#see what I mean abt the Big Feelings? it's an absolute casserole up there (my brain) rn

[izzy-b-hands]

I noped out of the family plans for today (originally to see a certain famous musician's restaurant out in NJ, tho somehow Mum and her bf didn't listen to us when we said it would be like. three hours both ways, but that also it sounded like a perfectly fine/fun vacation thing to do so the travel would be worth it)

\so I'm at home catching up on chores and resting the aching joints bc it's been lovely being outside so much and doing stuff, but also. So much walking. The joints have Opinions abt that lmaoooo

The only thing is that I've slightly underestimated all I had to catch up on here, so now the dishes are done, one of Housemate's things that needed cleaning is in an alcohol bath (in one of my old mugs bc I realised the genius of using an old one for this, so there's a handle to move it around lol), and I don't necessarily have anything else I need to do, which has me feeling guilty for not going out with Mum and the bf but...

At the same time, it's nice not feeling so on the go constantly. I've been having a lot of conflicted Big Feelings abt her being out here, her going back at the end of the week, how her bf has been acting/talking (that's a whole other fucking post itself tbh), how I've been responding to them/how well I've been doing or not re: using my old therapist's coping methods and boundary setting tricks and tips (number one being: actually fucking try to set them lmao)

And not being horribly Go Go Go is both helping me slow down and parse more of it/how I need to work on this going forward, but also I keep randomly falling to pieces and crying so. Maybe I'll go work on WIPs as distraction/metaphor for my adult relationship with my mother being a work in progress too