#shoutout to my baby brother for standing still as i bent his arms in every direction to get the Vision right

[lubdubsworld]

Tumblr prompt ( Yoongi / OC)

https://attackonyoonmin.tumblr.com/post/163946322512/requested-by-anon-street-fighter-yoongi-edit

Based on the above moodboard <3 

Shoutout to @attackonyoonmin​ You guys do a great job!! :) :) 

Genre : angst. 

AU : Gang ? Au ... it’s not exactly fleshed out, pretty vague. 

Rating : Smut 

Summary : This was supposed to be angsty and heart breaking but it’s mostly just porn. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

On top of this ending tune I am standing here alone Now tell me That it’s over, let me know

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 I stood still, watching the blood drip down his chin, fat red drops, landing on his stark white t shirt and soaking the fabric in a scarlet splotch, his face paler than usual, his gaze heavier than usual, like his mind was already giving up on keeping them open and his legs unsteady as he leaned against the wooden frame of my door. 

His snapback hid his eyes and also the shocking white of his blonde hair , but the lips looked the same as they had the last time i saw him. Red, plump and with a small cut, barely healing over. 

I remembered that cut. I’d patched it up for him three weeks ago. 

“Y/N...” His voice is raspy and strained, vocal chord fighting to draw energy from a body that was already shutting down. Sighing, I grabbed his wrist, watching the way he winced at the touch. Bruises, on his knuckles. Scrapes all over his fingers and a finger that looked unnaturally bent. 

“Why are you here?” i whispered, gripping the door till my fingers turned white.

Yoongi blinked and the cut in his forehead bled a bit more, the red liquid slipping into his eye and making him flinch.

“Baby.... See you...i wanted to see you...” 

I scoffed as I moved closer, wrapping my arm around his waist slowly, aware that he was probably sporting cracked ribs as well. 

“You’re dying.” I said flatly. 

He let out a harsh little laugh.

