#say what ya want but Bleach has such awesome designs

[weabbynormalblog]

The 10 must have healthful things for a beautiful you; inside and out.

(2-3minute read) I'll list pertinent *recipes below.

1) Omega 369-If you don't eat fish, you should definitely take this supplement. Your missing out on vital antioxidants and protein building fatty chains of omega goodness. This is a supplement. It can thin your blood so check with your meds and your doctor first. I suggest eat fish at least once a week. It's all the healthy fats, amino acids and proteins that your body needs to support healing as well as maintain healthy muscles, joints, skin and brain. Sea food is brain food. Salmon and sardines have the most benefits. Often very low in calories and high in good fats and proteins. These unsaturated fats have been known to help calm the auto immune response. Did you know the brain is primarily made of fat? About 60%. So ya I'm a fat head, we all are.

2) Olive Oil-Very Vegan friendly. Also contains these healthy fats and acids and is a better alternative for cooking than with Cannola oil, which is made from GMO crops and then heavily processed(look out triggers). Not only can you cook with Olive oil it's also low in saturated fat. It makes an amazing moisturizer, *Hair Mask Treatment and daily supplement. Look into the story of Lorenzos Oil. Great health benefits for those with brain issues and has antibacterial properties.

3) Walnuts-If you don't consume nuts on a regular basis and you don't have allergies, at least have a handful of walnuts a day. It contains vitamin E, high in antioxidants, fiber, protein and it's considered a whole food. You can also use it directly on wood furniture to fill in light surface scratches too.

4) Almonds-Also high in good fats, fiber, antioxidant rich and full of protein. Trail mix is a great healthy on the go snack. Avoid the salted and sweet variety. Nuts are really good for your vascular system. Reduces bloodpressure and aids good cholesterol and overall circulation. Nuts also include vitamins and minerals that helps maintain healthy skin, nails and hair. It helps produce collagen and destroys free radicals. Almond flour is a great alternative for baking opposed to wheat flour(major trigger). Naturally gluten free and never bleached.

5) Lemon juice-You say why? Lots of reasons. It's handy when baking and cooking. *Lemon water is great for flushing out your system. Being high in vitamin C it's a great natural energy booster and helps maintain your immune system. It cleans your liver and kidneys. It's a natural antibacterial(acid). Ideal for washing out your water bottle and cleaning your cutting board-pour lemon juice all over your cutting board and leave for 10-15 minutes then wash. You'll never want to use bleach again. It's a very good household cleaner; especially when combined with baking soda or other natural ingredients. It also makes a wonderful *facial clarifier to lighten brown patches and reduce acne. Use it as a rinse for your hair, it will add shine and strength. I could go on and on. A must have on hand.

6) Coco nut oil- Caution low smoking point, do not use for frying. Oh what a wonderful vegan fat! You can use it as a moisturizer (I use it everyday-absorbs into your skin quickly). Use it in baking instead of butter and in sauces. No saturated fat. Only the good stuff. It's also a natural antibacterial. Cures foot fungus and helps heal skin irritations like razor burn and as an antibacterial for scrapes, cuts and burns. It's loaded with vitamins and minerals. It's even used as a mouth rinse for its antibacterial properties. It's also a natural sun screen. Many good uses! And very tasty in a *Banana smoothie meal replacement.

7) Aloevera-Growing this succulent offers a wide variety of uses. Do not over water. It's like a cactus, usually 3-5 weeks in between watering in a sunny spot. Use topically for cuts and sunburns. Cut pieces as you need them off the end of the leaves. 3 per household is adequate. This plant packs a powerful punch. Use on your hair as a mask, it promotes strength, shine and removes excess oil. In *smoothies it aids digestion and offers some relief for IBS and autoimmune sufferers. It is somewhat pungent, but can be masked easily with other natural ingredients such as *Honey, ginger and lemon for example.

8) Long Oats-Makes a wonderful gluten free flour. It's a whole grain. Delicious in muffins, granola bars and cookies. It also will reduce skin inflammation when used topically and aid digestion when ingested. Great for insect stings, Chicken Pox, Eczema to sunburns and tasty too. High in dietary fiber, we can all use a bit more of that. It's wonderful as a *Body scrub in the tub or shower. My favorite in an Apple Brown Betty.

