#seeing this again after seeing the actual baton pass is even funnier

[shewhowantsmouseears]

The Son Of Scheherazade, 14

Notes: As always, big thanks to my amazing editors Drucilla and BlueShifted!

Originally I planned to have the priest and the enemies of this chapter played by Mickey-world villains, but, after being unable to think of them, decided to have some fun with short-lived hits Wander Over Yonder and The 7D. Hope I got them right, or as right as they would be in the roles they need to play.

This chapter's ridiculous plot was thought of years in advance because I am so easily influenced by gag-romance tropes in manga and I have a silly sense of humor. "Madeline" Mouse is the name of Mickey's cousin in a comic from long ago.

When I was younger I was told my name means Honeybee in Greek, or something. IDK if that's true, but there you have it.

Summary: In order to get the first piece of the map, Mickey and his friends must enter a contest... but not win? Can they survive Daisy's tricks, or will a darker force steal more than just a victory?

It took several days to reach the borders of Rumansy, and their arrival was a great relief to everyone. No matter how hard Mickey and the others begged and pleaded to Daisy for further information about the task before them, she refused to speak of it “too early”, because what fun would that be? On this particular day, full of bright sunshine and hot winds, Mickey was standing in the crow's nest, the area littered with maps and pens. Ever since Daisy had revealed the truth behind his parents' kidnapping, he had devoted all of his free time to studying every inch of every map the ship had. If they couldn't find the fourth piece of the mysterious map they were searching for, they had an entire world to look through but not enough time to do so. Often he stayed up late at night to study, trying to memorize layouts of towns and deciding which maps filled in the holes the others were missing.

During those nights, Minnie would stay in her lamp, hearing nothing but the gentle scratching of pen against paper. It was soothing and frustrating at the same time – she couldn't help him at all. Or rather the only way she could help him, her wishes, he refused to use.. It made her question her place on the ship, since everyone had their own roles. Mickey had done so much for her and for everyone he met, and no doubt he would continue to put the needs of others before his own. The night before they arrived at the city's edge, Minnie heard a quiet “thunk” outside of her lamp, and poofed out to see what it was.

Mickey had been bent over his work table, studying long into the night until exhaustion finally took over, and he passed out. His head lay on the table, snoring loudly and drooling slightly. Pluto, who had been sleeping around his master's chair, jerked his head up at the noise, and whined to see what had happened. Minnie sighed, and began to tug the blanket from his bed. She knew if she tried to move him to the bed, he would wake up and insist on resuming his work. As she draped the blanket over his shoulders, she silently made a vow – she would find a way to help him in Rumansy, no matter what it took or what indignities she suffered. She would be useful in one form or another, to him and to the others. She would help him sleep peacefully again.

Now in the day's light, she had those same thoughts as she stood on deck, gazing up at the crow's nest where Mickey was standing. Minnie would not let him work alone and suffer for her sake. It was her turn to work for his freedom and happiness. Though he was very high up, she could make out his features, and watched him as if he was the most fascinating subject the world had ever created. What kind of life did he have to make him this way? So kind and caring and smart and clever and handsome and -

“If you start singing a mushy song, I am gunna hurl.”

Minnie felt she jumped a foot up in the air when she heard Daisy's mocking voice behind her. “Why can't you ever do anything normally?!” To her growing mortification, the rest of the crew was with Daisy, wall of them now looking in different directions, whistling, pretending they hadn't noticed Minnie's lovesick staring.

Daisy waved the question away. “It's time to start planning for the next part of the quest. But I'm going to need his help, and yours, and Donald's!”

“Me?” Donald asked, confused but happy to participate.

Minnie wanted to be happy about this, but given Daisy's nature, she was wary about what this would entail. Mickey, for his part, noticed the crowd below and began to climb down as fast as he could. “I can see the city!” he called out as he raced downwards. “Daisy, will you finally tell us how to get the first part of the map? Where is it in Rumansy?”

