#rey disassociates a lot

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

rei and c!tommy aren’t all that different tbh. i think they’d get along.

funny thing about tommy being a god in the qsmpverse is that he not only continues to establish the dsmp as canon but he directly references it as events he was involved with. so right now the most canonical ending to c!tommy's storyline is he ascended to godhood and then fucked off to the qsmp. which is intensely funny for so many reasons.

[velvet4510]

I guess I’m one of those weirdos who so deeply feels the essence of an instrumental leitmotif from a film score associated with a particular character or couple, that I start associating said leitmotifs in my head with ANOTHER character from an entirely different film/book/series. And I’ve built up a whole library of leitmotifs for LOTR characters even though I ADORE Howard Shore’s original score for the trilogy. I consider these leitmotifs to be add-ons, NOT replacements.

Nor do I intend to completely disassociate all of these themes from their intended films/characters; some of them are perfect fits for the films they were written for. It’s just my mind going wild like usual. (But I admit, in some cases, the pieces are from films I dislike, and thus I would rather see these great songs associated with something of LOTR quality rather than what they were actually stuck with, especially when the lack of lyrics gives you the freedom to let the melody take you wherever it takes you, personally.)

In the case of Silmarillion characters and relationships, well, it’s a different story - it really is my attempt to cobble together what could be a hypothetical score, if it were brought to the screen. Obviously it’d never be this exactly, but I would hope a composer for a potential screen adaptation of The Silmarillion might be inspired by themes like these.

In some cases, the characters these themes were originally written for don’t resemble the corresponding LOTR characters very much, or at all. Also some of them have titles that by themselves could not be more different from and unfitting for Tolkien’s world. It’s just the melodies on their own, without context or even name, performed by these gorgeous orchestras, that have come to remind me of particular Tolkien figure(s).

I also have found lots of “love themes”, both romantic and platonic, for character relationships, as you’ll see. I’ve included romantic themes for canonical couples, as well as for pairings that I personally ship. I know Shore already gave Aragorn and Arwen a theme, but as I said, these are all extra additions and not replacements.

And yes I have a lot of Star Wars stuff in here, because I love Star Wars…but I love Tolkien more.

For the heck of it I’ll share some of these, with links to each song on YT. It’s hard to explain why I made these choices/associations, but maybe you’ll get it if you listen to some of them.

CHARACTER THEMES

The Valar = “Guardians of the Whills Suite” by Michael Giacchino

Lúthien Tinúviel = “Once Upon a Time in the West” by Ennio Morricone

Túrin Turambar = “Anakin’s Theme” by John Williams

Nienor Níniel = “Helena’s Theme” by John Williams

Frodo Baggins = “Romeo” by Nino Rota

Sam Gamgee = “Rey’s Theme” by John Williams

Aragorn = “The John Dunbar Theme” by John Barry

Gandalf = “Yoda’s Theme” by John Williams

Legolas = “Rose Tico” by John Williams

Éowyn = “Marion’s Theme” by John Williams

THEMES FOR LANDS/LOCATIONS

The Undying Lands = “Out of Africa” by John Barry

ROMANTIC LOVE THEMES

Frodo x Sam = “Love Theme from Ben-Hur” by Miklos Rozsa

Beren x Lúthien = “Love Theme from The Godfather” by Nino Rota

Faramir x Éowyn = “Han Solo and the Princess” by John Williams

Aragorn x Arwen = “Love Theme from Cinema Paradiso” by Ennio Morricone

Sam x Rosie = “Love Theme from Dances with Wolves” by John Barry

Bilbo x Thorin = “Andante Cantabile” by Bernard Herrmann

Thingol x Melian = “Indecent Proposal” by John Barry

Fingon x Maedhros = “Wuthering Heights” by Alfred Newman

Galadriel x Celeborn = “Central Park” by James Newton Howard

Finrod x Bëor = “Somewhere in Time” by John Barry

Aegnor x Andreth = “Love Theme from The Scarlet Letter” by John Barry

Finduilas x Gwindor = “Deborah’s Theme” by Ennio Morricone

Túrin x Beleg = “Midnight Cowboy” by John Barry

Mablung x Nienor = “Wanda and Vision” by Christophe Beck

Tuor x Idril = “Conversation Piece” by Bernard Herrmann

Eärendil x Elwing = “Tennessee” by Hans Zimmer

Elrond x Celebrían = “And Then I Kissed Him” by Hans Zimmer

Pippin x Diamond = “Love Theme from East of Eden” by Leonard Rosenman

Merry x Estella = “Love Theme from Rebel Without a Cause” by Leonard Rosenman

Elanor x Fastred = “Theme from A Summer Place” by Max Steiner (arranged by Percy Faith)

PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP THEMES

Elrond & Elros = “Brothers” by Hans Zimmer

Merry & Pippin = “Flying” by John Williams

Legolas & Gimli = “Rain Man” by Hans Zimmer

Boromir & Faramir = “Luke and Leia” by John Williams

Bilbo & Frodo* = “The Mother’s Love” by Miklos Rozsa

Sam & Elanor = “The Ludlows” by James Horner

I may add to this as I think of more, or even replace certain songs entirely if I come across a better match. Always return to the pinned post here to see the most recently updated list.

* Bilbo & Frodo’s melody is heard in the first minute of the linked track, 0:00–1:01, and again at 1:48. Also, the love theme I associate with Frodo & Sam starts playing at 1:03, making this whole thing fit all the hobbits even better.

[princess-of-the-corner]

tbh the LoVBabies things has the same question asked in Amnesia!Dabi of "How does Enji tell the rest of the family 'oh hey Toya's alive but some fuckery happened so he's not fully himself rn?"

Like really the idea of him gathering the rest of the kids and just blurting out the truth in the most rushed "Toya's alive he was a Villain for a bit but he's currently got Quirked into being a small child' is probably the best option but like. Goddamn that's a LOT to process.

I will say that when he does do this there's kind of like a debate re: Rei.

Like ofc Enji wants to tell her but.... then she'll want to actually see Toya.

And at first Enji would be dodgy about why taking Toya out is a bad thing. Like there's legit concerns. There's outside threats like how AfO would want to get at least some of them back. There's the fact that no one knows how the kiddos would react when they turn their real ages. There's the general questions raised on like both Toya and Keigo are kinda recognizable(especially if seen around Enji) that it'll get the reporters on their asses immediately.

But.....

Really Enji's concern about letting Rei see Toya like this is for her mental health.

She's doing good! Really she is! And she can probably handle the news if she's told!

But actually seeing Toya? When part of her bad mental health includes disassociative panic attacks where she low-key hallucinates..... I don't think seeing the son she's accepted to be dead show up as a 5 year old, even if she knows it's real, is going to do good for her.

[i--am--the--sheep]

Something Violent [ch 1]

read fic warnings and find other chapters here

If the Suwa blood truly ran in his veins, Rei had just bled it out.

He'd certainly lost quite a bit of it.  You can only be so strategic with self-inflicted bullet wounds, especially mid-argument while proving a point.  The pain hadn't really kicked in yet; his body was still buzzing with adrenaline and shock as he dragged himself out of the mansion he was raised in.

Kazuki waited for him outside, leaning on the car.  Rei wondered if his partner expected him to do something so drastic.  Judging by the reaction, he guessed not.

"Hey, dude-- Rei! Your shoulde--" Kazuki took a step forward towards the bloodied assassin.

"Don't worry about it."  Rei interrupted, waving him off with his good hand.  "I did it to myself."

It took a moment for it to register in Kazuki's brain, his outstretched hand falling to his side.  "You...You did it to yourself.  You did it to yourself?!"  His tone quickly changed from blind acceptance to sheer disbelief.  "What the hell were you thinking?"

Rei shrugged as best he could, sidling past him towards the passenger side door.  Kazuki turned to watch him incredulously for a moment before sighing defeatedly and getting into the driver's seat.  He shot Rei another look as he sat down, biting back any remarks.  They wouldn't do any good now.  

The drive back to the apartment was silent, aside from Rei's unusually labored breathing.  By the time they got back to the apartment, he was sucking in shallow, uneven breaths, and he barely seemed to process that he was back home.  Thankfully, his hand was still pressed firmly against his shoulder, but Kazuki knew that he had lost a lot of blood.  Rei was either in shock, disassociating, or was just woozy from blood loss.  Probably all three.

"Rei."

"...hm?"

Kazuki was standing above him, car door open, waiting for a response.  When did he get there?

"We gotta get you inside.  Can you stand?"

After a great deal of stumbling and swaying, Kazuki managed to help Rei into the house, up the stairs, and into the bathroom.  

"Careful sitting dow-" Rei ignored any warnings, collapsing onto the floor against the bathtub.  His head immediately lolled back onto the porcelain, eyes looking unfocused and glassy.  "--down.  Alright."

Kazuki slowly knelt next to his partner, trying not to spook him with any sudden movements.  God knows they didn't need his blood pumping any faster.  He had the first aid box they kept above the sink, filled with more than the normal supplies.  "Gonna take these off, okay?"  It was less of a question, more of a warning as he pulled the suit jacket down off Rei's shoulders.  The large red bloom of blood on the previously crisp white dress shirt made Kazuki pale.  

"Shit, what were you thinking?"  He mumbled, mostly to himself.

"'m useless now.  They won't hurt you."  Rei's words were quiet and slurred, but they made Kazuki choke on his own breath.

Useless?   He shoved the arguments aside -- right now, he needed to stop the bleeding.  It wasn't the time to fight over anyone's personal value.

He opened the med kit, pulling out a pair of scissors, and using them to cut the bloodied button down in a few places to make the removal as painless as possible.  The good news was that Rei's bullet wasn't a huge caliber, and that given the circumstances, his placement was better than it could have been.  The bad news was that it was still a fucking bullet hole, and the shoulder is not a prime location to be shot.  

Kazuki sighed.  Time to play doctor.

[newlifeshifting]

My Experience With Shifting | + How I Found Spirituality

Howdy all! In case you didn't know: My name is Rey, I'm 19, and I have an extensive history with Shifting + Spirituality. Seeing as this blog documents my journey with shifting, I feel it is only fitting to explain to you my history with it. Disclaimer: This will be a long post. I am not feeling it in me to give brief stories, paraphrasing, and the like. I would like to document extensively my life through the lens of this part of myself. Despite that, I will give a TL;DR at the end of each of my longer posts, including this one, so if you are still interested, but do not want to spend a lot of time reading my posts- see the bottom, below the cut, for details! To everyone else willing to read this Bible of information, thank you. You allow me to be seen and heard, and I appreciate you. Now, let's get started!

Here is a brief Table of Contents so you know what to expect / how I divided this post.

I. My Childhood Escapism II. How I Found Spirituality III. My Shifting Experience Now

MY CHILDHOOD ESCAPISM

I would like to start at the beginning here, and discuss the line between escapism, and shifting. I know, for me personally, there was a point where I had become obsessed with other worlds enough to dream about them constantly, and I used to spend hours daydreaming about a different reality. While some consider this a call towards shifting as a whole, I firmly believe that this was me trying to escape into a world better than my own, out of the childish need to be shielded from my circumstances. The reason I firmly believe this? Well, one is childhood trauma can lead to behaviors rooted in escapism, and eventually, disassociation, but another is I dream in third person. These dreams I was having would always be in third person, no matter what it was about. Incredibly realistic or not, I could always tell from this simple fact. Still, there was a point I crossed when I was still quite young that made me realize that I've been doing this whole shifting thing for a while, and completely unintentionally: you see, while I only dream in third person, on days I was mentally sound enough to reject my escapist behaviors, I would have these "experiences" from the first person perspective that felt like reality to me. The first time it ever happened, I was five years old- tired of my parents fighting, tired of being isolated in the classroom, and had exhausted all other options to distract myself. Instead of playing with my toys or going outside, I decided to sit in the middle of my room, lights off, and think. Think about the trees, the wind, animals, and what it would be like to be one. I wasn't actively imagining anything- just silently asking myself that question, over and over again. Eventually, I "woke up" on a floor of grass, with a body that felt natural, yet completely different from what I was used to. I felt the sensation of hair, yet all over my body. I was walking on my hands, too- not just my feet. I could see very well in the trees- better than I have ever been able to see before. And everything seemed significantly bigger than before. I started walking forward, and that's when I noticed my paws- I was an animal. A primitive cat, more specifically. I had always been afraid of heights, but in this world, I had the strength to climb those wooden giants, and so I did. I felt truly connected to the world outside, and I spent the rest of the day going about my life, hunting small prey, napping, and existing. When I woke up, I was more tired than I'd ever been before. I was also very thirsty. I woke up, asked my mom for some water, and slept through until the following morning. I am aware now that what I had been doing to enter that realm, was meditation- and my focus, what I was repeating to myself, were similar to present 'affirmations'. And, I did not just do this once- I, in fact, did this many times after the first time. I would visit my other self often, surviving through many seasons in the wild, being taken care of by wild humans, and messing around with others like me. Not long after my first shifting experience, however, came the time when I started to doubt the Christian God my parents had taught me to believe in, turning my mindset into something more towards naturalistic and spiritual- this, really, paved the way for my view on shifting now, and the reason I want to look into it further as an adult.

