#seriously if you read this whole thing I'm immensely grateful to you putting up with my thoughts for as long as you did

[upon-the-waters]

Finding the Divine Daughter

Aka, I’ve finally come to the end of the spiritual tailspin I’ve been in since last October.

TL;DR (So many of my posts need these because I am a writer at heart, and I don’t want people getting annoyed at my paragraphs clogging up their feeds): I’m kind of obsessed with the way the Holy Spirit and the Christian perception of Divine Feminine has some parallels to the Mother and Daughter in Filianism. So I’m going to talk about it, with a lot of words. A LOT of words... You’ve been warned.

First off, in some Gnostic sects there’s the concept of Sophia’s daughter, Zoe. If Sophia is Divine Wisdom, Zoe is Divine Life. But yet, Zoe and Sophia are also two different ways of looking at the same entity-- a Mother and Daughter, that are also as One. A Gnostic interpretation of the Book of Genesis states that the Holy Mother Pistis Sophia sent forth the emanation of Herself, Her Daughter, Sophia Zoe. I’m going to make a quick clarification here, and that is that Sophia, or Lady Wisdom as spoken of in the Bible, and the Holy Spirit are the same entity. So already we have Sophia/Holy Spirit spoken of in Mother/Daughter terms. However, this is just within Gnosticism, and I personally have a lot of problems with Gnosticism (the amount of patriarchy still in it, but also its demonization of the material world, which I believe God created good). And while Zoe was the catalyst to the research that led me to discovering Filianism, to me the parallels don’t stop there.

Within the Bible, Sophia Herself is often characterized as a Daughter-figure, as She tells us in the book of Proverbs that She was birthed by YHWH before creation. Catholic tradition also equates Sophia with Mother Mary; I believe Valentin Tomberg in particular referred to the Divine Feminine as Maria-Sophia. To me, Maria-Sophia-- or Dea, to use the Filianic name-- is already pretty clearly Mother, so my research focuses primarily on finding Her Daughter aspect.

Sophia is also often equated with Shekinah, the Kabbalistic Jewish title for the Presence of God. According to the Northern Way website, where I first learned of Shekinah, She is the Mother, but I think it makes far more sense to see Her as the Daughter-- the immanence of God as opposed to the transcendence. Shekinah is also seen by some as the Bride of the male God, who was lost in the wilderness as a result of humanity’s fall from grace. However, there is an implication that this was actually voluntary on Her part, as she chose to remain with humanity and share in our sufferings-- much like the Holy Daughter. In fact, I’m almost positive the Janite website used to refer to Shekinah as a way of looking at the Holy Daughter, but I’m unable to find it after crawling through the Wayback Machine for a while... they do, however, call the Holy Daughter Zoe Sophia among other names! 

There is a very clear parallel between Shekinah and the Holy Spirit-- both of them are said to have descended down to us and given themselves to us. They are both said to be the Soul of the World, the spark of divinity present within creation.

St. Hildegard writes of two aspects of the Holy Spirit-- Sapientia and Caritas, Wisdom and Love. To make these names easier to pronounce, I translate them as Sophia and Charis. It is my belief that these two aspects of the Holy Spirit are the Celestial Mother and Holy Daughter aspects of Dea, the way She was seen by Hildegard and now by me. Sophia is the Creatrix, and Charis is the World Soul. Charis also means Life, not just Love-- I believe that Charis and Zoe are different names for this Daughter Holy Spirit, but I personally prefer Charis. St. Hildegard tells us that the Holy Spirit is both the sun and the moon. She is transcendent and immanent-- in Filianic terms, She is Mother and Daughter.

In the article I reblogged recently from the Chapel of Our Mother God, on Mary’s Immaculate Heart, Mary is equated to the Solar Mother. However, I believe that the Immaculate Heart shows Mary as both Mother and Daughter-- something the Chapel acknowledges when it discusses the Heart shown pierced by swords. Mary is also referred to as Queen of Heaven, which in Filianism is a title of the Daughter.

