#she was human and complex and flawed and 'difficult'

[fideidefenswhore]

🔥 whatever you like

Thanks!

So, there's been a few articles in the past decade or so that express distaste at the comparison of Princess Diana & AB (and a fair amount of umbrage in misc comments on social media at any parallels being drawn whatsoever, generally, I'm not gonna lie, from C/oA stans...Catherine was the Princess of Wales, Catherine was the one that was popular and beloved by the people, I think these are the broader strokes they believe should be associated with her more...that Catherine was the older of the pair does not seem to matter, that Catherine was, like Camilla, the one that knew 'the prince' the longest doesn't matter, because Camilla was Other Woman and AB was Other Woman, and as such they were both hated by the public, they will never see past any other elements of the story/stereotypes than those, esp. because ultimately they believe all the animus directed at both of those women was/is entirely deserved and justified);

But what's interesting is it's not even so much on the grounds that there are always pitfalls in sanctifying people in general, it's generally pearl-clutching about how Diana deserves sanctification, deserves every possible iteration to be made of her life, and AB does not...the answer to the 'moral quandary' presented in the The Times' BSR review, "Anne Boleyn is being rebooted — but was the tragic Tudor queen a whore and a witch or the Princess Diana of the Tudor age?" by Alison W/eir was basically that she wasn't a whore or a witch, but again, her oh-the-humanity answer of "she wasn't a very nice person" and deserved her "unpopularity in her own time", and was so far from Princess Di, woe to those that popularize AB, somehow she omits herself from that list, how stupid they are to ever believe otherwise, etc

The implication of the above is more what's funny to me... she shouldn't be treated as Princess Diana, because Anne 'had a mean streak' (using "words as one would not address to a dog", from a source no less than above reproach than that of an ex-flame)... but, Diana didn't? The woman who pushed her stepmother down a flight of stairs? The woman who confronted her children's nanny with an entirely personal, private (and leaked, to her belief, although it was later revealed it was another doctoring by Bashir) medical document? Diana was sanctified because she died tragically; if she were still alive today, she would almost certainly be "cancelled"; famous (women, particularly...they are generally judged more harshly) people have been cancelled for much less.

And then we have author Vanora Bennett, who did compare them, but not favorably, and rather misogynistically (to other women, as well):

[Anne] didn’t have the knack for self-reinvention that has brought modern celebrities such as Victoria Beckham long-term success, or the tight-lipped compliance that saw Kate Middleton claim her prize after eight years of waiting for Prince William to propose.

If anything, Anne reminds me more of Princess Diana – both of them charming and glamorous, yet unable to maintain smooth relations with the royals around them; manipulative and sometimes vindictive, yet posthumously elevated to icons of victimhood; dying too soon and leaving young children to cope with their tragic legacy.

Unfortunately this assessment has also been given academic gloss, but luckily this has mainly been limited to GW Bernard's asinine, quasi-profound remark that since Diana had sex outside of her marriage, AB probably did, too.

Idk, I've honestly just been thinking about this because I've been thinking about fan reactions as I watch The Crown, puzzled by how Peter Morgan is so good at writing those royals, but so bad at writing these royals...

Because, really, I think there are elements of both Camilla and Diana's stories in AB's? On the surface level, you have ebullient, charismatic, cheated on by her husband, husband dated her sister 1st, (honestly, never not going to be a weird thing, it must have been borne out of...I suppose, both the utterly limited society of 'acceptable' people to interact with for those of extreme wealth and the entitlement and belief you're above such provincial concerns as ‘That's Weird’), which is probably what led to that being motif in the Kristen Stewart as Diana movie.

And then, Anne was unpopular, but it was said basically, that...those who knew her, loved her, and those that didn't were, at the least, captivated by her despite themselves.

How much of her contemporary slander was from people that had only ever glimpsed her? I think we forget that when we forget how late the sixth-finger and other misc. deformities were alleged. 'Goggle-eyed whore' is the mark of someone who saw her from enough of an distance that the only feature of note was those infamous, large eyes.

Often people confuse charisma with popularity, very often they go together but they are not interchangeable, not synonymous. Charisma can only take effect within intimate contexts. As such, it's true that Anne had one but not so much the other.

Who knows how she might have fared, popularity-wise, if she'd had the powers of radio, TV, etc at her disposal...they're creative reimaginings out of her control/remit, but she has those now and seems to have done better on that front in immortality than she did in mortality/life.

What we have basically is two elements -- "royal mistress" and "threatening the image of the monarchy", and maybe even a little “marrying for love [when royal]”. These are all broad narrative stripes that are seen as “scandalous”, all seen as disruptive, against status quo, so they are always going to inspire creators. At the end of the day, the hand-wringing over that inspiration rings ... insipid? Naiive? Take your pick. 

[showtoonzfan]

When I think about how underwhelming that “argument” in Full moon was, how it wasn’t even an argument and just Blitz yelling, as Stolas says like…one or two things before leaving, it makes me think back to their shitty text convo Viv wrote back in Western Energy.

Like you can tell that this woman has avoided conflict and confrontation all her life (and lacks basic empathy for other human beings) that she can’t write it for shit when it comes to Stolas and Blitz. The truth is they’re both complex characters who are flawed and due to that they’re too hard to write for her, even Adam Neylan openly expressed how difficult it is to write for them. Like….guys if the characters are too complex than you are as people, you should have gotten someone else who can actually relate to these issues and knows what the fuck they’re doing cause Viv and Adam certainly don’t.

[lancermylove]

Dark Side of Dating Him (Dateables)

Fandom: Obey Me

Pairing: Dateables x gn!Reader

Warning: The warning will vary depending on the character, but nothing too serious.

Prompt: This is their dark side, so proceed with caution.

These are just some parts of the HCs. All the HCs, including the brothers and royals, are on my website.

———————————————

Simeon

Simeon’s calm and composed nature can be both a blessing and a curse. While he may rarely lose his temper, it also means he tends to avoid confrontation. This avoidance can make resolving conflicts challenging, as Simeon prefers to gloss over issues or downplay their significance rather than addressing them head-on.

As an angel devoted to his duties and the celestial realm, Simeon’s work often precedes his personal life. You may feel like a secondary priority, as he spends more time writing his novels, tending to celestial matters, or guiding others spiritually rather than focusing on your relationship.

Simeon’s perfectionism and high moral standards sometimes make him seem judgmental or unyielding. He holds himself to a high standard and expects the same from his partner, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy if you cannot meet his expectations.

Thirteen

Thirteen’s mischievous and playful nature is a cause of chaos. While her pranks and antics are all in good fun (to her), they might occasionally cross the line and leave you feeling frustrated, embarrassed, or even hurt.

As the Grim Reaper, Thirteen has a close relationship with death and often looks at it in a calm or humorous view. This perspective may be difficult for you to digest if you’re uncomfortable with dark humor or the concept of mortality.

You will have to get used to the concept of death and hearing about death because Thirteen will share all her adventures of soul collecting with you, whether you like it or not. It’s her job, so she doesn’t see anything wrong with talking about it.

Solomon

Solomon’s mischievous and unpredictable nature can make it hard to know where you stand with him. He’s a master of manipulation and charm, and while he doesn’t mean harm, his habit of keeping secrets and playing mind games can leave you unsettled and questioning his true intentions.

As the only human who’s lived for centuries, Solomon’s vast knowledge and experience can create a significant disconnect between the two of you. He may unintentionally patronize you or dismiss your concerns as insignificant compared to the challenges he’s faced in his long life.

Solomon’s obsession with magic can lead to risky experiments and dangerous situations. You might find yourself unwillingly dragged into magical mishaps, such as dealing with curses, unstable potions, or portals gone awry. His tendency to prioritize his magical pursuits over your safety can become frustrating and frightening.

Mephisto

Mephisto’s aristocratic demeanor and superiority complex can be both alluring and frustrating. His belief in his own excellence can come off as arrogance, and he may look down on you without realizing how condescending he’s being.

Mephistopheles can be excessively critical, as he thrives on control and order. He will pick apart even the smallest of flaws. This perfectionism might leave you feeling like you can never meet his high standards, which can create tension in the relationship.

He has a sharp tongue and won’t hesitate to use it in arguments. His words can sometimes sting more than he realizes, especially if you’re feeling vulnerable or emotional.

Raphael

Raphael’s stoic and no-nonsense personality can make him come off as distant and unapproachable, even in a romantic relationship. He struggles to express his feelings, so you might often find yourself guessing how he truly feels about you.

As someone who values discipline and order, Raphael can sometimes be overly strict or critical. He has high expectations for himself and others, and while he means well, his words or actions may come off as harsh or unkind, especially during moments of conflict.

Raphael’s dedication to his duties can overshadow his personal life. He prioritizes his responsibilities as an angel above all else, making you feel like you’re competing for his attention or that you’re not his top priority.

———————————————

➣ All Masterlists

➣ OM Masterlist: [Genre][By Characters]

➣ Tumblr Only ML: Obey Me

[darlingofdots]

What is a romance novel, really?

So far, the response to this post has mostly shown me that a lot of people don't actually know what a romance novel is, and that's okay! I don't expect everyone to know! However, for my own peace of mind, I am going to do my best to explain what we mean when we talk about romance novels, where the genre comes from, and why you should not dismiss the pastel cartoon covers that are taking over the display tables at your nearest chain bookshop. Two disclaimers up front: I've been reading romance novels since I was a teenager, and have dedicated the majority of my academic career to them. I'm currently working on my PhD and have presented/published several papers about the genre; I know what I'm talking about! Secondly, all genres are fake. They're made up. But we use these terms and definitions in order to describe what we see and that's a very important part of science, including literary studies!

The most widely used definition of "romance novel" to this day is from Pamela Regis' 2003 A Natural History of the Romance Novel, in which she states that "A romance novel is a work of prose fiction that tells the story of the courtship and betrothal of one or more [protagonists]."* People also refer to the Romance Writers of America's "a central love story and an emotionally satisfying and optimistic ending" and another term you will see a lot is "Happily Ever After/Happy For Now," which posits that the protagonists must be in a committed and happy relationship at the end of the novel in order to count as a romance novel. That's it. That's what a romance novel is.

Of course it's a bit more complex than that; Regis also posited the Eight Essential Elements which describe the progression of the love plot over the course of the book, and there's a similar breakdown from Gwen Hayes in Romancing the Beat that is intended more as writing advice, but both of these are really useful for breaking down how this narrative structure works. My personal favourite part of the Eight Elements is that the romance opens with a definition of the society in which the protagonists exist, which is flawed in a way that oppresses them, and then the protagonists either overcome or fix it in a way that enables them to achieve their HEA. A lot of social commentary can happen this way!

It can also be a bit difficult to pin down what exactly counts as a "central love story" because who decides? A lot of stories have romance arcs in them, including dudebro action movies and noir mystery novels, but you would never argue that the romance is the central plot. A lot of romance novels have external plots like solving a mystery or saving the bakery. A useful question to ask in this case is whether the external plot exists for its own sake or to facilitate the romance: when Lydia runs off with Wickham in Pride & Prejudice, it's so that Lizzie can find out how much Darcy contributed to saving her family from scandal and realise her own feelings for him. The alien abduction in Ice Planet Barbarians happens specifically so the abducted human women can meet and fall in love with the hunky aliens. There are definitely grey areas here! Romance scholars argue about this all the time!

