#she could have done more to help sayo but i still think she's sweet

[vtomleni]

Kumasawa appreciation post

[flipomatic]

Distractions

Author Note: The lysk fic I published yesterday was concepted as a drabble for this collection. It grew too much, so I posted it separately. It has been replaced with this. I wanted to add this to A New World, but there isn’t a good spot to fit it in. You do not have to have read that fic to enjoy this drabble. (If you want to see what Roselia is up to in college you totally should.)

Summary: Hazawa café was a familiar sight, one that always filled Sayo with a sense of calm. She thought studying here couldn’t possibly be more distracting than studying at home.

How wrong Sayo would prove to be.

Word Count: 1300

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Sayo’s room at home was never truly quiet. Even with the door shut, noises could be heard from other parts of the house.

Guitar playing often sounded from the room next door, as Hina liked to blast her sound as she practiced. Sayo’s parents held conversations in the main part of the house, and their voices came muffled through the walls.

As Sayo studied for her upcoming math exam, the one academic class she was required to take, she was intimately aware of those sounds. She fought the urge to grind her teeth as a particularly loud chord sounded through the wall.

This had been going on for over an hour. Sayo was at the end of her rope, and she hadn’t gotten a single problem done.

This math was hard enough if she could focus, but with these distractions it just wasn’t going to happen.

Perhaps listening to music would help. Then at least the sound would be consistent. Sayo took her earbuds out and hooked them to her phone. She chose a playlist of Roselia’s music, which was always a good choice.

With that settled, she could no longer hear the background noise. Sayo resumed her math work, suffering through another set of equations. She used to think high school math was hard, but this was on a whole new level.

When she finished the first problem, she paused to listen to her music for a moment. Blessing chord was currently playing, which was one of their newer songs.

One of the piano riffs caught Sayo’s attention. She’d been working on a composition at university this morning, and this piano riff reminded her of it. Perhaps it could be used to enhance Sayo’s work.

Sayo, not thinking twice about it, put down her pencil and opened her laptop. She pulled open the file with her most recent composition, rewinding the song to listen again as she checked the music.

She stood to get her guitar, to test the changes as she made them.

Then she froze. Wasn’t she supposed to be doing something else?

Sayo looked down at her desk, at the single completed math problem. Right, her math exam. She sat back down with a heavy sigh, reclosing the laptop.

She tried to answer another question, made it about halfway through the answer, when another distraction came.

Despite being older and attending a respected university, Hina still never bothered to knock. She burst into Sayo’s room, bringing a flurry of energy with her.

“Onee-chan!” Hina carried her guitar, with the strap over one shoulder. She practically bounced across the room to sit on Sayo’s bed. “Check this out!” Sayo turned slowly, again dropping her pencil, to watch as Hina played an admittedly impressive guitar riff. “It’s for a new Pasupare song.”

“Good work.” Sayo replied, having long given up on asking Hina to knock. “Can you show me more later? I’m studying right now.”

“Oh, right sorry!” Hina leapt back onto her feet, retreating as quickly as she’d arrived. “Good luck!” She called as she vanished out the door, shutting it behind her.

Sayo sighed again, looking back at her incomplete math problem. There were too many distractions at home.

Maybe a change of scenery would help, Sayo thought as she flipped her math notebook shut. Hina wouldn’t be able to interrupt her if she wasn’t home. She also wouldn’t get sidetracked by her guitar.

Besides, she’d committed to visiting a friend.

It only took a couple minutes for Sayo to pack up her bag and leave the house. She walked to her destination, knowing exactly where to turn.

Hazawa café was a familiar sight, one that always filled Sayo with a sense of calm. She thought studying here couldn’t possibly be more distracting than studying at home.

How wrong Sayo would prove to be.

When she walked in, there were only a few other patrons in the café. Tsugumi was minding the counter, and she looked over as the bell on the door rang. Her eyes lit up when they met Sayo’s.

“Welcome Sayo-san!” Tsugumi called, a smile on her face.

Sayo nodded back in greeting, crossing the café to settle at a small two person table. She sat with her back towards the door, where people coming in and out wouldn’t be able to distract her.

“What can I get for you?” Tsugumi had appeared by her side, her infectious joy causing Sayo to smile as well.

“A cup of coffee please.” Sayo requested politely.

Tsugumi went to the kitchen to get the drink, so Sayo opened her bag to get started on her math. There was more noise here than at home, but it provided a consistent background sound. Overall, it wasn’t as distracting as Hina’s guitar playing.

Sayo was actually able to finish the second math question by the time Tsugumi returned with her coffee.

“One coffee.” Tsugumi said as she placed it in an empty spot on the table.

“Thank you.” Sayo took a sip, relishing in the warm drink. “How have you been, Hazawa-san?” She directed the question at Tsugumi, who hadn’t moved from her side.

“I’m good.” Tsugumi held a tray in her arms, which she’d carried the drink out on. Her hands fidgeted with it slightly. “I baked a new type of scone this week, caramel apple, if you’re interested in one?” It wasn’t a question, but she phrased if it were.

“Yes please, I’d like one.” No matter what flavor the scone had been, Sayo was sure that they were delicious. Everything Tsugumi baked turned out fantastic.

If it was possible, Tsugumi’s smile grew larger. “Be right back.”

She vanished into the kitchen once again, leaving Sayo to her next math problem. She sipped her coffee as she started working on it. This time though, she had barely made any progress when Tsugumi returned. She placed the scone next to the cup, watching Sayo as she picked it up to take a bite.

As expected, the scone was delicious. “This is amazing.” Sayo said after swallowing the first bite. It was sweet, but not overbearingly so.

Tsugumi’s cheeks dusted pink. “I’m glad you like it.” She glanced away as she said it.

They exchanged a few more words of small talk as Sayo finished the scone. She enjoyed every crumb of it.

When another customer came in, Tsugumi had to end the conversation to go tend to them. Sayo went back to her work, to problem number three.

As she continued it, she could see Tsugumi in her peripheral vision. The teen was carrying something out to another customer, and then cleaning a counter, and then ringing someone out at the cash register. Sometimes she disappeared into the kitchen, but only for a moment.

Though Sayo tried to focus on her math, she kept wondering what Tsugumi was doing.

Once, when she actually looked up to check, Tsugumi was looking right at her. Sayo immediately tilted her head back down, her face warm.

She had made almost no progress on the third math question.

“What’s wrong?” Tsugumi, ever observant, sweet Tsugumi, had approached once again.

What was Sayo supposed to say? That Tsugumi, with her cute café uniform and glowing presence was distracting Sayo from her university studying? Sayo was the one who came here in the first place.

She should’ve known better, or perhaps she’d just been lying to herself. Perhaps she’d wanted this all along. That was an internal debate for another time.

Sayo closed her math notebook. “It’s nothing.” She then changed the subject, bringing up the composition she was working on earlier.

Talking to Tsugumi was a welcome distraction.

[master-thief-gray-shadow]

A Real Life Coffee Shop Romance

Chapter 5

First chapter | Previous chapter

Summary: Tsugumi was content to live with her mistake. But Afterglow would never settle for anything that would upset their beloved keyboardist.

Notes: And with that, we are done! I actually finished a multichap fic! Incredible! Thanks to everyone who read this, I really really appreciate the support!

She’d been awake for a couple hours now, probably. Not that it made a difference. Awake or not, she didn’t really want to leave her bed. Fortunately she had that luxury today. It was a Saturday, and since her mother had been the one to find her in the cafe storage room practically lying in a puddle of her own tears last night she’d been more or less excused from her responsibilities for now. This was fine. She was tired. She could do without seeing anyone today. Her eyelids were getting heavy again, so she figured she might as well go back to sleep.

“Tsugu!” A familiar loud voice, followed by an equally loud series of quick, violent knocks on her bedroom door, jolted her awake. “Tsugu! You awake?”

“She is now,” A quieter, sleepier voice drawled.

“Tomoe, no!” Pleaded a high-pitched, girlish voice. “You’re going to break her door down if you do that!”

A long, drawn out sigh could be heard.

Tsugumi sat up, rubbing her eyes as she turned toward the door. “Guys…?”

The door opened (remaining on its hinges, thankfully) and Himari immediately barreled into the room, followed closely by the rest of Afterglow. “Tsuguuuuu!” She threw her arms around Tsugumi’s shoulders, nearly knocking her over with a surprised yelp. As she steadied herself Tsugumi noticed that Himari’s eyes were swimming with tears. “Come on, Tsugu, please tell us what’s wrong!”

“You were acting strange last night,” Ran said, the worry in her voice subtle enough that the other four people in the room were probably the only ones in the world who could sense it. “You insisted you were fine, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.” She took a few steps forward, until she was hovering above Tsugumi. “Tsugumi, I can’t put into words how important you are to Afterglow. If something is wrong, then please let us know.”

Tsugumi looked up at Ran, even as Himari wrapped herself tighter around her, before her gaze fell downward again. “I’m sorry. It’s something silly, nothing you need to worry about.” Well, no, it was a little too heavy to be called “silly,” but it certainly wasn’t something to burden her friends with either.

“Yeah it is,” Tomoe said in the softest, tenderest voice she could muster. Which, given that this was Tomoe, still only barely qualified as an “indoor voice.” “Your problems are our problems, and we’re gonna do whatever we can to help.”

In spite of her lingering sadness, Tsugumi couldn’t help but let out a small, genuine laugh. Maybe she wasn’t very lucky when it came to love, but she was nothing short of blessed to have such wonderful and caring friends. “I’m grateful, but I don’t think there’s anything you could do anyway.”

“I mean, you don’t know that,” Moca said from where she leaned on the doorframe. “Who knows, maybe the key to your woes is somewhere in Himari’s bag.”

“What? Why my bag?”

As the situation escalated Tsugumi went silent. Obviously it was unlikely that any actual, physical key could resolve anything, and she questioned whether there was any kind of metaphorical key either, but...well…

Her attention turned back to the scene in front of her, where Tomoe had apparently lifted Moca up by her shoulders and was holding her aloft. Telling them would at least get some things off her chest, as well as put a stop to...whatever was going on here.

“Um! So…” She first made sure to get their attention. It worked. Tomoe slowly lowered Moca as everyone turned to look at her. Tsugumi took a deep breath to steady herself before continuing. “So there’s...there’s this customer that’s been coming into the cafe in the afternoons, when everyone else is gone. And she’s a high schooler, she comes in after school. She’s been doing this for a few months now, a-and we’ve gotten really close. This has been like a thing for us, where we talk and hang out all the time, and I really like spending time with her, she’s really pretty and sweet, but…” She sniffed. Just thinking about how Sayo had come to the cafe expecting to see her, only to leave in disappointment...everything was all coming up again. “I missed her last night...and I think...I think she’s mad at me…” Tears once again burned her cheeks as they rolled down.

“Oh jeez...Sorry Tsugu,” Tomoe said as she sat down on the bed and pulled Tsugumi into a tight yet comforting hug. She found herself relaxing into Tomoe’s arms as she cried into her shoulder.

“I’m sure she’s not mad,” Himari gently cooed as she stroked Tsugumi’s hair. “Maybe if you just talk to her things will work out.”

“Wait,” Moca chimed in, “you said you didn’t get crushes on your patrons.”

There was a long, pregnant moment of silence as Moca’s words registered in everyone’s mind. Followed by Ran groaning and facepalming. Which was then followed by Himari squealing excitedly.

“OH MY GOSH YOU HAVE A CRUSH! ON A CUSTOMER!” Hearts were practically flying out of her eyes as she clutched at her chest, enraptured at having encountered something she previously only read about. Almost as soon as it had fallen over her the awestruck look faded, replaced by fiery determination. “Okay! Now you definitely have to talk to her!”

“Oh yeah, totally!” Tomoe had now pulled Tsugumi out of her embrace and was now beaming down at her. She didn’t seem to be bothered by the odd look that was a result of having both tear stains and a heavy blush on her face. “Who is it? We gotta know so we can find them!”

“Ah...um…” This morning had been such an emotional roller coaster that Tsugumi was having a little trouble trying to get her thoughts in line.

“Is it Kaoru-senpai?” Himari leaned in very close, looking as though she were ready to determine the answer by reading Tsugumi’s mind directly instead of just waiting for her to respond. “It’s not Kaoru-senpai, is it?”

“N-no, it’s not her,” She said, finally managing to put together a coherent sentence. Himari backed off a little, a small amount of her previous intensity evaporating away. But only a small amount, she still almost looked like she was ready for an interrogation. “It’s...um...it’s…” She took a few deep breaths, before making direct eye contact with Ran. “It’s...it’s Hikawa Sayo…”

“Whoa, wait, really?”

“What? You and Sayo-san? But she’s so...so…”

“Ooh, sounds like a scandal, huh Ran?”

Now that Moca had brought it up, everyone else’s eyes shifted to Ran as well. This was one thing Tsugumi had realized might be a problem, albeit perhaps irrationally. Ran had come a long way in her relationship with Yukina, and hostility had long since given way to the mutual respect of a healthy rivalry, but there was still an anxious knot tying itself in her stomach.

Ran closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. “You know how I feel about Minato-san and her band,” She said, before opening her eyes again and looking straight into Tsugumi’s. “But your happiness is important to me too. If being with Sayo-san is the thing that makes you happy, I won’t get in your way.”

“Ran-chan…” Jeez, now she even had Ran’s blessing. The tears in her eyes started welling up again. If only she’d realized her feelings sooner, then she would have been able to move forward with Sayo, but now…

“Tsugu!” The sudden volume of Himari’s voice forced Tsugumi to snap to attention. “Now you absolutely have to talk to her! You have her number, right?”

“Um…” And now, on top of the tears, there was nervous sweat forming on her face. “I...I never exchanged numbers with her, actually…”

“Whaaaaaat? What do you mean you didn’t exchange numbers?” Himari seemed oddly shocked for something that seemed to make perfect sense, at least to Tsugumi. “How are we going to get in touch with her now?”

“I don’t think it’s normal for baristas to swap numbers with their customers,” said Ran, who thankfully seemed to be on the same page.

“Tsugu may not have Sayo-san’s number,” Moca said, reaching into her pocket, “but I have Lisa-san’s.” She pulled out her phone and held it up, a text log between her and Lisa on the screen. “Playing matchmaker for you two shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Oh no, you don’t have to do that,” Tsugumi said, mildly panicking. She appreciated the gesture, of course, but this situation was much too delicate for Afterglow as a whole to handle. “I’ll figure things out on my own, it’ll be--”

“Too late,” Moca said with a smirk as she hit “send.” “Relax, Tsugu. I don’t have a plan, but I’m sure we can all come up with something.”

As the others chimed in with ideas, Tsugumi remained silent, thinking only about how Moca’s words were probably the least reassuring things she could have heard in this situation.

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It had been a day since the rest of Afterglow had put into motion some kind of plan to set her up with Sayo, and so far nothing had come of it. Tsugumi had decided that this was fine, actually. She’d missed her chance, and she would live with it. Perhaps even take some lessons to heart. It was impossible that Sayo returned her feelings anyway. Sayo was beautiful and talented and commanded respect from others, and she was just some barista who happened to be in a band with her friends. There was no comparison between them. It would never work.

The warm, sweet scent of chocolate wafted through the kitchen as Tsugumi took a loaf of pound cake out of the oven and set it aside. It had been a little while since she’d made this recipe, and she wasn’t as confident that she made it as good as her mother did, but she’d been in the mood for it. Nothing mended a broken heart quite like chocolate could, and for this particular broken heart the addition of coffee into the cake made it all the more potent. She closed her eyes and inhaled, letting the scent fill her lungs. It was soothing her already.

The sound of the bell over the door reached her ears. That was odd, the cafe wasn’t supposed to officially open for another half hour or so. Maybe she’d forgotten to lock the door while things were being set up? She did sometimes forget to do that. But usually customers would see the “closed” sign and not even notice that the door was open, much less try to come in. Sighing, she reluctantly left the kitchen to deal with the early bird.

“I’m sorry, but we’re--” She stopped dead in her tracks the moment she saw who had walked in. “Sayo-san?”

In front of the door, looking just as nervous and confused as Tsugumi felt, was Hikawa Sayo.

“Um...Good morning, Tsugumi-san,” She said, her eyes aimed at the floor off to the side somewhere. “I really don’t mean to be a pest. I’m not actually here of my own volition.”

“Not of your own volition…” Tsugumi repeated. “What do you mean?” Oh no, was this the Plan that had been discussed earlier?

“Well, I was told you wanted to talk to me,” Sayo said, fidgeting with one of the buttons on her coat. “I was planning to wait until tomorrow at our usual time, but the others were…” She looked at the windows behind her, seeming even more confused, “...very...insistent…”

Tsugumi was about to ask why she was looking at the windows, and who, exactly, she meant by “the others” when Sayo’s words registered fully in her mind. “Wait,” She said softly, “Our usual time?”

“Of course,” Sayo said, finally stepping somewhat closer. “It’s especially important since I missed you on Friday.”

Tsugumi’s eyes widened as more tears started to fill them. This time, however, they were not tears of sorrow, but tears of relief. “You mean...you aren’t mad at me?”

Sayo smiled, that warm, gentle smile that left Tsugumi with a floaty feeling in her chest. “Why would I be mad?” She came even closer, close enough for Tsugumi to see the smile in those deep jade eyes as well. “I can’t assume you forgot to tell me Afterglow was playing that night out of malice. I’ll admit I was a little heartbroken at first, but it was inspiring to see you play. Although something was off about your performance, you seemed like you weren’t giving it your fullest.”

“Wait, what?” Tsugumi almost yelled from the shock. “You were at Galaxy?”

“I came as soon as I heard and managed to catch the last few minutes of your set,” Sayo said, still smiling. “I must admit your band is good, even though you were not at your best.” A light blush rose in her cheeks. “In truth I was simply satisfied just to see you.”

“S-Sayo-san…” Her heart was pounding, but it wasn’t the agonizing, painful pounding that she remembered from two nights ago. It was that vigorous, energetic feeling that made her feel like she could rise above the clouds. Sayo had come to see her...Sayo had come all the way from the cafe to the live house just to see her. “Sayo-san, I...there was a reason my playing was off.”

A worried look came over Sayo. “Tsugumi-san, if anything is ever wrong, don’t hesitate to share it with me.” Sayo was actually concerned for her well-being…

If she didn’t shoot her shot now, she was, in this moment, a fool. Perhaps she had been a fool in the past, and she had no doubt she would be a fool in the future, but right now, Hazawa Tsugumi would be anything but a fool.

