#she's on a first date with this girl she's been violently wanting to [REDACTED]

[joanofexys]

drop more info about the now-named redacted 👀

Angelo “Angel” Di Fiore

He popped into existence yesterday night and was officially named this morning lmao

A quick overview:

18-19 years old (haven’t firmly decided where he fits in the timeline I’m working off of. Either same age as Neil or a little younger)

He/him

Backliner

6’4

Plays for the foxes

Queer (otherwise unlabeled)

English major

Girl dad

Will only answer to Angel, doesn’t like being called Angelo

Okay so Angel is still in the early stages of development obviously but I’m slowly getting there with the things that would make him a fox and all that

Angel has a daughter named Phoebe (or just called P most of the time) with his ex-girlfriend Harper Shaw. Phoebe is around 2-3 at this point, they had her when they were 16.

The two co-parent the best they can, they both attend PSU. Angel obviously plays Exy and Harper is a Vixen. Harper has the busier schedule (nursing major plus extracurriculars) so Angel has Phoebe with him the majority of the time. Before Angel was offered a scholarship with exy he wasn’t even planning on going to college and it had been agreed by them that Harper shouldn’t have to give up any of her future plans just because they have a kid now. Phoebe goes to a lot of Angel’s classes, stays in his dorm most of the time, and attends a lot of practices (usually being supervised by Abby. Sometimes running through the stands. Sometimes on Wymack’s shoulders)

Angel ended up in the foster system at 10 years old. His mother went missing when he was 4, leaving him with his abusive father. When Angel was 10 he ended up in the hospital, his father’s abuse escalating beyond the hidden bruises. CPS had been called to their house before, on multiple occasions, and with his father out of the room and his anger with how far it had gone this time, Angel admitted it was father’s doing.

The first home he was placed with was fine. Good even. But once the broken nose, the wrist, the ribs, all fully healed they weren’t prepared for the trouble he would start causing. He acted out. Frequently. Fought with other kids at school. Slammed doors. Refused to eat. Yelled till his voice was hoarse. They tried their best. He went to therapy. They took him on trips. But when he started lashing out at their other kids they let him go. He made it 7 months with that family, that was his longest placement.

He never stayed with another family longer than a few months. He was an angry child and a violent one. When he reached high school it was like the flip of a switch. That loud, brash, aggressive child became a quiet, withdrawn teen. One of his foster parents kids at the time played exy, she was a senior at the time he was a freshman, and seeing this change figured teaching him could be a positive thing. He ended up joining the high school team, playing as a backliner because that was the position they needed. When he hit a growth spurt and stopped being that gangly teen he ended up being their best player. He would’ve stayed with that family. 5 months in they were moving out of state, they offered to try and start the adoption process, but Angel didn’t want to leave.

When he was 15 he met Harper Shaw. She sat in front of him in biology and he thought she was an absolute genius. They ended up as lab partners for one assignment and it became routine to meet each other in the library. They dated for 8 months, obviously things happened, and Harper found out she was pregnant. The two thought about staying together when Harper decided she wanted to keep the baby but decided they didn’t deserve to make each other miserable and they would just co-parent instead.

Throughout it all Angel continued to flit through foster homes. Causing just enough trouble that no one would let him stay. His plan was to get through high school and get whatever job he could. Harper’s family was welcoming enough to him, they would help the two get an apartment to raise Phoebe and whatever they needed.

Shortly after Harper had announced her decision to go to PSU, Angel received an offer for a full ride from Wymack. His coach had submitted his file without Angel’s awareness. At first Angel wanted to reject it outright. He knew the foxes reputation. And knew he’d fit right in. It was Harper who convinced him to accept and they started at PSU together in the fall.

I know he ends up with the monsters. I’m not quite sure how yet. There’s more of his background that I have to flesh out. Most of my focus has been on his high school years but there’s a lot with his father that I need to work on that makes him fit right in with Neil. All connecting to his mother’s disappearance, unfortunately. It’s all just kind of developing as I go since he is so new. For now what I’ve shared abt him is tame. His story is swinging straight into batshit crazy territory the more I think about it.

Anyway, yeah, that’s a little glimpse into him.

[14dayswithyou]

i pm'ed you this already but i thought i'd share it here as well to help others. here's my lame attempt at cracking the 14dwy playlist mystery :] i have a feeling i only got 3 or 4 of them correct loool

1 shapeshift - Ren the song is about changing your personality for the one you love. "she's so sweet, bubblegum, cherry / i'm salty, might make your gums bleed" might be talking about Ren and Redacted's contrast, and how angel prefers Ren's persona over his true self. it also gets violent and gory towards the end which might allude to his redacted counterpart and how he'd go to extreme lengths to keep them happy.

2 almost had me - Violet "you were a wolf in sheep's clothing / and you almost had me." this song might be talking about how Violet was almost fooled by Ren. she knew he was suspicious from the beginning and you also said if it weren't for the storyline, Vi would've known Ren's real identity immediately. you also said that she's incredibly perceptive and has final girl material which fits the theme... and it's also in her official spotify playlist ;P i cheated a bit hah

3 heart shaped hologram - ren's second song "I keep forgetting you're somewhere else with someone real / You're laughing in their arms while I'm in the dark" this might be ren's introspection song because he can glitch the game and only wants to be with angel [who is real] which matches the lyrics of the song. in day 2 bad end he also mentions being in a dark void and begs the player to let him out.

