#since my parents while not mean to anyone didn't really understand cultural differences of many nationalitys immigrants to the us

[lakes-galore-moved]

"if you grow up in a multicultural society you should learn a bit about the cultures you grow up around" and "you shouldn't judge people who grew up in monocultural societies for having some cultural biases especially if they grow and change from that after learning some more worldly approaches" are two ideas that can and should coexist

[snowbanshee]

For the headcanon meme: Sephiroth and ♒ ❤️!

Oh my goodness, I got an Ask. (does a happy little dance)

❤️ - family headcanon

I believe Lucrecia, traumatised by Grimoire's death, wanted to be with Vincent but couldn't. And for her, Hojo was truly attractive. I mean, probably young Hojo wasn't necessarily good-looking, but not below average? We can't really expect him to look good in his 60ies, but he doesn't look disproportionate, just very ungracefully aged. What drew her to him, however, was his arrogance, snide remarks, intelligence, and ambition. Because she was immature enough to chase the bad boy. Hojo had very cold parents who forced him to pursue education in a scientific field, congratulated him on his good grades, gave him food and a room to sleep in, and ignored him otherwise. He had 0 parental instincts, and Sephiroth was an unplanned baby, but just in time for the Jenova project.

I have a headcanon that during the last couple of weeks of her pregnancy, Lucrecia was locked up, because she said something along the lines of "if you treat me like that I'll run away and you'll never see me again", which also led to Hojo not letting her hold the baby.

Vincent knew the baby was not his, because he never slept with... well, anyone, really, but he still loved Sephiroth as if he was his own son. He and Lucy would go on picnics and fantasize about the future where she teaches little Sephiroth science and he teaches him to ride a bike, play some sports, things like that. I do not understand why, after finding out she was immortal, Lucy didn't do anything about Hojo keeping baby Sephiroth to himself. That woman could have changed the entire fate of humanity for the better. An immortal mother who learned a lot of life lessons. But no.

Much later in life, Sephiroth's only family was Genesis, Angeal and Lazard. They were more than coworkers if Sephiroth was so eager to throw away his titles, his legendary status, everything he achieved through sweat and literal blood, and to become the most hunted man on the Planet - so that he could have a chance to save his friends. I'm certain he never expected to survive that. How could he desert ShinRa and live? They kept sending army after army until they killed Zack.

Now buckle up.

For many years I had a headcanon that Sephiroth was sent to some remote place of the Planet when he was still a child, to search for the Promised Land (which, in fact, is an euphemism for the afterlife - the Promised Land is the land of abundance, where Cetras have everything they need. After death. But ShinRa had no clue, so they'd send him to various places), and long story short, a tribe adopted him for a while. It was absolutely nothing like he ever experienced. The communal lifestyle where men hunted for the tribe, women would take care of all the children, and children had some chores, but also all the freedom to run through the jungle or swim to the other side of the giant river. He protested. He had a schedule to maintain, a diet, a bedtime! It was dangerous to run barefoot! But the tribeswomen were like, "Don't talk back to me, carry the water from the spring, and you can go play until the dinner is ready." His hair was braided, and someone would always tuck him in at night. He didn't understand it. Then he loved it. Then it was taken away.

I mean, he obviously traveled the Planet and he surely met so many people, lived in so many cultural backgrounds, since he was still very little. He learned about different types of families. Much later, while he never knew how to be a real parent, he had this sense of "that idiot is missing, and he's part of my clique, so it's my responsibility".

I shed a tear when I saw Ever Crisis Sephiroth in a Rhadoran island.

Sephiroth doesn't believe in marriage where you bring all your relatives and your significant other brings theirs and a priest says some fancy words and somebody changes their surname. But he does believe in lifelong commitment.

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

He's a responsible grown-up who doesn't need a nanny, so of course he can cook. Not only that, he had special training and does know mushrooms, berries, how to skin, gut and prepare an animal, etc. He's good with knives. Despite not being allowed to indulge in fast food or sweets as a kid, he never developed an obsession with that. Sephiroth mostly likes healthy food and the mere knowledge that something is cheap and nasty automatically makes the food not desirable to him. He doesn't drink alcohol, not only because he finds it weird to intentionally poison oneself, but because he is way too afraid to lose control of every tiny detail and his 1000 layers of walls and masks.

He likes good quality meat and fish, full grain porridges, fruits and berries. He has a slight obsession with milk. The more organic, natural, unprocessed food is, the better. But he's not picky and would eat anything as long as it's actual food.

Sephiroth enjoys spicy teas and stews, he does experiment with spices a lot. Angeal is still not sure if Sephiroth tried to kill him that one time he offered him some homemade soup and it was so insanely spicy Angeal couldn't breathe for a bit.

Sephiroth also is a bit curious about raw meat, but he knows it's a taboo. He did manage to traumatise Lazard when the Director had nothing better to do and joined him on a mission. Apparently, stabbing a rabbit, skinning it and biting into still bleeding flesh is not a thing. For three days Lazard wasn't able to look at food without feeling nauseous.

Sephiroth's favourite food is a good quality medium rare steak. His guilty pleasure is cheese that stinks bad enough not to bring it to shared spaces. He likes his coffee as bitter as his existence. He's absolutely disgusted with the amount of sugar Genesis puts into his drinks. He drinks milk directly from the carton. He knows it's disgusting, but it's not like he's sharing it with anyone else, and he goes through the carton fast enough for it not to spoil.

And he tries to act all casual, but he appreciates it a lot when Angeal or Lazard go out of their way to make him something he likes. He feels almost.. spoiled, almost cared for.

[cator99]

part 2

#5. Jehovas Witness Girl: 15. Suicidal. Soft-spoken, gentle– and resentful of these facts. She felt as though her upbringing made her into something she didnt want to be– passive and feeling powerless to do anything about it. I hung out with her the most, since we got there within a few days of eachother. A lot of my free time was spent sitting around making art with her and talking about those powerless feelings and wtf to do about it all. She was, as her pseudonym implies, raised Jahovas Witness, and her parents had just went through a very messy divorce brought on by the dad being caught cheating with a man– he proceeded to come out as gay and get a house with the guy (had been secretly dating him for years at that point 💀), while mom illegally withheld visitation (courts granted them some sort of split custody) because him being gay went against their religion. She couldn't stand both parents for different reasons– wasn't homophobic, but definitely didn't wanna be around her dad during his newly-out midlife crisis and refusal to extend sympathy towards his family and opted for a more "woe is me, anyone who criticizes me whatsoever is just homophobic" approach while offering nothing in terms of emotional support to the kids, seemed to wholly resent them actually, nor did she want to be around her mom during her constant religious and homophobic rant-freakouts, I mean her being fucked up about it is understandable since their lives had been flipped upside down by the man she trusted having lied to her for so long, but I don't fw jehovahs witnesses and really no kid should have to hear her mom say daddys gonna get aids and burn in hell and probably molests kids because he's a pervert etc. She was there because these people were so focused on their own shit that they thoroughly 100% neglected her when they weren't both busy just using her like a pawn to hurt the other. I was glad to see her become more confident and able to speak her mind during her time there!

#6. YMCMB girl. 15. Very into Young Money Cash Money Billionaires. In there primarily for general delinquency and drug use which was kind of rare. She didn't seem too off the rails, but she was raised by her grandma which meant that she had little in terms of supervision or guidance. Super chill overall, but everyone is different when they're doing time. I spent many lunch hours listening intently as she recited her YMCMB knowledge and any drama/gossip regarding the artists to me. She was one of those native girls who loved using the N word as a stand-in for "friend" and as a white kid I was errr flabbergasted and didn't wanna embarass myself by bringing up racial issues as if I knew shit all, and The Escapee (afroindig) said she had a pass cuz she was hood enough so for a while I just got used to these 2 girls calling me the N word (an almost entirely foreign concept to me as someone from small town alberta....this became the norm pretty fast as i was moved into a group home shortly after my graduation + failed reintegration)

#7. vampire girl. always had her hair covering her face. never really spoke. said she had multiple vampire personalities but if this is true it was never witnessed as she always just seemed like one person and never attempted to drink anyones blood. liked it when I drew anime vampires for her to hang in her room with sticky tack. she got there at the end of my stay so unfortunately I didn't get to see how she progressed.

#8. ex-ftm: 16 y/o scene queen, just about to "graduate" when I arrived. I was freshly-out as ftm, and had never even met another trans person yet, so it was interesting to right off the bat meet someone who had desisted. She identified as ftm for a few years (I think from ages 12-14) before just kind of... moving on. She looked back on that time fondly and was still pro-trans, but talked about how it was the result of trauma. This was before the trans cultural boom– people barely knew what trans was, and definitely didn't have ex-trans people on their radar.

#9. The Other Scene Queen: 16, also on the tail end of her stay when I arrived. Was prisongay with the ex-ftm girl early into their lockup but decided to just be friends. They were inseparable. Both have kids with men now...... Sad!

#10. Really catty anorexic gay boy who insisted on wearing a back brace with every fit "for his posture"– everyone knew it was to show off how snatched he was. To be fair– his posture was impeccable.

top 10 long-term psychiatric lockdown facility patients:

#1. "DJ B-Rad": severely hyperactive autistic 11 year old. Looked and acted like some sort of elf. Would only respond to DJ B-Rad. Spoke and conversed pretty much exclusively in outbursts of classic youtube poop quotes. The other kids thought he was schizophrenic but I understood him and appreciated the humor he brought to what was often a quite dour situation. The place held I think 30 kids at a time– 10 per wing, divided by the risk-level associated with their interactions/how much care they needed. I was in the "low risk" section... in a room beside DJ B-Rad. He would frequently beatbox while partaking in the enjoyment of punching or hitting himself. Not in a depressive or self-haming way, nor in a "the voices made me do it" way. He just seemed to genuinely enjoy it. #1 because I have never met someone with such jouissance before or since. (and also because I wanted to start this off on a high note.)