“It’s because…” She took a series of long, deep breaths, hoping the oxygen intake would keep her from shaking too hard. “It’s because I was overwhelmed… because I had just realized that…” She closed her eyes tightly and lowered her head, not feeling quite brave enough to look Sayo in the eye when she would say her next words. “...that I like you! A lot! I like you a lot!”

Silence. Silence that could be cut with a knife. Tsugumi almost swore she could even hear Sayo’s rapid heartbeat, even over the roar of her own.

“Tsugumi-san…” Sayo’s voice was quiet, almost a whisper. “I...I never imagined I would be able to say this, but…” She nervously cleared her throat. Tsugumi slowly opened her eyes and raised her head, and immediately noticed the deep red blush on Sayo’s face, deeper than anything she had ever seen before. “I...return your feelings, Tsugumi-san.”

She had died, hadn’t she? This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real. There was no way that the flushed, demure expression on Sayo’s face was real, that the glittering joy in her eyes was real, that the blazing, swirling, uncontrollable wave of sheer elation travelling through every inch of her body was real.

“Sayo-san…” She could feel herself crying again. Tears of joy. “Sayo-san!” She threw herself forward, catching Sayo by surprise as she wrapped her arms around her in a tight embrace. Her heart fluttered as she felt Sayo’s arms around her as well. “You’re so pretty and so amazing and so cool, and I’m just...I’m just some girl!” She mumbled into Sayo’s shoulder as she cried. “I can’t even believe you like me back!”

Sayo separated them slightly, but only just enough to allow her to caress Tsugumi’s cheek with her hand. “Why not?” She said, the warmth in her eyes going straight to Tsugumi’s heart. “You’re kind, you’re passionate, you’re knowledgeable...how could I not have feelings for you?”

“Sayo-san…”

For the second time today, Tsugumi opted to do something brave. Forcing down her feelings of nervousness, she closed her eyes and leaned forward, pausing the moment she felt Sayo’s lips against her own.

The second Sayo kissed her back Tsugumi’s mind went momentarily blank. Her lips were so soft, and she was being so gentle and cautious, and in this moment Tsugumi felt so happy that she was starting to worry she might pass out. The kiss was short, but the feeling on her lips lingered as they pulled apart.

“Sayo-san, that was--”

The sound of the bell over the door was heard. Followed by a pair of voices yelping in surprise, and then by the sound of a pair of bodies hitting the floor.

“Himari?” Tsugumi said, bewildered.

“Hina…” Sayo said through her teeth.

“Congrats on the girlfriend, Onee-chan!” Hina chirped from where she lay on the floor.

“Oh my gooooooooosh!” Himari, at least, had the sense to stand up. “That was a picture-perfect confession, straight out of a shoujo manga!” She rubbed at her eyes and sniffled. “I...I think I might cry…”

“Now, come on you two,” chided a voice that Tsugumi recognized even before she came into view. “Give the lovebirds some space.”

“Lisa-senpai?” She said as she watched Lisa pull Hina up off of the floor. “What are you doing here?”

Lisa beamed at them, practically glowing with pride. “When Moca told me Sayo needed a little push, how could I say no? Especially when she’s going for such a sweet girl like yourself.” The last comment made Tsugumi’s cheeks flush red once again.

“I knew it!” Hina pumped her fist, seemingly the only reason she hadn’t tackled the new couple in a congratulatory hug being that Lisa was still restraining her by one arm. “I knew this was why you were always going to the cafe!”

Still smiling, Lisa grabbed onto a sobbing Himari’s arm as well. “Sorry about the interruption, these girls just got too excited and ran off,” She said as she started to lead the other two out the door. “I’ll take them back over to Yamabuki, that’s where the rest of your band’s hanging out, Tsugumi.” Hina and Himari were out of the shop by now, and she was barely in the doorway, but she took a moment to look back, that bright, proud smile still on her face. “Oh, and again on the congrats! Best of luck, you two!”

And moments later, they were alone again. They both spent a long time silently staring at the door, trying to process what on Earth had just happened, until Tsugumi finally spoke up.

“So…” She said quietly, “do you want anything to drink?”

Sayo was quiet for a moment, before that gentle smile spread across her face. “That sounds nice. A mocha, perhaps?”

“Sure, of course.” Tsugumi smiled back. She was kind of in the mood for one herself. She would make two, she decided. “Oh, and I just took this cake out of the oven before you came in, so it should be cool now.” She found herself blushing, her heart still beating much too fast. “It’s a chocolate pound cake, and it has coffee grounds in it for extra flavor. Would you like to try it?”

Sayo’s smile seemed to glow, subtle yet radiant like the soft light of the moon, and it made Tsugumi wonder why she couldn’t have realized these feelings of love soon enough.

“Yes, I’d love to.”

[nothing-is-ever--still--on-earth]

Day Four of me playing ddlc for the first time

i love Monika’s new second poem. i don’t really know why

“Please tell me you can hear me. Anything?”

<3

Yuri’s new second poem is so beautiful, it’s how losing control and wondering if whatever part of you is you will actually survive this moment, all done abstractly and surreally

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOP

i caaaaant no more fuck this game fricking Monika i just no no no no no no no no no non nonono no

oh monika… :(

this game is scary as crap, also I need an important screencap for a post I’m making so I’m going to restart from the beginning beginning. I’ll try and get to know Yuri in the meantime!

THIS FEELS A WHOLE AWFUL LOT LIKE A TRAP

i do want to see Sayori again. She was the heart of the game honestly and it’s so cold without her

Nice!

THERE SHE IS !!!!!!!!!!

you know, Sayori was wrong. if she wasn’t feeling “selfish“ and pursued MC when she knew they didn’t want her, and got them to not just join a club for their own good but to join her club so she could revive their friendship, so she could keep him at a peaceful distance where MC would never worry about her and she could keep her depression inside where it couldn’t hurt anybody… That won’t make it go away. Sayori wanting MC to join her club, that was like a subconscious cry for help, something she knows she needs. …i guess letting MC know her true feelings too was also… Idk MC shouldn’t be as oblivious, but the main reason for that is Sayori always hiding her emotions not to make them worry. It’s… a mess. Poor Sayori…

Fucking savage, Sayori

Oh neat I was right, Monika originally says horror doesn’t fit Yuri

I love the theory that Natsuki is trans because so many things do make sense under it, she loves manga one notable thing MC has in common with her and she’s adopted tsundere mannerisms herself too, in addition to dying her hair pink (and keeping it short, which is also a norm for girls in manga) so… Taking into account her abusive home life, she probably doesn’t get any love, in fact she needs love more in fact, that she wasn’t getting (MC talks about how the only friends besides Sayori were other “losers”). Tsunderes are always portrayed as desirable even when they push away; they rebuff advances they don’t want and are always the one in control of the relationships they do pursue, in addition to generally not being soft and feminine, which is something pre-transition Natsuki may have been worried about not having. In line with that, she adores cute things, which she may have always loved, although the thing I don’t get is why she’s so diametrically opposed to… Oh wait I answered my own question. Natsuki loves cute things but tsunderes can’t be seen that way, or at least, they need to hide it until someone knows them better. Either way, I adore her crush on MC! I was just thinking about how baking was like, her secret hobby before, instead of her Thing that she’d do for the club and why if she was so good at it and made everything so beautifully cute she’d be against a positive reputation as a cute person by the other members (who would have a sweet reason to do so, to let her know she’s accepted and welcome here– Oh. Oh that’s… Oh that’s the dirt Yuri threw in Act 2 in the fight where Natsuki made fun of her for self-harming which Yuri most likely told her in confidence after the theme of Act 1 that she and Natsuki are more alike than either of them think. I was always wondering what she ever could have said to make Natsuki run out of the room like that

i love Yuri’s theme being flowy piano not clustered but also never silent, no rest for better or worse, a cacaphony but of beauty which could easily change tune to maddening. I also dig flute in orchestral music too~

Portrait of Markov sounds like an interesting read. I think Yuri convinced me to read it as well as MC!

it Monika

It’s me <3

look it’s me, where did they get this footage

this is so fucking funny, MC you fucking creep

I don’t know why but I just love this screencap

now I understand. when this happened in act 2 it Was different. Yuri’s still just as concerned and defensive, she’s just less strung out

I wonder what Yuri is going to think of my poem now that it’s talking about themes that she enjoys

Why am I not surprised

omg

Yuri This Is So Fucking Funny How Much Do You Even Know About Poetry MC Is Literally Doing The Exact Same Thing As Last Time Deliberately Trying To Use His 100% Untrained Writing Skills To Artificially Impress One Of You By Dropping Key Words That Feel Like Something You Would Like To Read

that’s right Yuri You Just Got Played By Some No Life Weeb

a m a z i n g

I finally understand this line now. It’s because Natsuki has a crush on MC, which she reveals she always had at the end of her weekend before the festival scene

i know this is sort of dark but I think Yuri’s poem actually relates to her self-harm, like her second poem does, a reflection before …uh…i dont want to trigger anybody…leastofallmyself Just, you know… You can figure it out.

It explains the “bathing”, the “last remaining”, the “sickening [blue-green hue] of the future“, the “bathe” in the next line being directly tied to a sense of calm as she savors one last remnant of her past, and the last two paired lines reflect a sense of bittersweet happy peace.

The whole poem is also reminiscent of being in an actual bath, which…….i’ll stop now.

I was just writing a post don’t worry

Bless Yuri honestly. I’m happy she’s finally getting to feel accepted and liked. she just needs reassurance the world isn’t what her anxiety twists it into!

i like this a lot!

I just realized! I wonder what happens if I write one poem inspired by each member. I’ll have to try that~

sayo’s ukelele theme is making me cry i need a moment………

Whoever scored this is so fucking good it sounds just like her

i’m crying over sayori now…i have to go to bed..

[adventmystery]

Uncommunicated Love

Do you know how powerful prayer is? Do you believe that God answer prayers? How long do you think God answer prayers?

A few days ago, I attended a wedding celebration of my college friend. Ofcourse,  I was also excited to meet my long time friends again. And most especially, I was excited to see the person I am praying for. It’s Mark. I prayed to God about him to be the best man for me. To be my future partner in life. 

But, who is Mark in my life and why I prayed for him? We’re friends since 2014. We met by common friends in the Academy. To me, he is always there to support me and remind me about the things I should and should not. He helped me emotionally in very situation that I am facing. I am who I am when I am with him because I am very comfortable with his presence. He respect me as a friend and he never done something beyond our friendship. We meet every year or every time he visits his brother here in Baguio City. He is a breadwinner and his love for his family is genuine. Above all, his love to Almighty God. 

Last March 2019, we had the chance to catch up about each other’s lives. We talked a lot of things. After that moment, I realized something that its hard to address so I thought of writing it out.  

March 30, 2019

To my dearest friend,

I always wanted to write a letter for you since the day you left me in front of my door with your warm hug. I can’t sleep and think about you. Let me write for you this time. Minsan lang ito, hayaan mo na.

I never thought that you will still remember me and count me as your friend. And I am grateful to have you. (This is not a love letter, so please don’t tease me).

You are the person who always remind me to love myself. You are also the person who stopped me on doing stupid things but as you know, how hard headed I am. For instance, the Battalion Hop 2014, you told me that I should not attend because I might get hurt by seeing them happy. But there, I did not listened and instead I went to Hop. What happened next? I messed up. I let myself get into trouble my introducing myself to his girl.

Pero hindi nagtatapos doon. My next heart break came. I still remember what you told  me, “love yourself by giving 70% for yourself and 30% for him.” But eventually we broke up. And this time, you told me, “sa susunod kilalanin mo ng mabuti.”  If the time comes that I’m ready to enter to a new relationship I hope that everything that I’ve learned from my past will not be wasted. I think I figure out what I really want for a future partner. Can you be my standard? I am not saying I like you. (Well, maybe). 

Remember the day that you should go home already but instead you asked me if you could go with me at the Academy? I don’t know why you changed your mind. After that, I thought you will already go home but you maximize your time with me and we went to Session Road for Panagbenga Session in Bloom. It was a little bit awkward for me because we never did that before. Maybe because we had limitations, we were both in a relationship before.  I just got little bit surprised why we were so sweet with each other. But I don’t want my emotions play with it. And to be honest, I really enjoyed that moment especially when we watched the live band at the Session Road.

Fast forward.

You know that I have an interview to attend to at Quezon City the following day. I was really upset when I didn’t woke up in my alarm. And then, I went to your room and lie down beside you. I know I’m such a sweet and clingy human being. I don’t know if you misinterpreted it. I even explained myself to you. I lied to myself what I really felt about you back then. But best thing that ever happened was that you NEVER KISSED ME. I was so damn surprised. I know you were already tempted but you did not let yourself fell into it. And for that, I wanna say thank you!

So if I will entertain or choose a guy again, I think a guy like you. A man who is not easily be tempted. I will choose a man who is responsible. (Hindi ko na sasabihin yung iba. Sakin na lang yun).

You know what, hindi ko akalain na mag-uusap tayo tungkol sa faith. Sa natatandaan ko kasi noon nagkwento ako sayo dati ng mga ganun bagay muntik kitang ipagpray over. Pero ngayon wala na ako masabi, ikaw na itong pinangaralan ako. I became so disobedient when it comes to my spiritual life because of the last heart break. But after we talked I tried to open a book again. Little by little. Sana bumalik ako sa dati. And that’s another thing na gusto ko sa partner ko, yung pag uusapan namin yung spiritual life.

Did I told you what if I like you? What might happened to us? Nevertheless it did not happened. I will not be able to learned these things afterall. 

Siguro dahil hindi ko rin naisip na magkagusto sayo kasi may girlfriend ka noon and you treat me nothing but a friend. And I respect that.

I hope nothing will change even if this is so awkward na. You know when I’m writing a letter it means you matter to me. I am so damn korny, right?

Last thing, if ever that time will come for me to love again, I want our first kiss will be on our wedding day. If I have a particular person in mind, I want it to be you. But if God did not permits, I hope for the best man and someone like you.

P.S. Did I just confessed? oh please don’t tease me if nabasa mo ito.

Love,

Jenny

My roommate, Arianne, told me that it was her first time to see me genuinely happy. She also mentioned it his boyfriend. They were glad that I finally experienced that moment after the heartbreak I’ve been through. Because of that, we made a deal. If time comes that we will meet again, I will confess my feelings.

Here comes the wedding of our friend. I did not expect that I will be invited at their wedding in Cagayan de Oro City. Mark is one of the groomsmen. I took this chance to finally confess it. 

Wedding day. I became double-minded about confessing it. So I prayed about it, “ Lord, if I confess it will be awkward for us and it might ruin our friendship. I pray and choose to keep it to myself and keep our friendship. Our friendship is very important than risking it beyond. Amen.”

During the wedding, I noticed his ring finger that there are two rings, silver and gold. It looks like a wedding ring. I asked him about it but he just smiled and then I ignored it already. 

During the reception, it is a practice to invite the single ladies and gents to participate in the games. I was one of the participant and then the host caught Mark’s attention saying “sayang naman Sir hindi ka na pwede, you were married 3 days ago right?” Then here I am so confused in front. Totoo ba? Baka nagjojoke lang yung host. I’m his friend. I supposed to know. I believe that was a joke until I asked one of our friends. “Is it true?” I asked. “Kayo ang magkachat bakit hindi mo alam”, he answered. Then he showed the pictures of Mark’s civil wedding. The girl is pregnant. 

I was unable to move. I can’t even say a word. Should I congratulate him or ask him why?

A friend of mine called. Then I started to cry.

After the reception, we went to place where I stayed. I changed clothes and went to the hotel they stayed. Waited for them and went to after party.

I can’t help but drink more I could take. I dance like I don’t care who see me dancing. Laugh like there’s no tomorrow. Until a friend uttered something that strucked my ego, “magtira ka naman para sa sarili mo.” I stopped. Sit beside that friend. Then I stepped outside. 

No one noticed me until another friend came back and looked for me. He said he was worried and looked for me in the dance floor and in the other tables. But no, I was not there. He looked for me outside and he was with Mark too.

I told them what happened and comforted me. I asked if I could talked to Mark alone. 

I was crying. I asked Mark what really happened to him. Why he did not told us about his wedding in advance? I even asked him if it was just a “shotgun marriage.” I know what was a stupid question I ever asked to him. And regret about it. I did not congratulate him or say best wishes. I just think about myself. I was still crying and then told him that I prayed for him. Sobbing and hugging him. There’s nothing I could do now but to accept the fact that the person I prayed for is now married to other woman. 

“Hindi lang talaga tayo para sa isa’t isa.” his last words to me.

After that, I know we will never be the same again.

He will always be a special friend that looks after me. A friend who wishes the best for me. I am always grateful for the years I’ve known him. He will always be in my heart. 

I know he will be the best father to his child and a good husband to his wife. I believe that he will never fail them. The best of the best. 

And for me, I believe that God reserved the best man for me. Waiting is not a easy thing but it will test my faith. Blessing comes with maturity. 

Keep praying even if your prayers will not come true in your desired time because God knows the best for you and it will come in His right time.

[shadydenimcatwalktrash]

That Night

It was a cold serene night, the sky was dress in black and the stars are shimmering amidst the vastness of it. The gentle blow of the wind enveloped me into a comforting hug as her phone serenade our tired mind and broken hearts into a melancholic peace.

"Guys, I gotta go." His familiar bass voice break the silence. I looked up to his face which was illuminated by the light of my phone as he replied to his father's messages. A frown made its way to my face to which he replied with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I really need to go." He said while giving us that puppy eyes of his.

"Sige na. Mag momomol pa kami ni Stef, o gusto mo pa makita yun?" My other companion jokingly said. She's been joking about kissing me for a few times now and everytime she mention it, my heart would skip a beat. Weird.

John leave after a few minutes and we were finally left alone at the fire exit six floors above the ground. I lit my last stick of marlboro, inhaling the poisonous smoke letting my lungs to suffocate in it before puffing it out of the cold night air. My heart was doing flips for unknown reasons and I need to calm down. Smoking calms me down. Oh mom, if you could see me right now... I laugh at my thoughts.

"Hindi nga babe, okay lang sayo kapag kiniss kita?" Nicole, my new found best friend who helped me so much these past few weeks during my hell ride with Satan, inquired with a serious tone. There goes my frantic heart again. Oh god.

I stare at her, wondering if I should tell her of my little escapades with my previous best friends. Kissing my friends isn't new to me. I've been dared during parlor games to kiss them. There are few who would kiss my lips during a moment of victory and there are few shared drunken kisses as well. Is it okay? Yes. Logically it should be. But I don't think my heart can take it. So...

"Yep. My best friends used to kiss me and it's nothing new to me." Stating facts only.

