#side note: it's russian. we speak russian in odessa

[ultratangerine]

if the English speakers learn the actual origins of this idiom they're gonna cancel us so fucking fast lol

Stage 1: using your native language's idioms in English out of habit/lack of knowledge

Stage 2: using English idioms as much as you can to prove that you're good at English

Stage 3: using your native language's idioms in English because they fuck actually

[detectivemarvelingcomics]

Not Your Classic Vigilante [Ch. 4]

Alternate Dimension AU

TW: Language, Mentions of Death, Descriptions of Violence, Gun Use

CW: OC Use, See the OC Guide [Here]

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Batfamily x Batsis!Reader

(4/?) [Previous] | [Next]

[DC Masterlist] | [Not Your Classic Vigilante Masterlist]

Summary: Few people get second chances, and you were the one unlucky enough to get one in a whole new world away from your family, the Waynes. But when you return it comes as a shock, but what was more shocking was when you left, and only Damian remembered. Now you have to deal with the Wayne’s in your new universe, one not as kind as the last.

YN Pronouns: Female (She/Her)

Word Count: 3.0K

Notes: Sorry for the long wait on this one! Here’s the next chapter, hehe, I hope you all enjoy it!

Disclaimer: This series is originally by @fandom-meanderer who is a close friend of mine, but she has since fallen out of her Tumblr days and asked me to finish a few series for her, hence why I am now in ownership of the Not Your Classic Vigilante series, I hope I can still live up to her writing as I rewrite this series! (I promise not to change too much, hehe)

27 July 2022

You scoffed at Alex’s remark. You didn’t think you’d ever be back to your home Earth ever. You’d rather stay dead, to be perfectly honest. There’s no telling how the world would have changed and there’s no telling what would happen if you suddenly appeared again.

“You know, just to toss it out there, we’d be considered dimensional anomalies,” you said.

“True, if we mess up we could have Zatanna on our trail,” Alex adds.

“Or worse,” you frowned. “Dr. Fate.”

“Oh good god,” Alex shook his head. “So we don’t mess up.”

“I have no idea what either of you are talking about,” Carter cuts in. “But I assume they’re bad?”

“No, they’re good. Too good,” you say. You grabbed the watch from its stand and tapped on its side, a holographic display emitting from it. “So, Earth-61?” You scrolled through the pictorial Earths and stopped at the one in question, watching it rotate around with the Justice League satellite orbiting around it.

“That’s the plan,” Carter puts on his own watch confirms the location for you.

“In then out. If we stay longer than a week we put ourselves at risk for Dimensional Rift,” Alex explains. “I can try to contact my mentor and ask him to cover us for a while, but I’m not sure how long he could bullshit them.”

“Fair enough,” the three of you held your wrists together, watching them sync together. “In and out.”

“In and out,” Carter affirms. A small flash of bright light emits from the watches and you

You opened your eyes and found yourself standing in the outskirts of a city you remembered all too well. With smoggy skies and an overall feeling of gloom around the area, it was like nothing had ever changed. You picked up a soggy newspaper on the ground.

“Three years later,” you threw it into the waste bin. “What now?” You tapped your boots on the cracked pavement.

“Well, what can we do? Blend in,” Alex takes the first step down the road, you and Alex walking behind him to match his pace. He takes his phone out. “We have a budget of 5,000 units, should be enough to get a place to stay and a change of clothes but,” he looked over to you.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming up with a story as we speak. How do you explain coming back to life after three years? Can’t use the Lazarus Pit, Jason would know. Can’t bring the al Ghul’s into this, that would be messy… I’ll figure it out.”

“I’m inclined to be… not so confident in that statement,” Alex sighs.

“And I’m inclined to not give a fuck,” you laughed. Then a bullet whizzed past your ear. “What the—”

“Down!” Carter pulled you and Alex into a building as soon as another panged on the pavement. You looked at the street.

“Oh great, I wonder which mob this is,” you had a tired smile while you heard a string of what you assumed to be Russian. “Alex, run your bets, Odessa or Whistle?”

“I believe this is Odessa territory.”

“Classic Gotham.”

“I forgot how large the criminal underworld was here.”

“What? It’s that bad?” Carter asks.

“Technically, there’s a vigilante family that’s supposed to be keeping them at bay but for whatever reason they never finish the job so yup, crime is still rampant. They protect Gotham to an extent, but even so the times they clock in are random, and there’s so much crime in this city that they can’t possibly get to all of them.”

“Horrific way to live,” Alex adds.

“And a scary one, okay, probably best if we don’t stay here,” you hopped onto your feet and you ran up the flights of stairs. “Stay indoors, easy to fight and we won’t have to worry about getting a bullet lodged inside of us,” you instructed. “Carter, ready to do the sparky boom thing?”

“I don’t think it’s safe to do that in this kind of building,” Carter eyes the peeling wallpaper.

“Right, but if worse comes to worse, we don’t have a choice,” Alex says. Hepulls out a small monitor from his pocket. “Bad news.”

“There’s more, huh?”

“About twenty on the roof top.”

“So no matter where we go we’re screwed.”

“Yes.”

“Think I can sweet talk their leader? Don’t know if it changed since we left.”

“I’m going to have to say no on that one, darling.”

“Great…” You run out into the rooftop, only to see a group of men clad in black pointing their guns towards the three of you. You stood at a stare down for a while before you all took off, running across the rooftops.

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! Oh, fuck!” You shrieked at the topic of your lungs. You weren’t sure what else you were expecting when you returned to Gotham, but being shot at by one of their more prominent mobs was definitely not on the list. You didn’t think that you’d be trespassing onto their territory, but here you were, proven wrong. Alex and Carter followed you as closely as possible. Alex pulled you down as shots started firing again. “This is insane.”

“I thought you said that Gotham was being protected!” Carter shouts.

“It’s supposed to be, goddammit!” You argue, you checked your watch and it was only a couple of hours into the evening. Your family members should be out in patrol by now, or at the very least Tim should be doing his rounds. “Where the fuck is Batman?!”

“Batman? What are we being protected by a furry now?” Carter rolls his eyes. You glared at him and grabbed the pistol on your holster. You didn’t deny that he had a point, to explain to someone not form this Earth that Gotham’s main protector was a filthy rich white man who wears a bat suit was a one-sided discussion, it was ridiculous to even think about the fact that people took him seriously let alone his dark and brooding mantra. Then there was the whole point that even the police relied on him and if that wasn’t proof in structural dysfunction you didn’t know what was, but that was far from the point at the moment.

“It’s just a recon mission, he said. We’ll be fine, he said. Well guess what, Carter?! Fuck. You.” You ruffled your hair angrily as more bullets whizzed past you. By nature of the mission the three of you, under the advice of Carter, agreed not to bring any “heavy duty” or “bulky” equipment that could’ve easily gotten you out of the situation you all found yourselves in now. You turned around and fired a few shots, hitting at least a couple of them before you turned back around. You didn’t have enough time to reload given the situation, and you didn’t want to risk trying it. Alex’s eyes move to his monitor as it began to beep like wild.

“Two figures incoming,” he says calmly. You shook your head and looked back. You had a feeling that you knew who they were, given that you were in the outskirts of the city, and if they were who you thought they were, this situation may get a bit more complicated. How would you explain to your most stubborn brother that you were alive again? You had approximately ten minutes to figure it out.

“Alright, okay, we’re staying here,” you grumbled, pulling your two friends behind a few crates of what you assumed to be a large warehouse. Alex shrugs and pulls the screen back up, running the numbers on what they should do next while you watched two masked heroes arrive onto the scene.

