make me curl up and shake on the floor, but that was useless to everyone. In order to stay sane and still be a help to my family, I just avoided the situation all together.

However, two months later, I realized that I was pregnant. I worked in a clinic for pregnant women, I knew the signs. I also "felt" something, not sure what it was anymore, but the only word that comes to mind is pressure. Pressure in my abdomen. This made my soul even more conflicted. I wanted to get rid of it, but I also wanted to keep it. I think I was of the mind that killing it would be killing a piece of myself, but also I didn't want any memory of that doctor. My mind couldn't reconcile the two needs. So I became ill.

My entire family agreed to keep my condition a secret too, reasoning along the same lines as why they kept my rape secret. It would only bring trouble to us and bring the doctor to our door. We didn't know what to do, in truth, but some of my aunties hoped it would die. My mom wanted it to live. I couldn't decide.

My illness became severe and I wasn't able to move from my bed/pallet, an eventuality that I dreaded. I hated being still or confined to the house. Finally, on a day that's beauty mocked my bed-bound soul, I got up. As soon as I stood, something burst inside me. Blood ran down my legs. I screamed for my sister. She saw me, helped me back on the bed, then ran out of the room. Some of this part of the dream is a blur.

I can't remember how or when, but suddenly there were other women in the room. Strangers. They were nobody I knew, no one from my town. I looked at the opening into the other room and saw my family confined to the other side of our home, kneeling on the floor and praying. In front of them, pacing back and forth, was the doctor. I swear, it felt like my heart stopped in the dream. Like it thumped loudly once, then stopped for too long. He looked over and saw me staring. I breathed in a rush and then screamed at the strange women to not let him touch, not let him near me. One of them came over and patted my head soothingly. She spoke words I couldn't understand. I tried to get up but I couldn't feel my legs. I couldn't feel my hands. Only my head moved back and forth. I could feel my chest area, my stomach even, but not my limbs or pelvic region. Panic can't describe what I felt. He came into the room, yelling at the nurse. "I" couldn't understand, but I could. He was asking the nurse to relieve my stress or something like that. He wanted her to calm me somehow. I have no idea what he wanted, but I was determined to escape. I thrashed around but then the lady who had been calming me grabbed my right hand. She leaned over it and stabbed a needle at the corner of the first line close to my fingertip.

This is another part of the dream that's super real. Everything about this sequence of events stood out vividly. She stuck the needle into a small, rubber point against my finger, only the very tip of it. Though I couldn't move my limbs, I felt the prick of it. The needle was long, about the length of my middle finger. A thin plastic tube was attached to the end. I guess the needle was hollow, because blood started to come into the tube. It slowly went down the curling length of the plastic and my eyes were riveted to it. I didn't notice anything else that was happening at that moment. When the blood reached the end of the tube, a drop of it started to form. Before it could fall, a small brown bowl was placed beneath it. The doctor held it. When I met his eyes over the bowl, my panic returned. I thought he was stealing my blood for some kind of curse on me. I turned my head to stare at the women near my legs, preparing to catch my baby. Apparently, the needle trick worked so well I didn't even notice what was happening. I desperately looked past the doctor to my family but they were all still praying loudly in the other room. I tried to move my hand away but the doctor was gripping my wrist and I still couldn't really feel it. He was talking at me. However, my level of panic had reached a point past comprehension. All I could hear was a ringing in my ears.

What finally broke past that high pitch was the cry of a baby.

Time sped back up.

The doctor's face broke into a joyful smile. My limbs filled with fire and I slapped the bowl of blood away. It hit the doctor and distracted him. I sat up as if I hadn't been paralyzed at all and grabbed my baby from the nurse who held him. He was still attached to me.

The dream jumps into hyperdrive.

I am no longer in my house, but I'm holding onto my son and walking quickly down a shaded walkway. It's high noon, the sun is directly above the ceiling. My baby is sleeping, unaware of his surroundings.

Then I'm in a market, my son on my back in a sling contraption. He’s about a year old now. His coloring is after me, dark brown eyes and black hair, for which I am eternally grateful. He’s lighter skinned, but so am I. His name I can’t recall. He is a quiet child and he listens to me. When I tell him to hush, he does. When I need to carry him for long periods of time, he doesn’t fuss. I love him with my entire being and I know I would die for him. But I intend to live long enough to raise him and teach him to defend himself.

Another few years are gone. We are in a church, Catholic I believe. He is a small man, still only 4 or 5, but so wise. He talks intelligently, asks probing questions. I think we have sheltered in this church for the past few years. I am still taught as a bow, no matter what. I am still on the lookout for the doctor. I avoid large towns. I have gone far away from my home, my family, just to keep him safe. When the doctor smiled at my child’s birth, I knew he would have taken him and I never would have seen my baby again. I still lived in fear of that happening...

The dream ends there. Honestly, there were a lot of missing parts, but I can’t remember it all. I have chosen not to remember the rape , but I might end up just typing it all out. It depends. I think it’s crazy how much I dreamed in a single night. It was like living a memory at some points, but other times were too rushed. I wonder if I should turn this into a novel? Or maybe a novella. What do you think?

[bush-viper-cutie]

“Uncovered and Secured” || YEAR 3 – Ch.38 (HP au)

                              Chapter List

<-- Last Chapter                          Next Chapter -->

Day posted: 1/9/2021

Word count: 3, 411

Relationship: EVENTUAL severus X oc (slow burn)

Rating: E for everyone

Warnings: none

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A/N: This is my first fan fic I’m writing mainly as a way to practice. This is a retelling of the hp books with an inserted character. Although most every character will be written about, this is mostly for the pro snape fandom. Please do not fear, although this is a severus x oc story, it is an incredibly slow burn as I do not intend for them to get together at all until after the final book events. Chapters will be posted twice a week.

This derivative work follows the events of the Harry Potter books by Jk Rowling and is intended as a fun way to practice my writing. Thank you for reading :D

Happy Birthday Severus Snape!

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~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~

Heather wiped her mouth with her sleeve and turned back around.

Harry pulled her aside, frowning. “Heather are you ok?”

Heather looked over Harry’s shoulder at Black, Lupin, and Crookshanks – who was hissing, spitting, and snarling with claws out and ready – surrounding the cowering man. Professor Trelawney’s words were spinning around in her head like a twirling tornado. Sirius Black was a convicted murderer, CONVICTED. Even Fudge went to see him. Surely… Surely he must have been given a chance to explain. Someone must have looked into his involvement. Dumbledore must have known somehow… ANYTHING. But Peter... Lupin was convinced Sirius Black was innocent. If Peter really was the one who betrayed their parents, then it would be Peter who would be returning to Voldemort tonight.

She looked at Harry again and shook her head.  

Lupin took his wand back and Sirius Black picked up Snape’s. Both men held them out, pinning Peter in place.

“Hello, Peter,” Lupin greeted him pleasantly, as if they had both bumped into each other on the cobbled streets of Diagon Alley. “Haven’t seen you in some time.”

Peter was still crouching, trembling slightly, trying to make himself shorter than he already seemed. He had his hands out close to his chest like Scabbers had often done when he sat on his hind legs. He had a bald spot in the middle of his matted blonde hair that grew out in tufts that stopped at his sideburns. His eyes were beady and looked around at Lupin, Black, and Harry and Heather.

“S-Sirius… R-Remus…” Peter squeaked. “M-my old friends… M-my friends… I’ve missed you so!” He gave a small smile that wrinkled his eyes.

Black raised his wand arm, ready to unleash a flurry of spells but Lupin’s free arm extended out, stopping him from reacting to the small man’s words.

“How nice it is to have you join our little chat,” Lupin’s voice remained soft and casual. “See, we’ve been talking about the night Lily and James died.”

Peter’s smile dropped. He licked his dry, cracked lips and turned his hands palm up, though he still kept them tucked close to his body. “Remus… Y-you don’t believe him do you? He tried to kill me… murder me… Remus…!”

Lupin fixed his jaw, setting it tight at the sound of his name. “Yes. I’ve heard.”

Peter stuck out his middle finger and pointed it at Black – his hand had only four finger, with the knuckle of his index finger ending in a clean scar where a finger should have been. “He’s come to kill me!” The unnatural squeak of his voice turned raspy. “He killed Lily and James and now he’s come to murder me too… Remus… You’ve got to help me…”

Sirius Black was baring his teeth and looked at him with even more hatred than he’d looked at Snape. His eyelids pulled back so far his red-rimmed eyes bulged and his face looked more skull-like than ever.

“No one’s going to die tonight until we’ve sorted some things out… Peter,” Lupin lightened his cold voice, “Let’s clear up one or two little matters about that night, shall we?”

“What matters?” Peter squeaked. He looked around the room wildly and pointed at Black again. “He’ll kill us all with his Dark powers! He broke out of Azkaban when no one’s ever done it before, imagine what he’ll do to us all! Who knows what more of the Dark Arts He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has taught him! H-horrible things I’m sure… Horrible Dark tricks…!”

Heather felt the room spinning as fast as the tornado in her mind. “Harry,” she hissed. He turned to look at her and she knew she had to tell him. “A prophecy… Professor Trelawny she – ”

Black barked out a laugh, dropping his wand arm to hold his stomach. It struck the air horribly sending a chill down everyone’s spines. “Taught tricks? From Voldemort?”

Peter flinched, as if he’d been struck in the face.

Black sobered immediately, focusing his gaze on Peter. “What? Afraid to hear your old master’s name?” Black slowly smiled again, grinning at how horribly Peter was shaking. “Of course you must also be afraid of all your old palls, too, aren’t you? I hear they aren’t very happy with you… Not happy at all. I hear…” Black stepped forward menacingly, grin slowly shrinking. “They think the double-crosser double-crossed them. I hear…” He stepped closer once more. “They all think you’re dead, or you’d have to answer to them. I hear they all know Voldemort went to the Potter’s on your information… and met his downfall there. And that’s just what I hear from Azkaban… I hear… Not all his supporters ended up in there though. Did they? There are plenty still out there, biding their time, pretending they’ve seen the error of their ways… If they got wind that you were still alive… for twelve years alive and hiding from them, Peter – ”

“D-d-don’t know what – ” Peter swallowed. “What you’re talking about…” He wiped his face on his sleeve like a twitch and looked around again, his little eyes searching. He turned to Lupin again. “Remus! You can’t believe this – madness!”

“What innocent man spends twelve years as a rat, Peter?” Lupin shook his head. “It’s a little hard to understand.”

“Innocent! Yes! But also scared! If-f Voldemort’s supporters were after me then it is because I put their best man in Azkaban! The spy – Sirius Black!”

“Me? A spy?” Black growled. “When have I ever been the one to sneak around people stronger and more powerful than myself? You, Peter – Why I didn’t see you were the spy from the start. After all! You always liked big friends who’d look after you, didn’t you? It used to be us… Remus, me… and James… But there were bigger friends out there. Weren’t there?”

