#she'll get her little opera glasses out she's here to see if this is a tragedy or a comedy

[dynoguard]

"And we're back." Linda DuPree smiled into the camera, doing her best to appear natural. "With LaBrea... Uh... Is that your first or last name?"

The camera panned over to Linda's "guest." At first glance she appeared human, though the illusion broke down quickly. The size was the immediate tip-off: nine feet tall, with chalk-white skin and half-feline features.

From her short muzzle a pair of dagger like fangs dipped to just under her jaw. She "wore" an evening gown and opera gloves made of viscous liquid tar, the same material that formed an impossible mane upon her head.

The liquid moved and shifted with a life of its own, and a tendril of her floor-length "tresses" was presently dancing behind Linda like an agitated cobra, dripping rivulets of shimmering black oil that flowed along the ground back into her dress.

"Just LaBrea." Her voice carried an odd mix of valley girl inflection and a Hollywood Count Dracula accent, somehow unimpeded by her tusk-like fangs. "Thank you for asking. And Linda, can I just say that I am so thankful that you had little old me on your show, to get to know all the good people at home?"

"Thank, yes, I would like to-" Linda paused, and gathered herself. "I'd like to thank you, very much, LaBrea, for allowing the paramedics to give Sarah and Pauline transfusions."

"They were deliciously boring, dahling." She smiled. "Not like you. So. What do you want to ask me?"

"Well, what are you?" Linda winced. "Was that rude? I-"

"No, Dahling, you're just timid, frightened, like a little mouse. I like you." LaBrea tapped her chin, the slick mass of tar on her head shifted into a raised secretarial bun, a pair of glasses frames forming on her face, evoking a 'thoughtful' look by way of a fashion photo shoot.

"I'm a sabertooth tigress by death, a vampire professionally, an actress by calling and a Fossil Ghoul in general."

"Lets talk about that last one."

"Oh, acting! I don't have representation yet, but you have seen me on the news! And now here! On the hostage episode of The Squadt with Linda, Sarah, Pauline, and the husk formerly known as Darla!" She made an old fashioned 'call me' gesture into the camera with her tar-dripping claws.

"She'll be fine. I mean... not psychologically, but in a few categories I'm sure."

"I meant lets talk about the Fossil Ghouls. What does that mean?"

"Okay, so, like, I'm sure you've heard all kinds of things from the DynoGuard and their little juicebox pals, no offense."

"None taken."

"Wasn't a request. Like I was saying. You've heard that we're some kind of alien species that feeds on fear that's come here to bring an age of suffering and ultimately extinction upon you all. And I just want to let everyone know that couldn't be further from the truth."

"I, for one am glad to hear tha-"

"Yeah, species implies we reproduce and create life like mortals, which is downright offensive. Also, we feed on all forms of evil that you both commit and suffer, not just fear."

"So what are you then?"

"I'm the bones of a sabertooth cat, a whole lot of tar, a mass of your species superstitions, fears, and desires brought to life with a dark heart."

"A Dark Heart... is that metaphorical-?"

LaBrea plunged a hand into the tar at her hip, digging around in it as it were a pocket, before withdrawing a pulsing crystal the size of a cantaloupe. It was shaped like a human heart, carved crudely out of a sickly amber-yellow crystal. Inside, Linda could see a shadow moving around like a bug in a jar.

"This is a dark heart. Made form the ichor of Apothis herself, and holding a poor little soul that was too wicked to get fully digested after the master's last stop." LaBrea turned to the heart and its tiny shadow. "Who wasn't digested? You weren't, you weren't digested were you? You little atrocity you!"

Linda flinched as the shadow slammed itself against the wall of the heart nearest to her. She couldn't remember what it looked like, only that it had many teeth and claws it ought not to have, and was scrabbling furiously at the crystal in a futile attempt at escape. The camera did not pick up the finer details.