HOW I FOUND SPIRITUALITY Warning: Religious Trauma, Childhood Punishment

Spirituality, for me, is something as equally complex as it is simple. That is to say, it is up to the beholder's interpretation of what they believe in. I interpret my own religion, my own beliefs, and my own practices, just as everybody else does. It is my own to keep just as they have their own to keep- and no one can take this away, just as no other person can go to anyone else and take theirs away. I did not always believe this, however; from birth, I was raised and taught to believe in God, as the other Protestant Christians had who had come before me. As soon as I could read, I was being spoon-fed scripture after scripture, my eyes exposed to cartoons regurgitating the same old lessons over and over, my thoughts assaulted by a roundabout version of human morality. Not that these lessons weren't good for my developing mind- it was just the way it was enforced, who enforced, and why they did so. My punishment as a child was to read the Bible from cover to cover. I would be sat down in the corner, on the shaggy carpet, and the 'grown-up Bible' was placed into my lap, already open to Genesis 1. I had to read, aloud, every word in that Bible, to my parents. If I stopped for any reason, I would have to start over- and they wouldn't let me eat until I was finished, I wouldn't go to sleep until I was done. Oftentimes they would keep me up for hours doing this, and seldom did they let me off the hook early. Those morals, those stories, they didn't make any sense to me. I have the passages memorized to the letter, but I just couldn't make sense of the things in there, nor why God was seemingly punishing me for not understanding- at the time, I had blamed my trauma on the fact that I questioned him at such a young age, but now I know that is irrelevant. I was not punished. God didn't exist. And he did not care about the fact that I did not believe in him starting at age 6. Even though I questioned him, I had not found anything else I had faith in, so I continued trying to make myself believe in him. Then, in 2009, a very popular movie hit theaters; it was called Avatar, a vision brought to life by James Cameron. Now, this may seem silly to others, but I can assure you, I take this very seriously. This is my life, my religion, and my influence. That movie, however, introduced me to a world beyond my comprehension. It showed me the principal of the Great Mother, allowed me to breathe in her breath and hear her heartbeat. I had never felt so connected to life, so seen and heard on such levels. Eywa guided me there, and I've kept that in my heart for so long. I decided, right then and there, that I was a follower of Eywa- the Great Mother, Gaia, whatever you want to call her. I just wished that my world hadn't been so corrupted already... As a teen, I dabbled in Wicca, searching for a practice similar to my own personal belief system- I moved towards Paganism, the Occult, even being a Satanist for a portion of time. Nothing, however, brought me closer in my heart than believing in her- and I realize now that my spirituality is a direct connection to the Great Mother. I also believe I have a gift- a divine sense of life energy, and the ability to see it coursing through everything around me. I believe I can see Eywa- as she is all around me. I know she calls to me, but I cannot go just yet. This is not just a movie to me- this is my life. While the object is obviously fantasy, I know there is a place waiting for me where all living things can live in harmony with one another, and all beings can be happy, away from capitalism, away from suffering... That is another reason I want to learn more about shifting. Shifting myself into a place where I belong is my highest goal, and allowing others to experience my religion- my connection- is my second goal.

But this spirituality can only take me so far in this current reality. And though I believe heavily in manifestation, tarot readings, the divine sense and elder deities, I still leave my heart with Eywa in a reality other than this one. Does that mean I am shifting to escape this world? No. I am rooted in this world, I've experienced loss in this world, I've become human in this world- but, I long for my true experience, which I know is not here. Where is it, then? Well, that's why shifting is so important to me now, more than ever.



MY SHIFTING EXPERIENCE NOW

As per my childhood, I should be an experienced shifter at this point, right? Wrong. Since adolescence, there was something missing... something I cannot put my finger on other than the very real possibility that I have lost my touch, my senses have been blocked, and I need to re-learn how to shift. That, my friends, is why I'm here today. Moreover, my experience and knowledge of shifting is limited, and so I might as well be considered a beginner who knows nothing- because that is exactly what I am. That does not mean I haven't tried, however; I have tried, with no results, especially recently. I do everything I can and nothing at all, I experience and analyze, I let go and try to be there. Hopefully, I will yield more results as time goes on, but that's the beauty of shifting, isn't it?

Thank you for reading- I will keep my posts more concise as time goes on. Happy day, and may you shift tonight. -Rey

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

it’s been so funny starting to watch the series and see the girl I’ve seen in so much art everyone seems to love is just. so fucking autistic. like genuinely made me feel better about myself honestly i see a lot of my disassociation issues and difficulties with emotion in Rei and I’m glad to see a character like that not just accepted but adored outright. genuinely been a joy.

Today’s Autistic character of the day is:

Rei Ayanami from Neon Genesis Evangelion

[intergalactic-nebula]

Till Kingdom Come

Chapter one

Rain. That's the first thing that her senses process. The sound of heavy rain on a leaky roof. Rey blinked a few times before realizing she was curled up in her makeshift palette on the abandoned art studio floor, the brunette female huffing quietly before closing her eyes once more and snuggling down into her scratchy blankets.

She didn't want to wake up.

She didn't want to wake up simply because that meant going outside in the wasteland that was once a city many, many years ago, but after the war with the pale beasts, and losing, most towns were ruins. Deserted ruins that barely held any life whatsoever anymore. To put it in a certain sense, Rey was in a neutral zone of sorts. A place where the pale beasts barely bothered to venture out to because it was not up to their standards and they didn't see a point to leave their more bountiful lands where they had livestock waiting for them. Livestock. The thought made Rey's eyes open as she sneered, the young woman sitting up and letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. She had blacked out the windows months ago with tape, except for small cracks just so some light could come in, just to be safe, just to make sure no one could peep in and find her hiding place.

She didn't exactly need to hide, per say, but once a scavenger, always a scavenger, and survival was the only thing that mattered to her. Rey sat there for several minutes as she just stared at the wall as the rain hit the roof, her hazel eyes burning a hole into the yellowed, practically brown now, white paint. "...BeeBee, where are you?" Rey finally called out and a loud bark resonated from within the next room, Rey sighing in relief as she stood up and stretched. A large ginger colored retriever came running into the room, the dog barking once more as it ran a singular circle around her before stopping in front of her. "You slept okay, buddy?" Rey asked softly as she kneeled down and gently rubbed his head, BeeBee barking once in response before smiling one of those famous dog smiles. She had found BeeBee wondering the streets only three months ago, the dog having miraculously showed up out of nowhere. It was concerning at first, yes, but Rey took him in none the less. If Rey had to guess, the dog's owner must've died from starvation and BeeBee must've wondered off after his owner hadn't responded to his whimpering and barking.

"Let's go out today, yeah? Go try and find food? We could try that diner again." Rey hummed with a smile and BeeBee thumped his tail against the cement floor. "Alright, let me get dressed and ready." Rey laughed quietly before standing up and walking over to the other side of the room where a heap of clothes lay. They weren't filthy, she had found that there was a certain faucet that still worked in a bathtub in a decaying apartment building not but a few blocks from where she was, and she made a trip there once a week to wash her clothes with cleaning products she finds on her scavenging hunts. The last time she had been incredibly lucky to find lemon dawn soap that had been hiding under a sink in an office building bathroom for what she guessed to be fifty years, but the lemony scent was still vibrantly there and she couldn't stop smelling her clothes for at least a good few days. She picked up her usual wear, tattered, baggy blue overalls, firefighter jacket, and white tank top. It was a strange combination of clothes, yes, but the overalls fit snug and she didn't care if they got filthy, and the firefighter jacket was thick enough to protect her from rusty metal looking to scrape her unwilling sunkissed skin.

"Alright, BeeBee, I think we should head east today. We headed north last week and we were lucky enough to find those two cans of beans, but we're going to be more thorough this time. Let's surpass our goal of two cans and try for three!" Rey projected confidently as she quickly got dressed, BeeBee barking excitedly in response as she tied her hair up in an extremely messy (and tragically tangled) bun. Rey had a comb she used, but because it was so fragile (the plastic was brittle and weak as it was melted in numerous places and has countless cracks marring it) she only used it after she just washed her hair.

It wasn't but fifteen minutes later, after Rey had munched on canned beans, and after giving some to BeeBee, that she stood by the door after putting her goggles on and wrapping a red scarf around her head as well as pulling on her tattered combat boots and thick leather gloves (which served the same purpose as the firefighter jacket). The amount of dust everywhere mixed with floating dirt particles had always irritated Rey's senses since she was a child, allergies she assumed, and she had found that covering up significantly helped a great deal amount.

It wasn't but thirty minutes later that her and BeeBee were already a mile and half away from the art studio, the young woman humming softly as BeeBee stayed high and alert for any specific scents or sounds. It was normally almost always quiet though, then again, apocalyptic cities are almost always quiet, aren't they? Rey barely encountered any other life in the rusted ruins that was once Houston, Texas, and when she did it was only shadows of other survivors that knew better than to approach and try to befriend her.

There were no friends in survival, there was only you. Rey learned that a very long time ago as a child, and a shudder ran up her spine as Unkar Plutt crossed her mind. "He's not alive anymore, Rey, it's over," Rey breathed quietly to herself as she absentmindedly hurried her footsteps. "It's over." She breathed once before pausing on top of a large piece of broken cement, BeeBee pausing beside before looking up at her with what one would describe almost eerily as a confused expression. This happened sometimes. Rey would disassociate and not even realize it until fifteen, twenty minutes had passed. BeeBee barked and huffed before gently tugging on Rey's sleeve with his teeth, Rey blinking rapidly for a second before looking down and smiling softly. "Thank you." Rey smiled a tad bit more and BeeBee huffed once more before moving forward, Rey quickly following him.

It was another good hour and a half before Rey and BeeBee reached the diner she had found a few weeks ago, the brunette quickly hurrying in with the retriever hot on her heels. "C'mon, c'mon, I couldn't have taken everything...!" Rey frantically hissed under her breath as she made a beeline for the kitchen and started tearing through the cabinets ravenously. Sometimes, hunger can make you an animal, and Rey knew this very well. She tore through all the cabinets within minutes and she had started to feel defeated before a gleam of silver caught her eye in a cabinet above her. "Is--is that...?" Rey gasped softly as she slowly reached up and pulled it out from behind a few cracked plates, the brunette's hazel green eyes blown wide as she stared down at it in awe. Soup. It was Campbell's soup. Rey practically let out a choked sob of delight as she eagerly hugged it to her chest, a wave of gratitude washing over her. The last time she had had soup was when she was small, she couldn't place her age exactly, and even now she didn't quite exactly know how old she was. She assumed eighteen or nineteen, but for all she knew she could easily be in her early twenties.

"BeeBee, soup! Soup!" Rey grinned excitedly as she called out to BeeBee and BeeBee yipped happily in response as he slammed his paws on the ground as he got in a playful position. She put the soup can in her jacket pocket before combing the kitchen for more non perishables, only to find a can of beans within her hour search. "Well, the soup is a plus, huh?" Rey sighed as she and BeeBee started walking back towards the art studio, her pace quick as she noticed the sun would be down soon. It was dangerous to be out at night, it always had been, and there was no chance in hell Rey would be outside when the sun's rays no longer licked the dusty pavement.

She made it back to the art studio just in time, the brunette slamming the door behind her before feverishly undoing the scarf on her head and ripping the goggles off as well as ripping her gloves off. She leaned her forehead against the door as she closed her eyes tiredly, her stomach loudly grumbling in protest of not eating at that very moment. "Hush, I know...I get it..." Rey muttered in exhaustion as she forced her eyes open, BeeBee already off and about sniffing the apartment to see if any scents had changed while they were gone.