“ Probably. But not tonight. “ 

~~~~~~~~

Yoongi and i had grown up together. In a fishing village off the coast of Jeju do and we had been in love for as long as I could remember. He had been my first. My only. 

When we both got into medical school, i was over the moon. I knew I was going to be a doctor and I knew Yoongi would be a succcessful surgeon. We would get married and have our happily ever after.

Except that when we reached Seoul, that wasn’t what happened. Yoongi hated the city. He hated the college. He hated studying. He hated everything except being with me and then he started hating that too.... 

I wasn’t fun enough . i wasn’t adventurous enough . I wasn’t reckless enough . 

I wasn’t enough. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suddenly, in my eyes rain wells up You well up, I see you even when I breathe Love blooms like cherry blossoms but burns and becomes ashes 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 “ Why are you here?” I asked again, pressing the pad of cotton wool, held delicately with the forcept, dipped in the antiseptic on the metal tray, and gently wiped at the cut on his forehead. “ Why don’t you just go to an emergency room? Why do you always turn up here and hurt me?”

He was shirtless, body a canvas of criss cross stripes and blooming bruises . Someone had really did a number on him. He didn’t reply, just stared at me intently, face inches from mine as he watched me work. 

“We broke up. You shouldn’t be coming back to me. You shouldn’t be doing this to me Min Yoongi! Damn you! Damn you to hell and back! ” I felt tears sting. The first few drops slipped out and dripped over my cheeks, landing on his knees. 

Still he stayed quiet, gaze steady as he watched me cry. 

“I love that you cry for me. You’re the only one who ever does. You always cried for me. even when we were six years old and my father beat me up. ” he finally said and I felt my heart break all over again. 

Sniffling, I wiped the back of my arm across my nose. I swiped away thetears and glared at him. 

“Stop it. “i said sternly.

“You told me you wanted to become a doctor only because you wanted to stop me from hurting. And then you cried again...” He was smiling softly , like it was the best memory he had and I wanted to lash out at him. 

“Well, i won’t ! Anymore... You’re not worth my tears.!” i shouted even as a few more slipped out, unbidden. 

He smiled softly, reaching out and lightly rubbing his thumb on the underside of my eye. 

i pulled away, hating myself. 

. Dropping the bloody bit of cotton wool on the bin at my feet, I picked up the tube of antiboiotic and sprayed some of the disinfectant on my fingers. I applied some of the cream on my fingertips before carefully dabbing the cut on his forehead. 

He hissed and i startled, nearly dropping the tray and his hand shot out, gripping my wrist hard, steadying me. It felt like a fiery burn, the touch of his hands on mine and I tugged my hand away.

Or at least tried to. He didn’t let go, thunb tracing circles on my forearm in gentle soothing strokes. 

“I missed you.” He whispered. 

I choked on my own sobs. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey girl I know, the conclusion you arrived at by yourself Your hand, your body, your body heat that was hotter than the equator I’m still here, on repeat on top of this tune that isn’t there anymore. I’m turning by myself on top of this music that has long  ended

“Remember that night ... in the barn?” He said suddenly, just as I finished bandaging the cut on his forehead. I moved to get a new batch of cotton wool to start on the others. 

“No.” I lied promptly.

He chuckled. 

“Should i jog your memory then? We snuck out of your brother’s engagement , that night ... after school?...”

“Why are you doing this to me?” I whispered. 

“i keep thinking about that night....” 

“Well, i don’t.... “ 

“you should...it was amazing..” 

“Yoongi...” 

“I love you, Y/N.” 

I sighed. 

“Turn around, let me see your back. “ 

He smiled and shifted obediently. 

As I began cleaning up the cuts there, I couldn’t help but remember the night he was referring to. 

"Ahhh... " I shouted and Yoongi shushed me with his palm pressed into my mouth while he pumped three long fingers in and out of my dripping wet pussy, thumb rubbing circles on my clit. I stared, my eyes glazed,  at his handsome face as he smirked at me. He’d smirked at me with the kind of baseless confidence that only a seventeen year old could have. 

We were in the barn of the Travelers Inn, it was evening and he'd dragged me out of my brother’s engagement party in the tavern  and to the abandoned building. He'd chained the door shut and almost ripped my cotton blouse and skirt in his haste to get me naked. 

