#sarah just too talented for his virgin ass

[gracieminabox]

not necessarily chril questions of them together, but some childhood things. their first memories? childhood best friends? favorite foods? hardest school subjects? when and how did they lose their virginities?

I like all of these a great deal. I’m putting them behind a cut for length.

First memories:

Chris: Chris’ first memory is one of the only concrete ones he has of Emily. He was about four, and it was one of his mother’s better days. They were walking home from the grocery store on an absolutely sweltering day, and Chris looked up, right into the sun. Mama called to him not to look right at it like that, but it was just too tempting. The bright-blindness aftereffect of looking at the sun caused him to stumble on a crack he couldn’t see and fall, scraping his knee. Mama dropped her groceries and ran to him, examining his scuffed knee. Chris remembers she wiped away his tears. 

Phil: Sitting on his grandpa Pierre’s lap, reaching up and rubbing the bristles of his mustache between his fingers. Pierre looked down at him, grinned, and called him un garçon très beau, followed by what might’ve been some more stuff in French that he’s now forgotten. Phil’s not sure how old he was, but he must’ve been quite young; Pierre died when Phil was three. Phil’s mother can’t see how he could possibly remember Pierre, but Phil insists the memory is accurate.

Childhood best friends:

Chris: Grandpa. Deeply introverted as a young kid, Chris had a lot of trouble forging anything stronger than acquaintanceships with his peers. Grandpa was his touchstone, the person Chris could confide in about anything and everything - and, by far, the person with whom Chris had the most fun. After Grandpa died, Chris went a long while without a best friend and didn’t find another until he met Erin, with whom he is friends well into adulthood.

Phil: His sister Sarah. Even into adulthood, she’s still his best friend, Chris excepted. The closest in age of all the Boyce siblings, Sarah and Phil were always the ones who told each other their secrets, and neither of them was capable of convincingly lying to the other. Sarah taught Phil how to tie his shoes, dance, and make their dad’s spaghetti sauce.

Favorite foods:

Chris: Bacon. Always has been, always will be. He prefers his bacon crispy and greasy, like Grandpa made it; but Phil - who is mostly vegetarian but makes an exception for bacon specifically because it’s Chris’ favorite - has no idea how to cook bacon, so it always ends up burnt in his hands.

Phil: Carbs. Bread and pasta. Comfort foods. Bonus points if it comes with cheese. Virtually any time they go out to a fancy restaurant, Phil is guaranteed to order some kind of pasta dish.

Hardest school subjects:

Chris: Chemistry. Chris liked all of the sciences, but chemistry knocked him flat on his ass in school, and still does. He doesn’t understand it, it doesn’t interest him, and he has no talent for anything chemistry-related, unless it involves unintentionally setting things on fire. Phil had to hold his hand the entire way through the only required chem course at the Academy, and they celebrated hard when Chris passed with a C.

Phil: Phil was an incredibly good student who rarely struggled. Though math was his least favorite subject, he didn’t find himself struggling, per se - except with differential calculus. He managed, but it did eat up a lot of his time trying to get the basic concepts down.

Lost virginities:

Chris: With his high school girlfriend Elizabeth. He was 17. It lasted approximately sixty seconds. Chris was insufferably proud of himself. 

Phil: With a girl named Annie when he was 16. They weren’t a couple, just friends, but Annie said she loved him. Phil thinks she probably did, even if only for a moment. (For the record, his first time with a guy was with his first boyfriend, Eli, when he was an undergrad.)

[startyourfuturerp]

Congrats, Scoob! You’ve been accepted as Noah Puckerman. Please remember to follow everyone here, and send in your account within 24 hours!

ooc

name: scoob age: 26 (fun fact: i often have to check my own birthday to remember this bc time isn’t real) timezone: pst pronouns: he/him triggers: rfp past blogs: rfp

ic

name: noah elias “puck” puckerman

age & date of birth: twenty two, 4/18

schoolyear: sophomore

hometown: sandusky, ohio

major(s)/minor(s): physical therapy with a minor in music

backstory:

Growing up in bumfuck nowhere already made a place like Ohio feel miserable enough, but having to do it with the reputation that Eli Puckerman left behind? That made it a whole new ballpark of hell. It was definitely some kind of dirt bag record that between all the local rednecks, beatniks, and losers, there still could be a man like Eli who could bring shame to his name. He had various identities, reputations, secrets, and enemies across the C’s of Ohio which made sense for a man with the brands of womanizer, abuser, con artist, gambler, and drunk following him where ever he went. But the treatment in good ol Sandusky was always much more fierce and fresh due to simple face it was full of a town both sick of his shit yet couldn’t seem to keep their attention off of his family.