She forced herself to eat the beans, having put the can of soup lovingly in a cabinet and saving it for a special occasion, as she sat on the kitchen counter quietly. The bags under her eyes were preposterous, downright ghastly, but the poor girl couldn't help that she had insomnia. She perhaps only got an hour or two of sleep a day, going to sleep around twelve in the afternoon only to wake up at one or two, sometimes even three if she was lucky. Nothing felt...real. Sitting on the kitchen counter didn't feel real. Chewing and tasting didn't feel real. Was she dreaming? "No," Rey announced sternly as she put the cracked bowl down, the brunette wiping the back of her mouth with her hand. "No, I am not dreaming, I am here. I am real." She breathed shakily, but it sounded like she didn't believe it. She didn't, in all honesty, for there were days where she was convinced she was dead and this was limbo. Those were the worst days. "I'm--I--I need sleep," She choked on her words slightly as she jumped off the counter, the girl rushing to the main room and quickly burrowed herself in her palette.

The blankets were scratchy and, at one point, gave her hives, but it was all she had. It was the only blanket she had ever owned that she had found herself. It was hers, and so she dealt with it. "BeeBee, guard the door," Rey's words were slurred as she felt exhaustion take over, her eyes fluttering closed as blackness captivated her vision.

What she didn't see was the man on the glass roof staring down at her with wide red eyes, rain drizzle sliding down his ivory cheeks and kissing his tresses.

[maybe-your-left]

In My Room

HS Ben Solo x Demon Reader... Happy Halloween sloots.

be aware this is a Halloween fic, there will be blood/gore/violence/and full-on delusions. Read at your own risk.

TW/CW: NSFW, bullying (Poe is Bens bully & I'm sorry to Oscar lovers but whoops), monster f*cking, Female reader, violence, blood kink, knife kink, breaking and entering, disassociation, voices in your head, depictions of murder, manipulation, overall this is a ride, mention of underage drinking/drugs, I might have a finger sucking kink if we are being honest, sort of slow burn, this is just a mess but I love it.

Inspired by: In My Room by Insane Clown Posse

"Solo!"

Ben blinked lazily to the left, eyelids heavy from another night of restless slumber. He wasn't able to fall asleep, nothing felt right, the covers weren't warm enough, too scratchy against his aching skin. Sweating all night but somehow freezing, he was too scared to sleep with his leg dangling off the edge after Rey played a trick on him.

But he needed some fucking sleep before-

"Heads up, fucking asshole!"

"Dameron!"

A basketball came flying at Ben's face, colliding with his cheek before bouncing off his comically large nose. Groaning out for everyone to hear before he clutched his cheeks, "Fuck-fuck-fuck," he gritted through his teeth.

Ben could not cry again, not in gym class. Everyone already picks on him for being so big and still fucking sucking at sports. But that ball hurt and now his nose is bleeding, he could feel it running between his fingers as they clutched his pale skin.

Breathing shallowly through his mouth, the sound of the gym teacher, Mr. Maul, in his ear. But it felt like ocean waves crashing against him.

Stiffening when he felt someone's hand on his shoulder, Ben's eyes darted over to the culprit.

"Are you okay?"

Some girl, Kaydel, hangs out with his little sister, was touching him. Looking at him with her big eyes, swimming with concern. But it wasn't for him, it was so the class could think she was a good person because she coddled the freak.

Ben swallowed harshly, trying to make his voice sound as big as he was instead of small and weak. Nervously rolling his tongue over his bleeding gums to taste the coppery substance that probably dripped down to the collar of his white t-shirt.

Mom was going to be so pissed when she did laundry.

"I'm fine."

"Boo-Solo! I told you a head's up!" Poe called from the opposite end of the gym, in a group with all his other tormentors. While Maul looked at him disappointed, another Solo accident to clean up.

"Fucking dude can't catch shit," one of his friends chuckled.

"Even with those huge hands, he fumbles like he's a toddler."

"Or a newborn deer."

"To the nurse, Solo. Miss Kaydel won't need to help you get there, I'm sure you remember the way," Maul rolls his eyes before calling the class back together.

Completely ignoring Ben as he slinks off through the creaky double doors to the empty school hallways.

-------

"What happened to your face?"

Rey sat in the front seat of Ben's car, picking at her backpack pins that decorated the zippers. He had waited for her, watching Poe shamelessly flirting with her in the parking lot.

While Ben iced his nose, no use trying to convince her Poe was bad news when no one believed that someone would pick on him. With his stature, everyone assumes that Ben picked fights with the smaller kids and no one says anything when he tries to explain himself.

Ignoring him and his problems.

He shrugged, moving his left hand to hold the pack to his face while he pulled out. Trying to stay quiet, his sister didn't give a shit, she had her own life to salvage. Separating herself from being 'Ben Solo's sister'.

They arrived at home in silence, the radio playing some random boy band Rey was in love with. All while sirens went off in Ben's head, imagining how nice it would feel to push back when Poe pushed him.

Every time it happens, he thinks how it would be different.

How easy it would be for Ben to punch him in his handsome face, but it would end badly.

Going home bloody and bruised, blamed for the carnage. Probably suspended, or worse, expelled from school.

That would really make mom proud of him when she barely speaks to him anymore. She's too busy with her prodigy, Rey, in all her AP classes when Ben struggles to focus on basic math.

He can't help it, he told her about the voices in his head. How he couldn't relax and doesn't have the span to pay attention and take notes, but she brushed him off as lazy.

Sometimes he just wants to scream at everyone.

Without realizing it, Ben was in his room.

Slamming the door shut in a huff before being enveloped in the quiet of his safe space. Bed messy and unmade, magazines scattered underneath, some of them crinkled and sticky in places.

He kicked a few of them back under in case someone decided to inspect his stash.

In the corner was his desk, computer chair pulled out where he left it when he was sitting there last night. Talking on his Discord, people who felt like him, all too far away to be Ben's real friends.

A suspicious bottle of lotion next to it, stolen from his sisters' stash, not for gross purposes. It just is smoother than his and she has so much of it, Ben wouldn't be caught dead buying that frilly brand at the store.

Not when Poe's minions work there, seeing him with ladies lotion?

Might as well ask to be punched in the gut.

He slumped down in the chair, creaking under his weight as he leaned back.

Next to his bed, conveniently along the wall because he likes to sleep with his back against it. Makes him feel safe, glancing out the two-story window.

There was a group of kids running around the street, giggling and laughing with one another as they played with a blue ball. Jumping into piles of leaves Ben raked for their parents the other weekend for some quick cash. Probably talking about the upcoming holiday and what they would do for it.

Ben would be doing nothing, hiding in his room.

Last year he was foolish enough to accept an invite to a party and ended up getting something slipped into his drink and was posted all over the schools' social media half-naked with sharpie penises on his body.

Lesson fuckin' learned.

After checking the lock on his window and the door, he pulled up his private browser.

Typing in his shameful desires with one hand while he unclipped his belt. Careful to not let it fall too loudly, Rey's room was next door and she didn't need to know he was a disgusting pervert.

He scrolled for a few minutes, trying to find his favorite video. The one he could probably see when he closed his eyes, knowing every time the actress on screen would moan or squirt.

Eyes crossed while her co-star shoved their cock in her cunt. Or her ass at the timestamp 12:53, if anyone was counting...

Ben grabbed his still soft length, smoothing from base to tip with a low grunt. He got hard today in Spanish 2 when Rose went up to talk to the class about making a banana split, he almost came when she peeled that fucking fruit.

Why his teacher okay'd that project, he had no idea but he was fucking grateful for the image to be added to his spank bank.

Sensitive from a day pressed against the seam of his boxers, Ben smeared on some lotion before pressing play. At the lowest setting, he watched with eager eyes as the camera panned in on her.

Sitting on the couch, playing with herself in some black and red panties. Biting her plush lips that Ben mirrored as she cooed to the camera about what a bad girl she was today.

"Yeah, you're a bad girl," Ben spoke under his breath.

His cock grew to full mast, watching in awe as she pulled off her panties. Greeting the viewers with her glistening cunt, hot little clit twitching from being ignored. What a bad-bad girl she was, touching everywhere but her hot little button.

Ben wished he was there to flick it with his fat thumb. Let it slide back and forth while he played with the plug nestled in her tight asshole. All stretched out, but nothing fucking it.

He tightened his fist around the head of his cock, spreading pre-come down the length before dipping a little lower. Sometimes he tugged on his balls while masturbating, only saving it for days he really needed release.

Well, that's today.

The actor came on screen, smacking her on the face a few times, smearing her spit along her cheeks. While she moaned dramatically, choking while he throttled her throat. Ben loved this part, where she stared at him like he was in control.

The only thing in the world she cared about, and he had it.

Ben could feel his orgasm coming, lightheaded from the tips of his toes all the way up to his sore face. Breathing heavily while he watched the actors fuck in so many positions.

Zooming in on her cunt as it gripped his length, Ben was a little bigger. She would love his cock, scream out for him to go harder, rubbing her clit faster, choke her more.

Maybe bite her shoulder for her to shut the fuck up, her master needed to use her and she needed to be his quiet little cumbucket.

Drinking all his cum, drain his sore fucking balls.

"Oh-shit! Fuck," Ben came at the thought, painting the hem of his shirt that he stupidly forgot to lift up in the process. "Shit-shit-shit."

Ben rushed to clean himself off, grabbing at a box of tissues he had thrown at the floor during last night's performance. Knocking the bottle of lotion over in a loud boom, panicked that his sister would hear he shot off his seat.

Pants falling to his ankles, softening cock flopping around while he tried to turn off the video. Hissing out fuck when he smeared cum on his keyboard. That thing wasn't cheap and now his 'm' key might be broken.

A loud banging on the wall made him yelp, "Can you shut that shit off? It's super gross!"

"Yup," Ben's voice cracked, red in the face as he scrambled to pull his pants back up. Giving up on cleaning himself in the process, he would just have to change.

He glanced at the clock, 5:30.

Not too early for a shower.

-------

Dinner was full of non-sense conversation.

Why is your nose so crooked?

Is it always like that?

You have a black eye, what does the other guy look like?

Did you retake your math test? Your teacher emailed me and said you were failing again.

Rey said you were on your computer until late last night. If that keeps happening we will have to take it away, it's distracting to her when she's trying to sleep.

Any word on colleges? It's weird that the neighbor boy got his already while yours are lacking, maybe you weren't accepted.

Ben just tried to blink through it all, he was old enough to not let the sentiments sink in. When sometimes it felt like a knife was plunged into his side, or Rey's fork, or his own that he was slowly stabbing into the meat of his thigh.

All he wanted to do was slink back upstairs and see the faces of random women get fucked, maybe play some APEX with his friends.

He would probably have to cut back on it since his last grounding lost him his headphones. Even though he bought them himself, mom still stole the things he earned with his own money.

My house my rules, young man!

He went back upstairs in a flurry, trying to shut the door in a more respectful manner when all he wanted to do was rip it off its hinges. Ben would just have to settle with screaming in his pillows, he sighed.

Rubbing his hands along his sore face, wincing a little over the bruising. If he pressed and it hurt, that meant he was still here and this wasn't a fever dream.

He had to be quiet for his sister, he had to think of her health instead of his own. She was more important, that's how they put it. Every day, all day, even on days when Ben does something good.

Got his driver's license? Great, you can take Rey to soccer!

Got an A in English lit? You need to tutor Rey, she is failing and can't figure it out. You might have to write her papers for her while she's away at the tournament this weekend.

Got your first job? Well, you'll have to pitch in for the family, you can't just spend it on things you want when we have to pay for all of these bills. Your sister needs to have a new uniform for school, and she's too young for a job.

You're a senior! That means you can help Rey find colleges, she has offers already and needs her big brother's help in finding the right one.

Ben trudged to his bed, sitting down on the edge in a slow exhale of strangled breath. Elbows on his knees while he ran his fingers through his hair, tugging on the ends hard enough to let a few tears drop from his sunken eyes.

He couldn't get on his computer tonight, it would be better to lay down and try to get some sleep. Ben couldn't zone out in class again, especially gym class when Poe was looking for any way to topple him.

His face couldn't handle another 'accidental beating'.

Ben rolled onto his back, the top of his head skimming the wall on the far end. Too tall to fit any way he tried, meanwhile Rey had a queen bed, he still suffered from back pain with his creaky full-size mattress.

He glanced up at the window seal, "What the?"

The latch was undone.

Unlocked and pulled open just a little over an inch. Letting the cool fall air flood his room, a gush of wind pulling it wider and bathing his dark cave in a cold deep freeze.

Ben's brow furrowed, Rey wasn't in here, was she? Between his shower and going to dinner he was 99% sure she was in her room. It was unlikely she came in here after his performance earlier, she wasn't that stupid.

Dad came home after he got out, he remembered his hollering for Ben to come down and help him with the car. Which he ignored, he didn't want to spend his evening holding a flashlight over a hot engine while he yelled at him for not knowing how to fix hubcaps.

Mom brought home pizza, she was always home late and never made dinner anymore.

