#she sat on my lap and proceeded to tease me for a solid hour until

[fa-nfiction]

Thunder #28

September 18th, 2015

“If you’re here on behalf of him, I’m going to kindly ask you to get the fuck out.”

Yasmin’s eyes widened slightly at my unusual greeting, but I kept my resolve and stared at her as if her being here was the most unlikely thing to ever happen. Of course, she looked like a goddess as usual, and here I was, my hair in a greasy mess and with coffee stains on my pajamas.

“And a good morning to you, too, Cassandra. Damn.” She wasn’t put down by my insult and strode directly past me and into my living room. I followed suit, dumbfounded.

“I brought breakfast. Croissants. And a bagel for baby T. Where is the little rascal? Asleep, or?”

“My mom is taking him for a stroll. And thanks. He’s not eating solids yet, though.” Again, I looked at Yasmin dumbfounded, wondering what she was even doing here.

“Ah. More food for us, then. Should I put on a kettle?”

“Yasmin, all of this is … it looks amazing, but … why are you here? Did he send you?”

She shook her head and went into the kitchen to heat up some water.

“No. I’m just here to see you. How are you?”

I scratched the back of my head while looking at her. I’d always loved her spontaneity, but her way of going into people’s kitchens to make coffee could be a bit … direct.

“Um … Alone. My mom helps me all that she can manage, but …yeah.”

She nodded while unpacking the bread from her grocery bag.

“Yeah. I know.”

I swallowed hard at the thought of last week. That day had been so chaotic and stressful, I didn’t even know where to begin. Teddy had woken up as I’d exited the pub, and naturally, he’d proceeded to stay awake for almost 22 hours after that. It was as if he knew Richard had left, and that we were alone now. Of course, that was probably my sleep-deprived mind that had made up these speculations.

“There. Coffee and bread. You look like you need it, Cassandra.” Yasmin handed me a tray filled with breakfast, and gratefully, I breathed in the scent before taking it with me to the living room.

“I guess he filled you in?” I asked as I took a bite of the warm croissant and thanked the French for inventing this piece of heaven.

“A bit. He was really … yeah.”

“I don’t need to know, Yasmin. I don’t want to talk about him.”

She nodded and took a sip of the coffee.

“I knew about Richard. That something was up. He came into the pub one day.”

Her words almost made me choke on the bagel I was eating. As I’d coughed up the crumbs, I looked at her, bewildered.

“Huh??”

“He came in from the street. Said that he could remember me from back in the hospital. Asked if I was still your friend. I said yeah. He went on to ask me about Michael, if I knew him and all that. I told him he worked there, too. He was really strange … asking me about Michael’s hours and stuff. I was quite suspicious, as you can imagine. I mean, the way they fought back then … I didn’t really think he wanted to chat with him and share a pint, if you know where I’m getting at. So I told him to fuck off. But it all makes sense now, kind of.”

I looked at her in complete disbelief. Richard had planned it long beforehand?

“When was it?”

“Ah, don’t make me remember … way back. A month ago or something like that.”

I could feel my hands beginning to shake at her revelation. I could hardly believe my own ears. And yet, everything began to make sense. The way his demeanor had changed, they way he’d suddenly turned into the kind, loving father figure … it was all a ruse. Because he had been planning this long before I even knew what was happening. I’d fallen completely in love with him - again - during this month, and he was already on his way out back then.

My emotions started to boil within me, the bitterness, sadness and anger returning all at once. Suddenly, the bread tasted like sand, and the coffee tasted like gasoline. I cringed at the thought of him - of the both of them - and my knuckles turned pale at the way I clenched my fists.

“Wh-why … “I cursed my voice for being filled up with tears. Richard didn’t deserve anything but my anger. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I blinked away the wetness from my eyes and looked at Yasmin.

“That’s why I came here, Cassie. To apologize. I should have said something back then.”

“Damn right you should.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I didn’t want you or Teddy to have to go through something like this.”

I shook my head and tried to look forgiving. She didn’t know any better.

“It’s just … everything has been sort of chaotic for me. I haven’t really kept in touch.” She put her hands in her lap and said.

“Yeah, that’s something you should work on. I’m not another one of your girls, you know. I’m your friend. The fact that I had a baby is not an excuse to not send a text from time to time.”

My voice came out in an unintentionally bitter tone. Yasmin hadn’t deserved this, but I didn’t have anyone else to turn it towards.

“I will. And I’m sorry again, Cassandra.” She looked genuinely apologetic. “And I’m not living that life anymore. I’m seeing someone. Kind of serious, even.”

Well, that’s today’s next biggest surprise.

“What?”

“Yup.” She nodded and I thought I could see a blush creeping across her tanned cheeks. Impossible!

“I’m blown away. Good thing I’m sitting down for this. Who?” I was curious as all hell.

“She’s really wonderful. It’s a bit low-key though, she hasn’t told her family yet. So we’re keeping it down low.”

“Awww. Wow. That’s really something, isn’t it?”

Yasmin nodded and finished the last bit of her bread. “Yeah.”