"You need a lot of evil, a lot of entroplasm, to make a little monster like this big and strong enough to be a real Fossil Ghoul." LaBrea said. "So you see, by letting us run roughshod over your world, you're actually helping us thrive. Isn't that fun?"

"You mentioned Apothis... That's the meteor that killed the dinosaurs?"

"Oh sweet little mouse! Apothis comes for everyone eventually. As a civilization gets big, and gets smart, its capacity to both inflict and experience evil swells. And when you're ripe, the monster meteor herself comes to feast, leaving a mass extinction in her wake. Before moving to the next star to do it, and the next, coming back around when your world has a new set of annoying talking matter that knows how to scream and mean it."

LaBrea shook herself from her ravings and regained her perky, if uncanny, posture. "Annoying talking matter and you, Linda. We're besties. Obviously!"

"How, how many times has Apothis done this?"

"To Earth? More than a couple by a few, dahling." LaBrea. "The lizards were the only ones to do something about it, and we'll have them dealt with soon."

"Why are you telling us this?" Linda asked.

"Because, dahling, it won't help. Not knowing, not begging, not even worshiping me." She tilted her head and smiled. Both the tilt and smile went farther than they ought. "Not that you shouldn't do all three anyway. They're fun!"

Linda blinked, unsure of how to respond.

"I mean fun for me." LaBrea grinned into the camera, then took a long, low inhale through her nose. As she did, Linda saw tendrils of smoke roiling from the cameras, the audience, and even herself, rushing into the creature's oddly petite nostrils. The smoke was an impossibly dark and deep purple and it smelled of burning decay.

She could taste the wisps flowing out of her mouth. They tasted like her divorce, her broken leg, her father's funeral-

"Don't turn that dial." LaBrea said in a mocking parody of Darla's voice. "Some of us will be right back after a message from these sponsors."

[spkyscry-a]

@dyavol​ asked: 💭 + Estir (@ Rhok'zan)

It shouldn’t be this quiet, should it? There should be some stirring in the trees. The grass. Some noise from an insect or animal somewhere. Yet, no, it’s gone decidedly quiet as Rhok’zan sat there. Just as she always did, just.. different, somehow. Like the hearth of a home had been snuffed out by a powerful winter breeze and the chill of a blizzard-ridden night was just resting in your home instead.

“Ah, yes, my dearest little Estir.” She spoke it freely, for no light from the heavens could descend here. No, the canopy above was too thick for it to reach here. No, the only light here was decidedly just pleasantness on the Black Goat’s part, which seemed to be.. waning. Shadows becoming more prominent. Darkness seeping back in. 

“I have nothing but love for my family. I wish to make that expressly clear. It is one of my fundamentals that shall never change, no matter what. However, I cannot say I am fond of some of their... tactics. It’s like a predator, who no longer kills for the necessity but for sport. Hunger that shall never be abated, so it keeps prowling for more. An invasive species that is hurting the natural flow of things, because it does not know any better.” 

A low hum, four pinpricks of purple as her eyes start becoming more noticeably bright in the encroaching darkness of the woods.

“She needs to abate her habits, truthfully, before she ends up getting herself hurt. Yet, a humbling show to curb her enthusiasm might be precisely what they need for it. So we shall merely wait, to see what comes from it. If their poorly constructed web of Suitors shall support her forever, or if she’ll be sent into freefall without a net to catch her.” 

Just like that, things were normal again. A hoot of some owl in the distance. Insects buzzing. Flickering wisps of lights from fireflies flitting about. Life breathed back into the lovely grove.

“Things shall play out, conclude, and then they shall continue, as they always do. Things do not merely get tied up nice and neat in a bow at the final Act, like a play on a stage.”

[amispnrewatch]

SPN 1x05 “Bloody Mary”

Guess who forgot to continue doing these posts when I finally got back to trying to rewatch the show!

I had to go back and do some from memory notes on episode 4 and I’m… 28 minutes into this episode before starting my notes here.

