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[bisaster-energy]

literally the only way the finale could be considered "good" is through the Chuck Won lens (which is the right and true interpretation god bless)

[amphibious-entity]

TMBS Book 1 Brain Dump

~An Embarrassingly Long Post~

I don’t know why I’m writing this or why I’m so determined to do it. Maybe to finally assume my true form and become a mega dork on main, or maybe just for fun!

This is basically a compilation of all the main points running through my head after reading The Mysterious Benedict Society (2007) for the first time. Rather than posting a ton and spamming the tag, everything’s here in one neat package! (hopefully this gets it all out of my system rip)

Contents:

The Book Itself

The Book Itself, for real this time

The Characters

A Funny Parallel

The S.Q. Section

Lines & Scenes I Liked

Spoilers abound!

The Book Itself

Upon acquiring the first three books (don’t judge me pls), I was surprised at just how long they are. Like, they’re still pretty light being paperbacks and all, but these books are hefty lads.

The first book has this Disney+ Original Series circle thing printed on it, which is kind of unfortunate. Regardless, I love the cover illustration and yellow is actually my favorite color :D It made me weirdly quite happy whenever I saw the book lying around in my room

Also, it’s really cute how there’s a letter from Mr. Benedict at the end! (It only reveals that you can find out his first name if you “know the code”, meaning the bit of Morse printed below the summary on the back.) Shock and horror, though, as I realized I’m starting to recognize some of the letters

The Book Itself, for real this time

It’s wonderful how the tone of the book really shone through to the show adaptation. Something about the deliberateness of the aesthetic, from the set designs to the fashion to scene compositions, that really sells that particular style— like it’s very clear that this story is being told to us, rather than one we’re seeing unfold, if that makes sense.

Where that narration style stood out to me the most was the first chapter. We are told (rather than shown) how Reynie gets himself to the point of the second test, and there’s this whole twisty time maneuver for that whole sequence of events that’s really interesting

A super secret fun fact about me is that I wanted to be a writer when I was younger! So this particular balance of show vs. tell is really neat, since it runs counter to my own tendencies. The sheer amount of commas in every sentence is also kind of comforting, since Ahah, I Do That in those few serious-ish attempts at writing lol

Overall this book’s style reminds me a lot of Roald Dahl’s books, which are very nostalgic for me :D The whole “kids are more competent than adults” angle helps a lot too haha

The Characters

Oh boy here’s where I get a little bit critical! Overall I did really like this book!! it’s just that that expresses itself in all this weird “”analysis”��� lol

Reynie - much better in the books than in the show

It’s sort of a lukewarm take but I feel like show!Reynie is kind of boring? He doesn’t have a lot going on flaw-wise, and obviously since he’s the protagonist he can’t have too many weird traits or else the kids watching can’t project themselves onto him as easily

(I call it the difference between an aspirational protagonist and a vessel protagonist. Going off of the Roald Dahl vibes, think Matilda vs Charlie. show!Reynie is more of a Charlie)

Thus when we get to see him really struggle with the Whisperer and doubt himself it gives him a lot more dimension, at least in my opinion

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

Sticky - my son

I’ve long held to no one besides myself and my long suffering sister that Sticky is The Best Member of the Society

He happened to hit a lot of the Bingo squares of Stuff I Like In Characters: glasses, anxious, nice :), kind of a coward but ultimately is there for his friends, etc

For some reason I don’t talk about him nearly as much as you-know-who, but I love him just as dearly

Kate & Constance - I don’t have much to say

Kate is really interesting in this book! I like how we get to see more of her depths, in particular that one passage about her belief that she is invincible being the only thing that keeps her from falling apart? :c

Also her constant fidgeting is relatable lol

Constance is somehow a lot more tolerable in the book. I think I’m just one of those people with no patience for small children, unfortunately lol

(Some of) The Adults

It’s interesting that they had such an offscreen presence for most of the book. Giving them more time was probably one of the stronger changes of the show

However if that decision was made at the expense of the white knight scenes I think the choice should have been clear

I like the way Rhonda and Number Two are written

Milligan always on sad boy hours 😔✊

The “mill again” passage is touching but kind of messes up the pacing of the getaway, at least for me. Maybe I should read it again to make sure I didn’t miss something

Miss Perumal is much better in the show. We see so little of her in the book she doesn’t function well as an emotional anchor for Reynie, imo

The Institute Gang

Jackson and Jillson serve their purpose well, and Martina was surprising to say the least. I like the direction they took her in the show! I can’t imagine how funny it must have been to watch the tetherball subplot come out of nowhere lolol

These sections were written out of sequence, so random tidbit I couldn’t fit in The S.Q. Section: I like how he stumbles over his words. relatable

Mr. Curtain

While I think I know why they decided to not give Curtain the wheelchair in the show, we were totally robbed of Actor Tony Hale’s performance for the reveal during the final confrontation

Speaking of the wheelchair, it’s such a powerful symbol of his need for control or rather, his fear of losing it

The Contrast between him and Mr. Benedict. This point is expanded on in A Funny Parallel

Mr. Benedict

Oh boy, Mr. Benedict… How do I say this

I find it hard to trust Mr. Benedict, unfortunately

I mean to say, I do in the sense that I know he would never hurt the kids, thanks to knowing that a) this is a children’s book series and b) the meta (tumblr) states that he is really nice and lovable and stuff, but seriously. Why do the kids trust him at first?? I probably missed something somewhere

I like to think I’m an optimistic person, but unfortunately I’m also super paranoid. The premise of “a bunch of vulnerable orphans team up with a strange old man” is just so odd to me I don’t know how to explain it

I don’t know!!! I really want to trust Mr. Benedict

One of the strengths of the show is that we get to see him more often, and thus he gets to acknowledge more often that the plan is weird and that he feels really badly for putting the kids in danger and that he’s trustworthy and genuine

But his lack of presence for most of the book just makes him into something of a specter, invisible and unknowable, speaking only in riddles from across the bay

Which is why the white knight scene is so important!! I loved that scene ;-;

Because here’s an actual emotional connection! We can actually see it happening, rather than only being told that it exists

Reynie asking for advice and receiving encouragement, in words that demonstrate that Mr. Benedict actually cares about him and worries about him and agghh

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

But overall this whole issue didn’t ruin my enjoyment of the book at all! It’s just ->

A Funny Parallel

Okay, ready for my biggest brain, hottest take ever??

Mr. Benedict and Mr. Curtain…. are… the same

I mean obviously not entirely, given that one is benevolent and kind and the other is… Mr. Curtain

But seriously. Genius old man seeks out children (mainly orphans) to enact a plan. Said children often end up incredibly devoted to his cause and deeply admire him this is a little flimsy

Undoubtedly that’s intentional and is supposed to show the difference between them, like some kind of cautionary tale? “Let yourself be vulnerable and let others help you, lest you turn eeeeviiillll”

I guess that’s where the aforementioned epic contrast comes in. You get Mr. Curtain, strapped into his wheelchair and hiding behind those mirrored sunglasses, terrified (but unwilling to admit it) of ever showing the tiniest hint of vulnerability, vs. Mr. Benedict, who can let himself fall knowing that someone will catch him :’)

Anyhow I have nothing against the parallels, I just think it’s funny

The S.Q. Section

The S.Q. Quarantine Thread so it doesn’t leak out everywhere else <3

I’d like to meet the emo angstlord genius who read this book and decided to make SQ into Dr. Curtain’s son. What in the world

Okay I should probably preface this by saying that I absolutely adore both book!S.Q. and show!SQ with all my heart. Somehow, despite being a completely different character in both mediums, he has managed to be one of the best characters in either and certainly one of my favorites (besides Sticky of course) in the entire franchise, despite the fact that I’ve only read the first book/watched the show so far. I am confident in this statement.

But seriously! How?? Why?? I could probably write a whole other essay about why show!SQ is such an interesting character, and the change works so incredibly well. I’m just. Baffled

Okay, focus. book!S.Q. is such a sweetheart, oh my goodness. Like, 100% one of the most endearing characters in the book. Poor guy. I don’t even know where to start!!

He just seems to be a genuinely good guy at heart, despite being technically one of the bad guys. He’s genuinely happy for Reynie and Sticky when they became Messengers and helped Kate when she “fell” and was concerned about Constance when she looked sick and how he was in that meeting with Mr. Curtain and Martina?!!? aaahhhhghgh ;-; he just wants people to be happy TT-TT

Comparing him against literally every character at the Institute is probably what makes him so endearing tbh. When everyone else is so awful to the kids, it really makes him stand out. Like a cheerful little nightlight in the worst, most humid and rank bathroom you’ve ever been in

It’s kind of pointless to theorize about a book series that’s already concluded (I think?) but. Is the implication of S.Q.’s forgetfulness supposed to be that Mr. Curtain used him in brainsweeping experiments somehow? The timeline probably definitely absolutely doesn’t line up but like. How did he get to being a Messenger being the way he is now, given how cutthroat the process is? And then of course Mr. Curtain keeps him around as an Executive because he’s fun to mess with and presumably his loyalty. I’m very curious as to how their relationship develops in the other books, if at all. Those are probably where the seeds of the ��let’s make them family” logic were planted

But wouldn’t it be hilarious if the reason we don’t know what “S.Q.” stands for in the books is that he just. Forgot

Another thing that occurred to me. Given that he and the other Executives were Messengers at some point, what were their worst fears? What is S.Q.’s worst fear?? Inquiring minds need to know

One last horrible little anecdote: I was thinking about book!S.Q. while eating breakfast, as one does, and suddenly it hit me.

I want to believe The Author Trenton Lee Stewart had the name for a character, S.Q. Pedalian, and was like, “Hm! What sort of quirky trait should this young fellow have?” Because, of course, in this style of fiction every character has to have at least one cartoonish or otherwise distinguishing trait to stand out in the minds of children. (For instance, Kate has her bucket, Sticky has his glasses, Constance is angry, and Reynie is Emmett from the Lego Movie)

Anyhow, he looks around the room, searching for inspiration. Suddenly he comes across a jumbo box of plastic wrap. Completely innocuous in design, save for one line of text. 300 SQ FT.

“…large… S.Q. …feet? THAT’S IT!” i’m sorry

Lines & Scenes I Liked

In no particular order!

Sticky quotes Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Evil combination aerobics/square dancing in the gym with the Executives

Everyone being happy at the end :’)

Everyone partying after Sticky reunites with his parents, and later finding Mr. Benedict asleep at his desk from the moment they shook hands :’’)

Literally any scene with Sticky in it

Any time Kate says “you boys” or “gosh”

[“Um, sir?” S.Q. said timidly, raising his hand. “A thought just occurred to me.” / Mr. Curtain raised his eyebrows. “That’s remarkable, S.Q. What is it?”] clown prince of my heart </3

S.Q.’s determined monologue about searching for clues after he bungled up the first time

Literally any scene with S.Q. in it (please refer to The S.Q. Section)

Reynie trying to resist the Whisperer.

[Let us begin. / First let me polish my spectacles, Reynie thought. / Let us begin. / Not without my bucket, Reynie insisted. He heard Mr. Curtain muttering behind him. / Let us begin, let us begin, let us begin. / Rules and schools are tools for fools, Reynie thought.]

NO MORE HURTIN’ WITH CURTAIN

Milligan showing up on the island!!

Remember the white knight hhhhhh

“controle”

A Super Secret Bonus Section

I would be extremely surprised if anyone read through all the way down here lol. Regardless, here’s a little acknowledgements section :D not tagging anyone since I don’t want to bother all of these people

Special shoutout to tumblr blog stonetowns for unknowingly yet singlehandedly demolishing my reluctance to read the books by posting a ton of cute quotes. Thank you for your service o7

Thanks to the two OGs that liked the post I made right before this one, for being my unwitting enablers and for sticking around despite being a) technically an internet stranger (hello!) and b) someone I haven’t spoken to irl in literal years (hey!!)

Last but not least thankz 2 my sister for putting up with me ranting about the book when I first got it and for asking about “CQ” sometimes lol. (i desperately hope you’re not reading this orz)

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It, Part Seven

Jensen x Musician!Reader; Nathan (OMC); Mama Mia (OFC)

Also featured this chapter: Rob Benedict, Briana Buckmaster, Jason Manns

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

A/N: This is a slow burn fic that I have been working on for a while. Its a story I wrote for myself and just wanted to share with everyone. Yes, the “Dee” in the story is who you think, but there is no intended hate on her or their actual marriage. It is a work of fiction, that is all. Part seven is from BOTH POVs. There is also a playlist to go along with the series.  

Series Playlist: “When You Least Expect It” (Spotify). Songs in this chapter include: “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around”; “What About Love”, “The Joker”; “Whipping Post”

Beta’d by @closetspngirl who has contributed so much to this fic! Thank you for not only indulging my lunacy but encouraging it with gusto! She also put together the amazing wardrobe shown in this chapter, as well. I don’t know what I would do without you!!!

Chapter Summary: Realizing that its time to leave NJ again to get back to work on the festival and have a much-needed conversation with Jensen, Y/N meets up with everyone at ChiCon. This gives finally gives her a moment with Jensen and an added bonus of playing with Louden Swain, featuring Briana Buckmaster, on stage for a crowded ballroom; something that affects Jensen more than he was expecting it too.

Chapter Warnings: Ehhh... nothing really. 

WC: 9.5K

*Banner created by me; pics & gifs found online

It had been one month since Y/N left Austin and came back to New Jersey. One month of awkward texts with Jensen related only to work, daily calls or texts from Briana and at least one Skype or FaceTime call from Robbie every few days. When it came to the amount of work and scouting to be done for the festival, the little man was a bundle of nerves and Y/N was the only one who seemed to be able to talk him down.

February came, and that’s when the first real pangs of doubt began to creep in. The life she had begun in Texas was beginning to fade, and she found herself missing it. Y/N missed the townhouse and living so close to a city like Austin with the diversity in the restaurants, the bars, the bands, the nightlife… and of course, there was Jensen. She missed all of it. Not that life in New Jersey had been boring or lackluster. Y/N had gone back to work for Leo temporarily since she was handling both ends of the transactions now for the Brewfest. Being back in her small office in his hotel, living in the bungalow again felt good, but the longer the cold winds of winter at the shore blew through and chilled her to the bone, the more she really missed Austin.

It wasn’t all work, though. She had a couple of occasions to play at one of the bars that were still open in Seaside during the winter, as well as reconnect with a few friends from the Burlesque group. Y/N had even spent some time with Nathan, though when she did, she made sure to keep her guard up, be wary of any promises he made or plans he tried to get her to agree too. Reminiscing with him was a trap that was easier to fall into than she thought it would be, and after the third time they met for coffee, she invited him to go have dinner. Once or twice a week in the time she was home, she would run into him in town, or make plans to hang out. Y/N always tried to keep it in a public place, and never let him get too close. She was doing her best to follow Bri’s advice and figure out what it was she wanted from, not just Nathan, but life itself.

In between all of that, was Jensen. Y/N thought of him every day, and on more than one occasion picked up the phone to actually call him. However, knowing that he was traveling from Vancouver to conventions and back for the foreseeable future, she decided against it. After the way they left things, she thought maybe a random phone call wouldn’t be the best move and wanted to wait until she could see him face to face. When that would be, she didn’t know, but by the time Groundhog Day had rolled around, she felt ready to make it happen soon.

The morning she woke up with the intention to make arrangements to fly back, a winter storm warning had gone into effect, ultimately grounding all flights in or out of the area. Y/N knew the drill and began to run the errands necessary to hunker down for the long haul, getting supplies for two to three days at least. By the time she reached the bungalow and filled the small pellet stove in the corner of the room, the snow had started falling.

As a kid, seeing the beach turn from the beige sand, to white snow had always been sort of magical. Watching the waves crash and spray the icy mist into the swirling flakes made her feel like she was experiencing something majestic, and it always left her feeling a little whimsical and reflective. That’s what she was doing when she heard the knock at the door several hours later, just as the storm was hitting its peak.

Pulling the crocheted blanket around her shoulders, Y/N went to the front door and opened it enough to see who it was.

“Nathan?” she asked, then opened it further and with it came a burst of cold, snowy air. “Come in before the snow does.” She ushered him in and closed the door quickly. “What are you doing here?”

He removed his scarf and hat, shaking off the snow that littered his shoulders and boots. “I came by to make sure you were alright. Didn’t know if you realized that cell service is sketchy, wanted to be sure you had everything you needed.”

“Yeah, I saw the winter storm advisory last night, made sure to hit the market this morning. Don’t tell me you walked all the way here from Seaside Park. That’s a few miles at least.”

“No, I have my dad’s truck,” he said then paused before unzipping his coat. Y/N could see in his eyes he came not just to check up on her, but because he wanted to stay a while.

“I’m fine, Nathan. Just watching the snow, reading and staying warm. I have everything I need.”

“Ok,” he said and half turned back to the door, then faced her again. He wore that crooked grin that she used to love so much. “Well then, maybe you need some company?”

“Sure. But I am going to tell you now, you can’t stay the night. You have to leave before the sun goes down.”

“Of course, Y/N. I just thought we could hang out for a bit.”

“Want some tea?”

“No,” he laughed. “I hate that stuff. I’ll take a soda if you got any, though.”

“Sorry, fresh out,” she said, but there’s water or juice in the fridge.

“Sweet,” he replied as he shrugged off his coat and hung it on the rack, then removed his boots before heading to the refrigerator and helping himself.

Y/N strolled back to the couch and reclaimed her place near the window that overlooked the ocean. She brought her knees up into her chest and watched Nathan as he moved about the kitchen and the living room just as naturally as he did in the old days. When he finally sat, he took the spot on the opposite end of the same couch she was on and rested his arm along the back of it.

Whenever Y/N and Nathan saw each other while she was visiting this time around, things were always awkward in the beginning. It didn’t matter if it was just for coffee, or on the few occasions that she actually let him take her to dinner. It was almost as if neither of them knew what to do with the situation or what to say to one another. But given enough time, they would end up finding a comfortable conversation.

Some of the time she’d watch him as he talked and recognize the man she used to love; same high cheekbones, same crooked smile, and sandy brown hair. Only now, his hair was short instead of the shoulder length it was when they were younger. His sky blue eyes were still able to lock her in and make her wonder how it had all gone so wrong between them. He had been the love of her life, her prince charming, the man who was going to save her from the kind of life that you grew up promising yourself you’d never live. But it had all gone so, so wrong.

She considered asking him, potentially broaching a long overdue conversation that they needed to have; especially if there was any possibility of a future. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to start. She tried to hide the smile that wanted to come when she wondered what Bri would say about that, but it quickly faded when she realized how much she missed Bri, too. That would make her thoughts circle back around to Austin, again, and how much she longed to go back.

“Hey, haven’t seen these in a long time,” he said and leaned forward, and plucked one of the photo albums from underneath the coffee table.

“Oh, yeah…” she replied and craned her neck over to see which one he picked up. They had been there since she showed Jensen the pictures from Grease, which now felt like a million years ago.

“Holy shit, high school pictures,” he laughed and started flipping through the album.

Over the course of the next hour, Y/N sat a foot or two away, yet enjoyed talking about old times with him. It felt good to laugh with Nathan again; it felt good to have her friend back. She didn’t notice that he was inching closer and closer until suddenly the arm that had been draped around the back of the couch was now brushing against her shoulder.

Nathan continued shaking memories loose; he brought up their junior prom, and how they had spent the night on the beach under the Tiki bar, getting drunk and screwing around until dawn before falling asleep together wrapped up in a blanket. She was smiling at the recollection, enjoying the feeling it brought back into her life when she felt his fingers toying with a tuft of her hair.

“I’ve really missed this,” he said softly. “A lot. I’m glad you’ve let me back in and gave me a chance to make it up to you.”

“Nathan, I… I don’t know--”

He inched closer, and what he did next surprised her. Before she could react, Nathan was brushing his lips against hers. Her eyes stayed open, but his drifted closed. It only lasted for a moment, but in that time Y/N realized that she knew everything she needed to know. She didn’t push him away, even though something inside of her told her too. Y/N kissed him back, but timidly, and without passion. His lips parted against hers, making it clear that he wanted it to escalate, but after a moment, Y/N broke away.

She retreated from him and brought her fingers up, pressing them gently to her lips. “Nathan... “

“Don’t, ok? Don’t say it was a mistake. Just, promise me that you won’t shut down on me. If I was being pushy--”

“It’s not that,” Y/N said and swallowed hard. “I care about your recovery, Nate. Seeing how well you’re doing has even allowed me to start forgiving you. But in the spirit of honesty, you should know that I’m not ready to be with you again. I don’t know if I ever will be. That doesn’t mean there is someone else. It means that I am going back to Austin, and I am focusing on work and don’t want anything sort of romantic entanglements.”

“Oh,” he sighed, clearly disappointed. “That doesn’t mean we have to say goodbye though, right? Can I still call you? Keep in touch?”

“Sure,” she said, and genuinely meant it. “As long as you understand, that, for now, I just want to be your friend.”

She watched him process this and had a second where she didn’t know how he would react. He wasn’t the same Nate she knew most of her life, and yet he wasn’t the last version she knew, either. Nathan was turning into a product of both of those men, and she was still learning his mannerisms and couldn’t always tell what he was going to do.

Nathan made it clear he wanted her back, and this rejection could be dangerous if he wasn’t as far into his recovery as he had said. But once his shoulders relaxed, and he picked his head up to meet her gaze, he smiled more like the Nate of long ago.

“Of course, Y/N. I get it. I’m going to keep showing you that you can trust me again though.”

“You just keep doing what’s best for you, Nate. That’s what would make me the happiest.”

Y/N’s cell began ringing in the with the familiar tone of Robbie’s FaceTime calls. She hesitated to answer it, but also didn’t want to miss out on a chance to talk to him knowing there were some meetings coming up they needed to prep for.

“Excuse me,” she said to Nathan and got up from the couch, pulling the cell out of her pocket as she did.

Y/N moved through the room and stood at the precipice of the hallway as she answered the call.

“Hey Robbie, what’s shakin’?” she answered in greeting.

“Thank God you picked up. When are you coming back, lady? I need you in Austin. I won’t be able to get back to there for another week or so. Any chance you’re heading back soon?”

“I’m working on it Robert,” she replied with a sigh. “The damned snow, however, has other plans.”

“Soon-ish, then?”

“Yes, my darling. Soonish. Honestly, as soon as the airports open up, I’m getting a ticket and will be on my way.”

“Did he tell you that the TCAC meeting was pushed back to the end of February?” Robbie asked into the camera, and the concern she saw on his face made her feel guilty.

“No,” she answered softly.

Her disappointment was not lost on Robbie. He hesitated, not wanting to make her feel worse, though he knew Jensen had been avoiding her. He didn’t have all the details about what happened between them but knew enough to know something had. “He’s been crazy busy, you know. Traveling like a lunatic. I’m sure he just forgot.”

“I’m sure,” she agreed and immediately wanted to change the subject. “So, the grant proposals? Any word?”

“Yes! Actually,” Robbie paused, relieved that she was the one to shift gears and shuffled through some papers that were off screen. He held up two and smiled victoriously. “We got two approvals! One from the Austin Creative Alliance and another just came through yesterday from one of the Federal ones. Buuuttt… can’t seem too…” he drifted off to the side, leaning out of the camera frame again.

Y/N chuckled. “Rob, it’s fine, come on back.”

She shifted away from the wall by the hallway and wandered into the kitchen to put the tea kettle back on the stove. As she did, Rob came back into view and noticed Nathan in the background of her call.

“Oh, hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had company. I won’t keep ya while I look for it.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah… that’s ok. My friend Nate dropped by to be sure I was stocked up for the storm. He’s leaving soon, so if you need to go over more stuff later, I’ll be here.”

“Oh great. The band and I are going in to talk to a guy about some stuff coming up, so maybe I will give you a call later. This way you can be totally caught up before heading back to Austin. Which reminds me… did you make your travel arrangements yet for Boston or San Diego?”

“Yes. I am heading to Boston, San Diego and Seattle starting end of February through March. Couple days in each to secure all the contracts with the vendors. Oh, New Orleans, too.”

“Perfect. That means you’ll be back and able to head to Chicago with us, right? Same weekend as ChiCon? Thought we could meet up there and go check out a few bands.”

“Works for me,” Y/N said, and then realized that there would be no avoiding Jensen that weekend.

“Fantastic, you’re a gem, you know that?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere Robert.”

“Love it when you call me Robert,” he teased. “Ok, they’re yelling for me. I’ll talk to you later!”

“Bye,” she chuckled and ended the video call. She returned the phone to her pocket and continued to fix herself a cup of tea.