My bra and panties had followed and now we were both naked, me on the floor on a makeshift straw pallet and him on top, his hard cock leaking precum on my stomach as it dragged over the soft flesh of my belly button. I reached down and gripped it tightly, using my thumb to get some of the wetness before stroking the straining member, aware of the way it twitched in my hand,so big and hard. I groaned at the thought of it inside me, stretching me out and filling me so completely. "I'm going to the lick your cunt.. " Yoongi whispered and I let out a startled laugh. "That's filthy... " I said awed. Yoongi grinned before pulling his fingers out of my pussy with a squelching noise. I was so wet and swollen that I wanted to sob at the sudden emptiness. Yoongi licked the fingers he'd just pulled out of  me and I grimaced. "Gross... " "You taste delicious... here see... " he kissed me and I tasted myself on his tongue and he was right. it wasn't gross. it was oddly arousing. He pulled back and slapped my thighs. "Open your legs a bit. " I let my legs fall open and he used his fingers to lightly stretch me open, staring at my center with hunger. "You're so pink and swollen and wet down here. I could stare at your cunt all day. " he grinned before diving down and licking my clit, in deft little strokes. I thrashed about in shock, the pleasure too much to bear. He licked and suckled down to the slit before pushing his tongue in and lapping up all the wetness, humming in that low husky voice of his, like he was eating some sort of a rare treat. His stubble brushed my sensitive skin and the burn felt so good as he continued to press his tongue in deeper, now with two fingers to help keep me open while his thumb kept rubbing my clit. I slipped a hand down to grip his silky black hair even as he suckled the entrance and lightly grazed his teeth on my clit.

My orgasm hit me so hard I nearly blacked out.

I exploded all over his face and he growled, licking and tasting every last drop till I was a shivering drained mess. He crawled up and then smiled at me. "So what do you think of my oral skills? " he whispered, kissing me and letting me taste my own juices. I grinned in disbelief. "Definitely A plus. " "Catch your breath and suck me off... I want to cum on your face. " I nodded and let him nuzzle my breasts, his fingers pinching my nipples while I yelped.

Five minutes later he straddled my shoulders, gripping the wooden slat on the wall as he fucked my mouth in slow shallow thrusts, his aching pink cock hitting the back  of my throat. When he was close he pulled out and then stroked himself till he came all over my face, globs of white cum landing on my hair . He stared at his handiwork with a pleased smile and I had to beg him to let me clean it up before it dried. Min Yoongi was insatiable. And I was so, so, so lucky.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girl let me know Girl let me know Although I already know everything is over Although you’re over me Girl let me know

“ Tell me to never come back.”  His lips closed over mine with bruising familiarity, his body still thrumming from the residual adrenaline from his fight, as he backed me into the bed. 

It was fast and rough and fierce. He used his tongue to trace the seam of my lips, demanding entrance, even as his hands slipped underneath my legs, gripping my thighs and forcing me to wrap my  legs around his lean waist.I gasped, the physical expression of his strength leaving her dazed.

He pulled my shorts off swiftly.

He used soft, wispy touches to trace my heat, his fingers stroking down my wet centre through the thin material of my underwear, even as his lips moved downward, finding and then mouthing at my nipples through the fabric of my t shirt. Each warm and wet movement made me sag a little more, till my forehead hit his shoulder

He moved one hand to the edge of my neckline and I shivered.

"Don't tear this one too. I like it . " I whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of his jaw and he chuckled.

"I'll buy you ten others . Just like this. " he unbuckled my bra with one hand and I could only gape. The first touch of his fingers to my bare breasts made my toes curl, my fingers flitting to his hair and sinking into the thick block locks, still a little wet from sweat . 

He bent low, carefully closing his lips over one taut nipple, drawing it in, suckling it and then giving it a very warm and wet tug. The sensation of having the little nub pulled away from the rest of my body was so strong and arousing that I gripped his hair, gasping wildly.

He laughed softly, pulling back and then licking the tips with soft kitten licks. He moved to repeat the action on the other breast, before fumbling with his belt, pulling himself out and then pressing up against me till I was cradling the hard length of his arousal against my heated core. His fingers slipped in, pushing aside my underwear to find her slit.

I was lushly, gloriously wet, the silky slide off his fingers facing no resistance at all as he slipped them in, curling inside me till I saw stars.

"So tight. So beautiful. I want to taste you. Want to see if you still taste the same. More addicting than the finest wine... " he whispered, biting down on my earlobe. I jumped when his thumb pressed against my clit, moving in gentle circles that left me writhing against the strength of his hand.

