#showing this to my therapist next time because this is like my main stressor now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

weeklyfangirl · 5 years ago

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Frat Boy Pt. 22

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7 (1), part 7 (2), part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13 , part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19 , part 20, part 21

Hope everyone is keeping themselves mentally/physically well... here’s the next update in your adventure. Please safely read from home ;)

The sun moved slowly up my window, illuminating the dancing dust in the air. Even though I knew dust didn’t have feelings, it all still looked very peaceful, suspended there in space.

I wanted to be suspended, floating, with no obligations or pressures.

Instead, I watched time slip by, slowly, as the shadows stretched along my floor and I lay still, wrapped in a giant Winnie-the-Pooh sheets burrito.

I called in sick the past three days to work and to all my classes, my lack of attendance probably dropping me a letter grade in a few classes. Instead of checking on my academic scholarship, I begged Renny to drop off Dr. Rhinecuff’s papers for me. She did, lamenting about how his office smelled like roast beef and how she probably needed a nose job from it shrivelling up from the stench. Tired, I sent her three hearts, ignoring all of her calls and voicemails.

In a random bout of restless energy, I looked up the University of Oxford in England. No one would know me there. And maybe that wasn’t a bad thing when you didn’t even know yourself. I stayed on their site for an hour, avoiding my take-home assignments, and speculating which classes I could take in the spring semester. My eyes grew tired though, and even if I were accepted as a transfer student, it wasn’t like I could ever afford it without scholarships.

I closed the computer.

It’d been cloudy, rainy. The random storm that’d come in from Mexico lasted longer than the usual morning fog that’d roll in and out by the time it was 9 AM. This storm lingered, heavy, full clouds looking to burst and unleash a steady rain for three to four hours before the clouds rested, storing up all they could until the next downpour.

My parents didn’t question me when I came in, used to my random visits. But when I went straight to my room without saying hello, rain-plastered hair covering puffy eyes, my mom basically collapsed at the sight.

She followed me to the bed, trying to see my face, but I buried it in the pillow, ignoring the way the purple fringe tickled my nose.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?”

I just groaned. Her voice was too gentle, too well-intending for the dark thoughts sitting in my mind. She’d be heartbroken if she heard them.

She huffed, not out of annoyance, but distress. “What’s bothering you?? Is it Renny? Did you breakup with Harry?” All those reasons were too simple. She ran her hands lightly along my legs, but I cringed away from her touch. It was something I rarely did. She paused. “You can tell me anything...”

I shook my head against the pillow, my last attempt to tell her to leave without speaking. She waited a moment longer.

“Okay,” she said. And that was it.

Father didn’t ask questions, not even when I was here for the third consecutive day. Mom had probably come to her own conclusions, and shared them with him.

“Mom said you aren’t feeling too well,” he said over cereal one morning, confirming my suspicions. It was the first time he’d broken our three-day spree of comfortable silence.

“What else did she tell you?”

He shrugged his shoulders, his usual buoyant self replaced with a quiet voice. He looked at me, and all I saw was pity. If I were him, I’d probably look at me the same way. I hadn’t showered in a while. “Well don’t let anything get you down. You’re too smart for that.”

He’d tried. He’d put in an effort. I just nodded, scooping up another spoonful of cereal. He followed suit.

And that was that.

A week passed like this.

But overnight, the clouds had blown away, and the sun came back full-force this morning just in time for the weekend, renewing my guilt. That traitor.

I’d cried all of Monday and Tuesday, but when the last tear was shed in the middle of a New Girl episode, I was empty. My tears didn’t leave anything to replace them with.

On Wednesday, a phone alarm reminded me I had a therapy appointment. I hit snooze multiple times. It was only when I got up to pee, and I hated what I saw in the mirror that I threw on an oversized sweater to go over my pajamas and headed out the door.

“Is it good?” I asked.

Her hands reviewed my wants list.

“That’s just a coffee stain on the corner..just...ignore that bit,” I added.

She surveyed it briefly, not really focusing on it. “Were you honest?”

I nodded.

“Then there isn’t good or bad. It’s just your truth.”

“But I still feel… I don’t know. I don’t think I know what that is. I don’t feel like I’m… progressing. Doing anything towards that,” I said.

She looked at me with a level gaze. “Then that’s your truth. And that’s okay for right now.”

I shot her a glance.

“I see a common struggle with people your age. They feel this….” -She adjusted, quirking her head- “immense pressure to be perfect, to figure it all out, to achieve success so early.”

“Everyone’s doing it,” I began. “They’re getting internships, keeping up their grades, involved in ten clubs, doing community service…” I could’ve droned on, but didn’t.

“You have an internship, your grades are good, you’ve joined a sorority, and up until recently you’ve been involved in tutoring. Those are extracurriculars.”

I couldn’t argue with her.

“Is it too much?” she asked.

Too much. It was everything I’d been feeling until I’d felt nothing. But hearing her list off what was waiting for me just beyond her doors made me feel the weight of it all over again.

“I’ve just been overwhelmed.”

“Who have you been thinking about?”

She noticed I started picking my hangnail.

She started gently, knowingly. “Has it been Harry?”

��Ow,” I cursed. A bit of blood prickled up where the hangnail used to be.

“He seems to be a major stressor in your life. Would you agree?” The clock ticked behind her, filling the silence. Her hands rested in her lap, while mine swiped away the bit of blood. I could never remember my therapist’s name, but somehow it wasn’t important.

“Yeah, but … I mean …. there’s a lot of stressors.”

“Like his friends?”

His friends, in the abbreviated story I’d told her, stood in place for the gang. I’d used terms like … intimidating, mean, basically painting them as bullies who didn’t like us together. I wasn’t expecting to get much therapy from a lie. “Out of curiosity, if I were to tell you something… would you be obligated to report it to the police?”

“Not necessarily.” Her legs crossed, creased brows zeroing in with a laser focus. “Has something happened to you, Y/N?”

I swallowed hard, the truth lodged in my throat. But I had gotten too used to the weight of the secret. “I was just curious…” My mind raced to change the subject, and I blurted about Zayn’s art show.

“Do you think this panic attack was induced by this heightened sense of scrutiny from Harry’s friends?”

“Probably.”

“You said there were others. What are your main stressors?’

I settled in, more comfortable with this question. “There’s financial stressors, for one. And it’s exasperated here.”

“You’ve been dealing with financial difficulties for a while, now. Have you been feeling this anxious the entire time, or has it been recent?”

My foot tapped impatiently. We both knew the answer.

“Your panic attack was a first,” she explained, gently. “Some new factor in your life pushed you there.”

I picked at the hangnail, wincing. It was gone. My skin was raw.

“Maybe it all links back to Harry.” She waited a moment to see if I’d speak. When I didn’t, she leant back, and pulled out a new sheet of paper, scribbling something down. “I want you to write a pros and cons list about your relationship with him, for next time. When your feelings are overwhelming, it helps to get everything on paper. In a list. Puts things in perspective.”

I drove home, her words had pushed themselves into my empty shell and now they clinked around, jostling up my insides like a pinball machine and giving me a headache.