9) Pineapple-The highest amount of vitamin C per cup, better than oranges but not as high as a Durian and certainly more tasty. Rich in antioxidants, vitamins and minerals. The best bang for your am nutritional needs.

10) Honey is a wonderful cure all for cuts, burns, acne, sore throats and boasts high dietary benefits. I eat a 1TSB -1TBS of unpasteurized honey a day. It's great as a low sugar sweetener, in sauces and baking.

Hair Mask Treatment: Combined 3-4 TBS of Olive oil with 2-4TBS honey. I have really long hair. For short to medium length hair 2TBS of each, mix at room temperature and apply to hair from the ends up. I use a clean flat end 1" paint brush. Pile your hair up on top and wait 15-20 minuts. Yes, it's really sticky. And the Aloevera is gooey. A 4"-6" piece should suffice. What they don't tell you about this treatment online(5 minutes girly crafts) is that you must wash your hair thoroughly after because of the Olive oil. You may want to spritz a detangeler or do a cream rinse. No more split ends and the shine is awesome. Huge b4 and after for me; long coloured treated hair. I thought the results were certainly worth it.

Lemon water- Start your day with 8 ounces of water and 1TBS lemon juice and finish your day with another glass after dinner or before bed for the best bealth benefits.

Facial Clarifier-2-3TBS of lemon juice, 2-3 TSP Aolevera. Leave for 5 to 10 minutes as a mask Or use as daily as a wipe prior to washing and applying make up. Evens skin tones. Prevents acne. Use as a scrub, mix with 1TBS of kosher salt or large granulated sugarcane or maple sugar.

Oats Body Scrub

1 cup of long oats, 2 TBS of honey, 2-3TBS Aloe Vera. It will form into a ball. You can coat your hands in Olive oil and store in some plastic wrap. CAUTION straight Aloe Vera on open cuts will sting. Place scrub in a clean sick or use directly on skin. Maybe shave your legs after.

Banana Smoothie Meal Replacement-Mix 1 TBS of Honey(ti taste) with, 1TSP minced fresh Ginger, 1-2TBS room temperature coconut oil, 1-2TBS of Aloevera(optional), mix into 1 cup of Milk or Rice milk or thin style Yoghurt. Add 1TBS of Oat flour(Pea or Protein powder) and a frozen Banana(a perfect use for that over ripe banana). Peals easily with a knife when frozen. Hold it in at dish cloth. Break up the frozen banana and blend in the blender and enjoy. For added protein punch add your favorite nut butter or protein powder. This is a meal replacement design to aid nausea, promotes intestinal and gut flora health and helps calm the reactive immune response. I love it!

I hope you enjoyed my list of good stuff!

[sufferthesea]

Tagged by my sweet @pyroinquisitor​ ! Thank you!!

THE LAST

1. drink: Water! I have 7 water bottles in my room and I try to drink at least 4 of them a day.  2. phone call: AHAHAHA LIKE I TALK ON THE PHONE. (Actually, today I answered a call from my mom and almost ripped my thumb nail off on the chair trying to get to the phone.)  3. text message: I haven’t bought minutes for my phone so my last text was in June, saying “Your service ends soon”.  4. song you listened to: What Kind of Man by Florence + the Machine 5. time you cried: Teary-eyed or tears running down my face? Teary-eyed, today. Actual crying, ??? not sure!  6. dated someone twice: Nope! I’ve never dated!  7. kissed someone and regretted it: Theatre kisses don’t count (and neither do kisses on the cheek??), so I’ve never kissed anyone.  8. been cheated on: No 9. lost someone special: Yes. Many people.  10. been depressed: Yes. Gotta love that Frosty Fresh Depression  11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Never been drunk!  

