#s; and i found love where it wasn't supposed to be / carter & basch / tarnishedxknight

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight - continued from here

Carter couldn't help but smile at that, and she turned her head to kiss his cheek. "May-maybe not, but I- I still appre-preciate it," she murmured, and gave his thigh a gentle squeeze - unaware of what she was doing to him. "I- I love you, Basch." With another kiss on his cheek, she pulled back, and leaned against him with a soft sigh. Enjoying the warmth of his body against hers and the privacy they had.

When he tried to speak again... the throatiness of his voice caused her heart to skip a beat, and she felt herself flush. Heat coiling in her lower belly. Although it had been unintentional, with her not even realizing where she had placed her hand, she suddenly felt more aware of him, and bit her lip. Her heart beginning to race. "You- you okay?" her voice was soft - barely above a whisper. Her hand still on his thigh. "Basch..."

She giggled as he nuzzled her, a light blush coloring her face, and Carter felt her heart skip another beat as she felt his breath against the side of her neck. Her mind now thoroughly distracted by him, and she let out a shaky breath. Would it be so wrong if this innocent little outing turned into something else...? "You- you seem dis-distracted," she whispered, and turned her head so she could brush her lips over his. Her heart beating so fast, she was certain he would hear it. "Is- is there some-something on your mind?"

[starcchild]

"Oh, Basch..." Carter shook her head - her heart aching - and gently stroked her thumb against his cheek. Her brow furrowed tight as she tilted her head. "I- I want you to- to talk to me a-about these things. I- I want you to- to talk to me about your- your worries or- or concerns. I- I want you to ta-talk to be about any-anything that's both-bothering you. I- I love you, and I- I want to be here for- for you no ma-matter what." Did he feel like he couldn't talk to her? That he had to keep a brave face, and hide away anything that weighed on him? The thought alone damn near broke her heart, and a quiet voice nagged in the back of her mind that he felt that way because of her.

"You- you are," she said, her voice still so quiet, and gently brushed her hand from his cheek and through his hair. His warm embrace soothing as she pulled her hand away and rested it against his chest. "You- you are good for- for me and to- to me. Basch... you're- you're the best thing that's- that's ever ha-happened to me, and I- I love you more than- than anything." She smiled up at him, even still despite the way her heart continued to hurt, and felt the quiet nagging fear in the back of her mind quiet as soon as it stirred. As she felt warmth bloom in her chest as she reached up to meet his kiss. As she felt her aching heart flutter from the way he smiled down at her.

She practically melted in his arms as he held her close and kissed her head, and she held to him tightly as she breathed him in. And as he promised to do everything he could to make her happy... Carter felt her heart skip a beat before fluttering wildly. His love and devotion so comforting despite her concerns, and she lifted her head to gaze up at him with adoration in her eyes and a loving smile on her lips. "You- you already do," she whispered. "Be-believe me, Basch, you ma-make me incredibly ha-happy, and I- I can't thank you e-enough for it."

It was a relief to hear him agree to get her if something was bothering him, and she shook her head slightly as she touched her hand to his cheek once more. "There's- there's nothing to forgive," she assured softly. "I'm- I'm learning this- this all too, my love. I- I just need you to- to know I'm- I'm always here for- for you."

Carter's smile grew a little wider as Basch turned the promise around to her, and felt her heart ease at his playful tone. Her gaze softened, and she leaned up to kiss his jaw once more - her thumb brushing across his cheek as she leaned back down. "I- I promise I'll- I'll come get you if I- I can't sleep. Be-besides-" her smile widened just a bit more as amusement laced her tone "-you'd make far- far better com-company than my- my work."

Basch's fear of Carter having settled for him began to change into a tugging feeling of guilt for having burdened her with his worries. How could he have been so selfish as to lay all of this onto her? What if he ruined this wonderful thing he had with her because of his own insecurities? That scared him almost as much as the notion of her settling for someone who might not be the best possible partner for her. "Hasn't it...? Here I am, laying my worries on you. If I thought a little less about myself..." he trailed off, shaking his head as his gaze fell.

Her reassuring words did wonders for his anxiety. "I want to be, my love. I want to be good to you and for you," he said as he held her close. "Hearing you say that I am... makes we want so much to believe it. Perhaps... I am worrying over nothing..." He nodded at her wish that he reciprocate in telling her if she ever fell short, which he knew she never would. "You are everything I could ever have wanted and more, but aye, I promise. I love you with all my heart and being..."

Bending to kiss her, he then brushed her hair aside a little and smiled down at her. As she lay her head against his chest, he held her close and kissed the top of her head. "Never did I think that I could have this happiness with anyone, and now that I've found you, my dearest love, I promise to do all that I can to make you happy as well." It felt good to say all of that to her, to vow to her to always work hard for their relationship, not just exist passively in it. It meant everything to him, their love. She meant everything. And he hoped, somehow, that he could show her that with his devotion.

