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causenessus · 4 months ago

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part 0.16. REMEMBER IN THE MORNING

“i’ll be your morning bright goodnight shadow machine i'll be your record player baby if you know what i mean i was your starry-eyed lover and the one that you saw we were just two moonshiners on the cusp of a breath and i've been burning for you baby since the moment i left."

from paul by big thief, left at the maneater, shiga, japan

after his last text, she’s waiting in silence, staring up towards the shadowed ceiling of her dark room.

she’d been caught off guard initially by his texts, and it had only worsened the longer it went on. her throat felt like it was going to close up. one moment he was calling her out and saying his own sweet things, and the next he was brushing everything off. she wasn’t sure what to trust and what not to. he was adamant about denying having a part in any of the pictures he had sent, but this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. there was the flower box, too, and the story osamu had told her.

now that she thought about it, it had lined up too well. a fire extinguisher box that suna had put up instead of a flower box, which omi had accidentally mistaken for the extinguisher box? it was convoluted to even think about, and way too coincidental.

but she couldn’t bring it up now, that was months ago and it’d be wrong of her to try and coax the truth out of him when he was obviously drunk, no matter how much he tried to deny it. she almost jumps when her phone lights up again and starts buzzing, her ringtone playing through her headphones as she stares at the screen for a second.

she’s going to answer, of course, but she almost wishes she had said no to calling. she’s not sure what they’ll talk about tonight or what he’ll remember in the morning. she’s not sure if she should bring up anything he’s said so far ever again in case it affects their relationship.

she’d be heartbroken if he blamed whatever he said tonight on being drunk (in contrast to how insistent he was currently being that he would say these things if he wasn't intoxicated), but she’d also feel equally as nauseous if they never talked about this night again.

she blinks rapidly, feeling tears well up in her eyes. ‘what was she crying for?’ perhaps she's realized that they've both already gone too far. when they woke up in the morning, things wouldn’t be the same anymore. one look at their texts and he would read that she had stupidly admitted to having tweeted about him before, and she would have no excuse for her actions.

she needed to answer the phone.

she wiped her arms with her sleeve, taking a deep breath for answering.

“hi,” she speaks softly, starting their conversation off as she always does.

“hi,” he says back like he always does, although tonight his voice is a little breathy.

she starts to play with the edge of her sheets, unsure of what to do with herself, “are we calling to talk about something in particular?”

she can hear him shift around in his own bed before he gives her a noise of disagreement, “no... i guess you were right, i really just want to sleep but i like falling asleep on call with you. ‘makes me feel like i’m there with you.”

she almost turns on her phone to hit the mute button as she chokes back a noise of surprise, face turning red. she’s paralyzed in her bed, mind trying to formulate a response. “oh. i like being on the phone with you too,” she immediately slaps her head at her own lame reply. she was trying to convince herself that he just likes her presence. all friends like each other’s presence. he didn’t mean anything more. “you’re sleeping on your side, right?”

he hums out a small noise of agreement, probably already half asleep, and the thought makes her smile. “okay, well then goodnight, suna. i’ll see you tomorrow when you get back.” she turns onto her own side, eyes closing as she tries to calm herself down.

his voice makes her eyes snap open again, “call me rin.”

she’s at a loss for words. is he asking her to say it or just reminding her?

“you keep switching between ‘suna’ and ‘rin,’” he mumbles slowly, words slurring together. at least she knows he’s definitely drunk. “i know you said i wasn’t pressuring you to call me it, but the way you never remember on your own makes me think you don’t want to call me it.”

“no i–” she has to take a shaky breath as quietly as possible. “i want to. i promise. it just feels so personal. like i still can’t believe you want me to call you it. and i don’t know— sometimes you get a look on your face when i call you it so i thought maybe you didn’t like it and wanted to change your mind.”

he lets out a laugh and she ends up kicking off her blanket, suddenly too hot to be under any cover. “you’re funny. and horrible at overthinking, you know that?” she tries her best not to cry out of embarrassment.

“i just make that face because it surprises me. i’m not used to it yet but i want to be. i like when you call me rin. i like it a lot.” she almost feels dizzy, hearing his voice come in through her headphones.

she tries to rationalize with herself: he’s drunk. he’s going to say things that he doesn’t mean. “you’re drunk, suna,” she forces herself to say, “i’m not gonna listen to anything you say right now.”

“call me rin,” he repeats again, almost sounding like he’s begging her. her heart is racing, and she can’t even bring herself to say no to him again. “call me rin, please. i’ll tell you it’s okay again in the morning. i swear.”

she’s staring straight ahead at her wall now, not even sure if she’s breathing. finally, she takes a deep breath, exhaling as she responds, “okay, fine.” she feels a little stupid doing it, but she turns onto her other side, facing her phone as if he’s there with her. “goodnight, rin. see you tomorrow.”

she can almost feel the smile in his voice as he responds, but she can’t see it. see that he really is smiling, and he’s turned onto his side, facing his phone as well, “goodnight, y/n.”

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extras <3

MANEATER REFERENCE RAHHH AND INKED AND MBB THEY'RE LITERALLY PART OF THE UNIVERSE NOW IDK WHAT YOU EXPECTED

thank you to mo for being like my biggest supporter ever <3 @guitarstringed-scars

maneater y/n kicked ass and played banger after banger like she does every night

everyone got absolutely wasted (except for omi who dragged them all home, bless his heart LMAO)

suna got drunk for like three reasons, 1. he didn't want to think 2. he thought maybe everyone would leave him alone 3. in case he did feel like making bad decisions at least being intoxicated would keep him from chickening out

AND ALSO I HATE WRITING DRUNK PEOPLE IT FEELS SO WEIRD SO I DON'T EVEN TRY I'M SORRY. LIKE I MADE ONE ACTUAL TYPO IN SUNA'S TEXT ABOUT BEING A GOOD TEXTER AND WAS LIKE "okay yeah whatever" BUT I'M SORRY JUST KNOW I WASN'T TRYING

RAHHH DOUBLE UPDATE BC I CAN'T HELP MYSELF WHAT IS GOING ON

suna was simultaneously so out of it during their texts and so locked in like he just said whatever came to mind and then y/n would question him and he'd be like "hold on what"

random plug but i am also planning a band au smau and eggy wyr and i have created an entire playlist u should check out and try and guess who it's about

taglist: @0moonii @iluvmang @bluebeanbee @wyrcan @oyasumeii @froyaoya @gyuijns @nbcvs @milkteade @eggyrocks @makkir0ll @mylahrins @cherrypieyourface @vivian-555 @sharkerino @r0seandth0rns @staileykout @lunavixia @thvvluvr @elliott0o0 @wolffmaiden @rockleeisbaeeee @toges-cough-syrup @cnnmairoll @ryeyeyer @hibernatinghamster @localgaytrainwreck @lemonocity @bows4life @sereniteav @madiexuberant @eclecticeggknightpsychic @phoenix-eclipses @sonicsolos @httpakkeiji @brkfclub @snail-squasher @starry-magicshop @cr4yolaas @kitnootkat @zzzlevislothzzz @iluv-ace @iluvaquaphor @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @applepi25 @twiishaa @girlkissersco @sleepystrwbrryy @encrypta

#suna rintarou #suna rintaro #rintarou suna #suna #sunarin #suna x reader #suna smau #suna x reader smau #suna rintaro x reader #suna rintaro x reader smau #suna x reader fluff #haiykuu smau #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #hq #hq x reader

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thisisawonderfulusername · 1 year ago

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a hike with your angel

aziraphale x reader

requested by: anonymous

summary: aziraphale takes you on a hike to tell you something special

warnings: just fluff

a/n: i've had this done for a while and just... didn't post it for some reason. hopefully it's good :)

when aziraphale invited you to go out, you were excited. while it was normal for the two of you to go out, it just never ceased to bring happiness to you. whether it was sitting silently in his shop listening to music, or going out for a meal, you loved it.

it was a passing suggestion in the quiet of the shop as you read a book.

"do you enjoy hikes, y/n?"

you looked up to him, "if there's something to look forward to at the end, yes."

he nodded to himself, and that was the end of that conversation.

maggie had suggested to him the idea of a nice picnic when he approached her with the question of how to confess his feelings, and he decided that she knew what she was talking about.

after a few days of planning, he showed up at the door of your quaint home. you were confused to see him, as you usually met him at his shop midday. "angel, what are you doing here?"

you had adopted the nickname for him when you heard crowley speak it, not knowing the meaning behind it until they told you later of their identities.

"well, i thought that we could go on a hike," he tells you, "i found a nice trail just outside of town, and crowley was kind enough to lend me his car."

you glanced out onto the street and saw that the car was indeed there. "well, that sounds like a lovely idea."

about a half hour later, you're going down a trail in the park, weaving through trees and listening to the sounds of the birds chirping and a creek flowing to the side.

"it's beautiful out here" you hum, admiring the greenery and wildlife.

"it truly is," aziraphale smiles, thinking of what lies ahead.

when you get to a clearing, you notice a blanket laying on the ground amongst the grass and flowers, a basket resting on top.

"ah, here we are," you're surprised when aziraphale walks toward it.

"did you set this up?" you question, a small grin spreading across your face.

he looks back at you as he opens the basket, "why of course" he smiles," you said you enjoy hikes if there's something to look forward to."

you admire the set up. it's like something you'd see in a movie. a red gingham blanket, a wicker basket- and he pulls out a bouquet of flowers.

"these are for you." he holds it out to you and you swear your heart is beating out of your chest as you take them.

"they're beautiful," you whisper softly as you admire it. all of your favorite flowers are presented in a magnificent arrangement.

nervously, he folds his hands together. "i actually have to tell you something-" he clears his throat, "something important."

you gently place the flowers down, "what is it?"

"well, you see…" he tries to remember the speech he prepared, the one he recited in his head the whole hike here like a mantra. apparently, he didn't recite it quite enough, because it just wasn't there anymore. "i… well, we've been friends for quite some time and…"

as he struggles for words, you hope that what he's trying to say is what you've been wanting to say for a long time.

instead of allowing him to continue the struggle. of formulating words, you gently cradle his face in your hands and kiss him.

every single feeling you've had for this angel is poured out through one action, and your heart is racing. what if you read into this wrong?

when you pull away, you look into his eyes, looking for any indication of what his reaction to what you just did was.

they were wide and for a moment you worried you had sent him into shock. until he finally spoke.

"i suppose that's a good way to say it."

you chuckle, "oh thank god that's what you were getting at. i was worried for a moment."

he smiles, "yes. i like you, y/n."

is your heart soaring? it certainly feels like it right now. "good. that would have been embarrassing if you didn't."

laughing lightly, he gently cradles your face in his hands to place another gentle kiss to your lips.

taglists

good omens: @chewbrry @cool-iguana aziraphale: none yet

#good omens x reader #aziraphale x reader #good omens aziraphale x reader #aziraphale good omens x reader

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lovedovechels · 3 months ago

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Losers, be gone!

This blog post is dedicated towards navigating relationships. While I am currently single, I do believe that I can provide useful information. In fact, being single has allowed me time to reflect on previous relationships and what I desire and require for future ones.

These experiences have shifted my perspective and desires in a relationship. I've gained insight that has not only transformed my dating and romantic journey but has also allowed me to formulate a list of advice. This list will keep the losers far away from you and now, I offer you this list.

If a man jokes about you or your interests in a mean, rude, or belittling manner, run for the hills- no man who respects or cares for you will demean you.

If a man does not ask you to be his girlfriend, then you are not his girlfriend! You are his little friend that he likes to have around but has no desire to pursue.

If a man only compliments your physical attributes but does not admire aspects of you that are not superficial- discontinue communication. You`re just a pretty face for him to admire.

Be the bxtch- being the sweet, caring girl gets you nowhere especially if the man is undeserving. Men will chew ‘sweet, caring girls’ up and spit them out! I've been sweet and caring and understanding, and at the end of it all I was just the ‘bxtch without standards.’ This is because I tolerated bad behavior and the bare minimum from men and gave them second chances because I was being sweet and caring.

If that man messages infrequently, never message him again. Yes, men live hectic and busy lives but make time for the people and things they care for. Additionally, if he only messages at night, cease contact. Is he a bat? or maybe an owl? Oh, wait, no, he`s an opossum! Because this behavior implies that he is nocturnal. Moreover, the conversation might become progressively sexual later in the night it continues.

If you`re basically planning your date with him, cancel it. I remember a man once asked me “So where are we going?”. I asked him who he was talking to. On another occasion, I had asked this guy where he intended for us to dine at and his response was, “idk, let's see how things go”. I told him, “I see things going nowhere”. If these guys were genuinely interested, the dates would have already been planned before I even agreed.

