#she's like. i'm not a *child*. only *children* believe in divine intervention

[chicago-geniza]

"I begged God then--but as an adult, I refuse to beg God" is a sentence of all time. She has so many sentences of all time

[devoutpriest]

cas-ti-fell:

“ no. circumstance. divine intervention, never upon god’s behalf. ABSENT, he’s left his energy upon this world, and he breathes life into all of us, but he noted our destruction. our chaos, our WAR. he left us to our own devices, to resolve our sin. “ it is not HUMANS castiel refers to, but angels, but children with weeping limbs and ravaged pits wh- ere souls–GRACE–should be. anna was one such angel, she rebelled like lucifer, and she fell to earth, her grace ripped out ( she saying the pain was white hot ; worse than any poker burning ) but humans have caused their own pain, their OWN hate. castiel offers out a hand, splays hard bones on the man’s shoulder. light thrums on porous flesh, ingra- ined pads seated soft on the bone. human bones were intriguing to him, he could feel the softness of the skin, the sinew and muscled meat where blood and veins rushed within the river, and the stick structure of course ; life pouring through a matchbook house. it is supposed to be comfort, though he does not know how to muster it, stiff and odd as he is. a just man, a RIGHTEOUS man, suffering from the knowledge his creator has left him … an orphaned child, a floundering babe .. “ i am an angel of the lord. “

his brows furrow downwards, in confusion, at the stranger’s next words. part of what he was saying matched what athelstan was brought up to believe in, god breathing life in clay and humans, animals sprang alive in the garden, yet the rest betrayed such. he wanted to seek guidance from him.

“ you think it is not even the SLIGHTEST bit possible for the divine intervention to be the lord’s work, or carried out with his orders? ”

“i thought I felt his FAMILIAR holy presence guide me out of darkness, many a time, once. ”

he carries his bible everywhere, is surrounded by holy hymns, singing latin as one of his prayers. gregorian ; he sung too, of boulevard of broken dreams. haunting lilt of many voices in chorused unison ; my shadow's the only one that walks beside me, my shadow's the only thing that's beating, check my vital signs to know i'm still alive ( he thumps his chest as he walks slight unsteady in the train tracks, gravel crunching beneath his feet ) ah-ah-ah-ah, i walk alone. they sung, with fellow monks tapping their pens and banging softly on their desks to the beat. they liked singing during their pilgrimages, they walking on foot as cleansing simplicity.

upon feeling the man’s hand touch his shoulder, the trembling in both his bones and soul ebbs slightly. it is a brief comfort from a man, whom decided to spare even a FRACTION of concern for him.

“ …an angel of the lord? h-HOW?”

he studies the man more carefully, disbelief washing over his tone. he seemed human, of tangible flesh and blood, contradicting athelstan’s image of angels. no wings or halo seemed to adorn his back nor head, as far as athelstan could see.

[tothedarkdarkseas]

Alright, no better person to ask than you. How do you think fame has "ruined" Stu? I personally think that Stu came ruined and fame just...uh...let him experiment a bit, which I'm sure you agree with. Basically the bottom line is that do you think that, had he not risen to fame in such a tumultuous manner, or not risen to fame at all, would Stu be a better person?

You and me bud, we’re speaking the same language here. Birds of a feather! Cut for length!

I know it’s naughty forbidden language, but I just really enjoy Stu himself saying that he’s been ruined, that fame and that Murdoc ruined him. It is admittedly tragic, as he does have a point in suggesting his life was altered drastically by an event out of his control, and that it was continually altered without him understanding how far-reaching the impact of his choices would be– but it also just sounds so petulant. The thing with Stu and my thoughts on him is that, despite everything I say, I’m like… 95% “team Stu” when it comes to his relationship with Murdoc, at least. I do think, when we’re humanizing and sympathizing with the characters, that it’s important to not devalue how much right Stu has to, frankly, resent and disrespect Murdoc. I think it inadvertantly opens up a window to many of his shortcomings and personality flaws, but it’s also not something I think he’s wrong to feel toward someone who did, in a manner of speaking, “ruin him.” Having said that– of course Stu’s still got flaws that are entirely his own, fame only enabled them. The choices he made when he was too young and inexperienced to know better are still choices he made without anyone forcing him, Murdoc wasn’t his puppetmaster and he’s still (ironically) responsible for his irresponsibility– he just might not have had the opportunity to make them on the same scale.