4 wild enough - jae it's mainly about changing yourself to fit in with your friend group. in day 2 Jae is described to always be following along with Teo and Leon because he wants to be included with them, such as "am i wild enough for you?"

5 body - kiera this is the only song i had left so i figured it was for the mystery character which i believe is Kiera. her name was brought up in the past and also appears in the very first game files.

6 city of the dead - Moth "white light fades to red / as I enter the city of the dead" this could potentially be about moth because they don't live in corland bay [judging by the timezone difference in day 1] which makes them safe from Ren. they're not part of the city of the dead because Ren can't reach them.

7 Harvest Moon - Elanor "i've been hit with wonder since you caught my eye / slow down, I just want to stay all night with you" it's a hopeless romantic kind of song which is how you described El. it also sounds like it could come straight from her romance novels. it might also be Violet's song because harvest moon is also a game and she's a gamer girl. but it might not be her song after all because violet doesn't seem to be romantically interested in angel or interested in relationships at all.

8 Glimpse of us - leon "cause sometimes I look in her eyes and that's where I find a glimpse of us" possibly leon because the lyrics talk about seeing the person they love in their current partner. and Leon seems like he has feelings for angel and has to watch them date Ren in day 2. he also went to australia for a while and his character in 5 minutes sheet says he has a bit of relationship experience so maybe he had a partner and kept seeing angel in them.

9 god complex - leon ending "don't you say that / i'm your best friend" this might also be leon's ending song because the lyrics talk about the singer's best friend betraying them. there are also other songs by the same artist in Leon's personal playlist.

10 backstabber - conan this could be about Conan because he seems to have ties with the police and gangs which can be seen as shady. he might betray us in the game by siding with Ren which fits the "you're such a backstabber" line.

11 angel - good/neutral end "I thought you were an angel / I lost myself when I caught sight of you / I'm bidding you farewell / you'd never stand a chance in hell." the song to me seems like Ren accepting angel doesn't like him and letting them go. possibly the neutral end? or the ending with the secondary charas instead of rendacted

12 gun - bad end "You had better run from me / cuz I am gonna come for you / I am gonna break you down to tiny parts" it might be the bad end song where Ren becomes a murderer or something along those lines. it could be about him hunting down all the other charas who tried to harm angel or take them away from him.

13 fvck somebody - Teo "i wish you'd fuck somebody, steal my money, say you never loved me" yep that's all teo. rich, non-commital and not caring about his partners sleeping with others. this was probably the easiest to guess after shapeshift.

14 days - true end the entire song screams 14dwy to me with the scars on Ren's hands, the lyrics possibly alluding to angel getting kidnapped, and even the song title being called 14 days. to me this sounds like it could be the true ending since you said that's how you intend the game to canonically end. you're also very cryptic with some of your posts having hidden meanings, so making this song number 14 on the playlist could be a deliberate and important decision.

✦゜ANSWERED: Wahhhh you got 5 1/2 character songs and 2 ending songs correct!!

Also I'm sooo in love with your analysis ;v; It's made me realise that some songs work really well for other characters too!! I won't say which songs though in case I spoil something, but just know that I'm seein things from a whole nother angle now gjkgjndsk

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Alright, everyone, this is a personal post as much as it’s a public post so feel free to scroll all the way down to the  colored text for the public part of the message but if you, like me, enjoy drama, then continue on!

So, to make a very, very, very long story short for those who don’t know, I call my birth mother Mother Gothel due to her emotionally abusive upbringing of me that caused me to suffer from severe depression, anxiety, and even hair loss! A few years ago, back in 2016, my friend-turned-sister drove down with her mother, packed me and my bags up, and gave me a place to live and start over where I’ve been able to get jobs, go to school, and become much healthier than I used to be! 

During those years of growth and recovery, however, I kept in contact with Gothel through emails and the occasional phone call. Over the years, from the safety of being hundreds of miles away, I told her that I was gay and dating a girl. The resulting emails were not pleasant and she had no problems about calling my girlfriend a whore. Lovely, right? 

Every email she has sent me has contained detailed bible quotes and scripture and needles of guilt over everything I’m doing “wrong.” She’s still “so proud of me,” however. So at least there’s that, right? 

As of recently I emailed her and told her that I will be attending a four-year university in Tacoma Washington (moving away from Illinois) to continue my education. Her resulting email was lengthy. Here is some of it - cut for length.

Hi Michelle.

... 

You have to watch everything you say this day and time, at least that is what Jesus said in the Book of Matthew 5:37-- "Let your Yes be Yes, and let your No be No. Anything else is from the evil one." (anotherwords the devil will take your words you speak and trip and mess you up land you in jail or prison for 10 yrs)That would be really sad after you work so hard for an education and degrees then let him mess you up but read in John 10:10--the enemy comes to steal--kill--destroy--but Jesus said I have come so that you may have life and have it more abundantly.  That is why Jesus said in Proverbs 18:21" Life and death are in the power of the tongue"

...