"Weh? Hindi ka naiilang?" Honestly, no. It was consensus and we both know the meaning it held so I don't feel agitated. I shook my head, inhaling the last of my cig and crushing the filter on the staircase. I put perfume all over my torso and I lay down beside her, enjoying the night sky, the music, and her presence.

She faced me and I had to stop breathing because my heart skipped another beat and it's crazy. I was welcomed by her brown eyes, which was glazed with uncertainty and challenge. Her olive complexion was illuminated by the moon light, giving her beautiful features an enhancing glow. Why must she feel insecure about her looks? Can't she see what I see?

"So kapag kiniss kita ngayon okay lang?" She asked again. I replied with a nod and a smile.

"Ehhhhhh. Baka naman after nito di mo na ako pansinin." I almost laugh at her antics. Seriously, it is okay with me. I am used to it not to mention that apathy almost devour my whole existence as of now... i don't really see what the fuss is about.

So I decided to share to her my drunken misadventure with a good friend of mine during a night of break ups and a round of spin the bottle between the two of us. How my first experience with a woman end up like a big fuxkin joke the next morning. And how we continue to be friends even after having sex.

We share a good round of laughter and she held me tight.

"Eh babe gusto ko ng ganito lang. Yung alam mo yun? Walang commitment pero nagagawa nyo yung gusto nyo sa isa't-isa ng walang takot? Bastaaaa. Na gegets mo ba?" She rambles and I find it cute.

"Yup. I get it."

"Pero babe ha..." she proceed to tell me about her previous best friend who fell in love with her which destroyed what they have and it actually terrifies me.

But I am not falling... am I?

"Okay babe. But do promise me one thing." I look at her straight in the eyes. "That you'll be transparent to me. Tell me kung naiilang ka na or ayaw mo na." I told her how I lose one of my friends because she hid everything away from us until she snap.. never to be seen again. She said yes. Now we're okay. I am not losing a friend anymore. I know I can handle to stop or to stay away if she ask me to... i mean we're just friends right? I can do that.

I forgot what transpired after that, all i know is she move closer to me, puckering her lips in a joking manner and me smiling at her before actually leaning in to her lead and finally kissing her.

It was unlike any kiss I share with anyone before. It was purely magical and blissful. My heart beats frantically, my stomach is frenzied with butterflies and goosebumps appeared on my skin. I lose my wits with that kiss. I just know I need more and I want to stay with her. She pulled me closer to her and I happily obliged.

The wonders this girl could do to me without even saying anything.

I stared at her captivating eyes, getting lost in it while my head was still buzzed from bliss. This made me wonder why is my body reacting to her like this. Why do my heart somersault at our proximity? Why do I develop goosebumps at her touch? Why am I feeling this sweet electricity when our lips met? IS THIS EVEN NORMAL?

It slowly hits me. It can't be. I cannot fall for her. I denied it for so many times, having an eternal battle making me weak inside. I looked up to find my solace. There I found my Orion, the valiant hunter.

As a kid who went through a lot, the night sky had been my safe haven. The moon, my lover and the stars, my siblings. The darkness beneath them is my favorite place. I love them way better than I love anyone or anything in this planet. Orion, on the other hand, became my favorite among billion. It reminds me to stay brave, unconquered, invincible, and strong. I claimed that certain cluster of stars.

But that night, with her in my arms, I learn to share them with her. Not even the long favored constellation can take my eyes off her. I found a woman who surpassed the beauty of the night sky.

We joke for a few minutes sharing short anecdotes and secret favourites in the dark. As I cradle her in my arms, I vowed to myself that I'll only pursue her happiness. That's what friends do, right? Or so I thought.

A meaningful silence passed between us, our eyes connected just then again. 'Why?' I thought. Why is she doing this? Am I in her potential list of lovers or this is just another renegade adventure that we will tell our children when we are old? All logic was throw n out of the window when her lips was connected to mine. This is beyond words. Hands run wild, distance become a naught. My body was set in fire.

This can't be right.

How do I know? It is rare for me to feel this much bliss and when I did, it usually ended up with chaos or heartbreak. Is it so wrong for me to feel alive again?

Her hands roamed the valley of my breasts with that playful smirk in her lips; teasing my weakness. This, of course, transpired with my permission. Is this wrong? Inhibitions out of the window, her hands continuously tease me as her lips was on mine. Her hands went south with my permission and everything just felt nothing short of satisfaction.

I didn't reciprocate. My hands stay still. No matter what, I still cannot make love to someone who doesn't have an emotional attachment with me. I know she's not over with DJ. But why am i letting her?

Sadly, that night I was caught up with the little taste of faux heaven in my arms after a much thorough battle in hell.

I let her have her way with me. It was wrong but why does it feel so right?

Voices below us shook us back to reality. We immediately put distance between us and we shared uneasy an uneasy glance.

What have I done?

After that, I lay down again. Staring at her back as she stayed quiet after what happened. It is consensual right? Nothing wrong transpired? I can feel my heart breaking but I pushed it away when I notice her watering eyes.

I envelope her into my arms, letting her cry her heart out as she release a lamentation about her ex lover. I was fuming with rage that it silenced me knowing well enough that I'll burst if i utter a word. How can someone hurt her like this? This amazing woman who only knows how to love someone so much was badly hurt like this. It is maddening.

She admitted that she is not okay. She broke down in front of me and I was powerless to take her pain away. I can only hug her and let her know that I was there for her. After that we decided to go home.

It was a cold serene night, when I shared a precious memory with an even more precious person.

It was a cold serene night, when I feel the exhilarating free fall called love.

It was a cold serene night, when I become my best friend's dirty little secret.

I should've stop her but I can't. I fooled myself into believing that we share the same feelings. Logically everything was wrong about that night. We were not thinking right. Both caught up from the pain of our past that we use each other to relieve ourselves in the present.

I just can't help but to remember how wonderful it feels to have her in my arms.

How that one night made me feel alive.

And how she wanted me to forget and bury that night into oblivion.

I'm sorry, Nicole. For destroying what we have because your words hurt me. I hope you understand that my tolerance and understanding about pain during that time was non existent and i am not okay as well. I'm sorry for trying to appease the painful thoughts in my head by reverting to an immature and foolish way of saving myself. I'm not justifying my wrongdoings. I am merely trying to express myself.

I just want to move on and to be free from you. I know I cannot do that when I left this untold. You forbid me. But here it was. Written and very much real.

I fell in love and I fell apart knowing I lose what could've been something beautiful.

I love you. And I am sorry for I am not in the proper condition to give it to you.

[technoparadigm-blog]

About.

This represents the Mun’s view of the Muse.

I encourage you to look at his about tag for more in-depth views of his life.

Basics:

Name: Jack Spicer/Ayumu Saito [1]

Nickname: Sayo

Title: “Corporate Daimyo” ; “The Angel of Robotics” ; “The Unrepentant Technophiliac” ; “The Game Changer”

Birthday: November 27th, 1992

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

Age: 27 

Gender: Cisgendered Male

Place of Birth: Osaka, Japan

Places Lived Since: Xian, China, but Jack has moved back to his birthplace because of his work.

Family Status:

Birth Parents: Aiko Saito and Shou Saito

Foster Parents: Rebecca and Richard Spicer

Relationship With Them: When he was small, he was put up for adoption by his birth parents under the grounds that they could not afford to take care of him and that they would want him to have a much better life than what they could have given him.

After a bit, he was then adopted by his foster parents who did initially love him, but soon wanted to shape him into something he didn’t want to be as well as making him completely obedient like a trained dog. They were also incredibly racist and basically forced Ayumu to change his name under the grounds he got to pick his own new name.

Circumstances arose which made his foster parents completely disown him, giving him the mansion he used to reside in as a ‘gift’ along with money to keep him quiet. Ayumu went on without anyone to call his family. Since Megan is his cousin from his adoptive family, he considered her disowned as well. [2]

Features:

Height: 5’9

Weight: 110

Build: Slim, with semi-defined muscles.

Nationality: Japanese

Disablities: Osteopenia, borderline osteoporosis.

Complexion: Glowing complexion. His face is devoid of acne.

Face Shape: A mix of pointed and rounded.

Distinguishing Facial Features: Crescent tattoo on the right side of his face and a hook tattoo on the left.

Eye Color: Red

Glasses/Contacts: None.

Style of Dress: Silk red blouse with a black tie, vest, and black pants. Jack donnes his original trenchcoat on occasion, but really for casual stule, all he’ll really wear now is a leather jacket, pants, and some knee length combat boots as well as the previous silk red blouse ensemble. Sometimes, the old trenchcoat is used as one of those jackets that button on the shoulders, like a cape. He’ll weak his fingerless gloves if he’s donning the old trenchcoat and full-fingered gloves if he’s wearing the leather jacket. 

Grooming: Jack showers at least three times per day, looking to keep himself clean and proper.

Jewelry, Tattoos, Piercings: Has a black rose tattoo with thorns on his upper back, towards his right shoulder. Has the kanji “ 弱肉強食”/jaku niku kyō shoku on his left shoulder. Has four ear piercings, two at the bottom and two at the top, as well as a nose-ring.

Accent: Japanese

Physical Habits: Fiddling with his thumbs, tapping his fingers or his foot, whisling, rolling his lips,

Intellect

Level of Education: College level. Has three degrees.

Level of Self-Esteem: High. Previously, it was very low.

Talents: Calligraphy, bunraku (puppetry), ice-skating, singing, art, ballet, clothing design, knife working, dawdles in witchcraft.

Shortcomings: Greedy, vengeful, materialistic, prideful.

Style of Speech: Refined when needed, but mostly casual.

Artistic/Mathematical: Both.

Makes decisions on Emotion Or Logic: Both, but mostly logic.

Life Philosophy: “He who is a criminal through fate and facility unlearns nothing, but learns more and more, and a long abstinence even acts as a tonic to his talent.” -F. Nietzche

Religious Stance: Lokean (Worships the Norse God Loki) as well as adapting beliefs from his own culture. [3]

Cautious/Daring: Very daring, cautious when needed.

Extrovert/Introvert: Both.

Level of Comfort With Technology: Very comfortable. This is after all, his domain.

Relationships

Relationship Status: None [4]

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Panromantic.

Past Relationships: None. [5]

Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: N/A. [6]

Primary Reason For Breaking Up With People: N/A [6]

Level of Sexual Experience: Very experienced, especially in BDSM.

Story of Loss of Virginity: N/A [7]

Most Comfortable Around Who: Depends on the situation.

Oldest Friend: Katnappe is his oldest friend. Growing up, Jack didn’t make a lot of friends as he was constantly ridiculed. After Jack gave Wuya the boot, she basically acts like his partner-in-crime but he really doesn’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to. They chat like old friends and he’s helped her out when she needs it.

How Do They Think Others Perceive Them: Jack has been criticized by the media of his looks and the methods he chooses, as well as the criticism he gets on a daily basis from the Xiaolin and Heylin belligerents for his inability to fight for long periods of time. This has not changed and it is how Jack is still perceived. However, this can change depending on the situation and the muse.

Vocation

Profession: CEO of Spicer-Saito Tech, Heylin Belligerent.

Passions: Robotics, Technology, the arts.

Attitude Towards Current Job: He loves being a dominant force in business, as well as loving his other passions in art. To be recognized as someone significant will always be his priority.

Salary: Worth trillions. Others marvel to be a man like Jack Spicer.

Secrets:

Life Goals: He wants to be the dominant form of all business and rule it as it’s ‘god’. The first person he wants the world to think of when it comes to business is ‘Jack Spicer’.

Dreams: To get rid of all those that have hurt him, to make those that have made him suffer do exactly the same.

Greatest Fears: Dying before accomplishing his goals. Dying a meaningless death.

Most Ashamed Of: Not seeing why his foster parents wanted to change his name, not allowing himself to reach his full potential when fighting the monks.

Compulsions: Often has violent intrusive thoughts.  His face will often look as if he’s smelling something repulsive if he is thinking about them. This of course does not mean he will act out on them, as he has not ever done so.

Obsessions: Gaining knowledge, the arts, his riches.

Secret Skills: Genetics and gene modification, as well as mutations.

Crimes Committed: Murder, theft, torture, arson, blackmail, kidnapping, smuggling (rare), white collar crime, falsifying signatures.

What They Most Want to Change About Their Current Life: He wants a companion—one that will accept his vices and even join him in them. He especially wants to see Chase Young fall by his own hands. There isn’t anything he wants more than that.

What Do They Most Want To Change About Their Physical Appearance: He wants to look more like his race.

Details:

Daily Routine: Jack usually wakes up early due to his work. Before he got engaged in his business, he would wake up very late in the afternoon and stay up all night, rinse and repeat. Now, since Jack wakes up early, his morning routine consists of taking a shower, doing his hair and making sure he looks his best. This can take about two hours. Now he’s out of the door and off to his Office. He gets the rundown from Sora, his secretary on what needs to be done. He stays there taking calls and talking with potential partners until his office closes, then he’s off back home to rest and get some extra work in. Jack has Friday, Saturday and Sunday off which allows him to do extracurricular things and rest.

Night Owl or Early Bird: Early bird.

Light or Heavy Sleeper: Light sleeper. He has to sleep light so he can wake up instantly in case of an intruder and in case anyone tries to harm him.

Favorite Food: Anything with matcha in it.. All kinds of sweets, but pudding is his favorite. He also likes to eat a lot of meat and rice.

Least Favorite Food: Meat with fat on it, anything too spicy.

Favorite Movies: Horrors and thrillers.

Least Favorite Movies: None.

Favorite Music: If you can’t hear the music from his headphones, it’s not loud enough. He likes heavy metal, rock, and anything that is similar to these genres. He also likes K-Pop and J-Pop.

Least Favorite Music: None.

Coffee or Tea: Tea.

Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter: None. Jack hates peanut butter.

Lefty or Righty: Righty.

Favorite Color: Red, black, white, purple.

Cusser: Very much so.

Smoker/Drinker/Drug User: Minorly drinks. Never smokes or does drugs.

Biggest Regret: Allowing himself to be weak when he is not.

Pets: Three cats, and one German Shepard. He has a floor dedicated to his pets in his mansion, but always takes them out and treats them well.

Other Notes:

- Jack’s hair is curled. It is no longer spiked as it usually is, and reaches his shoulders, in some cases longer. Sometimes, his hair may cover his left eye, but only slightly (like, you can still see his eye, it’s not completely covered.

- If he cuts his hands while working or damages them worse than a cut, he’ll wear full fingered black leather gloves.

-When he sets his mind to it, Jack can actually be a great tactician and think of fool-proof plans. When he rushes into things, it is then he messes up.

-Jack really doesn’t mind his albinism. He would rather stay indoors and away from everyone, but in a logical sense, cannot stay indoors all of the time.

-Both Introverted and Extraverted.

-Jack can have severe panic attacks and sometimes hurt himself if he doesn’t calm down.

-He’s great with a couple of knives and has his own collection of them. He eventually got those knife throwing lessons on top of the ice-skating ones.

-Overly sexual and flirtatious. Nothing else to it.

-Deeply philosophical.

-He has modified his helipack to where two propellers now stick out from the bottom, so now there is both propellers on the top and bottom. When he needs to, they combine to form wings that further expand his movement. This is how he’s able to reach different parts of the country so quickly and fly to others.

-Jack is a ruthless businessman, having built it on his own without the help of anyone, mainly based on various technologies and newly innovative robotics. He runs it kind of like a monopoly and has had controversy in which he has been accused of doing so, but no one has enough substantial proof. He’s had some run ins with Kimiko’s father, and hates Pandabubba to death.

Notes:

[1] Ayumu:  歩 (Ayu): “Walk” 夢 (Mu): “Dream, vision.”

Saito:  斎 (Sai): “Purification, worship”  藤 (Tou): “Wisteria”

Sayo:  紗 ( 小 combined with  代): “small, generation” or  世 (yo), meaning “world”, so it can essentially mean “small generation” or “small world”.

[2] For the purposes of this blog, Jack has no relation to Megan unless it is in an AU.

[3] I won’t really have Jack get all religious. This is just to give you an idea on what he conforms to.

[4] Without the presence of an AU

[5] Without the presence of an AU

[6] Without the presence of an AU

[7] I don’t have a special story of how Jack lost his virginity. Just know it was purely consensual.

[dubredofanfics]

Hit n Run [BONGLENI]

VIII. Ruined Plans

Bongbong was having a good day, he felt so energized the following days after the incident he encountered with Leni few days ago. He decided not to bring it up to her after that night and enjoy the thrill of keeping everything between them.

The looks. The smiles. They both knew what it meant.

Despite this, Leni felt a bit awkward as Bongbong was trying his best to pretend that incident wasn't much of sentimental to him

—

"Leni." He wasn't even looking, he was too busy looking at the report paper. She stood up in front of his desk and waited for him to speak.

"Sumama ka saakin sa Gregor's Peak for a business matter."

She paused for a moment, unprepared for the information she just heard. "Ako po?"

"May iba pa bang tao dito sa kwarto?" He retorted. She felt a bit embarrassed.

"Sino sino po bang mga kasama?" She asked. "You, me and us." He replied coldly as she felt her rising anxiety about going somewhere with just the two of them. She was silenced for a moment. "And our driver syempre." He added. She continued to remain speechless.

"May problema ba?" He asked. "Proble- wala po sir. Ano kase, uhm, wala naman po..." She stuttered.

"Wag ka mag-alala, wala akong gagawing masama sayo." He assured and smirked. She was speechless in guilt.

He exhaled. "I don't understand." He began. "Diba dapat ako yung matakot na magkaroon ng five hour solo trip with you in the woods?" He asked making her confused. "Po...?"

"You were the one who initiated the last time and didn't even ask me..." He goofed.

Her eyes widened in dissension to his statement. "Uh... Wow?" She mouthed. He pouted and shook his shoulders.

"At yung ginawa niyo saakin noon???" She pointed out. "At least nagbayad ako, pero yung ginawa mo saakin... Wala namang bayad yon ha." He continued goofing her out.

She glared at him with her mouth slightly dropped down.

"Ang helpless ko lang... Being taken for granted... You know... All I think of now is God is watching." He continued.

"Alam mo, ikaw... Nako. Kung hindi ko lang gusto makakita ng mga puno puno at magandang nature..." She rolled her eyes as she signed the contract of agreement. She had no choice. She walked out of the room. He chuckled as soon as she left.

She's still so sweet when she's mad.

—

Bongbong couldn't help but feel energized as he gathers short moments with Leni in the office. Even Leni was amused by his sudden change. He smiles now, he's not yelling all the time and he's not that harsh and completely heartless unlike before until this one incident happen.