Peter was panting, looking around wildly again. “Me? A spy… madness… you must be out of your mind… I’d never… don’t know how you could say – ”

“I convinced James and Lily to make you Secret-Keeper,” Black hissed, forcing a panicked jump out of Peter. “I thought it’d be the perfect plan… a bluff… Who’d ever use a weak talentless thing like you as their Secret-Keeper? I was sure Voldemort would come after me… I was prepared. Ready… Waiting to give up my life while little Peter hid, keeping our friends safe… I can’t imagine how grand you must have felt, telling Voldemort you could hand over the Potters – Must have been the finest moment of your miserable life!”

“Most farfetched… Absurd – ” Peter’s eyes were darting from the floor to the ceiling, the boarded up windows, to the closed door behind Lupin and Black. “Lunacy…”

Heather settled her eyes on Peter Pettigrew, ignoring the panging feeling that everything would go horribly wrong like it always did. He was looking for escape, but was it for fear of Sirius Black, or was he planning to run in search of his most powerful ‘friend’, Voldemort?

Hermione stepped forward again, swallowing thickly at the sight of the distraught man in front of her. “If… If I may ask – Why had he never tried to hurt Harry, if he was working for Voldemort? Scabbers – I mean – this man – he’s been sleeping in the boy’s dormitory for three years.”

Peter perked up at once and pointed at Hermione with a smile. “See, Remus! I would never want to hurt a single hair on Harry’s head! Why should I…? He – ” He pointed at Sirius Black again. “He injured Ron! Bit his leg and he would have hurt Harry if he had to! I kept them safe, running away when I did!”

“Easy answer,” Black snapped, ignoring Peter. “Why? Because this useless thing never does anything if he can’t see what’s in it for himself! Voldemort’s been in hiding for twelve years. He wasn’t about to commit murder right under Dumbledore’s nose – not for a half-dead wizard who’d lost all his power. That’s why you found a wizard family to take you in. To keep an ear out for news. Just in case your old protector came back and it was safe to rejoin him.”

Peter was opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water trying to breathe.

“But – so then – How DID you get out of Azkaban if you didn’t use Dark Magic?” Hermione asked.

“The dog. You turned into a dog, didn’t you?” Heather looked at Black who nodded. “They didn’t know you were an animagus when they locked you in.”

“That’s only part of it, I suppose.” Black shrugged. “I’m not too sure if that’s the reason – though that’s my guess as well… I kept sane as best I could, knowing I was innocent helped. And knowing I was innocent wasn’t a happy thought at all, so the dementors couldn’t suck that out of me. I repeated it to myself… over and over… It helped me keep my powers – weak as they became – until the day came when I transformed myself…” He looked at one of the windows, as if he could see out beyond it. “Dementors can’t see, you know… They let people’s emotions guide them… I think they could tell my emotions were less… human.” He swallowed. “I was obsessed, first with my innocence… then when I saw that picture – I knew where he was, in Hogwarts with Harry and Heather. Perfectly positioned to deliver the last two Potters should he hear word that his side was gathering strength again… Who’d dare say he betrayed Voldemort after that? He’d be welcomed back with honors... Knowing that, I became even more obsessed, and that cleared my mind… When the time came, I transformed. I slipped past them when they opened my cell to bring me my food… It’s hard for them to sense animal emotion… not impossible… but much harder. Then I swam as a dog back to the main land and journeyed north.”

“You were at the match that day…” Heather realized Harry had told her the truth about seeing the Grim, not just in the clouds.

Sirius Black looked at them, his sunken eyes much softer. He faced them fully and nodded. “Yes… Harry you fly as well as your father… I’m sad I could not watch any more matches. I did not want to bring any more dementors into your games.” He looked deeply into both Harry and Heather’s eyes, as if baring his soul to them. “Believe me… Please. I never betrayed James and Lily. I would have died before I betrayed them.”

Heather swallowed. Suddenly, the man she had feared all year didn’t look anything like the man he was. Although he had the clothes of a prisoner and a wild dangerous look about him despite being skin and bones… Heather could see the genuine sadness of a man who’d lost someone he treasured. It was a pained longing… the same look she saw in Harry sometimes, deep into the night on hard summer days.

Harry looked at her and nodded. If anyone could recognize the hurt of losing James and Lily, their parents… it would be him. She nodded back.

“NO!” Peter fell to his knees and scuttled closer to Professor Lupin, his hands held up over his bent-down head as if in prayer. “Remus! You can’t – ”

Sirius kicked him onto his side and growled.

“S-Sirius! It’s me… It’s Peter… Your childhood friend… you wouldn’t…” He reached out to grab for Sirius. “You couldn’t possibly hurt – ”

Sirius stepped back. “I don’t need more filth on me.”

Still coiled in on himself Peter looked up imploringly at Professor Lupin. “Wouldn’t Sirius have told you they’d changed the plan…! Wouldn’t you have found out?”

Professor Lupin gave a quick tisk. “Not if he thought I was the spy… I assume that’s why I wasn’t told?” he asked Sirius casually.

Sirius gave an embarrassed smile. “Forgive me, Remus.”

“Not at all, Padfoot, old friend.” He began rolling up his sleeves. “And in turn, will you forgive me for believing you were the spy?”

“Of course, Moony.” He too began rolling up his sleeves and gestured to the sad heap of a man still coiled on the floor. “Shall we kill him together?”

Professor Lupin gave a nod. “Yes, I think so.”

Peter gasped and shuffled to his feet, still crouching down to half his height. “You won’t…! You can’t…!” He turned quickly and for the first time since he’d turned back, faced Ron and Hermione. He dove for Ron, holding up his hands again pleadingly. “Ron! I’ve been a good friend… a good pet to you!”

Ron looked more disgusted than when he’d drank the tea that Fred and George had melted all the bad flavors of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans they’d collected over the last five years.

Seeing the look on Ron’s face he turned to Hermione and shuffled on his knees to her. “Clever girl… You don’t believe them… how could you! Help me… Help – ”

Hermione backed away, drawing closer to Ron.

Peter turned slowly to Heather and Harry, his hands coming up to hid his face. “H-Harry… Heather… You’re parents wouldn’t – ”

Sirius seized Peter by the collar of his tattered robes. “HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO THEM! HOW DARE YOU FACE THEM! HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT THEIR PARENTS IN FRONT OF THEM! AFTER WHAT YOU DID?”

Peter’s head fell limp on his shoulder and he looked at them despite Sirius’ face being inches from his own. “They wouldn’t have wanted me killed… James would have understood… he would have had mercy…”

Sirius threw him back onto the floor with disgust. “Do you deny selling James and Lily to Voldemort? DO YOU DENY IT?”

Peter’s face contorted and he began bawling. Great heaping tears rolled down his cheeks as he gasped and drew them away with the backs of his trembling hands. “S-Sirius! What could I have done! The Dark Lord… You have no idea…! He has weapons you can’t imagine…! I was so scared, Sirius… I was never brave like you and James and Remus! I never meant it to happen… He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named forced me to – ”

“YOU FRIGHTFUL LITTLE RAT!” Sirius bellowed. “YOU’D BEEN HIS SPY FOR NEARLY A YEAR! GIVING HIM INFORMATION FOR NEARLY A YEAR BEFORE JAMES AND LILY DIED!”

Peter shook his head and sobbed like whining child. “Because he was taking over everywhere! W-what would have been gained by refusing him?”

“Only INNOCENT LIVES! What more could one hope to gain when fighting the most evil wizard who has ever existed?”

“You don’t under-understand! He would have killed me, Sirius!”

Sirius clenched his fists and began trembling as hard as Peter was. He bent down furiously. “THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED! RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!”

Sirius stepped back, panting, and stood shoulder to shoulder with Professor Lupin as they both raised their wands.

Professor Lupin shook his head. “You should have realized… If Voldemort didn’t kill you… We would. Goodbye, Peter.”

The knot in Heather’s stomach loosened and she felt she could finally breathe. She turned away, although she knew she’d feel nothing but relief knowing there would be no servant making his way back to his master tonight.

“NO!” Harry yelled.

Heather whipped back around to see Harry had placed himself in front of Peter. “Harry!”

He faced their wands with open arms, shielding Peter. “You can’t kill him. You can’t.”

Professor Lupin and Sirius both looked startled and staggered back a step.

“Harry, this pest is the reason you have no parents… This truckling piece of vermin valued his own skin over your whole family. You heard him. He would have delivered you and your sister to Voldemort without a second thought if it meant he could continue about his filthy life,” Sirius snarled. “Step aside, Harry. He deserves this and more.”

“Yes, I know! But you can’t kill him… He should go to Azkaban. We’ll take him to the castle… hand him over to the dementors – just don’t kill him.”

Heather looked at him surprised. It was months ago, weeks go… hours ago that Harry would have killed the man who murdered their parents. He almost had. And now the pitiful wheezing man behind him was being shown great mercy… and now it was her that was willing to see him dealt with.

She sighed and moved next to Harry. “H-He’s right.”

“You sweet… children – I don’t deserve – thank you!” Peter bent his head down so that his forehead rested on Heather’s heals.

“Get off her!” Harry kicked him back. “We’re not doing this for you.” He turned to look Professor Lupin and Sirius in the eyes. “I don’t think Dad would have wanted his two best friends to become killers over someone so pathetic.”

Heather nodded. “And Peter can clear your name… Sirius.”

Sirius looked into her eyes and nodded, grasping the delicate extension of friendship and trust Heather had just thrown him. “In the end… it’s you two who have the right to decide what happens to him.” He lowered his wand hand.

They nodded.

“Very well… Stand aside and I’ll tie him up.” Professor Lupin motioned for them to part and as soon as they did, thin cords shot from his wand and wrapped around Peter.

Peter was groaning and wiggling under his binds but seemed well enough secure that Heather could catch her breath from the whole experience.

Peter stopped wiggling when Sirius pointed his wand at him again. “If you transform, Peter. We WILL kill you. Do you agree Harry? Heather?”

Harry nodded. Heather breathed out and turned away from Peter. “Yes.”

“Right, then.” Professor Lupin walked over to Ron and assessed his leg. “Why don’t we strap your leg up and take you back to the castle where Madam Pomphrey can mend your leg.”

Ron nodded and winced when Professor Lupin tapped his leg and said ‘Ferula.’ Bandages sprung out of his wand end and wrapped around Ron’s bloody leg. He stood with the help of Hermione and tapped his foot lightly on the floor. “Doesn’t hurt much anymore. Thanks.”

Heather looked over at Snape still knocked unconscious and poked his shoulder with her wand. “Er – what about Snape?”

Professor Lupin walked over and examined him. “There’s nothing very wrong with him. Still knocked out from those two spells – a little overenthusiastic with it weren’t you?”

Heather’s cheeks heated. “I didn’t like what he said… But I regret it.”

“I don’t,” Ron cut in with a laugh. “First Hermione now you. I hope you two DO keep up the good work coming next year.”

“Next year?” Hermione huffed. “We’ll be expelled after this!”

Professor Lupin chuckled. “I’m sure the Minister of Magic won’t allow the expulsion of Harry Potter, his twin, and the children responsible for capturing Sirius Black, clearing his name, and also capturing the man really responsible for those crimes…” He gave a smile and a shrug. “It’s not good press.”

“But we attacked a teacher,” Hermione whispered stubbornly.

“Right well. Perhaps we hold off on waking him up until we’re safely back in the castle.” Professor Lupin looked at Sirius and jerked his head back at Snape’s unconscious body.