He kept at it for a long time, the slow smooth strokes making me lose my sanity in short exhaled gasps. His fingers slipped deeper, searching and then rubbing against some exquisite spot inside me that turned melted my bones and left me limp.

“You missed me , didn’t you? “  He whispered, kissing me feverishly as he pressed me into the mattress. I groaned, choking on air as I tried to get my bearings.

“No. “ i said stubbornly.

“Do You love me?” He demanded, fingers working feverishly to pull off my  panties. I grunted , palms digging into his shoulders as i clung on for dear life. 

“No...” I choked out, head dropping when he spread my legs, slipped two fingers in without warning. I keened at the stretch and tried to tamp down the panic. 

“You’re over me then?” He said curiously, lining his cock up right against me , gripping the hard length of it and tracing circles with the head on my entrance, smaring sprecum and my wetness all over. 

“Yes...I’m over you...i don’t love you anymore ..I...”

He pushed in without warning, burying himself to the hilt, my voice ripping out of me in a strangled breath that was half givbberish and half his name.  I squirmed at the impossible girth of him, my breath coming in pants as he pulled back out before pushing in , spearing me open. 

I felt tears slip out as he fucked into me, slowly and then rough , alternating the tempo till i was a shivering , boneless mess. 

"Let me in, babe.... I'll take care of you.... Let me in... " he whispered raggedly, even as he pressed in further, brushing some elusive spot inside me that set off fireworks at the back of my eyelids, my blood singing in my veins. My eyes widened and then fluttered shut but he was panting against me.

"Open your eyes... Look at me.. " he said roughly, fingers holding my hips as he set an easy rhythm of in and out. He pulled back till he was almost fully out and then drove back in, in one smooth silky plunge. My body stretched and purred as it widened to accommodate him , my inner walls clenching in protest everytime he pulled out.

 I wanted this forever. Him inside me, right where he belonged.

right where he should be. Safe and sound. Not hurting but happy. 

 But he’s going to leave agin. He’s going to go get hurt again. 

I whimpered, steeling myself for the inevitable explosion that would hit me. His thumb pressed further against my nub,  and I felt my breath leave my body in short gasps.

"Wait for me... Don't leave without me... " he said suddenly and I shook my head, already tumbling over the edge of sanity, my muscles spasming around his flesh and milking him as well, till he sank against me, groaning out his pleasure.

We lay there like that for a few minutes, exhausted, limp and breathless. Everything felt empty in the aftermath except for where we were joined, hot and wet, the smell of sex so pungent in the air that I wanted to sink into the floor.

 “Tell me to leave. Tell me to get lost, damn you! Help me leave..Y/N .” He whispered. 

I pulled back to stare at him.

“No.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If there are hellos, then there’s bound to be goodbyes? Never ever I don’t care about that, I don’t want to stick to that I’ll turn away, hypnotizing myself

 i watched him as he put his clothes back on, still wincing lightly at the movements. He hadn’t cracked any ribs . And his finger was only strained. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. 

I sat on the foot of the bed, knees pulled up and chin resting on them as i watched him. 

“Is this it?” I said stupidly. 

He hesitated. 

“You tell me.” 

“Quit everything. Come back to me.” I whispered , the words familiar and tastless. I’d said them so many times now. Over and over. They no longer held any meaning. Or so it felt. 

He smiled at me and finished lacing up his boots before walking over. He crouched low and carefully brushed my hair away. 

“You know i can’t , love.” 

“Yoongi.... Don’t leave me...” I whispered , turning my cheek to rub it against his palm. 

He smiled again , bright and gummy and it was like watching an angel. 

So beautiful. He was so damn beautiful. 

“I have to go...”

“Don’t go back there... It’s dangerous...” I begged, clinging to the collar of his bloodstained jacket. 

“No..” He pulled my hands away and stood up slowly, walking over to the door. 

“ I’m dangerous.” he whispered. 

And then he was gone. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe we’re all just a bunch of fools Everyone lives with a love that has come to an end It’s not that I still have feelings for you I know we can’t work out

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A month later, i was flipping through the TV channels when the news item caught my attention. 

“.......Earlier tonight, yet another shootout in lower Itaewon as gang members clashed in a popular college hang-out....The incident left two dead and three injured .......”

My heart dropped to my knees and i dove for my phone, watching the scene on the TV. i noticed the ambulance, checked the hospital. it was my hospital.... 

I whimpered as i dialled the number.

“Minho!! Today... the shooting ...in itaewon...” i choked out. 