3 FAVOURITE COLOURS

12. Purple 13. Yellow 14. Soft pastels and earth tones 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. made new friends: Yes!! 💖 16. fallen out of love: Yes! Good riddance! 👋 17. laughed until you cried: Yes!  18. found out someone was talking about you: Yep! But the people they were talking to stopped being friends with them and now want to be my friend 😂 19. met someone who changed you: Hmmm, I think so?  20. found out who your friends are: Yes!  21. kissed someone on your facebook list: If stage kisses and kisses on the cheek count, then yes! That’d be like 20 ppl 😂😂 

GENERAL

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Almost all of them! Most are family, high school friends, and college friends.  23. do you have any pets: Yes, a dog! He’s old and grumpy but I love him. I used to have a bearded dragon named Sylar and I miss him dearly.  24. do you want to change your name: Sometimes, but I really like it because it’s unique even tho it’s unisex and also a surname... and no one can say it correctly.... and I never see it anywhere....  25. what did you do for your last birthday: I can’t remember? My bday is close to my sister’s and dad’s, and it was close to my graduation so I think we had a combo birthday-grad dinner.  26. what time did you wake up: Alarms at 7.30am and 8am, and I woke up at 9am (-:  27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Showering 28. name something you can’t wait for: To get another first draft of my original story done. Plot revision is a motivation killer.  29. when was the last time you saw your mom: Like 30min ago when I went to the kitchen.   30 has disappeared. RIP.  31. what are you listening to right now: Pity Party by MelMar.  32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I knew a kid whose middle name was Tom, so yes!  33. something that is getting on your nerves: My own procrastination.  34. most visited website: YouTube, Tumblr, FB, gmail  35. hair colour: My hair is kinda weird bc of my parents. But it’s really dark brown (from my mom) with gold and red (from my mom’s mom and dad)?? And then I have chunks of blonde from when I bleached it and had purple, pink, and blue highlights.  36. long or short hair: It’s medium but I want to grow it back to how it used to be. I used to have the longest hair at my school (to my waist)! I miss it a lot.  37. do you have a crush on someone: NO!! No one real anyway. Fictional characters? Always. Choose a show or game and I probably have a crush on one of the characters.  38. what do you like about yourself: I like what other people have said about me: I’m the most compassionate person they’ve met; I have good energy; I’m easy to talk to. I also like that I am able to write and draw fairly well. (-:  39. want any piercings: Yes but I haven’t had a good experience with my past piercings. There’s a piercing/tattoo artist I know and trust but he’s sooooo far away ))-:  40. blood type: idek  41. nickname: Immy, Bee, C.B., Hoe, literally sooo many but most are family-only nicknames. Some old nicknames are Sensei and Onee-chan/Ane-chan. I also called myself Obaa because I felt old talking to ppl who just entered the fandom haha. But never I was never called Senpai ))):  42. relationship status: Single Pringle! 43. zodiac: Taurus / Boar  44. pronouns: she/her  45. favourite tv show: idk probably anything with an Asian cast bc I like seeing my people onscreen  46. tattoos: Not yet, but if I ever get one I have a rough design done.  47. right or left handed: Right but I’m teaching myself to become ambidextrous  48. surgery: None that I remember 49. piercing: Ears 50. sport: No! I used to do cross country in elementary school? 51. vacation: Love love love any Lewis & Clark vacations. Lewis is my husband and I would die for him.  52. pair of trainers: My only tennis shoes are faded and worn-out 3 y.o. purple and gray/silver ones I bought in my WTNV phase. I don’t like shoes so I haven’t bought new ones even tho I should. 

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: Nothing 54. drinking: Water 55. im about to: Listen to music and finish Chap 3 of HBAM and maybe do some Kakashi Week prompts 56. waiting for: Myself to stop being lazy  57. want: To lay under my falsa blanket in bed and get some work done 58. get married: Yes!! I’m so excited to get married (-: I know it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but it’s so awesome to think that I’ll get to spend the rest of my life loving on someone and being comfortably dorky around them  59. career: I want to be an author! Ppl tell me I should go into writing (screenplays or articles), drawing (book illustrations) or counseling, and my older sis wants me to be a teacher with her.  60. hugs or kisses: I’m selective about who gives me affection tbh, and I’m more of a hand-holder so idk 61. lips or eyes: Lips. I have a hard time keeping eye contact and paying attention to what’s being said. I feel like they’re looking into my soul.  62. shorter or taller: I luv being taller than people but I want my hubby to be taller than me!  63. older or younger: I’m both middle and oldest child in my mixed family. I want to marry someone older, but I like being the oldest in my friend group.  64. nice arms or nice stomach: Nice arms make me weak  66. troublemaker or hesitant: I used to be a troublemaker, but now I’m hesitant 