The Immaculate Heart is paralleled to the sun with its two fundamental qualities-- Warmth and Light. These two qualities correspond to the Divine Love and the Divine Wisdom, respectively, and are shown as the Immaculate Heart is both aflame with love and shining with wisdom. The Filianic Creed states that the Celestial Mother is Pure Light, and the Holy Daughter is Perfect Love. That is why, to me, Mary is the Holy Mother God, as well as the Daughter who suffered for us, intercedes for us, and brings us with Her to ascension as the Queen of Heaven, and parallels neatly with St. Hildegard’s writings of the Holy Spirit as Wisdom/Sophia and Love/Charis, my names for the Mother and Daughter Holy Spirit. Catholics are fond of saying that Mary is the Daughter of the Father and the Mother of the Son, and I like that (although I ultimately see the “Father” as genderless). However, they also call Her the Spouse of the Holy Spirit. To me, Mary is the Holy Spirit. St. Maximilian Kolbe basically says this as well, and that this is what the Immaculate Conception means. 

Finally: St. Therese, the saint I credit with sending me on this crazy crisis of faith last year? She once said of herself: “My call is love... In the heart of the church, my mother, I will be love, and thus I will be all things.” Is it a coincidence that she eventually led me to finding Charis, Holy Love, Holy Spirit, Holy Daughter? Maybe. But I really don’t think so.

[toomanyfandoms02]

The Transporter -Part Two- // Spencer Reid x Reader

Well here is part two of this whole new thing. I hope you guys like it :)

Word count ~ 2,630

It was a weird feeling. It took mere seconds but I could feel all of it.

It was like stretching, it wasn't uncomfortable, it was just odd.

I stumbled a bit, taking in my surroundings. It was a nice little apartment, I was set in the kitchen. Ahead of me I could see what looked like two bedrooms, a bathroom and the kitchen/dining room was connected. There was an older looking laptop sitting on the dining table with a sign next to it.

*You're gonna need this at the bureau! Good luck :) I'll see you soon. (Hopefully with an update on Spencer? ;))*

I shoved the laptop in the case that was neatly set on the table, slinging it over my shoulder and staring at my new home. I couldn't believe this was happening. And I don't think it's ever going to register completely.

A loud knock brought me out of my trance, I was at the door quickly, greeted by a giddy woman.

"Hello! You must be y/n. Your sister said you would probably be here today. I'm Amanda, your landlord." She shook my hand enthusiastically. I assume that Christine introduced herself as my sister.

"Yeah, Chris said this was a nice place. I unfortunately think I need to be going. I think I'm suppose to be introducing myself at my new job."

"Ah yes! At the FBI. Good luck to you." She moved from my way and I had her point me towards the BAU.

Christine was correct, the BAU was only a 10 minute walk from my apartment. I was literally shaking with nerves and excitement. I had dreamed for *years* of meeting Spencer Reid, more realistically Matthew Gray Gubler. But now that it was happening? I was almost too scared to do it.

Almost.

I walked into the doors instantly being questioned by a young man at the front desk. "Are you looking for someone? Can I have a name?"

"Y/n y/l/n, and I'm looking for Aaron Hotchner. I believe I'm suppose to be introducing myself today, I'm a new recruit."

"Ah I see, the new profiler." He nodded, looking at the screen. He then gave me a floor number and I headed up. I was cracking my knuckles the whole way up, it was a nervous tick. As soon as the doors opened I recognized many people.

JJ was hunched over her desk obviously reviewing a case file. Hotch, Derek and Rossi were in Hotch's office discussing something. That's when I saw the reason I had even considered this completely. Reid and Emily were staring at the board in the conference room. Emily was clearly trying to point more things out so Reid could put together a proper profile.

I knew I had to keep my composure and be professional. I *also* realized I have to act like I don't know everything about these people. So I calmly walked to Hotchs office and knocked lightly on the door. Rossi opened the door with his eyebrows knit together.

"Do you need something? Have a case to propose?"

I was a little frozen. Seeing one of your idols up close was a little...*overwhelming*. How was I gonna act when I was around Spencer?

"Oh! Uh, no. I'm the new recruit?" It came out as a question, which I'm sure confused him even more. I shot my hand out to him to shake. "Y/n y/l/n. My sister said she briefed you on my experience." That was a small lie, I was just assuming and **hoping** she did. He smiled, taking my hand.

"Yes of course. Come on in." He swung the door open further so I could enter the office. Derek was leaned on a chair in front of Hotch, who was sitting at his desk. "I'm David Rossi, this is Derek Morgan and this is Aaron Hotchner, our unit chief." I shook Derek and Hotchners hands, they were just as welcoming as I had hoped. We discussed a few things before we were on out way to the conference room. I began cracking my knuckles again. Hotch looked down at me, I quickly realized he was attempting to profile me, and clearly succeeding.