I was telling Mom on the phone just this morning we talked for two hours-- that I was going to get a restaurant job here as soon as possible and let it move me out of here--I am moveing to Battle Creek or Marshall by Sept (labor day) and that I was sooo excited that I would finally get to see you, she said either her or Carl would drive me to [REDACTED] every now and then to see you. So Yes, I feel like a bomb was just dropped on me, my heart is broken, however I hope you will be happy and I wish you well in body and spirit-- I wish you nothing but the best. Just know one thing is for sure, I read my Bible and I will tell you right now, we are living in our last days you need to be concerned about where you are going to spend eternity. I just finished up reading the book of Matthew. In Matthew 21:25 The Heading Reads: "The Coming of the Son of Man" vs 25- And their will be signs in the Sun, the Moon, the Stars--mens hearts will fail them for fear and the expectation of those things which are coming on the earth, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken. vs 27--THEN they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with Power and Great Glory. Now when these things begin to happen, look up and list up your heads, because your redemption draws near". Jesus said He would give us signs in the Heavens above and the earth beaneath. All of the earthquakes that have been happening for the last decade leading up to the Austrailian wildfires, and billions of animals died, God is giving us the signs, its just like He said in Matthew 24:36-44. 

Lastly, 1 Thessalonians 4 :13--But I do not want you to be ignorant brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God wil bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from Heaven With A SHOUT--with the voice of an archangel, and with the Trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rist first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord, Therefore Comfort one another with these words.

After the Rapture, then comes the tribulation. I have read Revelation many times and to say the least you don't want to be left behind.  In Heaven their will be 30 mins of silence that is when all Hell breaks loose down here. Just whatever you do, Do NOT take the mark of the beast if you do, then you will mark your soul for eternal damnation. Then you will hear the devil say----"Hello! Welcome to Hell!

I am saying all of this bcuz now you have a choice to live for God or for Satan. If something should happen to your body or God forbid but if someone tries to take your life or you get in an accident and your heart is not right with God--That is exactly how you will stand at the Judgement Bar. The minute you take your last breath in this body, you will be ushered into the presence of God then it is too late to make a decision there it is if the Angel does not find your name in the Book of Life, then the devil stands there waiting to escourt you to------Well lets just say---You Don't want to go there. But the Bible says you will answer for every deed done in the body good and bad.I know one thing, it can't be too much longer according to scripture. The greatest tool the enemy uses from his toolbox is that you have plenty of time--well I can say the devil is a liar cuz Jesus just says--Be Ready it is not up to us how long we get to stay down here, that is God's calling.Second Timothy 3----But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of truth. 

Sister, we are living in our last days, make every day that God gives you breath in your body count bcuz you don't know when it will be your last day. There is pleasure in sin for a season--Hebrews 11:24. Whatever you do, don't let the devil take your life and your soul, it is not worth it.

Love You So Much and want to make sure your soul doesn't go to H---.  I am praying that you will have a preacher as a husband.I miss you Michelle, I miss hugging you, I miss walking up those stairs to bring your meals to you I would LOVE to hug you just one more time. That may or may not happen before He Returns ony God knows this.Please write me back when you can, you are always on my heart and mind. I have made mistakes while we were all living at 2414, I am so very sorry I pray that you forgive me if I have offended you please forgive me, I thought I had it all together. But now I see, I was just messed up and made lots of wrong choices, but God came along with His Holy broom and cleaned up my mess and said to move on. I am so glad when He forgives our sins, He forgets never no more to be remembered. All I can say is ---Thank-you Jesus.

...

Love You Forever my dearest Daughter and Friend.

This is the average email from her and I’ve been told that it’s not normal to receive emails this long talking about how she’s ‘devastated’ by my choices and how the world is going to end in hellfire soon. Please allow me, however, to show the email she immediately sent after the above.

[T]acoma is Washington's most dangerous city, with a violent crime rate of 953 incidents per 100,000 residents. While this is a relatively high rate — the 96th worst in the country — the city's incidence of property crime stands out even more. ... Indeed, the city had the country's 15th highest property crime rate in 2016

The overall crime rate in Tacoma is 138% higher than the national average. For every 100,000 people, there are 16.81 daily crimes that occur in Tacoma. Tacoma is safer than 3% of the cities in the United States. In Tacoma you have a 1 in 17 chance of becoming a victim of any crime.

Have you done the research for this city?They said Tacoma is the most violent city in Washington,I love you and want you to be happy. There are sooo many universities with the same opportunities.

How would you get around, does your friend drive? I did see how beautiful the area is but you just have to be careful I guess everywhere you go. 

As you can see, she immediately invalidates my choice - something I was very truly wonderfully excited about - and sends me a message that triggers my anxiety. I should note that she did not allow me out of the house without her even when I was an adult and over 18. If I went somewhere she had to be there with me.

Ah, but now we come to today and the email that spurred this post to creation. The above emails were sent two days ago and I have yet to respond. The email below was sent just today. 

Hi Michelle.

While I cannot apologize for what I said, It was not my intention to offend you in any way. I just went to google and typed in most dangerous city in the state of Washington and Tacoma popped up, that is out of 100 cities in the state.Okay, I know you say you have been there and all and you are no match for all of the evil there. God forbid, should something happen to you--you would be just another name and another number to them there is no much evil there they can't control it, I say to you just watch on a daily basis all of the crime that goes on in that sin city.