“So, work friend?” Nathan asked, getting up from the couch and heading into the kitchen now that her call was through.

“Yes.”

“Nice guy?”

“Yes, he is.”

Nathan nodded, leaned back against the counter and noticed she had only one cup out. “If you wanted me to go, you could just say so. I mean, you told him I was leaving soon. One cup out…”

Y/N sighed softly and tried to not turn the visit sour. “I thought you hated tea? Besides, it’s getting late. As well as things have been between us, I am not ready for you to stay here. With the weather being what it is, you probably should head back to your mom’s. I’m sure she could use your help with your dad being laid up with his foot in a cast. Can’t be easy for her to manage this weather on her own.”

He nodded, though she could see him straining to keep his mouth shut.

“I’m not trying to shut you out, Nathan. I genuinely have enjoyed hanging out with you again. You know, after all that shit happened--with the fight, and your life spiraling out of control--I never thought you’d be you again. Or that I would even be able to stand to be in the same room as you. But, here we are. Can’t that be enough for now?”

Nathan’s shoulders relaxed. “Don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

“Not if you want this to continue.” She was blunt, but she needed to be. Y/N didn’t want to take any chances where Nathan was concerned.

“Alright,” he finally replied and pushed off the counter. He went to take his coat off the hook and as he laced his arms through the sleeves, turned to face her again. “I’m grateful you’re giving me another chance, Y/N. I am. So, you call the shots, ok? I know you’re busy, but maybe once your traveling calms down, I can even come to visit you in Austin. Never been to Texas before.”

The idea of him in Austin felt strange. There was a sudden fear that if the two different parts of her life came together like that it would blow up her entire world in some glorious fashion. Trying to neither encourage or discourage the idea of his visit, she simply shrugged, found her most pleasant smile and nodded.

Nathan moved across the kitchen and took her in an embrace before she had the chance to say no. It was a familiar feeling; similar to what one experience when finding an old winter coat they hadn’t worn in years. It may not fit properly anymore, but the quilting of the fabric brought back pleasant memories.

“Call me, ok?” he said before releasing her.

“Sure thing. Take care of yourself, Nate.”

When Nate opened the door to go, the wind whipped through and the day’s fading light allowed him just enough time to get home before going completely dark. When the door latched shut behind him, she felt a mild sense of relief that she was alone again. There were still a lot of things she wanted to have time to mull over before returning to Austin, especially before seeing Jensen again in Chicago. The extended trip home had been good for her, despite the reasons she ended up there. It allowed her time to be sure that Austin and the job were the things she truly loved and wanted in her life.

Even the time she spent with Nate had been helpful in coming to the conclusion that he wasn’t something that had to stand in her way anymore. Her feelings for Jensen were still confusing and muddled, but in her heart, Y/N felt sure that her time as Nate’s girlfriend had come to an end. Though unexpected, the kiss they had shared that night cemented that. She could find room in her heart for him as a friend, but there was no future for them as a couple.

Lost in thoughts, Y/N didn’t move from the counter until the kettle began to whistle behind her. She flipped off the burner, and as she poured the hot water into the cup, she felt determined to settle the Jensen business. With so many of her other uncertainties fading away, she wanted this one too as well. Taking her cell phone back out of her pocket, she went to the contacts in her messaging app and pulled up “Mama”. If anyone could help her sort things out, it would be that tall drink of water.

<<Hey, any chance you’re around once snowmaggedon stops?

It only took about ten seconds for her to respond.

>>I’ve always got time for you, sugar. Whatcha thinkin’?

<<Rehearsal?

>>Cancelled.

<<Damn. Ok, snow should be done by midnight. Coffee at my place in the AM?

>>Be there with bells on.

<<Knowing you, I expect nothing less. Luv u!

>>Back atcha

The following morning dawned bright, with a clear sky and a snowy beach that reflected the colors of sunrise. Mama was knocking on Y/N’s door by quarter past nine, holding a pastry box in one hand and a garment bag in the other.

Y/N opened the door to greet her, and immediately broke out into laughter as she realized that Mama was wearing sleigh bells in her hair.

“You’re a freak,” Y/N laughed and gave the woman a big wet kiss on her cheek. “But you’re my freak.”

“Always and forever,” Mama purred lowly, winking at Y/N as she handed off both the pastry box and bag. “Dear Lord, I have not been here in forever! When was the last time?”

“God… it has to be last spring, maybe. Maybe even Christmas prior.”

“Either way, too long. Though I see you’ve kept the decor fisherman chic. Please, when will you let me redecorate for you?”

“One day, I promise. But for now, I have some things I want to talk to you about.”

Y/N moved around her small kitchen, pouring coffee and unveiling the apple crumb cake Mama brought from Freedman’s Bakery. The smell of apples and cinnamon instantly filled the room and mixed with the aroma of the coffee, Mama began to hum.

“Mmmm MM! It smells good in here. Like a little slice of heaven,” she sighed and pulled out one of the two chairs at the kitchen table. Just as she sat, she gratefully took the hot mug Y/N offered her. “What sort of things do you have on your mind?”

“Well,” Y/N started, then pulled out a seat of her own and began to slice the crumb cake. “I texted you last night because I had something on my mind. However, I couldn’t sleep last night, and I started thinking about work, and had something else entirely to talk to you about.” Y/N was rambling and Mama sensed she was probably already a pot deep into the coffee.

“Honey,” Mama said and covered Y/N’s hands to get them to stop fidgeting with the cake. “Slow down. First things first… what was on your mind last night?”

She hesitated, unsure of how to start. “I didn’t get to tell you because you were in Florida, but I went to a New Year’s party, back in Austin.”

“Ok, sounds fun. Continue,” Mama said and motioned towards her before sipping at her coffee.

“Right. Well, I guess I should start with saying that when I was home for Christmas, Nate showed up here Christmas morning. Then, I went back early so I could go to this party with Jensen. He kissed me at midnight and then I panicked and ran out.”

Mama coughed as she tried to swallow her coffee and then carefully placed the mug back on the table. She grabbed a napkin and wiped at the corners of her mouth like the old southern debutante that she had once been. Once she regained her composure, she sat up straighter and looked Y/N squarely in the eye.

“You best start from the beginning and leave no detail out. Because hearing that you spent an evening with that luscious man is one thing, but also hearing that dickhead’s name in the mix has soured the first bit. Explain yourself, please. What the hell do you mean that Nathan was here on Christmas? Why didn’t you call me?”

“He took me by surprise. He wanted to talk.”

“And you let him in?”

“Yes...” Y/N replied with a sigh, knowing she would get a barrage of crap from Mama for that.

“I’m in shock. After what he did to you!?”

“I know… I just… I don’t know. He wanted to apologize. He’s working the twelve steps--”

“Twelve steps? Ha! Twelve steps…” she muttered. “I didn’t realize you could twelve-step your way out of being a shithead.”

“I know he was terrible then, but for a lot of years he wasn’t and I guess I wanted to know if there was anything good left in him. I saw a glimmer of who he used to be.”

“We need to move on from Nate, cause honey, it just makes my blood boil.”

“Ok, so after he left, I went back to Austin a few days later and went to a party with Jensen. We’ve been getting along great, working together well, and he’s a lot of fun.”

“Yes, he certainly is,” she mused, her expression quickly fading from aggravated to dreamy. “Now I believe you mentioned something about a kiss…”

“He did. WE did… at midnight,” Y/N answered and couldn’t help feeling the twist in her gut that was now associated with that night.

“And?”

“And… it…”

“Y/N?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never felt anything like that. Ever.”

Mama’s face relaxed into a euphoric afterglow. “Please, dear, sweet Lord in Heaven tell me you let that man have his way with you.”

“No!” Y/N laughed and got up from the seat. She was feeling anxious about it all; mostly because she felt so stupid for having run away from him. “It was amazing, and then I got nervous. Someone walked in and it gave me a moment to basically lose my mind and run.”

“You left?!” Mama’s jaw dropped and she quickly stood from the table. “What the--Child, I should whoop your ass. First, you let Nathan in this house, then you run out on that precious Texas boy? It’s like I don’t even know you,” she huffed.

Mama, for a woman of her generous height and weight moved across the kitchen in a heartbeat and lightly smacked the back of Y/N’s head twice.

“One for lettin’ Nathan in, the other for running out on Jensen!”

“Ow,” Y/N whined and rubbed the back of her head. Her brow furrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Trust me, I wish I knew why I do what I do. One second we were… you know, gettin’ handsy, and the next minute…” she shrugged.

“That son of a bitch Nathan… he was on your mind, wasn’t he?”

“Partially. It was more than that though. I’ve had two relationships in my life, Mama. Two. Nathan, and he who shall not be named.”

“Mmmm, yes. I forgot you had your own Voldemort. But that was what... six months after Nathan left and lasted for less than a month? You can’t count him… especially cause I can’t even remember his name.”

“Whatever, my point is, that both of these relationships were toxic. The last thing I want right now is another go-round with getting my heart broken. I should never have dated after Nathan, so figured I would try a one night stand. It left me so cold and empty. I don’t want that, either. I didn’t want to ruin a good friendship with Jensen, or have it turn toxic.”

“Sug, I get that. But you can’t push your feelings away every time they try and wake you up.”

“Can’t I? I love this job, Mama. I feel like I finally found what I am meant to do. What if we slept together, and it got weird. I wouldn’t be able to work with him. Besides, it’s not even all that happened.”

“What else?” she sighed and rubbed at her temples. “This should have been a Bloody Mary breakfast.”

Y/N ignored her quip. “The next day I told him I wanted to talk. He said he was busy. So I stopped by to drop off some contracts and it turned out he was home. He lied because he didn’t want to talk.”

“That’s why you are back here, instead of living in Austin?”

Y/N nodded and watched with anxiety as Mama seemed to sift through a host of quiet thoughts before deciding how to respond.

“If I didn’t love you as I do... I would smack you again.”

“Why?”

“He lied? So what?! You ran out on him! You know what that’s gonna do to a man’s pride. Hell, anyone’s pride?! Sugar, you… you need to stop lettin’ that heart of yours dictate all your decisions. That man--I spent time with him, ok? I saw how he watched you on that stage. You didn’t. I saw how his face lit up, and that gorgeous grin spread from ear to ear. You mesmerized him.”

Mama took Y/N’s chin between her fingers and lovingly lifted her face so their eyes could meet. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t like that boy.”

“I can’t,” she whispered, almost pathetically. “I do like him. But I’m also very scared of him.”

Mama considered this for a minute and smiled at her friend. “Then, you need to go back to Texas, make amends, and rekindle that friendship you two had been startin’. I think that will be how you stop being so damn scared.”

“I have a flight out tonight,” Y/N said and laughed when Mama raised both fists into the air in celebration.

“That’s my girl!”

“I mean, I won’t see him for a while, but I think you’re right. I owe him an apology. I just hope he can forgive me.”

“I have no doubt that he probably already has. Now, that’s settled… Nat--”

“No. I’ve given him enough thought lately. I’d rather talk about my burst of inspiration that I had last night.”

“Which was?”

“You, the whole troupe… I want you to perform at the festival.”

Mama’s eyes grew large, her plump dimpled cheeks expanding as the smile unfurled across her painted pink lips. “Shut the hell up! Seriously?”

“Yeah. I mean… I am still working out all the logistics, but, we have a few stages to fill and I thought who better than to take on one of the theaters for the Saturday night slot? Whatever you guys wanna do… it’s your call. We have a hotel all reserved for talent, so your accommodations are taken care of. And I am sure I could help you with the travel arrangements. I just need you guys to say yes, and you’re in.”

“Well slap my ass and call me Sally!” Mama cackled and smacked her knee; her southern lilt bolder than usual. “You best believe we’ll be there, suga!”

“Fantastic! I will get you all of the details as soon as I get back to Austin.”

“Well now, hold on one second… you know what’s funny,” Mama said and went into the living room to retrieve the garment bag she had brought with her. “I brought this today because I thought you may want it for something. Didn’t know what, but when Marie brought it into rehearsals last I was there, everyone agreed only you would be able to pull this costume off.”

She hung the hanger on the top door of the refrigerator and slowly unzipped the vinyl bag. Y/N softly gasped when she saw the frock Mama had brought her. It was a full-length strapless dress that had a corset top with a heart-shaped bustier with deep purple accents, streaming out into a black skirt that was shorter in the front and flowed out from the back. The skirt itself had black velvet swirls imprinted on the ebony material and heavily ruffled bottom that would give it an amazing look when it twirled.

“Mama…” she breathed and ran her fingers over the dark purple accents. “This is gorgeous.”

“It is. And in the bottom are the accessories. You have to wear this. At least once. And what a better place than at the festival. So, you agree to perform one number with us, then we will be there to fill your stage for an entire night.”

Y/N considered the offer and knew that she had to say yes. She hadn’t gotten to the point where she thought about her part in performing at the festival. Working behind the scenes had completely garnered all her attention, so this was the first time she gave it any real thought.

“Alright,” she said, “you win. I will take this back to Austin with me and put it aside for a night on stage with The Corsets. Do I get to pick the routine, or…?”

“Oh no, honey. I’m the Creative Director now,” Mama pinched her cheek and took her place back at the table. “Now, don’t think I am done talking about this whole Jensen situation. I wanna hear more details about this New Year’s Eve party…” She leaned back and sipped her coffee before taking a large bite of her crumb cake. “You best start talking.”

For the rest of the morning, Y/N caught Mama up on New Year’s Eve, including playing with Bri, hearing Jensen sing, the encounter with Dee all the way up to her moment in the game room. By the time the coffee was gone and the cake was only crumbs, Mama had heard the tale, soup to nuts, and sat there stunned, letting it all sink in.

They talked a while longer before Y/N realized the time and had to get ready to leave for the airport. Mama had hugged her tightly with both a warning and a promise before she left.

“I promise that we will put on one hell of a show for those Texans. But, in the meantime, stop being stupid and go kiss the cute boy. Let him know that you’re all in, even if it is a slow-moving gamble. You’ll regret it if you don’t. You hear? I’ll keep my promise to whoop you when I get to Austin if you don’t. Got it?”

“Yes, Mama,” Y/N laughed and embraced her again before watching her go out into the cold winter air.

Hours later, as she made her way through the airport and onto the plane, she felt good about going back. There were still a few lingering doubts about how she and Jensen would be with seeing each other again, but there was time to work on that. First, she needed to get back to Austin, her new home, and refocus herself completely on making the Brewfest as big, bold and beautiful as Jensen’s vision for it was. Outside of that, everything would just have to wait.

Much like Y/N expected, there wasn’t much of a chance to see Jensen through the rest of February and March. It was disappointing to her, mostly because she was really starting to miss him. His schedule in Vancouver changed last minute, which caused him to have to miss the Texas Creative Arts Council meeting as well as a few others he had intended to be at, in turn dashing her hopes of finally getting to talk face to face. Her own travel schedule picked up, as she zigzagged across the country meeting with business owners, sponsors, and supporters of the Hometown Brewfest extravaganza.   

The frequency of text exchanges between them increased, and it gave her a glimmer of hope that they could still work through whatever they needed to. As the weeks carried on, and the dates of ChiCon inched closer, Y/N found herself growing more and more anxious about finally having that moment.

Two weeks before, the whole group was in Nashville for a con, while Y/N was wrapping up some last minute business in New Orleans. She was chatting with Rob about a band she found by happenstance, and during the video call, Jensen passed behind him in the background. Her heart lept up in her throat, though she successfully kept her outward demeanor calm and collected. Y/N watched as Jensen did a double take as he noticed her on the screen of Rob’s phone. Leaning over his friend’s shoulder, he shoved his face in the camera and smiled, gave a simple wave and then was called away before he could actually speak.

It was enough to give her that final boost of confidence that they would be ok, but she still desperately needed to clear the air with him. That, however, wouldn’t happen for another two weeks when she found herself pacing the backstage area of the hotel in Chicago where the stars of Supernatural were gathering in preparation for a weekend full of panels, photo ops and a jam-packed concert with Robbie’s band.

Y/N had arrived that Saturday morning well after the festivities had gotten underway. Bri was the first person who she found and was greeted by an over-exuberant hug and the subsequent barrage of questions about everything under the sun. She was quickly whisked away to her panel with Kim, leaving Y/N holding her credentials and aimlessly wandering around the hotel. That was until she found herself on a mission to finally locate and talk to Jensen.

The extra wide hallway of the hotel outside the green room was carpeted with the ugliest yellow, gold and blue carpeting Y/N had ever seen. Though, as she paced it back and forth, she couldn’t take her eyes off of it. Eventually, she found herself pacing along the blue lines that intertwined between the yellow and gold diamond pattern. As ugly as it was, it was somehow keeping her nerves at bay. She could run into Jensen at any time now, and it took all of her willpower not to just turn and run… again.

She wouldn’t though. Her and Jensen needed to set things straight. She didn’t know if this was the way to do it, or what she would say exactly, but she knew it had to be done. Y/N had gotten a peek at his schedule when she checked in and got her credentials to be able to come and go as she pleased. He would be in the green room now, or at least on his way there. So that’s where she headed.

Y/N stalled once she reached the green room door, deciding that maybe just barging in and demanding he talk to her was a bad idea. That’s when the pacing started again and continued for several minutes. She bit on her lower lip and closed her eyes, hanging her head and trying to decide what to do.

She continued walking, but with her eyes closed, she didn’t realize she was walking off her pattern, and straight into oncoming people.

“Whoa there!”

Y/N looked up, and in horrific slow motion, realized she ran square into Jensen’s chest. His hands had gently grabbed her shoulders when they collided, and they lingered there now as recognition touched his features one by one. Seeing him again after so long felt like a shock to her system; her mouth went dry, and she could feel her hands starting to tremble. When she tried to swallow, it stuck like a lump in her throat cutting off the air to her brain and making her feel light headed.

“H-Hey,” she breathed.

“Robbie said you were gonna be here,” he said, then nervously ran his tongue out and over his bottom lip. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah,” Y/N agreed, still unsure of what to say. “How’ve you been?” Her words were hesitant and staggered; her gaze unable to break from his.

Jensen finally realized his hands were still on her shoulders and quickly let go.

“Good. Busy, but good. You?”

“Better now that--”

The green room door opened with a bang, startling both Jensen and Y/N. Half a dozen people funneled out, mostly hotel staff, but Robbie was among them.

“Just who I was looking for!” he exclaimed and walked over to them. “You,” he said pointing to Jensen, “have about two minutes before Rich is gonna call you up for your panel with Misha. And you,” he turned to Y/N, “need to come with me while I got a quick ten minutes and figure out where we are going tonight if there’s time. There are a few clubs we gotta hit between tonight and tomorrow.”

“Can you just give us a minute, Rob?” Jensen asked him, and yet, his eyes still didn’t waver from Y/N’s gaze.  

“Uh, sure. I’ll be right over there, Y/N.” He looked hesitantly between them, and quietly stepped back and around the corner.

Jensen cleared his throat and turned back to her, unable to disguise just how nervous he was. “About what happened… I wanna, I mean, we should talk, but I do gotta go right now--”

“Right, of course,“ she said, taking a step back from him and suddenly scared to say what she wanted to. “We can do it another time.”

“Later, you’re scouting bands tonight with Rob? Sounds fun. Maybe if you’re not back too late--”

“Mr. Ackles!”

A small blonde haired woman popped her head from around the other end of the hallway and waved frantically for him to come.

“I gotta run,” he said but took a beat to hold her gaze a little longer. It took the impatient little woman at the end of the hallway calling him again, to get his feet moving.

Jensen took a few steps in the direction he had to go, then turned to face her as he walked backward down the corridor. He chuckled nervously and Y/N felt a rush of relief when she realized he seemed truly happy to see her.

“Don’t go far, okay? The panel only lasts about an hour. Maybe we could talk after?  I’d really like too--”

“Jensen, please, the panel is starting!” The woman was pleading with him now.

“I’ll be around, Hollywood. Come find me,” she shrugged, trying to be calm, cool and casual. Y/N held back as best she could, but Jensen got the idea that she was happy to see him, too.

“You got it, Trix. I’ll come to find you.” The corner of his mouth pulled up into a smirk, and as he continued to walk away from her, Y/N could hear his happy chuckle fade down the hallway. Just before he turned and disappeared completely, he paused and gave Y/N a wink before heading off to his panel.

When he had disappeared around the far corner, she sighed heavily and laughed to herself, completely overcome with relief. A moment later she heard Robbie walk up behind her and clear his throat.

“Everything go ok?” he asked hesitantly.

Y/N nodded. “Yeah,” she said and did her best to stow the overwhelming relief she had over that encounter with Jensen. “I think we’ll be good.”

“Good,” Robbie said and slung his arm over her shoulders. “Now, let’s talk about the weekend, shall we?” He turned her around and guided her in the opposite direction.

The panel, one that he normally loved doing, felt like an eternity on that particular Saturday afternoon. Jensen and Misha answered questions, engaged in their usual banter, and of course, made a room of hundreds of people scream and laugh with delight. He did his best to maintain his normal energetic vibe, but even Misha could see that his mind just wasn’t in the game.

Instead, Jensen’s mind was firmly stuck on Y/N.

She was there, in the same city, in the same hotel just a few hundred feet away. All he wanted to do was go and see her, talk to her, hash this dumb shit out that made them lose three months of getting closer; three months of seeing her smile, hearing her voice and getting to know more about her.

Jensen was pissed at himself for weeks after New Year’s Day. Regardless of whether he had the right to be upset at her or not, he reverted to his petty and childish demeanor, where women were concerned, and he beat himself up for it. His knee jerk reaction to her running out had everything to do with Dee, and not so much Y/N herself. He needed to tell her that’s why he lied about something so stupid to avoid her. Y/N would understand… that’s what made her different.

Y/N had made the effort, hadn’t she? She came to leave the envelope, and in it was her plea to talk to him. She wanted to explain herself, but at that moment he just couldn’t let her. Then she ran back to New Jersey so fast, which initially made him angry. But it didn’t take him long to realize that she’d been through just as much bullshit with her past as he had, and instead of being angry, he should try and sympathize.

Weeks later he happened to talk to Rob who’d mentioned in passing that he had a FaceTime call with Y/N. It had been in the middle of the snowstorm towards the end of January that she told Rob she would be coming back to Austin. That wasn’t all though, was it? As Jensen sat on the panel stage, and half listened to Misha tell a story about his daughter that made the crowd roar with laughter, he was thinking about the guy hanging out with Y/N while she was home; the one Robbie saw in the background that day. As if on cue, he laughed at Misha’s story, joining in with the rest of the ballroom, but on the inside, he was simmering with jealousy.

Jensen wondered if that was the same “old friend” that showed up at her place on Christmas, and of course, couldn’t help but be curious if that guy was part of why she’d run out on him. Swallowing down the bile that rose in his throat, he continued on with his Q&A with the fans and tried to forget it for the time being.

Finally, the panel had come to an end, with it also being their last panel of the day. Misha was escorted to his last set of photo ops, while Jensen was able to head back to the green room, hoping that he would once again bump into Y/N.

The hallway where he had left her was now empty, as was the green room. He considered calling her and asking where she was, but instead texted Rob and asked if they were still together.

<<Hey man, is Y/N still with you?

>>Nah, she went to check a few places out while it was still light out. She’ll be back for SNS.

Jensen sighed and sent back a quick reply, then tucked his phone away and headed back to his own room to get ready for that night’s concert.

Louden Swain took the stage around nine that night. They played through a few of their originals, and then a handful of covers with some of the cast. Jensen knew he’d go up for a couple of songs, but he was holding out until the end so he could catch Y/N.

“Hey handsome,” Bri greeted, coming up alongside where Jensen was sitting, startling him out of his thoughts. “How’d your day go today?”

“Great,” he said with a tired smile. “Long day though. How about you?”

“Oh you know, fantastic. Kim and I kicked ass. Had some great ops… a cocktail or two in between. You know, the usual.”

“That’s my girl,” he teased and then perked up thinking she could help him. “Any chance you’ve seen Y/N around?”

“Yes! Earlier today when she first came in, then about five minutes ago. She’ll be here in a second, why? Got something you need to say to her? Hmmmm?” Bri raised one perfectly manicured brow at him, challenging him to open up a bit more.

“Yes. Actually, I do.”

“Good boy. I know she wants to talk to you too--” From the stage, Bri heard her cue to go up with Robbie for her song. “Look, she’s around. Talk. To. Her. Then, keep her close, I’m gonna need her.” She wiggled her brows and stuck her tongue out playfully before bounding up the short set of steps that would take her backstage.

