#right now i'm doing 1 self care and .5 socialising...

[thistransient]

I, it seems, have not made my annual birthday reflection post yet this year. It was certainly an eventful time: I had surgery, finished the highest level offered at my language school (of course, there are always more at NTU and NTNU but I felt a bit done with commuting to 大安 every day), made a close friend, traveled a bit, decided to be more social and actively trained myself to go to events alone, got into shibari, started bicycling regularly and eating vegetables instead of instant noodles, survived my dad visiting, disentangled myself from a draining relationship, actually attended a job interview. Now, however, at the beginning of 34 I find myself a bit adrift considering I never expected to get this far. It’s hard to discern if I’m a) strangely content with my current life b) depressed or c) it’s just summer in the subtropics and bloody hot, thus when one is neither employed nor in school there is simply not much else to do but lay on the floor in a state of undress until the sun goes down. (I do type this from the library though, where I am ensconced mainly because a friend was going and I decided aircon was critical today). I need to reestablish some sort of life goal to trundle onwards with because evidently “work on getting permanent residency” is too vague and long-term for my brain which is used to calculating the future solely in 3 month increments. (Hey, visa runs give me something to do.)

Perhaps last year’s undertakings created a sort of foundation, in that I feel more comfortable interacting with the world, and my Mandarin skills are finally good enough to attend events/classes aimed at native speakers, not foreign learners. However, hell if I know yet what I’m going to build on it. My usual response to this sort of malaise would be to start learning a new language, or move to a new place, but they say the definition of foolishness is to try the same thing repeatedly hoping for different results. I suppose the only solution is creativity, right?

[cccat-in-a-meat-sack]

I'M SORRY WHO WAS GOING TO TELL ME THAT THESE WERE THE PAIN, FATIGUE, AND MENTAL HEALTH SCALES???

Pain Scale transcription:

10 - I am in bed and I can’t move due to my pain. I need someone to take me to the emergency room because of my pain.

9 - My pain is all that I can think about. I can barely move or talk because of my pain.

8 - My pain is so severe that it is difficult to think of anything else. Talking and listening are difficult.

7 - I am in pain all the time. It keeps me from doing most activities.

6 - I think about my pain all of the time. I give up many activities because of my pain.

5 - I think about my pain most of the time. I cannot do some of the activities I need to do each day because of the pain.

4 - I am constantly aware of my pain but can continue most activities.

3 - My pain bothers me but I can ignore it most of the time.

2 - I have a low level of pain. I am aware of my pain only when I pay attention to it.

1 - My pain is hardly noticeable.

0 - I have no pain.

Fatigue scale transcription:

10: can barely move; can’t talk

9: can barely move; can talk

8: can move, but can’t do much more than watch TV

7: can watch TV and play a game on my phone simultaneously

6: can do work on my computer lying in bed

5: can get around the house, but definitely couldn’t go out

4: can run a light errand

3: can get in my 10,000 steps, making my fitbit happy

2: can do three or more activities in a single day

1: going clubbing!

Mental Health Pain Scale transcription:

MILD

1 - Everything is a-okay! There is absolutely nothing wrong. You’re probably cuddling a fluffy kitten right now. Enjoy!

2 - You’re a bit frustrated or disappointed, but you’re easily distracted and cheered up with a little effort.

3 - Things are bothering you, but you’re coping. You might be overtired or hungry. The emotional equivalent of a headache.

MODERATE

4 - Today is a bad day (or a few bad days). You still have the skills to get through it, but be gentle with yourself. Use self-care strategies.

5 - Your mental health is starting to impact on your everyday life. Easy things are becoming difficult. You should talk to your doctor.

6 - You can’t do things the way you usually do them due to your mental health. Impulsive and compulsive thoughts may be hard to cope with.

SEVERE

7 - You’re avoiding things that make you more distressed, but that will make it worse. You should definitely seek help. This is serious.

8 - You can’t hide your struggles any more. You may have issues sleeping, eating, having fun, socialising, and work/study. Your mental health is affecting almost all parts of your life.

9 - You’re at a critical point. You aren’t functioning any more. You need urgent help. You may be a risk to yourself or others if left untreated.

10 - The worst mental and emotional distress possible. You can no longer care for yourself. You can’t imagine things getting any worse. Contact a crisis line immediately.

Tag yourself I'm 4, 6, and somewhere between 1 and 10 depending on when I've last seen a chicken