He was walking along the hallways of building C when he unexpectedly saw Leni and Rody talking. He felt curious for the moment as he thought they ended up badly and they hated each other yet, they were talking and they didn't seem to be arguing — no trace of hate. It bothered him. He paused from a far to observe them without anyone noticing.

His mood suddenly swung to the bad as he saw them hug.

What the fùck? Akala ko ba tapos na sila? Bakit parang okay na sila ulit? Nakakagàgo 'to ha.

The rage and coldness inside him sprung out once again. His mood turned upside down. He walked away back to his office as he loathed what he just saw.

Upon taking his seat, he began to evaluate his emotions.

He felt rage. He felt angry. He felt hate.

He thought that having that one steamy night with Leni — despite hanging — would lead into something more. He thought it's a beginning for a relationship with her that he somehow found interesting and fascinating. He didn't want to recognize it as love at any aspect as love and commitment was never his thing. He thought that that night with her was a sign that it is possible that she could be his girl (not girlfriend). He thought he could call her his property. Someone he can have for his own, physically, mentally and sexually without calling it as a relationship or commitment.

He couldn't determine what kind of relationship he wants with her. He wanted to keep her for himself. He wants to prohibit her from seeing anyone else than him yet, he doesn't want to make her his girlfriend. He hated commitment.

He rolled his eyes as he recalled what he just saw. He felt jealous.

Emotions? Happiness? Gagò. She's just like the other girls, just a bed material.

After this moment, Bongbong started to act cold and harsh to Leni without any explanation. She was somehow bothered with his abrupt change as he seemed to be in an extremely good mood the past days, hence, she never had the courage to ask what's wrong. She felt like she wasn't on the right place to ask and so she just coped with his attitude.

—

Leni rushed to Bongbong's office to turn over some drafts when she suddenly got startled. A woman was straddling Bongbong and they were steamily making out. Leni stood still with her eyes largely opened in shock. The woman immediately withdrew herself from the steamy make out session she was having with Bongbong and fixed her hair.

"Ay sorry! Sorry! Wala po akong nakita! Sorry!" Leni stammered.

"No it's fine." The woman retorted. "We'll continue this some other time." She winked at Bongbong as she paced towards the door. "Call me." Bongbong smirked.

"Sa susunod matuto kang kumatok." She whispered to Leni before she left. "Sorry po..." Leni apologized.

Bongbong looked at Leni. "What do you need?"

"Uhm... Drafts for review po." She handed him the folders.

"'Kay. You can leave." He replied shortly. "Okay po." She was still in aftershock.

—

Leni began to form questions in her mind regarding the business trip they scheduled at the Gregor's Peak but she didn't have much courage to ask Bongbong about it.

It bothered her to think that they have to go to some remote place together but what bothered her more is the fact that they don't seem to be well lately as if she has done something wrong.

—

It was early in the morning at the office when Leni heard Bongbong scolding an employee and later realizing that the reason for the reprimanding was too shallow for him to go that far. It made her wonder what's wrong with him.

Parang bad mood yata siya...

As Bongbong spotted Leni, he ended his scolding to the employee. "You. At my office now." He commanded her with a stern angry voice. She immediately followed with a hint of fear in her chest.

"Alam mo ba kung ano 'to?" He held up a folder in front of her. She read the sticker. "Project 64 Drafts, sir..."

"Hinde, Leni! Basura 'to!" He yelled and threw the papers right on her.

She was petrified. Her heartbeats raced in fear and worry. She kneeled down and picked up the papers scattered on the floor. She just realized that the possible cause of his disappointment was the vague ink print of the draft she handed him few days ago.

He grabbed her arm and glared at her. "Listen, Leni. I hired you and I am paying you because I need a secretary hindi sakit ng ulo." He began to scold her. She bowed her head and took all his harsh scolding.

"Tignan mo yan! Anong klaseng drafts yan? Baka nakakalimutan mo boss ako ng kumpanyang 'to, bkss mo ako. Hindi pwedeng ganyan ang output na ibibigay mo saakin, ipasok mo yan sa utak mo!" He began to insult her piece by piece.

"Baka pwedeng gamiting mo yang utak mo kahit konti. Baka sakali, baka lang naman... Maparamdam mo saakin na worth yung pinapasweldo ko sayo." Her feelings were hurt. His anger brought by his jealousy swallowed him.

—

Leni had a frequent sighting of Bongbong making out with random women and it became consistent. She was bothered somehow but she knew she doesn't have the right to complain or ask why he's been like that. She decided to just shrug it off and focus on her career, however, it irritated Bongbong. He hated that he couldn't see any trace of jealousy from her even if the truth is, she's just suppressing it.

—

"Morning, Leni!" Sasha greeted her as she logged in. "Good morning." Leni replied ecstatically.

"By the way, sabi ni sir Bongbong bigay ko daw 'to sayo." She opened and read what's inside. It was a letter of information that she was replaced as the one to accompany Bongbong to his trip to Gregor's peak.

Hannah Stoke will be coming with him instead of her. Hannah was the girl she saw making out with him at the comfort room few days ago.

It saddened her somehow as she was excited about it — partly excited to spend some time with him. Now it's cancelled.

"Sayang di mo na ako mauuwian ng mga bonsai." Sasha joked. "Oo nga e." Leni faked a laugh.

She looked at the side. Bongbong was leaning his shoulders against the wall, his arms were tangled around each other and he was staring at her. As soon as he saw her looking back, he stood straight and walked back inside his office leaving her with a glare.

Her eyes couldn't conceal the letdown she felt. She slowly looked away and stared at the letter again.

I already had plans for that day, for us...

[privatelessspoken]

“Home is where your story begins....”

That’s it. Every story has to stop. Today. Mine just ended. Another chapter ended. And it is overwhelming to say that the the finale is a rooted one. Deeply-seated at the bottom of my heart. 

March 24, 2017, Friday, the day I ventured into something foreign to me. No matter how many times I insisted to work at Makati, My fate simply just wont escort me to my desire. So yes, that exact date, I had my stop at Pasay. I was brought there without any notion of what to anticipate. Initial days weren’t so appealing to me. Bounded by the idea that I wont stay at the place long enough. Obviously because I searched for the things I used to experience with my previous job. The comfort of what I am familiar with is what I am maneuvering to vibe. Awfully, the alienation I felt fenced me to oversee His plans. Even discriminated the idea of exploring the hidden answers to ‘Why’s’. Unconsciously, the plot begun to unwrap almost all the ambiguity. The coming of days granted me the realizations I was seizing. I was placed there mainly because…. I am destined to meet these people; holding the every keys to distinctive undertakings. Thus here are the recognition & gratitude I earnestly composed. 

KC - Siya ‘yong pinaka unang taong nakagaanan ko ng loob. Ung lagi kong pinagtatanungan. Lalo nung bago pa ko. Unang laging nakakasama. Also, back then, she frequently asks me ‘If I am okay’. I admire how sociable you are, KC. You’ve got the capability of being able to adapt to one’s nature so easily hence making that individual feel much more at ease by your side. Magaling kang makisama. Kahit anong character ng isang tao kaya mong i-adjust ang sarili mo to build a friendship. Honestly, nahihiya ako sayo tuwing kasabay kita pag uwi nung una. Awkward sa side ko sobra. Hindi ko alam kung ano bang ioopen up sayo na hindi boring. Wala naman kasing excitement sa buhay ko. I suck at small talks, evidently. Im just grateful at how you’ve got the initiative to ask me and start a convo. You’re that kind of a person who’s willing to listen to any kind of stories. You showed me sincerity whenever I tell you something. You listen without interrupting. That is one thing so good about you as a friend. Not just a story teller but also a listening ear. KC, I thank you for the times you were there to listen to my nonsense ideas, thoughts, senseless talks, etc. I also, adore how natural you are. Careless of any. Not afraid to express your wants and what you wanted to say. Though at times ang tindi ng expressions mo. Hahaha. These qualities made you approachable and not hard to get along with. I feel flattered when you get my ideas with regards to random things/topics. Thank you! You are one sweet lady. :) I’ll miss you’re clingy-ness (and kilay) madam fashionista. Salamat kasi ikaw ung naging una kong friend sa work!

Louise - Louise! Mamimiss ko ung tawa mo! Minsan sayo talaga ko mas lalong natatawa kaysa sa mismong dapat tawanan. Wagas ka kasi mag react. Dati ikaw ung lagi kong kasama sa pag check ng box sa D. At wala tayong ginawa kundi tumawa lang din. Kahit pag nag-aattach. Hahaha! Ang loka mo kasi eh. I thank you for the laughter we’ve shared together. I love how lively you are as a person. Jolly(bee) and cheerful. :D Madaling pakisamahan. Appreciative. Thank you kasi lagi ka din nag t-thank you pag nagbibigay ako ng kung ano man sayo. You give back by saying those things and that’s more than enough to make someone feel flattered toward what they’ve done even if it was just small things. Mamimiss ko ung mala-grocery mong pagbili. XD Ung pagiging prangka mo sa mga bagay na napapansin mo. Haha! At oo nga pala, minsan talaga pag tumitingin ka… nakaka-intimidate. Ba’t ganon? Haha. Anyway, you deserve a man who will love you co-equal/ more than the love you could offer him. Someone who isn’t manly enough to express his affection towards you isn’t worthy of you at all. Hopefully makanap ka ng partner mo na pahahalagahan ka. :) Someone who will treat you right this time. Aja! Hahaha! Mahahanap ka din niya! Wag mo siyang hanapin. Sorry pala kasi solo flight ka na. :( Wala ka nang partner sa pag officer. It was never my intention to abandon you friend. I’ll miss you partner!    

Joan - Sissy! Our zodiacs got us closer. That’s what I know! Our hubbies will forever be close so as the two of us (hoepfully). From the very start I know that we’ll get along. At your pioneering days at home, I immediately observed the similarities we have. Same as me, you are not used to speak out your mind. Most especially when in group. You observe and listen rather than sharing your own version of the story. Quiet at times but fun to talk to. Focused on her duties. Organized, truthfully speaking. Salamat sa pagsama mo sakin, anytime, anywhere. Hahaha! For taking over my obligations during the days that my presence cannot be found. Nature ko talaga kasi maging ‘missing in action’. LOL. Mamimiss ko ung chat mo. You are my Dept. Store buddy as well! Shopping over here and there. XD Yung biruan natin, usapan, tawanan, these are worth remembering. Okay… balik tayo sa observant. Haha! You are my mind reader. As in! Am I too obvious or what? Clearly, you are able to tell what I feel, think and predict my next move. Kudos to you! Skill yan. May future kang maging manghuhula. Hahahaha. Also, you’ve become my consultant; pertaining hair, lip tint, etc. I’ll miss you being by my side, canteen buddy. Omg. Ang dami na. Pahabol, salamat sa masasarap mong supplies ng pagkain! Lalo na sa chocolate cake. Heaven! Pag ikakasal na kayo ni Lay invite mo ko!    

Jackie - Seatmate! You! Yes you! The one I consider as my closest friend at the workplace. My trusted confidant. You’ve seen me, laugh, cry, angered, annoyed, dumbfounded. You are the witness to my every emotions. I would’ve never thought we’d be this close. But it happened. Dahil sa kadaldalan mo, nabasag mo ‘yong invisible wall ko. Haha! Peace. Out of the blue, mag k-kwento ka. Hanggang sa humaba na ung usapan. Our commonalities in numerous aspects strengthen our bonds. In a span of ‘just’ months you are able to define how I am as a friend/person. You know my fears and strengths. Somehow unlocked the hidden. You know every details to my previous mishaps. Comforted me at my down times. During tengga days, I’ll miss our throwback singing session. Lol. Thankful to have known a co-fangirl. True. We relate in so many things the reason why we seldom have dull moments. I’ll miss your random stories. *Ehem* Your corny jokes! Hindi ko alam kung may magpapatawa pa sakin sa next work ko. :( Thankful that I got to sit beside you.. the part I’ll surely be missing as well. We may have fought. But we did get over it. It was the very first time I made a move to talk to someone I had a conflict with. Sorry and thank you for understanding. Ang mean ko dahil sa topak ko. Pasensya na po. Pero alam mo yon, natatawa na lang ako pag naaalala ko.. na un pa ung muntik na dahilan para mapaaga ang pag alis ko sa Homeworld. LOL! Salamat din sa lagi mong pagtulong sa pag check ng box sa D. I may not be showy, but Im more than grateful to have you as a colleague. As per the answer you’ve been pestering me to hear? Yes. I stayed because I realized that you guys mattered to me. Karapat-dapat kayong makilala at makasama pa ng matagal. Ung samahan ng tropa, hindi kasi un ung tipong madaling iwanan. The friendship we built may be breakable. Yet, it is one thing we know that will always be there. It existed. We are composed of different personalities but we are symmetrical to one another. And now that it’s already been 1 year I think it’s enough for me to hold on to all the memories. A thing that’ll retain. Thank you for always being there friend! I’ll never forget~ Kung may nagawa man akong hindi mo kinatuwa, sorry. Sana matupad na ang So Kor dreams mo soon!

Ms. Nessa - First impression ko dati, may pagka-masungit ka. Hahaha! Naaalala ko pa, halos lagi mo kong kinukulit non. Sabi mo ang sarap kong asarin kasi tumatawa lang ako. Un tlaga ung dahil kung bakit ayaw kung nagsososrt sa counter noon. Joke. Haha! Tapos ang tagal kong inaccept ung friend request mo sa Fecebook. Hindi ko alam kung paano tayo naging close. Pero feeling ko un ung kakatanong mo sakin kung kailan ako aalis. At hindi ko din tlaga inasahan na magiging close tayo. :) Thank you for everything Ms Nessa! Mamimiss kitang ipag-sort ng Asinan. Syempre joke lng un. Haha. Thank you sa advices mo. Tsaka sa pakikinig mo sakin lalo na nung naging roller coaster ride ang isang buong linggo ko. Thank you for opening up to me without hesitations. Salamat sa trust. I pray only the best for your family. Lalo na sa kauna-unahan kong inaanak. Alam kong mapapalaki mo siya ng tama. More bonding moments sa inyo ni baby Grabriel. Sorry kasi medyo magulo ung area mo noong pagbalik mo galing ML. Hehehe! I’ve known you for 1 year already! Akalain mo nga naman. :)

Bambi - B1? B2? Which is which? Haha! Bago pa man dumating sila Jackie, ikaw muna ang laging kasama ko. Salamat sa tawanan at kwentuhan. Whenever you say you’ll miss me, I am hardly convinced. Now that this time I’d truly be gone, I assure that I’ll believe you this time, if, you’ll still do. Thank you for lending me a hand, always. If we ever meet again, sana matuloy na ung hiking natin. Hahaha! I wish you and your ‘Jersern’ a stable relationship kahit na alam kong bipolar ka. (^^)v

Zen - Hi Zen! Ikaw ung isa sa madalas kong tulungan tuwing details kasi alam naman nating lagi kang champion. Hahaha. Mamimiss ko ung mga nakaka-shookt mong expressions Zen. The best ka talaga magulat. Super thank you nga pala sa gift mo!

Nori - Na-stress ako pumili ng gift na ibibigay ko sayo nung Christmas Party. Lol. Sobrang general lang kasi. I do not know much about you. Also, you rarely ask for my help during details. So anyways hahaha Thank you for giving me your Corn Flavored Energen nung time na sobrang nag-crave ako. HAHA! Pati pala sa Shingaling. This food shall also be a reminder of you. :) Sorry kung inaasar kita ‘non kay J*n***. Haha. Ang cute nyo kasi, Kung magkatuluyan man kayo patabain mo yon haha kawawa nangangalansay eh. Hihi. I pray for the best sa inyo ng baby girl mo. It is never easy to face trials alone. But having her as your reason is enough to carry on. May you find the right man that’ll take good care of you and your daughter in the near future. :)

Benny -  Hi Ben! Hihi. I can still recall how we got comfortable with each other.. Yun ung kailangan kitang samahan sa Building F para maghanap ng O.R. Hahaha. Nahihiya ako non sa Shuttle kasi baka alam mo yon, *croo croo* Hahaha. Pero nag start ka mag rant sakin regarding sa work at kung gaano ka nabababdtrip. Hanggang sa ayon na. Yun na yon. XD Ehem, your collection of crushes. Thank you for your openness. I appreciate the trust. :) But here I’ll confess. Pero alam kong nasabi ko na ‘to sayo ng personal dati. ….Na nasabi kay ‘ano’ na may taga hanga siya sa Home. Peace. :( Sorry. Hindi naman siya intentional may isang beses kasi na inaaway ako non so binanggit ko yon nang tumahimik ang lolo mo. Hindi man ako nag drop ng name. Pero sorry pa rin Bens. Won’t happen again. I’ll miss you ‘Terminal Buddy’. Pati yung mabilis mong paglalakad, pag bitibit at pagbalot ng Terminal Pay. You’ve been challenged by putting you in that position (Not Trade) so early. Pero tignan mo naman ngayon, okay ka na. Proud at masaya ko’t naka-adapt ka na sa work. Kayang-kaya mo na. :) Lastly, thank you sa movies. Naka-save ako ng kuryente. Nyahahaha.  

And sa mga random people na na-meet ko during my stay

Kuya dispatcher ng Paliparin, thank you for always prioritizing me kasi sabi mo malelate na ko. 

HSC acctg bosses. It was a privilege to be under your supervision and guidance. Thank you po!

To the heads and bosses, I am not in the position to judge you… For wearing  grumpy faces. I do not know the number of scratches you crumpled and throw out to reach your titles. It might be your purpose.. to bring out the guts out of a delicate kind of a person. To remind that a person can still cross the limit she thought as the final end of her character. Just that, I am too afraid yet to break that in a single blink. My only wish…. be gentler to some who can’t handle fall backs. Generalizing people may cause others to weaken more than her current state. 

Tropang triplets. This is to acknowledge your patience and gentlemanlike manner despite of my ever masungit and demanding temperament. Very much aware that I am hard to deal with but you, dudes, made it through. Haha. Stress no more over your never-ending boxes. Though you are pestering me countless times, I thank you for helping me with my concerns. Sorry for being brutal and moody often times. :P

Kuya JRS 1&2, message center, protemps messengers, utilities, suppliers, canteen staff, Kuya Globe na hi-tech magpa-receieve… Thank you for your involvement in my work experience.

Kuya Asinan & friends who seldom had lapses greeting me and tolerating my requests, thank you.  