“It isn’t him, Y/N.”

My breath came out in a whoosh. 

“I... Are you sure...?” I said stupidly, my fingers going ice cold in relief. 

“it isn’t Yoongi.” 

I hung up the phone with dead fingers, my heartrate slowly coming back to normal. 

It wasn’t him . 

But someday it would be. 

And there was nothing i could do about it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In my imagination, I fight with you, make up with you and understand you Your hand gestures, your eyes, they are faded but not gone Why won’t they go away?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The knock on my door came at midnight. 

 Don’t open it. End it now. End it today. This isn’t right. 

 i dragged myself off the bed and slowly walked to the door. I took a deep breath before grabbing the key and slwoly unlocking it. 

He was dressed in a snapback. The same olive green jacket. His white shirt was surprisingly clean, but his arm was drenched and i caught the bullet hole in the sleeve, nausea hitting me in the stomach. 

“Did you miss me?” He whispered.

 Yes. i miss you. i love you . 

 i held the door open and helped him in. 

“No.” i said softly, cherishing the warmth of his laughter as he hugged me. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHOR’S NOTE : I’m crying. Yoongi is my bias and this was just... sorry. Let me know what you think... 

[whereno1701hasgonebefore]

I Was Younger Then....

Pairing: Kirk x reader

Warnings: angst, a little bit of language 

Words: 3601

A/N: So, I’m back! I’ve been struggling with life, and at some point, I lost all inspiration to write. It’s slowly coming back now, and I’m thrilled to be writing again. As of today, there are 600 of you incredible people who follow me, and I’m so incredibly flattered. Thank you all so much. 

This story was inspired by Ed Sheeran’s new song, Castle On The Hill and I am thinking I will do a second part, if people want one.

One big shoutout to my beta and best friend, @childoftimeandmagic for continually putting up with my self-doubt and intense criticism of my own work. Thanks for always encouraging me to get things out there.

Captain James Tiberius Kirk was the last man off the Enterprise when it docked, a fact he was highly agitated about. For the first time in years, he was going home during his shore leave, and he couldn’t wait to get on the road. Memories of his years there flooded his mind, his best friend and first love prominent in most of them.

He was six years old. His stepfather had been yelling again, so he and his brother snuck out of the house. George and his friends were playing some silly tag game, and he had raced after them, trying to keep up. That was when he tripped over a root in the ground, a loud snap accompanying the sharp pain that shot up his leg when it bent in a funny angle. He had been rushed to the hospital, where his leg was wrapped in a cast, forcing him to spend the rest of the summer watching his friends from the sidelines.

“Um, hello…” A small voice made him jump out of his seat at the base of a tree, groaning as his leg twinged in the cast.

“Jeez! Don’t you know not to sneak up on someone you don’t know?!” He scowled at the girl who belonged to the voice as she moved to stand in front of him.

“Well it’s not my fault you weren’t paying attention!” She planted her hands on her hips, sticking her tongue out at him.

“What do you want, anyway?” He rolled his eyes, and she seemed to visibly deflate a bit.

“Um, well, my momma said I had to come and make friends with some of the other kids. I just moved here. I live in the blue house on Walnut… no, Maple street!” She grinned proudly, and he perked up a little bit.

“The one with the big tree on the side?” He asked, curiosity getting the best of him.

“Yup! That’s the one!”

“I live right next door with my big brother.” He gestured to one of the boys swimming in the pond in front of them.

“Oh! That’s cool! We’re neighbours now, so we’ve gotta be friends.” She sat down next to him, and he shrugged in response.

“I guess so. My name’s James. My big brother is the doofus with brown hair. His name is George.” He pointed to one of the bigger kids splashing around.

“I”m Y/N.” She smiled. “I don’t have any brothers or sisters. What’s it like?”

“Well, he thinks he’s better than me just because he’s bigger, but mom likes me best.”

“Oh. Well, you’ve got a cool cast that he doesn’t, so I think you’re better than him.” She nodded as if that was all there was to it and he grinned. “Wanna play at my house later? Momma got me some new toys because I was good for the move.”

“Sure!” He beamed, watching her get up and brush off her dress.

“Okay, see you later James!” He watched her skip away, unaware that after that moment, she’d become one of the most important people in his life.

Jim boarded the shuttle that would take him back to Iowa, the memory of the summer he met the girl who would change his life so strong that he smelled the grass baking in the sun. Settling down in a seat where he could watch the fields roll by out the window, he was caught in another memory from his younger years.