“Dammit that means I’m going to have to do this to then,” Carter rubs the back of his neck. He loads his pistol, ignoring the pissed off expression you tried to drill into his head. “The two incoming parties look to be on our side, at least.” You could have recognized that pair of red topped heroes from anywhere, and to be fair anyone would in this Earth. But with their arrival came many variables that now need to be taken into account. You grabbed Carter’s pistol and shoved it back into its holster. It would be a bad idea to interfere given the plan they had established.

“Take that out again and I’ll ram it up your ass,” you growled. “We can’t just shoot without a plan, we might attract some very unwanted attention.” You nudged towards the two anti-heroes just a few meters away and Carter grimaces.

“Those two apart of the crime fighting family?”

“Just the one with the gaudy mask.”

“Her older brother, go figure,” Alex chuckles. “Despite the lack of blood relation, you’ll find that they’re rather similar in many regards.”

“Alex, not the time, babe,” you ducked under the crates.

“Good time for you to figure out a story now.”

“I know, I know,” you hit the back of your head on the crate, trying your best to bull shit some kind of story.

“What the hell are Red Hood and Speedy doing here?” One of the goons says over the gunfire.

“It’s Arsenal dammit!” Roy corrects the woefully killed man. Jason’s laugh echoed across the field as he reloaded faster than you had ever seen. You knew he was fast, you just didn’t think he was that fast. A lot must have changed in three years, which you would hope it did. You loathed to think about what happened to your siblings. You always reminded yourself that you didn’t hate them, but with each reminder you only feared that the opposite was true, and that you were just trying to hold on to whatever good memories you had of them.

“Oh come on, man, let’s finish this,” Jason says, probably smirking under his own mask.

“This is taking too long,” Alex says. He looks at the clock. “We’d be by the manor by now if not for this roadblock.”

“I see that,” you acknowledged. You look over at Carter, who nods in agreement. Finally, in the snap of Alex’s fingers, each enemy troop crumbled to the ground.

Alex was what he would call “proficient” in magic, harboring a special ability in something you had only understood as a puppet master’s, it was remarkable how far his range could be, no doubt a result from his harsh mentor. He championed his skills in the mystic arts above all, it was something to envy. Especially in this situation, as he brought down a group of twenty with precision.

Jason and Roy looked around at the goons who suddenly collapsed. Each of them were shouting different phrases but each of them felt the same. Some of them were curled up and some of them just stood still. Some of them writhed on the ground while others just closed their eyes. It was almost supernatural. Hard to believe, even in their line of work, especially because it was in Gotham of all the places. Jason clenched his jaw while he watched them crumble, what was going on?

“What the hell? I can’t move my legs!” One of them shouts.

“Something is pushing against me!”

“We’re all dead!”

The helpless shrieks of the enemy filled the area until they all knocked out. Jason walked up to one that had passed out, feeling for a pulse and finding none. He and Roy looked around the area for some unseen force that could’ve taken out that many at once. You sighed and slumped your shoulders.

“Been quite some time since I had to deal with that many at once,” Alex rolls his neck. You feel two sets of eyes in your general direction and upon a quick look you noticed both Jason and Roy approach the crates. You quickly turned to the other two boys.

“Quick, you two need to go before this gets any messier than it already is,” you whispered hurriedly.

“Wait—” Carter is cut off as Alex shoves a device onto his chest, cloaking the two of them immediately. You quickly stood up and Jason drops his pistols with a loud clatter. You awkwardly pivoted on your heel. You are playing a role now, maybe all of those useless acting classes in college will amount to now.. You aren’t Captain Wayne at this moment, the Captain who had been deployed in more battles than she could count, the one who knowingly ordered hoards of soldiers to face their ultimate doom, as dramatic as you made it sound. You are the (Y/N) Wayne from three years ago, the one you left dead in an alley way. You aren’t cocky, you’re anxious. You aren’t strong, you’re feeble. You aren’t powerful, you’re delicate. Easy. Or, maybe better said, easier said that done. It’s not easy to rip back into your old memories to pull out a dead woman.

“(Y/N)…?” Jason pulled his helmet off, Roy followed suit, dumbstruck at the sight. You could very nearly see the cogs working in their heads, trying to figure out if the you in front of them was the same one they knew. You didn’t blame them for debating it.

“Hi… I can explain… I think?” You stumbled on your words, an old habit you had back when you lived in this Earth. “Okay, well, you’re not talking, so I guess that means you’re waiting for me to explain, so, well, uhm, how do I start?” It’s now or never, this is the story you’ll have to stick with for the entirety of your stay here, so you’d better make it good enough. “So, I woke up in this weird lab place and a bunch of doctors were applauding and it was super awkward because I had no clue what was going on and, well, it turns out they weren’t going to use me for the best of intentions, and that’s when these two people stepped in and beat the crap outta them! And I don’t know where they are now so please don’t ask I was preoccupied by not getting shot to death. Looks like I really have to—” you stopped talking as Jason pulled you into a hug. It was awkward at best, very stiff from either the loads of equipment he had on or just the fact that Jason was not a hugging type of person. You tensed slightly, but eventually returned the hug. That’s what you would’ve done three years ago, at the very least. “This is nice…”

“It’s really you,” Jason laughs lightly. He was in complete disbelief, his lack of concern likely stemming from the fact that he’s no longer the only sibling who has died and come back.

“How would you know? I could be Talia in disguise,” you added on. It would looks suspicious to your other brothers if you didn’t mention it.

“You talk too much.” He says in a distant voice as if recalling events from long ago.

“Okay, wow.” He was right but he didn’t have to say it.

“I’ve gotta tell the others,” Jason says as his eyes start to widen. You swallowed down a curse. This was not how you expected to get acquainted with the rest of the family again, in fact you were more of planning on dropping by on your father, giving him a heart attack, take his info, and skip on home. But Jason’s a variable that’s too unpredictable. And even with that, you didn’t chalk him up as one of the siblings that missed you.

“Oh, that’s really not necessary,” you shook your head quickly, but Jason already had his hands on his phone. No good, you used what little on-the-spot-smarts you had on the last made up story you gave him, what would you give him now? You had to get to the manor as fast as you could.

“Hey, (Y/N),” Roy approached you now, putting a hand on your shoulder. “You feeling okay? You don’t look too good.”

“I mean, when you wake up in a room you don’t recognize you’re bound to get shaken up, you know?”

“Want to head back to the apartment? Jason and I have some… things we need to tell you before you go back home,” he says, looking over to Jason with a knowing expression. Jason just dials another number and waits for the next person to pick up.

“What do you mean?” How much did this ex of yours know?

“It’s kind of complicated, (Y/N), and not a conversation that’s safe to have out here,” he crosses his arms. Alex disabled the shield temporarily, holding up his monitor and pointing at the time. And there’s your next cue. Alex turned the shield back on and you could tell that he and Carter were on their way to the ground floor.

“Oh, on second thought, seeing you again has made me feel really strange, I’m going to run to the bathroom. Yup, that’s where I’m going, okay, bye!”

“Bye,” Jason waves off, still holding his phone to his ear and waiting for whoever he called to pick up.. You ran down a flight of stairs and Jason realizes what he just did. “Wait! Come back! Roy, get back to the apartment, I’ll call you back!”

“But (Y/N)—”

“Yeah, yeah, stop drooling over my sister, now’s not the time,” Jason jumps down to the next platform. “See you later!”

General Tag List: None

Not Your Classic Vigilante: @gabytodd​ @peachydoki @marshmally12435 @f0leysgurl​

If you want to be added to either tag list just send me a reply to this post, and ask, or a DM and I’ll add you as soon as possible!

