#side note i jus realised that if . i shut my bedroom door inside . ill have to possibly climb through the window to get in /out

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Libraries are for Meetings

Master List ------  Chapter 3 

Chapter 4 - Leaving the Library

Warnings: Homophobia mentioned

Summary: Roman and Patton’s relationship may be new, but Patton is more important than he realises.

Note: reading on mobile can remove the paragraphing. Use desktop site or visit my Ao3 page if it bothers you as much as it bothers me.

Beginning Note: This chapter was meant to be longer, but I decided to split it because my mind just got stuck on an event. If you want to know what’s been happening, check the end notes (or don’t...I don’t mind) Enjoy 😊

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Backing away from the library office, Roman did his best to keep up his strong and supportive facade. He needed to be Patton’s rock in this situation; and he wasn’t about to let his worry leach out and distress the man he loved any further. 

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 Roman and Patton had only been officially together for six months, but they had known of each other years prior. Jason used to speak highly of the energetic man who his partner lived with. There was a time when Roman was sure Jason was making things up. It seemed impossible that someone existed who was so kind, accepting and comfortable with themself; aside from Jason. Not long after Jason had moved in with Roman and Katie, he shared photos of him, Logan and Patton with Roman. If 'love at first sight' were real, Roman got hit hard.

 "You're blushing, Roman." teased Jason, laying his hand over the photo. "Do you like what you see?"

"What? No!" Roman quickly averted his eyes and tried to stop the heat rising in his cheeks.

"Roman," tone suddenly serious; Jason rested a hand on Roman's shoulder. "You don't have to hide anything from me, remember?"

 A few silent breaths later and Roman nodded, and Jason let his hand drop as Roman turned to stare out the nearby window.

Of all the people in Roman's life, Jason truly was someone who he didn't have to hide from. Jason announced that he was gay during a family Christmas when Roman was 10 years old. Sure, the family reaction wasn't the most welcoming or kind, but over time they accepted Jason for who he was. He paved the way. He took the hits, the hurt, the shame. He cleared the path of homophobia in the family; but that didn't make it any easier on Roman. Despite knowing that his family would accept him, just like they accepted Jason, he wasn't ready to say it out loud.

Roman hung his head down low as he realised how selfish he was being.

“You’re ok, Ro.” Jason rested a firm hand back on Roman’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “There’s no shame in having feelings.”

 In that moment, Roman wished he had long bangs to cover his eyes as he chanced a look up at Jason. Though he had just turned 18, Jason’s maturity outshone that of many older adults Roman had met. Behind those rich brown eyes, was the soul of a man that had been beaten and was determined to make sure no one else suffered alone.

Tears began to well in Roman’s eyes and Jason wasted no time, pulling his cousin into a secure embrace and refusing to let go as Roman’s shoulders shook with the emotional release.

 It was just a photo. It was just a feeling. It was ok, but it still felt wrong. Regardless of Jason’s assurance, Roman couldn’t help but feel shame. He could remember how people spoke about Jason. He could recall the looks of disgust his uncle gave when backs were turned. The side comments and remarks that Roman picked up on regularly.

Strangely, even now, Roman could  hear his late father’s disapproving voice. Though he’d never heard his father directly speak ill of Jason, he had also never stopped it. In Roman’s mind, that fuelled his belief that his parents would disown him, had he admitted his feelings prior to their passing. There would never be a way of truly knowing, and so Roman’s mind supplied many possible reactions.

 “I. Ju-t. H-h-hate m-my ss-ss-ff.” Roman was barely audible as he tried to speak through hiccupping breaths. Desperate to get his bottled feelings out and feel some form of relief.

“I love you, Roman.” Jason assured, grip never faltering as Roman sobbed. “Even if you don’t feel like you can love yourself, I will love you. Just for being you. Don’t forget that.”

 Tears of anger slipped from Jason’s own eyes. He had hoped that his coming out and openness would have prevented this sort of thing from happening to anyone else in his family. Unfortunately though, he couldn’t change society. He had held many people like this over his short life. His clothes soaked in tears of fear and shame from those on similar journeys of self-discovery. But holding Roman right now, hurt the most. Feeling his fear and shame soak into his navy button up shirt was like being shot at close range. He couldn’t spare Roman from the pain; despite everything he had done.

“I'm sorry I couldn’t protect you.” Whisper barely audible, Jason squeezed his eyes shut and refused to let go until he felt Roman’s breathing return to normal.

   It was two weeks later before Roman said the words out loud; admittedly it was a whisper.