From July to April….. monthly, I used to say I’ll be leaving by this particular month. On the other hand, I hardly can’t do it. Kasi hindi ko alam na…. na-attach na pala ko. Na ganito pala yung close to perfect na set ng workmates na gusto ko. Kung saan kumportable ako. But then, an opportunity turned distress got me withdraw from once a fine routine. I am almost stuffed with self doubt within that trials. More so, my faith Above is collapsing when I thought it isnt. I am shamefully guilty for disappointing the Highest. Prior to this discomforting scenario, I’ve decided to render my days til the last day of April. Except that, I’ve decided to immediately pursuit an escape. Granted by Him. Hence, voiding everything on April 2. What if’s questions ponders upon me. I pity myself for giving up too soon and blinding my eyes to see the miracle that is in the work. Stepping stone is in the grasp of my own hands yet I was too unwary to take a grip. 

Thank you for the warm send off.

Ill miss you all always and forever. Love youuuuuuu

[heynothing-blog1]

Tagal tagal na rin na napakatoxic ko na kausap. Di ba? Kaya nga siguro nung nakipagbreak ako, pumayag ka na. Siguro sa una ayaw mo pa pumayag pero napush ko na ata limits mo at yun d end na satin. Natapakan ko ba ego mo na? Ikaw naman kasi lagi nagbaba ng pride tuwing nag aaway tayo. Atleast ngayon di na kailangan kasi wala ng tayo. Sorry kung ang moody ko na palagi kausap ka or sobrang toxic. Siguro iniisip mo kaya ako nakipagbreak dahil sa follow follow na yan. Hays pag uusapan pa ba natin yon, basta paniniwalaan ko na lang yung gusto ko paniwalaan. Yan lang naman uli sasabihin mo e.

Id make a list or reasons kung bat nga ba nakikipagbreak na: 1. You’re still talking to your ex. Alam mo naman na magagalit ako, tuloy ka pa rin. Kung di ko pa ipapablock, di mo titigilan. How long have you been sharing stories when we’re still on? Kung kelan umabot na tayo ng isang taon saka ko pa malalaman na chachat pala kayo non. Sinend mo pa sa gc. For what? Ikinagwapo mo? WOW. Andun nga rin pala screenshot ng long message ko sayo. Ang sweet ko don. Bragging to ur friends na patay na patay ako sayo? HAHAHAHAHA sige. Tapos andon convo ng ex niyo? Wow habulin ka papi.

2. Screenshots of our convos when we were arguing then send to many “bes.” Yung sa mga bes mo na babae. Dami nila m2m. Maski screenshot ng convo niyo ni mama na ikinaiinis mo issend mo pa sa kanila. Makapagmura ka dun sa convo niyo ng bes mo na bat ganto nanay ko? First time mo magkagf na ganto yung nanay? HAHAHA sorry ha. Di ko alam bat sobrang sht mo ng sobra. Di naman offensive sinasabi ni mama sayo. You might get annoyed pero sana di aabot sa ganon no? Wala namang masamang ipinakita sayo si mama. Lalo na pag nasa bahay ka namin. Inaasikaso ka ni mama na parang anak niya tapos ganyan ka? How could u even dare? Sabihin nating sobrang annoyed ka pero tf, respeto man lang di ba? Mama ko pa rin yun e. Respeto man lang lalo na sa mama ko kasi gf mo ko.

3. Type mo yung bestfriend ko na si Donne. Nahalata ko kasi iba talaga tingin mo sa kanya e. Malagkit ganon. And you know what, I found a convo between you and Donne. Sinend mo yung piano cover mo sa kanya. Here’s the proof:

I didnt bring it up to you kasi this summer ko lang nakita and its been a year. Tutal di ka naman na ganon. Tinigilan mo na siya hahahaha. So what’s the point of sending piano covers and even asking if she want another want? “Anytime basta request ka lang?” HAHAHAHAHA. Sobrang pasikat ka don a. Dapat sinasali ka sa showtime pabibo ka e. I know its insane na pagselosan yung sariling kaibigan. Pero duh yung galawan mo don iba talaga e. Sino pa ginaganyan mo ha? Siguro it just didnt work out kaya tumagal tayo. Walang kapalit.

4. Yung chinat mo yung si .. para makipagkita. Sabi mo pa nga non magkaaway tayo non at that time? Di nga kayo ganon kaclose tapos makikipagkita para makipagkwenfuhan ng kung anu ano. You even asked ger out sa inuman ng mga pinsan niyo. Wow ha. Magandang palusot talaga yung ‘illink mo sa mga pinsan mo na lalaki.’ I dont believe na “wala lang yon” nung inaya mo siya makipagkita sayo sa morayta 7pm. Kasi imposible na wala lang yon, di ka lang pinatulan kaya di na umabot sa kung ano mang ineexpect mo. It was very clear to me that you tried to cheat on me. FU for that.

5. All small shts youve done. Yung di pagpapaalam mo sakin nung pumunta ka sa bday ni Japo. Pinapupunta naman kita a. Pero nilihim mo pa. Kung di ako nagscroll sa insta, di ko pa malalaman. Yung dalawang beses na pumunta ka pala sa inuman. Yung una, yung bday ng kaibigan mo. Still denying na di mo alam na may inuman don e bday nga ng kaibigan mo na lalaki? Its fckin impossible na walang inuman don. Tapos yung isa yung dun sa mga pinsan mo na nag aya ka pa ng babae mong not that close friend. Kailangan makita ko pa sa twitter. You should have told me ahead of time naman kasi di ba. Sasabihin mo di ka naman nag inom don picture lang yon? Wala ka talagang pake sa mararamdaman ko. So shts. Isa pa pala, yung yosi mo boss. Akala ko tumigil ka na non nung sinabi ko na itigil mo na yun. But guess what yoyosi ka pa rin dun sa lepanto. HAHAHAHAHA. Kung di ko pa makikita na ikaw nagchat dun sa classmate mo na andun ka yoyosi sa lepanto, di ko pa malalaman. Naalala mo nung time na nag away kami ni mama kasi nasabihan ka niya about sa bisyo mo na yan? Ipinagtanggol kita sobra. Idk if nangeelam ka ng phone ka non tapos binasa convo namin ni mama at that time. Kung nabasa mo man yon, makikita mo how I defended you. Pero ano pala napala ko? Yoyosi ka pa rin pala. Di ko alam kung talagang tinigil mo na yan ngayon. Wala na kong pake kung tuloy ka pa rin, di mo lang sinasabi. Magaling ka na di magpahuli ganon. Health mo naman yan e. Bahala ka. Ubusin mo isang kaha sa isang araw or what. Wala naman na tayo.

La ka namang pake sa mararamdaman ko din. Sabi mo mahal mo ko. Naniniwala naman ako don pero bat kasi ganon ang SHT MO SOBRA. Hanggang ngayon rant pa rin no. Sorry a. Gusto ko na kasi ilabas lahat lahat. Hopefully eto na yung huling pag uusap natin. We may greet each other na hbd or kapag holidays. Pero yung talagang talk, hopefully last na to.

Puro mali nakikita ko sayo no? Ano ba namang klaseng gf ako no? I really do hope na di ka na gagawa ng bagay na ikasasakit ng feelings ko. I still believe na despite nung mga nauna nating argument, magbabago ka na. Youll think what would I feel before doing something.

Bat mo nagawa magchat dun sa gurl para makipagkwentuhan for nothing? Damn fck nothing. Hahanap ka na iba? Bakit anong kulang? Di ko ba napafeel sayo na mahal kita? Ibinigay ko naman sayo lahat lahat a. Alam ko ginusto ko naman yon so dapat di ako magreklamo. Ibinigay ko lahat, when you asked for it then eto ako bigay. Ive been a sugar mommy sayo. Sapatos or concert tix lang ang di ko naibibigay sayo kasi eto lang kaya ko. Anong problema ba sakin ha? Ano aaminin mo na ikaw yung may problema ha? Kung oo, jusq lungkot isipin.

Bakit kasi ikaw pa yung nagustuhan ko? Napakagaling mo sigurong magpaikot kasi napasagot mo ko e. Dapat pala kinilala pa kita ng husto. Sana di ko inamin na crush kita non. Sana pinatagal tagal ko pa yung panliligaw mo. Sana nagpabebe pa muna ko. Sana talaga kinilala kita ng sobra para pag tayo na, maiintindihan ko pag nagkagawa ka ng mali.

Worth it naman pagsagot ko sayo e. SOBRANG SAYA KO PAG KASAMA KITA. Yung wala tayong pinag aawayan, puro kilig moments. Grabe yung kilig ko nga di ko mapigilan e HAHAHAHA. Alam mo ba yung pinakamemorable moment natin, yung tinanong kita sa future bf ko if ever. I cried kasi grabe yung sincerity mo nun. It really poached my heart. It really just hit the innermost of my bonemarrow. HAHAHAHA. Yung mga favorite moments ko naman yung mga late night talks naten. It feels like its been a long time na nakakapausap tayo ng mga deeeeep topic ganon. Id got really know you much better.

THANK YOU SA MEMORIES. THANK YOU KASI MARAMI AKONG NATUTUNAN.HINDING HINDI KITA MAKAKALIMUTAN. Yung piggy ride back mo, pag naghuhugas ka ng pinagkainan natin HAHAHAHA, yung mga first ko sayo. You are my first at everything. I hope yung sa mga first ko, yung moment na yun sobrang saya mo rin. If you think na ni minsan di mo napafeel na mahal mo ko, di totoo yon. Nafeel ko na mahal mo ko kasi nagsstay ka nga sa bahay ng ilang araw kahit na mapapagalitan ka ni tita pag uwi mo.

SOONER OR LATER, PAGSISIHAN KO NA I PROVOKE YOU TO BREAK-UP ON ME. Sorry if sinukuan ko na tong relasyon natin. I guess Im not that strong enough para ipaglaban pa to. Madalas ko nga sinasabi na break na tayo pero ikaw di pa rin nasuko. Sa lahat ng nagawa kong mali sayo, sorry dun. Im really really sorry. At sa mga nagawa mo ring mali, pinatatawad na kita. Gusto ko before we parted ways masabi ko lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. I hope di na tayo magparinigan thru social media. Wala ng rant tweets regarding saten. Please? I know to myself na I cant help it na iistalk kita kasi e. Para no heartaches na. It will help us move forward. Youll never heard of me na magpaparinig ako or what. Let’s break-up peacefully.

Mahal na mahal pa rin kita pero ayoko na. Kitang kita mo naman na ayoko na kasi gumawa nga ko ng list bat bibitiw na di ba. Ang sakit sakit na. Nagkasakitan na tayo sobra. Sana pag nagkita tayo uli, yung makakangiti tayo sa isat isa na walang bahid ng sama ng loob. Enjoy mo muna yung single, walang commitment. Para di ka hassle. When you’re about to settle in na, sana makatagpo ka ng gurl na maasikaso, kaya makipagmingle sa mga barkada mo para more moments kayo(masasama mo sa inuman session niyo magbarkada), kaya sakyan yung trip mo sa buhay, yung makakapag alis ng bisyo mo( health is wealth. Mas maganda na may long life no), bet ni tita para sayo, malaki boobs & bouncy yung pwet HAHAHAHAHA, maganda, yung marunong magtwerk, yung marunong magluto kasi mahilig ka sa pagkain, tanggap yung mga flaws mo, yung mahal na mahal ka.

So new school ka na no? New environment para sayo. Di na mahirap makamove on nun as well as I. Lilipat ako ng ue cal e. Maniwala ka man sa hindi, wala talagang pera kaya ko lilipat. La pera pangdorm HAHAHA. Pero isa na ring rason na maalala ko moments natin dun sa ue manila. Atsaka ayoko na may magtatanong about satin bat nagbreak. Im in the middle of composing myself tapos ganon, gg di ba. HAHAHAHAHA. Aral ka maigi ha. Kailangan mo magkadiploma. Make ur mom and those who believe on you proud. I believe on you that you can make it. Wag ka na magbabagsak ng subjects at magdrop. Di ka naman babagsak sa isang subject e, aral ka lang talaga maigi. Kaya mo yon. Talitalino mo kaya. Tamad ka lang. So this is the end. Pinakalast na favor na to, one last hug pls. Ill miss you.

[flipomatic]

A New World Chapter 9: Study Session

Author Note: Yes, this is another Lisa chapter. I am aware of how many there have been. We’ll get to Yukina’s side when it’s time.

First Chapter Previous Chapter

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The train to and from university was usually crowded. Lisa found herself traveling at the busiest times of the day, during morning and afternoon rush hour. She often stood in the crowd, with just a pole or overhead handle to hang on to.

Today she had been lucky enough to get a seat as she headed towards home, after another long day of university classes. Her school bag was heavy with textbooks, a different one for each course. She’d been busy reading them and filling them with sticky notes to mark important pages.

As her professors had reminded her, multiple times over the last week, midterms were soon. They didn’t start until next week, but that didn’t leave a lot of time to prepare.

Even though she’d been studying all semester, Lisa didn’t feel at all prepared for midterms. They were a significant portion of her grades too, so she couldn’t afford to fail them. If she wanted to pass, she needed to buckle down and study.

Lisa looked at her phone, clicking the calendar app. There were two Roselia practices between now and the start of midterms, both long rehearsals. Lisa clicked to her class schedule, with a sigh escaping from her lips.

If she wanted to get enough studying time in, she wasn’t going to be able to attend those practices. She wasn’t even going to have time to practice on her own, which was also quite frustrating.

Lisa had been working hard to step up her bass playing. The extra rehearsal with Yukina had been more productive than she expected, since they were able to focus on just the bass and vocals. Yukina had helped with her with tone, and providing more nuance to match each song. Lisa hoped that they would practice like that again someday.

Now though, she needed to put her music aside for a short while. Her college courses all required her undivided attention. It hurt to do so, especially since she had been putting so much effort into improving for the band.

Lisa clicked out of the calendar app and into her texts. She started typing in the Roselia group chat. “Hey, I’m not going to be able to make practice Thursday or Sunday. Sorry!!!” Lisa included a praying emoji at the end to express her sincerity.

Immediately, a bar popped up showing that Sayo was typing. “I wish you told us sooner.” Lisa could imagine her scolding tone. “That brings us to three for Thursday.” Right, Rinko had already been unable to make Thursday’s practice. Like Lisa’s, her schoolwork had been ramping up as the semester continued.

“Midterms snuck up on me, please forgive me Sayo!” Lisa knew that Sayo wouldn’t be able to stay mad at her if she phrased it like that. At least, she hoped that she wouldn’t.

“Hmm.” Sayo sent that short message, then spent about thirty seconds typing the next one. “Very well, but you owe the band extra practice time.” That was fair.

“Are we still gonna meet Thursday?” Ako chimed in, using a question mark face emoji.

“I will be missing that practice as well.” Yukina’s message popped up. Lisa could hear her voice in her ear, the way she would say those words. What she said was a bit of a surprise though.

Sayo typed quickly in response. “Minato-san, not you too…” She was likely shaking her head, wherever she was. Even if Yukina could go, it would’ve made sense to cancel the Thursday rehearsal. They almost never practice with just three members.

“It’s fine, we’ll still practice Sunday.” Yukina brushed off Sayo’s disappointment. They would have four members on Sunday, even with Lisa cancelling.

“I’ll contact the studio to cancel.” Lisa felt bad as she typed the words, since it was her fault they were cancelling. Though, maybe not. If Yukina wasn’t going to attend, they might’ve cancelled anyway. Lisa jotted down in her notes app to call Circle when she got home.

With that done, she shut off the screen on her phone and let her hands rest in her lap.

Lisa wondered why Yukina couldn’t go on Thursday. She usually had her schedule organized far in advance, including homework and individual practice time. Yukina planned ahead well, always prepared for what was ahead.

Maybe Lisa would ask next time she saw her. If she remembered, since that wouldn’t be until near the end of next week.

Lisa glanced up to check which stop they were at; she would get off in three.

Her phone buzzed against her leg, which was probably a continuation in the group text. Lisa picked it up and flipped it over, surprised to see that her assumption had been incorrect.

A message from Yukina had appeared across the screen, sent only to Lisa. “Do you want to study together?” Lisa squinted at it for a moment, not sure what to make of it.

She tapped the message to open it, slowly typing a response back. “What do you mean?” Yukina was acting so strange today.

The time it took Yukina to respond felt like forever. “On Thursday, I need to study too. Perhaps we could do it together.” She wanted to come study with Lisa? The sound of Lisa’s stop being called snapped her attention away from her phone, and she stood to get off the train.

She exited the station and started walking towards home, which was only a few blocks away. That message from Yukina was still there, waiting for a response.

Though they had just spent time practicing together, this felt like a completely different kind of request. It almost felt like, no, that couldn’t be. This couldn’t be an invitation for a date, could it? The last time they studied together, it was because they were taking the same classes. Now though, Yukina was studying vocal performance. She wasn’t learning about any of the same topics as Lisa.

No, Lisa shook her head, there was no way this was a date. Studying was something friends did together, not romantic at all. Regardless, the offer filled Lisa with warmth. She typed back. “Was getting off the train, I’d love to study with you!” A couple heart emojis followed.

“I’ll bring cookies.” It was a short reply, but it still sent a jolt through Lisa’s heart.

She stopped at the store on the way home to get some snacks, so she would have something to serve on Thursday.

Lisa hadn’t been excited about her midterms earlier, but now she was looking forward to studying.

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When Lisa got home from school on Thursday, right at 4:00 pm, she immediately started preparing for Yukina’s visit. She had made flashcards for her hardest class, science, which would be a good tool to study while Yukina was there. Lisa set them out on the table in her room, to make sure they were ready.

She also made sure to bring up all the snacks she had bought, just in case Yukina was hungry. Lisa hadn’t had time to bake her own snacks, so store bought would have to do. Whatever kinds of cookies Yukina brought could be added to the plate.

Lisa got some studying done after that, tackling her literature course. It was best to study that one alone, since it mostly involved reading. She was able to put Yukina out of her mind, at least for a while, and read a decent chunk of the assigned reading.

She stopped studying to join her family for dinner, before heading back to her room.

Then, Lisa had to wait. She knew Yukina had class late on Thursdays, with studio time at her school going past 5:00. She would eat dinner before coming over, which meant she likely wouldn’t arrive until at least 6:30, or not until 7:00. It was only 6:15.

The best thing Lisa could do while she waited was keep studying. Now though, it was a lot harder to focus than it had been earlier. Yukina could arrive at any minute, could come into Lisa’s room.

Lisa told herself that she was being silly, that Yukina had just been here last week to rehearse together, that Yukina used to come over and study all the time.

There was a tension in the air today, it felt different. Lisa knew it was probably her own overactive imagination causing it, but she couldn’t help it.