[teddybasmanov]

The verdict is final and not subject to appeal

Chapter 2: The Slavic wardrobe has already been sold, there is a nickel-plated bed with a bedside table.

Pairing: Felix Sokolov/Agent A

TW: espionage, brainwashing, implied murder, mentions of alcohol. Nothing detailed.

Word count: about 1500.

Notes: Agent A is still a self-insert. In my head, all the dialogue happens in Russian.

After a few months of hiding, wandering around they get to the south - to the sea. Agent A, at whose professionalism Felix was being more and more surprised, said getting abroad like that would be safer - less control than on a plane - and getting to Britain after that would be a matter of technicalities. They rent a room - less attention than a hotel - and A decides to use some kind of connections they have. They arrange a meeting and by how concentrated and tensed they are, Felix understands that it’s dangerous. His suspicion solidifies, when in the evening he starts getting ready to head out with them, they raise an eyebrow.

“And where exactly are you going, might I ask?”

“To the meeting, obviously,” he finishes buttoning his shirt.

“You’re not going, it’s based on personal contact and very dangerous, I’m coming alone,” they keep stuffing their pockets, not looking at him.

“It’s dangerous, that’s exactly why”

“That’s exactly why,” they interrupt him and stress the first part of the sentence, “You’re staying here.” 

He sits down in disbelief, while they put a piece of paper in front of him.

“If I’m not back until midnight, go to that address, say you’re from me, then by circumstance.”

“Mon cher, I can’t let you,” he catches their hand and they finally turn to him. Their face is serious.

“You’re staying here. That’s an order, comrade senior lieutenant.”

He lets go of their hand and stands up slowly, never breaking eye contact. He puts his hand to his head in a salute.

“Yes, comrade podpolkovnik.”

“Dismissed,” Agent A says quieter and leaves Felix with that.

…

At about eleven p.m. very alert Felix is startled by a door opening and Agent A coming through - reeking of alcohol but chrystally sober. They drop on a chair and drop their face on their hands to rub their forehead. 

Felix slowly sits beside them, "How did it go?" he asks carefully.

They reach into their inner pocket and slap on the table first: 

"Tickets" and then "New forged passports. It went fine, don't worry. But I swear, on my honour as a communist, if I see even one drop of spirits around me I'm single handedly starting a new dry law."

Felix lets out a nervously relieved chuckle as they lift their head and give him a tired smile.

"The ferry is in two days, so tomorrow we're going to the market - we need to buy new clothes."

At the market A has a field day teasing him, making him try things on, joking and haggling with the vendors. Ending up with a light grey suit for him they also pick a hat to match, which he's unsure about, looking at himself in a small dirty mirror with a clear doubt.

"I won't tell you for the whole Odessa," they come up behind him, "whole Odessa's very very big, but I think it really suits you. And what's not less important it suits our diplomatic legend," Agent A reminds him practically whispering into his ear. 

…

 

The ferry ride goes as peaceful as it possibly can - Agent A puts on a charming smile at the passport control and they go right through. Felix knows the smile is fake - when they smile genuinely it’s always a little bit on the left side which he always  found endearing - but in the past months he already saw their acting talents work wonders so he doesn’t question it. 

Practically the moment their feet touch solid ground they head to the British consulate and before the gatekeeper even thinks of refusing them they spit their RAF designation in his face. It would be a bit more complicated with Felix, but he’s with them, they say he lost his passport and he nods and tries his best to speak with no accent. In a few days they fly out to London with the new, not forged, papers. 

They settle, Agent A gets a job distantly related to the airforce and Felix gets to continue his studies - he did get a bachelor degree in law after all. Life seems to be normal for a while until he is reminded what they’re here for - the mission. A comes home very calm and very collected, they sit him at the table and say plainly:

“My directive is going to be fulfilled tomorrow. Yes, I’m sure and I’ve already taken a day off*,” they precede his interruption, “I’m deducing you’d want to be there and I’m not going to stop you, while I would like to point out that it’s not necessary. What I will say is that you can be there and I appreciate you watching my back, you’d have to keep your distance. Can you do that?”

Felix nods and earns him a slightly more relaxed face and a small smile from his partner.

“Good. Then we’re going to the park tomorrow.”

…

In the park they just watch for a while - A practically from the middle and Felix from a distance. He doesn't have as much field experience himself, but even he can tell they’re not the only ones with business here. A guy with a beard and sunglasses isn’t even trying to hide, one with a wheat moustache is but the effect is the same, two men with newspapers are way too nervous and fidgety with their little cameras. He knows Agent A has a similar one. 

His lack of experience does play a trick on him - he completely loses the moment the action starts happening - everything seems to be moving all at once and before he knows it there are three people instead of five, a brief pause follows and he sees A suddenly dash towards the bush where two agents stand. The commotion is barely audible from where Felix is standing, but the next thing he sees is Agent A walking towards him. Slowly, calmly, but there’s something in their eyes he’d never seen before. They take him under the arm and they walk together in silence for a while. 

“I presume it went” Felix’s nerves finally broke.

“Fine. Let’s talk at home, okay,” their voice sounds strained.

“Alright.”

 When the door to their apartment closes he suddenly feels them sinking down and practically hanging on his arm.

“Hey, hey, hey, are you alright?” he almost drags them to a chair. 

“I’m fine,” they don’t sound especially persuasive, “Felix, say the word, please.”

“What word?” he crouches in front of them.

They open and close their mouth a few times like a fish out of water making almost no sound. They finally push out of themselves, “Say ‘foreigner’ in German.”

“Auslander?” his surprise at their request immediately leaves his mind when he notices them flinch and close their eyes, as if listening to their feelings. 

“Again,” they demand, opening their eyes. He complies. That exchange happens a few more times before Agent A stares at the distance somewhere behind Felix’s head. 

“It doesn’t have any effect,” their lips start quivering, “It’s not affecting me, Felix,” they move their gaze to him, “It’s over,” tears start collecting at the corners of their eyes, “It’s over.” They practically throw themselves into his shoulder and cry while he holds them. He doesn’t know what to say - he has never seen them like this - he knew they could let down a tear or fall in hysterics on cue but not genuinely cry - laugh, frown, scream in anger a few times, once or twice he thought they were going to cry but it never happened until now. They stay like this for a while, as if letting out everything that piled up in them during years of their mission. After calming down they raise their head from his shoulder and look into his eyes.

“Felya, let’s go away from here. Let’s go to Paris.”

…

Their new apartment is much bigger than it used to be, but bedroom windows are still facing west. Felix is writing his master thesis on international relations. Agent A helps him with examples and works as an accountant - they actually do, that’s not a legend. He comes home earlier than them, but they usually have to drag him from his desk when they do. They walk around, they sit in cafes, and go to museums. Life is actually normal - really normal.

One evening A brings home a surprise.

“Look, what I found!” they show him a big square paper case, “Someone must be selling out their late immigrant relative’s possessions or something.”

They put the record on the player and come to his chair, tugging him to the centre of the room.

“Come on, you’re sitting all day and we haven’t danced in forever. I’m not sure I even still remember how,” Agent A says half-jokingly, putting their hand on his shoulder. He smiles and pulls them closer preparing to lead.

A crackling melody starts pouring out of their window into the evening Paris.

Wearied sun was saying tender farewells to the sea 

 

*for the record “Four Men in the Park” happens on a Wednesday - I’m not making them work weekends. 