I have a suspicion that a lot of people who responded to the post I linked above are not actually romance readers, which is fine, but it really shows the lack of understanding of what a romance novel is. I have a secondary suspicion that the way we have been talking about books has contributed to this miscategorisation in a lot of people's minds, because especially with queer books we will often specifically point out that this fantasy book is f/f! This dystopian novel has a gay love story! This puts an emphasis on the romance elements that are present in a book when a lot of the time, the romance arc is just flavouring for the adventure/uprising/heist and we are pointing it out only because its queerness makes it stand out against other non-queer titles. It makes sense why we do this, but there is SUCH a difference between "a sci-fi book with an f/f romance arc" and "an f/f sci-fi romance." I could talk for hours about how the romance genre has evolved alongside and often in the same way as fanfiction and how there are codes and tropes that come up again and again that are immediately recognisable to romance readers, even down to phrases and cover design, and how romance is an incredibly versatile and diverse genre that functions in a very specific way because of that evolutionary process. The same way that dedicated fantasy readers can trace the genealogy of a given text's influences ("this writer definitely plays a lot of DnD which has its roots in the popularity of Tolkien, but they're deliberately subverting these tropes to critique the gender essentialism"), romance readers are often very aware of the building blocks and components of their books. These building blocks (that's what tropes are, lego pieces you put together to create a story!) often show up in other genres as well, especially as part of romantic arcs, but that doesn't make every book that features Only One Bed a romance novel, you know?

Romance is an incredibly versatile and diverse genre and I really highly recommend exploring it for yourself if you haven't. I personally read mostly Regency/Victorian historicals and I've been branching out into specifically f/f contemporaries, and there are so many authors who are using the romance framework to tell beautiful, hard-hitting stories about love and family while grappling with issues of discrimination, disability, mental health, capitalism, you name it. The genre has a very specific image in a lot of people's minds which makes them resistant to it and it's not entirely unjustified, but there is so much more to it than Bridgerton and repackaged Star Wars fanfiction!**

*the original text said "heroines" but Regis later revised this. There is a very good reason for the focus on the heroine in the first couple waves of romance scholarship, but that's a different post!

**neither of these are a bad thing and part of that genealogy that I mentioned earlier.

[nickeverdeen]

What about five x fem!reader (platonic) where reader brings five to go to her room with her and see something important that she hid there and that could be useful for a mission. While reader is searching for it very focused, five is wandering in her room, seeing her stuff and posters but he stops when he spots some antidepressants between her stuff on the dresser and well... he doesn't know how to feel about that.

Five Hargreeves x fem!reader (platonic) where he finds antidepressants in her room while she’s searching for something

You and Five have a strong platonic bond, built on trust, mutual respect, and understanding

You often collaborate on missions, relying on each other’s skills and abilities to accomplish your goals

Despite your differences, you share a deep connection and enjoy each other’s company

You trusts Five enough to confide in him about personal matters, including the contents of your room

You bring Five to your room to show him something important you hid there for a mission

You are focused on finding the item, rummaging through your belongings with determination

Five follows you into the room, curious about what you’re hiding and eager to assist you

As you search for the hidden item, Five wanders around your room, taking in the surroundings

He notices the posters on your walls, getting a glimpse into your interests and personality

Five’s curiosity leads him to explore further, examining the items on your dresser and shelves

Among your belongings, Five spots a bottle of antidepressants on your dresser

He pauses, feeling a mix of surprise, concern, and curiosity about why you have them

Five wrestles with conflicting emotions, unsure of how to react to this unexpected discovery

Five struggles to reconcile the image of you as his capable friend with the reality of you needing antidepressants

He feels a pang of concern for your well-being, wondering if you’re going through a difficult time

Despite his initial shock, Five respects your privacy and doesn’t pry into your personal life without your consent

Five reminds himself that everyone has their struggles, and it’s not his place to judge or interfere

He silently supports you, recognizing that you may have your reasons for taking antidepressants

Five decides to focus on the mission at hand, trusting that you will confide in him if you need support

Throughout the mission, Five keeps a watchful eye on you, subtly checking in on your well-being

He offers his support in subtle ways, like being an attentive listener and providing encouragement when needed

Five makes a mental note to be there for you if you ever decides to open up about your struggles

The discovery of your antidepressants prompts Five to reflect on your friendship and his role as your friend and teammate

He realizes that there’s more to you than meets the eye and resolves to be more supportive and understanding

Five appreciates the trust you have placed in him and vows to be there for you, no matter what challenges you face

The incident strengthens the bond between you and Five, deepening your friendship and mutual respect

Five learns to appreciate the complexities of human emotions, realizing that vulnerability doesn’t diminish one’s strength

You and Five continue to work together as a team, facing missions with renewed determination and trust

You share a silent understanding that you can rely on each other, both on and off the field

Five feels privileged to have you as a friend and teammate, knowing that you’ll always have each other’s backs

You and Five make a pact to support each other through thick and thin, no matter what challenges you encounter

You understand that true friendship means accepting each other’s flaws and supporting one another through life’s ups and downs

Five’s discovery of your antidepressants serves as a reminder of the importance of empathy, compassion, and understanding in your friendship

Five respects your boundaries and doesn’t bring up the topic of antidepressants unless you choose to discuss it with him

He understands that some things are private and personal, and he doesn’t want to intrude on your privacy

Five trusts that you will reach out to him if you ever needs someone to talk to or lean on for support

You know that you can count on Five to be there for you, even during your darkest moments

Five makes a mental note to check in on you more often, making sure you know that he’s always there to lend an ear or a shoulder to lean on

Despite the initial shock of discovering your antidepressants, Five decides to approach the topic with sensitivity and openness

He subtly broaches the subject during a quiet moment, expressing his concern for your well-being and offering his support

Five assures you that he’s there for you, no matter what you’re going through, and encourages you to lean on him for support if you ever need it

Five gently suggests the idea of seeking professional help or talking to someone trained in mental health support

He emphasizes the importance of self-care and getting the help you need to navigate your emotions and struggles

Through your conversation, you and Five work together to normalize discussions around mental health and remove the stigma associated with seeking help

Five encourages you to build a support network of trusted friends and allies who can offer you additional support and perspective

He emphasizes the importance of surrounding oneself with people who uplift and support them, especially during challenging times

Through your shared experience, you and Five learn that vulnerability can be a source of strength and connection

You bond over your shared struggles and experiences, realizing that you’re stronger together than you are apart

The incident deepens yours and Five’s bond, fostering a sense of trust, understanding, and mutual respect between you two

You’re grateful to have Five by your side, knowing that he’ll always be there for you, no matter what obstacles you face

You and Five emerge from the experience with a renewed sense of purpose and commitment to supporting each other

Five feels grateful to have you in his life, knowing that you bring joy, laughter, and companionship to his world

[inphront]

y’know i’m writing this fic and it’s making me think that maybe we don’t recognize enough as a fandom that a lot of harrow’s guilt and shame, which make her light years more sympathetic as a character, are a.) not actually that moral, b.) directly caused by the ninth, and c.) probably shared with her parents, the only characters in the whole series that i’ve never seen a single post trying to humanize/analyze as complex. like. harrow hates herself for what her parents did and honestly? the most likely reason for this is just that kids subconsciously recognize themselves as extensions of their parents, and *her parents probably hated themselves for what they did.* regularly explaining your crimes against humanity to your five-year-old but only being willing to discuss it in the terms of it being a horrible sin and having to take a ritual cleansing bath every single time is the action of a very guilty person. i have to imagine that those saltwater baths probably included some really intense self-flagellation on the part of harrow’s parents that she internalized. i’d venture so far as to say that their suicides were motivated by guilt over the massacre just as much as by shame over the opening of the tomb.

harrow’s sense of constant guilt is so often seen as proof of her having overcome the imperial morality pushed by the houses, and that makes sense given the fact that she *has* taken a viewpoint by the end of the series that opposes imperial morality, but also, guilt is like the main export of the ninth house. harrow’s relationship to it, even once it stops being something she projects onto gideon or otherwise externalizes, is fundamentally ninth and ties her to what she herself acknowledges as “the worst flaws of her house.” ultimately it is something she inherited just as much as the 200, which to me provokes a lot of questions about how her parents actually coped with the consequences of their own fucked-up actions. gideon experienced that coping as just straight cruelty, but we know that harrow got a much more complex window into their feelings and behaviors, and my guess is those behaviors bore distinct resemblance to hers.

i have to wonder what sorts of systemic pressures were falling on them and their house that led to them killing off a whole generation, and what sort of transformations they underwent. how *do* you live with yourself knowing that the blood of so many innocent people, people you were responsible for *protecting,* is on your hands? how could you possibly raise a well-adjusted child when she’s basically a mirror into an atrocity you could’ve hardly fathomed up till the day you committed it? do you think they tried to? i think they probably tried to, but ultimately being a good parent doesn’t change being a mass murderer, and it’s impossible to pull off at all when the mass murder is so directly tied to your hopes for your child. the ninth’s entire purpose within the empire is to carry the weight and memory of one of the most horrible things john ever did, to *inherit the mass death and necromantic subjugation of the earth.* in this capacity, harrow’s parents are *victims* of the empire and its doctrine around death who proceeded to perpetuate both the mass death and necromantic subjugation AND the task of bearing the burden of shame onto their next generation. i don’t really know where i’m going with this aside from “the ninth’s cycle of violence is based in shame and is an extension of john’s disbelief in forgiveness, which means harrow can’t break it without forgiving something unforgivable; it’ll be interesting to see how she manages such a difficult task,” and “i think we oughtta talk about the politics of guilt as it applies to the entire reverend family dynamic”

[dinarosie]

Hey there,

I just wanted to say I appreciate what you have been writing about Snape and the leveled approach you have towards his character. It’s given many different perspectives I haven’t considered, and thank you for the care you have taken in writing out your points. I look forward to reading more :).

I wanted to add some thoughts to the convo. I think he is, and has always been difficult to appreciate for people because of his more reprehensible behavior and his more frequent appearance/impact on the plot of the story. His poor qualities are more present and readily accessible— while also being limited to the narrative perspective of the story giving glimpses of him. It’s an uncanny valley of incomplete presence.

Personally, I find it sad when his character isn’t considered humanely because his incredibly flawed nature makes him one of the most realistic characters in the series (imo)— and even as a kid I appreciated that. His bitterness and shortcomings in the way he would react to certain situations is something we can all be guilty of through out our lives, no one’s a saint, but he still tried to correct the error how he was capable of doing so with where he was in his life. That messy journey to doing better or correcting a wrong is real. Being a hot mess while you try to do it over time is real. I think the reality of how awful our behavior and flawed our choices can be, in various stages of life and in times of good intentions, is uncomfortable to recognize. As a result, it’s easier to aggrandize his entire character to awful rather than be confronted with how we have very much faulted and erred through out our lives— at times egregiously— and be able to appreciate the journey to redemption and betterment, no matter how messy.

That may be off base, but wanted to share.

Again. Thank you so much for sharing all of your thoughts. 💕

🐦‍⬛

Thank you so much for your thoughtful message! 💖

It’s incredibly rewarding to hear that the effort I put into exploring Snape’s character resonates and brings new perspectives to the table. I really appreciate that you took the time to reflect on his complexity in such a nuanced way.

Your points remind me of Laurie Kim’s analysis of Snape, which perfectly captures why his character has such a lasting impact. She describes Snape as “painfully human,” noting how he is neither purely good nor purely evil but rather someone who navigates life’s challenges with a mix of failures and successes. In her book Snape: A Definitive Reading, she writes, “Snape’s journey is compelling precisely because it is so raw and imperfect. He stumbles, holds grudges, and carries deep scars—yet ultimately strives to overcome his worst qualities. His story shows that redemption isn’t a clean process; it’s messy, uncomfortable, and incomplete.” This nuanced view really resonates with why many fans, myself included, find him relatable despite (and even because of) his flaws.

Thank you again for sharing your thoughts! It’s these kinds of reflections that make discussing Snape’s character so meaningful, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to explore it more deeply.

[dramavixen]

Love and Redemption: A Fantasy Epic About How Prejudice Destroys Worlds, and How Love Pieces Them Back Together

**major spoilers for: Love and Redemption

After wrapping up a watch-through of Mysterious Lotus Casebook, my mom had the brilliant idea that we should rewatch the work that launched Cheng Yi to fame (or at the very least solidified him as the man to hire if you need someone to spit blood): Love and Redemption. 