As the clock ticked slowly forward, she had trouble staying focused on her book. Lisa nibbled on one of the snacks, a small cracker, to ease her nerves. She went to the bathroom to reapply some light makeup, then returned to her studies.

At 6:40, the doorbell rang. Lisa called to her parents that she would get it, dropping her book and quickly heading down the stairs.

A familiar silhouette could be seen through the front door. Lisa pulled it open, beaming at her guest. “Thanks for coming!”

Yukina stepped through the open door, the small smile on her face equivalent to Lisa’s. She had her school bag, as well as a grocery bag. She nodded, then walked past Lisa into the house.

Yukina left her shoes by the door and the pair went upstairs to Lisa’s room. As Lisa shut her bedroom door, those nerves from earlier returned.

They didn’t make sense, but she couldn’t shake them. Even as she watched Yukina sit down on the ground next to the table, the same way she had a thousand times before, Lisa felt nervous. This wasn’t a date, she reminded herself. She was just studying with her best friend.

She joined Yukina at the table, opening the plastic bag that she’d placed on it. Inside was a small plasticware container, which was full of cookies.

“These look great.” Lisa commented as she popped open the lid. A wave of freshly baked scents spread through the room. Lisa placed a few onto the place with the other snacks, keeping one to eat right now. It was soft in the middle and firm around the edges, cooked for perhaps slightly too long. The flavor was good though, chocolate and peanut butter.

“What do you think?” Yukina asked, her expression far too serious for the question. Did she make these? That was so sweet of her; Lisa wanted to lean over and engulf her in a hug.

This was another strange behavior though. Lisa could count on her fingers the number of times Yukina had baked for her.

It only set Lisa’s nerves further on edge.

Lisa took another bite, swallowing before replying. “It’s delicious.” Yukina’s face relaxed at the assertion, and she reached for a cookie as well.

Yukina started eating it and seemed satisfied enough to continue.

“What do you need to study for?” Lisa asked as she finished hers, transitioning to the reason they were there.

Yukina flipped open her school bag, lifting out a large textbook. “Music theory.” She said simply, setting the book at an open space on the table. “You have your midterms soon, right?”

“Yeah~” Lisa reached for her stack of flashcards, which were still on the table from earlier. “Science is on Monday.” She had so many things to memorize, and very little time to get it done in.

The two settled into silence as they began studying, not as comfortable as Lisa was used to it being. She flipped through her flashcards, aware of the small sound they made as they were flipped over.

Yukina didn’t seem to notice. She had her eyes locked onto her textbook, and was reading through it. Lisa couldn’t help but glance at her once, then twice, couldn’t help wondering what she was thinking when she asked to do this.

As Lisa returned to her flashcards, she tried to stay focused on them. It was always tempting to flip the card over early, even if she really needed to take time to think about the answer. As she flipped more cards, she discovered that she didn’t know a lot of these terms.

“Would you like me to hold those for you?” Yukina’s voice interrupted Lisa mid card, drawing her gaze.

“That’s ok Yukina, I’ve got it!” Lisa gave her best cat smile.

Yukina didn’t seem impressed. “Can you remember the ones you’ve done so far?” Her hand moved to the small pile of completed cards, snatching them up before Lisa could protest.

“Ummm…” Lisa tried to think back on them, she really did. One had been about carbon, or something. Other than that she was drawing blanks.

Her silence answered the question. “Let me help.” Yukina reached forward with one open palm, the implication clear.

“Don’t you need to study too?” Lisa protested. It would be silly for Yukina to help her with a class she wasn’t taking.

Yukina’s hand didn’t budge. “My tests are a week after yours.”

Lisa sighed, Yukina was just too stubborn for her own good. It was one of the things Lisa admired about her, her persistence towards her goals.

Lisa reluctantly handed over the rest of the cards.

Yukina practically had a cat smile of her own as she mixed the old cards with the larger stack. Then she drew one off the top, showing one side to Lisa.

They continued this activity for a while, with Lisa giving the definitions and answers for each card. She didn’t want to admit it, but this was more productive than studying the cards alone.

Yukina seemed to be enjoying reading the back of the flashcards. She commented sometimes on their contents, about how this science class seemed interesting. Lisa felt more at ease as they worked, settling into the familiarity between her and Yukina.

They worked through the stack of cards, pausing for a break after about an hour.

Lisa went downstairs to make some tea, bringing it back up to her room. She prepared Yukina’s exactly how she liked it.

When she came back into the room, Yukina was flipping through the flashcards. She looked up as Lisa approached.

“Thank you.” Yukina took her teacup from Lisa, cradling it in her hands. Lisa sat back down next to her and sipped her drink.

For a moment, they drank their tea in silence.

Lisa broke it, as she often did. “How’ve your classes been going?” It felt like an appropriate topic, since they were there to study.

“Good, for the most part. I’ve learned a lot from my vocals professor.” Yukina said with a small nod.

“That’s great.” Lisa took another sip of her tea. A thought crossed her mind. Yukina hadn’t ever mentioned anything about her new peers. “Have you been making friends with your classmates?” Lisa thought she might as well ask, even if Yukina wasn’t offering up the information.

Yukina’s eyes narrowed slightly. “No, not at all.” That didn’t really surprise Lisa. “They’re not interested in Roselia.” That was a funny way to put it, like she had tried to tell them all about the band.

Another thought came, triggered by the word interested. This one was unwelcome. What if Yukina had met someone she liked? That seemed unlikely too, but the notion triggered a point of pain in Lisa’s stomach, where she carried stress and anxiety. All the emotions she felt earlier, all of her uncertainty, swept back in. “Did you, umm.” Lisa covered her nervousness with a giggle. “Meet anyone you’re interested in?”

Now Yukina raised an eyebrow. “Interested in?”

Lisa regretted asking, but it was too late to back down now. “Romantically interested.” She clarified, rushing through the words.

Yukina’s expression settled into a frown. “I’m not looking for a relationship there. My focus is on my voice and Roselia.” Her tone was low, carrying a hint of irritation at the question.

Of course, why would Lisa ever expect anything different. Just as today’s study session was definitely not a date, Yukina would not be interested in any of her classmates. She was focused on her music, not anyone else, and certainly not Lisa.

Yukina wasn’t interested in a relationship.

Lisa never should have gotten her hopes up. She knew better, after all this time.

She hadn’t said anything for Yukina to reject, and yet it felt like one.

“That’s very you.” Lisa replied, her smile now strained.

Yukina changed the subject, asking about Lisa’s classes. She happily transitioned to the topic, talking about what she was reading for her literature class.

They studied for a couple more hours, making their way through the rest of the flashcards and a dramatic reading of part of Yukina’s textbook.

When Yukina left, Lisa watched out her window until the light came on across the way.

Maybe it was time to give up on changing their relationship. Lisa was too afraid to try, too afraid to mess things up. Perhaps today was a sign that she should just leave it the same.

As long as things could stay like this, and the two of them could stay together, she would be fine. Yukina wasn’t interested in her, she was okay with it. That was what she told herself, looking out at that shining light in the distance.

She needed to be.

As long as she got to stay by Yukina’s side, Lisa could handle it. She always had.

Next Chapter

[master-thief-gray-shadow]

A Real Life Coffee Shop Romance

Chapter 3

First chapter | Previous chapter | Next chapter

Summary: Sayo isn’t one for fancy coffee. But she does trust Tsugumi’s taste.

Notes: At this point I would like to thank my friend @lovestruckbear for help with some details, genuinely would not be able to work out some stuff in this fic without your coffee expertise.

Reluctantly, Tsugumi raised the freshly brewed coffee to her lips. Even on a Sunday like today, the shop was always quiet right after opening, which gave her a small window of time to make something for herself. Normally she would make something sweeter, but she had realized that this was a great time to practice making americanos. This was smoother than the one she made yesterday, and she could actually taste the chocolate and caramel notes in the roast, but it was still bitter, and it made her grimace.

“What? Tsugumi-san, are you not drinking a mocha today?” Turning around, Tsugumi noticed Eve standing behind her, looking worried. “That’s black coffee, isn’t it? But you don’t like black coffee.”

Tsugumi just smiled at her. “No, but I want to get better at making it. I can’t really tell how much I’m improving if I don’t test it, can I?”

A look of determination fell over Eve, the one that indicated she was shifting into full bushido mode. “Tsugumi-san,” She said, her fist clenched, “There is no need to force yourself to suffer like this. I will taste the coffee for you.”

“Oh, you don’t need to do that,” Tsugumi said with a small laugh as she set the cup down. “This is kind of a personal thing, so I have to be the one to taste it.”

“Ah, I understand,” Eve said, nodding sagely. “There is something driving you towards perfection, and you are doing whatever it takes to achieve it, even at your own expense. The essence of bushido!” Eve returned to her earlier task of setting out muffins that had been made earlier for display, but didn’t seem quite ready to drop the subject yet. “What inspired you so, by the way?”

Tsugumi hid the rising blush on her face with her hand. “Somebody told me they liked the way I make black coffee the other day,” She said, perhaps a little too quietly. “It made me want to get even better, you know?”

“Of course!” Eve stood up, clapping her hands together excitedly. “Nothing can inspire such intense passion like love can!”

“Oh, no no, it’s not like that,” Tsugumi said, waving her hands fervently in front of her. “We’re just friends, nothing more.” Why did everyone assume there was something romantic going on? Sure, perhaps the idea was a fun little fantasy, but the reality of things was a lot less exciting.

“Oh, I see.” Eve sounded almost disappointed. “Still, good luck Tsugu-san! It’s clear that you’re putting your feelings into this, and I hope they can reach whoever has inspired you like this.”

Tsugumi smiled, holding back a wince as she took another sip of the coffee. Even in spite of the smoothness and flavor notes it was still so harsh...how could Sayo drink something like this, much less enjoy how she made it? It puzzled her, frustrated her. Tsugumi possessed a barista’s palate from years of getting to know coffee through taste, so if she could barely taste the flavor through the overwhelming bitterness, what was the appeal for a layman like Sayo?

“I hope so.” She really, really hoped so.

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The next day, with school having once again resumed, Tsugumi knew to once again expect Sayo in the afternoon. While waiting she had prepared one more dark roast americano, and had somehow managed to finish the entire cup. Today she had managed to pull it for just the right amount of time, with the bitterness being at a tolerable level, but that was just it. Tolerable. She knew that Sayo just didn’t know better when it came to coffee, but she deserved better than this. Tsugumi leaned on her elbow and sighed, before the sound of the bell snapped her out of her thoughts.

“Sayo-san!” She said, ignoring the way her heart started beating just a little faster. “Good afternoon.”

“Good afternoon, Tsugumi-san.” Tsugumi was still not over the way Sayo said her name. The softness of her voice, the way she clearly spoke each syllable, it was like she felt privileged to even say it.

“Will you be having your usual?” Even as she asked this Tsugumi felt her stomach tying itself into knots. Sayo had said she liked her black coffee, she really had, and she probably did mean it, but…

“Actually,” Sayo’s eyes drifted downward, a slight pink color rising in her cheeks, “I want to try something else today.” Sayo looked up again, her eyes now looking straight into Tsugumi’s, warm and swirling with tiny lights. “Tell me, what do you usually make for yourself?”

“Wh...what?”

“Surely you sample your own craft,” Sayo said with genuine curiosity. “You do take pride in it, don’t you?”

“O-oh! Yes, of course!” Tsugumi felt like her soul had departed from the mortal plane and was rapidly ascending. Sayo wanted to see, to taste her more passionate work. She was standing in front of her, asking her to pour her soul out into a coffee cup.

And she was overjoyed to oblige.

“Well, my favorite drink is a cafe mocha. Most people just call it a mocha latte, though.” It was extremely, extremely difficult for Tsugumi not to start vibrating with excitement. She was going to make her favorite drink. For Sayo. Her heart was positively racing, and she was almost afraid it would simply leap out of her chest.

Sayo looked contemplative as she raised her eyes to the menu above the counter, presumably reading the drink’s description. “A latte with chocolate…” She said, her voice almost hypnotically soft. “Is that sweet?” Their eyes met as she lowered hers again, and Tsugumi swore she felt...something in their connected gaze.

Some kind of...spark.

“It’s a little sweet,” Tsugumi said, and wondered if Sayo could see the sparkles that were surely filling up her eyes by now. “It’s mostly smooth and creamy, though. It’s nice.” Tsugumi just stood there and smiled, watching Sayo’s thoughts swirl behind her eyes.

“I think...I think I’ll try that,” She said, reaching into her bag for her wallet. “And a slice of marble cake, as well.”

“No, don’t bother paying,” Tsugumi waved her hand. That same sort of confused look fell over Sayo’s face, before she closed her eyes and sighed as she put her wallet away again.

“This is a business, you know,” Sayo said. “You need to make money somehow.” Even though she was showing that overly critical side she was probably better known for right now, her voice was still soft and warm, full of affection.

“We have other paying customers, don’t worry. You’re just a special exception.”

Sayo blushed ever so slightly. “I...see.” She looked off to the side, seemingly trying to process the current situation.

Tsugumi laughed gently. “Don’t overthink it, it’s no big deal,” She said, watching as Sayo’s shoulders seemed to relax a bit. “Go have a seat, I’ll get your order ready.”

Tsugumi took a moment to watch as Sayo made her way to her usual spot by the window, before turning around and getting to work. A cafe mocha. This was practically her signature, she could make one of these in her sleep. Humming softly to keep her focus and not let herself be overwhelmed by excitement, she once again started the process of making the building block of every coffee beverage: the espresso. This was dark roast coffee was meant for, she thought as she measured out the beans into the grinder. She would use the blend she normally used with Sayo’s order, and now when paired with the cocoa powder its character could shine through a little more.

Taking out the portafilter from the espresso machine, she moved to position it under the chamber, now full of fresh grounds. Pour out some grounds, even them out, tamp them down. Soon enough the grounds were packed tight and solid, machine-ready. Snapping the now full portafilter back into the machine, she grabbed a cup and placed it under the group head before hitting the button to start the pulling process. After about thirty seconds (Tsugumi had done this enough times that she no longer needed a stopwatch by now) a deep brown liquid had settled at the bottom of the cup. Pure espresso. The smell of coffee now permeated the air around her, filling her lungs, granting her its energy without even needing to drink it.

The next step was the cocoa powder. Tsugumi loved how well chocolate and coffee paired together, not just in drinks, but in general. One of the cakes her mother would make sometimes, a chocolate pound cake, actually used coffee grounds in the recipe, and it gave it such a rich, earthy flavor that matched the dense and moist texture nicely. It seemed like something Sayo might be into, come to think of it. She did know how to make it on her own by now…

Realizing she was getting distracted, Tsugumi shook her head and measured out a scoop of cocoa powder into the cup, stirring it into the espresso with a whisk. Soon it was blended smooth, the faint aroma of chocolate starting to mingle with the coffee.

She set the whisk aside and grabbed the small metal jug used for the milk. Not much was needed, the foaming process meant that a good amount of the volume would be taken up by air. Activating the steam wand, she inserted it just under the surface of the milk, watching as the surface began to swirl and twist into a tiny whirlpool. Soon bubbles had formed on the surface, so she carefully moved the wand deeper to ensure that the air would properly mix into the milk. The jug had grown warm in her hand by the time the process had finished, leaving the milk smooth and steaming.

After wiping the wand clean, she poured out most of the milk into the waiting cup. Most, not all. A small amount was needed for the final step. She once again picked up the whisk, blending everything smooth into a pale brown color. It was almost finished. All that remained was to mark the latte with her signature. For most cafe patrons Tsugumi would make a simple heart or leaf. She did practice more complex latte art, of course, but the thing about it was that it was art. It was a glimpse into her soul, and her soul was terribly unassuming and plain, much like the rest of her. But…

She glanced over at the window to see Sayo, once again framed by the setting sun. Her breath caught in her throat.

If there was anyone she wanted to see her soul, it was Hikawa Sayo.

Picking up the jug again, Tsugumi got to work on a more complex design she’d stumbled upon a couple months ago and had been practicing on and off since. It started with a ring of small petals along the outside of the cup, followed by another ring inside, this one with the petals overlapping with the first ring. More rings were added, growing tighter, until the design was finished with a singular, circular dot at the very center. Tsugumi set the jug down and took a moment to admire her work.

A cafe mocha, topped with a milky white camellia.

Delicately, Tsugumi set the mocha onto a serving tray, and left it there momentarily to get the other part of Sayo’s order. With the cake now plated and ready, the moment of truth was approaching. Tsugumi put everything she could into controlling her heartbeat and her breathing, not wanting to clumsily ruin her hard work in the throes of anticipation. She came close when Sayo perked up upon her approach, but somehow managed to steady herself.

“Here,” She said, setting the items down in front of Sayo. “Be sure to tell me what you think, okay?”

Sayo simply nodded before focusing her attention on the latte. She was just...looking at it. Staring thoughtfully, as if admiring a painting in a museum. A long moment passed before she spoke up.

“Do you make designs like this every time you make this drink?” Sayo said, still admiring the flower.

“Um...n-no,” Tsugumi said, now having sat down across from her. “Normally I do something simple, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time since I’m not all that good at latte art…”

“Tsugumi-san.”

“Yes?”

Sayo took the cup by the handle and raised it slowly, carefully, like it was a priceless object. “This is beautiful.” Her smile, her eyes, they were all so sincere looking as she stared at the flower, completely enthralled. “I almost don’t want to ruin it.”

“Oh...that’s…” The heat rising in her face was making it hard for Tsugumi to find the right words for the moment. “I-it’s just milk, you know, it’s all meant to be drunk, s-so it’s no big deal…” Her words died down, probably so she could better listen to Sayo’s soft laughter.

“Perhaps,” She said, the rays of the setting sun catching in her eyes as she looked up, leaving them aglow. “But you’ve made it into something beautiful. Understand that.” She closed her eyes as she took a small, careful sip, and Tsugumi held her breath.

“What do you think?” She asked as Sayo lowered the cup from her lips.

“It’s nothing like what I normally get,” She said, her focus now on her drink. “It’s smoother. Mild.” She took another sip, now taking a brief moment to savor. “It’s sweet.” Another sip. “It feels...how do I put this...it feels very you.”

“What do you mean?”

Sayo set the cup down. “It’s gentle. All the harshness is gone.” She smiled, a warm, beautiful, smile that Tsugumi wanted to burn into her memory forever. “I like this. You have good taste.”

“Th-thank you…”

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How long had she been lying here on her bed, staring up at her ceiling? Was it an hour? Was it ten minutes? It was hard to tell, with the way she’d been replaying the events of the afternoon in her mind.

