#should've put would that i in there but i was sleep-deprived because of this lmao

[aidaronan]

64 for the spotify wrapped/steddie ficlet thing💕💕💕

So I guess I mixed up these two numbers and you should've gotten the Scary Kids song I used for this fill yesterday lmao So I'm actually giving you #24 because.. oops? At least I managed to actually do a ficlet this time. 64 24 Bad Omens - Death of Peace of Mind

You're in the Walls That I've Made

Tags & Warnings: Angst, spice, angst with a hopeful ending Memories come to him in dreams that won’t let go. Dreams of milky skin slick with sweat, of bodies moving together in the heat, in the cold, in every season between. Teeth sinking into skin, hands tangling in hair and tugging rough. When Eddie wakes up, he swears he can taste Steve on his lips, that he can smell his scent clinging to the pillows, that he can almost imagine that exact way he felt around him. Inside him. Beside him. Fuck, it haunts Eddie all these months later, that he had that hand in his and dared for a fucking second to let it go. But he did. Stumbling barefoot into the kitchen, he rewinds the tape in the answering machine propped up on a stack of unpacked boxes. He listens to the only saved messages. “So it’s about three in the morning and I can’t sleep,” Steve says, voice distorted by phone lines and countless replays. “I told you to go, and I love you and I… I want you to go is the thing. I want you to get out, and I want the whole world to know Eddie Munson can shred or whatever. I want you to be happy, fuck, Eds. I do. But…” There’s a long pause that drags on, filled only by dead air and the quiet mechanical sound of the reels spinning. “But I-” Then the beep of the message cutting off. Eddie counts the seconds before the next message starts. He could mouth along to every word now, match every little rise and fall in Steve’s voice. Every frantic syllable. “I don’t know how to… I want you to go, but I also want to nail your feet to the goddamned floor, you know? Eddie, I can’t. I can’t— ” Steve chokes on his words. “I guess it’s three in the morning so I can pretend it was sleep deprivation or whatever that made me say something so selfish right now but…” Another pause. Click, click, whir. An inhale Eddie can hear even on the tinny tape. When Steve says the last three words, his voice is raspy and soft and worn.

“But don’t go.” The tape beeps again. There’s nothing new after that. Then again, there wouldn’t be. Eddie hasn’t had the phone lines hooked up yet in house he’s been building, the house with room for two. He does have electric though, at least in the kitchen. Which means he can make coffee while he thinks about the dreams. And he can lean against the unpainted cabinets and sip the coffee during the small window he has before all the contractors show up. He can also let his hand slip into his pajama pants while he stares at the framing of a half-wall leading into the living room, can close his eyes and remember counting the beauty marks on Steve’s back while he plunged into him over and over again, while he held Steve’s hips and watched the sweat ruin his perfect hair. Fucking stupid. That’s always how Eddie feels after he comes. Fucking stupid that he left. Fucking stupid that he hasn’t called, that he hasn’t told Steve he haunts him like a ghost, that he’s building this house with walls that can hold him too. Eddie wipes himself clean with a kitchen towel and scrubs a hand over his face, feeling the scarring on his jawline—proof that he can be brave. He just wishes he could remember fucking how. He changes clothes and plays the messages again, unpacking one of the boxes, putting a slew of pictures into actual honest-to-God frames. There's a picture of Eddie and Corroded before they split—half to college, half to Cali to form a new band that would eventually get Eddie build-a-house money.

There's a nice prom night 8x10 of Eddie and Chrissy after Supergirl somehow literally pulled her back from the grave. There's the Hellfire Club too in all it's 1986 glory.

Eddie fills frame after frame with memories old and new. But he saves the big collage frame for last, saves all the pictures he’d bought it for so he can put off the way they'll make him feel, so he can savor them at the same time. Even holding them tastes bittersweet on the back of his tongue.

They're all Steve. Group shots, Polaroids, photo strips from the mall. Some are with the kids, some are with the girls or the whole crew. The one Eddie fits into the slot dead center though? That’s just the two of them, casual enough Eddie won’t have to pay off any of the construction crew, or so it looks anyway. Because as casual and just-friends as he and Steve seem to be in the photo, they'd had their hands in each others' pockets behind their backs, arms crisscrossed, skin warm where they'd touched. The tip of his thumb aching, Eddie finishes bending all the little metal tabs that hold on the back of the frame, realizing as soon as it's done that he’s put the whole damn thing back together upside-down. It startles a wet laugh out of him, breaking open an ache that has never left his chest.

An ache that spills and spills, bottomless, gnawing, maddening. It takes the sharp edges of his car keys digging into his palm for him to realize he’s grabbed them. It’s a mile or so to the nearest payphone. His tires squeal on the pavement. His brain squeals in his skull. Hands shaking, he drops half his change onto the concrete, but he knows the goddamned number by heart. He dials it perfectly.

Ring.

