#since she tends to start cracking at the start of Me2 and then towards the end of Me3

[meggannn]

ironically one of my favorite things about shepard/garrus is one of the things i think bioware did least successfully, at least for my personal taste. and i admit this is mostly cause i prefer developing/reading professional or emotionally reserved sheps (at least on the surface) who gradually open up to their li over time, over sheps who wear their heart on their sleeves from the beginning, and there are very few bw romances that really allow you to play that first kind of character, considering you, the pc, have to instigate the romance dialogue. there’s only so much a game can do to mimic a ‘real’ romance after all. even so i do prefer a bit of, if not subtlety, then.... tactfulness, i guess, when the pc pops the question, especially with a character like shepard who is so duty-focused and (until the proposing scene) never really indicated they were driven by their libido when looking for a partner (even if they were joking). so that “do you wanna bang” scene gives me such second hand embarrassment i gotta rewrite most of their entire me2 romance in my head and one day i’ll put it to a fic, but in the meantime...... i’ll just blab about it on tumblr dot com i guess....

like, i like the VIBE that is established. i like that in me2, we get confirmation that: a) garrus’s confidence in personal matters is absolutely nil when it comes to romance, much less an interracial romance; b) it sets up a real sweet theme of realizing they actually DONT know that much about each other’s culture or biology or anything related to their race, and the romance is staged to give them each time to do research on the other’s biology and anatomy (which is practical and common courtesy and the right thing to do! and also a little sweet when you consider how terrified garrus is of screwing it up!), c) however it started, whether facetiously or nervously or enthusiastically, these two are still able to have a nice moment together and acknowledge there are feelings between them that can (and if you ask me, do) still go unsaid. and in me3, we see them both (or at least garrus) in a bit more emotionally stable situation, maybe driven by a desire to see something go right in the middle of the war, so we establish a) garrus is still nervous and treading cautiously, but b) confident enough to prepare for a reunion, to articulate his questions about their relationship, to let shepard know he’s there for them regardless, and c) if you confirm the relationship, shepard and garrus can tease each other as friends and work together as soldiers and still have a supportive emotional/intimate partnership in their private time. 

i just think you can have all of these angles to their relationship without the current get-together. imo you lose a lot of possible development and depth when you start all of this by having shepard walk in and say “heyyyyyyy let’s you and me ‘‘‘ease some tension’’’ together ;) :) ;) do you see me winking”, like.... how does a commanding officer say that to another adult they respect and (possibly) genuinely like, idk. it seemed like such a lazy way for the writers to get them into bed together without considering who these people are. and yeah, every shepard’s different, it’s possible someone found that very ic for their shepard. personally i’ve always been more of a fan of piecing together canon clues to tell me who the pc is and extrapolating an oc from there, and what most of canon tells me, is that shepard is someone who prioritizes duty (either to the alliance, or to saving innocents, or to just getting the job done) above nearly all else, including their own personal life. that doesn’t mean i don’t see shepard being an instigator or an occasional flirt. just......

bleh. is it too much to want a better get together than “let’s fuck”? idk. i feel like a whiner bc shepard/garrus is obviously the most popular pairing in the fandom, it dwarfs so many others in content and you can’t throw a stone without meeting an insufferable stan, and here i am complaining about it not being done my way. i guess i just feel like the writers listened to the fans who wanted garrus as an li from me1, but didn’t listen to why. they drew the shortest line between a and b (“they want to bone the alien? here you go, i guess!”) and left it at that.