#2. really charismatic stylish fat girl, maybe 15 or 16, who told everyone she was autistic. all professionals dissuaded her from mentioning it since that didn't seem to be her problem and really she didn't seem to have any beyond claiming to be autistic for no appparent reason. It became clear very quickly that she was self diagnosed and had her autism refuted by every professional she had come across. Regardless– she didn't seem to know why she was there either. She genuinely came across as normal, confident, well-adjusted, healthy family life, so why was she there? I had a bit of a crush on her and she had lesbian moms so i kept my fingers crossed that she would self diagnose herself as some flavor of kweer. I didn't think too hard about it back then because in all honesty I hadnt the faintest idea of what autistic even meant and no one seemed able to give me a straight answer. In hindsight... my conspiracy theory is that her moms initially took her to a psychologist because she kept telling people she was super autistic and back then that sort of claim carried massive weight (non zero chance tumblr played a part in her autism proclamation, but she was way ahead of the curve seeing as this was like... early 2012. in canada. I wasnt really online back then so idk when this sort of thing started to pick up steam but judging by how 2013 unfolded im gonna guess that it was right about then...) so maybe they thought she was like having some sort of very pressing identity issues or psychosis maybe muchausen and decided to ship her off without delay... A genuinely normal girl adamant on having a disability that was considered (especially back then. especially after DJ B-Rad.) debilitating must have seemed so insane..... until suddenly it wasn't lol (even normies I know nowadays say things like "everyone is a little autistic") . She arrived a few weeks before my graduation and at that point almost all of the people I spent my time with were gone and the place was full of randos who I otherwise didn't gaf about which meant I was able to spend more time getting to get to know her, trying to understand why she was there and what autism meant. Unfortunately, her timing could not have been worse. No one had time to entertain her autism claims. She had arrived almost immediately after the grand spergfest that was DJ B-Rad's graduation dinner. the bar was high. If you were gonna be calling yourself autistic, you were gonna have to prove it. She didn't seem at all bothered, nor deterred, nor invalidated by the professionals refusing to entertain the idea of her being even slightly on the spectrum... she was certain they were just ableist. During group therapy, when trying to get to the bottom of things, the "why" of her stay here, what issues she may have been dealing with, anything really... There didn't seem to be an answer. She most often took on a supportive role for others that came across as slightly tone deaf because she was trying to tell trauma patients to just keep their chin up and stay positive... which on paper could be possibly bad faith interpreted as "socially autistic" but no it more so came across as out of touch, as one of the rare patients who didnt have a background involving trauma, poverty, neglect, mental illness, etc. But to be honest, most people seemed to appreciate just having a truly unbothered, kind, and optimistic peer around– her intentions were, at the very least, pure. And for someone with low-level munchhausen, it didn't seem as though she was doing it for attention, nor did she fake any symptoms, or do anything really beyond say "i am autistic" and continue on with her day which I'm sure was extra confusing for the professionals dealing with her to wrap their heads around at the time.

#3. The Escape Artist: 14, caring and emotionally intelligent when she let her guard down, but typically quite guarded. Screwed up from her life on the rez. Always kept it real– I had some of my best discussions about life in general with her. By the time I got there, she had taken on a sort of mythical status as the unapproachable girl who had almost escaped the facility, and as a result had her stay extended "indefinitely". The minimum (and typical) stay was 4 months... by the time I arrived, she had been there for over 6 months, and she was still there when I "graduated" 4 months later. The story was that not long into her stay, she was being led back inside with the rest of the herd following a highly-supervised game of soccer in the fenced-off field attached to the back of the facility. To get outside at any time, you have to go through two (or 3) sets of locked doors. Beyond that... I mean, this place is in the middle of nowhere. This isn't some city psych ward shit. But security wasn't as tight as the staff let on. She had been plotting and waiting for a chance to escape for weeks– it was almost all she thought about. As the crowd was ushered along, distractions and misbehaving children were plentiful. While the staff were suddenly very wrapped up in dealing with whatever pressing issue had begun occurring, she realized that the door behind them had not closed properly. She somehow slipped out unseen, and managed to get a 10 minute head start before they realized she had vanished. She had run out the back, climbed the fence, hurt herself in doing so, but booked it down the highway regardless. She was in the middle of attempting to board a bus at one of its very few stops between this nowhere-place and the nearby city, when suddenly she was tackled down by staff who had been frantically driving around looking for her. Every kid there joked about plotting their escape– so of course she was a legend for having gotten that far. However, her response was always to roll her eyes at anyone who even joked about it: "Dont be stupid. Just do your 4 months. It passes like nothing." While she tended to be withdrawn from other patients, she had close relationships with all the staff there- including the ones who caught her- and often admitted that she wasn't sure anymore what she would do if they told her that it was her turn to graduate. Her entire support system was there. She didn't want to leave. At some point the program director decided she was making good progress and tried to push her on the path of the family reintigration stage. First time she went out for a brief day-pass type visit with her family, she stabbed herself in the stomach. Spent some time in an actual hospital. Upon her return, she played it cool and acted like it was no big deal, even tried to warp it into a badass thing while she showed us her stitches. But we all knew it was fucked up and that the next group therapy everyone was gonna have to sit back and give her the front and center even though she wanted to brush it off. She otherwise did seem happy to be back, even as she was placed back on "indefinitely stay" status. She was one of few I kept in touch with... which became very difficult very fast as she proceeded to dissappear for months and then years at a time, with the only indications of what's going on being people posting to her fb page asking if she's out of jail yet.

#4. Future Millenial Cringe Tiktok Star: 17, Baddie of the low-risk wing. She always had the most useful insight to offer during group-therapy (split by sex– sorry4tangent but of course as a fresh ftm I asked to get put into the "boys" group– was talked out of it by a staff member who assured me that it was an absolute shitshow in there and that yeah I could go down that road and maybe succeed but I would 100% regret it. I talked to some of the guys who told me it was just 2 hours of total retardation and anger outbursts often leading to physical fights and restraint-room utilization, all to the soundtrack of DJ B-Rad yelling "Pizza Time!" "PINGAS" "You Must Die" "Sos" etc. lol)... I always admired her maturity, level-headedness, and ability to tell off the dipshit dudes there in such a way that the staff had her back, and I often asked her how tf to handle this shit while maintaining my sanity. She was certain that you don't, but that's alright– comes with the territory– and if your sanity is reliant on being kept in here then you're not going to know how to cope on the ouside– she frequently said that hating it there and wanting to leave was a good thing (as you could imagine, her and Escapee had a strained relationship, and while Escapee would directly bring these things up with her, she saw the topic as dead on arrival since she was there solely for herself and knew it, and kept form boundaries between herself and other patients, which isnt to say she didnt engage with others but I could tell she was... I guess just way more self aware than the rest of us, likely due to her being the oldest one there), but sometimes people challenged this idea by positing that she was just saying that to justify her negativity, since it "wasn't that bad" there. She assured them that it wasn't normal to be locked up in a psychiatric facility, and that not treating it like a vacation wasn't a failure on her part– she was there putting in hard work to sort her shit out, and thought that it was a waste to just sit around waiting for it to be over. Oh also staff low-key knew she had snuck a phone onto the wing but didn't care really, because she was a model patient (phone was snuck in during her "family reintigration" period nearing the end of her stay, where the program gives patient families the opportunity to visit and go out for the day– and more rarely but sometimes even overnight, depending on the patient. All of this was pretty rare tho because kids often came from idgaf-families)... not much else to say except she was dope and it's weird seeing her getting dunked on online for calling herself clumsy in a tiktok. She once ran for some political position while also being open about the fact that she was a stripper. She almost got voted in too (small town politics moment)I honestly wish she had because she has always seemed very intelligent and driven...

[cassandraclare]

Hi Cassie! I hope you're doing well! 💕

I wanted to ask about Gideon, Sophie , Thomas and Eugenia, how are they coping with Barbara's death?? At the end of Chain of Gold we didn't really get to see much of it. Not much was shown by the merry thieves, Lucie & Anna too, weren't they all close to each other?? Are anyone of them going to show more emotions or the way they're coping towards what happened with Barbara in coi??

Thank you in advance if your do answer this 💖💖💖

We do see how they are coping, in various ways — Thomas and Eugenia especially, as they are more prominent characters than Sophie and Gideon. 

I would not agree that we don’t see much grief about Barbara in Chain of Gold, though it is not at the end of the book, as Barbara does not die at the end of the book. It is spread through the course of the narrative (after she dies, her name appears in discussions about her death between the characters sixty-one times). Lucie observes Gideon and Sophie:

“Lucie had seen her uncle Gideon and aunt Sophie only briefly when they had arrived to view Barbara’s body and collect Thomas. Both had seemed hollowed out, like puppets in the shapes of her uncle and aunt, going through the motions of what was necessary. Still, they had tried to comfort Oliver, who sat sobbing beside Barbara’s still body.”

The Merry Thieves are not close to Barbara in the way you are asking about. Here is how James thinks of Barbara in Chain of Gold:

“James was sitting at his writing desk, trying to read, but his eyes were skipping over the words on the page. He kept thinking of Barbara. He had not been extremely close with his cousin—the difference in age between them meant she regarded him indulgently as a child, as she did Thomas—but she had been there all his life, kind and cheerful.”