You better be praying about this cuz I don't think God would want you to put yourself in harms way--make a wiser choice, and God will bless you for it.Look at what happened to kobe bryant incident.... they met a very bad situation face to face and of course their was no way they could turn that around. My whole point of conversation.....sure you can do what you want bcuz you are an adult grown woman, but I would strongly advise you to pray to God about it and make a wise choice here, your life and future depends on right choices you make now.

What about University of Michigan in Ann Arbor or East Lansing University, Michigan University Kalamazoo, they are on the ten universities in Michigan. You need to reconsider your decision and think about your resourses you can get more help from family  bcuz I have all kinds of family up there and I will be up there soon. You are no match for Tacoma Washington. I only say this bcuz you are my daughter and I don't want something really bad come out of this just bcuz you are trying to get an education behind you--this calls for wise decisions.

You may never speak to me again, but I just want to inform you that you need to be very very cautious here.

Love You Forever.

... 

“You may never speak to me again.” 

...

This is the last email I have read from her and it will remain the last email I will ever read from her. I also will not be sending her any emails ever again because you know what? 

Her scared, anxious daughter Michelle Jean Anderson died and I’m what’s left - and I’m sick of her shit. 

So, hello, everybody! My name is Andy Alex Anderson and my pronouns are he/him (or they/them if you panic and forget) and it’s a pleasure to meet you! 

[defeyeant]

tiny rundown of oc muses:

DOLORES GORDON

stranger-aligned avatar, she/they enby lesbian, 30s but her appearance is fluid, irish by birth and weird by entity influence, unwitting shapeshifter, silver tongued devil. 

former human who somehow fell into family influence with the stranger and was changed. has never stopped changing, really. originally a tall, slender figure with straight black hair, blue eyes, and an angular face dotted with freckles. has shifted over the years into a variety of forms, though is currently somewhat fixed as a chubby, short figure with brown wavy hair, grey eyes, and a soft, mischievous face with a few moles. her eyes have also taken on the glassy, inhuman stare of a doll. besides this, she has some ever-present ‘red right hand’ at all times, some subtle othering to let humans know to be wary, that this creature is not quite human.

largely based on the concept of fair folk mythology being based upon humans trying to interpret stranger influence in less enlightened eras.

like most stranger avatars, is affable and eager to reach out to the world. she even does it completely free of her work for her patron, and notes having several friends outside of the circle of her entities servants. she’s quite good at getting others to let their guard down for at least a short time, and then striking as soon as she finds a way in. easygoing and devil may care, she is easily one of the most approachable of her kind.

despite this, she is good at big games, but loses the plot in other regards. she tends to be more bark than bite at the end of the day, lacking the power or influence that her superiors in the stranger’s food chain lord over her. she tends to be wishy-washy, an anywhere the wind blows type who realizes she’s in too deep far too late to course correct.

while she works for them, she did not originate in the circus. she just thought nikola was a riot and has had fun watching them go about their business, and decided to join in. it’s something she has come to regret several times, but keeps her head up because they’re really going to change the world. she only narrowly misses the explosion at the wax museum by sleeping in on the big day -- she had a last get together with her human friends before nikola made the world intolerable for them come morning. escaped in the van with breekon while holding a macabre memento of the day. currently possesses one of @sittimoranimiinterfectorem​‘s tim’s hands, left relatively intact in spite of being violently blown off of his body.

wishes she could shapeshift into agnes so jude would [REDACTED] her [REDACTED] :’(

‘MISS LUKAS’

lonely-aligned avatar, cis woman of unknowable orientation, appears to be in her twenties but is likely older, originates in the old family stomping grounds of kent, a bright young servant of her family’s entity, a woman who calculates love as sacrifice.

only child of a lukas family solicitor and his morose wife, their daughter showed a particular talent for the forces that her family had invoked for generations. a small, insignificant girl who is pretty in a way that does not particular stand out. rather old-fashioned features, a soft face made more delicate for her anemic complexion, defined by heavy-lidded blue eyes and a slightly too small mouth. her hair falls in soft ringlets to her mid-back when loosed, and is an unremarkable shade of brown. petite and delicately built, she is easy to ignore unless one is really looking for her -- but why would anyone do something so silly? her clothing is often dated, less in the style of annabelle’s vintage glamour, and more like she’s in a relative’s hand-me-downs or stepped out of a cheap period drama. she does not stand out as either a threat or anyone of note.

reserved and apathetic, she is the model of a perfect lukas. she puts off an aloof aura when she chooses to be perceived, something that should keep others at arm’s length. she has a penchant for dramatics and soliloquy, and leads a rather inactive life from her seat of power. obsessively bookish, preferring the company of literature to any other pleasure in life. a talented manipulator and vindictive enemy. she walked out of a gothic novel, mysterious and cultured in a way that says she could care less about your opinion about it. 

despite this, she still has some sparks of humanity. she is a great lover of mischief, and has been known to at least make an attempt to interact with those who excel at it. deeply loyal to her clan, she keeps her distance from them as she should while still aiming to do the family name right. she is rarely seen to act against those who do not act against her first, a sort of old world standard of ‘don’t start none, don’t want none,’ though admittedly her sense of who earns her wrath is arbitrary at best. she lacks any sense of self-awareness towards her oddities, which can make her either grating or overtly amusing to interact with. she also feeds fuckboys to the lonely so idk what more you could ask for.

