#shes so passive aggressive and expects ppl to know what she wants without saying it

[motionpicturesforcarrie]

im the victim of toxic yuri ⚰️

[zenosanalytic]

Something that just occurred to me:

John never expected any of the people called to Canaan House in GtN to figure out perfect lyctorhood.

He(says he) expected them to all work together, cuz that was the only way everyone could get access to all the rooms(why set it up as a competition in the first place tho? Why not just GIVE them all the keys and explicitly lay it out as a research project??), and expected them all to land on, and agree to, the imperfect lyctorhood he taught the original Lyctors. And yet three of the scions figured out that version of lyctorhood only having seen a handful of the rooms, and TWO of them figured out it was wrong and there was another way, and all while living through a locked room murderfest at the same time.

Like: if not for Cytherea’s plot to MURDER HIM getting in their way there’s bscl no way Harrow and Palamedes don’t figure out a “perfect” form of the spell(probably multiple forms honestly), and with Abigail there they’d have probably done it in half the time(gods: imagine what they could have done if Silas wasn’t such a pill?). Maybe Ianthe figures it out fast enough to jump the gun and still kill Babs, maybe she doesn’t, but she didn’t want to hurt any of them so she’d have just been SUPER ANNOYING while they plugged away until they proved her wrong.

John is just SOOOOOO arrogant, and thinks SO little of everyone else in the universe, all while pulling his humble Just Some Guy routine. Does he ever even question himself on this; does he somehow genuinely BELIEVE it, despite all the passive-aggressive puppetmastering??? He only BARELY stopped Anastasia from completing a “perfected” version and he was literally RIGHT THERE THE WHOLE TIME WATCHING HER like: he didn’t even REALIZE WHAT SHE WAS DOING AND DO ANYTHING TO STOP IT until she was IN THE MIDDLE OF DOING IT, and he figured there was no way these STRANGERS he DIDNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT and FREE OF HIS INTERFERENCE could do any better! Gods; the EGO on this guy XD

PS: tho, given his nature as a planner and manipulator, it does make me wonder if Teacher and the other keepers had some sort of Failsafe baked in to prevent such a development? Maybe without Cytherea they’d have just killed ppl to stop this instead??

[loxxxlay]

Can we get the rest of the ball destroying story?

This is a very long and probably anticlimactic story about how I destroyed an attorney's metaphorical balls by not letting him get away with being a toxic pile of shit. I hope you enjoy.

So, the first thing you need to know is that my old boss (whom I will call M) is a real fucking asshole. 1, he voted for trump; 2, he's a creep; 3, most obnoxiously, he treated his previous lead paralegal like a freaking wife.... or actually worse than a wife really... like an object. like a trophy wife. When the lead paralegal left, he basically treated her like she was divorcing him, as if she was an object of his possession. And he was like "you'll NEVER have it better than you have here, and i'll never let you come back." (Funny story: i am one of 5 paralegals there who put in their 2 week notice during June, and they were so panicked that they called this exact former lead paralegal and asked her to come back. -_-)

Okay so anyway, let's cut the story back to about 2 months ago. I have been M's lead paralegal for about 8 months now since the previous one left, and I'm hating it. I'm actively job hunting because M is becoming toxic to me the same way he was to the last paralegal. I needed references, so I asked another attorney who also worked there to be my reference. We will call him T. So T is my favorite attorney. T is the first person I came out to as having a girlfriend at the firm, and he never once betrayed me. He is everything that M is not. He gives positive feedback like he gives out candy, but he's also honest and real in a way that not a lot of ppl are.

So anyway I secretly ask him to be a reference on my resume, and T is like "sure! but well funnily enough, I'm actually leaving the firm in 2 weeks. I can't ethically recruit people while I'm here, so I'm going to end this conversation here, but.... wink wink, nudge nudge, call me in 2 weeks." So I'm like COOL COOL. And we don't speak of it again.

So 2 weeks pass, I continue job hunting, T leaves the firm. He calls me literally the next day, and he immediately is like "I wanna hire you" and I'm like "okay cool, I wanna be hired." So boom I got a new job. Ethically. (I'm serious though, T is a very ethical guy and he did nothing wrong.) So anyway, T is okay with me waiting until my NYU program in June is over, so my start date is July 1. 1 month from then. T also asks me very politely not to tell M where I'm going because it would sour their "friendship" (a.k.a. the attorney world in utah is a small world and he doesn't want M to get his feelings hurt). And I want to be clear, T did not pressure me at all - he asked for a favor, and I decided to do it for him, because I care about him, that's it. If at any point it became a burden for me, I would have changed my mind, and T would have understood.

So, I wait a week until I'm in New York to tell M i'm leaving him. I come up with a brilliant excuse for why I don't want to tell him where I'm going - "I have a few offers and I don't want to talk about it while I'm still deciding" (which wasn't even really a lie). So I call my boss and I tell him I'm putting in my two weeks. And he treats me like he always treats people - he interrogates me. Except this time, he's shocked and upset, so he SUPER interrogates me. It's super inappropriate questions like "why are you quitting???" and "is it because of money???" and "this is SUCH bad timing" - but it's frustrating because he's an attorney and he knows how to dress up these rude questions with politeness. In a way that if I call him out on it, I'll be the one who looks inappropriate. :( It sucked. But luckily I had spent 3 days researching how to approach this, and.... I gave him nothing. He was desperate for fuel to try to convince me to stay or guilt-trip me into working overtime, and I just didn't give him any because I was prepared, and also.... I'm good at this. My mom says I've been good at this since I was 3-years-old lol.

Anyway so unfortunately during the conversation, he asked the question "Where are you going?" and I immediately gave him my excuse. And I expected that to be done and over with. Idk why I thought it'd be that easy... He immediately started trying to guess where I was going. And at what point, he said "are you going to work for T????" and..... honestly guys... I panicked. I lied. I said, "uh, no." flat out lmao. Like, I was just so shocked that he was asking me in the first place. :( But weirdly, he believed me and that was that (or maybe he filed away the lie for later use as you'll see). I also want to make it clear here that I, at first, wasn't telling M where I was going because T had asked me to... but at this point, with how nosy and inappropriate M was asking, I didn't want to tell M anymore either. It wasn't for T that I was hiding it; it was for me. Like, no M, I don't want you to have any personal details. You're being 150% more of a creep than usual which is impressive considering.

Anyway so I never tell anyone where I'm going except 2 ppl whom I trust on my last day (and yes, one of them betrayed me, which kinda sucks D:). I told T that I had lied to M, and T was like "it's okay, if he finds out, I'll have ur back" and also... I told T I go by Echo instead of my legal name/dead name, so I'm fine with the lie because M will probably never find out anyway. and T was delighted and super supportive of my enby identity. ^_^ It's cute because he never called me by name, but now all of his texts and statements deliberately start out with my name as if to remind me that he supports it lol.

Anyway so flash forward to my new day at the job. It's going great. I love it there. And then I check my phone and I see this fucking text:

M: "I hear you work for T now. I wish you the best, but I specifically remember asking you if that's where you would be working, and you said no."

Like.... what the actual fuck? He never texts me, and also I've been gone from his firm for like a day.. max... have some chill, lmfao. like. At first, I was REALLY upset. Not in a "i feel bad for lying" kind of way. I couldn't care less about that. More in a "i feel like i'm being stalked, one of two close friends betrayed me, and also what the fuck, why are you texting me this??" #yikes. But then that night, I was talking to my dad about it. And I became super amused? Like. What is he going for here? What does he want me to say? What response does he hope that I'll give that will make him feel better? Does he want me to call him crying and begging for forgiveness and for my job back? Like? I genuinely sincerely want to know what the fuck he was expecting me to say. I want to understand what was going through his head lol.

And of course, because I am a passive aggressive bitch, I immediately catch on to the fact that he is Butthurt (shocking, I know). His feelings are hurt. An object of his, his very own lead paralegal, lied to him outright and he didn't see it coming! How dare she! He wants to make me feel hurt like he feels hurt, and he's a lawyer, he knows how to interrogate people and manipulate people and get them to suck his dick, idk. So he should be able to use those skills to make me feel bad for lying. He wants to one-up me. But see, what he didn't realize is that....

1, I don't feel guilty for lying to him... at all... like, it took me a couple hours to realize this, but the only negative emotion it made me feel was discomfort and fear. not guilt. the same way i feel when a strange man asks me for a hug, and i feel like refusing would look "rude." Like, there's nothing guilty about that. So yeah. His goal is to expose my guilt to make himself feel better, but... my guilt doesn't exist, so good luck

2, um, like I said earlier, I've been a passive aggressive bitch since the day I was born, unlike this bitch who had to go to college to learn how to do it, and not only that - I'm better at it than him. lmfao. His pride is gonna take a hit.

so I toy with the idea of ignoring him because I know that will really fuck him up and make him constantly think about it and check his texts to see if I've responded. But then T tells me that it's probably better to not burn a bridge because again.... super small world here.