Jensen chuckled as she disappeared behind the curtain and out to the roar of applause from the crowd. He tried to think of what he would be doing that night with the band. Jason was playing too, and they talked about The Joker and maybe Whipping Post. He closed his eyes and ran through both songs, half hearing Robbie and Bri singing “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around” coming from the stage. He certainly didn’t hear Y/N and she came from around the corner and stood in front of him.

“Hey stranger,” she said softly. Despite the music coming from close behind him, he heard her perfectly.

Jensen opened his eyes and thought maybe he was just imagining her there. She looked different than she had earlier. Gone was her T-shirt and ripped jeans, a look that he really loved on her. Now she wore the tight blue jeans and knee-high boots with a black and white, long sleeve peasant-style blouse that was loosely tied at the neck and open enough to accentuate her cleavage. Jensen had a split-second thought about what she had on beneath it before he was able to make himself speak again.

“Hey yourself,” he breathed, standing up from the platform he was sitting on. “How’s your, uh, you know, how’s it--”

“I’m good, Jay. Robbie asked me to come back for the concert. Glad you stuck around. Are you going up there tonight?”

Jensen nodded, suddenly tongue-tied and unsure of what to say.

“They sound great,” Y/N motioned towards the stage and took a few steps closer. “That’s a great song.”

“It is,” he said, but needed to say more and was tired of waiting. “Y/N,” he paused and waited for her to face him. She did, and he could tell she knew what he was about to say. “About New Year’s…”

“Jay, wait. Before you say anything… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for running away like I did. I shouldn’t have--”

“It's okay. I shouldn’t have lied about the stupid movie. It was all so…”

“Stupid?”

“Childish. I guess I could give you a laundry list of reasons--”

“But they wouldn’t matter,” she said quietly and cast her gaze down to her feet. When she looked up at him again, he saw something in her face that made him relax and understand she wanted to move on as badly as he did.

“Yeah. Can we just,” he sighed and shrugged, “just get back to being friends?”

“Yes. I want that, more than anything,” she sighed in relief.

“Good,” he breathed and took a hesitant step closer to her. Y/N stepped in and put her arms around his neck to hug him. Though it took him by surprise, he didn’t waste a second in returning the embrace. She felt so good in his arms as they snaked their way around her waist. It took a lot of willpower on his part to stop himself from nuzzling his face into her neck and drawing in a deep breath of her scent.

From the stage, the music shifted and while the band kept playing, Bri popped her head through the curtain and saw Y/N with Jensen.

“Hate to break up this very much needed moment, but Y/N, I need you up here please.”

Jensen reluctantly released her and saw the scheming look in Briana’s eyes. He narrowed his gaze at her, and she just slyly winked. “Come on slowpoke! They’re waiting.”

“Who’s waiting?” she asked, looking curiously between Jensen and Bri.

“Everyone…” Bri replied and swept back the curtain so Y/N could see the audience.

“What? Oh no, I didn’t--I’m not--”

“You are, and you can. Come on, lady! Time to get your cute little ass up here and sing on stage with me and Robbie.”

Y/N looked to Jensen to save her, but he just shook his head. “Oh no, I’m with Bri on this one. Like I’d ever pass up a chance to watch you on stage.”

Realizing she was being ganged up on, Y/N sighed as her chin fell to her chest in defeat and she made her way up the small set of stairs. “I hate you both,” she chided and both Bri and Jensen rolled their eyes.

Jensen watched from backstage as she got up next to Robbie who was on the mic and introduced Y/N to the crowd. When he spoke about the Brewfest the crowd cheered, and it was the first time Jensen understood just how much work she’d been putting into it, not just into organizing things, but getting the word out to the public about the upcoming event.

Robbie leaned over and whispered something in her ear, Y/N nodded and faced the crowd, giving them a wave. Jensen saw how they seemed to love her already and they hadn’t even heard her sing yet. Robbie faced the band and signaled the next song as the familiar beat of Heart’s “What About Love” kicked in.

Y/N started to sing, and Jensen felt his knees go weak. It had been a while, too long he would say if someone had asked him since he had heard her sing. She fell right into the groove with the band, completely unaware of how sexy and majestic she was on the stage. Bri was beside her, sharing the verses and singing harmonies together. They blended effortlessly with Robbie’s voice, too. Y/N held the notes and used her strong bravado to carry them out, once again making the crowd go wild.

Hints of jealousy filled Jensen, but not because of the reaction she was garnering, but because he wasn’t on stage next to her. How could he have not sung with her yet? At least strummed a guitar while she sat across from him, her tender pitch humming along with whatever he was playing. It suddenly became of utmost importance to him to share a stage with her, but for now, he just hung back and relished in the way her voice made him feel. Anyone that saw him watching her would know that he was so clearly infatuated with this girl, and almost nothing would have pulled him away.  

As the song wound towards the end, Jason breezed past Jensen, smacking his shoulder along the way.

“Almost ready, brother? Gonna kick it off with ‘The Joker’, right?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah! Just like we said, call me in when you’re ready.”

“You got it!” Jason replied before running out on the stage.

Jason handled the first chorus, and during the musical interlude, he brought Jensen up and he easily slipped into the version of himself he brought out on the Saturday Night Specials. He noticed that Briana and Y/N were still up there, yet off towards stage right, and singing along with the chorus of the song. Jensen casually strolled in their direction, just feeling the need to be as close to Y/N as possible. The moment the music came back around to where he picked up the song, happened to be the same moment that Jensen walked around behind her, then was at her side. Without giving it a second thought, he draped his arm around her shoulders and sang the lines directly to her… their eyes locked as if he was speaking solely to Y/N and not to a room of hundreds of people.

“You’re the cutest thing I ever did see…

Really love your peaches wanna shake your tree

Lovey-dovey lovey-dovey lovey-dovey all the time...

Oooey baby I sure show you a good time…”

The song played on, and eventually, he moved back across the stage and sang out to the crowd. But the expression that came to rest on her face was not something he would ever forget. He caught glimpses of her smiling as her eyes followed across the stage. He liked how it felt for her to watch him; he felt uninhibited and free to be himself.

When it was over, he was disappointed as Bri grabbed Y/N’s hand now that their turn on stage was done. They waved to the audience and the band transitioned into “Whipping Post” while they exited through the back.

As Jensen belted out line after line of The Allman Brothers song, he wished Y/N had stayed out there with them and secretly hoped she was watching from backstage. Thank God he was singing a song he knew without having to think about because all his mind could really focus on was how good it felt to have her back around. At that moment, Jensen had felt better than he had in a very long time. 

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[benedictshurley]

Positive : Part 11

The long awaited next part is here! I usually post this on Fridays but i’m really proud of this part and I don’t want to wait. In other news, this fic and all my others (like 3 one shots) will be backed up to my ao3, collinscosmicentity. I will continue to post on both as much as I can. Enjoy!

Summary: Reader goes to the album release party and things don’t go well

Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader  

Word Count: 3,035

Warnings: angsty af, rob’s finally not being stupid, marnie’s a b**ch but what else is new, swearing, fluff, panic attack

Disclaimer: this is pure FICTION. I mean no harm or hurt to the Benedict family, or others involved. Marnie is Rob’s fictional wife from Kings of Con. I originally used Mollie (his real wife) but ultimately decided to change it as it made me uncomfortable writing about her and his kids.

You were woken up by the feeling of soft lips on the back of your neck. Smiling, you turned over in Stephen’s bed, to face him.

“Well, that’s a nice way to wake up.” You giggle.

Giving you a happy grin, Stephen, pulls you as close as he can with your belly in the way. “So, I was wondering if you’d like to come to the album release tonight?”

As soon as those words left his mouth, you paled. You knew Marnie was going and frankly, that wasn’t something you wanted to deal with. But you couldn’t tell Stephen that she was the reason you didn’t want to go. He’d question why you didn’t like her and you weren’t quite ready to say it was because you got knocked up by her husband.

Coming up with a quick response, you gave him a joking frown. “You want me to go to a bar, when I can’t drink? How cruel.”

Stephen laughed and took your hands in his. “Please? I really want my girlfriend there. I’ll understand if you really don’t want to but it would really mean a lot to me.” He then sticks out his lower lip like a child, which causes you to giggle.

Letting out an exaggerated sigh, you smiled. “I guess I’ll go. But only because you’re cute.”

Stephen raised an eyebrow. “Only because i’m cute huh? I’ll show you cute.”

He begins to tickle your sides and you let out a loud laugh. “Steve!”

He slows for a moment to press a soft kiss to your lips. You return it, placing your hands on his neck.

Pulling back Stephen mumbles in your ear, “I love you.”

Eyes widening, you gently push him off of you. “Gotta pee! You know, baby on bladder.” You quickly got out of the bed and went into the bathroom, to avoid having to say it back. Because you weren’t sure if you could say it, and mean it.

Rob’s POV

“And then, they have the nerve to practically make out in the hallway of the hotel! Who does that?” Rob sat in his desk chair, complaining to Rich about yours and Stephen’s relationship.

“Well, couples usually kiss goodbye Rob. Why do you care so much anyway? It’s not like he’s a threat to her or the baby.”

Gripping the bridge of his nose, Rob sighed. “I’ve said this before. He’s taking my place.”

“As a father or as a lover?”

“What? A father. I-i don’t like her like that!” Rob practically shouted into the phone.

“Rob, you aren’t fooling anyone. We all see the way you look at her. The only one who is blind to it, is you and her! Stop pushing those feelings down. It won’t do any good.” Rich lectured him.

“Rich, I told you, I don’t-” Rich cut him off.

“Stop lying to yourself Rob.”

Groaning, Rob realizes he can’t get out of this. “Okay, I’m in love with her! Happy? I love Y/N! I can’t help it! And yes, seeing her with Stephen is killing me. Because i’m jealous!”

He could practically hear Rich’s smirk through the phone. “And how long have you been in love with her?”

“I don’t know, probably since a couple weeks after Marnie and I separated. I just saw her in a different light. And that night we slept together, was….. one of the best nights of my life.”

Pittcon 2018 - Rob’s POV

There you were. Sitting alone at the bar, because Rich, The band, and him went to talk to some old friends. You looked amazing. Hair slightly curled to give you a nice wave, a gorgeous black dress hugging your body. Ditching the others, he made his way over to you and placed a hand on the small of your back, making you jump in surprise.

After that, you came onto him, which made him tense up in shock. You took that as he wasn’t interested, and started to back off. Rob thought quickly and grabbed your hand back, pulling you close to him and whispering in your ear. “You know if you want me, just tell me, because I want you. So bad.”

You two made love that night. At least, he felt like you did. Then, he woke up the next morning and you were getting dressed to leave. Like you regretted it. So, his barriers went up. He said it was a mistake, that it shouldn’t have happened. He’ll never forget how hurt you looked, and the tears that were welling in your eyes as you left his room. Rob fought every urge to chase after you, because he knew if he did, his feelings would spill out and possibly ruin everything.

-Present-

As Rob thought about that night, he held the ultrasound of his daughter in his hand. It felt like there was a 500 pound weight on his shoulders. He made a mistake that day. Not telling you how he felt. Instead, he got back with a person who made him unhappy. He made a mistake, and now he’s paying the price.

Readers POV

You arrived about 10 minutes before the show was set to start. You almost stayed home and made up an excuse, but you couldn’t do that to Stephen. As you entered the green room, you could see Stephen’s eyes light up. As you were being greeted by everyone, you noticed Rob and Marnie in the corner of the room by themselves, purposefully ignoring you.

You didn’t have time to feel hurt by Rob ignoring you, because Stephen had made his way over to you, giving you a light kiss on the lips and resting his hands on your hips. Pulling back from the kiss, Stephen gave you a giant smile.

“I really appreciate you coming. I promise I’ll bring you back when you can drink again.”

“You better.” you tell him, in a joking manner.

Your eyes couldn’t help but wander over to Rob, with Marnie perched in his lap. His jaw was clenched, as his eyes bore into the both of you. If looks could kill, you were positive that you and Stephen would be dead. The only question was, why was he acting like this?

You couldn’t dwell on it, because you were being ushered out into the main part of the bar to enjoy the show. Finding a secluded corner, you sat at one of the tables, waiting for the show to start.

Soon, the concert was in full swing, and everyone was enjoying themselves. You tried to focus on your boyfriend, but your eyes kept drifting to Rob. The way he looked, his voice.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Marnie, who was well on the track to drunk. She was sick of you and this whole situation. She hated you, even more so since she heard Rob’s admission of feelings earlier in the day. You waltzed into their life, and took her husband away from her. Downing the rest of her drink, she kept her eyes on you, a plan forming in her mind, to get you away from Rob for good.

Almost towards the end of the concert, you felt small kicks from inside of you. This was the first time they were this prominent. You teared up, because it was almost like she knew that her father was singing. The kicks continued until the music stopped, and they slowed to a stop.

After they took a bow, they made their way into the crowd of fans. Getting off of your seat in the back of the bar, you stood against the wall, smiling as they all interacted with their fans. Rob noticed you alone in the back and slipped away, walking towards you.

“Enjoy the show?” He asked as he reached you.

“I did. You guys were amazing. I’m so proud of you. All of you, i mean.” You replied.

After looking around for moment, Rob was thankful all the fans were either shuffling out or preoccupied with the other guys. He quickly placed a hand on your stomach and leaned into your ear.

You breath quickened slightly as you felt his breath on your ear, but you told yourself to hold it together. He probably just wanted to say something about the baby.

“Thanks for the copies of the ultrasound.” He whispered in your ear, removing his hand from your stomach as some of the fans were looking for him and he had to go back to the main crowd.

As he left your immediate vicinity, you relaxed slightly, thankful no one noticed how close he was. Or so you thought.

Marnie was watching the whole exchange. She was done. At first, her plan seemed horrible and she thought she couldn’t do it. But seeing how close you two were and the alcohol in her system, convinced her it was the right thing to do. It’d hurt you, and maybe Rob but that wasn’t a thought she wanted to think about. He’d forgive her. She just wanted to hurt you.

You and Stephen were talking to a couple fans, when Marnie went up on the stage, and tapped the microphone.

Everyone was confused, including Rob. He quickly made his way to the edge of the stage and through gritted teeth, he spoke. “What are you doing?”

Shrugging him off, Marnie continued with her plan. “Hi, everyone. Can I have your attention? I’m Marnie Benedict. Robbie’s wife.” Her words slightly slurred.

“Marnie get down! You’re drunk!” Rob whisper-yelled.

Rolling her eyes, she focuses on you in the back. “You know, since i’m his wife, he should love me right?” laughing, she continues. “Well, he doesn’t. He’s in love with Y/N! Crazy right? Being in love with a homewrecker?”

Your jaw dropped, and your face went red, having a feeling about where this was headed. “She wouldn’t tell everyone. Not here. Not now.”

Stephen looked at you, confused. “What is she talking about?”

Stuttering, the room felt like it was getting smaller. “I-i”

Laughing at your struggle, Marnie sipped her drink, completely ignoring Rob’s pleas for her to get down.

“Marnie please. Don’t do this. This isn’t who you are.” Rob begged.

“No, no Robbie. I need to tell them. After all, they’re your loyal fans, don’t they deserve to know the truth?”

Needless to say, everyone was confused about what she was talking about, but they still were recording Marnie’s outburst.

“See, Rob and Y/N slept together! At a convention of all places! And guess what? She got pregnant! So all your little theories about Steve being the dad are wrong. Rob’s the father. Have fun with that. Feel free to post anything I said all over social media. I don’t care.” Finishing off her drink, she left the stage with a smirk on her face.

You were mortified. All eyes were on you, seemingly waiting for a response. Stephen stepped in front of you, visibly nervous. “Why aren’t you denying it? It’s not true right?”

You could feel your chest tightening. “I-i can’t deny it. I’m sorry. I have to go.” Turning on your heel, you pushed your way through the people, until the air of the outside hit your face. The cool air, contrasted heavily to the hot salty tears running down your face. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. Forcing yourself to walk, you started walking toward your car.

You could feel your phone going off like crazy. Apparently, it was already all over social media. Turning your phone off, you were almost to where you parked, when you heard Stephen calling your name.

You wanted to run, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t face him. You didn’t want to face him. Stephen caught up with you and grabbed your upper arm gently, making you face him. His features softened when he saw your tear stained cheeks.

“So, Rob’s the father. Why didn’t you tell me Y/N? I would’ve understood.”

“I didn’t want you to think less of me. That I was a whore. But, so much for that huh?” You tried to laugh, but it came out forced and raspy.

“I don’t think you’re a whore. No matter what she says, I would never think of you like that. How did this even happen?”

Sniffling, you looked at your feet, finding yourself unable to look him in the eyes. “It was a one night thing. It just happened. Then, I found out I was pregnant. It happened while they were separated. I would never sleep with someone who’s taken.”

“Do you have feelings for him?” Stephen’s voice was quiet, almost as if he was afraid of the answer.

“I-i don’t know. Stephen i’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to find out like this. I should have told you right away, but I just panicked and hid it from so many people. I-i understand if you want to break up with me. Just do it, I can take it.” You were on the verge of hyperventilating.

Cupping your cheeks in his hands, Stephen made you look at him. Using his thumbs to wipe away your tears, Stephen pressed a soft kiss against your forehead.

“I’m not going to break up with you. I don’t care if Rob’s the father. I love you and want to be with you. Please calm down. It’s not good for the baby.”

You tried hard to relax but it seemed like you were only making it worse. Pulling you into his arms, Stephen stroked your hair, trying to calm you.

Your tears slowed, as you relaxed into his chest, trying to get as close to him as you could with your stomach in the way.

Pulling back from the hold, Stephen took your hand in his. “Let’s get you home.”

Rob’s POV, Right after Y/N ran out.

Rob was fuming. How could his wife do this? Grabbing her arm, he pulled Marnie into the green room and slammed the door.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! How could you do this?!”

Rolling her eyes, Marnie crosses her arms. “She’s taking me away from you! I heard you Rob! You love her! How do I compete with that?” Tears filled her eyes, but Rob didn’t care.

“You didn’t have to compete! You were my wife. You probably just ruined both of our reputations. Did you even think about how this would affect me? The man you claim to love?” Rob spat.

Looking down, Marnie’s face flushed. “N-no. I’m sorry Rob. I wasn’t thinking, I just wanted to get her away from you.”

Laughing humorlessly, Rob headed towards the door. “Well congratulations, the only person you pushed me away from, was yourself. I’m done. I want a divorce.”

“N-no! Rob, you can’t leave me! What about Tyler?” Marnie cried out.

“He’ll be better off with two happy homes than one miserable one.” Rob walked out, exiting the bar to find you, only to be just in time to see you and Stephen get into your car and drive off. Groaning in anger, Rob punched the wall, his knuckles immediately getting scraped against the brick.

“Fuck!” Rob screamed out.

“Rob.” Billy put his hand on Rob’s shoulder.

Turning to face his other two bandmates who were completely clueless, Rob grunted. “I’m sorry. She ruined the album release.”

“Who gives a damn Rob. What the hell is she talking about? Y/N’s baby is yours?” Mike asked.

Explaining the whole situation, Billy and Mike, thankfully understood. Getting into Rob’s car, which was already packed with the instruments, Rob drove Billy and Mike home, before going to your house. Your car was parked in the driveway, and Rob sighed in relief.

Going to your door, he knocked with his non-scraped hand. Rob thought he was going to pass out from anger when Stephen opened the door instead of you.

“I need to see Y/N.”

Crossing his arms, Stephen blocked Rob from entering. “She’s resting. I don’t think she wants to see you. Especially after tonight.”

Clenching his jaw, Rob’s nails dug into his palms. “It wasn’t my fault Stephen! I had no idea she was going to do that. Marnie just went off!”

Scoffing, Stephen glared at him. “Well, you could’ve done a lot more than just stand there like an idiot, while she dragged Y/N through the mud!”

“You don’t know anything about this Stephen! Back off!” Rob spat.

“I know enough that this amount of stress freaked her out so much, she had to make sure the baby was fine! She was so worried that a second stress episode, both caused by you, would hurt the baby! Just go home to your wife, and come back tomorrow.”

“I’m not going anywhere until I see her. I need to make sure she’s okay.”

Readers POV

Coming down the stairs after you heard Rob’s voice, you stood with your hand on your stomach. “I’m fine. We both are. Please go.”

“Y/N you have to believe me, I swear I had no idea she was going to do that.” Rob cried out.

“Okay. I’m still saying please go. I’m exhausted and I just want to sleep.”

“But-” Stephen cut Rob off.

“But nothing, man. She said go.”

Giving Stephen a harsh glare, he complies with your wishes and turns on his heel, leaving and driving away.

Sighing, you turn to go back upstairs, holding your hand out for Stephen to come with.

Once you two are settled in bed, Stephen wraps an arm around you, quickly falling asleep. You lay awake for a couple hours, when you get a text, your phone lighting up the dark room.

Wiggling out of Stephen’s grip, you grabbed it and opened your messages. Of course it was from Rob. He was probably apologizing.

Your eyes teared up when you read the actual text.

Locking your phone without replying, your heart was beating fast. Rob loved you. Trying to push it out of your mind, you turned around and got comfortable, leaning more into Stephen’s grip.

“When did my life become such a mess?” You sighed, closing your eyes and falling into a dreamless sleep.

Positive Taglist~ @natasha-cole @kocswain @missihart23 @wontlookaway @shanghai88 @itsfunnierin-enochian @rblstrash @burningrupture @sherlockedtash88 @tas898 @lullabylike

[alleiradayne]

SPN MinnCon Day 3

You know what, I’m pulling the I-just-gave-birth-to-a-tiny-helpless-human card. That’s why I didn’t get back to this sooner. Also my mom and aunt were in town helping out a ton but it also kept me away from Tumblr most days.

So. MinnCon Day 3. This day was the day for me. I had been looking forward to the whole weekend for months. But truly, this day was something that I had been freaking out about for about two weeks for two reasons. 1.) Jared Photo Op. 2) Jared 30 Minute Meet and Greet.

I’ll preface this with the fact that I am a dyed-in-the-wool Jared/Sam stan. I cannot get enough of him and his smile and his sense of humor and his hair and his compassion and his empathy and his brain and his eyes. Okay, yeah, I love the 6′4″ mansuit he inhabits, too.

When you read this, you’re going to see a lot of Jared. A decent bit of Jensen, too (I took a lot of pictures of him). But I’ll be writing a lot more about Jared. Except for the meet and greets. Which... ugh, I wish I could tell you guys about his 30 minute meet and greet as well as his 10 minute for VIP. But I can’t. :(

Buckle up bitches, this shits long...

It was the first picture I took.

The day started out with the Gold Panel. If you haven’t seen it yet, my fellow VIP’er, Sue, gave Jared a thing of cupcakes when he called on her for a question and she didn’t have one ready. So she asked him if he wanted a cupcake. There’s rules about giving them food; I guess they’re not supposed to take it, but Jared was like, “Uh shit yeah I want a cupcake.”

He was only supposed to take one for each of them. But I don’t think he could hear her very well. So he took the whole thing. I was supposed to eat one of those fucking cupcakes.

And then:

CUPCAKEPOCALYPSE

It went on for several minutes. Jared dropped the cupcakes (THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO EAT) and made a giant mess. A creation staff person came out to help, a fan offered baby wipes, and Jensen had to help clean Jared’s face.

“Help a brother out, man.”

“You are beyond help.”

Brothers. I swear.

Questions were fun and it was during this panel that I could tell that the day would be distinctly different from previous con’s Sundays. We all know Jared is quite a bit more talkative than Jensen. But today, that would not be the case. Someone put a quarter in Jensen...

He’s so pretty.

Again, I’m not sure what someone said (I know I could go watch the video but, time) but Jensen busted out the imaginary popcorn.

And then there were more wonderful pictures of Jared.

See. Lots of Jared.

If you want to see ALL of the pictures I took (and edited) from the entire weekend:

GO HERE

The flicker album will be available until flickr decides to get rid of free accounts or whatever nonsense Yahoo wants to do with flickr.

After the gold panel I had Jared’s 30 minute meet and greet and his photo op. I was hoping that by waiting to post this, I’d have my .jpg from Chris, but I don’t.  The meet and greet was fantastic. There were 20 people in that session, and we drew numbers for seats. I got number 6 which ended up being right in the middle of the front row. I don’t know how I got so fucking lucky...

I got to ask my very weird question and got a very cogent and incredibly self-aware answer that kind of blew me away. And we even had time to sneak in my follow-up, which also resulted in another ridiculously self-aware response. And he remembered these questions because he later brought the topic up again at the 10 minute VIP.