operates out of the moors, where the mist comes in thick and the landscape can make one feel like the last person on earth. her typical prey is that of entitled men who refuse to respect a woman’s desire to be left alone to her devices. she approaches it from the idea of ‘you wanted to be part of my solitude so bad, then join it.’ she tends to court their interest, string them along for some days or weeks, then lure them into the mist. has also been known to have the lonely swallow lost travelers who approach her property and it’s implied she might have fed several friends from her youth to the mist.

she hates peter bc she is clearly a virtuoso but he gets the acclaim as a family representative. that’s an oxymoron. they are lukases, they should not have a representative. twat.

her true name is carefully guarded and never spoken. every man she takes on as a sacrifice has known her by one of several names. the most common she falls to are aurora, esther, rosalie, and faith.

yes, these two know each other. yes, dolores is the extrovert that adopted miss lukas as an introvert. miss lukas keeps throwing dolores into the lonely hoping it will grant her a moment’s peace, only for dolores to come crawling out citing her love for her friend as the north star to guide her back here. dolores also does not understand that the lukas family is not nuclear, but a clan, and repeatedly wonders aloud if peter is her friend’s father, uncle, or grandfather. miss lukas suffers constantly in the other’s presence, which is no less than either of them deserve.

[convndrums]

here the FAWK she ( the semi-finished masterlist of all my characters ) is ! took way too long but hopefully as you proceed to click on the linque below you’ll know why smh but yep ! i’ll be adding their pages on my account when i’m done with them soon i hope and maybe come back with a bunch of connections for each character but for now this is all i got & smash this like or im me for plots i’d love to get on those finally xx

reintroducing amanda wheeler;  intro & info page.

queen of irony. rich post- faux country gal who’s a loud homosexual and writes hetero fics/has an indie het smut for the absolute shits and giggles. dates a married woman she’s utterly in love with and will pull the life support cord for. said to be possessed by a possessed flapper. cute and knows it even though she looks like a republican. socially open & everywhere. morally grey.

reintroducing imogen yates; intro & info page. ( tw violence )

the grey area between your mom friend and your drunk aunt. happily vegan & owns a vegan restaurant called the fork, alt. the vegan cult’s lair. won’t kill you, but will convince you she really wants to. local brat tamer. minds her business via minding others. clashed head-first into nature’s very own reset button: amnesia. used to be satan and traumatized everyone. disgustingly active and accomplishing.

reintroducing ethan holland; intro & info page. ( tw suicide )

he is a sk8r boi, she said see ya later boy ( and meant it. they’re dating now. hey lourdes ! ) a nice person, so nice he doesn’t realize how fake he sounds/is. a certified headass. previously a bully/bully enabler, current guilty fuck. #torn. does the most for his loved ones. doesn’t remember his own birthday. googled foot fetishes once. trolls stan twitter with his fake selena gomez stan account when tumblr crashes. burned a sue of cide note with his name scribbled on it.

reintroducing sebastian miller; intro & info page ( tw violence )

kazimer sokolov whom. russian ex-cult member well-adjusted into a mundane life via lies, a fake canadian accent he’s ‘trying to get rid of’, being a twilight saga aficionado and a dickwad, a lame record store and a tumblr blog to keep himself sane by maintaining a general aesthetic and shitting on people and every discourse out there. knives/books sniffer. allegedly fucked a moose. probably kinkshames as a way to deal with his own “kinks” aka please keep the dead bodies away. ( im kidding i swear but [redacted] )

reintroducing prudence zima; intro & info page ( tw death )

parents died in a fire when she was two months old and it shows. idolizes avril lavigne & her favorite movie is lords of dogtown for aesthetics references. dude. social leech or effortless networker ? both. remains in her lane regardless. cry-types probably. here for a good time, not a long time. steals your stash and smokes you out with it. avid dick connoisseur. minimum effort lifestyle. either on her way to become a manager of some one hit wonder band that finds it’s demise in a freak accident, a drug dealer or god forbid, a guidance counselor; depends. mild cool girl syndrome. 

reintroducing jennifer meade; intro & info page ( tw death, violence and abuse )

bi/pussy muncher and proud misandrist, first and foremost. remembers killing her brother very fondly. the one girl in a room to call when you want to kill a bug and you’re relieved until she kills it with her bare hand. tops. unstable & chaotic evil, respectively. the ginger devil. biased and has her minion whom she invests a great deal of her time in brain washing and obsessing over. supposedly here to make amends but that’s not happening any time soon.

reintroducing margot williams; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

deserves better. very gay. all her friends are heathens xtra, take it slow. corrects typos in the gc. a nerdy editorial assistant daydreaming about publishing houses instead of the magazine she works for. lowkey shy and she’s angry about it. goes off if she must. jacks off to #knowledge and yuri anime. helps with homework and essays and takes the kids out. deadpan because we’re original but she swears it’s just the face & unresolved trauma. stans her therapist. unofficial older sister.