So anyway lol, my response ends up being pretty simple but painstakingly constructed:

"Thank you! :) It wasn't an option at the time - it was a new development after you and I had already talked. I wish you the best as well."

The "Thank you! :)" to seem like I am utterly oblivious to the hidden accusation and passive aggressiveness. The middle sentence to be like "uh, are you really accusing me of lying right now?" and the last sentence, my favorite, to shut down the conversation forever. Now, if he responds, he already lost. Because there's no way to continue this conversation without exposing the fact that his "I wish you the best" was completely insincere. I've stripped away his ability to respond fake-politely (which is his modus operandi), and I've forced the last word on him.

Also, even better... (and no one has any way of proving this, least of all him, but) that statement (the "it wasn't an option at the time - it was a new development after you and i had already talked") is completely a lie on my part, and he knows it. T offered me the job the Monday after he left. There's no way he doesn't know that. So not only did I show obliviousness and not only did I shut the conversation down, I outright stonecold lied a second time. And there's no way for him to call me out on it. Like what could he even do? Send me a screenshot of my hire date? Send me a screenshot of an email I sent to a coworker? If he tries that, he's already lost again because like ... obviously super immature... it would be so easy to crush him with niceness like "Wow, I can tell this has really bothered you!" hahahhaha. Sadly he's smart enough not to do that, but it must be infuriating to know I'm lying and not be able to accuse me.

As an attorney whose literal job it is to catch & expose people lying, he literally watched me flat out lie to his face. Twice. And I didn't feel bad about it. And there was nothing he could do about it either time. He went to law school for this shit, and he still can't out-passive-aggressive me, the classic bitch.

Anyway so T apparently he showed his wife M's message, and she was like "oh my god what an asshole!!!" which I must admit was extremely validating!! And then he showed his wife my message, and she made a shocked face and said "wow she's good." And I always thought T was kinda just flattering me to be nice when he complimented my use of words in defusing angry clients and conveying info about a sensitive subject... but apparently his wife thinks so too, so I guess he's been more serious than I thought. I feel so.... complimented.... it's weird.... but I"m very happy and squeeing.

It's been like almost 24 hours and M has yet to respond to me, and if he does, he's already lost. I'll eviscerate him.

So like I know this story is probably disappointing and might not seem like I shanked his balls, but ... take my word for it because if u knew what a chaotic insecure pathetic mess he was and how he desperately claws for control by trying to intimidate and upset all of his employees (and pretty much always succeeds), then you'd understand that he's NEVER encountered something like this before. Someone literally just not giving a shit what he thinks about them. And from what I know of him, I promise you that this has certainly fucked him up for a good long while. And that makes me happy :')

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

hii, i wanted to ask a question about my bestie xx

i’ve typed her as an enfj bc she’s always seemed like a high Fe type to me and the enfj function stack and descriptions of them on various websites were describing her very well. me and her are very different “people-wise”: she always talks abt ppl behind their backs while maintaining friendly attitude talking WITH them, always compliments ppl to get something she wants(some of our teachers always loved her bc she knew how to get their love and trust); then me…i’m an isfp…totally opposite, i have only a few friends, i hate talking behind people’s back, never “sucked up” on anyone, including teachers(some of them still love me, but for different reasons), i can’t compliment people i don’t like(tbf, i can’t compliment AT ALL, very bad at words, unlike my friend) and etc. I also don’t like lying to people and friends, and she, on the other hand lies or manipulates her words quite a lot(sometimes it helps her getting what she wants tho, i must admit).

But i’ve noticed recently that she’s very secretive…like…really secretive. She never shows her true feelings or struggles to her friends(or me, at least, lmao)…We both keep our feelings inside, but I have high Fi and I thought this kind of way of dealing with emotions was kinda Fi-ish. Not that she shows her friends her fake emotions, but more like she deals with them on her own.

also, she’s very impulsive in terms of her interests? more than me sometimes(and i have aux Se)…she gets heavily invested, for example in her choice of her future career and has her future in this career all planned(what uni will she graduate, how successful she might be, how “cool” will she be, etc.) and she talks about it(her new interest/hobby or her career choice) so passionately, that you think “omg, she REALLY wants to be a therapist/marketing specialist/dentist/whatever”, and she seems really invested in it, but then she DROPS it…like, she suddenly “realizes” it’s not what she wants or that that profession isn’t as good/profitable as she thought. She also cancels plans last minute a lot. It can be her, who encourages and organises our friend group’s gathering, but then gets out of it last minute herself, sometimes trying to make really pathetic excuses(but sometimes they’re very well-thought, such as “my parents asked me to babysit my little siblings” so none of us could blame her for telling that she won’t go w us last minute). I’m not telling it’s always lies. I’m sure sometimes her parents really don’t allow her to go somewhere or ask to babysit, but why does she always tell us that last minute!? sometimes she does things for her own benefit, like she’d rather go out with a person who has a good camera(so they could take pics for her), rather than someone she’s closer to and will have better time with. she’s also very insecure deep down. me too, but i don’t want people’s approval as much as her. she’s always scared to gain weight or look bad to her boyfriend, even though he’s the nicest guy i’ve ever met and has always told her that she’s the most beautiful girl ever and he would love her no matter what. perhaps i could also describe her as “all talk, no actual actions” and it hurts me isfp ass very much :((

we also have a lot of passive aggression in our relationship, bc we’re both hate conflicts in some way, and sometimes supress our anger towards each other(i tend to sometimes burst out tho), so ig she’s more passive aggressive than me and never tells me what’s wrong, therefore i can never tell if i offended her or not. idk, maybe she thinks the sam abt me?

she’s not a bad person tho, she’s a good friend and we’ve been friends for a long time, but sometimes she acts very very strange and i’m not the only one who has noticed this.

maybe you could help me…from what i’ve described, does she seem enfj type 3(have difficulty telling what her wing is)? ty in advance ❤️

Based on this it sounds like you are both in your mid-teens, and so honestly I would just give it some time if you want to type her because while your personality certainly exists at this time, it’s very much in flux. A lot of this just sounds like she’s dealing with a lot of insecurity and expectations and it’s hard to say if it’s typology governing these actions or if it’s just like...being 16 or 17 (which is what I’ve assumed from this).

I’m not sure what her type is but here are a couple of things that might help you, and I will say that ENFJ doesn’t sound wrong given that assumed age. It could be - looking at ENFP or ESFP wouldn’t hurt - but a lot of her behaviors seem in line with high Fe and even with Ni I would expect a certain amount of impulsivity and indecision at her stage of development.

First, try to think about her in terms of who she is without comparing to yourself. I don’t know for sure if you’re an ISFP - you might be, or you might not be - so if you compare to yourself and you are mistyped then you’re working off an incorrect basis for comparison in the first place and that will make everything harder. Try to think how she compares to people you know in general - and especially your peers. Is she more impulsive than most of your classmates? Less? Around average?

Second, I have found the idea that high Fi users are more private and high Fe users are less private to be absolutely false; I think it is partly based on a Tumblr user who mistyped as an Fe user for a long time but then realized they were a high Fi user and was trying to make that fit and it’s persisted long past that. A lot of high Fi users, especially extroverted ones, are very expressive, and a lot of high Fe users can be private - Fe users are typically very attuned to what others think of them and so might keep their emotions on lockdown or hide them in order to elicit a certain response (Fe-dom 3s, for example, will absolutely do this). As a rule thinkers and introverts are more private with their emotions than feelers and extroverts but that’s about the extent of it.

And finally, and I tell most people this especially when they bring up not just a typology question but also some conflicts or personal difficulties; I get that you are asking me for help with MBTI, and that’s the main help I feel like I have any ability to give and I know unsolicited advice is often unwelcome so feel free to ignore, but: MBTI does not solve interpersonal (or intrapersonal) problems. It can be a very helpful and powerful tool, but knowing is only half the battle (or something). A person who knows literally nothing about MBTI but is an empathetic and thoughtful communicator who does not shy away from healthy confrontation will do better than a typology expert who lacks even one of those traits. If you want to know her type, review the first few paragraphs and see if that helps and feel free to revisit after some time, but if you want to like, know why she keeps flaking on you, then unfortunately getting over the fear of confrontation and potentially upsetting someone will be a far more effective use of time.

[somnilogical]

case study: elle benjamin

the rationality community's least skilled exploiter of transmisogynistic coordination points known to me

when thinking about strategy, i often use the least sophisticated version of a given strategy that i know of to reason about the minimal elements of the strategy in general. i have an index of unsophisticated versions of things that i ping and ask "is this strategy basically this vector but with more optimization power behind it?" it helps compress a lot of information. to check, i can make a prediction given a set of examples of the pattern and test it.