i mean admittedly, left up to me, i’d stuff so much drawn-up pining into a canon shepard/garrus get-together that neither of them would be able to breathe through the ust. there’s a line i like in kaidan’s romance (not to hijack a shenko line for a shakarian thing, but it’s something i find so true to shepard’s character i adopt it for my shepard too, even though i don’t romance kaidan and save ashley) when shepard tells kaidan in the moment that she needs a shoulder, not a subordinate, and kaidan says “cut me a little slack, shepard, it’s not like you’re easy to read.” that is how i tend to play and read shepard: as someone who is emotionally available for their crew but plays things close to the vest with their own feelings. paired up with garrus, who is a better turian than he thinks and is pretty goal-oriented and professional under shepard’s command, it’s hard for me to believe these two would just fall into bed with each other after only one or two conversations of known build-up (stressing “known” here is as “acknowledged feelings” but could also be notable ust, which is my hc). in my reading, these two are much better at reading others (c-sec and officer training) than themselves, and one could argue are duty-driven enough to maybe not even bring up/realize their attraction until me3 (why couldn’t garrus have been an li in me3 for new romances or mshep!!!! who tf knows!!!!!)

all those times femshepard tells garrus she loves him in me3? not really my shepard’s style..... how’s an earthborn kid who’s been a marine all their adult life and never had a family or serious relationship know how to recognize and admit love out loud? garrus himself doesn’t tell shepard he loves them till the beam run, and even then, he barely whispers it. i have to turn my freaking speakers up just to hear him. it’s hard for him to say out loud. maybe turians have different language for it, or maybe there’s a stigma, or maybe the culture’s different. i dunno! but i keep thinking about the impact it would’ve had for that to be the first time shepard says it, too. like they’ve just realized it and want to get it out because they know it’s the end. or you could get away with not saying it at all, if you pick the renegade option. or you could have them try to say it and fail! come on, isn’t that sadder?

shepard wants to say -- she doesn’t know what she wants to say. whatever great emotion she’s been holding back since that night in her cabin is stuck in her throat and refuses to form. the bay door can’t remain open for long. garrus’s skull is caked with dark blue blood, his leg bent awfully, and shepard sees a sharp, snapped edge to his armor where his spur used to be. he should be in the med bay. he needs medical attention more than he needs to be wasting time saying goodbyes.

but he won’t go, he refuses, he won’t leave her be. “shepard -- i’m still good. just give me my gun. i can still fight.” blood dribbles into his eye from a crack in his forehead. he’s crouching so low to stand that he nearly meets her height. she’s never heard him plead before.

“vakarian -- ” her voice is hoarse when she talks; her throat burns. she’s been shouting all day. she’s surprised she can still talk at all. “don’t make me give you an order.”

“that’s not fair.” he laughs desperately, a bit disbelieving. half of his visor is dangling, interface dead; his armor scorched and chipped across the carapace; and his eyes, still, are locked on hers. “don’t -- shepard. please.” she’s ever heard him plead before.

“shepard,” tali says quietly under garrus’s arm. her helmet is cracked, badly, suit ruptured in a dozen places. but shepard hasn’t heard a single complaint from her, from either of them, and she realizes in this moment that she can’t let them go on. if they followed her, they’d follow her through hell again, follow her until they dropped, and she cannot abide by that.

“we’re in this -- ” garrus coughs, badly. fresh dark blood spits up from his throat; spots hit shepard’s chestpiece. his eyes water. “we’re in this ‘till the end. shepard.”

she’s never pleaded in her life either; she will not start now. “i need.” her voice is too hoarse, too quiet; he can’t hear her over the roar of the thrusters. she swallows, tries again. “i need to know people are getting out of this alive. i need you to be one of them.” to tali: “both of you.”

garrus stares at her, lost for words. “shepard,” he whispers. he looks prepared to say something great, and she readies herself for another argument -- but then she sees the moment the fight leaves his eyes, the moment lays down his gun, and she hates herself for being relieved. “just,” he says, “make sure that includes you too.”

harbinger roars in the distance; she glances to the great white beam heading their way, then back to the bleeding pair of them, waving firmly toward the ship as she moves off the gangplank. “go! tali -- take care of him!”

she realizes belatedly that those will be logged as her final words, and the last he’ll remember her by. and then he’s gone, and so is the normandy. the moment is over and she’s missed her chance. she thinks, garrus will understand. he couldn’t say it either.

i mean that’s garbage but i like it better than shepard dropping the l-word in every romance scene! fuck! i just want a little nuance ok leave me alone