Ben sat up, tugging the piece back into place. Groaning in frustration when it wouldn't budge.

"What the fuck," he swore, tugging harder. He didn't usually use his strength, but right now it was fucking cold and he needed this to get fixed. He couldn't handle another night tossing and turning-

Caw!

"Fuck!"

"Dude-can you be quiet! I need to study!"

There's a fucking crow.

Staring at him, on the roof of his house.

Ben blinked rapidly, trying to see if it was real or a hallucination from his fucked up day. But no, there it was, cawing back at him when he tried to move to close the window.

Growing louder and louder, all while Ben tried to shoo it away. Afraid that he was going to be punished for making crow noises while Rey was trying to study, he could hear it now.

Make bird calls somewhere else Ben! We are trying to sleep!

"Please leave," Ben whispered.

To his surprise, the crow seemed to nod slightly at him. Maybe it was his imagination at that, but it flew off to perch on a nearby oak tree branch. Still staring at him while Ben tried to pull the window shut, successful, except for the latch not clicking shut.

He shrugged it off, burrowing down into his cold sheets and trying to fall into the deep sleep his body craved.

------

TAP-TAP

"Hello?"

"Ben-Bennn-Benji..."

"Wake up sleepy head."

TAP-TAP

"Come on Benji, don't you want to let me in?"

"Ben!"

He shot out of bed with a scream bursting from his aching lungs, panting rapidly into the dark of his room. Ben blinked rapidly to see the landscape, illuminated by the full moon through his window.

There's his bag, hanging by his door, still locked and shut. Dresser, half opened with clothes sticking out of it, closet door broken on the floor and leaning against the closet from a rage last month.

Wiggling his toes under his black sheets, sticking out just a little from the edges. Ben watched as his toes shined in the moonlight, only to be eclipsed by something.

A shadow of gloom plunged his bright room into complete darkness.

Not the normal, average, everyday darkness.

An abyss of color.

He stayed stock still, trying to blink away the fear that shivered through him. Hair on the back of his neck, arms, legs, fuck even his nipples were standing at attention. While this darkness bathed his psyche, like a bath in onyx soap.

Engulfing him and everything he held dear.

TAP-TAP

"Are you going to let me in?"

Dead panning to the left, there in his window. The darkness spoke to him, holy shit.

He took a shaky breath, met with a cold fog from his parted lips from the cold rushing through his cracked open window.

"Hello, Ben."

"Holy shit."

There, in the window, was someone.

Blinking at him, and it wasn't his reflection. Big eyes lit up like the moon in a clear blue sky, constellations dancing across the edges as they bounced back and forth on Ben's face.

Leaned against the seal of his window was a woman, hair silken as it fell from the top of her head. Cascaded down to frame her face, she was...

Everything.

Ben's heart was at a standstill, watching her huff in annoyance at his antics. Still staring at her like she was an illusion, maybe she was? If he could touch her-

"Can I come in?" She pouted, pushing her bottom lip out and almost whimpering. Ben watched as one of her fingers traced the sill, long nails scraping the wood like it was butter.

How would those feel against his skin?

Ben shivered, unable to speak. His arms shot out to push his window open further, she smiled at him. Showcasing rows of shiny teeth almost pointed for the brief minute she flashed them before crawling into his room.

On his bed.

Across his bed...

"I'm so glad you're awake," she cooed, climbing across Ben's lap like a cat before settling down. Her thighs on either side of his own and slinging her arms around his neck like they were a couple. Ben stayed frozen, eyes wide watching her wiggle around to get comfortable like she had done this a dozen times before.

Ben hadn't had someone in his lap in a few years, and in a sexual sense? Only once when he lost his virginity to that senior girl when he was a sophomore.

Pitful and definitely on a dare because she looked at him like he was nothing while popping his cherry and ignored him after, but she wasn't as delicious as this woman.

Ben resisted the urge to reach out and lick her, she probably tasted wonderful. Phasma didn't let him do that, she pushed his face away when he tried.

"Oh-you want a taste?" She smiled at him, leaning forward enough for her breath to hit his face. Oddly cold for her body thrumming with warmth against him, "You can, later."

"I-I-I'm sorry? Do I know you?"

"Oh, so cute," a whine before she rocked on his lap, knocking the apex of her thighs against his pajama bottoms that were becoming uncomfortably tight. She moaned out at the feeling, "I've been waiting for this for so long, I'm so fucking glad you're awake, baby."

Ben nodded along, he wasn't really listening. All his blood was rushed to his crotch as she ground more. Ignoring the window being wide open, probably floating their collective sighs for the entire neighborhood to hear.

Her hands fell to his shoulders, digging into the tender skin with her nails. Ben hissed at the feeling, brow scrunched in pleasure that coursed through him. Just a little more of that and he would ruin these pants, she leaned forward more.

Shivering when her tongue flicked out and touched his throat. Shit, immediately it was cold, but it was wonderful. Lapping over the edges of his Adam's apple, seeking out his jugular vein in the process.

He could feel his heartbeat against her muscle, gasping for air as her mouth closed around him. A few gentle sucks before her teeth grazed the edge, Ben's hands shot out. Latching to her cold waist to try and gain some semblance of reality.

This couldn't be real, this bombshell of a woman was not kissing a hickey on his neck like she was trying to suck the soul out of his body.

Just a dream-just a wonderfully real dream that he could touch and squish and squeeze against his aching cock until he came.

He was so right earlier, he needed to go to sleep.

If this was his dream, then he never wanted to wake up.

"You're so eager, baby," She released his neck with a slick pop. Smiling down at him with her plush lips closed, he whimpered when her hand came to cradle the back of his head. Closing in a fist of his dark hair, Ben let a moan slip through his parted lips.

Staring at her as her face lit up with pleasure, Ben wanted to give her whatever she wanted. Just so she would keep touching him, it had been so long since he was caressed. The tips of her nails scratched the surface of his scalp while the pair fell backward to his mattress.

Ben felt like he was floating, listening to her purr while she roamed his body. Humming out as she inspected him, Ben let her do what she wanted. Rewarded with a kiss when she was pleased, he shivered while she traced every prominent up and down his forearms.

He gasped as she took his hand in hers, so small and dainty against his own.

"You know I've been watching you?" She peered through her lashes, holding Ben's fingertips so close to her lips. Her tongue flicked out for a moment to wet herself.

A harsh swallow, "Y-you have?"

"Mhm," Ben couldn't hold back the groan that rumbled from his chest when she closed her lips around his middle finger.

Feeling her tongue cup the pad, before moving down to the first, no second, "Fuck..."

Her eyes flashed to his for a moment, lips pulling into a sly smile while she took another in her mouth. Ben's fingers were slipping up and down the length of her tongue, tickling just the back of her throat.

He watched with eyes as wide as saucers while her saliva pooled at the base of his fingers. A sharp gasp when a droplet fell to his bare torso, her free hand dropped to the mess.

Rubbing the cooling spittle into his skin, soft and slow circles while she traced her way towards Ben's left nipple.

She sighed, "Do you want to know a secret?"

"Yes," he nodded, a small whine leaving his lips as she placed his wet hand down on the bed. Ben desperately wanted to know what she was going to tell him.

Her form crawled over his own, clutching the crinkling sheets beside his head. Ben whimpered again as she straddled his torso, the warmth from her core almost sizzling against his freezing skin.

Ben's lips parted as she leaned towards his face, mouths only centimeters away from connecting. It's all he wanted, just one kiss and then he could go to sleep. Something to think about all day at school, this dream would be everything, she was everything.

His world exploded, their lips smashing together. Ben couldn't hold in the moan when it happened, teeth clashing against his. He threw an arm around her, desperate to touch and hold her.

The moment he touched her, she froze.

Wiping back with his bottom lip between her teeth, almost shaking it like a pet with a chew toy. Ben pushed on her, but she wouldn't move, sinking her fangs into his flesh harder until he tasted copper.

Tears began to pool in his eyes, watching through the blurry mess as her eyes almost turned black before she ripped away from him.

Almost levitating by the window sill where he found her, folding her limbs into the small opening. She hadn't blinked, Ben's blood painting her chin before speaking.

"You belong to me now, Ben Solo."

-------

All-day Ben's been fighting a pounded headache, the worst one he's ever felt.

He could see his veins throbbing along his temples when he was in the bathroom before lunch, staring at his reflection.

Last night wasn't real, whenever he thought about it the pain grew worse. From a dull wailing to a full-blown siren, cars crashing against his skull. Over and over, and he had already taken the maximum amount of ibuprofen that the nurse would allow. She said it would pass and that he just needed to drink more water.

Well, he had been pissing all day, and still, it was there.

When he looked in the mirror, he was two things that made his skin crawl.

First, the bruising from his homemade nose job was completely gone, which was not normal. Usually, on day two the injuries would worsen and the pain would be unbearable. But no, Ben checked in every mirror and they were for sure gone.

Second, his lip was split open, right where her teeth had sliced through. Maybe he bit himself in his sleep from the dream-nightmare-and that's why it's there.

But it was swelling, almost like it was alive.

Poe made fun of him, saying that he had herpes because of how red and engorged it was at the beginning of the day. Ben felt a rage flicker through his body at the thought, where he pointed and laughed while their Physics teacher shrugged it off as boys being boys.

When he thought about Poe, his lip hurt more. Almost like it was egging him on to doing something he would regret. Instead, he dug his fingernails into his palms until the pain went away.

And the relief! Instantaneous, he would let everyone laugh at him if he could feel this over and over. And when he imagined taking out that anger on someone besides himself? Well, it was like the sore shrunk!

It was a weird day, he needed to just get home and go to bed. Maybe beg mom to take him to a doctor, theses new nightmares were new and if they were going to continue he was slightly worried for himself.

But, if he went to a doctor, then there's a chance that she wouldn't come back...

"Ugh," Ben groaned, his chest hurt now. Maybe he was having a heart attack, thinking about her and how her attitude changed when he touched her.

It was his dream dammit! He should be able to touch the mysterious woman who crawled through his window!

But no, he fucked it up like everything else.

Ben slinked out of the bathroom, trying to blend into the crowds of students rushing the hallways. Kind of impossible being one of the tallest kids in school, he hunched his shoulders, trying to appear small so he could go to his car.

He wouldn't dare go to the lunchroom, Poe would be there and Ben didn't want rotten food shoved down the back of his hoodie again. Mom wouldn't let him come home, because having dirty clothes was his fault for not doing the laundry enough.

Parked in the very back of the school, he locked himself away.

Backpack in the passenger seat and phone in hand. He scrolled through social media for a little, with the brief friends that he had, none of which lived near him, unfortunately. Replying to Discord, trying to just relax before he had to go in for P.E.

Ben scrolled for a while, getting lost in some girl's Twitter feed. She was on only fans, and he had been debating buying her page because he was disgusting and desperate for human interaction.

He clicked the link, prompting him to his Safari app. The website wasn't loading fast enough, "I have service," he gritted to no one.

"Come on-come on," all he wanted was to see some fucking tits, that was it. It didn't have to be this hard-

I thought I told you that you belonged to me now?

-------

"How'd you get that sore, Solo? Kissing someone's ass in your spare time?"

Ben grit his teeth, standing once again on the court of the gym. In his still bloodied shirt because he didn't want to give mom something else to bitch about. Poe was across him, about to tip-off, he was always chosen because he was tall.

Even though he fumbled with the ball every fucking time.

Poe grinned at him, nodding once again towards his face, "I can't imagine anyone would want to be that close to you. Even from here, I feel like fainting from how ugly you are."

"Shut up."

Both of them stilled, Ben had never spoken back to Poe when he taunted him. Opting to roll on his belly like big dogs at the park, trying to show that he wasn't a threat. In his head, he would swear and punch and scream all he could but in every scenario Ben never vocalized it.

But it just fell out and judging by the frown on Poe's face, he couldn't take it back.

The whistle blew, the ball in the air and Ben panicked. Trying to touch the fucking ball that had given him so many bruises before him. Barely grazing it and tipping it towards his team with a sigh of relief.

Poe was off towards another player, yelling at the other kids to get the ball, "Don't just fucking stand there! Get it, did you forget how to play?"

"Dameron! Stop swearing all the time," Maul whistled, moving his attention to Ben who was still standing there dumbfounded that he even touched the ball.

"Come on," he motioned to the crowd of kids at the other end, trying to get the ball back and shooting too far away like they were in the NBA, "You're supposed to put it in the net, Solo."

Well, he guessed this was happening.

Moving down the court, trying his best to dodge the others who were ramming into alongside one another. It was like they were feral, the scales tipping the balanced hold on the group's dynamic.

All because he touched the basketball?