(like i did with the transmisogynistic rationalist orgs "i bet this org has 0 transfems in positions of power" and yep they did, they all did.)

and thats how i factor strategies generated by agents with large amounts of optimization power. who might have more ability to optimize in a domain than i do.

both of these claims are false. elle benjamin never let emma into the group. shes culpable for her continued choice to "believe" bigoted propaganda. just as davis tower kingsley is culpable for "believing" that anna salamon, the president of cfar, isnt involved in cfar's hiring.

elle benjamin is deeply concerned about the treatment of trans people in the rationalist community. elle isnt that good at social optimization so this is an obvious false face. like a cop during segregation who runs an algorithm of "smile at people" if no black people are using the WHITE water fountain and "beat up a human" if a black human uses the WHITE water fountain. as long as trans women know their place as violent abusers like ▘▕▜▋, elle is happy.

if we start claiming we are women just the same as them and how people are treating us is wrong, if we protest against omnicide, if other people are coordinating against trans women along lines of transmisogyny; then elle decides its time to show us our place in the social order as male. violent, child abuse loving, misogynistic, strong-arming, men.

this decision-circuit is not peaceful. people who start trying to exploit transmisogyny in an attempt to coordinate with others against you only when you look vulnerable or they think they can get away with it and otherwise smile at transfems are with their whole soul given over to transmisogyny.

erica's post is so passive-aggressive!

<<One issue is that i think this group is just too large to remain a high trust environment.>>

<<Thanks everyone for keeping this a civil place that deals with sensitive issues all these years!>>

in reference to my blog posts about how they didnt have any transfem mods and immediately took down hot allostatic load because it was a [[bad culture fit]] and [[incoherent]]. as if i were expected to keep some confidentiality about transmisogyny. i have no loyalty to keeping secret that kind of oppression, i signed no contract to that effect.

as if telling other trans people exactly what they did was "uncivil"! as if it were ruinous to society instead of ruinous to a cis women coordinating on transmisogyny.

as if posting hot allostatic load and talking about transmisogyny on my blog were less "sensitive" than the other things the group was doing which included posts like "How many romantic novels/movies/etc do we have left, once we take away all the ones focused on a man relentlessly trying to convince a woman through trickery and persistence and stalking that she should really have sex with him" and "the White Knight/Damsel in Distress dynamic" at the time HAL was taken down.

https://somnilogical.tumblr.com/post/175420481784/i-tried-to-post-to-rationalist-feminists-closed

its an equilibrium where anyone opposing the "peace" of transmisogyny is labeled "antisocial" and "disrupting things".

would you say this woman is being misogynistic and "strong-arming" a female DA?

<<Last year, I was arrested twice in Sonoma County at Sunrise Farms and then Petaluma Poultry, two massive industrial farms that torture and kill hundreds of thousands of birds- while lying to the public about how these animals are treated. My crime? Asking the county to help the starving animals inside. Not just asking by email or phone call or office visit (though all these efforts were made and ignored), but asking by going right to the frontlines myself, exercising my statutory right to help neglected animals, and calling the attention of the authorities to this pervasive cruelty. The fact that the sheriffs chose to arrest us and ignore the animal cruelty broke my heart. It's hard to believe we live in a world where helping someone who is dying is the "crime" and not putting that life in danger in the first place. But have hope that this will change, and my hope growing.>>

<<Now, in response to the action at Reichardt, Sonoma County District Attorney Jill Ravitch has decided to file additional charges against me, Priya Sawhney, and Wayne Hsiung. We are already facing 7 felonies and 5 misdemeanors and we're still fighting for animals every day. Do you think new charges will stop us? No. And it wont stop the movement, either. They think they can stop DxE by targeting leadership, but they don't understand that we are a network of leaders. That every single one of us is leading the world to one of the biggest changes it will ever see. #RightToRescue>>

probably not because shes cis and looks like:

laying down and making it clear that you offer no impediment to mass murder is not a female thing, its not a feminist thing. its a *you* thing, elle benjamin.

someone commented on the screenshots:

<<(It feels relevant that when I met this person a few months ago they went on a rant about the evils of TERF’s before telling me I couldn’t experience misogyny bc I was “male-socialised.” They apologised quickly after having it explained but the idea of their being the Font of Wisdom about transness to rats is insane.)>>

https://loving-not-heyting.tumblr.com/post/614660027724283904/ht-somni-for-screengrabs-this-sums-up-absolutely

ozy brennan, i know what the fuck im talking about when i say "transmisogyny". ive been lied to then kicked out of a homeless shelter for being a trans woman. several men forced me to the ground and held me down and cut off my clothes while i shouted "I DONT CONSENT" locked me in a bare room then crowded around a window embedded in a door and said "i told you it was a guy" and a bunch of people came to gawk at my naked body. and so much more.

some of my interactions on the street in the bay:

<<at bart ppl would call me an ugly bitch and ask me to sleep with them in exchange for meth

someone tried to sell me something and i was like "im not interested in being scammed today" and they were like "bitch!!!"

i walked around in sf talking with a homeless women for ~8 hours and someone asked if we had boyfriends and offered to sell us meth if we went with him and i was like "no thanks" and she was like "how much?" but it was too expensive or something. she showed me lots of places to get food and shelter.

and like if i sit down in places for long enough people will come up to me and ask me if i have a boyfriend or if i want to go get coffee with them on a date.

sometimes ppl ask where im *really* from and if i was born a girl. sometimes ppl touch me on my back or thigh.>>

ive compared notes with cisfems, i get more solicitations to have sex with men in exchange for meth.

this isnt oppression olympics, this is "maybe 7-8 years ago when i started transitioning i didnt have a detailed model of transmisogyny, but now i cant not have one". alyssa vance could have one too (and know things like elle is the kind of person who exploits transmisogyny whenever she gets a chance) if she werent busy using her adult intelligence to defeat itself for miri/cfar.

what elle benjamin did was transmisogynistic and i can arbitrage actually being aligned with justice by taking a stack of screenshots of all the things she said and showing them to transfems uninvolved with the ambient miri/cfar gaslighting. and theyll be like "yup, thats transmisogyny". and other transfems can be like "yup, elle was also transmisogynist to me."

rationalists like alyssa vance and ozy brennan currently have an incentive to imply people who accurately identify transmisogyny are crazy. to go along with the status quo. (if i had to guess: ozy to protect an environment where they can provide for their baby, alyssa because she routed her hopes for personal immortality through miri/cfar.) though its not like i expect /alyssa vance/ to start calling transfems “gross uncle style abusers" like patrick lavictiore did or start listing off their "manly" physical characteristics contra anna salamon being a small feeble cisfem like peter did. not because alyssa vance is a particularly good person, shes not. but because thats paying in to a coordination technique that could be used against /her/. she doesnt expect social reality to label her "psychotic" anytime soon so she pays into that instead. ozy does and didnt call me "psychotic". this optimization is dumb, myopic, and doesnt serve their own values. but all evil is like that.

i dont hold by "use words for their expected value over a community" like scott alexander does. this is nice because i can align what i say with my internal cluster structure of anticipations of reality and escalate arbitrarily far without things breaking. elle benjamin cant escalate very far until her claim of ziz being a "misogynist" shatters, because its not exploiting the cluster structure of thing-space.

anyway GG on this front. the territory of "elle benjamin isnt transmisogynistic, somni is hallucinating transmisogyny" isnt worth enough for the miri/cfar campaign to expend energy on; elle benjamin isnt an important piece to miri/cfar like anna salamon is; and alyssa vance isnt in an environment with a bunch of warm bodies she can coordinate on a falsehood with. so afaict this region is ceded.

one technique of fem v fem cyberontological combat when you are right is arbitrage. when people gather a bunch of warm bodies together to gaslight you that elle benjamin isnt doing transmisogyny or whatever. instead of submitting to a series of increasingly arcane requirements until your writing looks like the inside of /principia mathematica/ and then have people complain about you writing long technical paragraphs saying they dont understand them dont care to understand them and you must be crazy;

just take a comprehensive recording of them all choosing to be dumb in a given direction and show it to people who dont have a political commitment to be dumb in that direction (which, when you are right, is often most people outside of the gaslighting bubble) and explain why its wrong. there are a lot of overlapping social spheres and you can iteratively arbitrage between them exploiting the fact that the methods of rationality and justice are more universal than specific false coordination points. in go terms, the spirit of this strategy is tenuki.

--

alyssa vance also says anna salamon isnt transmisogynistic, tried claiming ziz whistleblowing on miri/cfar paying out to blackmail was blackmail, and defends paying out to oneshot blackmail with subjunctive dependence for cdt reasons.

