#says the guy who won't leave its house with a shirt that reveals even a smidge of its belly.

[daz4i]

i need to start wearing crop tops. for the hairy+scarred belly enjoyers in my life

[mminttae]

Clandestine | 02

-> Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x reader

-> Genre : tattoo!artist Jungkook, mafia! JJK,mafia au, bloody!missions, slight violence, got secrets they can't tell, angst, romance, Jungkook's part time job is flirting, sad (backstory), Y/N is strong!

-> Summary : who would have known that just doing a part time job at a night club would lead you to the tattoo artist Jeon Jungkook's messed up world. One letter related to the secret comes out of your mouth you'll be laying in Jungkook's arms but alive or not, that's not guaranteed...

-> Word Count : 4.286 K ( A/N: I’m increasing words )

-> T/W body language, killing, curse words and intimacy are included in the story (you may read if you're comfortable with these)

Part : 2

<< previous chap

.・゜-: ✧ :-playlist -: ✧ :-゜・．

Jungkook's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. Even if me saying that line didn't flatten him enough I knew the nickname did as it always have been doing. It was clearly visible that he didn't expect me to be this bold suddenly. But he being himself smirked after a couple of seconds as his hand snaked up to grab my wrist pulling me more closer "Sure princess.. Do you want to go to the trip now? " His tongue rolling over his bottom lip as his piercing doe eyes holding so many thoughts looked at my lips then to my eyes.

"I don't want to interrupt but the trip has to be postponed "Jimin interferes in the moment, his eyes narrowed and only looking at me as if scared that the younger guy would throw him out if he locked eyes with his. Making a 'tch' sound Jungkook raises his eyebrows at Jimin in a manner that reads he's asking why postpone. I yeet his hand which was holding my wrist and get off from the table clearing my throat while fixing the skirt and apron. Jungkook clearly disappointed for not being able to hear my answer gets up from the seat while putting the black leather jacket around his shoulders. Jimin and Taehyung following him gets up too grabbing their bags. Jungkook walked up to me while fixing his bangs with his index finger.

"Gotta go princess a client's waiting" Nodding I proceeded to walk away but I could hear Jungkook saying with a sad dramatic tone. "Atleast act that you don't want me to go". I'm afraid I won't be able to because I myself don't know what this client of yours gonna do if you don't go on time. Is the person waiting even a client or not? Knitting my eyebrows I look back only to meet with strangers taking up the seat. The three tall mesmerizing men with inks on their body not to be seen anywhere. I don't know what's going on in that foolish yet extremely clever brain of yours but...

Be careful Mr. Artbook..

End of YOUR POV

Mid summer yet the night breeze is able to run shivers down your spine. Not a single soul in sight.

10 at night maybe the shopkeepers closed down the shutters and went to bed. Not many shops here in this area to even begin with. The only workshop's bell which rings here is the Jeon's Tattoo corner which has been ringing from the morning today , seemed to have stopped in the evening but now making its sound again. "Argh I should really break down this bell "

With an annoyed expression the black haired guy opens the drawers searching for a fresh towel. The tall man who just entered the shop walked past the desk table, turning the door knob and allowing himself inside the cozy room. His loud footsteps on the wooden floor telling Jungkook that the guest has arrived.

"Where were you? I waited here for five minutes then went inside the nearby plant store to kill time"

Taking off the long coat the tall silver haired guy walks up to the chair positioned in the middle of the room beside the various tools. "Sorry hyung, Taehyung and Jimin wanted a new tattoo so went to hear out their designs"

Jungkook says, eyebrows knitted while he fishes out the stencil of the beautiful clematis he has drawn beforehand of the leader's arrival. Smiling to himself he walks up to the seated boss whose like a big brother to him, he puts the stencil aside. Taking out a black rubber band from his pocket he takes his hair and ties it up to a small ponytail before taking out a drawer full of tattoo needles and inks. "Heard that Yoongi started boxing classes with you"

The older male speaks as his lip corners slowly moves upwards. Jungkook giving out a laugh says, "Yea Yoongi hyung be moving like a turtle. "

The thought of his hyung boxing and whining that it's hard is enough to make the little one giggle. Taking out a small wooden stool with one hand as the other one was holding the tattoo gun, Jungkook sits himself beside the strong looking man who rolls up his shirt's sleeves revealing all the different type of arts and words of different languages tattooed on his arm.

"Need chewing gum?"

The younger one asks at the thought that it might hurt but the older one replies plainly that he's fine after all his skin had been coming in contact with this gun for a long time now. Jungkook nods before resting the needle on the free space on the top of the man's biceps before starting to draw on it, the awestrucking clematis. "Was thinking of getting a lip piercing but not being able to get it cuz of the adults in the house"

The man says while his dimples makes visits to his cheeks.

"The exact same reason why am postponing on getting an eyebrow piercing"

Jungkook replies as he carefully moves the tattoo gun sideways on the man's bicep.

"So when are you planning on telling your sister?"

He asks as the silver haired guy closes his eyes once realizing what Jungkook meant.

"When the time's right.. "

He replies, slowly opening his eyes his gaze meeting the ceiling.

"But first we need to pinpoint Mr. Choi's location"

Replying with a small and quiet yes Jungkook draws the details on the flower carefully.

"Seokjin has been checking the cctvs regularly and the only thing he found was the black hyundai stopping at a night club at exactly 7pm every Tuesday and Wednesday"

"What's the night club's name? "

Jungkook asks as he draws on the small leaves.

"Hell's night club"

With just the mention of the night club's name Jungkook's hand stops moving as his eyes widened. "Isn't that the club you often visit with the others? "

The silver haired man asks making Jungkook quietly nod his head. If the most feared mafia in the country slash his team's biggest rival had been going to the exact same club at the exact same time as his how come he never saw the familiar old man's face? He thought.

What kind of person does the man disguise him as that even Jimin who encountered him multiple times doesn't notice. "You should be careful and try to see your clients faces carefully and see if they match that old fart's face or not"

Jungkook humming a response continued on giving the clematis it's final touch. Finishing the tattoo he removes the gun making the silver haired man sit up straight and fix his shirt.

"You know what to do right?"

Jungkook asks referring to putting on Vaseline ointment on the tattoo and stuffs. The older guy nods while fetching his coat. "I'll get going then. Thanks for the tattoo kook"

Jungkook simply nods his mind stuck in a different topic. Putting the equipments away and tidying up the towels as the older guy leaves the shop and disappears into the darkness of the night in the empty alleyway, Jungkook couldn't help but think about what you were up to. His mind stitching up different negative thoughts together.

"If Mr. Choi is really going to that club then he must have seen Y/N always talking to us..... What if he does something to her? " Jungkook asks to himself and the next thing he does is take his bag, turn off the lights, lock the doors and run off to meet you.

• -

"I'll be off then"

Bowing politely you take hold of the two big disposable bags and huff out a breathe when you realize how heavy both of them were. Kicking the back staff door with your leg open the first thing you see is Jeon Jungkook leaning on the wall infront. His hair tied up in a small ponytail, a bag hung around his shoulder and inked hands resting inside his jeans pockets. His eyes falls on your hands holding the disposable garbage bags, sighing he walks up to you.

"I thought your job was to serve and take orders not bring out garbages" You looked down at the bags in your hands while saying, "I was coming out anyways it's no biggie"

You flashed him a small smile but his eyes looked worried and his face tensed. You wondered what happened but didn't dare to ask thinking that he will only answer with 'none of your business' . Yes Jeon Jungkook unknowingly says harsh things without thinking when he's tensed. Jungkook takes the garbage bags from your hands and put it beside the door when his eyes lands on your right hand which was bandaged. His eyes widen and he quickly took your right hand examining it while asking

"How did this happen? Are you okay? "

Embarrassed you put your hand away from his warm ones and answer while smiling, not making eye contact

"It's okay I'm fine these kind of injuries are meant to happen if you work in a bar." Jungkook not convinced took your hand again now keeping it infront of him not letting you pull it back. His eyebrows knitted . "You were totally fine this evening tell me what happened". Chewing on your bottom lip you look down, fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

"Y/N tell me what happened.." Jungkook says once again this time his voice laced with concern as his hands caressed your hair. You were actually a bit taken aback at how the always dominant voice of Jungkook is making its way to you in a concerned and soft way.

"A drunk guy harshly pulled my hand wanting me to sit beside him but I fought back and he suddenly let go of me making me loose my balance at hit the edge of the glass table behind and that's how I got this"

You say while looking at your bandaged hand which was now resting in jungkook's warm palm. He softly held your injured hand and lower down a bit to meet your height. Looking at your eyes he said

"Tell me who did this. Tell me who did this to you I'm gonna fucking kill him"

In a calm soft voice but the last part obviously didn't come out in a soft way. You laughed and pushed him a bit away from you. "It's okay am fine don't overreact he was drunk" But Jungkook not buying the answer walked closer to you and again with a serious tone asked you . "Tell me how he looked like"

Knowing that he won't let go of the topic unless you give him a proper answer you sigh, rolling your eyes while describing the drunk man you happened to meet inside the club. "He had small eyes , a sharp nose and dark stubble on his face and.." You trailed off thinking what else did the man have but Jungkook interrupted asking in a quick manner

"Did he have any sort of tattoo on his wrist? " Replaying the moment inside your head you widen your eyes a bit and nod your head, "Yea he did.. Was that a crown? A crown maybe"

Exactly knowing who that drunk man you encountered was Jungkook's chest sank at the thought that the old man touched you with his dirty hands. Gulping down the saliva that formed in his mouth he without thinking pulled you to his chest engulfing you in a hug. He wasn't sure why he felt like protecting you but he wanted to . He wasn't supposed to feel this way now that he set his mind on the plan his brain made up on the way here but..he did. He wanted to make sure you were safe.

Widening your eyes at how Jungkook suddenly hugged you, your mind went blank. There's no doubt in how fast your heart was beating. To be honest to yourself you were actually frightened when that man tried touching you in an ill manner but now being in Jungkook's arms you felt safe. You felt safe when he was around. Jungkook's arms around you got tighter as he nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck.

So this is how you gonna play it Mr. Choi

He thinks.

•-

Flashback 5 weeks back

Stretching your arms you give out a small yawn before grabbing the books from the table and making your way out of the auditorium. Walking while looking at your  surroundings you didn't notice the tall man standing infront of you. Too immersed in the same old paintings hanging on the walls you hit something hard making the copies and books in your hands fall down. Without looking up at the person you bumped into you quickly said 'sorry' while kneeling down to pick up your supplies. The tall gentleman kneeled down too helping you with picking up your stationerys. You got up, the man following you soon. This time facing the guy properly as both of you made eye contact you were about to say thank you when your voice abruptly decided to not come out.

The man had soft long black hair .The kind of hair you would want to play with all day. His baby doe eyes staring at you, his lips parted. The oversized hoodie he was wearing made him the grizzly huggable bear image more.

As your eyes scanned him from head to toe, your lips a bit parted, the guy not being able to control his laughter at how cute you looked when your eyes went big as if you saw something really interesting and you'd like to study that thing more, he gave out small giggles making you quickly close your mouth and look at him. Noticing how every students in tha hall were staring at both of you, you shifted your weight from one leg to another leg uncomfortably. But the guy's Adorable bunny smile didn't go out of your notice. His eyes wrinkled as he tilted his face and asked you softly

"You okay? "

Blinking couple of times you nodded your head making him shyly scratch his nape and mumble 'thank god'. Your lips automatically curved up when your eyes landed on the ID card hung around his neck

"Jeon Jungkook"

Once realization hit you that you were now standing infront of your college's hearthrob while looking like a whole mess which you didn't care about that much until you bumped into him, your cheeks got tinted in a light blush. Pulling your lips in you tilted your head a bit to the side making your baby hairs fall over your face.

"Hey kook!"

A loud deep voice entered the ears of the people standing in the hall making them turn their heads to the two seniors waving their hands at Jungkook's direction, a big wide smile plastered know their face. Jungkook takes out his bracelet covered wrist from his pocket and waves at them. Jimin running towards us and wrapping his arm around the tall guy's shoulders he notices me and flashes me a smile

"Hey Y/N"

Waving your sweater paw at him as a hey you smiled. You met Jimin and Taehyung a couple of times before in some group works with seniors. You not really interested in gossips of the college noticed just a few days ago that Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook are the well known hot trio of this college.

"Y/N.."

Jungkook repeats your name to himself before looking at you once again , smiling while saying

"Sweet name"

His sweet honey voice saying your name was enough to melt you. If it was any other guy right now you would have simply said thank you for helping you pick up the books and walk away without saying anything but surprisingly Jeon Jungkook made you stop. "I'm hungry didn't have breakfast this morning" Taehyung whines while holding his tummy earning a slap on his head from Jimin. "we are going for lunch wanna join us? "

Jungkook asks you making you widen your eyes at the sudden invitation and Jungkook earning some smirks from the seniors beside him, Jimin elbowing his arm while wiggling his eyebrows. Jungkook simply rolled his eyes at his hyungs before looking at you for a reply. You glancing at your silver wrist watch said "I would love to but I should get going. I have some stuffs to do"

Jungkook quietly nods his head before flashing you a smile.

Is he always smiling?

You thought noticing that he had been smiling since the moment both of you met. "Y/N's always studying hard"

Taehyung says earning a nod from Jimin making you shyly scratch your nape.

The Brunnete haired approached you giving you a pat on your shoulder before saying "Study well but don't forget to have lunch okay? "

You flashed him a smile while nodding. Jungkook waving his hands at you as a 'bye' walked past you with the two boys. You looked back at three of them noticing that two of them were wearing hoodies and one of them were wearing full sleeved tees.

It's so hot these days why are they wearing hoodies on top of tees?

Shaking your head you quickened your pace and quickly got out of the college grounds. Walking to the bus stand while looking around at the cozy coffee shops on the streets you keep glancing at your watch from time to time to make sure that you're going on time or not.

Now here's a secret about you that no one knows

You're a student at an art college but you are also a student at a law school. Your father runs the family business of electronics. Yes the electronics company ranking the second best in the country out of all the other electronic companies, which he wants to hand over to your big brother after he retires. Your mother always wanted a child of her to be a sculptor. Borning late in the family with the talent of art you were forced to study this subject whereas you were interested in prosecution, catching criminals and stuffs. What you were most interested in were being a mafia or an assassin but you gave up on those dreams and decided to study law. Your parents only giving their all attention and care to their first born, didn't care about you that much. The only thing they wanted from you was becoming a great sculptor and bringing praise to your family.

After nights of confusion and judgement you decided to study in the law school that you got admitted, secretly with the money your grandparents left you. Your grandparents left some money for you and your brother before passing away and thankfully they were enough to pay for your study books expenses. But maintaining time for your law school as well as the art school was hard but you managed to make time after dropping off from some extra courses of the art college without telling your parents. But it was hectic. Your college hours starts from 7 am. And you have classes till 9am then a break at 9:15 am to 10:30 due to dropping off from some extra class. Your law classes starts from 9:30 so during the break you quickly leave the grounds and head off to the law classes. Then you return to the art college at 10:20 when it's a break at your law school. Then once again when it's a lunch break at the art school you head off to the law school while munching on some snacks, obviously not getting time to have proper lunch. And when it comes to events you had to make up excuses at the law school for not attending as your parents would obviously not skip their daughter's presentations.