Now the photo op. I’m pretty sure this interaction tops the entire weekend (just sneaking past his autograph and getting a smooch from Rob Benedict). Remember the fact that I’m 37 weeks pregnant. I had no clue what the hell to do for this photo op. I was wearing my self-made maternity “Love Yourself First” t-shirt, all black, with red/black buffalo plaid. I don’t know if it was entirely obvious that I was pregnant as I walked up to Jared for my op.

The VIP folks with his op got to go first. I opted, out of the four of us with his op, to go last. I walked up as Bang A Gong (Get It On) played, and whenever there is music playing, I cannot help but dance a bit. So my dumbass does my white-girl shimmy up to him and he laughed as he did his own short dance, but then proceeded to damn near do the splits to take the picture. I’m 5′4″. He’s 6′4″. I definitely didn’t want to take a picture with my face at his sternum. He knew that.

But other than that I didn’t know what to do. So I told him that. Here’s the conversation:

“Hey. I really don’t know what to do because she’s in the way,” I said as I pointed at my very-much-in-the-way-pregnant-stomach.

Jared’s eyes popped when he looked and then immediately started rubbing my stomach. Now normally, I would not have been okay with some rando touching my pregnant stomach without asking.

Jared Padalecki is not some rando. And he asked, “How far along are you?”

I laughed as I said, “I’m due in three weeks.”

If I thought his eyes popped before, they damn near fell out of his head at that. He replied, “Holy shit, how the fuck are you on your feet?! That is so badass, I can’t believe you’re here!” He held up his hand for a high-five, which I did, and he grabbed my hand to hold on to it. He then asked me my name. I told him and mentioned I’d been to the con last year with my sister and she was sad she couldn’t make it this year. And he then said, “Jeanna, awesome, I’m so sorry your sister couldn’t be here. But, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?” I told him I was great and that I’d been looking forward to this for months even though I’m huge and was really nervous about this photo op.

He then pulled me into him, wrapped his arms around me (like he does for most of his ops) and we took the picture. With his arms still around me, he looked me in the eye and said, “It was wonderful to meet you again. I am so glad you are here and that you’re doing so well. Is this your first?”

“Yup.”

“I am so happy for you, that’s awesome. I remember Gen had the pregnancy glow, you look absolutely stunning, you’re rockin’ it hard. Thank you again for being here. I’ll see you again later in VIP.”

I thanked him and hugged him once more and he kissed the top of my god damn head.

And then I left the photo op room. As I was walking out of the room, a fellow VIP’er was waiting for me and saw me walking out. I think I had the worst dead-eyes face on because she said, “What happened?! Did something go wrong with your op?!”

And I said, “No. It was amazing I’m fucking speechless and don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m forgetting something. I... don’t know what to do all of a sudden.”

“Breathe, honey. You’re forgetting to breathe.”

You’re god damn right I was forgetting to breathe. I mean, this just happened:

I couldn’t have asked for a better photo.

Moving on...

Next was Mark Pellegrino’s panel which was stellar. I love him.

Rob came out eventually and was giving Mark the Dad stare. I kinda wish Rob would look at me like that... eh, @atc74?

And then there was some funny God and His Children interactions.

Such a stellar cast.

And then there was the Jensen and Jared main panel.

Guys. Gals. There are so many fucking pictures I took. Here’s a random sampling:

It was an amazing panel. Like I said someone put a quarter in Jensen and he was just on point this year. Compared to other cons and videos I’ve watched, he really came out of his shell at this event and put on an amazing show with Jared. I absolutely recommend watching all the videos from this convention because they are so worth it.

After the main panel was Mark’s, Jensen’s, and Jared’s 10 minute VIP meet and greets. Holy shit were they great. Again, can’t really talk about them, but I got to sit next to Jared and he doesn’t understand personal space. I’ll leave it at that.

The night ended with autographs. I hit up Jared’s first, which in hindsight wish I’d done last but oh well. I hopped in line and when he saw me he said, “Remind me how long you’ve got?” as he reached out and touched my stomach again. I told him it was three weeks out and he smiled and shook his head as he said, “Damn, you are a fucking trooper. Congratulations again. Keep kickin’ ass.” He signed the photo, thanked me, and I thanked him. Right as I stepped away, he said, “You tweet that baby’s picture right away! I wanna see her face!”

I did tweet a picture, but I don’t think he saw it. That’s okay, I didn’t really think he would.

Jensen was next, who I had sign my J2 op from the previous year with my sister. While signing, his mala bead bracelet got stuck on the table cloth. My first thought was to say, “What did you do, Ray?” in my best Winston impression. And Jensen didn’t miss a beat. “I couldn’t help it. It just popped in there...”

Thanks for knowing your Ghostbusters references, Jensen.

Last but not least was Misha. Aside from his 10-min meet and greet, I’d never really interacted with him. There was a short wait for him as he finished up his Castiel photo ops. My VIP liaison and I were waiting together because she had an op for his auto too. And then he arrived, got settled and waved us over. I had him sign the first op my sister and I ever got from 2016 with Misha and Mark Sheppard. Mark had signed it last year.

And Misha remembered from VIP on Saturday that I was pregnant and asked me about it. When I told him it was a girl, he said, “Oh yeah, you’re gonna love it, it’s stupidly fun. Picked a name yet?” and I told him we decided on Elizabeth. His response was, “How cool, my sister’s name is Elizabeth. You have fun with that baby and don’t listen to anyone. Follow your gut. Science, too. But trust yourself. You got this.”

And then we were done. I went back to the VIP room, helped clean up a bit, gathered my stuff, and headed for my car. The second I walked out of the room, I started crying because... it was over. Everything was done, all the things I’d been looking forward to for months were... done. Just like that, in the blink of an eye, the weekend was behind me.

I’m still not over it. I’m waiting for the next opportunity to meet them all again. I called my sister in that moment of sudden sadness and told her that we absolutely had to do VIP together at Chicago, or hope they come back to Minneapolis soon. I can’t imagine doing a con without VIP again.

And the weekend wouldn’t have been what it was without all the people I met and new friends I made. You’re all wonderful and amazing and I can’t thank you enough for how welcoming you all were.

I hope you all enjoyed reading these. I think I’ll put a master post together to link to all three parts/days and add a link to the flickr album there as well. Thanks again for reading!

[natasha-cole]

That’s What Friends Are For Chapter 8: With Friends Like These

Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader

Chapter Summary: It seems as if everyone that Reader has considered to be a friend is pushing her out of their lives. Decisions are made, no matter how painful they may be.

Word Count: 2964

Warnings: angst, swears

Notes: A short chapter to move things alone. Not a lot of Rob here.

Also, I love the entire cast. They are the sweetest. I don’t honestly think they act this way, but every story needs someone to drive the angst.

Catch Up: Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7

You really didn’t want to be at this convention. You had considered cancelling your appearance altogether. It was bad enough that you and Rob were in such an awkward position with each other, but it also didn’t help that you knew everyone else still had their opinions about you and what had gone on between you and Rob to begin with. The fact that you were no longer talking to him wasn’t going to make you look any better.

You arrived at your hotel anyway, trying to decide the best way to avoid Rob for the weekend. You were still angry and you weren’t even sure what you would be feeling when you had to see him again. You hung out in your room that night, bored and alone. Usually, you’d get together with the rest of the group and do dinner or something; but no one had called or texted at all, which really wasn’t a surprise to you.

You stayed in, ordering room service and watching TV. You held onto a small sliver of hope that someone would call you or text you to hang out. You knew that the few people who had your back weren’t here yet, so you knew deep down that you would be on your own tonight.

Later that night, your phone buzzed with a notification from Twitter and you checked it, seeing that Briana had posted a picture. You hesitantly went to her post and then felt your heart drop. It was a photo of everyone at some restaurant having dinner together. “The gang’s all here!” the caption read. Sure enough, everyone that was always a part of the first day of the cons was there. Everyone except you. You studied the picture for a moment, taking note of how happy everyone looked to be together again; mostly your eyes fell on Rob as you felt your heart break all over again. He looked as if he hadn’t just lost his best friend. He looked like he was enjoying himself just fine without you. You didn’t know why it hurt so much to see him given the way he had treated you, but seeing his face hurt worse than you could have ever imagined. You exited the app, putting your phone aside as you pulled the blankets over your head. You didn’t want to cry; but the frustration and loneliness that you were feeling was really building up.

You didn’t sleep well that night. You thought a lot about how things had gone with Rob. While you had done well in pushing the thoughts from your mind while you were back home, lying here alone in the deafening silence of your hotel room left you vulnerable to the intrusive thoughts. You let it all replay in your head; the way he didn’t hesitate to call you for a hookup after you had given in once. You recalled the phone call in which you told him to fuck off and that you were done with him. You relived the way you had felt when he told you to back off and how he had called you clingy. Mostly, you thought about what it had been like to be with him after so many years. You had been single for so long, losing yourself in trying to meet someone, dating and feeling disappointed with any man that you fell into any sort of intimacy with.

Being with Rob had been a relief given the limited dating scene that you had experienced. You knew that sleeping together had simply been a way for him to move on and get over his ex. For you, even though you didn’t want to admit it, it had felt comforting and… right. You had thought at one point that maybe things could work out differently between you. The sex had been amazing, you felt a connection to him that you hadn’t felt with anyone else that you had encountered during your tireless attempts at dating. Maybe it had been the fact that you were already so close and he was something familiar to you. Maybe you might have started to fall in love with him, thinking that since things had ended for him and Julia, maybe now things would work between the two of you.

Sitting in the green room the next day, you kept to yourself. No one acknowledged you anyway; so you put on headphones and pretended to listen to music to make it look like you weren't a total loser. You waited rather impatiently for the day to start, knowing that you had a busy schedule that would at least keep you busy enough so that you wouldn’t think to much.

You played on your phone, switching between apps mindlessly and nervously now that you could feel occasional stares in your direction. Briana, Kim, and the other guys from the band were sat at a table on the other side of the room; and you knew that they were looking at you. You kept pretending as if you didn’t notice. You might have been better off actually listening to music, but you wanted to be aware if someone was talking to or about you.

The others must have been trying to test you, because you definitely heard your name mentioned as you sat there. You didn’t look up, didn’t even give a hint that you could hear them. Unfortunately, ignoring the situation left them to believe that you really were deaf to their discussion, and it quickly turned into free-range for them to talk about you.

“I can’t believe she’s even here still,” you heard Kim mutter, “After what she did? How can she even show her face anymore.”

“It’s because she has no shame,” Briana added. “Poor Rob obviously doesn’t want her here.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him not talk to her,” you heard Mike say. “They used to be inseparable.”

“Well, I think he’s realized his mistake,” Kim offered. “It’s for the best, him avoiding her.”

“I just can’t believe she did this. She seemed so supportive of the two of them.” Billy spoke up now, sounding a little bit sad as he talked. You’d almost believe that he seemed to be more apprehensive in believing everything than anyone else.

“She was until she realized she was going to lose him,” Briana replied. “I just didn’t think she was the type to break up a relationship just because her friend was caught up in someone who wasn’t her.”

“It’s pretty selfish.” Stephen agreed.

“Well, I don’t think he’s any less guilty of what happened.” Again, Billy sounded as if he might be sticking up for you.

“Maybe not,” Briana agreed, “but he wouldn't have done this if she hadn’t seduced him. We all know that he was always way more into her than she was with him. She just waited until he was happy with someone else to fuck his life up. Obviously she doesn’t care about him that much. You don’t mess up someone’s life if you love them.”

You still didn’t believe the fact that apparently everyone thought Rob had been interested in you as more than a friend. How was it that they all saw this and you never did? You felt your face heat up as you listened to them ramble on. There were a lot of sour words said about you, a lot of disappointment in their voices; at least Billy continued to sound as if he wasn’t one-hundred percent in agreement that all of this was only your fault, or that it had gone the way that everyone else believed it had.

You wanted to cut in, you wanted for them to know the truth finally. You wanted for them to stop hating you and being misinformed about all of this. You almost did say something, until you thought back to how humiliated Rob had been by the fact that he had been cheated on. You knew you couldn’t be the one to talk about why things had ended with Julia. Even though you were furious with him and you devastated by his treatment of you, you still cared for him. Your love for him was more important than saving face with everyone else. You decided to be the bigger person. No matter how badly you wanted to call Briana and everyone else out on their treatment of you, you kept quiet. They were angry with you, you understood that. But you’d be damned if you sunk to their level of pettiness.

During a moment of downtime, you watched as everyone discussed karaoke for the night; who would sing what, what costumes each of them would wear… you said nothing as Matt volunteered himself to wear the tiger costume, the only costume that you ever wore to karaoke. You bit your tongue, still understanding that they were gradually trying to push you out.

“The tiger is your costume,” Rich said to you. For some reason, he didn’t appear to be upset by you or your presence here.

“Yeah, I mean, I always do that one.”

“Matt, maybe you should do something else,” Rich said as he glanced to Matt.

“It’s okay,” you blurted out, “I’m not going to karaoke. I’m uh- not feeling well.”

“Too bad,” Briana mumbled.

You blushed, noticing the snark laced in her voice as she spoke. You glanced over to Rob out of habit, but the man was doing well in pretending that you weren’t there.

You wanted him to look at you. You wanted him to acknowledge that you were still here. Yes, he was going through some things, but you wanted him to recognize that you were hurting as well; and most of that hurt stemmed from the way that he had treated you.

When the discussion shifted to the concert, you perked up sightly. SNS was always a treat, it was the one night that you all made sure you were involved in. You had found yourself during your first performance when you had joined the show and the con circuit. Music was one thing that you and Rob shared a love for, and he had supported you in pursuing it a little more than you had ever considered. You singing with the band on stage was just something that was expected now. There was never a convention in which you sat on the sidelines.

As the set-list was discussed, you of course being excluded from the conversation, you quickly learned that this would be the first time you would sit on the sidelines. The realization hit you hard as you paid attention to the fact that the set-list was pretty much ready to go, and you were no longer included on it.

Before the meeting ended, you hastily gathered your belongings and darted from the room. You felt humiliated and alone. You felt angry and sad. You decided to call it a day since you were done with your responsibilities for now. You needed to be alone, and nobody objected as you left.

The last day, it was more of the same. You had been left out of karaoke, rejected from the concert, and continued to wander alone as you made your way to photo ops and autographs and panels. It was as if you were in a dream most of the time and everyone in that dream didn’t see you.

At the end of the day, you sat alone for some time until a familiar face approached you. You smiled up at Mark as he joined you. It felt strange really to have someone take notice that you still existed.

“And why are you sitting over here all alone?” Mark asked as he took a seat next to you.

“I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, but literally everyone is going out of their way to avoid me this weekend.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. The whole thing with Rob, right?”

“I’m beginning to think that everyone still believes that he cheated on Julia with me and I’m the reason his engagement ended. Everyone still thinks I’m a homewrecker.”

“You could just tell them the truth,” he replied, “screw what Rob thinks.”

“Yeah, I guess I could. But, I’m not sure that anyone would believe me over sweet, innocent Rob.”

“So, what? You just sit here all alone every convention weekend? You let them drive you out of all of the extra stuff? You allow them to give you looks and talk about you? I’ve seen it, you know. I’ve been hearing everything. I try to tell them that they’re misinterpreting the situation, but no one seems to care.”

“See, it’s not worth it,” you chuckled. “Thanks for having my back though.”

“Even Rob isn’t talking to you,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, we sort of had a falling out.”

“Over what?” He looked at you sympathetically, waiting as you considered how to word this.

“I’ll just say… it’s best to stay friends with your friends. Taking things any further is a mistake and it ruins things.”

“Hmm, that’s very misleading. I thought the two of you didn’t do the things that everyone is saying you did.”

“I didn’t hook up with him while he was in relationship. I was simply a good friend who was there for my best friend when his relationship ended.”

“Ah, that makes more sense. Still, you should probably clear the air,” he insisted. “Otherwise, it’s going to get more lonely when you’re sitting in a corner by yourself every other weekend.”

“Nothing to worry about. This is my last convention.”

He stared at you in disbelief. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, I’m done with all of this. I have a used-to-be best friend who used me and now doesn’t talk to me, a bunch of I-thought-they-were friends who talk about me and treat me like shit, probably a lot more ex-fans who say and do even worse. What’s the point?”

“You don’t have to do that. I still like you. Ruth and Osric still like you.”

“I’ve already talked to the organizers. Luckily I’m not contractually binded to these things, so I was able to back out easily.”

“What about the show?” He asked quietly. You studied him, realizing that he already knew your answer.

“I’m finishing out the season, then I’m done. I think they wanted to kill me off anyway, it works out for everyone.”

“Oh, Y/N,” he sighed, shaking his head when you finished speaking.

“It’s fine. I’m just going to move on to other things. Hopefully better things.”

“It won’t be the same without you.”

“It’s not the same now,” you said with a forced smile. You felt yourself tear up and Mark looked at you sadly. He said nothing else; he simply wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him so that he could hold you. You let yourself cry silently, not wanting to bring attention to yourself, but knowing that at least he would comfort you. If nothing else, at the end of it all, you knew that a few people would care.

As the con came to a close, you wasted no time in collecting your things and heading out of the last green room you would ever share with these people. You took a brief moment to look around before you walked out, stopping on the faces of the people that you had grown to love and know; the same people who you had lost just as easily. None of them knew that you were done, they certainly wouldn’t care either. You let out a sigh, turning to leave finally. You admit you felt a bit of regret and heartache as you walked away, but you knew that no one would miss you.

Once you boarded your flight, you took solace in the fact that you would at least be going home for a while to be alone without having your friends ignore you and talk about you. You could finally be alone without scrutiny and without having to see Rob’s face every day.

You stared out the window of the plane, just thinking to yourself even though you didn’t really want to. You were lost for a moment until you remembered that you had to put your phone on airplane mode. You got your phone out, making the move to shut it off when you noticed that you had a text message. No one had texted you in days, so you opened it only to see that it was from Rob. you hesitated, wondering if you really wanted to hear from him again. You wondered what other horrible things he had to say to you. You opened the text and read it, confused and angry at the fact that he was still acting this way.

Rob: Are you okay? You seemed off this weekend.

That was it. Just a general observation that downplayed the fact that you were miserable. It was almost friendly, despite the fact that you knew this friendship was over. You were certain that he knew that too. You thought about answering him; telling him that you were not okay and that it was his fault. You were angry at the way he kept on acting oblivious to all of this. Everyone hated you and you knew damn well that he saw that.

Again, you chose not to stoop to that level. You shut your phone down, tossing it in your bag as you propped a pillow up against the window. You steadied your breathing as you felt your chest ache again, reminding yourself that it wasn't worth it to keep letting him play games with you. He could easily say terrible things to you, ignore you for weeks; you could do the same.

Tag List: @destielschild @sorenmarie87 @smoothdogsgirl @kocswain @culturebay @itsfunnierin-enochian @typicalweirdbookworm @angelsandhuntersgalore @riversong-sam @emoryhemsworth @hunterpuff @camelotandastronauts @laffytaffyhumor @cyrilconnelly @jpadjackles @waywardswain @sirraxa @thewordsmithofhell @atc74 @shanghai88 @onlyanothersocialcasualty  @chocolategate  @sleepylunarwolf @perksofbeingafangirl26

[writing-in-the-impala]

Hey Darling: Part 5

Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader Misha Collins x reader

Series Summary: You’re new to conventions but it’s okay because you meet some pretty amazing people, including Rob Benedict.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, suggested smut

Word Count: 2894

A/N: I’m posting this from my phone because I don’t have access to a computer right now so yeah I'm using the Tumblr app which isn't too great. Also there’s massive paragraphs because on moblile Tumblr there’s a stupid 100 text blocks per post limit.

Part 4 | HEY DARLING MASTERLIST (if a part is missing or the link doesn't work just search #hey darling on my blog)

The flight was long but you spent most of it asleep when you landed it was late in Friday night because you couldn't fly in on Thursday due to filming and you didn't want to take the early flight, when you arrived at the hotel you and Misha said bye and went straight to your own rooms. You decided to open up the "g-spot" group chat and see what the girls have been talking about.

-- 20:03--

Bri: Has everyone got their stuff for Karaoke on?

Kim: Ruth and I are already downstairs we're waiting for you Bri

Bri: I'll be there in 3

Kim:

Look how hot Rob looks in this pumpkin Suit just for you Y/N

Bri: Wait is it official yet?

Kim: Y/N ?

Kim: Y/N is probably still on the plane

Bri: Damn missing her hot Robbie

Bri:Happy early birthday y/n have this sexy beast and I’m not just talking about Ruth ;)

-- 22:43--

Ruth: Where's the after party?

Kim: Brian's room, room 127

Bri: Yeah my room bring drinks!

Kim: I'll be there in a min babe

Bri: Okay, Rich, the band and Matt are here Rob is coming after he checks if Y/N has landed ( Y/N have you landed?) and Adam + David went to the shop to buy drinks

Ruth: I have some drinks in my room I'm coming to your room

You decided to text Misha and ask him if he's going to Brian's room for drinks.

You: Mish you going for the after karaoke drinks with the group?

Daddy Misha: Sure when?

You: Well 20 minutes ago everyone was on their way, I was thinking I'll go to buy some drinks and then go

Daddy Misha: I'll do the same wanna go together?

You: Sure, I'm ready when you are

Misha and you quickly went to but a six pack of beer each before going to surprise everyone in Briana's room. You knocked on the door, you and Misha with great big smiles as Kim opened the door and then squealed in joy. "Fuck guys I didn't expect this, this is so fucking awesome." She exclaimed hugging the two of you. "Hello to you too." Misha said and at that moment you realised his hand was on your back so you shifted your weight uncomfortably and he moved his hand. You walked in and greeted everyone and then you noticed Rob on the bed laying down balancing a beer on his forehead as Rich took a photo. You picked up the beer from his forehead surprising both of them. "Thanks for holding my beer." You said with a smug smile as you watched Rob's expression change from surprised to happy, he quickly stood up from the bed and embraced you in a long hug. "Hi." Hi breathed out. "Robbie are you going to let her go so I can say hi?" Rich asked and Rob let you go rolling his eyes. "Hi." You and Rich said in unison sharing a short hug.

"You said you'd ring when you arrive at the hotel." Rob said quietly. "I know but the girls and I have a group chat and they said that everyone is coming here so I thought I'd surprise you."

"Well it's definitely a great surprise." Rob said. You stayed for another hour, most of the time you spent lying on Briana's bed next to Rob and Rich, drinking beer. Around one am you decided to go to your room and Rob said he'll walk you there, you walked down the hall way holding hands until you for to your room. "It's here." You said stopping at the door. "Okay, well then I'll see you tomorrow morning, have a amazing night."

"See you in the morning Robbie." You said before the two of you kissed and Rob left to go to his room. The next day was busy yet again you were running around from place to place, luckily you did have some time to sit in the greenroom and relax. You were sitting at a table on your phone, Rob was sitting next to you on his phone and Rich was opposite you on his phone too, all of you on your phone in silence.

"Hey Bobbo." Rich said breaking the silence but Rob didn't look up. "I see you." Rich continued and Rob looked up to see Rich filming.

"Oh Jesus." Rob said putting his phone down on his lap and resting his head on his hand. "You know who else sees you?" Rich asked calmly. "DICKCHAT!" Rich shouted making Rob laugh and shake his head. "Should I ask or?" You asked confused. "It's a thing he does, Snapchats but he calls it dickchat." Rob explained to you. "Right?" You said giving Rich a puzzled look. "Just because my name's Richard, it's not dirty." Rich explained. "Alright ." You said shrugging and looking back at your phone. Not too long after it was time for your panel that surprisingly didn't include any questions about Rob, after you were done with everything you went back to the greenroom tired after everything, you lay down on the couch and drifted off to sleep. You were woken up with Rich shouting "Dick chat." And the first thing you said was "fuck you Rich!" When you woke up. “Sorry Y/N I was recording Bobbo.” Rich said woth an apologetic look. "What you doing Robbie?" You asked sitting up to look at him and he was sitting with his guitar in a chair. "Thinking of a new song." He replied casually. "Oh I want to hear." You said and he laughed at your enthusiasm. "I haven't thought of anything yet." He said picking the strings in a slow melody. "But I could play something for you if you want." He suggested with a small smirk. "I'd love that." You said and Rich stood up. "Ew couples." He said making you and Rob laugh as he left. "Okay." Rob said adjusting himself and beginning to strum and find the tune before looking at you and starting to sing.

Hey darlin', what you doing here tonight?

Your eyes are shining bright as the sun.