I think my favorite part of this episode is knowing the little girl who started the whole Bloody Mary chant in it came back later in 14x04 “Mint Condition” which is honestly one of my favorite episodes of the whole fucking show. She’s the Sam twin comic bookstore owner/employee in it.

Anyway, in this Bloody Mary episode the ghost of a woman who was murdered by her married lover is killing people who have secrets that resulted in other people dying. I’ve reached the point in the episode where they’ve got a girl named Charlie (oh hey, reused name!) in their motel room and have just finished covering up all the reflective surfaces in the room. Except the stained glass divider that Jerry Wanek put in there.

It was when I got to this bit that I started yelling at my screen and remembered that I have this lovely little rewatch blog waiting for me.

SAM Now listen. You're gonna stay right here on this bed, and you're not gonna look at glass, or anything else that has a reflection, okay? And as long as you do that, she cannot get you.

I was yelling because, with the way the scene is lit with the still open fucking curtains into the room (you can see the inner curtain behind Dean up there) Sam’s eyes are basically little dark mirrors (which is… hilarious) reflecting back at her and it was just a funny / bizarre statement to make when his eyes were SO reflective in that moment.

Like, look at that shit. Hilarious. This is the kind of shit that makes this my favorite monster hunting soap opera.

SAM Well Mary's hard to pin down, right? I mean she moves around from mirror to mirror so who's to say that she's not just gonna keep hiding in them forever? So maybe we should try to pin her down, you know, summon her to her mirror and then smash it.

DEAN Well how do you know that's going to work?

SAM I don't, not for sure.

DEAN Well who's gonna summon her?

SAM I will. She'll come after me.

Okay, also moments like THIS are why I keep coming back to this trash heap of glorious tidbits. Because this right here is their entire dynamic for 15 seasons in two lines. I love it.

DEAN You know what, that's it. {He pulls the car over.} This is about Jessica, isn't it? You think that's your dirty little secret that you killed her somehow? SAM, this has got to stop, man. I mean, the nightmares and calling her name out in the middle of the night—it's gonna kill you. Now listen to me—It wasn't your fault. If you wanna blame something, then blame the thing that killed her. Or hell, why don't you take a swing at me? I mean I'm the one that dragged you away from her in the first place.

And this monologue!

Like, on the one hand, the utter, devastating grief that Sam is going through. And the echoes forward to Dean losing Cas over and over and grieving harder and harder each time. And the spiraling blame and guilt and ugh. This fucking show.

Secrets. So many secrets and grief fueled guilt and Dean trying his damndest to keep his lying bastard family members from getting themselves killed and leaving him alone.

…

They’re in the antique store now. I think they just left Mary’s crime scene photo on the store counter? Good job, guys!

He said the thing! Dun dun DUUUUUUN!

“Smash anything that moves.” Is that a life motto there, Dean? Or just the one you want people to think you have?

Like the police outside wouldn’t hear the mirrors being smashed?

You can see the latex below Jared’s eyes for the blood effects. That’s awesome. Mostly in a special effects makeup nerd kind of way.

DEAN {bends down to the floor to SAM} SAM, SAMmy!

SAM It's SAM.

Aaaaand he’s still an asshole. That’s hilarious.

Dean grabbing another mirror to show to Bloody Mary is one of my FAVORITE things. Like what kind of galaxy brained dumbass move is that? It’s great.

DEAN This has got to be like...what? 600 years of bad luck?

I mean with all the time you guys collectively spent in Hell and other worlds before ultimately dying in the world’s most pointless, lackluster finale ever? Yeah, basically.

Oh man, I do not miss early 2000s eyebrows. Also, I feel like that actress was in something else I’ve seen a lot of, but I don’t feel like looking to up.

This Baby totally does not have a windshield on it. I thought that was the case in a few of the shots earlier in the episode, but that closeup as Sam sees Jessica on the sidewalk confirmed it. You can see the points where the windshield would attach.