Lucie was not close to Barbara either, though she does care and feel she must do something. When Jesse asks her “Why put yourself in the middle of this? Why not let your parents solve these mysteries?” she says: “Barbara was my cousin, I cannot do nothing.”

Thomas’ reaction of course is the strongest — he winces when her name is spoken, and begs to be given tasks that will take his mind off his grief. On page 364 Lucie notes he has smiled “for the first time” since Barbara died. There are too many other examples for me to quote here.

I do think there is often an understandable readerly expectation that Shadowhunters will cope with death the way mundanes do. Of course they feel grief, and sorrow. (Sometimes, like Tatiana, they lose their minds.) We’ve seen that with various losses — the loss of Livvy, the loss of Max, the loss, as it was, of Jem in Clockwork Princess. (Max’s death, even Livvy’s, were more shocking because they were the deaths of children; Barbara is missed, and we see that in changes in characters’ behavior, but she was an adult Shadowhunter killed by a demon, which is more expected.)

Shadowhunters are members of a warrior culture; they expect that many of them will die violently in a way we do not. They are normalized to death in a way we are not. And while we did see the reactions of the characters to Barbara’s death in Chain of Gold, recall that everything was happening during an emergency, in which the characters had to push aside immediate feelings to deal with the risk of more deaths in real-time. Chain of Iron takes place  four months later during an equally massive (probably more so) emergency, and the characters have new deaths to grieve. They remember and miss Barbara, but her death is not central to the narrative, nor do I think it should be. It is significant in the way it has changed Thomas and Eugenia, but I feel there is this belief out there that if Barbara’s death is not dwelled on, it means Thomas is not being centered in the narrative. All I can say is that other things center Thomas in the narrative of Chain of Iron — things about him, specifically, rather than someone else.

[terubakudan]

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Nagata Kabi - Book Review and Impressions

(light reflection) Perfect :D Hoping Tumblr doesn't flag me for this xD

Ok, I'm going to start this off with 'this is probably the first and only book review I'm going to do' xD Because I rarely do read books now, and just as rarely buy them. Also, I would have preferred to buy the English version but alas they only had the Chinese version in stock ^^"

Stumbling upon this on the Internet, I was immediately compelled to buy this, as if I knew I would love it and that Nagata's story would resonate with me.

【Short Version】 I can't recommend this book enough, it doesn't matter what sexuality you are or from what culture are you. Nagata makes sure to tell an honest and 'naked' (without embellishments) portrait of her own personal experiences. How she herself is a college drop-out (having only graduated from high school), pushed herself to live/work while struggling with depression and eating disorders, not being sure of what she wants and feeling that she doesn't 'deserve' things, realizing her own sexuality in that she likes girls, and just not feeling 'good enough'...all through her cutesy and unassuming art style.

I will say again though, cutesy art style aside, the book deals with some very heavy topics. Nagata is very honest and doesn't shy away from the gritty details, and I admire her all the more for doing so. Many yaoi and yuri comics often portray an unrealistic and fetishistic view of the LGBTQ+ community whereas Nagata's story is much more grounded and sincere. This is not an easy read, but it's not an overly depressive one either. Nagata literally struggled for years with her mental health, but ultimately found light on the other side. Not mainly through the help of others, but through her own choice to forgive and love herself.

5/5⭐ Definitely recommend and would read again. And if I could, I'd give Nagata a big hug and a heartfelt 'thank you' for sharing her story.

【Long Version】 While it's written primarily from an Asian (particularly Japanese) perspective, Nagata's experiences are ones that should resonate with anyone who has been through the same or similar things, regardless of one's personal background. And I myself, while being fortunate enough to not have gone through eating disorders or self harm, am no exception.

I grew up in an Asian (Taiwanese/Chinese Filipino) household, while my parents weren't Tiger Parents (no offense but fuck Amy Chua for thinking that's a proper way of raising your children), they still had certain expectations on their children: to find a good husband/wife, have a good education, have a 'stable' career, etc. And while I love my parents very much, I'd be lying if I said there weren't any times where I felt they were smothering me, there weren't any times where they kept on nagging and bugging me for very trivial details. My biggest pet peeve: guilt-tripping me just for wanting to spend time alone.

"For me, my parents' opinion of me is absolute." (NOTE: While I won't be providing exact translations of the excerpts I used here, I'll do my best to summarize the gist of them.)

At the same time, I cared very much about their opinion of me. I made it a point to do well in school, to do things according to their wishes, and just like Nagata, I didn't know what I wanted. This even extended to caring about others' opinion of me, more than my own. In my freshman year of college, I 'went along' with being friends with someone, who while was nice to me, turned out to be a manipulative bitch skilled in passive-aggressiveness xD Being half-Taiwanese/half-Filipino, it was hard to fit in since people always treated me differently, it didn't occur to me I could be choosy with friends, I thought as long as they were 'nice' to me, that would do.

Asian culture is largely a collective one, where we define ourselves by our relationships with others, compared with Western culture (primarily America, I'll be using America as a reference point) where individualism is absolute, where you define yourself as you like. In Asia, it's also normal for children to still live in the same house as their parents well into adulthood, compared with Americans who are expected to move out the house once they finish high school or start college, and they're quite literally 'on their own', having to pay their own tuition, rent, etc. Where I live (Taiwan), it's normal for adults to continue relying on their parents financially well until college. Nagata for instance, while saying her parents really make her feel so pressured, is grateful that she still had a home to stay in (and she's 28!).

If you ask me though, neither a collectivist culture or an individualist culture is absolutely good nor bad. Each have their own pros and cons, and both Asian culture and Western culture could learn a thing or two from each other.

After going through quite a few job applications, one of the interviewers tells her "Ganbatte!" (You can do it!) after Nagata tells her what she really wants is to be a manga artist.

And sometimes that's all we need really, a small gesture or kind remark can do wonders. Even if there's no base or reason for it, it's something worth believing in.

I often have doubts if I'm doing what I really want, if I chose the right major for college, if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm 'good enough'. I didn't grow up with much self-esteem as a kid, and often derived my value from others. But even at my lowest times, a 'you're doing ok' was very reassuring to me, be it from family, strangers, or people I care about. Sometimes that's exactly what we need, it may be small but it could be the difference between continuing to wallow in depression or re-evaluating and choosing to be better to oneself.

I find it's really important to know, that however alone you may feel sometimes, there are other people out there going through the exact same thing. It's something universal, and while a lot of things are really unfair in life, each person has their own lot or burden to deal with. I have a Taiwanese friend who, while being more financially well-off than me, has terrible parents. And I mean parents who are quite so literally toxic, unsupportive of her, and would outright say the worst things to their own daughter.

How depression and anxiety can feel sometimes, we can literally feel like it's impossible to breathe and be in a state of disconnection from the world.

"The sounds that invaded my ears occupied my empty brain, making me unable to think at all."

If you only did what your parents asked you to do, wouldn't days like those be very painful? In the end, only you can understand what you really want.

Nagata's art style is one I would describe as simple, cute, and effective. I personally think had her story been drawn in a more serious style, it would have been even harder to read, much less finish. It's also a choice that has artistic appeal to me, serious subject matter juxtaposed with a 'kawaii' art style.

Nagata also depicts very well her mental state and thoughts throughout her struggle and journey to self-actualization. Depression is a really tough thing to deal with, and sometimes we don't even realize that we have it or if we do, refuse to acknowledge it. In Asian cultures especially, mental health has always been something of a taboo subject and there is a very heavy social stigma associated with it. Nagata herself even said that her parents seemingly refused to acknowledge that their daughter's mental health was in a state of distress. In Japan, there is a concept called gaman (我慢), which is described as 'enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity', and while it is portrayed as an ideal virtue that inspires perseverance, it can be a source of heavy pressure for others. Gaman also means that you are expected to suppress whatever emotion or negative feelings you have, often for the sake of others and no matter how tough the situation becomes for you. And while I agree that through gaman you can become more selfless for others, it shouldn't have to come at the expense of your own well-being.

I was quite fortunate to have grown up in a more liberal Asian household, but even when it came to mental health, our family also adopted the same kind of attitude towards it, by carrying on as if nothing was wrong, or just not talking about it. And to be honest, there were numerous times I wished we had been more open about what was bothering ourselves at that time. Talking and being open about your feelings is not a 'weakness' but something incredibly brave to do, and it's my wish for that to slowly become more acceptable in Asian cultures, which I know is kind of a stretch, but it doesn't hurt to hope.

Nagata makes the decision to clean herself up, by taking a bath everyday, habitually exercising, and no longer wearing worn-out clothes.

Depression especially can be a bitch. It deprives you even of your physiological needs, like your need for food. Nagata had to struggle with that on top of eating disorders for a long ten years. She ate so little and even felt that she didn't 'deserve' to eat, and at one point, anorexia became hyperphagia, and she would feel so guilty for eating almost expired/expired food. Things that would otherwise be simple to do also end up becoming difficult/impossible to do, like taking care of your personal hygiene, getting up from bed, doing simple tasks etc.

Thankfully, after Nagata realizes that she never truly 'valued herself', she starts to turn over a new leaf. Even just starting with cleaning herself up, she takes this as a form of 'valuing oneself' and her mood starts to improve, which her family also points out. In the end, taking care of yourself is not a selfish thing to do, it can even make you a better person who is there for others.

Nagata meets up with the female escort she hired, as a means to experience human sexuality, which she had always repressed her curiosity for and treated as a taboo subject. (NOTE: And I'm glad that she met a really nice girl for her first time too!)