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Wednesday 2 October 1839 Travel Journal

7 ¼

12 ½

very fine morning – had Mrs. Wilson – paid her 175/. her bill of last week all but 2 or 3 rubels – breakfast over at 10 – before and after inking over yesterday and reading Schnetzler sun out – warm – F66 ½° in my secrétaire drawer and 50 ¼ north outside the window now at 10 ¼ am

out at 10 55/.. – in 7 minutes at the Podoroshna-office – 7/6 paid ��� (3.25 R. notes + 1 (20 and 1) 10 silver kopper price) – obliged to go up to sign my name – drove off at 11 20/.. and at the library at 11 25/.. Mr. Atkinson had put the books for us on the table – the 1st I took up was

New Russia – Journey from Riga to the Crimea by way of Kiev...... by Mary Holderness. London printed for Sherwood, Jones and co. Paternoster Row 1823. 8vo. broche – pp. 134.

SH:7/ML/TR/14/0031

October Wednesday 2 Riga timber superior and much dearer than Memel masts from Polish and Russian Ukraine on  the rivers Briganskie  (Desna) and Soelzs’s branches of the [?] – arrives at Riga in May   4-5/314

p. 10 one Polish britchka [britzka] and 3 kibitkas – party of 11 left Riga November 18 N.S. 1815.

p. 22 Reference to Tookes’ survey of Russia.

p.56 1 Russian pood = 36lbs.

p.59 Tookes’ history of Russia

p.61 handsome Turkish shawls from 500 to 2,000 Rubels no lady well dressed at Kiev without one –

p. 92 1 [archeen] (of cloth) = 2/3 English yard

p. 12 1898 versts from Riga to (p.92) Karagoss (in the Crimea) and reached that place 3 February  

p. 103 Dr. Clarkes’ description of Easter in his account of Moscow –

Fraehns’ [catalogue] of Persian Turkish and Arabian mss. ouvrages historiques  35

Poètes  107

Sciences spéculatives et arts 24

166.

this volume (folio) dated St. P. le 9 Avril 1829

18/30 Octobre 1829

Philologie

p. 131 1 Russian [Desaiteen] = 2 ¾ English acres

p. 142 for account of the Nogay tartars see Mr. Whittingtons’ memoir in Walpoles’ travels in the east.

p. 151 Dr. Hunt in his brief account of a Greek wedding says the bride is to be silent for 8 days

October Wednesday 2 p. 147 In the Crimea (at Kaffa [Feodosiia]) the Greeks speak Turkisk [Turkish] and Tartar as fluently as Greek – and many of Mrs. Holerness’ servants spoke 5 languages (Russia included)

p. 163 et seq. great praise of the Bulgarians (near Oddessa etc)

p. 178 the Karaites of whom Mr. Guthrie speaks etc. etc.

p. 190 – 1 the emperor from Moscow to St. P- 483 miles = 728 ½ versets in 36 hours – From Otchakoff on the black sea to St. P- (temple Catherine 2) 1200 miles in 5 days and nights – but the post from Kaffa [Feodosiia] to Moscow in 14 days = 66 miles per day –

p. 195 Lady Craven mistaken in saying rice is grown in the Crimea – no land there fit for it –

p. 197 Tartars there famous for management of bees – said that ‘some of them on seeing the bees at work on the flowers of the field, will directly tell to what village belong’ –

p. 203 ‘the English proprietor in the midst of neighbours and dependents, yet feels a lonely sojourner’...... probably Mrs. H- and her friends were of this no.? –

p. 211 Mrs. H- resided at Karagoss from February 1816 to March 1820.

p. 225 Greeks in Crimea [present] the custom of sprinkling a new-born infant with salt. Ezek. xvi. 4.

p. 231 et seq. account of a Tartar marriage

p. 244 account of Tartar funeral

p. 258 Russian bath heated by a trench full of stones. rendered hot by a furnace below.

SH:7/ML/TR/14/0032

October Wednesday 2 vid. p. 259 et seq. on the food etc. of the Tartars – seldom ‘eat’ fresh milk – on coming from the cow, it is boiled and afterwards churned – the butter then melted and poured into a skin – the buttermilk put into a cask to receive the overplus of everydays consumption

p. 265 the fungus Amadou is boiled and beaten till tender and then dried for use – there is also a lighter kind than the above (which grows on trees) the excrescence of a plant – p. 266 Agirmish (in sight of Karagoss) supposed by Pallas to be the Cimmerian [?] of the ancients –

p. 278 harvest end of June or beginning of July – bearded wheat sown become less likely to shake. Arnoot or spring wheat is sown by Russians etc.

p. 279 Bulgarian – summer hotter winter colder than in

p. 280 England – winter of short duration – breaks up in February so as to plough – March often mild and warm –

Dubois de Montreux sur le Crimée Caucase etc. etc et Sur la Crimée l’ouvrage de un’ intendant

Indicateur des objets rare au musée de Moscow published by Paul de Svignine Imprimerie de Charles Kray St. P- 1826

Lady Craven the rein 1786 (spring) –

October Wednesday 2 Mr. Atkinson came to us – shewed us Lady Cravens’ travels and the guide du voyageur en Crimée par C.H. Montandon. Odessa. Imprimerie de la ville 1834. dedicated à son excellence Mr. le comte de Woronzow -  came away from the library at 2 ½ - Mr. Atkinson told us not to give anything – at the Hermitage palace – at 2 ¾ to 4 50/.. – sent by Whitaker my card wrote in pencil présente ses complimens [compliments] et ses remercimens [remercîments] très empressés à son excellence monsieur de Labrinksy – then in the salles – principally salle 5 and 40 and 41 – gave the man 5/. –

home at 5 55/.. – dinner over at 7 10/.. from the palace to Beligard – paid for map of Asiatic Russia monté 10/. + 10/. = 20/. – then home direct at 5 55/.. – ordered the carriage at 9am tomorrow to go to Alexandrovski [Alexandrovsky] – dressed dinner over at 7 10/.. – Mr. Bayley came at 7 ½ and staid till 10 – had tea – not good he allowed – to go to Chaplins’ for tea, and also to see his furs – tea at 100/. per lb. – and 25/. and B- drinks it at 9/. or 10/. a lb. – should see the brick tea – furs very dear – Mr. Law here has including the house (his rooms under the church) £800 a year – Mr. Cammidge reverend of Moscow has a congregation of about 70 – has an allowance from the Russian company – all the exporting to London Riga etc. merchants here must be are members of the Russian company – gave us a note for Cochranes’ travels in Russia and Bremners’ ditto – the church picture a copy from Rubens not Rembrandt – (in the salle with the Paul Potter (41) not given to the church by Sir William Ingleby – by some other baronet B- very civil – if we were going to stay would introduce his family – would be happy to do so on our return – a widowes 16 years but has had his wifes’ sister with him and his daughters – poor man!