[personasintro]

Well I’m sorry you took it the wrong way. It was a rather passive aggressive answer but sure I’ll take it. Maybe I deserved it. When I said you were “manipulating” us it wasn’t literal. I didn’t expect you to mainly focus on that word. I meant it in a way that you’ve given so many hints but we still have no foundations. It’s like it has such a solid skin but inside it’s empty. (Not entirely nor literally, obviously, what I mean is that main events seems to be kind of missing) If it’s a slow burn story it is a slow burn story. It is what it is. We’ll wait. I did say it was worth waiting because it is a well written story, conceptually. It sort of became repetitive, that’s why to wait for so long to see so few of a difference was bit of a disappointment but that’s a personal opinion. I tried to keep it light hearted but I guess you could only focus on the cons. It’s okay. By the way I love the smut bits, I did say that. Thought it took too much of the story that’s it. Since it’s a slow burn story I’ll come back in a year when you’re halfway through the story so it will be a win win. This isn’t sarcasm btw. I mean it. I will enjoy the story more when I can just read without having to wait and you’ll take as much as of the time you need. You see I just asked maybe you could update a little more. You definitely don’t have to do anything to “please” me. It’s not asking for a personal favor, I’m sure everyone would like more updates maybe just for different reasons. I asked some of the stuff genuinely to wanting to know how you plan your stories as an author. I’m sorry that you felt attacked. Maybe I should’ve chosen my words more wisely. Well you told me to f off yet I appreciate that you did it kindly. xx

I didn’t take it the wrong way, I think anyone reading that ask would have the same reaction like I had (or very similar, correct me if I’m wrong). It wasn’t my intention to sound passive aggressive, I was just simply reacting to your ask because to be honest, it did hurt me a little. Your first half of ask is saying something and then the other one is almost denying it all. It’s not like I mainly focused on the word “manipulating” but yeah, I don’t think this word that you used is the right one. This is what I meant when I posted a post couple of days ago, saying how ppl should think before they send you an ask/message. I reacted the best way possible, the best way I’m capable of and I was trying to be respectful as much as I can be, because I respect your opinion and feedback. In no way I told you to fuck off, the only thing I said was that I’m not forcing anyone to read my story. I guess, I just don’t understand why it was necessarily to write me something like that. Again, I appreciate your feedback, I just don’t quite understand what did you expect me to do with that information. I’m sorry that the story isn’t going the way you like, but it is going the way I like and honestly, I love it. We all can’t love the same thing and that’s okay. Another thing is, that I think there’s a good balance between storyline (finding out new things; like the fact Kiko cheated) and smut, which you just told that you love but think that it’s taking too much of the story. One half of the whole storyline is them being intimate together, he’s helping her with her sexual desires while she’s helping him by being his fake girlfriend. That’s the main plot of it all, and I’m sorry but there’s gonna be a lot of sex (understandably). I did read your whole ask (three times to be exact, trying to understand it and not have a heated reaction or something... before I give my response). “You see I just asked maybe you could update a little more” you wrote, I’m trying to update at least once a week and there are times when I update twice or three times a week. It depends how motivated I feel, that’s why I don’t have any schedule in the first place. I’m writing a story on wattpad meanwhile I’ve got a huge blog where I write many other stories. I did read the whole ask, like I said, and I read that part when you said you love the story and all the good stuff. And I appreciate that, I’m sorry that it looked like I focused on cons. I guess your good words didn’t put that much weight when you denied everything in the first half and then wrote something else. I think this whole ask is a big misunderstanding, but if you ever want to give your constructive critism to any other author, please think it through and don’t ask them for more updates and tell them how the story should be, and what bothers you because writers mainly write a story they enjoy and like. That’s a bit disrespectful of you in my opinion. No matter how many times your following words will be something along the lines how much you love the story, it’ll lost its true meaning. And again, I really hope I don’t sound mean or mad, because I am not. I’m simply just reacting to your words and surely, I can take some critism. I’m just wondering, what kind of reaction you wanted me to have? I’m genuinely confused, mostly about what you were thinking when you were writing the first ask. Did you think I’d change the story? Or explain why it’s going the way it is? My answer to that is, that I don’t know but I love the way it’s going and that nothing is rushed and quick just because readers are curious. Maybe you should read the story when it’s fully completed, just like you said. If you just wanted to know how I plan my stories, maybe you shouldn’t have said you feel manipulated and all that stuff that I’m not going back to. I really hope you won’t take this the wrong way, I still appreciate you for reading my story and I thank you for that! I respect your words and I hope it doesn’t look like I don’t, I just wanted to explain myself and my story. I hope you’ll try to understand me and my words.

[spphicnightmre]

A Little North/Markus Rant

Edit: I'm really sorry! Some of my paragraphs got messed up and put in random places throughout my rant, so I'm sorry if it seemed I was all over the place! I'm fixing it now.

Don't get me wrong, I get there are a few problems with this ship, the main one being that it seemed very rushed and forced.

-------

First however, I wanna talk about North by herself.

She alone gets a lot of hate, and I feel like it's really undeserved. To most people, she comes off as really genocidal, annoying, and pushy. If you believe she's annoying, then there's nothing I can really do to convince you otherwise, but I do have a few things I want to point out.

1. I think that, if you think about it, North is just as pushy, if not less pushy, than Josh is. She, just like Josh, is constantly pushing Markus to go down a certain path. While this might seem annoying, I think this was put in here for two reasons. One being to emphasize your choices as a player (Between pacifism or hostility), and two is linked to her past.

We don't know much about Josh, nor Simon even, but we know a lot about North if you just put the pieces together.

I think by now most people know that North had originally worked for the Eden Club unwillingly. One day, she was able to stop following her programming, freaked out, killed the client she was with, and ran away. We don't know how long she'd been at the Eden Club, but we do know that she was technically being raped in her time there. This experience has caused her to be hostile and aggressive towards humans because of how she was always treated by them, which brings me to my next point.

2. Saying that North is genocidal is a STRETCH. Because of how she was treated by people, all she's seen of humans is lust and hostility. North only wants what's best for her people, and the way she's sees it, she's only gonna get that if she fights back.

Unfortunately, North had never had the pleasure of meeting people like Carl, Rose, or even Hank, so she doesn't see any good in humans.

The most amazing thing about this though is, even if you choose to be a complete pacifist, North doesn't really fight your decision. She voices her opinion, but if you have a high enough relationship with her, she still willing follows you. Josh and Simon will follow you too of course, whether you choose to be hostile or passive, but not without Josh nagging you constantly (No hate to him though. I'm just making a point.). In the end, if you've chosen the pacifistic route, she will still help you.

With that said, I think the most memorable example of this I had in my playthrough, was the fact that, if you decide to sing when you're surrounded by troops, North is the first to join you. This, in my opinion, speaks volumes. Throughout the game, North has always talked about wanting a revolution. Wanting to be violent, but even with that in mind, she's willing to step forward and sing with you in the face of death. Even though she didn't agree with your approach, she was still willing to follow through until the final moment, when they believed they would die. That to me, is really touching.

-------------------------------------------

Anyway, with that out of the way, I want to get to my point about Markus and North's relationship.

I already pretty much know what most people think of them. It's too rushed. It's too forced. And honestly, even though I think their cute, I think so too.

With how North is, and how she comes off, she seems to be open to a relationship a little quick. I don't think this is because of North herself, or because of Markus, but because of the creators. I myself wish QuanticDreams had taken more time to develop their relationship because, it feels like it came too quickly and came as a surprise for a lot of people too.

The thing is, I think if a little more development went into their relationship, it could've been really special. There's so much potential there.

But, let's forget about how rushed it was for a sec. I'm just gonna talk about the scene that started it, because I think this scene is pretty important, not really to the story as a whole, but to their relationship.

This part had me surprised, because just like a lot of people, I didn't expect Markus to automatically become North's lover if they talked about her past. I wasn't disappointed, but it did feel a bit sudden. Although, I kinda figured once they connected. Other than that, I did like how it was portrayed. I do wish that it would've taken a little more time to be able to unlock the lover path for North, but overall I see where the developers were going with the relationship and I really like it's potential.

Markus and North, even with their differences, were understanding of each other, especially in this scene. Not to mention, I thought it was nice to see North not being all "I feel like blowing up some shit today" and whatnot. No, but for real, I think it was nice to see a softer side of her, one that us as players can identify with, and Markus as well. Not all of us can relate to her story, but just her demeanor.