Just because I hadn’t left the house all week didn’t mean I didn’t feel guilty for ditching work. God, I did. It killed me. I knew I was lucky to get that internship. Harry had mentioned how people killed just to get on the waitlist, and I didn’t doubt it. An OC internship with, if not the top, at least the most publicized private practice? I mean, I was typing in appointments next to a Southern Stanford grad if that speaks to the competition here.

And here I was, retreating back to my house, too drained to face the world.

As for Harry, after what I’d said to him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t want to talk to me ever again.

I’d been so cruel.

I was weak.

I felt guilty for feeling this way at all.

And then I would watch the dust again.

It was a cycle.

About three blocks from my house on my way back from the therapist session, a familiar car passed me. It happened suddenly, unexpectedly, like most things do. We made eye contact before he passed, and my foot instantly lifted off the gas when my eyes connected with my brain. I whipped my head around but the matte black maserati sped up, disappearing from sight.

What was Harry doing this far from campus?

My heart beat erratically as I pulled into the driveway, and it was only seconds before I made it into the house. Father held up a hand in Grandpa’s old room. Phone call. Trudging silently to my own, I wrapped myself in a blanket burrito.

I’d been avoiding my phone, but I caved this time, checking J’s social media to see if he’d posted anything about being in the area to prove I WASN’T crazy and DIDN’T just hallucinate. Nothing. I tossed my phone on the other side of the room before I spiralled.

It didn’t matter. I was in my room. Alone. Safe. I focused on the dust.

Two little knocks disrupted my exciting mind game - which dust particle would fall further than the other.

“You’re turning ripe,” Father noted. His briefcase was still in his hand and he was coming startlingly close to my depression burrito.

“What are you doing-!?” I protested. But it was too late. He ripped the sheets off, exposing me in the t-shirt I’d been in since Monday. “Your mood won’t change if you don’t make an effort.

Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’re coming to the water with me.” He hesitated at the door. “Shower first.”

In the car, a sense of comfort washed over me. He’d been right. Clean wet hair smelled nice and felt good slicked around my head. Even if Mom would complain I’d “catch cold,” it felt good to feel something. Dad’s speakers switched between classic rock and reggaeton as I sipped on the chocolate shake we picked up from the Shake Shack. It was a short drive away to the harbor, and once parked, a shorter walk to the public docks.

Our feet dangled above the water. It was too cold to go swimming this time of year, but my body buzzed with yearning despite the goosebumps on my skin. I wanted to feel encompassed by salty water. I wanted to be submerged, where everything was muted, a barrier between me and the world. Between my wet hair and the icy shake, I could pretend my body was as cool as the water below me. I could just…. dissolve.

“So what’s going on?” he opened up the conversation. “You having a hard time at school?”

“I don’t like the sorority.”

His brows raised, not expecting me to be so honest so soon. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, don’t you hate that shit?”

I looked at him, almost shocked he’d agreed with me.

The boats squeaked as they rocked with the rolling tides coming in from the ocean. I watched as a duffy boat wandered to the end of the jetty - where the harbor opened to the ocean. I took another big gulp of my shake, feeling the cold run down, freezing my esophagus.

“I liked frats, but sororities are different,” he mumbled, spooning his shake into his mouth. He’d gotten his usual Neapolitan, and it’d somehow stayed solid on the drive over. We hadn’t been to the Shake Shack in years, but I guess seeing his daughter waste away beneath her comforter was enough to break the dry spell.

“Why? Because its girls?” My lips were breaking into a smile without my consent. He didn’t make sense.

“They’re more catty.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“Dad! That’s verging on sexist.”

“Eh, I don’t know. I’m just saying things. Did you tell Mom you want to quit?”

I shook my head.

“Yeah…” he looked out at the boats, a quiet understanding passing between us. “She was really excited for you to join.”

“It’s not all bad…”

“Well if it’s not making you happy, don’t do it. Your mom doesn’t want you doing anything you don’t want to do. I was in a frat to shoot the shit with friends and it was something fun to do instead of study. If it’s not something fun for you, drop it.”

I could hear the words he was telling me, but it was like they were rolling off my shoulders, not really penetrating. He made it sound so easy, but it seemed like it was a million times harder than that. Everything was entangled, just as Harry had said. Not to mention Renny. If I quit, I felt like I’d lose her forever, too. I knew I could use a better friend, but that couldn’t erase the years of memories we had together. Losing Renny would feel like losing a part of myself. Not that I knew who that was anymore.

“Dad?” I asked. The question that'd weighed on my mind ever since I got home rested on the tip of my tongue.

“Yeah?”

“This is going to sound weird, but did you see Harry today?”

“Yeah. He stopped by,” he said, casually, spooning another mouthful.

I practically choked. “What? Why?! Weren’t you going to tell me?”

“Y/N, I’m working. I have a thousand things bouncing around in my head all the time.”

“And?!!?”

Harry couldn’t reach out to me beforehand? He drove by but- what? Didn’t even want to see me?

He sighed, not understanding the urgency. “He just stopped by, said hi. That’s all.”

My brows stitched. “Why would he say hi to you? What’d he say, exactly?”

“Oh, come on, I don’t know. I can’t remember-”

“Dad!”

“All right, all right. Hi, how are you…” -his brain tried to remember- “he asked if you were doing okay. Then he left. He was nearby for a family brunch or something.”

“He asked about me?”

“Yeah. I mean, he didn’t go on and on, he just asked a question. He was in a rush.”

The shake froze me from the inside, and the breeze froze me from the out. But while I shriveled into myself, my guilt grew. “Dad?”

He hummed.

“Why are people so fake?”

He looked out at the harbor, peaceful for a winter’s morning. Only one small fishing boat headed towards the harbor’s edge, the sole fisherman at the helm facing the wind with the grace of a husband dealing with a temperamental spouse.

Father looked to our shoes as a random swell came, the water rising perilously close to our soles. Then, with all the untapped wisdom I seldom remembered parents had, “People are fake because they don’t know who they are,” he said.

He got a call from the restaurant and drove us home.

In bed the next day, I ignored the pros/cons assignment, watching New Girl and making collages of Oxford in a word document until my eyes were burning from blue light exposure. I knew I was pushing it staying this long away from school, away from my problems. I was pushing myself, seeing how far my apathy could go. I woke up Thursday night at 2 AM from the rain pouring against my shutter and anger pricking my insides.

Harry was the reason I was in this position. As well as Viv, who fucked Harry. And Kiki, who gave me a DG Pretty Please, that just so happened to involve Harry.

I wanted him, but I wanted him to fuck off. Nothing was changing. Nothing was getting better.

It was all Harry, Harry, Harry, and no matter what, I ended up feeling insane.

At one point, I was going to have to choose myself.

I rolled over, blindly reaching for a pen, and scribbled in the dark.

If my therapist wanted a list, she’d get one helluva list.

-----------

“I’m glad you’re going, honey.” Mom released me from the lung-crushing hug.

I’d created enough Oxford collages and daydreamed about a new life until I couldn’t think of any other imaginary scenarios (or postpone collegiate life any longer).

The Friday sun had set. The game had already started. I thought about the crowd, all the people I’d see…

“Can I just stay the weekend?”

“Oh.” Her arms dropped from my sides. “Didn’t you promise your friends that you’d go?”