If you helped pay for the first date-never speak to that man again. Men who want to date you must be able to afford you. N.B: I do not mean outlandish or ridiculous expenses.

If you`re Christian, ensure that he`s Christian as well. Not someone who just says their Christian but someone who reflects such. It is important to date someone who understands the sanctity of marriage and places God above all else. Faith will be key, especially during difficult periods within the relationship and your personal lives.

Your energy needs to be reciprocated. He should be showing the same level of interest and desire that you do. Perhaps more. That man should be actively pursuing you-even when you`re already his to have, to hold and to love. His pursuit of you should not falter.

If your family and friends don't like him, take this into consideration! They often notice issues that you may ignore or not notice. Also, it's always good to hear the opinion of someone with a clear-eyed view.

#lovechels #reposting this

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anarkittywantspatsonthehead · 1 year ago

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It is NOT BOY MODING. It is A TOMBOY AND It LIKES THE WAY It DRESSES.

By lain. It its she they.

It amazes me when It sees this word brought up on the internet. The term Boy Moding is used and often applied to trans women who use Boy clothing and fashion to hide the effects of HRT to be able to pass through safely without being clocked or singled out for being transgender. But it seems, at least to it, that this term often gets applied to women of it's variety without question of what they actually identify as. To it, the term "Boy moding" is rooted and based on passing culture and societal standards of what women should look like, act, think, and express themselves. For instance, I my self personally Identify as a tomboy. Which is a term often applied to cis women who have a preference for Boy clothing. This isn't to say that I don't own dresses or skirts or other articles of clothing how ever, I personally tend to pair these items with over sized hoodies, t shirts, and various crop tops that I've made over the years even before I came out of the closet. To that effect I will say that I believe there is a stark difference between subcultures within the lgbtqia+ and I am here to provide some nuance to this conversation.

It guess you could say for my own personal identity that there is also a community behind it. There are alot of stereo types that It fits when it comes to generalizing trans women. There are a lot of girls who are actually hyper passing dolls, i.e. a few of it's friends who are in the drag community. The ones who try to blend and pass as what our society has labeled as a woman. And then there are girls like it, who embrace the more counter culture type of aspects of being a woman as well as being gender nonconforming. Girls who are like me reject traditional gender norms as well as challenge the definition of femininity. I remember one conversation that I had with my sister M. I used to be a full service sex worker and I was thinking about taking it up again and she had said, "If you really want to get back into sex work you will have to ask yourself what matters more to you, passing or being your self." That sat with me very much and she kind of got in my head about it. At first i thought, "maybe I can do both I'm pretty attractive." But then I realized that sex work really wasn't for me because I am not willing to compromise characteristics that make me a more complete person as a whole for capital.

With this being said, It believe that to help with the stigma that goes a long with being A. Labeled as a "boy moder" and B. Being misgendered based solely on the appearance of how you present your own version of being gender nonconforming in internet spaces as well as public spaces. Recently it got misgendered at work. The owner of the restaurant it washes dishes at had used second person pronouns to address it when it uses third person pronouns preferably even in the work place. When the discussion was had, the owner of said restaurant had flat out refused to use its preferred pronouns and had its identity denied. After that it had spent the whole shift crying, contemplating, formulating an escape plan because all it could think about were the times that it had its gender questioned or policed in many hostile work environments. The evidence while clearly anecdotal is a prime example of what transgender women, and trans gender tomboy women have to deal with 9/10 times on any given day of the fucking week.

To wrap things up, we discussed that The term Boy Moding is used and often applied to trans women who use Boy clothing and fashion to hide the effects of HRT to be able to pass through safely without being clocked or singled out for being transgender. How ever over the course of this post we break down the terms loosely and talk about how very prominent distinctions there are in subcultures between trans and queer people. We also talk about the ways that passing culture can effect the ways we view and perceive subcultures and how these perceptions can make it difficult for gender nonconforming people to navigate in social spaces. Now referring to itself in the first person, to me I think the term Boy moding is gross. Boy moding is a way for people to gender all of us incorrectly and keep more struggling women in the closet. If you are non binary, or any form of gender non conforming person hear this. It is okay to be a woman and still embrace masculinity. Boy clothing does not make it any less of a woman nor does being identifiably trans make it a man pretending to be a woman.

It is NOT BOY MODING. It is A TOMBOY AND It LIKES THE WAY It DRESSES.

It feels femme even though it doesn't identify as a regular human. It feels feral when the full moon comes. It likes to bite the ones it loves. It wears jeans sometimes to work or maybe sometimes a skirt. Even though it's a creature that causes alot of messes. It IS NOT BOY MODING. IT IS A TOMBOY AND IT LIKES THE WAY IT DRESSES.

#girlblogging #transgender

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tacostrufflestragedies · 15 days ago

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I just don't know if I can do this anymore. Maybe if I was in a good headspace and rested and motivated, I'd feel differently. But this whole back and forth of "hey I love you, hey you're annoying me right now, hey you need to do better", the whole repeating cycle of it, is just so exhausting. It just makes me want to be alone. I get this love and affection that at any moment turns cold, and then, depending on the conversation, can sometimes immediately go back to love, and honestly that really throws me off. That feels like sociopath behavior to me. I get talking through something, acknowledging each others feelings, and agreeing to move on, but when she just does all that on her own, leaving me still feeling upset, I don't like it at all. But I'm getting away from the real topic of this post.

I *want* to do better though. I find strength from my family and friends, and ultimately from myself, to do better. I had some clarity when I spent some time with my dad and I formulated a real plan with achievable steps that I've already been working towards. When my dad pushes me, it's still a little uncomfortable, because those conversations always will be, but I can accept it because I know he loves me unconditionally and even if I fail catastrophically he will be there to help, or my brother will be.

But when she pushes me, it just feels different. I think initially it was the same feeling, because it felt like we were in it for the long haul, and there was this unconditional love, but she's made it clear her love is conditional on me getting my shit together and being an equal partner. Not an unreasonable ask, I'll admit that, but I struggle with depression, sleep, the puppy, and just being called out on things seemingly every week. It just sucks that my home is a place where I will get called out and reminded I need to do better. When I'm struggling, I don't want to come home to a potential conflict, I just wanna come home to relax.

Is it bad that I feel like I only have the strength and energy to focus on myself right now? Does that make me a bad person? When I'm on my own, taking care of my plan, relaxing with my own shows and activities, spending time with friends and family, I feel good. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It's not perfect, I don't think it will be until I have my own place again, but I have the space to be myself, feel my feelings, get support and unconditional love, and be pushed but in a healthier way. It's lonely sometimes for sure. I always need to be better about talking to and spending time with family. But I've been improving on that.

Consolidating my stuff today helped. It was tough to go through old stuff from my mom and stepmom, as well as the Christmas decorations that Eileen and I bought together. I remember the good times with her and it makes me sad. I don't want to get rid of that stuff but I need to acknowledge the memories and feelings and move on. And seeing the sentimental stuff from my stepmom was a real trip. I decided to keep the two photo albums despite the hugely conflicted feelings I have toward her. It just felt like the right thing to do, for now.

Gonna think real hard about things tomorrow with my therapist

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the-mothmaam · 1 year ago

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Opening up to a friend

· Friend — Today at 11:03 AM

Hey girl, when and where is this art thing?

· I feel like you sent me a flyer, but that was 100,000 years ago

· Me — Today at 11:04 AM

(Location and time information)

· Friend — Today at 11:04 AM

Aight, cool

· And are we meeting there?

· Me — Today at 11:05 AM

was just about to ask if you're down for that or if you want me to pick you up so you can save gas

· Friend — Today at 11:06 AM

Nah, no sense in you driving for 9 hours this evening, we can meet there

· Me — Today at 11:07 AM

ok, I'll probably be there between 7 and 7:30

· Friend — Today at 11:07 AM

Sounds good

· Also, did you just change your discord avatar?

· Me — Today at 11:09 AM

yes, like just now

· Friend — Today at 11:10 AM

I thought so, on my side one message had the old one and the next has the new one

· Me — Today at 11:10 AM

been plugging different formulations into an AI generator

this was the most entertaining one

· Friend — Today at 11:12 AM

Lol

· Friend — Today at 11:37 AM

So how are we going to play the art exhibit?

· Me — Today at 11:38 AM

you be the distraction while i surreptitiously replace the best pieces with counterfeits

· Friend — Today at 11:39 AM

Okay. I'll pose as a prospective buyer representing a wealthy art collector and engage the staff in pointless conversations about the deeper meaning of the pieces we're not interested in stealing

· Me — Today at 11:40 AM

(nod) sounds like a plan

· Friend — Today at 11:40 AM

Do you have a fence or will we need to get in touch with a fixer?

· Me — Today at 11:41 AM

i have a fence, but i haven't dug the post holes yet so it's more like a pile of wood. :p

· Friend — Today at 11:44 AM

Goddess help me. You have to develop the contact before organizing the op

· Me — Today at 11:45 AM

I could also just be acting dumb so that I can steal the art from under your nose and book it to Zihuatanejo.

· Friend — Today at 11:49 AM

1: I think you know better than to double cross me, remember monty? 2: You wouldn't be planning to stay at the safe house I told you about in Zihautanejo would you?

· Me — Today at 11:51 AM

Monty... Monty...I might have Eternal Sunshined him out of my head. And also, pffft, like I wouldn't have my own safe house. But just to be sure we should probably exchange address information and swap keys. Just in case.

· Friend — Today at 12:00 PM

You really should go visit them. Their doctors have rigged up a little device that lets them type out messages. Though they mostly beg to be put out of their misery

· I guess we'll use my fixer. I hate bringing her in on something like this though because she is such an art poser. Just be ready to be bored to death when we meet with her

· Me — Today at 12:06 PM

i live my life that way. Shouldn't be a problem

· Friend — Today at 12:07 PM

But Mothybaby, you are paying me a lot of money to help you get better at being evil, you really should be paying more attention. If you had hired someone less scrupulous they could very easily rob you blind

· Or worse

· Me — Today at 12:08 PM

is that what's been happening to my bank account? Here I was thinking Filipino teens were just scamming me.

· Friend — Today at 12:10 PM

Marialos works for me, though likely not for much longer

· So I guess it's both?

· They're too careless. I told them to ship you boxes so you wouldn't catch on for at least a month or two

· Ah well, it's why I don't like working with remote henchmen

· Me — Today at 12:12 PM

Thank you! If I'm going to be scammed the least someone can do is make the lie last as long as possible.

· Friend — Today at 12:13 PM

Marialos seemed so promising, but I think they won't get further than scamming tourists and people on reddit before their carelessness catches up to them

· Me — Today at 12:13 PM

I want to be old a gray when I realize the video games I've been playing weren't name-brand titles and were instead really engaging bootlegs

· Friend — Today at 12:14 PM

Why ship games when you can ship empty boxes and point to the ad saying in small print it was just the box?

· I made a lot of good money on ebay in the aughts selling 360 and ps4 boxes

· Me — Today at 12:15 PM

in the aughts? you were ambitious selling ps4 stuff

Friend — Today at 12:17 PM

Yeah, well the best mark is someone who thinks they're getting shady merch. None of the ps4 buyers ever even reported it

· · Me — Today at 12:18 PM

lol, probably too embarrassed

· Friend — Today at 12:18 PM

Embarrassed or worried they'd get in trouble for trying to buy one

· We haven't really covered confidence games yet because that doesn't seem like your strong suit, but one way to ensure you get away with it is to make them think what they're doing is also illegal

· We'll try a ring drop if you want to get a taste

· Me — Today at 12:21 PM

ok but wouldn't the best fleece be a situation where the legality actually is in question for both parties?

· I've seen Matchstick Men several times, I can spot a rube at 50 yards

· Friend — Today at 12:23 PM

They're hard to setup and if everyone knows they're committing crimes you'll be taking on too much risk if things go sideways. Some gas station owner is going to call the cops, a fence might break your spine

· Plus when dealing with other low lifes you really should stick to your word, you don't want to get a bad rep or no one will work with you. Don't shit where you sleep and all that

· Me — Today at 12:24 PM

see but what if the entire racket is actually just a complicated layer of Inception?

· How can you tell we're not in a simulation right now?

· Friend — Today at 12:25 PM

It's safer to assume you always are. That way no surprises

· Me — Today at 12:26 PM

the surprise would be that you're not (sad Price is Right music)

· Friend — Today at 12:27 PM

Perhaps, but it makes other things easier too if you are assuming this is all a simulation it doesn't really matter if you put a bullet in someone trying to pull one over on you

· Me — Today at 12:29 PM

Do subroutines not feel pain or experience fear? How maliciously unrewarding creating something like that must be.

· What is the point of life if you can't learn to hate it?