"And I only want you as well, Carter. No other will I have, for no other do I want," he said with a smile. "I shall try not to disturb you too often, but... aye, if I cannot sleep, I will alert you. Forgive me for sometimes being distant. After so many years of relying only on myself, I may need time to learn the dynamics of a partnership. Thank the gods for your infinite patience with me. But now you must promise me the same," he said, almost playfully, echoing her words from before. "If ever you should have trouble sleeping, I would happily be there for you, in whatever way you need."

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight - continued from here

There was no missing the vulnerability in Basch's eyes when she pulled away from him. No missing how close he seemed to tears. Carter knew how conflicted he was when it came to physical affection - knew how much he needed it, and... how much guilt he felt accepting it. And, god, seeing the pain her pulling away from him damn near broke her heart.

There was no hesitation as she hugged him again - tighter this time, with her hand in his hair and the other on his back. She rested her chin on the top of his head and ran her fingers through his hair, and felt her heart ache as Basch released a trembling sigh and clung to her. Her throat tight as she pressed another kiss to the top of his head. "I've- I've got you," she repeated quietly. "I've- I've got you, love." And, oh, how she meant it. Whatever he needed from her, she was willing to give. If he needed her to hold him, she would. However long he needed. However long he wanted. For everything he had done for her, for how much he comforted her when she needed it, this was the least she could do for him in turn.

As he whispered for forgiveness, Carter gently shook her head. Her fingers still gently running through his hair before she settled her hand on the back of his neck. "You've- you've done noth-nothing wrong," she murmured, and closed her eyes as he slowly relaxed against her. Rubbing his back as she kissed his head again. "I- I love you too, Basch, more- more than any-anything. You mean the- the world to m-me." She meant it, with every fiber of her being. And as he spoke of just needing her for a moment more...

A small smile flickered over her lips, and Carter pulled her head away to gaze at him affectionately. She gently slipped her hand from his neck and to his cheek to cradle it, and brushed her thumb against his skin as she tilted her head. "You- you have me," she promised. "I'm- I'm not going any-anywhere, my love. I'm- I'm all yours for to-today."

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight - continued from here

As alarming as it was to be unintentionally woken by Basch's nightmares, Carter preferred it. It meant she could comfort him and help him come back to reality. Meant she could be there for him, just as he'd been there for her, time after time. Because... the idea of sleeping through it, of not being there for him while he suffered, damn near broke her heart.

She never mind sitting beside him. Never minded murmuring to him and holding him. Never minded staying up after, to be sure he was alright before either of them attempted to sleep again. And that night was no different, even as her heart raced uncomfortably in her chest from the sudden start. She shifted slightly to get more comfortable, to get a little closer, and gently brushed her fingers over his skin. Although her voice was low and thick with sleep, she was content with her quiet murmurs against his shoulder, reassuring him she was there, she had him, and he wasn't alone.

As Basch came back to her, her relief was short-lived. Her heart clenched hearing his whisper, and Carter shook her head lightly in response. Not once moving from his side as she kissed his shoulder again. "There's- there's nothing to for-forgive," she murmured, and closed her eyes as he rested his head on hers. Her thumb still rubbing against his side. "You've- you've done noth-nothing wrong, my love. I- I would mu-much rather be awa-awake with you than- than let you go- go through this a-alone." Oh, how the thought alone hurt, and she slowly lifted her head and gazed up at him with such devotion before she pressed her head to his. As she nuzzled him, and still held him close. Content to stay where she was as he caught his breath and his mind began to steady, no matter how long it took. "I'm- I'm always here for- for you, Basch."

Reluctantly, she pulled her head away as he spoke again, and tilted her head. Her brow furrowed slightly. "May-maybe for some, but I- I can sleep through- through almost any-anything." Carter couldn't help but smile faintly at that - a faint trace of humor breaking through her tired voice. "A- a light won't both-bother me, I- I promise." But that smile faltered, and she pulled one hand away so she could brush her fingers through his hair and out of his face. So she could cradle Basch's cheek, and keep his gaze. "You- you are," she whispered. "You- you are stronger, Basch. Just be-because you need an- an aid doesn't mean you're- you're weak. There's- there's no shame in- in taking such- such help."

She offered another smile, and leaned up to press a gentle kiss to his lips. "Not- not at all," she said softly. "I'll- I'll do any-anything for you, my love. Kee-keeping a light on at- on at night won't both-bother me in the- the slightest."

For a moment, Carter stayed where she was, before she gave him another kiss, and reluctantly pulled away from him to slip out of bed. She paused to stretch once she stood up, unable to stop herself from yawning, and shuffled her way across the room and to the bathroom. She flipped on the light and closed the door, leaving just a crack for the light to peer out through - something bright for Basch to focus on, but just a sliver to prevent either of them from being kept awake. For now, at least, she hoped it would work. A night light would be better, she knew, with its far softer glow, but they would have to get one. Perhaps there was one lying around the compound somewhere.