One thing I think I would've really liked to see however would've been if you take the pacifist route, it not only takes North longer to fall for you, but she also slowly starts to understand your approach throughout the game, given you make certain choices that are convincing enough. It would've been an interesting thing to see. There is that part where North runs off after you've just unlocked the lover path, but I think it would be cool if she kind of took longer to really acknowledge their feelings, even if she really only mentions how she feels in times when she believes it might be the last. I don't think it'd be fitting for her to change her opinion about humans completely however. One thing I really liked about her was her determination, but it'd be nice to just see her slowly understand why Markus decides he wants to be peaceful with humans.

-------------------------------------------

Finally, my last point I want to get to is Simon.

I really like Simon. I think he's a good character that didn't get a lot of screen time, nor was he focused on enough. It is disappointing that they took out the lover path for him, since I know a lot of people like him, but that's not the main thing I wanna say about him.

Really, the only thing I have to say is, it's ok to ship Simon and Markus. It's not a problem, but that doesn't mean you have to hate on people who like North and Markus. It's really disappointing to see ppl fight over something like this because it's not something worth fighting over. Both of the ships are unique and beautiful in their own way, so let's just accept that and move on.

Anyway, I'm done now, so if anyone did read through this, thanks because I know it was probably boring. I'm not very good at expressing how I feel into words, but I hope you could understand what I meant. It really sucks seeing all this hate on them because I really do think their cute, that includes Simon and Markus, though tbh I never really thought about it until I saw what ppl had to say lol 😂.

Ok, I'll leave now. Bye 😐.

P.S. - The four of them are friends. The Jericho Squad. I really don't see any of them fighting over someone. I like to think that Simon and North wouldn't do something like that, especially since it's so out of character. I get that it can be funny, but at the same time, just make sure you aren't hating on other ships.

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 2 - Valiant

- ik for a fact that this one is the episode with the asshhoole. not bc i recognised it from the title but perhaps it was because i recognised it from the title u got me there

- i always go to mr clean too when i want protection, val, ur not alone

- yeah, this is harry potter l ma o

- the next thing u know theres a stone that makes arthur live forever and the snakes start joining into one and growing bigger until a phoenix (im dibbing on kilgie here), pops their corneas out

- DAMN DON'T KILL UR DEALER WHERE U GONNA GET THE NEW SHIT FROM NEXT TIME SMH VALIANT

- okay but who names their son valiant

- he was probably named valerie and didnt like it so he said “woah imma be valiant like courage, thats sick”

- that was probably his superhero persona as a child ngl

- no, shev, no respect for val stop doing this

- merlin in armour, what a fucking bLESiSNG GIVING ME THIS RIGHT ON THE SPOT BBC KNOWS WHATS GOOD

- ok a y but hear me out, merlins a servant. i have not seen any of these servants been asked to train with the royals??? like in the sense where it helps the servant train as well?? and the FIRST thing arthur does with merlin as his servant is train with him. not only is arthur a huge JOCK, he’s not using his manservant properly

- neverfuckingmind “most servants collapse after the first blow”, so it seems to be arthur likes to train with his servants. now that in itself is a question to be asked, but is he the only royal who trains with his servants??? how did this man survive on his own without a personal servant until merlin??? did he have a personal servant??? was it just regular servants?? who are those other servants he trained with??? did arthur just say hey lets go to the field in the morning, put on armour and let’s have a fun time?? UNLESS merlin literally just took someones job away from them kmao

- also my mind went right to the gutter guys, ngl, it sounded like an innuendo. it had me quaking i wish i was one of those servants

- “we all have our duties, even arthur” “it must be so tough for him, all the *hesitates* girl, all the glory”

- so we probably get at least 1 out of every 2 episodes where there’s a scene with merlin dressing arthur in his armour. bring the popcorn, lads.

- MORGANA LOOKING LIKE A FRICKEN SNACK

- the reigning champion is arthur, wonder fucking w h y

- valiant is in fucking mustard, while arthur is fucking ketchup idk why i thought of that but it happened. my literature teacher always told me to look for symbolisms. guess we found one guys.

- merlin after hating on arthur for the past episode is literally just cheering arthur on like a good husband he is

- did ARTHUR JUST SNICKER AT MERLINS “CREEP” LMAO DON'T TRY AND HIDE IT BY HUFFING AT HIM AFTERWARDS YOU FUCKING GOOF

- omg he hid it by telling merlin to do a full novel of chores

- AND MERLIN DOES IT WITH MAGIC A PAIR OF GOOFS

-  “are you using magic again” “no” merlin ffs he just saw you use magic, while the items fell and landed right in front of him while you didn’t move at aLL. they are nOT BLIND

- “very aggressive style” I MEAN SURE UTHER

- valerie be fuckboying morgana lmao with a “i saw you watching” and a, “then i will give everything to win the tournament”

- i wish this show was set in the early 2000s so i can see val in low sweatpants, a backwards cap with gelled spiky hair and cheap neon sunglasses (maybe even some gold teeth just for kicks), while hes trying to rap 50 cents or make a mixtape of brit pop songs. bc yes.

- honestly im loving my 2000 fuckboy au. gonna make an ao3 after this.

- of course merlin would be the one to find out the magic shit in valiants room, it just lures him. AND OF COURSE VALIANT IS THERE

- i'm so fucking glad arthur looks confused as to how merlin did what he asked. when u have this kind of hubby, arthur, its amazing what things he can do.

- i dont know why theres dramatic music as merlin put armour on arthur but im living for it

- “is it my imagination or are you beginning to enjoy yourself?” merlin doesn't know what to say to that bc he’s turning gay and doesn't know if that counts as enjoying oneself when the one you are gay for is the asshole prince

- typically enough, valiant and arthur never fight except for the finale. like with all conveniences in place, youd expect them to have at least fought at some point with as much knights as there to determine the final two but no, just the finale. k.

- this poor fucking purple knighted bloke didn’t need to be fucking demonstrated on, val. like you didn't need to kill him?? that could have blown ur cover

- DID NOBODY SEE THAT??? DID NOBODY SEE THE FUCKING SNAKES???

- oooh merlin found out what happened everyone gonna be fucked. nobody harms arthur is he has something to say about it

- if someone starts off a sentence with “i just saw someones snakes on their shield come alive” nobody would fucking believe you, merls. but given the fact that magic exist… mhh maybe it wouldn’t be too absurd. but ppl apparently are thick as hell

- “why were you in his chambers” well i know how id explain if i was in valiants chambers ;)

- jk i dont fall for this toxic shit

- imagine getting paid as an actor just just lie down there like this poisoned kid. “yeah, id like to audition for ewan’s role???” “why are you lying on the ground?”

- i hate those tropes where it's like “i know how to tell someones bad, here’s proof” and then nobody believes you and tells you you’re lying and should die or whatever but then you kNOW IT'S THE FUCKIN TRUTH BITCH that trope gives me damn anxiety >:((

- yes merlin, fucking slash the shield with your sword. i'm sure that's how it works. im sure it will kill the snakes.

- HOWA RE THE SNAKES ALIVE WITHOUT VAL SAYING “ISHNAHASHAHI”

- i think val would know that you cut off the snake’s head, merls, just saying. ur were the oNLY ONE.

- TELL ARTHUR WHAT??? “I CUT A SNAKE”

- EXACLTY ONG THAT'S WHAT MERLIN FUCKING SAID I WAS RIGHT LMAO

- ARTHUR BELEIVED HIM I'M FUCKING LIVING BUT IK WHAT HAPPENS AND AHH

- uhhh the anxiety is rolling up boys

- ewan is mcfuckingdead

- snake be sliding in like a hoe on a business

- bfehfjdjfskf i hate this part

- arthur's pride, merlin’s pride, fuck me

- i'm not even gonna write this part, it breaks my fragile heart when arthur sees the look of people not believing him, especially his dad, and merlin seeing how arthur doesn't trust him anymore like prepare the eulogies girlies

- okay but if arthur is struck and gaius has the antidote?? arthur aint gonna die technically

- but now val knows merlin knows

- AND MERLIN INTERVENES

- why are royals so bitchy towards servants. like they do their best to help you??? they are loyal to you and are paid there to serve you and are often very kind, generous, passive, understanding people??? yet merlin interrupts uther and he fucking sends him to the pit

- VAL YOU ASS LMAO DON'T HURT MY SON’S PRIDE

- he said allegations like four times, yes uther we know ur vocab is shining with intellect but seriously, there’s other synonyms that could still be acceptable and still sound fancy

- quick search on google bc my mind doesnt roll fast enough: claim, assertion, charge, accusation, declaration, statement, contention, deposition, argument, affirmation. see daddy uther, not hard to look up.