· Friend — Today at 12:30 PM

Well, like I tell my other clients, if you enjoy hurting people, do that in your own time. We're here to get results, not jollies

· Me — Today at 12:31 PM

speak for yourself

· also; I asked Chat GPT about you and I think you'll aprreciate what it has to say.

· Friend (adjective): Describing a quality or characteristic that is exceptionally rare, unusual, or unique, to the point of being nearly or entirely unparalleled. Something that is so uncommon that it stands out prominently among its peers.

· Friend — Today at 12:32 PM

Aw, chatGPT you flirt

· Me — Today at 12:32 PM

right?

· Friend — Today at 12:32 PM

The word actually means: made of or consisting primarily of tangible matter

· Me — Today at 12:33 PM

at what point does something become un-Friend?

· or is that a Thesus' Ship thing?

· Friend — Today at 12:35 PM

Surprisingly there are few grey areas.

· And very related to the ship though. The second ship the caretaker builds is conceptually a ship and thus exists as part matter, part idea until he hits the threshold of reality

· Me — Today at 12:37 PM

kind of like something that exists within The Dreaming?

· Friend — Today at 12:37 PM

In a sense, yes

· Me — Today at 12:38 PM

you are much more fun to talk bullshit to than an AI. This is a compliment.

· Friend — Today at 12:39 PM

Uh, that's because I have my bs in bs. Some hyped up language model will never replace me

· Me — Today at 12:39 PM

that's the spirit! Denial until you're plugged into the Matrix forcefully!

· Friend — Today at 12:41 PM

No need for force. If the machines were like, "yo, we taking over" I'd be first in line to be hooked up, especially if those robits promised me a working uterus in the matrix

· Me — Today at 12:42 PM

· Friend — Today at 12:42 PM

I wouldn't have much time before my biological clock ran out, but I'd do my best to have a baby

· The poor thing would have a terrible life though. Batshit crazy mom, absent father, always on the move

· Me — Today at 12:43 PM

yeah? being pregnant would be interesting, but i have no desire to raise a kid, it would probably just grow up to hate me

· Friend — Today at 12:44 PM

I have wanted to be a mom since my 20's. I think I'd be a terrible mother, but I think I'd try anyway

· Me — Today at 12:44 PM

that's commendable

· Friend — Today at 12:46 PM

I'd raise my kiddo to be very independent and support them in whatever direction they wanted to go in life. But my mental illness wouldn't just go away, you know?

· Maybe their father could be a more stable influence in that regard

· Me — Today at 12:47 PM

That's assuming you co-parent and aren't a badass on your own

· Friend — Today at 12:48 PM

Honestly I'd have to co-parent. I couldn't do it by myself. I am too broken to not have help raising my daughter

Me — Today at 12:48 PM

Thing I learned just now: Anteaters and sloths are the two most closely related animals to one another.

· I've known some pretty bat-shit crazy single parents

· Friend — Today at 12:49 PM

How did their kids turn out?

· Me — Today at 12:49 PM

mostly human, partly harmless

· Friend — Today at 12:49 PM

I want to make sure Samantha has every chance she can to be successful

· Me — Today at 12:50 PM

Samantha is the name of my friend who recently lose her estranged husband and son. It's a really good name.

· Friend — Today at 12:51 PM

It's a great name. I'd call her sam. If she turned out trashy like her mom she could go by sammy

· Sam, goblin, and little one would be my nicknames for her.

Me — Today at 12:52 PM

plus you're naming her after this genius

· My Samantha is totes a Sami

· Friend — Today at 12:52 PM

It's such a flexible name

· Me — Today at 12:53 PM

with an I though, because we went to HS with a boy Sammy

Friend — Today at 12:53 PM

Well see, if she turned out trans he'd have sam and sammy until he could change his name to something he liked better

· Me — Today at 12:54 PM

I'm going to go shovel nutrition into the rotting hulk of a corporeal essence. So I might be slow to respond for a bit.

· Friend — Today at 12:54 PM

No worries. I'm day dreaming about motherhood now and watching tiktoks

· Me — Today at 12:56 PM

Does it make me a bad tabs woman that I don't want a baby?

· Trans not tabs

· Friend — Today at 12:57 PM

No more than it would make you a bad cis woman. It's your life to live as you choose

· Me — Today at 12:58 PM

I used to think I wanted twins, each of the binary assignments. But my view of the world has changed a lot in 20 years.

· Friend — Today at 1:01 PM

Yeah, it's not really a good time to have kiddos. And honestly I literally can't be a genetic parent at this point, so my desire to have them is meaningless. I'm too crazy to adopt. Meeting someone who already had them would be about my only way in at this point and I don't know how I feel about being a wicked stepmother

· Me — Today at 1:02 PM

I never had a male name picked out. But my daughter would have been Cassiopeia

· Friend — Today at 1:02 PM

Fun fact, suicidality, and some mental health diagnoses are automatic disqualifiers for adoption

· Bailey would be me son's name

· Me — Today at 1:02 PM

My sister had fully embrace it.

· Me — Today at 1:03 PM

I did not know that. That's very sad.

· Friend — Today at 1:03 PM

Yar

· I talked about it a lot with my ex wife, but she didn't want kids with me. Though she gave birth to twins less than a year after we separated (while we were still in the process of getting a divorce)

· That was devastating

· Me — Today at 1:09 PM

I bet. That's one of the things my ex said to me after she revealed the miscarriage. That she thought of be a bad parent. I don't know how much she meant it versus how much she just wanted to hurt me.

· Friend — Today at 1:10 PM

Even if she meant it. Her opinion of you is not worth caring about

· Me — Today at 1:10 PM

Sad but true

· Friend — Today at 1:13 PM

It could also be empowering. She doesn't matter, her opinions don't matter, she is a piece of shit narcissist who uses people and discards them

· Me — Today at 1:13 PM

You know what they say, never marry your heroes.

· Friend — Today at 1:14 PM

Was she your hero?

· Me — Today at 1:15 PM

At one point. Long, long ago. She helped show me a world worth caring about and fighting for. Then somewhere along the way she decided i wasn't up to the task i guess.

· I've been realizing just how helpful that was when she decided to start treating me down.

· Tearing*

· Friend — Today at 1:19 PM

Helpful how, I don't think I follow

· Me — Today at 1:20 PM

It's incredibly dour and depressing are you sure you want me to explain?

· Friend — Today at 1:22 PM

Only if you want to.

· Me — Today at 1:23 PM

It just seems that the more intimately you know someone, the easier it is for them to attack your weak points for massive damage.

· Friend — Today at 1:23 PM

That's very true. Only the people we are vulnerable with can really hurt us

· Me — Today at 1:25 PM

I know it's the bad that makes the good worthwhile though. So I guess I just feel like touching the stove is always going to burn me, you know?

· Friend — Today at 1:28 PM

Can you unpack what you mean by that a little?

· Me — Today at 1:29 PM

If everyone you try to connect to ends up stabbing you in the back, is it worth the risk to keep letting people in?

· That's where radical acceptance falls apart for me.

· I feel like this is something I should talk to my therapist about. You know the one I actually pay to listen to me ramble.

· Friend — Today at 1:33 PM

I would say yes, that is a great idea. But I also have some insight on what becoming isolated and distant from other humans is like.

· Me — Today at 1:34 PM

It's why I find talking to you so easy, that and you've got a good sense of humor and we have overlapping interests.

· I dare say you might even be a friend.

· / dripping sarcasm I know we're friends

· Friend — Today at 1:36 PM

I don't know about all that now, lol. Bad influence? You bet. Mischievous menace? 100%. Friend? Well that seems like a stretch

Me — Today at 1:37 PM

Okay as long as we're on the same page. I don't mind cutting wits with u but I also don't want you to think I take you for granted.

· · And if I don't spell out SARCASM from time to time I'd be worried you actually believe me

· In always afraid of hurting people that way

· Shit, I think you're more effective than my therapist. I haven't been this open with myself in a while.

· Friend — Today at 1:40 PM

I know, maybe one day you'll feel confident enough in yourself to believe that people like your company and won't abandon you because of a small issue

· Me — Today at 1:41 PM

Lol yeah we'll work up to that one

· Friend — Today at 1:41 PM

It's a marathon, not a sprint

· Me — Today at 1:43 PM

fuck you for using the same words i've used against me

· Friend — Today at 1:43 PM

I keep wanting to convince you to be mean to me just so you know that you can make mistakes and do things that hurt other people without it being the end of the world

· Friend — Today at 1:44 PM

Me — Today at 1:44 PM

I have a sticky note with Fred Rogers on it looking at me right this second. I don't know how nasty i can be in that scenario.

· · Friend — Today at 1:45 PM

He worked for OSS during World War II and likely killed a bunch of people

· If that helps

· Me — Today at 1:46 PM

nah, cause the post-its also say "You're special" and "I like you just the way you are" I have a hard time believing anyone with puppets could kill a man... feel free to make that my epitaph

· Murdered by a gang of roaming muppets

· Friend — Today at 1:47 PM

Well good news, snopes says that's a bunch of hoey

· Me — Today at 1:47 PM

i do know Bob Ross used to be pretty angry

· he's probably the better parallel.

I don't know if this will help you or not, but I've been carrying it around for the last few months in my noggin

Friend — Today at 1:50 PM

Bob Ross was in the Air Force in the 1960's and part of his gentle demeanor was a response to the aggressive nature of life in the service. I saw an interview he gave about it once. He said he vowed to never raise his voice after he left the air force

Me — Today at 1:51 PM

yeah, that's me

Friend — Today at 1:51 PM

What was it like being in the air force during the cold war?

Me — Today at 1:52 PM

I once raged so hard that my ex was literally afraid of me. This was back in the first or second year of the marriage. But that look... I can't let anyone ever look at me like that again.

it was fear, and betrayal, and disgust all rolled into a very unappetizing tamale

it made me feel like what all the bullies i ever had said about me. That I was a monster. It's why i surround myself with horror. I feel at home here.

· to go beyond the pale and embrace my emo side, "the darkness is a comforting blanket"

· Friend — Today at 1:56 PM

I can relate. I had a lot of anger problems as a teen and would often be quite aggressive

Me — Today at 1:57 PM

i got it from both of my parents. My dad was a rageaholic and my mom very likely had BPD. Not that I'd ever burden her with that opinion, especially since she's cooled the fuck out as she's aged

You know, the fun part of being a millennial is that we're the last great generation doomed to suffer physical punishment in droves.

0 notes

classicslesbianopinions · 3 years ago

Note

Italian here. I don't know if I count in the Discourse but in Italy we have a specific "brand" of high school called "classical" high school (but now I'm in Greece for an exchange program) where we start to study Latin and Ancient Greek as soon as we enter (and some kids I know start studying Latin in like. middle school) and even if I'm not the best in these subjects I still like. Have a pretty wide knowledge on myths and stuff (also because we have mandatory epic and ancient literature classes throughout middle school and high school) and sometimes it baffles me to see with how much confidence usamericans come here talking absolute nonsense about these kind of subjects without understanding the basic core of them. Like, all the myths have different versions due to oral transmission and such or that time when Italian tumblr was joking about the tavern found in Pompeii (I don't remember precisely but it was called the whole Nicia discourse if you want to search it up) and some usamerican student came to explain to us our culture. Idk, it's weird. It's almost like they forget that Italians and Greek people still you know. Exist.

Also, after reading the articles in your pinned posts (very interesting even if I don't plan to study classics after high school) I was confused because I thought that some things were common knowledge but apparently they aren't. Like this is by no mean an universal experience I think but many of my friends and I had the luxury (?) To have well informed and left leaning teachers, so in my experience things like "the result of uncritical analysis of ancient history and mythology and literature has been used by mussolini and many other fascist ideologies and white supremacy as propaganda and explanation for their actions" or "the ancient Greeks and Romans weren't all white with blue eyes and blonde hair and their societies were way more multicultural than our" are stuff that the teacher tell you on day one of middle school even.

(I was the one who sent the troy 2004 anon with the middle school teacher, and one of the things I'll never forget about that lesson were all the times she told us "yeah OF COUSE they weren't this white all with blonde hair and blue eyes. This movie it's so american").