reintroducing chandler accardi; intro ( re-written ) & info page

needs to do better. dropped out of college for culinary school then dropped out of that too. was engaged to an absolute goddess he ultimately wronged ( with her damn best friend, bitch disgostin* ) and got kicked out to the curb. currently residing in the couch of his sister until things are resolved. thot-by-default & annoying. has like three ( 3 ) redeeming qualities. has never been told to shut up and it shows. works at buzzfeed.

reintroducing abel gautier; intro & info page

french and “confused”. lives a minimalist n’ expensive life. if american psycho & french kiss were the same movie. wine sniffer. the devil bakes croissants. will watch you die. takes grudges to the afterlife. gets attached but either ruins it or ruins it to spare everyone, himself included. falls in love a lot but knows how to calm the fuck down. very giving, fortunately. manipulative but isn’t too wild about bending everything to his will. 

reintroducing simini gale; intro & info page ( tw abuse, violence & mental illness )

token white actress & character in rosie’s show. [ britney vc ] its me.... against dissociation. a loud mess with an intense mental state and anger issues dulled out by her prescribed meds and whatever pill she got in the bottom of her manager’s purse. dependent and distraught about it. grocery shopping for garbage food and attending comedy stand up shows half drunk as a hobby. stable ? where. very nice and super flighty. heels are hot. wishes she could fight someone without feeling the urge to actually fight someone. 

reintroducing calvin o’shea; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

it’s not just the depression more than the incredible self hatred. walks into rooms with his bad energy, grumpy mood and cunty attitude. graduated college just to shut his dad up. wants to die harder than edward cullen. just doesn’t give a shit. has a baby named freddie mercury ( also known as the antichrist, with alanis, his mortal literal enemy whom he absolutely despises and will not hesitate to put his dick back in again lbr ) who will probably grow up to talk shit about his parents whom he also mentioned in his tell-all book on ellen. works at his family’s bookstore that sucks the life energy out of college students nearing a mental breakdown.

reintroducing isabel pavia; intro & info page ( tw drug use )

contemporary dances her feelings away. too ambitious for her own good but knows what she’s doing. in a goth ass secret society ( here ) a.k.a her new found purpose. knows everything eventually. oddly trustworthy. doesn’t know what speaking loudly is, let alone yelling. loves the moon & has that moon app. had to take painkillers when she twisted her ankle very badly and would take them for a while for stress and performance reasons, but has stopped. a quiet angel. 

reintroducing anastasia zeller; intro & info page

ambitious/multi-talented asshole. horror trash & an emotional/mental maze which translates well into her weird works on no sleep reddit and current horror comedy podcast. ( click here for info ). needs a therapist according to a friend, whom she dropped for saying that. will bite your head off. obsessed with her works to an unhealthy point. would love to establish a company and stuff out of it and is working on that. healthy relationships are a semi-foreign concept.

reintroducing morgan booker; intro & info page ( tw death )

vape-curious and takes photos of ghost towns and abandoned-everythings because #vision. had a roadtrip phase like the fake deep idiot he is. morally grey. genuinely here for a good laugh and spreading joy in the form of hover-friendships and taking lit candids of his friends. knows shit and comes off as a creep sometimes but does he really care. knows your mom’s name. lives in a disused hospital bc he’s marinating on that aesthetic. 

reintroducing bowie harmon; intro & info page ( tw drug use & abuse )

part of a duo in a web series as the anxious n’ cackling mess. showcases her depressión & anxieté by her colorful wigs n’ new hair dyes. painful receptionist at a tattoo parlor. recovering addict who advocates for drug use. thinks tattooing a ruler on someone’s dick one day would be the peak of her accomplishments as a tattoo artist. daily bad decisions. “ it’s complicated. ” when asked about literally any relationship she has with anyone in her life. traumas include her failed singing career. an ex viner-by-association.

reintroducing shaheen bin baz; intro & info page ( tw violence & mental illness )

the physical deception of going through hell in a short amount of time with zero mental durability to begin with during midterms. trigger-anxious. will shoot your toes off your foot if caught off guard. aided in criminal operations with the brilliance of his mind in codes. would not mind dying. seasons your food. waters his crops in his balcony garden. the grey area between a super laidback dude and a crackhead with violent tendencies. nearing a mental breakdown probably. 

reintroducing minka abbott-santos; intro & info page ( tw abuse )

defeats the evil stepmom stereotype one breath at a time. the human embodiment of a deer. gothic angel. alarmingly gets black swan. type to wake up to her staring at you from an armchair across the room, but lovingly, with a book she was reading in hand and two hot cups of tea; she was waiting to start the day with you. spooky until you get to know her and even more spookier when she’s ( note: calmly ) pissed but that’s extremely rare. gentle voice, soul and everything.

reintroducing reuben faulkner; intro & info page ( tw abuse & violence  )

rekt hell prince. lived in an amish community with his family until he got kidnapped away from home when he was seven into an awful living situation. doesn’t remember if the gas leak that happened five years later and killed everyone was his doing or not. knows where his real family is after months of tracking them down but. blood kink under investigation. shady bouncer at a shady club. has issues he has no care or time to diminish. fights for the shits and giggles. leaves texts at read. leaves you alone for your own good and his own sanity. 