It didn’t take long for the whispers to start of Eli Puckerman having skipped town on his wife who was as equally blind sighted by a pregnancy as he claimed to be. While some rumored it wasn’t even Eli’s, the most popular comment was it didn’t matter if the patriarch came back, because that child would still wind up as another kid Eli Puckerman didn’t raise. So it was no shock that the day Sarah was born, Ava told a ten-year-old Puck he had became both a big brother and the man of the house. She didn’t sound happy to say it, and Puck didn’t fully know what that meant at the time, but it would be one of the first times Noah Puckerman would step up to impossible odds. Granted, that was easier said than done when it came to a kid that hadn’t even grown out of his thrift shop Power Rangers shirt (however, the day for that came pretty quick).

While Puck wanted to due justice to the titles he had been given, he couldn’t help but be plagued by thoughts of what happened. Even with Eli’s inconsistency, as a kid, Puck always was ready for the days (or late nights) his dad would come stumbling back in from a bender, and when he did, it was a good thing. Eli was his son’s hero, and Eli could attribute that bit of good, underseved karma to the fact his kid didn’t know any better, yet. Instead of being a monster, he was the guy guiding Puck into manhood: teaching him the best rolling papers to use, which beers were for the right times of days, how to talk to women in way his mother didn’t need to know about… Noah and Eli had their own world. And once the man left, so did everything that had become Puck’s foundation.

From that point forward, it became more and more clear of all the signs his dad would have left them no matter what he did. No matter if his mother got pregnant or not. He started to find the faults in the memories of his childhood like the times he noticed Ava flinch when Eli was near and wound up, his father leaving at all hours only to return without explaining anything, his parents subtly fighting with sharp words rather than volume, the times Eli would remind Puck he needed to be better, the kinds of friend’s his father had and brought home… the list had no end in sight. Eventually it got to the point where it didn’t matter if these realizations came from his own memories, his dreams, by authority figures, or just random people on the street– there was always a new level of low the respect Puck once had for Eli could go. And once Puck’s childhood was shattered by all his continual thinking, he tried to do the opposite of that in order to stop it all together: acting without thought. It was because of his acting out and seemingly general lack of caring that he earned a new title his dad never had: bad ass (number wah). Though, like everything else, that title came judgments and looks which Puck pretended to not notice, but always did.

If it wasn’t for the relentless way Puck never backed down from a dare that made him the ‘man’s man’ among his friends, it became unquestionable when he lost his virginity before any of the guys in his class. Jewish summer camp had treated him well, with Puck befriending some of the older guys that had also been forced there by their Yenta moms. Rather than let a summer go to waste, they hatched up a plan to sneak in to the theater camp across the way. It was there that Puck got his first experience with sex, and while at fourteen it was a brag to of slept with a nineteen year old, the effects were everlasting in socially good (and emotionally damaging) ways. Though, if you asked Puck himself, he’d see only the fact it was was obvious he had another talent to go along with his bad assery: teasing and pleasing. This new knowledge led to him constantly finding new conquests and succeeding in that department. It only flourished once he started a local pool cleaning business, too. The thing about being scum meant he was also the bad boy fantasy women from all ages seemed to enjoy. His life style quickly found an unsurprising alliteration of boozes, babes, bucks, and bongs– which naturally had even led to bail bonds. Or would have, if he wasn’t a minor and thus committed to juvenile detention with no bail.

They were just minor crimes, and while he would often pridefully share his story at parties, he’d never talk about in therapy. However, one thing that did come of it that no one noticed: having jail time be a new common factor between Puck and Eli made Puck all the more determined to pass his classes. As well was bully others a little less so he could focus on his own self. It was as if failing at not getting his ass locked up, it put an emphasis for Puck to accomplish at least one he knew Eli had never done: graduate. And Noah Puckerman would be damned before that became his fate, too. Unfortunately, not being the most book smart guy, or being all that great at asking for help, resulted in a struggle on doing things the old fashioned way. Thus, sometimes that meant doing shady things, but Puck already knew the real world wasn’t as cut and dry for him as it was for most. Some people got to play teacher’s pet, and other people, ones like him, got to play teachers plug (not in a weird way). See, Puck thought about things his classmates didn’t: teachers had needs too. So sometimes he’d be trading a top shelf J to a faculty member wanting to unwind at a Josh Groban concert for an A in their class. It didn’t harm anyone, and Puck knew he had to succeed somehow. He wasn’t going to disappoint his mom, sister, or himself again.