He was twelve years old. His friends were teasing him again for hanging out with a girl, especially since she was a ‘baby.’ “She’s not a baby, guys! She’s eleven years old, only a year younger than us!”

“Your little girlfriend isn’t even in the same school as us anymore, of course she’s a baby.” He tensed up as they continued to tease him.

“Whatever. I don’t wanna deal with this right now. I’ll see you guys later.” He scoffed, shoving his hands in his pockets and storming off. He headed back towards her house to check in with her, as he’d done for the last few months. With her mom gone and her dad a mess, she’d started to bottle things up, and he’d proclaimed himself her guardian, just like his brother did to him every time their mother was off-world. He was all set to climb the tree outside her window and get her to talk to him there, but instead he found a note at the base of the tree.

‘Meet me at the top of the sledding hill. I’ve got something to show you. -Y/N’

He glanced around to see if anyone was watching, then took off in a run towards the hill. Her hair was glimmering in the sunlight of the last few days of freedom as she worked on something with her back to him.

“Got your note.” He said, stuffing his hands back into his pockets. A wide smile spread across his face as he saw hers, smeared in dirt.

“Perfect timing. I’m just finishing it up.” She said, returning to her project.

“What are you making?” He tried to peek over her shoulder, but she turned and shoved him.

“It’s not done yet!” He laughed and rolled his eyes, sitting down next to her with his back to whatever was in front of her. She asked him about his day as she finished it up, and he danced around the argument he’d run away from as he told her. “Aha!” She shouted, interrupting his story. “You can look now, James.” He bit his tongue before he could tell her it was Jim now. He’d long since learned not to argue with her.

“What am I looking at?” He eyed the pile of sticks and leaves in front of him with a skeptical look on his face.

“It’s a castle, James!” She said, as if it was obvious. “See the towers here and the moat?” She pointed out the different features as he shook his head. “It’s our Castle on the Hill. We can come here to get away.” She said in a quiet voice that broke at the end of her sentence. He leaned closer to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, giving her a quick squeeze.

“Your dad’s just trying to do what he can. I know you lost your mom, but he lost her too.” He wiped her cheeks as the tears welled up and started to fall. They laid back in silence after that, watching the sun sink down below the horizon, light spilling over their little castle on the hill.

When the shuttle touched down, Kirk pushed his way through the crowds to find a classic convertible just begging to be driven recklessly over the country roads. He settled behind the wheel, revelling in the way it roared when he started it up. Letting the top down, he pulled out and sped away, finding a classical music station and cranking the radio as loud as it could go. He laughed as he recognized the song as one he’d belt out alongside his best friend. A bittersweet smile crept onto his face as he sang along. God, he hoped she was still around.

He was fifteen years old. He’d snuck a bottle of liquor out of his stepfather’s cabinet, and he waited for her to climb down the tree and join him. When she threw open the sash, she had a bag slung over her shoulder and a mischievous grin on her face. She scrambled down the tree to meet him on the ground. “Look what I snagged.” She lifted the top of the bag to reveal a large bottle of liquor she must have stolen from her dad’s stash. He grinned and held up his own bottle, then grabbed her hand as they snuck away, missing the blush that flooded her cheeks. They met up with some more of their friends in one of the corn fields behind his other best friend’s house.

Several bottles and cigarettes were passed around, everyone sharing what they had brought as they listened to the echoes of the town football game a few blocks away. No police would be out this far just yet, waiting until after the game to start their patrols. They laughed at each others’ faces as they smoked and drank, not one of them used to the tastes. As the bottles emptied and the cigarettes burned out, sensations dulled, and all he could focus on was the way her face lit up as she laughed and the way her body moved as she danced along to the songs they sang.

When they heard a car come to a stop near their hideout, they all shushed each other, giggling as the alcohol buzzed through their bloodstreams. When they heard shouting, they all scattered, and he grabbed onto her hand as he pulled her along with him. The two of them howled with laughter as they raced through the stalks, outpacing the cops even as they stumbled. He didn’t realize where he was taking her until they raced up the hillside, and the two of them flopped down onto the grass in the spot where a castle had once stood.

