#seriously the mortification would fuck me up more than a gut shot that's for sure

[pfhwrittes]

I also got distracted by things (cleaning the house and doing laundry) but hopefully in a little I'll be able to edit. I am unreasonably excited to learn that cupcakes can also be called fairycakes. But yes that new chapter of The Space in Between has me in a choke hold. Just god tier angst.

Finally have sfw thots. So hopefully you're a fellow anime nerd and can understand my incoherent ramblings. But getting hit by truck-kun on your way to the airport to come home from Japan and waking up in the tunnel where MWIII ends and being able to save a certain Scot from death only now you've been shot in the abdomen and still stuck in the CoD universe. And well it's truly horrific that they cracked your laptop and have not only found the truly egregiously smutty fanfic you've been writing about them but play thoughs of all the games and well as the comics. And oh lord Gaz and Soap are snickering and you just want to pass away not to mention the very disappointed look you're getting from the Captain and Ghost. And Laswell is reminding you she's flattered but married.

My brain really needs to focus on the wips I need to finish and not start up new ones.

my friend i am SO proud of you for doing chores, especially cleaning the house!

i'm going to level with you i only understood some of what you said BUT i am loving the vibes. seriously i vote you should absolutely throw this idea into the wip pile to explore later!

but seriously i would in fact rather die than have any of the 141 lot read my wip folder. price and ghost would be so disappointed in me and i would NEVER live down soap and gaz's teasing.

[mmvalentine]

Okay, so would you be able to write that best friend kiss challenge with Feysand? Like Feyre films herself kissing Rhys (her best friend) just as a joke but then Rhys is super into it and then she’s super into it and it gets spicy😏😏

(obviously she turns the camera off before things get interesting)

Oh you kids and your tiktoks, back in my day tiktoks were called snapchats, and we more or less used them to send nudes. But seriously this trend makes me feel SO ANXIOUS because sometimes they get rejected and I feel it way too hard?! ANYWAY this is fine because this one works out, right????

I Didn't Know

Feyre was addicted.

She had lost count of how many versions of this tiktok she had seen, but she did know that about twenty minutes ago she had to pee and thought 'just one more,' yet here she was, still sprawled across the bed watching best friends kiss for the first time and riding the rollercoaster of second-hand nervous anticipation and then either gut twisting joy or empathetic mortification. Her bladder was not impressed.

It was Mor who had sent her the first one, and then it was all too easy to go down the scrolling rabbit hole. Of course, at the time Mor had added 'You should totally do this to Rhys, I would pay to see his reaction.'

At first, Feyre had thought there was no way that was going to happen. Rhys had been her best friend for the past 7 years, if they were going to date, surely it would have happened by now. Also, she was fairly certain that most of these were set up, because so many seemed to have a shockingly calm reaction to being kissed by someone they had supposedly been platonic with for years. That's just not how things felt when you were best friends.

Of course, she was impressed with how much engagement these videos got, set up or no. And so the next day, when Rhys was spent half the day teasing her about how many more followers he had than her, all she could think about was one very effective way of shutting him up. With Rhys's jawline, she just knew it would do well on social media. And of course it would be a joke. Just a joke.

It happened in the evening. Rhys was going to drop by her place after his last class, since he had finals coming up and his frat house was hardly the ideal study environment. Mor was at her girlfriend's place for the night, so Feyre had the apartment to herself. She set up her phone on the dining room table, propped up against a pile of text books and secretly recording. She made a whole plan of it- first she'd have to stall him by the door to keep him in the shot, and to have enough recording so that she could match the kiss up to the right spot in the music. And she'd have to make sure he was facing the right way so that his reaction would be clear in the shot.

At 6.30pm when Rhys was due to arrive, Feyre texted Mor. I'm doing it, she said. I'm gonna do the best friend kiss challenge on Rhys and he's gonna FREAK.

Mor replied immediately. No fucking way!!! Yes girl get it!!

Feyre laughed. Can you imagine? she wrote back. This will shut him up for sure, he's gonna be standing there looking like a fish with his mouth opening and closing. Like when Az played that prank and gift wrapped every item in his room before Christmas.

Somehow, I think this is going to top that... Mor wrote back.

