#she is mentally handicapped and so sometimes doesn't pick up on things
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#my mom's cousin calls us every sunday to chat#she is mentally handicapped and so sometimes doesn't pick up on things#and she loves talking about church#and she asks if i went to church#and most weeks i'll say nope#and she'll say why#and i'll say i didn't feel like it or i was working on a project#and today she said why didn't you feel like it#and i said it didn't make me feel good#and she said why#and i said i'm in a fight with god and we need some space#and she's quiet and her brain is buffering#and she's like will you feel like going next week#and i'm like probably not#and she's like why not#and i said well god's pretty big so a fight with god is pretty big#and her brain buffers some more#and then bless her she was so concerned if i was doing okay#and internally i was like girl i have to be we can't have this conversation#anyway lots of people describe their leaving religion experience as filled with anger#but i'm just here years of slowly slogging through mud#i might be ready for proper anger soon i think to some extent it's warranted#but idk it's a lot
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