#she doesn't need her “pets” anymore cause now she's an adult with her own money and her own house and her new cool friends

[ryp3004]

been thinking about them recently

[crowandtalbot]

Please try to imagine getting an apartment on your own, when you can't legally have a bank account

I really need people to understand, I'm 30. My mother was 17 when women gained the ability to have their own bank account without a man

Her first husband was a race car enthusiast. Despite having money to work on his pet projects, she was stealing baby formula to keep my older sister and brother alive. And she was not a stay at home mother, she was paying for food and bills for a family of 4 on her nursing salary.

She had developed breasts very early, and they were so large that her bras were causing her shoulders to separate from the weight. When she got a breast reduction, the surgeon insisted that she had to have implants (still less than what she started with) to fill out the skin. When she was still healing, that first husband decided he was gonna pick fights to hide that he was shacked up with a second family. He punched her so hard he knocked one of the implants under her arm. The damage was so bad the surgeon just took the implants out and she has never since been able to find a bra that her basically all skin bust doesn't fall out of. This was all before I was born in her 30's. If you want to math that she's 67 now.

When she was able to divorce him, because of the physical abuse, the judge decided to award her nothing in the settlement. This was Yuma. Everyone knew each other. She babysat him when she was in high school. He told everyone afterwards that had decided to stick it to all women in divorce settlements because his wife got everything in his divorce.

Mind you, the other family would often show up at her trailer and harass my older siblings who were like 9, 8, and 6, break her property (one time they stole the steering wheel from her car, smashed the rear view mirrors, and poured sugar in the gas tank), and beat her in front of her kids. One of these times they beat her so badly they broke one of the vertebrae in her spine in half and knocked one of the pieces loose. Not only did that mean her spine is weak, so that vertebrae can pinch nerves going into her legs, but the physical amount of stress caused her pancreas to fail. My whole life, she was walked with a cane and had very difficult to manage diabetes.

But to prove the case was improperly handled, she needed money. She had already lost her nursing job, because she couldn't lift patients anymore. And she had, at that point 3 kids to provide for.

In the custody battle, the prevailing thought was that children need their father. Other men in her life had to go to the court on behalf of my two sisters and brother, and insist that the other family was regularly beating my siblings, not feeding them, and forcing them to sleep outside. My mother knew they were being abused, but she was called a hysterical woman who just wanted to ruin her ex-husband's reputation.

Not being able to be financially independent means you are uniquely vulnerable to very, very serious, life changing abuse. She was lucky to be able have her own bank account when she became an adult. But in the 80's, she was absolutely discriminated against for being a woman, barring her from building a career to rely on, not to mention being the sole care taker of my older siblings their whole lives.

It's great if house wife life works. It's great if house husband life works. But you truly do not understand how bad it could be, without the benefit of rarity, and that is Explicitly because of the second wave feminists fight for the right to be financially independent and work in any position (also labor law issue there). Unfortunately they had to do it by proving women could do it all, because, as I said, it was that bad. It was not their fault they only had the foundations of the men and women that came before them without already having all the progress they themselves had to manifest. If society is still torture, we are supposed to build on the foundations left us, so our kids have the opportunity to get lectured like this because they can't conceive of how bad it was.

Not just about feminism, but even in my own life I've seen such a promising shift that has people not able to understand how bad it was for LGBTQ+ when I was a kid. And that's a good thing, I just wish it didn't mean entire generations can willingly backflip perfectly onto hotwheels that they ride into policy and social norms that predate even me.

This is the frustrating part of Feminism and worker's rights and civil rights: every time there's a little bit of progress people assume it will snowball with no additional work, much less care. So much progress is undone to reassert the hierarchy and then wiped from the history books. People have to relive the worst abuses to realize that actually there's a problem, and then rebuild from practically square 1 just to get stopped again when the problems get made into something tolerable.

Expanding a bit on the post I just reblogged, I absolutely HATE how a surprisingly large portion of the population now thinks that feminism is synonymous with being a "girlboss". The idea that working some kind of professional job and being successful at it is the only way to do feminism is insane. People will literally say "feminism has failed us" or "I'm giving up on feminism" when they're unhappy with their jobs. Babes idk how to explain this to you but that is not a problem with feminism that is a problem with your job. You don't need a rich man to provide for you while you take care of the kids you need a goddamn union and some paid leave

[thestoryofpadfootandprongs-blog]

Eleven Tips on Having Your Own Apartment/Living On Your Own.

