#ruby's lucky i didn't make lance's scythe also a gun

[tydy-the-megnet]

"It's impractical!"

"It's awesome!"

Lance and Pidge were having yet another discussion about Lance's newest bayard form as they walked down a barren street. He had it transformed, in full blue scythe mode, and was twirling it around like a flag at band practice.

He was actually quite skilled with it, not that Pidge would ever tell him that.

"You should stick to your guns –as in, your guns, Lance." Pidge sighed, pushing up her glasses as she continued to watch his theatrics with great distain. They were supposed to be hunting a klyber'nar – whatever that was – not goofing around with dangerous and impractical weaponry.

"But watch this!" Lance bent forward and let the scythe twirl blade-first around his neck like an extremely deadly hula hoop. He caught the polearm in both ands and continued the twist in full as he spun in place, letting the light of the bayard leave afterimages in its wake as he did so.

The techie refused to admit how cool it was, instead listing off the vectors and trajectories that the scythe had followed as they walked, and just how close it had come to slicing Lance's head clean off.

"Relax, I actually used a scythe fairly often on my family's farm back home–it's not like I don't have any experience with this sort of thing."

"Even still, it's monumentally stupid."

"Then why are you here, so clearly range?"

"In case you hurt yourself. Someone has to be able to respond immediately when you slit your throat by accident."

"Aw," Lance slammed the arm onto the pavement and heaved himself upward before pole-dancing on it, using the blade as a counterweight to keep the thing upright. "You care about me."

"Someone has to," Pidge sighed, her eyes stuck on Lance's core as it coiled and curved dangerously close to the business end of the weapon. His shirt was riding up, exposing his stomach just the barest bit, and she was sure the cloth would get caught and that Lance would tumble to the floor, causing the scythe blade to swing down and pierce his heart.

Or he'd hit his head on the asphalt.

"You'd be dead by now if we didn't." She added when he dismounted from the reaper with his usual flair.

"You're just jealous because you–watch out!" The bayard's arc went wide, sailing right over Pidge's face, and she went paler than she already was. There was a sickening fwoolk and some thick green liquid sprayed above her head. Alarmed, she glanced up at Lance.

He was looking over her, face void of all merriment as he brought the scythe around a second time. Pidge dove forward and rolled to his side, pivoting on the spot to see what he'd hit.

"The klyber'nar," Coran had said, "It has a large thorax with twenty-seven stomachs and eighteen hearts. It spits acid, so don't let it spit on you. It's teeth aren't sharp, but it can–"

"Weird space hippo!" Lance's cry brought Pidge back to the present. She watched as he spun his bayard faster and faster, the blade continually digging into the – it really did look like a space hippo – klyber'nar's hide. It was bleeding green, and when the liquids fell to the ground Pidge could see steam and bubbling reaction start.

"Be careful, that think doesn't just spit acid, it bleeds it to."

"It what–ah!" Right as Lance said that, klyber blood splashed on his arm and he flinched back. Pidge took her own bayard out, figuring she'd try to detain it or something while Lance delivered a coup de grace, but the blue paladin was way ahead of her.

Lance lunged at the thing, stepping on its head and letting it rear up at a remarkable speed. Lance used that momentum to leap upward, spinning into the sky with his scythe at the ready like a grim reaper.

Time seemed to slow down as Pidge watched Lance. He was silhouetted against a beautiful night sky, looking completely at home among all the stars. His bayard flashed, a light blue glow enveloping the blade as he swung it downward. Driven by his own gravital momentum, Lance dove into a fierce somersault and brought the scythe through the back of the beast's head.

Pidge went slack, wide eyes watching the klyber'ner slump over as Lance yanked the blade free and began idly twirling his scythe around again.

"See?" The boy laughed, "Totally badass."

*nonchalantly begs for a fic where lance secretly has a scythe bayard transformation and he’s a badass with it*