Sirius nodded and pointed his wand. “Mobilicorpus.”

In an instant, Snape was lifted up into the air by his shoulders into a limp sort of standing position. His head rolled around as Sirius motioned him off the bed, and he looked more like a ragdoll then than seconds before when he was first lifted.

“Two of us should be chained to this, on top of the ropes… Just in case.” Sirius prodded Peter with his foot.

Ron stepped up, looking down at Peter with disgust. It looked like he was taking Scabbers’ true identity as a personal insult. “I’ll do it.”

Professor Lupin fixed the ropes and attached chains connecting Peter’s left arm to his own right and Peter’s right arm to Ron’s left. “Then it’s settled. Let’s make our way out… And leave all this in the past… as it should have been.” He looked around at the old and dust shrieking shack and gave them a grimace of disgust.

Crookshanks led the way out of the shrieking shack, tail held high at a job well done, and they all followed. Professor Lupin, Peter, Ron, and Hermione went through the trap door first, then Snape’s limp body, Sirius, Heather, and Harry.

~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~ * ~~~

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[pespillo]

Media that kept me sane this 2020:

no particular order, just stuff that made me scream or made me happy or just Stuck to my brain , im not saying its AMAZING MASTERPIECE Media im just saying it KEPT ME SANE. anyways (toots a little trumpet) 

1. 31 minutos

legit. legit i dont know where i would be mentally without this fucking show , YOUR MUSIC! YOUR HUMOR! YOUR CHARACTERS! SAVED ME /J but yeah anyways , chilean puppet show .. of my heart...

2. Illusion Lock

this yt series . ridiculously underrated , great music, eerie , sad, a strange story but kinda just stuck to me ... lil tree people...

3. DOOM 

im not joking, what, i love violence and i love sexy men and robots , and carnage and hell aaaaah let it rain blood n bones aaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!

4. BUGSNAX

a lil bit of a bug a lil bit of a snack what more DO I HAVE TO SAY????????! go watch it go play it go bugsnax

5. Johnny the Homicidal Maniac

ok. this one is a special interest and its EVERY YEAR but this year theres been more updates in fanwork so i just been Taken Again by The Murder comic and this old ass horror drama fic. its incurable. ive come to reconcile how i feel abt this fucking twink.

6. No Straight Roads

GREAT game, one of the greatest soundtracks of the year NO JOKE, just , watch it, play it,  AT LEAST listen to it, please for my wife EVE, EVE my beloved.

7. The Owl House

I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT IT ! its just , what a comforting and genuinely well made show ,  i cant wait for season 2 , its just , its HAS FLAVOR it has SPIRIT. fuck everything else (but i still got finish Kipo dont sue me)

8. Half Life VR but the AI is self aware

listen. who am i kidding , i got caught up in the hlvrai crazy train too, its a legitimately fun series of videos , and im holding Tommy Coolatta´s hand as we speak.

9. Carmen Sandiego

where in the world is carmen... sandiego... IN MY HEART! 

10. Green Eggs and Ham

the amount of work this series has, the heart it has , it was just a fun and loving series .. i also watched it with my bf who i got to meet irl and i felt great about that

i could list movies but this post is long enough come on .

anyways TOP MUSIC IVE LISTENED IN 2020: 

1. Kerosene! by Yves Tumor (i gotta listen more of this guy this 2021)

2. Psychedelic Porn Crumpets (excuse the name, but their albums are REALLY good, “November” introduced me in) 

3. McBaise (”Shes a big boy” was a cultural reset i know, but his other two albums are so underrated)

4. Drakengard OST (whatever the fuck is going on the game, i dont know i dont care, just listen to Black song White Scales, and come back to me) 

5. Gustavo Cerati , “Siempre es hoy” album (im always a cerati listener but relistening this album been ... healing )

6. Kate Bush (idk you but “Moments of Pleasure” keeps making me cry)

7. Tail song by Yoko Kanno (Napple Tale ost) (im also an avid Yoko Kanno listener but discovering this lil obscure game has been magical)

8. Macross music , Plus singles , Frontier singles (ive been listening to new songs that been released through the Uta Macross Smartphone Deculture game, “Good Job!” makes me feel just...happy? this is the only idol adjacent media i can take.)

9. Neil Cicierega Mouth Dreams album (im not rlly lemon demon fan but his Sounds albums im very much obsessed with, this one was such a hit)

10. Exist for love by AURORA (SHE DID THAT. TO US. TO EVERYONE! , PEACE AND LOVE ON EARTH FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 

i wish everyone a happy New Years and see you in 2021 <3 (kisses to the audience)

[theheroheart]

New Years Meme 2020

@arqueete:  “This survey is a meme that has been passed around among my friends since back in LJ days. If you want to join in, please consider yourself tagged.”

I used to journal more, and stuff like this is really nice to look back on, because I have terrible memory for life stuff or the passage of time. So here, for future me.

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Uhhhh wear a mask to the grocery store? This was not a groundbreaking year for new experiences.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? I didn't have any. I don't make any. I mean, sometimes I make them in the vague "I want to focus on this in the future", but I'll already have forgotten by March, like I don't really PLAN my life in such a way. I just have goals that aren't tied to specific points in time. You get there when you get there, and you choose what you want to prioritise.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, but my brother got married, which was very exciting because he's 40 and has never had a girlfriend who he considered important enough for me to meet. (And my sister-in-law is delightful.)

4. Did anyone close to you die? My (half-)brother's dad died a few weeks ago (cancer), but I didn't really know him, so I wouldn't say he was close to me. I did spend almost a week at my brother's place to be there for him though. And honestly, I kept thinking about how my mom's dead this year, because in a way I'm glad we didn't have to deal with this year together. She already died from respitory failure, had poor impulse control and sense of safety, and I would've been CONSTANTLY worried about her.

5. What countries did you visit? I was gonna go to Malaysia (for my brother's wedding celebration), but that didn't happen. (Flatmates were gonna go to Japan.) So. Yeah. Home country all the way.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? A driving force to move forward in my life?

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I don't think... that there is one specific day? I guess the US election? Despite me being Norwegian, it's still fairly historic.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? /stares blankly at the wall I did do some nice art pieces? I coped? I managed to have good times and make friends despite everything else.

9. What was your biggest failure? I dropped out of two classes specifically because I couldn't do remote learning and self-structured study (BECAUSE ADHD YO), even though it wasn't even that HARD subjects, which was very frustrating. It hasn't set my study plan back, thankfully, but it still felt like a waste.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Only mental. And thankfully not as bad as it could've been, but hell yeah there was some strong anxiety in there.

11. What was the best thing you bought? I've bought some great video games this year. Animal Crossing brought 250 hours of fun, Hades brought 100 hours so far. Good investments.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? // 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Both of these are related to pandemic behavior so I think you can guess.

14. Where did most of your money go? Entertainment? Also, god, I spent so much money on theatre tickets that are now just vouchers for non-specific future performances. I'll get my money's worth eventually, but right now it's hundres of dollars worth just sitting in vouchers. OH, and, digital D&D books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I had tickets for Chess. Several tickets, for multiple performances. STILL HAVEN'T SEEN THIS PRODUCTION THOUGH. But they're still doing it so hopefully it will still happen.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? Not sure I have any specific ones, actually. No iconic music.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Last year I was feeling very accomplished. I was challenging myself, had befriended lots of classmates, had gotten through some stuff I was quite proud of managing. This year has been... not that. But on the other hand, I'm not as exhausted from school stuff, and I'm ready to actually go places and try to do things, as opposed to just wanting a month long nap.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? General life maintainance stuff. Not just school work, but like, focus more on money sensibility and try to get on disability, go to the dentist, work with my doctor more... All of that got a little bit just... postponed indefinitely.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Uh, can't think of any notable negative behaviour. It's mostly stuff I didn't do. Like, I had some bad anxiety in the spring, but honestly I think I did an appropriate amount of worrying.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Had my first christmas with my flatmates (whom I love very much), and had my dad over as well. It was very lovely, and socially way less draining than usual.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? lmao I'm aromantic

23. How many one-night stands? lmao I'm asexual

24. What was your favorite TV program? There were a few this year! Good Omens, The Queen's Gambit, Julie and the Phantoms, Avenue 5. There were more I watched and enjoyed, but I think those stand out the most. Also, does Critical Role count? OH, The Baby Sitters Club! A lot of good stuff.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nah. I don't hate a lot of people.

26. What was the best book you read? Don't think I read anything notable this year. Don't read a lot of books, I prefer to consume stories in other media.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Julie and the Phantoms. Not because the music is astounding or anything, but it was very feel-good and fun. Don't think I had a lot of new music.

28. What did you want and get? D&D campaigns? Have gotten really invested in one of them in particular, it's delightful.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Hmmm. The only one that stands out was The Old Guard. I watch more series than films. 2 hours isn't long enough for me to get properly invested AND satisfied.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 33 and I don't know that I did anything special. I think I just chilled? Flatmates made me a nice breakfast!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having the energy for essays/exams, probably. Just feeling like I actually had some accomplishments. OR LIKE. If Norway did like New Zealand and just wiped the virus out.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? Pyjamas. Occasionally 'apocalypse chic'.

34. What kept you sane? My flatmates and my dad. Reliable social interaction with people I care about.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Matthew McNulty, which applies to every single year. But this year I started both a gallery website and a discord server for him, so it was a particularly good year for him.  (Special mention to Paul Spera, who I finally talked to face-to-face, through Zoom, but still.) Also I'm using 'fancy' platonically.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Ha aha hah all of them, oh god. BLM, probably, though. That was when I still had the energy to get invested.

37. Who did you miss? So many people. Like, come on. I don't know that it was even specific people so much just... being in a group? Like, my choir gang?

38. Who was the best new person you met? Met a guy I ended up playing a LOT of board games with. We haven't really talked in a few months now tho. And there's a friend I didn't MEET this year, but I really connected with, who's also now my DM, which was really nice.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: It's not necessarily new knowledge, but this year has really driven home the need for both community solidarity and governmental support/leadership.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I'm alone in my apartment, that means I can do anything / I'm not wearing pants (alone in my apartment - Brian David Gilbert)

Summary: It's been a conflicted year, a lot has felt like it's been on stand-still, but there's still been some good things in there.

[malgal7777]

Hiking with Tracy 2021:  Weekend 3, the Lost Weekend

As I went back to re-read my blog I noticed I had cut off my WHOLE weekend of 4/17!!  This is my 20 mile walk from the Emeryville Marina to the Richmond Marina and back via the Bay Trail along the water & Hwy 80.  So let me try to reenact my journey!

The theme of this hike was “Don't tell me this town ain't got no heart, you just gotta poke around” - Once again I tip my hat to the great Jerry Garcia.  Not sure if you all figured it out, but I love Jerry.  I came to the Bay Area to follow the Grateful Dead’s music and I never left.  

This particular hike was absolutely beautiful.  I wish it wasn’t so I can mix this blog up, but sorry folks, you live in a beautiful area.  Even along a dirty highway, there are things of beauty all around you.  Take for example this hike, wildflowers everywhere.  Even popping out of the sidewalk.  I'm reminded of Jeff Goldblum’s character in Jurassic Park...”Life refuses to be contained...it just finds a way”.  And sure enough, Sunflowers out of the sidewalk!