I’m certain she only found this idea appealing because she doesn’t remember a TV show after it’s over. Credits rolling? Aight, time for the woman to clear up space on her brain’s memory drive. Meanwhile, my life flashed before my eyes as I recalled the anguish that’s synonymous with the show’s plot. But you know how things go when your mom wants something. If she says you're sitting through 44 hours of emotional torture with her, then you plant yourself on that couch until it’s over.

Ironically, Love and Redemption fares even better on rewatch. Though other xianxias have come close to its place in my heart, I’m now concerned that my palate won’t be so easily satiated again. It’s got your conventional reincarnation, warring realms, and a star-crossed romance while throwing curveball after curveball to shatter your expectations. Complex characters, too? An endgame villain who will haunt you in your sleep? You can’t ask for more. 

Just because you didn’t ask, doesn’t mean that the show won’t deliver something extra. I like to think that nothing reflects a society’s unsightly reality like a well-done fantasy, and this one hits closer to home the more time that passes. A thinly veiled commentary on human flaws and how difficult it is to be a good person, Love and Redemption is a drama for the ages.

This is going to get lengthy, so to prepare you, here’s how I’m divvying up this piece:

Part I: All of Them Are Classist

Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

Part III: All of Them Are Racist

Part IV: Love Wins All

---

Part I: All of Them Are Classist

It’s not my intention to disgust anyone right out of the gate, but we need to talk about Wu Tong. Do you hear what I hear? Yes, it’s the distant echo of Wu Tong’s nefarious laughter, resounding between the walls of my skull.

Quite simply, Wu Tong is the worst. (Or at least he would be, if it weren’t for that other fellow named Bai Lin. That dude will get a glaring spotlight later in this essay, trust me.) But it’s not for no reason.

Coming from a background of poverty, Wu Tong spends most of his young life trying to prove himself to upper class cultivators who don’t have any interest in who he is, only in what he has to offer them. He earns his place in his sect through relentless hard work. He utilizes unsportsmanlike methods in his attempts to win the battle tournament in opening episodes. It's not just a competition to him—he's directly told that if he gets anything other than first place, he can forget about keeping his place in his sect.

When he and the protagonists first meet, his prideful personality results from his inferiority complex. There’s no doubt that he’s a powerful cultivator, but the issue is how he finds that to be his only real value. He doesn't bother to be likable, because what's the point in doing that? Being likable doesn't fill an empty stomach. But the more he disrespects others in an effort to make himself appear important, the more others look down on him, and the more he overcompensates by fighting back even more. It’s a vicious cycle—one that never ends because no one involved wants to take the first step back.

Knowing what type of person he becomes, it’s hard to pity him in any capacity. However, it would still be unfair to ignore how others mistreat him before he even turns into a true enemy.

One scene that sticks out to me happens early on, where Wu Tong nearly injures Xuanji during a 1v1 battle against Minyan. The protagonist crew insists on getting payback. Okay, I’m with it. You can’t let such reckless violence slide. I guess they’ll get their revenge in a later stage of the tournament by beating him into the ground? 

Nah. That would be too reasonable. What they actually opt for is tricking him to fall into a trap by putting up a “have you seen my lost snake?” poster with a financial reward, knowing that he’ll be fooled because…he’s poor.

Sifeng: I asked around. Wu Tong was born to a family of lower status. He lives frugally. The reason he trains so hard is because he hopes to become someone powerful one day. […] Now he needs the money urgently to buy medicine and recuperate his inner strength before his next battle. Minyan: When you put it that way, doesn’t that mean he has no choice but to come for the ten night pearls?

Sifeng…oh no. Not you too.

The way Wu Tong behaves doesn’t warrant anyone being amicable toward him. I, too, have a nonexistent tolerance for obnoxious, violent egoists. But if later episodes are any evidence, this scene foreshadows that two wrongs won’t make a right. If they want to teach him a lesson, they shouldn’t stoop so low as to take advantage of his poverty. His family background is the one thing about him that isn’t his fault, yet it’s the one thing they choose to use against him. That’s what I call “going too far.”

Now that he's been hit where it hurts, Wu Tong feels justified in going too far himself. In a fit of desperation and contempt prompted by his master abandoning him, he stabs Xuanji. Not great. Things get extremely not great when you remember that Xuanji is the daughter of a sect leader. That quickly transforms Wu Tong’s attempted murder/almost manslaughter into the evilest act known to mankind. All five sects turn against him to hunt him down and kill him. I’m no law or philosophy expert, but I’m pretty sure the punishment for almost manslaughter is not the death penalty. 

The five sects can treat him as their prey because he doesn’t have a support system to counter them. If he were the son of another sect leader, the thought of killing him would never even have entered their minds. Targeting him so relentlessly has less to do with justice and more to do with exerting power over a lower-class young man who hurt someone infinitely more “important” than him. 

That imbalance between crime and punishment is what pushes Wu Tong over the edge. He goes on the run for several years before officially succumbing to the call of evil, after which he becomes truly irredeemable. Still, you’re occasionally reminded of his struggle—is he destined to be a villain? Or is throwing aside his remaining morality just his best chance at survival? 

Do you have any idea how I survived these past several years, when you were all trying to kill me? What did I do back then that was so unforgivable? Did your sister die? Was it warranted for all five sects to team up against me, an average disciple? Was it warranted to back me into a corner over and over again, to force me to claw out of hell? Open your eyes and look at me! These past four years, I’ve already died countless times. Every time, I clawed my way back out of hell. Five hundred taels? You want to take my life with a measly five hundred taels? Don’t look down on me. Touch here. I have a fake leg. That’s what your five sects have left me with. What’s that look of yours? Guilt? Pity? I’m not telling you this for you to pity me. I, Wu Tong, survived this far because I must have my revenge.

Something my mom likes to say is if you find yourself going against someone—but especially a dangerous person—you must leave a path for their survival. It’s less for their sake than it is for yours. Should you eliminate all their options, they’ll have no choice but to bite. And they’ll make sure it hurts like hell. 

As an impetuous teenager, Wu Tong is in the wrong. He needs to be taught that his actions are unacceptable. But that can’t be accomplished by putting a bounty on his head and demanding that he be murdered. That’s how you turn a scoundrel into a monster.

Minyan, Wu Tong’s foil, similarly doesn’t come from an optimal background. An orphan, he was taken in by the Shaoyang Sect without the obvious pressure that Wu Tong suffers. Even so, he can’t escape the innate inequality that seems to exist between him and his fellow disciples. It especially affects him because he’s in love with Linglong, Xuanji’s sister but more importantly…also the daughter of the sect leader! Poor guy.

When I was little, kids in the village would surround me every day and call me a bastard child with no parents. I could only pretend that I didn’t hear them. Because if I took it to heart, they would only ridicule me more. We can’t shut the mouths of people who want to slander us. But we can choose not to listen.

He may think that he’s past it, but later episodes see Minyan being manipulated using that exact insecurity. It’s easy to impersonate his master and nudge him to become a “spy” in the enemy base because he’s compelled to prove himself worthy of the sect and worthy of Linglong. Fake Sect Leader Chu Lei tells him:

When I first met you, you were only eight years old. You were homeless on the streets, starving and shivering. Still, you clung to your family dagger and refused to pawn it. In that moment, I knew that you were a child with an iron will. That’s why I’m here to find you today.

I can agree that Minyan is really stupid to immediately believe that his master, a guy well-known for pretending to do important things more than he actually does them, would tell him to do something as reckless as invade enemy territory. However, he also heeds the impostor’s instructions because realistically, his master asking him to prove himself is something that could happen. Any good disciple would naturally want to repay their masters for their favor, let alone a disciple who would otherwise have nowhere else to go.

The contrast between Minyan and Wu Tong shoves itself in your face as you watch, primarily through their respective relationships with Linglong (well, one of them has a relationship. The other is a creep. Can you guess who’s who?). Without family backing, the two men both struggle to find their place in the world, but they’re complete opposites purely because of their upbringing. Thankfully for Minyan, he found a family amongst people who don’t treat him as “another,” even if he may think of himself as such.

Wu Tong isn’t so fortunate. You can say it’s his own doing, a result of his terrible personality, but he certainly wasn’t born like that. And now someone will pay for it.

---

Part II: All of Them Are Sexist

As a caveat, I’ll mention that the main cast really could have used a woman who isn’t some combination of foolish, lovestruck, and/or loud. But I’m willing to overlook it just this once because the writers excel in highlighting both the ladies' flaws and how we as an audience exaggerate those flaws through our own preconceptions. 

Working backwards in terms of plot importance, we can start with Xiao Yinhua. Sifeng’s snake familiar in a human form, Xiao Yinhua is like most female leads from the turn of the millennium in that her only real strength is throwing temper tantrums. She’s also like most second female leads from the turn of the millennium in that she constantly prefers using underhanded tactics and harming others to achieve her goals—in other words, a snake. Oh. I guess that makes sense.

Her affections toward Sifeng cloud her already nonexistent judgment and prompt her to make some of the worst decisions made by anyone, ever. At first, I thought I was being unfair toward her because of my own internalized misogyny. But no. I can say with absolute confidence that I would abhor this character no matter what gender or creature or object she may be. She has no redeeming qualities aside from teaching us that someone foolish, lovestruck, and loud is doomed to self-sabotage. From that perspective, she’s still a valuable character to have because now we know that before we act, we should think: would Xiao Yinhua do that thing? If she would, do not do that thing. 

If Xiao Yinhua were willing to grow up, she could become more similar to Zi Hu. Zi Hu almost acts as a parallel to Sifeng—hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t return the affection for a literal thousand years. Also, both are very pretty. Ahem.

Zi Hu’s thousand years’ worth of experience gives her the skills to back up her unrelenting feelings for Wu Zhiqi. She’s a rarity in that her driving force is a man—a motivation that's typically a reputation ruiner for female characters—but you find her lovable instead of thinking that she lacks self-respect. The key is that her love isn’t blind and rash like Xiao Yinhua’s. Zi Hu has a plan to save Wu Zhiqi from his prison and she carries it out with intention. In other words, it’s okay to focus on love, but only if you can take responsibility for your feelings. 

Ting Nu: Why go so far? When did Wu Zhiqi ever tell you that he loved you? Your affections are merely one-sided. Zi Hu: When did he tell me he didn’t love me? Look, once I rescue him, he’ll have to be with me to thank me. 

Because Zi Hu is a literal fox, people suspect her both for being a demon and for being the demon notorious for seducing men to consume their souls. The latter is quickly debunked and becomes less of an issue than her just being a plain demon. I nonetheless find it hilarious how everyone balks when she shows them her harem of men gleefully living in her backyard. Yep, she’s a cunning vixen. You can just keep wishing you could join that harem.

Zi Hu: You're trying to shoo me away. You think I’ll storm out because of your petty tricks? You’re underestimating me. I’ve already decided, starting today, I’m going to follow you everywhere. Even if you don’t want me to, I’m going to cling to you. This old spirit isn’t going to let those thousand years of waiting be in vain. Wherever you go, I’m going with. If you dare sneak peeks at other pretty women, I’ll dig out your monkey eyes. All in all, if I’m around, no pretty woman can enter your vision. As if you could bear to leave me behind if I hang around for another thousand years!

Xiao Yinhua and Zi Hu aren’t overly victimized based on their gender within the show itself. For the better too, because whoever dares to do so would probably end up dead by a fox's claws and a snake's teeth. These two characters' existences test your innate view of female characters instead. What is it that matters to you in a female character? What standards do you hold against them?

(**Content warning for the below segment until the next purple break: brief mentions of sexual assault and suicide.)

And that's where we come to Linglong. Linglong is a loudmouthed spoiled brat. She's overbearing, and while she wants to protect Xuanji, her method of doing it is by crying crocodile tears and throwing temper tantrums in front of their father. No wonder she and Xiao Yinhua clash—two childish people who both have a compulsion to win arguments? Forget it.