It would be more hectic from today cuz you just applied to a job at a night club. There's a course for learning shooting at the law school but you don't have enough money to pay for that so it's time to earn some money.

•••

Stretching your arms while getting up from the seat you had been sitting on straight for 2 hours, you give a yawn before taking out a scrunchie and putting your hair up. All the classes for the day are done. Putting the back pack around your shoulder you bow at the teacher before leaving the school premises. Walking inside the bus and sitting on one of the seat you take out your phone and start typing to your mother , 'Mom I'll be late tonight as I got some extra lessons. Don't worry for me and you don't have to send car I'll come by bus'

"No one's gonna worry about me though"

You say to yourself while letting out a small laugh and looking out at the window. Everything vanishing from your sight at a fast pace as the vehicle picks up its speed upon seeing the empty road. Some of the street lights flickering due to not being fixed for several days now. You take out the 'guideline' paper of the bar you're gonna work in from backpack, going through the structure of the building in your mind and remembering all the rules explained to you yesterday when you went to apply for the job. This night club only seemed to be safe for you to work in now. By safe means you would have no worries of the common students who spends time in bars and clubs to see you. If anyone recognizes you then it's game over. Plus the pay is high too.

The phone screen lighting up as a notification popped up you unlocked the phone before seeing from whom the text is from.

Bro: heard you're coming late at night should I pick you up from the way while coming home?

"Geez already told him?"

You say to yourself once realizing that your mom told your brother to pick up but your brother being nice asked if you want to be picked up first or not. Smiling at his text before typing your reply It's ok you don't have to come. The office is far away from my college anyways. Get home safely.

Waiting for a few minutes to see his reply which you didn't get you turned off your phone and put it inside your bag. Looking out from the window thinking why he didn't reply when he saw your text whereas usually he would try to come pick you up, being the 'protective' brother. You got down from the bus as soon as the bus came to its stop. You walked for a few more minutes from the bus stop till arriving at your destination.

Hell's night club

•••

It's been only five minutes of you serving drinks but you're already tired. How can a human body and mind work for 13 hours straight without any rest. You did mess up some tables a couple of times for which you were now getting a scolding from the manager. You looking down bowing slightly while your hands in front of you.

"Miss Lee Y/N did you properly see the table numbers today? "

The old man asks to which you nod. "Then why are you messing up? " He asks in a raised voice making you flinch and quickly mumble a sorry. You lift your head up a bit to see the old man sighing while pinching his forehead, clearly visible that he's angry. "I'm letting you go as this is your first time don't make mistakes anymore"

He says making you bow and say

"Thank you"

He looked around trying to see if any waitresses are free. Sighing at how there's no one free without counting you he gave you a look before handing you a tray of various kinds of drinks. "Take this to table no. 14. And  do not  make any mistakes. They are regulars here I don't want them gone" Nodding at him you set off to find this table no. 14 . Noticing how your skirt got up a bit you tried pulling the skirt a bit down with one hand as the other one was holding the tray, you quickly withdraw your hand without fixing the skirt upon seeing the tray tremble in one hand. Quickly holding the tray in place and scanning if any drinks were spilled, you sigh in relief. You looked back to only lock eyes with the manager . He staring straight at you with his cold eyes. You gave a small awkward smile and walked towards table 14.

The table no. 14 seemed to be surrounded by many big men. All had some sort of tattoos on them. A familiar man sitting in the middle holding a pen and scribbling something on a notebook. His inked arms full on display as the silver earrings were still being able to shine despite the dullness in the scene. His long bangs falling before his eyes not letting anyone see the face beneath it.

You quietly approached the table and when you raised your eyes from the ground to the man sitting in the middle, your legs automatic came to a halt and your breath hitched.

Jeon Jungkook right there was sitting. The table in front occupied with various weapons and him sitting like a whole five course meal, fingers playing with the dangly earrings

This is totally not what I expected

[killing-all-joy]

Analoginceit with at least one of them being ace and that causing them a lot of anxiety about being in a relationship with the others and they keep it a secret for a long time until it builds up so much it just comes out all at once and they are like "I know you won't want to be with me anymore and that's okay, I get it. I love you guys but you deserve each other and not me" or something and yeah (it could be a different ship but you wanted prompts for them and that's all I could come up with)

A Sun That Doesn’t Burn

cw: heavy self-deprecation, swearing, food, kissing without consent (sorry), mentions of sex and innuendo

Roman knew quite well that it wasn’t his job to be the overly anxious one of the relationship. That was Virgil’s job. However, anxiety is inevitable if you are hiding a grave and important secret from those you love; a secret that, if revealed, would end your romantic endeavors with those people you love.

This is the situation that Roman was in.

He was asexual. However, there was no indication that his partners were as well. Even worse, said boyfriends didn’t know about his asexuality. As far as they knew, he was allosexual, just like them.

Roman couldn’t help but be awed at how long he had been able to go without telling them. He, Virgil, Logan, and Janus had been dating for nine months and he hadn’t had to say anything yet. He had always been able to weasel his way out of a situation if he thought it was starting to go...that way. He had a button on his lock screen he’d press that played the same ringtone as the customized one he had for his mother. He could escape any heated situation with no trouble. Hiding his asexuality has been an elaborate deception, as well as perhaps the hardest deception he’d ever involved himself in (which is saying something), not in no part to his guilt about these repetitive lies.

The situation couldn’t stop becoming worse; he could feel the repressed truth start to well up in his chest like a lake does during heavy rainfall, and there was no dam to let it out. It felt almost as if that in every conversation he had with his loves, the truth was begging to be revealed—and almost was on many occasions. He had to restrain himself, and it felt like holding someone back from a fistfight.

This brought him to where he was now. The four of them were in their apartment’s living room. Roman was currently panicking for two reasons:

1. He was currently engaged in a heated kiss with Janus—one that had just progressed into a make-out session (something he had no aversion to, but he didn’t like what could come after that). Virgil and Logan were kissing beside them in a similar fashion (except just a bit less heated).

2. He left his phone in the guest bedroom, and the door to it was now locked.

Roman was currently living in the build-up to his worst nightmare.

Of course, he didn’t let it show. He continued kissing Janus passionately, because kissing Janus was incredible and Janus was quite skilled at the activity. But even while his mouth was having the time of its life, his brain felt like it was about to explode.

There was no way out, at least not one that he could see. His brain was frantically considering anything, some way to get out of this situation without confessing his asexuality, which would make his loves hate him and/or break up with him.

Roman did not want to break up with them. They were the loves of his life.

Any efforts to conserve that final statement weren’t working, though, because Roman was at a loss. He couldn’t think of a way out without them breaking up with him. He’d have to stop Janus, tell him and Virgil and Logan everything, and then leave.

However, when Janus’s thumb started to creep under the hem of Roman’s shirt, the doorbell rang. The sound was the prettiest of all music, booming through the house and interrupting everything happening. It was a miracle; an angel sent from above. Roman could not believe his luck.

His brain was happy to remember that Janus had ordered pizza for them to eat while they watched a movie. They had chosen Disney’s Hercules, a mythologically inaccurate movie that was entertaining to at least three of the boyfriends nevertheless.

Janus pulled away from Roman’s lips slowly, giving him the most annoyed look. Roman snorted even though his brain was still in panic mode—that look on Janus’s face was always funny. Janus pulled away from Roman and grabbed his wallet off the table.

“It is with my deepest regrets that I say that we have been interrupted,” lamented Janus. “But since I ordered the pizza, it is I who should retrieve it. If only it hadn’t been me who ordered...” Janus grazed his thumb, index finger, and middle finger across Roman’s chin lovingly. He then turned away from Roman to walk to the door.

Roman exhaled in relief, running a hand through his hair and readjusting his shirt. While he could revel in that miraculous stroke of good luck for a moment, he could not afford to be happy any longer. This escape may not have been a lie, but every time before this was, and his brain had been conditioned to the guilt that came after the de-escalation and/or escape of a heated encounter.

He now almost wished that this time had been a lie. Sure, ultimately it was nice to know that not every time he’s avoided sex with his boyfriends was by his own deceptions, but that did nothing to dampen his desire to curl up in the guest room and cry while listening to his playlist he made for the times after he’d lied to his boyfriends to get out of a passionate encounter (yes, this had happened so often that he had a playlist). That would be suspicious, however, and at least one of them would probably hear his crying.

So he stood from where he was backed against the table, hand to his mouth in pure awe of his unbelievable luck, before realizing that he should probably move to the sofa to get ready for movie night.

He slipped off his shoes and socks and left them by the door. He proceeded to walk over to the sofa. He sat on the arm of the sofa—legs on the cushion and arms wrapped around his knees—and watched Janus interact with the delivery guy.

Virgil joined Janus at the door and held the two pizzas as Janus paid. He carried them over to the living room and set them on the coffee table. He then joined Roman on the sofa.

Roman saw Janus pay the guy (as well as tip generously, lord knows those workers don’t get paid enough). He looked away as soon as Janus turned back around, pretending to be focused on the pizzas instead. He saw Janus approach the sofa and stop in front of him.

“Are you hungry, dear?” Janus asked, tracking that Roman’s gaze was fixed on the pizza.

“Hm? Oh, um, yeah. I barely had much of a lunch, so pizza is sounding wonderful.” This wasn’t a lie; he hadn’t eaten much for lunch and his stomach was looking forward to the pizza.

Janus tsked. “What have I told you about eating all three meals?”

“That it’s essential.”

Janus nodded. “Precisely.”

“See, I had some lunch-”

“But not enough,” Janus interrupting with a knowing smirk. “It’s okay, Roman. Just eat dinner.”

“Okay, Mom,” Roman said with a roll of his eyes.

Janus gasped in fake offense. “I am your boyfriend, Roman! I resent being compared to a parental figure!”

Roman shrugged, starting to get up to retrieve a plate.

“Ah ah ah,” he heard a voice say from beside him. Roman looked up to see Logan holding four plates. “I have retrieved us plates already, Roman.”

“Thanks, Logan,” smiled Roman, taking a plate from Logan’s stack.

Roman spotted Virgil frowning in his peripheral vision, but his gaze was focused on Logan as he handed out the rest of the plates and sat on the far left cushion on the sofa.

“You seem so comfortable sitting like that, sweetheart,” Janus said sarcastically. “It wouldn’t serve you at all to sit on the actual cushions.”

Roman rolled his eyes at his boyfriend for the second time in the past minute  but conceded and leapt off the couch.

Their sofa was rather large and could fit all four of them onto it comfortably. So, desiring (without any anger at Janus) to stray from Janus’s piercing gaze for a little while, sat on Virgil’s left and Logan’s right. He opened the box of pepperoni pizza and took a slice and placed it on his plate. He spotted Janus frown at Roman moving away from him in his peripheral vision. Janus opened his mouth, and Roman could tell he was about to ask Logan to move so he could sit next to Roman (Roman, Virgil, and Logan were well aware of Janus’ tendency to want to be close to the last person he had been engaged in intimate actions with (which was primarily kissing), especially if they were interrupted for external reasons). So, Roman curled into Logan’s side, ducking his head under Logan’s arm. Logan complied with this effort to cuddle easily, although he was a little bit taken off-guard from the suddenness of it. Roman smiled. Even if this hug wasn’t an escape from the negative feelings that came with being close to sex, Logan’s comfort was something he treasured above most things.

“Are you tired, Roman?” Logan asked curiously.

Roman nodded. He saw Janus bite his lip, finally settling to sit on the end cushion, away from Roman. Roman couldn’t help but feel a heavy weight of guilt settle in his gut at making Janus do something he clearly didn’t want to do. Roman hooked his right arm around Virgil’s left, though, just in case Janus tried to ask Virgil to scoot over. Virgil’s head turned at this, and he flashed Roman a loving smile. He picked up the television remote with his free arm and started to play the movie.

There was silence as the movie started, despite all of them except Logan having seen it before. They were all eating their pizza and paying attention. Except Roman, of course.

About five minutes in, Virgil broke the silence. “You haven’t started eating, Roman. Are you-”

Roman laughed. “I’ve been busying cuddling you and Logan, Virge. I know my pizza will get-”

“You should eat,” said Janus sternly, sounding just a bit distant. “You said you barely had lunch.”

Logan’s posture started to stiffen. “If that’s the case, love, you should definitely be eating.”

Roman rolled his eyes but uncurled from Logan and removed his arm from Virgil so he could eat properly. He sat up and allowed a couple of inches of space between himself and his boyfriends seated beside him. A part of him felt that he didn’t want to be touching them anymore (mostly because the loss of comfort has allowed his negative thoughts to resurface).

He trained his eyes on the movie so his boyfriends wouldn’t notice his lack of focus, but he continued to think about his guilt and lies. He took a bite of his pizza as well, so they wouldn’t be suspicious of his lack of eating.

Roman knew that eventually, they had to know about his asexuality. The truth would inevitably spill one day and Roman would be left alone, miserable. He didn’t tell them yet because he wasn’t ready for that; he wanted to spend and savor as much time as he could with Logan, Virgil, and Janus. Even still, the day would come when Roman would have to tell them he was ace.

He both wanted to and he didn’t. The weight in his chest, the pain, the guilt, the lies—they hurt like hell. He hated it all. He felt like he was betraying and misleading his boyfriends by not telling them, he felt like the weight in his chest would one day become so heavy that it would make him collapse, and the lies were becoming harder to keep track of and harder to create. If he could be rid of it, he would.

But, he still wanted to date Logan, Janus, and Virgil. He loved them to the end of the universe and back, and he didn’t want to imagine what his life would be like without them. There were many times when he would think sincerely about how they could be his forever one day. Except...the one thought that kept annoying him in the back of his mind kept stopping that wishful thinking. He was asexual and hadn’t told them yet. He wouldn’t be their forever.

He took another bite of his pizza.

Roman had to acknowledge that Janus, Virgil, and Logan were wonderful and kind people. If he were being purely logical, Roman would be able to say with complete confidence that they wouldn’t hate him. Roman wasn’t being purely logical, but he was still able to admit that they wouldn’t hate him just for being ace. They would break up with him for being ace, but they wouldn’t hate him for such. They would hate him because he lied to them. Misled them. Crafted elaborate deceptions just to shield them from the truth. That would make them hate him.

His brain couldn’t help but entertain another, perhaps even scarier thought: what if their relationship would be better without him in it? Sure, his asexuality of course made that true, but he couldn’t help but go further: did his personality bring the four of them down too? He had to admit that the answer to that question was ‘yes’. He was too much: too dramatic, too loud, too insecure. It hurt, but it also calmed him; his boyfriends wouldn’t be missing anything once he told them. Roman’s asexuality brought them down. It was comforting to know that it wasn’t just a part of Roman bringing them down: that it was all of him. It made the problem less of an “if only” and more of an “it’s better this way”. But was this really true, or was this just a false comfort?

He brought his knees to his chest when the guilt started to course through him again. He has been holding those he loves down and hurting their relationship? On top of lying to them at every turn and being asexual? He couldn’t help that his shame increased tenfold.

Roman looked at his pizza again, suddenly with contempt instead of hunger. His thoughts had ruined his appetite and he didn’t want to eat anymore.