reintroducing alexandra turunen;  info page

wants to do everything and be everything and doesn’t know what to do with herself ( read: post-graduation identity crisis ) currently investing in a motorcycle for no reason. essentially jobless. a “retired” kathryn merteuil who “outgrew” her cunning ways since highschool but really only found new socially destructive interests. appears to be self-possessed but she’s #shaken. doesn’t care about how well she presents herself anymore after getting rejected by four universities and refusing to accept her father’s offer to pull some strings to get her in one. sleeps a lot. 

reintroducing giuseppe del vecchio;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

goes by pepe because well. son of italian oil peeps & is extra. said to be in a cult when all he’s in is this extra ass dining club that does the most for initiation ceremonies. ready to fall in love with you. goes to the king’s college in london and studies business & changes his minor way too often for everyone’s liking. into everything and will be down to do whatever. faux deep. mischievous shit. incredibly unbiased. had his rawrk n’ roll phase that died along with someone in a club literally. still has it but he knows god now & less drugs.

reintroducing kelian scott;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

a father/father figure who tries™. runs a mechanic shop/chop shop because bad decisions and dire needs ( had his son to send to school and his daughter who passed away due to a disease he couldn’t afford to treat even after turning his shop into a chop shop. his wife then left him ). stares into the distance. wants the best for the kids but one of them is a junkie ( he doesn’t know yet ) and the other -- his niece -- is an orphan he’s worried about. thinks ahead 24/7. needs to pull out of this dull n’ depressing daily routine he has fallen into like the basic ass divorced dad he is. 

reintroducing sal presley;  info page

smexy trace & fingerprint detective. talks. the perfect illusion to bring home to your parents and friends. gets shit done which is both a good thing and a bad thing. looks calm, collected n’ well-rested but isn’t. his actual name is salvatore but no. knows how to mix drinks and more; used to showcase his multi-talented ass to make his ( currently ex ) fiancée look good now just himself. was engaged three times; two of those times with the same person. obsessive; gets into his job a little too intensely for no reason but #justice and maybe something else whom knows. loses sleep at least two nights a week as a habit at this point. has an extended family back home he misses occasionally. wishes he could calm down truly. 

[613526362]

Touching the Void

I was at her door, and she was wearing the coat she bought just to walk my dog.

I told her thank you for the best three and a half months of my life, and that I loved her. Then I turned to walk away.

She yelled my name. Then she left the doorway out on to the sidewalk. I kept walking, and I didn't look back.

I got into the car.

She ran to my car door, and opened it.

I wasn't going to force her to talk through the car door, so I got out and cane around.

She said, "Now don't act like this is me breaking your heart. We discussed this together. We came to an agreement together."

I said, "I know. I guess, I just wanted to thank you for introducing me to your friends, your coworkers, your family. And I wanted to thank you for the happiest three and a half months of my life."

She looked at me and said, "You're going to find someone better than me."

I stopped her and said, "No one ever finds someone better after you Cat."

We hugged, and this was a different hug. Back in her apartment, she had hugged me, and pushed her pelvis into mine, trying to seduce me into staying. She'd tried a couple other things too. When I arrived, I saw she'd chosen some cute but revealing clothes to wear, done her makeup, put on perfume. After I took out the first load of things, she forced me to open one of the Christmas presents she had gotten me. I tried to do it at first, but I couldn't. It hurt too bad. Tears running down my face, I finally got it open. It was a pair of custom made socks with my dog's face printed all over and words saying, "I love you dad."

She'd chosen a picture I sent her of my dog when he was younger. I guess she thought he had a cute look on his face in that picture. But I know his expressions better. He had a terrified look on his face.

It was the most thoughtful and sweet gift anyone had ever given me. The tears were already falling from my face as I tried to open it, but they fell so much harder when I looked at the socks.

She had also cried in the apartment sitting on the couch where we cuddled so many times. The couch where I had slept one night because she was so angry about something I had said.

She started crying, saying how bad it hurt that I had told her she had an anger problem on the phone earlier. She said no one had ever told her that before.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Maybe I'm a little crazy. But all girls are a little crazy. I have my faults. Everyone has their faults. You never even saw my darkest side."

She cried as her mascara ran, and her hair fell over her face.

She tried to kiss me, and she tried to pull me into her kiss. I resisted.

I didn't kiss her. I said, "Cat please. We talked about this on the phone."

If she had acted sweet, or remorseful, or even human on the phone, we wouldn't have been there, both overdressed and wearing cologne and perfume, sitting six feet apart and crying. We would have been in each other's arms, me breathing softly on her neck, my face lost in her hair.

But instead she had been so cruel. So hateful. It was one thing she said that absolutely destroyed anything that was left of my heart on the phone. When I said that we should still exchange gifts, and that maybe we could still stay in touch, she said she didn't want to. Why would she want to? she asked.

"Maybe if you we had been good friends before we started dating or something we would stay friends, but we met on a dating app. And this was a relatively short relationship. You just want to stay in touch once a week so you won't allow me to get over you. Am I crazy or something? Am I saying something crazy? Why would we stay in touch?"

So it was clear, she wanted me for the ring and kids, or nothing at all. She wanted the relationship exactly how she wanted it, or she was going to be angry and hurtful to me. Four of five days of not seeing me wasn't allowed. Not calling and talking for at least three hours a day was not allowed.