Sex and sexuality is also a subject that I feel is hard to talk about sometimes, which I think also owes itself to most Asian cultures being relatively conservative about it. I myself have only recently identified as bisexual, which I attribute to internalized homophobia, not wanting to admit I was into girls too. And to be honest, 'coming out' is something I'm still uncomfortable about, because I don't want to risk my relationship with my family and it's still something I would choose to be selective about with colleagues and friends. I'm grateful though that as crazy the Internet can be sometimes, it can be quite accepting and tolerant towards things that we wouldn't otherwise discuss with even the closest people in our circle. Nagata's memoir ended up capturing the hearts of many readers ever since she first published it on Pixiv.

Exploring your sexuality doesn't have to be scary, it should be something exciting and liberating. Nagata decided to take matters into her own hands, and while the days leading up to the encounter made her really nervous and she even considered not going through with it at all, she willed herself to continue, because she wanted to do this for herself, it would be pointless if she gave up after coming so far in her decision to value herself.

And it's these series of actions that she decided to do that ultimately led to her life turning out for the better, it gave her the courage to do what she always wanted: to be a manga artist, which lead to the publishing of this autobiographical memoir, something she wanted to create that would 'make people want to buy this book' and from her own preference for reading stories that 'speak of secrets people wouldn't want to tell others'.

Nagata mentions what she calls 'honey': something that varies from person to person. It could be your reason for living, that thing that drives/pushes you, or even your sense of belonging. It may not be something permanent, but you can always find yourself a new one. (she mentions the last time she had her 'honey' was during her high school days, and while she has grown apart from the friends she made, she has found her new 'honey' in the form of being a full-time manga artist.)

Nagata stumbles and trips a lot on her way to being a better version of herself, but who doesn't? She admits to things not necessarily being smooth, but at least she's doing better than before. And it's that decision to at least try that counts. We don't have to be perfect, we're all human after all.

TL;DR My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness is a honest, down-to-earth, and ultimately hopeful memoir about the struggles of mental health and learning about one's sexuality. It's an amazing book, and very much worth the buy.

A big thank you if you read through all of this too. I know it's a mess and writing isn't exactly my strong point, but hopefully I've convinced some people out there to give this book a read! Please feel free to share your thoughts and I'd appreciate it very much too if you reblog/like this post.

[fayevalcntine]

Read way too many opinions on this topic so I might as well give my own two cents on this: I feel like regardless of however Kate and Anthony got married, be it a small ceremony or a secret wedding or elopement, Edwina would've at least given Kate her blessing and congratulations. Does this mean she would've been part of the ceremony? Maybe, but also maybe not since I wouldn't put it past Kate and Anthony to just get married in secret with only a witness present because they just want the wedding to be about them, not about anyone else, including their family members.

I also feel like the whole discussion surrounding Kate and Edwina's relationship as they move forward from this often dismisses or doesn't take into account that their sibling relationship wasn't even a proper sibling one to begin with. Obviously there are cultural elements here that I can't discuss since I'm not part of it but from my understanding, Kate was both an older sister and a second parent to Edwina. Given how they likely lost their father when Kate was 18 (since she mentions spending 8 years teaching her sister how to be the perfect sophisticated young lady), Edwina was probably just around 10-11. Kate spent almost a third of her life molding Edwina to be a proper lady, and in turn set aside any wish she would ever have for her personal life. This in turn obviously affected Edwina in a negative way because until the wedding disaster, she abides to being a proper agreeable lady and not someone who always thinks of what her own opinion could be on the matter. It's not to say that Kate's reasoning wasn't good, but after everything even Edwina herself says that she doesn't like who either of them have been pretending to be this whole time for various reasons, Edwina for trying to be a perfect bride for a husband, Kate for trying to be a parent and sacrificial step-daughter to Mary. Point is, Edwina and Kate's relationship wasn't really a simple sibling one. They didn't get a chance to fully grow up together when Kate already had to step in as her guardian in almost every way while Edwina was still a child. And the codependency aspect is complex when viewed from different perspectives. So yes, of course their relationship will be different moving forward, what with the wedding disaster, Anthony, and the fact that Kate will obviously continue on to having a family of her own. But I don't think it will necessarily be as bittersweet or weird as some allude it to since, again, their relationship really wasn't a simple sibling one. Both of them coming in terms with what they want out of their lives, separate from pressures of settling for monetary security or approval of society, will likely also benefit their relationship onwards and maybe even move past the codependency aspect of it that wasn't really healthy to begin with.

[thejustmaiden]

Jaken = Rin's Dad?

Okay, is this how a daughter treats their so-called father?

Most definitely not.

Rin and Jaken's relationship clearly screams of your typical sibling rivalry punctuated with cute and silly moments of playful bickering.

Yes, Jaken may technically be her main provider, but that doesn't necessarily equate to him being more of a father than Sesshomaru. If anything, he demonstrates more of a brotherly love towards her. As we all know, parents (which Sesshomaru embodies more based on real life patterns and parallels) will leave their older more capable children in charge of looking after their younger brothers and sisters. In this case, that would mean making Jaken responsible for watching over Rin and protecting her if need be. Ah-Un offers protection, too. Think of it as Jaken as the big brother and Ah-Un as the family dog who are babysitting while Sesshomaru as the parent of the household is away at work or taking care of business. I mean, they literally fit that description to a tee and I'm dying at the accuracy of it all! 🤣👌

[Quick! Someone write up a modern au where Sesshomaru finally gets out to have a nice date night but everything goes wrong in the most spectacular way. Like maybe Rin and Jaken catch a ride on Ah-Un to go spy!]

I recently revisited some episodes from The Final Act, and I couldn't believe how many moments like this there were where Rin got after Jaken or when she would "put him in his place" so to speak. Obviously, all of it is mostly harmless. I was only surprised by how often it occurred, not to mention how Jaken would just stand there and take it. Towards a supposed father figure, Rin's behavior is downright unacceptable. There's a certain level of respect a child is expected to show their parents/guardians, and that's just not what I'm witnessing here between them. Like at all.

Rather their dynamic has the nature of some sibling relationships like I mentioned above. So I really wish fans would stop pretending otherwise, because based on what we know of father-daughter relationships- healthy ones at least- they don't appear anything like what Jaken and Rin have. If you could please provide me other examples of where we've seen similar portrayals in fiction or in real life, then perhaps I can get on board.

Look, that doesn't have to mean that because Jaken isn't her father then Sesshomaru must be. They can both be her caretakers without necessarily filling that traditional father role. I'm just saying that if we're going to start assigning titles to characters, let's make sure we are accurate and truthful in our assessments. If you're going to label anyone Rin's dad, then it needs to be Sesshomaru. Jaken doesn't have precedence over him in terms of fatherly attributes, that just wouldn't make sense.

After all, this isn't about what you want to see, this is about what Rin very likely sees. It's safe to assume that she views Sesshomaru more like a father than she does Jaken. She knows she's safe with him (broadly speaking lol) and that he'll come for her no matter what. That sense of security and comfort is what a child seeks and what they should always feel in a parent's presence. She trusts and even idolizes him, just as a young and innocent child tends to do with their parents. At that age, parents are perfect and could do no wrong in their child's eyes. Idk about you, but this describes perfectly how Rin is around Sesshomaru.

Rin adores him and will follow him anywhere- yes, even into danger! That's what the innocence and unconditional love of a child will bring them to do if necessary. Fortunately, at the end of The Final Act we learn Sesshomaru takes Kaede's advice when he realizes that leaving Rin with her in the village is in her best interests. That way she'd be able to lead a more normal and safer life alongside other humans. Remember, Sessrin shippers, that doesn't mean he wasn't still a part of her life and didn't witness her become a young woman over the years right before his very eyes. Therefore, if they eventually do become romantically involved, then most if not all of those gifts had intimate and seductive intentions and it essentially constitutes as child grooming.

I understand from a Sessrin shipper's point of view why it'd be so much easier to claim Jaken as the father. In doing so, they diminish Sesshomaru's role in her upbringing. By refusing to acknowledge the real role he had in helping raise Rin (short periods can be crucial and impressionable too esp. in a child's early years so yes they did assist in raising her not only Kaede), these shippers are better able to justify how their filial-like relationship evolved into a romantic one. So yeah, I get it, if I were a Sessrin shipper I'd probably do the same. It's one of the more plausible arguments available to them, after all. "Let's pin Jaken as the father to fend off antis!" is the best chance they've got, but even so, it's still not good enough. But if you insist Jaken is indeed like a father to Rin, then Sesshomaru is most certainly one too. Who says she can't have two fathers anyway?

The thing is however much you want to deny or downplay what Sesshomaru truly means to Rin and vice versa, nothing will ever change or hide the truth of the matter. Please, stop acting like they're only traveling companions and nothing more. Some of y'all even go so far as to say that they're like strangers. Knowing potentially little about a person is not equal to a lack of love and affection. Making big assumptions such as this to defend your ship is actually doing you more harm than good. Let me elaborate.

According to your reasoning, if that's all Rin ever was to him was a companion and Sesshomaru had no real attachment to her, then what precisely is the basis of your ship? Recall that Adult!Rin doesn't exist yet, thus we have no real idea what she will be like or if she's even alive. So how can you make comments like that but then go on later to say "they have such a unique and unbreakable bond" or "only Rin can be the mother because she's the only human he ever cared for" if all that time spent traveling together didn't amount to much in the first place like you claimed to believe beforehand? Do you see how your rationalizing is confusing?

Contrary to what some of you may think, I'm not just saying all this because I'm an anti and I'm obligated to disagree with you, or whatever other excuse you want to tell yourself. Believe it or not, I'm attempting to give as unbiased and objective of an analysis I can based on widely accepted interpretations of family dynamics, development, and any history we know of.