HAVE YOU EVER

67. kissed a stranger: No, but I proposed to one during a scavenger hunt (he said yes).  68. drank hard liquor: How hard is “hard”?  69. lost glasses/contact lenses: Yes. I never wear my glasses so I misplace them a lot.  70. turned someone down: Had to turn someone down for other ppl because they wouldn’t take no for an answer  71. sex on the first date:  No! I’ve never been on a date either ahahah 72. broken someone’s heart: Possibly  73. had your heart broken: Yes! Multiple times! But it heals stronger every time!  74. been arrested: No 75. cried when someone died: Yes 76. fallen for a friend: Yeah /: 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

77. yourself: Yes but then I feel full of myself  78. miracles: Yes ?? But not like, cosmic miracles? I believe in God, ya know? so His miracles ??  79. love at first sight: Yes! (reminds me of the county bailiff and grilled cheese food car guys I fell in love with when I moved down here lolol)  80. santa claus: SANTA IS THE BEST (but, practically, no)  81. kiss on the first date: On the cheek or back of the hand, sure?? I’ve never been on a date????  82. angels: Yes! 

OTHER

83. current best friends’ names: Goldie 84. eye colour: Hazel (mostly green)  85. favourite movie: Jurassic Park, Across the Universe, The New World, Howl’s Moving Castle, Spirited Away 

Hopefully I filled them all in and didn’t leave Pyro’s answers hahaha

Tagging @thefoxthief @purple-possibilities @thetoxicstrawberry @ninja-crows @iyo-arts But only if you want to do it! 

[3one3]

The Sequel - 846

The Depth in The Shallows

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“Are you sure it’s safe? I’m not going to break my head?”

“You’re jumping feet first.”

“Am I gonna break my legs?”

“No. I just did it! Jump!”

Christina held her nose and stepped off a rocky bluff into the Aegean blue water below, which was indeed just about deep enough to be safe. She could stand up in it just a few yards from there, so she worried she was doing something phenomenally stupid. Captain Theo brought them in as close to shore as he could get off the northwest corner of the island designated as a national park a bit east of Îles d’Hyères. Lilly XO was anchored too far out to swim into the pretty cove, so Christina and André used the dinghy to get there after her morning diving lesson in the water in between the shallows and the deep. It was great fun. The Fonz helped André remember all he’d learned before, and did most of the teaching. He got in the water with them and led the way to the bottom to check out some rocks, some plants, and some fish. The experience didn’t last that long, but it was still tiring. The rider made the footballer promise they could do it again the next day, wherever they were going to be. They had some lunch after that, and played with Lukas, and did nothing on loungers in the sun while he played inside with Espen. When they grew hot and it was time for his nap, they decided to go swim in the cove and cool off. It was mostly André’s idea. He wanted to be alone with his girl for a little while.

“Did you break anything?” he asked her when she swam back to where he was sitting, where the water came up to his chest. Christina’s lazy stroke brought her right up to his face, and she let herself sink onto the rest of him.

“No. What’s my score? Did I make a lot of splash?” They were competing to see who could create the least amount of splash upon hitting the water. Neither of them was good at diving, head or feet first.  

“I’ll give you a two.”

“Hey! That’s not nice.”

“Three?” The footballer sniggered with a face full of wet girl.

“I was generous and gave you a 7. You could at least kick some of that back to me,” she pouted.

“Maybe on the next one. Or are you staying here?”

“I’m staying here for now. It’s too much work to climb up there again, and I don’t like being alone on the shore. I kept feeling like some tribe of cannibals was going to come out of the woods and kill me.”

“What makes you think they wouldn’t come in the water to take you? Between us, they’d pick you to eat, Prinzessin,” he told her while sitting up off the hands he was leaning on so that he could grab her blue and white striped behind. “This ass could feed a whole family.”

“Gross.”

“There is nothing else to eat on either of us except your boobs.”

“Do you think “We’re athletes- we’re all lean muscle and wouldn’t taste very good!” would convince them to leave us alone?”