Hey baby, won't you look at me tonight?

Wont you make me feel like

I'm the one,

He had a shy smile as he looked down at the guitar before looking at you again.

There's one life I've ever known

Much I've changed but not outgrown

And I'm trying to make a go

Alone

But I can't see without your stare

When your voice is never there

There's a void hang in the air

At home

Hey darlin' can you dance with me tonight

Let me hold you tight

In my arms

You nodded a yes making him chuckle slightly before the pase of song got faster.

When I wake up

And I'm kicking myself

For not holding the door

When- "SNS is starting in five minutes!" One of the handler's shouted interrupting Rob and he sighed softly. "Sorry I have to get ready." He said putting his guitar down. "Damn, but that was just wow, better than you on stage of that's possible." You said and Rob grinned widley. "Well there's plenty more where that came from, I can serenade you all you want."

"You're great." You said with a smile standing up. "You're greater, anyway I'm gonna go backstage to join the guys." He said giving you a small peck on the cheek."Break a leg." You said and he just stood there not moving away. "Rob? Hello earth to Rob you need to go." You said making him laugh. "I'm sorry you're just so beautiful I got lost." He said leaning in to kiss you, it was a passionate kiss however he pulled away quickly because he actually had to leave. You decided to sit at the greenroom table with everyone as they all sat on their phones or talking to each other, Misha came over and sat next to you. "Hey." He said. "Hey I feel like I haven't seen you all day." You said."Same although I did see you kissing Rob." Misha whispered with a sad look. "What are you jealous?" You teased him. "Slightly." He whispered and you didn't know what to respond. "Sorry but you know he's my boyfriend." You said at lack of a better thing to say. "I know but I was thinking we have over a hour of SNS where Rob is busy but we have nothing to do, want to let off some steam in my room?" Misha suggested. "Misha that's-" you began. "I know it's risky, I just, please." He pleaded and you nodded. You were starting to confuse yourself, you liked Rob a lot but then there was Misha it was a safe when it was exclusive to Vancouver where Rob wouldn't find out but here when Rob is there it was too risky. You got to the hotel you guys were staying at in ten minutes and into Misha's room. "Want anything to drink?" Misha asked. "Misha I can't do this." You said sitting down in his bed. "You can't drink?" Misha asked and you sighed. "No I can't do this." You said gesturing between the two of you.

"I understand." Misha said with a sad expression sitting next to you. "I- I, you know I like you and I like well our arrangement? If we can call it that but I can't do it when my boyfriend, who I think I'm in love with although it's too early to tell is playing on stage in a hotel ten minutes away." You said tearing up feeling guilty for cheating on Rob. "Hey, hey Y/N it's okay." Misha said hugging you. "We won't say a word about this, Rob will never find out that something nearly happened okay and if you want we can stop this all together even in Vancouver because I get it you feel like you're cheating, just remember to delete the pic of us kissing in bed that I took." Misha said winking and  letting you cry into his shoulder. "Just please stop crying it's okay, think of the plus you've finally said you love Rob."

"I guess I have." You said sitting up and checking your phone. "If we go back now we can make it so it seems like we never left." You said putting the phone down on Misha's bed. "Let's go then." Misha said grabbing his jacket putting it on. When you guys got back you went backstage and from there to the table everyone was sat at. "Where have you been?" Kim asked you. "I left my wallet back in my room and since we're going out for drinks I thought it would be a good idea to go and get it."

"Oh okay you know that Rob will be buying you drinks and you won't have to spend a cent." Kim said making you laugh. The rest of SNS was great as usual the band played a great show and after  you all went to a bar, you were quite tired so you and Rob left early of course loads of comments were made. "Y/N can I ask you a question?" Rob asked once you two were outside. "You just did, but yeah sure what's up?" You said but he only gently smiled, something was bugging him.

"Well where were you and Misha when the show started?"

"We went back to the hotel I left my wallet in my room and Misha offered to go with me and pay for the taxi on the way there." You lied noticing Rob smile. "Okay, I'm sorry I know you wouldn't cheat on me I was just paranoid." He said quietly. "Robbie don't be scared." You said entangling your fingers with his.  You two walked for a few minutes before you heard a voice behind you shout "I ship it!" You turned around to see the gang walking behind you. "You two are slow walkers, and not very subtle about your relationship." Rich said. "Shit I didn't even think there's fans everywhere." You said to Rob and he smiled. "I mean it's been two months, and we're fine, I guess we don't have to hide it."

"Rob, are you suggesting we tell everyone?" You asked slightly frightened.

"I don't see why not, we're both happy, we're bad at hiding it we might as well."

"We can't- I'd have to tell my parents first or they'd murder me if they'd find out online and not from me."

"Yeah I'd have to tell my mom and sister or they'd kill me." Rob said. "Let's wait and the we'll announce it soon."

"Soon." You echoed. When you got to the hotel you went to Rob's room to watch a movie in bed with him and some wine, however you started to panic when you noticed you were missing something. "Fuck, shit." You said checking all your pockets.

"What's wrong?" Rob asked watching you search yourself."I- I lost my phone."

"Oh jesus, okay don't panic we can find it." Rob said pulling out his phone. "I, I I'm sure it's around here somewhere." He stuttered while starting to call your phone. "Okay I'm calling you, maybe go to your room see of you can hear it and I'll listen out in here." Rob suggested and you agreed, you ran to your room which was just a few doors down to look for your phone. Rob was still calling you when all of a sudden someone answered the phone. "Hello?" The voice said. "Hi who is this?" Rob asked. "Misha, Rob I thought you'd recognise my voice ." Misha said laughing."Why do you have Y/N phone?" Rob asked suspiciously. "I don't know, I guess she left it in my room." Misha said genuinely. "When was she in your room?" Rob questioned. "Um..." Misha didn't know what to say. "When was she in your room Misha?" Rob repeated more sternly. "During SNS I offered her a drink in my room but actually she wanted to get back a soon as possible so she came in sat down and we left." Misha tried to explain. "Okay thanks Misha I'll come fetch it." Rob said through his teeth hanging up and going to pick up thevohone, no too long after you walked in.

"Not in my room." You said sitting down next to Rob. "Maybe it's in Misha's room." Rob said through his teeth. "Why would it be-" you questioned as Rob interjected. "I don't know why would it be in Misha's room?" Rob said standing up and walking away. "I can't believe you Y/N." He said stomping around.

"Hold on I'm missing something why are you all in a mood." You said your own anger starting to build over his accusations, of course he wasn't wrong but he couldn't possibly know.

"You know, I, I don't understand, I've been nothing but kind and caring and- and you do this?" Rob looked both disappointed and angry at you.

"This? What's this Robbie?"

"I found your fucking phone." He spat.

"Thanks but I'm still missing why you're fucking upset."

"You're phone was in Misha's room."

"Oh." You said realisation hitting you.

"Oh? That's all you're gonna say? You won't even apologies? I thought we were happy, I wanted to tell the world but you kept hesitating at least I know why." Rob said his voice breaking in parts he was obviously hurt.

"Rob it's not like that. Nothing happened!" You felt the tears build up. Rob took a deep breath before he started to pase in the room.

"And I'm supposed to believe that? You mysteriously leave the con with Misha and go to his room, Misha the guy who you are really friendly with for some reason."

"Rob! Please stop, nothing happened I promise!" You cried guilt pouring over you.

"Oh jesus, oh fuck this wasn't the first time was it? You guys fucking live together this is normal for the two of you isn't it?" He spat.

"Rob,  please-"

"Please? Don't speak to me anymore."

"Rob I told Misha in his room that I'm in love with you, you, Rob Benedict."

"Was that before or after you two fucked?" Rob's words were like venom.

"Fuck off! That's just cruel you won't even listen to me! Honestly you don't trust me enough to go to a guys room? Do you trust me at all ?"

"No because it's Misha."

"Misha Collins, one of the nicest guys on Supernatural who fucking has a charity? Oh yes he's the anti Christ!" You said sarcasm flowing. "You know what I mean, there's no question that Misha is a great person but I knew that there's something going on I'm so dumb I should've never started going out with you."

"Fine if you never wanted to go out with me then okay, I'm leaving." You said tears flowing down your cheeks. "I'm not stopping you, please go. And here's your fucking phone, great picture by the way. "  He said handing you the phone with the picture of you and Misha kissing in bed, the picture that proved it, now he just told you to leave, fuck, he was going to tell you he loved you but instead the whole phone fiasco ruined it. He watched you walk out the door slamming it behind you.

Part 6

People who’s hearts I just tore out because I ruined their relationship with Rob...Aka Rob tags: @waywardswain @supernatural-everyday @winchestergirl-13 @perksofbeingafangirl26 @natasha-cole @girl-next-door-writes

[hornsbeforehalos]

Where Did That Come From?

Paring: Rob Benedict x @natasha-cole <33333

Warnings: SMUT. NO FUCKIGN PLOT WHAT SO EVER. AN: For @natasha-cole since I promised her Rob Smut if she posted Chapter 12 of her Adam Series. Hope you like it and don’t mind me using your name, lol. LOVE YOU<3

TAGS: @srj1990 @daddy-kink-confirmed @reigningqueenofwords @through-thesilver-lining @aquivercactus @make-things-beautiful2

*gif not related*

"Na-Tah-Sha, What-are-you-doing?" Rob panted, moaning into her mouth as her tongue swept over his bottom lip, enticing his own in a dominate dance. "Do you want me to stop?" She asked, smirk on her face as she lowered her hands to his belt buckle. "Fuck, no. Please don't stop." He begged, a small whiney noise coming from his throat as he felt his pants loosen around his throbbing cock. How did they get here? When did this happen? Who the fuck cared? "What do you want, Robbie?" she purred into his ear, shoving her hand down his open pants to tightly fist his dick with her small hand. "Shit, I-I-I-I...Fuck, Nat, everything." He groaned, eyes rolling to the back of his head as his neck rolled backwards as she stroked him. She was on her knees when he opened his eyes again, looking up at him with his cock mere centimeters from her plump, kiss-reddened lips. His mouth watered at the sight of her, his fingers finding their place in her hair as he directed her mouth forward. She was on him in an instant, swirling her tongue around the thick head and sucking like it was the best hard candy she'd ever tasted. He could feel her inhale sharply through her nose, and before he could even blink, her face buried itself in the curly hair of his abdomen. "F-F-Fuh-Fuck!" He moaned, head knocking back into the wall that had been holding him up, "Shit, Nat...Fucking hell." She could help it as her lips tried to smirk around his cock, itching at her gag reflex and forcing her face back away from him to regain some breathing control. He let his other hand wound in her hair as well, letting her catch her breath for a second before thrusting his hips back into her mouth. "Feels...soo....good." He praised, biting his lip as he watched her work him over like his very own personal porn star. Her eyes never left his, and the sight of her pretty eyes watering from choking on him was driving him absolutely insane. "Fuck, Natasha, you're gonna make me-" He tried to warn, but was cut off with her moaning around his member before impaling her throat with him again and again until she felt his hot release spill into her mouth, his tangy taste rolling over her tongue like ice cream on a summer day. "Fucking hell, where did that come from?" He gasped, catching his breath after she pulled off his dick with a loud pop. "I actually have no idea. Um." Natasha answered, feeling kind of nervous about what she'd done now that she was starting to come back from the adrenaline pumping through her. "Well, anytime you feel the need to...do that, just...you're more than welcome to, okay?" Rob chuckled, just as nervous as he helped her stand before correcting his zipper, button, and belt. "I'll keep that in mind, Benedict."

[captainj2]

My TorCon Experience

So I went to TorCon 2017 last weekend. If you’re at all interested in finding out how it was for me read below the cut. I’m just going to say it is long. I am not a writer. But I needed it to be documented somewhere. 

Supernatural Weekend It's starts with me skipping out of work early (a work day in which I took on two classes for lack of spares). Which means literally dropping my students off at their gym class and booking it. It is an hour and ten minute drive to the airport. I left at 2:20 for a 4:00 flight. Got there at 3:34 and the lady says " the plane is only arriving at 6:30 and you're lucky because otherwise you wouldn't have made it" but hey. Luck was sort of on my side. Because it meant I would miss my connect flight in MTL. Finally we take off and an hour flight of me telling the plane to "hurry" we land and I have 10 minutes to make the late connect ( I had missed my original connect by a long shot).  I made the connect and headed for Toronto. Friday: Arrived and registered and explored vendors room pretty early in the morning. The vendors room is fun but dangerous for your wallet! So many wonderful SPN and generally nerdy stuff to buy! (It really is important to give yourself a budget with the excitement of it all you could spend too much money)  Then I the saw opening with Rich and Rob .  Rich is extremely smart comically and he is such a good host. And well, rob is just too precious. Followed by Julian's Q&A, Emily' Q&A, and Bri and Kim's Q&A. Julian is such a fun interesting man. He clearly loved being in his home town and answering all the questions. He appeared to have a lot of fun. Emily's panel completely took my by surprise. She plays such a dark character, well literally the darkness! But she is the complete opposite. She is so bubbly and energetic. All smiles and positivity. Bri and Kim are great. There panel is so dynamic in that they have lots of fun but can also  really get deep and emotional. It's so beautiful that they are so open and comfortable with the SPN family and confident I themselves. They're such strong beautiful individuals and inspiring.

 I went home for supper but went back for Karaoke night. It was such high energy. Rich is amazing. Emily was in an adorable Tiger Onesie. Bri and Kim were smoking hot in their costumes (all circus themed) and then there is Matt Cohen. That boy is too damned fine. He had a blow up doll that we (the crowd) named Doris. Someone in the crowd was making balloon penises for people to wear on their heads. Rich and Matt's  reactions as they slowly began to notice the penises in the crowd was priceless. Matt makes amazing eye contact with every person in the crowd. It's an incredible talent and I personally think ruins you when it happens to you!  Everyone picked fun songs for karaoke and everyone sings along. I didn't get a chance to sign up but I highly suggest doing it. Into the evening Matt threw Doris into the crowd to crowd surf. It was a rather violent affair for Doris but then myself and a new friend, Kelsey, and my karaoke neighbour got the idea to stick a balloon dick on Doris.  Matts reaction was priceless. There are many videos. Rich wanted nothing to do with it. Good luck at having a voice at the end of karaoke. While waiting for my über I saw Matt step outside a side door with his handlers for some air. I thanked him for such a fun evening and asked for a photo  but wasn't allowed. Matt said "aww I would but she will fire me" which I quickly teased him about then continued on my way. I completely understood and think it's awesome that they are so sweet with the fans. The karaoke goes till about 12:30 so it's a late night! Saturday: Seeing as it was Canadian Thanksgiving I had family engagements to be at also. So on Saturday I went to con around 2:00 to see Marks panel. Mark was sick so I am thankful he still came! Mark is amazingly blunt and forward and sarcastic. If that kind of humour or style isn't your thing you make take his panel harshly but I loved it. He is so rude (but in a loving honest way). It was comical to see people struggle with his responses. He loves talking about his children. Most other things he answers short and sweet. But such a good panel just the same. After the panel I had a Mark Misha photo op. It was my first ever photo op. I was not prepared for how fast it goes. The music is loud ( to keep people from telling stories to the actors). First time photos is definitely intimidating. Mark said hi to me and I stood next to him ( as Misha was still seeing the person before me off) and by the time I realized Misha was there beside me the picture had been taken and off I went, no hug or hi! to Misha!! It was still great and the photo is great. I'm glad I got the chance to experience photo ops before doing it with Jared and Jensen. Then I had to leave for family obligations. I didn't even have time to pick up my photo ( it takes about 1-2 hours for them to be printed and placed out for the taking). Luckily the SPN family really are family and my new friend Kelsey picked my photo up for me. 

I returned for the concert at 9:30. The concert is difficult to describe to do it justice. I HIGHLY recommend going. The SPN cast has unbelievable musical talent. Louden Swain are amazing. Both their original songs as well as their covers. Seeing as Rob had his stroke in TO some wonderful fans organized everyone with a small pink candle. When Rob sang "She Waits" everyone lit up their candle in the air. It was so fucking beautiful. When Rob looked up and saw it he got very emotional and was very emotional after the song and thanked the crowd. It was an amazing moment for every one. One I will never forget that's for sure. Unfortunately Jensen was not able to make it to SNS but Emily sang ( Gimme Shelter) and nailed it.   Jason Mann's joined them. Bri and Kim both sang. Chris Shmelke played bass and the Creations organizer played keys. It really is everyone and it's so much fun. Because Tom Petty had passed away the week before there were lots of Tom Petty covers which was awesome! The concert finished around 12:30 also. Not a lot of sleeping happened on my con weekend. Sunday: Where to begin.... I hardly slept because of how excited I was. Made to it the convention center around 9:30 am. Met up with Kelsey and just hung out around the vendors room. Then went to my seat in the main hall to wait for my Jensen photo op number to be called. Luckily they allow you to have a friend in line while waiting for photo ops so Kelsey hung out with me while in line. And then... there he was in all his glory. Jensen Ackles. Holy hell. Chris Schmelke keeps the music pretty loud in the photo op room so conversations don’t take up time so you could hear Jensen’s voice. Next thing I knew it was my turn. Luckily I had had the photo op practice the day before so I knew to go slow. (I’m re-freaking our thinking about this moment..). Ok so he just looks at you so sincere and right into you and everything goes blank. I asked him for a hug with his biggest smile and he pulled me in and Chris snapped the photo and then I was off. In a daze of bliss. I didn’t even have time to absorb the musk!  Kelsey was waiting by on the other side and I stepped out of the room and just was SO happy! We had time to kill while the photo was printed and I needed fresh air post experience so we took a walk. Then back into the center yo pick up my photo. MAN oh MAN was I not disappointed. Jensen gave me exactly what I wanted. The picture is perfection ( I’ll post it when I get the JPEG) I returned to the hall and my seat and texted everyone a picture of the picture while I cried with joy about it. 

Then Louden Swain we’re doing autographs so I went to that line. While waiting Jason Manns was at his table so I popped in and got a selfie with him ( have I mentioned he is the sweetest man on earth?) then got to talk The National (great band you should check them out) with Rob Benedict and all the band signed a CD for me. Then returned to my seat to freak out again over the convo I had with Rob. (Sunday is a very highly emotional day. I’m just saying).

Then it was time for all the main panels. JDM had cancelled so we had Sam Smith and Jim Beaver and  the J2 panel.  Sam Smith is so quiet and shy and adorable. Jim is just perfect and so good at being Jim but keeping a bit of Bobby in his ways too. And J2 panel was just as expected. Perfect. Soooo funny (Talk amongst yourselves). The boys together is too good. I couldn’t wipe the giant goofy smile off my face. I never took my eyes off them. And one hour is WAY to short. Two actors should be given two hours on stage.  Immediately after was my J2 photo. My number was in the first 50 so I didn’t have to wait to be called. They were a little behind schedule so we had to wait a bit but if you are ever bored  at a con just sit outside the photo op room and watch people come out of photos. It is such a joyous thing. Then it was time for J2 photo. Luckily all the people I had met ( in seats around mine) had the same photo op times and so we all got to stick together. And Kelsey stuck around too. I always let the others go first because it meant I got to watch them get their photos and watch their joy. It truly is a beautiful thing. Once you get into the photo op room you can see the boys and it’s amazing. ( I can’t think of any original words. I’m not a writer!) Jensen was dancing and singing with the music and Jared just beams with happiness. He is such a big adorable puppy. Because they are so tall while waiting I couldn’t see them around the flash umbrella thing (aka lighting) so I just squatted down to see them for that 30 more second. I gave no shits what people thought. Jensen does this thing we’re he scans the line with his eyes...and talk about making your heart beat faster when he looks right at you ( with your giant smile plastered to your face). Next thing I knew it was my turn. I don’t remember saying hi... I remember saying “Jensen I gave you a hug earlier so I am going to hug Jared this time. But I still would love your super big smiles!” And then Jared grabbed me (I’m crying while writing this btw) and hugged me and just as Chris is about to snap the picture Jared somehow squeezes me tighter and I take big breathe in and fuuucckkkk I smell the musk.... No way to describe it. And then I’m sent on my way. Shell shocked. Walking up to them is just something else. You’re surrounded by giant man and it’s somewhat overwhelming but so good at the same time. It’s just Jared and Jensen is all you can see and they are both coming toward you. It’s truly something else. Anyhow...Kelsey and I step out and meet up with the others and we all just squeal at each other with joy and exchange experiences and share the happiness. 

Then in the shock of it all I head back to my seat for the King of Con panel. Rich and Rob are so quick and fun. Definitely don’t miss their panel(s). Everything ran late but I had a plane to catch and  started to get nervous I would miss autos! The boys came up an hour late and this is where my love for the SPN family comes in really hard/more (somehow). The people I was sitting with told me to just go in line when they called VIP and gold so I did. The wonderful people of creation and spnfamily heard that I had a plane to catch and everyone was like “ya no problem step in line”. And so as I am talking to the creation volunteer when I feel someone move me aside so I step out of the way and they walk past me and then I realize it’s is Jensen’s security and right next to me walking by is Jensen himself. I die. Then I live again and am fourth or 5th in line for my Jensen auto but all I can do is focus on Jensen’s voice. The couple in front of me are on their honey moon (#goals) and so sweet. Then it’s my turn and I give the handler my object to be autographed. I tell Jensen that I love Supernatural but I have been a Pearl Jam fan for much longer and that I have seen them 9 times. And he says “no way!” Then he looks more closely at what he is signing and sees it says ‘Just Breathe’ and he says “ this is my favourite song of theirs” and I respond “ ya it’s a great one. Eddie Veddar is great. Thanks”. And am on my way. Then I quickly scoot over to get in line for Jared’s autos. Jared has Kaleo playing and there is a girl freaking out over meeting him and he is just so smiley and like “ aww no problem at all it’s  all ok” to the girl like he is so damned sweet and a precious human being. He talks to the honeymooners congratulating them. My turn comes up and I repeat the exact same thing to him as I did Jensen ( it’s important to rehearse what you want to say otherwise words won’t happen properly I’m convinced). He smiles and says “ No Shit! that’s awesome.” When I tell them how many times I’ve seen them. (Insert I can’t remember what happens.) then I say bye and thank you and he says thanks and I say “love you Jared” and off I go. At this point I need to get going to catch my flight but I still had autos for Sam Smith so I quickly popped into line and of course again everyone is so kind. I was standing  with Lynn Zubernis (FDEWB editor / @fangasmSPN) in line and she is just so sweet. It was great talking to her. Then a quick auto with Sam Smith where we discussed how all dresses should have pockets ( the dress she was wearing had pockets) then I was off. 

It was the end of the con and I was so sad. But it was an absolutely AMAZING weekend. I was exhausted and got home and cried with joy and emotions but I think that’s normal. I wish/ hope everyone can experience a con! The end.  

Love,

Hannah

(my photo op pics will be posted eventually) 

[narisjournal-blog]

Tag Game

Tagged by @gone-to-fight-the-fairies Thanks! I don’t often do these because my attention span is short and I’m not that interesting but these questions look good haha.

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag some people.

1. Nickname(s): Liz, Lizzie (mostly family, good friends and those who I’m affectionate with), My husband calls me bumhead does that count?

2. Gender: Female

3. Sign: cancer but I’m not much into that stuff tbh

4. Height: about 2 inches shorter than Rob Benedict

5. Time: 9:46 am

6. Birthday: July 19th - same as one Mr Padalecki 😊

7. Favorite Bands: Louden Swain and Station Breaks obvs, Imagine Dragons, Muse, Twenty One Pilots,

8. Favorite Solo Artists: Rag ‘n Bone Man, Ed Sheeran, Jess Glynne

9. Song stuck in my head: if I’m honest? My husband’s alarm ringtone... because I sing at him after he’s turned it off to be annoying. 😂 otherwise A Lot To Learn by Louden Swain because I’ve been writing the series based off it.

10. Last movie I watched: Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix. I fell asleep though.

11. Last show I watched: Kings of Con (whilst washing the dishes for my Mum)

12. When did I create this blog: Can’t remember. Bout a year ago? Year and a half?

13. What do I post: SUPERNATURAL, Louden Swain, Supernatural fanfic, poetry, occasional fanart and a lot of Rob Benedict.

14. What did I last google: Telling you that would reveal a major secret I’m not willing to share yet 😉 it involved cheese.

15. Other blogs: I used to have a writing blog called Postcards from my Mind on ... another site I can’t remember. It was all serious and stuff.