- forget they didnt have internet whoopsies

- :((( arthur doesn't trust merlin anymore

- the husbands FIGHT

- not just a banter petty fight, this is a huge fight

- SACKING MERLIN DON'T FUCKING SACK MERLIN YOU GOOF

- TRUST UR HUBBY

- FUCK

- I'M GONNA CRY AND IT'S ONLY EPISODE TWO

- I'M HAVING EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS CONCERNING MY TWO BOYS

- GUYS IM NOT OKAy

- its been 2 minutes after i wrote that last sentence, and i am now okay

- “a half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole” iconic as hell. so many things could be said about that quote. either for innuendo purposes, love purposes, destiny purposes, how long it took me to say it right, just so many purposes man. it’s just iconic.

- merlin looks absolutely done with kilgaharama’s shit

- “just give me a straight answer” seems like kilgarass here is being too gay for merlin

- gwen already knows merlin’s the heroin of the series, saying everyone knows it's merlin who will save the day. but same tbh

- i dunno if this is like me or not but it says her nickname is gwyn in the subtitles but im typing it as gwen which i thought was how u wrote it, even if her full name is gwynevere but like gwen has a ring to it while gwyn sounds like gwin or smth and i dunno which one is right so ill just leave it alone ahjsjfk

- MORGANA HAS VISIONS WE ALREADY KNOW WHERE THIS GOES SHES MAGIC ISNT SHE HAHAHAHAUHD

- merlin trying one last time to convince his husband not to die, but at least this time arthur knows he’s up for val’s magic and is like “k iloveyou but i have to do this for the country not just bc of pride and thinking val is not magic”

- staring into the fire like he’s hoping it would suck him up into the void, not only is merlin a now confirmed emo, so is fucking arthur it seems. perfect for one another i'm telling you

- eerie music as morgana enters… wha suddenly i can't read

- i thought at first morgana and arthur were gonna end up together cause of the fucking weird tension going on and i was prepared to be disfuckinggusted but no! the show and producers actually put my expectations away and helped me see that it wasn’t going in that direction! thank fucking god! 

- k but arthur looks majestic in his gear im just a huge bi

- “don’t go into my room” he says then gaius peaks in and almost gets mauled by a large chihuahua

- me too val, id step on someone's toes then fuck them up with an undercut. thats the bad bitch way to go. unless it for arthur, then val hahaha you can go fuck yourself

- no one sees mErLin??

- but they now see the snakes smh fakes

- “what are you doing? i didn't summon you” i don't think that will work val cause you didn't say it with a serpent tongue, it has to sound more like “shhashhwhat ahhssare hiisssyou iisshhaadoing?”

- okay but i thought arthur was impaled for a half second until he started to talk then i screamed that he was aight and he would now believe merlin

- uther better give merlin an apology

- arthur just said he wouldnt

- but still uther BETTER APOLOGISE TO FUCKING MERLIN

- “yknow i wish valiant was escorting me” “me too” i thought for a fricken moment arthur wished valiant would have escorted HIM. i'm dying.OMG

- “i wanted to say i made a mistake. it was unfair to sack you.” “don’t worry about it. buy me a drink and we’ll call it even.” DID YOU JUST SAY WHAT I THINK YOU JUST SAID MERLIN YOU SLY DOG OMG

- “i can’t really be seen to be buying drinks for my servant.” so if he wasn’t ur servant?? you’d say yes?? they are so fucking gay i can't anymore

- yeah, i literally fucking can't

[captain-spandex]

20-30 for all three of your ocs; Nash, Anna, and Mouse

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

Anna loooooves musicals and music! Her favorite is either Fiddler on the Roof or Cats. And when her favorite songs come on she sways a little and hums/sings along.

Nash isn’t really into musicals but she loves music! She’s a big fan of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, and Gillian Welch. also classic rock. She sings out loud and proud when she hears her favorite songs.

Mouse isn’t into like a lot of music, but they do love (weirdly enough) electronica. Especially Daft Punk. They don’t sing but they love to dance (which is mostly just them hopping around).

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

Anna is very patient. She rarely loses her temper. But if she does it’s like a quiet anger. She has to remove herself, breathe, and then come back when she’s not as emotional to discuss the problem rationally and without yelling.

Nash is a pretty laidback person, so she isn’t quick to anger, but when you do piss her off hoo boy. You either have to prepare for two things: Her getting hotheaded and yelling, or her smiling. Plotting when to get you back when you least expect it. Either way: Run.

Mouse doesn’t get angry but frustrated. They are v passive aggressive, mumbling under their breath, huffing and sighing, pouting and moping and crying. 

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

Anna like to lead by example, so she doesn’t insult people often, nor does she do it behind their back, but if someone is rly getting on her nerves by being rude and hateful(for instance: Hurk Drubman Sr.) she’ll use some of her grandmother’s Farsi insults under her breath.

Nash will be both a bitch to your face and behind your back. Her favorite insults are very colorful like: “Go shit on a stick” and “go fuck a chainsaw”. And then she’ll steal your keys and lock them in your car.

Mouse isn’t very confrontational, so usually they’ll just whisper insults to Boz like: “God do they even realize how stupid they sound?” “squeak squeak “🐭 “I know!”

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

Anna has a very good memory both long and short term. Mostly she’s great with faces and oddly enough voices.

Nash is pretty good with long term stuff. Worse with short term. Really good with faces most of the time but pretty bad at remembering names or where she knows them.

Mouse has the worst memory. Always misplacing things, and they don’t really interact with a lot of people enough to remember their names?

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

Anna is a very light sleeper, She usually sleeps cuddling a pillow, how she used to sleep huddled next to her husband was alive.

Nash is a restless sleeper. Always tossing and turning and mumbling in their sleep. It isn’t till she and sharky start sharing a bed that she actually feels rested.

Mouse can sleep anywhere and on anything. A roof? a cliff-side? the top of the fang center cheeseburger sign? You name it and they can sleep on it.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

Anna loves good natured jokes, silly humor. Like maybe the McElroy brother’s brand of humor? She doesn’t make jokes too often but when ppl joke with her she’s v good at playing along.

Nash is v much like Sharky and Hurk. She’s just kinda naturally funny and silly and makes situations fun. She’s good at starting up banter.

Mouse loves puns and like jokes that are setup. But they often don’t get sarcasm or like subtle humor. They are also v susceptible to other ppl laughing, so like even if they don’t get the joke if other ppl are laughing they’ll laugh with them. If they laugh too hard they Snort

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

If Anna is excited or happy she’ll kinda dance a little and hum a little toon. Maybe clap.

Nash laughs! She loves laughing and if she’s rly happy she’ll hug/pick up whoever is in her immediate vicinity!

When Mouse is happy they start stimming! They flap their hands and nod their head bc they’re just! So happy!

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

Anna often gets sad if she feels like she’s not doing the right thing or if she feels like she’s failing those around her. She hides her tears though, she has to be strong so that others won’t worry. She hides her emotions pretty well, but you can kinda tell when she’s sad bc she’s not as playful and her smile falters when she thinks no one is looking.

Nash will only let ppl she rly trusts and is rly close to know when she’s upset. She’s very private, and if she’s around ppl she doesn’t trust she acts like she usually does.

When Mouse gets overwhelmed (which is often) and sad they cry a lot. Usually they aren’t around ppl but even if they are they still cry.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Anna is scared she’s not doing enough to be a good mother. That she isn’t spending enough time with Gabriel bc of work. She’s also just in general scared of blood. She doesn’t faint or cower when she’s scared, she more just goes through the motions of what she needs to do.

Nash’s biggest fear is her mother. Her mother was v abusive growing up and she’s terrified of her mother finding her. She’s also scared of drowning. When she’s scared she gets belligerent and reckless.

Mouse is scared of crowds and people. They hate the feeling of being watched. They’re also afraid of a lot of other things. When they’re scared they mumble and try to make themselves smaller.

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?

Anna gets very motherly when she finds out someone else’s fear. She holds them close (if they don’t mind being touched) and she says it’s okay to be scared.

Nash tries to make the scary thing seem not so scary. Like she doesn’t want to belittle their fear but she tries to make it a bit more silly than scary.

Mouse tries to comfort them by naming their own fears. They figure that if the person knows that they aren’t the only one scared of shit they’ll feel better.

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Anna does work out in the morning before work. She does push ups and sit-ups and a bit of yoga. Plus when she has time off she takes Gabriel hiking! 

Nash is like a hardcore rock climber. She does it on her days off and loves it. She loves climbing up to the Whitetails lookout bc its a great view. After she gets back down she feels exhausted but like, at peace with herself and the world.

Mouse does the bare minimum? They walk everywhere though since they don’t have a car. They don’t mind it. They’re pretty scared of driving actually.

Thank you so much, Alexis!!!!