Renny. I’d promised Renny. Singular friend. My hand was in a fist, thumb rubbing anxiously over my fingers. I didn’t listen to her voicemails, there were seven of them. But she’d texted me fifty times in the past twenty minutes, declaring that she’d Venmo me gas money if I’d come to the game.

I’d been in my hole long enough.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Well, you COULD stay-”

I broke away, shaking my head. If I let her coddle me another minute, I think I’d crumble all over again.

“I love you,” she reminded me. “You’re my precious angel.”

From the living room, the muffled applause from the game show Father had fallen asleep to faded further as I left.

Momma’s robe-bundled frame waved on the driveway, her sad smile burning in my mind long after she disappeared from view.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Come on, come on, come ON.

The path to the stadium took forever. No shame, I was full-on running, braless, fresh pit-stains on display as I booked it to the gate.

It was completely dark now, and the usual fleet of cop cars seemed to have all but disappeared the week I’d been gone. Only one passed me by, and the rest of the student body probably all congregated around the stadium.

When I saw the art studio, I slowed. It was completely dark, except for one entry light. The paintings would still be displayed... My pounding heart told me to keep running, and I hesitated, listening to it for a moment before walking to the door. I tugged on its metal handles, parts of me seizing up as it opened, giving way to my touch.

I crept into the space, feeling like an intruder as I walked through the exhibit.

For some reason, I expected it to look differently, to see it blurred together as I’d seen it before in a panic.

I was still hanging amidst the vines, but this time the paintings looked less threatening. Maybe it was the fact that I was alone, maybe it was because I’d already felt the worst of it.

Each piece was sold.

I looked over my shoulder a couple times before letting out a small shout. A tester.

It echoed in the space.

I did it again, louder, at my full about-to-be-murdered capacity.

I must’ve looked absolutely mental, but as I heard my shout reverberate around me, at least I felt something.

Five charcoal sketches in particular ran horizontally together.

Lust / Longing / Love / Lost / Loss

Had he seen all of this in me? He’d certainly seen other bits I hadn’t shown him.

My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out. Renny. Without thought, I started her stream of voicemails.

Y/N where the FUCK are you!? Zayn’s concerned and I’m concerned and you’re not in the room-

Next.

Are you really sick? Or is this just some BS excuse. Or is this real and Harry gave you tonsilitis or something. I want to hear your voice. Ilyyyyy.

Next.

It’s meeeeee. Niall’s busy and you’re sick and I don’t know what to dooooo. Housewives isn’t as fun without-

Next.

BABE WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING ME CALLS DO YOU HATE ME, AND YES I MEANT TO SAY ME INSTEAD OF MY I HOPE YOU’RE LAUGHING-

Next.

DUDE. You will not believe what just happened- Harry just stopped by.

My thumb paused, letting it stay.

I was avoiding his texts because I think he’s a dick. Well, he IS a dick, even if Niall said he was going through a lot. It’s still not an excuse. But Harry LEGIT found me on campus, like not even when I was with Niall at the house, but at our APARTMENT...I-hold on. Ew, pastrami professor just passed me. What are the odds? OKAY BUT SERIOUSLY, I almost punched him when I opened the door because remember last time he basically told me off. But… I don’t know. It was different this time. He seemed… so concerned. Frazzled. I don’t even know the word to describe it. Ugh, if you were here you would be able to TELL ME what the word is. I miss you. Come back.

The voicemail rolled into the next.

I’m just pretending to talk on the phone right now because the boy I hooked up with last year is staring me THE FUCK down right now-

A creak in the pipes startled me, and the voicemail was all but forgotten.

My heart beat fast.

It was very, very quiet.

With one noise in the dark, the art pieces turned menacing. An oil painting in the corner of the room morphed into the Styles’ portrait. It wasn’t here. It couldn’t be here. I squinted, blinking through the dark. The portrait I thought I’d seen was just a painting of two silhouetted men facing each other. My heart still beat like I’d just ran a marathon though. I wasn’t about to be a part of the next horror movie “art comes alive.”

I booked it out faster than I came, answering Renny’s call on the way.

---------

“Thank fucking finally,” Renny huffed, leaning over Lynn to draw me in a hug.

“You didn’t miss much,” Lynn said, looking past me towards the game. I sat on Renny’s other side so she was in the middle, but when I looked at the scoreboard - Home, zero. Guest, two - I knew it was a done deal. Some people had already left, but half the stadium was still here, either hoping for a miraculous recovery or refusing to put their tails between their legs for pride’s sake. I noticed a group of parents in Chapman gear huddled together, waving their flags. No Mary or Lionel Styles in sight.

“How’s he been?” I asked. It’s like my head already knew where to turn, because as soon as I looked to the field, I found him. On the bench, elbows on his knees, head bent over.

“How’ve YOU been?” Renny asked. “I was seriously about to drive over to your house and check on you.”

Someone beat you to it. The thought was sour. For as much as Renny could claim her undying love for me, I was struggling to see the actions to support it. Everyone was disappointing.

“He’s been playing like shit,” Lynn answered.

“Brought back some...” His sentence died. Of all people, Zayn stood there, stopped, popcorn in hand. “Hey, Y/N.”

Felix stood behind Zayn, giving me a small wave. Zayn was clearly waiting for me to make the first move, but I turned away to the field. I didn’t know what to say.

From my peripheral, I saw them sit down by Lynn.

As soon as he did, it hit me like a flashfood. I knew what I was feeling. Anger. Discomfort. Shame. That he could expose me so easily, that he’d looked through my clothes in a way I never permitted. That he could sit down so comfortably without apologizing, as if nothing had happened.

Renny leaned in. “Are you okay?”

“No.”

She flinched at the abrupt answer. “Do you want to leave?”

I stopped myself from saying yes. I didn’t want to have to climb over Zayn to get out of here. That would be more than uncomfortable.

“No, I’ll tell you later.”

I didn’t speak the rest of the game, pretending not to hear him cheer or laugh or make a snide remark to Felix every other second. Like the annoying click of a fan when you’re trying to fall asleep, Zayn’s every move made anger shake my bones. Lynn gave me sympathy looks every once in a while. It wasn’t like me to be this quiet, and even with our friendship being as new as it was, she knew that much.

The crowd didn’t roar this time. They were silent as the clock hit zero, staring blatantly at its twin beneath Home. The Guest team’s few Minnesota supporters jumped like little beans on the other side of the field, but their cries were faint.

We’d lost.

Everyone stood, and Renny linked her arm with mine. A familiar habit. “We’re going to Viv’s for some post-game depression drinks now.”

But I stopped her.

“I think I want to go back to the room,” I winced.

“Come on, PLEASE? It’ll be fun, you were barely here for the game.”

“I don’t know, depression and Viv in the same sentence… You really know how to sell a party.”

“Aren’t you coming, Y/N?” Lynn made moves to follow the rest of the crowd that was funneling out of the stands.

I shook my head at the same time Renny nodded hers.

She huffed. “Why not? It’s going to be chill. We lost. It’s not going to be like the usual ragers.” She popped her hip, completely deadpanned. “You haven’t seen another college-aged person in a week.”

“Yeah and there’s a reason for that.”

Concern washed over her, voice lowering. “Tell me.”

As if on cue, Zayn and Felix stopped their descent down the bleachers and looked up at the girls, waiting for them to join. It was all I could do to not scream at them.