He tried to stop thinking, deciding instead to focus on the TV. But he couldn’t process what he was watching. He just stared at the screen, trying to repress his deafening thoughts.

That didn’t last long, though. Virgil reached for the remote and paused the movie. Roman was surprised to see that half an hour had already passed. Virgil turned to look at Roman.

“Roman, can I-”

“Roman, can I-”

Virgil and Janus stopped talking. They looked at each other curiously.

Roman shrunk in on himself. They both had an issue with him. Because he just couldn’t do anything right, could he?

Roman saw Logan’s face contort with sympathy. He wrapped an arm around Roman and pulled him to his side. Roman was too scared to do anything to resist or lean in further.

“Roman, can we talk?” Virgil asked. “I had something to ask you about. Janus seems to as well.”

“Sure, Stormy Knight, what is it?” Roman asked, trying his best to look okay.

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, you haven’t been eating much of your food, for one.”

His last two words worried Roman, and yet he laughed. “I’m just distracted, my haunted heart. Disney is my life, of course I’m too invested to remember to eat easily.”

He took a bite of pizza for good measure.

It tasted sour. The bread felt state; the sauce tasted like it was expired; the cheese felt like glue in his mouth, sticking to every corner of his mouth and all across his teeth and tongue; and the pepperoni was like thin cardboard left out in a rainstorm. He forced himself to plaster on a contented look that showed none of those thoughts.

“Um, okay...but like, you hardly had lunch. That’s still...” Virgil continued.

“Disney can make me do anything. We all know that,” Roman said, accompanying his last words with a chuckle.

Virgil bit his lip, clearly not finished. “Number two, your speech patterns are a bit different. You called L by his full first name earlier, which is rare for you because you always, always use a pet name for him...”

“...Thirdly, you sat on the arm of the sofa before I advised you to move to the couch cushions,” Janus added. “Quite unusual, since you always insist that a princely man such as yourself deserves to always sit in the most lavish of seats. Fourth, well, you know how I am after a...” Janus trailed off. He never liked to talk about his ‘weird’ or unusual habits, such as his tendency to cling to the last person he was engaged in intimate action with immediately after their ‘moment’. “...yeah. I’m, I’m not mad or annoyed at you or anything...you just always are attuned to that and tonight you actively-”

Roman felt a huge wave of guilt pass over him. None of this was Janus’ fault. He felt terrible for making him hurt, but Logan’s arms were unparalleled when it came to comfort. Being in his arms was grounding, warm but not too warm, kind (always, his arms were always kind), and simply one of the best places on the earth to be.

“Sorry, m’ love, I was just craving a Logan hug,” Roman said quietly, which wasn’t false, but wasn’t the truth either. “I haven’t had one in a while.”

Janus nodded, looking back down to his hands.

“Did I-”

“Did I-”

Janus and Virgil stopped talking. They looked at each other, and Janus nodded at Virgil to let him speak.

“Did we do something wrong?” Virgil asked, sounding small. His eyes were cast to the floor.

Roman’s face fell into one of sadness. He slowly pulled away from Logan and put a hand on Virgil’s jaw. He gently had Virgil face him and stared into his eyes which held the whole world. (See, he had it all worked out. Virgil’s eyes held the world, Logan’s eyes held all the stars in the sky, and Janus’s were precious gemstones that could see into the depths of his soul and read him like a picture book. He had planned on telling them, but he figured he would never be able to.) He cradled Virgil’s jaw like it was glass and stared into his purple and green eyes with all the love he could muster.

“No, my purple prince, of course not,” Roman almost whispered, thumb brushing under Virgil’s eye. “You have done nothing of the sort. What could make you think this?”

“I-” Virgil tried to find words but couldn’t. “I don’t know. You just seem...distant.”

Roman frowned. “Sweet emo, I’m right here. If you mean I’m invested in the movie...”

“No, just...your mind seems to be in a place outside this apartment.”

“His mind is in his head, V, I don’t think that’s the issue,” Logan cut in.

Virgil rolled his eyes, a small laugh leaving his lips, a sound that Roman wanted to hear every day for the rest of his life. “No, Lo, he just doesn’t seem fully focused on our current activities.”

“Oh,” Logan said in realization, nodding. “Well, certainly. But there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. It is natural to have wandering thoughts.”

Virgil nodded. “Sure, L, but Roman said earlier that he was too intently focused on the movie to remember to eat. That suggests him being present. But...”

Roman was tempted to run to the guest room. They were now accusing him of lying, albeit subtly and not with anger apparent in their tone. Despite that, it hurt. He wanted to curl up and cry to his playlist.

It was as if Janus sensed this (or maybe it was just because he was well-versed in anything relating to deception), because he put a hand on Virgil’s arm, pausing his words.

“Let’s not psychoanalyze our dear boyfriend, especially since he’s right here and is able to answer your questions without us making assumptions, hm?”

Virgil stopped dead in his tracks, looking at Roman with guilt once more. “You’re right. Sorry, Ro.”

Roman gave him a half-smile, waving him off. “Don’t worry about it, Virge. What do you want to ask me about?”

Because sure, that question was risky, but to Roman, it was better than hearing his boyfriends call him a liar like he wasn’t even present.

“Oh, um...why are you so distant?” Virgil asked, getting straight to the point.

Roman frowned. “I didn’t think I was. I’m simply invested in the movie. Of course, I’ve seen it before, so my mind will think up tangents to some of the things I’m seeing, like things I would change to the movie and whatnot. Could that be it?”

“Um, maybe...”

“If you feel like I’m, like, neglecting you or somethin-”

“No!” Virgil exclaimed, practically a scream, that threw Roman into a shock. Virgil covered his mouth with his hand, eyes widened. “Holy shit that was so loud, sorry, but no, oh god, please don’t think that. You’ve been cuddling Logan and you had your arm in mine before I told you to eat. Of course you’re not neglecting us. No, please don’t think that.”

Roman’s shock dissipated, remembering how Logan used to have anxieties that he was neglecting them a few months back. Logan scared all three of them with his drastic offers to leave their relationship and such, so any mention of something relating to that made Virgil think something similar was happening.

“I don’t think that, V, but I wanted to make sure you weren’t feeling that way,” Roman reassured him, hand running across Virgil’s cheek lovingly. “I want to give you all that you want, and if you thought that I wasn’t...”

That, that right there, that was the crux of Roman’s guilt. He wanted to give his loves the moon, stars, and universe, but most of all, as much of himself as he could. But he was ace, and he didn’t feel comfortable with that one tiny, minuscule, outrageously important thing, and that hurt his heart so much. He was a prince, a romantic, and a lover, but not in the way his boyfriends would want him to be. He knew he didn’t owe them anything, but he couldn’t help the guilt that came with not being able to give them what they wanted. He didn’t deserve them; it was as simple as that, and he knew that they should leave him.

“No, Roman, you give us so much...” Virgil said lovingly, putting a hand on Roman’s waist. “You just feel a little absent this evening, which is fine since we all have those days. But it could be something we need to talk about, something eating at you, and we want to be there for you to help you.”

The truth, less a lake or river and more of an ocean, was rising and it wanted desperately to come out—but he pushed it down, building the levees higher and higher so the saltwater wouldn’t spill and poison their relationship. He swallowed it back, refusing to be honest for what felt like the trillionth time. The ocean in his heart wanted to break the cycle of lies and deceptions, but his mind and loving heart couldn’t bring itself to.

He was just so in love with these men...so in love, he couldn’t bring himself to do what was best for them and leave them.

If he left them without providing any reason, it would break their hearts, but it would be easier. He wouldn’t have to disappoint them, to admit to lying to them, and they wouldn’t hate him. He didn’t think he could deal with them hating him. He just couldn’t. Leaving them with no explanation...that seemed easier to accomplish.

“I’m perfectly fine, Virge. I may just be tired.”

“You’re tired?” Virgil asked curiously.

Roman shrugged. “I couldn’t really sleep last night. It’s no big deal, though. We all know my thoughts tend to run wild.”

“Yes,” Janus cut in, “but you say that our presence usually helps with that.”

Logan waved a hand. “Sure, usually, but it makes sense that sometimes it won’t work. Just like you said earlier, Janus. We don’t have to scour Roman’s claims for subtext or things he is neglecting to tell us. A bad night is normal for people.”

Roman silently thanked Logan. He didn’t want to have another sudden uncontrollable urge to run to the guest bedroom. Roman almost reached for Logan’s hand, but his mind told him not to, that one day he would leave his boyfriends, so he didn’t deserve that comfort.

Roman nodded. “Yeah. My mind was just a bit more active last night. Sorry.”

Janus reached across Virgil, seeming like he wanted to touch Roman, but his hand hesitated above Virgil’s knee and fell there instead. “No, no. It’s alright, Roman. I apologize for doubting you.”

Roman shook his head. “You’re fine, J. Do you all have any other questions?”

Virgil and Janus looked at each other, clearly unsatisfied, but shook their heads to indicate a negative.

“No,” Virgil answered. “I have nothing else to ask about.”

Roman kissed his cheek and then grabbed the remote, pressing play. He leaned back into the couch. He made sure to press a lingering kiss to Logan’s jaw before watching the movie, though. He smirked when he saw Logan blush and hold a hand to cover his jawline. Roman then fully focused on the movie.

Well, fully focused wasn’t a good way to put it. He fully focused for a grand total of eighteen seconds before his mind started to yell at him again.

That whole conversation...they knew something was up. Virgil and Janus were unsatisfied with the information they received from him. He could tell there was a sneaking suspicion between them that he wasn’t telling them the whole truth, that something else was going on.

Roman didn’t like that he couldn’t tell what Logan was thinking. He figured that he, the smartest of them, knew that Roman was hiding something, but just wasn’t as determined to figure out what it was. Roman respected him for that and valued that he didn’t care to participate in the interrogations, and was very thankful that he served as comfort for that very reason.

However, Roman couldn’t take that comfort presently.

His mind was a whirlpool of anxiety, guilt, and self-hatred. He wished that with a snap of his fingers they could know and they’d accept him for his sexuality, continuing to court him. Roman knew that it was unrealistic, but he could hope.

And so, hope he did. He imagined being able to love and be with his boyfriends without any worries of rejection of who he was. He imagined telling them all the little things he’s figured out about them when he can’t sleep in the early morning hours or when he’s away from his loves and can only dream about their presence. What their voices sound like, what their eyes are to him, what color he perceived their souls to be. He couldn’t confess such romantic thoughts that make him vulnerable to the clutches of love, not when he wouldn’t have them for much longer. So he’d take it to his grave, wondering what it would have been like to be with them for the rest of his life.

His chest burned with the shame of his lies. He knew they’d break up with him eventually, and yet he continued with the falsehoods. He still lied to them, deceived them, and crafted elaborate schemes to throw them off his trail of black, gray, white, and purple. Who was he to hold on to his own selfish desires when his boyfriends would hate him for what he withheld? What kind of greedy thief? His heart was screaming: screaming at him for his lies and screaming at him to reveal the truth.

He brought his arms around his knees again, squeezing himself into the smallest ball he could muster. (He did it quietly, though, so no one would be suspicious.)

“Roman?” Logan whispered, leaning closer. “Are you alright?”

Roman easily concocted another lie. “Just a little cold.”

“While we can fix the thermostat, I find it to be quite a comfortable temperature.”

“I have a tendency to get cold when I don’t sleep well enough. You don’t have to do anything.” Something that wasn’t a lie, not really, just not relevant to his current actions and situation.

Logan nodded. “If you believe you would benefit from human warmth, I am always an option to turn to.”

Roman couldn’t help but smile. He would miss Logan’s hugs.

A life...without Logan’s hugs.

Roman shuddered.

“Would you like a blan-”

Roman shook his head immediately. “No, no, Logan. You needn’t help me.”

Roman’s wandering gaze allowed him to watch the smallest of frowns start to possess Logan’s face. This made Roman want to hug the living daylights out of him and kiss him until the frown was a smile, but he couldn’t let himself be selfish anymore.

The selfishness had to go.

And when he allowed himself to mentally let go of the selfishness in his motivations, just for the shortest of moments (because of course he couldn’t let go of it for long), he was finally able to realize the excruciating apparency that his mind and heart were also suffering from his neglection of himself. He was neglecting who he was.

And suddenly, when the selfishness came back, the desire to love and be loved, to take what he didn’t deserve nor would be allowed to have if his boyfriends knew the full truth, it wasn’t strong enough.

Look at what you’ve taken from them. You’ve lied to them. They won’t leave this situation without trust issues. They won’t want you after this. You’re a liar. An asexual liar.

You want to be loved, but do you really deserve it? When you’ll go to such immoral lengths to stay loved by those who deserve so much better?

You neglect and scorn a part of yourself because it won’t have the approval of those you love? You love them, even though they’d throw you out the second you come clean. You are so desperate, too desperate. Your asexuality is a part of you. Why do you chase after those who won’t love you once you let them pull back the curtain?

Why have you waited so long? It won’t make a difference. They’ll still see the same thing. A pleading, pitiful dog they’ll leave.

Look at all that you’ve taken from them.

They deserve better.

You’re ace, own up to it. You can’t lie to them any longer.

What happens when there isn’t a pizza delivery guy at the door?

Can you be honest then? Or are you too used to lying?

This can’t go on forever.

You’re asexual, Roman!

The levees broke, the ocean spilling out onto the surface. It ran through his body feeling like salt to an open wound, and he grabbed the TV remote. He pressed the pause button.

His boyfriends turned to face him. Roman realized he was shaking violently as though he had caught frostbite. He didn’t have the mental ability to stabilize himself, though.

“I have to tell you guys about something.” Roman was shocked to notice that his voice was hardly shaking.

Logan nodded. He put an arm around Roman, Virgil doing the same. Janus reached to put a hand on his knee. Roman shook his head, though, and tried to shake them off. They hesitantly complied, but looked very worried about doing so.

“Are you sure, Ro?” asked Virgil.

Roman nodded, pulling a hand from around his knees to repress a sob. He couldn’t cry. Not yet. “You won’t want to hold me when I’m finished, and I don’t...I don’t want to feel your arms leave me.”

“Roman,” Logan started, but stopped when Roman waved an arm at him.

“Please don’t,” he said. “Just let me tell you what I need to.”

They retreated from his trembling figure. He swallowed, letting his eyes fall shut for half a second before fixing his gaze on the television screen.

“I know you all won’t—” Roman’s voice cracked, “—want to be with me anymore after I...after I tell you this. And that’s o-...” he choked back another sob, “...okay. So, if you want me to, I will make it easier for you and say that I’m leaving.”

Roman felt everyone flinch in some form. Even when Logan had his “you all should leave me” issues, he didn’t say he was actually leaving. Roman felt his soul laugh bitterly when it registered that his loves didn’t want him to leave...not yet.

“I have lied to you,” he started, focusing on making his voice stay steady. “I have deceived you. So, so many times. I should have said something ages ago, but I didn’t...and I’m sorry for that.” Roman cursed his past self for not saying anything eight months back when he realized he was ace. “I’m sorry for everything. The constant lies, the complex and repetitive...impulsive deceptions.