Since I was next to a highway, I went with headphones this time around.  One of my positives during this pandemic is my rekindled love for music radio stations.  I love listening to a radio station and I definitely have my favorite DJ’s. My personal favorites this past year were:  WWOZ - a local New Orleans station; KCSM - a Bay Area jazz station and KXT - out of Dallas, TX.  These stations literally kept me sane during the lockdowns.  I highly recommend them, especially if you’re cooking, doing chores or working in the garden. 

This particular morning I went with WWOZ.  And what a good decision that was.  Ron Phillips was spinning his favorite Saturday morning tunes and I was going down the road feeling BAD (as in good)!  Irma Thomas, Anders Osborne, The Subdudes and a little known singer/songwriter out of New Orleans, Chris Smithers.  If you get overwhelmed and about to burst...stream Chris Smithers “Let it Go”.  So funny.   Anders Osborne is a name my friends have been trying to get me into for a long time.  And I’m a bozo, definitely missed the boat on this one!  From his new album, try this song:  Welcome to Earth.  

Ok, so I digress!  Back to the walk.  In one of my last posts, I mentioned the people I meet.  Well this am was a doozy!  As I was grooving to the sweet sounds of the Crescent City I was approached by a group of ladies.  They had a question for me:  What’s more important in a relationship:  Love or Economics?  My first response was “Wow, you ladies don’t mess around for a Saturday morning!  Going deep on me”.  But, because I’m me, I had an answer. Now usually I would have said Love, Love, Love.  Hands down right?  But they caught me at a weird time.  I have been obsessively thinking of a comment I overheard from another group of ladies while doing my Diablo hike.  One of them had commented “I have no desire to marry just for love.  Forget that, I need to be economically stable”.  My reaction was pity for this poor girl.  I literally felt sorry for her.  The more I thought about it (obsessively for two weeks) I came to realize, she didn’t necessarily say she wasn’t going to work, she just wanted someone with their shit together and would contribute to their family being comfortable.  What’s wrong with that?  Is being comfortable taboo now?  So when my Bay Trail friends asked me, that’s how I answered.  Love was great but there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable, isn’t that love after all?  I obviously made one of the women very happy.  She loved it.  The other two nodded and smiled, they were on Love’s side.  So we said our goodbyes and I felt like I had gotten a weight off my shoulders.  As I was walking away though...I asked myself...But didn’t YOU marry for love?  And sure enough, I did.  Bob & I didn’t have a pot to piss in.  And while we’re not the Rockefeller's, we’re comfortable enough for us.  I love him dearly and love has to be the basis that you build your financial future upon.  If you don’t have that, it get’s ugly when $$ is involved.  The best part of this moment was that song “Welcome to Earth” was playing as I was coming to this realization and the last line is literally “Love is always the answer”.  The Universe works in mysterious ways!  But, where were the ladies...I wanted to change my answer??!!  No where to be found.  Man, I blew it.  I would now obsessively think about this for the next 20 miles. Told you I was a bozo. 

By this time I had reached The Albany bulb.  A Bay Area gem to the north of Golden Gate Fields.  There’s a great beach and then it jets out into a peninsula which is covered with art installations all over.  I’ll talk more about that later, since I came back on Sunday to finish my 25 miles. This morning though I watched a group of swimmers about to enter the freezing bay waters, no wet suit mind you!  CRAZY and No Thank You!  Brrr.   Next Stop, Point Isabel, dog heaven.  A large open spaced off-leach dog park.  I go there all the time.  If you have a dog, you should take them.  They will love you even more than they already do. 

Now past Point Isabel is where the trail gets interesting.  You start to wander away from the highway and are now among the prettiest beaches and marshes. It’s an interesting view of the Bay Bridge and you can no longer see the Golden Gate Bridge as you veer north of it.  You now start to come upon single family homes along the trail.  You’re instantly reminded of Cape Cod.  A ocean view from Richmond, CA.  The best part is once you see this neighborhood you know you’re close to the marina.  And sure enough, I turned the bend and there in front of me was the Ford Assembly plant, my 1/2 way point.  But, it’s a very cruel joke.  You see the plant across the opening of the marina, it’s literally right there!!  Then the realization hits you in order to get to it you need to go around the WHOLE marina.  And as you continue to walk and go around another bend, the sidewalk gets longer and longer and longer.  The Richmond Marina is HUGE. Lovely though.  Large green spaces with people doing yoga;  a ladies bootcamp class along the water; boats coming and going from the marina and two pretty cute restaurants also along the water.  

I finally made it to the Ford Assembly Plant and now Richmond Ferry Terminal.  The assembly plant hosts seasonal events, we’ve been to the women’s roller derby ones.  Nothing like watching tough chicks bully each other on roller skates.  Then there are a few businesses strewn throughout the building.  Dolls Kill, which I believe is a clothing business for those on the freakier side of the spectrum.  And Mountain Hardware!  Quality clothing for the outdoorsy types.  I should have gone in and gotten a windbreaker.  The wind was pretty brutal.  

The best part was of course the Rosie The Riveter museum.  A museum dedicated to the women that left the kids at home and joined the workforce to help build ships during WWII.  This whole area was built for the war effort.  Richmond grew from 25,000 to over 100,000 within three years!!!  Can you imagine?  How does any town build the infrastructure needed to maintain that population?  Grocery stores?  Clothing? Schools?  Highly recommended.  It’s a suggested donation, so don’t be cheap, donate.  You won’t be disappointed.  I once brought Charlotte and a couple of her Girl Scout troop there to meet a real life “Rosie”.  She told the girls her story and it was of course about LOVE!  The trials and tribulations of her and her partner as he was fighting in the war and she was here making the ships that would keep him safe.  Man, where were those 3 ladies!!  

The way back was pretty much the same. I made it!  Now onto Sunday, 4/18. The Albany Bulb!  A Bay Area gem.  Bob & I have been coming here for years.  Way back when it was a landfill full of broken concrete slabs and rebar.  Some artist types took it upon themselves to start living there.  They kept the concrete slabs and rebar and started to make installations out of them.  Giant sized figures;  rows of wooden paintings; mazes and one guy even built a concrete castle along the water facing the Golden Gate Bridge.  Best real estate in the Bay.  They exemplified the phrase “one mans trash is another man’s treasure”.  Of course the stuffed shirts got wind and kicked them out.  But gave the stuffed shirts an idea...Hey, why not make a park out of this dirty unused lot?  Duh.  So before you harass your kid for taking art classes, remember it’s usually the artists who push the rest of society in the right direction.  

It’s also a great place to bird watch and now the wildflowers are a blooming, so it’s quite serene.  If you’re looking for some inspiration, this is the place for you.  

So my posts/weeks are a bit out of order.  Oh well!  It’s my blog and I’ll create chaos if I want to!  

I’ll end on this note:  Love is ALWAYS the answer. 

So sponsor me (hehehe):  https://runsignup.com/tracyalbert/Donate

[humanemotionssuck]

Hello 2021

January 2, 2021

I should’ve put these thoughts into words on the first day of the year but then again, I felt so lazy given this bed weather we are currently having. By far, I think I experienced the coldest temperature here in my hometown (21 degrees baby) and I’m sure not liking it as I prefer warm days.

I actually do not know how to start. I feel it’s necessary to check on how I am doing lately. Write the things I experienced last year and reflect on the lessons it taught me.

I could probably kick things off by remembering how 2020 started for me. I have a bad memory but I’ll try my best to recall them.

January

Broke up with J (yes this is probably one of the major and heartbreaking events happened to me). To sum it up, I realized that the relationship does not have growth anymore, and I am slowly drifting to follow my own path, which is to focus on the plans I want. I haven’t thought deeply the lessons I learned in my past relationship yet but one thing is for sure, I changed and I want to explore more of what I can do or what I’m missing out in life. Which brings me to attend seminars on how to work/study abroad. I attended a couple (e.g Fortrust Makati) and I also realized how costly it will be and I’m probably not yet ready esp. on the financial aspect.

February – March

Highlight on these months was I got back to dating apps again. I know it was a complete dick move. I haven’t moved on yet and here I am in the pool again. I met 2 guys from this app, Coffee Meets Bagel (which btw I uninstalled few months after). The first guy was the introvert but funny type and also VERY sexual. I got along with it, tried to do the deed but failed cause the guy hasn’t moved on from the ex yet. (Sucks right). And so I met this second guy and he is decent but we really had completely different personality. I believe this guy is also rich (he came from a Chinese family and I went to his house and saw the maid and his stuff). Can you also believe he already introduced me to his mom (no dad cause broken family), uncle and grandma. Pressured si ate gurl syempre cause it was really too early to do that step since we’re just dating but March was the most difficult month because…

START OF LOCKDOWN. PH was in state of panic after the government announced a nationwide lockdown due to increased COVID-19 transmission. I immediately went on a bus to the province fearing to get stuck in Manila.

April

Nah this was just a typical month. Summer vibes all over but since we cannot go to the beach we just setup an inflatable pool in the house to get soaked. I finally posted a pic wearing a swimsuit again. My stagnant IG feed came to life lmao

May

Oh boy. This month sucks so much. I got typhoid fever. Which I thought was COVID already cause my fever just won’t stop. My mom didn’t want me to get admitted in the hospital in the fear of being infected so I was hooked in the IV here in the house. I felt I was dying. I was in huge pain both physically and mentally. Which forced me to end any communication means with the second guy. He was not there when I was sick. I didn’t feel his concern even if we’re miles apart and I felt I was begging for his attention. It just won’t work. He blocked me in his socials (which is a first for me, usually I am the one who blocks lol) but given the current state I have now, I learned to accept it and chose to move forward.

June

Explored options on work/study program abroad. We got a new car (Xpander) which my father was able to purchase after borrowing money from us. That money could’ve been used for my Japan trip on December (plot twist it was cancelled due to fucking corona) but it’s okay I guess I’ll save another again.

I also got my student permit (yes I learned how to drive months after hehe)

July

THIS WAS MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL FOR THIS YEAR. There were some modifications in the quarantine and so my employer required and FORCED us to report on site in Makati despite of high number of positive cases. All I can say is SCREW THEM and I hope karma will do its thing on their business. The management.. the bosses.. they are all inconsiderate fucks for not allowing me to work at home instead. The situation forced me to resign but they chose to terminate me instead. The unemployment took its toll on my mental health, it caused me great depression and anxiety which forced me to look for distractions.. anything that will ease my mind.

Oh and btw, I bought my first laptop from hard earned money. Oh boy, it was satisfying to give myself the things my parents couldn’t afford that time I was still in school. It’s a gaming laptop and the one I’m using to type now. I absolutely love it and I used it to find online jobs later on..

I read Looking for Alaska by John Green again after watching the TV series on Hulu. Geez, this has to be my favorite book so far. The seeking of great perhaps.. which was very timely on my mood while having nothing else to do.