Once Mickey was on solid ground, Daisy flipped her hair and twirled her pipe, ready to go into another storytelling spiel. Her snake rested comfortably on her head, hissing out a hello. “The city of Rumansy began as a small town without anything to really notice about it. As a result, they were poor as dirt and lacked any tourists. But one day, a runaway couple entered the city, begging for help. They were from warring tribes, yet they were desperately in love and refused to part. The town was touched by their passion and allowed them to stay. The story became so famous that the town suddenly became known as a romantic destination for honeymooners!”

“I've got a bad feeling about this,” Horace groaned.

“In honor of this couple, the elders of Rumansy decided they would make their city the most romantic in all the land! And the best way to do it was to hold a contest every year to choose the most romantic couple in all the land! The prizes change each time, and people come from across the globe to prove they are the best couple to have ever...coupled! And one of those prizes is a piece of the map! They have no idea about its real origins. They just figure it's a collector's item.” She then held her pipe like a conductor's baton, getting into the final segments of the plan. “But we have to be precise! That prize only goes to the Runner-Up! Third place is a thousand gold pieces, second place is a paid vacation to the land of your choice, and first place is to star in a romance novel written by famed author Honeybee!”

Goofy raised his hand. “Who?”

“Eh, some hack author. Her editors do all the work, honestly. Bless them.”

Mickey was getting Horace's bad intuition. “Wait a minute...can't we just ask them for the piece of the map? You're not actually saying we have to enter this ridiculous contest?”

“They take this contest very seriously!” Daisy wagged a finger. “They won't hand it over just because you say 'pretty please'. No, the only way to get it is to enter and win! That's why you, Minnie, Donald and I are going to sign up and pretend to be couples.”

“What?” said Donald.

“What?” said Minnie.

“WHAT?!” said Mickey.

“Told you,” Horace added.

Clarabelle pushed her husband aside to get up front. “Now hold on a minute! Doesn't it make much more sense for me and Horace to enter? We're actually married!”

“Noooooooo, you and the others should stay behind in case we need help. Besides, the way you two argue so much, I doubt they'd even know you were a real couple in the first place.” But anyone looking at Daisy's face could see she was lying through her teeth. No doubt the real answer was, “This is much funnier.”

“Well, I guess we do kind of argue a lot,” Horace began to agree.

“Horace! We do NOT argue a lot!” Clarabelle disagreed very loudly.

“Yes we do, woman, why won't you listen to me?!”

“I'M TELLING YOU WE NEVER ARGUE!”

“Daisy!” Mickey barked, interrupting Clarabelle and Horace, already losing his patience. “This is nuts! We're not going to lie to these people and pretend to be something we're not! There has to be another way to get the map!”

Minnie crossed her arms, sticking her nose up. “I concur with my Master, I won't do it.”

Donald nervously tugged at his collar. “I gotta say, if we're pirates, why don't we just steal the thing?”

Daisy evenly looked at her three pawns, seeing all the resistance, and then dramatically exhaled, pressing the back of her head to her forehead and turning away. “I see how it is...Well, if that's how you really feel about it, I guess it can't be helped. What was I thinking? I mean, I can see how dreadfully uncomfortable it would be for you guys to be together...Having to cuddle and coo, whisper sweet nothings, exchange long, passionate, really deep kisses...”

If one person could be played like a fiddle, Daisy played the trio like an orchestra.

“HANG ON,” Mickey interjected loudly and abruptly, his cheeks burning as he thought about the possibility of cuddling Minnie in his arms like a loving husband, “I mean, if it's for the sake of my parents, we should pull out the stops, r-right?”

“I AGREE,” Minnie added on just as loudly, blushing as she thought about the idea of having tender words whispered into Mickey's ear, “That is, if it's what my Master wishes, I have to go along with it, d-don't I?”

“I WANNA DO IT,” Donald finished, determined not to faint this time if Daisy kissed him again and again and again and again. “All for one and one for all! AHAHAHA!”

The rest of the crew stared at Daisy in awe at how easily she wrapped the others around her figure – well, not so much awe as it was fear. Yikes.

“Aw, I'm so glad we're all in agreement!” Daisy chirped, clasping her hands together. “Once we lay anchor, I'll go on ahead and sign us up while you three pack! The contest takes about three days, so make sure to get everything you need! Remember, we have to be good, but not too good.”

“You are a devil woman,” Clarabelle muttered under her breath.