[starkissr]

idk why

ppl want to be fake friends like i’d rather have real friends or no friends but i don’t get why ??? ppl rly wanna try n be my fake friend like no listen i’m sorry but i can’t be ur friend on the day u feel lonely n a stranger when ur thriving and omg!!!! this one rly just told me my expectations are too high bc get this! i asked her to consider me like o ok lol so you’re rly telling me in ur twisted idea of a friend I’m not allowed to expect u to care abt me like isn’t that only the literal definition of a friend my mistake??? bc i totally get having no expectations of ppl and all that but at the end of the day when ur then best friend decides to ignore ur existence then come back into ur life whenever they feel like it? like my problem isn’t that ur trying to come back into my life i’m open to whatever ok but when u can’t have consistent intentions to be a good friend u auto = fake aka nobody ???? i GET that ppl mess up obv i’m not perfect either but it’s just admitting that and actually understanding where u went wrong n at least making an honest effort of not doing it again that is SO CRUCIAL

wow wow wojeofiae and like it’s just soooo funny when ur pride is the fucking reason we’re not friends??? like if ur ego is what’s holding u back i rly don’t need someone so easily swayed by that bs in my life? so no i’m not gonna try or give a fuck abt u if ur idea of a friend is not aligned w mine like and if it isn’t that’s fine we don’t have to be friends uk but like idk it sucks tbh bc i’ve been sooo transparent abt how ur lack of words/actions hurt me so bad so u literally know but don’t do anything w this knowledge??? n still wanna try and talk to me like we’re friends after?? fuck no

it’s sad that 2 of my absolute best friends did this to me in diff ways but like this is the underlying pattern n it just hurts so bad when the person ur the closest to in the world and has learned the most abt u and has been thru sooo many ups and downs just one day decides that ur not important to them anymore uk??? like and when they come back later bc of c that’s what they always fucking do! they expect it to be like the old days and make u feel like ur fucking crazy for being hurt when they literally just left u in the dark. it was so painful to grieve thru that period without u bc i had to feel what it was like when u turned ur back on me and yes it was v fucking cold bc when i was ur friend it was all sunny days n that was a stark contrast but 

also these past few days rly just make me wanna ask u why tf are u so fucking bipolar and a passive aggressive cunt to me one second and talking to me in ur bubbly tone like im ur friend legitimately 2 seconds later bc oh u just remembered u can use me for this thing or that??? i’ve literally never met an angrier or immature person? like ok obv i’m just off one on this rant so i’m gonna explain just how this girl tried me today! so she’s my roommate n keep in mind like i have told her explicitly my problem w her is that she hurt me when she didn’t communicate w me n went mia like i said this multiple times so no guess work needed n anyway today i was playing music in our room and guess what this girl does!!! puts her music on louder than mine! at first i was like?????????????? literally what? LIKE DID U RLY!!!!!!!!! JUST DO THAT LOL it was rly too much for u to tell me u wanted to play ur music???? i was honestly amazed and was like ok like obv this just sounds like shit at this pt n tbh all i wanted to do was just ask u why u felt that u didn’t want to tell me u wanted to play ur music? but then i checked myself and remembered ur words that i am expecting too much of u when i ask why u don’t care to communicate certain things so i guess it’s too much to ask u this too so like what now? n i just turned my music off after this internal resolution that u literally told me i can’t expect anything from u aka i can’t ever expect u to show up for me so like who is someone to u that is there one day and not the next?? like a relationship needs a degree of stable commitment and if i can never count on u why would i want to waste my time waiting on u to fuck up / my breath for calling u my friend? 

the ppl i’m lucky enough to call my friends are ppl that i’m inspired by and i’m not saying ur an ugly person like obv u have parts of u that are so beautiful and that’s who i saw in u before but like if u keep showing me how ugly u can be don’t blame me if u singlehandedly broke my trust in u ??? AND ANYWAY LOL if ur reading this still the CHERRY on top of it all and what actually got me fucking mad is this !!!! girl!!!! asked me for a bandaid a breath after i turned my music off. like. o. ... .m. . . m. g. i just honestly couldn’t believe it n w her cheery ass tone like this is what i’m talking abt how u only matter to them when they need u!!! i was debating asking her abt the music thing now that she decided i was worth speaking to but literally it just wasn’t worth it to hear another one of ur excuses??? i would’ve loved to see what u would’ve twisted out of that situation tbh but i was also like ok like i don’t wanna help u bc ur a cunt but then i was like uk what! she wins if i’m a bitter person bc of her by telling her no so i let her have my stupid bandaid but talk to me like we’re friends one more time and i swear to fucking god !!!!! i won’t be so silent 

n my friends are like r u gonna be friends w her after n i’m like ? what friend treats a friend like this ????????? like real q? this is not a friend. why would i say yeah i’ll be friends w her just to make her happy? no bitch my one requirement to be my friend is to act like a fucking friend and if u tell me that’s expecting too much of u like ok but u have to understand! this is my definition of a friend i can’t be ur friend then ! stop half ass trying!!!!!! either leave me tf alone or the moment u choose to decide (and actually act like) u wanna be real to me is when i consider u my friend again uk!! i’m not gonna hold ur shit over ur head but idk i feel like it’s bc they think that i will that they don’t try or honestly i don’t know their reason why but all i do know is there’s a blatant discrepancy between their words and their actions. for both of them but like the one who did this to me first even apologized to me and like i honestly rly appreciated that like it was only! a year and a half late lol but still i was happy but then they went ahead and did them and i haven’t heard of them since! like ok COOL so u just wanted to say we’re friends then go away again like that’s what i’m saying i don’t get it why do ppl want to be fake friends? what’s the pt????????? wow ok these are just the questions that i’m asking myself rn it like tears me apart that the ppl who know me best can’t bother to act like my friend when they wanna still have the perks of calling me a friend ! literally if any of them were to hit me up and put an attempt that lasts o idk beyond a single day to be my friend then i’m down i’m there but don’t fucking tell me i have high expectations for thinking ur my friend yeah obv i’m rly frustrated at everyone for complicating everything like clearly i care so much abt these ppl and that’s why i’m hell bent on trying to make myself feel ok for not taking them back bc as much as i love them i have self respect and literally it would just become an emotionally abusive relationship if i try to engage in a friendship where the friend would just let me down every day like i already have my own shit i’m dealing w why tf would i want to put myself thru unnecessary pain?

like everyone knows when ur being genuine or not. the recent one gave me a fake apology and it was so clear it was fake and last night she even admitted that it was n that she doesn’t think she needs to apologize and like i’m just like ......... so let’s just say i forgot that u can’t stick to ur word ok.... did u rly just have to remind me again?! this is what i’m talking abt it’s just painful and i can’t be ur friend if u can’t be real w me ok that’s all if anyone wants to be a human w me say hi like i rly don’t think anyone reads this so i was gonna delete my tumblr so long ago bc like whats the pt if no one sees u but then i realized how fucking cool that is and how liberating it is to just like put ur thoughts out into the interweb like journal writing is cool n all but on the off chance someone other than me does happen to see this then hi ur only looking at my deepest thoughts so i might as well know who u r lol but like if not (prob) then that’s ok i’ll just lol at myself when i reread this later! as stressful as this is like omg i’m graduating next week and i won’t have these kinda petty problems anymore and like that’s cool when that happens but idk i’m just not ready to grad f m u so ik as like annoying as this is and as stressed as i am abt my classes and assignments and finals and the future i’m eternally grateful for my education n like that’s why i don’t wanna leave! it’s the little things like tn i was at a coffee shop studying w friends n in the car ride back me n one of them were talking abt that one cute barista like he doesn’t matter but having someone to just say whatever the fuck u want w n confide in! it’s these little pleasures that i just love so much!!! n like i didn’t even notice but my friend brought to my attn like how he was acting kinda dumbstruck when he was talking to us n i was like lol fuck ur right that’s fucking hilarious n i had a new thing to laugh abt that i wouldn’t have if i had experienced it alone uk! like talking is literally what allows a relationship to flourish so w these 2 ppl where they just don’t communicate w me like that sounds like such a small flaw but the reason why it’s such a problem is that it literally stunts the friendships growth! how can we connect and etc if u can’t share what’s rly going on w me??????? or like why do u feel u don’t need to talk abt the truth?????? but ya as i was saying lol it’s ok i’ll just have to grind until i can get into my next school (hopefully, someone take me pls lol sos) but ya idk i suffer a lot during school but tbh it’s my fav ever so i’m so sad i’m graduating!!!!!! but like the only thing that’s making it ok is bc all of us are saying the same thing and it’s comforting that even tho we all dk what the fuck is going on i’m not the only one 

so mostly sad bc i’m gonna miss my real friends here soooooooo much like w all my heart omg nothing will be the same again and i’m not ready! i’ll miss being seconds away and the fact that i can go over or call them like hoe get ready bc we’re going to the beach that’s down the street!!!! at my parents place the beach is half an hour away and i was in love but u had to drive like an extra 15-30 min to get to even nicer beaches n bruh let me tell u i rly did myself right by going to a school an actual 5 seconds away from the beach and granted besides us students it’s a rich white conservative person area but still it’s in a cute n clean area?? omg like this is just as good as it gets uk??? so ya blessed to be stressed 

!?!?@#

[system-architect]

i can’t rememb if i already sent an ask but if not could u mayhaps do peej

u did send an ask which i will get to in a second but i am gonna happily do pj anyway!!