"When I care, I care hard."

"Cat, you said to me, "Marshal, you think you're so fucking perfect, don't you." That doesn't show me that you care hard. That's an extremely resentful and hurtful remark."

She had bought my dog a dog bed, a special refilling water bowl, a dog bed. I told her to keep them in case she got a dog, or take them back. She wouldn't. She insisted I take them.

Redacted

When she ran to my car, after I came out and hugged her, I kissed her on top of her head, three, four, five times. Then she looked up at me, and I saw her face so innocent, her eyes red and crying. I hadn't seen her face like that in a long time. She looked so sweet, and childish. I loved her so much.

I said, let's walk back to your door. I scratched her back and put my arm around her as we walked. After we opened her front door, she just kept walking forward, as if I was following. She was expecting me to follow inside. But I hadn't. Eventually, when she realized I hadn't followed, she turned. I went to kiss her on the forehead. At first she told me no, because if I had refused her kiss earlier of course she wasn't going to allow a kiss now. But then she saw I was kissing her on the forehead, and she allowed it.

I couldn't look her in the eyes when I said it, but I said, "I really do love you Cat." And then I turned, and walked back to my car. I heard her say my name twice. But she didn't follow this time. I never looked back. I didn't want to see her face.

After I got in my car, and started to back up before driving forward, I looked back. The door was open, and I saw just the edge of her coat at the edge of the door frame. She was standing beside the door, waiting to see if I was really leaving. Or if I was too paralyzed with sadness to actually drive away. I drove away. I drove for maybe three, four seconds.

I started screaming, "No God. PLEASE GOD. PLEASE DONT DO THIS TO ME GOD. PLEASE GOD."

I turned around and drove back. If she was still at the door, I would take her back. I would hold her tonight. I would love her, I would marry her.

Seconds later I was at her apartment.

The door was closed.

Redacted

I only made it about three blocks before I couldn't drive anymore. I pulled over in a city park that had a pool. I was walking through the parking lot, sobbing, holding the socks with my little puppy's face on them.

The truth is, he doesn't really love me. He's scared of me. Because I have beaten him ruthlessly. I have beaten him until he urinates and defecates all over himself.

The truth is, my anger problem is at least as bad as hers.

Probably way, way worse.

I sat on the curb at the park, feeling the pain of the 38 degree cold. I had a thin polyester jacket on, a polo underneath that. I sat there, looking at the small suburban houses on the street adjacent. I saw a woman washing dishes in a window. I wondered if she saw me. I saw a Christmas tree in another home.

I thought that I would be happy, in a small house, with a SUV, if I just had a wife who loved me and two children.

Shivering violently, I thought, for the first time in my life, that I would be happy,

if I just had someone to love.

I considered sleeping in my car there. Maybe she would call. If she called, I would tell her I had only made it three blocks. I would go back.

Driving back towards the Big City, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

The convent.

Was it open? How could it possibly be open at 10:30 at night?

It looked to me like the gate was open. I made a last second decision and dived across the oncoming lane into the convent driveway, nearly missing an oncoming car.

Walking the grounds of the convent, sobbing in studders, tears falling from my face into the cold air, I gripped the socks so tightly. I held them to my face and covered my audible cries. I looked up at the building where the sisters sleep, several times. I didn't know if anyone would see me, or hear my cries.

I curled up on the stairs just below a statue of Christ. The ceramic was painted to show small spots of blood where his feet were pierced.

Shaking, shivering, nearly convulsing with sobs and cries, I lied there.

I've always wanted nothing more, than to just die.

I thought about how Brad had driven my dog to Arkansas yesterday, and the videos they had sent me of him so happy playing on the field.

It's so easy to let yourself die here. All you have to do is fall into the lake, when no one is looking. I live not one block from the lake.

Eventually I stood, and walked further, thinking of when my father once told me, "Don't ever hurt yourself over a woman."

He didn't give me many words of wisdom, but the ones he did have counted.

Eventually I arrived to it. An outdoor structure made of rough, misshapen stones. A kind of chapel.

I said quietly, "Is anyone here."

Just quiet. Just the sounds of cars in the distance passing by at night. I was deep in the grounds now.

I walked inside, and it was quiet inside.

I knew where the shrine was, because I'd been here before

After I said a few sentences to Christ, I said a new sentence. It was a new conclusion. I said,

"Teach me your love."

I had both hands up on the flat counter of the shrine. My head towards the shrine, towards the face of Christ. My eyes closed. In my right hand gripped the socks Cat had given me. As I finished my prayer, still with eyes closed, my right hand released its grip, and I took both hands off the shrine.

I turned, and walked away

Teach me your love O God

Please, teach me Your love

Redacted

I woke up about an hour ago. It took about three minutes after my consciousness re-ignited for me to recall everything that happened the night before.

It took about ten minutes for me to start writing this and start crying.

Brad called me and I didn't answer. My employee at the office said that the light in the bathroom went out, so people are using the bathroom in the dark.

I told him I'll try to make it by, but I'm not if I would be able to.

I need to study if I'm going to pass this medical licensing exam.

But I don't want to pass it.

I just want Cat.

I just want her.

I guess that's really why I left her.

Because I wanted her more than anything.

I guess that's why.