#seriously though i've been wanting a nostril piercing for a while

[bisonaari]

I am so close to go get impulse nostril piercings

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #237

When was the last time you climbed over a fence? Not since I was a kid, I think. Never for trespassing, by the way.

Does your pet wear a collar? So Roman, usually yes, but he hasn't for a while because Mom got a new phone number so the number on his tag is wrong. We're poor and printing a new tag is an expense for us. Cookie has a collar (I... think? I'm blanking right now), but not a tag because the tags that are easily available for us to print are too big for her. She's a chihuahua. Even if it annoys her though, she needs one.

What is the first thing on your Christmas wishlist? I have a feeling I'm going to be asking primarily for a gaming desktop PC. This laptop hasn't had the memory to support WoW since the new xpac pre-patch dropped, and I've found I really miss it. Laptops are limiting with gaming, so a desktop would be nice I'm sure.

What would you do if your mom/dad saw a hickey on you? Mom has before. I think she's usually ignored it, but she's made comments before, which just embarrass me. I'd be even more uncomfortable if Dad commented on it.

What could you say is your biggest time waster? Probably watching YouTube.

Are you a sound sleeper? No. I don't even think it matters how exactly I sleep at night, I have sleep apnea so I'm kinda fucked no matter how "well" I think I sleep.

If you were pregnant, who would you tell first? Realistically, Mom would probably find out first. I live with her and I'd be hysterical (in a very negative way), so...

Do you think that you’re good enough for the one you like? Sometimes I do, more often I don't.

Did you speak to your father today? I haven't spoken to my dad since my nephew's birthday party last month.

What is your father’s middle name? John.

When was the last time you had alcohol? It's been a while.

Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be a witch? I know a few.

Do you know anyone with asthma? Me, my mom, and I think my youngest niece.

Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? No. Apparently around the divorce Dad threatened to fight for custody just to be hateful (this is according to Mom though, who literally hates him), but he never seriously did, which didn't surprise me at all, it's not like he was ever enthusiastic about acting like a dad.

Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? I'm sure no. Our "types" are very different.

Any other names your parents planned to give you? The only name I know of is Kathryn.

Are you healthy? Nope.

Which was the last book that really captivated you? Truly and deeply, The Handmaid's Tale.

Have you ever had a teacher you got really close with? This happened with multiple teachers for me.

When’s the last time you spent time with your cousins? It's been years upon years upon years upon years. Honestly, maybe a decade.

If you had to get a piercing (not ears) what would you get? I want my nostril re-pierced.

Ever been kissed under fireworks? No.

The person you fell the hardest for says they never felt anything for you. What do you say? Bullshit.

Is the last person you kissed mad at you? No.

Has the person you like ever made you upset? Sure, we've dated for three years, that's normal to occasionally happen.

Scenario: If you were getting unwanted attention by some creeper, would the person you like stand up for you? I'm certain he would.

When angry, do you get loud or quiet? It depends, I've done both.

Have you ever been in a secret relationship? I suppose you could say that, with Joel. It wasn't an official relationship, though.

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror naked? God no, I appreciate my eyes.

Are your grandparents still alive? No.

Ever been in a car accident? Yes.

Do you like any of Justin Bieber’s songs? None of the extreme few I've heard.

When you were a kid, did you ever like Barney? I sure did.

Have you ever had champagne? Did you like it? No.

Is going mushroom hunting in the woods something that would interest you? I would go looking for mushrooms to photograph, but that's it.

What were you doing the last time you hung out with a friend? Girt's more than a friend, but whatever. We watched TV.

Is there anything about you that might cause others to dislike you? I AM politically judgmental when it comes to serious political issues. For example, I have trouble actually bonding with right-wing people. I can be perfectly polite and everything to you, but you will not be my friend if you, say, are transphobic.

What was the last big change you made to your physical appearance? That would be whatever year it was when I cut my hair real short. I think 2018.

If you have any pets, do they seem to notice when you’re sick or sad? I think Roman notices, at least when I lay down in bed. I very much think he's aware when I cry that something is off.

Are your hobbies something you’d rather do alone or with others? Mostly alone.