“Sayo-san…” She softly whispered Sayo’s name as she remembered the care with which she had handled the cup simply because of the art, the way she had savored every sip down to the last drop, how she had smiled at her like that...it all made her feel like there was something rattling around in her chest, some kind of energy she had no clue how to release. She let out a long, slow breath in an attempt to steady herself.

Ping! That sound. It was the sound of a text coming in. Followed by several more.

Sitting up, Tsugumi grabbed her phone from where it lay off to the side and turned it on. A series of texts from Himari, sent to the Afterglow groupchat. She unlocked her phone and read the messages carefully.

guys ok!

we have a show booked for friday at galaxy

were playing the first set and we start at 5

we have to be there like 1 hour early tho so clear ur schedules!

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Couples Therapist Hikawa Sayo

Summary: Why would couples therapist Hikawa Sayo want to take a baking class? It’s a long story.

Author Note: This was written because when I joked about this au, a couple friends of mine liked the idea so much they wanted to see it done. It’s good to challenge myself… I did research for this. See the end note for my works cited.

Word Count: 4500

Sayo squinted against the glare of the bright computer screen. She had been searching the web for almost an hour now, trying to find the right class. No matter how she tilted the laptop monitor it strained her eyes just the same.

Around her, Sayo’s apartment was sparsely decorated. With only one bedroom and the living space attached to the kitchen, there wasn’t much room even if she wanted to do more. She had a couch, a bed, and a kitchen; that was enough. A guitar hung on the wall above the couch, a relic of times long past. The other walls were bare.

Her quest on the internet was to find a single session baking class, ideally within walking distance of her apartment. It shouldn’t’ve have been too difficult, considering the size of the city she lived in, but was turning out to be surprisingly so.

Many bakeries offered classes over long periods of time, but that wouldn’t work for Sayo. She only needed to make one thing, not many. It also needed to be simple, since the last time Sayo baked sweets was as a child. She could cook with a recipe, but couldn’t manage baked goods very well.

Ironically enough, Sayo ate carry out pad thai as she searched the web. She had started out looking at a map search of bakeries, but soon gave up on that approach. Then she went to the search bar and looked for ‘baking classes near me’. This turned up mostly long-term courses.

After Sayo finished her dinner and threw the box away, she was about ready to give up. She would look at a few more, but if she didn’t find anything then she might just get a recipe and figure it out on her own.

That was when she found an article on the Hazawa café. Intrigued by the listed location, which was only about half a mile from where she lived, Sayo clicked on the link. A picture of a small corner bakery popped up, with a brown-haired woman standing in front of it. She was smiling way too big for the camera, but it didn’t ruin the shot.

Below the picture, the text explained that the Hazawa café had been closed for a number of years. It was recently reopened by the daughter of the previous owner and would soon be hosting a series of single day baking classes. The dates of the classes were listed, as well as what would be baked at each one. Sayo’s eyes stopped on the very first one, which just happened to be cookies; this would be perfect.

As Sayo wrote down the café’s phone number to call the next day, she thought back to why she wanted to take a baking class in the first place.

To answer that question, Sayo had to think all the way back to college. She stayed in state for the lower tuition costs, but still was hours away from her family. Really, the only person she wanted to be away from was Hina. Her twin wanted to enroll with Sayo, but ended up at a bachelors program closer to home. If Sayo had gone to a different school, she likely never would’ve wanted to go to a baking class.

When Sayo applied she was told to pick a major in order for her application to be more competitive. She chose psychology. She’d always been good at observing others, at reading them from a distance. If this field didn’t work out, she could always switch before her junior year since that was when the core classes started.

As it turned out, choosing this major set Sayo down the road of her career. She stuck with it all throughout her bachelors’ program.

Sayo made a few acquaintances to study with during her undergrad, but stopped speaking with them after the class they had together ended. What did she need them for after that? The answer was nothing.

She graduated in four years through dedicated study and knew she wanted immediately to go into a master’s program. One topic that interested Sayo greatly was the study of relationships between people. They way their relationships built and collapsed was fascinating to watch and analyze. She was never good at relationships for herself, but greatly enjoyed observing the ones of other people.

Thus, after talking to a school advisor, Sayo started her master’s in marriage counseling. It was much harder than her undergrad and required significantly more studying and clinic time, but she still finished it in four years. She made one friend in that time, a young woman in the same program.

After graduating, Sayo started getting more clinical experience at a clinic associated with her college. She grew distant from her friend. After two whole years of additional clinic time, Sayo was finally ready to get her license.

Sayo passed the licensing exam on the first try, as she always did, and found a job in a therapist’s practice. She moved to the big city and got settled a working adult.

It through this job that she met Yukina and Lisa, which somehow led to wanting to take a baking class.

As a couples therapist, Sayo worked with couples that were having trouble in their relationships. Sometimes they were fighting incessantly, other times they were already living apart and desperate to fix things, and even other times they were physically violent with each other. Sayo’s job was to help them, if she could, and safely separate them, if she couldn’t.

One day, she had a couple named Yukina and Lisa in her office. Like the apartment, her office had mostly empty walls. Only her license hung in the space behind her desk. When a couple came in, they sat across the desk from her in two separate chairs. For the first meeting Sayo usually met with a couple together, so both were there on the first day.

Both women looked distinctly, yet differently, unhappy to be there. On Sayo’s left sat Yukina, a woman with striking silver hair and gold eyes. She had both hands pulled together in her lap and was wringing them, eyes focused dead ahead. To Sayo’s right, Lisa appeared cheerier at first glance. She was smiling, if only slightly, but there was a clear strain in her jaw. At first glance, the light brown-haired woman already seemed like someone who hid how they really felt about things. Every once in a while, her eyes would dart to her partner, checking on her. It was unusual to have a lesbian couple in her office, but Sayo was prepared for any challenge.

They had written a paragraph each about why they were coming to couples therapy, but it didn’t provide enough information for Sayo fully understand them. “My name is Sayo Hikawa.” She said, standing up to shake the hands of both of them. “I will be your therapist for this process. If I may ask, how long have you two been together?” As Sayo spoke, she looked between her two patients. She fully expected Lisa to respond first.

“We’ve known each other since high school.” Sayo was correct. Lisa’s smile slipped slightly as she spoke. “We started dating after graduating and have been married for five years now. It sounds like a long time, when I put it like that.” Lisa chuckled, a forced sound, as her partner turned to look at her. Sayo made a mental note that they’d had a long engagement.

“It’ll be six in a few months.” Yukina added, her voice lower and much less energetic than Lisa’s.

“That’s a long time.” Sayo commented, gauging their reactions as she did. “What brings you to couples therapy?”

Again, Lisa responded first. “We’ve kind of been…” She trailed off for a moment, moving her eyes to a spot past Sayo’s head. “Fighting a lot.”

“What about?” Sayo asked for more detail and watched how Yukina’s posture stiffened as Lisa started to recount their struggles.

As the meeting went on, a few things became clear to Sayo. In this relationship, Lisa was more assertive while Yukina was more passive. They started fighting about six months prior to this, but neither was quite sure why. They bickered about many different topics without much correlation. They both felt like they were losing grip on the relationship and wanted to save it, but didn’t know how.

Lisa was still holding something back in this meeting, evident in how she would go to say something, but then look at Yukina and stop. It only happened once, but that was enough. As it was, Lisa talked about 75 percent of the time between the two of them, with Yukina only taking 25 percent.

At the end of their time, Sayo gave each of them a questionnaire to fill out and return. They were going to schedule individual meetings with her to discuss their relationship, and then at the fourth meeting the three of them would all come back together.

The pair agreed and left to schedule the next two appointments with the practice’s secretary.

Sayo started a file for them, adding in their initial papers and the notes she took during the meeting. They would be an interesting pair for sure.

Later that day she checked to see when they would be coming back and was pleased to see that they would both be in again next week.

On the day of the baking class, which was luckily on a Saturday, Sayo dressed casually. She walked from her apartment to the bakery, an easy stroll in the warm spring weather.

When Sayo reached the corner where the bakery was located, it was easy to spot. It looked just like it had in the photo, a quaint storefront with pastries on display in the window. A poster was up as well, displaying the dates of the baking classes. The words “Hazawa Café” were displayed over the top in bright red letters.

Sayo could see the woman from the picture inside, wearing an apron and talking animatedly to a customer.

It wasn’t too late to give up on this, Sayo thought in a moment of trepidation. Sure, she had put an hour into searching and had walked all the way here, but it would only take a little bit of time to walk home and the internet could certainly provide a close to satisfactory alternative.

No, Sayo squashed that thought. Taking a real class would produce a much better product than looking online. Even if she embarrassed herself here, the odds of seeing anyone she met here today again was slim to none.

This was important to do.

When Yukina and Lisa each came for their meetings, each was more open with Sayo.

Yukina was first. She completed her survey with the bare minimum of words for each entry, writing barely a sentence where a paragraph would’ve been better. Since she was without Lisa at the meeting, she couldn’t get away with doing only a quarter of the talking.

The primary issue for Yukina, what she said was causing the problems, was that Lisa was far too clingy. When Yukina tried to talk to her about it, Lisa didn’t listen and it only led to arguments, so Yukina stopped trying.

Yukina felt like Lisa was growing farther and farther away, with nothing she tried to do helping to fix it. The longer Sayo and Yukina talked the quieter Yukina became, making less eye contact as the meeting went on.

A few days later Lisa came for her appointment. Her survey was filled out far more than her partner’s had been, with long paragraphs for each question.

For Lisa’s concerns, she said that Yukina didn’t tell her about things. She just did things without talking with Lisa first or communicating effectively. Lisa went out of her way to try and talk more with Yukina about this, but that only led to arguments.

Nothing she did seemed to help.

Lisa started crying midway through the meeting, her frustration clear.

After the meeting, Sayo requested for them to schedule a follow up for their fourth appointment. Until then, she had a chance to gather her thoughts on the pair.

The common thread that tied both of them together was their fear that the relationship would collapse and their immense desire to save it. They expressed this in different ways, but both were committed to trying to fix their relationship.

This was a good start, since Sayo thought she would be able to help them. She suspected that their relationship was suffering from ‘fusion’, which sometimes occurred in lesbian couples and displayed itself as overdependence. Before making plans, she needed to meet with them for the fourth time.

Luckily, the pair scheduled their next meeting for only one week later. They sat in the same seats in Sayo’s office as they had the first time, mirroring their posture as well. This meeting would be a feedback session, where Sayo would tell them about her observations and how they could benefit from couples therapy.

Yukina’s expression was blank as Sayo talked to them, while Lisa looked even more nervous than she had at previous sessions.

“From what we’ve discussed, I think the two of you could greatly benefit from this program.” Sayo told them honestly. “Here is what the two of you told me.”

She read off her notes what she recorded about each of them, as well as her conclusions about their relationship. Yukina nodded along as Sayo recounted what she had said, almost imperceptibly. Lisa looked like she would cry again but wiped away the tears.

When Sayo got to Lisa’s part, she pulled herself together. Yukina’s frown only deepened, her eyebrows knitting together as she listened.

After laying out what she learned from them, Sayo explained the plan. “For the two of you, this will be a two-pronged approach. The first part is to work on developing a more firm identity outside of your relationship, to separate you from the couple so to speak. This will help you see each other more clearly. The second is to work on understanding and accepting each others flaws.” They had both relaxed slightly during this part of the conversation. “If you choose to continue with therapy, we will meet once a week for twenty weeks. Each week we will work towards understanding both yourselves and each other. Please take time to discuss it and schedule the next appointment if you are going to continue.” Sayo dismissed the pair from her office, optimistic that they would call and schedule the next meeting.

They proved her right by scheduling an appointment for the next twenty weeks on that very same day.

For the first full appointment, they talked about the most recent argument the pair had. They had argued about where to put the napkins on the kitchen counter.

Yukina thought they should go where they always did, while Lisa wanted to move them farther from the sink. The contents of the argument were arbitrary compared to the feelings and emotions involved.

Sayo worked with them to unpack those emotions, to communicate them to each other, and to understand where their partner was coming from.

For the third appointment, they discussed their lives separate from one another. Yukina was in a band, as the lead singer. Sayo shared with them that she used to play the guitar, which made a good talking point. Lisa enjoyed knitting as well as following fashion trends. For both of them, Sayo tried to help them put their partner out of their mind during their hobbies.

In the tenth appointment, the band started to cause tension. Yukina had forgotten to tell Lisa when rehearsal was, and thus was not home when she said she’d be. Again, Sayo helped them work through their emotions and on conflict resolution strategies.

After that, things steadily improved. Each meeting had more positive stories than negative, with Yukina and Lisa implementing the techniques Sayo taught them. They talked more about personal things, finding similarities with Sayo outside of just having once been in a band.

By the time their twentieth session came around, Yukina and Lisa were ready to fend for themselves.

As Sayo walked into the bakery, a bell tinkled overhead. The brown-haired woman, who Sayo assumed was the owner, looked over at the sound. “Welcome!” She greeted Sayo warmly.

“Hello.” Sayo said politely, closing the door behind her.

“Are you here for the baking class?” The woman walked over, and Sayo could see at this distance that her eye color matched her hair.

Sayo nodded. “I am, I called last week to sign up. Should be under Sayo.” She had to tilt her head slightly down to make consistent eye contact.

“Oh! Yeah I remember your voice from the phone.” The woman gestured further into the shop, where some other customers milled around some tables. “You can head on back, we’ll be starting in about ten minutes.” It was a little odd that she’d remembered her voice, but Sayo wasn’t going to let it bother her.

“Thank you.”

The door bell dinged again, so the woman went to greet the newcomer as Sayo walked back to the tables. She claimed a decent sized spot, hopefully large enough for baking cookies. Ingredients were already laid out on each table.

Sayo had ten minutes to think again about how she ended up here.

It was week twenty. Yukina and Lisa sat in Sayo’s office in the same chairs as they always did.

It was the end of their time in couples therapy and they would soon be off to face the world without Sayo to help them.

“We were thinking.” Lisa spoke for the pair, her fingers intertwined with Yukina’s. “You’ve been such a huge help to us, we’d love to take you out to dinner.”

That was a surprise; it hadn’t ever happened before. Usually at the end of therapy, couples would just leave. If these two had remained her patients after this, then Sayo would’ve had to turn them down. However, they were done and today was their last meeting with her. She wasn’t one to turn down a free meal.

“That is very kind of you, I accept.” Sayo responded in her usual tone. Lisa’s smile grew, while Yukina displayed only a small one.

They exchanged cell phone numbers to make the plans later. Sayo had no idea what she had gotten herself into.

One dinner became two, and then five, and then ten.

They only bought Sayo the first meal, but she still kept meeting them after that. They were good company and it was nice to see them; it felt like she had done a good job helping their relationship. They were fun to talk to as well. It was nice having some friends.

However, after they continued inviting her out, Sayo wondered what they still saw in her. She wasn’t doing anything for them anymore or helping them with their relationship; they didn’t need her.

What could she do to provide something meaningful to the relationship?

That was how she ended up looking for a baking class. Everybody loved baked goods. If Sayo could make some decent cookies, then she could give them to Yukina and Lisa as an effort to strengthen their friendship.

This was what she told herself when she sat down in front of her laptop to search for a baking course.

“We’re going to get started, everyone please wash your hands before we begin!” The shop owner called from the front of the café, instigating movement from the customers. Including Sayo, there were about fifteen people there to participate. While she waited earlier, Sayo had paid for the class. A few customers went to wash their hands; Sayo didn’t move since she already took care that as well.

Once everyone returned to their tables, the woman spoke again. “Thank you all for coming. My name is Tsugumi and I will be your instructor today.” So that was her name. Sayo turned it over in her mind, and then filed it away.

Tsugumi called out the first instructions, which Sayo followed carefully. She managed to crack an egg without getting shells in the bowl by following Tsugumi’s directions, which was a strain but manageable. She then added each ingredient that Tsugumi specified, carefully measuring the correct amount.

The next phase was stirring, which Sayo felt competent at. Tsugumi walked around during this part, checking in with each participant.

“Yours looks good.” She complemented Sayo’s gooey mixture, pushing a flush of warmth to Sayo’s face.

“Thank you.” Sayo continued stirring. She was surprised when Tsugumi didn’t immediately move on to the next person. This girl was hard to read.

“What brings you to baking class?” Tsugumi asked cheerfully. The question rang in Sayo’s ears, eerily familiar to one she asked patients.

The answer was fairly simple. “I’d like to bake cookies for my friends to provide something of value to them.” As a therapist Sayo should’ve known better than to overshare, but something about Tsugumi’s demeanor drew her in. Perhaps she was just trying to get a reaction out of her.

For her part, the woman’s expression barely changed. “That’s interesting.” Tsugumi’s smile tightened only slightly. “I know we just met, but I think your presence alone provides something of value.” Sayo’s hand stopped mid stir. What? What was that?

For once Sayo found herself without words, without a response. Her presence alone provided something of value? What a notion that was, an anomaly from her normal state of being. This girl sure was something.

Tsugumi must’ve noticed her deer in headlight expression, because she said she needed to check on the others and vanished to the next table. Sayo watched her go, unable to formulate a response in time.

A few minutes later, they started adding the dry ingredients to the mix. Again, Sayo measure everything carefully. She wanted the cookies to be just right. When it was time to mix again, she did so firmly. Sayo made sure her dough was as close to perfect as it could be.

Once the dough was mixed, it was time to put it on the tray. These were simple chocolate chip cookies, so the dough just needed to be balled and placed far enough apart.

Sayo was measuring the distance between two of her dough balls when Tsugumi appeared next to her. “It’s okay if it’s not exact.” Tsugumi placed one hand gently on Sayo’s arm as she spoke, likely in an attempt not to surprise her. “They just need to be far enough apart so that they don’t meld together in the oven.” Tsugumi’s hand pulled back as soon as she finished speaking.

“Okay, thank you.” Sayo nodded and moved the balls slightly closer together. She continued to roll and place them as Tsugumi scooted along to the next person.

Once that was done, they went in the oven. Sayo set her oven timer for ten minutes as instructed, and then had to wait. She cleaned her station in that time, putting away the bowl and utensils she used. When she made it back, there were still five minutes until the cookies would be ready.

“How are they coming along?” Again, Tsugumi appeared by Sayo’s side as she was checking on the cookies.

“They look good.” At least, Sayo thought they did. She didn’t know enough about baking to say for sure.

“I’m glad.” Tsugumi peered in as well. “I was worried about today’s class, since it’s the very first one I’ve taught.” She stepped back as Sayo closed the oven and turned towards her. “So, thank you for coming!” She smiled earnestly, eagerly.