I think it's important to have this kind of discussions but I think that if you are this invested in classics you should try to read stuff written by people who actually live in the Mediterranean (and this means also people from North Africa and West Asia of course) or at least try to listen to us when we talk about stuff that in a good way or in a bad way is part of our heritage and culture. Some other Italian and Greek users have formulate this in a better way but I hope this wasn't much of a bother. Have a nice timezone!

okay "have a nice timezone" is maybe the best online signoff i've heard... and you're definitely never a bother. i promise everyone in our inbox, as long as you're not being like... actively mean or engaging in bad faith, you're not a bother! and especially if english isn't your first language, we are very happy to hear from you and with whatever wording you've got! i'm really enjoying the conversations we've been having on here.

but! yeah okay so 1. you totally count in the discourse, we've got people coming in from all sides and i really appreciate your input! 2. i think like... there's two sides to classics (as an american classicist). there's the actual stories and traditions and the way they've come through to the modern day, and then there's the way people have manipulated and used those stories and traditions over time (which is more like... where the articles in our pinned post come in). and both are important to study and be aware of.

so like, yeah. i can only speak for my experience, but i can say that my experience has not done nearly enough to consider the people still living in the mediterranean, and it also has not considered the full mediterranean-- like, we don't really talk about mediterranean areas outside of greece and rome unless they feature prominently in a latin or greek text.

and i have also seen patriarchy, white supremacy, and (i don't know how to phrase this) enforced christianity? i guess? in action, and i can see how those things have shaped classics as a field over the years. like, actually nothing said about classics in the pinned articles was like... all that surprising to me? there were insightful points, of course, but it felt very accurate to what i've seen and heard in the field. and seeing and hearing all that in the field almost turned me away from academia entirely. so i'm really glad people are talking about it. so i guess i would say from a usamerican perspective/experience, those articles felt 100% accurate, and i'm glad you had a different experience.

and like, as a usamerican classicist, i think it's important to study the context of classics throughout history of the united states. this interview (from the pinned post) talks about what classics means for the Black community in the united states, both in terms of how classics have been forced on them as part of their history of oppression, and in terms of what it's like to read the actual texts and see what's actually there (which, like you say about troy-- it's not actually a bunch of white blonde people!).

and like... white europeans have projected ourselves onto the classics for so many years that like... we can't ignore that. and yeah i do think the best way to cut past a lot of that projection is to go back to the original texts, actually read them with an open mind, and listen to what people who have a direct connection to that heritage and religion have to say; we have such a strange disconnect between past and present in the united states.

but a lot of it is also examining the history and context of these works in more recent history (by which i mean... anytime in the last couple thousand years). which also includes listening to people of color (and other marginalized people) when they talk about how these works and societies have been weaponized against them over the years-- which is what a couple of the pinned articles are there for. like studying how the texts have been used and weaponized is its own whole thing. like, it's a whole aspect of the field.

oh and also i would add that the us education system is uh... not that great. so. it's not surprising to me that people think they know a lot when they only know a little, but it is discouraging.

and i've gone on FOREVER but i don't think i really have like. the full knowledge/research/context to like... really talk about this, this is like. just me rambling. and i welcome any further discussion or feedback!

#mod felix #i hope ANY of this makes sense. there's a lot here. like. there's a lot to consider

20 notes · View notes

shera-dnd · 3 years ago

Text

And the first commission of the month is done! This was so much fun to write and was sincerely the silliest thing I've written in a long time. Hope you all enjoy this as much as I did.

It was a busy day around the atlesian crater, the hole left at the center of Mantle when Atlas took to the sky. All around SDC workers moved about, setting everything up for the big event. And at the center of this whirlwind of people walked two women caught in conversation.

“What I’m saying is that it would be good for both our images for the leader of the atlesian branch of the White Fang, and the head of the SDC to be seen in public together,” one woman argued, “you know, show the world that our organizations can work together to build a better future.”

“And what I’m saying, Ilia,” the second argued, “is that you don’t have to come up with an excuse for me to spend time with a friend.”

“So you’re not coming to the event with me because?” Ilia asked, earning herself an eye roll from her companion.

“Because someone has to keep everything from going up in flames,” she argued, “trust me, I’d want nothing more than to relax and enjoy some time with my friends, but I really need to keep an eye on things.”

“Seriously, Weiss?” Ilia asked, sounding more than a little annoyed, “is there no one you can trust to handle things for you?”

“Well, there is you,” Weiss mused, seeming not to notice Ilia’s quick shift through shades of pink, before settling back on her normal skin color, “but I guess that defeats the point. There is also Winter, but she’s already super busy.”

“You know what? I’m gonna figure something out,” she offered.

“Ilia, you really don’t have to.”

“I’m serious,” Ilia insisted, “you deserve a break. Let me sort things out for you.”

“Thank you,” Weiss replied, smiling at her as she pulled her into a hug, “no breaking anyone’s teeth though.”

Ilia once again went on a journey through every possible shade of pink, as she was held close. It took some focus to get her colors under control, and even more to formulate a reply.

“Hey, I only did that once!” She countered, her voice faltering for a moment.

Weiss pulled away from the hug and was about to snark back, when they were both interrupted by the sound of jets.

“Salutations!” Greeted the source of the noise. Jets of flame came out of her boots as she flew down to ground level, carrying a massive sound system on each shoulder. She gently placed both of those down, before posing proudly before the two women.

“Penny!” Weiss greeted back, walking up to talk to her, “thank you so much for the help.”

“Don’t mention it, Weiss,” Penny waved off, “you’re helping Mantle, after all, so the least I can do is help you too.”

Penny then pulled Weiss into a rib crushing hug, and over the sound of all the air leaving her lungs, Weiss could swear she heard an annoyed groan coming from Ilia. She really didn’t understand why she got like that whenever she saw them talking together.

The android eventually let Weiss go - something her lungs were grateful for - and picked up the sound systems again, “so where do you need these?”

“Over by the main tent,” Weiss informed. She waved her hand, causing a spectral knight in white armor to appear next to them, it picked up one of the sound systems from Penny and tossed it over its shoulder with ease, “and, please, let me help you.”

Ilia only tapped her foot impatiently for a moment, before adding, “I just remembered I had something to do, so I’m gonna get going now.”

“Oh, see you later then,” Weiss replied, too distracted to notice Penny playfully sticking her tongue out at Ilia, “sorry we couldn’t spend much time together.”

“It’s alright,” though Ilia was clearly talking to Weiss, she wasn’t looking at her, instead her eyes were locked onto Penny. Well...that was odd. Maybe she should ask her what that was about once they weren’t all so busy with the charity event.

With that, Weiss waved her goodbye and turned to walk Penny to where she was needed, her summon dutifully following at their side.

“Weiss, I had the most sensational idea for the charity event,” Penny commented as they walked together, “what if we auction off a little flyby through Mantle, on the arms of the Protector of Mantle herself?” She offers, pausing to flex so she can really sell her point. Not that she really had to, because Weiss loved the idea already.

“Penny, that’s perfect!” She cheered, “I already know so many people who would pay a fortune for a chance to get carried around by you.”

The android looked almost bashful at that comment, it was kinda cute, even though she was still holding a piece of equipment that weighted easily as much as her. “Maybe we can do a little demonstration flight. I can take you for a ride around town, so they know everything is safe.”

Weiss chuckled at that, “oh, don’t worry about it. You’re the Protector of Mantle, no one needs proof that they’ll be safe with you.’

“R-Right, of course,” she stammered, obviously just a sign that Penny still didn’t know how to handle this much positive attention, “so do you need me to carry anything else?”

~~~

Penny slumped onto a nearby bench, exhausted and defeated. Her many internal sensors reminded her that she was still at full aura and had enough battery life for another week before her next mandatory recharge. But it wasn’t physical exhaustion that wore her out, it was emotional.

Weiss was sweet, loving, kind, and also really damn pretty. Penny had been keenly aware of this from the moment she got accidentally tackled to the ground all those years ago. What had taken her a while to figure out was that what she felt towards her was more than just friendly affection, and by then she found out she had competition.

“No luck?” Ilia asked, she had been sitting on that bench for a while now, lazily staring off at the sky.

“No luck,” she sighed in agreement.

The worst realization was one that came far more recently. Weiss Schnee was completely oblivious to any and all romantic approaches.

Ilia groaned loudly and leaned forward, burying her face in her hands, “how can someone so smart be so fucking stupid?”

“I don’t know,” Penny answered, leaning against Ilia. She didn’t seem to mind, she knew physical contact was how the android recharged her emotional batteries, “but it’s kinda cute.”

Ilia shot her the most infuriated glare she could manage, reds and yellows spreading through her skin...before dying down once again, “I hate that you’re right.”

“So what now?” Penny asked, ignoring the glare as she continued to lean against her.

“What do you mean ‘what now’?” She asked, sounding completely baffled, “the game is still on, Polendina. I’m still gonna spend my night with her.”

Ilia’s burst of competitive energy seemed to be contagious, because suddenly Penny felt far more energized. She jumped up to her feet and declared, “it will be a shame then that I’ll have to interrupt it to take her on a romantic flight through Mantle.”

They held an intense staredown for all of thirty seconds, before the both of them burst out laughing. Wow, they really were getting competitive over a silly crush, huh? It was so silly, but it was surprisingly fun too. Neither of them would really resent the other for ‘winning’, and they knew that, but they enjoyed keeping up the act.

“Good luck, Penny.”

“Good luck, Ilia.”

~~~

It was strange walking through the headquarters of the SDC like this. Not running from security, not stalking through the dark, just calmly walking in to see a friend. Ilia just couldn’t get used to it. All those guards just put her on edge, even if all they did now was nod politely and ask if she needed anything.

“Miss Amitola,” greeted Weiss’s secretary, “Miss Schnee is in the middle of a meeting, but she should be able to see you shortly.”

“Thanks, I’ll just wait here then,” she replied, taking a seat right outside Weiss’s office.

Gods, that was so weird.

Thankfully she soon found something to distract herself from the awkward silence of the office building. Specifically the fact that the room didn’t stay silent for much longer, because Weiss’s office walls weren’t half as thick as they should be.

“I don’t care if some rich idiots are uncomfortable!” Came Weiss’s muffled shout through her office walls, “this is about helping the faunus community living in the crater! I am not closing off the event to them!”

There was a short moment of silence, as whoever she was talking to quietly defended themself.

“Then they can go and cancel!” She shouted again, “if they don’t like being around those in need, then I don’t want them at the event!”

Ilia tried not to laugh as she watched that idiot scamper off, leaving behind a trail of “sorry, ma’am”s, “of course, ma’am”s, on his way out. Was it bad that watching Weiss verbally eviscerate a man kinda made her crush on her even more? Maybe, but Ilia didn’t care.

Deciding not to question her taste in women, Ilia simply got up and held the door before it had the chance to close behind the man. “I take it you could use some good news,” she offered.

“Please,” Weiss asked, massaging her temples.

“So I was checking on what agents we had available around Solitas,” she explained, casually walking in and taking a seat, “and I think I found someone who can take care of things for you.”

“Look, I appreciate it, but I really don’t want to outsource my responsibilities like that,” Weiss argued, “besides, I’m not gonna trust this event to someone I don’t know.”

Ilia leaned back and shrugged, “I guess I’ll have to tell our favorite Belladonna to cancel it.”

“Wait!” Weiss said, nearly doing a double take, “Blake is here?”

“She just finished a mission in Argus, and was coming over here for a visit,” she answered, “I barely said a word about the event before she offered to help.”

“Of course she did,” she sighed, “she really needs to learn to take a break.”

“And you don’t?” Ilia asked.

“I’m fine,” she insisted, only earning herself a raised eyebrow, “I’m serious!”

“Schnee,” she called, leaning forward again, and looking Weiss dead in the eye, “you’re taking a break even if me, Blake, and Penny have to carry you out of this building ourselves.”

“Fine,” Weiss crossed her arms and groaned, sliding a little down her chair as she did.

“Was it that hard?” Ilia asked, thoroughly amused by this.

“Yes,” she answered.

“Shame,” Ilia had to laugh at that, “but how about you rest, relax, and enjoy the evening with me?”

“That… that does sound nice,” Weiss agreed.

Ilia smiled, looking far too pleased with herself, and got up.

“See you at the event then.”

Ilia had barely taken a step out of the office, when her favorite android stepped in.

“Hey, Wei--Oh, Ilia!” Penny greeted, looking confused for a moment, before realizing there was only one possible reason for the faunus to look so pleased.

This time it was Ilia’s turn to stick her tongue at her.

“Penny!” Weiss cheerfully called, as she stepped out to greet her, “what are you doing here?”

“Oh, well, dad made a little extra for lunch today, and I know you haven’t had anything home made in a while, so I thought you’d appreciate a little Polendina family recipe,” she explained, gesturing towards a bag she’d been holding.

“Oh thank you,” Weiss replied, taking the bag and giving Penny a quick kiss on the cheek, “I don’t know what’d I’d do without you two.”

Ilia was somewhat annoyed that she didn’t get any kisses for her whole plan, but she still had plenty of time to work on that, and besides she was the one who scored herself a date. So suck it, Polendina.

Oh speaking of which.