It’s a big question though, whether or not he’d have grown into himself entirely differently. As much as I enjoy dunking on him and think giving Stu full autonomy comes with giving him a little blame to shoulder, I do think it’d be a bit blind to suggest fame doesn’t change a person and often for the worse. I think the easier answer, and the one that is probably most true, is that Stu would likely be a better person. That’s a far cry from being a great person, though, and I’m definitely intrigued by the idea that Stu could just end up being the same guy with less to show for it. I think it’s plausible that Stu might’ve “settled down” earlier and not had illegitimate children, but it’s also equally likely that he would’ve had one or two and been stuck in a position of supporting children he really couldn’t afford to. I think it’s plausible his substance abuse would’ve gotten better without such abundant access, but it’s equally likely it could’ve gone the other way and he’d be huffing/doing whipits back behind Tesco, and he’d nearly OD once before his parents foist an intervention on him and he moves back into their house, or into a small off-home structure they own like a shed.

I think I’ve sort of described my idea of young Stu before and it doesn’t drastically change without fame– I stick to the image of him working at Norm’s and working the funfair, fairly close to his parents, rather immature and coddled but not really a malicious person, starts laddish and ages into geezery, eventually trains to be a mechanic under his dad or maybe plays at a piano bar/sings covers locally on weekends but he’s not pursuing fame on a bigger scale than that. (Danni pitched the idea to me of him as an entertainer at these holiday parks they have over in merry ol’ England, and I think that’s just divinely funny.) It seems logical to me that Stu would get married at an “appropriate” age and I think it’s inevitable that Stu would end up with one divorce to his name. I’d expect it’d happen when he’s still relatively young, mid-to-late 30s at the latest, and he’d probably not rush to remarry. He’d likely continue paying alimony, and if there’s a child involved, Stu’d probably struggle with behaving as a dad and not a funny uncle. If there’s a kid involved, that inability for him to ever re-prioritize correctly and behave not only like a father but like a fair supportive partner is likely what leads to the split; if there’s not a kid, it probably ends even sooner as she realizes how unfit to be a proper husband Stu is, and Stu struggles with both wanting the care and security of a wifely+maternal female figure, but also craving things he isn’t getting anymore, and things he resents never getting to begin with. A Stu who is never famous might even become the sort of sour old man who thinks he should’ve been famous, and he may feel a similar but much guiltier twinge of blame for his parents or wife holding him back.

I don’t think it’d be impossible for Stu to have a mostly happy marriage and live a better life, and I don’t really argue that possibility, but I do think Stu’s got a “grass is always greener” mentality. As we see him now, he idealizes something he doesn’t have mainly because he doesn’t have it. He covets and resents this notion of might be, things might be better, he might be different, he might be the person he was “supposed” to be if Murdoc hadn’t crashed into his life. I sort of think a major part of Stu’s growth is coming to accept that the fantasy that turning left instead of right would’ve undoubtedly been the better path is truly that, a fantasy, and it allows him to dodge personal responsibility and fall back on a sulking escape-route of everything being decided for him and all of his faults being things he has no power to change now. It’s tricky because there’s an ounce of truth to it, to fame at 20 almost assuredly ruining his development, but as our speculating right now proves there isn’t any certainty. There is still an immaturity and an avoidance to, like… borderline fetishizing the notion of a “different life” that you’ve already internalized a lack of power over and also lack of responsibility for. It’s not Stu’s fault that what happened to him happened, and regardless of me being a big meanie to him I really believe that, I don’t want to sound like I’m letting Murdoc off the hook or giving Stu guff for resenting him… but it’s also very unproductive behavior to cling to a “coulda been” scenario, and it’s unflattering to make the notion of being “ruined” into an excuse that absolves you of fault for all the poor decisions you made over the next 20 years.