I just hope he doesn't punch me out of reflex or something, Feyre joked. At that moment, footsteps neared the door from the hallway outside. Gotta go, this is gonna be hilarious, Feyre sent off. She quickly turned the camera on and put it back in its place against the book stack as the knock came.

"Girl I have so many snacks," Rhys said when she opened the door. "I am ready to study." Feyre laughed at his armfuls of assorted packages.

"I didn't realise you were planning a 3 day study lock-in," she said, and stepped out of the way. Rhys headed toward the table, and Feyre panicked. "No!" she yelped. Rhys looked at her, surprised.

"No what?" he asked.

"Uh, give those to me, and you can stay and take of your coat." She hurriedly scooped the bags of chips and chocolate out of his arms and dumped them on the table, while Rhys eyed her suspiciously.

"Okay, you weirdo," he said. He shrugged out of his coat and threw it over the arm of the couch, more than comfortable enough in Feyre's home to know where to put his things. He stepped forward, but again Feyre blocked him. He raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Um, maybe we should study here on the couch," she said. Rhys raised his eyebrows.

"Instead of on the nice big dining table that I can write on, and where you've just moved all my snacks?"

"Yes. I mean no. I mean..."

"Feyre," Rhys said with mock concern. "You are seriously losing it."

"I... ah," Feyre scrambled. Oh what the hell, she only needed to fill a few bars and surely there was enough now. Before she could chicken out, Feyre stood on her tiptoes, grabbed his face in both her hands, and mashed her lips against his.

A heartbeat later, Feyre let go. She realised she had been holding her breath, and exhaled with a whoosh, giggling as she did so. She could feel herself going red, and covered her face for just a second before biting her lip and looking back for Rhys's reaction.

But there was no reaction.

Not at first. For a good three seconds he just stood frozen, and then he found her eyes. Stared at her in complete wonderment, and then with more gentleness than she had ever seen on him, he reached out his hands and lifted her chin back toward him.

Feyre barely had time to register what was happening, when Rhys's lips found hers once more.

This time, instead of the rushed surprise attack Feyre had used on him, Rhys kissed her soft and slow. Feyre's eyes widened, then slid closed, as Rhys's arms wrapped around her waist. His lips were cold from the frost outside, but when her body pressed against his it was warm in his arms, and when he tilted his head and deepened the kiss, she felt the heat of his mouth all the way in her belly.

Feyre wasn't coherent enough to be shocked. She was overwhelmed by the way her body was reacting to Rhys's kiss, and before she knew she had lifted her hands, she had his dark curls between her fingers. He tasted so good she couldn't get enough, and when she lifted up onto her toes to get closer, his fingers dug into her sides. And then the first touch of her tongue had her knees buckling.

"Feyre," Rhys moaned between kisses. "Feyre what are we doing?" He licked at her lips. "I didn't know," he whispered. "I didn't know you wanted this."

"I... I didn't know either," Feyre gasped, and then he brought his mouth back to hers before she could say anything else.

Suddenly, seven years felt so long. How had they not been doing this the whole time? How had they stood being this hungry for all these years, and how could they make up for it now? Feyre breathed in the smell of him, and loved the groan that slipped from his throat when her teeth hit his bottom lip.

"Bedroom," he struggled out, and Feyre only nodded as she untangled herself to move down the hall. Rhys caught her two steps later, pulling her back in to kiss her again.

"I thought you wanted to go to my room," Feyre said breathlessly.

"I did," Rhys mumbled against her lips. "But I first I just gotta-" He finished the sentence by licking her tongue and sucking on her bottom lip. Feyre wanted to laugh, but a second later she couldn't remember why. Besides, her mouth was busy.

"Bedroom," Rhys said again, and this time he took the lead and towed her by the waist.

Feyre only just remembered to grab her phone and hit the lock button, closing the camera off as they went. If she had had the presence of mind, she'd already be embarrassed by how much was recorded, but what did it matter? What did anything matter when her lips were swollen from being bitten and every step took them closer to bed, and Rhys, and Rhys in her bed.

They stumbled down the corridor, then one moment Rhys was roughly pushing the door shut and the next her back was hitting the mattress. Their movements were messy, frenzied. Feyre yanked off Rhys shirt, and he lifted her higher up the bed, and then suddenly there they were.