Not that it mattered then. There was a solution there, at least, and that was what she cared about. She shuffled her way back across the room, and quickly slipped back into bed - curling up against her partner's side once more as she rested her head back against him, and wrapped her arms around him. Eager to be in his warmth again, just as much as she was to comfort him. "Does- does that work for- for now?"

[starcchild]

What is Halloween? | closed reply

@tarnishedxknight - continued from here

Halloween was one of the few holidays Carter truly enjoyed celebrating, if not the only holiday, and one she always dressed up for. Usually it was some St.ar Wa.rs character or another, though there were a few times she diverted away from her favorite franchise, and sometimes she did her best to coordinate something with her father just for the hell of it. It was fun, it was silly, and it gave her a chance to actually just... have fun.

This year was no different, and after helping her father get everything together for his party later that evening, she finally went off to get herself dressed up in her costume. It was a simple one, fortunately, since she chose to go as Milo Thatch for a change, and she had just flipped up the collar of her white button-up to work on the bowtie when Basch spoke up.

She glanced up at him in the mirror as she slung the loose tie around her neck, and smiled at him. Her gaze a little more lively than usual. "It's- it's just for amuse-amusement," she explained as she continued to work on her bowtie. "I- I mean... it's quite- quite possible there coul-could've been cultural or reli-ligious roots that I'm- I'm unaware of. Un-unfortunately I'm- I'm not familiar with the- the history of Halloween." She offered a sheepish shrug. "I- I certainly wouldn't mi-mind looking into it with- with you if you were- were curious, though."

But, as he asked if it was a legal requirement, Carter couldn't help but giggle as she shook her head. "No, no, not- not at all. It's- it's not a- a legal requirement, Basch, don't- don't worry about that." She finished her tie and flipped her collar, and turned to face him - tilting her head as her smile widened. "And- and if my dad tries- tries to give you- you grief a-about it, you can ig-ignore him. It's- it's not an obli-obligation, either. I- I don't want you to- to do something you don't- don't want to, yeah? My- my dad will live if- if not everyone dresses- dresses up."

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight (Basch) sent: "Be honest… do you sometimes wish that your heart had chosen someone from your own time period?"

Did she?

Carter frowned slightly at the question, but found herself shaking her head before she could even think abut it. Sure, it... might've made certain things easier, to be in love with someone who already knew how the world worked in her time. But... god, with how much she loved him, she didn't want anyone else. She didn't mind explaining to him how her time worked. She didn't mind explaining to him everything that had changed. The only thing she wished was that she could make things better somehow - that Basch didn't hurt from losing everything he had ever known.

"Not- not at all," she whispered, and smiled. Resting her hand over his and giving it a squeeze. "I- I don't want any-anyone else, Basch. I- I love you, and- and you being from a- a different time- time period doesn't change any-anything. I've- I've never wanted any-anything different, and that- that hasn't changed either. I- I promise, my love, I- I have no wishes for- for anything different in our- in our relationship."

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight - continued from here

Someone... accused Basch of having an emotional affair? Carter's jaw tightened as the thought registered, and she did her best to hide the swell of anger that sparked in her chest. She wasn't angry with him - that was far from even remotely being the case - but at whoever decided they were in the right to meddle in their relationship and stir up trouble when there was none. And to accuse Basch of such a thing...!

But she was snapped quickly from her thoughts as she heard the pain in his voice. Heard his shame and sadness. Saw the desperation in his eyes as he tried to explain the situation. As he assured her he loved her, and that he would... break his friendship with Ashelia?

Her heart broke.

"Basch..." Carter shook her head rapidly and let go of his hands - gently cupping his face instead as she gently ran her thumbs across his cheeks. Her anger dying just as quickly as it appeared. Her brow furrowed tight with concern as her heart ached. "My- my love, no, I- I don't want you to- to end your friend-friendship with Ashelia. I- I love you and I- I trust you, and I- I could never as-ask you to do such a- such a thing. I- I know how much she- she means to you, and- and how much you- you mean to- to her, and I- I don't want you- you to feel like y-you have to push her out of- of your life for- for me. I'm- I'm not upset or- or jealous, and I- I understand you two ne-need each other. It's- it's okay. You're- you're not hurting me, I- I promise."

She leaned up and kissed him - her kiss sweet and gentle - and leaned back again. Still cupping Basch's face as she gazed up at him. "I- I love you," she repeated, and a faint smile tugged at her lips as he cupped her face in turn. Without second thought, she turned her head into his touch, and pressed a quick kiss to his palm - her gaze never wavering from his. Her chest still tight and her heart still aching at his distress, even as he told her how much he loved her. But... there was something about the desperation that still lingered in his gaze - the emotion thick in his whisper, that nagged at something in the back of her mind. She tilted her head into his kiss - her eyes briefly fluttering closed - and she felt her heart sink.

Did he think she would...?

