#rereading my moms book of suicide poems from when she was 33 like hmm the cycle is endless and always continues and there is no escape

[fallowtail]

knowing i provide nothing of value and have nothing special i can provide people and nothing interesting or fun or smart or clever to say ever, and am not knowledgeable about anything, not smart, not educated, i can't write or draw or create anything or hype people up or help them in a way that matters, and just continuously provide nothing of any merit to give me any worth of my own right...the only thing i'm good for is giving other people a spring board to jump off of or bringing other people together so they can be creative and successful and have fun and be smart while i sit in the background being completely pathetic and useless. god. i am such an npc who just exists to point the player characters in the right direction and i need to stop pretending i was ever meant to be anything else lol. this is the only thing i ever get complimented on and it sucks so fucking bad. like i'm supposed to be proud that my only character trait is being a stepstool, to be the hype man, the guy who has nothing of inherent value about themselves, who only functions to cheer everyone who is better than them on. i know it's a vital function to society but why does it have to be me!! this isn't something that "getting help" (major airquotes bc i do not believe anything can help me tbh) can fix bc its an inherent character flaw, and inherent lack of purpose and worth and no amount of "positive thinking" is going to be able to fix that. some of us are just worthless little bugs under the rock who are important to society because we feed the bigger bugs but otherwise we're nothing lol.