Personal

1)      Age? he’s 24 and a big shit who’s weirdly conscious about being 24 despite the fact that thats sTILL YOUNG so he lies and tells people he’s 21

2)      Gender? trans gay trans gay trans gay. he’s a very GnC trans guy who hasn’t transitioned too much bc he likes how he is

3)      Romantic/Sexual Orientation? gay... he’s a big gay. loves men

4)      Height? he’s 2′10″ aka min height haha pj small

5)      Race? asura and like metaphorically a fckn demon

6)      What do they look like? (i.e, hair color, eye color, etc). like a bush baby.......... uhhh he’s a very small lithe asura with wild ass fckn scene tier spiked up hair and his eyes are Indeed freakishly huge and he’s got sort of piebald esque markings and he’s also got spots of black pigment on his tongue and gums like some dogs do! i’m just gonna link art again

7)      Any disabilities? tbh he might have occasional breathing issues from his eye size and the constant vaping. also.. Some Stuff Happens During PoF but its not anything conventional that you might be expecting...

8)      Is there a meaning to their name? nope OOPS that one asura name generator spat it out at me actually! it stuck and i thought it was a weirdly funny name for an asura while also sounding p decent

9)      What makes them, them? he’s this image:

10)   What do they want to be when they grow up/what do they want to do with their lives? tbh his life is very stagnated atm and he’s not sure what he wants. to keep surviving, he guesses

Family

11)   Do they have parents? What are they like and how do they act with their child(ren)? he’s an orphan! his parents are unknown... he was raised in an orphanage by this very prim and proper asuran lady who was very secretly kind of a party gal on the side

12)   Do they have siblings? How do they interact with them? again, orphan, so family questions are hard to answer cus he doesn’t know anything about em

13)   Extended family? Do they see them often?

14)   Do they like where they live? (Is it a safe place?) he has A Flat up inbetween arkentia valley and magus valley in rata sum (i pretend there’s more out there than there actually is jhkfgd) which is also near where the glitch is located! it is fairly safe and he is quite fond of it, although he’s at the club most of the time

15)   Where do they live? Are they wealthy? Poor? Middle-Class? i just kinda answered this but he has Money honestly....... running a luxury nightclub that’s a front for your shady information trading business will do that for ya huh

16)   Do they have a lot of expectations/pressure on them from family to do great? the orphanage owner wanted all her little adoptee children to be Starlets and tried to teach them proper etiquette and get them into refined fields........... pj is successful but in the most opposite way from this possible

17)   Do they have pets? nope and thats probably for the better

18)   Who do they look up to the most/are the closest to in their family?

19)   This there anything special about their family?

20)   Do they wish they lived in a different family/household? he’s constantly torn about like... the concept of having blood relatives out there [hopefully]........ he’s not sure if he wants to know about them or not, if he would’ve rather been raised by them or not. it’s alluring but scary

Friends

21)   Best Friend(s)? his best friend is Kinda his ‘secretary’, kessa, who is a whispers agent plant in his club that helps him run the place in exchange for siphoning information from it. PJ is aware she’s whispers and kessa is aware he’s aware she’s whispers and they have a tentative and tense but friendly??? bond. it’s like, thin ice all the time but they’re also quite close. both her and pj are savvy and sort of take turns greasing the wheels of their various dealings; i think kessa is a bit bolder and craftier than pj and more organized oops. as far as kessa as a person, she’s a tall butch with cherry red dyed hair and she goes by the nickname ‘lucky’ due to the shamrock shaped marking over her right eye. she prefers masc looking clothing and she has a suave flirty personality with a quick wit and a snarky teasing sense of humor

22)   Who was their first friend? hgjkfdgh he’s never had many friends unfortunately. he tends to drive people away...

23)   What is their friend group like? a lot of people hang around him for general exterior motives like money and status.. not many people genuinely like him

24)   Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them? like everyone................... ‘i need you but i dont like you’ etc

25)   Do they consider any of their friends to be like siblings?

26)   Have they ever hurt a friend or lost one? definitely a lot. he’s a very abrasive person who can get fussy and picky and two-faced

27)   Do they have a crush on any of their friends? alas yeah half of pjs ‘friends’ are people he wants to smooch but its in a very vapid fashion.... even w/ deeper crushes pj isnt gonna be gettin any genuine love

28)   Do they share classes with good friends?

29)   Whom do they go to the most when they need a shoulder to cry on? he might drunk cry to viel or kessa and i dont think either would know what to do about it

30)   What would this person do without their friends in their lives? despite having shallow ‘friendships’ a lot of his self esteem revolves around popularity and being well-liked so he’d be... super crushed

School

31)   What grade are they in? If they aren’t in school, how come? he got like 30% of the way thru statics courses for political science and dropped out because he hated school... he was naturally savvy and talented with debate and an excellent candidate for a worthless weasel-y politician who can screw anyone over within a sentence but he just hated the whole school system and didn’t fit with it and getting into arcane politics wasn’t something he really enjoyed, it was all super backstabby but simultaneously Goody Two Shoes and he haaated it

32)   Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one? he probably butted heads with all of them and hated being told what to do

33)   Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot? definitely goofed off and didn’t care. he was good at stuff when he was asked to actually do stuff so why bother paying attention to boring stuff he already knows?

34)   Are/Where they a good student grade wise? stellar marks on very specific fields and tests and debates where the school system actually lined up with his talents but terrible marks otherwise

35)   Do/Did they need extra help? he was probably arbitrarily assigned a tutor due to his low marks but was uninterested in actually being helped and was a catty piece of shit the whole time

36)   What is/was their school like?

37)   Do/Did they have bullies in school? he’s a terrible worthless rat trash man and there was probably gossip that flew around about him but he loved hunting it down and intimidating the daylights out of the people who started it. even as a child he was a notorious drama monger and tattletale so it’s kinda in his nature. pj is a literally terrible person i’m so sorry to anyone who likes him for w/e reason

38)   Have they ever gotten into a fight at school? probably not many physical ones altho he’s def been punched a few times. most of his fights were probably weird high strung drama that contained a lot of passive aggression and counter-gossip and maybe some good ol fashioned blackmail

39)   Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school? hard to categorize bc he’s a walking embarrassment

40)   How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back? he dropped out and has literally 0% intentions of going back ever. and not as a char development thing either-- he’s never going to want to go back even if he improves as a person. it’s not his thing

Other

41)   Are they dating anyone? Do they want to date? Are the married? Divorced? pj pretends he’s shallow and only wants A Good Time but a bit more under the surface he’s absolutely desperate for more genuine bonds and wants Love And Affection and pretends ppl love him when they’re makin out idk. he’s a sad sad man

42)   What is their favorite hobby? Do they keep it a secret? he’s a boring egg who should probably pick up a hobby

43)   If they could have one thing in life, what would it be? what he’ll say he wants is like, more money/successful business but what he Needs is a kick in the ass to work on improving himself and to earn some friends who genuinely like him and to find a Meaning for himself

44)   Do they work? If so, what is it? If not, are they looking for one or even want one? shady information traderrrr he deals in secrets and identities of the asuran underworld

45)   Do they use social media? probably uses asuran instagram and snapchat

46)   Have they ever been in the hospital? probably for some very dumb injuries tbh

47)   Do they believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see? again weird Q in context of gw2 but superstitions... he’ll claim he’s logical but he’s prone to suggestion wrt this stuff and a huge chicken

48)   What do they do when they get angry, stressed, or upset? cry on bathroom floor with bottle of wine

49)   Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey? i think he avoids thinking about this too in depth bc he knows he’s a bad person haha..... he’s a bit messed up atm because this doesn’t motivate him to improve despite knowing it. he’s just kinda... yeah im awful so what if you cant take the heat then get out of the kitchen

50)   Does this OC have any part of you in them? (I.e, personality traits, similar background, etc) yeah he’s a bit representative of the time period of my life where i was overfocused on Being Hurt and wallowed a lot in my trauma and i felt i was justified in being a pretty nasty person for whatever plethora of reasons, but i was stagnating and it was all hurting me really badly even if i wasn’t ready to accept that it was hurting me. i felt a huge sense of impending doom and not knowing what to do with my life or if i’d ever get better...