The very thought of leaving him made her heart break all over again, and Carter swallowed thickly at the sudden grief that threatened to crash down upon her. Not only could she never even dream of doing such a thing to him, but... her own fear crept into the back of her mind suddenly. Threatening to swell until she could bear it no longer. Was it her own fear talking, or was her suspicion right? But... regardless of what it may be, she forced it aside, and flung her arms around him in a tight hug - holding him close as she rested her head against his chest. "You- you mean everything to- to me, Basch," she whispered. "I- I love you so, so much, an-and I- I need you to- to know I- I won't leave you. I'm- I'm here for y-you for as long as- as you want me to- to be. I- I need you to- to know that."

She could never forgive herself if she left someone she loved, anyway. And she knew her heart could never let her walk away from Basch so easily - if at all. Something she was cautioned about, but... he was worth it. She trusted him fully, and knew he wouldn't hurt her. She was safe with him, and she could only hope he knew he was safe with her, too.

Slowly, Carter pulled away from him, and allowed him to take her hand. Another small smile appearing on her lips as he kissed her knuckles - her eyes softening as she gazed up at him once more. It was a relief that he held no problems with her own friendships, but... "And I- I have no is-issue with your frien-friendships, either," she assured softly. "You- you deserve to be- be supported, too, y'know. You de-deserve not to feel- feel alone. While I- I wish it was un-under better circum-circumstances, I'm- I'm glad you ha-have Ashelia back in- in your life. I- I have no issues with- with her or your- your friendship." And she meant it with every fiber of her being. If she was uncomfortable with how close Basch and Ashelia were in any way, that feeling was long since gone. She trusted them both, and knew that the love Basch held for her was not the same he held for Ashelia.

She nodded, and leaned up to kiss his jaw before she rested her head against his. Giving his hand another squeeze. "I- I think so, and I- I want you to- to know you- you can always come- come to me a-about anything," she promised - her voice still soft. Her own pain easing as he seemed to calm down as well. Once more feeling incredibly lucky to have someone as kind as him in her life. "I- I love you, Basch. More- more than I- I can ever explain."

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight - continued from here

Although her attention seemed glued to the strip of paper she was fiddling with, Carter still caught the guilt and shame that flooded Basch's eyes before they fell, and she felt her heart skip a beat. Her head snapped upward as she focused on him, and... felt her heart break. Her head tilted slightly, her brow furrowed, but... she listened. Listened as he told her he was far too selfish and evil to be a father. That he didn't deserve the happiness that came with having children. And it took everything in her to hold her tongue, because she knew that was far from true.

In her eyes... Basch was far from selfish, let alone evil. She had seen both in different people throughout her life, presented in different ways, and... he was not like any of them. He was quiet and kind and gentle, and his heart seemed far too big for his chest. What he had done in his past to hurt others... was something she could tell he regretted, even without him saying so. It was something that haunted him, and he knew, whatever he had done, had been wrong. That spoke volumes of who he was, but... she had a feeling he wouldn't believe her if she tried to tell him he was being too harsh with himself. Because she was the same, and it made the ache in her chest all the more worse.

"I... I- I was just curious," Carter admitted softly, and looked down at the star she was doing - slowly wrapping the strip of paper around itself. "I, um... I- I suppose I- I just... was cur-curious as to what you- you wanted out of- of a rela-lationship." What you wanted with us, she wanted to say, but... held her tongue. A faint tinge of pink coloring her cheeks. It seemed inappropriate to bring up them anyhow, with what Basch had admitted. And... it really seemed inappropriate for her to have even asked his thoughts on children in the first place. She hadn't meant to hurt him.

Instead, she focused on what she was doing. She tucked the tail end beneath one of the folds, and gently pushed in the flat edges - puffing out the little piece of origami into a star. Then, still quiet, she rolled it in the palm of her hand, and held it out for Basch to take. Perhaps... "Coul-could I- I tell you what I- I think?" she asked, her voice gentle, and her gaze finally lifted back to his. "Or would y-you prefer to move- move onto some-something else?"

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight (Basch) sent: 10) our muses are talking and sender wordlessly reaches over to fix receiver’s hair without breaking concentration.

"I'm- I'm not sure what I'm- I'm going to grow in- in here yet," Carter said as Basch settled next to her - unable to stop herself from smiling. Her attention focused on her task as she continued to spread soil throughout the planter bed. "But I- I thought it'd be- be nice to have some-something new to- to work on. If- if you have any- any thoughts, I'll- I'll gladly take sug-suggestions."

A stubborn lock of hair she'd had trouble with earlier finally slipped free of her ponytail as she turned to face him, and she tossed her head to try and get it out of her face. Not wanting to use her hands to keep from getting soil in her hair. "But I- I also plan on- on adding chicken wi-wire around it to- to try and kee-keep animals out," she continued, and shook her head again as she leaned back onto her feet and rested her hands on the side of the planter. "I've- I've heard that works, though I'll- I'll need to- to actually get some. I- I might do that la-later, if you wan-want to go with?"