SH:7/ML/TR/14/0033

October Wednesday 2 has had a severe illness – appears much broken – came here in 1892 – d’origine from the neighbourhood of not far from Manchester – had called here on Mr. Harrison on the Thursday and he died on the Sunday – Captain Cochrane very excentric – thought to be rather besides himself – Mr. B- knew him – Dr. Granvilles’ work good, but too much on the favourable side – as Dr. Lefevre said nothing that was not true but all couleur de rose – Mr. Atkinson said this morning he knew G- met him in society but he has his note-book out, and made notes even comparatively of all that was said so that really people were afraid – Layard in a great hurry when at the Imperial library Mr. A- did not know or see much of him – he seemed chiefly anxious to copy M. Queen of Scots’ letters – and at this time A- was busy copying them to give to prince Alexander .......... who has published her inedited letters in 18vo. – on our return home this evening found 2 letters for Moscow and 1 for Odessa from Mr. de Fischer and his card, and found 2 letters from Mr. Hodson (John Esquire) for Moscow and one for Odessa, and one directed to me for A- from her sister – her aunt well as usual – Mr. Bayley made no offer of letters, and, of course, I did not ask me for any – did not name or hint at the subject –

at the Hermitage the Vierge d’Albe (salle 5) and the Paul Potter (vache qui [pisse]) and the 4 Clauds’ (salle 40) (morning noon and evening and night) worth all the rest – In salle 40 the chef-d’-oeuvre of Teniers’

October Wednesday 2 and the Rubens from which the English church picture is copied and in salle 41 some fine Murillos (the Repose in Egypt and the lady boy fleeing his dog) – and in salle some fine Van d’Eycks [van Dyck] –

Mr. B- said it must be 30 years since Lord Stuart was here – then Mr. Stuart – could not speak Russ[ian] well but could read it well – and spoke French and German well –

[orthodoxydaily]

Saints&Reading: Fri., Apr., 22, 2021

April 10/April 22

The PriestMartyr Gregory V, Patriarch of Constantinople  ( 1821)

     The PriestMartyr Gregory V, Patriarch of Constantinople, thrice occupied the cathedra-chair (1797-1799, 1806-1808, 1819-1821). During these times Greece found itself under the harsh Turkish yoke. many Greek patriots lived in the hope to again win national independence. They found active and authoritative support in a brave champion for freedom of their native land – in the holy Patriarch Gregory V. His connections with the Greek patriots came to light only when Alexander Ipsilanti with his army crossed over the River Prut against sultan Makhmul. One of the companions of the saint advised him to flee from Constantinople to Moreia. The saint answered him thus: "I sense, that the fishes of the Bosphorus will nibble at my body, but I shall die happy in the name of saving my nation".      On the day of Holy Pascha, 10 April 1821, they arrested the holy Patriarch and led him out of the doors of the Patriarchate, and then they threw his body into the sea.      Greek sailors noted the spot where the body of the saint was thrown, they found it, and on a ship of the Cephalonian captain Mark Sklabos under a Russian flag they sailed to Odessa. There, in the Greek church of the MostHoly Trinity, the body of the saint was buried on 19 June 1821. For dressing the remains of the priestmartyr, there was sent from Moscow vestments and a mitre with cross, which had belonged to His Holiness Patriarch Nikon (1652-1658).      In 1871 at the request of the Greek authorities it was decided to transfer the relics of Sainted Gregory from Odessa to Athens for the celebration of fifty years of Greek independence. In honour of the PriestMartyr Gregory, at Athens was compiled a special service. His deed contributed to the triumph of Christianity in the rebirth of Hellas.

© 1996-2001 by translator Fr. S. Janos.

The Holy Prophetess Huldah

     The Holy Prophetess Huldah lived in the first half of the VII Century before the Birth of Christ. She foretold to the 16 year old king of Judah reigning at Jerusalem, Josiah, that for his humility the Lord would put him with his forefathers and he would be at peace in the grave, and his eyes would not see all the woe, which the Lord would bring upon the land (4 (2) Kings 22: 14-20; 2 Chron. 34: 28).

According to Jewish tradition, she was one of the "seven prophetesses", with Sarah, Miriam, Deborah, Hannah, Abigail and Esther.[1][2] After the discovery of a book of the Law during renovations at Solomon's Temple, on the order of King Josiah, Hilkiah together with Ahikam, Acbor, Shaphan and Asaiah approach her to seek the Lord's opinion.

She was the wife of Shallum son of Tokhath (also called Tikvah), son of Harhas (also called Hasrah), keeper of the wardrobe. She lived in Jerusalem, in the Second District or Second Quarter. The King James Version calls this quarter "the college", and the New International Version calls it "the new quarter".[3]

According to Rabbinic interpretation, Huldah and Deborah were the principal professed woman prophets in the Nevi'im (Prophets) portion of the Hebrew Bible, although other women were referred to as prophets. "Huldah" means "weasel" or "mole", and "Deborah" means "honeybee".

The Huldah Gates in the Southern Wall of the Temple Mount are named for her.

Isaiah 66:10-24  

10 “Rejoice with Jerusalem, And be glad with her, all you who love her; Rejoice for joy with her, all you who mourn for her;

11That you may feed and be satisfied With the consolation of her bosom, That you may drink deeply and be delighted With the abundance of her glory.”

12 For thus says the Lord: “Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river, And the glory of the Gentiles like a flowing stream. Then you shall feed; On her sides shall you be carried, And be dandled on her knees.

13 As one whom his mother comforts, So I will comfort you; And you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.”

14 When you see this, your heart shall rejoice, And your bones shall flourish like grass; The hand of the Lord shall be known to His servants, And His indignation to His enemies.

15 For behold, the Lord will come with fire And with His chariots, like a whirlwind, To render His anger with fury, And His rebuke with flames of fire.

16 For by fire and by His sword The Lord will judge all flesh; And the slain of the Lord shall be many.

17 “Those who sanctify themselves and purify themselves, To go to the gardens After an idol in the midst, Eating swine’s flesh and the abomination and the mouse, Shall be consumed together,” says the Lord.

18 “For I know their works and their thoughts. It shall be that I will gather all nations and tongues; and they shall come and see My glory.

19 “I will set a sign among them; and those among them who escape I will send to the nations: to Tarshish and Pul and Lud, who draw the bow, and Tubal and Javan, to the coastlands afar off who have not heard My fame nor seen My glory. And they shall declare

20 “Then they shall bring all your brethren for an offering to the Lord out of all nations, on horses and in chariots and in litters, on mules and on camels, to My holy mountain Jerusalem,” says the Lord, “as the children of Israel bring an offering in a clean vessel into the house of the Lord.

21 “And I will also take some of them for priests and Levites,” says the Lord.

22 “For as the new heavens and the new earth Which I will make shall remain before Me,” says the Lord, “So shall your descendants and your name remain.

23 And it shall come to pass That from one New Moon to another, And from one Sabbath to another, All flesh shall come to worship before Me,” says the Lord.

24 “And they shall go forth and look Upon the corpses of the men Who have transgressed against Me. For their worm does not die, And their fire is not quenched. They shall be an abhorrence to all flesh.”

Genesis 49:33-50:26 

33 And when Jacob had finished commanding his sons, he drew his feet up into the bed and breathed his last, and was gathered to his people.

1 Then Joseph fell on his father’s face, and wept over him, and kissed him.

2 And Joseph commanded his servants the physicians to embalm his father. So the physicians embalmed Israel.

3 Forty days were required for him, for such are the days required for those who are embalmed; and the Egyptians mourned for him seventy days.

4 Now when the days of his mourning were past, Joseph spoke to the household of Pharaoh, saying, “If now I have found favor in your eyes, please speak in the hearing of Pharaoh, saying,

5 My father made me swear, saying, “Behold, I am dying; in my grave which I dug for myself in the land of Canaan, there you shall bury me.” Now therefore, please let me go up and bury my father, and I will come back.’ ”

6 And Pharaoh said, “Go up and bury your father, as he made you swear.”

7 So Joseph went up to bury his father; and with him went up all the servants of Pharaoh, the elders of his house, and all the elders of the land of Egypt,

8 as well as all the house of Joseph, his brothers, and his father’s house. Only their little ones, their flocks, and their herds they left in the land of Goshen.

9 And there went up with him both chariots and horsemen, and it was a very great gathering.

10 Then they came to the threshing floor of Atad, which is beyond the Jordan, and they mourned there with a great and very solemn lamentation. He observed seven days of mourning for his father.