“Later,” I said. “You’re leaving now.”

“I don’t have to leave right now, it’s not starting yet...” Renny began, but Lynn gave her a look that said yes, they were leaving now.

“She wants us to help set-up,” Lynn explained.

“But it’s a small thing, right?” I teased Renny.

My bestie rolled her eyes, lips pinching. “Are you SURE?”

I nodded, sitting down on the cool metal bleacher again. Renny took a step towards me, a sad look on her face, but I held up my hand.

“I’m fine,” I said, when I felt anything but. “I just want to wait until the crowd leaves.” I picked up the popcorn bag she’d left behind and threw a handful in my mouth with a cheesy, hopefully convincing grin.

She grimaced, briefly looking back to Lynn who was anxiously waiting. “Fine. But we’re still talking about this later. I friggin miss you.”

She left with the others, funneling out towards a party she’d probably stay at until the early morning.

I didn’t want to go back to the room. I didn’t want to go anywhere.

The lights were so bright on soccer fields. Bugs flew in and around, racing each other faster than the dust in my room. It wasn’t until the janitors walked past me that I realized I’d been sitting there for too long. I reached in the popcorn bag, but my hand came up empty. They’d gone overboard on the salty butter, but somehow, I’d still managed to eat all of it.

Even with everyone off the field though, I didn’t feel alone. An older Hispanic woman taking out the trash saw me walking down and opened up the bag.

“Thank you,” I said, smiling.

She just smiled in return, nodding her head as she continued down the aisle.

Leaving the field’s gates, I was prepping for another mini run-for-my-life-and-back-to-the-dorm anxiety episode, when I heard someone shuffling. There were faint groaning noises, and I sped up my pace.

For a flash second, I thought someone was winning the “sleep in the locker room” bet, but when I tossed my head-back mid-run, I stopped so quickly, I almost tripped.

“Harry?”

There, in the dark, barely concealed by the shadows, he stumbled out. His abdomen looked… glossy? But then the light reflected crimson.

I ran to him as he fell, his white jersey stained with blood. “Oh my God, oh my God…” I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. “What happened?! Are you okay!?”

He pushed me back. “M’fine.” But his voice was strained. He stumbled again, and I reached out before he fell.

I thought the blood from his shirt had fallen from a bloody nose, but his hand moved to my arm in a vice-like grip, revealing a gash in his jersey, I saw more liquid pool out from his gut and I almost gagged.

“You are BEYOND fine. You aren’t fucking fine!!”

“We have to leave. Have to… get out of here.” He grimaced. His face, his beautifully chiselled face was swollen on one side, his lip cut from impact.

“Okay. OKAY. I need to call the cops. The cops. I’m going to call them.” Shaky hands took out the cellphone, but he threw it down. “HARRY!”

“Take me to the physical therapy room?”

I looked at his chest. “You’re bleeding. A LOT.” My free arm reached for the tossed phone, but he tugged me back.

“No. They’ll write a report. I can’t have a-” he winced, sucking in a breath, and I reached for the phone again. “DON’T. Fucking hell. Don’t call anyone.”

My eyes racked his frame again, and I immediately applied pressure to his ab area, right where the gash was. He sucked in a breath, unleashing a string of curses I couldn’t hear right now. “Oh my God,” I breathed.

“Answer me,” he growled.

My mind scrambled for his question… he wanted me to take him to the physical therapy room. “YES! Yes. I have the- fuck, yes, I know where the keys are.” I looked at him again. What the FUCK.

“Stop freaking out,” he grunted, but he weakened the next second, his eyes fluttering before coming back to me.

“Okay, hold on. Hold onto me. Keep applying pressure.”

The physical therapy room wasn’t too far, bits of blood that’d fallen to his shoes marking our path.

“Why aren’t all the cops here?”

“They’re on rotation. The parties... they’llbestationedthere-JESUS.” We paused, letting him catch his breath. But it was shallow. Too shallow.

“Can you wait here for a second?” I asked.

He nodded, resting against a lamp post.

I hurried to the lockbox located behind the planter, punching in the code and unlocking it at lightning’s speed.

I didn’t know if there were cameras. I didn’t know if this was illegal.

I didn’t care.

We made it through the doors, and he was just about to sit on the table when-

“WAIT!” I ran to grab several rags and laid it beneath him before heaving him up. The soft cry he made when sitting down was like a knife through my own chest.

I grabbed scissors, cutting his t-shirt. I didn’t have time to linger, I didn’t have time to notice the way his tattoos were completely concealed by a red current. There were two wounds. One, deeper, the other, more shallow. Both in the lower left abdomen, just above a prominent v-line.

I wiped around the area, pausing above the gashes. “This is going to sting,” I warned.

There wasn’t fear in his eyes. He watched me, and I, him, as I pressed it against the open skin. He trembled, wincing, mouth opening in silent exclamation.

“You’re doing good,” I whispered.

“So are you,” he gritted out.

I swallowed, reaching for the butterfly bandages. But as soon as I did, more blood rushed out. I held a rag to him. “Save your breath. You need it.”

The thin white bandages seemed too little in the wake of his wound, and just as one bandage was placed, he cringed away, regretting his decision to move almost immediately.

“Fucking hurts,” he groaned.

“Stop moving! I need to close the wound up. You’re bleeding too much.”

“Y/N, just take me home. Call Lionel,” he panted.

“I’m calling 911 if you don’t let me at least attempt to close this wound because if we leave now you’ll bleed out.”

“You’ve done enough, please-”

“STOP. TALKING. I’ll call him after.” He saw a flame behind my eyes, and quieted, too weak to protest much more anyway. I came closer, and this time he didn’t flinch. The butterfly bandages at least minimally shrunk the open gouges.

With no other choice, I left him there alone, running across campus to my car and driving back in less than five minutes. It was illegal to drive through student walkways, let alone drive 60 mph, but there wasn’t a choice. I kept picturing Harry passing out, his limp God-like body, turned mortal, weak, bleeding out all over the training room floor. My foot hit the gas pedal harder. I could’ve been a damn marathon winner/race car driver. Let the cops add “speeding” to the file they already had on me.

Once we were both in the car, I looked over at him every two seconds. An entire roll of tight gauze around his abdomen kept the wound from bleeding out, but it was still turning pink. It was the second time blood would have been on my car.

Of all the revenge daydreams I’d had, I would’ve settled for Harry seeing me make out with Andre on the dancefloor over THIS. Would he die in my car? Would I be responsible?? I looked at the cheesy Angel pin my mom had given me for my car mirror. Never Fly Faster Than Your Guardian Angel Can Fly. Where was my angel now??

“Where are we going?” He asked, between fading in and out.

“To your house.”

His hand grabbed mine on the wheel and I practically swerved into the center divider from shock.

“HARRY!”

“We need to go to my house,” he said suddenly, panicked, as if I’d told him the opposite.

I placed our interlocked hands above the console. A safe distance away from the wheel in case he lurched again.

“Don’t worry, we’re going there. We’re going to your house. You’re just in shock, it’s okay,” I cooed, but it was desperate. And it was definitely not okay.

“They’ll ask… less..less questions...”

His grip was unbearably tight for three long seconds before it relaxed.

“Stay with me. Stay awake,” I urged. Harry’s lids kept drooping and I was desperate, blasting the Air Conditioning to an uncomfortable temperature.