Is there anything about yourself that you’re trying to improve? A LOT!!!!! I want to stop catastrophizing, jumping to conclusions, letting anxiety control me, being so secretive about myself for no proper reason... There's a lot.

What are some of your favorite words? Serendipity, tranquility, serenity, felicity, words like that.

Are there any holidays you used to celebrate, but no longer do? Easter, Halloween, and the 4th come to mind first.

Do you watch music videos? Only Rammstein's.

What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping? Three days because I was manic. My body no less than gave out, I basically passed out.

Ever clicked on those banner ads that promise a prize for clicking? No, I'm too familiar with how the Internet works. Even as a kid I didn't believe that stuff.

Do you think machines will take over the world? IF things keep up the way they are, I would not be even remotely surprised.

Ever had a weight change so drastic you went to the doctor? No. I've gone through drastic weight loss, but I knew why.

How cold does it have to be before you put on a sweater? Like, 40s. UNLESS there's wind.

Do you usually get your homework done on time? When I was in school, yes.

Do you have a digital camera? I have a Canon.

Have you ever stuck something inappropriate in an electrical outlet? No.

What is your calendar pic for October? I don't have a calendar, just a planner. The months don't have pictures.

Is there a car you REFUSE to drive? You wouldn't see me in a Tesla because Elon can go to hell.

Have you ever lived in a brand new house? Ha, no.

Has anyone ever pulled a gun on you? Jesus, no.

Are there any chairs in your bedroom? No.

Roughly, how often do you get sick per year? Not often at all. Maybe just once.

Do you go to the doctor, using holistic methods, or do nothing when sick? I go to the doctor and/or use OTC meds.

What was the last reason you cried? My psychiatry appointment left me very upset.

Do people who judge bother you a lot? I think it depends what you're judging about. Harmless shit, that REALLY bothers me. If you're judging someone for being gay or something that just totally doesn't matter, then I judge the hell outta you. It very much depends on the seriousness of the matter and the level of obsession.

What about arrogance? Arrogant people drive me absolutely insane, y'all are gross.

Do you know anyone with Type 1 Diabetes? Uh... I know many people with diabetes, but admittedly idk if it's type one or two.

Do you have a lot of pictures of you and your friends? No. I've gotten better about it, but I'm very uncomfortable in front of cameras.

Do you own anything with the Playboy Bunny on it? Nope.

Where is the last beach you went to? Idk, it was probably Carolina Beach.

Have you ever been rock climbing? No.

Do you own a bean bag chair? No.

Are you the one in a group to talk a lot or do you listen? Listen, generally.

Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Oh yes, I loved holding them as a child. I'm more hesitant as an adult because I actually don't know how to differentiate potentially harmful ones from non-dangerous, I just got lucky as a kid I guess haha.

Have you ever met someone famous? Who? Do tell! Nope.

Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom and niece. I feel bad for Emerson, I was in bad shape and I think she was confused.

Do you think age matters in relationships? If minors are involved, it absolutely does. I don't care what adults do together.

How many times a year do you go on vacation? Do you tend to go to the same places each time? We don't have the money for vacations and haven't since I was a child.

How many times did it take you to pass your driving test? I've never tried it. I don't even have an active permit anymore.

When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? Mom does.

If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be? My weight.

What color was the last vehicle you traveled in? Does this vehicle belong to you or someone else? Navy. It actually belongs to our family friend/landlord, she lent us her old van because our car is toast.

Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HELL FUCKING NO the USA fucking sucks

Have you ever had to wear a white lab coat before? Was this in school or for a job? Yes actually, during my last college attempt, it was required for lab days in my science class.

Would you ever want to do the same career(s) as your parents? No.

[yaboymercury]

Ripping 9 to 5 - Farmer

John's city life fitted him perfectly, but sometimes it just became too much. Which is why he needed to escape to the countryside, back to his roots, just for a week or so to de-stress.

Going on another hike around the fields in the area he was staying, John couldn't help but appreciate the fresh air. Climbing over a fence into the next field, following what John thought was a public footpath sign, he sighed at the rustic beauty of the next field with its golden knee height wheat stretching for what looked like miles. It seemed that this was around the season of harvest for this crop however as about a quarter of the field had already been cut by a tractor slowly making it's route through the field.