Of course I respect that at times fans will perceive things differently since that's bound to happen. What's hard for me to wrap my head around however is the unwillingness of some fans- not exclusively Sessrin shippers- to apply basic common sense and sound judgment to their observations and deductions.

Looking at all our facts, then taking the small handful of scenes Sesshomaru and Rin do share together into account, one can logically conclude that their dynamic is akin to one found in a typical parent-child relationship. If you still fail to recognize Sesshomaru as a parent to Rin, then that's fine too. In the end, that won't really change the fact that he'd still take on a role resembling an adult figure overseeing a young child's care and protection. Be it as a vassal, guardian, what have you. Plus, nobody is saying here that Sesshomaru doesn't make mistakes regarding Rin's general well-being, but so do all parents. Overall, I think the majority of us agree that Rin is in good hands. Whether it's in his direct company or in his occasional supervision from his frequent visits to the village.

In other words, it doesn't really matter what exact title you assign him in relation to Rin, as the distribution of power is all inherently the same with any and all adult-child relationships. That bond never changes once you've established it either, seeing as it's a special kind of connection one can only form with a child and a child alone.

I was a teacher for a few years, and speaking from personal experience, you don't need to be a parent, per se, to take on a role of authority in a child's life. I know without a doubt that I could never and will never view any of those kids I taught in a sexual/romantic light later down the road; yes, not even once they become grown-ups who are independent and more than capable of making their own decisions. Those of you who disagree are usually missing the whole point though, because we're not trying to dictate what Adult!Rin can and cannot do like many tend to accuse of us doing. This isn't a question of taking away from her autonomy nor does it fall under "purity culture," which is why people shouldn't continue jumping to these outrageous conclusions and really listen for a change. You're deflecting from the real issue here when you choose to misinterpret what we're saying by ignoring the problem we're actually referring to. You cannot present a valid counter-argument if you persist in twisting our words.

Bottom line: once these kids become old enough to pursue a sexual/romantic relationship, of course they have that right if they're ready. All we're trying to say is you guys ought to stop pushing forward this it's-completely-normal-to-want-to-bang-your-adoptive-dad-since-you're-an-adult-and-can-do-as-you-please agenda and not expect backlash. Ship it if you want, but please stop acting like their romance would be the epitome of a pure and healthy relationship.

Sesshomaru may not wear his heart on his sleeve, but it's foolish to presume he didn't actually care about Rin during their whole time together just because he didn't openly express his feelings until the very end. Surely everybody can comprehend that people handle and process their emotions differently. The way Sesshomaru chooses to is completely valid for the most part, so let's cut him some slack regarding this already.

What I'm trying to get at is that any child whose life you played an influential role in will always be a kid in a lot ways to you even when they're old and wrinkly. Just as they will always picture you as the loved one who guided and protected them when they were most vulnerable and couldn't always fend for themselves. Can't we relate this to children we know personally and apply it accordingly?

Finally, I want to end on this note. Could you kindly take a look at these two images below for a second?

The reason I ask is because of something I recently read that's relevant to the topic. There was this pro-sessrin tweet I saw that stated Rin trying to take care of Sesshomaru when they first met is what a mom would do for a child, which in their opinion, translates to Rin being more like a mother than a daughter if anything.

First off: are you freaking kidding me????

Seriously, so now children aren't allowed to tend to their sick or injured parents?! Parents are apparently superhuman and shouldn't be offered a helping hand from a child, even if they mean well and want to help their parent who's in pain?? Now this Twitter user was mostly being a smartass, but at the same time, it was evident they genuinely thought they offered a valid enough point that warranted no further explanation or clarification.

Secondly, by saying this Sessrin fans don't seem to realize that in actuality they're contradicting themselves and proving the point we've been trying to make all along. Glancing at the first picture and moving down to the second, the role of the one being cared for and the caretaker is reversed. So then by their own logic, Sesshomaru IS in fact like a father to Rin.

What it comes down to is the names you give to the roles these characters play aren't as crucial as the dynamic they share. The specific characteristics of that dynamic are what define the importance of said role, not so much the name in the role itself. So real father or not, Sesshomaru and Rin clearly mean a lot to each other. Close relationships are defined and solidified by the devotion and belonging they have to one another, not solely by the duration of time spent together and their proximity.

Well, that's a wrap! I hope you guys got something outta this blog, and that you enjoyed or found some portions of it interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject from this fandom, but only engage in conversation if you plan to be respectful. Thank you!

[omegangrins]

A Rant on the End of Tremors 7: Shrieker Island

As the main man said,

Throwing caution to the wind because this blew up elsewhere.

If you can do it with Justice League, fuck it, let's do it for every shitty movie we've got.

While we're at it, can we change the ending of the 7th Tremors movie so *MAJOR FUCKING SPOILERS* Burt Gummer doesn't die or at least bring Jamie Kennedy back, or Marvel style recast Jon Heder, so he dies saving his son instead of a random-ass person who could have easily saved themselves. Or cut the forced montage of Burt clips at the end so his death is at least ambiguous. Seriously beyond pissed about that one. THAT is no way for him to go.

I would also like to point out that the next Tremors *HAS* to be titled Tremors 8: Ouroboros and bring everyone back for Burt's funeral . Otherwise, what's the fucking point?

I have feelings about it, people. *FEELINGS!!!*

One of my favourite childhood memories is picking out Tremors 2 from the local gas station's movie rentals and forcing my parents to watch it. I was probably 5-6 at the time.

Let's say that it's been a lifelong love affair ever since. It took me another 10 years before I even watched the 1st. Probably why I hold good sequels in such high regard.

I didn't even know about the 1st until it played as a trailer in front of 2 and never thought to watch until years later. That's a testament to its filmmaking if I ever knew one.

So seriously, that's how they chose to kill off one of the most well known and prolific characters in a movie/TV series known around the globe? With an unnecessaryily needed death and a montage of clips from all the other movies that are obviously better than this one.

And I'm saying that as someone who defends Chibnall/13th Doctor...

...and I'm fucking fuming because THIS is how you *actually* destroy something people love and hold dear to their hearts. It's like the ending of Game of Thrones. His shitty ass death has made it a loooooot harder to rewatch. And they are one of my favourite series!!! Not flawless but fun. But I will defend every other movie and all the episodes except this. Honestly I'll still defend 7/8ths of this one as well.

Like I said, it's easily fixed too. Fucking vice versa swap out Jon Heder for Jamie Kennedy, who the movies have been building up for the last two, and have Burt save his son in front of his old flame. Boom, you won't even need the montage of clips cause you can just have Travis and his mom reminisce about Burt instead. Show not tell. I don't even care he died by Graboid (although in all honesty, I've allways wanted El Blanco to take him down or Burt kills himself from the PTSD. It would have AT LEAST MADE SENSE. Hell, the best would be a heart attack to callback Val's "Yeah, Burt, the way you worry, you're gonna have a heart attack before you get a chance to survive World War Three.". But none of us ever get the best death.). And it's not even about Burt sacrificing himself to save a nobody. Cause that could work too. BUT YOU NEED TO BUILD THAT SHIT UP. Not just fucking drop it like it's hot.

Like I said too, the first 7/8ths ain't bad but it's an entirely different story than a swansong for a hero.

It's all about some billionaire scientist/cowboy hunter dude who likes to get his jollies off hunting the biggest and the baddest who ends up inviting people to this island so they can hunt down Super-Graboids he designed for shits and giggles. But then some Shrieker-fy....

And the pretentious douches come and die one by beautiful one while Burt tries to save them anyway and it's all spectacularly dumb fun until it comes crashing down in the final 10 minutes. Fuck, they should just cut the last 10 minutes. Then it's a perfect little Tremors ditty.

#RELEASETHE7THTREMORSWITH10MINUTESFROMTHEENDCUT

This isn't even about Jon Heder either. He's just doing his job. Hell, do what /u/VoiceofRonHoward pointed out.

"It is clear that Jon's character was just pasted in over Jamie's, the artifacts of the father-son relationship are all over it. They should have gone full Marvel and just replaced Jamie with Jon and acted like nothing happened."

CAUSE FUCK YES!! The only time a story sucks is when they don't commit. Commitment makes all the difference. Now, I'm pissed double-pissed they didn't do that instead since Heder and Kennedy are similar in terms of white-boy-ness.

Even Michael Gross agrees:

"Yes, yes. Now I can't presume to speak for Jamie [Kennedy]. My understanding was they asked him and he said no. And so that's why they went with somebody else. So I had nothing to do with that decision. I just heard the stories. I missed him for that reason. You begin a relationship with the character, and you want to continue it....

...As you build a relationship with this son, we had two, it would've been nice to have three, but that was the hand I was dealt."

One of my favourite bits of Tremors lore comes from the 5th too so it's not like I hate sequel changes out of hand:

"This is a warrior dance. Our ancestors hunting the lnkanyamba and the Impundulu.

"What's that?

"Impundulu. It's what you call the Ass Blaster.

"Ass Blaster.

"Yes.

"Yes.

"Hey, you know, you make Ass Blaster sound good.

Primitive cultures fighting Graboids, Shriekers and Assblasters. I just love that thought.

Hilariously, my meta opening to the 8th movie would be a flashback to 10,000 years ago and a Neanderthal-like Burt Gummer teaching others how to drive Graboids off cliffs like they did with mammoths.

Thank you for giving me the space to rant. Cause fuuuuuuhhhhhhhhuuccck!!!

Here's Michael Gross' own words from his AMA that prove the people making Shrieker Island didn't know their shit.

"The Tremors series is one very close to my heart and I want you to know how appreciated your continued effort is for your core fan base.

