#sam an tara mvp's for real

[sp00ky-arts]

Guess who just got done watching Scream 6...

[thevioletjones]

Greetings, anyone who decides to read this! Welcome to Char & Jen’s True Blood Rewatch posts. We will be attempting to watch 2 episodes a week if possible, from seasons 1-4 of the frustratingly entertaining camp-fest of an excuse for hottt people to parade around naked, sometimes covered in blood. No plans for anything related to the atrocious seasons 5-7. We’ll probly just continue to pretend like they don’t exist, except maybe to make joking references when talking about earlier episodes and character dynamics. Where the show ended up didn’t remotely resemble where it started, or what it could have been. Watch it with us if you’d like, and check out the episodic Fang Bang Registry for a basic-ass run-down, plus character ratings, steeped in snark and the kind of love/hate feelings only a show as deeply confusing as True Blood can bring out. Away we go. . .

TRUE BLOOD - EP 101 - Strange Love

One Run-on Sentence to Sum up the Episode: Unrealistically virginal, hot, blonde, telepath waitress (Sookeh, circa 20 y/o, terrible “southern” accent) from Bumfuck, LA meets a brooding vampire (Beel, circa 170 y/o, also dubious “southern” accent) with old-fashioned values that match her own, and proceeds to get her ass beat half to death in a parking lot over her dumb crush on said mysterious vampire, while more entertaining characters hang out inside being more interesting.

Episode MVP: Lafayette Reynolds: Sass Master General

Favorite Minor Detail: All the blatant, expositional, ‘pilot episode’ dialogue. Not Alan Ball's finest moment. Lol.

Hottest Moment: Jason Stackhouse sticking his bare ass out in a presentational manner in the first sex scene with Maudette Pickens.

Most Ridiculous Moment: Beel coming into Merlotte's for the second time. He says "Sookeh" a bunch, and everyone stares at them in silence as they talk at a table, and even though Sookeh can hear everyone’s actual thoughts, she still doesn’t understand why they’re looking, because that’s how dumb of a character she is most of the time. The foundation of a super-creepy relationship is illustrated very well here. And then, as a white-knight-no-one-asked-for bonus, Sam comes in and doubles down on the creep factor. Why? Because everyone wants Sookeh's "precious fairy vagina" for their own. They wanna stake their claim (get it?). They wanna be able to walk around all day night proclaiming loudly, “Sookeh is MINE!” (And they will, I promise.) I can’t wait until that one time when she has 5 real dudes with nothing better to do than hang around some shithole town trying to bang her. All supes, too. Lololol.

Favorite Line: [Tara & Lafayette talking to each other, while staring the large redneck customer sitting at the bar right in the face]

Tara: Look at you, scarin' that white boy.

Lafayette: Ain't nobody scarin' him. He too big to be scared. I likes a big man. look at that belly! Dance all over that belly! He can be my Santa Claus.

Most GIFable Moment: Lafayette calling Jason ‘Sex on a Stick.’

Character Ratings

Sookeh being Annoying™:  2/5 - We ain't even seen the tip of the iceberg, just a few moments of her acting holier-than-thou innocent, and being way too honest and open for no reason. Watch how literally wide-eyed she is all the time. 😑😑

Beel being Eye-rolling™:  3/5 - He wanders into Bon Temps acting ridiculous from day one, but he's relatively tame on the Beel scale, atm. 😒😒😒

Eric being BAMF™: 0 (he rolls in on the tidal wave of ep. 104) 😎

Sam being Creepy™: 5/5 - The creeper vibes were strong in early S1. Very cringey. Please stahp. 😕😕😕😕😕

LaLa being LaLa™: 5/5 - Best character intro on the show. Establishes exactly who he is: The best. 😍😍😍😍😍

Tara being Extra™: 4/5 - They make Tara come out swinging right outta the gates. It's appropriate that she's Sookie's best friend, because at her worst, she is also super annoying. That's mostly due to her anger issues, so I like when they let her tone that shit down later on, or at least, put it to better use. 😳😳😳😳

Jason being Stoopid™: 2.5/5 - He was about half-way as dumb as he usually is, so meh. No classic one-liners here yet. 😂😂.5

Pam being Sassy™: 0 (she rolls in with Eric in ep. 104) 💅

Gifs by my partner in crime, @ivegotitbad​ 💋