#relationship. why is it so fuckijg hard for me to be loved like that. why can't I hold hands or ramble to someone like they can
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ahhhh I'm so lonely
#hey look your friends are soooo happy they're having a great time but#you can't have what they have because you're too disgusting and no one wants you. we all hate you#i. really wish I could be in a relationship of any kind#almost all my friends are in a relationship of some sorts and it's making me. incredibly jealous that they're able to find#someone who actually wants to be with them...#I've been forcing myself to not think about this as much but when I do it really causes mental anguish for me and I want to cry#i just don't understand why I'll never be able to have what others have. why I'm always a choice farthest away from getting picked#it feels as if the world is rubbing it in too. like and it's like that for every type of#relationship. why is it so fuckijg hard for me to be loved like that. why can't I hold hands or ramble to someone like they can#it feels cruel but it also feels like it's my fault for existing and having wants.
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He acted like he loved me. I never felt that way with anyone. He looked at me and touched me so intimately. And I now I find out he was looking and touching Everyone that way and I want to Fucking hide in a hole and Fucking die. I thought I was special. He said I was a light in his life and he wasn’t using me for sex AND NKOW HE FUCKINF WANTS TO SAY THIS WHOLE RELATIONSHIP WAS JUSR FUCKING SEX. HE FUCKIJG LIED. WHY AN I WORTH NOTHING UNLESS ITS GETTING FUCKED. IM JUST A FUCKINF SEX TOY TO EEVRHOME. PLEASE IM MLRE THAN THAT. HE KNEW HOW I FELT AND HE USED ME FOR SEX. BUT JE TOUCHED ME SO PASSIONATELY AND LOOKED IN MY EYES SO LOVINGLY AND HELD ME SO TIGHT AND IT WAS SO HE COULD FUCK ME. HE SAID HE WASNT USING ME FOR SEX AND OIR RELATIONSHIP WASNT ABOUT SEX AND NOW HES FUCKING GASLIGHTI ME AND SAYING IT WAS ALL ABOIT FUCKI SEX. I CANT TWKE THIS ANYMKRE IT HIRTS SO BAD. HE MADE ME FEEL SO LOVED AND IT WAS ALL FAKE. HOW DO I KNOW HOW TO TRUST PEOPLE? ILL NEVER FICKING TRUST ANYONE AGAIN EVERYONE LIES AND USES ME BECAUSE I FUCKIJG LET THEM BECAUSE I LOVE SO FUCKING HARD
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