A bulk of the drama sees Linglong’s primordial spirit being taken and held captive by Wu Tong. Wu Tong puts half of her primordial spirit into the body of a flower demon, whom he also forces to take on Linglong’s physical appearance. No other reason, he just wants to have his way with someone who looks and acts like Linglong, the person who jeered at him all those years ago. By the time the real Linglong recovers her primordial spirit, Wu Tong has done enough damage that she’s haunted by nightmares and memories of someone who assaulted her when she couldn't even fight back.

The lead-up to this arc is incredibly disturbing and takes root in the very first episode. On my first watch-through, I thought their relationship would take a classic enemies-to-lovers path. The directors and writers pull you in this direction with no subtlety, showing a smitten Wu Tong when he first lays eyes on Linglong. They then keep the scam going by having him act out in awful ways as he attempts to gain her attention. That’s right, it’s the brainwashing girls receive when they’re on the playground: “he pulls your hair because he likes you."

During their first meeting, Linglong is surrounded by a halo filter from Wu Tong’s perspective. Knowing what he’ll later do to her makes the seeming innocuousness of this scene revolting, but it's necessary. It's the first of many steps to prove that someone’s “affections” can’t be used as an excuse for harming whomever’s on the receiving end of them. 

Linglong can be an extremely annoying person. Her outspokenness and difficult temper shape her into an unlikable character, which then ensures that by the time Wu Tong captures her, the audience almost instinctively wants to say that it’s her fault. We all know the talk track: “he liked her, so why couldn’t she just have been nicer to him? She asked for it by being mean to him.”

When Linglong first offends Wu Tong, it isn’t for no reason: she’s angry because he endangers her sister’s life over and over again. Admittedly, she goes overboard in her retaliation against him. So what? Linglong being mean to Wu Tong and Wu Tong later targeting her are indeed connected events, but the former doesn't justify the latter. If we say that the five sects hunting Wu Tong down isn’t a fair punishment, then isn’t it also unfair for him to turn the tables on her in such a way? 

Essentially, Linglong isn’t the “ideal” victim. That’s what makes her arc all the more heartbreaking. To this day, society wants to find any excuses for the assailant. Any mistake, any flaw of the victim's will be used against her. As humans, maybe it’s instinct for us to hope that bad things only happen to bad people, and victim-blaming is our twisted way of making that an impossible reality. 

Overcome with depression and trauma, Linglong is unable to come to terms with what Wu Tong did to her. Men gossip about her and her “relationship” with the enemy, sometimes harassing her straight to her face. Wu Tong himself finds great delight in taunting her about her “sharing his bed,” not only relishing the memories but also enjoying how much it torments her.

Linglong: It was my fault that I was captured by Wu Tong, wasn’t it? [...] Everyone thinks so. I didn’t want to be captured by Wu Tong. But after Wu Tong said all those things, everyone thinks so. Minyan: Linglong, why care about what everyone else thinks? Just pretend that you didn’t hear any of it. Linglong: But I did hear them. Why do I need to pretend I didn’t? It’s something that actually happened, so why do I need to play dumb and trick myself into thinking it didn’t? Are you going to be like them too, and mock me?

All the accusations brainwash her into thinking everything is her fault. To Wu Tong and all the people judging her, she’s nothing but a pawn to be used for their own entertainment. And once she and Minyan leave the protection of the sect, everyone finds her an easy target to push around. Hoping that her death will mean freedom for both herself and her loved ones, she attempts to drown herself before being yanked back to life and reality by Minyan.

Linglong’s struggle is many women’s worst nightmare. It’s also a diligent representation of PTSD, something that I normally wouldn’t expect from a xianxia drama. Even after she's rescued and everyone tells her that her suffering is over, it never feels over for her. At night, Lingling is awoken by harrowing dreams of Wu Tong returning to kidnap her once again:

Nightmare!Wu Tong: You’ll always belong to me. You can’t escape.

The conclusion to her arc being Wu Tong’s death and his literal letting go of her may be quite idealistic. But I prefer to think that giving Linglong her happy ending is the writers’ way of trying to assuage our fears, of showing us that there will always be another sunrise regardless of what happens.

(**Content warning end.)

Linglong becomes the drama’s strongest woman-centric plot, and I really love that the writers did it with a character whose personality isn't the most appealing. She's the imperfect woman we can find in every corner of the world, a representation of women overall instead of the minority who are considered "deserving" of justice.

Next to her, Xuanji also gets a short end of the stick. She's constantly being pushed to marry Hao Chen. Every excuse in the book is used against her: they're a fated couple, he's the only one that can take care of her, doesn't she agree that this is a part of her duty? No matter how logically she objects to it, no one really cares what she thinks. If she objects, she’s being headstrong, and that’s the end of it. (More on Xuanji to come in Part IV of this essay.)

And aside from Bai Lin’s more obvious transgressions (we're getting to those), what really irked me is just how twisted he makes the God of War’s rebellion appear in others’ eyes. The logic turns quickly from “Bai Lin must have done something wrong” into “the God of War must have been in love with Bai Lin and grew resentful that he rejected her.” I guess it’s very believable that the God of War would want to destroy the entire universe because some guy wouldn’t date her? That’s right, you can be the most accomplished woman in your field and someone will still want to attribute everything you do to being motivated by romance.

Naturally, the next question is—why is Bai Lin such a weirdo? Why does he insist on turning his friend Luohou Jidu, a man, into a woman when creating the God of War? Hmm. I smell a waft of homophobia...

---

Part III: All of Them Are Racist

And except for a small minority, I really mean "all of them" this time. Humans and celestial beings are racist toward demons. Demons are racist back toward humans and celestial beings. If you asked both sides who started it, they'd point at the other without hesitation. "They started it. By existing."

I don’t even know where to start with this topic. Part of me believes this entire section of analysis could be extraneous—do I really need to do a deep dive when you could just click a random timestamp of a random episode and have a 50% chance of finding a character saying something incredibly racist? No case studies necessary. The drama is the case study.

Obviously, while I may say that all the different races are racist toward one another, some are notably more egregious in their discrimination than others. The five sects, being in power, are the worst offenders. Every other second, someone is reminding another that they need to wipe out demons. Just the utterance of the word “demon” makes them froth at the mouth. In their possession, they have treasure troves of weapons and magical devices whose collective main purpose is to identify and kill demons. Perhaps you know someone in real life who thinks that hating something is a personality trait—that’s the five sects in a nutshell.

Zi Hu and Ting Nu are continuously snubbed for not being human even after they’ve long proven that they’re more help than harm. Ting Nu is a doctor, but even saving Hao Chen doesn’t make them think of him as anything but a demon who is evil in his very bones. Demons can do everything right, but the high and mighty humans are too pure and innocent to associate with them…aside from killing and torturing them, of course.

Highlighted Exhibit A: Sifeng almost being tortured and whipped to death based on the mere suspicion that he’s a demon. The fact that he is one doesn’t matter. His assailants operate on the doctrine that they’d rather kill an innocent person than let a demon roam free. Every action to rid the world of a demon is a virtuous one. It's a reenactment of the Monty Python witch trial but they're being completely serious. 

Highlighted Exhibit B: the other sects band together to wipe out Lize Palace without solid confirmation as to whether they’re all demons. They’re operating on the same principle as in Exhibit A, so at least you can praise them for being consistent.

Highlighted Exhibit C: before Sifeng is revealed to be a pretty bird, Xuanji’s repeated defense of him consists of "Sifeng isn’t a demon." The main purpose of these lines is to instill further fear into Sifeng and give him more reason to keep lying to her, all while Xuanji's trust in him deepens. But is it also some of her lingering innate judgment seeping through? A subconscious understanding that her family and sect will never accept a demon as her boyfriend? Well, joke’s on them because he’s one hot bird.

So how are you supposed to survive as a demon? Lize Palace results from the humans’ desire to eradicate an entire race of demons. Just as Wu Tong is driven only by revenge, the demons of Lize Palace just need to survive for long enough to one day remove their masks and live as themselves. Humans’ endless thirst for blood does nothing but fuel demons’ fire of rebellion and keep the wheel of tragedy turning.

As for the “bad guys” of Tianxu Hall? At least when they commit the same acts of evil as the other five sects, they’re willing to admit that being evil isn’t beyond them.

Yuan Lang is an extremely successful villain for this very reason. All of us love Yuan Lang, so much that we start grinning whenever he comes on-screen with his fan and sarcastic mouth. So much that when it's revealed he's been consuming people's souls, all my mom had to say about it was: “Oh. That's mean of him.”

He plots and he lies and he murders, but he doesn’t put up a facade of holding himself to a lofty moral standard. It’s also quite telling that while Yuan Lang machinates behind the scenes, 90% of his time is spent standing by and calling others out on their bullshit. Everyone around him creates their own downfall. He just happens to benefit from their stupidity.

Man with a fan and a plan. I like. 

Even so, Yuan Lang isn’t invulnerable to emotion. One of my absolute favorite scenes is where Di Lang sacrifices himself so Yuan Lang can make a getaway. It’s the only instance of Yuan Lang being subject to the pain of caring about someone else. Those short moments contrast so starkly against the sects’ inhumanity that suddenly, a revolution doesn’t seem all that bad.

Behind the bulky mask, his despair is apparent. Man. This actor’s come a long way since his F4—I mean, H4 days. If you've never watched Let's Go Watch Meteor Shower Together, don't.

Finally, we arrive on the topic of Bai Lin. Oh, boy. I still haven’t watched Blood of Youth because seeing the actor’s face triggers my fight-or-flight response. And it’s been years.

Bai Lin, the one racist to rule them all. The guy must have a handbook on “How to Be Racist” or something—how else could the contempt that spews from his mouth, the spark of repugnance in his eyes, and the brazen obstinacy in his opinions be so immaculate?

The entire drama consists of setting the stage for the full reveal of Bai Lin turning Luohou Jidu into a weapon of war to be used against his own people. By the time all the pieces fall into place, you’ve already witnessed the tragedy created by discriminatory practices between mortals. You've seen how Sifeng is targeted and Xuanji forced to move her hand against him. You've seen how the sects use their power to harm instead of help. You've seen how demons plot their revenge for centuries. Once Bai Lin is confirmed to be the genesis of all that, there’s nothing left for you to feel but utter revulsion.

Bai Lin: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist. How could my Heavenly Realm possibly hold a marriage with the Devil Tribe? Luohou Jidu: Celestial beings and demons cannot coexist...Then why do you drink with me today? Why are you friends with me? Bai Lin: Naturally, Brother Jidu, you’re different from other demons and devils. Out of all the demons and devils in this world, Brother Jidu is my only friend.

Can’t believe he even pulls the "you’re one of the good ones" card.

Bai Lin, practitioner of unethical tactics: his ultimate decision to trick and use Luohou Jidu results from racism-induced paranoia. He simply can’t believe that his friend will remain his friend, not unless he becomes "one of us." He thinks the God of War should appreciate that he's given her power and invested his time and energy in her tenth reincarnation, going so far as fool her into thinking that they loved each other once upon a time. Once Xuanji shows herself capable of independent thought, he doesn’t hesitate in turning against her and manipulating her to destroy her own self. He eventually sacrifices the entire world for the Heavenly Realm's survival. After all, what's the value of an entire planet's human and demon population in the face of his power?

He's the representation of what happens when those in power, those who have the best chance of righting wrongs and preventing more from happening, decide to perpetuate the problem. At the same time, he presents the predicament that those we rely on to give us justice are also victims of their own emotions and fears.

I venture to say that Bai Lin is the best-written antagonist in modern xianxia. He’s ruthless but has a moral compass, albeit one that only points in one direction—toward himself. His hubris aside, you have to admit that he genuinely believes he's acting for the greater good. The ends justify the means because he thinks he’s bettering the world.

Bai Lin makes awful decisions that involve genocide and cruelty because he operates on a strict utilitarian philosophy. "I do what I think will bring the best results, even if it means sacrificing something huge in the process." He’s the most dangerous character and the person we should also fear in real life because he’ll stop at nothing to create his definition of a paradise.