11 And when the inhabitants of the land, the Canaanites, saw the mourning at the threshing floor of Atad, they said, “This is a deep mourning of the Egyptians.” Therefore its name was called Abel Mizraim, which is beyond the Jordan.

12 So his sons did for him just as he had commanded them.

13 For his sons carried him to the land of Canaan, and buried him in the cave of the field of Machpelah, before Mamre, which Abraham bought with the field from Ephron the Hittite as property for a burial place.

14 And after he had buried his father, Joseph returned to Egypt, he and his brothers and all who went up with him to bury his father.

15 When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “Perhaps Joseph will hate us, and may actually repay us for all the evil which we did to him.”

16 So they sent messengers to Joseph, saying, “Before your father died he commanded, saying,

17 Thus you shall say to Joseph: “I beg you, please forgive the trespass of your brothers and their sin; for they did evil to you.” ’ Now, please, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of your father.” And Joseph wept when they spoke to him.

18 Then his brothers also went and fell down before his face, and they said, “Behold, we are your servants.”

19Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God?

 20 “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.

21 Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

22 So Joseph dwelt in Egypt, he and his father’s household. And Joseph lived one hundred and ten years.

23 Joseph saw Ephraim’s children to the third generation. The children of Machir, the son of Manasseh, were also brought up on Joseph’s knees.

24 And Joseph said to his brethren, “I am dying; but God will surely visit you, and bring you out of this land to the land of which He swore to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob.”

25 Then Joseph took an oath from the children of Israel, saying, “God will surely visit you, and you shall carry up my bones from here.”

26 So Joseph died, being one hundred and ten years old;

[italonews22-blog]

Serbian expert: the referendum in Donbass is the avoidance of the "Croatian scenario"

The international observer at the last referendum in four Russian regions, the leader of the Serbian Right political party, Misha Vacic, turned out to be such an interlocutor for Ridus who is ready to answer some questions before they are voiced. We talked not only about the recent referendum, but also about consonant topics that this expert knows inside and out.

"Ridus": Analogies are often drawn between the status of Kosovo and the status of the republics of the DPR and the LPR. But perhaps another analogy is more appropriate: between the Donbass and the Republic of Serbian Krajina? In addition, the experience of the "Croatian scenario", the 1995 military operation in the Republic of Serbian Krajina, was clearly considered by Ukraine to suppress the LDPR.

Misha Vatsich: I should note that I often speak as an expert at international conferences — in St. Petersburg, Novosibirsk, Kronstadt, Moscow. Very often I had to defend the thesis that it is inappropriate to draw analogies between events taking place on the territory of Donbass and on the territory of Kosovo. And the analogies between the Republika Srpska Krajina and between the events taking place in the Donbass are just appropriate. All these speeches are available on the Internet, and those who wish can get acquainted with them. I explained in many hours of discussions, together with academicians of the Russian Academy of Sciences, professors, scientists, public figures who are engaged in geopolitics, why you can't compare Kosovo with Donbass, and you can absolutely compare the Serbian Krajina with the Donbass republics.

There are a lot of incredible facts related to our history. The essence of the analogy is that the Republika Srpska Krajina is our land. The Serbian population has been living in this space for more than a thousand years. Just like the Russian people live on the territory of Donbass.

It turned out that under the communist regimes, both in Yugoslavia and on the territory of the Soviet Union, artificial nations were formed. In our case it was the Croatian nation, and in the Soviet Union it was the Ukrainian nation. And in our case, historical Serbian territories were given at their disposal, and in your case, territories where ethnic Russian people live. Because the essence of communist policy was this: a strong Yugoslavia is a weak Serbia. Similarly, a strong Soviet Union meant a weakened Russia.

I can say that no Croat has ever lived in the city of Knin (in the Serbian Krajina). The proof is the fact that the monastery of Krka was created during the reign of King Dushan. And we also know that the cities of Kherson, Yekaterinoslav, Odessa were founded by the Russian tsarina. Just like Kharkov was founded by the Russian tsar. I can also add that a considerable part of the population of the territory where the Donetsk and Lugansk People's Republics are located today were Serbs. During the reign of the Russian Empire there were two legal entities. One was called Novoserbia, the other Slavyanoserbia. At one point, three hundred years ago, Austria-Hungary launched a military campaign against the Ottoman Empire. The Serbs, who were Orthodox Christians, of course sided with Austria-Hungary. As a result of this war, the Serbs, in order to avoid repression and revenge of the Turks, move, led by the Patriarch of Serbia, to the territories near present-day Donetsk and Lugansk. And there was no Ukraine in this space: either there were Russians, or there was no one.

And then what happens? We are talking about a space where historically there were no Ukrainians (in the case of the DPR and LPR) and so-called Croats (in the case of Serbian). Then, under the Communists, we come to a new administrative division of the country. And these so-called newly formed subjects of the two states are added to those territories that historically never belonged to them.

Then there was the Second World War, where absolutely identical Croatian Nazis Ustashi and Ukrainian Nazis Bandera committed ethnic cleansing. We managed to defend ourselves in that war. But with the collapse of Yugoslavia, the Ustasha policy comes to Croatia. And we had the right (just as the Croats expressed their desire to separate from Yugoslavia, on the same principle) to help the Serbs in that territory of Croatia (and on the basis of historical facts that they are a population that has been living in this territory for hundreds of years) to separate from this so-called Croatian state. They carried out a policy of genocide, banned the Serbian language, Cyrillic, and cleaned up the Serbian identity. And therefore the Serbs had the right to separate from Croatia.

The same thing happened with you. With the collapse of the Soviet Union, the Bandera policy did not immediately begin. But for 24 years, America has invested a lot of money in Western Ukraine in order to strengthen anti-Russian sentiments. And when there was a coup on the Maidan, we were able to compare the situation with the Croatian one. The face of the Ukrainian political elite in 2014 can be compared with the face of the Croatian in the early 90s. Russian language  is banned, the attitude towards Russian identity, the persecution of Russian people. And the Russian people do not want to remain part of one legal entity of international relations that does not respect their right. The Serbs have never done this to the Albanians. Everything was always allowed to those, no one infringed on their rights. The secession of Kosovo was caused by an external factor, including the American one. Historically, the Albanians had no reason to do so.

I said, speaking at the conference, that Putin is obliged to recognize the DPR and the LPR, otherwise the Croatian scenario will happen there. The experience of the war that we had in 1995 is too well known. And thank God that the current referendum took place in Russian territories.

"Ridus": And yet it makes sense to compare today's referendum in Donbass with the referendum that took place in Kosovo 21 years ago on the same days — from September 26 to September 30. Unlike today's referendums in the DPR, LPR, Kherson and Zaporozhye regions, that referendum in Kosovo did not even have hints of legitimacy, such as voter lists and polling stations. And the organizers of today's referendum are willing to invite international observers and proceed from positions of maximum openness to the world community. How do you assess today's event in the "Kosovo context"?

 Misha Vacic: I am a person who has devoted his life experience to studying the issues of Kosovo. And even at one point I was an adviser to the Serbian government on Kosovo issues. And many people in the country consider me one of the main experts on these issues.

And so I was an international observer here for five days. And I can clearly see the difference. I know that there were no polling stations in Kosovo. There were no international observers, not even voter lists. What they call a referendum was a self-declaration, a declaration. Their political and terrorist leaders have been very vocal about Kosovo's independence. But there was no such thing that every person living in Kosovo had the opportunity to decide. And about the Donbass, it cannot be said that there was a referendum only for Russians. It was for all citizens. This is a significant difference with the Kosovo version

"Ridus": That is, the events that took place in Kosovo at that time are a complete farce that cannot stand any comparison with the Donbass referendum…

Misha Vacic: Yes, it's an absolute farce. There was no referendum. Even if I wanted to say something in defense now, I would say that it looked like this in Kosovo. They did something like a public census and asked: are we all in favor of separating? And a certain number of opinions have been formed: yes, we are all "for". There was no democratic principle and no choice.