“Gotta go pack!” Mickey repeated, practically skipping with glee at this plan which was to absolutely to save his parents and had nothing to do with the fact that he could hold Minnie's hands and not feel guilty about it. Minnie flounced after him, pleased that she could be of use to the crew and not that she could be in Mickey's arms without any repercussions. Donald, still lost in kissing thoughts, had to be dragged away by Panchito and Jose since he couldn't find the strength in his feet.

Goofy glanced down at Daisy, scratching his noggin under his bandanna. “Daisy...you're not planning something this time, are you? We really do need that piece of the map.”

Daisy put one hand over her heart and raised the other. “I give you my word, I plan for the four of us to pretend to be two couples. Nothing more, nothing less. Why, if we didn't win the map, I'd stop having fun.”

“That is exactly the opposite of reassuring,” Horace rolled his eyes. “We'll stick around town and learn what we can about this contest...but you gotta keep an eye on them! Keep Donald's powers under check, and don't let anyone find out what Minnie really is and who Mickey really is! The less headaches we get, the better!”

Daisy just smiled, working her pipe into her ponytail. “Fiddle-de-dee, such faith you have in me.”

Horace, Clarabelle, and Goofy had no choice but to go along with whatever Daisy was cooking, laying the anchor down so she could climb off and sign the foursome up. Clarabelle insisted with her husband they should still try to enter to watch over the young ones, but of course Horace argued against this, and they continued fighting over it well long after the chosen ones had left. Goofy, at least, tried to be optimistic about the whole thing. On its surface, the plan was relatively simple – given the way Mickey and Minnie felt about each other, “pretending” to be a couple would be amazingly easy. So how could Daisy possibly use that as a trick for her own entertainment?

~*~

An hour later, Mickey, Minnie, and Donald walked into the city of Rumansy with their heads held high and songs in their hearts. Their excitement was diminished a smidgen when they realized how overboard the city went with its theme – the buildings were heart shaped, guitars were being played at every corner, and the streets had carvings of very sappy poetry. Everyone wore shades of reds and pinks, with men carrying bouquets and women spraying perfume from the windows.

“Everyone here needs to seriously take it down a notch,” Donald stated when the trio had to wait to cross a street due to several couples tango-ing at once.

“Daisy wasn't kidding about the romance deal,” Mickey mused, scratching his cheek. Here was an entire city that was just as embarrassing as his parents. “I mean, I don't really know much about it myself...”

“Same here,” Donald admitted. “Shoot, what with the way Uncle...” he winced, still in the habit of calling the cruel old man his relative, “...Flintheart raised me, I never thought any woman would want me. So I never bothered learning how to get a girl. But maybe if we just act natural, we should be okay?”

“Donald is right,” Minnie said, walking closer to Mickey than normal. “We can't think too hard about this, or it'll be obvious we're faking. We should just do... whatever...feels right.” She met Mickey's eyes, and the two held the gaze for a second before shyly breaking away.

“I don't think you two have much to worry about.” Donald held back a snicker. For him, he wasn't sure what his feelings about Daisy were – the woman could be graceful and intelligent one moment, devious and underhanded the next. But he was in this to help his friend – more importantly, he was in this to get another amazing kiss. Homina homina homina.

The trio found Daisy on the steps of a church so massive it could rival many a royal palace. It was covered in white lace, but instead of hideous gargoyles it was adorned with smooching couples and winged cherubs, the stained glass windows depicting previous winners of the contest. On the steps of the church, Daisy was talking to a short man who was covered in orange hair from head to foot – although he did it keep it smooth and trim. He was nodding along to whatever Daisy was saying, occasionally wiping a tear from his eye and adjusting the long green hat on his head. It was an easy guess that this man worked for the contest.

Mickey stopped, feeling his heart racing. He swallowed, and made himself look at Minnie. “B-Before we do this, I... um... well... I don't want to do... anything you're not... you know... comfortable with...” He began to fidget, the pack on his shoulders shifting back and forth – Donald had packed light, with Minnie not packing anything, as her magic kept her clothes springtime fresh, but Mickey wanted to continue his studies, so his pack was bursting with maps. “That is... you can always tell me to stop, or... The map is important, but, you, you're important too, and I want you to, to, to remember what I said about... being unable to tell what's real, and what you're doing because of what you are...”