Lastly, TAYLOR SWIFT RELEASED A NEW ALBUM CALLED FOLKLORE. In the middle pandemic? Awesome right and this album kept me sane during this crazy and miserable month. Oh and on December, she released folklore’s sister album.. Evermore. Miss Swift saved me again with her music. This will definitely be one of the albums I will play when I’m old and gray knitting sweaters and wearing cardigan.

August

I started and finished my driving lesson in manual. JFC, I realized driving gives me a huge anxiety. One thing is for sure, I will prefer to drive automatic. Not driving that shit again.

I was still hooked with Looking for Alaska. Also purchased Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck on the time I bought LFA.

On the other hand, I was also actively looking for new jobs this time.

September

ON SEPT. 30 I GOT HIRED! I was super happy to start on a new job. It gave me hope once again to continue on this journey called life. After almost 3 months, we are def back to business!

I also got the chance to get this Thyroid issue checked. Unfortunately, there was no major stuff going on with my thyroid. Basically, I’m perfectly healthy. What sucks is that the doctor invalidated my previous condition and said I only have ~anxiety which is the cause of my symptoms (excessive sweating and palpitations). I will seek professional help on this anxiety stuff anytime in the future.

Lastly, I played Grand Chase again and met someone in the game. Well technically we haven’t met yet but since then, I got used to talking with this guy and he is part of my daily routine now. I won’t spoil much details but as soon as this is all over, I can’t wait to meet this person :)

*cue Grand Chase soundtrack*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoK0bAjsHoo

October

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE! It was a typical birthday. I don’t have much realizations. If I had one, I need to think thoroughly again lol.

Busy with training on the new job and this has been the most challenging training I ever had since I started working.

NOVEMBER

WORK WORK WORK. Super stressed and my anxiety was on the roof. I thought of giving up already but then again it was too early to quit. I haven’t seen my full potential on this job yet and so I chose to keep on fighting.

I also finally got braces. Let’s get these smiles fixed.

December

WORK WORK WORK AGAIN. My work caused me a huge anxiety cause I was given high priority cases -.-But overall, I can say the holidays went great. I finally got to spend time with the family outside. Don’t worry cause we still practiced precautions and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out once in a while to have some fresh air. We went to the beach and pretty much that’s the highlight of this month.

Things are getting serious with this guy I’m talking about.. Seriously, he makes me happy every single day.

I also won in Christmas raffle. Oppo phone. (I have the odds in my favor when it comes to raffles lol)

Feels weird to celebrate this holiday too thinking a lot of hardships were experienced in the last few months of quarantine. I was thinking about all the lives lost by covid and hoping they are in the peaceful place now..

JANUARY (NOW)

After everything that happened, oddly the start of the year gives me a sense of hope. Sure I am still carrying the trauma 2020 gave me but I am slowly leaving all of them behind. I want a fresh start and I want to let go of the things that gave me pain. I don’t have solid resolutions just like in my teenage years. Guess I’m too old for that. Not saying it’s okay to not have plans for the future and just go with the flow but I promise to not be too hard on myself and to not pressure myself on the goals I haven’t achieved yet. It’s really a struggle to plan things ahead given the situation but as always, I will do my best. I will stop comparing my progress to somebody else’s cause everyone has their own timeline.

I will listen to my heart and my mind to determine the things I really want. I promise to reevaluate the decisions I am making each day. I will not be afraid of making mistakes because that’s how I learn.

I am embracing my anxiety of uncertainty. It’s okay to feel afraid because I am always trying on how to overcome my fear. I strive each day because I am more than just a ball of anxiety. The palpitations.. the sweating.. they don’t define me. I have the power to control them and they won’t stop me from being the better version of myself.

[venicebcomplex]

maybe i am just figuring out what the fire extinguisher is, maybe i don’t even want an answer. i get nauseous thinking about my waves of sadness, i have a feeling it’s a phoebe bridgers themed kind of thing, i kept burning my cheeks two weeks ago until i asked for a sign on a rainy saturday night. such a funny feeling, such an obstination to prove myself wrong. i obsessively write about the lack of things and my guess is i can’t make peace with it. i can’t make peace with almost anything and for that i can only resort to bad jokes and the loosen words i write every now and then. i only tell them half trues, i keep myself away from the lies but i somehow decided to play a role, but this time it’s more of an undercover thing, it’s a fantasy. between the steps i’ve been taking, i’ve come to the realisation that i need to feel like i’m in control of my life. playing the role i chose myself makes me feel in control. it’s such a fake feeling, you don’t have to bring me any bad news for i’m so aware, i just need to explain myself so i can be on good terms with my own company. it won’t last forever, but it will last long enough. i ran my fingers through my hair whilst wondering if i’d gone mad, i now know i never was. if insanity feels like having hope, i wish to never ever be sane again. my brother and i made wishes to the sky and tested the faith we never had to share with our parents, now i feel like we don’t know what to do with it. i keep an arm-lenght distance from the image of him leaving this house, i’m standing still while i can. god forbid my feet fail, i know life is just keeping its promise, i had in the back of my mind that the changes were just as inevitable as the hours passing by. i had the lingering feeling inside my heart and i’ve always been so right. this is the scariest part, i can not differ if it was my intuition all along or if it is just the fact i’ve always been afraid of everything. i got the signs, heaven told me my the effort is nothing like the metaphors i once made, i see where this is going. i am using more of my heart, i am letting myself live according to what i feel and i often forget how fullfilling being myself is. i, once, held so much pride knowing i was more of a rational person and the single white hair strand i had on my hair allowed me to see i am destined to learn how to live by heart, if destiny is a thing. just for the record, i am holding on karmic hands and randomic texts. i have too many lines to write about the changes and my energies, i seem to have too much to say about almost anything these days. this shit is harder than i thought, i keep losing track of a faith i just recently found. the stars align and so will i.

6am

26th, june 2021.

[cristalknife]

Kadam Week 2021 Day 4 ~ You are my treasure, can I keep you as part of my hoard? 3/4

(In four parts Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 or read complete on ao3  or ff.net)

July arrived and with it the time to move to New York.

Despite it all Kurt found out that it was less hard than what he expected, especially deciding what he wanted to take with him.

The piano and his mother drawer were the only two sentimental piece of furniture he didn't want to miss, and after asking his father, including asking Finn about the piano, if it was ok, Kurt had them both delivered to his new home.

The next important choice Kurt made about his living arrangement was splurging on a luxurious king sized bed. Big enough to either spread himself on it no matter on which form he was, or to comfortably allowing another person to sleep in it.

While the renovation were proceeding swiftly, Kurt started to look around for a job.

It was a mere coincidence that he had just decided to stop the search to read one or two articles on vogue dot com, allowing himself a distraction to enjoy a coffee break, when he noticed a tiny link saying that there were new openings available.

Checking on the openings on a whim he saw that one of them was right here in New York, it was a personal assistant for one of the senior editor. Without even thinking too much on it, Kurt sent his resume and his portfolio containing all the costumes and accessory he made since he was in middle school.

It was quite the surprise when he found himself being called for an interview only a couple of days later.

Once hired it took him no time to actually find his footing between the work at Vogue and finishing his nest.

One of the things he was most proud of, was that he managed to recreate a mini dancing studio on one corner of the loft.

He had found a bargain, four full figure mirrors that could be moved around to give both the front and side view of a position or put side by side and offer enough view to check out a choreography.

He ended up also splurging on a portable ballet bar, so he could train properly even in his own home and not just on the school’s studios once he officially started attending it.

Nyada had been full of surprises.

First of all, Rachel had looked terribly and personally offended when she discovered Kurt was accepted in the school as well. She pushed things to the point that she refused to say hello to him during the first few days, and even refusing to look at him. Not that it affected Kurt that much, or at all in fact…

When she finally realised that all the gossipping she had done trying to put him down wasn’t as effective since he wasn't living in the dorms like she did, a piece of information she managed to obtain after using her feminine charms on a student working as administrative aid in the dorm hall.

She quickly returned to see him as her best gay and started giving hints on how it would be amazing living together, and how sharing rent would be a lot easier, and how she was willing to do this for his benefit, since he was not able to get a place in the dorms like she had.

Kurt simply smiled and allowed Rachel to rant, before finding a way to distract her and move along without ever answering the veiled and not so veiled attempts at discovering where he was living.

He was past the point of caring for someone so ready to walk all over him once he was no longer useful. Especially if they had an history of returning, apologising while and expecting for things to return exactly the same, and then restart the cycle all over again.

One of the first things Kurt had done once he stepped officially into the school as a student, was to search for the Adam's Apples’ posters.

He kept an eye out for James in the hallways as he moved through the school. It took Kurt about a week, to fully mentally map the school, and find the ways that were faster to move through his classes.

The second thing he had to do, was finding out a balance between keeping working with Isabelle for Vogue, and properly handle his schooling.

Fortunately at that time his nest had been already completed and he had already the time to settle and cosied up in his new home.

It took him exactly twenty one days before he managed to find the balance to start extra curricular activities. During that time he had already made friends with a few of his classmates. Especially some from the ‘intro to costume design and care workshop’. Which he had soon discovered, despite the misleading name, was very much at the very least an intermediate class if not directly an advanced one...

The good thing about not having a choice on which course he could attend, was that he had his complete schedule for the next four years, and it looked gruelling…

But if he managed to keep the pace, he would came out a great performer, with enough technical knowledge to never have to worry about finding a job whether on the stage or behind the scenes...

All in all the prospect of such stability was very tempting and worthwhile.

The course were spreaded out in his schedule in a way that kept a pretty nice balance, alternating between active and physically oriented classes and the theoretical or light activity ones.

The one thing that Kurt hadn't figured out yet, was how come he could hear a lot of people badmouthing The Apples, while none of those who did seemed to even able to say the correct name of the group.

After the third attempt of yet another well meaning friendly classmates, about not joining a group of losers, Kurt made a vow to himself that as soon as he felt comfortable in the school, he would join the Adam's Apple.

The day Rachel Berry thought it was a good idea come to Kurt to say how glad she was that neither of them were underdogs anymore.

No longer part of the basket containing rag dolls and misfit toys, but proper members of the school’s social hierarchy and ready to soar high above the masses.

It was the day that Kurt stopped postponing it and went directly to sign his name on the sign up flier. On a whim he left in there also his number with a smiley face and the message 'call me'

He wasn't sure why he got so bold, maybe it was because, like the very first time, the poster carried on it the now familiar scent of sugar cinnamon with that tantalising hint of peppermint that Kurt was steadily falling in love with.

He had tried to find at school, the person wearing it, but between all his classes and the overpowering mixed scent from all the other students, the very faint trace left in the air was never enough for Kurt to manage to meet that person.

By the time he reached the end of his school day, his phone had a new message from an unknown number ‘If you don't have other previous engagements we're in the auditorium 2 on the west side of the campus. Adam’

Kurt found himself grinning broadly, his step quick and light as he travelled securely through the school's hallways to reach his destination. The closer he got, the more pregnant the air got with both familiar and new scents.

As he walked in, he saw many familiar face and felt a warm and welcoming humming sensation passing through his skin.

It wasn't invasive but it was clearly something someone was doing, as it didn't felt hostile at all, unlike other prodding Kurt had to deal with, he simply smiled and allow himself to be read openly, letting his walls consciously coming down.