“You did a great job.” Sayo couldn’t help but smile back. “If you hadn’t helped me, I still would be putting the dough on the tray.” This earned a laugh, which sent a trill down Sayo’s spine.

Tsugumi soon moved to the next person, leaving Sayo to wait the last couple minutes. After waiting the time out, Sayo put on oven mitts and retrieved her bounty from the oven.

The cookies were perhaps a little lighter in color than they should’ve been, but when the timer was up it was time to go. Sayo placed the hot tray on the stove top to cool. A few minutes later she was able to pick her cookies up off the hot surface.

Sayo had to try one, just to make sure they were ok. It was good, way better than she’d expected it to be. The café had some bags available for the cookies, so Sayo grabbed on and put her batch inside. She felt satisfied as she tied it shut, certain it would a great meaningful gift for her friends.

With that done, she washed the tray she baked on and started getting ready to leave.

Sayo didn’t usually hesitate when leaving somewhere, but today she did. She wanted to say goodbye to Tsugumi, the delightful woman who helped her bake these delicious treats. She was milling about, helping some of the customers take their cookies out of the oven.

When Tsugumi looked like she had a free moment, Sayo approached her.

“Getting ready to go?” Tsugumi asked, glancing at the bag clutched in Sayo’s hand. “It was great having you here!” Normally, when someone at a business said that, it rang with insincerity. Not in this instance, however. Sayo remembered what Tsugumi said earlier, that her presence provided value. She gathered her courage.

“I’m glad I came.” Sayo replied simply. She told herself this was easy, that she helped in relationships all the time so stop being a coward and do it. “I would love to take another class; would you like to exchange numbers to discuss it?” She had the store’s number, of course but that wasn’t what she wanted. The question had come out wordy, but Tsugumi seemed to understand.

“Sure!” She pulled a slip of paper out of her apron along with a pencil, scribbling something down on it. “I don’t have my phone right now, but here’s my number.” She handed it to Sayo, who accepted it gingerly.

“Thank you.” Sayo thanked her for what felt like the fifth time that day. “I look forward to speaking with you.”

“Have a good day!” Tsugumi waved as Sayo turned to leave, the bell ringing again overhead as she exited the bakery.

Sayo almost turned the wrong way after walking out the door, having to remind herself which way her apartment was. She held the cookies in one hand and the slip of paper in the other. Carefully, she unfolded the paper to take a look inside.

The number was different from the store’s number.

As she walked home, Sayo’s heart felt warmer than it had in years.

End Note: I had to do research for this, so here are my citations. I’m sorry if it’s not perfect MLA format.

“About IBCT” integrative behavioral couple therapy, accessed 01/04/2019, http://ibct.psych.ucla.edu/about.html

“Be a Marriage Counselor: Education and Career Roadmap” Study.com, accessed 01/04/2019, https://study.com/be_a_marriage_counselor.html

Spitalnick, Josh & Mcnair, Lily. “Couples Therapy with Gay and Lesbian Clients: An Analysis of Important Clinical Issues.” Journal of sex & marital therapy. 31. (2005): 43-56.

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Reason to Stay: Chapter 12

Author Note: If I were naming the chapters of this fic, which I’m not, this one would be called ‘calm before the storm’.

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

One day, Sayo had just left the kitchen after a morning shift there. She had spent the early hours hauling water from the well so that the kitchen could use it. Tsugumi had dismissed her after that, sending her off to enjoy her free time before lunch. Most days Sayo would go train during this time, but not today.

Sayo was on her way to the guard headquarters. The disorganized paperwork in there was starting to drive her insane.

When she was about to climb the steps up to the second floor, Sayo heard a rattling noise in the distance. She wasn’t sure what it was, only that it wasn’t a normal sound heard in the castle.

Retreating from the steps, Sayo slowly moved in the direction of the noise. It sounded like it was south of her, perhaps near the offices?

Could it be an intruder? Yukina had seemed worried about one earlier in the week. Sayo placed one hand on her sword as she crept, ready for a threat.

She didn’t see anyone as she passed by the offices, but she did hear the noise again. It was louder and closer than before. If kind of sounded like, possibly an animal? Sayo hadn’t noticed a vermin problem in this castle, but maybe one was cropping up.

Still worried, she continued. There wasn’t much past the offices, just dead end hallways. At least, that’s what Sayo thought.

She had almost reached the end when she heard the noise again, very clearly this time. It sounded like a cat meowing. There weren’t any cats in this castle; surely she would’ve seen it by now if there was.

Sayo turned the last corner, expecting to see a cat or even an intruder, but was greeted instead with a far more surprising sight.

Yukina was sitting on the ground with her back to the open part of the hall. Sayo couldn’t see what she was doing, but she could see a cat’s tail sticking out to Yukina’s left side. She must’ve heard Sayo’s footsteps, because her head turned as Sayo rounded the corner.

Their eyes met. The cat meowed loudly. It jumped out of Yukina’s arms and then nuzzled against her leg. Sayo didn’t know enough about cats to identify the breed, but it was colored in a mixture of dark and light brown fur. For a moment neither woman moved.

“Can I help you with something?” Yukina broke the silence, bringing one hand to stroke the cat.

Sayo released her sword hilt and crossed her arms. “Is this your cat?” She asked, hoping she didn’t sound like she was accusing Yukina of something. As it was, Sayo wasn’t sure what the rules on cats in the castle even were.

“He’s a stray.” Yukina looked down at the creature with gentler eyes than she’d ever turned towards Sayo. “Sometimes I see him around here. Moca feeds him.”

If Moca was feeding him, then it was likely Ran knew about his presence already. That meant Sayo didn’t have to worry about it, as it had at least some level of permission to be in the castle. “So, you’re a cat person?” She asked, stepping closer and crouching down to reach slowly for the cat. The animal hissed at her outstretched hand, so she pulled it back.

“Cats are cute.” Yukina replied briefly.

For some reason that annoyed Sayo. “Dogs are cuter.” She retorted.

Yukina cracked a smile at that. “So you’re a dog person.” She let out one chuckle, turning her body more fully to look up at Sayo. “Don’t tell anyone though, about the cat.”

Maybe that meant Ran didn’t know? Whatever, it wasn’t a threat and Sayo didn’t really care. “As long as nobody asks.” Sayo replied. “But the minute someone wants to know about that strange meowing sound it’s over.”

“Fair enough.” Yukina accepted the terms, continuing to pet the cat. “You’ve been training with Lisa, haven’t you?” She looked back down at the cat and spoke more quietly than before, tone strained slightly.

“Yes.” Sayo almost reached towards the cat again, but decided against it. She didn’t need to get bit today.

“I see.” Yukina kept her eyes down, locked onto the small animal’s fur.

Sayo didn’t have anything to say to that. Silence held for a moment, broken once again by the cat meowing loudly.

“I should get going.” Sayo stepped back, giving up completely on petting the cat. Yukina watched her go in silence.

Sayo didn’t hear the cat again as she walked away, returning to the stairs where she first heard the noise. She ascended to the second floor and walked to the guard headquarters, determined to complete the task she originally set out to do.

When Sayo entered the guard headquarters there were no other guards present. The table was still covered in papers, even more than when Sayo first arrived. She had come a few times to look at the schedule and found it increasingly difficult as her name was added to more pieces of paper.

Sayo approached the table, looking down at the papers. She picked them up one by one, stacking them into a single pile. Once they were straightened, she then put them in reverse chronological order with the most recent at the top.

It only took a few minutes.

Once she was done, Sayo put the pile back down in the center of the table. It looked so nice and clean, so easy to read and find information.

She left satisfied with her work and hoped that Kasumi would just put the next schedule on top of the stacked ones.

On another day, in the afternoon, Sayo was in the kitchen.

Even though she knew that Lisa would soon be expecting her at the training field, Sayo couldn’t help but stop and watch Tsugumi bake. She had finished retrieving goods from storage and dismissed for the afternoon, but hadn’t actually left. Tsugumi was mixing some ingredients in a bowl and Sayo wanted to see what it was going to be.

How foolish to think she’d continue getting away with just watching.

Tsugumi stopped stirring the bowl, releasing the spoon as she looked up at Sayo. She took a deep breath. “I know you said you’re not good at baking.” Tsugumi’s expression looked serious; Sayo couldn’t tear her eyes away. “But have you thought about letting me teach you?”

Even though last time Sayo decided to say no, it was so tempting to say yes. Tsugumi’s sweets always looked so good and with a teacher Sayo would improve. That didn’t change the fact, unfortunately, that she didn’t have any skills to offer in return. She couldn’t even over her money, since her stipend wasn’t high enough to accommodate the additional expense.

“I thought about it.” Sayo said slowly and clearly. “And I’d like to, but I don’t have anything to offer you in return.”

Surprisingly to Sayo, a smile grew on Tsugumi’s face. “You don’t have to give me anything.” She said as she resumed mixing the bowl. “I wouldn’t have accepted it anyway. Come on over and I’ll show you what we’re making.” Tsugumi transitioned quickly into teaching mode, seeming to assume that with Sayo’s protest solved she was all in.

Sayo bit back a retort as she walked over and peered down into the bowl. It was about half filled with a powdered substance. “What’s it going to be?” Sayo asked.

“The sugar cookies were a big hit last time, so I’m making more.” Tsugumi put down the bowl and moved to grab a small cup of white liquid. “We’re adding the wet ingredients next. Here’s the milk. Please pour it in while I get the eggs.” Tsugumi handed Sayo the cup of milk and stepped away to another part of the kitchen.

Here was Sayo’s first contribution. All she had to do was pour the milk into the bowl. That was it. She should stop thinking about it and just do it.

Doing her best to not think about how the milk might spill over onto the table, Sayo slowly tipped the cup into the bowl. The milk poured in slowly and was absorbed by the powder. By the time Sayo finished, Tsugumi had reappeared by her side.

“Good job Sayo!” Her praise sounded genuine, despite Sayo having completed a relatively simple task. “Next is the eggs. I’ll do the first one, so watch closely.” Tsugumi handed Sayo one egg, which she held gingerly, before tapping another one against the table. She brought it over the bowl and, with two hands, pulled the shell apart.

Sayo had always struggled with not getting the eggshells in whatever she was trying to make. To break it so easily looked like magic to her.

“Now you try.” Tsugumi stepped aside to deposit her shells in a nearby bucket and allowed Sayo to stand in front of the bowl.

Sayo hesitated. “How exactly do I do this?” She grasped the egg firmly in one hand.

“Tap it gently against the side of the table.” Tsugumi explained with the patience of a saint. Sayo tapped the egg gingerly. “A little harder than that.” Brown eyes watched her every move carefully. Sayo could feel a bead of sweat on her neck.

She tapped the egg against the table side more firmly, almost dropping it when the shell cracked under the pressure. Her hand came up quickly, holding the egg over the bowl. “Now what?” Sayo asked, not as calmly as before.

“Turn the crack so it’s face down and hold it with both hands, thumbs on the top. Then lift your index fingers up just enough to apply pressure and twist your wrists out.” Tsugumi pantomimed the motion as she spoke, so Sayo was able to imitate it.

As Sayo turned her wrists, the egg did not break as cleanly as Tsugumi’s had. In fact, it practically crumbled under her fingers with the yolk and egg whites leaking out into the bowl. “I am so sorry.” Sayo said as she grimaced and tilted the whole mess to get the remaining liquid into the bowl. Once it was mostly gone, she turned and dumped the shell in the same bucket Tsugumi had put hers in.

“It’s alright.” Tsugumi seemed unbothered as she picked something out of the bowl. “Not bad for your first try.” She picked up the spoon once more and handed it to Sayo. “Those were the last ingredients. I’ll get a tray while you stir.”

“Which way should I stir it?” Sayo asked as she accepted the spoon.

“Hmm.” Tsugumi didn’t have an immediate answer to that question, pausing to think for a moment. “Start clockwise, and if your hand gets tired switch to counter clockwise.”

That didn’t really make much sense to Sayo, but she accepted it. Sayo dunked the spoon into the mixture with a nod and started to mix it. The liquids and solids combined under the spoon, smoothing out the longer she stirred them.

Tsugumi stepped away for a moment, but quickly returned with a metal tray. She set it down next to the bowl.

“How long should I stir for?” Sayo asked, switching to counter clockwise rotations.

Her teacher peered into the bowl. “Just a few more minutes.” Tsugumi said. “Then we’ll check the consistency.”

“Okay.” Sayo continued to mix the dough, careful not to let her mind wander. This was serious business.

The few minutes passed quickly, with Sayo almost losing grip on the bowl only once.

When the time was up she relinquished the spoon back to Tsugumi, who gave it a stir of her own. “Looks good to me.” She lifted a spoonful out and placed it on the tray. “We’re making round cookies, so you’ll make balls of dough like this.” Once Tsugumi took the dough off the spoon, she balled it up into an approximately two centimeter sphere.

Sayo accepted the spoon back and scooped out about the same amount. She placed it on the tray near Tsugumi’s and used both hands to try and shape it. The result was a bit lumpy, but was close to Tsugumi’s in size and shape.

“You’ll want to place them about four centimeters apart.” Tsugumi moved Sayo’s lump of dough a bit farther from her own. “Looks good though! I’ll start on the frosting while you do this. Let me know when they’re ready to go in the oven.”

She left Sayo to accomplish the task, which was a little nerve-wracking. What if she made them too big or put them too close together? Ignoring her trepidation, Sayo continued with the job. She made the whole bowl of dough into little balls and placed them exactly four centimeters apart on the tray. They all just barely fit.

“I’m done.” Sayo called over to Tsugumi, who had a smaller bowl out and was stirring something.

Tsugumi practically skipped over to examine her work. “Great, let’s put them in the oven!” The kitchen had a wood-based oven; one of Sayo’s duties was to fetch firewood for it. “Pick up the tray and follow me.”

“Shouldn’t you do this part?” As a beginner and absolute amateur, Sayo wasn’t sure she should be handling the oven.

Tsugumi smiled broadly. “I believe in you.” She said so sincerely that Sayo thought her brain might’ve just been fried.

“I…” It was hard to find a response to that. “Okay.” Sayo picked up the tray and crossed the kitchen with Tsugumi, taking care not to bump any of the other staff. The stove stood along the outside wall, with a chimney out to let the smoke escape.

Tsugumi pulled the metal oven door open and Sayo slid the tray inside. “How long will they cook for?” Sayo wanted to know.

“Eight minutes, and then we’ll check them.” Tsugumi replied as she walked with Sayo back to the other side of the kitchen.

That wasn’t too long to wait. Sayo watched as Tsugumi resumed preparing what appeared to be frosting. She added sugar to the mix and stirred at a much higher rate than Sayo had been doing before, folding the mixture in on itself over and over again.

The eight minutes passed quickly, with Sayo resisting the desire to check on how the cookies were cooking every minute or so. Tsugumi told her when it was time and passed her a towel to take them out with.

Sayo almost protested being the one to take them out, but remembered the last time she did and decided not to.

They looked done as Sayo pulled the tray out and put it on the counter. The color was slightly golden brown on the top, which Tsugumi said was how they should look. Once they were out of the oven, Sayo had to wait for them to cool enough to frost.

That only took about ten minutes, with Sayo only lightly burning her hand trying to pick one up.

“The last step is to add the icing.” Tsugumi demonstrated spreading the now finished icing on one of the cookies. It was spread perfectly uniform. “Here you go.” Tsugumi handed the knife to Sayo along with the bowl of icing. She started on a different dish while Sayo finished the cookies.

Sayo took the cookies one at a time, carefully adding the icing to each one. They didn’t look as nice as the one Tsugumi did, but they were tolerable.

“Let’s try them.” Tsugumi popped back over after Sayo finished the last one. They each picked up a cookie and bit into it. It was pretty good, Sayo thought as she chewed. Maybe a little undercooked, but it didn’t taste terrible. “You did a great job Sayo!”

“Only due to your great teaching.” Sayo replied earnestly, establishing direct eye contact.

Tsugumi looked away. “You’re a fast learner.” She said quietly.

The same as earlier, Sayo wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

A few moments of silence passed.

And then Sayo remember that she was supposed to be somewhere soon, or perhaps she already should’ve gone. Lisa was expecting her out on the training field and she probably should’ve left twenty minutes ago.

“I better get going.” Sayo cleared her throat, breaking through the thickness in the air. “See you tomorrow.”

“Bye!” Tsugumi perked up, giving a small wave as Sayo walked away. She started scooping the cookies onto a plate, likely to serve them with the next meal.

Sayo left the kitchen and crossed the castle to the stable gate, her steps a little quicker than usual. She walked out to the practice field and was unsurprised to already see Lisa already there.

Lisa held a wood sword and shield. She was running through drills, practicing a powerful sweeping strike. Sayo called over to her as she approached.

“Hey Sayo!” Lisa stopped swinging to greet her.

“Sorry I’m late.” Sayo said as she stopped next to the knight. “I lost track of time.”

Lisa merely smiled. “That’s okay.” She offered the wood shield to Sayo. It was about half of a meter across. “Here, take this.” Sayo took the shield from her, slipping it over her left arm. “We’re going to work on shield stance and blocking today.”

“With just the shield?” Sayo asked, slipping into a defensive stance with the shield raised. She had used a shield a couple times before, but didn’t regularly carry one into combat.

Lisa nodded. “Yes, for now.” She circled around Sayo, examining her posture. “Spread your feet farther apart and bend your knees. You need to be able to take a blow without being knocked over.”

Sayo followed the direction, feeling more confident in these instructions than she had in the cooking earlier. Ironically enough, this new posture was almost the exact one she’d been working to train Lisa out of for archery.

Lisa stopped in front of Sayo and pointed the wood sword her way. “I’m going to strike at you. Use the shield to block the blows. Ready?”

Sayo nodded, loosening her knees more so she could move if needed. Lisa lunged forward with a large telegraphed swing, likely as a test. Sayo moved the shield up to catch the blow, a shock of pain jolting through her arm and torso.

Lisa jumped back and wound up for another swing, this time coming in low. Again Sayo tried to move and block it, but was too slow. The wood sword hit her side and would likely leave a bruise.

“Watch your opponent’s attacks and head them off. If they get even one step ahead of you the shield is useless. Revert your posture and don’t lock your knees.” Lisa chided, before taking another high swing. This one Sayo was able to block, but barely.

They continued this exercise for some time, with Sayo making small improvements in blocking attacks. By the time Lisa stopped Sayo was out of breath and both arms were covered in small bruises. They agreed that next time Sayo would try it with a sword in hand as well.

As Sayo handed the shield back to Lisa, she could’ve sworn she saw a flash of silver moving near the castle.

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