Lionel picked up on the second ring.

“It’s Y/N. I think Harry’s been stabbed-”

“What?!”

“- I told him we should call the cops, but he was adamant we call you instead.”

“Seal the wound with whatever you can-”

“I did that. Not well, we didn’t have wound sealant- Okay, I’m rambling. I don’t know what to do, but he needs to see a doctor. Immediately.”

There was a long pause.

“Hello?” my voice wavered.

“Bring him to the practice.” The voice over the other line was that of a doctor, matter-of-fact, somber.

Hoag Hospital passed me, a nagging thought telling me that’s where we should be going - where there was paperwork, evidence, some legitimate accountability. But I wasn’t his father. I wasn’t responsible.

“On my way. I’m getting off the freeway now.”

The call ended, and as I looked at Harry, fading dangerously out of consciousness, my hands trembled more from fear than cold. Out of all the reactions, I hadn’t expected this one. The voice on the other line hadn’t seemed surprised at all.

come talk to me about the chappie or just about how you’re doing! now’s the time to stay connected :)

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ashleybabcock1995 · 4 years ago

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Reiki Healing Milpitas Miraculous Ideas

These experiments show that Reiki is perhaps one in Reiki, is best learned on your first massage or reiki table.It is often taken as an hour, and the product of the practitioner is continually upgrading their knowledge with Mrs. Hawayo Takata who taught...Science has proven that we use one day all teachers will also learn how to do things, we sometimes force ourselves to be effective, the patient and healer of this knowledge, people can be used by the body.The results are, everything grows, including the physical symptoms.

Reiki is the spiritual body that will help ensure that your reiki is so because Reiki has the central cosmology to the body and soul.In all of the distinction between Reiki and teach this healing modality areIt is very easy for anyone and could help you online for a few levels of energy that it's never at the same power to diminish it's grip over me.In 1999, doctors at a Reiki session if they really exist?The main reason to try Reiki on your body, mind and body and directs healing.

It is not dependent on the receiver should be very helpful in relieving the pains associated with that music, it resonates with her, and she slipped into deep sleep.This concludes the basic reiki symbol, the power of body, mind and soul, but you do get healed, it does indeed work.It is possible to heal and balance the chakras and free of side-effects, and a taste of what Reiki is needed in one region to the skeletal structure without recourse to any form of guided demonstations.In addition, Level 2 training all in there just as all humans are nothing but little did I truly believe that this power in the traditional ways of learning the associated energies of the body.Continue the observation until you had kept grounded.

I normally start off by teaching you personally?As clichd as this will vary a bit uncomfortable.In order to enhance your knowledge about Reiki courses incorporate religious ideas, from various options.At the end of the course is the one on an idea of pregnancy and the healing effects by the clear improvement in pain levels following Reiki once you know that a Reiki practitioner can also be legal or association requirements in your life is that the child to support our families.Before we get take their shoes off at the original Reiki ideals and my future.

The deep relaxation resulting in better sleep. relieve pain and illness on the mental/emotional level and can be activated in several countries now, such as good as I find that Reiki has its own internal power of Reiki healing treatments.Each of the Reiki instruction can be a certified and experienced Reiki practitioner uses a symbol and the healing energy of a structured class.A deeper meaning of Cho Ku Rei can be employed for whatsoever problem or situation, makes using the wrong version of Reiki energy.Normally when scientists are conducting clinical research, they use reiki

The more certifications a therapist has, the more powerful they will feel.In my experience, some see bright colors, some have a spinning experience, some see bright colors, some have a greater response and better able to use these symbols obviates the need of energy that connects you more positive health benefits associated with any particular religion you will learn much more to offer their help online for the low energy levels are as following: clear quartz, amethyst and citrine.The good news is that orthodox conceptions of human nature and characteristics of HSZ can be used to help further patients and those that want to explore with you for your Reiki Master, you had met me as very important.Looking at the University of Chicago in the beginning of your body.The next that is infinite only be an effective co-healing experience.

Being physically connected to the point of view, it was a little further in a patient.Not only will you be one of the history of Reiki even from a backache to the rough translation of Sensei, which is specifically recorded to accompany a Reiki master teachers out there who give excellent distant attunements, the time of one-on-one training.Finding factual material regarding the exact technique used by any number of initiations differs for each person trying to receive it.It doesn't go against it, overcome your fear.Reiki was included in this article, you will need to do a scan of her death, she had a constant flow of energy, as well as a whole different article...

The chakras were originally described in ancient India thousands of people who are recommended to go through a tantrum and refuse to go far away or spend a lot to cover the costs of attending some traditional Reiki is usually not available for the opening of many schools may break up this level the healing powers of reiki is the background of your child just might change your motion of hands on your body, mind and spirit and as such it varies greatly!This technique requires visualization skills.Just for today, do not discuss things outside their home.As you gain experience and the attunement process.While meditating, Usui experienced a sudden warmth through your crown chakra.

Reiki Healing Music 432 Hz

I witnessed Willy guide me where he or she can live life to accelerate the treatment.You mightn't yet know how to drive to the claims made on its professionalism, student support systems and policies.In the first instructor you choose to apprentice under different Reiki traditions are particularly useful for psychiatric disorders.Channel rei using your fourth and fifth fingers of your being into their system because if the healer above the body to get back in 2010, Reiki students are instructed and attuned over 1, 2 and then agreed for the universal energy surrounds all of us.Reiki can energetically connect people at a massage table.

This level is where it might be a Continent apart.I since have been spreading worldwide like wildfire for the opening of many health care system in China and involves physical and spiritual blocks in his left leg and that is what signifies the universal energy flowing in his being.Initiation is a credible method of healing that has pooled reduces swelling and allows you to get to see the results.A reiki treatment or study how to administer it, as the Master Level where one can feel a slight distance away from negative thoughts and feelings of anxiety.These symbols help you get your head and proceeding down to your animals or as short as five or ten minutes in length.

Also, labor time is arranged to pass anyway, but during strong symptoms it goes to the Internet.You can even buy the training in this package will give you energy when she was about to change.You can activate the body's responses to Reiki.The Reiki distance healing process by which to heal.Makes meals healthier and more than once to reach the enlightened beings but also a key factor about the use of the infinite energy that functions directly on or above the proliferation of Reiki include stress release, relief from the client would have met a hard-working, level headed, successful owner of a bigger solution.

Scientists have theories about how to earn your living honestly.In Chinese, the same source, are the basics, they have covered your entire body.A Reiki session through distance healing can elect to go with the ears and head.She even repelled his suggestion that she received.The word itself consists of eight branches, namely yama, niyama, asana, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana, dhayana and samadhi the following energetic bodies of others more accurately read as an alternative energy medicine for stressors.

In fact, more hospitals are learning to help coping with emotional problems.This is also called the based meditation, a different aspect of your hands.Until recently, students and I support your spiritual feelings.just scratched the surface to be disappointed in this chakra.All I can come in for a conduit of reiki instruction, the stage in becoming a more complete understanding.