As soon as he did that almost everyone in the room looked at him with a mix of awe and respect. James ginned madly and waved "Come on in Kurt it's so good to see you again. I'm glad you found us, you arrived just in time we were voting on what to work on next, come come we need your opinion"

Kurt raised an eyebrow asking curiously "I thought there was going some sort of audition first to join in?"

A tall blond man with a beanie, and a smile that could bring a ray of sunshine in the middle of a blizzard, said warmly in a soft british accent "Oh there were, but you already passed all the important ones, and we know already you can sing, or you wouldn't be a major vocal performer... By the way I’m Adam Crawford, nice to finally meet you in person Kurt"

Kurt thought back to all he had observed that far and started grinning "So that's why no one with clearly not so nice intention seems to ever get the name of your group right..."

Adam nodded, a smug pleased smile taking place on his face, seeing that expression made Kurt puff out his chest with pride at having managed such accomplishment.

As soon as Kurt had walked up the group Adam offered him his hand to shake, when they touched a spark of electricity travelled down his spine.

Whether it was because of that first skin on skin contact or because, once he had got close enough he was finally able to identify that Adam was the one carrying around the familiar scent he had been searching for.

The one scent that had kept Kurt sane and grounded since the very first time he stepped foot on Nyada all those months ago.

Following Adam's example everyone took a turn to introduce themselves and wave a welcome to Kurt, already accepting him as a member of their community.

Kurt didn’t realise it at the time, but from that moment on he would always stand in Adam’s vicinity.

And while the other Apples would at times pat him on the back or have some small occasional touch, like quick hugs, or crying on Kurt’s shoulder and receiving comfort, Adam was the only one allowed casual lingering touches, legs brushing, a hand left on Kurt longer than strictly necessary.

Being a member of the Adam’s Apples was a new and amazing experience for Kurt, the feeling of being accepted without question or conditions almost a little heady.

He relished in it, returning the smiles and feeling more at home than he ever thought possible.

It took Kurt longer than he would have liked to admit, almost until Halloween, for him to realise that every single member of the Adam's Apples had supernatural heritage.

To realise that his initial act of good will, lowering his walls for all of them, had been taken exactly for the huge sign of trust that it was.

And when he realised that, one of the times they were the last one left to straighten up the auditorium after practice, Kurt found himself asking Adam "Is it because we all have supernatural heritage that every time we sing together the air vibrates and makes all our scents stronger and mingle together into a single harmony?"

Adam turned to look at Kurt intently, he unconsciously licked his lips before asking surprised "You feel that too?"

Kurt looked up confused and then asked "Doesn't everyone? I thought it was one of the reasons why we always end up together one way or another. Especially the day after practice, each one of us carries on our mixed scent and it feels like we’re all part of… Well same as a colony I guess? Or maybe a community? I’m not sure neither term seem just quite right though they both come close enough…"

Kurt was frowning trying to translate the sound ringing in his mind into human language. Its meaning larger than family, but it also represented a cohesive unit, it was puzzling him.

Even more puzzling was the fact that Adam was staring at Kurt, almost as if he was unsure of something, his hands clenching around the journal in which he often scribbled the arrangements for their group.

It was barely above a whisper, but in the silent room Adam’s words sounded as clear as crystal bells "A clan..."

And as soon as Adam said the word Kurt looked up and he felt as if he was completely raw and exposed. A question burning inside him, a question that was important, vitally so.

The kind of questions that only had life altering answers, and as it raised from the very centre of his soul, Kurt's voice become incredibly soft as he asked shyly "Ours?"

What Kurt didn't know, but that Adam could see, was that Kurt's eye had shifted, slit pupils and silver shining giving away exactly Kurt's heritage for the first time.

And Adam found the sight downright breathtaking, the air between them vibrating with promises and opportunities.

Not wanting to risk losing his chance, or give Kurt the wrong impression that he was being rejected Adam answered just as softly

"Ours if you want to accept the responsibility of taking care of them together."

Kurt smiled and nodded "I'd love for that and more"

then a little self conscious he asked hesitantly "Adam, can I tell you something weird without risking losing you?"

Adam smiled reassuringly "Kurt I can promise you that no matter how strange it might seem, it won't be the reason for me to want to leave you"

Kurt appeared reassured by the honest and realistic answer Adam gave him "I love your scent. I've loved it since the first day I stepped in the school and I met James. And I don't know why but since I joined the Apples, I find that I am missing it and you all the more every time we are apart, and I'm sorry it probably sounds creepy I promised it did not sound that bad in my head."

Kurt groaned and hid his face into his hands a pained whine leaving his throat.

Hearing that sound made Adam react without even thinking. He moved faster than either of them expected and wrapped his arms around Kurt's shoulders, nuzzling his face on top of Kurt's head, slowly making his way down to the crock of Kurt’s neck.

Efficiently scent marking Kurt as his, Adam’s eyes shifted, the vertical slit and the iridescent ocean blue colour shown openly, perfect match as Kurt's own eyes.

To Adam’s immense surprise and pleasure, Kurt's whine transformed into a soft purr as he threw his head back and allowed Adam to continue the action also on the other side of his neck, completely drenching Kurt in Adam's own scent.

Kurt didn't know when he closed his eyes, but the moment he reopened them he was staring into Adam's shifted eyes, he leaned forward and started nuzzling his nose against Adam's.

An action that made the other man exhale a sigh and hold onto Kurt a fraction tighter than before. Feeling a rush of delighted pleasure hearing the sound, Kurt mirrored Adam's actions in the reverse order. Starting nuzzling his face on Adam's neck working his way from one side to the other, his hand wrapped possessively around Adam's waist.

Kurt stopped only when all he could smell was their combined scent, a small satisfied growl left his throat as he rested his forehead against Adam's breathing in the result of their combined effort.

In what sounded like a teasing purr Kurt asked with a grin "Does this mean we are going to go out on a date anytime soon?"

Adam chuckled, and said jovially "If you pick up your bag we can go now. I know just the place, it has a mean cuppa and I've been told a killer cheesecake. We could try it out and you can tell me if it is as fabulous as it's rumoured to be, if not we could go on another date until we find our cheesecake..."

Kurt grinned picking up his bag quickly and then offering his hand to Adam who accepted it in his in a heartbeat before entwining their fingers together.

Kurt chuckled and asked playfully "You know right that after such introduction it is basically guaranteed that I'd call it not as up as it's hyped, just for the sake of having more dates in which we chase the perfect cheesecake?"

Adam grinned and winked at Kurt before answering tongue in cheek "You say it, like mentioning that part wasn't exactly all part of my great master plan..."

Kurt laughed amused and then leaned forward to place a peek on Adam's cheek before saying pleased "I'm glad you have such plans for us, please feel free to think more of them, I've liked all our adventures this far..."

Adam grinned and true to his word, he lead Kurt to their first official date.

By the time every corner and every door frame of Nyada carried a ribbon with mistletoe, everyone in the school knew to not to ever trying bring trouble to The Apples.

Everyone also knew that every moment in which they were not in class, where Adam Crawford was Kurt Hummel wouldn't be much far, with the reverse being just as true…

Rachel had tried unsuccessfully to claim back even a semblance of closeness with Kurt, but Kurt had lost any regard for her a long time ago, exactly the moment when she did as Kurt had always suspected she would, and dumped Finn like yesterday's trash.

All for the sake of courting the grace of an older Nyada's student, trying to gain a better social standing within the school's social hierarchy.

As cold as it might have sounded, the girl that used to be his friend had disappeared the moment that the diva returned with an ego bigger than ever before.

Believing she was the best of the best because a senior asked her, a freshmen to star in his project, she had no shame in posing nude for it, and it gained her many admirers.

Kurt couldn't do anything else but shake his head at the spectacle and hoping against hope, that she knew what she was doing. He might not have considered her a friend anymore, but he didn't want to see her professional reputation destroyed because of a stupid mistake she made on her first year in college...

But alas, she was not part of the ones under his care, and between everything going on in his life, he really couldn’t spare the energies or the time mothering a girl who didn’t even realise how coddled she had been all her life…

Once the golden tickets for the Winter Showcase were handed out, another wave of jealousy and envy was aimed directly at Kurt, for he was the only freshman this year to be invited.

On that evening he demonstrated exactly why he earned his golden ticket, as he won the event with his performance.

Adam couldn't have been more proud of his boyfriend, however when people came around and he tried to give Kurt space, allowing him to bask in his well deserved glory, Kurt surprised him and everyone else in the Round Room.

When one of the school generous patrons asked him how he could perform with such vivid emotions Kurt simply smiled, wrapped his arm around Adam's waist and said

"By knowing I have the full support of my partner and our friends. Knowing that he will be here for me every step of the way, flying high by my side and never resenting my time in the spot light. Because he is just as sure as I am, of our individual skills, and he knows we’ll all have our time to shine. I wouldn't stand where I am now if I hadn't met him and our friends."

Adam knew it wasn't Kurt's intention to try to promote him or the other Apples. But having a Winter Showcase Winner sharing the spotlight, putting his name and reputation on the line promoting other students, and talking about them with such conviction, it was almost unheard of, and thus something to take note of, something that piqued the curiosity of many people.

Especially because Kurt’s belief in them being the truth reverberated in each and every word he spoke that night.

Their first christmas together as a couple saw Adam and Kurt rounding up at the loft all the members of their clan who were not going home for the holidays, and make a three days long sleepover, with shared cooking and stories, and lots of lit candles and songs.

With the new year new challenges awaited, Adam and Kurt's relationship was growing deeper and stronger the more time they spent together.

The Apples formed a protective shield around the couple, when it became known that in the midst of the group of prospect coming over to visit the school and take their final auditions, there was also Kurt's ex.

Who, despite not having had contact with Kurt in almost a year, and despite the fact that Kurt had been in a relationship with Adam for quite few months now, still believed he could somehow have any claim on Kurt.

Certainly he demonstrated to be annoyingly persistent, to the point that more than one student, even those who didn't like the fact that Kurt wasn't willing to play their social intrigue games, were more than willing to push the hobbit under the bus...

And if that school wide show of support had started, because a couple of the Apples had been talking about how Kurt would be glad to anyone keeping the midget away from him...

Well no one would be stupid enough to admit openly to eavesdrop other people discussions...

And if that conversation had been carefully planned to happen within the earshot of two of the most well known gossips of Nyada...

Well knowing glances were exchanged within their clan, but no one openly commented on it.

Except the casual "Oh look what happened, I wonder how that came to be" said with knowing grins.

Blaine had been shocked by his reception at Nyada to say the least. He had expected to walk in there as an acclaimed rock star. He expected Rachel and Kurt to pat his back for his accomplishments of coming so far. Well to be completely honest, he expected Rachel to be top of the world and Kurt to be completely lost and floundering without him… Instead the rumours he could hear, told him a whole different story, one he didn't want to listen to.

So Blaine did what he knew how to do best, he ignored everything that didn't fit his view of the world, like people somehow respecting and finding Kurt to be more interesting than himself.

Sure that it would all go away as usual, and the proper order of things would soon be restored and great things were waiting just for him when he’d step into the school the coming fall...