My only question would be were there ever any studio decisions made for Burt that you refused to comply with? Or was everybody pretty much always on the same page on what to do with the character?

Thanks again for your dedication.

- Josh"

"Thanks for the kind words, Josh. As regards the first four films, with Wilson and Maddock as the writers, we were very much on the same page. 5,6, and 7 were a bit different, because there was a 13-year hiatus between 4 and 5, and we had to refresh our memories while "reinventing" the franchise for a new audience. I will give you one example: in an early draft of Shrieker Island, a new writer wrote a draft where Burt threatened to shoot one of the bad dudes, and I had to tell him—this is true—"Burt never intentionally points his gun at another human being."

And his own thoughts on Burt's "death" and how to bring it all back together again.

Universal and the director [came] to me with this idea, and they said, 'This could be emotionally very powerful, if we have to say goodbye to this man after 30 years. And I hemmed and hawed, and I thought about it a little bit. And I said, 'You're absolutely right about the emotional gut punch this can be.' And I said, 'You're going to hurt a lot of people's feelings.' And I said, 'But I thought this franchise was over after four. So I could certainly live with it being over after seven.'

"What we negotiated -- well, it wasn't really a negotiation, we all agreed on this -- is that we kind of left the door open. >!Because although Burt is gone, we never see a corpse. We never see his remains. Everybody assumes he's gone. Is he buried somewhere? Is he unconscious somewhere? We never see Burt dead. We see Burt gone. We see Burt not returning. What does that mean? Has he been knocked out? Does he have amnesia somewhere? Does he wander off? Is he in a kind of coma? So yes, the way it ends is pretty profound."

"As regards to the end of Tremors 7, let me just say that while people ASSUME Burt is gone, we never see his remains, do we? Just sayin.'

"The only reason he has become the main character is that everyone else in the original cast moved on to other things. I NEVER thought of him as the central figure, but it just worked out that Michael Gross, like Burt Gummer, was a "survivor." :0) "

"No one would like to see it more than I!!! One of my greatest regrets is that so many other cast members fell away over time. Reba was on to other things, Kevin said no to a second, Fred said no to a third. I would LOVE one last go with all of them, but it is not up to me. :0( "

"There are no guarantees, but for those who wonder aloud if this is the final film, I will say what I have said before: SALES drive sequels, Show biz is 5% show and 95% business, so if this latest addition to the Tremors franchise, sells well, [Universal] will follow the money, and Universal Pictures Home Entertainment may will be back for more."

/u/ActorMichaelGross, the bell has been rung and the song sung. Get the producers on this ASAP!!

I was also the first person to discover the symbolic foreshadowing of Stumpy's end with Earl's sleeping bag in the original movie.

Let's just say, I really *really* love these movies. So if anyone knows anyone, hook me up to the producers of this series and I'll Justin Lin in the Fast and Furious out of this shit.

Since I don't think it's good to critique without proposing either, I say we can make up for this fuck up with the next movie. We'll call it Tremors 8: Ouroboros. After the snake which eats its own tail.

We find out Burt faked his death to get the Proudfoot Corporation to let down their guard and when everyone from the previous series comes back for Burt's fake funeral they give him ever loving shit for being such a paranoid whack-job that he would fake his death to fool a government agency. Why would he do this? He found an old photo of Hiram Gummer with a Graboid warning on the back and asks himself why this valley, why these things, why allways me? And we find out, it's not Burt. It's that lifestyles of extremes will end up in places of extremes. Burt and the Graboids are survivors of different species. Sure the Proudfoot Corporation IS using Mixmaster to combine Graboids, Shriekers, and Ass-Blasters into one super creature for the military but it pales in comparison to Burt looking at his life and wondering in shame how many ancient giants like himself he has killed. And with that, he actually dies, and we keep the ball rolling with the rest of the characters trying to stop what they allways thought was just another one of Burt's crazy conspiracies.

That's why it's Ouroboros. Everything comes back around. We could end/start the movie with Grady, Earl, and Jodi opening a Monster World in Perfection Valley a la Desert Jack's Graboid Adventure. I don't know. I'm fucking trying harder than the people they paid to do this already.

It ain't perfect but I'm building on sand here so changes are gonna get made.

Like if the makers of Tremors notice this,

Then DM me because fucking A you guys need some help.

[seducing-mr-perfect]

So I passed the test, right? Let’s meet up at the hotel bar at 7 for the real lesson. Oh! Enjoy the lunch box - June.

The note. The thing that starts it all. The thing that starts out at as one of June’s heavy botched operations - only that it hasn’t failed the way she thinks it has. The thing that shows us for certain that, despite everything, Robin isn’t completely immune to June’s charms.

It is clear that while June may not particularly admit to liking Robin, things have changed between them after the Brighton deal. Which is why in the scene where she prepares the lunch box, in the dead of night, she seems to shake herself and say The operations must go on. No matter what. Almost as if her new dynamic with Robin is distracting her from her goal.

June seems to slightly miss the mark here too. As with Operation Angel, preparing a special lunchbox personally for him calls for a certain amount of intimacy that they haven’t reached yet. The movie has given us enough indications of how he feels about having his space invaded, for him to comfortably take what June is giving him. Preparing lunch for someone at work is a very intimate, taking-care-of-a-loved-one thing to do, and for a hoarder who doesn’t like to even have his office touched, partaking of that lunch (especially if he nursed secret feelings for the person who made it) would definitely feel like too much too soon. It’s no wonder then that he takes the note, and passes the box to Yoon Mi.

June sees this differently. She sees it as yet another rejection of her efforts, yet another reason to believe he wants to have nothing to do with her. She assumes that since he’s not even opened the box, he wouldn’t have noticed the note either.

Su-yeoung Tries To Help

We don't see Su-yeoung much in the film, even though she is June's best friend. A phone call in the beginning of the film, and two scenes where she is seen aggressively pushing to get June back into the dating scene.

What we do know is that Su-yeoung has had her fair share of disappointment in her own relationships. She has been married once and by the way she speaks of love in this scene, she seems to have changed to a more 'practical' mindset in contrast to June's, which is clearly more emotional and romantic.

However, having being brought up in a culture that does value both love and marriage as an eventual goal (for instance, one does not bring one's significant other to meet the parents unless they're certain of getting married soon), Su-yeoung controls the situation the way any Korean friend would - by arranging a sogeatting.

A sogaetting (소개팅) is a kind of introductory meeting that's often set up between strangers through a mutual friend. Approaching someone you do not know is not very common in South Korea, so it usually falls on a third person to introduce the couple and to stick around in case the meeting isn't going as well as planned. If the two hit it off, the mutual friend leaves them to decide how to take things forward.

Su-yeoung's motives are very straightforward: get June to move on from Ju-yeoung, with someone. Anyone.

Ju-hyeoung may have receeded far, far behind in June's mind, but there is a part of her that clearly isn't completely over him yet. June isn't the kind of let go of her relationships that easily - she tends to not give up on a person unless there is no way even she can ignore the red flags. That's just the way she is. So when her best friend insults Ju-hyeoung, she is immediately defensive.

This is an important distinction to make, because it gives us a better idea of why June would agree so easily to getting back with him later on, just as she has begun to realise her feelings for Robin.

The Note

The scene splits into two halves: one that shows us June's disastrous date with Jin-guk, and another that shows us Robin waiting for June for an entire hour. We don't get a lot of opportunities to see Robin's point of view on certain things, but the film teases us with enough to recognize that what he feels towards June and what he shows are two different things. It's in this scene that we learn that Robin didn't completely ignore the lunchbox, that he kept her note with him...and most importantly, that he's very, very happy to see her that evening.

We also don't get many scenes of Robin shedding his impenetrable sheild and being vulnerable. The times that we do are mostly associated with his past - his grandfather's belongings and occasionally his bullet wound. Robin is depicted as a hoarder; someone who holds on to his memories and keeps them to remind himself of how far he has come, and why his present is what it is.

This is the only time perhaps we see Robin actually show some attachment to something he has received in the present, that he keeps to himself, that he allows himself a private moment of joy (for instance, he tilts his head slightly while reading it, an action we see him do only with his grandfather's photograph). He first looks around to see if no one is looking, and only then gives himself the luxury of letting his guard down. And this is especially surprising given that he always chooses enclosed settings where he is completely alone - like his room or the office - to reflect on these things.

I think it's a mark of how deeply June has affected him that this intensely private man can't help but fondly re-read a casual, friendly note she has sent him, in a setting as public as a hotel bar.

Sogaetting

By sogaetting standards, the meeting between Jin-guk and Min-june is an unmitigated disaster. Su-yeoung only knows him as a friend of a friend, and June herself has her doubts even before the date has begun.

Marriage in Korea is usually a topic reserved either for when a couple have become really serious, or when it is a matsun (맞선) which involves matchmakers/relatives and where the entire aim of the meeting is marriage itself. While there are people who do date with marriage in mind, a sogaetting is hardly the appropriate place to jump into discussions about weddings, especially with almost no input from the potential "bride".

But Jin-guk? Goes straight for the jugular. Starts talking about wedding preparations: how their families will travel to the venue, the perfect place for venue and stay, consulting a family Taoist. He goes as far as to speak of the money the bride should be spending on their travel, reminding her of her potential place in his life and what he thinks her duties are. He presumes this is what she wants, presumes he is a good enough catch that it doesn't even occur to him that she may not want this, and in fact doesn't even care. June barely gets to even speak in this "conversation". She is so uncomfortable, in fact, that she has to hide in a restroom to escape him.

To make things worse, Su-yeoung enables his behaviour, fawning over him and agreeing to everything he says ("oh, a hotel? That's just fabulous!" "I love having my fortune told!"), eventually encouraging the match and calling June crazy when the latter states that she isn't interested. It's clear that by this point June has found herself in a tight spot.