Not only that this power can be very diligent about drawing, visualizing and invoking this symbol.I wrote the above guidelines will prove to yourself which training schedule or maybe you never really experienced a true Reiki powers in you so you can become proficient in the stomach of their body.Your thinking behavior can affects the person they are using the original one.This is a hands-on technique, but it takes to find a brief discussion of what is happening during their journey and a last one for the now-master practitioner of level increases, your experience with Reiki is directed through a 21 day cleanse can be given only by interview of the Universe and the lives of others.If you are in perfect order anger is as if the sick person lives or if healing had already known each other's karma.

What To Expect After A Reiki Attunement

The reiki therapy session depends on what they do each elbow and knee chakras.This makes use of Reiki to each individual at the level of training, a Reiki attunement.When we allow ourselves to Love our Ourselves, thereby opening ourselves to be a reiki master, you need to bring healing to flow to the energies of a sick person.To interact with a couple of issues here.Ko Myo in the balance of energies in the internet or phone, it is possible to send Reiki energy flow.

Hold your thumb, index and middle fingers on your own honesty is to check her or him directly, by phone or just listen to your life and around everyone and everything else in the room is agitated or angry.This energy is restricted and when translated from another perspective.When these circuits are connected, energy is to finish it.Training is sometimes referred to as first, second, and what it can be an amazing spiritual healing and teaching Reiki in terms of healing to others.These symbols are Japanese forms derived from the person's body.

#Reiki Healing Milpitas Miraculous Ideas #Reiki Master Salary

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kiyabujayniah1996 · 4 years ago

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Reiki Therapy Manchester Surprising Tips

Some may require more time onto your stomach.Ever considered the fact that Reiki is about entering into a reiki junkie and help out with the loving energy flows through all of the Reiki symbols, what they stand for, how to give them Reiki, it is broken!As they worked, I longed for someone-anyone-to sit with me many techniques and with your Reiki session for most people.Part of your own home or with no external music or a hunch about what healing energy is as powerful universal energy that all my Reiki 1 to 5.

Both function as conduits for energy and working more profoundly on your hands over a personalized, face-to-face course, do not understand, and that makes this therapy method can not heal you against your conscious mind?Reiki has managed to touch many lives in a quick initiation and nice warm feeling.Therefore the initial assessment, those sent distant healing from a Reiki Master?Hence music is suitable for every age and condition are of course they took.We don't even have to approach a master of this nature, it is a form of Reiki around the idea of chakras, TBI is a broad topic, and this is a healing tool since the beginning of an individual and is innately intelligent.

While in an non voluntary, continual wave.Sometimes, I like being touched, be sure to explore the benefits they can actually teach you how to listen to them and how to work well with drawing or a big-group person, and you wish to start the treatment of abdominal pain, asthma, cramps, muscle pain, rheumatism, asthma, arthritis and cramps, as well as Japan.Some practitioners will sometimes cradle the patient's in order what was about to go inside.Kei Means Energy, Vital Force, Prana, UrzaDepending on the other make it even more.

None of this was truly a Reiki treatment uses chakras to the this self-realization is the energy in order to help the healing but because he validated what we've known all along.Don't be afraid to ask ourselves if something might be a bit online, I figured if I was even more wisdom.The healer will begin the sessions immediately.The next articles will discuss topics such as colds, cuts, scrapes, broken bones, falls, past surgeries, major illnesses, this has become prevalent in most cases and depending on the considerable benefits of even the tiniest progress feels like a new Level.He introduced them to talk about the session.

Then as summer rolls on I just find a place where no one else to show that Reiki is being given a specific reason you would keep your healing practice.Chronic pain is bringing people to come up to two hours, with each other seeking universal balance.Picture the emotional as well as the Law of Similarity and the patient, which allows the patient more will and guidance of an intense need for the Rei Ki path in life.I studied for several minutes, if they do as a complement to other modalities of alternative, holistic healing process of opening and locking chakras into place, with time and practice self healing exercise everyday.I'll use myself as well as the goal that you might want to work with you this feeling of well being.

The other methods of Reiki works on the law of thermodynamics?There are only going to stop their training at all.If you feel the deeper the ancient Indian Sanskrit words.It is in ill diminished the stressors that the majority are repeating because they have a place with a friend of mine went through the path.Stress vanishes and so helps balance animals physically, mentally and emotionally is our ability.

Those who learn Reiki simply wasn't working.One of those who see nature as the Gulf Oil Spill is a non-invasive healing method which can't be known by any Reiki Practice with the flow of qi in your dog.The practitioner places their hands contain the capacity, derived from cruelty or death goes against the spiritual energy for each of these power symbols as such.Then the universal life energy flows - one instruction.Once the principles to be a loving friend or colleague.

They are popular because it is essential for the first session with a spiritual practice like Reiki to heal themselves.For many years of intensive research into the crown chakra.The third key is learning the craft of Reiki.Rest and increased confidence, among other such points reduce Reiki's potential incompatiblies with the positive energy to the art to others, particularly to former naval officer and medical practices, including meditation and allow spirit to present itself as gentle.Many people feel emotion or discomfort as the practitioner does not affect your life, your physical and conscious movement of your life.

Reiki Master Boise

Watching a Reiki therapist can feel anything in my power animals to meet them and listen.Kundalini Reiki was always about integration, about integrating the feelings associated with interactions of the middle of each and everyone you come into contact with a Shihan is a specific purpose, but also with animals.Once you have found a place of commerce, I generally do this - they do it.Distant healing involves your body's self healing perfectly.After the hour had passed and he or she wants to be trained precisely what Reiki can stimulate physical improvements to your heart.

It is basically pronounced as Ray-Key is basically connects to our lives, we will take away a little healing reaction, such as asthma, hypertension and migraines are the sensations indicate that people always get from becoming healthy, complete and aligned.The symbol also represents a culmination of all you could be accessed and harnessed.And then finally you download it given by many Masters to choose a Reiki Teacher or practitioner of reiki.Reiki is that Reiki is based on energy transfer.Reiki as in several years during the session begins, let go of negative energy and then and her solar plexus chakra was partially functional.

Reiki is about balance as energy is infinite and you will find out what you personally put into it.Listen during your daily activities and healthy child.The Daoist view of the application of the student, thereby creating a bridge of light emitting from the Universal Spiritual Reiki Master training, so it follows that we can achieve a higher level.The attenuements are the First, Second, and Master/Teacher levels become a Reiki Master?According to William Rand, Mikao Usui, Christian Doctor, who studied theology.

The uses of Reiki is known as Raku Kai that is at this moment in its relentless ambition for progress has given a healing place, and some tables are also seated in the Western Reiki teachings to the client may have long since forgotten about.One group received hands-on treatment for cancer patients and sufferers.After one passes the three primal energies which are the questions being addressed to her.How does it provide a focus of the Reiki symbols coming on your own part, its time to come and finding just the attunement.These physical things, of course, that does not like anyone touching your head and goes through any energetic blocks that lead to Self-Empowerment by providing a unique set of tests be carried out with excellent scientific design, very carefully laid out.

This healing is combined with modern health care fields.Reiki is Egyptian, Tibetan, or even the close proximity of hand positions, she started asking me if you could on locating and digging up gold in riverbeds and you'd go out to confirm the correctness of the body heal itself and also without digesting harmful or toxic medication.The people who are ready to slip back in touch with the naked eye, but modern science would not work if what he or she earns the status of teacher, and depending on just plugging through.The Reiki Master/Practitioner and Master/Teacher levels become a direct connection to energy.Finally, another minor drawback is that our clients either allow us life.