16. Do I get asks: Yeah sometimes and I love it 😊

17. Why did I choose this URL: ok long story.

In Secondary School/high school I was obsessed with the sci-fi Show Farscape. It gave me escapism from the oppressive institution, from the mundane existence, from the bullying and isolation. My favourite character was Chiana, a Nebari. They are a race who are blue. Their planet is under an oppressive regime aiming to brainwash all its inhabitants to be peaceful, submissive and compliant. I felt this was a metaphor for my school. Chiana is a rebel who ran and escaped and followed her own will.

I created a character for myself in this race - an avatar, who I called ‘Nari’. This then became my online name on all forums and everything. When I created this blog it was actually going to be my writing journal back in 2010 but I abandoned it because I didn’t get on with Tumblr back then. When I became part of the SPN fandom, I picked this old account up again and I’m not smart enough to change the url 😂

So there you have it if you have ever wondered!

18. Following: Inactually don’t know! 200ish?

19. Followers: Just over 400!!! You all rock😊

20. Average hours of sleep: 7ish? When Rob’s On a night shift I get like 10 😂

21. Lucky number: 7 - because for some reason when I was learning my times tables (I really struggle with numbers and maths) it was the one I knew best. Since then I’ve always gone with 7 for everything.

22. Instrument: Drums, though I’m very rusty as I haven’t played in years. We don’t have the room for my kit to be set up properly and we live in a terrace so it’s too noisy.

23. What am I wearing: Pyjamas which currently involve green shorts with cats on and my SPN Love campaign t-shirt.

24. Dream job: Published author too tbf.

25. Favorite Food: odd things. I love peas. Hallumi. Avocado. Pizza. Many things.

26. Last book I read: I’m currently reading And the Mountains Echoed which is taking me forever because the text is small and it jumps about a bit. It’s soooo good though. I have to keep going back and reading bits out loud because it’s worded so beautifully. Also about to start The Core by my mate Peter V Brett ❤️

27. 3 favorite fandoms: Supernatural, Swain(does that count?) The Demon Cycle Maybe? I used to be majorly into the Farscape fandom and for a long time 30 Seconds To Mars (The Echelon).

28. What’s the most ridiculous fact you know? - the average Golf ball has 336 dimples in it.

29. What fictional character is amazing in their book/show/movie, but would be insufferable if you had to deal with them in mundane everyday situations? - Sheldon Cooper I guess!

30. What’s the best Wi-Fi name you’ve ever seen? - ha sleeping-with-your-WiFi and PrettyFlyForAWifi 😂

[verobonelli]

JIB 8 || The Other Autographs (or The Story Of How I Learned That Everyone In The SPN Cast Is A Cinnamon Roll Too Pure For This World)

After my post about my experience with Jared at JIBcon (if you haven’t read it and want to catch up, you can find it here), here I’ll talk about my experience with the other actors: Misha, Rob, David, Matt, Adam, Jensen.

(tl;dr everyone is a cinnamon roll too pure for this world and my back hurt so bad after queuing for 7 hours)

Misha

Misha’s autograph was the first thing I did at JIBcon (after spotting Jensen in the corridor right after entering the hotel, like, c'mon, give me a minute to adjust, I wasn’t ready!).

I never really found Misha that handsome but when I saw him at the other side of the autograph room I literally had to close my mouth with my hand because I was going to scream. When I got to the desk I had no idea what to say and I just mumbled an awkward “Hi!”. He said “Hi!” back to me and signed the autograph while waiting for me to speak. Then he must have realised that I wasn’t able to say anything so he asked me “how are you?”, to which I replied that I was good and then totally forgot to ask how he was doing. He was looking at me with his blue eyes (even more blue than on TV, I don’t know how that’s even possible) and I just managed to say something like “Misha, I just wanted to thank you for everything that you do for charity, you know, with Random Acts. You’re a wonderful person”. He looked down for a second and then looked at me again while placing a hand on his heart, and said “Thank you, you’re very kind”. Actually I have no memory of him putting his hand on his heart, Camilla told me, I was too nervous to pay attention to anything else other than his eyes. Then we left and I needed a moment to calm down. Maybe more than a moment.

Rob

My second autograph was with Rob. Here is when I started realising that everyone in the cast is an unspeakably wonderful human being. While I was trying not to be too distracted by Rob’s eyes (déjà vu, anyone?), I said “Thank you for being here, I know how tired you are, and busy, and…" and he cut me off, like, shocked that I could imply that this experience was hard, and he said “Oh, no, no, it’s great!”. So I smiled and said “Thank you, I really appreciate your being here”, then he thanked me back with a huge smile.

David

My other autograph for the day was with David Haydn-Jones and, wow, when did he let his beard grow? Is everyone in the cast a freaking top model or something? Anyway. He was incredibly lovely too and, when I told him basically the same thing I told Rob, he had the same answer and added “it’s a pleasure". Then he saw the pentacle necklace I was wearing and lifted a fist in the air to cheer me and compliment me, which was a bit weird but extremely fun and sweet.

Matt & Adam

The next day I had my autographs with Matt Cohen and Adam Fergus. Both were incredibly gorgeous and lovely, and I was still feeling like inside a happy bubble from the day before. I thanked them for being there and, when I told Adam “I hope you’re having fun”, he replied “I am, of course I am, but then I never have to be encouraged” and I laughed – but you can bet I wasn’t laughing anymore when he placed a hand on my arm and said, in all seriousness, “Thank you, it was so nice meeting you”. I repeated “nice to meet you too!” and then I was running away, like, how could you possibly do this to me? Argh, I love JIBcon.

Jensen

And after that, my Sunday started being harder. The whole schedule got fucked up and no one knew why: I waited in line for Jensen’s autograph for seven hours straight (and if it wasn’t for a couple of lovely girls from Naples, who brought enough sandwiches to feed the entire country, I wouldn’t have eaten for fear of losing my place in the line) and when Jensen’s autograph session finally started the staff kept rushing us because we were late, so I didn’t even have the time to say anything to Jensen. By the end of the day I had my autograph, but I was exhausted, my whole body hurt, and I was very disappointed, even though I repeated to myself that there had to be an explanation for all of this, because I know they are all wonderful people and they wouldn’t want us to wait in line for seven hours for nothing. I always try to focus on the best part of everything and everyone – and I was right. The day after I found out about the reasons behind all this and, while I still think that things could have been handled better (let’s just say that the staff wasn’t at its best), I feel now so sorry for Jensen. I had no idea about his emotional breakdown. Actually, at one point I thought that maybe someone wasn’t feeling well, but immediately my thoughts went to Jared (given the past events and the special connection I feel with him rather than Jensen – who of course I love nonetheless), and I never even thought that it could be Jensen the one who was having a hard time. But he deserves so much love and support, because he’s such a shy and sensitive and sweet person, so now I am incredibly sorry for everything that happened.

All the autographs I got at JIBcon (from left to right: Rob Benedict, Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, Matt Cohen, Adam Fergus, David Haydn-Jones)

On a side note: I left as soon as I got my autograph with Jensen, so I wasn’t there for the closing ceremony, but I cried so bad when I was scrolling on the JIBcon tag on Instagram and I saw a video of the moment when everyone was singing Carry on wayward son and Jared and Jensen hugged, all Winchester style, in the corridor of the hotel. Oh boy, how I cried. This freaking tv show and its feels are going to kill me someday.

This was part 2 of my series of posts about JIBcon 8: you can also read part 1 and part 3.

[bestieswithmydarkthoughts]

Supernatural Survey

I was tagged by the amazing @bend-me-shape-me

1. What season did you start watching Supernatural?  I remember starting with supernatural a few days before my final testweek last year, so probably just after season 11 finished. I started with season 1 (read: a friend spammed me with supernatural posts and decided to show me the pilot)

2. Who was the first character you fell in love with? Castiel, I liked the brothers a lot but seeing Cas for the first time was life changing

3. Who was a character that you hated at first but grew to love? Gabriel, at first I thought he was kinda annoying, now I miss him.

4. Which character would you most want to be in a long-term relationship with? I think Dean (but I don’t think that would last long. Two people that hide their feelings but are basically an open book...)

5. If you could go on a date with just one character, which one would you choose? Lucifer (although I probably would get killed pretty fast)

6. What would you do on that date? Either bingewatch something or a romantic picknick in a park under a blossom tree.

7. Which character would you most want to be like? I would like to be more like Eileen a good, kind, brave and strong woman, she is just a fighter and I admire her a lot!

8. Which character would you most want to see brought back from the dead? KEVIN, CHARLIE, EILEEN, CROWLEY, GABRIEL, ROWENA, BALTHAZAR, BENNY AND BOBBY

9. Which character would you most like to punch? Interesting question: Dick Roman, Naomi, Mary, Doctor Hess, Toni Bevell, Kelly Kline, 

10. Who is your absolute favorite character? Castiel, because he is the light of my life, my love, my darling.

11. Which “Big Bad” do you think was the worst? To be honest my favourite big bad was Metatron all the way, I love the way he knew how everything was going to work and the plot in season 9 with him was just wonderful

12. Which character are you most like? Dean, the hiding pain but actually being an open book thing, the coffee addiction, grumpiness...

13. What death hit you the hardest? Mick’s Bobbies and cas’s.

14. What season finale hit you the hardest? The season 1 finale, I remember watching it and getting goosebumps and shaking 

15. What are your ten all-time favorite episodes? Lazarus Rising, Changing Chanels, The French Mistake, Swan Song, Meta Fiction, Baby, My heart will go on, Hunteri Heroici, all along the watchtower (it hurts but it was good)

16. What’s been your favorite season? Season 9, mostly for the time I started watching it. I was having a bad time and well it help me a lot to forget about everything for a while and I love the plot of that season a lot.

17. Who is your favorite angel? Balthazar

18. Who is your favorite demon? Crowley

19. Who’s your favorite evil character? Lucifer

20. Do you have any Supernatural ships? Destiel, sabriel, crobby, megstiel, Arthur Ketch and Mick davies (the guy in the field and the office guy) saileen.

21. Who’s your favorite supporting actor? Rob Benedict because he is just a cute bean

22. What’s your favorite quote from the show? "Because that godawful Celine Dion song makes me want to smite myself” just beautiful

23. If you could cast one famous actor in an episode of SPN, who would you choose? Tom Ellis maybe? 

24. If you could write your own episode, what kind of creatures would you like to see included? Demons, angels, vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters. basically an episode with every single creature ever created. Maybe an episode with Daleks as well..

25. Who’s your favorite girl that Dean’s hooked up with? Cassie? it’s been too long I can’t remember any of the girls... Also, since im trapped in the destiel hell I couldn’t care less 

26. Who’s your favorite girl that Sam’s hooked up with? Eileen, she was perfect for Sam and I believe that they could have been the perfect couple. 

27. What are some of your favorite convention moments? The bear underwear one, 

28. If you were going to guest star (or be a recurring guest star) on SPN, how would you want your character to be described? I would like to be that character that everybody keeps underestimating and who isn’t afraid to start a sass fight. 

29. What do you hope to see in the next season? Cas coming back. Dean declaring his love for Castiel. Gabriel coming back. TFW raising Jack

30. - 40. If you had to choose…

Bobby or John? Bobby

Bela or Ruby? Ruby

Jess or Madison? Jess

Jo or Lisa? Jo

Charlie or Kevin? Charlie 

Balthazar or Ash? Balthazar

Cas or Crowley? Cas

Ben or Claire? Claire

Jody or Donna? Jody

Sam or Dean? Dean

I’ m tagging @nottoonormalme @idjits-in-an-impala @castle-is-at-hogwarts

@noiamnotapsycho

[natasha-cole]

Like the Heart Goes Chapter 18: All the pain and lies, I follow you

Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader?, Adam Fergus x Reader?

Summary: Breaking up is hard. Especially when you are going through it publicly. Rob and Reader are doing just that; trying to navigate the difficulties of an emotional breakup while still trying to remain civil enough to work together, and adding inquisitive fans and over involved friends to the equation certainly isn’t helping.

Devastated by the Reader’s decision. Rob realizes that he needs to back off. If anything, he can at least give her a chance to be happy again.

Word Count: 3105

Warnings: swearing, angst, fluff

Note: I wanted to wait to post this since I just posted chapter 17 earlier, but I couldn’t! I was too anxious holding onto it!

I know I’m leaving some of you disappointed with this. No matter who she chose in the end, about half of my readers would be disappointed. Half were Team Rob, half were Team Adam. So, I’m not gonna leave it like this as I intended to. I’ll write one more chapter from the Reader’s POV.

Catch Up:  Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7 Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10  Chapter 11  Chapter 12  Chapter 13  Chapter 14  Chapter 15  Chapter 16  Chapter 17

Rob’s POV

When Rob returned home, the same home that he used to share with Y/N, he let himself cry. He had finally gotten to the point where he could be honest with Y/N, tell her the reason behind his leaving her. He thought that by being honest, he could fix the mistake that he had made. He had been wrong. All he did was make her hate him more. She had finally moved on, found someone who was good to her, and now Rob was the asshole who tried to move in and mess that up for her too.

It didn’t matter anymore. She was heading off to be with Adam regardless of how Rob had tried to stop her. He had tried to stop her for his own selfish reasons. He wanted to keep her even though he had been the one to give her up.

Rob headed for the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge before sitting down at the table. It really was hard to be in their home without her there. While he had gone through his own self-loathing after he left, all he could ever do was focus on how he had made her feel through it all. He had hurt her and seeing the pain that he put her through never did leave him. There had been countless times when he considered going back to her, admitting that he had made a mistake, hoping that she would take him back. He stopped himself every time when he reminded himself of how he had been slowly ruining her life. Why did he feel the need to try to do this today?

Rob took a long drink of his beer, knowing that he had done what he had done because he couldn’t stand the idea of her loving someone else. He was jealous, and he had regretted what he had done for months. Maybe the best way to get through this would be to drink himself stupid. It hadn’t worked for Y/N, so he was sure it wouldn’t work for him. But, he wanted to try anything to stop feeling how he was feeling right now.

Before he could get too deep into his binge, there was a knock at the door. He moved to answer it, thinking it was Briana who might be stopping by to see how things had went.

When he opened the door though, Y/N stood there, looking just as confused as Rob was.

“Y/N!” he exclaimed, honestly happy to see her at the doorstep. “I thought you had a flight to catch.”

“I do,” she replied, motioning behind her to the cab stopped in the driveway, “the driver’s waiting, but I have a little time so I had to come by.”

Rob didn’t know what to say, so he waited for her to continue.

“I just- I have know- what exactly were you trying to accomplish earlier?”

“What do you mean?”

“All of that… the explanation, the whole reminding me that you are an idiot thing… why? What was the point?”

“Why am I an idiot? Or why did I do it?’

“Why did you do it?” She chuckled, “Were you just trying to make yourself feel less guilty by finally telling me the truth?”

“No, I just knew I had made a mistake and I knew that you at least deserved closure.”

“Oh,” she said softly. She focused her eyes on the ground, looking a bit disappointed. “So that was it? You just wanted me to have closure, wanted to tell me that you didn’t approve of me leaving… but, for no reason other than that you were jealous.”

“No,” Rob started. He thought carefully about what to say next. Truth be told, he never did say what he had actually meant to say to her when he stopped by. The discussion had escalated too quickly and she had become too upset with him for him to even think it was a good idea anymore. “I said all of that because… I thought I could win you back somehow.”

Y/N darted her eyes back up to him, looking as if she were about to cry again.

“Why didn’t you just say that?”

“Because I know I was too late. You said I was too late.”

“I said your apology came too late,” she corrected him.

“Well, I just figured- I explained myself and apologized and it didn’t matter anymore. You made up your mind, and that’s okay. Really, I shouldn’t have tried to screw things up for you again.”

“Will you please just tell me what you meant to tell me?”

Rob was caught off-guard, confused by her request. He wasn’t sure if this was just another attempt by her to get more closure, or to have a chance to shoot him down for good. Either way, he wanted to be able to give her what she needed.

“Y/N, I need to know if you could forgive me for what I did. Is there any chance that I can fix this?”

“Tell me again what an idiot you are.”

Rob swallowed hard, now thinking that she was just messing with him. He was sure that she was trying to make him look like a complete idiot, which he was. So, he gave in to that request as well.

“I’m a fucking idiot who made a huge mistake. I never should have left you. I should have stopped being an asshole and worked at loving you the way you should be loved.”

Y/N smiled at him, a few tears flowing down her cheeks as she choked out a sob.

“What are you doing, Y/N?” Rob asked finally when she didn’t speak.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, still smiling, “I realized something after you left earlier. You talked about how you walked out because I was giving up too much to be with you, and you didn’t want that for me.”

“No, I never did.”

“Adam basically asked me to walk away from everything that I know; conventions, my friends, my job, you… just to prove to him that I wanted to be with him.”

“Do you want to be with him?”

“I thought I did. But, I mean, you said you left because you wanted more for me. You didn’t want me to give up on all of those things for you. How can he ask me to do that? How can you demand that someone gives something up just to make you happy? It doesn’t seem fair does it?”

“Y/N… I’m not sure what is happening right now.”

“I think I’m here because; while you did hurt me, you did it because you thought you were doing the right thing for me. You’re a fucking idiot because of it, but maybe your reasons were good reasons. I don’t think Adam is asking me to do these things because he wants what’s best for me. I really do think he loves me, but I think he’s not loving me the right way.”

“I don’t understand…”

“I guess I’m not willing to give up on the things I love just to be with him. I realized that I would be doing exactly the same thing I did when you and I were together. Only now, I’d be doing it because he’s asking me to.”

“Then don’t. At least come back to the cons, the show… because I know they make you happy. Even if you still can’t forgive me, you have to know that I couldn’t handle it if I could never see you again.”

“You’re not off the hook, you know?” She said, frowning as she still thought about how much he had hurt her. “I’m still hurt and angry with you. But… I guess, I’m just not ready to let you go yet.”

Rob felt his heart sink, not like it did every time he had to see her cry because he had hurt her, this time it was because he realized that he might still have a chance.

“I was never ready to let you go either,” he said, “even when I did leave, I didn’t want to. I thought I was doing the best thing for you, when I really should have been trying to be better for you.”

“Then, why are we? Why are we trying to let each other go?”

Rob laughed, shaking his head when even he didn’t know the answer to that.

“Maybe we’re both idiots,” Y/N said, answering her own question.

“Well, I’m the biggest idiot here.”

“Yeah, you are,” she chuckled. “Can I… can I stay here for a bit? Maybe we can talk?”

“Yeah, yes, of course,” Rob replied quickly, “come in.”

“My bags are in the cab,” she began, pointing behind her to remind Rob that she was still technically supposed to be on her way to the airport. Before she could make a move, Rob was out the door; paying the driver and retrieving her bags.

Once they were both inside and he was sure she wasn’t leaving; they each stood there, a few feet apart as they stared at each other. It seemed as if neither of them knew what to do now. Rob had basically just asked for a second chance, and he assumed that she was going to give that to him. He couldn’t help but to feel guilty all over again. Here he was, asking her for something; asking her to give up Adam, who she might be in love with- even Rob didn’t know if that’s where their relationship was- but, he was asking her to give it all up so that he could have a second chance. And, in true Y/N form, she was doing just that. Giving up her own happiness so that Rob might be happy. The realization ate at him as he stood in front of her, studying her face to see if he could tell that she might be regretting her choice.

“Is this what you really want?” He asked finally. He wanted to be sure that he wasn’t asking too much, “Do you really want to try this again?”

Y/N sighed, giving him a sympathetic look. “All I know is that I always wanted you.”

“What about Adam?” He asked, wondering how all of that would unfold if Y/N were in fact giving him a second chance and bailing on Adam.

“What? You want me to go to Ireland to be with him?”

“No,” he replied quickly, “I just… I thought you were in a relationship with him, I thought you might be pretty serious.”

“I was really serious about him,” she replied, “I like him. But, he was making me choose between him and something that I love to do. He gave me a plane ticket. He said he’d know if I was serious about him if he showed up to the airport and I walked off that plane for him.”

“So, you don’t show up… then what?”

“Then I guess he knows my answer.”

“I don’t want to be the one holding you back from being happy anymore. If you are at all second-guessing this, please, go to him. If you really do love him, I- I can’t stop you from that.”

“He’s a really sweet guy,” Y/N replied. She smiled fondly as she spoke of him, “he made me smile when I thought smiling was impossible, he made me laugh all the time. He never pushed me into anything. We have a lot in common.”

“He does sound like a good guy,” Rob mumbled. This wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He didn’t want to hear her say the words out loud. He didn’t want to know what she was either giving up, or thinking of going back to.

“But, he also isn’t the man that pushed me up against the wall to kiss me right after telling me that I was infuriating. He wasn’t the one who got me to get over my fear of singing in front of other people. He wasn’t the one who held my hair back when I got sick from drinking too much; even when we were split. I never had really heated arguments with him that led to really great makeup sex.”

Rob laughed at her words. Not really impressed with himself as he listened to all of the things that she was listing about him. He really didn’t sound all that great right now, not compared to Adam anyway.

“Wow, when you say it like that; I don’t really measure up to him, do I?”

“I don’t know, you have your moments.”

“You have a lot that you don’t really like about me though. I mean, come on, we argue about everything. We don’t have a lot in common at all.”

“Rob, are you trying to convince me that I’ve made the wrong choice?”

“No! But- I have to ask you… what’s the difference here? He’s a dick for asking you to do this, and I’m a dick for leaving you because of it. How am I any better than him? Why are you choosing to be here and not with him?”

“Because he’s not you,” she stated simply, tears streaming down her face despite the smile that she wore. It was as if she had known all along that it would always be him, and she now had the chance to say it out loud. Every moment that she had spent angry with him, hurt by him… none of it mattered because she still loved him. No matter how badly he had fucked up, she didn’t stop loving him. Rob was suddenly very aware of just how horrible he had been to her, how unnecessary all of this had been, how lucky he was to have her standing here in front of him right now.

“God, I really do love you,” Rob breathed out.

“Then do something about it for once,” she looked at him, almost demanding.

She was right. Although he had always loved her, he was really bad at showing it; at least near the end. He had forgotten how to just be in a relationship, that was evident during the last few months before he had left. There came a point where there was no longer communication and he knew that was his fault. Back then, he had gotten to a point where he didn’t know what to do, how to act with her. It had been a mess honestly; they didn’t talk, they hardly spent time together. But, all of that had been his own doing. It’s extremely difficult to communicate with someone when one of you is always absent. He knew he would have time to tell her all of this, and there would be a time when she was really ready to listen. For now, Rob read this situation as her just wanting to be reminded why she had tried so hard to make things work in the first place. She only wanted to be reminded why she still loved him and that maybe he still loved her.

So he stepped toward her, taking her face in his hands as he captured her lips with his. He kissed her softly at first, not wanting to push too far. He had only just possibly won her back, he didn’t want to fuck this up again. She parted her lips for him, letting him know that it was okay to really kiss her. So he did just that. He kissed her like it was the first time. He felt her gasp against his mouth as she brought her hands to his hips, pulling him closer to her. He continued to kiss her feverishly as if he hadn’t kissed her in years; to be honest, it had felt like years. He moved his hand to the back of her head, fisting his hands in her hair which only caused her to moan against his mouth. Y/N worked her hands beneath his shirt, needing to finally touch him again. Rob shivered as her hands made contact with his skin, still focusing on kissing her as she ran her fingertips against his hip bones. It was almost too much; he very suddenly wanted to push her against the wall and take her right then. He wanted to feel her, to hear her gasps and moans, to make love to her again.

He held back though, knowing that he hadn’t earned that yet. Hell, he didn’t even deserve to have her lips on his right now. All that he had expected was that she would stay, they would talk, they would decide what they needed to do to fix this. He didn’t know what he had done to earn this heated kiss, but he knew he didn’t want to question it, he didn’t want to press his luck by giving in to his need to have her. So, he let her lead for once. He followed her cues in a way that he hadn’t in the history of their relationship. It had always been about him. He always knew what he wanted, and he had the tendency to take it. Right now, he needed… wanted, to focus on Y/N and what she wanted. So he held back and let her take control.

Rob kissed her for a long time; almost as if he were making up for all the time he spent hurting her. He wasn’t sure if this was the right way to go about things, he only knew that he didn’t want to let her go again. He decided it was best to let things happen on her terms this time. So, he kissed her until she was ready to stop.

“I’m still mad at you,” Y/N muttered when she pulled away from him. He watched her, wondering how the hell he had managed to end up in this moment with her.

“I know,” he whispered. He pulled her back to him, holding her against his chest as he placed his mouth against her neck, kissing and tasting her skin.

“You don’t deserve a second chance.”

“I know I don’t.”

“You really are a fuck up,” she continued, reminding him again how horrible he had been to her.