As John began to wade through the crops at the edge of the field he was so engrossed in the beauty of the scene to he failed to notice that the sound of the tractor had stopped and the new sound of rustling through crops was getting ever closer to him.

"Oi what are you doing here?"

A rough voice jolted John out of his trance so aggressively that he stumbled backwards and fell down. From the uncomfortable floor of the field John looked up to see a disgruntled looking man. Unable to gather any thoughts John just took in the sight of him, tall, firm, visibly sweating, a light tan and a shirt with a considerable amount of buttons going unused. Still shocked all John could do was stutter at the man above him and try not to get to excited by just the sight of him.

"You do know this field is private property don't you?"

"Private?" Was all John could get out in response attempting to regain some composure in the face of the personification of his sexuality.

"Yup that sign in the gate says so" the piercing look he gave John made him quiver "So what are you doing here huh? You trespassing?"

The last question made John panic, realising the potential of the consequences, he sat up and with a little confidence says "No, no I'm just here hiking I must have gotten lost..."

The farmer seemed to relax a little after that but still looked a bit uncomfortable. Turning away from John to give some thought to what to do next, John was greeted with the sight of the man's bubbling ass barely being contained by a pair of tatty jeans. The jeans didn't leave much to the imagination with man holes and ladders of fabric especially concentrated around the ass area and specifically the crack. It couldn't have been practical but that wasn't what John was focused on. The area could have also been the area where the rugged man was the most sweaty with a natural musk radiating from the area. It did things to John's brain only making him want to get closer and lean in.

Pssssssssshhhhhh

It could have easily been mistaken for a gust of wind but John wasn't that stupid, and the raunchy cheesy odour which began to dominate John's senses backed up his theory. But he was now too busy wretching to do anything about it.

This was also the same time the farmer finally decided to let out a sigh and turn back around with a smile.

"I guess I can't blame you for getting lost, I'll take you back to the farmhouse and I'll find you a map to head you in the right direction."

But John was not able to accept the kindness as he was still gagging over the unbelievable stench of what could have only been some new strain of particularly toxic flatulence. Offering his hand to help John up the farmer realised his mistake.

"Oh sorry about that, it was dying to come out, but shit it really did a number on you..." Once John was up he had pretty much recomposed himself but was still in a state of shock from the fumes he had been exposed to, he wasn't even able to process how close he was to the glistening musky farmer. "Oh and I'm Andy by the way nice to meet you!"

Andy begun shaking John's hand, the force of his massive arms making John's stumble and was only able to mutter out his name.

Finally letting go Andy decided it would be quicker to get back to the farmhouse if they took the tractor so he lead John towards the hefty vehicle. While following John was able to take in the vision of the whole man in front of him, it was hard to keep his eyes of that ass though shaking in front of him. It was so eye catching that John didn't realise when Andy stopped suddenly causing him to walk right into it. Andy right leg was cocked up and before John could understand the pose he heard it.

FRRRRRRRAPPPPPPPPPPT

"Aww yeah that was a good one" Andy seemingly in his element barely registered what he was doing wasn't particularly normal "Oh I would apologize for what you're gonna get back there but you shoulda been looking where you were going." He said with a grin. The smell which finally hit John's nostrils was rough, a wave of cheesy stink thorwing him off guard.

While still disgusted at the man's stench John couldn't help but feel a certain kind of way about this man's rough attitude.

When they reached the tractor Andy was almost gentlemanly in helping John climb up into it first, the physical contact of his hands on him giving him a rush of excitement. But the feeling quickly wore off as when John took the only seat in the vehicle, Andy decided that the best way to deal with this was to dramatically sit his ass on John's lap.

"Ah sorry if I'm a bit heavy man, but hey at least you got the best view." rubbing his ass in a bit John realised that he wasn't wrong about either, with his ass and lower back eclipsing most of John's sight.

The past five minutes had wholly overwhelmed John with the duality of his flirtatious interactions with the man but also his unfortunate intimacy with his farts. But having the man so forwardly to practically give him a lap dance, meant that any chance of logical thinking had been abandoned.