Ben stared at Poe, snarling at his friends to pass the ball before they locked eyes. His lip suddenly felt like it was pumping in time with his heart, aching while they stared off.

"What are you staring at you freak?" Poe barked.

"Fuck you."

"Solo!"

"You can't talk to me like that," suddenly Poe was on him, clutching the stained collar of his shirt and yanking him down. Back hunched over while he snarled in his face, eyes wide and furious. Ben watched as his fist cocked behind his head.

Waiting for the inevitable blow, time felt like it was moving in slow motion. Hoping to god Poe didn't knock any of his teeth out today since he was mouthing off, and then it happened.

"Do it, Ben. Don't you want to show me how big and strong you are?"

And suddenly, Poe was on the floor.

Now Ben was over him, his hand wrapped around his small throat like he always dreamed and squeezing. He could feel his pulse thrumming underneath his chestnut skin, Ben's other fist collided with Poes jaw.

Bones crunching, a scream filling the echoing gymnasium while Ben pounded his fucking face. Ignoring the gasps, the whistle from Maul drowning out from the absolute euphoria Ben felt from his head to his toes.

Like he was walking into the ocean, letting the waves crash over his sore and battered body while it welcomed him with open arms.

Arms, yes it was like when she had wrapped her arms around his neck last night. Like he was important and that she would hold him like he craved.

Every time his fist crashed down on Poe's stupid fucking face, Ben felt her constricting around him. Like the hand around his throat, he tightened the grip, feeling his fingernails dig down until something felt like it was full to burst.

And then it all went dark.

-------

Han had to pick him up from school, stunned how he ended up in the principles office when the last thing he remembered was almost strangling his bully to death.

And now he was driving home. Looking down at his hands, they were shaking, but they always were. His right hand had some dried blood under the tips of his blunt nails, he didn't wash it.

Honestly, he didn't want to.

Seeing it made the headache go away, Ben hadn't felt it since the moment he told Poe to shut up. Placated, for the time being, Han's throat-clearing pulled him from his daze.

"So," Ben watched his dads' eyes dart to his lap before the road, "Are you gonna tell me what happened, kid?"

Ben shrugged, what would he say? There was nowhere to run, he did what was right and he felt good about it. "The voice told me to."

Han sighed, "Not this again, look kid. There are no voices in your head, you did this when you were younger for attention but now you're eighteen, and that Dameron boy could press charges on you."

"I'm not lying."

"We will see what mom says, but until then you aren't allowed in school for a week."

"Great."

And the headache was back.

-------

Ben laid in bed, staring at his ceiling while his parents yelled at each other from down the hallway.

Scratching his chest while he listened to them blame the other for Ben's behavior, how he was unstable and now everyone was going to think they had a psycho for a son. How would the neighborhood react? When big-Ben beat the wonderful Dameron boy?

He scoffed at that, if they only listened to him they would know why Ben snapped. It was very simple! He wanted to show that he wasn't weak or stupid or all the things that he was called, and he didn't feel one drop of remorse for it.

Which was strange, usually Ben would lay awake for hours agonizing when he made a mistake.

Getting sick to the stomach at the very thought of failing or making his parents upset, but it was gone now.

Everything he did was wrong already, and that felt good so it clearly was okay.

Rey had avoided him when she came home from school, just sticking her nose up when he said hello from the kitchen island. Eating a bowl of cereal, he wasn't doing anything to hurt her.

She didn't need to be fucking rude.

"Thats because she hates you, baby."

Ben jumped at the voice, sitting up on his bed to see the creature perched on his window sill. He could've sworn he locked it, but there it was, completely open to the darkening neighborhood lights.

He glanced to his bedroom door, which was still locked tight, a relief given his visitor was known to bite.

"Your lip looks like it hurts," She slinked closer, making herself at home next to him. Hands clasped in her lap, Ben was able to see more of her with the dim light.

Legs tucked under her bottom, she smoothed out the skirt of her outfit. A black and red sheer thing, it looked like the outfits from the videos Ben watched. It wasn't very warm given the cold temperatures when she came in, maybe that was why her body wasn't emanating warmth as she cozied to him.

Ben leaned away from her a little, slightly afraid. Racing back to his phone bricking itself after the strange messages, fogged of her secret she told him last night. How he belonged to her, which couldn't be real, no one wanted him.

But this was all a hallucination. Clearly, the event from today had broken him and now he was along for the fuckin' ride.

She smiled, leaning towards him to inspect his face. Pouting her bottom lip, "Can I kiss it better?"

"Uh-um," he stuttered, eyes flitting from her hooded lids as she moved even closer. "Yes, please. It hurts."

The last part he whispered, her tongue flicking out to lap at the wound. Another wave of relief like earlier, the pain was being sucked away with every lick of her cool tongue. Ben whimpered as their lips locked.

Tender, much softer than before. Slotted together like two pieces of a puzzle that he had spent so long trying to force to completion. Both sighing, Ben peppered soft kisses against her lips. Basking in the small sighs she exhaled each time.

He raised a tentative hand to stroke her shoulder, hovering as he remembered what happened before.

"Can I," he placed another kiss, "Can I touch you?"

She pulled away for a moment, glancing towards the offending limb before she popped her lips. "Is that the one you choked him with?"

"What?"

"Is that the hand that almost killed him?"

He looked towards it, flexing his fingers into a fist a few times. Popping knuckles in the process, "Yeah."

She cocked a brow.

Ben felt this urge to tell her more, seeing how it piqued her interest in a peculiar way.

"I still have his blood on it," he turned his palm over, showing her his bloodied nail beds. To his shock she gasped, grasping him before bringing it to her face.

Moaning before her tongue slipped out and licked at them. Ben was entranced, softly nudging his fingers into her small mouth. He wanted to shove them in, but she would probably bite them off.

Deepthroating two of his fingers, the scene made Ben painfully hard. He hadn't jerked off today, losing his computer after his fight, but this was enough. Watching her slob all along his hand, desperate to taste the blood of some random man she didn't know.

"I want you to tell me exactly what happened, " She pounced on Ben, flat on his back before she tugged him to be on top. Legs wrapped around his hips, Ben groaned at the sweet friction.

Her muscles twitched as he gave a small grind. Ben hissed as her fingers dug into his cheeks, drawing his attention back to what she asked for.

"I-um-first I told him to fuck off..."

"Yeah," she moaned out, pacing a firm kiss on his lips, "Wrap your fucking hand around my throat, do exactly what you did to him. I want to feel it, baby."

With a harsh swallow, Ben placed his shaking palm against her throat. Afraid to hurt her, but he didn't want her to leave, "I-I held him down to the floor, and I squeezed."

"Do it," she whispered, her eyes were rolling back in her skull. Ben carefully applied pressure, careful to not touch her artery in the process.

But he was having a hard time finding her pulse, but that could be because he was nervous...

A dark laugh made him stop, glancing back up at her and feeling frozen by her eyes. They were black again, like yesterday, grinning at him with rows of sharp teeth before she hissed.

"You imbecile, you won't find one because I'm already dead."

Rage coursed through him, how dare she call him that?

After everything she knew?

Without thinking, Ben closed his hand in a fist as best he could. Listening to her throat spasm under his flesh, choking, gagging, and laughing as he strangled her.

He watched as her eyes fluttered shut, nails grasped at his wrist, dragging long red lips that were deep enough to drip blood. Ben felt...

Power.

Raw power.

Like he imagined while on the computer, those poor girls wouldn't be able to handle how rough he wanted to be.

You imbecile.

You imbecile.

*SNAP*

Ben looked down, her entire body going limp in his hold.

"Oh my god," he dropped her, quickly leaping off the bed to stare at her corpse. Splayed out on his mattress, blood seeping from the crooked indent where his hand once was.

Soaking his sheets in her remains, Ben's right hand was wet too, dripping on his carpet.

"Oh-fuck," Ben ran his left through his hair, tugging hard on the ends like he usually did. Paced from left to right, he walked to his bedroom door, careful to not drip on the white wood. If his parents found blood in here they would flip out. He would be sent away, probably to the military or someplace worse...

Maybe even Uncle Lukes 'natural preserve' in the middle of fucking nowhere.

There was no movement on the other side of his door or the shared wall he had with Rey. Now, all he had to do was hide her body before anyone came looking for her. He could slip out with her in the morning after everyone left. Unless they were planning on babysitting him tomorrow, he couldn't walk out with a limp black body bag in his arms and not have any interrogation.

He had to get rid of it now.

Ben spun on his heel, only to see that no longer was she a corpse. But sitting upright on his bed, batting her eyelashes like she was the sweetest little girl anyone had ever met. Licking away at the blood that she collected on her fingers.

"Ready to play some more?"

-------

Okay so, there's a dead woman who visits me at night...

Ben groaned into his hands, seated at the dining room table. Surrounded by his school work for the week, since he was officially not allowed back on school grounds. The SRO was considering putting him on a 'hold' which was weird for an officer to suggest to a school.

Ben was 99% sure only doctors could do that, but mom won't take him to a doctor.

Last night escalated in a way he didn't imagine, she was dead. Completely, he had crushed her throat with his bare hands, felt her spinal cord snap. That was a sound he couldn't forget, even if it was drowned out by the buzzing of white-hot rage from her taunting.

She shouldn't have pushed him, he was being so good for her and she knew that he didn't like being called names. But she did, and she fucking liked it?

Maybe he liked it too.

He shook his head, no. No, he did not like hurting people, this was all just a misunderstanding, he would apologize to her and to Poe forever trying to fight back.

Maybe grovel at Dameron's feet so they wouldn't take him to jail for pulverizing their son. Apparently, Ben did severe damage, the fight even made it on the local news this morning. Some reporters outside of the city building where his mom worked to ask her to comment on her deranged son.

Obviously, she had no comment.

She had told Ben to stay in the house today. He wasn't allowed to open the front door for anyone, go in the garage, or even open the curtains. Serial killer rules, something she used to say when he was little and had to be left alone.

Well, now the rules weren't to protect him.

It was others she was worried about.

Ben slid off his chair, leaving his pre-calculus homework to fret over another day. The symbols didn't make any sense anyway, so he was better off not doing it since he would receive a shit grade no matter what.

Trudging up the stairs to his bedroom, but he halted. Looking down the hall at his parents' double doors. If he was careful, he could probably snatch some of his stolen property. That way he could watch something other than daytime television in the living room.

They would be so pissed if he went in there though...

"What? You're afraid of your parents, now?"

Ben's head snapped behind him, half expecting to see her at the landing of the stairs. But there was nothing there, except for a dark shadow from a palm plant in the corner.

Looking a little darker than usual.

Ben squinted, swearing for a moment it moved. Shrugging it off as nothing, he was probably just tried. He looked back down the hall, swallowing slowly, "No, I'm not afraid of them..."

"It sure looks like it, too afraid of Mommy and Daddy to get what you want."

"No-"

"What belongs to you."

Yes, it does belong to him.

Ben's feet carried him down, swinging the doors open in a flurry before he zeroed in on the chest at the base of his parents' bed. When he was little, he would rummage through there for things they took from him. Because he was bad or needed to be punished. Taking away everything he loved, even them.

Quickly, he threw open the crate. Greeted with some folded blankets, Ben huffed in annoyance. Casually throwing them on the floor, he probably should be more careful. He wasn't great at folding but judging by the sight of them, his mom didn't use them often.

Underneath was a box, a lock on it with a code. Black and sleek in its shape, Ben hesitated on it, thinking what could be inside. Most likely documents that his dad would lose in the office if he was allowed to have them, or something expensive that Rey and he weren't allowed to see.

He pushed it to the side, whatever was inside clinked like loose change in someone's pocket. Ben frowned, pushing it a little more to decipher the noise, but he couldn't figure it out. Plus there was a lock, and he wasn't good with cracking codes.

After pushing and yanking items out, he found his laptop. Along with his computer tower which was nestled in a blanket. It was dark blue and frayed, little stars all over it, some spots were almost weathered away from rubbing against something.

He brought it to his face for a moment, touching his cheek. Instantly feeling a sense of relief, "So soft..."

Ben bundled up everything as best he could, cringing at his shitty folding job. But he could close it so out of sight out of mind, the small blanket slung over his shoulder. Against the skin of his neck, he really connected with it, for some reason.

Items under his arms, he waddled down the hallway, his tower was fucking heavy. Shocked that his mom carried it without incident, Ben shuffled the items in his arms, holding out a shaking hand to open his door.

Click

"Shit."

He tried again, the knob unrelenting against his now sweating palm. Did he lock it before going downstairs? He's never done that before, it's his only safe space... Ben can't be locked out?