“But I can’t lie anymore, and the truth is killing me.” He gasped for a breath of air. “I wish...I wish it wouldn’t have to end this way, and I wish I-” He stopped himself, not wanting to tell them he wanted them forever and make them feel guilty for leaving him. They didn’t deserve that. “I wish I talked about this with you all eight months ago when I was still figuring things out, but I-” He stopped himself again. No excuses. “I’m sorry to spring this on you, in the middle of a movie, but it’s just breaking past and I can’t keep this from you all anymore.

“I’m asexual.”

Roman inhaled sharply, feeling the need to explain himself. “Again, I’m making it easier for you and I’m...I’m leaving—” his voice broke in the middle of his last word, “—so you don’t have to leave me. And...it’s probably better this way...’cause I don’t want to hear y’all tell me you’re leaving me.” A sob slipped past his lips. “I love you all so much, I couldn’t take that. I’m fully owning up to my-, my lies and mistakes. So it’s okay. I’m leaving, so you all can be...happier. Because-, because I know you don’t want me anymore.”

There was a moment of silence. It was somewhere around a minute, but Roman lived that minute like it was a hundred hours, and it would always be the longest minute of his life.

He couldn’t help but wonder what they were thinking. They were surely realizing that all of his ‘calls from his mother’ were faked. They were angry, disappointed, hurt, and maybe even disgusted. What kind of boyfriend lies for eight months to hide information that would make his partners leave him? A bad one.

Roman no longer wanted to run to the guest room and listen to his playlist. The guest room wasn’t enough. He wanted to summon his phone, crawl underground, let the earth envelop him, and spend the rest of his days in a dirt cave trying not to think about the only three people he could fathom loving romantically for the rest of his life. He didn’t want to face them. He didn’t want to hear their anger, their hatred, their loss of love. He didn’t want to see it either. He didn’t want to see or hear—or feel, he didn’t want to experience the pain of heartbreak or never being able to feel their touch—ever again. He just wanted to love his boyfriends and be himself at the same time; he wanted the impossible. The earth swallowing him whole seemed like the best comfort for that issue.

Roman felt a head duck under his right arm, abruptly stealing him from his thoughts. His head snapped over to find that Virgil had forced himself under his arm and was now pressing himself into Roman’s side. Roman frowned in confusion, especially when his Virgil didn’t say anything after a moment of continued silence. Roman looked away, not wanting to think about the meaning behind Virgil’s actions.

He felt something shake through Virgil’s body for a short moment. It brought his gaze back on his boyfriend, eyes now tinted with worry. He wanted to ask what happened, if something was the matter, but he didn’t want to speak. He didn’t want to act like he still had any right to address him.

Virgil readjusted his position, face momentarily removed from Roman’s shirt. Roman was able to see his face and was horrified to find that he was crying. What shook him earlier must’ve been a sob. Roman wanted to lay down, pull Virgil on top of him, dry his eyes, hug the life out of him, and place kisses all over his face until he smiled or laughed. But Roman didn’t get to do that anymore. Besides, Logan was better at the hugging and comforting thing than him anyway.

Roman suddenly felt an overwhelming wave of guilt wash over him. He realized that it was his fault that Virgil was crying. Roman had made someone he loved cry. Virgil was crying—sobbing because of him. The guilt was incredible, and accompanying it was the disgust. Roman leaving them was the right thing to do. Virgil deserved a boyfriend that didn’t make him cry during movie night, who didn’t cause him to sob because Roman confessed who he was.

Roman was now twistedly satisfied with his decisions. Normally, he would never allow someone who made Virgil cry within three feet of him. Now, Roman would never be allowed to step foot into their line of sight ever again. He couldn’t hurt them anymore. This was good.

He felt Virgil’s left arm snake behind his back. Virgil’s right arm threw itself across Roman’s stomach.

Virgil was hugging him? What?

He desperately wanted to open his mouth and question Virgil’s decisions, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. It felt wrong. Roman had spoken already and knew internally that it was time for his boyfriends to speak next.

“I-I, I am so—” Virgil choked, “—sorry.”

Roman’s face fell into one of confused shock. Things weren’t right. Virgil shouldn’t be apologizing.

“We are so sorry,” Virgil rephrased, voice cracking all over the place. “I know we all are. I’m so- so sor-”

Roman expected Janus to put a hand on Virgil’s back and comfort him with a low and whispered ‘shhhh’, but nothing of that sort came. No one did anything as they let Virgil cry. Roman was too scared to comfort him, but oh how he wanted to.

“Roman,” Logan started slowly, the cracks and unsteadiness in his voice not going unnoticed by Roman, “Virgil’s sentiments echo mine. You have my deepest, most sincere apologies.”

Roman thought he couldn’t get more confused. He was wrong.

It must have shown on his face, because after Virgil glanced up at Roman for half a second, he started to talk again.

“You...you do not deserve this,” Virgil started, keeping his bloodshot eyes on Roman.

Ah, this is what it was. His partners were empathetic enough to understand that this breakup would devastate Roman and were apologizing before finalizing it. This made sense.

“And I am so, so sorry to be a cause,” Virgil said with utmost sincerity. Despite the tear tracks and puffy eyes, he kept eye contact with Roman.

A cause? How did he cause this?

“I just- I wanna know—” he removed his arm from Roman’s stomach, “—what we did...to make you think that.”

Roman’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He had no idea what Virgil was talking about. Roman’s asexuality was not caused by anything, especially not any person. He intended on clearing this up for Virgil.

However, Logan spoke instead. “What Virgil’s asking is,” started Logan with a sniff, “what could- could ever make you think th- that I, that we-”

Logan put a hand over his mouth. He couldn’t finish. Roman knew that Logan couldn’t talk and cry at the same time if he wanted to keep composure while crying, so he would stop talking when his lungs stopped supporting his vocal cords.

“What did we do to make you think that we could ever stop loving you?” Virgil completed.

That was the last thing Roman expected to hear.

Virgil was implying that he, no, that they still loved him. That wasn’t right. That wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go. Roman suddenly felt scarily unprepared for the rest of this talk.

“V-Virgil, you don’t understand,” said Roman, looking away from Virgil’s eyes so he wouldn’t lose his nerve to speak. He spotted Virgil opening his mouth to reply, so Roman rushed to continue. “I’m not just ace, I’ve been hiding it. And I’ve been hiding it by all sorts of- of crazy deceptions. I mean—“ Roman laughed bitterly, a sound that made all of his boyfriends flinch, “—I’ve even given my mom’s ringtone the same ringtone as a sound on my phone just so I can tap it easily and get out of any vaguely sexual situation, lying that I’m on the phone with my mom and driving off to- to a hotel or something to cool down. That’s- that’s crazy high level lying right there, and all because I was too selfish and wanted to keep you all so bad that I hid something that would end us. Something that you would hate me for, and that wasn’t fair to you, to any of you, and-”

Virgil roughly grabbed Roman’s hair and pulled his lips to his. Throughout the kiss, Virgil was practically hitting his stomach as well as sobbing in a way that sounded...angry?

“Shut up, just stop talking,” Virgil mumbled against his lips, body shaking. “Please.”

Logan put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, pushing him back. “V, let him go.”

Roman was so, so confused. His brain could only figure that Virgil had given him a kiss goodbye, a pity message of ‘this is your last one’. Roman wished he’d savored it.

“B-but Lo,” Virgil protested, trying to hang on to Roman as Logan pushed him away. Virgil stopped struggling when Janus’ arms encircled his waist from behind and held him still.

“Stop it, Virgil,” Logan commanded quietly, as calm as he could manage. “Look at him. You really think we should be kissing him right now?”

Roman couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped his lips. He covered his mouth with his hand as soon as he heard it. Logan was erasing his confusion. They were breaking up with him.

“I apologize again, Roman, that is not how I meant it,” said Logan, removing his attention from Virgil. Roman could tell he was doing everything to seem and sound composed. “I simply didn’t want him to overwhelm or confuse you. Virgil should have asked, or withheld, considering your current fragility.”

Roman could not believe this. A part of him was starting to become angry. One second, he has everything straight, and then someone talks, and he’s confused again. He wanted to know what was going on.

“He’s angry though, Roman,” Logan continued, explaining Virgil’s actions. “I can’t blame him for that. He just loves you so much...he couldn’t hear that talk from you. He wanted those thoughts and assumptions to stop, but he should have asked. I believe that after he composes himself, he will be sorry.”

Virgil gave a dissatisfied moan but didn’t argue.

“On the topic of your hesitancy to come out...” Logan started, putting a hand to his chin.

“I was lying, Logan, you don’t need to sugarcoat it. I’m sorry for it, I really am, please believe me. I don’t like-, no, I hate lying to you all, it sucks and it hurts and I knew I was a terrible boyfriend every time I lied...but I was just so selfish and wanted you all to stay with me but...but that’s not possible. I should have realized that earlier, that I would have to say something eventually, and that waiting would only make the confession hurt more.”

Roman eyed Virgil to see his reaction, worried that he would be angry at him again. He found no arms holding Virgil back, which made him quite anxious.

Suddenly, he felt two hands touch his knees. His gaze shot over to see what was in front of him.

And Janus, who hadn’t spoken during this entire conversation, was kneeling at Roman’s feet, gazing into his eyes with the most confusing look Roman had seen. It was gentle, sympathetic, loving, understanding, all while looking like a guilty man about to beg before a court of law. It should have been unadulterated hatred.

“Roman,” said Janus softly, lovingly. His thumbs traced a circle on the sides of his knees. “I don’t have to look outside to see the Sun. You shine brighter than any elemental concoction that could light up the sky, and unlike the one we have in our solar system, you do not burn us with ultraviolet rays. You shroud us in love, beauty, and so much color: things that I thought I had seen before but never really experienced.

“I do not need your body in the early hours of the morning to love you. I do not need your sexuality to revel in your presence. We do not want you for your body, for what you can give us. We want you for who you are, because we think that this wonderful personality you have is the most beautiful of all creations. Sex...is minuscule, unnecessary, and separate from romance entirely. You really think I care about sex, something so insignificant, so much as to break up with you? No. I want you for your love, and I want you to be loved by me. By us. I don’t understand how you thought that your lack of desire for sex would make me not want you anymore, but that doesn’t-”

“Why else would I-”

A hand left Roman’s knee and pressed against his lips, quieting him. “Don’t do that, my songbird, don’t think like that. I just explained why. Your smile, your interests, your cuteness, your kindness, your stupid bravery, and I could go on forever. Your everything. We love you for who you are, not for what you could give us sexually. Therefore, we will still want you with your asexuality. Roman, you are one of my three favorite people in existence, and since your asexuality is a part of you, I love it too.”

Roman put a hand in front of his mouth, feeling tears starting to come. He couldn’t cry, though, not when Janus was looking at him like that. So lovingly, and gently, and so, so sincere.

“I have to repeat the words of our partners and say that I am sorry. I am sorry that we gave off the impression that if you told us you were asexual, we wouldn’t want you anymore. I am disappointed, so disappointed in myself that after nine months of love, you still thought that this could make me fall out of love with you. I was able to make you think that I would hate you, that I, your boyfriend, wasn’t a safe person to come to.” A tear slid down Janus’s face. “I am sorry. No words that exist can fully deliver to you how sorry I am. Because darling, you looked so scared. Of me, of us. I’m sorry for that.”

“It’s not your-”

Janus’s finger moved back in front of Roman’s lips.

“Onto what you were saying...about your hesitancy to come out.”

“Don’t sugarcoat it like Logan did.”

“I’m not. That’s what it was. That’s exactly what it was.” He took a deep breath. “I lie. A lot. I’m a compulsive liar. I have been working on that since our relationship began, using methods like obvious backwards speak to satiate my desire to twist the truth. This means that I know what lying is.

“You should not confuse lying with being in the closet. They are not the same. We do not want you to think that you not being ready to come out is the same thing as lying or being deceitful. Those words come with an underlying twinge of malice—something that is not at all to be associated with being in the closet. You not being ready to come out is fine. It’s not something you need to apologize for. The last thing we want to do is push you to tell us something close to your heart. Coming out is not a responsibility. A lack of readiness is fine and normal. We’ve all been in the closet too, so we all have experience with hiding who we are to people we love. My concealing of my homosexuality early on in my life was the only part of my long career of hiding the truth that I know had no moral wrongness in it.

“I will go a step further than rationalize your hesitancy to come out. I am glad that those ‘deceptions’ happened.”

Roman couldn’t help but widen his eyes a bit. His jaw dropped an inch, but he closed it when he remembered Janus’s finger resting on his lips. Janus’s finger drew back anyway, almost like he forgot it was still there. It went back to Roman’s knee and Janus’s thumbs resumed their activity of tracing circles onto the sides of Roman’s knees.

“I shudder to think about what would’ve happened without them. If you hadn’t set your phone to easily play your mother’s ringtone...is that why you looked so terrified earlier? Didn’t you leave your phone in the guest room?”

Roman nodded.

“Right. I am so glad that you had these escapes on-hand. I do hope you understand that you don’t owe us sex-”

“God, no.”

“Good. Nevertheless, I am so thankful that you had these outs. I wouldn’t want you to feel forced to come out when you are not ready to do so, either. So, I am glad you have made use of your clever mind to keep yourself safe.

“Those ‘deceptions’, as you call them, are none of the sort, honey; they are tools. Protections. Things that kept you safe and comfortable. I am even happier that you no longer have to use them. What I am trying to tell you is, you should not apologize for them. Virgil, Logan, and I?” He gestured to their boyfriends which were now cuddling while crying and listening in. “I’m sure they are thankful as well.

“I want to apologize for tonight, too. I pushed you a bit far earlier, before we got pizza, and was unable to notice your discomfort. I know that I wasn’t aware of your asexuality at the time, but I still feel very guilty for engaging in such an intimate activity that you were uncomfortable with. And, I know I get clingy after I kiss one of you, especially if we get interrupted by a third party. I was a bit sensitive about your refusal of my presence when I should have respected and not have come close to questioning your desire for space.” Janus looked very ashamed, and to Roman, it was quite painful.

“No, no, J. That habit is a piece of vulnerable knowledge we’re lucky to have about you. I should have at least explained I was in need of space, but I also didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Either way, don’t apologize. You didn’t know.” Roman gave his love a comforting smile, hand raising to touch his cheek but lowering out of hesitance. He still couldn’t believe Janus wanted him.

“Please touch me,” he whispered, watching Roman’s hand go with longing.

Roman complied, almost immediately running his fingers over Janus’ features. Janus was a work of art, and Roman intended to admire him as such.

Apparently, that sentiment showed in his eyes, because Janus’s cheeks flushed and he glanced down. Roman was able to catch the faintest of smiles before his lovely boyfriend’s face was shrouded from view.

“No, hey, let me look at you,” Roman muttered in protest, trying to push up Janus’ head so he could see his face again.

Janus slowly complied, blushing up a storm. “See what I mean?” Janus whispered, definitely surprised about his composure while being the focus of the most admiring gaze. “You treat me like I am some...work of art—something I am at a loss to find the reasoning for. You think we only want you if we can have sex with you? When you treat us like this?”

In order to repress his growing blush, Roman answered the rhetorical question. “I am not treating you like you are a work of art. I am admiring you because you are a work of art.”

“Thank you for strengthening my arguments,” responded Janus, definitely not looking like a tomato in any shape or form. Nope. “I hope I have properly demonstrated that we love you, all through this, and we still want you.”