Feyre's head on the pillow and her legs wrapped around Rhys's hips. Rhys staring down at her with pupils blown wide and kiss-reddened lips. A heavy hardness pressing between them and a still, silent realisation of where they had landed.

They stayed frozen like that for a while, and then Rhys lowered his head slowly and kissed her again, soft and with his eyes open. Is this okay? the kiss said. He lifted his head, but Feyre put her hands gently on either side of his face and pulled him back to her.

More than okay, she tried to tell him back.

Rhys's body turned liquid then, rolling into hers so smoothly that it pressed the air from her lungs so she sighed into his mouth. Feyre knew he had tattoos, but it wasn't often they were on display like this and she couldn't help but think he was beautiful. Rhys changed the angle of the kiss, and moved again. This time his hips grazed hers and that unbearable pressure between Feyre's legs had her arching her back up to him, chasing the wave of his warmth. Rhys growled in his throat, and the vibration of it sent a shiver that echoed to her fingertips.

"Where have you been all my life?" Rhys groaned, as his hand slid under the hem of her shirt. The contact on her bare skin raised goosebumps and then she was feeling him everywhere. Suddenly her t-shirt was too rough, and her jeans intolerable.

"I've been here," Feyre gasped, hands reaching for Rhys's back and chest and shoulders. Needing to feel his skin, too. "I've been right here."

She lifted her arms to help Rhys get her shirt off, pulling him back down to her as soon as she could. He kissed her again and this time the line of contact down the bare fronts of their bodies burned between them.

"How did I not know?" Rhys asked, seeming to be talking to himself more than her. He slid a hand behind her back to get at her bra clasp, and then she was shivery and naked before him. She only had a second to be self-conscious about this before he squeezed one of her breasts in his hand, and put his mouth over the other. And then all she wanted was him touching her.

Rhys moved his tongue slowly over her nipple. Flicked back and forth over it, and the feeling somehow seemed to repeat itself in the apex of her thighs. Feyre's fingers tightened in the thick mop of his hair, and Rhys shifted across to the other nipple. She was just thinking she could die from pleasure like this, when he kissed in between her breasts. Down her sternum, slowing as he reached her belly. Almost reverent when he nipped at her navel, and traveled lower still.

Rhys undid the button of her jeans without lifting his lips from her skin. His hands tugged at her waistband, and when Feyre raised her hips for him to get them off, his mouth slipped downward again, and his kiss landed over her clit through her underwear.

Feyre jolted up toward him, and Rhys slid her jeans the rest of the way off her feet. He licked against the cotton of her panties, until she was panting beneath him and squirming to get closer. Finally, he pulled off the last of her clothing, and when his tongue hit her bare pussy she could have sworn she blacked out for a second.

"Mmm," Rhys hummed against her. "You taste like fucking heaven." Feyre's hands scrabbled in the sheets and then gripped Rhys's head as he moved, first in broad, rough strokes with the flat of his tongue, then flicking faster over her clit with the tip like he had on her nipple. He reached out a hand to squeeze at her breast, and the other one smoothed over her chest to hold her down.

"Can you come like this honey?" Rhys asked her, before taking her clit into his mouth in slow, suckling kisses. "I would love it if you came on my tongue." He slid it deep inside her. "Please Feyre." Returned to flicking over her clit. "Do it, please, for me."

And to Feyre's absolute surprise, she did. Came with her fists in in Rhys's hair and her legs wrapped around his head. She never came on the first time with someone. Then again, Rhys wasn't just anyone. Rhys kept his tongue moving as her hips came up off the bed, not letting her down until her climax had faded into ragged breaths.

Rhys stood then, and unzipped his own jeans. As soon as he was leaning over her again, Feyre reached down to palm his cock through his black boxer-briefs. Rhys moaned softly, and buried his face in her back as he pushed himself into her hand.

"Yeah baby, touch me," Rhys whispered, and guided her hand under his waistband.

If Feyre was honest, she would have to admit that it had crossed her mind before what Rhys might look like naked. Her eyes had snagged below his hips when he was wearing sweatpants, or was fresh out of the ocean. They had been friends a long time. And how could you not notice when Rhys looked like this?

