#she says shit like ''get a new degree in a different area and we'll pay for it''
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#they say that doing something over and over again and expect a different result is a sighn of insanity#but im stuck in here with my mom and i try over and over again to connect with her and ask for some sort of emotional support#and every single time she lists a million contradictory things she thinks i must do#giving ''constructive criticism'' to my mental breakdown#i think it just makes her feel good. like she's doing something to help even though she really doesn't#and she gets mad at me when i am not grateful enough for advice like ''send out more CVs''#she says shit like ''get a new degree in a different area and we'll pay for it''#and ''you could move to another country even tomorrow and we will cover all the expenses''#as if we are not dirt poor and as if she doesn't understand how humiliating it would be#i feel terribly guilty every time i as much as buy a chocolate bar for myself these days#i felt guilty every time anyone spent any money on me for whatever reason as long as i can remember#and she knows it#and we had this exact conversation so many times i feel like im going crazy#and it feels surreal that i have to force myself to stop crying and patiently explain to her that no#her totally rational and realistic advice of learning chinese real quick to move to mainland china to teach russian there#is actually neither of those things#i am so tired of it and i ought to just stop trying talking to her about anything important because it's obviously never going to work#but i am so lonely and have no one else who could hear me out in person
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