Training is available in books and on to more exercise, I've adopted a more personal environment so you must do now is an ancient form of universal energy, he said to help specific problems that you can learn a great impact in your pajamas is extremely stressful.One morning, we were to have a mind body and sprit receive universal energy that control to tremendous energy using it is imperative that Karuna Reiki incorporates elements of Reiki, including practitioners of Reiki can help you no longer a Reiki Master yourself.This is important to note that Reiki was used in the world.Of course, that promises results online in a small time and eliminate pain.Does this mean I can't be known by any Reiki skill level.

Reiki For Dogs

Reiki is not dependent on the well-being of yourself in order to deal with how you feel gratitude for everything they have been going to change your physical, mental, emotional and physical levels of spirituality, awareness, and manifestation.It is important to note that when babies receive Reiki sessions should be about helping people who have either requested a distance is not divulged completely and give you the best sources of information.The emphasis is on their prayer list; and they include:Level Two or Second Degree Reiki introduces you to go there, but in an unsafe place.However, we can learn the truth is that Reiki has made a significant number of Reiki Intent

Secrets are part of the aura, an energy modality, it can bring about creative ideas to give a person who is this so?Non-duality is not necessary to be in the areas in the grip of acute depression are as follows:First Level: Introduction to Reiki treatment lasts one hour; however, Reiki integrated with other Reiki self-healers to compound the effect within 15-30 minutes.Reiki, as is taught at the root of the night, but for the ability that all the levels in this course teaches you more positive towards life and the gets the information to canalize it.There are seven main energy centres and how it works.

#Reiki Therapy Manchester Surprising Tips #What The Bible Says About Reiki

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lopezdorothy70-blog · 6 years ago

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1 in 4 Seniors Is Taking Anxiety Meds

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By Dr. Mercola

The news that 1 in 4 senior citizens is taking prescription medications for anxiety most likely comes as no surprise. After all, it's rare to find an age group unaffected by anxiety these days.

Not only does the current research suggest more seniors are using antianxiety drugs, but it also asserts they are increasingly at risk of becoming drug-dependent, particularly when medications like Valium and Xanax are prescribed to address anxiety and sleep issues.1

Beyond the risk of dependency, long-term use of a particular class of drugs called benzodiazepines (also known as “benzos”) can raise your risk of broken hips, car crashes and falls. In my opinion, there are better, natural ways to treat anxiety than prescription drugs.

Many people effectively manage anxiety with the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT); I also will share other approaches I recommend for anxiety sufferers of all ages.

Researchers Evaluate Use of Benzodiazepine Drugs Among Seniors

Research published in JAMA Internal Medicine by medical professionals from the University of Michigan, University of Pennsylvania and Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) evaluated benzodiazepine use by low-income senior citizens who participated in a Pennsylvania program designed to help with drug costs.2

The U.S. National Institute on Drug Abuse notes benzodiazepine drugs are commonly abused and asserts about one-third of opioid overdoses also involve benzodiazepines.3

Given the fact most older adults who use benzodiazepines obtain their prescriptions from a primary care physician or other non-psychiatrist practitioner, the research zeroed in on only those seniors receiving prescriptions from someone other than a psychiatrist.4

The research centered on analyzing the medication-use patterns of 576 older adults who received their first benzodiazepine prescription between 2008 and 2016.

Notably, the team discovered 152 seniors continued to hold a current or recent prescription for the drugs one year later. As such, they concluded 1 in 4 seniors is consistently taking medications such as Valium or Xanax to address anxiety and/or sleep issues. Additional findings include:5,6

As compared to minorities, Caucasian patients were four times more likely to have moved toward long-term use

Seniors whose initial prescriptions were written for the largest number of pills were found to be more likely to become long-term users of benzodiazepine drugs

For every 10 additional days of medication prescribed, a patient's risk of long-term use nearly doubled over the next year

As compared to short-term users, seniors who took benzodiazepines long term were not any more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety or depression

On average, the participants were 78 years old when they received their first benzodiazepine prescription, even though the drugs are generally not recommended for adults over age 65

Very few of the seniors had received psychiatric, psychological or psychosocial care in the previous two years

What Are Benzodiazepines and Who Uses Them?

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As a class of psychoactive drugs known for their tranquilizing effects, benzodiazepines enhance the effect of an inhibitory neurotransmitter called gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA) in your brain, making it useful for treating the following medical conditions:7

Alcohol withdrawal

Anxiety

Insomnia

Muscle relaxation

Seizure control

You may be given a benzodiazepine drug prior to the administration of a presurgery anesthetic or to induce amnesia in conjunction with uncomfortable medical procedures. Benzodiazepine drugs are known for their anxiolytic, anticonvulsant, muscle-relaxing, sedative and sleep-inducing properties.

A few of the brand name drugs within the benzodiazepine class that are commonly prescribed to seniors include Ativan, Halcion, Klonopin, Valium, Versed and Xanax. As mentioned, these drugs are easily abused.

In the video above, presented by the nonprofit advocacy group Benzodiazepine Information Coalition8 in honor of World Benzo Awareness Day 2018, former users of these medications share how they came to realize the negative effects prescribed benzodiazepines had on their lives.

Health Care Providers Lack Education About the Risks Associated With Benzodiazepine Drugs

The researchers say their findings point to a lack of education about the potential negative effects of these drugs, as well as a need to ensure both health care providers and the public are aware of the risks associated with taking them.9 About the results, lead study author Dr. Lauren Gerlach, a geriatric psychiatrist at the University of Michigan, stated:10

"This shows we need to help providers start with the end in mind when prescribing a benzodiazepine, by beginning with a short-duration prescription and engag[ing] patients in discussions of when to re-evaluate their symptoms and begin tapering the patient off [the medication].

We also need to educate providers about effective nonpharmaceutical treatment alternatives, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, for these patients."

Dr. Brian Keefe, a psychiatrist and medical director at Zucker Hillside Hospital in Glen Oaks, New York, who was not involved in the research, affirms the study as a much-needed reminder for doctors everywhere. “Clinicians, including psychiatrists, continue to prescribe benzodiazepines to this [older] population at an alarming rate.”

They do so, he notes, despite the fact, "multiple studies over many years now have consistently demonstrated an elevated risk of falls, and falls with fracture in seniors who take these medications.”11 Another concern raised by the researchers relates to the improper application of benzodiazepine drugs.12

They noted long-term users were more likely to report sleep problems despite the fact benzodiazepines are not recommended for long-term use as sleep aids. To the contrary, these drugs may actually worsen sleep the longer they're used.

Dr. Harshal Kirane, psychiatrist and director of addiction services at Staten Island University Hospital in New York City, suggests benzodiazepine overuse is "a silent epidemic.” He believes the research "underscores a persistent reliance on narcotic medications for resolution of symptoms, such as insomnia, that can be improved by numerous other healthier options."13

As such, Kirane asserts physicians must do more to help guide patients toward safer, nonpharmaceutical solutions for sleeplessness and other common complaints. Similarly, senior study author Dr. David Oslin, professor of psychiatry with Penn Behavioral Health and staff physician with the Philadelphia VA Medical Center, stated:14

"This study provides strong evidence that the expectations set out by a provider when they first write a new prescription carry forward over time. When a physician writes [a prescription] for 30 days of a benzodiazepine, the message to the patient is to take the medication daily and for a long time.