But having her hands on him was something entirely different. Feyre curled her hand around him, and when she stroked up and down the length of him she felt first a little intimidated by his size, and then second deliciously in control when a light groan was coaxed from his lips.

"Like this?" she asked. Rhys moaned louder.

"Yeah, just like that," he said, and the muscles in his chest flexed above her. Rhys's eyes closed, and he bit down on his lip as she twisted her hand around him. It was so sexy, Feyre was moving her free hand down her own body to touch herself at the same time.

It only took a minute for Rhys to notice, and then a wicked grin was tugging up the corner of his mouth.

"You need some too, huh?" he asked, and then he took both her hands and laced his fingers through hers. Laid them either side of her face as he settled himself back down between her legs, and then lifted her hands around his neck as he kissed her.

Rhys looked her seriously then.

"Is this okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," Feyre breathed. Rhys rolled his hips against her, and watched her lips part and her head tilt when he did it.

"You want more?" he asked.

"Yes," Feyre said again, and felt his cock twitch between her thighs.

"You want me inside of you?" he asked roughly.

"God yes," Feyre said, and then Rhys was lifting his hips and pushing inside her.

Their eyes locked, and they exhaled together as Rhys hit his hilt. Then Rhys's gaze flicked to her mouth, and he moved, out and back in, and the stretch of him was the sweetest ache.

"Fuck, Rhys," Feyre whimpered, grabbing his shoulders. He looked at her quickly.

"Okay, honey?" he asked. She laughed breathlessly and then nodded, and Rhys thrust again and she gasped as her head fell back against the pillow. "Am I hurting you?" he said. Feyre shook her head, and arched her back to get him deeper.

"Shit," Rhys barked. His hips snapped forward and his palm hit the mattress. He drew a breath through his nose, seeming to get himself under control, and then began a smooth rocking that had Feyre's eyes rolling back in her head.

"I wish I had known," Rhys said, and the words were almost despairing. "I wish I had you like this every day." Feyre's hands fluttered at his chest. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologise," Feyre frowned. She lifted her hips to him. "I want you."

"You've fucking got me," Rhys said, and then pulled out only to flip her over and come back from behind. Feyre moaned at the way he got deeper this way, and dropped to her forearms.

"You feel so good," she breathed.

"Oh yeah?" Rhys asked. He reached around and put two fingers over her clit. "What about now?"

Feyre got louder as the pleasure got sharper, and then her vision was clouding at the edges.

"You gonna come again for me baby?" Rhys said. Feyre couldn't answer. "You want it a little harder?"

"Yes," she gasped.

"Will you come if I fuck you hard?"

"Yes, oh god yes. Please Rhys, please."

"I'd never say no to you," Rhys said, and his free hand gripped her hip tight as he pounded into her while those fingers, now dripping wet, moved over and over her clit. "You're gonna make me come," he panted. "You look so good like this." His hips sped up. "But you gotta come first, honey. Come for me."

Feyre's spine stretched and her back arched as release found her. Rhys was so deep in her she could feel it in the bottom of her stomach, and then he was falling right behind her, and the sounds he made when he came were so damn hot she broke out in goosebumps.

Finally, Rhys dropped to the bed beside her, and pulled her down onto his chest. Feyre breathed deeply and was gratified to hear Rhys's heart going as fast as hers. She smiled into his skin, and breathed in the warm smell of him.

"Is this weird?" Rhys asked after a few minutes. His thumb stroked at her elbow.

"No," she said truthfully. She looked up at him. "Is it weird for you?"

"Honestly?" Rhys tucked an arm behind his head. "It now seems weirder that we weren't doing this the whole time." He looked at her. "What made you finally make a move?"

And that's when Feyre remembered the tik tok.

Her eyes went wide, and she felt herself going red. Rhys was bewildered. "What?" he asked. Feyre just shook her head. "You really can't tell me after we just did that?"

"Uh. I was um. Doing a tik tok?"

"You were what?"

"You know. The best friend challenge. I wanted to video your reaction if I kissed you."

Rhys pulled back suddenly. "Wait so you didn't actually want to kiss me? You just wanted a reaction video?"

"No! Well- yes, but I didn't know!" Feyre wailed.

"Know what?"

"That I wanted you so much."

Rhys blinked at her. After a tense second, his mouth twitched.