"There's nothing to be nervous about Ms. Y/l/n. You will fit in perfectly here." He reassured. I nodded, shoving my hands in my pockets to only slightly prevent myself from cracking them profusely.

Then there I was, entering the heavily windowed conference room. I had recognized the photos on the board since I had watched Criminal Minds so many times.

"Oh my god Cold Comfort." I muttered to myself. That was the name of the episode. It was the case where a man had been embalming his victims while alive. I had landed myself on the exact date of a pretty important case.

"Hmm?" Derek questioned me. Hearing me whisper a bit. I just shook my head with a nervous smile.

Emily had turned around to wave but Spencer kept his face glued to the board, which I was partially grateful for.

"That is Doctor Spencer Reid and Emily Prentiss. This is our new recruit, Agent y/n y/l/n. She has a degree in Criminal Justice, she also minored in psychology and sociology. She has been profiling in a different department for four years and I've been told she is quite talented at it." At that comment Specer had whipped around. He was holding a dry erase marker in his mouth and a pen in his hand. It was taking every single cell in me to not squeal just a little bit. So I just smiled.

"Will you profile me?" He asked, pulling the marker from his mouth and setting it on some papers the were strewn across the large table. I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Well statistically speaking if you have been doing this for several years, you *should* be pretty good at it. Considering you are being complimented on it implies that you are slightly above average for the actual limited years you have been doing it. So will you profile me?"

Are you kidding? I knew him like the back of my hand, this was going to be way to easy.

"Alright." I stood up a little straighter and smoothed out the skirt I was wearing. "You didn't have a particularly nuclear family kind of childhood. You lick your lips a lot, you've done it 4 times since I've been standing in this room, this is commonly learned from anxiety at a young age. I assume you have a pretty good IQ, considering you didn't use any contractions. It shows sophistication. I'm guessing you graduated highschool *way* early, I'm thinking...twelve? You look pretty young to be doing this kind of job, kind of like me. And I've been told you have multiple PhD's, that takes a while, even if you're a genius. But I graduated when I was sixteen. Nothing too special, only 2 years early. And lastly, I would guess you have an eidetic memory, correct? Theres a notebook sitting next to you. It even has your name printed at the top. It was made for you. But you haven't touched it since I entered this floor from what I can tell. You don't need it because everything is permanently in your mind." I cracked my knuckles once more, trying to gauge him again.

He wiped his hand over his face. "Wow, uh, that is incredibly detailed and accurate. Have you read any of my articles online?" I shook my head. "You seriously have no prior knowledge of me?" I shook my head again, which is kind of a lie you know? I mean, I knew *everything* about him. I knew a lot of things about all of these people. But really I knew most about him. He was like an idol to me. "That is incredible. How long did you say you've been doing this?" He asked with a tilt of his head. I couldn't help but smile more, he was even cuter in person and it was almost hard to stand.

"Four years. I worked as an intern under my uncle. He's the one that inspires me most." I probably shouldn't be discussing my real family, saying as they definitely won't ever know of them. What are the chances they would even want to anyway?

"Well I would love to meet him one day, he clearly mentored you well." Spencer said, looking at me hopefully.

Well shit. "Uh, yeah, maybe one day." I looked over at the door, more looking away because I was totally lying and did not want to be profiled, but I then saw JJ.

"Oh, this is Jennifer Jareau. She usually goes by JJ. JJ, this is y/n y/l/n. Our new profiler." Hotch gestured to her. JJ smiled sincerely and shook my hand.

"It's great to meet you. I heard your sister talking about you, it's a pleasure to have you on the team." Clearly Christine has set me up for immense success, which I greatly appriciated. I sat at the table, ready to listen to the details of the case that I remembered a good bit about. I quickly tucked my laptop under my chair.

"So yesterday, Brooke Lombardini our victim. Had a call out from a disposable phone directed to her mother. It is kinda of suspicious and definitely statistically impossible to prove that it is even her because it's only a whisper-" Hotch cut him off with a stern look. Spencer huffed lightly, continuing. "Anyway. There is slight evidence that she is alive. We are looking for someone with medical experience, considering he has the tools to embalm. It also appears that he is doing it while they are still alive." At this point, I was pretty happy that I already knew a lot about this case. Because it was really hard to focus when he talked, I loved it. So for about half of the time I was just watching him talk.

After being briefed, JJ took me to my desk, where she began to explain who was who in the office. Of course I already knew everything about them, but I really just wanted JJ's opinion on them.