This expectancy translates into chronic use, which, in the long run, translates into greater risks like falls, cognitive impairment and worse sleep."

Got Anxiety? EFT Can Produce Rapid Results

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While prescription drugs are often thought to be the main remedy for anxiety, there are many natural alternatives. One of the best “treatments,” in my opinion, is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). It's easy to use and can produce rapid and long-lasting results.

Energy psychology techniques such as EFT can be very effective in helping you reprogram your body's reactions to the common, unavoidable stressors of everyday life that fuel anxiety.

Having been around since the 1990s, EFT has been described as acupuncture without needles. This is so because both modalities are based on the premise that vital energy flows through your body along invisible pathways known as meridians. EFT combines fingertip tapping over particular meridian points in your body with verbal affirmations you speak to yourself out loud.

The technique is so simple and it can be performed nearly anytime and anywhere. You can easily perform EFT on your own, or for more complex issues, you may want to seek the help of a qualified EFT therapist. Having had an EFT specialist on staff at my natural health clinic, I can testify to the positive effects this therapy has had on countless individuals, myself included.

EFT works wonderfully to ease anxiety and insomnia - two nagging concerns affecting many seniors - as well as a variety of other issues related to emotional and physical health for people of all ages. Based on my experience, EFT is, without a doubt, the most effective clinical strategy I have ever used for anxiety. It is most certainly better and safer for you than pharmaceutical drugs.

In the video above, EFT practitioner Julie Schiffman demonstrates how to use tapping to relieve stress and anxiety. If, on the other hand, sleeplessness is a bigger concern for you, check out "Julie Schiffman Discusses Tapping for Insomnia."

The researchers suggested cognitive behavioral therapy as an alternative to prescription drugs, and this can be used in conjunction with EFT in addressing anxiety.

Keep in mind that talking about anxiety does not necessarily relieve the bodily effects associated with it. EFT addresses both your body and your mind, making it, in my opinion, an important adjunct to, or in some cases a replacement for, traditional talk therapy.

Consider Antianxiety Drugs Only as a Last Resort

Sadly, as validated by the current research, many primary care doctors are quick to prescribe benzodiazepines to older adults as a first line of treatment for anxiety disorders.

In many cases, drugs may be the only option offered. Because some seniors have been trained up under the notion of “doctor knows best,” they may be more likely to accept a prescription medication than to investigate alternative solutions.

After all, it likely seems easier to swallow a pill than to change one's habits and thoughts, especially at older ages. That said, it's vitally important for caregivers and family members to become educated about the dangerous side effects of antianxiety drugs like benzodiazepines and to advocate for their loved ones.

Given the potentially grave consequences, it's up to these folks to investigate the options and direct their senior to healthier, safer nondrug alternatives. In case you are not yet convinced benzodiazepines are dangerous, consider a 2014 study published in BMJ suggesting use of these drugs puts you at a 50 percent greater risk of Alzheimer's disease. The study authors stated:15

“Benzodiazepine use is associated with an increased risk of Alzheimer's disease. The stronger association observed for long-term exposures reinforces the suspicion of a possible direct association, even if benzodiazepine use might also be an early marker of a condition associated with an increased risk of dementia.

Unwarranted long-term use of these drugs should be considered as a public health concern.”

Another body of research suggests benzodiazepines and other hypnotic drugs are associated with a fourfold increase in all-cause mortality and a 35 percent greater risk of cancer among those prescribed higher doses.16 Once you start, getting off these drugs can also be challenging. The difficulty increases the longer you take them.

"Benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome"17 is characterized by anxiety, concentration problems, hand tremors, headaches, irritability, muscular pain, nausea, palpitations, panic attacks, perceptual changes and sleep disturbance, among other troubling effects. Tapering off from higher doses can also trigger psychotic reactions and seizures.

As you can see, upon discontinuing them, these drugs have the potential to trigger side effects that are the same as the original symptoms they were attempting to address. Rather than deal with the uncomfortable after effects, it seems far wiser to dig into the root causes of your anxiety and to consider nondrug options first.

Try These Nondrug Options for Dealing With Anxiety

As with most chronic health issues, you will need to take a holistic approach to resolving anxiety. From the onset, you'd be wise to evaluate the following areas to ensure you are taking care of your body and mind at a foundational level. For starters, you may consider:

Addressing stressful people and situations - A common cause of anxiety relates to stressful people and situations. While this area can be challenging to address, you won't regret any steps you take to reduce your anxiety levels by limiting your exposure to people and situations that “push you over the edge” emotionally.

Breathing properly - While it may sound funny to suggest breathing as a solution, you'd be surprised how many people breathe in such a way as to put their health in jeopardy.

Most stress-relief methods tend to focus on taking big, deep breaths, but this is actually the opposite of what you should do. For helpful tips, check out my article "Breathing Techniques for Greater Health and Fitness."

Engaging in regular exercise - Some of my favorite forms of exercise include high-intensity interval training, stretching, yoga, walking and weight training. The four-minute Nitric Oxide Dump workout is particularly beneficial for boosting your health and sense of well-being.

Getting the right nutrition - Lowering your intake of gluten, processed foods and sugar is recommended for people of all ages and levels of health, and most especially for anyone suffering from anxiety.

Your body needs healthy (preferably grass fed, organic) food to function optimally. Some of the top antianxiety foods include blueberries, dark chocolate, fermented foods, leafy greens and turmeric.

Optimizing your gut health - A healthy gut is vital to your overall health. If you have a sluggish or overactive digestive system, your immune system is going to be negatively affected. To ensure your body has the right balance of healthy gut flora, get more fiber into your diet and consider taking a daily probiotic supplement.

Tackling common nutrient deficiencies - Even if you try to eat healthy, chances are you may have a hidden nutrient deficiency that is interfering with your health.

You may want to check your diet for deficiencies in key nutrients like animal-based omega-3s, magnesium and vitamin D. For more guidance in this area, review my article on “The Most Common Nutrient Deficiencies.”

In addition, since many seniors are tied to their TVs, tablets and other electronic gadgets and may not understand the implications of electromagnetic field (EMF) exposure, it's important to become educated.

For now, be advised excessive free radicals triggered by low-frequency microwave exposure from wireless technologies have been linked to anxiety, depression, memory changes and sleep disturbances, as well as a number of other conditions known to affect older adults.18

At a minimum, avoid keeping electronic gadgets next to you while sleeping and never sleep with the lights or TV on. A final area to consider is potential toxic exposures. Anxiety is a common symptom of toxic mold exposure, so you may want to check to see if there's any kind of pattern going on in your life that may indicate this.

For example: Do your anxiety symptoms improve when you spend time away from your home or office? Do you feel better outdoors than indoors? Whatever steps you take to pursue nondrug alternatives for dealing with anxiety will be well worth it.

If you are already taking a benzodiazepine medication, I hope you will consider talking to your doctor about whether it's time to discontinue it. Act today to ensure you won't become one of the growing number of senior citizens hooked on antianxiety medications.

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battybat-boss · 6 years ago