"So," he said, "in actual fact, you filmed your own reaction."

"What do you mean?"

"You surprised yourself. That's really embarrassing." He settled back down. Feyre picked up a pillow and whacked him with it.

"Shut up," she mumbled, and Rhys laughed a beautiful laugh and kissed her so sweet it made her dizzy.

****

Sweet and spicy, order up.

PS I just want to say that in modern AUs I usually make sure to like make some kind of condom reference because I'm trying to be realistic/ a good role model but this time I just COULDN'T BE BOTHERED sorry have safe sex kids.

MASTERLIST

TAGLIST: @ghostlyrose2 @highladysith @stardelia @feysand-loml @tillyrubes10 @ratabrasileira @live-the-fangirl-life @maybekindasortaace @annejulianneh111 @thebonecarver @rowaelinismyotp @loosingdreams @whythefuckdoiexist @inejsarrow @swankii-art-teacher @sjmships @courtofjurdan @teddytdr @positivewitch @thalia-2-rose @darling-archeron @rapunzel1523 @fairchildjace @philosophorumaurum02 @story-scribbler @allthecolorsneverseen @asteria-of-mars @fandomstalker27 @realbookloverproblems

[lunaschild2016]

Worth Fighting For Chapter 25 - You’re Gonna Regret That

Rating: M (violence, smut, language, references to abuse and violence)

Romance/Tragedy

He was ruthless, cunning and completely committed to protecting his city but her arrival to Dauntless called everything he ever thought he believed into question. Duty and following orders were no longer enough. They both found more than they ever thought possible. They both found something worth fighting for. Eric/OC AU M Tragedy/Romance

@kenzieam@ericdauntless@jojuarez26@jaihardy@iammarylastar@captstefanbrandt@badassbaker@readsalot73@fuckthatfeeling@dani5102@beltz2016@beautifulramblingbrains@affabletimelady@irasancti@meganbee15@meganbee15@lauraaan182@gylisaa@scorpio2009@bookgirlthings@pathybo@violetsonthelam XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chapter 25 - You’re Gonna Regret That Kat

Everything was aching on me by the time I slid into my seat at dinner. Lynn slid next to me and Tris on the opposite side of me.

“What. The. Actual. Fuck?” Lynn growled out as a very unwanted lurker slid into a seat at the same table but the far end.

I sighed and my shoulders slumped while Tris tensed and scowled down towards him. “Seriously? What is wrong with him today?” Tris added her disbelief as well.

“I am thinking pod people. It is the only logical explanation at this point.” I tiredly say as I poke at the pasta on my plate.

“What are you guys talking about?” Zeke asks from beside Uri.

I shake my head at my sister and Lynn, trying to limit what they say and let me handle it. Chase and Zach were already looking at me worriedly enough and if they thought something was wrong, my plans to slip away for the night might be spoiled. I was already kind of grateful that Chase had informed me Eric was going to be late getting back from the meeting. He had gotten held up with something.

So I shrug and paint on a smile. “Peter is being less odious than I would have thought possible. It is just kind of...throwing us all off.”

That wasn’t a fucking lie. He had hovered the entire time we were on the fence. Three times when I got close to the edge he either shoved me back or yelled at me that if I were going to throw myself off, could I at least wait until he was nowhere near. Chase had found it hilarious for some reason but it just creeped me the hell out.

What was even creepier was the fact that anytime his friends started up on taunting me, he would start ragging on them, stopping them. This didn’t seem to extend to Tris though and he let them say whatever about her. In all, it was confusing as shit and I didn’t have the energy at the moment to figure out what was going on in that mind of his.

Zeke grinned and I could tell he was thinking of something funny to say about Peter. “Maybe he had great incentive to have an attitude adjustment?”

Chase snorts loudly into his cup and even Zach laughs at this, then they both cast wicked grins down the table to Peter, who pales and jerks slightly. “That would be a fucking understatement.” Chase finally says with a laugh.

My eyebrow quirks as I stare at the two men but Zach only looks into his cup smiling while Chase smirks at me and shrugs.

“Hey Uri. Don’t you owe Mar a movie or something tonight?” Lynn says, breaking me from the stare down I had started with Chase, trying to glare an explanation from him.