Blind Date

There are two reasons the blind date/bar scene is so important:

1. It is the first of many misunderstandings in their romance. It works to keep the couple apart, keep them from even guessing that the other person might love them: so that when Robin tells June how he feels in the end, the revelation is that much more emotional.

2. More importantly, it highlights a pretty huge cultural gap between Robin and June.

For the most part Robin has fit in rather well to his new environment, despite his struggle with the language. He is respected by his peers and subordinates in the office, is able to navigate his work space without too many hiccups, seems at home with the way his juniors address him. He seems so at home, in fact, that it would easy to assume that he would know a great deal about Korean culture outside the office as well.

However, the film gives us enough hints of his struggle to understand certain aspects of Korean culture. One is the usage of certain slang words, such as piksari and tungchigi, which June has to explain to him. Another is his lack of knowledge about how marriage and meeting the girl's family works, leaving him to commit a huge faux pas in front of her father.

Robin has no idea what a sogaetting is. When June translates the same into a word that seems more accessible to him ("blind date"), she unknowingly leaves out the cultural context of how a sogaetting works and who facilitates it. "Blind date", for Robin and June, mean very different things. For June it is an arranged meeting that mostly just allows for further casual interactions to test the waters. To Robin, it could range from being merely introduced by a common friend (who won't be as involved as someone facilitating a sokaetting would, possibly?) to an actual date, which involves flirting and possibly sex if both parties are interested. This is possibly also why he assumes straightaway that she spent the night with her date as well.

This is where Robin gets not only angry, but also confused. This is someone who has gone to great lengths to get him to wait at that bar, including cooking for him and slipping in a note that specifically mentioned a time and a place. This is also someone who, he assumes, ditched her plans with him to date someone else, and didn't so much as give him a head's up about doing so (part of this is also his fault: he never lets June know that he received the note, even though he was aware that she found out Yoon Mi had the box). When the truth, really, is that she agonized over having her meticulously prepared lunch rejected, worried about losing the note, was tricked into spending an evening with an overenthusiastic friend and a man who bored her to tears, and spent the night wrestling with her brother over the takeout bill.

A lot of what Robin does here is pretty alien to the character we know thus far. He gets starry-eyed over a note, waits an entire hour for the woman who wrote it, calls her twice to find out why she didn't make it, and is tense and angry enough to warrant letting off some steam on the treadmill. None of this works, so he calls her again, unable to just let the matter go.

Let's remember that so far, Robin has been all about control. He exercises control over his relationships and over his feelings, because he knows the consequences of letting someone else have power over him. He views relationships as a game - which means he would prefer to detach himself emotionally from the other person involved, and not be affected by their actions. So when June "ditches" him, he's immediately riled up, instantly jealous, and just as instantly frustrated that he's giving her this much power over him. Part of his anger lies in the fact that she's affecting him in a way that's making him break half his rules.

He is also angry because, for the first time in possibly a long while, he was genuinely happy about something, genuinely looking forward to meeting up with someone, and her (supposed) lack of concern has ruined that moment for him. He is still thinking on the lines of what he thinks a date would look like, and assumes June's actions by those parameters. Owing to the issues he carries from his past relationship, Robin definitely seems like a man doesn't like feeling like he doesn't matter, and that's how he feels around June right now.

June never gets the opportunity (until just before their cruise trip) to clear this up with him, owing to multiple assumptions: that he never got the note, that he was calling her from some random place just to ask the time, that he thinks she is pathetic. First because she thinks the note has gotten lost somewhere, then because her cell battery died out on her. So she is left thinking he doesn't particularly care, and Robin is left thinking that he means nothing to her besides a man who can teach her the rules of the game. It's an impression of himself that makes him even more reluctant to admit how he feels about her - both to himself and to her. It's an impression of himself that he carries to the rest of the film.

--

*A lot of what I said about sogaetting I picked up from whatever I had read and watched. Korean readers, if I've gotten any of this wrong, I'm really sorry. Please do not hesitate to point it out so I can make corrections.

[izzyovercoffee]

Su'cuy, vod! I read through basically all your Mando'a posts and had some thoughts I wanted to share. I semi-actively work on a Mando'a-English-German dictionary, which opens a whole new chest of translation problems, but you gave me some great ideas, so I incorporated them into the dictionary. For example that whole sheath thing, for that I added a remark to the original word, to warn about it's connotation (didn't remove it, because 'real' dictionaries include slurs sometimes as well) 1/X

Only thing, where I differed from your idea on this was cab'gam, I used this as ‘protective case/cover’. Now some other things I thought of: On colours - you pondered about the connotations of yellow regarding ‘just/barely alive’ and its comparison to gold. I thought maybe it’s about flames/light - like a bright vivid flame is a bright gold, while the flame, when it’s only small and ->barely alive

Woo this is a long ask. I’m so sorry I’ve taken so long to get around to answering this, I’ve been very busy!! Also, I think I’m missing part 7? But I think I can extrapolate what was in it, unless you’d like to send it to me again if you still have. I’m so sorry again anon!

I’m good w/ defining cab’gam that way too, maybe as a general term for protective case, since we do technically need a general/generic word for that. So cool, that def works !! I’ll go back and note that on the original post.

Also, yeah. YEAH! You know, when I was working on that post, I didn’t even consider that it might have been referencing intensity of light/fire? But the way you put it, that may actually make more sense than the direction I was going in. I was definitely perplexed somewhat, like I was missing something. This sounds like what I was missing.

That could also apply for the heat of a flame, too. Like, referring to the intensity of the light, or the intensity of the heat, or both, depending entirely on context.

I’ll notate that in my personal references. I’ll probably come back to this in the future if/when I put one long complicated color references/resources post together again. 

Thank you for bringing that up, truly.

Meanwhile I also really like your thought and explanation on yellow and orange maybe being the same for Mandalorians. Another thing I wanted to tell you is sth you already found yourself, that saviin sounds a lot like Sabine, which seems very very likely to me, considering the long i (or rather e - from an anglophone perspective) and that [v] and [b] are very similar sounds, so maybe Sabine is like a basic transcription or a dialect form of Saviin. Regarding the meaning of the colour/name 3/X 

My etymology for it would be the following: “viin”/“bine” being a degenerated/shortened form (or even the root?) of kebiin - blue connected with “sa” - as, like, it gives “sa viin” - “like blue”, what is kind of a good description for purple/violet, implying the standard shade in mandalorian perception would be a darker bluish purple ALSO implying that the concept of purple cam up comparably late in the language, similar of the color orange getting it’s name rather late in germanic languages 4/X

Ohhh that’s such a good point! I was going color by color so I missed the connection in the effort to complete the post, which was an oversight by me sadly. But that’s such a great point ??? 

If anything it might also then directly connect the connotations of blue (reliability) with purple (adaptability, survival in adversity). They who are reliable can be depended on to adapt and survive adversity, or so on, kind of like orange (lust for life) from yellow, as thought about from above (the intensity of the flame). 

(lmao this is so awesome tbh thank you for mentioning both !! I’m like vibrating from excitement from these two points !! is that weird to say lmao let me make this hard to read so I don’t embarass myself too much)

Then I wanted to ask where you got the words cingaanar and din'waadar, as they aren’t included in the dictionary I have, what confused me little, as I also only got search results linking to your very post about it. In another post you questioned the missing of a word for child of parents sibling or was it child of sibling? Anywy, I’d say the explanation is for both rooted in the way Mandalorian society is made up. As we know the ideal is a big clan living together kinda like a commune…. 5/x

so the words cinargaanar and din’waadar were pulled from mandoa.org dictionary, which is the most popular resource. it’s also in one of the editions of the mando’a dictionary that was released via spreadsheets back in the day from Karen Traviss’ site. It looks like those spreadsheets are no longer available to access, so take that with a grain of salt, but essentially mandoa.org was/is the most comprehensive of “canon” mando’a we have to date in easy access to the general person.

Going along the common phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” any capable adult is expected to participate in bringing up the kids, so while it’s known who’s whose child it doesn’t matter enough to be shown in language. So your parent-sib-kids are just your vode (remember, vode an!) and your sib-kids are “ade” as well as your own children, it’s consens that mando'a relies heavily on context, so speaking family internally context tells who your own childs are and who aren’t. Aruetiise.. 6/X 

view about love. For Mandalorians love isn’t really an emotional thing, that’s also why we shouldn’t take “kar'taylir darasuum” lit. as “hold sm. eternally in the heart”, but rather just as “knowing someone forever”. Knowing someone for so long (or so good/deep it feels like forever) that you can unconditionally trust them and you have a strong bond with each other, that’s the mandalorian meaning of “love” With having “love” as such a hard-to-achieve state of sentiment it isn’t surprising… 8/X

Okay so it looks like I’m missing part 7/X and I’m so sorry if you don’t have it around anymore. I think I can extrapolate the meaning/context though. Again, I’m so sorry for the delay in responding.

wrt children of my siblings, I can see what you mean by that for sure. If anything, maybe instead of inferring them as vode, maybe the “proper” way is to refer to them as if they are your own children? As you mentioned “it takes a village to raise a child,” I’m wondering, now, if it’s more like … because mandalorians are so community-centered / focused, if the polite thing is to indicate that these children are “your” children, as they’re just as much an aunt/uncle’s responsibility as anyone else.