Ring. “Hello,” Steve says, and Eddie feels like he’s been punched in the gut. For several long seconds, he thinks he might not be able to talk after all, that he got this far only to fumble it in the end. His tongue feels two sizes to large. His throat too small.

"Hello?"

Eddie sucks in a breath and squeezes his eyes shut, summoning the Eddie who once faced the hoard, who chose to die and lived. Who chose to die and loved.

When he speaks, it feels like he's trying to use muscles he hasn't used in centuries, coaxing them back into motion so he can rasp out a single sound, swift as a spear slicing through the night: “Steve.”

[dipplinduo]

Have you ever scrapped ideas for Sweet & Sour?

Yep!

My process has luckily been more of "transform an idea that doesn't fit" situation for most things, but I'm happy to talk about some of the things that didn't make the cut. Whipping out the notes page...

Lacey was actually meant to be the spotlighted E4 member that gets close to Juliana, not Drayton (hence the focus on her in Chapter 1 & 2). She was actually my favorite at first, and I envisioned her as being a positive, grounding guide for Juliana, and also somewhat of a middle ground influence for Kieran. But then I wrote my spin on the cafeteria scene, and I was like "oh my god wait, Drayton's character is so enticing and flexible, and he's especially fun to insert as an influence in the Kieran/Juliana dynamic". SOOOOOO I quickly decided to pivot and make him the spotlighted one, and have him do more of this brotherly figurer role who was very cunning and comedic. Before I even realized I got overtaken by the iconicism, and now he's just part of my brand in general. Whoops. The "Drayton Being Iconic" tag existed on this blog before this happened so I honestly should've seen it coming LMAO. I do have very important plans for the rest of the E4 and what role they're playing, though :

Don't laugh at this one - it was also early development LOL. I was going to have a party scene where Drayton convinces Juliana to pretend she got drunk (I know) as part of a roundabout and wild way to find evidence that Kieran had a soft spot for her (I KNOW). Kieran was essentially gonna waltz in (to a social event he otherwise never would make an appearance in) and he'd get all flustered as Juliana latches onto him. He would've decided to sweep her away from the party and take him back to his dorm. I ended up scrapping this entirely because while teens do party and all that...yeah, and also we pretty much got the dynamic moments I wanted to portray much better through the chapters where Juliana got sick.

Kieran/Juliana dynamic was also gonna have a moment where Kieran gets it in his head to start flirting with Juliana because he thinks that she’s flirting to get him to put his guard down. And that's where they both kinda were gonna secretly realize their feelings LOL. In hindsight lowkey fire still, but yeah, kinda just didn't have the space for it. We do have flirty Kieran era though, and that's still based.

This one is kinda known already, but originally the Applins were the only stars of the show (hence the name of the fic). I added Ribombee in early on after enough people wanted it and gave it lore/a connection to Kieran and his mother. Before Ribombee was conceptualized, I had different plans for what happened to Kieran's parents (he would still be an orphan regardless).

Briar was originally going to make a "deal" with Clavell regarding getting Juliana to come to Blueberry early, although it wouldn't be revealed until Juliana discovers this later. I scrapped this in favor of something much better because I didn't like the implications it had on Clavell's character, and honestly, only Blueberry is supposed to have the sketchy admin/systematic stuff going on anyways lol.

Kieran was meant to show more obvious signs of sleep deprivation (e.g. falling suspect to illness more frequently, slowed reactions). This idea is still good and realistic, but yeah, ended up leaning more into other symptomology that went well with the toxic chain curse (e.g. irritability, obsessive fixations, self-criticism, overworking himself, fatigue, etc.)

Ribombee was going to sleep powder both Kieran & Juliana in the cave scene of Ch 5. I decided to make it a bit more organic by having Kieran up and reflecting on everything + having Ribombee appearance in a more mystical way. Plus, I thought it would mean more if Kieran & Juliana opted to cuddle up themselves rather than being knocked out. There was a part of me that was worried the dynamic was progressing too fast this way with this change, but it seemed to have landed well! :)

This doesn't really count as a scrapped idea, but related: I 1000% retconned something with the Drayton POV chapters (if ykyk, LOL). But YEP. It's CANON. And frankly it's a decision I personally love that has implications, but also won't screw up the storytelling for where we're at now, either.

There's actually a lot more, too, but like I said: most of my ideas tend to upgrade. And lolololol OMG this is especially true for some major lore stuff. I just don't want to reveal it because I don't want to give y'all hints on where we're going!! LOL.

And also...there are cuter moments I haven't used in S&S and probably won't be able to because I account for what makes sense with the given dynamic. BUT what I do end up doing is taking those unused ideas and putting them into What-Ifs or other stories. There's one I'm particularly thinking of that I was dying to put in S&S D, but I don't think it would trip up the current Kieran as much as it would've in earlier chapters, lol. SO. It's going in The Dichotomy in Our Hearts instead! xD

This was super fun to write, hope it was enough substance for the question! <3

[vinylsoul]

rhodeytony + hozier songs (2 / 2)