They laid side by side, hands still intertwined as they looked up at the stars. He risked looking at her as she pointed out constellations and slurred her words, and when she finally turned her head to meet his eyes, he felt his heart race. He stared at her for a moment before he leaned in and kissed her, all tongue and no skill. She didn’t seem to mind, and when he pulled away, she cuddled closer into his side. He’d never tell, but he’d remember it as one of the best nights of his life, there at the Castle on the Hill.

They were together for a few months, he recalled, speeding along the empty highway. The dust kicked up behind him and he couldn’t really remember why he’d ended it, other than he’d been young and stupid, and he never wanted to listen when she warned him that he could get in real trouble. He remembered getting a job, paying his brother to buy him cheap alcohol so he could get drunk in fields with his friends all through high school. And the girls. He remembered having girl after girl join him in those fields, in his bed. Mostly, he remembered the way his first love would roll her eyes after he paraded another girl in front of her, and the way she would still step in to help him out whenever he got himself in a pickle. It didn’t matter that they’d broken up when he decided he just couldn’t settle for one girl he met in his hometown when he was six.

The dust kicked up behind him as he sped past a road sign that let him know he was getting close to home. He didn’t know what had happened to all of his friends, but he remembered some of them moving away. One of them had moved all the way out to the East coast, working somewhere along the shoreline in Florida. Others had gotten married, had kids, divorced, and caused several scandals in their small town in Iowa. One of her best friends had moved to sell their own clothing line, causing her to cry in his arms as they left. Watching their friends leave to go off to school or new jobs had been tough then, but nothing had ever compared to the way he felt when he told her he had to leave.

He was twenty-two years old. He’d gone off to the bar alone, as she’d wanted to catch up with her other friends who had come back. “You get in any trouble, you call me. I’ll be there-”

“On the double?” He’d interrupted, earning a laugh and a playful shove.

“As fast as I can.” She finished, giving him a quick hug. “But if you’re going home with a girl, don’t even think of calling me. I’m not doing that threesome you want.”

“You sure about that?” He asked, tugging on his leather jacket with a lascivious wink.

“Positive. Get out of here, James.” She shooed him off with a giggle, and he’d gone out alone on his motorcycle. It wasn’t until several hours later that he showed back up, knocking on her darkened window. It took a few minutes for her to open it, and when she got a look at his face, she gasped.

“You should see the other guy.” He smirked as she ushered him into her room. He took a seat on her bed as she ran to get first aid supplies to clean up his face. It had changed so much since they were children, and he let out a sigh as he remembered why he’d come and what he had to do. When she returned and started fussing over him, he listened to her admonishments in silence.

“James, you were supposed to call me when you got into trouble.” She wiped away the dried blood from his cheek and he smiled softly.

“Y/N.” She continued as if she hadn’t heard him. “Y/N.” He said again, a little louder. She trailed off as she noticed the look on his face.

“There’s something more than the fight, isn’t there?” She asked, lowering her hand. He took the cloth away from her and set it aside, then grabbed both of her hands.

“After the fight with a dumb cadet - no, I didn’t start it, and yes, he deserved it - I met a guy.” He started, watching the smirk grow on her face.

“Is this why we never worked out all those years ago?” She teased, and he squeezed her hand with a short laugh.

“Something like that. Anyway, this guy… he was in charge of the cadets. A recruiter for Starfleet. He knew who I was without me saying anything. He’d done some research on my father. Told me I was my father’s son.” He watched as her smile fell. She knew what was coming next. “Y/N, I’m enlisting.” His heart broke a little more as he watched her sink to her knees in front of him.

“That’s not a very funny joke, James.” She said, pained eyes searching his face.

“It’s not a joke.” He watched her deflate a little more, then take a deep breath and look at him with a small glimmer of hope in her eyes.

“Well, we’ve still got some time, right? When do you leave?” He wasn’t sure he could tell her, and she must have noticed his hesitation. “James, we have time, don’t we?” He stared at their joined hands in his lap before he answered.

“I leave in the morning. Early. I’m sorry, Y/N, but it’s for the best. What am I going to do, stay here my whole life? You know you want to get out too.” She sat in silence, and he could see the tears drip onto her legs as she slumped down further. “Come on, say something.” She shook her head, and he sighed, easing off the bed to sit on the floor in front of her.