Roman didn’t know if he could respond to that. He just bit his lip and ran his hand through Janus’s hair. When he finished admiring Janus’s brown curls, he returned his hand to Janus’s cheek.

Janus slowly removed Roman’s hand from his cheek. He kissed the top of it, lips lingering on his skin longer than any normal hand kiss. He slowly turned his head back up to face Roman after the kiss.

“Thank you for hearing me out, my prince.” He nodded his head in respect.

A moment of silence occurred—almost awkward, but Roman was too elated to notice whether it truly was awkward or not. He then frowned. “You’re still on your knees.”

“I am on my knees because I have had to apologize to you twice tonight. A sign of respect while doing so, isn’t it?”

Roman shook his head. Roman being known as the dramatic one of the relationship, it was easy to forget just how dramatic Janus could be. “I forgive your unnecessary apologies on one condition,” said Roman, with a glint of playfulness in his eyes that he hoped was communicated to Janus.

Janus’s posture straightened. This made Roman realize that Janus’s symbolism intended with being on his knees was sincere and not just for the dramatic touch. “Yes?” questioned Janus, a pure expression of hopefulness betraying his desire to look formal and composed.

“Cuddle me.”

Janus’s face broke out into the happiest of grins. He got up and sat where Logan used to be sitting (but who was now in Janus’s old spot, cuddling Virgil), and opened his arms. Roman fell into them, tangling himself with Janus as much as he could, wanting to be as close as possible. Janus reciprocated such actions and made a noise of contentment. He was finally getting the close proximity he had been desiring from Roman for the past hour.

Virgil and Logan scooted over to them.

Virgil cupped Roman’s face. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

Roman leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on his lips. “I forgive you.”

“I am glad Janus was able to convince you, Roman,” said Logan. “I fear Virgil and I were too...upset.”

“I am so lucky you all love me so much,” Roman replied, holding out a hand for Logan to take. “For you all to express such love and sadness for me...it is unimaginable. I didn’t realize just how loved I am. But...please trust me when I say I reciprocate every ounce.”

“We know you do,” Virgil replied, snuggling into Roman’s stomach and making the mess on the couch a proper cuddle pile. “We love you so much.”

“I love youuuuuu,” said Roman in response, resting a hand in Virgil’s hair that he intended to keep there as long as possible, and holding Logan’s hand with his free hand. He turned his head to kiss Janus’s lips.

This kiss felt much more real and genuine. He no longer had any lingering anxieties relating to where a lengthy kiss could be heading.

It was the best kiss he’d had.

“That felt different,” murmured Janus after they parted. “You feel-”

“No more anxiety.”

“It’s wonderful.”

Roman smiled against his lips, slowly retracting them. He pulled Virgil up to kiss him like he did Janus, and then the same with Logan.

When his lips parted from Logan’s, completing one of the three best kisses of his life, his head flopped gracelessly onto Janus’s chest. He grinned up at him.

“You look like pure ecstasy, darling,” Janus observed, brushing a hand through Roman’s hair.

“I am,” answered Roman.

They loved him. They knew who he was and loved him. He confessed his lies and- no, he confessed his hesitancy to come out and what he did to hide his asexuality, and they weren’t angry. They were supportive. They were thankful.

Virgil was upset because he was appalled that he could’ve made Roman think he could ever fall out of love with him and because he heard Roman talk so horribly about himself. Logan was sad for similar reasons. Janus was sorry, so incredibly sorry, but things were better now. They were in love, and nothing was hidden anymore.

Virgil loved him. Logan loved him. Janus loved him.

Roman was asexual, and that was okay.

“Are you okay, honey? You’re crying,” asked Janus in worry, wiping a tear from under Roman’s eye.

Roman was surprised at this news. “I’m so lucky you all still love me,” he explained.

“No, you’re not,” Logan objected, drawing Roman’s gaze to his. “We obviously still love you. It is the four of us who are fortunate to have found such incredible love in each other.”

“You’re so fucking sappy, L,” Virgil remarked, pressing a kiss to his nose.

Logan whined in protest. “I detest that statement.”

“Virgil has a point, sugar. You’re a lovebug,” Janus agreed.

Logan shook his head. “No. No, you’re wrong. This is insulting, especially considering my reputation.”

“Your reputation doesn’t mean shit in this apartment,” said Roman lovingly, kissing Logan’s forehead. “We all know who you really are.”

“Doesn’t mean you get to tease me about it.”

“What are you talking about?” Janus asked innocently. “That’s precisely what it means.”

Logan groaned and buried his red face into Virgil’s chest. The rest laughed.

The movie was completely forgotten.

~

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @justanotherhumanstuff @neo-neo-neo @fander-fic-recs

~

This is the longest prompt I have filled. Period. I’m almost sorry for that, but this is one of my favorite ships and writing this was so fun! I hope you liked it!

[r3almellow]

MLQC Boys Being Horny For A Pregnant S/o

Thanks so much for the request!! This almost turned into a big pregnancy headcanon HC, but I fought through the urge! You guys should be proud of me!

Warning: Pregnancy sex, oral sex, and lactation

Click “Keep Reading” for the goods!

Kiro

Kiro was in pure bliss while you were pregnant because your sex drive was practically through the roof.

The two of you had sex quite a few times a week and Kiro was in absolute heaven.

At first, you would have sex in your usual places. (Home, dressing room, recording studio, broom closet ect.) But as the months went on, your intimate moments mostly occurred at home or in a hotel room with a nice comfortable bed for you to be on.

Even before you got pregnant Kiro had a thing for your breasts. Biting, sucking, titty fucking...the whole nine yards! 

There wasn’t a moment that went by where Kiro didn’t find an opportunity to slip hands under your blouse just to squeeze “the girls.” 

He immediately notices how big they’ve gotten and booooy did the sight of you going up two bra sizes have his mouth watering.

Seeing your nipples poking out from your shirt was just... *chefs kiss* 

If you complained about clothes irritating your sensitive nipples he’d jokingly say that you should walk around the house topless. But he’s actually not joking and would sell his soul if it meant you’d actually do it.

His favorite position is missonary and cowgirl because they give him the best access to your breasts, so he can caress and fondle as he pleases.

However, the former was mostly doable during your first trimester, so spooning has become his go to mainly because he doesn’t want you doing all the work. 

It was also a win because he could hold you from behind while placing kisses along your neck while taking in your scent. He'd have a hand massaging your breast while the other between your legs, drawing circles around your clit as he slowly thrusted into you from behind. 

Once the baby is born, you always have to remind him constantly that your breasts are extremely sensitive to the point where they're too painful to touch. 

When you begin breastfeeding...oh boy...

He can feel the way his dick strains against his pants as he watches you. He was excited for all the naughty things he planned on doing when you were ready.

You can feel his eyes on you sometimes and you often have to give him a playful glare.

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it.” How could he stop thinking about how erect your nipples looked?! Or how badly he wanted to leave bite marks all over your breasts?! Oooor how much he wanted to feel them rubbing against his cock?!

And when you accidentally start leaking? You’ll be so embarrassed, but Kiro?! Your man is losing it! He didn’t think something like breastmilk leaking through your shirt would be hot but he’s been wrong about a lot of things. 

Kiro will always respect your wishes to wait but once you give him the go ahead your boobs are not safe from him. 

Gavin

There was something about you being pregnant that really got him going. 

He will always kneel before you to press small kisses against your stomach and has a habit of trailing down to what he calls “dangerous territory.”

Out of fear of hurting the baby and not wanting to put you through any unnecessary stress because he couldn’t keep it in his pants, Gavin will opt for taking care of his “problems” on his own.

He'll be super conflicted too! Poor thing just wants to make love to you, but not at the cost of hurting you!

Whenever you want to have sex, he tries to turn you down. Emphasis on TRY! Somehow things end either with his head between your legs or you giving him a hand job. As nice as that was, it wasn't the saaaaaaame!

“The sight of me is such a turn off, right? I wouldn’t want to touch me either...”  

Gavin will look at you like you just slapped him in the face. Never in his life has he ever been turned off by you. No matter what state you’re in, you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. 

You'll notice his "lack of interest" and naturally start to doubt his attraction to you.

“Babe, its not that! I never thought you could look any more beautiful, but you looking like this proved me wrong. I’ve never wanted you more than I do right now, but I’m trying to protect our baby and your pussy from me. Its been so hard for me to control myself around you.” 

You can tell he’s been going through it when you cup him through his pants and feel just hard he is. Poor thing.

You have to tell him being intimate while you’re pregnant wasn’t a bad thing and that the baby would be perfectly fine. 

It won’t take long for you to convince him, especially when you’re slowly pumping his dick with your hand that “magically” slipped itself down his pants.

He loves having you on top of him so he can look at your beautiful body as you ride him. 

When Baby Bai arrives, Gavin goes back to doing things on his own because he knows you need rest.

You only have a certain number of positions to choose from since you’re carrying precious cargo, but Gavin’s absolute favorite position is cowgirl. 

Will caress your stomach while he's eating you out. He's not exactly sure why but it's become a habit.

Won't pressure you at all and will patiently wait until you're ready.

Sometimes, gets worried when you start bouncing on his cock and the slapping of skin starts to echo throughout the bedroom. He's just like, "B-babe, maybe we should... slow down...ah...what about...shit!" You're gonna have to shut him up somehow. Clenching yourself around him might do the trick.

Victor

You had a certain glow about you during your pregnancy that Victor was in awe of. 

Victor is very observant of how much your body has changed throughout the course of your pregnancy for obvious reasons, however, said reasons have become a bit, in his opinion, perverse as the months went on.

Just the sight of you made him want to ravish you in ways he has never thought of before. But why? 

Was it the way your maternity clothes perfectly outlined the curves of your body? Maybe how swollen your breasts have become? 

Or maybe...just maybe it was how good you looked in the various lingerie he bought for you. Babydoll lingerie that perfectly highlighted your stomach were his personal favorites.

Sex with Victor during your first two trimesters was pretty normal until half way through month six he becomes a bit more hesitant and by month seven stops completely.

Another one who doesn’t want to harm you or the child. 

It takes you and three different doctors to tell him that having sex while you were seven months pregnant was perfectly normal.

Even with that knowledge he’s still pretty hesitant, but not even a day after confirmation does his resolve break and with the utmost care you two enjoy a night filled with passion.

He’ll be in the middle of giving you a foot massage as you sit there in your bathrobe and he subconsciously places a kiss against your ankle.

He catches himself trailing kisses up your leg and abruptly stops. That was probably the hardest thing he's ever had to do. Doesn’t help that you’re looking at him with blush coated cheeks as you spread your legs ever so slightly for the hem of the robe to fall from your leg, revealing your upper thigh. 

When Victor puts his mind to something he sees it through without fail, but you always manage to throw him through an an unexpected loop.

So...yeeaaah...two seconds later he has his face in between your legs, tongue pressed against your clit, and hands firmly holding you in place as he continued to take from you. This is one failure he will accept with pride if that means he can have you in every possible way.

His all time favorite position during your pregnancy is definitely spooning. It makes him feel closer to you.

After the pregnancy, sex is out of the question for the next few months which you don’t complain about, because parenthood hits you and your body hard. 

Victor understands that you need time to heal and that your sex drive isn't as high as it was before. Plus, the baby required your attention 90% of the time.

That doesn’t mean Victor doesn’t fantasize about having you under him again. He does miss being intimate with you and has been holding back quite a bit.

He’ll catch you looking at yourself in the mirror, pointing out all your “imperfections” and all he wants to do place kisses all along your body.

You’ll just be like, “I don’t know how you can stare at all of this and still be attracted to me.” 

Victor will wrap his arms around you stare at you sternly in the mirror.

“I don’t know where you got such foolish ideas from, but you’re perfect the way you are and when you’re ready I’ll remind you of that fact.”

You can’t even fight him on that, not when his erection is firmly pressed against you. 

Lucien

Already researched all the best sex positions for pregnant women. 

You two have a healthy amount of sex for most of your pregnancy, so Lucien and you are never left feeling “parched” for one another. 

It's not until your final months does Lucien take a few steps back.

Prefers to focus on giving you the most pleasurable experience when you two make love. You deserve to feel good especially when you’re carrying a life inside you for nine months. 

So you’ll expect a lot of him eating you out, fingering you, toys; just about anything that can bring you pleasure.

Has definitely done things with you while he's trying to help you around the house. And he's so slick with it!

In the middle of helping you shower, his fingers will gently caress your stomach and you're just like "Awwww!" and then they're suddenly caressing your clit.

While the father-to-be is understanding and all about your sexual experience its definitely a challenge when he wants to have sex with you. Especially when you're so tempting!

You could be in the middle of talking about baby names and he'll have the biggest smile on his face as he looks at you. So wholesome, right? Wrong! His mind is definitely somewhere else!

But it'll take more than your ample breasts, an unsuspecting smile thrown his way and your very existence to make him falter.

While you love the way he tends to you and makes sure you’re getting the most out of this, you'd rather to do things together. 

He dares not admit the amount of times he's thought about bending you over the kitchen counter and pounding himself into you with little to no restraint.

Toys are great and all but you’re trying to feel his dick.

Once you tell him what you want, Lucien will graciously comply and mentally thank you for saying something, because he was on the verge of breaking.

Of course, sex takes a backseat once the baby is born so Lucien won't turn into some sex crazed monster after two months, buuuut he will spend quite a lot of time "handling business" on his own.

-------------------------------------------------------

Done!!! Kinda posted this with little to no editing, so I'm sorry about that. I still hope this was enjoyable to read!

Want to read more of my MLQC stuff? Check out my masterpost!

[rebelcap]

We are not just friends —Part 8

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a people of color, she's brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy, lots of fucking (eventually)

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally.

Series masterlist

Part 1 — Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5 — Part 6 — Part 7

It's been a couple of days and Sofía finally had the time to Skype with Mandy.

“Works going great, today's been kind of long. Been interviewing a bunch of people to the assistant gig.” Sofía spoke to the computer resting on the middle of the bed, she was pointing it towards the mirror where Sofía was brushing her hair.

“That's awesome baby, don't work too hard though,” Mandy said eating an apple. “Where's Chris?”

“He had some meetings or something—” She shrugged looking back at Mandy who had her eyebrows up, lips puckering. she was waiting. “Okay, yes we did it, we had sex.”

She actually claps like a child. “I want details, bitch,” Mandy said and Sofía laugh

"I had never been fucked that deep on my life and I've been around the block,” Sofia said biting her lip. “And he's… dominant and tender. I don't know.” She waves a hand and shrugged.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Mandy said putting a hand on her chest. “It's like me with Luke, no one can fuck me as he fucks me. I totally get it—so, you guys dating now?”

“What? no.” Sofía shakes her head.

“You haven't talked about it yet?”

“A little, the other day after you helped him ambush me on the bar. But I don't know, I like him that's for sure and he likes me.”

“Well, that's a start—finally, it was like a fucking pregnancy with you two.” She laughs.

“But we're not dating, just… fucking, he's still my friend.” she shrugged

“And Chris is okay with it?”

“Why not? we were speaking that he had sex with his ex and regretted the whole thing, but I don't know, I'm convenient for him"

“And he told you that?”

“No, But—

“I don't think Chris, Chris I know thinks you're convenient.”