“No.”

“Do you think there’s pizza on the next island over? I want pizza. Lulu Schü does too.”

“How do you know?”

“He always wants pizza.”

“I always want his mom.” André leaned forward with his fuzzy face to give her a smooch, and slid his hand up to her lower back to try to bring her closer still. The Up Dog position she was in on top of him made it difficult to move her. “She’s very attractive.”

“His dad used to be pretty attractive, but then he didn’t shave for a week and started looking like he’s been stuck on this island.” Christina stuck her tongue out and drew her knees up so she could kneel on the player’s thighs and get out of the water enough to be able to gather, ring out, and tie up her hair.

“I’ll shave before we go to St. Tropez if you make an appointment to get your hair done there,” her partner suggested with a pointed nod at the knot she was making. “Surely a place like that has someone who can handle it.”

“What about the length of my hair is so trying for you?” she asked back, incredulous. “It’s not like it’s on my face, or my chest.” She grabbed a tuft of his chest hair when she was done securing the hair elastic, to illustrate that he had more problematic hair growth than she did.

“Nothing at all. I just want you to have, like...the salon experience. You never have time to go get taken care of. You can get your manicure at the same time, yeah? You want to get our toes done together?” Have to use vacation while you have it, André thought. He wanted his wife to take advantage of all the free time to go get pampered a little, both because he knew she’d been wanting to kick back at a salon and let someone do her hair and nails for her instead of for a photoshoot or public appearance, and because he knew she started to feel a little gross living on the boat after a while. There was no point in making her hair nice when it was just going to be blowing around in the salty wind and in and out of the sea, getting dry and sun-bleached. Her feet got dry wearing sandals and walking around barefoot on the wooden deck, or in sand. Her skin was constantly slathered in sunscreen and then lots of lotion, which in general just made her feel dirty and oily and unpleasant. He already wanted to take her someplace nice for dinner in glamorous St. Tropez, and figured it would be perfect to send her to a salon for some primping first. With all the luxury hotels, it seemed safe to assume there would be plenty of high-end places with good stylists and “nail people”, as he thought of them.

“Are you trying to say I look rough around the edges, boyfriend?” Christina turned her nose up at him and appeared skeptical of his motives.

“No,” he laughed. “Haven’t you been wanting to go get all of your nails done?”

“Yeah.”

“So do it. I’ll go with you.”

“Mkay.” She crawled off the player’s lap and stretched out beside him to enjoy the cooling effect of the water on more of her body. The sun beating down on her shoulders and back was too hot after just a minute sitting there. She had to inch a little closer to the beach though, because the chest-height water on André was hit-her-in-the-face height when she tried to sit the same way. He laughed at her when a small swell bombarded her in the face. They both got up and moved backward a yard or so to where it was more comfortable for the shorter one, and the taller one continued to laugh at her because she kept turning around to make sure there were no cannibals emerging from the vegetation. Switching directions was vetoed on the basis that the only thing worse than a cannibal sneaking up behind her was a shark doing it. André then recommended that they sit parallel to the beach, so that they could see both the woods and the rest of the sea, and keep an eye on each other’s six. That was out because, Christina claimed, the ebb and flow of the tide would try to pull her over sideways and she’d constantly be fighting it just to sit still. It was fine when it was going the same direction as her legs, apparently.

To André, if the most significant thing plaguing her was figuring out how best to sit in the shallows off a nature preserve in the south of France with a view of her $26 million apology letter from her dad, then everything was great. Day three on the Riviera with his wife was when he turned his corner. For the first time in as long as he could remember, they could just hang out together and not think of the other layers of their lives, not worry about what was coming next or what they’d been through, not maintain a running internal commentary for analysis of how they were interacting with each other and what it meant for their marriage, and not pretend everything was fine in hopes that it would make it so. In fact, he didn’t even notice that all of that was out of the way. He didn’t reflect on anything at all until he sat there in the water with Christina and began to ask himself, rhetorically, how anyone could put so much thought into how and where to sit or lay in 18” of crystal clear water. Then he sort of absently reminded himself that that was nothing- that there were tons of other things for her to fret so much about.