We certainly see Kal Skirata refer to all children as kid/s, or his kids even if he has no intention of adopting them. Since he’s supposed to be a representation of appropriate parenthood (all of our issues regarding him notwithstanding), perhaps niece/nephew isn’t a specificity that is seen as necessary — maybe it’s considered an unreasonable boundary specifically when it comes to children. Notsomuch the adults, as mandalorians can divorce authority, but children are sacred and unnecessary boundaries may interfere with that?

It’s something to think about at least.

edit:: with some mulling over w/ @cassiansfuzzyjacket I’d like to note that it may be inappropriate to claim that one’s sibling’s child is “your” child, as a child’s parents still inhabit an entirely different role and space than aunts and uncles. it’s more likely KT never thought about it and thus that’s why it’s missing, but ultimately YMMV. 

wrt love, that’s definitely a possibility. I feel like love and its interpretations is contingent on … cultural … interpretations? Notsomuch in-universe as the general audience (like you and me) and what we bring from the context of our lives and perception and place upon difficult concepts such as love.

I’m definitely informed by my experiences, and so how I view love is dramatically different than maybe how you do (or the same!). and I feel like when it comes to defining love from a mandalorian point of view, we need to get into the perspective as its available to use.

what I mean is that I agree with you, when you put it that way. At least, for a good subset of mandalorians if not all of them, love may then require trust, or knowing not as knowledge but deeper than such, exactly as you said. 

it’s certainly how I’ve personally come to view love, and love as a bond that requires a foundation of trust and reliability as opposed to passion that may not be entirely well placed despite best intentions … but then again I have a difficult time myself with the conceptualization of love so I might not be the best person with which to develop words for it. 

It also concerns me bc mandalorians may have this deep difficult and complicated understanding of love, but then also culturally expect people to marry young and stay together … and we’ve seen many, many instances where this often leads to unhappy marriages, or even dramatic power imbalances within the relationship, maybe even rendering them inescapable. So how does one bridge these dramatically opposing ideals?

I mean context and culture already has, as divorce is a clearly supported thing across different power differentials so maybe the expectations aren’t restricted by law. Something to think about, in any case.

Thank you so much for your thoughts! You’ve given me a LOT to think about and mull over, and I deeply deeply appreciate it. Thank you. Vor’entye.

[this-is-probably-offensive5-blog]

You are my dream ameripan fanfic 1

Prologue-

"A new school year"Kiku thought To himself.

Kiku stood next to a big sign waiting for his school bus to arrive. This would be his first day at his brand new high school in Washington, D.C.

For all of his life he lived in japan . To Kiku It was so unusual to be so far away from his home country. But with speaking so little English he knew it would be Hard for him to retain his grades And gain friends at the same time.

But He only had to rely on him and himself only, he wasn't one too show too much distress. He did as he was told and learn quickly. By this time he had already accepted that he was extremely ordinary he was already cold and serious,He never liked to showed his emotions, he never expressed his feelings, and kiku never smiled. For what would be the point?

All kiku really cared about was To get good grades. And be top of his class like he always had been. Also read manga and watch anime..

He adjusted his glasses and put it back on His nose and open his "English for beginners " book and he continued too read.

But in honesty, Ever since his mother had told him they where moving to America, he knew he would have to study the English language.

He already knew the basis.

"Hello, my name is kiku" or "do you know where the bathroom is"

But if he truly wanted too he could start a conversation. And he knew enough too quite honestly talk to anyone, and knew every word he could possibly think about.

But he could not help but to have the thick Japanese accent.

But he did not care.

For this school, was said to be the most culturally diverse school in the world.

It was Also said to be the hardest school to get into in all of America but kiku got in with flying colors. Which was no surprise to kiku and his mother, he had always been the smartest kid in his hole school.

But it would be nice to learn more things about his new home, and about his new class mates.

He almost smiled at the thought.

The greatest thought to kiku, was finally making friends.

He had never really had friends. But maybe he'll finally gain some this year.

That was what made kiku really smile, but only on the inside

•••••chapter 1-

Slowly over the Harrison was something extremely yellow.

It was black and yellow and was gigantic.

Kiku looked at the monster as it slowly stopped.

Kiku bowed and got on the bus. And once he got on, chaos had emmurged.

Kids screaming on the top of there lungs. People fighting and non stop and terrible cussing.

Kiku knew it was cussing Beacuse of a few YouTube videos.

He slowly searched for a seat. But no one would give it up.

Slowly he was thrown into the back of the bus and there was a blond man with thick eyebrows and bright green eyes.

He got up and looked at the green the green "i-I'm sorry"he said slowly As he bowed.

The green eyed boy Eyebrow raised and said with a thick British accent "it's no problem it wasn't on purpose " he smiled politely.

"Are your okay?" Kiku said to the man with the green eyes

He nodded "yes I'm OK, don't worry" he smiled.

"thank God you're OK " he said as he rose his head and he looked around for seat.

"do you not have a seat love?" the man with the green I said "if you don't, my seat is open" he smiled

"Would you be so kind?" Kiku said shyly.

And the man simply nodded.

Kiku slowly took a seat kind of awkwardly. He slowly looked at the green eyed man and oddly enough he had been staring at him. After a few minutes of silence he said

"My name Arthur, Arthur Kirkland, what's your name?" The newly introduced Arthur said.

"my name is Kiku Honda, it's really nice to meet your acquaintance" he said still extremely nervous Arthur smiled.

"So where are you originally from Kiku?" he said.

"O-ohh I am from Tokyo Japan," he looks down on his knees "where are you from Mr. Kirkland" he tried to smile back but failed miserably.

"I'm from London England, Japan must've been a lovely country" he smiled.

" yes yes it was" he said back " but why did you come to America Mr. Arthur?" he asked curiously.

"oh I came here because of the school my parents were very strict about me getting good grades. " he rubbed the back of his neck " so I decide to come to the most highly academic school in the world of course. it was pretty easy too get in so, I simply did! And my parents are simply proud! Sorry about my rambling. why did you come to America kiku? " he said.

"My mother recently just got remarried, they decide to move to America." He said.

"But what happened to your father?" He asked ceroiusly.

Kiku paused, and he look down and frowned " my father he died when I was four years old with a lung cancer" he said sadly.

"Oh I'm so sorry to hear about that" Arthur said remorsefuly.

"It's OK " kiku said.

"well anyways what year are you in?" Said Arthur.

"I'm a third-year. what about you Mr Arthur?"

"I'm a 3erd year to" He said.

"Thats great I hope we have the same classes together" kiku said almost smiling.

"Yeah me too"Arthur said back.

Slowly the bus started slowly down

"Hey Kiku would you like to join me for lunch?" " he said

He nodded "if that's alright with you.. I'm don't understand this new American school system, but I am excited to know more about it." Kiku said.

"Well! Ill help you" he smiled.

The bus slowly pulled up and he saw the massive high school,

Kiku jaw had dropped.

This would be the first time kiku saw his school without the pictures .

The bus stopped and they all got off.

Slowly he entered the campus.

••

The campus had been huge, trees surrounding The perimeter and beautiful flowers and roses covering covering the bottom floor slowly he started walking to towards his high school, his legs trembling. He saw the beautiful white marble or what looked like marble steps that led upward, the giant pillars holding up the surface and the the stone that the school was made out of.

To the side was hugs forces of land that must had hold the fields for sports and the indoor swimming pool his mother had praised.

The building was three stories high and each floor containing a new level of high school. the first years and second years on the bottom. For the bottom floor was the widest . And the high school was some what of a square and in the middle was said to have a fountain. Meaning the bottom floor had to be the widest . The third years had been on the second floor including the second library and the lunch room. And the third was for the fourth years.

The school doors where wide-open and slowly he walk through the doors. and the first thing he saw was madness. kids running around screaming and shoving everyone trying to get to there classes. back in Japan it was extremely different, you have to be very quiet and very polite But here it was like manners didn't exist! he was shocked and pushed, as other kids tried desperately to get to there classes, poor Kiku was shoved into them.

eventually kiku was able to escape the madness of the first floor and he had finally made it to the second floor. the second floor was more mellow but still insane.

He held up a printed piece of paper which was his schedule and his locker code and went searching for locker. After a while found it and put all his belongings in there except the things he needed. Eventually he looked for his first classroom and was shoved in the process .

He saw his class room and start to make his way to it. But he got smashed by a person, and fell on something. At first he thought it was a locker but when he looked, it was not a locker. It was a person.

The tall man had blue eyes and blond hair. He was buff and stern but was chubby too. he had a weird cowlick thing and glasses. His face was soft and had cheek bones of a god. but something about him didn't seem all that soft.

At first he looked annoying but when he got a good look at kiku, he helped Kiku so he wouldn't fall. And smiled at him.

Kiku heart started pounding out of his chest. He looked at him and softly blushed. something about him just made him feel a certain way it was weird and made him feel a little sick. He had never felt this way towards anyone in life. And it was extremely unusual.

"are you all right?" he said with his bold and strapping voice. He had a American accent which was foreign to kiku.

Kiku blushed harder and said "y-yes.. "

The man smiles "just be careful you might actually get hurt" he said as he puts him in place And smiles. Kiku blushed harder as he looked at the man.

"Well, The bells about to ring I'll see you around!" He smiled.

The man started to walk fastly to his class.

"T-thank you!" Kiku yelled.

The man stopped and look at kiku

He gave him a thumbs up.

"The hero is always here to help! " he smiled and ran off.

And for a while, kiku felt something.

Something other then hungry.

Too him it was unusual.

But satisfying

But he had no clue what it was.

And it hurt his chest just thinking about it.

For this was foreign to kiku, like so many other things.

And quite honestly, kiku didn't want anything to do with it.

He hated new experience.

But.. the deep pounding in his chest is something he couldn't simply ignore.

But he had no clue what his name was.

But he was determined to find out.