He can't, that's where he feels okay, no-no-no...

"Why don't you come downstairs and play?"

Down went Ben's laptop, hissing as it hit the hardwood on its edge. "Fuck-fuck, please don't be broken," he chanted, setting down his tower before wrenching it open. Letting out a small breath when there was no crack on the screen.

Ben glanced up towards the voice, seeing the shadow from earlier was nearly invisible. Like there was no longer someone standing there, he gulped.

Walking down the creaking stairs as slowly as he could. Blanket and laptop clutched to his chest while he shook.

Over the edge of the couch, Ben could see her. The back of her head barely cleared the cushion. But it was unmistakable, even though he had only seen her in the dark, no one else would be here.

A melodic hum came from the other side, "Are you going to sit with me, baby?"

A tremor shivered through Ben's entire body like the temperature dropped in his house. Had it gotten darker? he wasn't allowed to open the curtains, maybe there were clouds?

He rounded the couch slowly, breath hitching at the sight of her. All normal, fucking gorgeous, it made his chest hurt. Smiling up at him with her glistening lips, there were flecks of gloss on them today. He smacked his own, maybe they were flavored, what he would give to taste.

"What were you going to watch on your computer," she nodded slightly towards his arms.

"Uh," he cleared his throat, he wasn't sure what to say. Ben was going to bring it to his room and stroke his cock until he passed out from dehydration, but that wasn't something girls wanted to hear. Right?

"Are you afraid to show me? After you snapped my neck last night?"

"That was an accident," he blurted, suddenly feeling defensive.

"Hm."

She spread her arms out over the cushions, looking down at her lap coyly before she whispered, "I thought a big man like you wouldn't be afraid to show his desires, to take whatever he wants... but..."

Ben shoved his things onto the nearby chair, rushing her in a flurry of emotions. Hurt, lust, anger, fucking rage, pushing her with a hand around her throat once more flat on her back.

Not even thinking for permission, bringing his lips close to her ear. Practically growling while she struggled under his massive form, legs pinned between his thighs. His own voice was foreign on his ears as he rasped.

"You know I can take whatever I want."

The two locked eyes, Ben watched as she panted for breath. If though he knows she was killed just last night, something was so fucked up about it all. But she as letting him, her hands fell to his shoulders. Tugging him closer, whispering against his lips, "Do it."

That same voice.

"Do it, Ben."

He didn't know what came over him, his body on autopilot. Tearing his fingers through the slim threads of her clothing. Greeted by the sight of her breasts, bouncing in his face. Ben moaned at the sight, so soft, delicate, pert nipples rubbing against his chest.

Sitting upon his knees, Ben released her throat. Fixated now on this new flesh, she opened her mouth to speak but couldn't get it out. Ben smacked his palms down on her tits, hard. A howl of pain left her lips, eyes squeezed shut tight.

He repeated it, loving how the flesh rippled while he landed more and more. Ben remembered seeing this in a video, loving how the actress reacted, but hers was so much better.

Watching how the skin irritated, bruised. He switched his tactics, moving to strike just her nipples, tugging hard on the stiff buds until she cried in pain. Arching her chest into his hands, whispering out his name like a song.

"Please-please Ben, more!"

"You want more," he echoed, leaning over her open mouth. He wasn't sure what made him do it, but a trail of spit left his lips before he could think. Feeding it into her mouth, "Swallow."

Her eyes opened, full contact while she gulped down his spit. A shiver ran through his body down to his throbbing cock, ripping his hands away from her to fumble with his belt.

Her lips needed to be around his cock, even at the chance she would bite his dick off.

She purred at his movement, "You want me to taste you? Suck your cock?"

"I don't care if you want to," he gritted, "You're going to like a good girl."

Her mouth formed a pretty 'o', flashing down as he pulled out his rigid length. Ben scooted forward on her chest, her shoulders scrunching by her ears so he could fit. He should probably reposition, but he couldn't find it in him to move.

Not when he was able to rub the tip of his swollen cock along her lips, feeling her cold tongue flick out and taste him. Ben moaned, canting his hips forward, nudging inside the small opening and filling her mouth with the head.

She sucked a few times, eyes falling shut in a sleepy haze. Ben felt sleepy too, all the sounds in his head were gone when she swirled her tongue, cupping the underside of his tip cradled by it.

He thrust forward, pushing a few inches in her without warning. The sheer girth gagged her immediately, but Ben didn't care. Like a man possessed, his words didn't sound like his own.

"I'm so excited to hear the sloppy, wet sounds your little throat is going to make when I choke you."

She popped off, an awkward angle of her wrist gripped the base of his cock. Squeezing until he felt dizzy, Ben steadied himself with a hand on her forehead. Digging his nails through her hair, staring up at him wickedly.

"Please," a broken whine followed her words, and who was he to deny her?

Ben shot off the couch, standing beside her for a moment before he collected her hair. Plunging his cock inside her mouth, both of them moaning in unison.

Looking down at her face, brows pulled up in pure bliss. Eyes closed, and mouth open like she belonged there. And she did, sucking his cock from base to tip, foamy spit collecting around the edges of her stretched hole.

Fucking her throat a few more times, he thought about what he wanted. He wanted to cum, which was growing closer as she sputtered along his length, but he wanted to cum somewhere else.

With a palm on her forehead, he pushed her back. Back arching over the edge of the couch. Whining pathetically, "What, no-no-Ben!"

He stepped to the sit, pointing down at the carpeted floor between the couch and the coffee table.

"Hands and knees, ass up. Now."

She melted to the floor, eyes growing darker as she glared before obeying. But she was too slow for his taste, swiftly kicking her down to her face. He heard her snarl into the fibers, but still displaying herself for him.

Ben's hearing was going fuzzy anyway, if she did say something he wouldn't hear it. Right now, he was looking directly at her pussy, wet and clenching through the now sheer fabric of her panties. Hugging her sex until it was see-through, Ben gripped thong.

Yanking hard enough to lift her backside off the floor in a yelp, ripping it apart at the seams.

"Fuck!"

Ben collapsed to his knees, sweaty palms on her cheeks to spread her open. He had never seated someone out before, but he couldn't resist. Sticking his tongue in her waiting hole, licking a long stripe along her slit while she wailed.

Rocking her hips back in his face, Ben slurped away her juices, coming out of her like a broken faucet. Bringing two fingers up to her entrance before jamming them in, "Mother of Fuck!"

Ben chuckled at her yelping, funny how this was the same creature that begged him to choke her out last night. Now at his mercy in a much more delicious way, twisting his wrist until her pussy could take another finger. He wasn't stopping until he was balls deep inside her.

Ripping his fingers out, fumbling with his pants around his hips. Pushing them down to his thighs so he was a little less clothed. She shook her hips, impatient with him.

"I'll give you attention, " he mused, "Good girls have to wait for what they want."

She shot a look over her shoulder, making Ben's ice turn cold. Her face was pulled in a snarl, eyes now completely devoid of color.

"Just fucking do it!"

Ben didn't hesitate, pushing his cock inside her twitching walls. Already resisting something so large, Ben let out a scream from the clenching massaging his length. Her pussy splitting for him, Ben looked at her face once again.

Her skin was changing color, to an almost ashen gray. With her veins turning a dark blue on her cheeks. Spreading from her eyes and streaking down like tear tracks. For a second, Ben felt like stopping to see if she was okay.

But her words took that thought and threw it in the trash.

"You little shit, just get on with it before I fuck you myself."

And he was done.

Throwing his hands forward to hook fingers on both sides of her face. Scrambling to reach her shitty fucking mouth, antagonizing him all the fucking time. He slipped his middle finger to catch her lips, prying them apart in a gnarly snarl that was anything but human.

Yanking her back with a fervor he had never felt, all the blood rushing to his cock as she sucked him in even further. All he could do was fuck, ignoring how his vision was blacking out. All the lights in the room dimmed, almost spiraling around the one thing that mattered.

Her, being inside her.

He would do anything to feel this power again, whatever she wanted.

All she had to do was ask, and he would follow blindly. Just to feel her velvet pussy around his aching cock, filling her under he was sure he had broken something.

His strength pulled another sickening snap of her neck, but this time she didn't go limp. Instead, she chanted, yes-yes-yes-more-more!

A crunch focused his vision down to their bodies, connected by his cock. Pain now radiating from his hands, like a fire blazing up his arms until it reached his chest. She whipped her head from his grasp, revealing how the tips of his fingers were gnawed on. Somehow flipping herself over in the process.

Ben was on his back, her hand threatening around his throat as the pain grew. Only dulling when she sunk back down his cock, clenching at the base as she moaned out for all of the neighborhood to hear.

"You wonderfully, silly silly boy," her voice was tight, face still crumbling like it was stone. Her fist tightened around him, delirious from being choked in two ways.

"You'll do whatever I want for me?"

Ben whimpered, nodding pathetically. He was so close to cumming, it's all he could think about.

She grinned, "Whatever I ask? Anything in the world, just so you can feel me?"

"Yes, please, I'll do any-anything..."

She slammed down his length again, groaning as his balls tightened towards his body. He was about to cum, right in her hot fucking pussy, she just needed to do that one more time.

"Ben," she sang.

He opened his eyes, panting through his open mouth. Seeing her complexion return to normal, so pretty, so beautiful, he strained forward. Wanting to kiss her supple lips.

"You won't question what I ask of you?"

"N-no-never."

"No matter what?"

He almost cried, she was just circling her hips now. Absolute torture he could care less what she asked for, if she would keep touching him it would all be worth it.

"No matter what," he parroted.

"Excellent."

And he was a goner, cumming with such intensity that he felt like he passed out. Pumping her pussy full of cum while she moaned. Pushing her chest into the air, hands landing on his knees. He looked down at their bodies, spying a small bulge from where he was nestled.

Spurting out more cum at the sight, he wished he had his phone to take a picture.

She stood from him with a slick pop, some of his spend sliding down her inner thighs before she stepped over him. Grinning down with her teeth on full display, Ben caught his breath. Thinking about what just happened, his brain wasn't fogging like it normally did.

Instead, it was just her.

She leaned down, pressing a kiss to his sweaty forehead.

"You're such a good boy."

-------

"Leia," called dad from upstairs.

Ben was sitting at the table, surrounded by his homework and his confiscated laptop. Mom had scoffed when she found him on the floor of the living room, thankfully his pants were pulled back up. That would've been embarrassing, to be found like that.

Eyeing his loot that he wasn't supposed to have. Mom told him to sit at the table while she made dinner, so he did. Fitting off a swimming headache again.

Nausea flooding his very movements, the image of your ashen face bouncing around his skull. Terrified of what he had agreed to, but when he thought about disobeying your demands he felt like something was plunging into his heart.

"What's wrong, Han?"

Dad's footsteps came down the stairs, stopping a few feet from where Ben stared at him. Fear, yes his dad looked at him in fear. That was definitely new, looking back at mom before he spoke.

"I was just wondering if you moved the safe..." his eyes darted back to Ben, mouthing out something that he could understand.

Mom scoffed, "No, I didn't touch your gun safe. You probably put it in the garage."

Gun safe?

Ben looked over his shoulder, startled to see mom staring directly at him. He clutched the navy blanket closer to his lap, catching her attention for a brief moment.

"Well, we better find it, Leia. Before it gets in the wrong hands."

"He means you, baby. They think you stole from them."

"I didn't take it," Ben blurted without thinking, looking down at his homework before his parents moved in on him. But all he heard was awkward shuffling, stiffening at someone touching the top of his head.

Ben looked up, mom wasn't looking at him. "I know, Ben."

"Lying to mommy, what a bad boy?"

"What?" Ben blurted once more, whipping his head to the side to try and find her. The voice was there in his head, but where the fuck was she? She had called him a good boy earlier, he didn't do anything wrong...

He started to sweat, breathing shallow while his mom rubbed the top of his head like she did when he was younger. But it felt like nails on a chalkboard, quickly scrambling out of the chair and past his parents.

Blanket tucked to his chest.

And that's how he slept, that night, and the following four nights.

Waking up with a fuzzy static in his ears, his window always angled open. Each morning he found sores along his body, yesterday he had trails of red along his legs.

Like something was trying to drag him out of bed.

He hadn't heard her voice since that day.

And he missed her, terribly.

Unsure if he could handle going back to school without her guidance, she was there to tell him everything he did was okay. He didn't want to make a mistake while in class, what if he gets picked on even worse and he doesn't retaliate?

Does she not want him anymore?

Because he's weak?

He whimpered in bed, curled onto his side, and stared at the door of his room.

Everyone was getting ready to leave for the day, not paying attention to him. He was truly alone, all over again.