She sounded almost hopeful with her question, but Carter was quickly distracted as Basch reached over and brushed back the lock of hair from her face. Her cheeks warming as he tucked it behind her ear. Her heart fluttering at his touch. "Tha-thank you," she said- now rather shy. "I- I just need to- to redo my ponytail, but... I've- I've been a- a little distracted with- with this."

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight (Basch) sent: without my work... i'm nothing.

"Basch..."

Carter's heart ached hearing him say that, and she reached out and took his hands in hers before giving them a gentle squeeze. "My- my love, that's- that's not true," she whispered. "You are- are more than your- your work. You- you are incredible. You're- you're resil-resilient and brave and- and caring, and you- you don't need your- your work to be those thi-things." She freed one of her hands and cupped his cheek - repeatedly running her thumb softly over his cheekbone. "You- you are still Basch. The- the man I- I fell in love wi-with. The man who- who would mo-move heaven and- and earth for those he- he cares about. Your- your work doesn't de-define who you- you are, but..."

Her throat tightened, and she squeezed his hand again. "I'm- I'm afraid you've lost- lost yourself in your- your work." Her voice was still quiet - almost heavy with grief as her heart continued to hurt for him. "You've- you've forgotten that you- you are more than- than what you- you do. You- you don't need to- to be working your-yourself to the bone to be- be someone or to- to prove any-anything."

Oh, if she could take that belief from him, she would. If she could take that pain from him and just... make everything better then and there, she would. But she knew it would take time - knew it was something he would have to work on, and knew she wouldn't be going anywhere. But it hurt, knowing he felt that way. And... it scared her, because she didn't want to lose him, too. She already feared her father was too far gone in his work to remember he was more than just the suit, and... she wasn't sure what she would do if she couldn't help Basch break that thought. She didn't want to lose both of them. She couldn't.

With a slow breath, Carter lifted his hand and kissed his knuckles. Offering another smile as she continued to caress his cheek. "I'm- I'm not asking you to- you to stop," she said softly, "but I'm- I'm asking that you- you start tak-taking better care of your- yourself. I- I need you, Basch." She paused. "We ne-need you. Our- our twins will be- be here soon, and... they'll- they'll need you as- as much as they will- will me."

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight - continued from here

Carter winced at the sound of her name, but didn't look up from her computer as she continued to work through a new program for the quinjets at Hill's request. Her jaw tightened, and while she didn't respond, it was clear by the way she faltered briefly that... Basch's worries weren't unwarranted.

She hadn't eaten, and, frankly, she didn't even know when she had last eaten anything, and... while she had been drinking water, she knew it wasn't as much as she should be. She wasn't neglecting herself on purpose, but... she got wrapped up in her work. In the need to be useful to even think about herself. It was easier to throw herself into her work - easier to block out the rest of the world and keep busy because it meant being left alone. But...

As Basch gently rested a hand over hers, Carter finally stopped, and dropped her gaze down to their hands. Her throat tightening with guilt. She didn't want to worry him - she truly didn't - but... his questions only made her heart begin to ache, and for a long moment, she remained silent. Her hand still beneath his as she let out a slow breath.

"Hill... as-asked me to get- get it done," she said finally - her voice quiet. "It's- it's important I- I don't stall with this." But her answer didn't address what he had actually asked, and... she wasn't sure if she wanted to explain to him the real reason why she worked herself so thin. Why she was so quick to find something to do if it kept her from getting sleep or from sitting idle. "I'll- I'll be do-done soon."

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight - continued from here

It had taken far more courage than she thought it should have for her to finally say something to Basch. Because, in truth, Carter had... wanted to try and go further with him for a little while at that point. But she hadn't said anything, far too anxious about making him uncomfortable and pushing him too far to even attempt to do so, and was truly happy with what they had. Their relationship was good - she felt comfortable with him. Felt safe. She loved what they had and was content where they were, but when they decided to move into a shared room, it slowly gave her just enough courage to bring it up. To finally say something to him, and... she hadn't really expected his answer.

Her face flushed out of embarrassment at her own question, and Carter kept her gaze averted - doing her best to ignore how her heart fluttered in her chest and the way her stomach twisted. Doing her best to ignore the immediate, nagging thought in the back of her head that she was asking too much and making him uncomfortable, and that she was pushing too many boundaries--

But then he mentioned he wanted to as well, and she felt her heart skip a beat.

Carter finally glanced up to Basch, her face still hot, and leaned into his touch instinctively as he began to rub her cheek. A shy smile spreading over her lips as she gently rested her hand over his, and as her heart continued to pound against her chest. A familiar need coiling deep in her belly, though she ignored it, and softly began to rub her thumb against the back of his hand. "I'm- I'm not," she assured - though her voice was just as quiet. Just as shy, as a nervous giggle caught in her throat. "I- I mean... I- I don't know wha-what I'm- I'm doing either. I... I- I wasn't even sure- sure how to say some-something in the first- first place. Um, I- I just..." Her voice wobbled slightly - only out of nerves - and she cleared her throat awkwardly as her smile turned more sheepish. "I'm- I'm nervous too, but... I- I trust you. I'm- I'm not expecting suave or- or confident. Just... that- that you're o-okay with this."