Lynn initiating the start of our plan had my head turning to look at Uri who was frowning at first. Then he smiled and shrugged. “I don’t remember owing her one, but sounds good to me. What do you say Mar? Will you allow me to treat you to a movie?”

Mar smiles and blushes at him then nods. “Sounds good to me too. Do I get to pick the movie?”

His smile falters just a little and I can’t help but laugh along with his brother and Lynn. He groans before he nods and then the smile goes back to it’s full wattage when she snuggles into his side and bats her eyelashes at him. “Sure.” He finally gets out.

Maybe I need to arrange to talk to Mar at some point and pick up some damn pointers? Although I am sure I would look ridiculous trying what she just did.

“What are you guys going to do then?” Mar asks after we had been eating for a few minutes, probably feeling bad for us being left out.

Tris shrugs and blushes a little, letting me know something was up with her. “I think Christina wanted to hang out or something.”

Considering I was up to something too, I didn't press her or look to call her out. I was actually kind of relieved that I wouldn’t need to find a way to ditch her. I would have felt bad about that.

“Cool, well I think I will take Kat and show her around a few of our favorite places. She was also mentioning looking at knives.” Lynn said with a casual shrug.

They bought it, or at least my friends and sister did. Chase cast narrow eyes at me but didn’t say anything. Determining it was better to get out fast and before a certain person strolled in and then I lost the ability to think properly, I started to wolf down my food. That did cause the others to look at me.

“What? I was hungry.” I muttered as I finished. Lynn hadn’t been quite so obvious but she finished just seconds after me.

“We will see you guys later. Enjoy the movie and..” She pauses and wrinkles her nose, looking to Tris “well I mean...you can try and enjoy yourself.” Her tone suggested she was very doubtful that was even possible.

I bit my lip in amusement and stood along with her. Before we could get far, Chase called out to us.

“I am sure we will be seeing you later.” His tone was casual for the most part but I got what he was saying. I would need to hide well because at the very least, Eric was going to make it a point to find me.

I gave an offhanded wave without turning back as my answer. Lynn linked her arm with mine and was silently chuckling.

“Shut up with that.” I grumbled at her moodily.

“I didn’t say anything.”

I sigh tiredly and shake my head. “You don’t need to. I know what you are thinking.”

“Then you know that I am thinking we need to GTFO and in a hurry before the dogs are set loose after your tiny ass. I need to stop by and grab the supplies from the apartment too.” Lynn started to pull me along until we just ended up going at a run along the path to her family's apartment.

I was still hurting but not near as bad as I would have been had I not taken that last set of pills Chase handed me on the train ride home. There were more of them this time and while he assured me that there weren’t any strong pain meds, he also didn’t say what else was in them. All I knew was I ended up hurting less and breathing better. I would need to find a way to thank the three men….later.

Tonight I was set on getting drunk and having a much needed conversation.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Oh gods.” I groaned out, feeling queasy when my alarm went off on my watch. It felt way too soon to be time to get up and all I could think was; I was somehow in the seventh circle of hell and being made to pay for over indulging and general idiocy last night.

Most everything past having the start of some really embarrassing talk with Lynn became a blur. I remember us sneaking down to the clinic after drinking a hell of a lot and sharing stories, or Lynn sharing stories after a few beers to loosen her up. I remember Shauna being shocked after we got there and Lynn swinging me in front of her sister forcefully, then loudly demanding I be given “The Shot” and ASAP.

Apparently my overall talk with her had inspired her to think that I needed to go ahead and protect myself since I was getting so curious to explore things. Even though I remember being pretty damn adamant that I wasn’t sure that Eric was truly attracted to me. I still was in disbelief about that. She had insisted that he was but regardless I needed to be prepared. My mortification after that had, per her estimate, warranted another round of beers. That is where everything went very pear shaped and hazy.

I still hadn’t shut my watch alarm off and was rolling in my bed, clutching my stomach and moaning.

“You can shut that shit off now, Stiff.” A voice quietly drawled from the side of my bed, causing me to jerk and then clutch a hand over my mouth as my stomach roiled at the action. Peter lurched back as if I really had just thrown up on him and scowled down at me. “I swear to Gods if you throw up on me Stiff, I really will say fuck it and throw you in the Chasm.”