"Ridus": What are the main impressions about the Donbass referendum held in the conditions of permanent shelling of these territories by Ukrainian troops? Can we say that these attacks pushed the residents of the regions to vote for joining the Russian Federation?

Misha Vatsich: We believe that the whole policy of the former state of Ukraine pushes people to this. Especially after the withdrawal of Russian troops from the Kharkiv region, with these examples of human hatred of Ukrainian security forces, mass arrests, persecution of those people who had Russian phone numbers, Russian documents. On the other hand, just brutal round-the-clock bombing of Donetsk. Even if the referendum were held in conditions of general peace and tranquility, it is already impossible to forget what the people living there have been through over these eight years — all this hatred that they have faced and are facing. In addition to the fact that such conditions, with shelling, during the referendum itself, people are already so fed up with this formed hatred towards them that they no longer want to live in such a state. Ukrainians have been bombing these people all the time, but so far they have not managed to banish these people from their land.

"Ridus": And under the shots of Ukrainian guns…

Misha Vacic: Yes. And at the voting in Donbass, I saw people's joy. And some even cried with joy.

"Ridus": President Vucic recently uttered this phrase during a joint press conference with his Slovenian counterpart, answering a journalist's question about sanctions: "Russia did not violate the territorial integrity of Serbia, but Slovenia did" (meaning recognition of the independence of the self—proclaimed Kosovo). Hence our question: if Slovenia allows itself to recognize Kosovo, can Serbia also allow itself to recognize the choice of the people of Donbass, residents of Zaporozhye region, Kherson region?

Misha Vatsich: I personally recognize the choice of people living in Kherson, Zaporozhye, Lugansk and Donetsk republics. And official Serbia will not be able to do it yet. So far, we are fighting for the return of Kosovo. I assure you that the entire Serbian people living in Serbia, in Republika Srpska, in Montenegro absolutely recognize the results of the referendum. And in general, it does not matter whether the official Serbian government recognizes him. By the time the Serbian authorities have the opportunity and strength to return Kosovo, it seems to me that you will have already liberated Odessa. Because in the struggle for truth, time is not the most important thing. But as long as there is a Kosovo problem, we will not be able to recognize the secession of any country in the world. We would not even be able to recognize the Republika Srpska if it separated.

Ridus: So we can say that there is a certain political process dictating its limitations, but the majority of the Serbian people support the choice of Donbass?

Misha Vatsich: As soon as Vladimir Putin recognizes the DPR, the LPR, the Zaporozhye and the Kherson regions as subjects of the Russian Federation, Serbia will be the one to celebrate this event the most, after Donbass and Moscow.

"Reedus": We live in an era of total sanctions. At one time, Serbia was hard-pressed by the sanctions of the international community. Now Russia is experiencing unprecedented pressure from Western countries. What are the features of the current relations between Serbia and Russia in such a difficult period? What has changed in the relationship? How does it feel?

Misha Vatsich: Nothing will ever be able to separate us from Russia. We can even say that we have one common pain — and it brings us closer. There are absolutely harmonious relations between our peoples. Sometimes it may be that due to different circumstances, some disagreements may occur between the political elites of our countries, but there can be no conflict between them. If Serbia cannot recognize the results of the referendum yet, this does not mean that it will not do so later. But on the other hand, just as we have not yet imposed sanctions against the Russian Federation. I assure you that we will never do anything against Russia. We are a true friend of Russia. And therefore we ask Russia to help us: we will not be able to do something to our detriment. In order to conduct a fully independent policy, we need to have clearer and more concrete support from Russia: in energy, in weapons. Then we will have the opportunity to defend our sky, which we did not have in 1999. Then we may be able to afford such a position as that of Nicaragua, which recognized the republics even before Russia itself.

We know that our opponents and Russia's opponents are absolutely identical. We have common enemies — no matter where they sit: they have the same goals, they fight against us with the same means. This is the "fifth column", they are against Donbass, against the fact that Kosovo is Serbia. And they have tremendous American support.

And if we get this specific help from you, we will also become a sovereign state that will be able to fight all these destroyers by itself. Until then, we must behave within certain compromises — just as you lived before this period. Because a political state should not be afraid of oligarchs who lose their wealth because of sanctions. The oligarchs are not particularly interested in historical justice and popular truth. You have nuclear weapons and security.

And that's why this referendum is very important. When these regions become formally part of Russia, not a single shell should fall on Donetsk. It's one thing when they shelled a certain separatist republic, and another thing is an attack on the Russian Federation.

Serbia does not have the opportunity to recognize this choice now. Because the United States, through our "fifth column", through those Serbs whom we call iPhones, through various kinds of non-governmental organizations and pro-Western media, would have made a revolution that would have brought Serbia one hundred percent into NATO. Our people don't want that. Our people should not be cold. Give us weapons and gas (laughs).

When the people have enough money and strength not to depend on Brussels and Washington, everyone will recognize the results of the referendum. Not only Serbia, but also France, etc., at the moment when they become economically independent from Washington.

[topicprinter]