Though... that did worry her some. That she had no idea what to do or really even expect. She could get herself off if she wanted, but... she wasn't sure about someone else. Yet, despite there, there was a strange sense of comfort in it - that neither of them were experienced, and she hoped it would comfort him some as well.

Her eyes widened in surprise at Basch's next question, and she quickly shook her head. "No, no. It's... it's- it's different now than- than it was in- in your time, I- I think. I- I mean, some pe-people can still fa-face that sort, but... I- I promise you I- I won't. You- you won't tarnish my- my reputation or any-anything like that, Basch." She smiled again, and took his free hand in hers - giving it a reassuing squeeze. "I- I appreciate you look-looking out for me, though. But I- I promise I'll- I'll be okay. I- I won't be dis-disowned or anything of the- the sort."

God, she absolutely adored his awkwardness. It was part of his charm in her eyes, and... it was rather comforting then. She didn't want him to pretend to be someone he wasn't or him to feel like he needed to put on a facade for her. He was honest and awkward, and she loved him even more for it. Felt more comfortable in wanting to go further with him.

"I'm- I'm certain," she whispered, and leaned in to press a soft kiss against his cheek. Doing her best to ignore how her face was still flushed. "I- I trust you, Basch, and I- I know you'll- you'll stop if I- I ask. And... I- I want you to- to know the same goes- goes for you. If- if you want to- to stop at any- any point, that's- that's okay. I- I just..." Carter hesitated, and lifted a hand to his face as she pulled back - gently caressing his cheek as she felt another rush of heat rise into her face, and darken the blush she was surely sporting. "I... I- I want to do- do this with- with you. I- I want you, Basch."

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight - continued from here

Maybe this was a bad idea.

Carter withdrew her hand quickly from the door as if it had burned her - holding it to her chest as her heart continued to pound. Maybe... maybe Basch was asleep after all. Maybe he didn't hear her. Maybe she could--

He opened the door, and she lifted her eyes up to his, and... averted her gaze. Unable to look him in the eye. A fresh rush of shame burning through her as her throat tightened. Her body stiff and arms still drawn close to her chest before she crossed them tightly. Would he still be so concerned once she told him the truth? Would he still care for her the way he did?

Or was this how she was going to lose him?

Carter hesitated as he spoke, and glanced behind her - as if expecting someone to be lurking nearby. She wanted to ask him to come to her room instead. To be somewhere that gave her comfort and control, just so she could feel solid ground beneath her feet again. To feel like she wasn't about to spin out and lose the one person who meant more to her than anyone else. But... she didn't deserve that. Didn't deserve comfort from the lies she had been keeping from Basch for so long. At least here, in his room, he had the upper hand. He could dismiss her if he wished, and would have every right to do so. It was his space she was invading, and... she would leave without a fight if he wanted her to go. His room was his haven, not hers, and... it was still private, at the very least. If... if she could at least have one thing, it was privacy. The ability to control who heard what she had to say.

"I... I- I don't want any-anyone to ov-overhear," she mumbled finally - her voice unsteady. "I- I, um... I..." She winced, and swallowed thickly. Silently chastising herself for her stutter, despite being so comfortable to give up control over it around him. It... it was a distraction. It was annoying and ridiculous, and she needed to pull herself together--

"I'm... I'm sorry. I... I know it's late, but I... You deserve to know, and I... I'd rather tell you here." Carter still couldn't meet his gaze. Unable to hide her guilt. Her shame. Her reactor felt nearly as heavy as it did the day she woke with it in her chest, and--

A shaky breath fell from her lips. Already, she felt as though the ground was giving way - that everything was crumbling around her, and she hated it. Hated herself for being so weak. For being unable to face what she had created. "I'm... I'm sorry."

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight (Basch) sent: ‘ 🛁   reverse  ‘

A part of Carter wanted to turn him away. To ask him to leave her alone so she could tend to herself like she always had, but...

She couldn't think straight. Although successful, the mission had taken a heavy toll on her. She fought hard, and everything hurt because of it. Although the serum had healed her wounds, her body still hurt. The reactor weighed heavy in her chest, and she could hardly breathe, with each shallow breath rattling out as she struggled not to focus on it. As she struggled to get her mind back to the present. But she felt as though she were going to collapse with each step, and she wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep - regardless of the dried blood that stuck to her skin and clothes. Regardless of how much the idea of a hot bath sounded good.

She was fine. It could wait.

But Basch must've asked her, or perhaps he knew it was what she needed, and she was hardly aware of her surroundings as he helped her into her bathroom. She was going through the motions - her mind numb as a part of herself remained shut down from the mission - and only stared blankly as he started a hot bath. Was he saying something to her? Was he not? Maybe he was asking if he should stay - she couldn't understand him. She couldn't hear anything from her left ear, but her mind struggled to process what she could hear, and--

"Stay. Please."