Rachel was starting to feel the pressure of being all alone. She was surrounded by admirers who were starting to wavery slip away.

Especially once her connection to Blaine became known, while the school as whole seemed to have a sudden unreasonable and unprovoked dislike for her friend.

She was getting desperate, nothing she did seemed to please her professors, they kept repeating that she was taking the easy way out, that she wasn't pouring her effort into her studies, that she wasn't trying hard enough...

It was frustrating to say the least, but her new boyfriend offered her a great solution to remedy most of her problem, she simply had to challenge Kurt to a Midnight Madness duel.

Given his position as Winter Showcase Winner he couldn't refuse the challenge without losing face, and Rachel simply needed to tell Brody which song she could beat Kurt with, and he would take care of the rest, making sure it would be randomly be extracted for their duel.

And Of course as per Midnight Madness tradition as the challenger she could go and sing first, adjusting the key of the song to her range, creating more difficulties for Kurt.

Needless to say that when Rachel came and threw her challenge gauntlet at Kurt's feet, as last act of kindness to honour the friendship they had shared in the past, Kurt offered Rachel a way out, to take back the challenge while there were no other witnesses than both of theirs boyfriends, and let things go.

Rachel of course only saw that as Kurt being too afraid of loosing to her, like he always had before.

Blindly believing in her own ability she simply called out the attention of everyone nearby and repeated her challenge.

Kurt shook his head but accepted the challenge and then in a lower voice he said to her "I hope you're happy in the end. Remember this I tried to stop you, what happens next it’s all on you."

Rachel too self assured in her own arrogance she said condescendingly "I will remember that when I'm back on top of the pyramid and you're back on the bottom where you belong"

After such callous remark Kurt completely washed his hands of her.

As their duel date grew closer Adam stood by Kurt's side, reminding him that it was ok to let go of toxic people.

A couple of days before the duel Kurt asked Adam worried "Are you sure our clan won't see this as me turning my back on one of my friend..."

Adam came right behind Kurt and held him in a gentle embrace "Darling, I'm pretty sure we all see how your relationship with Berry can barely be called acquaintanceship. She had not been willing to spend time with you at the beginning of the year, by the time thanksgiving had came around she wasn't even saying hello to you in the hallways... That's not friendship. So no, my love don't worry, we all know you take good care of your friends. And it's perfectly ok to stop considering someone your friend if they have stopped being one. In fact I have to say that I personally found it more worthy of praise, knowing when to walk away from things that are not good for you, especially if you have people depending on you. My love do you understand how important you are to me? How much your happiness and wellbeing mean to me?"

Kurt simply nodded slowly and resting his head on Adam's shoulder leaving small kisses on the exposed skin under his lips

Despite the delightful sensation Adam kept talking seriously and said "Do you realise that once you became the other leader of our clan you pledged to take care of every member of our clan, that my dearest, includes yourself. So please don't worry so much about what she could do, or how our clan will react when you defeat her, because I can tell you exactly how it will end. You will win despite the machination that surely Berry and Weston have going on, and then we'll have everyone asking to come over to your place to celebrate your victory and end staying up until dawn”

Kurt chuckled at what sounded like a pretty accurate description of their clan's usual behaviour. He leaned in and kissed Adam properly allowing his tongue to take in the sweet spicy taste that was so characteristically Adam before asking right on his partner's swollen lips "Does that mean you're coming home with me starting tonight so we can prepare enough food to have our place invaded by the hoard of famished friends that are also the loved members of our clan?"

Adam’s smile grew bigger at hearing Kurt calling the loft their place. It was sort of the unofficial truth in a way, they ended up spending most of their time at Kurt's place because it was bigger and the presence of both the piano and what could be considered a mini dance studio, was the optimal set up for arrangements and choosing choreography without having to spend hours to no end on the school’s grounds. The loft had also all the best facility within easy reach, like the stocked kitchen and a comfy bed.

On the rare occasion they were not at the loft, they both could be found at Adam's small flat.

It didn't allow the same amount of freedom as the loft did, but on the brighter side it had been in Adam's family for many years, making it the kind of sure base no one could ever kick them out from.

It was the kind of security that made the slightly cramped space still very much cherished and worthwhile.

As things were, Adam was more than willing to help out preparing the feast for Kurt's celebration.

The night of the Midnight Madness came, and as Adam had predicted Weston was the judge, casting some shadows on the randomness of the songs selection, especially when the song extracted was Defying Gravity, and Rachel had a very satisfied smile on her face.

Kurt only sighed softly and shook his head, pity shining in his eyes.

After Rachel performed, Kurt found out that the musicians were not going to adapt the score to his key. He simply shrugged it off and proceeded in giving one of the best performance anyone in the room had ever seen from him.

And once more, just as Adam predicted, he won with a landslide. Even before reaching Bushwick texts of congratulations and requests to drop by the loft started, and once everyone arrived the rest of the night passed between laughters smiles and happiness.

By the time Adam and Kurt had been left alone and everyone else had dispersed Kurt asked teasingly "You know, sometimes I wonder if you have at least a small skill like premonition or foresight... You were pretty accurate on what was going to happen last night"

Adam chuckled softly "Last night wasn't even a guess, it was simply a deep knowledge of all the people involved in the situation. I knew you are an incredible singer. I knew Berry was too full of herself, and that Weston had too many reasons to want Berry to succeed. And I've known some of our clan's members for the past four years. With all that knowledge there wasn't even need to guess on how the night would have evolved."

Kurt nodded, the reasoning was perfectly logical and yet he felt like there was something more, smiling softly he tilted his head to the side and asked curiously "Should I take your lack of general answer as an indication that I ended up poking to a family secret you're not allowed to share with me?"

Adam blinked slowly registering the calm acceptance coming from Kurt, his scent as open and welcoming as ever.

And Adam felt himself fall a little deeper in love with Kurt, because he could read in every line of Kurt's body, in every sound of his wonderful voice, that Adam could answer that yes it was a family secret, and it would be accepted without a second thought. No additional pressure or demands. And that thought of complete trust and acceptance was almost too much to bear. Adam came standing in front of Kurt and kissed him passionately.

When they both emerged from it short on their breath, Adam rested his forehead on Kurt's and said very lowly as it if was a secret that needed to stay just between the two of them "There is a little bit of foresight in the family but it's not one of my abilities"

Adam should have expected it, really, but seeing the look of awe Kurt sent his way, and all because he opened up a little. It was breathtaking, he noticed how Kurt turned wistful as he said just as softly and lowly as Adam had, intuitively mimicking the intentional spell of keeping those words from anyone else's ears "I wish I'd knew that much or anything really about my own heritage and family’s abilities"

Adam blinked confused, no one with so much power and control could be anything else but the descendant of two lines with no less than five, maybe six generations of member of the family able to shift completely. He never asked or seen for himself but Adam was was sure Kurt was able to shift completely.

Because it mattered not how the air moved into the loft, there was not a single place that didn’t smell mainly of Kurt. Even if his own scent had been around and present long enough, that anyone with a nose could reach the loft's door and know that even if only one person was found inside, there was also someone else guarding the treasures inside.

Adam could see the honest hint of sadness and regret that added a touch of acre undertone to Kurt's usually fresh scent of mint honey and rosemary. It smelled like loss, and things were not making much sense to Adam, and following an instinct that screamed at him that he was missing something important he asked impulsively "How long have you known?"

Kurt bit his lower lip and started shuffling things around, not really looking up at Adam when he said “less than a year ago, I found out the day I broke up with Blaine, it was like something just broke inside of me. And next thing I know my dad takes me for a field trip into the woods, instead of going home for dinner.

He brings me to a canyon with a spectacular view, that I'm pretty sure was out of place in Ohio, he tells me he didn't know how else to do it, that he wished my mom was still with us to help him out. And to forgive him for what he was about to do.

Then he frikking walked back over the edge and I lost at least a decade of my life in that exact moment. Not even knowing how or why I dived after him, the next thing I know we have both shifted into dragons and he's giving me direction with a series of growls that shouldn't have made as much sense as they did. And then grinning like he hadn't given me the scare of a lifetime he said something about how I did well.

Before he had the gall to ask me if I could figure out how to turn back human on my own, or if we needed to find a way to take me home in that shape. I was soo mad at him, and none of the sound I could produce were adequate to express exactly what I wanted to tell him"

Adam raised a hand to cover his mouth, seeing how incensed Kurt still was, almost a year later from the episode, gave him a pretty good indication that if nothing else his rage born of fear had been enough to allow Kurt to find a way to return to his human form on his own.

Kurt noticed Adam silent chuckle and levelled him a glare "It was not that funny at that moment, though it was one of the only few times my dad simply allowed me to vent at him till the very end of everything I had to say afterwards"

Adam simply nodded still smiling, and Kurt continued

"Well he also explained to me he really didn't know what to do, as he refused to do as his father did, despite that being the same exact way how his father’s father had doe, dad was adamant about not wanting to simply push me off a cliff..."

As Adam wrinkled his nose Kurt took in that despite the humour there was no apparent surprise in his boyfriend stance, nor in his scent, so he asked perplexed "You don't seem surprised?"

Adam shook his head "Not really love, those have been indeed way to test out kids to see whether they just had potential, or if they could only access part of the family's abilities, or if they had the gift strong enough to make a full shift. Despite sounding more traumatic, a long fall like a cliff or a canyon would give the child the time to shift without coming to harm or giving the elder the time needed to rescued them should they be unable to shift."

Kurt raised his eyebrow "And what exactly would be a seemingly less scary and more dangerous way?"

Adam grinned and shrugged as he said totally unbothered "A game of let's see who can jump higher done from the roof or a two floors cottage in the middle of the English's countryside..."

Kurt looked taken aback and blinked. Adam could see the gears turning inside his mind "You must have been a kid to do that kind of game, I really can't picture a teenager doing anything of the sort if not for a challenge..."

Adam nodded pleased as he hummed his confirmation "I was a tad younger but I wanted to play with my older brothers who were around ten and eleven, at the time"

Kurt nodded understanding shining in his eyes "Dad said he was twelve when it happened to him, and that he vowed he would never do that to any child of his, so he was sort of stuck on how to handle it I guess"

Adam really wanted to know just how long Kurt's mom had been out of the picture, and also how could it be that with so much control he still seemed to know so little, or at least have a very insatiable thirst for any kind of knowledge.

He bit his lips trying to find a non offensive and not demanding way to ask and have his doubts cleared up. ~End of Part 3~ Next

[onew-ssi]

was 2020 tough for me? yes and no. at the beginning, being quarantined makes me so happy, the fact that theres so much less pressure in life; the pressure to have an active social life n lots of friends, the pressure to keep my business going (u see when u have a business ur brain keeps on working every day every minute). it was like a big rest for months, then i started a new small business with my boyfriend, which went on really good for a few months. then i reopened my beauty studio, which also went on really good bc clients doubled compared the time before corona. not gonna lie i was so scared at first, but i kept the protocol tight.

the tough part in 2020 would be the fact that going out makes me anxious, bet this was how everyone felt and i know we’re not supposed to go out if it’s not urgent but comeon u see i have no excuse but not going out at all cant keep me sane. i ate out and sometimes went for a lil walk to the mall (on weekdays, with less crowd). and also, sometimes 2020 made me feel i had nothing to be excited for, ngl money was good in 2020, but on the other hand i kept on working and working and working, every. single. day. theres nothing to look forward to (eg holidays and travels).

so in conclusion thus the bad part of 2020, the good part still weighs heavier. hopes 2021 will be a good year as well. hopes everyone stay healthy and safe.