I’m gay.

Jason reached under the table to take Roman’s hand as they waited for Katie’s reaction. Fork full of pasta halfway to her mouth, Katie simply raised an eyebrow in confusion at her little brother.

“Care to say that again, Ro. My hearing ain’t what it used to be.”

Roman sighed, squeezing Jason’s hand for support before repeating himself.

“Katie, I am gay.”

“Ok.”

“I’m sor- What?” Now it was Roman’s turn to stare in confusion. “Ok? What do you mean ‘ok’?”

“Ok, an expression used to express agreement and or acceptance. Get a dictionary, Yo-Yo.” Katie shoved the food in her mouth and gave the two a mischievous smile.

At the mention of his childhood nickname, Roman scowled. “Is that all you have to say about this? Seriously!”

“Duh.” Katie put her fork down and licked the splattering of pasta sauce off her fingers. “What were you expecting? Me to yell? Scream? Kick you out? Throw a bible at you? What?” Roman stared blankly, lost for words. “You are still my brother, you idiot. One little word isn’t going to change that. You gotta try a bit harder if you want to get rid of me.”

“Well…” Finding his voice again, Roman felt a small weight slip from his shoulders. “What would I have to say to get rid of you?”

“That you despise Disney or musicals are the worst type of theatre.”

Tears welled in Roman’s eyes, despite the smile that spread across his face. “I would never say those things.”

“Guess you are just stuck with me then. Sucks to be you.” And with that, Katie stood and walked into the kitchen.

Jason ruffled Roman’s hair before reaching out to clear the table, ducking out of the way just as a box of tissues was thrown from the breakfast bar and hit Roman in the chest.

“That could have hit my face!” Jason yelled as he headed toward the culprit in the kitchen.

“Shame it didn’t. It could have made an improvement.”

 Roman wiped his eyes as he listened to Katie and Jason in the kitchen. It wasn’t the coming out that had plagued his dreams for months, but it was his. He would never know how it would have gone if his parents were still around, but he could deal with that. Katie and Jason were his family now, and their opinion was all that mattered.

 From that moment on, Roman promised himself that he wouldn’t hide anymore. There wasn’t a need to. As long as he had a home to return to, nothing else mattered. It made moving forward easier.

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  It broke Roman's heart to have a silent Patton in the passenger seat of his car, as they drove to his house. Every glance to the side made him want to pull over and scoop the other into his arms and squeeze away his pain. The couple had walked in silence to Roman's old red Nissan; Patton keeping Roman's hand in a vice grip. Patton's eyes remained glued to the ground as Roman unlocked the car and opened the door for the other to flop inside. Neither muttered a word. Patton too emotionally numb to speak, and Roman to afraid to disturb the silence.

 Slowing down for a red light, Roman took a chance and rested is hand on the centre console. Driving an automatic car had its advantages, despite what everyone else had told him. Roman wasn't lazy; he thought he was quite innovative. Automatic vehicles only require one hand to operate, meaning the other could be used for other activities. In this case, hand holding.

Time seemed to stretch on, and Roman's hand remained untouched. The light turned green and Roman was about to return his hand to the wheel when Patton finally took hold. Chancing a glance, Roman saw Patton's glistening eyes looking back; the smallest smile lighting his face. In that moment, Roman knew Patton would be ok.

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 “No arguments, you are to go have a shower and climb into that onesie I always bring to movie nights.”

Roman pushed Patton towards his bedroom and continued towards the living room, tossing their bags in a pile near the dining table.

“But it’s your-“

“I believe I began my last statement with ‘no arguments’.” Roman called over his shoulder as he switched on the tv and started pulling blankets out the storage ottoman in the centre of the room.

 Sighing loudly, Patton wandered into Roman’s room and stood in front of his mirrored wardrobe doors. It made sense why Roman was being so pushy , considering how red and puffy Patton’s eyes were from crying. He was still in his McDonald’s uniform; skin slick with the thin layer of grease from working around the fryers. It wasn’t the best job but tutoring primary school students wasn’t enough to pay his bills.

 “Chop, chop, Pat!” Roman’s voice echoed down the hall, “I want to hear that water running.”

“You sound like a parent.” He called back, opening the wardrobe to search for Roman’s Stitch onesie. “I’m older than you, remember.”

There was no reply, so he continued to carefully push Roman’s formal clothes aside to reach the onesie hanging in the centre. Careful not to let it touch his own clothes, Patton opened the door to the bathroom in Roman’s room and was greeted with the face of his partner on the other side of the room.