“I know,” he said again, still mouthing at her skin.

“But, you’re my fuck up,” she said as she ran a hand through his hair. He could feel her smile against him and he couldn’t help but smile back.

“I know.”

Tag List: @gabriels-trix​  @waywardswain​   @winchestergirl-13  @soythedemonqueen​  @laffytaffyhumor​  @hunterpuff​  @smoothdogsgirl​  @reparo-live-soul​  @riversong-sam​  @angelsandhuntersgalore​  @capital-eyyyy-ohhh​  @girl-next-door-rps  @a-banana-for-your-thoughts  @lefthologramdeer​ @lamthetwickster

[natasha-cole]

Like the Heart Goes Chapter 8: I’m trying to make a go, alone.

Pairing: Past Rob Benedict x Reader, Reader x someone new?

Summary: Breaking up is hard. Especially when you are going through it publicly. Rob and Reader are doing just that; trying to navigate the difficulties of an emotional breakup while still trying to remain civil enough to work together, and adding inquisitive fans and over involved friends to the equation certainly isn’t helping.

Reader makes big decisions about her new life, wondering if she can ever get over Rob. When she decides to go back to the con circuit, things get awkward  when someone she never expected expresses interest in her.

Word Count: 3824

Warnings: slight angst

Catch Up:  Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7

You had thought that being back home would make you feel a little better, but you were right in the fact that it sort of made you feel worse. You had shared your home with Rob for a long time; and now, everything about it only reminded you of him. Most of his things were still there and most of what actually made up your home had belonged to the both of you.

“Home sweet home,” you mumbled to yourself upon entering your home.

You dropped your luggage next to the door, not wanting to deal with unpacking yet. You went straight to your room where you hurriedly kicked off your shoes and crawled into bed. That was probably a mistake as well. You began to cry when you thought about how you and Rob had shared this bed for so long. Now, he wasn’t there and he was never going to be there again. The thought of staying in this house, along with your memories of him left you second-guessing whether you really wanted to stay. It was certainly something that you would have to consider now that you were on your own.

For now, you just wanted some quiet and maybe a chance to catch up on sleep. You made yourself comfortable and decided to take the risk of checking out your Twitter account that you had been avoiding for days. After a little bit of searching, you found that some fans had indeed captured your little SNS tantrum. In fact, they noticed your behavior at that moment as well as the way you had snubbed Rob repeatedly on stage over the weekend. Every event had been recorded, photographed, and discussed from every angle. Every video and picture left you looking like the unhappiest person in the world. It was a far cry from how happy you usually were at cons, how much you smiled every time you were near Rob in the past. You read a handful of tweets about your poor behavior, you also read some insights into your unhappy relationship with Rob. Fans guessed that the two of you were either coming to an end or had already ended. They weren’t wrong. You finally exited the app, tossing your phone aside with a heavy sigh.

You didn’t want this. You didn’t want the fans to view you as this bratty child who behaved like that onstage. You didn’t want your friends to pity you. Mostly, you didn’t want to believe that things between you and Rob were actually over.

You knew that the fans would view you how they had witnessed you over the weekend. You knew they would continue to talk, make guesses about the end of your relationship. The worst part about it was that Rob would be the good guy, he always was. He was a fan favorite and you were fairly new to the club. It was the same with your friends, they were his first. Not that you wanted anyone to take sides, that was never fair. You just wanted to be left alone now and you sort of wanted to be as frank with the fans about the split as you had been with the rest of the cast.

You reached for your phone again, biting your lip as you considered your options. Maybe if everyone was aware of the breakup, they would mostly leave you alone. You opened your Instagram after doing a bit of searching online for something. You had found some generic quote about breakups and how you were a strong, independent woman who would be okay. You figured it would be enough of a hint for people to know what was going on, without making yourself look too damaged. You hesitated a bit before posting, now debating over whether it would make you seem bitter. While you were in fact bitter, you certainly didn’t want to come across that way to anyone else. You finally posted the quote, hoping that people would understand and respect you enough to not bring it up anymore. You tossed your phone aside once more before pulling the covers over your head.

The following weeks were not easy. Although everyone had told you that things would get easier, they really hadn’t. You sort of hoped for a quick, overnight remedy for your broken heart; but you knew that was asking for too much.

Right after Rob had returned from Vancouver, he had contacted you about getting the rest of his stuff. You had to admit, it was decent of him to at least not expect you to leave the house that you had shared, but in all honesty, you knew you couldn’t stay there on your own. During the phone conversation about him getting his stuff, you told him that you weren’t going to live there and that the house was all his.

“I can’t do that to you,” Rob mumbled. You couldn’t see him, but you could hear the disappointment in his voice.

“Honestly, I can’t stay here and you know it.”

“I’ve already done enough to you, I won’t kick you out of the house.”

“You’re not,” you replied, “I’m leaving willingly.”

“Y/N, why are you doing this?” He asked with a sigh.

“I can’t sit around, hanging on to everything that reminds me of you. You wanted this to end, and the only way I can even start to accept that is to get away from the things that tie me to you.”

“You put a lot of work into our home,” he reminded you. You had put your heart into this house. It was your safe place that you shared with the man you loved.

“Well, it’s no longer our home,” you reminded him, “it’s yours. I’ve already found a place.”

“I’m sorry,” Rob muttered. You could still hear the hurt in his voice and for some reason, the fact that he was still doing that, made your blood boil.

“Don’t be sorry,” you said stiffly, “you got what you wanted, now I just want to be left alone.”

It took you no time at all to get settled in your new apartment. You had taken your belongings, the things that were yours and not shared with him. You left every piece of furniture and started over again. Everything was new and on your first night in your new place, you were terrified and even more alone than you had been in your house, but you knew it was for the best. Even a fresh start didn’t stop the hurting like you had hoped it would. Most days, you moped around your apartment; watching bad TV, and just generally avoiding people. Most of your friends had tried calling or texting, even reaching out to you over social media when they realized you were avoiding them; but you continued to keep to yourself until you knew you were ready to talk. You wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but you were depressed. Some days, you slept too much; other days, you let insomnia take over. Most of the time, every little thing made you cry.

Briana, who had stopped by on a couple of occasions when she wasn’t busy despite your insistence that she left you alone,  had pointed out that you had been losing too much weight. You told her you were just eating healthier and working out to take your mind off of things and you were glad she could see a difference. You couldn’t bear to tell her that you were so sad all the time, your appetite had completely disappeared. Generally, you stopped taking care of yourself completely, unsure of how to stop feeling so terrible.

You cancelled your appearance at the next convention, knowing that you couldn’t face your friends or Rob yet. You weren’t done feeling sad, and you were honestly not sure if you would ever get there.

You avoided all mention of the con that you had skipped out on, pleased that it had happened without you and you hadn’t been exposed to the goings on of it. By now, it had been a month since the split. You hadn’t seen Rob in weeks, but you couldn’t help but wonder where he was, what he was doing, who he was with… what he was feeling. All of this was no longer your concern, you knew that. The constant reminder to yourself only made it hurt more.

A couple of weeks later, you were scheduled to appear at another con. It wasn’t unusual for you to be included in every convention date, and since you had cancelled the last one, you knew you couldn’t do that again. Everyone already knew that you had ditched out on the last one because of the breakup, they all knew what you were avoiding. The worst thing you could do at this point was let people see how much this was affecting you. Just days before the scheduled con, Briana called you, like clockwork, to check in on you.

“Are you backing out of this one too?” She asked, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

“No, I can’t keep doing that,” you replied, “although, I do wonder if it would benefit me to just stop doing them altogether.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, I’m barely on the show anymore, why should i keep making appearances?”

“Hey, most of us aren’t on the show anymore, but the fans love us all, we do it for them.”

“I don’t think the fans really like me anymore,” you said, “they liked me when I was with Rob, don’t think I haven’t seen how a lot of them responded to us breaking up.”

“Most of them are just sad about it.”

“Well, they can join the club,” you chuckled.

“Things are still rough?” she asked.

“Well, I don’t cry all day long. Actually, the last week has been easier.”

“That’s good.”

“I just know that this weekend will set me back. I really don’t know if I can face him again, Bri,” you said nervously, worried over what seeing Rob again would be like.

“Hey, if nothing else, I’m there for you.”

“I don’t expect you to be, you know that right?”

“It’s crappy having two of your closest friends split up, you have to know that I’m not taking sides on this. I don’t ask him about it, but I’m sure as hell there for you when you need to talk. I guess I would be the same with him… but he just doesn’t bring it up.”

“Okay, I really don’t want to talk about it now,” you said.

“Alright, I’ll see you in a couple of days. We’re plane buddies, since I know how you are on planes.”

“I can always count on you,” you smiled.

You had hoped that you could at least avoid Rob for the first day, but the man was always around. When you showed up to the green room, bright and early to be ready for your panel, he was already there along with the band and Rich. You scurried off to a corner of the room, trying to hide yourself as you were still feeling embarrassed and angry. Rob always had to be the good guy, and he really was a good guy. You just sort of hoped he’d understand that you didn’t want to talk to him. Regardless, he sought you out to make small talk.

“How are you?” He asked as he stepped in front of you. You felt your breath catch when he spoke, heart racing upon being in close proximity with him again. You didn’t want to tell him the truth, didn’t want him to know that you were still hurting and unsure of what to do with yourself now that he was gone. You didn’t want to tell him that the last month or so had been hell on you, and although you had started to feel better within the last couple of weeks, seeing him now was destroying you again. You wouldn’t tell him that being around him right now made your heart beat wildly and your stomach turn into knots; but not in the same way as before. This time, it wasn’t like falling in love with someone; it was like being hurt all over again.

“I’m okay,” you replied. It wasn’t a total lie. You weren’t great, but you were certainly better.

“That’s good to hear,” he said softly, offering you a small smile. He stood there awkwardly, hands shoved in his pockets as he stared down at his feet.

“Can I help you with something?” You asked finally, somewhat annoyed that he had even approached you at all. You were trying your best to stay out of his life like he had wanted, why couldn’t he do the same for you?

“No, I was just checking on you.”

You scoffed at his words, “I think we’re pretty far past you being allowed to check in on me.”

“I was just trying to be friendly,” he replied, now looking up at you with hurt in his eyes.

“We’re not friends,” you stated sharply, “we’re just… not.”

“Okay,” he mumbled, this time looking a bit embarrassed, “I get it.”

“Look, it might just be easier if we… avoid each other for now. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the weekend hanging out with my ex boyfriend, I just need you to give me space.”

“I understand, I’ll just stay out of your way.”

You wanted to ask him again why this had happened, in fact, you never stopped wondering why. You opted to not bring it up again though. You were still confused and wanted some kind of closure. But, he had made his choice and it didn’t seem as if he was ever going to offer you a real explanation. You bit your tongue; knowing that saying anything would only result in another argument and more pain for yourself. Maybe it was best that you didn’t know the truth, maybe he was being considerate enough by sparing your feelings. All you could do at this point was just shut up about it, let him go, and wait for the hurting to stop on its own. After all, you knew you didn’t need to add to the drama since you still had to work together; although, just seeing him face-to-face right now had you seriously considering putting an end to your regular convention appearances.

Rich, Rob and the band introduced you onstage; playing your song as you bounded up, trying to play excited as your panel began. The panel went well; fortunately, the fans had enough respect for you and Rob to not bring up the breakup. You knew you couldn’t handle those questions right now, and you were grateful that they knew it wasn’t appropriate to bring it up. You made it through; talking about future appearances on Supernatural, other projects you might be working on, and even hinted a bit about what it was like to be on your own now. Strangely, telling the audience the story about how your heater had broken in your new apartment and you didn’t know what to do; so you waited for the landlord while you sat there sweating in your 90 degree living room instead of waiting in the hall; left you and them laughing. It didn’t hurt as much as you had thought it would to talk about your new life as a single woman. But, you decided to keep it to one story for now, not wanting to press your luck on the subject.

Back in the green room, a few of the others had trickled in. Kim and Briana had shown up and you spent some time chatting with them, feeling happy for once. You had spent so much time avoiding everyone, you had forgotten how relaxing it was just to have them around you. Not only were the girls here; but you noticed Adam and David were there as well. You smiled as you made your way over to them. It had been a while since you had seen either of them. You had worked briefly with them on the show, and really only saw them if they happened to be scheduled for a con. You hadn’t even paid much attention to what was going on lately, so you didn’t realize they would be here.

“Hi guys!” you said happily, an earnest smile spreading across your face. You were always happy to have these guys around, they were always a breath of fresh air when it came to the con circuit that you always shared with the same people.

“Y/N!” Adam was the first to move in, squeezing you into a tight hug, “It’s so good to see you.”

“You too,” you chuckled as you pulled away, “I didn’t realize you’d both be here.”

“No one ever pays us any attention,” David replied.

“Nonsense,’ you grinned, “you know I love having you guys around.”

The three of you stood around, catching up for a while. For the first time in a long time, you found yourself smiling again, laughing even. After a while, you saw Rob and the band head for the door, probably ready to bring the next panelists to the stage. You only watched Rob from the corner of your eyes, heart still racing upon noticing him. He looked over to the three of you and cleared his throat loudly.

“I don’t want to interrupt,” he said coldly, “but you two are up next.” He motioned toward Adam and David.

“On our way,” Adam called out to him before turning his attention back to you, “Hey, are you okay?” He asked, sympathetically. Obviously, even he knew about what was going on.

“Yeah,” you replied, “I’m good.”

He reached for your hand suddenly, squeezing it tight, “Alright, I worry about you, you know?”

You gave him a puzzled look; slightly thrown off by his words and his grip on your hand. The two of you had always been friendly, but it’s not like he was one of your closest friends. Having him of all people show his concern for you was a bit surprising.

“Thanks?” you replied. You continued to look at him as he tightened his grip on your hand.

“Hey, after this panel, we should hang out.”

“Oh, wow, okay…” you stuttered, suddenly very nervous. Why you were nervous was beyond you. You had hung out with these guys plenty of times. “I’ve got photo ops and stuff today, but I’ll see you around.”

“Okay, fair enough. Maybe we can do dinner later,” he shot you a wink, letting go of your hand as he and David headed for the door before you could even object.

“What was that?” You heard Briana’s voice come from behind you as you watched the guys leave. You turned to her, that confused expression still on your face.

“He was just being friendly,” you answered, but even you weren’t so sure if that’s what it was.

“He’s my friend too, but he doesn’t ask me out to dinner,” Briana teased.

“He didn’t ask me to dinner, he mentioned dinner. Besides, you’re married.”

“Exactly my point,” she chuckled.

“I’m not sure what you mean…” you replied.

“That was also a lot of hand holding,” she added, raising her brow at you. You blushed, wondering if she was disappointed in you for some reason. But, based on the sly smile she was giving you; she might have been thinking the same thing that you were.

“Was he flirting?” You asked with a frown.

“Well, he did mention dinner…”

You put your face in your hands, already stressed over the thought of it. “I can’t do that,” you cried, “why would he flirt with me?”

“Honey, he’s always flirted with you. I guess now that you’re back on the market, he can flirt a little more openly.”

“No,” you pouted, “It’s too soon to even think about that.”

“Not for him, he’s been drooling over you ever since he met you. He was just decent enough not to make it obvious since you were taken.”

You looked up at Briana, giving her your best pouty face, as if asking her to fix this. The last thing you needed was for anyone to start flirting with you, especially Adam. You weren’t even over Rob yet and the idea of your friend showing interest in you made you uncomfortable.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Briana said, “you just had your heart broken, and you know damn well that I think the only way to get over an ex is to get under someone new.” Briana grinned at you, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“Ugh,” you rolled your eyes at her words of wisdom, “I’m not even thinking about that right now.”

“That’s fine,” she shrugged, “but it’s been well over a month. Wouldn’t hurt you to at least think about getting back out there.”

“Is Rob dating?” You covered your mouth as soon as the words came out. It wasn’t your business, and honestly, you didn’t really want to know if he was. It would only hurt more if he was.

Briana shrugged again, “I really don’t know. I’ve never seen him with anyone else, and you know I’m pretty good at noticing shit. But, I really don’t think that he is.”

“It doesn’t matter…” you mumbled, looking down in embarrassment over even asking the question, “it’s not my business,”

Briana smiled at you, throwing her arm around your shoulder to pull you in for a hug.

“Y/N, there will come a time when you will realize that you’ve got to put the past in the past and focus on the future.”

“I know,” you replied.

“I’m just saying; Rob chooses to be your past, but someone has to be your future.”

“Maybe the future can wait until I’m ready,” you argued. You weren’t okay with thinking about moving on still. The wounds of the breakup still felt fresh and you knew you couldn’t put anyone through trying to date you when you were still such a mess over Rob. You feared that he had damaged you beyond repair; maybe, since you hadn’t been enough for him, you wouldn’t be good enough for anyone else.

“Look,” Briana replied, “you’ll know when you’re ready to get back out there. Don’t force yourself. But, don’t hold yourself back either.”

“Thanks, mom,” you joked. You laughed at her advice even though you knew she was right. You couldn’t stay wrapped up in your heartbreak forever. Eventually, you’d get back out there, start dating again. It was up to you to decide when it was time. You didn’t know if you would ever feel completely ready. But, maybe the best way to find out was to take a chance on someone who was already your friend.

Tag List: @gabriels-trix  @waywardswain   @winchestergirl-13  @soythedemonqueen  @laffytaffyhumor  @hunterpuff  @smoothdogsgirl  @reparo-live-soul  @riversong-sam   @lamthetwickster @angelsandhuntersgalore  

[natasha-cole]

Like the Heart Goes Chapter 15: Every smile it hurts me just the same, ‘cause I’m sad for all the lost songs

Pairing: Past Rob Benedict x Reader, Adam Fergus x Reader

Summary: Breaking up is hard. Especially when you are going through it publicly. Rob and Reader are doing just that; trying to navigate the difficulties of an emotional breakup while still trying to remain civil enough to work together, and adding inquisitive fans and over involved friends to the equation certainly isn’t helping.

Reader has to perform with Rob for the first time in a long time. She thinks she can handle it just fine; but Adam can read her better than she thought.

Word Count: 2766

Warnings: angst mostly, moody men, maybe some swears

Note: A short chapter that I meant to post yesterday. 

Catch Up:  Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7 Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10  Chapter 11  Chapter 12  Chapter 13  Chapter 14

You kept your head down for the rest of Friday. You had managed to make yourself look like a jerk during your panel and all you wanted to do was avoid Rob after his treatment of you. Adam had been a different story. While you weren’t pleased with him after lunch; you were still grateful when he sought you out after you left in tears when Rob had basically called you a screw up who was ruining everything. He found you in your room and took some time to comfort you without really knowing why you were so upset. He probably assumed your mood was a result of his behavior, and you certainly didn’t want to explain what had happened with Rob, especially after you knew that he was holding on to some jealousy for whatever reason.

By Saturday morning, you had felt a little better. That was until you got down to the convention area at 8 am sharp just as Rob had demanded so you could rehearse. It didn’t matter that you had shown up right on time, or that you had brought coffee for the band as a peace offering; Rob still immediately seemed in a bad mood the second you walked in.

“Let’s get this over with,” Rob said as you took your place at the mic. He picked up his acoustic, tuning it quickly with that same scowl on his face that he had given you yesterday. You were pretty irritated that he was still being a jerk, but you thought better about calling him out on it. After all, he had fit you into the set when he really didn’t have to.

When it came to you and Rob, rehearsal was usually a joke. As long as you were doing a song that you had done before, it was almost unnecessary to even rehearse. You always did work well together. Your voices blended seamlessly; which was a big reason the fans loved when the two of you sang together. You also read each other well. You knew what he was going to do and he always knew what you would do. It was strange to be here now, after everything, and find that this was still true. Rob played through the song; each of you taking your turns with the lyrics. As usual, it sounded amazing and you couldn’t help but feel a little pained by it. When the song had ended, you smiled at him; pleased that you still sounded so great together, also hoping that he would feel a little less unprepared now that everyone could see that you still had it.

“Maybe we need to go back and try the second verse,” Rob said, still frowning, “you were really off-key.”

You looked at him, confused. “No, I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, you really were. You can do better than that if you actually try.”

“I’m sorry,” you replied, giving him a displeased look, “but I was not off-key. That was perfect.”

“She wasn’t off-key,” Mike said, coming to your defense.

“I'm standing right next to her,” Rob argued, “trust me, it sounded terrible.”

“What the hell is your problem?” You asked.

Rob faced you, eyes studying you as he thought about what he should say.

“My problem is that you just messed up the entire set list, and can't even take rehearsal seriously.”

“I am taking it seriously. We sounded great. And, adding in a 3 minute song is not that big of a deal.”

“Rob, really,” Billy cut in, “you two sounded perfect, like you always do. This isn't going to mess anything up. The fans are going to be happy to have her back.”

“Whatever,” Rob mumbled, “fine, we're done here. You can go back to your boyfriend.”

You left, even more confused by Rob's exceedingly off the wall behavior towards to. Even when he had left you, he never spoke to you this way, never treated you so badly. In pure Rob fashion, he had tried to make the breakup as easy on you as possible. He continued to check in on you, even when you didn't want him to. In fact, he had been the nicest jerk you had ever known during that time. Mostly, you had to beg him to leave you alone, to stop trying to stay involved.

Now, you had no idea what was going on. He had been the one who had wanted to remain friends. Although you had shot that idea down quickly; you were still trying to play nice, aware of the fact that he had just done you a huge favor. What had changed so suddenly… you didn't know. That nagging thought in your mind that he might be jealous of Adam remained, even if it made no sense at all.

“So, now you're singing with him tonight?” Adam asked. You were both lying in bed in your hotel room, relaxing after a busy day. You only had a few hours before you had to be back for SNS and all you wanted to do was have a quiet moment with him.

“We always sing together,” you reminded him, “well, we used to… the fans want us to do it, so I'm doing it. I've let them down enough as it it.”

“I just… thought you were past all of that.”

“Singing?” you asked, “I love to sing. And I Iove being a part of the concert.”

“No, I meant him. I thought you said you were done with him.”

“I am. But I can still work with him. I sort of have to.”

“Am I reading too much into this?” He asked finally.

“Yeah, I think you are. It's nothing to worry about. It's one song.”

Adam hung his head, almost as if he felt guilty for even showing his jealousy.

“You’re right,” he replied, “we’ve been doing so well, and I know that you’ve been avoiding him. I’m sorry to even imply that it’s anything that it isn’t. You don’t deserve that from me.”

“Hey, I know that we’re taking this slow, but you have to know how into you I am. You’re so good to me and I appreciate you so much. I’m sorry that he has to remain a part of my work life, but this is my life,” you said, referring to the convention circuit in general. You moved closer to him, nuzzling against his side as you let your hand run across his chest.

“I know it is. I’m just- I’m being jealous, and I don’t want to be. No one has ever made me feel this way and I don’t want to lose you.”

“You have nothing to worry about,” you promised again, “it’s one song and then I can go back to avoiding him. I can go back to just being with you.”

SNS

When it was your turn to join the band on stage, Adam kissed you good luck before he headed out to watch you from the seats. You felt a little nervous that he would be out there, worried that you'd mess up in front of him.

“Y/N is going to join me,” you heard Rob explain, which mean this was your cue to go up on stage. You bounded up, smiling as you took your spot next to Rob at your mic. “We’re gonna do one we haven’t done in a while. This is called ‘Dearly Departed’.”

Rob led the both of you in, followed by the band. You sang together, for the first time in a very long time; voices harmonizing as well as they always had. Rob had no reason to think that you sounded terrible, even if he had, he wouldn’t call you out on it. You could feel him looking over at you as you tried to avoid eye contact and you honestly felt really good in that moment. It was almost as if nothing had changed between you. You sounded amazing and you actually felt comfortable there with him.

Near the end of the song, you finally eased up. You glanced over at Rob as you sang, even smiling at him as you both worked through the song. You had meant to keep your distance, establish boundaries; after all, the man had treated you like complete crap for the past two days. But as the song neared the end; you couldn't help but treat this performance the same way you had always done it in the past.

Just before the final verse, you left your mic, moving beside Rob to share his for the final part of the song. You had always done it this way, and it was comforting to still be able to do it. You assumed Rob wouldn't be too happy with this but he didn’t give you any cue to show that it bothered him. Although he seemed surprised by your movement, he kept playing, allowing you to join him so that you could finish the song as you had always done.

You probably should've avoided this completely. You wanted to keep your distance from him, but the movement just came naturally. You didn’t want to give him another reason to treat you terribly; you also didn’t want to give Adam a reason to question your intentions any more. All of that went out the window as you acted without really thinking.