With enough motivation and method to his madness, Puck was able to get his diploma, and it was even more satisfactory on the account of he knew he had practically no one who believed he could besides his family. The next issue was that he hadn’t quiet planned for beyond that. Puck had played on his high school’s basketball and football teams, but didn’t look in to a scholarship for them. Scouts didn’t go out to Sandusky just for shits and giggles, either. However, unbeknownst to him, Ava and Sarah had managed to take samples of Puck’s music abilities and sent them to colleges around the country. When Puck heard he had an admission to Ginsberg with a full music scholarship, it wasn’t expected but it was welcomed all the same. At least, after the girls had spent forever convincing Puck to actually go and leave them, promising they would be okay. And while he had been initially hesitant going somewhere so new and unlike home, it easily was the best decision he made. You know, besides that threeway with the Dean’s twin daughters and bringing his drug business to college as a side hustle to pay for the costs his scholarship doesn’t.

samples: rfp

[kalique]

MINE THOUGHTS ON BIG BROTHER

FAYSAL - definitely a jock type, can’t see him getting evicted first unless he pisses everyone off. he’s got a face that’s either “i’m the nicest guy in the house” or “i’m the new josh,” there is NO in between. his strategy for not letting anyone see he’s a physical powerhouse is going to kind of backfire because he’s SUCH a huge jock that i could tell he was a fucking jock from just his headshot, no freaking way anyone is going to think this guy isn’t a physical threat. 

SAM - nice “i want to see your manager” haircut, madam. she describes herself as “multifaceted, charming and charismatic,” and i can already tell i am going to hate this woman. and whomst in the fuck says their favorite big brother houseguest is DANIELE????? (i was trying to think of a worse choice, and i can only come up with like, either cody from last season, or the hantz cousin who got kicked off for trying to kill a guy, or maybe lawon from season 13 who volunteered to get evicted because he thought they’d bring him back with special powers, which did NOT happen.) and then this woman goes on to describe herself with all the positive adjectives she can pull from her thesaurus. she calls herself “extremely perceptive and intuitive,” and says she’ll “influence the other houseguests by means of gentle persuasion and manipulation. Another terrible talent of mine.” I HATE SAM ALREADY. she’s going to get kicked out on day 1 with this attitude. be humble sit down.

TYLER - haven’t we already had like, 50 curly blonde headed surfer guys on this show? what is the deal? anyway one of his descriptive words is “questionable.” he calls himself “questionable.” okay. he says victor, dan and zach (literally “fruit loop dingus” zach) are his favorite houseguests and i love you already, tyler. great choices. his strategy is playing both sides of the house, which isn’t even a strategy since literally everyone does it. his life motto is “do whatever the hell you want” and for something he’d like to bring into the house, he lists “quinoa.” I LOVE HIM ALREADY. I SUPPORT HIM. “QUINOA.” WHAT A LEGEND

BAYLEIGH - okay that is.... the most millennial name i ever heard. but like, it’s not a name that a millennial should have, it’s a name that a millennial would give their child. anyway. one of her descriptive words is “engulfing.” what does that mean, i guess we’ll find out. i like her face. sometimes you just like people’s faces. her favorite houseguest ever is donny, which i think is a clue that i was right that she’s a kind person. she has a kind face AND loves donny, she’s got to be nice (but maybe not too concerned with gameplay, since donny, bless his heart, was the biggest floater ever). her strategy is basically just a long-winded “be myself” kind of thing. i respect that. AND SHE LITERALLY SAYS “BE HUMBLE SIT DOWN” IN HER LIFE MOTTO, DO YOU FUCKING HEAR THAT SAM? i hope bayleigh roasts sam in cold blood and brings her down to earth!!!! okay, further evidence that she’s the nicest houseguest: she wants to bring her bible and yoga mat into the house. i love her. but still, i hope she turns mean and roasts sam. because i hate sam.

JC - here we have our token gay, but he’s clearly also a token bro at the same time. his favorite houseguest of all time is josh....... okay moving on. his strategy is “I am going to be the sweetest small guy that everyone would want to hug and kiss.” best strategy i ever heard in my life. seriously. this is how people win. except for josh, who won by being so insane that no one considered him a threat. which is why NO ONE SHOULD WANT TO EMULATE HIM, THIS STRATEGY ALMOST NEVER WORKS. anyway. enough about josh. returning to jc. not much to talk about with him, just that i definitely think he’s going to get far in the game because he doesn’t talk shit, he isn’t arrogant, he doesn’t look like a huge physical threat (although he’s a dancer so he might be), and his strategy is to be really nice to everyone, which is actually a great freaking strategy. i think he will go far.

HALEIGH - oh my god, first we had a “bayleigh” and now we have a “haleigh.” my god, these freaking millennials and their leigh names. facially, the moment i saw her i was like “she looks just like aaryn” which is..... hopefully not indicative of her personality or beliefs.... anyway, she loves her family, and her favorite houseguest is derrick because “he played an honest game,” yet in the very next paragraph she talks about wanting to deceive her fellow houseguests, so what is the truth? don’t know about her, don’t really have much to say. just that, she talks about being adopted and i hope to god she’s not aaryn’s separated at birth secret twin sister or anything. because that’s the kind of stunt big brother would pull on us commoners. 

