#s'posed to be 92sies specifically but its whatevs

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

haha since I got like six notes on the post abt my sprace thing here you suckers go

It's raining. and I mean pouring. And of course, it just so happens to be on my birthday, so its cold as balIs. and I'm not having a very good day.

I trudge back towards the lodging house, stomach grumbling and bag nearly full of papers I couldn't sell after it started raining. As I pass one of the parks that marks the border between Brooklyn and Queens, I wonder what Spot is doing. probably playing a game with his boys, not soaked and shivering, I think despondently. Deciding to try and wait out the rain for a bit, I duck under the awning of a shop, sitting on the curb. I take off my cap, wringing it out as I watch people with dark umbrellas pass on the street, hurrying towards their destinations. 

I hear the shop door open behind me, and two people walk out. I don't bother to look who.

"It was so good to see you again, Sean." a girl's voice says. Sean...do I know a Sean? sounds familiar. 

"Anytime, Sarah. Shall I walk youse home?" the boy's voice sounds like someone I should know, but I feel like I'm hearing him as though through a tunnel. "Oh, no, that's ok. I'm sure Ama and Papa are worried, and it's in the other direction. We should meet again soon though, I'd love to hear more about this friend of yours." I hear the teasing smile in the girls' voice as she speaks, and a responding embarrassed chuckle from the guy. 

"Yeah, sure thing, Sar. How's about next Saturday? I-" he pauses, and I feel eyes on the back of my neck. "Tell ya what, I'll see you on Thursday, Jacobi's?" his eyes are still on me, but I get a lot of stares, so I don't think much of it. 

The two say their goodbyes, and the girl walks away. I rub my nose. the rain doesn't seem to want to stop; if anything, it's raining harder now. I hear a splash next to me, and see a familiar pair of boots land on the street beside mine. I look up, surprised. 

"Spot?"

he sits. "The one and only. What are you doin' all the way out here, Racer?" his shoulder brushes mine. I shrug. "Sold a grand total of twelve papes before this started." I gesture out towards the rain. "Decided to try and wait it out, but that seems like s'not gonna happen any time soon." I cross my arms on my knees, putting my chin on top. 

I swallow, trying to ignore the pit I feel growing in my stomach. "Who-uh, who was she?" I ask quietly, half hoping Spot doesn't hear me. He looks over at me, but I keep my gaze firmly fixed on the street. "Who, Sarah? oh, she's Mouth's sister, we met at the rally. Why, you jealous?" he knocks his shoulder against mine, half grinning, but I can see the frown of his eyebrows out of the corner of my eye. 

I huff a laugh. "Som'n like that. She nice?" the pit seems bottomless now. 

"Plenty nice, we's got lots in common. She wants to go to college upstate, get her degree in English literature." Spot says, seemingly oblivious. I nod, feeling the pressure in my throat. "S' real good, Conlon. I'm glad." I abruptly stand, determined not to cry in front of him again. "Hey, listen, it's gettin' late, and Jack's probably worried, so i'se is just gonna..." I gesture vaguely over my shoulder, already half turned away. I hear Spot get to his feet behind me.

"Wait- Race!" 

"Bye, Spot." I round the corner, and blink, hard. I start walking briskly, soaked to the bone and shivering like a leaf in the wind. Ignoring the sound of Spot calling after me back under the awning, I walk faster, a tear tracking its way down my face, disappearing with the rain.

"Anthony!" I hear splashing, and turn to see Spot running after me. he stops a few feet away, and I can already see his shirt getting wet. "Wait!"

"What is it, Conlon?" it comes out harsher than I mean it to, and he takes a step back. "Tony, what's your problem?" he asks, frowning. "One second we was havin' a perfectly civil conversation, the next you'se is storming off, 'boutta cry! Was it somethin' I said?" His slate blue eyes shine out from under the brim of his cap, concerned.

I look down at my boots, my jaw working as teardrops hit the tops of them. "I'm not gonna have this conversation yet, Conlon, because you-" I bite my tongue. "No. it's fine, I'm fine, I just need to get back to the lodge." I start turning around again. 

"Anthony, please, what did I do? was it Sarah? I promise she's perfectly nice, her and her-"

"That's just it!" I explode, whipping back towards Spot. "That's the problem. You-" I blink, but it does nothing to help the steady flow of tears. "I what, Race? Please, why do you not like Sar so much, she-" he starts.

"Because I'm in love with you, okay?" I screw my eyes shut and hang my head. you've really done it now, you idiot. Oh well, might as well open your big mouth again and make it even worse. "And you have Sarah, and Jack has Davey, and Blink has Mush, and Katherine has- I dunno, but that's just it." I open my eyes again to see Spot's mouth hanging open, a look of shock frozen on his face. "I'm alone. I'm alone in a world of couples, and I'm so. desperately. lonely." I snatch my hat off my head, waving it around in frustration. "And I'm in love with you, and I know you'll never feel the same, because it's wrong, and you have Sarah now, but I'm so pathetically alone, and yeah, I have Jack, and I guess I have you now, but I just- I need to be held, I need to receive the same love I've given my entire life, I need someone to just be with, and I-" I'm cut off my a pair of lips on mine. 

haha love me some good *checks notes* happy couples

might be a smidge outta character but I wrote this when I was sad and projecting lmao