Her voice was weak - unsteady and hoarse. Was that even what he was asking her? Maybe. Hopefully. Because as her mind slowly came to and she began to realize what was happening, it felt like it was getting harder to breathe, and she--

She didn't want to be alone.

Slowly, Carter began to strip from her bloodied clothes - her movements pained - before she unsteadily got into the tub. Not... really processing that Basch could now see the reactor for what it was. Could see all the scars that littered her skin. And... frankly, not even caring that he could. He already knew of the reactor. She could trust him. She knew she could.

She remained sitting upright and hunched over herself, however, even as he began to help bathe her. As he washed the dried blood from her skin. Even as the hot water slowly began to ease her muscles, and even as her chest loosened enough for her to finally breathe. His touch was gentle, his presence comforting, and even as her mind slowly came more and more to... she couldn't shake her exhaustion, and it took everything in her to not lean against the side of the tub as if she could lean into him. A part of her felt as though she should be horrified he was seeing her in such a state, but she just... didn't care.

A shaky breath fell from her lips, and she shifted slightly - wincing at the lingering tension - and finally turned her attention to Basch. Her gaze dull and... almost defeated. Could she tell him how much she hated mission? Should she? Or would she just be whining? Maybe...

"I..." Her throat tightened, and her gaze dropped. Guilt swelling in her heavy chest. No. It... it wasn't worth complaining. "Tha-thank you. I... I'm- I'm sorry you ha-have to se-see me li-like this..."

[starcchild]

@tarnishedxknight - continued from here

Carter... couldn't quite tell if there was something bothering Basch, or if she was imagining it. After all, her mind was all over the place, both from her pregnancy and having recently tapered off her ADHD medication. She was struggling to adjust to the wild change in her hormones and emotions, and although she was doing the best she could, she was struggling when it came to someone else. She was missing cues she used to be keen of, and with Basch saying nothing to suggest there was something wrong, she... felt it was better to say nothing, either. Because she trusted he would speak to her if something was bothering him.

So, to hear Basch say there was something he had been keeping from her, she felt her heart drop. She should've known something was wrong. She should've said something. She should've sat him down and talked to him, but she didn't and--

Her guilt was short-lived as he revealed to her what had happened. She appreciated that he cut to the chase instead of beating around the bush or dragging it out, but... Carter sat down on the edge of their bed in stunned silence - her mind struggling to process what he was saying. His brother was... alive? And living in an apartment in the city? And Basch had--? Had visited him. His brother - the person who tortured him. Who killed his king. Who ruined his life. Who--

However, at the mention of Noah being unaware of her existence, she felt her heart skip a beat, and instinctively curled her arms over her stomach. He didn't know about her - good. But... he would, eventually. Basch was right about that. He would learn of her and the twins she was carrying, and--

Her throat tightened, and Carter's jaw shifted as she turned her head away. Doing her best to pull her emotions together as she felt a storm of them twisting inside her chest. There was a lot she wanted to say, but... she held her tongue, not wanting to make matters worse by saying something she would only regret. She wasn't about to let her hormones get the best of her - that wasn't fair to Basch. Her anger and fear and worry could wait. She needed to get her thoughts in order first so she could explain herself.

"Complicated," she echoed, though, by her tone, it was clear she was agreeing with him in that regard. Complicated indeed. But, with a sigh, she slowly unwrapped her arms from her stomach and dragged her hands down her face as she drew in a slow breath. "How... how long- long has it- it been?" she then asked - her voice quiet. "How- how many times have- have you see-seen him?" Did she wish Basch had told her sooner? Yes - more than anything, she wished he had told her from the beginning, but... it was too late to unring that bell, and... despite how she felt, she couldn't blame him for staying silent. She had stayed silent on plenty of things she should've spoken up about before, and... she could only imagine the sort of turmoil he was struggling to work through himself.

Even still, there was the matter of how she felt, and... truthfully, Carter wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry. "I- I don't like this," she said bluntly. "Basch, I... I- I get he's your- your brother, but... can you- you trust him? Af-after everything he- he did?" She finally lifted her head, and looked up to him - her eyes betraying an unspoken fear as she fiddled roughly with her bracelet. Her heart hammering in her chest. "Were- were you meet-meeting him alone? I... Look, I- I want you to- to be able to- to reconnect with- with your family, but... How- how did he ev-even get in con-contact with you in- in the first pla-place if he- he won't come here? I- I get seeing you on- on TV, but..." Her head shook slowly, and she turned her gaze away again as she let out a shaky breath.

Although Carter knew she needed to try and focus on one aspect at a time, she couldn't get her mind to settle. Couldn't get herself to calm as her hands continued to fidget. As her mind raced from thought to thought and as her anxiety dug deep.

"I... Honestly, I'd- I'd rather he not- not know a-about me, or our- our kids," she admitted quietly, and almost meekly, "but... I- I know you're- you're right. I'd- I'd rather he find- find out about us from- from you than some-someone else. And... and if he- he does want to- to meet me..." She inhaled sharply, and bit her lip. Unable to look at Basch in the eye as her throat tightened with guilt. She knew she needed to be honest with him, she just... didn't want to hurt him, and she had a feeling she would do just that with what she had to say next.