“I should probably get going. I gotta go welcome Blake once she gets here,” Ilia excused herself, before adding a pointed, “see you at the event later.”

“See you there,” Weiss replied, “and give Blake a hug for me.”

“Will do,” and with that she was off.

It didn’t take long for her to hear heavy metal steps catching up to her.

“Did she say yes?” Penny asked.

“She did,” Ilia answered, turning around to look at her, “ready to admit defeat?”

“Never!”

“Well, I’m the one with a date tonight, not you, so suck it tin can!” Ilia taunted.

And Penny let out a loud gasp, covering her mouth with her hand. “Ilia!”

Ah crap, did she cross a line?

“Shit, I didn’t mean it like that,” Ilia apologized in a panic, “I’m so sorry.”

Penny’s look of offense and horror quickly melted away into a fit of giggles. Oh she did not just do that just to mess with her! How dare she!?

“Oh, you little shit,” Ilia accused, but any menace in her tone was completely undermined by her skin shifting an embarrassed pink.

That stupid robot somehow thought that meant it was okay to give her a hug. It wasn’t, and her getting pinker didn’t mean shit.

The two gay idiots bickered for a little while longer, thinking it was just the two of them in the halls of the SDC, before taking their leave. But there was someone there, pearing just outside the office doors, watching this all unfold.

~~~

The event had finally begun. The Crater Community Charity Event, organized by the SDC for raising funds to help improve the infrastructure of the neighborhoods in and around the atlesian crater. Since those neighborhoods were majority faunus, the White Fang took particular interest in making sure the event went well, and that the charity was well funded. Which is why no one seemed surprised that the leader of the local branch was walking around like she owned the place.

Not that some of the rich bastards didn’t glare at her as she walked by, still mistrustful of her and her organization. But what were they gonna do? Kick her out? Those assholes barely had the guts to do more than glare, especially when she was accompanied by the woman running this event.

Weiss seemed to delight in that, the act of infuriating so many terrible people simply by enjoying herself, and knowing that these people could do nothing to stop her. It was a level of pettiness that Ilia couldn’t help but respect.

Though unfortunately the head of the SDC was far more perceptive to angry glares than she was to loving glances, or perhaps she would have noticed how Ilia had looked at her that entire evening. No matter, they were still enjoying their date, even if it was more a friend date between gal pals, than an actual romantic one.

“Hey, Weiss,” Ilia called, just loud enough that Weiss could hear it, but hopefully nobody else, “I really appreciate getting to spend time with you today.”

“Ilia, you’re my friend,” she answered, “you don’t have to thank me for something like that.”

Gods, this girl was oblivious.

“I’m serious,” she insisted, “it means a lot. I really do enjoy your company, and I...and I…”

Before she could find her words, a bright green light streaked across the sky above them and landed nearby. Oh, just what Ilia needed right now...

Weiss gasped, “the auction is about to start!”

And next thing Ilia knew she was getting dragged along through the crowd towards where several rich weirdos gathered. At the center of it all was Penny Polendina, posing like a superhero straight out of a comic, as Blake Belladonna announced the auction. The right to a flight through Mantle in her strong robot arms.

It didn’t take long for the bids to skyrocket higher than Penny herself could, as many rich idiots offered to pay exorbitant amounts of money for the right to get bridal carried through the sky. Well at least this was all going to faunus communities in need.

As more people made their bids Ilia noticed just how few of them were men. Most of the people willing to pay for that flight were women, some of them just for the thrill of the flight, some clearly sapphics, and some in even clearer denial. For a moment there, when they were deep in the five digit territory, it seemed like a member of team denial was about to get her win. An older rich woman, obviously displeased with her husband, and about a light breeze away from a proper gay awakening.

But she was denied that when Weiss shouted, “a hundred thousand lien!”

Ilia’s heart sank and the crowd went quiet. Lady Denial nudged her husband a few times and they seemed to have a quiet argument, before she resigned herself to her defeat. Well, at least Ilia wasn’t the one most disappointed by this turn of events.

“What are you doing!?” She hissed at Weiss.

“I’m winning you a date,” Weiss whispered back.

“You’re what!?”

“I saw you talking to Penny after you left the office, you don’t have to hide it, Ilia,” Weiss said, somehow thinking that explained anything.

“What!?”

“Come on, the moment she giggled you turned pinker than I’ve ever seen you,” Weiss continued, and Ilia was pretty sure she was about to pop a blood vessel, “and the way you’ve been looking at her all the time. You have the most obvious crush ever.”

So that’s how Ilia found herself being flown high over Mantle, in the arms of her romantic rival. The flight had been completely silent, neither really wanting to talk about this turn of events, or even acknowledge that it was happening. This was the stupidest way this night could have possibly gone.

“I think we should tell her,” Penny eventually said.

“Yes, yes we should,” Ilia was forced to agree.

~~~

“Weiss!” She heard Ilia call, along with the sound of Penny’s jets, “we need to talk!”

Weiss turned around right on time to catch Penny land and gently help Ilia stand.

“Well, you two are back early,” she commented, “did something happen?”

“Yes,” they both answered at the same time. Oh? That wasn’t a good sign.

“Weiss, we know you’re just trying to be a good friend,” Penny began, trying to soften the blow of Ilia’s clear annoyance.

“But this is really getting absurd,” Ilia continued.

Weiss blinked a few times, “I’m confused, what’s going on?”

Ilia and Penny looked at each other for a moment, they gestured a few times as if silently arguing over something, before Penny stepped forward.

“Ilia isn’t crushing on me,” she finally spoke, though she needed a deep breath before continuing, “she’s crushing on you, and so am I.”

“Excuse me!?” Weiss blurted, looking completely befuddled.

Ilia sighed and took this as her cue to step in, “we like you, damn it! We’ve been trying to tell you for ages, but we couldn’t get you to take a hint!”

“So all those times you’ve both been really insistent on helping me or spending time with me…”

“It was a display of romantic feelings, yes.” Penny answered with an energetic nod.

“And you guys kept staring at each other, and snarking…”

“It was us getting competitive,” Ilia explained, “playfully,” she added.

“Huh,” she responded, a tiny humorous smile forming on her face, as if she had finally understood the punchline to a joke, “so I take it you two expect me to choose one of you now?”

“That would be preferable,” Penny answered.

Weiss seemed to ponder for a moment, looking between the two of them as if she was weighing the pros and cons of each option.

“Both,” she declared.

“Both!?” They echoed.

“Yes, both.”

“Is that an option?” Penny asked, appearing very confused.

“If you’re both okay with that,” Weiss answered, with a tiny shrug.

“Oh, of course the privileged little Schnee would go and choose to have everything,” Ilia complained.

“Is that a no?” Weiss asked, sounding almost like a challenge.

“Of course it isn’t!” She yelled back, pinks shooting all over her hair as she walked up to her and took her hand.

Penny practically flew as she went to grab the other one, happily giggling the whole time.

Weiss smiled, kissed them both on the cheek, and walked back to the charity event with both girlfriends in hand.

#rwby #prismatic ponytails #frostbyte #weiss schnee #ilia amitola #penny polendina #fanfic #commission

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dalleray · 4 years ago

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If I hadn't been very good interviewing [Patricia] Highsmith in Aurigeno, there was someone I was downright bad at, and yet it must have been the start of a surprising, singularly charming story: Edwige Feuillère....

I arrive one afternoon at rue de Longchamp in Neuilly. Rather banal building. I get on the elevator, my throat a little tight: I felt her authoritarian. They open the door for me and show me into the living room, I find it a little too pink, a little too sweet. She enters. Not very much makeup on; she wears a funnel neck sweater. Her body no longer has the firmness of my memories. Still, there is the way she carries her head. It's her, but she's an old woman.

Today, I'm sure she saw it all in my eyes in a second. So, she pulled out all the stops. She offers me a seat on a couch and sits next to me, almost thigh to thigh. I move back. She raises her eyebrow and just says: “You are sitting very badly. Lean on the cushions.”

“Sorry, but I can't work like this.” “Okay, I'll take the cushions away.”

And we start. She responds, but very quickly interrupts me and brings her face closer to mine. "Ah, now that I see you with my glasses on… But you have very pretty green eyes," with that voice that makes all screens shudder. I do not know where I am. I pick up the thread as best I can.

“You read my book! You are indeed the first journalist who comes to see me for this book to have read it.”

I stammer. I am getting worse and worse. I bend down to turn on the tape recorder. She lifts my face, touches my hair, on the forehead, to the right. "But you have a strand of white hair. Is it natural or are you doing it on purpose?" There, I feel that I am confused, maybe even that I blush, I flounder, I sink. That’ll teach me to betray that, in her sweater, I couldn't find the one I had placed on a pedestal at all. I'm mad at myself, but at her too. Now she wants me to eat chocolates. And tell me that she is a great reader. As if! I wonder what literature she likes, but I don't feel like digging. I want to go. She goes to get my item of clothing, a black leather jacket and helps me put it on. She runs her hand all the way down my back and says, still her voice, "I love the feel of leather.”

Okay, she's seventy-seven, I'm thirty-three, but she took over and covered me with the ridicule I deserved. Let's run away together.

I was not at the end of my punishment, though. I listen to the tape. I am lamer than lame: I don't raise the right questions, I don't push her to explain, I say totally incongruous things. Nothing to get out of it. Unreliable. And, to make matters worse, she wants to reread before publication. What to do? Meet with close friends to whom I dare not even speak out. Common sense advice, but easy to say: "Try to remember what you wanted to know, what she started to say when she stops and you forget to start her again. Rewrite everything: there will probably not be a word of what's on the tape, but we'll see what she says about it." A whole weekend, for an interview page in Le Monde. And a close reading by my friend Monique Nemer. Questions at last intelligently formulated and answers reconstructed, but perhaps just a bit “off.”

On Monday, the interview is printed. Two hours later, Feuillère on the phone: "My little one, it's absolutely perfect...I've never read an interview so true to who I am.” That’s when I realized she was extremely intelligent.

She offered for me to see her again. She told me about what she read. A very sure taste for literature, the classics—she had not forgotten Claudel's lessons. She was very attached to her hand-annotated edition of Dante's The Divine Comedy in Italian—her father's nationality. She gave it at the end of her life to Hector Bianciotti, whom I introduced to her. But she had a curiosity for everything that was published—I brought her my favorite recent books—and the eclecticism of avid readers. She happily returned to Claudel's side, but discovered with the same interest Philip Roth, who made her want to reread Joseph Roth. Dante would bring her back to Philippe Sollers' side, and she would go back to the Italian side to read Svevo and Elsa Morante. She read the ones I told her about: Eudora Welty, Anna Maria Ortese, Annie Ernaux, Danièle Sallenave. But Highsmith's murky tales seemed too worrying to her. When we went to dinner, I always tried to convince her, to make her love this "black queen” without much success.

When she played at the theater at night, we used to go to lunch. She seduced me in every way—because she liked to seduce, because her conversation was brilliant, humorous, her language sometimes deliciously old-fashioned. One day when I was talking to her about a man, she said to me, “Alors, vous êtes éprise?” (“So, are you in love?”) with a sort of ‘h’ sucked in front of "éprise.” She lunched “en chapeau” (“in hat”) as it should be if you arrive in a restaurant wearing a hat, but nobody knows how to do it anymore. After coffee, without using a mirror, she reapplied her lipstick. She would sometimes use an indignant grandmother's voice to say, "My little one, stand up straight. This is an absolute rule.” When I complained about a married man who liked neurotics—those who harass you to snatch an evening, a weekend—and I told her that I hated these behaviors and that, asking for nothing, I did not get anything, she punctuated with a laugh: “But my little one, this is the story of my life! Men, if not burdened with recriminations, give nothing."

I loved going to see her at the theater. The presence on stage of a person with whom you have a form of intimacy is always moving. Anguishing, too. When, at the Théâtre Montparnasse, she took over La Maison du lac with Jean Marais, I went there almost every evening. Marais-Feuillère, for the last time, you had to see and see again. One day when she invited me to lunch in a restaurant near the theater, whose old-fashioned and provincial character, like the clientele, amused us, she reproached me: "Stop coming to the theater!" Seeing my crestfallen face, she added, “But this is not a good play! How can you listen to these banal lines over and over again?” “Of course, it's not Claudel, but I'm not coming for the lyrics, I'm coming for your shoulders and for the melody.”

“Cheeky and incorrigible, that's what you are. So, come on tonight, I'll introduce you to Jean."

Juliette Gréco, who laughed at this improbable friendship and imitated Feuillère so well, would sometimes call me, mocking her voice. I hesitated for fear of saying to the real Feuillère: "Stop your stupid jokes! " One morning, I hear Feuillère's phrasing on the phone, too over-played for it to really be her: “My little one, I had a great time last night.” And Juliette Gréco tells me, with her own voice and the tone of a kid delighted with her triumph, that she was at a party the day before, and that seeing Feuillère at a table she approached silently, passed her arms around her shoulders, and leaned over say to her ironically: "So, are we seducing the same young woman?"