It would be easy to dismiss him as simply being a bad person. However, this show draws from reality in that every person exists in a gray area between good and bad. You can lean one way or the other, but you don’t fall completely into either. And that’s the foundation of the show's conflicts. Everyone's so busy trying to define what’s right and wrong that they’ve lost sight of basic compassion.

When he’s finally faced with the consequences of his actions, Bai Lin is driven to despair. He feels true remorse over what he’s done, but only because he’s fortunate enough to actually witness how the thousand-year conflict wouldn't have existed without him. We as people aren’t so lucky—those “what if”s will forever remain in the shrouded realm of impossibility.

Heavenly Emperor: You always thought that evil had sparked in the hearts of the God of War and Luohou Jidu. But the one in whom evil truly sparked was you. All things and happenings in this world are originally empty. From emptiness comes meaning. Yin and yang reverse; they support and restrain one another. The Heavenly Realm was originally empty. The Asura, too, was empty. If all is empty, then how could the Heavenly Realm be superior; and the Mortal Realm, Demon Realm, and Devil Realm be inferior? Your excessive concern for the safety of the Heavenly Realm prompted evil to take root in your heart, unable to be undone.

Seeing him in such despair almost makes me feel bad for him. Maybe I do have too much sympathy.

At this point, it's already too late to repair the damage he's caused, a realization that causes him further anguish. He rids himself of his divinity to show his remorse and accepts death. But he's already caused so much pain to everyone else. Who can put back together the world that he's destroyed?

---

Part IV: Love Wins All

(We love IU for her perfect song that also gave me the best possible final section title.)

As I seek to be conscious of my own biases, I once wondered: why is it that shaking my head at a female character for being dedicated to a man comes so naturally to me, but I can’t be more gleeful to see Sifeng put his heart out on a platter for Xuanji? Perhaps I’m also sexist. Perhaps I have double standards.

Then I thought about it some more and realized everyone loves Sifeng because he’s so blatantly unrealistic that you’re immediately able to sink yourself into his fictional beauty. He transcends gender norms because there is no person of any gender who would go to the extent that he does for Xuanji, nor is there anyone who could remain as levelheaded when faced with some of the most shameless people known to mankind. Forget all the people flying on swords and uttering magic spells. The biggest absurdity in Love and Redemption is its male lead. Yes, I'm a skeptic. But we're so lucky to have him.

Sifeng grew up in a bizarrely backwards environment where—instead of girls needing to cover up to not attract men’s attention—all men need to protect themselves by wearing masks and not associating with the opposite sex. Brainwashed for years to believe that Lize Palace is the only safe space for golden fire birds like himself, he keeps cautious around people while still harboring a subconscious longing for their warmth.

In my entire life, I never knew what a "friend" is. I finally understand now, the meaning of "fervent friendship."

Sifeng is established as the loyal lover extremely quickly. He's whipped—figuratively and literally—for Xuanji, his sheltered childhood leaving him defenseless against her unintentionally flirtatious mannerisms. He teaches her about her lost senses without judgment, nurtures limitless patience with her and others by proxy, and isn't afraid to question the status quo.

We love Sifeng for his wisdom and levelheadedness. He sees things for what they are and is commonly the voice of empathy and reason within a world of selfishness. The entire show is Sifeng going, "I might as well do it myself" in every situation because no one else cares, is capable enough, or both. He's the guy in group projects who quietly does everything and doesn't even get mad that you're the most useless team member ever. What a saint.

In the xianxia universe, he's distinct husband material (which isn’t saying much since the bar there is so low that you'd need to dig yourself a grave to reach it—which is also great because then you already have a place to go once your xianxia spouse gets you killed. I digress). His loyalty to not only others, but also who he is and what he wants, leaves him able to counter the complacency with hatred and evil permeating the world around him.

With his endless empathy, he's able to understand Luohou Jidu. While Sifeng's earliest motivation in facing the greatest devil is only to save Xuanji, he later views Luohou Jidu as an individual with his own sufferings. He's the only one to truly view Luohou Jidu as himself, not someone to eliminate, not just an extension of Xuanji. To Sifeng, everyone deserves a chance to be heard before a verdict is passed over them.

Not to mention, these two’s interactions are absolutely hilarious. I wish I could've seen the extensive conversations that must’ve went on in the censorship agency over them. 

Fellas, is it gay to clasp a guy’s hands within your own and stare deeply into his eyes while reminiscing about your loving relationship if he’s technically got a woman captive in his brain? 

But perhaps what shines the brightest about Sifeng is how he suffers. He's so pretty when he suffers. Wait. That's not my point.

When his Lovers’ Curse triggers for the first time, Xiao Yinhua speaks the gospel that a lot of the audience probably has in mind: "you did so much for her, you were so good to her, but she doesn’t love you back." And it sounds kind of right? But also kind of not? Then Sifeng opens his mouth and you think, "oh, crap, I've been brainwashed by misogyny yet again."

She never asked me to like her. If someone wants to kill another just because she doesn’t reciprocate their feelings, then that person will never be loved. They also don’t deserve to love another.

Again and again, Sifeng puts himself in harm's way to keep loving Xuanji. Sure, he wants her to love him back, but that's secondary to his desire to be honest with his own feelings.

With the bright beacon of light that is Sifeng’s blinding love, I feel most viewers overlook Xuanji’s capabilities as a female lead. Her comparative passiveness in the relationship makes it seem as if she doesn’t love him enough. I attribute this to the same reason as our previous conclusions, that female characters in romance dramas have a harder time garnering the audience’s approval than their male counterparts. Are we innately more judgmental toward women, or is the standard for men still so low that we’re already impressed when a guy surpasses the bare minimum? Probably both.

It's easy to forget that Xuanji is the one who's nice to Sifeng first. When they first meet, Xuanji literally falls into his arms. Then he just…drops her. (And they say chivalry is dead.) But Xuanji doesn’t care.

The rules of his sect push Sifeng into being a bit of a porcupine in his demeanor. He puts up a wall against everyone, but especially Xuanji. After all, as an innocent boy, Sifeng needs to protect himself from evil women. Or something.

Xuanji is the one who can't take the hint tries to befriend him and tears down his wall with the gentle, graceful nature of a sledgehammer. She insists that she'll retrieve his lost mask because she knows it's important to him. When she discovers that Sifeng is punished over it, Xuanji is the one to point out how unfair it is. Her straightforwardness and sense of principle are the reason Sifeng begins to open up at all.

Xuanji: I’m the one who took off his mask. If you want to hit someone, hit me. [...] Not to mention, he almost died trying to get his mask back. So I'd like to ask you, Palace Leader, is Sifeng's life more important, or is that mask more important?

She knows no fear, so she doesn't consider emotionless rules to be worth anything if they cause pain for the people she cares about. In many ways, Xuanji is the one who teaches Sifeng to stand up for what he believes in.

That Xuanji lacks her six senses makes her the least susceptible to the prejudicial habits of her surroundings. She accepts what they believe, that demons are bad, but only because that's all she knows. Whereas most of her peers are content remaining in their ignorance, this supposedly heartless gal is curious about the world. She can easily abandon her preconceptions in favor of what she witnesses the world to be.

It takes constant practice and tests for Xuanji to completely shed her old beliefs. The introduction of Zi Hu marks the beginning of her growth. Xuanji, concerned and angry that Zi Hu is holding her friends captive, fully intends on killing the fox until Ting Nu reasons with her:

Ting Nu: Zi Hu isn’t a malicious demon. You shouldn’t threaten her life. Xuanji: But she kidnapped my friends. How can I spare her? [...] No. She did bad things, so I have to kill her. Ting Nu: [...] Zi Hu has never actually harmed anybody. She’s simply misguided by her anxieties. You should spare her life. […] If you discover that she’s actually committing malicious acts, you could kill her then, no?

If it were Minyan or Linglong in her position, you could bet that they'd ignore Ting Nu. For one, he's a merman, so of course he'd protect another demon. To Xuanji's credit, she really does give Zi Hu—and Ting Nu—the benefit of the doubt. Does she have to? No. But she does anyway.

If Sifeng’s love comes naturally, then Xuanji’s comes through determination. Who's to say that one is inherently better than the other? It takes ten lifetimes for her to understand a semblance of love. She wants dearly to understand what it means to "like" someone, even though she's already the least unafraid to show how much she cares about others.

After she successfully grows the heart light for Sifeng, I don't think anyone is more excited than Xuanji herself. Look how proud she is. Obviously, she's happy she can use it to protect him, but I imagine that she also views it as the clearest proof that she’s as human as anybody else and as capable of loving as anyone else. Sifeng may be stunned when the heart light disappears, but Xuanji falls despondent—she really wants Sifeng to be someone important to her.

People sometimes struggle to see past Xuanji’s initial naivety. They're especially harsh toward her for not seeing what Sifeng has sacrificed for her until it’s almost too late. It's true, the drama primarily favors Sifeng's perspective, so it's easy to only see what he’s done and ignore Xuanji’s efforts.

In spite of warnings from Sifeng himself to not do so, Xuanji emerges to save him from the third lash of the demon whip. You go, girl.

Love isn’t a competition. But for the sake of the discussion, let's say proof is needed that Xuanji’s effort in the relationship matches Sifeng’s. In that case, the important part is looking at what they sacrifice in a relative scope instead of an absolute one.

The things that Sifeng sacrifices are astronomical. He climbs a tower blustering with an eternal blizzard and puts on the Lovers' Curse mask. He stands right in the middle of the conflict between humans and demons even though there’s no way humans will spare him. He gets stabbed…a lot. But everything he does is a result of his own will and careful calculations—they’re all things he knows he can take responsibility for.

Sifeng's major flaw is that he's a massive liar. He's not right to lie, but he's also right to be scared about what would happen if he doesn't. As a demon, he knows what happens to anyone who isn't distinctly human. That's why he conceals his identity from Xuanji.

Then, once he discovers that Xuanji is also the reincarnation of the Star of Mosha, his fear is ignited again for her sake. Xuanji has almost always been defined by what she is, not who. She's berated for being useless when she doesn’t have her six senses. The moment she’s revealed to have the God of War's power, suddenly everyone finds her more than useful. If she's publicly revealed to be the Star of Mosha, then she'd be killed without question, and the person that is “Xuanji” will also cease to exist. Just as he doesn’t want Xuanji to view him and as anything other than himself, Sifeng doesn't want anyone else to view Xuanji as anyone other than herself. That's also why out of everyone, the one person he must keep the Star of Mosha secret from is Xuanji herself.

When Sifeng's lies begin to unfold, Xuanji is left to handle the mess he's inadvertently created. Suddenly discovering that he's a demon and also protective of the demon that possibly murdered her mother, Xuanji is torn. Her wavering faith in him isn't because of his identity, but because he lied to her.

Zi Hu: Do you dislike it that much, that [Sifeng] is a demon? Xuanji: Should I not? Zi Hu: Well, you healed my wounds. And you’re friends with me and Ting Nu, a merman. As for little Sifeng, he’s not a malicious demon who harms people. I don’t think he was aware of what went on with Tianxu Hall and Lize Palace. Xuanji: That’s different! He shouldn’t have lied to me. He’s the person I trust the most. But he even kept from me who he is. Then, all the things he told me and did with me in the past…what part of it all was real and what was fake? Zi Hu: What’s real and what’s fake? Can’t you just drag him over here and ask him? If he’s a scumbag, just kill him. But if there’s any misunderstandings, the two of you should clear them up. Resolve them and see what solutions there are. When two people are together, the scariest thing is misunderstanding one another for no reason. If you lose each other, that might be the end, forever. You’d regret that. 

And then she eventually does try to kill him. Good going, Zi Hu.

Xuanji's main conflict in the latter half of the drama is that she wants to find a solution that satisfies everyone, an impossible dilemma. Everyone starts pressuring her to lead the charge against the demons. It's her duty as the God of War, isn't it? Oh, but if she doesn't want to, it's because she's in love with the enemy. But she can't be in love with the enemy. She's the God of War, after all.