“But I am, I'm cool with that—I don't want anything else,” Sofía said, sitting cross-legged in front of the computer, now paying attention to her friend.

“But why not? Sof. he's not some idiot you've founded on tinder—”

“I've used tinder once!”

“That leads to the most lengthy relationship you've had—on your life!” Mandy said.

Sofía rolled her eyes. “yeah and that worked out so good, Tiffany leave me with fucking PTSD—And your point?”

“Is that I think Chris is the one you've been waiting for your whole life.” She speaks and Sofía frown. “I remember what we talked about when we were younger before shit went down—you know.”

“Yeah, I remember… I was seventeen and still a virgin. I didn't even realize that I liked women too.”

“Yeah, that doesn't matter—I mean I'm glad that you're out and proud not the point—but Isn't Chris all that you ever wanted in someone?”

“Why are you making a telenovela out of this?, I already told you—”

“I think he's great for you and you deserve great—I mean there's no men worthy of you but Chris is pretty close,” Mandy spoke as she walked on the apartment back in Boston. “I'm not telling you now, but maybe there's a future with him.”

“I don't know—how're things back there?” Sofia had abruptly change subjects and Mandy stares her through the computer.

“It's good, I miss you—”

“I miss you too, baby.”

“—no one cooks for me here and I had been back at home and mom and dad also miss you. And Ian has a crush on you.”

“Your baby bro?, He's eighteen!.” She raised her eyebrows.

“He's been asking about you a lot. When's Sofi coming?, Sofi this and Sofi that.” Mandy laughed. “It's kind of endearing.”

“Yes, he's cute maybe in a few—

“Shut the fuck up, no way in fucking hell your—Ewww!” Mandy screamed and shake her head making Sofía laugh.

“I'm fucking with you—” She smiled and her phone started ringing, it was Chris. “And speaking of.” Sofia smile showing her the phone.

“Oh, don't let me get in the way!” Mandy said and blow her a kiss and ended the call after saying goodbye.

“Hey!” She smiles letting herself fall on the bed.

“Hi baby, just gets home—I've been on the studio all day.” He said. He sounded tired, she could tell.

“You sound tired, have you eaten yet?”

“I am, dead tired.” He yawns over the phone.

“Not yet, I'm ordering something though—wanna come over? I might have a huge bag of weed.” He laughed.

“Hell yes.” She said laughing. “I'll bring some pizza, go take a shower and relax—I'll be there in a little bit,” Sofía said already getting out of bed.

“You're the best!, I'll leave the door unlocked, just get it.”

“Alright, see you on a bit.”

_____________

“Chris?” Sofia called, locking the door behind her as she walked to the empty-looking house. Dodger came running from the back to greet her. “Hey baby, where's daddy?” She asked him as he moves his tail all over. When she reached the living room he was sprawled on the couch, phone resting on his chest.

“Awh,” Sofia said putting the two pizzas on the coffee table and slide her backpack off and kneel beside him and kissed his beard. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

Chris's eyes fluffer open and his smile got to bashful that Sofia had to sigh deeply. He was so handsome, with those bright blue eyes.

“My sofi–” He spoke grabbing her from the waist and pulled her on top of him and slide his hand under her dress, sliding his hands up and down her ass.

“You tired, champ?”

“Not of this ass.” He nipped at her neck and then kissed her. “I'm hungry though, that pizza is getting me.” Chris swat at her ass and she laughs.

“Let's eat, uhm?”

Chris scooted her again and seat her beside him on the couch. They sat there as Sofia surf through Netflix trying to catch a movie.

“You do something tomorrow?” Chris asked taking another bite of his pizza.

“Nope, I mean nothing job-related.”

“Mm, I've got a birthday party. You interested?”

“Yes. free food, especially cake.” She quickly agreed, Chris snort. “who's the birthday?”

“A friend, you'll see.”

Sofía cranked her neck up from his shoulder and squinted his eyes at him. “Why you'll being all mysterious and shit?”

Chris laughed, taking a sip of his beer and shrugged.

“It's not Brad, isn't it?” She frowns.

“Why?”

“I don't like him very much.”

Chris frown, giving her one stare to elaborate on that, and Sofía sigh. “He cornered me on the kitchen and asked me if you and I were fucking, so he knows I'm off-limits. He asked me out and was kind of surprised when I said no.”

Chris pursed his lips and looked forward. “Fucking asshole. We're not really close, he's usually hanging with us, he's no longer welcome.”

Sofía bite her pizza and looked at him, not gonna lie she liked that… possessiveness on Chris even though she won't admit it. Leaving the half-eaten pizza there, she grabbed her beer and took a few gulps.

“You finish that?” She asked and Chris looked at her, throwing the pizza on the coffee table and grabbed the beer from her hand, and she giggles putting biting her nail.

“Sure as hell did.” He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in, straddle him. Chris looked down at her bare legs as he caresses them, up and down, and then put both of his hands on her ass and squeeze it. Camila looked down and grabbed the joint Chris had previously rolled and a lighter.

“Want to?” She said putting the joint between her lips and Chris hummed at him.

Sofia light it up, throwing the lighter back at the table and took a deep drag, hold it for a moment, and put the joint on Chris's mouth.

“Fuck—” She looked up, blowing the smoke. “So good.”

“Yeah,” He blew the smoke, hand gripping her jaw, his fingers playing with her bottom lip and she opened her mouth and he slipped two fingers inside, closing her lips around them she sucked, tongue dragging up the bottom. Chris slide then out and wrap his fingers around her neck and pulled her in for a heated kiss “You've got no idea what you do to me.”

“I do,” She smiles, lazily, and press herself more against his clothed dick. “Feels so good.”

“I do,” She smiles, lazily, and press herself more against his clothed dick. “Feels so good.”

“Fuck, it does.” Chris closed his eyes, leaning his head against her chest as she started to move her hips, oh so slowly. Grabbing the joint from his fingers, she gave it another go, already feeling light and dazed.

“You're so fucking… cute,” She bit her lips while smiling cupping Chris's face. “Your eyes are so beautiful and blue and your lashes—I want them.”

Chris blushed and Sofía squeezes his face planting kisses on his forehead, his nose, and their lips.

“–Then,” She said. Putting the joint between her lips and grabbed the end of his shirt and took it off, revealing his toned body. “That. all of it—fuck. me.”

“I'm trying—” Chris chuckle, now he gave it the final drag and leave the joint on the ashtray on the table. Grabbing Sofia’s face, she opened her mouth and shotgun the smoke into her mouth.

“I'm so high, that's some good shit right there.” She hides her face on the creak of his neck and laughs, making him laugh.

“It is,” He hummed, closing his eyes as he concentrates on the butterfly kisses on his neck, she suddenly wrapped her arms around here and they just stayed there. Chris's hand kept caressing her back.

“Sofi?” He said, trying to look at her face but her soft breathing, arms going limp. Chris chuckle as he stands up, she still on his arms and carried her to the bed and tuck her in.

“Chris?” She said, barely audible as she hugged her own pillow.

“Yes? baby.” He said. Taking off his shirt and sat down on the bed to take off his shoes.

“You're my best friend, I love you.” She expressed, Chris craned his neck to see her. Eyes still closed, mouth slightly open.

“I love you too, Sof.”

“Cool.” She hummed. “I love Mandy more, she first.”

Chris let out a heartfelt laugh and slide in bed with her and scoot her to sleep on his chest and she accommodated quickly.

“Sorry about your boner.” She slurred, smiling a bit when Chris laughed again. “The fuck I've smoke?”

“It's a strand I use to relax, I've used it for a while now.”

“Relax me the fuck right, I can't open my eyes.” She gulped. “Imma drools on you, so you know.”

He laughs. “Droll me, I'll take it.”

~~

Thank everyone, so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Tag list.

Tag list:

@letsdothemonstermash

@lunaticbarnes

@firstangeldragonranch

@lovepeacefood

@thegirlwithpaperheart

[stoopsbookstore]

Kinktober Day 6 (10/06/2019)

Kinks - Pecattiphilia (fetish for sinning and breaking religious rules) & Exhibitionism (fetish for performing sexual acts or being naked in front of others)

Warning - Minor Character Death, Blood warning, Part 3 of the Demon!Taeil series

"I think I've been possessed."

Taeil looked at the gentleman in front of him, his body drenched in sweat as pain overcome his body like lava was in his veins.

"I'm in so much pain being in here right now, but I figured it was worth the agony if I was about to talk to you," Taeil keeled over, his face unseen by the pastor, who showed sympathy from Taeil by placing his hand on the young male's shoulder.

"Dear son, you'll need to be exorcised, cleanse yourself, but we must make sure," the pastor removed his hand from Taeil, walking over to a small ornate bowl holding some holy water.

The pastor filled up a cup with the special liquid, turning to Taeil not on the front row, an empty church presenting itself to the godly man.

"Son? Are you still there?" An echo in the spacious area, a tap on the pastor's shoulder startling him, spinning around to a red-eyed Taeil and a slit throat.

"You poor, naive bastard. Believing every sad soul you see, you can save," Taeil licked the blood off his knife, tucking back in his pocket, all the lights in the church going out.

Taeil took his phone out of his pocket, texting Y/N, asking to facetime. His eyes going back to normal, the line rang three times until Taeil was met with Y/N's voice.

"Hey you, what's up?"

"Nothing much, just walking around town. I found this cool church, would you like to meet me here?"

"Is this going to be another late night haunted house situation where all the other guys come and Chenle almost gets his foot cut off?"

"I was thinking more of a 'fuck you on the preacher stand' if that's okay with you," Taeil flashed his signature smile, Y/N's laughter heard from the speaker, "it's been a month since we last slept together."

"And? That is breaking like every sin in the bible."

"Good."

"Can't you just come over?"

"What's fun about missionary in a bed? Isn't Rena home?"

Y/N sighed. Taeil was right, her roommate was home and they couldn't do much with her there and interrupting them.

"Just send me your address and I'll be there as soon as I can."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twenty minutes later, Y/N met Taeil, her purposely short and low-cut dress was covered by a cardigan, Taeil whispering as he walked up to her.

"Hey miss," Taeil circled Y/N, his hand playing with the hem of her skirt, "could you tell me where my friend is? She's beautiful, her body is amazing and her mouth is to die for."

Y/N playfully shoved Taeil, "I could ask the same about you, Mr. Insatiable Sex Drive."

"What can I say?" Taeil grabbed Y/N's arm, pulling her to the preacher's stand, the only light source dim candles around them, "you awakened something inside me."

Taeil sat on the stool behind the podium, palming at his pants, keeping track of Y/N walking, staring at the candles and admiring the stained glass artwork.

"I've always thought stained glass were beautiful pieces, they're stunning in the morning."

"I think I'm looking at the most beautiful piece right now," Taeil signaled for Y/N to come over to him, the girl walking over him, gliding her hands over the prominent bulge.

"Oh yeah?" Y/N leans in for a kiss, Taeil happily obligating, "tell me more."

"Her eyes are the brightest you've ever seen. The color memorizing," Taeil stood up, switching spots with Y/N.

"Her skin, flawless no matter what tries to ruin it," Taeil took Y/N's cardigan, throwing it on one of the pews, moving the straps of the dress to trace his lips down her shoulders.

"Open or closed, her smile puts all the models and Instagram whores in the world to shame," his voice going deeper, Taeil's hands cupping Y/N's breasts, "look out to the pews. Imagine all of the seats filled, all of those Jesus heads staring at the sinful display, my cock in you."

"Oh my God, Taeil, keep going," Y/N shut her eyes, Taeil reaching between her legs with one of his hands, his eyes going red.

"Let me move this podium, princess, show all of our friends," Taeil took his hands away, moving the obstruction, Y/N opening her eyes, seeing some of Taeil's friends sitting in the pews.

"Is tha-" Y/N's words were cut off by Taeil, kneeling in front of her, burying his face into her panties.

"Johnny, Doyoung, Taeyong, Jaehyun, Kun, Ten, even a few of your friends, Joshua, Jun, Seonghwa and finally, that pest, Yuta. Always all over you," Taeil started to eat Y/N out through the fabric, nipping and licking the barrier, "I know how much you love having an audience."

Taeil took off his shirt, revealing a dried pentagram he drew using the blood of the pastor, guiding Y/N to the center of the pastor stand.

"Y/N, lay down," Taeil gently commanded her, his seductress jokingly getting on all fours, wiggling her ass while turning to get on her back, Taeil spanking her, "beautiful, naughty goddess, all mine. I changed my mind, don't lay down, get up on your knees."

Y/N felt Taeil unzipping her dress, helping her to her knees, Y/N shimmying out of the dress, leaving her in her bra and panties in front of the crowd.

"You love the thrill of being watched, in the house of God," Taeil growled in Y/N's ear, Y/N moaning as the people in the pews started feeling their pants grow uncomfortable, "they're all aware, they even came willingly. Would you believe people are actually attracted to the dark, the taboo, the unusual?"

Y/N listened to Taeil whisper in her ears, Taeil smearing a liquid on her stomach, his clean hand making its way up to Y/N's neck.

"I know you know I'm not a human anymore, Y/N and yet you stay," Taeil's hand tightened on Y/N's neck, "is it the danger of knowing what I'm capable of?"

Y/N shook her head, the wetness in her panties getting uncomfortable, tubbing her thighs together in a vain attempt to satisfy a little bit of the discomfort, Taeil spreading her legs apart.

"What is that then," Taeil pulled Y/N closer to him, his chest fully flushed to her back, his pants at his ankles as he rubbed his cock inbetween Y/N's thighs, "is it the power that I have? The protection of having a demon on your side?"

Y/N sighed in content as Taeil found his answer.

"I'll always be here for you, my princess," Taeil turned Y/N's face to kiss her, "I won't ever leave. How long have you known?"

"Last time we were together, at the club," Y/N dreamily smiled, thinking about the moment, "when you shot that one guy, he was clearly a demon. Something had to have happened to you, you normally would've tried to talk the guy down before even thinking about harming him."

Y/N reached behind her to put her arm around Taeil's neck, the demon making some sort of noise in acknowledgement.

"So a month. When were you going to tell me?" Taeil began to prep Y/N, his fingers penetrating her as her squeal filled the church, half of the audience staring while the other had started to play with themselves.

"I was waiting for you to tell me," Y/N giggled, Taeil, in a rare soft moment, nuzzling into her neck, "it was your secret, you would've shared it with me when you felt comfortable."

Taeil finally pushed into Y/N, a lengthy groan coming out of him and out of Y/N, a high-pitched moan.

"You always feel so good, whether it's my fingers or cock," Taeil begun to hump Y/N, thrusting at an angle that drove her insane right away, "the best I've ever had in 25 years."

Y/N looked out the pews, all of the boys now masturbating as Taeil fucked her, Johnny focused on pumping his cock, Kun watching Taeil's thrusts go in and out of Y/N, Ten arched up into his hand.

"Fuck, Il-ie," Y/N dugged her nails into Taeil's thighs, an intense feeling going through her, "keep going, push me as far as you can."

Taeil grunted, pulling out of her as she quietly whimpered at the loss. Taeil kicked off his pants and disappeared, leaving Y/N alone in front of their 'fans.'

Taeil came back after a few minutes, blood coating his arms as he brought out the pastor he killed earlier.