“Have you talked to Mario lately?” she asked equally as absently while lifting each of her big toes up from the surface of the water in turn.

“I talk to Mario like every day.”

“Oh. Well how is he? Is he coming back for preseason?”

“Yes. He’s been training a little with his fitness coach. Actually, he told me to ask you if Stefanie is home next week or in Monaco with us.”

“She’s going to Rotterdam to ride in the Nations Cup, which is soooooo great for her. I hope she kills it,” Stefanie’s coach smiled. Her grin wasn’t as pretty as some of her others because she was squinting against the sinking sun. “Holger is bringing a groom for her, and she’s taking Dezzy too to do some really low classes, and she gets to ride with Marcus and Marco and Andreas, who you don’t know but never mind, and so it’s not like the other times when she only gets to ride with the B Team. Rotterdam is a big deal. I wish I could go with her, but Heiner and Holger will look after her. I can’t wait until we get to do one together!”

“Aw it’s cute that you’re so positive about that right now, when you know when it happens you will turn on her and be worried that she’s going to beat you,” André teased.

“Nah because we’ll be teammates.” Christina rolled her eyes. “You want your teammate to ride well. She’s a long way from being consistently good enough to compete against me in the big stuff as an individual. You can hide a little in the team. There is always a drop score. We don’t want to put her in top, top classes too much and have her lose and have it damage her confidence. She has time. It’s best for her to just keep getting as much experience as she can one level down and then do these cameos when the conditions are perfect. Ya know what I mean? I don’t want to over-class her too much. It can get demoralizing. Plus she only has one horse that can compete at that level. Jelly Bean can handle being her second horse at a Nations Cup weekend but just barely. Once we get Dezzy fully fit then we’ll see. She has more natural ability than he does, and she’s a little bit more rideable than he is, but it took us a while to get to that and we lost some of it while she was out injured. We’ll see. But you should tell Mario to never mind where Stef is and what she’s doing. She’s head over heels for this Michael guy, and I see it in her riding. He should leave her alone.”

“Riding trainer cock block, ouch,” the riding trainer’s partner chuckled. He had no intention of passing on her message though. Mario should focus on himself, he thought. He’s doing fine with the support of his family, and his friends. He doesn’t need a girl right now, but he also doesn’t need to hear that the one he’s interested in is thriving with someone else. Nope. I’ll just tell him she won’t be home.

“Gotta do what I gotta do,” Christina shrugged. “I feel responsible for her. She could be one of my greatest achievements,” she winked. “Consider my looking out for the whole girl and not just the rider like a way of protecting my investment- my time spent working with her.”

“I get it, Prinzessin. No argument.”

“Kyle will be in Monaco with us though. He’s doing the 2* with Cartito and Calvin.”

“Have you ever called that horse by the same name twice?”

“Probably not. I’m still looking for one that feels right.”

“Uhhuh.”

“Do you wish we invited friends with us this week?” the girl in the striped bikini inquired, thoughtful. She kept having to fight the instinct to fill the time. It was difficult for her to do nothing, or do the same thing for an extended period. She constantly felt like it was boring for André and that she should do or suggest something to do next. The main thing fueling the feeling was an anxiety inside about conversation. Unless she was speaking about herself or something to do with her riding, she didn’t have a whole lot to say to him. It made her slightly uncomfortable. It wasn’t like she was deliberately avoiding certain topics and thus limiting the choices. She just didn’t have much to say. It also wasn’t like they were experiencing awkward silences. They’d been talking all day- just about nonsense. Christina wasn’t used to feeling like that wasn’t enough. She kept reminding herself that they didn’t normally have deep, philosophical or intellectual chats every afternoon at any time during their relationship. But she still felt unsettled. She still felt like she was supposed to be more entertaining.

“Absolutely not,” the chief source of her anxiety snorted. “Why would you even ask that? Espen and the 6 people working on the boat are already too many. I had to drive you away on a little boat to this island to be alone with you!”