That’s the duplicitous world that Xuanji lives in. Yet, without knowing why he's been dishonest or what else he could be lying about, she still chooses to believe in Sifeng—even if it means being treated as a traitor herself and being further guilt-tripped. She's bound to her duty, family, and the expectations that come along with that. Going against them in any capacity is a challenge to her entire livelihood and the moral standards imposed on her. If you take that into account, suddenly the things that she risks don’t pale in comparison what Sifeng does for her.

As an omniscient audience, it's easy for us to say that she doesn't do enough, that she should know better. It's an interesting thought experiment to wonder what else she could do in such a situation. Her boyfriend lies to her. She believes he has a reason, believes in him when he tells her to trust him. She defends him repeatedly to people who don't even care to listen unless it's to interrupt and call her crazy. She lies to her father that she'll devote herself to killing demons like Sifeng so they'll stop calling her crazy and threatening her. Then, when she goes to rescue Sifeng from Mingxia Cave, he's suddenly getting passive-aggressive with her: “oh, what does the mighty God of War need from a lowly demon like me that she deigns to talk to me?” Bro…if I were her, I might just ditch him in a fit of rage. That's how you want to play? Have fun turning into frozen poultry in this cave, then.

Obviously, more is going on behind the scenes that Xuanji is completely unaware of. Sifeng almost dies from her fire magic that Hao Chen stole. The broken hairpin. And okay, I'll admit that her saying that she'll kill him while he's eavesdropping outside is not a great look. But come on, Sifeng. Where have your critical thinking skills gone? If you can lie, don’t you think Xuanji can too? And after all that, she still instinctively shields him from her father’s sword.

Sifeng. In this case, I do have to criticize you in a serious manner. Do you have any idea how hard it was for Xuanji to finally try to get herself stabbed for you, only for you to go “no, me” and get stabbed again? Do you have a sword-magnet in your chest?

Then Sifeng tells her that he’s never loved her and was only using her because he’s Luohou Jidu, the world's biggest villain. And she still can't bear to hurt him. When Xuanji discovers that Hao Chen has tricked her into using a so-called “Purifying Vase” to doom Sifeng to a painful death, she's furious:

Xuanji: For my own good? You want me to practice the Method of Love, but you also want me to be heartless. I can’t be so contradictory. Hao Chen: I told you to practice the Method of Love through feelings between you and me, not for you to continuously absorb yourself in your fixation on Sifeng! Xuanji, don’t forget. Our marriage is one determined by the heavens. It’s destiny. Xuanji: The heavens determine nothing. If they do, then why did they make Sifeng and I meet in our past nine lives? What a joke of the heavens. Hao Chen: So, you’d rather resign yourself to your doomed fate with that demon than stay properly by my side? Xuanji: Fate isn’t split into a virtuous or doomed one. I hate myself for loving Sifeng before, and we won’t ever be together again. But since I already gave him my love, I won’t take it back.

But of course, Hao Chen has more tricks up his Mary Poppins sleeves. He pulls out all the stops and uses his last breath to manipulate her into stabbing Sifeng. Oh my god. Look at all these trust issues, just making themselves readily available.

Her stabbing him is, how do you say, very bad. But let’s be honest, she’s seen him survive worse. I don't have a nifty conclusion is here, but basically, she subconsciously knows he'll get over it (physically, at least).

Of course, Sifeng is heartbroken. It's intensified by the tragic fate of his father. His father’s goal was always to protect Sifeng from the dangers posed by the racist five sects, led primarily by fabricated memories that his lover Hao Feng was driven to suicide by her own family. When Yuan Lang reveals the truth, that Hao Feng's fear of demons trumped her love for her husband, it’s intense foreshadowing of Sifeng and Xuanji’s relationship. Maybe Xuanji isn't like Hao Feng and she can cross the rift between humans and demons, meeting Sifeng in the middle. But finally, she still retreats, away from him. Her betrayal, now the tenth in all their lifetimes, leads Sifeng to leave behind some of the most truthful but hurtful words for Xuanji to deal with:

I finally understand why my fate turned out as it did in all my past nine lives. From beginning to end, you have always been a heartless person.

It’s not fair to ask Sifeng to keep considering Xuanji’s feelings under the brunt of her violent wrath. But just as she has no idea what he’s been doing to protect her, he has no idea what she’s been doing to protect him. Zi Hu is right again: nothing poses a greater danger to a couple than misunderstandings. And racism.

The ultimate resolution only occurs once Xuanji recovers the memories of their past lives. Congratulations, Sifeng. After a millennium of pining, your love has finally touched the heart of your beloved. Indeed, it might take a long time getting there, but love will find a way.

I love the short scenes that show the God of War and Xi Xuan's quiet but gentle relationship. Xi Xuan is the only one who cares that the God of War wants her own identity, then gives her a moment in which she doesn't have to wear her armor, just as Sifeng does everything in his power to let Xuanji be "Xuanji." Through all their lives, Sifeng is the one who recognizes her for who she is and wants to make her happy, even if she doesn't have a heart.

Activate: Xuanji, shameless mode. After Xuanji tracks down Sifeng in his solitude, they return to their days as teenagers. Xuanji acts like a fool in front of him, demanding his attention, and Sifeng only wants to get her the hell out of his house. It's not only a reminder of the times when things were a lot simpler, but also of how far they've come.

She intends on marrying Sifeng. Even if her father doesn't approve, she no longer cares. There's not enough time left in the world to hesitate about the people you love to satiate someone who can't be satisfied. Just as Sifeng upends his whole life for her, she's willing to do the same.

And as Sifeng is dying, Xuanji makes the ultimate decision to become the Star of Mosha. This isn't a reckless move done just to save him. Rather, her faith in Sifeng has strengthened into steel after all they've been through. Even if the world ends, she knows that a little bird with unshakable resolve will come get her. For two people who have spent most of their time as a pair of parallel lines, never to coincide, this is their point of intersection—a challenge that they'll face together, even if they're apart.

Sifeng: Xuanji, stop! I'd rather die than watch you become a devil for me! Xuanji: Sifeng, I can't consider all that now. I have to save you! Whether I be the Star of Mosha or the God of War, I don't care. I just need you to be okay. Sifeng. If I become Luohou Jidu, you absolutely can't forget me. Remember to bring me back! I cry during this scene. Then I immediately start laughing at Sifeng's gobsmacked expression once Luohou Jidu shows up. It just reads "but...my girlfriend..."

And Xuanji's right. Sifeng is the solution. No one else can save Luohou Jidu, the God of War, and the world by extension. Luohou Jidu's pain results from being betrayed purely because of his identity as a devil, but Sifeng becomes the confidante that Bai Lin pretended to be. The God of War's pain comes from having no self-identity, but Xi Xuan gives her the ability to seek one and accompanies her for a thousand years to help her find it. The suffering that Bai Lin set into motion would lead to a ceaseless cycle of revenge and a destruction of the world’s good due to its sins, but Sifeng alone convinces Luohou Jidu and the God of War that there's something in life worth keeping. But you have to fight for it, and persistently, because good things only come to those who are willing to chase after them.

Xuanji to Bai Lin: I won’t mess with someone else’s life so simply due to my own matters, even if that person is someone as despicable as you. Sifeng once said that using hate to obtain vengeance is an endless cycle. In this life, I already have something that matters more to me than that. I have no space to keep my hatred.

I know it can sound cheesy to say that the best revenge is living a happy life. But Love and Redemption can convert even the most insistent of cynics—me, for example. People will practice evil whether or not there’s a reason for it and whether or not those consequences will ripple out into a tsunami that will engulf the world. Only true, honest love can hope to settle the uneasy sea. It’s why Zi Hu gives Wu Zhiqi something to live for other than war. It’s why Linglong and Minyan have a reason to persist alongside one another. It's why Luohou Jidu gives his heart and life to Sifeng. It’s why Sifeng is able to save Xuanji. It's why the three realms are blessed with the chance to keep finding a reason to persist.

Sifeng and Xuanji’s story is a journey of overcoming all odds; of learning to love someone unconditionally not because it’s easy, but because you want to; of letting that love grow into a ray of hope in the world. Yes, if we let it, love wins all.

Sifeng: Your heart has become one of flesh and blood. It couldn’t bear to destroy the three realms. Because…it’s a heart that I held and warmed in my hands, bit by bit.

[coolingrosa]

I love how you made Dream a complex character with flaws,same with the other characters

To make a good character, you have to make them a living being. And human emotions are SO COMPLEX LMAO how many times have you sat with ur emotions wondering wtf was going on in ya brain? I’m sure too many times. When I describe everyone’s feelings about things, I think it’s important to let everyone know that tho we as the audience know, the characters are just as confused as we are about their emotions and thoughts towards difficult situations.

Each character had a part of me either with my emotions, perspective on things (new and old), trauma, and actions. And some of those things can be ugly.

No matter how much of a good person someone is, they will mess up. They will accidentally hurt people. I honestly don’t use the “good person bad person” saying while writing bc it boxes me with character troupes.

I want my characters to be real and relatable. I want people to be angry at them while also sympathetic to their worries. Dream is a great example of this where she’s complex and troubled but genuinely wants to help. It doesn’t mean she does good things for that goal, tho

[merwgue]

In A Court of Mist and Fury (ACOMAF), Feyre and Tamlin’s relationship disintegrates, and many fans are quick to place blame entirely on one or the other. Some see Tamlin as the villain—overbearing, controlling, and dismissive of Feyre’s needs. Others view Feyre as the one in the wrong, shutting down emotionally, and failing to give Tamlin a chance to understand her. But the truth is, both Feyre and Tamlin were in the wrong, and neither can be fully blamed for their relationship’s collapse. Why? Because they were both navigating the deep, complex waters of trauma. And trauma doesn’t just break people—it breaks communication, relationships, and trust.

Tysm for @extremely-judgemental for allowing me to post this, even though its been a work in progress for 2 days, I'm extremely grateful that they allowed me to take inspiration and use there post as a guide!!

The Silent Pact: Avoiding the Pain

Feyre and Tamlin's relationship post-Under the Mountain is one that’s built on a foundation of avoidance. After the trauma they both endured at the hands of Amarantha, they fall into a silent agreement not to discuss what happened. At first glance, this seems like an obvious red flag—after all, how can a couple move forward without addressing the deep emotional wounds they both carry? But in reality, avoidance of trauma isn’t a flaw exclusive to Tamlin or Feyre—it’s a very human reaction to extreme pain.

Psychologically, avoidance is one of the most common coping mechanisms for trauma survivors. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), avoidance is a key symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Survivors avoid thoughts, memories, and discussions that remind them of their trauma because it’s too painful to confront. In Feyre and Tamlin’s case, talking about what happened Under the Mountain would mean reopening wounds that were still raw. Tamlin is a High Lord, a man who feels responsible for everyone, and his inability to protect Feyre still haunts him. For Feyre, she’s dealing with not only the trauma of her own experiences but the guilt of the lives she took.

It’s easy to sit back and say, “Well, they should have talked about it,” but if we’re being realistic, many of us avoid difficult conversations about our own emotions and pain, especially with those we love most. Trauma survivors often feel that talking about their pain will burden others or that they’ll be seen as weak for struggling to cope. In relationships, this can create a wall between partners who are both silently suffering, as neither wants to “break” the other with their vulnerability.

The Psychological Cost of Silence

Tamlin and Feyre’s mutual avoidance wasn’t about not caring—it was about protecting themselves from further pain. Dr. Judith Herman, a renowned expert on trauma recovery, explains in her book Trauma and Recovery that trauma survivors often experience a “double-edged sword” of wanting to connect with others but fearing the vulnerability that comes with opening up. Tamlin, as High Lord, is burdened with the expectation to be strong and unbreakable. He can’t afford to show his weakness, not to Feyre, not to his court. He believes that if he holds everything together, he can fix what’s broken. Feyre, on the other hand, feels emotionally and physically depleted. She can’t summon the energy to reach out, and the more isolated she feels, the more she retreats.