"You want me to go rough, Y/N?" Taeil looked at Y/N, her reaction indiscernible as he gently angled her chin up, "If you don't want me to do so, tell me now. I don't want you to regret anything past this point."

Y/N eyed the corpse, the shock of seeing Taeil covered in blood, the pentagram now dripping, wearing off as she stood up, unclipping her bra and dropping it to the side. Walking to Taeil, she gave him a sensitive kiss.

"Do whatever you want."

Taeil's eyes went full blood red, the pupils gone as he picked Y/N up like a feather, kissing her breasts and using the blood to draw a circle on her chest.

"This is your last chance, princess," Taeil asked a final time, Y/N's arms limp around his shoulders, looking for sign of hesitation, "will you be okay?"

"Yes."

Taeil finished the pentagram, an upside down star, as Y/N felt a sense of protection over her body. Taeil again penetrated Y/N, the boys in the crowd watching as Taeil begun to bounce Y/N in his arms, her ass on full display.

"No one will ever fuck with you again," Taeil began to chant, keeping his face in Y/N's breasts, singing praising of her as her moans became squeals and screams, the members of the audience starting to make a mess of themselves, Yuta being the first to orgasm, "I'm gonna make your mine."

"Taeil, make me yours, I'm all yours," Y/N whispered in the demon's ear, her hand tagging at his hair, "I don't want to be with anyone else other than you."

"You're stuck with me," a breathy laugh coming from Taeil, "we belong to each other now."

Y/N's eyes were shut again, her orgasm erupting from her as Taeil continued his dirty talk.

"All mine, no one else's," Taeil came in Y/N, the white liquid making its way out of her princess, the pair catching their breaths, Y/N's head resting on Taeil's shoulder, both sweaty and bloody.

A few moments passed, Taeil still holding Y/N, gently rubbing her back as those who were in the seats of the church were all asleep now. Taeil waved his hand, the boys fully clothed and cleaned as they woke up and walked out of the glass door, the boys having a vauge idea what happened. Taeil's cock still inside her, cum dripping onto the floor, he clenched his hand, opening it to reveal a box, Y/N's eyes widening at the surprise.

"Will you be my queen?"

[justsomeiimagines-blog]

No Matter What

note: hi! im back hooowaaaa! writing was hard for me to do because i had school and semi mental health problems! i graduated high school last month and been taking time to write! for this baby i have another two parts to this one in the works :) i wouldve added it all in one but its already over 9000 words so doing this in parts is easier :-)

word count: the app i was using to write this said this was 6808 words but idk (which is why i decided to do all this in parts!)

"Y/N I like you, I mean like like you," Your friend Liam, said as you two stood in the middle school hallway. You gulped and hid away your fear that was trying to burst through, you had words to say but you couldn't find them, you froze up.

"Are you going to say something? Y/N?" Liam said waving his hand in front of your face snapping you back into reality. You nodded your head and pushed past him making your way to the front school doors. You felt your wrist being softly grasped, you looked up and met his eyes that were full of desperation, you were going to try to find something to say when you felt your phone vibrate it in your pocket, taking it out you saw Sams name and text letting you know they were out front.

"I-I uh I-I got to go," You said in a trembling tone as you flashed the text Sam sent and released your self from his grasp and dashing out of the school door.

The whole ride home you were quiet and staring out the window.

"Everything go okay?" You heard Sams voice, looking up you see him glancing at you and Dean eyeing you while he drove. You nodded your head "y-yeah um just tired, that's all," You said as you gave him a reassuring smile before turning back to the window as your mind ran fast with confusion and fear.

He gave you another concerned glance before sharing a short glance with Dean who just shrugged and turned up the Led Zeppelin and sitting back down.

When you all piled into the motel room you rushed towards the bathroom, closing the door (locking it behind you of course). Your brothers shared another glance at each other and then looked at the bathroom door, "maybe she just really had to go," Dean said as he shrugged again as he threw himself on the bed and grabbing his laptop getting ready to research more on the hunt,

Sam, on the other hand, had a feeling there was something off, he looked back at the bathroom door once more before grabbing a book and dancing his eyes on more lore, his mind trying to figuring out what could be up with you.

You just stood there watching yourself in the mirror, what felt like second to minutes hearing a knock on the door, you then heard the soft voice of Sam, "Hey you good in there, kid? its been over an hour." You furrowed your brows before opening the door revealing your brothers standing there with a concerned look to there eyes. You nodded "Yeah yeah I'm fine, jeez has it really been an hour?" You checked your phone seeing they weren't lying, you pushed past them heading to the mini fridge grabbing yourself a coke.

You could almost feel their concerned eyes burning into your soul from behind you, "You know you suck at lying Y/N" Dean spoke up as he walked towards you, Sam slowly behind him. You turned around and faked being offended "Uh, No I'm not," You said taking a sip of the cold sugary drink.

"Y/N, we can't help if you don't tell us, kid."

"You know you can come to us for anything, we won't judge you,"

You groaned and looked up at the ceiling and back down at the ground as you felt your heart ache a little at the last sentence, "there's nothing to tell my dear brothers, I'm fine, pinky promise," You lied looking at both brothers as you put down your soda on the counter behind you and held out both of your pinkys and had a small reassuring smile to them as you.

Both still unconvinced they reached out and grabbed your one of your pinky with theirs, you kissed both of your thumbs and released.

You took your coke back into your hands and heading to one of the beds laying down and turning on the TV, leaving your brothers having a silent conversation with each other.

You couldn't sleep later that night, you were laying on your side back away from a sleeping Sam you were sharing the bed with. You replayed the actions of today and felt the tears you were holding back come rolling down as you got lost in thought.

'What's wrong with me?'

------

*4 years later*

You were sixteen now and finally figured out who you were, you were relieved and happy but you couldn't also help but feel a little ashamed in who you were. You couldn't be open, you couldn't really experience who you were.

You entered the bunker, your heart beating a mile a minute as you tried to fight and hide the fear that was coming through, but you were losing that battle. You walked down the bunkers stairs and made your way to the library to see your brothers consumed in lore. "Hey guys," You said faking a happy tone gleeful smile "Hey kiddo, how was your day?" Dean asked as he smiled back at you as Sam looked up to you. "It was good, the usual," you huffed sitting on the table across from your brothers, "I actually had something to tell you, both of you actually," You said as you felt the fear in you is kicking in faster, your heart beating faster. "What's going on? everything good?" Sam said as he pushed the book full of lore away from him and turning his attention to you, you eyed both of your brothers "I- I I'm uh um.." You could hardly get those two little words out of your mouth.

'Why was this so hard?'

"You're not pregnant, are you? Who was it? I swear I'm going to rip their throats out!" You heard Dean rambled and exclaimed about a boy who didn't even exist, You raised your eyebrows in amusement and shock, watching as Sam was now silently in the same mood as Dean. you were going to say something but he kept going. "OKAY, OKAY DEAN!" you groaned out causing him to stop to look at you and Sam to snap out of his thoughts. "There are two major things that came out of your mouth that were all over the place on your first rant," You said putting your hand up in a circular motion making Dean furrow his eyebrows in confusion as he tried to figure out what he said and Sam just looked up at you with the same furrowed confusion.

You took a deep breath looking at the ceiling of the bunker

here goes nothing.

"In order to get pregnant I need to be attracted to the opposite sex," You said in a rushed sentence, seeing both brothers confusion to more confusion then realization, "and two just outta curiosity how would you rip out a throat? You going to ask the nice vampire in the house next block over to turn you for 24 hours and heal yourself?" You said nervously trying to change the subject before they could say or do anything.

You stopped yourself from going further heaving out a sigh, you lightly hit the table with your hands and closed your eyes, "What I'm trying to say is Sam, Dean I'm gay," You said as you kept your eyes closed not wanting to see the hatred on their faces.

The silence in the room grew what felt like hours, when really it was just seconds, you could feel the hot tears beginning to rush down your cheeks, you jumped off the table and started to head to your room when you felt someone grasp your wrist in a gentle but firm hold and quickly crashing you to their chest, holding you close.

You were taken back a little by the sudden movement you took in the scent of Dean, you wrapped your arms tightly around him as the tears still flowed down, creating a wet spot on his shirt.

"I- we love you no matter what, we just want you to be happy and be who you are, always." You heard Deans soft yet gruffly voice rang through your ears, you smiled into his chest "Thank you," you whispered and squeezing him a little tighter before releasing from each other grasps.

You were pulled into another pair of arms. Sam. You smiled softly in his chest as you took in his scents. "I'm so proud of you kiddo, and like Dean said we love you no matter what, okay?" He said as he rested his chin on your head, holding you close to him a little tighter.

You softly nodded into his chest and rested into his arms a little longer before letting each other go. You stood in front of your brothers and softly smiled at them "I love you both too, Thank you" was all you could manage to say while the smile stayed stuck to your face.

"You don't ever have to thank us for something as simple as this, kid, thank you for telling us," Dean said, Sam nodded in agreement as they both smiled back at you.

You huffed out in relief through your nose and looked at the ground,

I did it.

You looked back up at your brothers and clapped your hands, "okay enough of this sappy stuff, you guys catch a case?"

They chuckled slightly and nodded as they sat back down again, filling you in on a possible case.

just like that, that small feeling of being ashamed started to fade.

part 2 coming soon :)

[dontreadthistrashgarbage]

G O T 7 PT. 9

"You're a monster." Guerin hissed to Charlie as she did her best to blend in with the crowd.

"What?" Charlie asked, baffled.

"Look at this." She held out her hands to show Charlie the outfit that had been selected for her. A black sequence crop top with a roaring trex head and red pleather leggings announced her presence loudly despite the amount of people.

"... okay how is it different from what you usually wear?" Charlie was perplexed.

"You didn't think I'd maybe want to blend in a little more after making a scene about falling into the pool? It's also a bit over the top even for me come on." Guerin grumbled, folding her arms across herself.

"Well when you say it like that... I did intentionally pick something loud to cheer you up but I didn't think you'd ever want to just blend in. I'm sorry..." Charlie had a smile but her reasoning was sound and her apology seemed genuine, "You look great though."

"Thank you..." Guerin sighed, "Actually I'm sorry. I'm just sensitive cause... you saw Jackson..."

Charlie frowned, "I wondered about that... for what it's worth he seems okay right now." She gestured to the Chinese man who laughed suddenly loudly with one of his staff members.

Guerin shrugged, not fully convinced, "Hopefully he's not just burying it. He seemed so sad when we were talking. It would make me feel better if he wasn't that invested to begin with."

"Wow, Guerin, this is quite the look." Jinyoung sidled up to his girlfriend, sliding an arm around her waist and did nothing to hide the amusement on his face.

"Yeah it is. And where was your fashion sense while this decision was being made?" Guerin passed at him.

"I was playing with Eneoji. But I think Charlie did an amazing job." He said, not swayed at all.

"Well I hope she got fur all over you." Guerin faked a sulk, crossing her arms.

"Oh, she did." Charlie said, opening his jacket to reveal his now tainted black shirt, "It's why he won't take off his coat."

"Hey." He looked offended by the betrayal and pulled his coat back into place but Charlie just slid her arm around him and scrunched her face cutely in response.

"Wow, this outfit is..." JB said, sucking air through his teeth and cocking his head as he suddenly joined them.

"This is all anyone is going to say to me for the rest of the night." Guerin tossed her hands up in the air.

"I mean, it's very YOU. It's just like you with a magnifying glass." JB said squinting his eyes.

"Well I think she looks great." Charlie said, defending her friend.

"Great is..." JB trailed off with a squint. Guerin felt a blow to her ego as she waited for him to finish his sentence, but he was interrupted.

"Guerin, you look straight off a runway girl." BamBam said flirtatiously, appearing next to her suddenly.

"Thank you. But I feel like a lamp attracting moths." Guerin said self consciously, still curious as to what JB was going to say.

"You should wear that to the shoot tomorrow." BamBam said as Byoungjin and Tobio joined. Both of them glanced at Guerin but they were the only ones so far with the sense to not make a comment.

"Absolutely not." Guerin responded to BamBam. "But I guess that means we don't need to wear the same outfit as last time."

"No. If you actually bring an second outfit to change into that would be better." BamBam said.

Byoungjin and Tobio were waiting patiently by the group until Guerin realized they were waiting for an invitation. She quickly introduced them to the rest, Byoungjin already knowing Jinyoung, JB and BamBam but Tobio was new to everyone.

"Noona, what are you filming for?" Tobio asked curiously.

"Ah, it's a music video for the song I recorded with JB." She said, suddenly feeling very silly.

"I cant wait to see it." Charlie said, nudging her friend.

"Yeah, once you make your debut doesn't that make Byoungjin and Tobio your sunbae's?" BamBam cackled at the prospect.

"Does it?" Guerin let out a laugh too.

"You'll always be our Noona first." Tobio assured Guerin with a straight face, only a hint of humor in his expression. She winked at him in return. Her eyes caught Byoungjin looking at JB as though he wanted to say something, which caused her gaze to travel to JB's as the others continued to talk. JB was looking at her and when their eyes met he gave a coy smile. Her mind immediately went back to his unfinished commentary from before. Still feeling raw from her conversation with Jackson she knew she was being unusually sensitive, but she just looked away from him without returning the smile. Guerin missed his surprised and confused expression, but Byoungjin didn't. After the others continued to talk and Byoungjin and Tobio finally got a chance to start a conversation with JB, Guerin excused herself and pretended to leave for the bathroom. Instead she snuck a drink from the bar and headed to the back patio, settling in one of the chairs out by the pool. She played music quietly on her phone and relaxed back, allowing herself to dissociate a bit as she sipped on her drink.

"Here you are Noona." A masculine tone got her attention. Looking up she saw Minhwan and Gabriel approaching.

"Hey boys. I'm surprised you're letting Gabriel out here." She grinned at them.

"He's grounded. Seungbin is with Insu." Minhwan threw his arm around Gabriel whose pout was very obviously over the top fake. "Can we join you?"

"Of course." She sat forward, "Are you guys having fun?"

"Yeah, it's been fun meeting Minhwan-hyung and Byoungjin-hyungs uh... hyungs." Gabriel said clunkily, "They're a lot of fun."

"He likes BamBam the most." Minhwan rolled his eyes, "He high fived him for falling in the pool."

"That tracks." Guerin said in English, knowing HEET knew the slang thanks to her and Gabriel.

"Noona, we wanted to make sure you were okay." Gabriel said suddenly, "Byoungjin mentioned we should check on you."

"You have the subtlety of a bulldozer." Minhwan sighed to his dongsaeng but didn't contradict him and instead looked to Guerin for her answer.

"Aww, you boys are too sweet." She beamed at them affectionately, "I'm okay. It's been an emotional night so I just came out to decompress a little before enjoying the rest of the party."

"Can we help?" Minhwan asked.

"Mmm... no I don't think so. But if that changes I'll definitely let you know." She patted Minhwans knee appreciatively, "You're both good boys, thank you for checking on me."

"I can't believe you're drinking again." Said an increasingly familiar voice. Guerin's smiled faded a little as she looked up at JB and pointedly finished off her drink.

"It's called hair of the dog. Drinking a little when you're hungover is supposed to help." She shrugged and turned back to stare out over the view of the sloping hills the extravagant home was perched on, cicadas and other nightlife chirping through the darkness. "Besides. It's a screwdriver. The orange juice means it's healthy."