With each stammer and stutter, Mickey accidentally wormed his way further into Minnie's heart. She smiled without realizing it, playing with the rings on her fingers. “I know, I remember. But, perhaps... I might be more... comfortable... with some things than you might realize...”

“There he is!” Daisy suddenly called out, jarring their attention. “My beloved husband, my one and only! I can't believe we were apart for so long!” Donald's face flushed, and he could feel Mickey lightly nudging his chest with an elbow. Daisy began to run down the stairs, arms out. “My sweetie, my darling, my...”

But instead of jumping into Donald's open arms, she latched onto Mickey. “Myyy Mortimer~!”

Donald froze where he was, arms still out, trying to comprehend what just happened. Minnie's jaw dropped, her body shaking like a thousand rattle-snake tails. Mickey slowly, rigidly, dug his fingers into Daisy's shoulders and pulled her off. “What... Did... You... Do?”

“I signed us up, hubby-wubby-boo~!” Daisy bopped Mickey on the nose, enjoying each dose of horror she got from her so-called friends. “I told Father Wander here all about us! And when he heard our story, he knew we would be surefire winners!”

“Of course I know it!” The orange-colored man felt ready to sob all over again. “To think that a pair of forbidden couples would show up at our door... It's like destiny!” It was a good thing he began to pantomime the story himself, so he could miss the murderous glares being bestowed upon Daisy, and the delighted raspberry she blew back. “You, Mortimer, were arranged to be married but on the day of the wedding, you fell for the bride's sister, Donna! And not only that, but your servants, Madeline and Gladstone, also fell for each other! How amazing is that?”

Donald wasn't sure which he found more offensive – being called a servant or being given such a stupid name. That's when the actual point of the story hit him, and he shakily pointed to Minnie. “So... me and her...?” He liked Minnie, yes, but as a sister! Minnie was equally distraught, but could not summon words, only gaping in dread as Daisy continued to snuggle up to Mickey.

Father Wander clapped. “You guys are all shoe-ins, and as our last entrants, we can finally begin the opening ceremony! Come on in!” He threw open the doors, revealing that within loud operatic music was being played, and headed inside.

Mickey spoke hotly through gritted teeth. “Daisy...Did you plan this from the start?”

“I said we'd be couples, I never said who'd be with who.” Daisy waggled her eyebrows, never losing the appearance of a venomous snake. “Why... is there someone you guys would rather be with?” She looked at them all, grinning.

Minnie made a choked noise in her throat, but that was all the answer Daisy would get. Mickey and Minnie were still way too emotionally compromised to actually admit what they felt, especially in front of the object of their desire, and Donald could feel his mortification rising at the thought of saying out loud, “Yes, I wanted you to kiss me again!” As such, no one said a word. “That's what I thought.” Daisy giggled, walking up the stairs with Mickey. “Cheer up, Mortimer! We're all happily in love!”

Mickey could feel his head throbbing. “And why, out of all names-”

“Oh, relax, the guy's still on the run from all those magical thefts, he's not going in public anytime soon. No way we'll get get any kind of mix-up.” It was difficult to tell if she knew this for a fact, given her All Seeing Eyes, or she was making an excuse for poking a hornet's nest. “Smiles, everyone!”

The only way Mickey could manage something close to a smile was imagining tying Daisy up and leaving her in the city while the crew made a getaway. As a result his smile was more demonic than charming. “I love you so much,” he hissed through clenched teeth. “I don't think I've ever loved someone as much as I love you right now.” It was obvious what actual emotion Mickey was emphasizing.

With a sad exhale, Donald offered his hand to Minnie, unable to look at her for the moment due to embarrassment, which she did not find offensive. She weakly held his hand and followed their friends into the chapel, trying to put on struggling happy faces.