“Go, James.” He could barely hear the words, but that made it worse, somehow.

“Please, let me explain.” He pleaded, tipping her face up. He watched the hardness set in her eyes, and his heart dropped even further.

“No. You want to get out, then get out. Just leave.” He wanted to stay and argue with her, make her understand, but the look on her face told him he wouldn’t have enough time. He eased himself up and back out of her window, sparing one more glance as he slipped out onto the tree branch. He thought he heard a faint ‘be safe’ as he lowered himself down the trunk, but he couldn’t be sure.

When the morning rolled around, he stared up at her window, hoping to see her wave goodbye, but all he was left with was a fluttering curtain as he started his motorcycle back up and drove off to his future.

His heart still ached as he thought about the last time he’d seen her. Heartbroken and crying on her bedroom floor, she’d kicked him out, and he hadn’t tried to contact her again, not wanting to make things worse. It had nearly killed him to leave his best friend behind, but he couldn’t stay where he was, and Starfleet had offered him a way out, a purpose, and most importantly, a challenge. When he finally pulled up to his home, he was greeted by his brother and mother, then dragged inside to catch up. His mother had arranged a small gathering of people who had all been excited to see him again, and he continually scanned the faces in hopes that she’d be there.

When he finally got a moment to catch his breath, he found himself staring out at the window he’d watched all those years ago. It was closed now, but the same curtains hung there and he had to look away as the sound of her sobbing that night drowned out the chatter of those who had come to greet him. “She left not long after you did, dear.” His mother’s gentle voice startled him out of his reverie. “Got herself a good internship as she finished up her schooling. Barely came home. It broke her dad’s heart, but she said she couldn’t be here anymore. Last I heard, she was moving around with her new job.” He met his mother’s eyes with a bitter smile.

“That’s good. I’m happy for her. She deserves a good job.” He nodded, fidgeting with the drink in his hand.

“She missed you, you know. Spent almost all the rest of that break when you left at the hill you two were always at.”

“The Castle on the Hill.” He supplied instantly, the air in the room suddenly feeling oppressive. “Look, mom, I’ve got to go. I’ll be back later.” He set his drink down on the table, and in his last glance at his mother, he could have sworn he saw a smirk on her face.

He slipped out the back of the house, cutting through familiar shortcuts to get to the hill. When he climbed to the top, he looked out at the setting sun, raking a hand through his hair. He sat down and picked up a twig and a small leaf from the ground and smiled as he stuck them together like a small flag. He twirled it in his hand, and it wasn’t long before the words that rattled in his head spilled over his lips.

“The Castle never had a flag.” He laughed as he held it up, a smirk on his lips. “All those little details you paid attention to - the moat, the towers, even the little bridge, and you forgot to give it a flag.” He stuck the flag in the ground beside him, staring out at the horizon as colours blossomed outward from the setting sun. The smirk fell off his lips as he let out a long breath. “I thought if I came back out here, I’d be able to breathe better than in that house. It always used to work. Then again, I always had you.” He shook his head and let out a scoffing laugh. “God, I miss you, Y/N. I miss you every damn day, and it still hurts just as much as the day I left. I loved you then, and I still love you now. I thought that leaving would make me forget you, and I wanted to forget. You had so much power over me back then, and it scared me, so I ran. Of course, none of it ever felt right without you there, yelling at me for the next stupid thing I’m even thinking of doing.You and Bones would get along so well.”

“‘Jim, are you out of your corn-fed mind!’” he mocked, voice lowering to match Bones’ southern drawl.

“‘James, you idiot! For once in your life, could you not take all the stupid with you everywhere you go?!’” He mimed, raising his voice to try and match what he thought yours might sound like. He laughed, a vibrant image of the five year old version of her standing in front of him with her hands planted on her hips fresh in his mind. “You’re still the only one allowed to call me James, you know? It didn’t feel right to let anyone else say it. Nothing ever really compared to the way it felt to hear you say my name.” He closed his eyes against the brightness of the sun on the horizon as he bit his lip. “I know I messed it all up back then. I should have reached out, but reaching out gave you that power right back. It doesn’t matter, though. You never lost it. I’d still give just about anything to hear you say-”

“Hello, James.”

“....Take Me Back To When”

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