Almost as soon as you got beside him, your eyes locked with his. You considered turning away, knowing that he hated you and probably didn't even want you near him; but he held your gaze, those blue eyes staring into you as you both built up to the finale. He didn’t seem angry with you anymore; in fact, this felt how any other performance in the past would have gone between you. A part of you was singing to Rob, focusing on him directly as you sang the lyrics that you realized held a new meaning to you after what he had done. You brushed it off as your way of letting him know that you were completely done with him, hoping he would understand that he no longer affected you the way that he had in the past. You thought this would be your parting note with him. You were filled with sadness as you performed with him; and somewhere deep down, you knew you were still holding on to something else. It seemed that no matter what he did to you, how he treated you; you still cared for him deeply.

When the two of you finished the song, the audience applauded you and you could feel the adrenaline rush through you. The final moments of the song had become intense, you and Rob singing as if you were aiming the words at each other. You waved to the audience, making your exit as you tried not to break down again.

You waited backstage, trying to compose yourself as the band continued on to the next song. Before you had a chance to breathe, Adam had found you.

“Well, that was pretty intense,” he muttered as he stopped a few feet from you.

“Thank you,” you replied.

“That wasn’t really a compliment.” You stared at him, wondering what he meant. “Y/N, what is going on here?”

“What are you talking about?” you said softly, hurt by the way he was now looking at you.

“It’s just- you tell me that I have nothing to worry about when it comes to the two of you. Then I watch you on stage with him and… I have to say, I’m a little worried.”

“I know,” you replied, fully understanding what he was getting at.

“I mean, what was that? Were you just so into the song that you weren’t thinking? Because I’d almost believe that you’re still in love with him given how you were looking at him.”

You considered how to answer him. You could easily tell him that he had misread the situation. You also knew that would be a lie. You could tell him the truth; even though you didn’t want to do that at all. You didn’t want to hurt him, and you didn’t want to admit it to yourself. But, you knew that lying to him wasn’t going to help anything, especially your feelings.

“I still love him,” you answered truthfully. You began to cry again, wondering if you would ever get to the point where you could go a few days without crying. “Of course I still love him, and I’m sorry. But you also have to know that I care about you. I don’t want to ruin things between us, but I know that I’m hurting you.”

The performance had not been your final parting note to signify the end of your relationship. When you were up there, singing to him as he sang to you; you knew that it was something else. You had hoped that your small moment of almost pleading with Rob to fix this would not have been noticeable to anyone else but him; but you had been wrong. Adam had read you like a book. And now he was standing in front of you demanding an explanation.

Reminding yourself that Rob had been the one to leave you, for whatever reason; you could plead with him all you wanted, it didn’t matter. So all you could do now was try to salvage what was left of your relationship with Adam.

“I don’t deserve you,” you choked out, “you are too good to me and too patient. I feel like I’ve done nothing but let you down.”

“How can you still love someone who hurts you?” It was a legitimate question. It really didn’t make any sense. You had been so hurt by him, you were still so angry with him; how was it possible to still feel this way? Especially when you had someone like Adam in your life.

“I can’t help the way I feel,” you replied. “I still have feelings for him, but I am still so angry with him. I still can’t stand him. You have to believe me when I tell you that I have feelings for you too. And, they’re very different feelings. I like you and there’s no conflict with how I feel about you. With him, it’s nothing but conflict.”

You hoped that you made sense; in your mind, it all made perfect sense. You adored Adam and how he was with you; caring, gentle, kind, and patient. You could see yourself falling in love with him someday. But, Rob had been a constant in your life for years. Your relationship had always been full of fire and love; even when you couldn’t agree on things. You didn’t understand it yourself; but he wasn’t something that was easy to let go of just yet.

“Y/N, I do understand,” he replied. You breathed a sigh of relief just hearing him say it. “I understand but I don’t know if I can keep giving you the time that I promised. I am so crazy about you, and I never want to push you into anything, make you feel like I am rushing you… but I just don’t know if I can keep going like this, especially when we all have to work together.”

“Are you leaving me?” You sputtered, your tears flowing a little more freely now. “You’re leaving me too… because I really am a fuck up.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Adam replied. “But, I think that we have decisions that we need to make if we’re really going to keep doing this. You have some choices that you need to make.”

“You’re giving me an ultimatum?” You asked, knowing full well that this was exactly what he was doing.

He shrugged, moving closer and wrapping you into an embrace.

“We’ll talk later. Right now, I think you need some time to think and I know I need time to think.”

You pressed your head against his chest, nodding against him to let him know that you understood. You felt him place a kiss to the top of your head before he pulled back from you, offering you a small smile before turning to walk away.

You watched him as he left; knowing that you were at least getting a chance with him still. You really did like him. You were also still conflicted in your feelings toward Rob. You knew that Adam would eventually give you a choice, and you only hoped that you could make the right one when the time came.

Tag List: @gabriels-trix  @waywardswain   @winchestergirl-13  @soythedemonqueen  @laffytaffyhumor  @hunterpuff  @smoothdogsgirl  @reparo-live-soul  @riversong-sam  @angelsandhuntersgalore  @capital-eyyyy-ohhh  @girl-next-door-rps  @a-banana-for-your-thoughts  @lefthologramdeer @lamthetwickster

[natasha-cole]

Like the Heart Goes Chapter 10: This may be your chance, so don’t think twice

Pairing: Past Rob Benedict x Reader, Reader x Adam Fergus?

Summary: Breaking up is hard. Especially when you are going through it publicly. Rob and Reader are doing just that; trying to navigate the difficulties of an emotional breakup while still trying to remain civil enough to work together, and adding inquisitive fans and over involved friends to the equation certainly isn’t helping.

Everything is a mess. Everyone knows about the Reader’s date with Adam, including Rob. She just can’t figure out why Rob is so concerned about it. Also, there’s a reason why the Reader rarely drinks.

Word Count: 4215

Warnings: some fluff, some angst, some potty words, and a lot of mood swings.

Note: Sorry for the constant updates? I’m just on a roll with this one and I don’t want to keep the chapters on hold as they get written.

Catch Up:  Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3   Chapter 4   Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7 Chapter 8  Chapter 9

Saturday

“I know you want me to leave you alone, but we need to talk about work related stuff.”

Startled, you turned towards Rob’s voice, unaware that he was even in the green room with you.

“What’s up?” You asked hesitantly.

“The concert. You didn’t show up to any of the rehearsals, so you better pick a song that we know well enough to just do without practice.”

“I’m not singing tonight,” you stated plainly.

“What? Why? You always sing.”

“I used to, yeah. But, come on Rob… things are different now.”

“So, you’re not coming at all?” Rob looked at you, concerned over the fact that you were bailing on the concert altogether. In the many years that you have been on the convention circuit, you had never backed out of a performance. The fans looked forward to you and Rob singing. But, that was before Rob had left you.

“No, I’ve got other things to do,” you said as you started to move away from him. Just as you had gotten a few feet from him, he spoke up again.

“You’re going out with him again, aren’t you?” You stopped dead in your tracks, surprised by his question, and more surprised that he somehow knew.

“Excuse me?” You said as you turned back to face him.

“Adam. I know you went out with him last night.” Rob suddenly became nervous. You couldn’t be certain, but you detected a hint of hurt in his expression.

“And, how did you…?”

“I overheard Briana talking about it to the girls. Secrets don’t really stay secret around here.”

“It wasn’t a secret, I just didn’t realize anyone knew.”

“Well, she was talking about how he asked you out. That was all I heard. I got confirmation from Twitter though. The fans, they always know what’s going on.”

“I assume there are pictures?” You asked curiously. It was awkward to even be discussing this with him, but you really hoped you had avoided having pictures all over the internet even if it had just been a friendly dinner.

“No, but people saw you together. They’re just talking.”

“Oh,” you breathed out, relieved that it wasn’t anything more, “well, I’m not sure that it’s any of your business.”

“No, it’s not. I was just observing,” Rob said. You turned from him again, ready to walk away, “Hey, you shouldn’t let him stop you from doing the things that you love to do, you know?”

“He’s not stopping me from doing the concert, Robert,” you argued. You faced him again, trying your best to keep your cool, “you are.”

“Me?”

“I’m still so angry with you. It still hurts to be near you; but, unfortunately, we have to work together. I just figure it’s easier for me if I distance myself from you as much as I can.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, “please, just don’t call me Robert. You only do that when you’re mad at me.”

“I have to admit I’m a little pissed right now.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything. What you do and who you do it with isn’t my business anymore, I know that. I just hope he’s decent to you.”

You glared at him, displeased with the tone he was taking with you. It was almost as if he disapproved of you spending time with Adam. You were confused as to why it might even be an issue with him.

“Adam is a nice guy,” you stated, unsure as to why you felt the need to defend him and yourself to Rob, “regardless of that, you of all people shouldn’t be concerned.”

“I just, wish we could still get along,” Rob sighed, changing the subject slightly, “I wish you would still involve yourself in these things that we’ve always done together.”

“If I keep doing that, it’s going to make me crazy. You’re the one wanted to end this. Please don’t expect me to stick around just because it benefits you. Don’t make me feel shitty because you think I still owe you something.”

“I don’t think you owe me anything-”

“Then stop acting like I do!” You had finally lost your cool. It was one thing for him to take note of the fact that you had been out with Adam, it was a different thing completely for him to sit there, acting as if he was concerned with how Adam treated you. “You left me! Stop thinking that I need to sit here and tell you if I’m happy or not. Stop expecting me to think that you’re a great guy because you pretend that you’re looking out for me.”

“Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. I overstepped.”

“Stop apologizing,” you spat out as you turned from him again. You headed for the door, seething over his behavior, “Oh, and stay out of my business.”

When the day had ended, you rushed to meet Adam. He had mentioned that he had something planned for the two of you. You were nervous, but more excited than anything. For some reason, you knew that whatever he had planned was going to be fun. Also, you really enjoyed getting to know him. He was new and interesting and just being around him made you smile.

“Mini golf?” You asked.

“I hope it’s okay. I would’ve taken you to play real golf, but it’s late.” “It’s great, I love golf,” you said happily.

“Really? You play?”

“I used to,” you replied, “it’s been a long time though.”

“What? I don’t think I could go for too long without playing.”

“I mean, when you’re constantly with someone who has no interest in it, you sort of lose focus on it.”

“Did the two of you have anything in common?” He asked smugly. You watched him as he got into his stance, focusing on his shot.

“Not really, no,” you answered truthfully.

“Interesting,” he stated simply as he took his shot.

“Hey, we still made it work. For as long as we could anyway. Although, it is kinda nice to hang out with someone that shares interests with me.”

“So, good choice for a date?”

“Yeah, this is a great choice.”

“So, this is a date then?” He asked, eyeing you carefully as you stepped up for your turn.

“Yeah, this is a date,” you chuckled, shaking your head at him.

“Perfect. So, if I win, I get to kiss you,” he announced cheekily.

“Oh, you think so?” You laughed, “Well, if I win, you get to make a public post on social media that states that I am better than you.”

“Wow, ruthless,” he said with a grin, “I like it.”

You and Adam played through your game. You talked the entire time, getting to know more about each other. You hadn’t taken the time to get to know anyone quite like this, not within the past few years anyway. The more you talked, the more you realized how much you had in common with him. You hadn’t felt a connection like this with anyone before. Not even with Rob. You loved Rob, you always had and you were sure that a part of you always would despite what he had done. However, you had never had conversation like this with him. You had never found yourself so intrigued and excited over how many similarities the two of you had. Actually, you and Rob were very opposite. Most of what you enjoyed, he didn’t; and vice versa. Now that you thought about it, you weren’t even sure how the relationship had lasted as long as it did. You always assumed that it was a case of opposites attract, but, in the aftermath of everything, you thought that maybe you were really meant to be with someone that actually understood you.

“You’re fairly quiet tonight,” Adam said, “what’s on your mind?”

“I’m just thinking about how terrible you are at mini golf,” you laughed. You waved the scorecard in his face, reminding him that you were winning.

“Yeah, yeah,” he rolled his eyes, “maybe I’m just letting you win.”

“You don’t seem like the kind of guy to just allow your date to win.”

“You’re right, I’m not. I’m actually very frustrated that you’re showing me up.”

You smiled as you lined up your next shot, focusing intently on making sure that you beat him. The competitive nature of the date had you excited. This was certainly not how activities with Rob had ever been. The man was always concerned with making sure that you won at whatever you were doing. As you focused, Adam began to whistle loudly, obviously trying to distract you.

“Stop it,” you warned, not taking your eye off the ball.

“Don’t mess up on the last hole,” he said, “Otherwise, I still have a chance.”

You grinned, as you prepared to take your shot. You pulled back gradually, following through with your swing and you watched the ball as it rolled up and over the small hills and right into the hole. You swung your putter over your shoulder, looking at Adam smugly.

“I do believe that even if you sink this shot, I’ve still won.”

“You’re such a show off,” he said, shaking his head. He nodded to you, indicating that you had won the game and he was bowing out gracefully.

“I can’t wait to read about what a loser you are on Twitter.”

“Like I said, ruthless,” he chuckled as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, “but, you have to be in the picture with me.”

You moved next to him and he put his arm around you as you posed. You felt your heartbeat quicken again as he touched you. You smiled happily as he prepared his phone to take the picture. You were smiling for a lot of reasons; because you had actually won the game, the fact that he was touching you, and the fact that you realized that you really liked him. He kept his arm around you; offering a dramatic frown as you continued to smile. You didn’t even look at the phone, your focus was on him and how attractive he was. Before you could even set yourself up for the picture, he had snapped it, moving his arm away from you as he started to post it.

Not long after he shared the picture, you got a notification on your own phone. You pulled it out to see that he had tagged you in his post, “I gracefully lost a game of golf to the lovely @Y/T/H. Don’t let her cute face fool you, she’s merciless.” You chuckled to yourself as you replied to his tweet, “You forgot to mention that I am better than you.”

The two of you headed back to the hotel after a quick late night dinner. You made him pay since you had won at mini golf. Even though you had spent the last two days talking and getting to know each other, even the conversation through dinner never went stale. You felt happy just being around him, and you honestly hadn’t stopped laughing the entire time you had spent with him.

As you started to head back to the rooms, Adam checked his phone, reading through some messages before he stopped you with a new plan.

“Drinks?” Adam asked.

“Where?”

“The concert is over, everyone is heading to a bar nearby.”

“I don’t know…” you replied hesitantly. You wanted to spend time with your friends, but you really wanted to avoid Rob, especially after the conversation from earlier that day.

“Y/N, you’re allowed to hang out with your own friends. Just because he will be there, doesn’t mean that you can’t be there too.”

“He just… puts me in such a bad mood when I see him, and I’ve been having such a good time with you. I don’t want to spoil it.”

“Hey, I’m always here to make you smile, maybe make you forget about him for a moment.”

You recalled how you had completely forgotten that Rob even existed during karaoke, all because Adam made sure he paid attention to you, making you laugh and being silly.

“Okay, fine. It could be fun.”

You and Adam arrived at the bar together. You made sure to distance yourself from him, not wanting anyone to think anything was going on between the two of you other than just hanging out. You don’t know why you were so concerned about what anyone else thought, you just knew that you didn’t want anyone to look at you as if you were a bad person. For some reason, throughout the breakup, you had felt like you were the bad guy. It was stupid, as none of it was really your fault as far as you knew, but you always believed that if the moment came when people would have to pick sides; they would choose Rob. So, you stayed a safe distance from Adam for the most part, but continued to stay by his side. You continued to talk and laugh together.

You finally had a chance to hang out with your friends, all of you gathered at a table as everyone drank even though most of them seemed to have had enough for the night. Even Rob sat with all of you, and all you could do was nervously avoid his stare.

At one point, Adam disappeared for a few minutes, only to return to your side with two shot glasses in his hands. He handed you one, giving you a wink as he downed his own shot.

“Wh-what is this?” you asked nervously.

“Whiskey, and it’s the good stuff.”

“Oh, okay,” you put the glass to your lips, wondering if it was a good idea to partake. You had already had a few beers at dinner but you didn’t want to seem like a lightweight in front of him. During your hesitation, you heard Rob scoff loudly across from you. You looked up at him.

“She doesn’t drink, you idiot,” Rob pointed out rudely to Adam, “not usually anyway.”

Adam looked at you, “you had wine at dinner the other night, and a couple of drinks earlier…”

“I just don’t usually drink,” you replied, “it’s not like I’m not allowed to though.” You glared at Rob, pissed that he even interfered.

“I’m not trying to force you or anything, I just thought you’d like a drink.”

“I just, have low alcohol tolerance. I can’t keep up most of the time.”

“Aw, honey,” Adam cooed at you. He rubbed your back gently, “you just need someone who’s willing to look after you if you get a little tipsy.”

“And you’ll do that?” you chuckled, “you’ll take care of me if I get wasted.”

“That escalated quickly, but yes. I would do that.”

You smiled at him and downed your shot quickly, reaching for his beer to chase it when you realized that it was a little more difficult to handle than you had expected.

“That’s my girl!” he exclaimed. You glanced over to Rob again who was staring down at his drink, looking pretty pissed off. “Let’s dance,” Adam said as he took your hand and led you to the dance floor.

“I don’t dance,” you explained as soon as he had managed to get you out there..

“Sure you do,” he argued. He wrapped his arms around your waist and you immediately rested your arms over his shoulders. He began to move you as the two of you danced. “See. Look at you, dancing.”

You giggled, looking around to see who was watching you. Of course, a few of your friends had taken notice and it made you nervous as they stared. You caught sight of Rob by accident, who was sitting alone at the bar now, definitely looking in your direction. You turned your head quickly, not wanting to know what he must be feeling. You had to remind yourself that it didn’t matter anymore.

“Don’t look at him,” Adam whispered in your ear, “the more you look at him, the more it hurts.”

“You know, it hurts a lot less now that I’ve been spending time with you.”

“Good. Because I like you. I like seeing you smile.”

You did just that at his words; smiled.

“Why are you so nice to me?” You asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know…” you trailed off. You wanted to ask him so many questions, mostly to figure out why he showed interest in a screw up like you, “I mean, I did kick your butt at golf.”

“Ah, I’m only upset that I didn’t win that kiss.”

You felt your face flush as you ran your fingertips down the back of his neck. You had to admit, it was really nice to be in his arms. You leaned back to look at him, suddenly feeling brave.

“You know, maybe you could get a participation award,” you said as you stared into his eyes.

“I might like that.”

Before you could stop yourself, you were leaning into him, eyes still focused on his as your lips ghosted his for a brief moment. You wanted to kiss him, but something was stopping you. Your heart raced with anticipation, your stomach doing cartwheels as you waited there; trying to decide if this was too much, too soon.

Suddenly, it seemed as if he couldn’t wait much longer because he was crashing his lips to yours before you could think about making the move anymore. It caught you off guard and you gasped against his lips as you tried to steady yourself. He was definitely kissing you. You curled your fingers into the front of his shirt, starting to push at him to make him stop. You didn’t push hard enough to indicate that you wanted him to stop though, and eventually you just gave up. Instead of trying to put distance between you, you noticed that you were pulling at him, trying to bring him closer as he continued to kiss you softly.

You were still nervous. This was different from any other kiss you had ever had. It wasn’t rushed, and he kept it chaste by just pressing his lips against yours gently. His lips were soft and not at all what you had expected from him. After a while, you decided that you wanted more, so you parted your lips against his, hoping he would get the hint. He read you well, allowing his tongue to meet yours as you deepened the kiss. You were sure you moaned into his mouth, excited over how nice this felt. You hadn’t been kissed in a long time. He tasted like whiskey and mint, and you couldn’t get enough of it.

You gradually worked your hands from his shirt to the back of his neck again, pulling him closer as you continued to kiss. This was different, but amazing. You felt your head spin, knees buckling beneath you. You really hoped that you hadn’t been tipsy in that moment, because you couldn’t tell if it was the whiskey or his lips that had the effect on you.

You suddenly became very aware that you were making out with him in the middle of a bar; where all of your friends were, where many of your fans probably were, and where Rob definitely was.

You pulled away from him, breathing heavy as you finally came back for air. He did the same, smiling at you as watched you try to regain your composure. He pulled you back in, pressing his lips against your ear so you could hear him.

“Don’t get so flustered, that was nice.”

“I can’t make out with you in the middle of a bar full of people that I work with,” you argued. You were definitely flustered and slightly humiliated that you had let this happen.

“You mean, you can’t make out with me in front of your ex,” he stated simply, “who, by the way, hasn’t stopped staring at us.”

“Oh god,” you mumbled, “please just stop.”

“You’re worried that he’s pissed off now. You’re worried that you’ve hurt his feelings.”

“Quit telling me how I feel and what I’m thinking!” you yelled. You pulled back from him, swatting his hand away as he tried to console you. “I just- I shouldn’t be kissing someone this soon. I just became single.”

“It’s been a month, Y/N,” he reminded you.

“Yeah, only a month! Everyone is going to think I’m a slut.”

“Hey!” Adam raised his voice, his amused expression turning serious at your words, “don’t you ever talk about yourself like that.”

“Well, they will! I’m a horrible person. I should be staying in, letting myself feel sad because I am still sad. I shouldn’t be here with you.”

“Okay,” he started. He grabbed your arm gently, walking toward the exit, “let’s just get you out of here.”

He walked you out of the bar as quickly as you could while you began to cry, the alcohol definitely catching up to you. You didn’t want to do it, but your immediate reaction was to turn to Rob. He was still at the bar, only now he was standing, with Matt in front of him, almost as if Matt was holding him back from something. You watched Rob as he watched you walk out of there with Adam. You wanted to stop feeling bad for him; but he followed you with his eyes, looking concerned.

“Great, now everyone just saw me leave with you,” you stated when you finally got outside. You were still crying, hiccuping as you spoke. You were dizzy and your face was numb. All you wanted to do was sleep it off.

“It’s better than everyone watching you have a meltdown.”

You rolled your eyes at him. Why you were suddenly so put off by him you didn’t know. After all, you had initiated the kiss.

“I-I just want to go back to my room,” you sputtered.

“Okay, I’ll walk you,” Adam said as he tightened his grip on your arm.

“No,” you interjected, “don’t. Just leave me alone. Go back to the bar and tell everyone I left on my own.”

“You really don’t want people to think you left with me,” he observed. He frowned at you, probably hurt that you really didn’t want to be seen with him right now.

“I’m not leaving with you,” you reminded him, “I’m not taking you home, I’m not going to sleep with you.”

“Hey, I never said anything…” Adam argued. He had his hands up now, a puzzled look on his face as he tried to gauge your sudden strange behavior.

“That’s what you’re trying to do, isn’t it?”

He dropped his hands, shaking his head at you, looking disgusted now. You felt bad for hurting his feelings, but for some reason, the words didn’t stop.

“No one just shows up, interested in a girl who literally just got dumped. I know what this is, you’re thinking that I’m sad and pathetic enough right now, that you can be really nice to me and easily get me into bed with you.”

“I really hope this is the whiskey talking,” Adam laughed.

“It’s just me.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Y/N. I like you. I just do. I’m sorry if I pushed you into anything you didn't want to do.”

“I’m mad at you,” you pouted. Truthfully, you were mad at yourself. You had let the kiss happen even though you really meant to hold off on it. You were mad that you had just now hurt his feelings and made a fool of yourself yet again. You were mad that you felt the need to push him away just because you were still so torn up over Rob. You were mad that you couldn’t let yourself at least try to be happy again.

“You’re an adorable drunk,” he chuckled. For some reason, this made you even more mad. You felt like this was a serious thing that had just happened, and here he was, joking about it.

“It’s not funny,” you mumbled.

“Okay, you’re still mad,” he said, “then we’ll just see if you’re still mad at me in the morning.”

You grinned at him and his cockiness. Even with you berating him for no real reason, he maintained his stance on showing interest in you. The man was intriguing for sure.

Before you could say anything else, Briana exited the bar and noticed you. She walked over to you, embracing you.

“Are you okay? What happened?” She turned to Adam accusingly.

“Nothing,” you replied, “there’s still a reason that I don’t drink. I was just done being horrible to Adam, and now I’m going to go home and hope that he can forgive me in the morning.”

Adam smiled at you, “I would never hold anything against you.”

“Walk me home, Bri?”

“Yeah, I’m heading back too.”

“Goodnight Adam,” you said before you turned from him.

“Goodnight, beautiful,” he replied.

You and Briana walked away from him, a grin still present on your face despite all the crying you had just done. You may have overreacted, but it didn’t seem to scare him off.

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