 Roman lent in the opposite doorway that connected to the spare room, one outstretched arm holding a folded towel with a single Hershey’s kiss chocolate on top.

“Age is just a number, my dear.” Roman grinned as he saw Patton’s face light up as he entered the room. “Everyone needs a little pampering every now and then. Let me look after you for a change.”

“Do I really have a choice?” Patton questioned as he put the onesie down and eagerly grabbed the chocolate.

Roman giggled at the speed that Patton unwrapped the chocolate; setting the towel down on the bench and turning to wrap his arms around Patton’s waist.

“Not today, Pat. Now,” The two locked eyes and Roman stifled a laugh looking at Patton’s puffy cheek filled with chocolate. “Shower and relax. I’ll order pizza and set up the lounge room for a movie. If you want to talk, we will talk. If you want to cry, I will hold you until you stop. Heck, if you want to act out Toy Story word for word, I am totally down to do that.” Patton giggled at the idea, feeling happy tears start to build in his eyes. “I’m here for you tonight. Okay?”

Patton nodded, closing his eyes and letting a single tear fall. Supportive arms squeezed him tight before Roman lent back and placed a soft kiss on Patton’s forehead.

“You taste like fries.”

Patton laughed and pulled Roman close again so their lips could touch for a brief kiss. “You taste like strawberries.”

“Ok, ok, no more stalling, sweetness.” Though Roman would have loved to continue, “shower time now.”

 Patton grinned as Roman shut the door to his room, before slowly backing out through the door he came in through. He was lucky to have someone like Roman in his life. Though he loved Logan with all his heart, he could never handle Patton’s emotions as well as Roman could. It wasn’t Logan’s fault, he still struggled with recognising and regulating his own feelings. Roman on the other hand, had experienced so many emotions in the past 6 years alone, and was now very familiar with recognising and dealing with his emotions. As the warm water touched his skin, Patton felt his muscles relax briefly before his mind started to race through the afternoons events.

 Talk, Patton decided.

He had his time in silence, but now it was time to talk.

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End Note:

Thanks for reading. Sorry this was a disappointing chapter. I just needed to get it out to feel some form of success.

I will get better...I promise. Read below at your own risk if you want to know what has been happening lately. I’m ok now...if that helps 🙂

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So, I planned this fic after I fell/fainted during a running race and smashed my head on the ground. I probably had a mild concussion, but whatever.

This led on to my random hand shaking increasing to a daily occurrence and I was also experiencing dizzy spells.

Boy was my Dr confused.

So, I eventually got told I was iron deficient, but she wasn’t sure why because other levels were coming back normal. I had a heart monitor strapped to me for 24hrs to test that.

While all that was happening, I had to write my reports and that just adds to my normal stress levels.

Basically, I was a fatigued, stressed, anxious, shaking zombie for over a week. When the week finally ended, reports done, the end in sight; I got the call that my cousin passed away...her 3year fight with cancer had proved too much for her body to handle and she slipped away.

I was devastated, but still had work and Drs appointments so I stayed where I was and planned my travel to see my parents and then fly to see the rest of the family. It was during that week that I got told that my full diagnosis is “You are anxious, stressed, iron deficient and just generally burnt out. You need a holiday before this gets worse.”

Then the cherry fell on top...someone read my cousins private messages to me. I had come out to her...they gave the messages thumbs down. It was a simple thing, but it was enough to send me spiralling back into a dark place of hate and nightmares..... but I’m on the other side now though. Funeral over. Travelling home. I’m ready to find my normality again. Fingers crossed I find it quickly.   If you read this far; thank you, and I hope all is well with you. Writing to vent is very therapeutic and the more I write about what has been happening lately, the better I feel. If you need an ear to talk to ... I’ve got two of them. Happy Timezone 🙂

💜🐌

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Chapter 5 — Master List

What else have I done:

The Perfect Ring (oneshot - analogical proposal)

You Promised (oneshot - prinxiety angst/injury/near death) 

Sides of a Hero (Completed Fic - sides are fusions of impulses and aspects of Thomas. Virgil has a depressing past that he is forced to face thanks to Deceit and Rage. Was canon compliant at the time of completion)

The Shield to your Sword (WIP - A fantasy/magic au - Prinxiety (Royal Roman and orphan Virgil - they’ll admit to their love eventually), Virgil angst, non binary, healer Logan, *spoiler* Patton) 

Check out my other blog for random fandom reblogs and stuff @snail-giggles