“Oh. Well...I dunno,” she squirmed, lifting her hand out of the water to fiddle with the bracelet on her wrist. It was burgundy and black cotton string in a tight fishtail braid, secured with a tiny button. She made it the week before while doing nothing with Juan, with string stolen from grooms at the show who had it on hand for mane braiding, and the extra button in the little plastic baggie that she cut off with the tag from her new show jacket. It was a lot easier to do nothing with him. There was no compulsion to entertain him when they were sitting around outside her horses’ stalls and killing time between classes. There was no struggle for conversation. She made her bracelet on the packing list clipboard and he played with the dogs.

“Why do you look like the kid lying about her dog eating the homework?” André asked knowingly after leaning all the way over to bump his shoulder into hers. He saw the squirming, and he saw the anxiety before that too. Christina could be as transparent as glass at times, especially to the footballers in her life. She usually knew it too, and it kept her from lying.

“I keep thinking we should be doing something more than...sitting in the water,” she admitted while still turning the bracelet around on her wrist. “Like going diving, and playing games with Luke, and go-karting. That stuff is great and I can tell you have fun. I can’t tell if I’m boring you or not when we just lay out on the boat, or here, or, whatever.”

“Why would you bore me?” the player asked back with furrowed brows. What on Earth is she on about now, he groaned inside. “Why would- I- Don’t get it...”

“I dunno. Sometimes I get anxious,” his girl confessed in a quiet voice streaked with sadness. “I worry that-“

“Since when do you care if I’m bored or not? I think you have planned shopping trips with boring me to death specifically in mind.”

“Yeah but, that was a long time ago...”

“Not that long ago.” I hate this. No guy wants to hear his girl say she gets anxious around him and not mean it in some sexual context. We were doing so good...

“I’m just telling you how I feel,” Christina bristled.

“Okay. Calm down. You’re getting defensive like I reacted badly. I didn’t. I’m trying to understand,” André explained. He was trying to stop her from pulling the pin out of the grenade. To him it was as if tension cropped up out of nowhere and then grew exponentially by the word, but all on her side. She was sliding the pin out for no good reason. He thought she wanted the explosion.

“And I’m trying to tell you that- That I- It’s like...I don’t know,” she sighed. “Sometimes I feel this pressure to entertain you and make you visibly happy, and then I guess I get upset because I never felt that before. That’s like how you feel on a first date or something.”

“I don’t get how you end up in these terrible thought spirals. A minute ago everything was fine. For three days, everything was fine. We’ve done a lot of nothing in three days. Why just now are you feeling pressured?”

“I have no idea! I just want not to.”

“Okay. Well take a deep breath and relax,” the BVB man advised, a hand kneading at the nape of her neck. “I really like being alone with you, regardless of what we’re doing. I don’t want to hang out with friends, or do activities 24/7. This is my holiday. I’d be happy to spend this entire week on a towel next to you. Shit, Chris. Where do you find in your head that I don’t want that? Where does that idea come from? I don’t get that. I don’t get what I’m doing that could make you think that.”

“You’re not doing anything, and I don’t know where it comes from. That’s why it’s so frustrating.” Christina puffed out her cheeks and then sat up Indian-style to relieve a budding ache between her shoulder blades. “I just want it to go away,” she added, eyes on her legs.

I don’t know what to say to that, her partner realized. I think maybe she’s getting anxious because SHE doesn’t like doing nothing with me. You have to let the guard down and fully relax and be real, and you can’t do that with just anyone. You can’t hide behind a detailed conversation, or an activity. Especially her. She doesn’t get comfortable with most people. That used to be our thing. You feel good because you’re the one she loves to be herself with.

“I’m sorry. I hate that my inability to be a normal, emotionally stable person gets in the way of so much stuff.”

“You’re not getting in the way of anything. I’m glad you’re talking instead of hiding everything,” he told her. It took real effort to keep the indignation out of his tone. She was right. She could be very frustrating. “And I’m not bored, and you don’t have to entertain me, and you’re not unstable, and it’s not a problem that you have feelings. Everybody has feelings.”

“Can we go out into deeper water? My face is so hot.” And you’re making me feel like a foolish child, the rider added to herself. I hate how whenever I try to tell him, or Juanin for that matter, how I feel and what’s going on in my head, they have to talk me down like I’m some kid who needs reassurance. I hate how all this emotional garbage is back again. Half an hour alone with him and it’s back. What does that mean?

“Yeah, let’s go.”