It was then I noticed the pounding in my head making it seem like fireworks of lights were going off with or without sound. So now I was writhing on the bed, one hand clutched to my mouth to keep myself from exploding there and the other clutched to my head to keep it attached.

“Oh gods...please Chasm...yes now...better than..”

“Oh shut it, Stiff.” Peter growled again and moved forward, shutting my alarm off by pressing the button on it for me. “I have a better plan.”

“What’s wrong with Kat? What are you doing to her?” Edward had come over to inspect the proceedings and now there were two people hovering over my bed to witness my misery.

“I did shit to her, the stiff can’t handle her liquor. You could be of some actual use and help me get her to the shower.” Peter snarled at him.

There was rustling around and then the world was spinning. “I’m gonna blow.” I got out just before I felt it all rumbling.

There was cursing but then, thankfully, the most beautiful sight stood before me. The damn toilet. I had never been so happy to see something in my life. I hugged it close as I felt like my insides were fighting to work their way out. I wasn’t sure that it would be possible for a person to survive with their guts hanging outside of them but I think my body was very determined to test that theory out.

I heard faint rumblings of talking and growled either commands or observations behind me. But honestly I couldn’t make them all out between the god awful sounds I was making as I wretched, what felt like my very soul, up.

I did hear things like water and aspirin being tossed around. I felt hands holding my hair back that were way too large to be my sisters hands. I couldn’t even feel embarrassed about anything that was going on at the moment because I was just too fucking miserable.

Finally, it all began to ebb and I collapsed against the toilet, my body shaking. “M’never drinkin again.” I mutter out in a hoarse voice against my arms, where I had laid my head down.

There was a baritone chuckling from behind and suddenly dread filled me. I turned my head slowly to catch sight of who was there and slumped in relief when I saw it was Zach’s face and not Chase or even worse...Eric. My relief was short lived because he quirked an eyebrow at me and shook his head with a chuckle.

“I wouldn’t be too relieved just yet, princess. Did you really think after your little show in the Pit we weren’t going to know what kind of state you were going to wake up in or that you wouldn’t have a talking to coming?” There wasn’t as much anger as amusement and real worry in his tone.

I must have turned all kinds of white because he sighed and held out a rag for me to clean myself up, shaking his head. Once I was cleaned up, with neither of us talking during this time, he held out water and aspirin for me. When I had taken them I finally dared to speak.

“Was it really bad?” I ask timidly and wincing just with that little bit of speaking.

“It wasn’t pretty but I guess not as bad as it could have been. I am sure your friends will tell you all about it when you see them.” Then he turns his head as he helps me up and mutters under his breath something to the effect of ‘if there is anything of you left after he gets a hold of you’.

I groaned from the movement and from the dread of having to face...just face everything, but Eric in particular.

He turns and hands me a pile of clothes then points to the shower. I glance in the direction of the dorm and notice that most everyone is passed out though I can tell that at least Peter and Edward are sitting up in bed from their faint outlines.

Without another word I trudge into the shower, get cleaned up as best as I can and then get dressed. All the while thinking that it is kind of pointless to clean up. I am about to become a sweaty and mostly bloody pile of little girl shortly anyways.

When I am dressed, Edward and Peter are no longer in their beds and Zach shrugs then mutters that Chase found something for them to do since they were up. He also leads me directly to the Dauntless-born training room. It looks like part of my punishment this morning will be no coffee.

I can tell something is really bothering Zach so I sigh, with my shoulders slumped and look over to him. “Did I do something really awful, Zach? You are worrying me.”

He glares at me, the first I have ever seen on him, and the fact that it is directed at me feels like a knife to my heart. Disappointment and anger radiates from him. “You drank after getting severely hurt, Kat. Not just hurt but head injuries. Do you know how fucking bad that could have been? I mean not only that but you haven’t drank like that before and you had no one there to watch out for either of you!”

He had stopped and threw his hands in the air in frustration. We weren’t far from the training room but we were luckily alone enough that no one was listening in.

“I..” I lick my lips and shake my head slowly “I didn’t know about the drinking and...well head injury thing. I didn’t mean to drink so much. Neither of us did really. But I just needed…” I stopped unable to put it into words and also embarrassed about things.