"Does it work?" He asked, cocking his head to the side and sticking his hands in his pockets.

She shrugged, "It does if I believe it. I don't know the korean phrase for it, but in English it's called the placebo effect and it's pretty powerful."

JB nodded and greeted Minhwan and Gabriel who suddenly looked very uncomfortable with the change in atmosphere but seemed unwilling to leave their noona just yet.

"Im Jaebeom-ssi." Gabriel said suddenly, very formal. The other three looked at him, JB looked curious, Minhwan seemed worried and Guerin was confused, "Please forgive me if this is rude, I'm a foreigner so it may sound strange, but I would like it if you were sensitive to Guerin-noona right now." Gabriel finished.

JB still looked confused and a bit surprised. He looked from Gabriel to Guerin, whose mouth had dropped open before she let out a nervous laugh and covered her mouth with her free hand. Minhwan panicked and slung an arm around the younger man, covering his mouth from the other side, forcing him into a bow alongside himself. "Jaebeom-hyung, I am so sorry for his words. He did not mean any disrespect."

JB shook his head and raised his hand, "I'm just surprised is all. Would it be alright with you two if I have a private word with Guerin-ssi?"

Gabriel looked at Minhwan sideways from over the older boys hand as Minhwan nodded in agreement, pulling Gabriel up with him as he stood. They bowed again as they left, Guerin waving after them.

"May I join you?" JB asked, waiting for her nod before sitting down, also looking out into the night.

"I was just thinking it's a shame we can't see more stars despite being so far from the city." Guerin said randomly. JB looked at her before casting his gaze upward, "The light pollution isn't as bad but the house it so well lit... I thought about walking downhill a bit to see better."

"Okay, let's do that." He patted his legs and stood up again, gesturing for her to come along. She hesitated, then stood with him, leaving her empty cup behind she followed as he led the way downhill until they couldn't see the house anymore, "This should be good, right?"

"I think so? Our eyes will have to adjust before we can be sure." She said.

"Okay." He sat down again and laid back, patting the ground next to him.

"Ohhhh you think you are so cool right now don't you?" She said with a chuckle.

"I am pretty cool, yeah." He grinned at her as she joined him on the ground. "But not cool enough." He said after she had settled. Guerin turned her head to look at him, "I think I upset you." He said with a frown.

"Yeah, I think so." She sighed and looked back to the sky.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what it was, but if you tell me what it was, I won't do it again." JB said sincerely.

Guerin groaned and gave a small flail rolling away from him suddenly, "Aaaahhhh its dumb though." JB had to press his lips together as he tried not to laugh outright at the sudden tantrum from the older woman. She sighed before speaking again, "Tonight's been emotional so I was already sensitive." JB's hidden smile faded, "But when you were being critical of my appearance earlier it really bothered me."

JB sat up suddenly, "I was being critical?" He thought back on the interaction trying to remember. Guerin peeked through her fingers at him. "Oh, oh no! I was teasing you, I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings! I like your style, it's unusual and fun. I admire that you aren't afraid of attention, but it seems so natural-"

"Okay you don't need to overdo it." Guerin interrupted, still peeking through her fingers. JB stopped and looked embarrassed, his ears reddening slightly but went missed in the dark.

"I'm being genuine." He said sounding a little defensive.

"I appreciate that. And thank you for explaining and apologizing." Guerin dropped her hands and tugged on his sleeve, pointing to the sky when he looked at her, "Look, can you see the stars now?"

He looked up, "Oh... yeah." He started to lay back, then stopped suddenly. He pulled off his oversized dark gray cardigan, tossed it across Guerins body, then laid back in only his tshirt to stargaze with her. Guerin looked at the cardigan then back at JB appreciatively. Slipping her arms through the sleeves rather than argue with him she enjoyed the soft material and his scent now surrounding her as they stargazed in silence for a few minutes, before they headed back to the party.

Guerin had arrived early and was doing what little she could to help BamBam set up as they waited for JB.

"JB-hyung said that coming out and seeing you fly Mihi for the first time inspired him to write this song." BamBam said as they chitchatted.

"Yeah, he was curious how I trained her for free flight." Guerin nodded.

"What did you tell him?" BamBam asked curiously.

"Well, the first part is building and strengthening the relationship. Before any flying can happen she need to actually has to want to come back to me. That means I need to be more exciting and rewarding than anything she may discover on her own. Any punishment or force someone might be tempted to use only damages that relationship. Then she learns the mechanics of flying, how to move through tree branches, the cue to fly, the cue to return, all protected and in controlled circumstances, until finally all we have left is actually trying free flight. In order for that to be successful is eventually just trusting each other and going for it. She has to trust me that I'll be here and be worth returning to, and I have to trust that she finds me worth returning to. You saw yourself sometimes things go wrong, but we work together to overcome those hardships and we can keep flying. I really do approach all my relationships with a similar mentality." She trailed off, seeing BamBam had stopped working and was looking at her thoughtfully

"Ah... sorry, I should warned you it was a long explanation..." she mumbled with a sheepish grin.

"Yeah it was long." He said unable to resist teasing, "But actually it gave me an idea."

"I'm not late this time and I'm the last one?" JB trotted up to the two of them.

"Hyung, just in time. Do you two have plans for the evening? I have a couple extra scenes I want to shoot." BamBam explained eagerly.

"I didn't have solid plans..." JB trailed off, glancing at Guerin.

She looked nervous but slowly nodded, "Yeah... I'm free."

"Perfect, let's get this first part going then." BamBam rubbed his hands together. "So for this part, it's like you're just getting to know each other." BamBam explained, "Guerin, you sit on that bench like you're waiting for JB, JB you're gonna jog up and you'll greet each other."

They followed his instructions, Guerin standing and they bowed in greeting as though they didn't know each other well yet. Guerin couldn't help a nervous giggle and covered her mouth before forcing herself to drop her hands, "Sorry." She said to JB, "This feels silly."

He quirked a brow and held back a laugh, "You're the one making this weird."

She stuck her hip out and placed a fist on it in an exaggerated manner as she looked up to the sky, "I have no idea what you mean." They both giggled at the ridiculousness of the situation. BamBam called for a cut.

"That wasn't bad considering the video won't have any of your audio. He teased and Guerin hid her face again as she giggled in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry! I'm not a good actor!" She called back.

"Let's take another one." BamBam replied with a knowing smirk.

They managed a few more shots, including JB running off to get them drinks from a vending machine and attempts to skip rocks, which Guerin turned out to be more proficient with than JB and she absolutely lorded it over him off script. He tried to grab her hand at her last throw prompting her to dodge away from him and it led to a short game of chase until he caught her as she rounded a tree and the two giggled until BamBam called another cut and they remembered they were being recorded and separated dutifully.

"You two should just date already." BamBam said daringly as he reviewed the latest footage. "I'm not even giving you direction on this and look at it."

"Ya." JB said with a warning tone, resting his hand on the back of BamBam's neck, "Don't embarrass Guerin-noona." Guerin surpressed a smile at his protective response, but she didn't blame BamBam for his comment. The footage did look like a genuine couple.

"Sorry hyung!" BamBam managed to shrug away from JB's grip with a grin. "Let's move on. Change clothes to your other outfits and move. We're gonna shoot the scenes where you're in an established relationship."

These shots required more direction from BamBam. There was more direct contact and physical closeness than Guerin was mentally prepared for. With the setting sun at the park they were shooting at the scene was romantic already. They held hands and walked arm in arm.

"Guerin, in this part I want you to trip, JB, pull her to you in a hug." BamBam instructed.

JB looked at Guerin, "Is that okay?" He asked, reading her expression.

She swallowed and nodded. The closeness they had been exhibiting all day had been for show but it was wreaking havoc on her very real feelings. JB had confessed his feelings for her already but while she liked him she still couldn't help but wonder if they would be a good fit. Still, it was just a hug right?

She was wrong. As she tripped on an imaginary obstacle he pulled her into his arms and she felt her doubts melt away. At first her head was pulled into his shoulder but they separated enough that her eyes met his. He blinked once, slowly like a cat and she inhaled sharply before biting her lip nervously to resist pushing more.

"Yeah okay that's good." BamBam brought them back to earth and they separated quickly, "We don't need to do that again." He sounded both innocuous and lightly teasing as he wrapped up the shot.

"Okay. Both of you go home and get ready like you're going out for a night on the town." BamBam instructed. Both of them looked at him questioningly and he sighed, "It's for my last second inspiration."

"Yugyeomie!" Guerin exclaimed happily, approaching BamBam and seeing his tall best friend with him, "What are you doing here?" The next part was taking place in the city, like friends going out for drinks.

"Hello Guerin-noona." Yugyeom responded politely with a shy smile and a respectful bow.

"Yugyeom-ah is helping with the shoot, I needed a third." BamBam responded to Guerin's inquiry.

Yugyeom was dressed simply but fashionably, matching the tone BamBam had requested Guerin and JB consider; to pick outfits for a night out. "You look so handsome!" Guerin gushed at the younger man who grinned at the compliment both flattered and embarrassed with the attention as he muttered a humble thanks in response.

"He knows he is handsome." JB's voice said in a teasing tone as he stepped up behind Guerin, causing her heart rate to increase and her skin tingled at his proximity before he put a few more inches of distance between them.

"Hyung..." Yugyeom whined with a pout.

"Oh he's just jealous that you're such a cute lil baby." Guerin cooed at Yugyeom.

"Noona, I am an adult man you know." He said turning on his devastatingly handsome charms.

Guerin crooned playfully, "Ooohhh yes I see that." While JB and BamBam visibly cringed causing Yugyeom to break character and hide his embarrassed smile by covering his face and dropping his head, "You might be a man but you look like a cute Yugy to me." She shook his arm cutely as he whined.

"Not to interrupt Yugyeom-ah's torment but we should get started." BamBam said as he reluctantly slid into his director role. It was fairly simple, Guerin and Yugyeom would be playing friends and they meet up with JB who would witness their closeness and have to react to it in his role as Guerin's boyfriend.

Since audio wasn't important she tried to keep her acting genuine by chatting and being friendly with Yugyeom who was clearly trying to be as cool and handsome as possible. They did several shots with them spotting JB and Guerin waving him over before BamBam paused after a take.

"Guerin, would you be okay hugging Yugyeom? That way it seems more obvious that JB has something to react to." He suggested, clearly dissatisfied with what they had gotten so far.

Guerin glanced at Yugyeom, "I'm fine with it if you're comfortable?"

"You've hugged me today already." Yugyeom pushed her shoulder playfully.

"Yeah but it's different on camera!" She protested, playfully punching him in the arm. He pretended to be hurt and Guerin played along with comforting him, missing the thoughtful frown on JB's face.

"Come on, let's get started." BamBam had to rein in his rowdy actors again. They apologized and got back into position.

They started off normally until Guerin comfortably wrapped her arms around the younger man in an affectionate hug after he did something she found cute. Looking up she made eye contact with JB who had entered the frame to his spot. She beamed seeing him and beckoned him over, but faltered seeing his expression. He looked very convincingly shocked and upset, but he walked over to join them. She took his arm affectionately and pretended to introduce the two before BamBam called for a cut and the three separated.

"I think that's the shot." He nodded.

They took the same scene from a few different angles before it was time to move on to the next scene. They all thanked Yugyeom for his help which he politely accepted, saying he couldn't wait to see the finished product.

"You'd think this would be the most comfortable one but it actually feels super weird." Guerin had been instructed to look like she was settling down for the night. She had showered and put on film appropriate pajamas, grey joggers and an oversized hoodie. Eneoji and Mihi were both in the scene as she sat on the couch. With her dog next to her and the severe macaw sitting on her shoulder, she sat back into her couch with her phone that was functioning as a prop.

"You're just expecting too much of yourself. You've been doing really well." JB said. He wasn't in the scene yet so he was just watching from the sidelines.

"All you need to do is act like you're having a text conversation that is upsetting you. You can pretend to be mad, annoyed, sad, stressed, all of it. Just go with it." BamBam said.

Guerin tried to slip into character, but she wasn't at it long before she got an actual text from JB. She couldn't resist glancing up at him but he was looking innocently down at his phone. Opening the message she had to keep from laughing. It was a picture of her with a filter that put her and Mihi in funny sunglasses. She had no idea how he had managed to get the parrots face to make it into the facial recognition.

"Guerin that's the one emotion I didn't ask for." BamBam directed. JB looked at her with eyebrows raised, still acting like he hadn't done anything wrong.

"Sorry." She glared at JB then looked back to her phone. She got another text from JB not long after. She furrowed her brow, refusing to look at him but couldn't resist taking a peak. This time it was a clip of Eneoji with a dinosaur mask on. She pursed her lips unconvincingly but managed her weakness without another scolding. Instead she texted JB back.

"You are so annoying!"

He responded with another image, this one was just a selfie of him making a ridiculous face. She outright laughed in surprise before remembering. BamBam sighed and Guerin launched into defense, "JB is sabotaging me! He keeps sending me funny pics." She sulked back.

"Hyung..." BamBam looked at JB with an expression of suffering.

"Sorry. Sorry I'll stop." JB said through a laugh he hadn't been able to contain after Guerin't outburst.

Despite the distraction the silliness had managed to relax her. JB messaged her again and she furrowed her brow, opening the message.

Whatever expressions she had made while texting with JB BamBam seemed to like. The last part of the scene involved her hearing a knock at her door, which is where JB came in. JB knocked on the door to get the timing right for reaction from the animals in the shot to look up, then Guerin stood, set Mihi on her perch and left the frame toward the door.

After shuffling the set up around to focus on the front door and putting the animals away to avoid distraction they continued with filming. Guerin opened the door to JB holding flowers and looking dejected. They did this several times, each time trying something different. The first time she just moved aside to let him in. The second time she leaned against the door and sighed before beckoning him in. The third time he was making a dumb face so she just shut the door again trying not to laugh. The fourth time she reached for his hand, gently holding his fingers as she raised her gaze to his. Meeting his eyes set her heart pounding loudly. She backed away and brought him into her apartment. Guerin was surprised she was able to hear BamBam call for a cut over the blood rushing through her veins.

"That was really great. Let's try for another like that." BamBam said as she quickly dropped JB's hand and moved away.

In the next take she held her arms open to invite him into a hug. He stepped sweetly to her arms, unexpectedly laying his head on her shoulder as he pulled her closer, like someone might if they were seeking comfort. She rubbed his back as though reassuring him but feeling his body against hers and his breath on her neck was becoming too much, so she stepped away from the embrace.

"I don't know about the hug, it makes it hard to see both of your faces." BamBam said looking at the camera with a thoughtful expression after the take, "Let's do another one."

The sixth take JB actually stepped closer to her first and took her hand. Guerin instinctively stepped back into the door but he was still alarmingly close. He had completely abandoned the apologetic expression he had been wearing before and she had to remind herself that they were supposed to be acting. BamBam called for another cut.

"That was a little aggressive JB. You're supposed to be asking forgiveness remember?" BamBam scolded his hyung.

"Ah, sorry I got carried away." JB said sheepishly, pulling away from Guerin.

"That startled me." She said, pressing her hand to her chest and forcing a laugh to cover for her reaction.

((((Tbc... this was so long ugh))))