STEVE - okay now we have our token old man, who will either get evicted immediately or float to the middle and then get betrayed. his favorite contestant is mike boogie. interesting choice. he literally doesn’t even have a strategy and his life motto is “rock on,” and i love him already. and of COURSE he was a cop, because is there a single token old man other than donny who isn’t a cop? wasn’t kevin a cop? i feel like kevin was a cop. or was that someone else? damn i don’t even remember. this guy looks like the kind of houseguest who will float around and not stir up any trouble, and frankly they’re my favorite to root for.

KAYCEE - her strategy is honesty and loyalty, she’ll probably get betrayed on day one. not to be cynical but really. she says that big brother is the only tv show she watches... damn. that could be a great asset for her; with no other shows competing for her memory, her knowledge of the game could be stronger than others who watch a lot of TV. and if she ONLY makes time for big brother and no other show, she’s probably the superest of superfans. she may be one to watch, or she may not. we will see.

WINSTON - damn this guy looks like a winston. he comments that he’s been living alone for 2 years, as though this will help him adjust to the isolation of the big brother house, but... it’s kind of the opposite? after living alone for 2 years, you’re going to be shoved in a house with over a dozen strangers and forced to interact with them all day every day while cameras watch you. i think this guy is going to have a bigger culture shock than he expects. his favorite houseguest is paul. i can see why people would love paul, he seems like the smartest guy in the room, but the reality is, paul isn’t that smart, he’s just been stuck in two consecutive seasons with a cast full of IDIOTS. winston apparently writes love letters to his dog everyday......... that’s dedication. also, he says that he’s been mistaken for two celebrities: ryan reynolds (i can see it) and justin timberlake (nope he’s tripping). somehow i get the feeling that he’s not going to adjust well to the house, and may end up being one of those guys that begs everyone to evict him because he can’t stand it.

RACHEL - first of all, her favorite houseguest is britney, which is the most valid possible answer. she sort of looks like natalie from idk how many season ago that dated james. strategy: to downplay being a physical threat and remain loyal to her original allies. dude, you gotta go with the flow, sometimes you just can’t stay loyal. i actually don’t even have that much to say. just, she looks okay. fine.

SCOTTIE - forgive me if i’m wrong but is this the token nerd, a la ian and steve? he says his least favorite part of the big brother house will be getting shook when he walks in a room and everyone stops talking because they were plotting something, and... that’s 100% something a superfan would say. his favorite player is evel dick, which would be valid if evel dick wasn’t literally an evil human being. he describes himself as a hungry shark and says that his strategy is to pick off the floaters and JESUS this guy is aggressive. also he is a virgin who has never been kissed and freely admits to this fact. somebody get this man a showmance. 

ANGIE “ROCKSTAR” - this season’s token eccentric with dyed hair, huge-ass harry potter glasses, and crazy eyes. one of her favorite activities is “dancing under the moonlight around a fire to fierce drum beats.” her favorite houseguests are joey (blue haired girl that got eliminated first like 3 seasons ago) and frankie. she wants to bring a statue of ganesh into the house. she mentions giving natural birth to all her children. i am just stating all this information. i am not going to give comment. just.... telling it like it is.

CHRIS “SWAGGY C” - please god, let this guy not be serious about his nickname, because i am not making reference to “swaggy c” for the rest of the summer. he LOVES paul and says that paul is better than every single other winner except a few, and..... i mean he’s not even wrong, but that’s more a statement about the quality of big brother rather than the quality of paul’s gameplay. when asked if he has a strategy, he says “of course” but doesn’t reveal it.... sneaky sneaky, i like the cut of his jib! he mentions wanting to bring a notebook into the house, but says he doesn’t even need it because he has a photographic memory. we’ll see about that, buster. he seems really confident and ready to play, and idk if that will work in his favor or not.

ANGELA - if katharine mcphee and sarah michelle gellar had a baby. she’s like, the 10th consecutive houseguest to say that the hardest thing about the house will be lack of social media. she seems to hate men, her favorite houseguest is rachel, she calls herself the networking queen, and she’s extremely athletic. this lady is either going to get eliminated immediately or make it to the end. i am calling it. i have a good feeling.

BRETT - has the weirdest descriptive words of any of them: “Vehement, riveting, and trophy.” wtf. like many other hgs, he plans to lie about his career for no discernible reason. whatever. he wants to bring a toothbrush into the house because he “doesn’t want the ladies to think he has stank breath.” you and every other competitor, bud. he also mentions hacking into other people’s computers for fun. okay edgelord. i don’t like this guy, i just have a bad vibe. i feel like he’s going to be one of the first eliminated cause no one will like him.

KAITLYN - suuuuuuper spiritual. crystals. mediums. seances. the whole shebang. production is probably gonna ask her to ramp it up to make herself look even more of a stereotype so everyone can laugh. i feel like she’s not gonna make it far and i already feel sorry for her.