#sam's gaslighting wails are strong

[hebrokein30]

for @wincestwednesdays week 2 -- blood

They are a real weird bunch, is what they are. It's what all've been saying. Listen, I'm not into that whole...gossip, ya know. But hell...

I mean, Sam - he's alright, I guess. The Boss, the younger ones call him. Look up to him. He gets the job done alright. Gives those of us hope who've lost it or whatever. Spoke to him a couple of times too, seemed nice enough. Regular guy. Hands out a lot of books every time. Calm and collected. Twitchy. Though I've seen the look before. You get used to it.

The guy with the trenchcoat is...well. I've seen my fair share of angels. He seems like a kitten, compared to them. But I won't be fooled. I watch him when he watches us. Still like stone. Unnatural. He hides his power well though, when he talks to his humans.

Especially...listen, I don't wanna talk bad about someone who rescued us. Not my place, not my habit. Call it a hunter's wary instinct. That brother of Sam's seems a little off. Not in - I think it didn't help that he went all cozy on Michael the second we got here. Never comes out of his room too. Can't say I blame him, but it makes it a lot harder to get a read on him. Seen him in the kitchen a few times though. Sam says its 'his space'. Weird, right. What kinda hunter has his space in the kitchen. He tells us that a lot, Sam does. "Leave him be", "He is trying to...", that kinda thing. Always making excuses.

One day, I came out of my room to run into one of my guys, Dennis, laying it onto Dean in the hallway. Confused kid. He was real rough, all worked up, spitting venom like a snake. Accusing him of helping Michael, you get the drill. Weird thing is Dean didn't really step up to defend himself. Just stood there, ready to block an attack if there came one but. His face did a weird thing. Guilt, I know that well. Bitter too. It's when the guy clocked him - square in the jaw, I saw the blood flying, and fast enough for neither of us to react - that Sam stepped into the hallway. Couldn't even blink, he had Dennis pinned to the wall in no time. Do that again-, but Dean had collected himself and laid a hand on Sam's shoulder and talked him down and hell. Sam pulled Dennis away from the wall and shoved him into the library room Don't touch him again you hear me?. Message received. I remember the look in his eyes when he turned to Dean, jaw squared. Anger, but a brief one, born out of a pointless argument. They had seen worse fights. Worry, confusion. Protectiveness. Fierce protectiveness. That one sat deeper, rekindled more recently. Neither of them had noticed me yet, the way I was standing in the shadows.

What are you doing?, Sam had said, his eyes all over Dean's face, his busted lip where blood was dripping onto that robe he liked to wear. Can't block a lazy punch anymore?

Dude, not funny, Dean said and gingerly touched his lip, Kid's got me good, alright. Sam reached out a hand, pulled Dean's aside, tipped his chin up and thumbed at the cut, very gingerly. Difficult to read his face now, the way his hair made a shadow of his eyes. Loosing your touch? A little smile. Dean had gotten still the moment Sam's skin had touched his face. He hummed. Sam's brow furrowed and he stepped closer, right into Dean's space, close enough their bodies were almost touching. Damn. I knew it was time for me to get outta there. Good thing I was there to safe you then. Dean scoffed and swatted at him, but half heartedly, and then he pulled Sam even closer still and--okay. I looked around for the nearest door but the only one near enough was the one Sam had shoved poor Dennis through. No chance I was going that way.

Sam, the hunters.... I turned around to find Sam sucking on the thumb he used to wipe away the blood on Dean's face. There was a weird pressuring sensation in my throat. I wondered if I was gonna hurl. Sam's eyes were low and dark. He reached for Dean again and pulled him closer by the back of his neck. Dean's breath was coming fast, his face had gone very red. Sam laid his forehead against Dean's, who made a soft noise in his throat. Any moment now I was gonna hurl right there in this hallway. Sam tipped lower, pushing Dean's face up slightly. He...kissed Dean's chin, tongue coming out to, oh hell, lick at the drying blood there, lower, then up again, following the fine trail to the source and hovered there, mouths only barely apart. I dared not move. The last time I felt this inadequate in a place was...hell, since before the apocalypse. The times when I would use to walk into my parents doing things I didn't understand at the time. Damned I was if I didn't understand now.

My room, in ten, Sam said, low. He pulled Dean close and for a moment I thought-- But-, Dean was panting. Sam released him and leaned away a fraction. His eyes never left Dean's face, the trail of blood and spit he left there. Messy. Go.

He didn't have to say twice. I didn't care anymore if they saw me. Be surprised if they did. Turned tail and left the way I came. Don't know what took me so long to do it.

Weird bunch, like I said. Sometimes I wonder what the others saw to make them think the same. But gossip is not really my style. Make of that what you will.