#rip mrs walnut crane-crowe

[crowley-in-arkham]

Patient Session #2: Edward Nygma, "The Riddler"

As soon as Rook dropped him off, Mr. Nygma stormed up to my desk in a frenzy and began ranting.

Nygma: You and Crane are doing what? Where have you been the last few days you insolent- You're poking around Arkham Asylum you're going to get yourselves killed!

Crowley: Nygma-

Nygma: Don't "Nygma" me doctor! What has one eye but can't see?

Crowley: A needle, what does that-

Nygma: Crane, you walnut! That idiot is dragging you into this mess like you're cannon fodder for whatever revenge he has planned! Crowley, we all knew Arkham was going to break you, but this? This is inane.

Crowley: Are you worried about me? Nygma, do you-

Nygma: I don't give a damn about whatever "we're making progress" bullshit you're about to rip out of your ass doctor, you're jumping into a mess- and unfortunately, here in Arkham? There are no bats to save stupid crows.

Crowley: Thank you for worrying about me but I'll be fi-

Nygma: Jon is going to kill you, you know. By proxy. He's borderline anthropophobic, the second you get in his way he will cut you down faster than fucking Isley.

Crowley: I won't get in his way.

Nygma: Oh-hoh, I'm not done doctor. If Jon doesn't kill you, would you like to take a gamble at one of Arkham's staff? I'm sure Strange has an opening for a test subject, or maybe Bolton wants a new toy.

Crowley: What do you mean?

Nygma: Welcome to Arkham Asylum good little Doctor Crowley! Riddle me this, doctor; You're faced with two gates, one to heaven, the other to hell. They each have a guardian, one that always lies, and another that always tells the truth. How do you figure out what door goes to heaven?

I ponder for a while, before Nygma answers for me.

Nygma: You ask, "What door will the other guardian say is heaven?" In this situation-

Crowley: Both guardians would point to hell.

Nygma: And what door do you enter?

I knew where he was going.

Nygma: I can't believe I have to hold your hand Crowley, I thought you were smarter than this.

Crowley: Nygma, I'm not going to stop.

Nygma: Then you're going to die.

Crowley: At worst-

Nygma: You want me to say it that badly Crowley? Fine. I admit. You're the only bearable thing that has happened to Arkham for me. Are you happy? I actually like you Crowley-- and frankly, I'd rather not watch you get killed for Scarecrow of all the costumed lunatics in this asylum!

Crowley: It's not for Crane. I'm not doing it for Crane. How did you findout about this anyway?

Nygma: See, Crane isn't a complete moron, Crowley. He actually knows when to ask for help.

Crowley: How many inmates know?

Nygma: Mostly Jervis, Harley, and I- but I assume Isley, since-

Crowley: Harls.

Nygma: Exactly. Crane asked we keep it relatively under the radar, can't let Joker in lest he-- well, blow it up.

Crowley: Thank you, for helping us. Do you have any other information I should know?

Nygma: You really aren't letting this go, are you? I wanted you to leave it to us.

Crowley: I'll be fine. Besides, Crane is letting me test some samples he got from his cell in his lab. To be honest, I kind of like it. It's fun.

Nygma: Just- don't get killed on us Crow.

Crowley: Crow?

Nygma: Oh, sorry, Jon calls you that when we talk around the guards, I think it's really on the nose but-

Crowley: I kind of like it, but it is on the nose.

Nygma: Well, in terms of information, last night, Jon saw one of the prison guards take-- what was it- Tockman?

Crowley: Must've been pretty unremarkable for Riddler not to remember his name.

Nygma: Was that a compliment?

Crowley: More of an insult to Mr. Tockman, but I suppose it was in some fashion. Why would they transfer a prisoner in the middle of the night?

Nygma: It isn't unheard of. I mean, Dr. Arkham.

Crowley: What do you mean Dr. Arkham? Do I not know something?

Nygma: Don't worry your pretty little head Crowley, I'm sure if we keep pushing on, you'll be as privy to what kind of hell Arkham really is in no time. Water?

Nygma rounded my desk, and before I could answer, tossed me a bottle of water. I think that'll be the end of my notes for now.

END SESSION NOTES.

OBSERVATIONS:

Oh, good doctor, they don't know how misplaced their trust really is. Arkham asylum attracts a certain kind of person, we both know that.