"I- I don't want to- to meet him." Although blunt, her words were still quiet, and she drew her arms around herself tightly once more. She felt awful for saying it, but... she couldn't get herself to give Noah the benefit of the doubt so soon. She couldn't trust him, even if Basch did. Not after hearing everything he had done. Not after seeing the scars left on Basch after his torture, and not after knowing the mental and emotional scars he bore as well. But... the sudden swell of guilt almost made her feel nauseous. Was she being too harsh? Basch could make his own decisions, with or without her, but she didn't want him to feel stuck between her and trying to repair his relationship with his brother. She didn't want to hurt him any more than she already did by refusing to connect with Noah, and...

Maybe she shouldn't have been so hard with her judgment. Maybe... Carter's stomach twisted uncomfortably, and she winced. "Not- not unless you can- can be sure he's- he's changed," she recanted slowly, although she still couldn't bring herself to look back to Basch. Unsure if she felt sick because she didn't even agree with what she was now saying, because of the situation, or because of her pregnancy - or, perhaps, even a mixture of all three. But she wasn't about to change her mind again. She was going to stick with this, and... hope she was wrong about her fears. "Be-because if that's the- the case, then... I- I guess I- I could try to- to meet him, but only if- if you're there with- with me, and we- we meet in pub-public."

[starcchild]

[tarnishedxknight] "Carter, may we speak for a moment?" Basch was a little nervous. What would he do if she told him to cut off all ties to Ashelia? He couldn't do that, not when he was the only other person from their time whom she had to relate to. Not after all the years they'd known each other. And not after her father had personally asked Basch to protect her, especially if he were to fall. But he also had duties to Carter as well, and if his friendship with Ashelia was upsetting her, he would have no choice but to end it. The last thing he wanted was to hurt either of them, but in this case, Carter must take precedence. "Some have insinuated that my friendship with Ashelia is inappropriate, that it is disrespectful to you. That was never my intention, and I would never be unfaithful to you, but I take the accusation very seriously. Do you feel it is inappropriate? Am I hurting you with it?" he asked, ready to do whatever was necessary to sort out this potentially messy situation.

@tarnishedxknight

Carter's gaze brightened as Basch entered her room, and she quickly sat up in her desk chair - having been hunched over her computer as she worked on... whatever number attempt of her essay draft she was on. But... her smile faded when she realized just how nervous he looked, and she quickly stood up. Her heart missing a beat as he asked if they could speak, and she did her best to fight off the swell of panicked questions in her mind before they could get the best of her.

"Of- of course we can." She shut the door behind him to give them more privacy, and turned her attention back to him. Focus only on him as she crossed her arms loosely over her chest. "What's... what's go-going on, love?" Her stomach twisted in nervous knots, and she did her best to keep her breathing steady despite the way her heart picked up its pace. Had something happened? Was he okay? Was--

However, she could not brace herself for what he actually said, and she paused - her mind going blank.

What?

"They're- they're what? That's not--"

With a deep breath, Carter took Basch's hands in hers, and gave them a reassuring squeeze - her baffled gaze softening as she offered a gentle smile. As she did her best to shove down the frustration bubbling in her chest. She didn't blame him - it wasn't him she was frustrated with, but... at whoever it was that decided to confront him about a nonexistent problem. In her eyes, there was nothing for her to worry about, and seeing him so nervous...

Her heart ached. It was clear to her how much it was bothering him, and she only hoped she could help soothe his fears.

"You're- you're not hurting me," she said gently, and squeezed his hands again. "And I- I don't think your re-relationship with Ashelia is- is ina-inappropriate. Basch, I- I trust you, and I- I know you'd nev-never cheat on me. If- if I- I had a problem with- with it, I'd- I'd say something - I- I promise. But I- I don't, and I- I don't want you to- to feel like you're hurt-hurting me by staying close to- to her."

Carter then leaned up to kiss his cheek, and she canted her head slightly as she pulled back. "I- I love you, Basch, and I- I really do trust- trust you. Ashelia is a- is a wonderful person, and I- I truly don't have any- any problems with how clo-close you two are." But... her brows furrowed, and her smile faltered. If someone felt the need to insinuate such behavior between Basch and Ashelia... was something being said about how close she was to Mikey and her other friends? They had boundaries with each other, but...

"Since... since we're- we're talking a-about this," she said slowly, "I- I want you to- to know you can tell- tell me if you're- you're ever un-uncomfortable with my re-relationship with any of my- my friends, okay?" She smiled again, but she still looked worried. "I- I hope you know I'd- I'd never be un-unfaithful to you, either, but I- I know what's been a-assumed in the past with- with me and Mikey, at- at least, and I- I don't want you to- to feel like you can't- can't talk to me a-about it. I- I love you, and I- I don't want to- to hurt you, either."