“You needed what Kat?” He asks confused but I can tell he isn’t done. “This was kind of the last thing I expected from you given how you feel about pain medications. So what was so damn bad that you drank yourself into oblivion?”

I was getting angry now. I was being treated like a child and while I knew that my actions weren’t the smartest I could have done in the world, I was still an adult here. Not to mention I was and had been a mess of confusion and unknown feelings from within the first few hours of stepping foot into Dauntless. Frustration, confusion and anger had just been mounting in me and now I exploded.

“My LIFE, gods dammit! I don’t know how to handle most of the shit that is starting to happen with me and I needed help...advice...something. I needed to not be in my head or emotions for one goddamn second so that I didn’t feel like a walking, talking, and breathing version of the Chasm!”

I finish all of this, having raised onto my tiptoes and poking his chest with a finger all while feeling the same mix of crap that had driven me to the rooftop with Lynn last night resurface.

I was panting when I finished and when I saw his widened eyes that then softened after everything I had blurted out registered, I slumped down back to my normal height and let my hand drop. I flushed red at what I had admitted because there was no way that he couldn’t figure out what exactly I was talking about.

He sighs and pulls me into a hug. “I’m sorry. I know this is all, well, new to you. While I am glad you have someone you can talk to about this shit Kat, know you do have me too.”

He had pulled back from the hug with his hands to my shoulders and looking me over, waiting for me to say something. I was trying not to let the tears out that were stinging my eyes and failing. I nodded as big fat drops of tears rolled out.

“I know Zach, it’s just that...I mean you know...about that kind of stuff…”

He even turns a little red and rubs the back of his head with a grin. “Yeah maybe stick to Lynn for that, unless you do feel comfortable enough. I might suck at advice in that area but I will try for you.”

More tears and silence as he hugs me one more time before he sighs and breaks away. His phone had started to buzz. He took it out and was looking at it while I was lost in thought and emotion.

A frown of thought and a question that had been bubbling in my mind came forward. “Zach?” I call out softly.

“Yeah princess?” He replied distractedly.

He used the nickname that had partially brought this question up now. “Why me Zach?”

His eyes snap up to mine, and with a frown he puts his phone back in his jacket pocket and tilts his head. He waits so long I don’t know that he is going to speak again. “Why you what Kat?”

I look at my hands and shuffle on my feet a little. “Why are you guys being so nice to me? Why care about some little stiff initiate at all? Why are you willing to make me one of you, to let me be part of something I don’t think he...no...any of you let people in easily to? Why me when there is nothing special about me at all?”

I still don’t look up until a feel a finger on my chin and see Zach eyes filled with not only pain but real affection. “I can’t speak for Eric...or Chase, princess. But to me you are special and I am pretty sure anyone that means shit would say the same thing. I think we all recognize something in you that reminds us of something. For me, you reminded me of my niece when I was still in Candor. She was only eleven when I transferred and was the only thing I regretted leaving. She was my little princess. Fiery and strong, loving and smart. I have never used that nickname for anyone else but I think she would have wanted me to be able to find someone like her that I felt I could use it with.”

“Would have?” I asked with a tremulous voice.

Zach’s face turned so fucking sad and haunted, a feeling of dread and despair filled me at this. “Kat...it wasn’t your fault, I need you to know this.”

“Oh gods….” I slapped a hand over my mouth as realization washed over me. “No.” I cried out, shaking my head violently from side to side, sobs wracking my body.

This time when I was pulled into arms, after I had started to fall to the ground, it wasn’t Chase. This time it was all steel and warmth that wrapped me up. “Kat….you need to calm down.”

I didn’t deserve the soft and caring tone he was using on me right now. I didn’t deserve the gentle way I was then lifted and taken the rest of the way to the training room. I didn’t deserve the pair of concerned eyes from both men as they crouched in front of me when it seemed like the tears would never end.

I didn’t deserve any good thing in my life for the pain I had caused. How many others like Zach’s niece had died because of me? How many lives were destroyed, lives cut so damn short, because of me?

I had deserved it all. He had been right. Every lash from his belt, every hissed insult or recrimination that I had deserved it all because it was all my fault...all of it was right.

Marcus Eaton might not be there to dole out my punishments anymore but the lessons would always stay...and I deserved every one of them.