Dr. Herman also notes that trauma can cause survivors to feel alienated from others, even those they love. This is exactly what happens to Feyre—she feels like she’s drowning in her own despair, and instead of being able to share that with Tamlin, she perceives his actions as controlling and suffocating. To Feyre, Tamlin’s need to protect her feels like a cage, not comfort. She becomes emotionally numb, which is another common symptom of trauma survivors. According to the National Center for PTSD, emotional numbness, or feeling “shut down,” is a way for trauma survivors to protect themselves from being overwhelmed by their feelings.

Tamlin: The Strong Protector, Who Never Heals

On the surface, Tamlin seems like the “strong” one in the relationship. He’s the High Lord, after all, and High Lords don’t fall apart. But beneath that strength is a man who’s been shattered by his own trauma and guilt. Tamlin failed to protect Feyre Under the Mountain, and that failure haunts him. In his mind, the only way to keep her safe is to control her environment. He barricades her inside his estate, thinking that if she’s sheltered, nothing can hurt her.

But what Tamlin doesn’t realize is that his overprotectiveness isn’t strength—it’s fear. Fear of losing her again. Fear of failing again. And fear of facing his own trauma. This isn’t unique to Tamlin; many trauma survivors, particularly men, fall into the trap of thinking they need to be invulnerable to protect their loved ones. Dr. Terrence Real, a therapist specializing in male depression, explains that men are often conditioned to believe they must be the “fixers” in relationships. When they can’t fix the problem, they feel powerless, and that powerlessness turns into control as they try to manage their environment instead of addressing their emotional wounds.

Tamlin’s way of coping is to be the protector at all costs, but in doing so, he isolates himself from Feyre’s emotional needs. His controlling behavior isn’t about dominance—it’s about shielding himself from the fear of another failure. Research shows that controlling behavior in relationships is often rooted in anxiety and a fear of abandonment (Simpson et al., 2017). In trying to keep Feyre safe, Tamlin inadvertently builds a prison around her, and that isolation becomes unbearable for her.

Feyre: The Self-Destructive Survivor

Feyre, on the other hand, is falling apart in silence. She’s lost, broken, and burdened by the trauma of her experiences and the lives she took Under the Mountain. Yet, she doesn’t know how to express that pain, especially to Tamlin. Psychologist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in his book The Body Keeps the Score, emphasizes that trauma survivors often feel disconnected from their bodies and emotions. They may become passive or disengaged, unable to articulate what they need. For Feyre, this is exactly what happens—she feels hollow, empty, and disconnected from herself, so she withdraws from Tamlin. Instead of sharing her pain, she self-destructs. The nightmares, the apathy, the loss of interest in the things she once loved—it’s all part of the trauma she hasn’t processed.

Research into PTSD and depression shows that survivors often feel a profound sense of isolation, even when surrounded by loved ones (National Institute of Mental Health, 2021). They may believe that no one can understand what they’ve been through, or worse, that no one cares. Feyre falls into this trap—she interprets Tamlin’s controlling behavior as indifference to her emotional needs when, in reality, it’s his misguided attempt to protect her.

The Insecurity and Breakdown of Their Relationship

At the core of Feyre and Tamlin’s relationship is deep insecurity. Tamlin is insecure because of his failure to protect Feyre, and Feyre is insecure because she feels like a burden. Neither of them feels safe enough to admit that they’re struggling, and so they continue to put on masks for each other. Tamlin pretends to be strong, while Feyre pretends she can handle it all on her own.

Their avoidance of the issue and failure to communicate lead to the mutual destruction of their relationship. This isn’t because one of them was “right” and the other was “wrong”—they were both struggling with unprocessed trauma. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, one of the keys to a successful relationship is the ability to repair conflicts through open communication. When couples avoid discussing their pain, resentment builds, and the relationship begins to fracture.

But for trauma survivors like Feyre and Tamlin, communication isn’t as simple as sitting down and having a conversation. Trauma creates emotional barriers that make it difficult to open up, even to those we love most. This is why Feyre’s resentment toward Tamlin grows, and why Tamlin becomes increasingly controlling—they’re both reacting to their trauma in ways that only push each other further away.

Conclusion: No True Villains, Just Trauma

So, can we truly blame either Feyre or Tamlin for the collapse of their relationship? In reality, they were both victims of their trauma, and they both failed each other because they couldn’t face it. Their silence wasn’t malicious, and their emotional distance wasn’t about a lack of love. It was about fear—fear of reopening wounds, fear of being vulnerable, and fear of losing the other person.

In the end, both Feyre and Tamlin’s coping mechanisms—whether it was Tamlin’s control or Feyre’s withdrawal—were their ways of surviving. It’s easy to say they should have communicated, but as we’ve seen, trauma complicates everything. Both were struggling to keep their heads above water, and unfortunately, neither of them could see the other drowning.

Here are some quotes from books I've done my research on!! I wanted to make sure my arguments were as clean and precise because mental health Is not something you half ass

1. On Trauma and Avoidance:

Judith Herman, "Trauma and Recovery":

"Trauma isolates; the words and feelings associated with it often remain unspoken. Survivors find it difficult to share their experiences with others because talking about the trauma seems like a betrayal of the self."

Bessel van der Kolk, "The Body Keeps the Score":

"Trauma by nature drives us to the edge of comprehension, cutting us off from language based on common experience or an imaginable past... It is as if time stops, and we are trapped in a perpetual state of helplessness."

2. On Emotional Numbing:

Bessel van der Kolk:

"Many traumatized people seem to shut down emotionally. As long as they are not being confronted with their trauma, they function relatively well. But as soon as something reminds them of the past, they may become helpless, upset, or furious."

Feyre’s emotional shutdown and numbness, post-trauma, is a common response for trauma survivors. Her inability to connect emotionally with Tamlin can be seen as a coping mechanism to avoid pain.

3. On Controlling Behavior as a Response to Anxiety:

Simpson et al. (2017), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology:

"Individuals with a high need for control often display overbearing or controlling behaviors in relationships as a way to reduce their own internal anxiety. This behavior often stems from feelings of powerlessness or fear of failure."

This aligns with Tamlin’s overprotective behavior toward Feyre, not as a way to dominate but to manage his own anxieties about failing her again.

4. On Insecure Relationships and Trauma:

Dr. Terrence Real, "I Don't Want to Talk About It":

"Men are often taught that emotional vulnerability is a weakness. As a result, many men struggle with expressing their pain or discussing their emotional needs, which can lead to controlling or distant behaviors in relationships."

Tamlin’s desire to protect Feyre without acknowledging his own emotional needs fits into this psychological framework. His need to appear strong likely prevented him from admitting his own trauma.

5. On Communication Breakdown in Trauma Survivors:

John Gottman, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work":

"When couples avoid difficult conversations, the issue doesn’t go away—it festers and can lead to increased resentment. Open, honest communication, even when difficult, is necessary for a relationship to thrive, especially in times of emotional distress."

This quote highlights why the breakdown between Feyre and Tamlin happened. By avoiding discussions about their trauma, they allowed distance and resentment to grow.

6. On the Difficulty of Vulnerability:

Brené Brown, "Daring Greatly":

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive."

Both Feyre and Tamlin were afraid of vulnerability, thinking it would expose their weaknesses rather than heal their bond. This is part of why their relationship fell apart.

7. On Emotional Isolation Post-Trauma:

National Institute of Mental Health, PTSD Fact Sheet:

"Trauma survivors may feel detached or estranged from others. They may avoid close relationships or feel emotionally numb, which can make it difficult to connect with loved ones."

This highlights how Feyre, in particular, felt emotionally detached and distanced herself from Tamlin, contributing to the breakdown of their relationship.

8. On Mutual Coping with Trauma in Relationships:

Susan M. Johnson, "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love":

"Trauma survivors in relationships often either withdraw or become overly controlling as a way to manage their overwhelming emotions. Without understanding this cycle, couples can become trapped in mutual avoidance."

This captures the essence of Feyre and Tamlin’s post-trauma dynamic—Feyre withdrawing emotionally and Tamlin becoming more controlling, both as coping mechanisms to deal with their trauma.

This was genuinely one of the hardest essay arguments I've written, I've spent 2 days writing this, that's why I didn't post anything these past few days. I hope this was precise enough and of course If you have anything to add don't hesitate to tell me! Thank you!!💞

[theprismyyy]

Honestly, I read on several different platforms, both here on Tumblr, and on Wattpad, ao3 and others... and so, in general, they are all great apps with great stories to read, but there is one thing that bothers me about all of them, mainly and especially on Ao3, and the amount of disgusting content involving serious subjects like incest, rape and others that I won't bother mentioning here; What irritates me most about this is the lack of filter in the app.I'm only saying all this because the following happened, I was simply reading some stories about Gwen Stacy on the said app (ao3) when I came across atrocities like a fanfic whose plot was literally an incestuous relationship between Gwen and her father....man , I just wanted to read some fluffy fluff and not come across unnecessary and unsolicited material, I didn't bother opening this (obviously) and I didn't even want to, I was honestly disgusted... Also, I came across another whose plot idea was even more horrible... I don't know, it all just made me think that maybe these apps need more serious and firm rules and punishments in the face of these things; such serious and criminal topics being written in a sick manner to normalize and entertain more disgusting and sick people is still dark, it's even darker how little we talk about it and how little the developers seem to care, I imagine dealing with demands so big ones must be extremely difficult but we don't even see a movement to deal with these things...IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S JUST A CHARACTER, IT DOESN'T MATTER HE OR SHE DOESN'T EXIST, FUCK YOU AND YOUR SICK SHIT THAT USES THIS AS AN "ARGUMENT" TO WRITE CRIMINAL THINGS AND FEED YOUR FANTASIES DISGUSTING!!!! WHAT WE WRITE AND CONSUME SAYS A LOT ABOUT THE TYPE OF PEOPLE WE ARE AND IF YOU CONSUME IT AND DON'T SEE A PROBLEM WITH THIS TYPE OF CONTENT THEN PLEASE FUCK YOU

Anyway, this was just me venting because honestly I was extremely uncomfortable, I just wanted to read some nonsense and I had to come across something so sickening.

Edit: Apparently this is necessary as I may not have been as specific on some points and some people don't seem to understand (or don't want to understand)

It wasn't a personal "attack" on the Ao3 platform, I just used it as an example because that's usually where this type of work ends up appearing more.

2. Yes, I know and use the filtering system, Still, I think they are very often very flawed... besides, many of the people who write this type of content use tags that have nothing to do with the plot of the story to achieve greater visibility.

3. Yes... teenagers have sex 😱 wow what an incredible discovery!!! I know a lot of movies, shows, etc. portray this openly, I personally don't feel comfortable writing smut in general and everyone has their own opinion about it, but I understand there are a lot of writers who do this normalization and trivialization of a CRIME!

4. I know that many people use writing as a coping mechanism, but I think it is very unlikely that a person who has been through a situation, such as rape, for example, You'll write about it like it's something sexy or the best experience you've ever had in your life, like a lot of these types of writers do.

5. Yes, one of the joys of writing is that we can explore the deepest, most complex aspects of humanity without directly hurting anyone, and I love that, but we need to take responsibility for that.

6. There was a guy here who literally said that it's because of people like me that you can't have porn on Tumblr anymore...but why would there need to be porn here? Why just not open on an adult site like pornhub or xvideos?

7. I was indirectly called a facist through a Hashtag.... not supporting the normalization of rape, incest, etc. apparently makes me a facist😍

(I really am completely willing to hear opinions and comments, but I will not tolerate disrespect in the comments. That's it and thank you)

[boxx-sama]

The Usage of a Rotary Telephone in Ai Nan Desu Yo

This was just something I happened to notice when rewatching the MV!

As pictured here, we can see Mahiru using a rotary telephone to communicate with her boyfriend. It may not be of much significance to some, but there is/could be a deeper meaning to this specific phone being used, rather than a modern one!

This specific one happens to be a vintage telephone. The development of rotary telephones dates back to the late 19th century, which is all the way back in the 1800s!