The interior of the entrance was filled to the brim with couples of all kinds. Some couldn't keep their hands off of each other, others were bickering loudly, and it occurred to Mickey then that perhaps some others would also be faking their romance. A thousand coins or a paid vacation were tempting prizes, after all. The inside of the church contained more silly statues of smooching and banners full of hearts. Father Wander's servants were prancing about, offering flower necklaces and singing poetry about each of the contestants. Mickey was finding it more difficult to keep on his smile, his anger still throbbing, and now growing into frustration. He had sworn to Minnie that he'd put his affections for her on hold until she was free, and he was going to keep his word. It had been the right thing to do, but also incredibly difficult – he wanted to treat her like a lover should be treated, to give life to the words in his head, to make her happy for every sad say she'd ever experienced. But now being in this place was like a belittling reminder of the lines he swore he wouldn't cross, no matter how much he wanted to.

Yet as he looked around at all the kissy faces and hearing silly pet names – this seemed almost to be more a mockery of romance than an actual celebration. As if these people knew what people in love were supposed to “look like”, but never bothered to try anything else. Mickey's parents were mushy, yes, but they didn't spend every waking moment babbling about each other. Sometimes their love could be felt with a simple smile when their spouse was having a bad day, or asking the chef to prepare their favorite food when one of them was ill.

Mickey's mind began to reel, somewhat cooling his anger without getting rid of it entirely – did he really know anything about love? He was certain about his feelings towards Minnie, but he'd been proven wrong about his instincts before. What a fine time to have doubts! Maybe if he hadn't been so busy daydreaming before he came to the chapel, he could've asked an actual expert on the subject, like Goofy or Horace. But in the end, did any of it matter?

Father Wander began clapping his hands, which stopped his servants so he could be heard. “Welcome, one and all, to the Annual Rumansy Romance Contest! It is such an honor to be here among so many loving people! Now that our last minute contestants have been signed up, we can finally get things rolling!” he then gestured to the foursome at the door, applauding wildly. “Give 'em a hand, everyone! Two pairs of forbidden lovers for the price of one! Aren't they just adorable?”

Daisy squeezed Mickey tightly, giggling like a shy schoolgirl. “Aw, honey, aren't they saying the nicest things about us?”

Mickey awkwardly patted Daisy on the head, trying to keep the real goal in mind. “Uh, yeah. Thanks.” He swallowed, feeling everyone's eyes on him. He could feel his insides trying to physically force down his anger, and ignore his worries, although both were proving to be difficult. Donald and Minnie were wearing a matching pair of nervous smiles, awkwardly waving. “I, uh... well! It's nice to meet all of you, sorta.” There was no reason to bad sport to his fellow contestants. Maybe some of them had been duped as well. “I hope we can all get along, and may the best couple win.”

“AND THAT WILL BE US!”

One of the small, wooden pews was knocked over, allowing the shouting enemies to use it as a makeshift pedestal for their greatness. A pair of humans stood side by side, copying each other's pose of a hand to their face. “There is simply no couple who love each other more than I, Hildy Gloom, and my fantastic husband, Grimwold Gloom, love each other!” She cackled and flipped her short, purple and pink hair around. The long-frilled dress around her neck and legs made her seem taller than she really was, like a violet lizard standing on its haunches.

“So the rest of you would be better off giving up and leaving here and now!” Her husband's laugh was no less devilish, though his contained a few extra honks, given his very large nose. His bright blue hair was nearly blinding, save for the white streak like a lightning bolt. He also dressed a bit more conservatively choosing a simple trench-coat with a pattern of stars in the corner. “We not only deserve first place, but second, third, and runner-up! You might as well save us all some time and hand them over now!”

The various couples uneasily looked at each other, unsure if they wanted to fight against a pair that was so downright rude. Father Wander held up his hands, chuckling nervously. “Now, now, let's not get ahead of ourselves...There's three days to prove who's the best, starting now! We have two assigned chambers, one for the men, and one for the women, so if you could all just-”

“Why should I have to share my room with a bunch of losers?” Hildy marched forward, leaning over Father Wander and making him back up. “I'll have all of these pathetic wanna-bes dropped out before you can say 'boo'! So hand over those prizes! I want them, I want them, I want them!”

Daisy whispered behind her hand, “See, there are people more annoying than I am.” This did not reassure Mickey about anything.