That made him mad, so fucking mad.

Whipping out of bed, dressed in just his boxers and a t-shirt he burst from his room and down the hall. Listening for any signs of life downstairs, glancing by the plant by the stairs. The shadow was darker today, maybe it was a good sign.

His heartbeat a little at the thought, maybe if I look for her, she will come?

Or if he shows her how devoted he was to her.

Ben thought about his interactions, all of them centering around him doing whatever she wanted. The last time being a violent fucking, his cock stirred at the memory, and that was triggered by him getting in trouble.

Behind him, a door creaked open.

He slowly deadpanned around, gulping when the hall closet door was inching open. Darkness pouring out of it, like all its contents were stained with the gloomy black of her soul. Ben heard the garage door closing, the house falling silent except for his heavy breathing.

"H-hello?"

Ben held his blanket closer, rubbing at the frayed edges. Mom told him that this was his childhood blanket. She never asked where he found it, just looking at him suspiciously when he held it around the house. He didn't like putting it down, it felt like the last good part of him.

Crash

A box fell from the closet onto the floor, staring straight at him like it was looking through him.

Dad's safe.

"Do it."

Ben jumped, almost crying at the small voice. "Where are you?" He whispered, desperate for her guidance.

"Take it, you know the combination my sweet boy."

He crouched on the floor, hands shaking and sweaty as he fumbled with the lock. Four digits, he thought for a moment and put in a code, gasping when it worked. The click of the latch opening was deafening over the still air.

Ben carefully took out the weapon, spying ammo around before he looked behind him. Zeroing in on the shadow, "What do I do now?"

"What feels right."

------

Ben was sitting on his bed, the gun in his lap. Wrapped in the blanket as he stared out the window. Watching the neighbors walking around, kids laughing and playing like they were every fucking day.

Only Ben was focusing on someone specific, the Dameron family. Three houses down, Poe was back from the hospital. He had watched him enter the house a few hours ago, bandages around his neck where Ben's hand was imprinted.

He chuckled at the thought, knowing that Poe was scarred from him made him feel good.

His fingers twitched around the barrel, remembering how many rounds were left in it. He had taken it to the woods yesterday, practicing, for tonight.

He would do anything for her.

The lights dimmed outside, street lamps barely illuminating the sidewalks. Ben looked down, seeing a shadow standing at the end of the Dameron driveway.

Ben would know that shadow anywhere, she raised a hand. Waving at him before her voice echoed in his ears, "Show me how much you love me, Ben."

-------

With his backpack on, he walked out of the house. Completely dark outside, the air was chilly but he wasn't cold. Focused on one thing and one thing only.

His love.

Ben kicked in the front door, not caring about the noise, none of them would survive anyway. A light beeping filled the house before he kicked the door shut with a heavy boot. He stalked down the hallway, seeing how the house was decorated so differently than his own, family photos all around. Poes cleats on the floor, along with a bag.

He pushed it with his foot, only stopping when he heard a thud from upstairs. Ben smiled, hearing a muffled voice, "Did you hear something?"

Yes, yes you did Poe.

He walked to the base of the stairs, standing like the same shadow he was trying to impress. Ben grabbed the weapon from his bag, checking that the safety was off before storming up the stairs.

The closer he came, the more the voices panicked, and then a door swung open and Ben didn't hesitate.

The gunshot rang in his ears, followed by the loudest scream he'd ever witnessed, but he didn't care.

The simmering rage that Poe brought him was mixing with the bliss of finally taking it out was intoxicating.

He kicked in every door of the house, growing angrier the longer it took to find the others. Stepping into the large room at the end, over Mr. Damerons blown-out skull.

Ben's boot crunched on the floor, slicked with his blood, and purred at the sight.

In the corner, was Poe and his mother.

Clutching one another.

"Holy shit, Solo!" Poe rasped, shaking terribly at the vision of black before him.

His mothers' voice was wavering like a leaf, "B-b-b-ben, what ar-are you doing?"

"I'm here to kill you and your son."

They both gasped, and Ben pounced, opting to use his bare hands to take them on. He didn't remember finishing off Shara, but he remembered chasing Poe down the halls.

All the way to the kitchen, Ben let his bag fall to the ground. Reaching in for the last item, wanting to make the last blow count, that there was no more Ben for Poe to hurt.

Pushing him down to the floor, repeatedly beating him. Spit flying as he called Poe every fucking thing Ben was called. Making sure he knew that he did this to himself, that he deserved it after all the years he made Ben's life a living hell.

Lips blue as Poe rasped out his final words.

"Fucking psychopath..."

And the last thing he remembered before the police flooded the house, was wrapping his childhood blanket around Poes bruised fucking neck until it snapped.

Cackling while they tore him away, leaving it soaked in his tormentors' blood.

Ben watched from the backseat of the police car as his mom and dad stood on the sidewalk. Rey standing in front of them, face streaked in tears and wailing. Ben mocked her bottom lip, laughter bubbling up as he felt better than ever.

Thanking whatever gods there were, for the creature that visited him.

-------

TAGGING: @finn-ray-nal-beads​​​ @onlykyloscenes​​​ @candycanes19​​​ @historyandfandoms50​​​ @caelum-phyriina-vermillon​​​ @ghoulian13​​​ @mrs-kylo-ren​​​ @millenialcatlady​​​​ @relationshipwithmybed​​ @dancingmicrobes​​​ @wayward-rose​​​ @contesa-lui-alucard​​​ @daydreamsofren​​​ @insufferablelust​​​ @ohdamnadamm​​​ @mariesackler​​​ @caillea​​ @safarigirlsp @jalexunderthestars​​​ @shesakillerkween​​​ @glassythoughts​​ @zimmermansbrat​​ @not-the-teen-witch​​ @jynzandtonic​ @roanniom​ @celestiasin @glassbxttles @cornmousequeen @driversmutbucket @fathersonandhouseofgucci @reyloaddict55 @emeritusemeritus @livi-s @eagerforhoney @xxgarden

Happy Halloween, here is the link to my Ben Solo masterlist and my Mega Masterlist. Be safe and don't murder your neighbors!

[lady-lauren]

do you really want me to write all those things down when you know me this well? pls don't make me talk about myself lauren :|

Oh my Melle Belle, my Mels Mels, my Meliffer Anne, my Male Male, if you thought for a second you were getting anyone other than Rei—

ha you fucking thought, you get Miche, babes.

Because you need happiness in your house.

You need an extra big hug sometimes for all your big ass feels, and Miche can give that to you. Because you, my dear, deserve all the love in the world. You pour a lot out. Sure, you cover it in a sarcasm and a bit of wit, but truly you spend a lot of your day making sure others are taken care of.

And, just like you, Miche is a giver. He's all physical touch and words of affirmation to make your little heart palpitate. He will literally smother you in love until you can't take it. He'll respect your space, too, give you ample time to yourself to read and recharge, but the moment you say you need some good old fashioned lovin', he's on you like bees on sweet.

You need someone to banter with you, to challenge you, to pick that big brain of yours, and he's got that. He's smart, charismatic, and loves to pick on you in the cute way you deserve. Cause we all know you love being poked just a bit so you can give us a good word jab back.

He's always so proud of you, too. He'll sing your praises to anyone who listens. My girl this, and my girl that, because he will make you his whole world. Well, not his whole world, he knows you don't like that kind of pressure, but he's definitely got you on his mind and in his arms about 85% of the time.

And he will give you all the faux breeding your body desires. Because this man has the biggest fucking breeder balls. He's the cum de la cum supreme, he will coat you in it like you're a god damn Pollock painting. I think his favorite thing to do would be to fuck you stupid, smother you in cum, and spend the rest of the night dutifully between your legs pushing it all back in and out as he focuses on your pleasure.

Like I said, he's a giver. He takes mental notes on everything you need, treating your body like a temple. A Jenga tower, really. One he gets to destroy and put back together again. He's a good aftercare cuddler.

Annnnd he would like your music taste, too. I imagine he'd honestly be really into music, probably can't play anything but the drums because his fingers are so big and clunky, but the two of you will spend a lot of your alone time listening to music in the house or taking late night car drives to disassociate to music together.

Have I said enough? No, I haven't.

He gives you love because you deserve it. Because you're a one of a kind that he thinks he's too lucky to have. He thinks it's amazing how for someone so small compared to him, you fit so perfectly in his arms.

Song: I Had Me a Girl by The Civil Wars

[killingpast]

in every single one of his battles  ( excluding against luke on crait because luke goaded him with words of his father  &  refused to make the first move seeing as he was a projection incapable of actually clashing blades )  ben awaits for his opponent to come charging at him. despite his reputation for a bad temper, this boy always waits,  &  will not strike out with his lightsaber first. for his iconic Point(tm) stance to be so aggressive in general swordfighting etiquette, he tends to actually be a passive / reactive fighter, not so much the explosive time bomb rage machine ready to cut a bitch that he pretends to be.

TOP MOST HONORABLE MENTIONS:  finn saying ‘ come get it ’  &  then promptly racing at him,  rey making her grandfather proud by doing a classic palpatine jab forward despite it being the very first time she’s ever held a lightsaber,  the throne room scene in which kylo ren is described as hungry  &  ready to release some wrath on his remaining abusers yet he still waits for them to come at him — after disassociating, witnessing rey get nicked on the shoulder,  that one time where ben broke out some dance moves to avoid a murderous  dark - influenced  rey’s lightsaber rather than, you know, drawing his own for a whole hot minute,  that one time where he just kind of chilled while the knights of ren fully circled him instead of maybe perhaps picking them off one by one because they weren’t fully grouped up  &  surrounding him at first,  &  lastly that one time he decided to not do anything with a lightsaber at all against palpatine because he was too busy posing beside rey to get a cool shot in  &  then getting the life ripped out of him  &  thrown off a cliff.

it’s no wonder a lot of fuckboy fans think he’s so weak with a lightsaber: 3/4ths of his battles are rigged with narrative need for him to either lose or draw,  &  with his enemies acting more aggressive, more “masculine” / “dominant” than him.

[elvencantation]

just went to see tros. major spoilers ahead

[[MORE]]

so i’m gonna try to go through this as in order as i can

- rey doing the avatar pose with the rocks orbiting her was super cool. as was her training with leia

- her getting distracted (and becoming somehow angry) by kyle ron staring at his grandads melted skull? not so much

- leia in general i think they handled pretty well. i even was okay with her death, though it did feel rushed. either way any glimpses of our beloved carrie warmed my heart

- i fuckin love bb8’s little sidekick. him being narratively incredibly important? felt forced

- lando? YES!!

- the weird rey doing force lightning? NO!!!

- i just have so many issues with this ‘dyad connection’

- stop trying to make more jedi powers. first the connection, then healing, then the lightning tree?? seriously?

- speaking of which, sith rey was way overdone. i could have understood her appearance in the first place, hearkening back to the dark cave luke went into on dagobah. but once again, it was played into the ground. and the teeth? seriously? (yes it was very attractive but that’s beside the point. evil versions are always hotter)

- kyle ron just kept pissing me off. but that’s a whole nother post entirely. i would’ve liked the helmet kintsugi for purely aesthetic reasons if it had any emotional impact at all. kintsugi is repairing a broken object and making it more beautiful for its having been put together again, and the love put into fixing it. none of that fit with the weird reforging of his helmet. he didn’t even do it himself palpatine’s little slaves did it. it looked cool but felt wrong

- hux being the traitor because he just ‘wants him to lose’? made absolutely no sense whatsoever and came completely out of left field. unless i’m just missing something. which i definitely could be

- rey getting completely distracted on the way to get the knife and letting her friends get captured? dumb. stupid narrative decision. it felt dishonest to the rest of her characterization up until now

- and it made for another weird connection scene with ofc i didn’t enjoy. vader’s helmet has great symbolic importance. it being left on that planet just to tell kyle ron that rey was on his ship? another stupid narrative decision!!

- also what the fuck was zorri and the whole spice runner being a secret thing? are we in dune? like let’s shoehorn in a backstory that has no emotional impact because there was no buildup or investment whatsoever. yes i understand they were trying to draw han solo parallels but it was just- once again- awkward and forced

-jannah just rubbed in our faces all the lost potential of finn leading a storm trooper rebellion from the inside. we were ROBBED

- if they had played with the c3po losing his memory storyline it could’ve had much more potential. but once again there was no emotional impact because it was badly written and awkwardly placed just to give us another ‘cute’ character. which yes. i fell for. i love babu. sidebar: i just looked up that characters name and they were voiced by moaning myrtle??