"So that hunk over there," she gestured to Derek, "He would probably take a bullet for anyone. He has a very good heart and he's very hard working."

"Is Mr. Hunk Morgan your hunk?" I already knew the answer, but I wanted to tease her.

"Oh. No no. This is my hunk." She pulled her wallet out, showing me a picture if Will. "Will is a cop in another city." She looked at the picture lovingly. "But Morgan does have a weird relationship with Garcia." She then nodded at Penelope.

"Penelope is a very sweet, and incredibly quirky woman who is a blessing to the team. She will immediately start calling you sweety when you officially meet her. I'll bet money on it." I giggled a little and pretended to take notes which got her to laugh. "Reid is a special kind of sweet. He constantly tries to keep people safe. He's obviously a genius. He will talk your ear off about anything until you tell him to stop, so don't even get him started. He doesn't read social queues very well." I shrugged, setting my head in my hand as I peered into the conference room.

"I think he's sweet." I *now* realized that I seemed like a complete creep for thinking that if I had only known him for an hour. "I mean, he seems sweet. It's always nice to have a genius around right?"

"Curse and a blessing. Anyway, Hotch is a hard-ass, but he would do anything for this team. He's a great leader. Emily can be stern sometimes. She knows how to get answers out of people and she doesn't take any shit. And I'm sure you know Rossi, from his books?"

"Yes! He's seems great to work with."

"Yes, definitely. It's a weird team, but I wouldn't trade then for the world."

"Well I'm glad that you guys are so caringly taking me into your family."

"Of course, you'll be one of us in no time."

It wasn't long before I was starting my trek home. The walk was was very peaceful. It gave me a long time to soak in this wonderful universe. I had to walk through a park to get home, and all I could think was

*Wow, I could get use to this*

Once I was home, I flopped down on the couch, thinking about netflix but guess what?

*Netflix started their streaming site only two years ago*

Well that idea is out the window. I decided I was going to turn to disney channel and bask in the best decade of disney shows. But that would have to wait until I came back, I wanted to report things to Christine.

I grabbed my 'Come Back Device' and went to press it when I was interrupted by a knock for the second time today. I dropped the device, it landing on the couch safely.

"Coming, hold on." I walked to the door opening it to the last person I expected to see.

The one and only, Spencer Reid.

"Uh hi. You kinda left this under your chair in the conference room." He presented my laptop to me. My cheeks flushed for a second, knowing it was because I was distracted in there.

"Oh, thank you! Wait how did you-"

"Don't worry, I'm not some stalker." He waved his hands in defence. "I just looked at your file so I could bring this to you. Which also sounds kind of stalkerish but that was definitely not my intention. But you should know, if I was a stalker I wouldn't have come to you directly, that would be too-" I cut him off, I couldn't let him torture himself like this.

"Hey, Dr. Reid, I don't think you're a stalker." I giggled, grabbing my laptop from his hand. "Thank you though, for bringing it to me." He looked a little past me, at the couch.

"It was my pleasure. You can also call me Spencer. What is that?" He began pointing at the device.

"Oh uh, it's for my Halloween costume this year."

"And you're starting it now? In February?"

"Yeah!" I said a little loudly and enthusiastically. I lowered my tone, trying to think of some character in this timeline it could represent.... Bingo! "It's for an Iron Man costume. Just wanted it to be accurate. I leaned against the door frame, partially blocking his view of it.

"You like Iron Man?" I nodded. "I agree. I think that Robert Downey Junior is the perfect fit for him. I think it helps that he has a sort of troubled past already to fit his character well." Before he could drag me into a conversation like this, I stopped him. I didn't want to stop him. I loved his little rants. But I knew if I was pulled into a Marvel discussion, I will talk for hours.

"Yeah! I'm so sorry. I would really, trust me, really like to keep talking, but I am so exhausted and I'm not sure I would be good company. Thank you so much again for bringing this to me Dr.- I mean Spencer." I lifted it up and smiled.

"Yes of course. Any time. See you tomorrow Agent y/l/n."

"You can call me y/n."

He smiled with a little salute, "y/n."

And then he was gone. I huffed, heading back inside incredibly flustered and down right anxious. I swiftly grabbed the device and pressed the button, opening the portal back.

I had a *lot* to tell Christine.

(Do you guys have an suggestions on how to continue? I have some ideas, but I want your guys' input :))

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