Despite my protests, I admit that I was rather entertained by imagining this scene between these two. The tastiest was yet to come. Call from Feuillère, the same afternoon: "My little one, we mustn't tell Juliette Gréco that we are seeing each other, she is very jealous"

I joked: "No, she knows very well that we have incestuous loves.” “Incestuous, perhaps, but not Sapphic.” There is no one left to utter such phrases!

Talking about her relationships with women, one day, when once again I had just passed a passionate admirer on her doorstep who was chasing her and whom she received, while remaining aloof, even disdainful, I joked: “You are a tease.”

“At last, my little one, how dare you?”

“Sorry, but it's the truth!”

She didn't comment. I thought of Sartre telling Sagan, who was cutting meat badly, that he could no longer cut himself: “Respect is lost."

I was a little ashamed: I had crossed a line—thin, barely perceptible, and yet very present, beyond which she wanted to safeguard her unalterable dignity. More than Claudel, it was Mallarmé's Hérodiade that she made think of: "Who would dare touch me, a respected lion?”

- Josyane Savigneau on her friendship with Edwige Feuillère in Point de côté

#edwige feuillère #josyane savigneau #buy the book #support writers!

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kingreywrites · 4 years ago

Note

Do you think Eugene was mad at Cass after she crushed him? Or more scared of her? Because I've taken some screenshots of Race to the spire, and he looks genuinely scared in these as he looks at Cass. Sure, Eugene is a tough and not easy to hurt guy, but I mean....

1. He did tell her he had a strict rule about dying in the same place twice, and while I know Cass didn't take it serious(she probably didn't even listen) and Eugene joked about his trauma again, I still think it'd kinda terrify him, he knows she is Gothel's daughter and yes, that makes mo difference, because she wasn't raised by her, but I bet he got flashbacks as Cass clenched her fist, since he remembers the other time a woman had tried killing him in that tower(well, Gothel succeeded)

2 C'mon, its his first real birthday and he almost dies on it? Wow Cass, nice birthday present!

3. Him being used against Rapunzel? Thats his worst nightmare, he hates it. He didn't know what would happen if Rapunzel agreed to whatever Cass wanted, he didn't know what she wanted. He didn't know what would happen to Rapunzel, just like back in the tower on Rapunzel's 18th birthday. And I don't think he really would've expected Cass to go that far

4. Imagine watching a person you see as your sister walking up to you, gripping your chin, being ready to squeeze you until you die, crushing your body just to get your partner to fight her like omg

Sorry for my rant I just think it's more deep than others do 😂

I can imagine Eugene actually being quite nervous about seeing Cass again after she did that to him, but I'm sure Cass apologized for it properly bc if not, I'll shift to Corona and 🧍🏻‍♀️🤛🏻

I love Cass but omg, not to mention that she drugged and kidnapped a child and tried to kill Rapunzel several times lmao she was really on drugs in S3 or smt 💀💀

I love using your ask box as a diary as you can probably tell

gdhhdjd it's okay please use it as a diary I love getting asks!

My answer is... gonna be pretty similar to what I was saying yesterday about his fight with the Brotherhood, which is that in universe, I honestly think he's fine. A little more wary, yes, maybe for a while, but not entirely traumatised by the event. I think the worst part for him was what you said in 3, which is being used as leverage against Rapunzel, because her getting hurt because of him scares him way more than him getting hurt at all, so he'd brush off what happened to him easily while still being mad over Rapunzel being in danger (but since Rapunzel didn't get hurt and even won that fight, I think it'd pass too. He's probably gonna try to make sure it can't happen again)

Now the thing is, as something that could happen between two real human beings, these events ARE traumatising, and definitely could make anyone scared. It is a terrible thing to go through, but like... Eugene getting thrown into a wall by Varian's automaton in SOTS is traumatising too, you know? Or him nearly getting killed by Edmund in Destinies Collide, or even him falling into a pit of snakes in Vigor The Visionary, etc etc etc. Like there are plenty of events in TTS which are fine by cartoon logic, and absolutely not fine in the real world, and this is one of them. It can definitely be interesting to delve into this more realistically, while being aware that all in all, in context, it is presented as bad but not traumatisingly bad

About Cass and apologies, I... wish they got enough time to make her interact with anyone else than Rapunzel in the finale. I'm not asking for her to go grovelling for forgiveness from door to door but just... one discussion, or at least one thing suggesting they had one. I wish more time was spent on the after of her villain arc, even with Rapunzel, because I think apologies should have gone both ways, and it could have been nice to have other conversations like with Cap or Adira! (Adira would have been great imo because their issues date back from s2, and I think it would have been cool to see Cass making amends with her, accepting that maybe they aren't friends (yet?) but they respect each other. Just, I think it could have shown that Cass is also in a better place mentally, and that she's ready to start her journey while not being hung up on the past)

Actually I'm okay with it not happening with Eugene btw! I think in the end he's more or less ready to refer to Rapunzel in this, and forgive her as long as Rapunzel does, because I think most of the anger he expresses is not really about Cass' actions and more about how she's hurting Rapunzel (see the very beginning of NTLP 😬). I do think they would need to rebuild trust between them but I don't think he'd be all that upset for himself, it's more like they spent one year apart, changed a lot as individuals, and they weren't BFF to begin with, so their relationship is far from being really solid at that point

SORRY I'M RAMBLING GHSJDJD i have a LOT of thoughts about the way one can approach trauma in cartoon characters, and what factors are important to keep in mind. While I'm here I'd also say be wary of very biased and dramatised formulations like "Cass drugged a minor" to say "Cass gave Varian truth serum", because it's obviously said in a way to make you think of Cass as this evil, nearly predatory woman when in the context of the episode it's truly... not a big deal, and not meant to be taken as such. It lasts like one minute? And I know when I first read Cass drugged a minor I was like "what when where???" because it's definitely reframing it to make it sound unforgivable gshjdkd

That's why I keep insisting on balancing cartoon logic/real world logic btw, because I know I have a lot of feelings about Eugene, but I also don't want to completely villainize other characters for his sake! It's all interesting to read about in fanworks, but sometimes it turns into character bashing and it's less fun to read 😅

#this got very long asfshjd so i added a read more #i hope i don't sound preachy 😭😭 that's just how i go about thinking about this!! but there's different takes i'm sure #thanks for the ask!! sorry i got sidetracked ghdjdjdj #ask

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roswelldetails · 4 years ago

Text

RNM 2x12 - Crash Into Me

EPISODE SUMMARY:

WELCOME TO CRASHCON — As the town prepares for CrashCon, Liz (Jeanine Mason) and Max (Nathan Dean) attempt to piece together who may be behind a potentially deadly plan targeting the festival. Elsewhere, Maria (Heather Hemmens) and Isobel (Lily Cowles) take drastic measure to learn more about the night Mimi (guest star Sherri Saum) disappeared, while Michael (Michael Vlamis) is forced to do someone else’s bidding.

DETAILS:

Max is secretly practicing with his powers. Was Max's "light cardio" actually just him trying to strengthen his powers?

Max has a land line. Hee. Which Liz doesn't mind answering for him.

Liz is looking for a pen on his desk when she finds the empty vials of the antidote. Max plays them off as being leftover from when he had amnesia.

Liz mentions that the phone call was Max's bank calling to verify a deposit for him.

Max is choosing not to worry about Michael because he and Isobel can feel that he's not badly injured or in serious danger.

Liz called Dirk:

"He said before she left she was getting nonstop calls from a 575 number. The Sunset Mesa facility where Mimi DeLuca lives."

"Wait, Mimi was calling your mom before the abductions?...Mimi was always obsessed with alien movies. Maybe fiction and reality are blurring. Your mom is working with Flint Manes who spent years making an alien-killing weapon while at Caulfield. What if your mom found out Rosa was killed by an alien? She'd want revenge."

Note: Max and I apparently think alike, because this was my assumption going into the episode as well. For the sake of detailing and not making this confusing plotline any more confusing...Max and I were both wrong.

Also, I love that they mentioned cell service issues during Crash Con. That is extremely realistic and makes a ton of sense, speaking from experience at like, concerts and baseball playoff games and such.

Maria gets Liz's voicemail and immediately confronts Mimi.

"I just got a message from Liz. Mom...when you disappeared, it was Helena Ortecho that took you...You didn't have butyricol in your system when they found you. You know Liz's mom. You'd remember if you spent a month with her. Mom, are you covering for Helena?"

"Everything is going to be fine."

"I'm not fine. Alex and Michael are missing."

"Helena is a lot of things, but she won't hurt your friends. I'm sure… (Isobel walks in) You're the blonde. The one that Rosa was afraid of."

"Hi Mimi...I'm your cool Aunt Isobel. Hopefully we can get to know each other under better circumstances sometime. Sure about this DeLuca?"

"Desperate times call for desperate alien invasions."

Isobel's first trip into Mimi's mindscape:

"Show me what happened the night you disappeared, Mimi."

Mimi turns to see headlights approaching. It's the hunting van. Helena is driving it. After they greet each other they talk in the van.

"I saw her. I saw her in a vision.

"I didn't believe you. I had to see it with my own eyes."

"You saw her. You saw Rosa."

Flashback to Liz and Rosa arguing over Rosa's necklace in 2x01. Just as a note, Isobel is in Mimi's head, not Helena's, so she shouldn't really be able to see this flashback since Mimi wasn't there when Helena saw Rosa.

"This is a good thing, Helena. Your daughter is alive. She needs you."

"When Jim Valenti was dying, I came home to say goodbye. He kept saying Rosa could live again, that she was preserved."

"But you didn't believe him. No one ever believes us."

"If Rosa is alive, it means Jim was telling the truth. Which means everything else he said could be true, like aliens are real and Jesse Manes has a weapon that can kill them. It means I have to go to war, Mimi. First, you need some shoes."

Then Mimi somehow kicks Isobel out of her memories, which gives Isobel a nosebleed. But Mimi doesn't seem to know what happened. It's almost like she has a kind of subconscious protection on her own mind, somehow.

Note: the hunting van must not be Flint's, because Helena is driving it when she first considers teaming up with Flint, I assume based on the above. Maybe she was the suspicious figure in Flint's house when Max and Kyle were hiding in the closet? And what about the car that Rosa blew up? Did she have access to multiple vehicles? Am I overthinking this?? Haha.

Kyle's tip to Max:

"I found this at Flint's, but it's from a florist my dad used when he was in the doghouse with my mom. I finally guessed the password today. Rosa's birthday. The only thing on it is a note my dad wrote to Helena. It's a lot of romantic crap followed by details for a storage unit he had up near Haystack Mountain."

Haystack Mountain is an off-road vehicle recreation area about 30 miles northeast of Roswell.

Michael working on the "bomb". Charlie is working on the toxin nearby and Helena is keeping an eye on both of them.

"This entire process would be more efficient if I could attach the release chamber to the other side."

"Ay, mijo. Now is not the time to get creative. Time is running out. Follow the blueprints exactly."

"You don't look like an obedient soldier. Who'd she take to force you to do her bidding?"

"A friend. It's complicated. Why are you helping her? Jenna's free."

"Flint Manes has a sniper rifle on the roof pointed at her bedroom window. If I step out of line and something happens…"

"You'll never forgive yourself."

"I'll never forgive myself anyway. Helena has me formulating a pathogen that I invented when I was 17. It's a poison that dismantles specific DNA. If targeted your death is quick and ugly. A bleeding from every orifice kind of deal… I thought that I was saving people. Okay, imagine a weapon that you could drop into a populated city and the only people targeted would be al-Qaeda leaders and their direct descendants. Okay? In the right hands my weapon could prevent innocent civilian casualties and save our troops."

"I'm guessing these are not the right hands? Why am I building the bomb when the inventor is under Helena's thumb?"

"I do chemicals, not mechanics. And technically it's not a bomb. It's a catalytic toxin atomizer that was developed in a top secret operation involving weapons specialists from both the Army and the Air Force."

"Project Shepherd. One more question for you, Charlie. Whose DNA is that poison you're making gonna target?"

"Judging from conversations I've heard between Helena and Flint, it's alien DNA. Like, literal aliens."

This is actually the part of this story that's crystal clear to me. We've been getting tidbits on this dating back to 1x12, when Flint told Alex about his "smart bomb". Jesse told Jenna in 2x04 about Charlie's toxin that could pinpoint specific DNA, and even used a similar metaphor in explaining it as Charlie did in this episode. The part that doesn't make sense to me is, why did FLINT need Michael to build it, if he developed the blueprints?