- the scenes on the destroyed death star. the fight looked beautiful, it was well shot and the set was amazing. i loved the giant waves, everything. but han? seriously? at least they didn’t try to make him a force ghost. that’s literally all i can be thankful for. leia reaching out to him could’ve had that very same narrative outcome of him throwing away the lightsaber. and it would’ve made so much more sense

- merry popping up everywhere without pippin was both sad and jarring for me personally

- and then we get to the final battle

-i’ve been drawing a lot of parallels between storylines in the movie and from the thrawn trilogy

- admit it, Exegol doesn’t sound half as cool as Mount Tantus

- cloning tanks, secret super powerful fleet, all of that was in thrawn but done much better

- i absolUTELY hated the view palpatine gave rey of the battle scene. it was done in the return of the jedi, it was done in the last jedi, it just felt overdone

- i’m not even going to talk about the reveal of rey’s identity. it’s just fucking stupid. her choosing to call herself a skywalker would have been just as impactful, if not more, if we’d kept her parentage a non plot point

- also don’t think that i didn’t notice the parallels to the alien at the festival asking her last name to the lady on tattooine. since when have last names ever been so stressed in star wars. it just felt awkward

- whats with the red storm troopers? yet another awkward detail added for #aesthetic with no reasoning behind it whatsoever?

- and onwards we go- to whatever the fuck happened when kyle joins rey in front of palpatine. this isn’t harry potter. he isn’t a dementor. it’s just- completely out of place. like wtf

- i am 100% convinced the weird chanting ‘audience’ was just rows upon rows of empty cloaks palpatine was animating because he’s a fucking drama queen. like if not, where did he get that many people? who are they? are they more force ghosts in inappropriate places?

- speaking of, i guess i could see what they were trying to do with the whole ‘i am all the sith/jedi’ thing, but it really didn’t make any sense, even with the ‘be with me’ thing rey was doing at the beggining of the movie. yet another new jedi power. ugh

- my brain personally has disassociated the re*lo kiss from the scene completely. it feels like something out of a different movie. there’s no lead up, it feels like two completely different characters than the ones we’ve been watching these past three movies

- we could’ve just had him die killing palpatine, or shielding her or giving her the chance to kill palpatine by sacrificing himself

- and no, i don’t count the part where she healed him any sort of lead up to the kiss. it felt just as awkward and forced as the rest of the directors/writers trying to redeem the relationship. no. emotional. impact. and the parallels they tried to draw between him and rey? also didn’t work

- the lightsaber trick did look really cool i enjoyed that a lot. i also surprisingly enjoyed kyle ron out of armor. he looked a lot more... real? in fact he looked so much like a different character i was even kinda emotionally invested in him in that scene. maybe i have a weak spot for ‘strong’ characters being vulnerable? or beat up angsty people? both? either way i actually enjoyed watching him onscreen those like five minutes. adam driver’s a good actor. ain’t his fault his character was written badly

- what’s with their bodies disappearing?? are we pulling a voldemort here? only yoda did that and he’s special. also leia’s body waiting to vanish until kyle died? i understand what they were getting at but it just doesn’t make sense

- that all being said, finn and poe’s screen time was lovely. they work so well together. that hug after the battle, thank you oscar isaac it was so gay. finn’s hair looked amazing, them being generals together felt so right, it had such potential

-the sandstormpilot hug was also amazing. poe kept grabbing rey’s hand and finn tearing up and- i’m gonna pretend they’re all together and everything is good with the world. they just make such an amazing team i love them so much

- most of the filmography and settings were gorgeous. the recreation of the podrace was eh, but rey wrecking the TIE fighter was better than that entire scene and pretty much made up for it in my mind. also since i’m in that scene, the scare of losing chewie was just plain cruel. it wasn’t a good plot twist, it didn’t work, it was just mean

- why did rey get a sentinel lightsaber?

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

thinking about rei again bc like. fuck. the slow creeping realisation of the depths of what happened to her is genuinely the most horrific part of the show imo. i talk about the scene in end of evangelion that’s unambiguously framed like a rape scene a lot because i do think it’s the most disturbing part of the series by far, but it’s not even just that or even about the implications of her sexual abuse it’s all the other details of her life and abuse too. like, when you realise she probably knows most of the horrific shit that gets revealed later on already bc she was raised in the nerv labs specifically as part of gendōs plan, and she's had to deal with the mental strain since she was very young. and when you see the lab she was made in and realise her messy quiet empty apartment is her attempt to recreate it because it’s the closest thing she’s had to comfort. and how she's not emotionless but disassociating, constantly, to cope with her trauma. and when you realise that with the timeline of the series, she's, like, technically ten, and if you don’t count rei i she’s four, just artificially aged to avoid suspicion, and her lack of emotional understanding and odd mannerisms are because she basically had a decade of important milestones fast forwarded through while she was stuck in a lab being groomed by her “father” essentially to die. just. ugh.

people sometimes say rei is boring or lacks depth, but that’s just, like, flat out not true. it’s just, like every part of the show with the mildest subtlety, people apparently just can’t understand basic analytic skills and critical thinking. rei's a deep character, one who's backstory shapes her a lot and one who’s a very realistic depiction of childhood neglect and abuse, along with early psychosis (which! she has! she's been described as schizophrenic and her disassociation issues and seeming lack of emotion are common negative symptoms of such! which also, if her medication includes anti-psychotics, her not showing much “positive” symptoms, like delusions or hallucinations, but still showing negative symptoms is an accurate depiction of those too) and the struggles of being an abused neurodivergent kid (which again she canonically is she has schizophrenia, even without her literally being the autism creature) in a world where it seems like adults studiously ignore your suffering.

(and the fact she’s a heavily implied SA victim and how that colours her relationship with both gendō and shinji are also incredibly important to understanding her and her depth, but that’s another topic for another day, bc I need some fucking sleep)

[phlipshea]

one / name / alias: Rey two /  birthday:  nov 1, 1995 three / zodiac sign: scorpio five  /  hobbies: writing, disassociating, crying, petting animals six /  favourite colours: blue, black, and red seven / favourite books: the harry potter series , Gone, Percy Jackson, The Book thief eight  /  last song listened to: GoldLink - Yard nine  /  last film watched: Men in Black: International ten  /  inspiration for muse: I have a playlist, but Troye Sivan and Alec Benjamin  eleven  / dream job: somewhere I make a lot of money, it doesn’t feel like a job, helps others, and has to do with the entertainment industry somehow.  twelve  / meaning behind your url:  it’s literally his name...

i tag  @slvrcat @sensesdialed @shefairest @tiimedtm

tagged by @entwinedhearts

[princess-of-the-corner]

Uh, suggestion for Hikari Lives AU . . . if Toya is still going to be Dabi at some point, Shoto's scar is his fault? Like, not on purpose! But a training accident, or even the kettle thing, & Toya has all this guilt about hurting his baby brother? Cause I'm assuming Rei is in a healthier headspace here, so she wouldn’t have all that happen. & AfO manipulates Toya, cause he hurt his brother - something there?

no and yes and no?

Okay so taking bits at a time I don't want it to be Toya's thing. Toya would be very careful with his fire considering he knows it hurts him and can hurt most of the family. Plus with Shoto's specific burn it's- to replicate that with fire, you'd need to hold the flames on his face for a few moments, which is more intentional. Boiling water does the job faster because it stays there even if you react quickly to wipe it off it stays.

So yeah I think having the boiling water thing still happen but when/how is up in the air.

The thing about the family being healthier is that it's 'healthier' not '100% healthy'. All three adults still have their various traumas to work though and at times the others and their kids do suffer for it. It's just better here because Hikari is still here and involved. Out of the trio she's 1.) best at coping mechanisms in general 2.) the one with the best idea of what a healthy childhood should look like and 3.) she has the emotional awareness, confidence, and assertiveness to directly address her partners problems when they're going off the rails.

So like. Specifically with Rei. Her mental health may be more managed, but the problems are pre-existing. So the chances of her having a very bad day, disassociating, and then lashing out at whoever approaches her is still on the table. It just might not happen when it does, or it may happen less overall (I go into this more in Road to Hell, but the tea kettle incident wasn't the first time she did that, just the first time with lasting consequences and the push that made Enji realize she needs professional help)

Swinging back to Toya!

Due to things being healthier and having better overall communication, Toya gets a lot more support. His parents are still very worried for him, but they're working with him more. So he gets the Hero Training like he wanted! And follows most of the story beats in CC re: going to UA and becoming a Hero for a bit.

But AfO is a fucker who kind of.... assumed things. Like tbh even in CC he was kinda lucky he was right on Enji being a shitty parent. So here AfO is assuming similar things. That Enji and Hikari 'bought' Rei to make fire/ice children for them to live vicariously through and forced them into Heroism and yadda yadda.

So we still get Toya 'dying' and then waking up to get gaslit by AfO.

Except here it doesn't work because this version of Toya had more outright love and support and knows that his parents love him. So the manipulation tactics don't work.

But Toya is also smart and realizes it's better to play along 1.) so he doesn't get killed anyway and 2.) so he can get information on what the hap is fuckening and 3.) he realizes real quick that AfO took Hikari's Quirk so this is a little bit of personal revenge.

[empathecary]

mun meme: stole it from my archived blog tagging: the dash, it’s munday, give me your ssn

NAME: rey STAR SIGN: aquarius/pisces cusp HEIGHT: 5′3" WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? i’ve answered this before? but it’s just the letter D. it does stand for something but on all official records, it’s just the letter. PUT YOUR ITUNES SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 6 SONGS THAT POPPED UP? chick habit - april march touch-tone telephone - lemon demon radio sound - argonaut & wasp summer in the city - the lovin’ spoonful throw down the roses - kate pierson dream sweet in sea major - miracle musical  (that’s a pretty good look at my music taste tbh) GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST YOU AND TURN TO PAGE 23. WHAT’S LINE 17? —-

“... come that make us happy, as we soon find out when we get used to our new income and discover that we won’t be happy again unless we’re making $40,000 a year.”

... cool.

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU? never. : ) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? i can’t recall? likely when i was pretty young. WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH?  i do not have one :u i crush on fictional characters.WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE; SOUND YOU LOVE? anything,,, wet or squelchy or squishy. i love the sound of crackling fire. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? def HOW ABOUT ALIENS? absolutely. i think it’s kind of silly to think we’re the only planet with intelligent life in our vast universe of endless galaxies. our brains literally cannot comprehend the infinity and beyond we are dealing with in that regard. there’s no possible way we’re the only planet with intelligent life. i refuse to believe it, sorry. DO YOU DRIVE? nah but,,, i better get on it.  IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? i don’t drive but I have been in a bad car accident wherein we hydroplaned across a 4 way intersection and spun out of control. luckily we only had bruises and the other person we hit was perfectly fine WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? i’m reading a book about disassociative identity disorder. it’s nothing terribly interesting, it’s all very clinical. DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? i do actually. i always thought it was odd lol WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW?  last movie i saw wassss?? emelie. it’s on netflix. it’s not,,, great lol. i can’t remember the last movie i saw in theaters.  WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD? due to my heart condition, i fainted and hit my head really hard on concrete and gave myself a really bad cerebral contusion (different from a concussion). it means i bruised my brain! and i was diagnosed with having a mild traumatic brain injury. DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? i mean, i have hyperfixations, not obsessions. i hate when they’re called obsessions. but yeah, dbd and film? DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? depends on who they are, what they did, if they apologize, and a whole lot of other factors. but generally i am too fucking tired to keep grudges and waste my time on people i dont like so. IN A RELATIONSHIP?  sOMEHOW with the most wonderful person in the world ;o;

[madmadwritesagain]

pen emoji plus rei or briar? 💚💙 :p

How about Both!

Rei ends up so utterly traumatized the first time they see someone die. Being a hero put them in the unfortunate position of being near death and heartbreak and injury and they can see a l l of it. the sight of someones aura just fading into non-existence and losing color and they can feel it just becoming nothing and it’s horrifying to them. There’s just no way for them to describe it. To get through the mission they were on they disassociate to an Extreme and try to brush it off. They only break down when they’re back home. Kell and Darren (and Neal when he finds out) help them process it and they all know to keep an eye on them in such situations in the future.

Briar is my baby. He’s the youngest of the bunch (the bunch being the super group that has yet to be named) at the age of 17. The only reason he’s allowed to be in the group is because he wants to be there - and he does choose to be there, despite what he says - and the entire team has been at that age before. They Know that if he isn’t hero-ing with them he’s gonna be doing it alone and none of them want that.

Fun fact about Briar is that while he can create whips out of a lot of different things but his favored element (and therefore the easiest for him to use because it’s what he’s most practiced at) is electricity. Hence his super name; Electric Eclectic.