#sighhhh anyhow i'm currently mentally digging a little grave for the third disappointment in love i've experienced | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thebirdandhersong · 4 months ago

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lads it is mostly my fault (was sick, didn't tell healthcare until it was Dire, was sentenced to bed rest for the rest of my time at camp) that I literally can't say goodbye to these 100+ people I've come to love properly before I leave. I'm not permitted to participate in any singing, dancing, communal joy, any event that's remotely fun (that's nearly word for word what they said) here at camp. and I'm leaving EARLY, am still miserably sick, and have a four hour commute back home on top of that, because there's no one available to drive. literally cried my eyes out over everything just now and am This Close to crying my eyes out againnnnn

#not to list my woes again but today was Pretty Bad #the horrors: learned that one of the girls I'm working with is the cousin of the boy whom I was so torn up over last year (lol)#received a message from the second boy I was torn up over in the spring saying: do you want to live together? (LOL)#and was hit with the two-by-four of reality today about my own Delusions and such repeatedly over the head. over and over and over LOLLLL !#HOWEVER. the joys: tea. Bible reading time. lots of prayer. laughed a lot with my coworkers.#confided in a friend whom i know can hold secrets close. listened to another friend's voice message on loop. the rain made it not too hot.#i know joy cometh in the metaphorical morning but i wanted joy to come in the form of dancing and singing and worshipping together #and being able to tell each and every person goodbye properly and with the gravity and love they each deserve #i simply!!!!! cannae take this!!!!!! and yet I WILL :'))))))))) bear it with grace #(THAT'S dramatic)#sighhhh anyhow i'm currently mentally digging a little grave for the third disappointment in love i've experienced #since breaking up with my ex boyfriend. the ground is hard my hands are tired and the earth won't budge but i WILL dig that grave #and leave that little ill-formed ill-judged ill-managed love in it #dang i'm tired in all senses of the word!#and YET. there is still a part of me that is light and buoyant and determined to make the most of things #it is so hard to be miserable when the anneish part of you never dies.........sigh #healing girl era summer '24

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