[vmfx]

FINALE, 2020.

You all can agree with me that this year was like no other…and not in a good way.

At the turn of the new year, I was about to live it like the others. It’s been the first without my old man who’s left us and it’s been such a sobering experience. You can’t help but to think you’re the next one up to go after all is said and done. But with him gone, so did the stress and the toxicity. I took my first-ever two-week vacation, caught up with friend’s bands I haven’t seen in ages, and was gearing up to visit the city for Modern Pinball and Sunshine Laundromat. I did manage to visit Central Park once and attempt to make plans to see my family in Coney Island. That was until everything stopped dead in its’ tracks.

Pandemics, mandated quarantines, and shutdowns put the full-speed taurus to a total screetching halt. Venues, restaurants, and record stores were out of commission. Some we’ll never experience again. Musicians, promoters, and artists had their livelihood cut short and had to rethink their strategies to even stay sane. My store had an emergency surge of clients who cleaned us all out of hardware before experiencing the surreal sight of shortened hours, limited capacity, and altered operations before shutting down for two months. I’ve seen the slight fright of meat and paper shortages for a furloughed pause of life that had me change up my diet, relax and re-assess my direction, and spend quality time with a feisty five-year old nephew over Uno and Monopoly. Some experienced a once-in-a-lifetime event of staying home and reserving their daily commutes. Others either fought to keep their housing with no influx of income or assistance, or weighed risk versus reward as ‘essentials’ with their lives on the line to support themselves.

We faced a sickness which all but single-handedly defined the year. We’ve seen our families, friends, and co-workers die left and right as they became victims of the curve whilst we sat on edge wondering when things would become better. And if you were an industrialist (as I am), it was not your year. We lost Genesis, Gabi Delgado-López, Florian Schneider, and most shockingly and unexpectedly Bill Rieflin; all in close proximity of each other. John Prine left us, and so did Fountains Of Wayne’s Adam Schlesinger. Too many to mention.

But 2020 wasn’t finished with any of you. Not yet. The unjust murders of Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and George Floyd practically threw gasoline into the fire. Never had I felt so sick to my stomach with all the childish stupidity from the unwashed filth, the outright lies, neglect, and carelessness from what we had as an administration and from my neighbors. You had the feeling that our country was going to teeter into the point of no return and end up into an burning authoritative hell which we wouldn’t escape from. Imagine no more reason, no more logic, or no more humanity. Thankfully, we redeemed ourselves to perhaps sleep better at night like we used to.

I faced the intense pressure of under-staffing, over-performing, entitled selfish bit players, and crazy general managers throwing me under the bus to the point where I truly considered quitting for good. Instead, I’ve handled everything heading my way. I came out as one of the top five performers in the district for the summer and am projected to win the store in revenue for the second year in a row (and third overall). It’s tested me like no other.

2020 had shown me a lot. It’s shown me in such grotesque clarity the signs of toxicity that the ugliest of friends, family, and co-workers had exhibited in the past; the lack of accountability, selective privilege, and arrogance that seems to be the backbone of human nature. It’s taught me to trust what’s around me and take everything in face value instead of negotiating what I wanted to see. It’s also challenged me mentally in how I perceived people and learned a new awareness of mental health issues suffered by my co-workers and potentials. I’ve also seen the amount of pouring support my family and co-workers had for me, and there’s even a few times where some of my best friends had saved me from strike-out holidays.

For the past few months, I’ve considered deading Ω+ and Omega WUSB for good. There were many reasons why. Struggling to keep up. Feeling like I don’t belong. Not having it in me. Too busy struggling with depression, and trying my damnedest in refusing to come to terms and swallow hard pills. It had returned and exacerbated in no thanks to a specific self-proclaimed neighborhood “mayor” I met this past summer. That’s a story that’s kept me from posting here consistently because it’s one of the toughest things I’ve been writing so far. Because of it, I seriously thought about where I was ultimately going, what I was feeling, and if I was truly exiting where I used to be as I felt it all shifting around me.

But I made a decision: I’m staying. I’ll keep on going. I have lots of ideas and praise that’s waiting to come out, and I’m still interested in seeing the interest this project draws. Though I also have issues coming to terms with how and what Omega WUSB is and should be from time to time, that’s continuing as well. Our Lady Omega isn’t going away, either. I only hope all followers of Ω appreciate the random fanfare, ideas, and interests I post. At home, I realized that all the discoveries I listened to gave me new visions, images, feelings, and perceptions to experience. I have to say that some of the qualities I listened to in dream-pop, shoegaze, indie, post-punk / d.i.y., and even pop made for memorable vibes. Cleaners From Venus, The Mountain Goats, Widowspeak, A Dramatic Gesture, Miserable, Girl In Red, Emma Ruth Rundle, Grimes, The Weeknd, Eddie Russ, and too many others to mention have given me distinct (quarantining era) vibes that won’t shake off of me for ages to come.

2021 is on its’ way. I want to have fun again. I know I can. I miss having it, too. I want to stay connected and keep in touch with myself. I also miss having days feeling euphoric and not having to worry constantly.  I’ll be thinking about changing up how I do things artistically and ultimately pursue a new career path.  There’s a backlog of train rides to New York City to visit family and take pictures in Coney Island, experience Greenpoint again, seeing if Sunshine Laundromat is open for pinball, and finally giving Rough Trade a visit. On that note, you can put all your money down that another record-store tour is going to happen again. I’ll also be making another major t-shirt order, and maybe I can finally deliver on my ‘T-Shirt Nirvana’ promise I’ve been making for years.

It’s a clean slate come January 1st. Helping hardcore hands will pull you up from the floor and push you back in the pit swinging. For all of you who survived the year whether you’re on your feet or on the verge of collapse: congratulations. I’m sure the last twelve months have made you stronger in ways you never knew capable, and you’ll now have the means to come out better for it. Let’s see how you held up and what you have for yourself coming in to the new year.

On to 2021…

[szopenhauer]

Do you have a Beatles shirt? why would I? Do you know anyone who is going through a hard time? ... me?... Do you stay up really late, or are you one of the first people asleep? stay up late

Do have any plans for this evening? nope How has this day been for you? sigh... Did you get to sleep in today? nope Is life at all what you expected it to be when you were a kid? pfft The last thing that made you angry? What about sad? no comment Do you think about the way things used to be often? mhm Is there anyone that you would like for things to be the same with? grandma for example What do you feel like right now? ugh... The last text message you recieved says? “Może coś pooglądam” When was the last time you totally freaked out? recently

What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? had sex

Did anyone close to you give birth this year? my ex friends

Did anyone close to you die? no one close

What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? health, money, peace or however to call this state

Did you suffer illness or injury? sadly

What was the best thing you bought? can’t decide

What song will always remind you of 2020? shitload

What do you wish you’d done more of? eat if possible

What do you wish you’d done less of? worry, spend time visiting doctors, paying for meds, suffering, waste of time and money <yadda, yadda, yadda> *wash hands - jk

What did you want and not get? medical help and job

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? nothing has changed

What kept you sane? internet (music, games, tumblr and such), my gf, dad, sleeping, shopping... 

What issue stirred you the most? mine or world problems?

would you ever watch a bullfight? I’m against bull fights would you ever travel to Greece? not interested what sound can you hear right now? sawing wood and washing machine

Do you remember what you wore yesterday? had my blue pants with daisies and SW tee with plaid sleeveles shirt over it What is your favorite kind of fabric? cotton and polyester? Would you consider your voice high, low, or in the middle? childish, weird

When did you first hear of Harry Potter? my elementary school bestie been obsessed with it

How many pictures do you take a month on average? *shrug* Are you the type people should take seriously, or should they think you’re joking most of the time? I’m often joking but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take me srsly at all, you know? What do you think of therapists? useless Do you have a bad temper? do I? What do you think about how around Halloween a lot of people harm black cats? that is a dumb excuse, not that anything gives you right to hurt cats in other situation than protecting yourself/someone from an attack Would you ever go to a sperm bank to get pregnant? creepy Do you have the same initials as anyone else you know? no one I know has initials like I do What do you think of people who use the saying, “Ignorance is bliss” in defense of something?  that’s true but we can’t be ignorant all the damn time  If a little kid walked up to you and asked, “Are you goth?”, how would you respond? awww thx but I’m not Does it annoy you when people say their heart is “broken”? only when they reffer to crush they never even spoken to once  Would you rather hang out with friends, hang out with one close friend, or be alone? be alone Would you know exactly how to help a person if they were choking on something? in theory, I’d try my best What are you listening to? Talor Swift - Love story Have you ever painted one of those “Paint By Numbers” things? several times

What color is your carpet? no carpet in my room

Do you have shower curtains? we don’t 

Do you think Oprah is lame? Ellen is

Do you play with dead bugs? *screams and runs away*

What was the last bug you killed? mosquito?

Do you flush trash down the toilet? that can clog the toilet so nope

How many country songs have you heard today? not a single one

How many yellow shoes do you own? 1 pair

Don’t you just love those ‘Axe’ commercials? they’re incredibly stupid and irritating

Did you know that the average human eats 8 total spiders in their sleep? I heard

If you had to switch races, what would you be? asian?

What is your favorite shade of blue? navy?

Have you ever thought about getting a mohawk? in middle school I had this idea for a moment :x

What’s your favorite extinct animal? mammoth, dodo, moa

What’s your favorite eating utensil? tiny forks are cute and wooden spoons are nostalgic

When was the last time your stomach growled in a quiet place? this or last month *awkward*

Have you ever rolled around in wet grass? not wet

Where was the last public bathroom you used located? KFC

Have you ever dipped a guy’s hand in warm water while they were sleeping? I’m not an asshole

Do you ever imagine random people in their underwear? whaaat?

Do you have any asian neighbors? our neighborhood ain’t diverse

Does your grandmother/grandfather use a walker? cane

Do you die without chewing gum?apparently not. I haven’t had gum in years and I’m still here.

Are you glad it’s summer? yasss How many calories would you say you take in a day? fuck off Have you ever pissed outside? more than once Ever not liked someone because of their race? I’m not a racist Are you pregnant? I an asexual lesbian and have period rn... Do you wanna be? no way in hell Do you share a bathroom? with fam Do you hate it? YES Describe your entire family in 3 words. mom, dad, sister Do you shower once daily? yep

Are you by any chance a perfectionist? slightly How would you react if your artwork became famous? wow

Would you turn people into stone if you could? waste of space, who would want to look at those statues?  Have you ever cooked a cake over a campfire? (I have, it worked ^_^) it’s possible?! good to know Are there any orange clocks in your house? why orange... Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand? ... left? When you take a drink of something, do you hold your pinky up? often  Which shoe do you put on first? whichever What will you eat next? rice or oatmeal? Name something that you have more than 28 of. problems  Do you like peas? why not Do you enjoy llamas? yup