This list is compiled by me and my next door neighbor Tami, who was once a man named Todd but isn't anymore and is now living her best life like the amazing woman she is. She is 30 and has lived single in an apartment since she was 19, so she has some interesting tips. I've only lived on my own for a little over a year now, since I started college, but believe me. You gather quite a few little nuggets of knowledge in as short a time as 12 months. Anyway, here we go:

Don't buy expensive furniture (like your parents), at least until you buy an actual house. It just gets dinged up and scratched and then you have to scream and there is unnecessary stress. IKEA has perfectly nice shit that doesn't cost a fortune and is quite durable. This counts for plates and cups too.

Buy cleaning supplies/shampoo or soap of any kind regularly and especially right after you sign the lease. Keep up with when you'll need more. A little list on the inside of the cupboard door where you keep the cleaning things is very handy.

Don't be an obsessive little bitch about every bad thing that happens. It's just not worth it. Okay, so, you dropped a lightbulb and there's glass all over the floor. It's not like anyone died. Clean it up. Act like a normal, sane adult. Fake it till you make it.

If you have a pet(s) (I have a cat, Tami has three parakeets that hate each other), keep up with their litter box/cage. It's no good at all to just let it sit and get more and more disgusting as the days go by and you're just sitting on the couch rewatching Stranger Things on Netflix and cookie baking videos on Instagram. You'll thank yourself when you daily scoop the poop, and there's no horrid cat pee stench wafting around the apartment.

Don't pick up the phone, he's only calling cause he's drunk and alone — wait. Sorry. I mean, pay the bills on time. Put incessant reminders on your phone if you're forgetful like me. Tami says have two calendars. One in your room, and one on your refrigerator, and write all the dates you owe money and such down on both. (We also have auto-pay nowadays, where the company takes the money out of your account automatically every month, and this is nice as long as you make sure you always have enough money in your account to ensure you don't get overdrawn.

Make friends with your landlord. Bring him/her/them cookies and shit around the hollydayz. If you learned anything from the college/job application process, it's that to know people and have good relationships is a good, nay, great thing.

Do your laundry on Friday nights. If you live in the city like Tami and I, chances are people are more busy at parties or hanging out with friends than doing their laundry and the laundromat is usually pretty empty. Also, never leave your washing machine or dryer while your clothes are in there. This is a recipe for disaster, and your clothes will either get stolen or dumped on the floor. Also, try to wash your bedsheets every two weeks or more, and have extra pillowcases, especially if you have skin prone to breakouts. Grease and dead skin cells build up super fast on your pillows. Clean pillowcase = clear skin.

Keep your food stocks up too! I know grocery shopping is annoying and how easy it is to get sidetracked by the prepackaged Little Debbie/Hostess dessert isle, but you just gotta. Buy a loaf of bread. While we're here on the lovely subject of food:

Stick to a diet. You'll be amazed how quickly you jump from size 6 to size 12 when you live off cheap spicy Ramen, pizza, and garlic knots. Buy lettuce. Buy tomatoes. Love yourself. Drink water.

Okay, now this one isn't a must, but it's nice. You really should know what foods and things you're allergic to, if any. Go to a doctor and get allergy testing done if you can afford it. You don't want to end up puffed up and dead from suffocation on your living room floor because oh hey, you were allergic to shellfish. Hindsight is 50/50. Tami says, "I didn't find out I was allergic to peanuts until I was passing out in the restaurant. Don't be like me. Get allergy testing."

If you're actively having sex, don't depend on your lover to have condoms/protection. No glove, no love, y'all. Remember that, because it's sound advice. If you're on birth control, you need to get tested for STDs. Keep your test results organized, and go as regularly as your clinic says to. This isn't a laughing matter, and if you can't handle sexual responsibilities, then you shouldn't be having sex.

All right then. That concludes this talk. Good luck adulting, everyone, and don't forget to replace your mascara every three months.