The concept of a rotary dial for selecting numbers on a telephone was first proposed by inventors and engineers in the 1870s. Almon Strowger, an undertaker from Kansas City, is often credited with inventing the first practical rotary dial telephone system in the late 19th century. His system aimed to eliminate the need for human operators to manually connect calls.

As amazing as the invention itself is, however, it did have flaws, especially considering the time period this was invented in! There wasn't modern technology, so using this phone had some issues.

Error-Prone: Rotary dialing was EXTREMELY susceptible to dialing errors! Users could miscount the number of digits, skip a digit accidentally, or make other mistakes while dialing.

Mechanical Complexity: Rotary phones were mechanical devices with many moving parts, which made them more prone to wear and tear. This complexity also meant that maintenance and repairs could be more challenging compared to modern electronic phones.

Lack of Advanced Features: Rotary telephones were designed primarily for basic voice communication! They lacked many of the advanced features that modern phones offer, such as caller ID, call waiting, voicemail, and speed dial.

Considering some of these, it is rather odd, isn't it? Mahiru is clearly pictured to be taking inspiration from modern blogs and such for her perfect journey of love.

So how is this particularly standout in any way?

Well, it's simple! Rotary telephones had many communication issues. They were difficult to handle, very slow, and had to be used in specific ways. (Dialing certain numbers, etc.)

I think that the usage of a rotary telephone in such a modern world that Ai Nan Desu Yo portrays might just be Mahiru's lack of communication with her boyfriend when it came to more serious matters!

This also may be a stretch on my part, but even the lyrics at this part of the MV kind of add to my small theory here.

Ring ring, I’m calling you in the middle of the night Forcing you to wake up, and I say “Good Morning!” But I fall asleep before you, I really feel bad you know? We can both feel lonely sometimes, but wonder if you’ll get angry soon I’m going to start relying on you if you’re kind to me, so please forgive me, thanks!

It just feels like there's some sort of communication issue here, if that makes sense. Mahiru is being a biiiiit over-reliant and wishing for forgiveness from her boyfriend due to her clear needs, and it's unsure whether they were actually met or not. Daisuki kind of paints a clearer picture on this with the whole cake feeding metaphor, but that may be a theory for another time.

It can also be noted that Mahiru is not happy at all when she uses the telephone, implying that she is also stressed, despite sharing the feeling of love with her boyfriend.

But, to her, it wasn't a big issue at all! Because in the end, all of this is love in of itself. And even if their communication is flimsy, surely love will power through.

Again, using the lyrics to support this:

If you don’t hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart

This is a claim of responsibility from the two of us with matching love

We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt Let’s have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad?

Mahiru seems to idealize love and the idea of being together to an unhealthy point, believing that if she can experience all of love's ups and downs and remain with her S/O, then everything is all okay in the end! That being said, I do NOT see her as completely naive, and she definitely had some awareness in the situation.

I guess that's all for my little theory! Let me know what you guys thought of it.

[untoldreader]

Bound by Secrets

Wanda Maximoff x Reader x Natasha Romanoff

Summary

The trio finds themselves entwined in a web of secrets that could shatter everything they hold dear. Trust is tested, alliances are questioned, and they must decide whether to confront the truths that bind them or let the secrets destroy them

Warnings

none?

Tag list

@nayarianna1302 @alexawynters @tigerlillyruiz

Chapter 6: Bound by Secrets

The air was heavy with tension as we found ourselves entangled in a web of secrets that threatened to unravel everything we held dear. Chapter 6 marked a pivotal moment in our journey, where trust was tested, alliances were questioned, and the weight of our concealed truths bore down upon us.

One evening, we gathered in the dimly lit living room of our shared sanctuary. The atmosphere was thick with unspoken words, and a sense of unease hung in the air. We knew that the time had come to confront the secrets that bound us.

"I can't shake the feeling that there are things we've kept hidden from one another," Natasha voiced, her voice laced with both concern and determination. "We've built our bond on trust, but if we continue to hide the truth, it will eventually crumble beneath the weight of our deception."

Wanda's eyes flickered with a mix of fear and guilt as she nodded in agreement. "Natasha is right," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "There are things I haven't shared, things that could shatter the foundation we've built."

I took a deep breath, the weight of my own secrets pressing against my chest. "I, too, have kept things hidden," I confessed, my voice filled with regret. "But if we want to move forward, we must confront the truth and face the consequences, no matter how difficult they may be."

The room fell into a heavy silence as the weight of our shared secrets settled upon us. We had a choice to make—confront the truths that bound us or let the secrets destroy us.

Days turned into nights as we engaged in countless conversations, peeling back the layers of our concealed pasts. We shared the stories that haunted our souls, the pain that shaped us, and the mistakes we had made. It was a journey of vulnerability and forgiveness, as we learned to accept one another's flaws and acknowledge the darkness that resided within.

Through tearful confessions and heartfelt apologies, trust was rebuilt, stronger than before. We realized that our secrets did not define us but rather the choices we made in the present. The strength of our bond lay in our ability to face the truth together, supporting one another through the darkest of revelations.

In the midst of our shared catharsis, we also stumbled upon a web of intertwined secrets—a hidden connection that ran deeper than we could have ever imagined. The truth of our origins began to unravel, painting a complex picture of fate and destiny.

"The universe has woven us together for a reason," Natasha mused, her voice tinged with awe. "Our paths were destined to cross, and our abilities are not mere coincidence. There's a greater purpose at play."

Wanda nodded, her eyes filled with wonder and determination. "We are bound by more than just our shared experiences," she said. "Our connection runs deeper, connected by a thread of destiny. We must embrace it and fulfill our intertwined destinies."

≈========================≈

Chapter 6 marked a crucial turning point in our journey—a time of truth, forgiveness, and the discovery of a hidden connection that went beyond our individual selves. We confronted the secrets that bound us, acknowledging the flaws and mistakes that made us human. Trust was rebuilt, and we embraced the greater purpose that awaited us, knowing that together, we were stronger than any secret could ever be.

:)

[thoughtcascades]

https://www.tumblr.com/thoughtcascades/768120296011104256/lets-pray-you-never-have-a-daughter-she-might?source=share

I appreciate your lengthy and well thought out reply but I have to be honest and tell you that someone like you having kids is a terrifying prospect to me. Personal change and growth is monumentally difficult for any person, let alone someone who knows he’s toxic and borderline sociopathic and carries on regardless. Real change especially, is only a possibility when the person truly wants to change. You don’t strike me as someone who wants to change, in fact you seem quite pleased with your fucked up ways. I would also think your ego can’t handle any criticism, valid or not. I respect your honesty but that’s also the only thing there is to respect you for, purely based on this blog.

I think you're missing a few things in your judgment. Calling me "borderline sociopathic" seems a bit harsh. I get that I’ve got flaws, but labeling someone as that without fully understanding them feels a bit over the top, don’t you think? I’ve got my issues, but that doesn’t automatically make me a lost cause or someone who doesn’t care about change. About change being possible only when someone "truly wants it"—that’s not entirely true either. Sometimes, you don’t even know you need to change until someone or something pushes you to realize it. I might not seem like I want to change right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of it. I might be stuck in a pattern, sure, but growth isn’t this clear-cut, all-or-nothing thing. It takes time, and sometimes the desire to change isn’t obvious until you hit a breaking point. You think I seem "pleased with my fucked-up ways." But it’s not that simple. I’m resigned to them, or maybe I’m just not trying to force a change until I’m ready for it. Just because I'm not actively trying to fix things doesn’t mean I’m content with everything. I'm just not going to play the part of someone who’s pretending to be fine if I’m not. Who doesn’t have trouble with criticism? It’s human. It’s not that I can't take criticism, it’s that when you get criticized. Sometimes people are attacking you, not just your actions. Thats self-preservation. If you constantly feel like you’re under attack, you start to build walls, and it’s not always easy to tear them down. That’s something most people don’t really get unless they’ve been through it themselves. I'm not saying I’m perfect at handling criticism, but I think everyone’s ego takes a hit when it feels unjust or when it’s coming from a place where they don’t feel understood. I don’t think you should judge someone based on a blog or whatever snapshot you get of them. People are way more complex than a few words on a page. If you want to judge me, at least try to see the bigger picture. I'm not just someone who’s stuck in their ways or "too proud" to change. I’m just a person trying to figure things out.

[asherisawkward]

You really think Luz should have chose between the human and demon realm? Doing that would literally go against the narrative of the show? Amphibia is all about growing up and letting go while toh is the opposite. It's about embracing your family and sticking by people you get you.

I get what you mean, but the narrative of TOH is kind of all over the place, and it sets up several things.

It tries to teach Luz that this isn’t the fantasy world that she expected, that the Boiling Isles are just as flawed, messy, and dangerous (even more so in this case) as the Human Realm is. The whole show builds up this idea that things are complex and messy and that you don’t always get what you want. Things aren’t perfect; they aren’t the way they are in your fantasies or imagination. In the real world, you eventually have to choose.

One of Luz’s biggest coping mechanisms is her involvement of fantasies and escapism (sometimes through the lens of what would happen in a story) as opposed to facing up and handling things that are difficult or she doesn’t want to do. She literally chooses to stay in the Boiling Isles over the summer as a form of escaping from going to Simmer Camp after she brings fireworks to school with the intention of setting them off. She’s so focused on her desire to escape the real world and that she abandons her mom without warning. Imagine if Vee hadn’t been there and Camila thought Luz was kidnapped or worse. She spares no thought to the people who care about her when she goes running off and pretending that everything will play out the way it would in a story.

Throughout the Owl House, we see Luz try to grow and accept that things aren’t just imaginary or a story for her. They’re real, and she needs to stop going off and drowning the world out when things get uncomfortable. In Reaching Out, she confronts the difficulties of her dad’s passing more properly, and she takes on more responsibility as the tension and stakes continue to rise in Season 2. It seems meant to be a sign of her growing up and starting to let go of her coping mechanisms that seem to be legitimately impacting her ability to communicate and connect with others.

With that in mind, it makes sense that Luz would have to choose one day: the Boiling Isles or the Human Realm, fantasy or reality. It’s the natural conclusion to her growth and acceptance of responsibility that she’ll be asked to choose to let go of her youthful escapism and confront the real world head on.

It may not be the most original, but few things are.

[andwefaeries]

bite? little a bite? chompy chompy???

anyways, top 3 vampires in your humble onion?

all the bites are yours <3 nom nom nom slurpppppp

Thanks for the question!! This is muy difficult because I love so many vampires so much... I'm going to go with three from different franchises/series. In no particular order...

Mitchell (Being Human) - Probably my fave vampire character arc in all media. Evil serial killer to loveable dork to mass murdering bastard. The complexity of this character!!!! Aidan Turner as Mitchell is also the reason I doubted my lesbianism for so long. He wins a point just for causing such sexuality confusion.

Lestat (The Vampire Chronicles) - Probably the vampire I relate to most? Queer Theatre kid who loves everything oh so intensely. Whether it's book!Lestat, Film!Lestat or AMC!Lestat, he's such a fantastic character with such depth. Who really knows what he's really like? He's so fun to read and to watch that even when he's at his worst you can't help but love him.

Spike (Buffy The Vampire Slayer) - Such a sarcastic lil shit I love him and will always do so. Okay so he may have had his flaws (falling in love with Buffy, and just genuinely being a bit of a hopeless romantic in denial) but I just adore an antagonist who reluctantly bit by bit joins the good guys and complains the whole time. Spike also wins the award for being the vampire with some of the best lines of dialogue in TV.

David from The Lost Boys is also one of my absolute favourites but misses out on top 3 just because I love a complex vampire, and as an antagonist for just one comedy horror film it's hard to really get much depth to his character/story. But he's so cool, so fun to watch and my fave film vamp so I have to give him an honourable mention!

Also honourable mention to Nadja from WWDITS as probably my fave female vampire because she's just iconic and I felt quite guilty not including a female vamp in my top 3. She's my gal <3

So yeah! Wow I wrote more than I planned to, but ask me about vampires and it's a struggle for me to shut up.