“Well, I’m so happy for you! But you know. Don’t break her heart. Or have your heart broken. Don’t cheat on her. Don’t leave her when she has given birth to your baby. All of that jazz, you know.” I said as the bitterness returned to my mind. “Actually, save yourself the fuss. End it now, and live happily ever after. Or wait. That’s me I’m talking about.”

Yasmin looked at me, her grimace now turned into one of confusion and slight disappointment.

“Yeah, that was depressing. Thanks for that, Cas.”

“You know I hate that name.”

“Right now, I really don’t care.”

The look in her face made it very clear that I’d gone too far. The fact that Yasmin - the Yasmin, the infamous Yasmin, the female version of Michael - was actually in a relationship, was headline-worthy. A thing to be celebrated. Not something that deserved my bitterness.

I wanted to apologize, but a knot was forming in my stomach. I was going to be alone forever. Alone, bitter, and angry forever.

“I didn’t mean to … I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s cool. I have to go to work anyway. Michael needs me there.”

I swallowed at the sound of his name and tried to not let her see it. I hated the fact that he still had this effect on me.

“Sure. It’s … um … it was nice seeing you. Have a good one.” She nodded and was gone.

( … )

Of all the craziness and turmoil and unforeseen events that having Teddy had caused, the best one was the change that had happened within my mother. Having a grandchild had meant the world to her and in turn, to me. For the past couple of months, she had struggled every day to muster up the courage to leave my father and the abuse he’d put her through. Day by day, she’d grown stronger, until finally, it was settled. She left him and used her savings to buy a flat only a couple of blocks away from me. Now, she lived in Kenmare and visited as often as she could. She had been busy with the separation and everything, and I hadn’t told her a lot about the whole Richard-and-me-and-suddenly-Michael ordeal. Being my mother, she understood. And somehow, she knew a lot more than I thought was possible. She’d known from the beginning that Richard wasn’t Teddy’s biological father. She’d told me to shout at him when he didn’t partake in caring for him. She’d shouted at the sky with me and held me as I cried out the sorrow of him leaving. She’d heard about Michael - well, not the entire story, but a lot of it - and about our encounter at the pub.Wisely, she’d said nothing. I was too angry to think about it or about him. But having her here, with me, meant everything to me. Teddy loved her too, of course. He’d giggle happily every time she’d come by. The fact that she took such good care of him even meant that I could go out to run or visit my friends. Although this time was crazy, I found a bit of solace in that. 

( … )

“Hey.” Yasmin said as she entered the pub through the back door. Michael looked up from the newspaper and greeted her hello.

“There’s a … HUGE … bag of nappies out in the back. Care to explain?” Yasmin said while checking her phone briefly.

“Yeah. I bought them.” Michael didn’t look up as he replied. “And now I’m reconsidering. So I thought I’d bring them here.”

“Yes, the Lord knows we have a lot of babies coming in.” Yasmin teased him and went on to finish the bar work before the guests would begin arriving.

“I don’t know what to do, Yasmin. I’m lost here.” He finally put down the newspaper, realizing that he hadn’t read a single coherent sentence during all this time. Everything in his head was about her. Her, and Teddy. He’d held him so briefly, fed him and felt the boy falling asleep in his arms. As if he somehow knew that this was where he belonged, that this was his father. He could see himself within his face. Something about the mouth, something about the tiny nose, and of course, the hair and the eyes. Their colours were completely similar to his own. He imagined that the resemblance had been this visible right from the start. He imagined that it had made the other guy - Richard - feel hurt, and a small, bitter part of him rejoiced in that fact. But the joy soon died out, when he remembered that he was now alone. And that he had been alone all this time.

“I don’t know how to help you, mate.” Yasmin went to sit down on the opposite side of where he sat. “What about London?”

Michael shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

“I’ve already cancelled it. Called him yesterday.”

“You’re staying here, then.”

He nodded and let out a sigh. This hadn’t been the plan.

“I’m happy, Michael. Really.” She leaned in and patted his arm. “This place would never be the same without you here.”

“Thanks.” He smiled until he remembered how miserable everything felt. “Still don’t know what to do, though.”

“About the nappies? Cassie?”

“No, about the impending war in the Middle East, Yasmin.”

“Cheeky asshole. You asked for help, you know.” She glared at him and tried to look angry at his sassiness.

“Sorry. Yeah.” He held up his hands in defeat. “What would you do? If it were … you and mystery girl?”

“For starters, I wouldn’t fuck it up royally like you did.”

“I deserved that. But in case you had.”

“I’d try with every romantic trick in the book. Put the nappies at her door with a note on it. Give her her favourite candy. Something like that.”

“Would it work?”

“On … my girlfriend? Nah.”

“Why?”

“She’s strong. Confident. She’d never take me back, you know.”

“Just like Cassie.”

“Yup. Just like Cassie.”

“Guess we like’em like that, huh?”

“Yup.” Yasmin raised her eyebrows and sighed. “They’re gonna be the death of us.”

“Cheers to that.” Michael raised his glass of water as a toast and looked at his friend. “Treat her well, okay?”

“Always.” Yasmin smiled back at him, but he didn’t smile back. She tried to remember a time when she’d seen him happy.