#siiiiiiiigh. i dunno if i should post this.

[hero-dualies-3]

please for the love of god. if you’re critiquing a trans person’s view on gender (especially trans women) do not call them a fucking terf. you mean gender essentialist. yes‚ gender essentialism is like the main part of their ideology and it’s quite harmful to literally every trans person. but there’s a difference. like a huge one. terfs are also BIOessentialists (you are defined by your sex) and the kind of person some of yall are calling terfs are GENDER essentialists (you are defined by your gender). you see how a trans person is very unlikely to be the former? if you call a transgender gender essentialist a terf‚ they’re just gonna laugh it off‚ and you’ve accidentally undermined your entire point

[gifsbysimplysonia]

I’m so tired. Honestly. This is why I can’t go to forums or any place people congregate to discuss things I like...the way other people act like they are entitled to comment on anything/everything DETRACTS from my enjoyment of what I love. And I’d been doing SO WELL! I’d stayed away from places where the things people said upset me. 

BUT ... things happened, as they tend to do, so I had to go check out what prompted the re-releasing of some new music by a band I’ve dedicated over a decade of my life to. And in going to search out what prompted the discovery of a bad mix of a song being released, I stumbled onto a thread where a well known malcontent was - for the 1 millionth time - dictating why his “favorite band” are no longer any good in his eyes and what steps he feels they need to take to “make A7X great again.” 

I’ve dealt with this person on a personal level, I’ve witnessed his behavior TIME AND TIME AGAIN over the last 3 years, as well as him defend his behavior with saying “being a real fan means you can be critical and not love everything.” Please know, I 100% AGREE with this sentiment; being a fan does not mean being a blind consumer and issuing approval over every move and decision and release. HOWEVER ...

And in this particular case ... despite his feelings that he was / is providing some kind of constructive criticism, what he actually did was once again spew his OPINION. It’s an opinion of when HE felt that A7X was at “their best,” and that OPINION includes statements which I feel are body shaming. While he did not directly insult M Shadows current physical appearance, he DID state that Shadows was “at his best when he was at his buffest.” The clear implication in that OPINION is “M Shadows sucks now, partly because he is not buff.” 

I saw red when I read that. And besides rubbing my eyes and shaking my head, I sighed heavily and just felt TIRED. So much of what I see these days involves shaming people for who they are in some way, shape or form. And my soul is T-I-R-E-D. And while I KNOW, logically, it happens to everyone ... it was still a big surprise to me to see a dude do this to another dude. And do it so nonchalantly, KNOWING that the recipient of the criticism ACTIVELY READS EVERYTHING posted on the forum.

Maybe nobody takes him seriously. Maybe the people who are important just treat everything coming from the Twitter fingers as hot air. Maybe I care WAY TOO MUCH about something that isn’t important to anyone else. Maybe this isn’t a big deal. 

But, y’know what? Double standards EXHAUST me, as does behavior from people who seem to truly believe they are speaking to the well being of people they don’t know. And, I mean, what do you do when people are that steadfast in what they are saying? Do you just let it be because they THINK they are being a “true fan,” or do you stop and say, “Hey, I GET that you think this is ok but if you look at what you’re ACTUALLY saying...” I’m not the police, and I know that fans policing other fans turns into gatekeeping and then it can get really dodgy and ugly, and I’m not here for any of that. I’m content to sit in my corner, with my besties only, and for us to talk amongst ourselves because for as long as I’ve TRIED to belong to a bigger community, I only ever find myself an outcast because when I speak up, people don’t like what I’m saying so LESSON LEARNED. 

In THIS case, though? Ultimately, I feel the behavior needs to be called out and attention should be put on it, if for no other reason than to recognize it for what it is, at least in part, and that it happens .... and that IT IS NOT OK. Even if someone thinks they are speaking for others or to others about what is best for another person/group of people (especially when they DO NOT KNOW that person/said people)...it’s not ok to (body) shame anyone for their choices. 

I can appreciate the passion that is behind wanting to be a “true fan,” which YOU believe means speaking up and out AGAINST the “wrong choices” YOU think the person/people you admire are making ... but honestly? So many people are confusing “constructive criticism” with OPINION and taking it to a level that’s way too negative and possibly harmful and I’M JUST TIRED. So here I am, saying my piece which I have no business saying but I feel that what I saw was gross enough that I have to say something so I can know I spoke what’s in my own heart. My HOPE is that this can lead to conversation about all aspects involved in the situation, which can lead to education, which can lead to overall more positive discourse. Cuz, like, I’m at an age where sitting around spewing negativity about things I purport to love makes ZERO sense to me (it’s why I had to stop actively watching Monday Night Raw), and instead of doing that, I’d rather switch my focus to something I love that makes me FEEL GOOD and BE EXCITED about that instead. So maybe this is a generational gap, cuz I’m an old a$$ broad? I dunno. What I DO know is that this is the Intarwebz so hahahaha at my hope things could ever become less toxic, right? Siiiiiiiigh.

Please remember, especially when you might be privileged to have an audience with someone you speak directly about ... WORDS MATTER. Sticks & stone breaks bones, which can heal up and be STRONGER than before. Words get stuck in tiny crevices in your mind and hide there, peeking out to haunt you over and over, and often at the most inopportune of times. 

I’m not suggesting Shadows gives a good 

about anything this malcontent or anyone else has to say about him. 99/100 he doesn’t, but he’s human, as we are all supposed to be. And again, I just wanna take a moment to call out this behavior and say it’s not ok because it’s not. It goes for us and it goes for celebrities and it should go for everybody...

[/end TED talk] and if you made it this far? THANK YOU.

PS