When Andy started up the tractor the noise of the vehicle overpowered any chance of conversation meaning all John could do was attempt to enjoy the ride while not getting crushed by the hunk sitting on him. The terrain meant the ride was incredibly bumpy and becuase of this Andy's ass was vibrating all over John's crotch, it took all of his willpower to not immediately pop a boner but that was made even harder when Andy looked over his shoulder and gave John a smirk and a knowing wink. The shaking of Andy's ass seemed to increase and grow deeper and John couldn't tell why until it was made obvious by the smell hitting his nostrils. The rancid reeking stink of Andy's ass gas seemed neverending and the large vibrations on his lap seemed to carry on for minutes as well. And in spite of the sound of the machinery John could easily make out the growing sound of the gas coming straight from Andy's behind.

RRRRRRAAAAAPTTTT

The disgusting yet pleasureful sensation didn't seem to stop until right before the tractor stopped moving. By that time John's trousers had been permanently ingrained with the stink of Andy's rectum and his brain still remained indecisive on if he should flee from the stinking farm worker or never leave.

Finally getting off John's lap, Andy practically lifted him out of the tractor and with his now unchanging naughty smile he lead the still-groggy-from-over-exposure-to-flatulence John to the bench outside his humble farmhouse.

"I'm sorry if the ride was rough" he said obviously joking to John "I've gotten a couple complaints about bad smells I think it's something to do with the fuel I use.... definitely nothing to do with this!" smacking his massive jean clad ass as he finished to make obvious what he was referencing.

Andy gestured for John to lie down on the bench in front of the house since he was feeling so rough which John happily agreed to. John also didn't complain about the view when the farmer began unbuttoning most of his shirt obviously making himself as comfortable as he pleased.

"Now I obviously want to help you get on your way, but to be honest I recommend you get a nap first since you don't really seem to be in any condition to take in directions right now." Maybe it was his state of mind but John found this idea perfectly reasonable. "And of course if you can't get to sleep that easily I can always help..." With that the farmer slowly turned around chuckling lightly as he began to squat his gargantuan ass over John's face "See you on the other side."

BBBBBBBBBBRRRRRAPPTTT

And like that John was out.

John woke up in a bed he didn't recognise, but what he could recognise was the farmer now only in a pair of alarmingly tight worn out briefs sitting in a chair next to him. John was pretty sure he didn't just have morning wood, and it was clear to see with there being no sheets on the bed.

"Sometimes I forget how much power my gas has, it feels like you've been out for hours." Andy stood up to look over John, but unlike the intimidating farmer he met earlier in the day, this man had a much more sensual charming look in his eyes.

His crotch eye level with John Andy lifted his chin so they were looking straight at eachother "Not to be too forwards but out of everyone who's stumbled upon this farm you're the only one who's shown any kind of positive reaction to my expulsions." In saying positive reactions his eyes flitted over to John's obviously erect member. "So understand me if I don't really want to lose you too quickly."

This was a lot for John especially just after waking up, the man was a sight to behold, and he certainly seemed like he would be able to protect John but his gas was toxic, even if he did know how to use it well... just thinking about the day got John confused but further turned on.

"You see planting so many crops it would be very useful to have a bit of an air filter around since I do tend to kind of pollute the plants sometimes, like seriously do you hear this?" Jutting his ass out Andy let out a quick powerful blast.

PPPPRRRAP

It wasn't even facing John but the smell got the message across. It did feel like Andy never stopped farting but John was starting to realise that this was less and less of a problem for him. For the first time John's smile matched Andy's and he leaned closer to him from the bed.

"It's good to see that you agree with me, I think my ass does as well." With that Andy turned away from John but of course that meant his bulbous musky ass was closer than ever to John's face. And John didn't need any more of an invitation than that. Diving into the pillowy cheeks John knew this was where he belonged. And when the butt blew out a long explosive gust of toxic gas John's polluted brain was already getting hooked on the smell.

Later that week John realised how quickly he had gotten used to his new lifestyle as he stirred yet another can of baked beans on the stove. Bringing the plate of beans out to the front of the house the rugged farmer met him taking the plate and began to eat again, all he needed to thank him was to casually raise his leg and let his butt blow John a kiss.

FRRRRAAARP

When the Andy turned around to meet John's lustful stare with a Devilish grin, he knew the wave of stink had hit hard.

(Finally back, of course suggestions welcome as always but got some plans for new stories in the near future :)