The murmur didn't go unnoticed, as Grimwold stomped his foot down. “You got something to say to us?” He then advanced toward Mickey and Daisy, sneering down at them. “You two think you could be more in love than we are? Get lost! The only ones winning are me and my Hildy-honey!”

Mickey's temper was reaching its limits for the day, fighting off the lid he'd so carefully placed on it minutes ago. ���Look, we don't want any trouble. We all deserve a fair shot at winning the prizes, and it's not fair for you to push Father Wander around! We're not going anywhere, and you can't make us!”

“Who says I can't, pipsqueak?” Grim grabbed Mickey by the collar – Mickey felt a strange little pinch. “Do you even know who we are?”

“You literally just told us,” Daisy said under her breath, making no movement to help Mickey. But she didn't have to – a sudden, hard bolt of lightning struck the outside of the chapel, causing everyone to jump. After all, it'd been clear and sunny, so where did the lightning come from? Mickey glanced behind him, and saw Donald give a sheepish smile. He hadn't meant to summon it, but seeing his friend needlessly bullied had set him off. Minnie squeezed his hand in gratitude.

Grateful for the distraction, Father Wander tried to pick things up again. “As I was saying...we have rooms for men and women, so you can unpack and get yourselves psyched for the first part of the contest! Anyone who fails any part of the contest will kindly be asked to leave.” The “kindly” part was up to debate, seeing how his servants were holding up chains behind his back. If Mickey had to guess, the losers would be dragged away in them, which seemed extremely excessive. “We'll continue eliminating couples until we have our winners on day three! On that day, we have a super secret and super amazing way to tell who is the best couple in the whole wide world! Hurray for love!” He applauded, and this time everyone joined in, save for the sneering Glooms.

The frolicking servants began to lead the men and women away into separate, long red hallways. With the intense drama now over, Mickey put a hand to his chest, taking deep breaths. Now he could calm down, and get rid of that vicious temper. In, out, in, out, there was no reason to lose his cool. They would just play the game and try their best. As each pair began to be separated, Mickey shook Donald's hand. “Thanks for the save, pal.”

“You got it, Mickey,” he whispered, happy to have helped. “We're all in this together, all four of us. And don't you worry, Minnie and I have got this covered. We'll help you and each other.”

Minnie bowed her head respectfully. “I'll be in your hands, Donald, so I know I will be all right.”

“But right now, she's in my hands!” Daisy yanked Minnie away by the wrist, happy to ruin the tender moment. “See you boys later! You better prepare the sappiest lines you can imagine! I want to see maple syrup pouring out of your mouths!” With a harpy-like little laugh, she flounced away with a very reluctant Minnie.

“I'm afraid to say it can't get worse.” Mickey shook his head, following Donald to the men's chambers. He wondered what the first stage of the contest was, and how hard it would be to pass it. But until then, he could always study his maps.

The last couple to be separated were the Glooms, who had now taken to a corner and were watching their enemies disperse. Before they parted, Hildy held out her hand to her husband, smirking. “Did you get it, Grimmy-goo?”

“Easy as pie, Hildy-hoo.” He slipped it into her hand – a single black hair taken from Mickey's fur. “If what the Phantom Prince told us is right, this is our ticket to easy street. Work your magic. Literally.”

“Can do, babe.” She slid the hair into her neckline, hiding it underneath her clothes. “I'll need a day to perfect it, but before this contest is over, we'll know if he's the one we've been looking for. Then not only will we win, but we'll obtain ultimate power!”

“You are so pretty when you're evil.”

“You say the nicest things, sweetie!”

They exchanged a happy kiss before leaving their separate ways, determined to win in every sense of the word. No one suspected that this sappy yet bothersome pair was there for far more than coins and prizes. The Phantom Prince hadn't stopped with Pete in his search for suitable pawns. They wouldn't be the last obstacles in Mickey's way, but they were going to show him that there were things he could never hide no matter how hard he tried.

Grimwold stuck his hands in his pockets as he walked on with the rest of the men, his eyes staying on Mickey's back. He hadn't exactly been given all the details of the big plot at hand, but felt he didn't need them. What he had was enough. He was going to get his hands on the Son Of Scheherazade.

Or, as others called him, those who felt his mother was no hero and that his father was a monster... The Child Born Of Blood.