Liz and Rosa in the lab discussing Max taking the antidote.

"He's only supposed to take a drop when he has amnesia. It's not vitamin C. In high doses it could cause surges of adrenaline that could be dangerous."

"No offense, but you sound like a mom. Like a real mom, the kind who actually give a duck. Oh I just figured out what autocorrect is. It's hilarious."

"Speaking of moms, ours hasn't reached out to any of your old dealers and she hasn't shown up at any of the churches in town, so you got any other ideas?"

"It's CrashCon. We usually find her wearing the loudest t-shirts and flirting with the richest nerds."

"Yeah, but Flint and Jesse Manes hate aliens. I mean it's literally their only hobby. If she's with them, I'm betting she's lost her affection for the simple charms of UFO novelty kitch."

"Wait, if you were going to get revenge on aliens, CrashCon is the perfect place. There's all kinds of conspiracy theorists and press. You know how mom loves attention."

"You think something's gonna happen tonight?"

"Papi is there by himself setting up. I think he should come home."

Note: my phone autocorrected duck to fuck. So I guess that tells you something about me. 😳

Also I just realized that for once ROSA and not Liz is the one who put the pieces together! Good for her. I wonder if that's purposeful since she's the daughter who is more like their mom? Like, she understands Helena's motivations better than Liz or something.

Steph and her father are going to CrashCon together. Kyle helps her with her makeup. Super sweet, but rather pointless since the scenes of Steph at CrashCon were cut. Mostly just including this here as a reminder that she's there in case it comes up in the finale.

Max and Cam, who got her job back!

"Thanks for the assist. I'm guessing that guard wouldn't let me through with bolt cutters unless I had an officer of the law present."

"Oh well, don't be jealous, Evans. Valenti has me on desk duty. So this little adventure is my lunch break."

"Valenti did the right thing, giving you your job back."

"Yeah well, you know, apparently some local bartender gave her reason to doubt the events the night of the gala were my fault. So I owe you."

"I've lost track of who owes who what at this point."

They break into the storage unit. It's empty except for an empty shelving unit, a locked chest, and a puddle of purple alien goo.

"What is that?"

"It looks like embryonic fluid. There must have been a pod in here."

Note: no, Max! Pod Goo evaporates upon contact with Earth's atmosphere/air. So it's not pod goo.

There isn't a super clear shot of inside the chest, but Max pulls out a love letter from Helena to Jim Valenti. I can transcribe it if you want me to. It's pretty easy to read and frankly, there's nothing important there. My heart is forever yours...it feels good to actually love and be loved in return...blah blah cheesy platitudes.

But seriously. Just send me an ask if you need me to transcribe it. But I'm gonna skip for now.

Isobel is chugging acetone straight from the bottle in the middle of the Pony.

Isobel's second trip into Mimi's mindscape:

"Mimi. I know you think you're doing the right thing, but Helena is holding people hostage. We have to understand her motive."

"You all think I'm losing my mind. But I just...slip out of my time and into a different one every once in a while. Sometimes Maria's. Or Mama's. Other women in our future or past. I saw you when you were a baby. The sky was red."

"What can you tell me about your time with Helena? She had you for a month."

"We were in a motel. We watched movies. We laughed and gossiped. She wanted to trigger my visions...gather information."

"What information? What did you tell her? What did you see?"

"What's important is Helena will take care of our girls. I'm not afraid. That's enough."

Mimi kicks her out again.

"I tried. She's fading."

"She's tired. It's harder when she's tired. Come on, Mom. I'm gonna take you back to Sunset Mesa."

"Maria, you just have to look for the signs in the water. You have to believe. Go on, you'd better hurry."

"Hurry where?"

"CrashCon closing night! You don't want to miss the fireworks. You always loved the fireworks."

Max and Cam going through the chest of letters back at Max's house:

"Okay, all these notes are from Helena to Jim Valenti. This is from the week Rosa died. I mean even 20 years after their affair she's still writing and he's still saving her letters."

"Pining after an Ortecho for years and years. It's so weird. Who does that. This is a receipt. It's a money transfer he made around the same time. He paid Daniel Fuller a thousand bucks."

"Fuller was the county coroner. Okay we still don't know how Noah got Rosa's body into the pod, right? But Jim had Project Shepherd connections to the morgue. So maybe if Noah knew about Jim and knew that he'd be grieving Rosa, he could have told him where to find the pod, right, and maybe he didn't even take the pod back until after Jim died."

"I mean, this is all a bunch of conjecture."

"Jim pulled me aside at high school graduation, he said I was the kind of guy the sheriff's department could use. Look, I mean maybe… I mean, he never let on, but maybe he knew I was an alien, right? Maybe he knew more than that."

"Okay, Evans? Breathe. You're looking a little clammy. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"No. See, something's going on, and you're gonna tell me or I'm out, I swear to God."

"Okay you can't tell anyone."

"You know I won't."

"Okay, I've been taking this antidote that Liz made. No...she doesn't know. But its rebuilding some of my memories from before the 1947 crash, right? I was just a little kid, but I had a destiny. I had responsibilities."

"Right, you're the savior."

"Yes! Well, maybe. But I was starting to remember these symbols from our old language, right? I remember what they mean, but it's like the meaning is just out of reach. And I'm out of the antidote. And you know, Liz is getting suspicious. So…"

"No."

"I didn't say anything."

"Really? Can you tell that to your face? I am not using my friendship with your girlfriend to steal alien steroids for you. Okay? Our partnership has limits."

Michael and Helena:

"It's done. So now what? You inject my spine with your mind-eraser?"

"We only used the butyricol on Jenna Cameron because there was still work to be done. And Flint was afraid she'd ruin it for us. You told Flint Charlie was creating a toxin that would kill aliens. But if you wanted aliens dead, you'd be testing it on me right now. 'Cause that's what I would do if I was a criminal mastermind."

"I needed Flint for the schematics and the muscle. Our agendas didn't need to align perfectly."

"You don't have to do this. If you kill anyone tonight, Liz and Rosa will never look at you the same."

"That ship has sailed. Besides, I'm not killing anyone. If disaster never strikes, justice won't be served. Do you want to see Alex or not?"

Liz tries to get Arturo to go back to the Crashdown. She tells him that the kitchen is backed up because it's so busy. The interesting part of this exchange from a character perspective though:

"Papi, please. I have a bad vibe, all right? A gut feeling I can't shake."

Diego walks up.

"Who are you? Elizabeth Ortecho doesn't do feelings. She believes in facts and evidence."

"No, I do feelings now. I've evolved."

Alex is chained up in the house. There's a takeout box and coffee cup next to him. He's humming a song under his breath. Michael walks in and they talk.

"Guerin, you were right. They used me to get to you. My dad hit me over the head and then he swiped the piece of the console. And then Flint showed up with a gun to my head."

"Did anyone hurt you?"

"Nothing I can't handle. Helena's been weirdly motherly. She's bringing me clothes and meals."

"Your leg."

"Yeah they took the prosthetic. I tried to bludgeon my brother with it. Come on, use your powers. Get me out of this."

"Helena dosed me with something. I'm basically human until it wears off."

"Okay then find something that'll break the cuff or my wrist. I don't care."

"Alex, tonight at CrashCon, your dad plans to release a toxin that kills anyone with alien DNA...Helena made Charlie and I build an identical device, but one that targets a different DNA. She somehow got her hands on your dad's cells. She knows your dad killed Kyle's dad. She wants revenge. But she wants him to take himself out. When he pulls the trigger on us tonight your dad's gonna die because of a device I built."

"No, that is not on you, okay? Now let me out of here."

"I can't. The atomizer will kill anyone in your dad's direct line. You are safer here."

"Are you serious?"

"And I gotta go. I'm gonna come back for you."

While Michael explains to Alex, we get a flashback to Helena in her totally fake blonde wig at the hospital in 2x02.

Helena disguises herself as Jesse's maid using her totally fake blonde wig and switches out the bombs while Jesse is in the shower.

The @ladiesofrnm have their first scene all together! (With Max...and eventually Michael…) reading through Helena's letters together. Michael makes quite an entrance. Afterwards:

"You're such an idiot! You don't comply with a kidnapper's ransom demands. Without telling me."

"Alex was in trouble. He had to go."

"Mikey, where are Alex and Charley?"

"They're safe. Your mom doesn't want to hurt them."

"Look I don't get it. Does she want to kill aliens?"

"No. She's avenging her murdered lover."

Back to the house where Helena talks to Charlie:

"This atomizer contains the poison that kills anyone with alien DNA. I need you to destroy it."

"Does Flint know that you have it?"

"Flint. Jesse really broke that boy. Some people were never meant to be parents. You can go when you're done. The door's unlocked. Flint's rifle shoots blanks."

"What's to stop me from leaving now?"

"The knowledge that that deadly device only exists because of you. You decide. I'm off to CrashCon. I hear there will be quite a show."

Note, when Helena says Flint's name she says a word in Spanish that I can't make out and isn't in the closed captions.

Max and Liz's conversation about racism and privilege:

"I want to help. Your mom's not the villain here. All right? She's going about this all wrong, yes. But Manes is already a murderer. I mean, if he'd succeeded today…"

"I know...I could have lost almost everyone I care about in a moment. I remember every day what it was like to lose you and Rosa. I don't think I could survive that again. She could've built a decoy bomb that wouldn't have hurt anyone."

"He'd just get angry and do it again."

"Yeah, but he's not the only one that this would hurt. I mean, the headlines if she gets caught? Illegal Mexican Immigrant Slaughters Decorated American Vet via Bioweapon. People will line up to lay bricks at the border wall. But hey, maybe the president will talk about my family at his rallies. That's gonna be fun."

"That's not gonna happen. This will get covered up like every other strange death in this town."

"In case you haven't noticed those cover-ups don't tend to protect the Mexicans. Even when…"

"Even when Rosa died. You can say it, Liz. It's okay. It's fair. Rosa got blamed. White people didn't. Okay? I get it."

"I know you're on my side, but you don't get this. And that's not your fault, that's just the reality of our experiences. If I mess up. If I so much as roll through a stop sign, it reflects badly on any Mexican who came before me. And it hurts any Mexican who comes after me. I used to think that nothing would ever change that, but lately I think...maybe if something extraordinary happened it could."

"Extraordinary? Like what you're doing in your lab?"

"I've discovered something that could be the key to curing people who have no hope otherwise. I can't walk away."

"So you're gonna turn my family's stem cells into the hottest commodity?"

"No, I won't. I...we'll find a way to synthesize it or replicate it."

"Is this about the people you're trying to save or about becoming the poster girl for immigrants everywhere? You want the president to talk about your family because of you. Because you saved the world."

"If those in power see what happens when people are given opportunity…"

"You want the glory."

"I want recognition. I want to be the example I never had. And people who want glory, they're just in it for selfish reasons. People like Jesse Manes want the glory. He wants to be a big American hero. He wants the parades, he wants the medals. If he sets off his alien atomizer at CrashCon, a handful of twenty-something's will die of some mysterious ailment and it's barely gonna make the news. That's not what he wants. We're missing part of his plan."

"First, something violent. Large-scale that'll draw media attention. And then, once all eyes are in Roswell…"

"He'll blame the violence on the aliens. He only gets his parade if he makes people afraid and then he destroys the thing that they fear. If he makes people think that you're terrorists before he kills you."

Graham Green's reveal at CrashCon. Graham is announced and takes the stage as Max, Liz, and Rosa arrive to find Michael, Isobel, and Maria nearby.

"Hey, you guys shouldn't be here."

"I was held hostage, Max. I deserve to ride the Sizzler until I barf cotton candy, and maybe watch a bad man die."

"You guys, we think that…"

Graham Green starts his presentation.

"Hello loyal fans and devoted supporters! You patience is about to be rewarded. Today I am thrilled, nay, honored to show you the result of years or painstaking work. The moment we've all been waiting for. Irrefutable extraterrestrial proof! A bona fide alien artifact!"

Graham pulls the curtain and reveals what appears to be something similar to Michael's console, only it is complete and intact.

Flint brings Alex food and they discuss Flint's motives:

"If you're doing this to impress dad, it is never gonna work."

"I'm not trying to impress dad. His shutdown of Project Shepherd was an inform decision, but he's trained me my entire life to take it on.

Flint goes to leave but Alex stops him.

"Do you remember when mom used to drive us to the res, and you would sit at the loom with Granddad? Weaving stories. When was the last time you made something, Flint? Anything that wasn't built to destroy?"

"Around the time that mom decided that to leave dad, she had to leave us."

"She didn't know what he would do to us."