In the interests of furthering this subs move from “clickbait get rich quick” posts to more substantive reviews of failures, I am submitting this doozy as the first in a series of my ‘Crazy Ideas’, companies I have started that never went anywhere but had an interesting ride.This is a bit long but it's fun and really far off from the normal “Sell a t-shirt/clean peoples things” posts we see so I’m hoping it's worth the read. It’s also true, even if it sounds insane.Did I mention that this is really really long? Get a coffee, don't complain, you were warned.This story kicks off in 2010/2011 or so. I was working full-time in a high-pressure consulting environment where I’d just taken the rap for a really high profile project that went south. They’d basically put me on ice for about 6 months in an attempt to get me a lower profile while the corporates looked for a scapegoat.With a ton of time on my hands, a steady paycheck still arriving, absolutely no new projects to work on, nowhere really to be and knowing that the end is nigh at some point, I needed to find the next thing. I had always maintained my side-business doing basic web backends using outsourced developers and because of that had a pretty deep roster of potential projects, so I dug into that and used this time to see if I could make something of it.One of my clients was an anti-piracy firm. Not anti-piracy in the BitTorrent sense but anti-piracy in the “We put strong Ukranian ex-special forces troops with neck tattoos on boats with guns” sense, mostly in the Indian Ocean. Knowing the sorts of problems they had, I reached out with some ideas for new cool projects that would make their lives better. Maybe connecting their GPS ping devices to a single map so they could have a global view of what everyone was doing, alerting tools, integrated CRM, stuff like that.The thing about companies in this anti-piracy space is that they are extremely dodgy. It is a grey-market at best, where one year the UN condemns you and the next year they release a policy paper saying that global commerce depends on mercenaries with guns on boats. One year a bank will take your wire transfer, the next year you are funneling money to Malta via someone’s ex-girlfriends account to try to bypass new quasi-regulations. Everyone is always threatening and backstabbing and stealing. Every contract is a 3rd of 4th level sub-contract from some other dodgy entity, usually based on who had access to legal and documented weapons at any given time (a complex topic). The stakes are high, the profit huge and the players scammy at best. The nature of the business means that people that start these companies are not… stable.This client was no exception, let's call the owner ‘Sal’. Sal spent years in Iraq as a private military contractor, providing security via some 3rd or 4th level sub-contracting company. He claimed to be an ex-army ranger but no one ever really saw evidence of that so there is a high probability that he was a southern boy that knew how to shoot and leveraged that into a high-revenue gig during the go-go days of PMC’s in the Middle East. I know he was there, he has pictures to prove it.Sal was unstable, at best. Super fun guy, really engaging, ride-or-die style, and constantly on the go, classic ADHD/BiPolar. He had a loose partnership with a few other players and together they had formed a security company where they could source Russian or Ukranian ex-army/special forces (White vs Asian is a huge thing in this space as Asian’s are seen as less reliable), provide weapons, provide GPS trackers, provide transport, a villa in Sri-Lanka and another in Dubai for off-operations waiting and staff to handle centralized comms. Through this, they had a nice little business that produced a ton of cash flow and subsidized a really nice lifestyle. Eventually, however, the natural instability of these things began to break the association apart and my call happened to come at that exact time.Sal was incredibly happy to chat with me and it pretty quickly became clear, he was ready to backstab these people. He had already collected the ‘loyalty’ of the team, had access to control of all key assets and was ready to make his move and start a new company but, due to his ADHD/BiPolar nature, was really not equipped to do the blocking and tackling it would require. Turns out, I am really good at that stuff and a partnership was formed. We quickly formed the new company by buying a shelf-company out of Cyprus (complete with a bank account), building a quick new website and presenting a business that was ready to go. Sal was able to contact existing clients and providers who, already being used to the constant shifting of names and companies in the space, seemed happy to use a new bank account for their transfers. Given the loose nature of all of this none of it is exactly illegal, but neither is it friendly..Things were immediately popping for the first month or two. Profits, in this case, were about $10k per run from Sri Lanka to the Red Sea, there was about 1-run a week and Sal was living it up in Dubai. I was getting my 10% and it was clear this had potential so we started investigating scale. Could we get our own insurance instead of sub-leasing someone else's? Could we source our own weapons with USA approval? These are the sort of things that turn a $1m/year business in this space to a $50m/year business because all of these are assets that can be sub-contracted at a huge mark-up. A low-cost weapon can be leased weekly for 2-3x its actual cost. Insurance can be haloed to sub-contractors who can’t get their own, etc etc. It's all about the provenance and regulatory approval which is required by shipping companies and they accept most things at face value.But, somewhere in month 3, it became clear that this house of cards was going to come crashing down. Sal just lacked the expertise, credibility, and stability to maintain. He’d go from working out 5 days a week and eating clean to flying to Ukraine for 3-5 day vodka benders where he was probably face down in a ditch by the end. It was clear, adult supervision was needed. Luckily, Sal’s girlfriend, ‘Sofia’, a stereotypical tall, blond Ukranian bombshell, had just the person in Odessa, Ukraine.Let's call him ‘Sergei’. Sergei was the owner of a successful shipping company and looking to diversify. He understood the market because he was hiring these firms and saw a great opportunity to not only diversify but also cut out the middle-man for his own shipping needs. Sergei and Sofia knew that Sal was the missing link in this plan and so a new company was drawn up, funded by Sergei, and we moved our ‘assets’, such as they were, over to it.Not sure if you have ever done business with mid-level Ukranian/Russian businessman in Odessa so a quick note: They are untrusting, conspiracy focused, and highly intelligent individuals that know how to leverage in equal parts money, relationships and the quiet threat of violence to achieve their goals. Lucky for us, Sergei was actually a good guy and really trying to make a go of scaling his business. One of his ships had been unknowingly caught up in some blockade running during one of the conflicts running around the Med in that time and it had hit his reputation a bit and he wanted to recover that.Pretty quickly it was clear though that Sergei and Sal were oil and water. Buttoned up Russian Businessman and insane bipolar American cowboy. In order to get this kicked off, it was critical for all of us to get together and for Sergei to understand that Sofia and I were behind Sal so it would be OK. So, like any sensible person, and against the wishes of my wife and our two young children, I took a week vacation from my day-job and hopped on a plane to Odessa for a week of meetings.Odessa is a trippy, interesting and dangerous city and my time there was no exception, lots of good stories from my week there. They put me up in a nice little apartment downtown and we had a driver. But let's be clear, this was not some UberBlack service, it was literally an old smoky Lada being driven by a guy who did not speak English, had tattoos all over his neck, and was still wearing his desert camo. This car would smoke on up to my apt and Sofia would grab me from the lobby where we would then careen through Odessa to the office, careful to not be followed. As I said, they were paranoid.The only thing that was accomplished that week was Sergei and Sal fighting endlessly. Lots of smoky meetings in restaurants filled with angry conversation. When I left, the only thing that really changed was that I was given an IT Support person to supplement my team and help manage the field teams with tech. This was important given the timezone shift everyone is operating on.Predictably, when I returned home, things went to hell within a month. Sergei realized that Sal was just unmanageable, Sal felt that Sergei was ripping him off and Sofia was just pissed, in that inimitable Russian-Woman way, that all the men couldn’t get their shit together. As the owner of the original shell company and all of our comms assets, I worked hard to keep it together but eventually, Sergei turned on everyone and had his local IT guy take control of all the assets via his administrative access to our Gmail domain. Game set and match he thought.Of course, it wasn’t. After 2 weeks of me working with Google to prove ownership and Sal pushing to move clients and assets back to the original shell company we regained control. I’ll never forget that final call from Google to move the domain back into our ownership, I was on a mountain bike ride and pulled over to take the call, approve it, and then resume my ride, knowing that the team on the water at that exact moment would now be communicating with Sal directly. At the time it felt very Neal Stephenson/Cryptonomican, and I was quite impressed with myself.Again, predictably, things just fell apart. Bills couldn’t be paid, villa’s were taken away, access to weapons was lost as Sal become increasingly unpredictable and Sofia left him which sent him into a 6+ week binge that left the entire system crippled.A year later I decommissioned that Cyprus company and put it all into my past. My final email to Sal on this :Heads up. Banks are closed and company will be dissolved with a month or two.It was an interesting ride. Good luck out there.Sergei is still doing great and the tech company idea he told me about over drinks and steak in Odessa eventually launched and is doing quite well. His shipping business continues to grow and, even though he devolved into implied threats of violence against me at the time, we are now connected on linked-in and exchange occasional pleasantries every few years via email.Sal ended up in a southern US state doing construction with some buddies until he could save up enough to move to Thailand where he bought a share in a strip club. Being unstable he quickly lost that, returned to the US, did some more construction, and then returned again to Thailand to buy a stake in a rental lodge. Recently that went belly-up as well and last I saw he is living on some beach with his Thai girlfriend. He seems happy but I imagine he will be back and contracting again to prepare for his next Thai adventure.I look back on it with fondness. It was a crazy amazing adventure that had the potential to pay-off and, while dangerous, was also invigorating, interesting and exposed me to so many things I’ve never seen. It is also a great conversation piece and I made some relationships that, while tentative, may someday be useful and/or fun. No regrets other than making my loving and supportive wife angry and worried and also the fact that I put myself into danger that they didn’t sign-up for. That was pretty stupid in hindsight, but we all get blinded by the chase sometimes.My day job? I was released about a month after I returned. Took a few months off and then started my only successful business with my now dedicated time.About me: Since I was in college, I’ve always started various businesses while working full-time and all of them except one failed (coincidentally, the one that I was committed to, go figure..). It has always been my dream to hit a home run in a strange business. My hit ratio is pretty bad but that's part of the journey, I just can’t help myself. It is fun to explore the past so I’ll probably write a few more of these for the downvotes.