"He didn't do anything to us. Me and Clay are fine. He'll, even Gregory is coming to see dad today."

"...You are wrong. We are all dad's victims. Sure, he beat me up, but what he put the rest of you through was abuse too. He made you watch while he kicked my ass… He scared you into thinking that there was only one type of man that you could become."

Alex manages to knock Flint out, steal the key to his handcuffs, and free himself.

"You're so pathetic. You don't know me at all. This has nothing to do with dad and everything to do with our history. Aliens are a foreign threat. They're invaders."

Back to CrashCon, where the gang discuss the alien object:

"Alex's piece must have been the last one that Manes needed to finish building it. Where's he been keeping the rest of this?"

Sanders appears out of nowhere.

"Kid, I seen that thing before. Your mother built that back in the old barn. I don't know what it is, but it is definitely explosive. I always wondered what'd happened to the pieces."

"Maybe Harlan or Tripp Manes gathered them up. Rebuilt it."

"Yeah but if Manes is gonna use that to blow up CrashCon, it's gonna make Graham Green look like the bad guy. No one's gonna think an alien planted it."

"Unless they follow the money. I got an alert from my bank this morning. A $10,000 deposit had cleared."

"You think Manes set it up so that the investigation would lead to you?"

"If I become the world's first alien terrorist and he takes me out, the world cheers."

"Guys, you need to do whatever you can to get as many people out of here as possible, okay? Get help."

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Michael and I have studied this material before. It's part tech, but it's also part organic. And if it's part organic, that means it can be killed. I gotta get back to my lab."

Diego sees Max toss Liz his keys.

Max and Michael sneak backstage and convince Graham Green to let them have a moment with the alien ship thingie. Max takes photos of it with his phone.

"Do you think we can destroy it?"

"No. The pieces want to be together and now that it's complete if we break the bonds with brute force we risk a violent reaction."

Max hears voices whispering and reaches out to touch the alien tech. The alien symbol forms under his hand and he pressed it. There's a surge from the tech and it almost appears like Max is absorbing something from it. The voices get a little louder. When he breaks the connection it almost seems like it takes effort and he seems stunned.

"What the hell just happened to you?"

"Nothing. I think this is a remote. I think this controls a ship."

"It's a what?"

Gif by @maxortecho

Note, the way Max laughs when he says nothing is oddly similar to how he responded to Cam when she called him out on his weird behavior from the antidote. Like he's hiding something or brushing off the worry or something.

Sanders interrupts before Max can respond. Points out that the top of the stage is varnished which is highly flammable.

"Wait, if this is fresh varnish, this whole platform is set up like a tinderbox."

"There's gonna be fireworks tonight."

"One spark'll light a fire. I mean, this whole thing, the whole platform will go up."

"If this giant remote goes kaboom aliens will be framed as terrorists. You have to get out of here."

"What? No. I'm not going anywhere."

"Max you are all sorts of worked up right now. What happens when you're worked up?"

"Sparks fly. Right, okay. Yeah. I'll go."

Before Max leaves he spots something on one of the display boards that makes him pause. He grabs it before leaving.

Charlie is working on her chemicals in the makeshift lab when Flint sneaks up on her and puts a gun to her head, demanding that she gives him the atomizer.

Maria and Rosa hurry through CrashCon discussing each other's alien biology and Mimi's vision. They spot Gregory Manes and decide to try to get him to leave since the Manes bomb would kill him. He has 12 kids with them so they suggest that he take them to the Crashdown for free milkshakes. He recognizes Rosa, but they tell him she's Rosa's cousin.

Liz works in the lab while blasting Alanis Morissettte - great call back to last year when she told Michael that Alanis helped her channel Rosa's creativity. She says to herself:

"Destroy the organic cell membrane. Disable the nanotech."

She mixes some chemicals which react and explode her flask and start a fire. Really don't know if that's supposed to represent success or not.

Flint and Helena talk at CrashCon. She is surprised to see him. He tells her that he cleaned up the mess at the house.

We flash back to the house which is on fire. Charlie is chained up and trapped.

Liz hurries from the lab and doesn't realize that Diego followed her there. He sneaks his way into the building while Liz rushes for the car.

Speaking of cars...they're in the middle of nowhere. Where's Diego's car? I had the same thought last week when Max and Kyle were searching Flint's house and they almost got caught. Whoever pulled up in the hunting van should have seen their car!

Maria and Rosa are helping get the kids loaded onto a bus when Rosa points out Pisces to Maria. Call back to 1x03 when Maria tells Liz that she and Rosa used to compete to see which one of them could spot the constellation first. It gives Maria an epiphany. Pisces is "the water sign" which was one of Mimi's clues from her vision. Maria goes to follow the sign. She runs into Max who tries to get her to safety. They spot Flint Manes carrying the atomizer. Max tells Maria to get out of there and hurries after Flint. He tries to sneak up on Flint, but Flint is able to disarm him and beat him up. Flint sets the atomizer to go off in two minutes and then throws it like a Hail Mary into the crowd. Max chases after Flint while Maria goes after the atomizer. She pushes through the crowd and spots another clue from Mimi's vision - a poster of aliens asking "Do you believe?" The atomizer is sitting below it. Maria grabs the atomizer and takes off running with it. Cam spots Maria and follows.

Flint beats Max up again and then pulls a gun and threatens to shoot Max. Max disarms him and is holding the gun to Flint now. He laughs and asks Max if he's really going to shoot a soldier. Tells him that he already pulled the trigger to kill Max by setting off the atomizer. Max tosses the gun aside, and uses his powers instead to kill Flint,

Michael and Isobel are trying to keep the stage from catching fire, but then the fireworks start going off into the wind (which blows the embers towards the fair). The hay bales easily catch on fire. Isobel used her powers to hold back the flames. She can feel that something is wrong with Max and send Michael to find him.

Instead Michael finds Jesse and Alex. Their exchange:

"You know, I actually started to believe that you had changed."

"You never could tell friend from foe. I actually counted on it."

"Hey I know exactly who you are. You were gonna let all of these people die and you were gonna let the aliens take the blame."

"It's high time they got blamed for something, I think. I'm gonna drag them from the shadows."

"Yeah and then what? You're gonna use the atomizer to kill them all? Then you become some hero by destroying the enemy that you created?"

"American children are gonna read about the events of tonight in their history books... And don't worry about collateral damage, son. That's just an unfortunate aspect of war. You know that better than anyone, Alex."

"You're gonna become your own collateral damage if that thing goes off. Helena Ortecho switched the devices. That's not gonna kill aliens. That is set to destroy your DNA. If it goes off, you are going to die in a puddle of your own blood."

"What are you doing? Are you bluffing to protect the aliens?"

"What I'm doing is I'm trying to protect our family. Dad, if that goes off it kills all of your direct descendants. Flint and Greg are somewhere in here. And I don't care how much I disgust you, I am still your son!"

Greg runs up looking for help responding to the fire. He spots the atomizer and immediately recognizes it as a weapon. Alex tries to get him to leave. Michael runs up and Jesse pulls his gun on him. Greg steps between Michael and the gun to protect Michael for Alex.

Maria throws the atomizer off into the desert and immediately begins bleeding. Thankfully Cam is there to try to help.

Max kills Flint which in turn gives him another heart attack. Liz arrives as he's collapsing and starts CPR. Rosa runs up and tries to get Liz to let her step in to help Max so that Liz can stop the alien device from exploding… And cliffhanger.

MUSIC:

1. Valley Queen "Chasing The Muse"

2. The HawtThorns "Give Me A Sign"

3. Everclear "Everything To Everyone"

4. Alanis Morissette "All I Really Want"

5. Gary Numan "I Am Dust"

#roswell new mexico #rnm season 2 #episode details #long post #rnm 212 #crash into me

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theliterarywolf · 3 years ago

Text

Ok, so I hope you'll read this and help me out a bit. I've noticed you are AroAce? I'm really curious how you figured it out. I'm bisexual, but I've been wondering if I might be Aro for some time, because while I do feel sexual attraction, I just don't have romantic attraction, never built any, nor felt any. Which has kept me away from relationships in general because I could never build the needed emotional bond to get into a sexual relationship, and I also don't want to build said bond because I just don't? No idea how to really put it into words. I'm just curious how you figured yourself out? I see you some times posting sexual-implied or romantic-implied content, and how that works with your identity. Is it an aesthetic thing? How do you approach sexual/romantic content, as an AroAce person? Is it just the vibes of it? For example, I do enjoy romance stories, but I never want to BE the romantic partner, I just like reading about the interpersonal relationships, but I don't see myself as someone who'd want those. I've been struggling a bit because it just feels weird to not really have a point of reference, or even know if it might be me or not.

Alright so, before I go more in-depth into this, I just have to clarify that I'm not AroAce; I'm just Asexual. I do want want to be in romantic relationships, I just don't exhibit any sexual-attraction to anyone so, if sex was a part of the relationship, it would be a matter of me doing so for the sake of my partner.

Whole lot of writing on the topic under the 'Read More'.

That aside: it took me a long while to discover that I was Ace. Primarily due to, of course, societal expectations of 'oh, well, you're going to be attracted to someone eventually' that I never really gelled with. I remember one case, when I was in middle school, I had been shoved into this lunchtime group 'social therapy' session. It was a matter of the school thinking I needed anger-management because I finally got sick of the little white girl who kept harassing me and spitting on my notebooks, but shitty school administrations aside -- They shoved me into one of these sessions with a bunch of other female students and a teacher. It was all formulated conversation and maybe some coloring before the teacher in the room said something along the lines of 'Okay, let's get to know each other better. What kind of celebrity crushes do you girls have?' All the other girls had immediate, impassioned responses but when it came to me I just shrugged and said 'I don't know, I don't really have one?'

Cue all the other girls and the teacher crowding in and insisting, 'Oh, well you have to have one!' 'Who do you think is cute?!' 'Who do you think is hot?!' I finally had to just pull something out of my ass (I think I just said Flex Alexander, the guy who played the father on the old sitcom One on One) just to get them to stop crowding me.

But even before then, my brain just was not comprehending sexual-attraction. I remember during my preteen years when my mother and I had to rent a bedroom floor (not a room, but a floor; God, when I think about the life we lived...) from a family friend. One of their older sons had a lot of video games and I really liked video games so I usually followed him around so I could be there whenever he brought out his N64. One day, my mother rushed into the house screaming for me and, when she found me, pulled me away and was asking me all sorts of questions. The reason being that the family friend had (in a fit of terrible 'joking') had told my mother 'ooh, I saw your daughter and our son making out and getting heavy on the stairs just now~'. However, even as my mother was asking me all the questions, my brain was just going 'Why would I do that kind of stuff with him?'

It wasn't until... I believe it was my first year of college (getting my Associate's) when I was doing some research for a project and, for some reason, Asexuality was also on the page. At the time I didn't think much of it; I was still in the confused part of the population who think 'Asexual? Like, asexual-reproduction? Are they plants?' And a good branch of the confusion came from how I had had a crush or two in high school (one of them turning out to be gay, so that was fun...) So I didn't the label included what I was going through.

Then, a few years later, I think I came across a chart here on this hellsite that had several distinctions of what the Asexuality Spectrum was. This was early on before a bunch of subdivisions and things were added to it, but it essentially went along the lines of:

'Asexuality - The lack of or absence of sexual-attraction to either gender. Not to be confused with Celibacy.

Gray Asexuality - The lack of sexual-attraction to either gender. However, may occasionally indulge in sex or masturbation for the sake of stress-relief or romantic arrangements. Still not to be confused with Celibacy.'

I believe it was the information that Asexuality is more of a spectrum than just one static state that had me re-evaluating myself again. Because that was when I was getting more into the erotica scene, primarily writing, and I did like seeing erotic art. But a good portion of the time I never... got anything from it.

I explained it to someone on here a few years back (they had been one of the many anons I have received coming in with 'Um, how can you be Ace and still create and support porn????'). Liken it to someone who is passionate about wildlife photography. When they get those amazing shots, the rush can almost be seen as pleasurable... But they're not going to go out and fuck a lion.

A lot of the smut and erotica that I reblog, retweet (in the case of Twitter), or discuss is being done so on an a level of aesthetic appreciation. Which does include me thinking that Cthulhu is sexy and I waiting for him to arise... In more ways than one, I thank you!

Bit of humor there. Anyway, moving on.

A lot of it really comes down to a good portion of self-examination. From what you've presented here, it could be that you are an Aromantic-Bisexual; since you have the sexual-attraction but the interpersonal romantic element just doesn't vibe well with your brain.

I think you just have to take your time and really consider what makes your brain-body balance happy as a whole. Then you can see what label applies, if you so choose.

... If that makes any sense and I didn't just ramble. If I did, I apologize.

#submission

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